DECEMBER 2013
in with the
OLD
In this issue
11
6 3
How to Finally Unwrap Some Joy This Christmas charles r. swindoll
6 Fusing Traditions robyn roste
How can I forget bad memories?
14 11 The Impact of Family Traditions dr. dave currie 14 Q & A steve johnson
8 The Golden Age of Fixin' phil callaway
Copyright Š 2013 Insight for Living Canada. All rights reserved. No portion of this monthly publication may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission from the publisher. Insights is published by IFLC, the Bible-teaching ministry of Charles R. Swindoll. IFLC is an autonomous ministry and certified member of the Canadian Council of Christian Charities. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture passages are taken from the NASB. Unless otherwise noted, photography and illustration by IFLC staff. Printed in Canada.
HOW TO FINALLY
Unwrap Some Joy THIS CHRISTMAS
by charles r. swindoll
WE
sing a lot about “joy” each December. Have you noticed? We’ll offer “tidings of comfort and joy,” and we’ll join our voices on carols with titles like, “How Great Our Joy!” and “Joy to the World!” There’s just one problem. We aren’t joyful. Oh, we sing the songs and sip the eggnog, and we wrap the presents and trim the tree. We even say, “Thank you,” for Uncle Frank’s fruitcake. But somehow the joy of the season remains that one gift we don’t open. Why? We usually blame our condition on the commercialism or on all of the parties and Christmas programs that keep us busy or on those overcrowded shopping malls (I have a friend who calls them “mauls”). But the real reason our joy stays wrapped up? Our selfishness. I have found that you don’t have to go to the mall to pick up selfishness. Not at all. Just having a family is all I need. I recall when Cynthia and I began to have children; I thought two little Swindolls would be perfect. That’s all we needed. You know, “Alpha and Omega”…ideal! Then our third came along…and not too many years later our fourth. Now, you need to understand the kind of guy I am. I like my shoes spit-shined rather than stepped on and scuffed up. I like my clothes hanging neatly in the closet rather than drooled on and wrinkled. And I like milk in a glass on the table rather than out of the glass and spilled on the floor. I especially like a clean car with no fingerprints on the windows. So what did the Lord do to help broaden my horizons and assist me in seeing how selfish I am? Very simple: He gave Cynthia and
me four busy kids who stepped on shoes, wrinkled clothes, spilled milk, and licked car windows. Today those four have multiplied to 10 grandchildren and two greatgrandchildren! You haven’t lived until you’ve walked barefoot across the living room in the middle of the night and stomped down full force on a jack or on a couple of those little Lego landmines left over from Christmas morning. I’ll tell you, you discover real quick just how selfish you are! You see, this is not some deep theological subject we’re thinking about. Being unselfish in attitude strikes at the very core of our being. It means we are willing to forgo our own comforts, our own preferences, our own schedules, and our own desires for another’s benefit. And that brings us back to Christmas. Perhaps you never realized that it was Jesus’ attitude of unselfishness that launched Him from the splendour of heaven all the way down to a humble manger in Bethlehem…and later to the cross of Calvary. Look at the Christmas story in simple terms that flowed from the pen of the Apostle Paul: You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. (Philippians 2:5–8 NLT) Everything that was involved in Jesus becoming human began with an attitude of
How to Finally Unwrap Some Joy This Christmas continued from p. 3
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submission…a willingness to co-operate with the Father’s plan for salvation. Rather than lobbying for His right to remain in heaven and continuing to enjoy all the benefits of that exalted role as the second member of the Godhead, Jesus willingly said yes. He agreed to co-operate with a plan that would require His releasing ecstasy and accepting agony. In a state of absolute perfection and undiminished deity, the Son of God willingly came to Earth. Leaving the angelic hosts who flooded His presence with adoring praise, He unselfishly accepted a role that would require His being misunderstood, abused, cursed, tortured, and then crucified. He did not come to us grudgingly nursing a bitter spirit. He came free of all that. While it was certainly not a pleasurable experience, He accepted His incarnation among us and His dying for us willingly and unselfishly. And what ultimately happened? Read and rejoice! Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:9–11 NLT) God supremely exalted Jesus, and He was welcomed back with open arms. Heaven’s applause was the supreme reward for His earthly, unselfish sacrifice. This Christmas, it will be our attitude that unwraps our joy—an attitude of unselfishness. My encouragement to you is that you not put it off until it is a little more convenient. Many will tell you that people will take advantage of you if you
"Everything that was involved in Jesus becoming human began with an attitude of submission…a willingness to co-operate with the Father’s plan for salvation."
begin to live unselfishly or if you don’t defend your rights and “get even.” I offer the opposite counsel: God will honour your decision to demonstrate an attitude of humility. You will find that feelings of hate will be replaced with a relieving flood of peace and happiness. When we acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord and begin to release our cares, our disappointments, and our heartaches to Him, we not only keep our equilibrium, we also keep our sense of humour. Joys multiply when we have Someone to bear our burdens. Someday our voices will join the same angelic hosts that first proclaimed the newborn King, and together we will make great music! If we willingly humble ourselves as Jesus did, God will help us unwrap a joy that even the angels of heaven cannot experience. Say, isn’t it about time you opened your gift? Photograph of Chuck Swindoll © 2012 by Luke Edmonson
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by robyn roste
T
here are certain traditions I’ve always loved. Opening gifts on December 24 is high on my list. As well there’s a special place in my heart for anyone who overuses the word “festival” as it brings back so many memories from years past, which only three or four other people in the world can fully understand. Traditions are nothing new. In fact, it’s because they’re not new they hold any value whatsoever. They can originate
from practically anywhere—passed down through the generations, originated from a memorable experience, or even created as a way to commemorate an event. However, now that I’m married I’m learning traditions aren’t always easily explained to someone who hasn’t been a part of them. The ones I’ve held dear for many years aren’t the same as the ones my husband connects with. He certainly doesn’t dissolve into laughter when he hears the word “festival.” And I will never understand his
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strange phone conversations with his high school friends, always concluding with a made-up ninja language. While much of the time our odd traditions don’t cause conflict they do sometimes collide, especially when these traditions involve family or holidays. It’s in these times I’m learning we must fuse our traditions. In order to create traditions that worked for both of us we asked a few clarifying questions. • Should one replace the other? • Should both be thrown out and new ones created? • Should we alternate? • Should we even bother? It took this discussion to make me realize how much I value traditions. They help make me who I am and I look forward to sharing them with others to create special bonds and memories. Before this I thought of tradition as more of a legalistic and/or religious practice—something Jesus stood against in His ministry on earth (Matthew 15, Mark 7). However, tradition is so much more than autopilot rituals. The New Testament encourages us to not only repeat what we have been taught but to teach others as well (Luke 22:19, 1 Corinthians 11:24-25, 2 Thessalonians 2-3). Traditions also help us remember what God has done for us. If you’re into crime dramas you may have seen the show Unforgettable. In it Detective Carrie Wells has a condition resulting in an excessive memory (hyperthymesia). Basically, she has the ability to visually remember entire scenes of her life from the words spoken to what she saw. Unfortunately this is a rare condition. And for the majority of us we resort to playing memory games and cre-
ating routines in an attempt to remember. Forgetting is a human condition. No one means to, our minds just can’t keep all the information intact. I suspect that’s why God instructed the Israelites to begin the Passover festival in Exodus 12. It’s a holiday designed to acknowledge and celebrate Israel’s deliverance from Egypt, and to remember what God did for them. I wonder how well the world would recall the event if Passover wasn’t observed.
"While much of the time our odd traditions don’t cause conflict they do sometimes collide..." For Christians traditions like celebrating Christmas help us keep Christ and what He’s done for us at the forefront of our minds. In our busy lives it’s so easy to go through the motions and forget what we’re saved from. When fusing traditions something to keep in mind is the tradition itself is not what makes a relationship meaningful. Romans 4:10-12 points out that God doesn’t accept us because we adhere to religious traditions, but because of our faith. The traditions are simply a tangible way of acknowledging the importance of relationships, family, or events. On the surface the rituals and traditions we attend to each year may seem a bit strange. But when we think of the history behind them, and of why we bother, often we discover a great opportunity to remember and celebrate God’s blessing in our lives. Robyn Roste is the Living Bridge Media manager at Insight for Living Canada.
The
Golden Age
of
FIXIN’ by phil callaway
8
LAUGHING MATTERS
ONE MAJOR KEY TO OUR 30 PLUS-YEAR MARRIAGE IS THAT MY BRIDE RAMONA HAS BEEN BLESSED WITH STARTLINGLY LOW EXPECTATIONS.
oday she was ecstatic when I unclogged a drain, which may give you some indication of how unhandy I am to have around. I once oiled a squeaky door for her after watching a YouTube instructional video. She was so pleased she almost wept. Low expectations are such a blessing! But things aren’t always happy in Philand-Ramona-ville. Sometimes it irritates me that my wife chucks stuff—just heaves it out. Today I caught her sneaking two bags of my personal belongings into the trunk of the car, which she then pointed toward the thrift store. This was perfectly good stuff: • Cassette tapes • A beautiful watch, which no longer ticks but has very nice golf club hands • Trousers that fit me nicely. Back in ninth grade At this rate, we’ll never be on that Hoarders show. I grew up in the 1960s, the golden age of fixing stuff. If you were fortunate to get a Christmas gift at all, chances are it was handmade. Each Christmas Eve my parents gathered us about the coal-burning stove there in our two-room cabin and said, “Children, the cotton crop wasn’t what we were hoping for with the late snows and the tornadoes took the sheep.
T
So here, why don’t you share this orange?” I was the smart one in the family so I would say, “Why did we plant cotton again this year? We live in Canada. The only thing that grows here are blisters. And wool.” I’m exaggerating a bit, but I did grow up below the poverty line. We didn’t need a fence beneath the Christmas tree to keep presents from falling out. And when you received something, you kept it. If it was broke you fixed it. Mom re-used aluminum foil and tea bags sometimes. Once she helped me nail together a broken hockey stick—it was one of the few things that didn’t take. She waxed floors, hemmed pants, and made her own cards. Dad never dreamed of anyone else changing the oil in our car, or of buying shoes when he could hobble over to the shoe repair shop. He showed me how to repair bicycle inner tubes, what a carburetor was for, and where to buy string and glue. It’s funny looking back. I thought everyone was as poor as we were, which would have made everyone astoundingly rich. You see, we had a garden. Hand-me-down bicycles. A pond for catching frogs. We grew our own food, crafted our own Christmas ornaments, made our own candles and sold them door-to-door sometimes. We even made our own tie-dyed shirts one summer. We were so cool we didn’t even need air conditioning.
9
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Throwing things out meant there was more where that came from and there wasn’t. We lived that close to the edge. I suppose growing up in an age of fixing up showed me that you can refurbish more than radios and lawnmowers and fridges and children’s toys. You can fix friendships. You can mend a marriage.
A reporter once asked a couple how they had managed to stay married 65 years. The woman replied, “We were born in a time when if something was broken, we would fix it, not throw it away.”
Surely one of the greatest keys to the joy-filled life is following through on what we know to be right, having the humility to work on things when the world says, “Chuck it and run.” All these memories swirling have made me a little nostalgic and there’s something I need to say about that. The good old days weren’t all good. In fact, in Ecclesiastes 7:10 the teacher warns us not to ask “’Why were the old days better than these?’ For it is not wise to ask such questions,” (NIV). A better question is this: What does God require of me today? Micah 6:8 gives the answer, that we act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with Him. Certainly this includes binding up the broken, fixing friendships and mending marriages. It includes making memories for future generations to smile about. I suppose I should start by thanking Ramona for knowing what to throw out and what to keep. I’m glad she hung onto me, even if she’s about to throw out a tiedyed T-shirt that was best before 1973. Phil Callaway is an award-winning author and speaker, known worldwide for his humorous yet perceptive look at life.
ON THE AIR IN JANUARY
QUESTIONS CHRISTIANS ASK Our journey along the path of faith is often punctuated by experiences causing us to question the direction we’re heading. These questions are some of life’s most crucial because they relate to the very foundation of our relationship with God. This study examines 12 of these critical questions. By turning to Scripture, we will find answers that strengthen our walk with God.
UPCOMING MESSAGES INCLUDE: Will You Lead or Lag? Why Are We So Blessed? How Should We Interpret God’s Calendar? Why Do We Throw Rocks at Each Other?
The Impact of
FAMILY TRADITIONS
by dr. dave currie
W
hy does a college student say to a fellow passenger on a flight home for Christmas, “I can’t wait to get home. I miss my family”? Because family traditions, like a kite string, keep every kid’s heart attached to home. It’s true. When done well, one’s family becomes a sacred shelter of consistency and connection in a world of flux and change. At its best, home develops into the safe place where we can always go and be accepted for who we are. Family and the way we do family is our point of reference in life. Home is where we are loved— where we belong. God had intended every family be like this. At the core of any great family is its own unique way of doing life. It’s these family traditions that shape and define us and draw us back to one another. Whether as simple as a weekly meal together or as extensive as an annual vacation, each experience helps in binding us together. And there’s no better time to rethink their importance than at the Christmas season. By making an effort to connect repeatedly in a caring, meaningful way in real time and place events—the heart of a tradition—children grow to feel stable, significant and secure. Family traditions keep people from being adrift. Why? Because traditions are an ideal context for genuine care and lasting influence to be experienced. The number of meaningful and memorable events and experiences that are created and replicated together during the formative years determines the strength of any family. These family routines are the consistent environment where our values and love can be exchanged. Traditions define and display who we are and what matters to The Impact of Family Traditions continued from p. 11
us. They keep pulling on us like a magnet, drawing us back together. Be certain though, traditions in themselves aren’t magical. They don’t replace the need for love or the transference of values. Traditions can be lifeless and tasteless. When forced and meaningless, they can actually drive a family apart. The power of loving and lasting family traditions can’t be overestimated. Here are some of the benefits to your children. TRADITIONS CREATE ROOTS. In doing so, they produce a stability in the life of every child. The longevity of love through these repeated routines becomes their anchor in the topsy-turvy world they live in. For us roots include every Thanksgiving for 18 years hiking around Mt. Baker in Washington State as a family. We have the pictures to prove it. The tradition connected us. Through experiences like these, our kids still look forward to family times. Traditions build history and familiarity. “Going home” at Christmas is part of the ritual. It’s going back to our roots and a ton of fun memories. TRADITIONS ESTABLISH IDENTITY. Far beyond merely carrying the same last name, these simple but meaningful rituals define who a child is. Traditions are what make each family unique. I had a horn I used to blow at all the kids’ sporting events (Yes, I was one of those loud parents). The horn meant one clear thing—we are proud of you. Children feel significant because they feel a part of this uniqueness. We cheer for one another. They think, “This is what our family does. I am part of that.” Every repeated event and memorable experience defines our family distinctiveness further.
family
+ girl © istockphoto.com/ssj414
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TRADITIONS BUILD ATTACHMENT. Nothing builds connection in a family like a massive collection of shared memories of happy times together. Repeated laughter and love experiences “lock and load” a lasting charge in the chambers of a child’s heart. It is in the simple nighttime routines of hugs, kisses, prayers and getting tucked in that a child senses they belong. They feel safe and secure with their parents. When done well, faith traditions too can hold meaning to every subsequent generation as they too grow in their attachment to God. That’s a really great tradition. I love the description of the wise home that is built in Proverbs 24:3-4. By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With rare and beautiful treasures.
These rare and beautiful treasures are the great memories you create with your kids. Much like a photo album of the mind, we store these memories as pictures of what we love and cherish about our history together. Why not have a discussion as a couple about what you could do to build your family through healthy and meaningful traditions? How could you make more of this Christmas season with your family? Go to prayer together and seek God’s wisdom on what changes He would want you to make. Fill your album this year with memorable family traditions. They shape your children’s lives. Dr. Dave Currie is an international speaker and president of Doing Family Right, a ministry that shares the non-negotiable difference Jesus makes. He and his wife Donalyn live in Abbotsford, BC. Check out articles, videos, and podcasts at doingfamilyright.com.
by steve johnson
How can I forget bad memories? God has given us a brain with a memory. Memory can serve to protect us from further harm by storing what happened the last time resulting in the trauma. So when we ask how we can forget bad memories we really want to know how to remember the bad things without the emotional trauma that accompanies the memory. In other words, we want to experience emotional forgetting. We’ve all been there—recalling an experience and each time feeling the searing ache in our heart, the churning and knotting in the pit of our stomach, or the burning anger welling up. On top of this we feel trapped by our memories and victims of the emotions that accompany them. Bad memories usually revolve around two kinds of experiences: those involving a traumatic or painful incident, and those involving people who have hurt us in some way. Sometimes, as in the case of
abuse, these experiences are combined. The first step is feeling—by allowing ourselves to feel our emotions deeply. I love the way David does this in many of his psalms. For example in Psalm 55 he contemplates the abuse of the wicked against him (vs. 3, 12-14). David feels and expresses the anguish he feels (vs. 4-8). He pours it out to God venting his true feelings. Some people find journaling or talking it out with a confidant helps too. This is important: to experience an emotional forgetting there needs to be a full and deep expression of the feelings connected to the painful incident. The second step is accepting—resignation to the fact it happened. Sometimes we get caught up in denial wondering if it ever happened or not, or hoping it didn’t. But to get to the point of acceptance and peace we need to focus on the incident and accept that it happened, recognizing that was then, this is now.
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One thing that can help us accept bad memories is to reframe it positively by finding a lesson to learn from the experience. For example through the memory of emotional abuse a person can learn strength and avoid being taken advantage of. Even Psalm 55 was a Maskil, a teaching psalm. The third step is releasing—release, let go, throw away. Do as David did, throw them on your heavenly Father. “Cast your burden upon the lord and He will sustain you,” (v. 22). This is a deliberate decision and act of the will. We are choosing to give it to God. When the memory is recalled and the emotions begin to surface, we say, “No, I gave that to the Lord. I am not controlled by these memories any more." Forgiveness comes in when we have bad memories involving people who have hurt us. Ephesians 4:32 commands, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God also has forgiven you.” The word “forgive” in this verse means to pardon or release from debt. Just as Christ pardoned us for our sin and released us from the sin debt we incurred against God, so we are to decide and choose to do the same with those who have hurt us. As we have been shown
grace and mercy by God, so we are to deliberately decide to not hold it against those who have hurt us. We are to graciously and by the power of the Holy Spirit pardon them for what they did to us. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).
“One thing that can help us accept bad memories is to reframe it positively by finding a lesson to learn from the experience.” In our minds we accept and with our will we choose to release hurt and forgive. Our emotions then respond to those thoughts and acts and we experience emotional forgetting. Over time as we continue to choose to release and depend on the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit heals. The ache in our heart, the knot in the pit of our stomach, or the burning anger welling up no longer accompanies the memory. I hope this helps. - Steve Steve Johnson is the executive director at Insight for Living Canada.
THIS MONTH’S FEATURED RESOURCE
HELP ME UNDERSTAND Help Me Understand was created to give insight into how God’s Word speaks to our experience of anger, anxiety, conflict, depression, forgiveness, grief, guilt, loneliness, self-esteem, and suffering. His Word is a gift to help us understand our pain and His loving answers to it.
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15
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Join our Canadian bus headed by executive director Steve Johnson and Dr. Dave Currie as we tour the Holy Land March 10-21, 2014.
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Day by Day paperback devotional by Charles R. Swindoll, 380 pages
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on the air THIS MONTH Questions Christians Ask
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Another Year . . . Get a Life! single CD message
Standing between two years is a good place to evaluate our lives. Looking back, we remember the past year. Looking around, we see clearly where we are. Looking ahead, we anticipate another year of possibilities. Chuck helps to clarify our thinking from a biblical perspective about where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going.
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Facing Life’s Problems with God’s Hope 16 CD messages + study guide
As Christians, we aren’t different because we’re free of problems. We’re different because we have a power within us—the Holy Spirit who enables us to view our problems through the lens of God’s Word. These 16 messages help put things back into proper perspective and provide the realism and encouragement we need.
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A Bethlehem Christmas Radio Theatre audio CD by Charles R. Swindoll, run time 1 hour
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Laugh Again: Experience Outrageous Joy, A Study of Philippians paperback by Charles R. Swindoll, 250 pages
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Insights Bible Reading Guide: New Testament paperback devotional by Insight for Living, 120 pages
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