I AM

by Jill Windham

I’m sitting on my deck on this beautiful Monday morning, two dogs happily playing at my feet. Birds are singing, the air is cool enough for me to wear my cozy gray sweater, and I have THE most perfect cup of coffee next to me. I prayed for my husband. My kids. My friend. Myself. I opened my devotional for the day. The verse was 2 Corinthians 12:8-9. *screeching halt noise* Silence.

Paul says he asked the Lord to remove his thorn in the flesh three times (SO wish he had told us what that struggle was, darn it...) and the Lord responded, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Then, Paul said, “So now, I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work in me... for when I am weak, then I am strong.” Get out of here. (insert all the eyeroll emojis) I boast about alot of things. My kids. My super strong husband. My ability to make THE perfect cup of coffee. My cutest puppy on Earth. But I have never, ever, EVER- - not even ONE time boasted about a weakness. In fact, I am side-eyeing a weakness I possess right now. It’s ugly, it wants to rear its head in my heart every day, and it makes me furious that at 40 years old, I still struggle with it. Paul, my dear, you’re my hero and Father in the Faith. But I think you’ve lost your mind on this one, friend. Then, I remembered.

A man named Moses once had a mandate from Heaven. God told him to speak to Pharaoh and immediately, Moses went into Jill-mode. Panicking. Excuse making. Groveling. When Moses finally had the nerve to say yes, he asked, “Who will I even say sent me? Pharoah is a tough nut to crack.”

God simply said, “I Am.”

Moses: I’m not qualified.

God: I Am.

Moses: I’m not educated enough.

God: I Am.

Moses: I’m not a good speaker.

God: I Am.

Moses: I’m not even known.

God: I Am.

Oh. Now, it makes sense, Paul. I can delight in my weakness because where I am not, He IS. Where I leave a blank, “I’m not _________,” He fills it.

Where my human strength fails, I have a golden opportunity for the superhuman part of me to wake up like springtime. Where I am deflated and defeated, I have paved a road for the Champion to enter the ring. Where I am tapped out, I tap Him in. So, once I realized this simple truth that I should have learned by now (aren’t pastors supposed to know this stuff?), the birds starting singing again. I have a new set of eyes on this weakness thing. I’m going to see it as clearing a path for the Holy Spirit to show up. I’ve got a pretty big spot in this weakness for His power to fill. If I could have fixed it on my own, I would have done it by now.

I boast. Not because I HAVE a weakness, but because I have a wide open spot for the grace of God to do its miraculous thing. Switch your binoculars around, friend. Look at the wide open spaces instead of the microscopic places. God is much bigger, much more sufficient than your weakness today!!