RELAX // THE LIGHTER SIDE
Top 10 Celebrity Cannabis Lines We Would Like to See By David Wallach
Images courtesy of Adam Seidman
What do Megan Rapinoe, Snoop, Kristen Bell, Martha Stewart, and Nathaniel Rateliff all have in common? No, they are not collaborating to make Frozen 3: Olaf Gets Some Funk. They all have a cannabis or cannabis-related brand. Because you know, why work for another World Cup when you can hawk CBD? As the cannabis movement continues to become more mainstream, celebrities are looking to add their names to a cannabis deal, so we came up with the top 10 celebrity cannabis lines we would like to see. Kamala’s Kush — A hard-hitting cultivar so uplifting you’ll shatter every glass ceiling from California to Washington D.C. Makes you feel strong and powerful like you can take on the world. Marjorie Taylor’s “Green” — A cheap ditch weed that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Side effects include delusions, hallucinations, and loss of the ability to make any sense at all. Regé-Jean’s-Edibles — You’ll burn every bridge to get your hands on these sumptuous 120
Cannabis & Tech Today // Summer 2021
candies. Just a little bit will leave you feeling warm inside and happy all over. Greta’s Gummies — Completely organic gummies. A great head high that will open up your creative side. Side effects may include not being able to stop talking, even when nobody is listening. Barack’s Brownies — Gives you a cool mellow high that leaves you inspired to do good things. Fauci’s Flower — An odd little strain that is outstanding for helping you concentrate. Great for anxiety, gives you a sense of calm even when things seem hopeless. Bloomberg’s Bud — Mostly marketing hype behind this bud. Super expensive with the promise of a great high, but burns out quickly and leaves you wanting more. Macchio’s Munchables — An old idea born again. The basic pot brownie from the ’80s re-packaged to look a little different, but very familiar at the same time. Macchio’s Munchables will make you smile and give you a nostalgic feeling without actually doing much at all. Like
an old pair of 501’s, basic but good. Brady’s Baked Goods and Gronk’s Gummies — A limited-run gift bag that will be out of stock soon. An uplifting sativa. It gives you a Deja vu kind of high like you have been someplace several times before. When combined, you get a feeling that anything is possible. Also great for old, tired bones. Billy B’s Pre-Rolls — One hit and that’s it. You feel fabulous! You’re ready to hit the town and strut your stuff. These pre-rolls will make you feel strong, proud, and very loud. Some people have reported seeing a rainbow haze while using, but say it adds to the full experience. Legal Note — You know, so we don’t get in trouble. None of the above-mentioned celebrities had or have anything to do with this list, we made it up as satire. That being said, if they do decide to make any of these, we call dibs! ❖ What celebrity cannabis brands would you like to see? Tell us @cannatechtoday with the hashtag #celebcanna and we’ll share our favorites in the next issue.
