Rant Issue The Social Media Edition
It's still hot has hell out and we're less than 90 days away from the craziest presidential election ever. Understandably, all of these extreme highs and lows have most of us on edge and pissed off at just about everything and everyone, especially those people who post photos of their breakfast every day. So we're bringing back an Inweekly favorite this week—the Rant Issue. Because we didn't want the entire issue to be about Clinton and Trump, we decided to pick a theme this year and channel all of our rage into it. That theme is social media—you know, the thing you love to hate and waste way too much time on. Granted, there's still plenty of election venting. But we're also coming at memes, #ThrowbackThursday and those annoying Instagram changes. So read up and get ready to say "Yes—I hate that too!" a lot.
August 18, 2016
11
STOP TAGGING ME.
Photos, posts, events, all of it. Just Stop.
Always heed the cardinal rule of the internet:
DON'T READ THE COMMENTS! If you do direct sales of any kind and your posts are 90% about that, you are going to be unfriended/unfollowed. FAST.
Hey, Instagram— The new algorithm sucks. Can you bring back the chronological feed, please?
Everyone who doesn't follow @lin_manuel on Twitter needs to fix that STAT.
Stop promoting yourself on your personal accounts. And yes, we mean your band. And your blog. Even your business or side hustle.
My favorite nights are the ones where I've had just enough wine to start unfriending people…
I get it—you're trying to win a contest. But please stop picking me as your "tag a friend" friend.
Bulk uploading your entire 2-week European vacation… all 459 pictures.
Businesses who assume posting their events and specials on Facebook alone is enough—
IT'S NOT.
If you brag about being front row or backstage at an event, you aren't really a VIP.
Every time you retweet Donald Trump, my heart breaks (even if you’re doing it in the name of sarcasm or irony). 212 1
Pensacola, can we PLEASE get an active Twitter community going? I know we're always a little behind the times, but c'mon. Posting about your better half all the time is annoying (and a little suspicious if we're being honest).
This means laughing until you cry, so stop using it when something is sad.
If you're going to post more than three status updates in a row about the same event or topic, don't. That's what Twitter is for.
When you're still posting daily wedding photos 3 months later….
Unless you're a 13-year-old girl, I better not ever see a cat, unicorn or rainbow meme on your wall or ‘gram.
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything. Just imagine how much less the online world would suck if we all tried this.
Stop trolling people you don't know, especially my "friends" via my posts, ok?
You know who's ok with Vaugebookers & Subtweeters? Other Vaugebookers & Subtweeters. You guys are the worst, and you totally deserve each other. inweekly.net
SHOULD YOU POST IT? A handy guide to help you avoid annoying all your friends and followers. Are you celebrating a major life change like a new house, a new baby or a shiny new engagement ring?
Is it a good picture of you, but everybody else in it looks awful?
Are you whining about being single?
Is the caption longer than a sentence?
Depends how hard you look
Is it a humblebrag?
Or recently dumped?
Or a straight up brag?
Does it involve celebrating a fake food holiday?
Ummm..
Did you land your dream job?
NO
Or #HillaryForPrison?
Could it be considered body shaming in any way?
Is it your 2nd or 3rd #TBT of the day?
DO NOT POST!
Yeah, but it's draft day Guilty
Is it about your fantasy football team?
Are you wearing a flower crown?
Is it a meme?
Or a song lyric?
Is it a screen grab from your fitness app of choice?
Is the phrase "Sunday Funday" involved?
Is it a lowkey dig at somebody?
Are you declaring your love of LaCroix in it (again)?
Is it about your lunch in any way, shape or form?
Or your boss?
Or bragging about how perfect your significant other is?
Does it include the hashtag #DumpTrump?
Is it a latte art pic?
Is it a cute pic of your pet?
Would you be embarrassed if your mom saw it?
Or worst of all— an inspirational quote?
Is it a #PinterestFail?
YES* I hope so!
POST IT!
Is it going to make your ex jealous?
*But don't over post it or you'll end up turning a yes into a no August 18, 2016
13
They call them "friend" requests for a reason and not "random person who I never met but emailed one time for work" requests. And if I decline yours, please don't ask again. That's just awkward for both of us.
#friends #should #not #let #friends #use #too #many #hashtags
Please stop pretending to be devastated by every celebrity death. Hey Foodstagrammers—
Stop trying to make me hungry!
Hate to burst your bubble, but we can all see right through your humblebrags.
Same goes for a cyber bully.
No, I haven't seen the Game of Thrones finale yet. Thanks for the spoilers, dude!
ˈkapSH(ə)n/
A title or brief explanation appended to an article, illustration, cartoon, or poster.
This is what Instagram posts are supposed to get. Save your paragraphs for your blog or journal, please.
If you can't think of anything to tweet, just retweet Chrissy Teigen. She's funnier than you anyway.
Nobody likes a bully.
Sharing song lyrics as your status is never ok. Unless Prince dies again. Then it's acceptable, just for him.
#
cap· tion (noun)
Oh, you think I post about Beyoncé too much? I ain't sorry.
The gym. The bathroom. Your desk at work. The car. These should all be selfie-free zones.
Exactly who do people who use those airbrush apps think they're fooling?
Nobody cares how many steps you took today or any day.
If I want to read a movie review, I will. A real one. Your fanboy critiques aren't needed. If I see one more photo of clouds from an airplane window…
Admit it, you make fun of most of the people you follow too.
If you're going to complain on social media, please have some follow through. Get a new job, move, go on a diet—whatever. Just do something if you're going to bitch about it!
Yes, I saw your Candy Crush invite and I totally ignored it. Nobody cares about your #ootd, ok? 414 1
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