June 2011
in this issue 3 Giving with Gusto Charles R. Swindoll pressure points
6 Open Heart, Open Hand Steve Johnson lifetrac
"In my heart I knew my
self-righteous standoff was petty
and immature."
9 Miss Petty and the Grudge Robyn Roste
moment of insight
14 Living Large Charles R. Swindoll STRONG FAMILY
15 Insight Values Inventory Insight for Living Canada laughing matters
18 Dating My Daughter Phil Callaway Help Me Understand
21 Anger Insight for Living Canada
Copyright Š 2011 Insight for Living Canada. All rights reserved. No portion of this monthly publication may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission from the publisher. Insights is published by IFLC, the Bible teaching ministry of Charles R. Swindoll. IFLC is an autonomous ministry and certified member of the Canadian Council of Christian Charities. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture passages are taken from the NASB. Printed in Canada. Unless otherwise noted, photography by IFLC staff. man on cover
Š Piotr Bizior
by Charles R. Swindoll
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"When the heart is right, Reminds the feet are swift."
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hat’s the way Thomas Jefferson put it many years ago. There are other ways to say the same thing. A happy spirit takes the grind out of giving. A positive attitude makes sacrifice a pleasure. When the morale is high, the motivation is strong. When there is joy down inside, no challenge seems too great. The grease of gusto frees the gears of generosity. And have you noticed how contagious such a spirit becomes? Not only do we feel the wind at our backs, others do as well. And when we are surrounded by that dynamic, a fresh surge of determination sweeps over us. You cannot stop it! A close friend gave me a small paperback titled Great War Speeches, a compilation of the most stirring speeches by Sir Winston Churchill. I had already read most of them, but in rereading over the past several days, I found myself once again stimulated . . . prodded to do better, to reach higher, to give greater measures of myself. Churchill’s words regarding our age never fail to move me. What an eloquent spokesman for good! Describing courageous warriors, he wrote: Every morn brought forth a noble change And every change brought forth a noble knight.
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Giving With Gusto continued from p. 3
me of David’s words after Araunah offered the king one of his possessions for nothing. “No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price, for I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God which cost me nothing” (2 Samuel 24:24). David refused a handout. I love the application the late great preacher John Henry Jowett drew from David’s words: “Ministry that costs nothing, accomplishes nothing.” Long enough have God’s people drifted along passively dreaming for things to change. It’s time to act. It’s time to make things change. And while we’re at it, I suggest we have the time of our lives. Let’s do so with gusto! Can you recall the statement about giving that Paul made in the 2 Corinthians letter? This statement is perhaps the foundational reference in Scripture that links joy with giving. “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly [the word means “reluctantly”] or under compulsion [“feeling forced because of what others may say or think”], for God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7). The term cheerful, remember, comes from a Greek word, hilaros, from which we get our word hilarious. And in the original statement, hilaros is placed first for emphasis. Literally, “for the hilarious giver God prizes.” Why? Because hilarious giv-
ers have swift feet. They give with gusto! • When the Israelites gave themselves and their belongings to construct the tabernacle in the wilderness, their gusto was so evident they had to be told not to give anymore (Exodus 36:6–7). • When the people in Jerusalem rallied around Nehemiah and rebuilt that wall, their gusto resulted in a record-breaking achievement (Nehemiah 2:17–18; 4:6; 6:15–16). • When Jesus challenged His followers to be unselfish, He taught that it is “more blessed to give than to receive,” connecting joy with our financial investments in eternal things (Acts 20:35). Want to bring back the gusto? Want to become a “noble knight” at the round table of generosity? Let me remind you of four simple suggestions. They work for me. 1. Reflect on God’s gifts to you. Hasn’t He been good? Better than we deserve. Sufficient food, clothing, and safe shelters. Even more blessings of good health, happy families, and close friends . . . and so much more. 2. Remind yourself of His promises regarding generosity. Call to mind a few biblical principles that promise the benefits of sowing bountifully. Bumper crops, don’t forget, are God’s specialty. 3. Examine your heart. Nobody but you can
do this. Open that private vault and ask several hard questions, like: • Is my giving proportionate to my income? • Am I motivated by guilt . . . or by contagious joy? • If someone else knew the level of my giving to God’s work, would I be a model to follow? • Have I prayed about giving . . . or am I just an impulsive responder? 4. Trust God to honour consistent generosity. Here’s the big step, but it’s essential. Go for it! Release your restraint—when you really believe God is leading you to make a significant contribution—and develop the habit of generosity. I seriously doubt that generosity has ever hurt many people! Let’s make this year our all-time best. Let’s attack our indebtedness with great gusto. And let’s give as we have never given before with outstanding offerings of a sacrificial nature, like noble knights of old. Photograph of Chuck Swindoll © 2010 by David Edmonson
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Pressure Points
A
man
© shutterstock.com/olly
s a Christian, when I think of character qualities I would like to possess one that looms large is magnanimity. In 1843 Charles Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol. Most of us are familiar with Ebenezer Scrooge, the main character in this beloved novel. He’s a miserly, altogether stingy curmudgeon of a man who underpays, is ungracious and intolerant toward his employees and people around him. Scrooge is surly to everyone he meets and is even too cheap to heat his own office properly. He values things and uses people. But Scrooge undergoes a radical ethical and moral transformation when confronted with his past, present, and possible future. He is made to recall life and love from his past youthful innocence, confronted in the present with the impoverished Bob Cratchit family’s joy and love of each other in spite of circumstances. And he is shown a possible future of his death and people’s delight over that fact. Because of this Scrooge was transformed and in the end, was loved by all. When I think of what it means to be magnanimous I think of Alistair Sim’s portrayal of Scrooge after his transformation: loving life and possessing a joyfully generous attitude toward all. I could also reference the Grinch, from Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas. He couldn’t stand to see the Whos happy because his heart was
two sizes too small. So he stole their Christmas, or so he thought. The Grinch discovered that true joy was not found in the external trappings of tinsel and baubles—it was in the heart. And in discovering that, his own heart grew larger and he became magnanimous. He gave back all he had stolen, and even joined in the festivities himself by carving the roast beast. A magnanimous person lives with an open heart and hand—an attitude of large-hearted generosity of spirit toward all. If there’s one thing we who have been abundantly blessed beyond imagination should be, it’s magnanimous. Scrooge and the Grinch are fictitious characters, but Zacchaeus wasn’t. When he met the Saviour (Luke 19:1-10) he was transformed. His heart was changed and he became magnanimous. He gave half of his possessions to the poor and said, “If I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount” (v.8). Comment on this article
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With all these characters, as with us, the core issue is the heart. The heart—our inner being of thoughts, motives, feelings, affections, desires, and will—needs changing for there to be a true and lasting change in our behaviour. The heart transformation is not simply a matter of the will. It takes a renewed heart and mind. The Lord promised the new heart in Ezekiel 11:19 “I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.” And Paul spoke of the need
to transform our behaviour by renewing our mind. While only the Lord can change the heart and plant the desire to be magnanimous, it’s our responsibility to renew our minds so that transformation can happen (Romans 12:3). That point is particularly important for believers to understand. Although we experience the new birth and are blessed beyond measure, some are more Scroogelike than Christ-like. How can this be? Although the heart of a person determines the kind of thoughts they think, the opposite is also true. The kind of thoughts we think will determine the kind of heart we have. Proverbs. 23:6, 7 (NIV) says, “Do not eat the food of a begrudging host, do not crave his delicacies; for he is the kind of person who is always thinking about the
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cost. ‘Eat and drink,’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you.” In other words, he is tight-fisted so he is always thinking about how much things are costing him. And because he always thinks about the cost, his heart is stingy, not generous. Being focused on the cost of things, “the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things,” (Mark 4:19) will not result magnanimous living.
Living with an open heart, open hand begins by deciding to value what God values most: people, not things; considering what people are worth, not what they cost. The tight-fisted person is materialistic, always thinking about the cost. Magnanimity like that of Zacchaeus blossoms from a heart that is surrendered and a mind that knows Jesus is Lord of all. Those qualities that will pry open our tight fists. Steve Johnson is the interim executive director at IFLC
Very generous or forgiving, especially toward a rival or someone less powerful than oneself; greathearted, noble, and generous in spirit; a refusal to be petty.
the Grudge
by Robyn Roste
On lifetrac.ca and facebook.com/lifetrac this month: How to Deal with Petty People By Robyn Roste
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I’ve always imagined a grudge as
something like a brownish-grey blob, which follows you around like a cloud, feeding off your feelings of resentment and ill will towards whoever has insulted you. The more you hold on to those feelings, the bigger the grudge gets, until it is strong enough to take its own form—no longer relying on your feelings but generating his own, and influencing your actions. In short, the grudge becomes the Grudge. Recently I had an encounter with the Grudge when I felt a friend had snubbed me. She failed to show at an event and didn’t even call to explain! In fact, I didn’t hear from her for so many days following the missed event I began to wonder if I was being avoided. How rude! Feeling snubbed is one thing but seeing as she didn’t even have the guts to apologize, my perceived injuries festered and I could feel the Grudge eagerly lapping up my feelings of injustice. But I didn’t care. I had been wronged and by George I wasn’t going to be the one to end the standoff. After all, I was the one being snubbed! Maybe at first I would’ve been willing to overlook the offense—there was probably a good expla-
nation for her absence and perhaps even for the lack of notice. But to completely avoid me, well I couldn’t overlook that. And the Grudge continued to grow... I impatiently waited for an apology, so my friend could know my Grudge, but it never came. As the days passed my Grudge got bigger, but I didn’t feel any better. One of the more convicting teachings regarding grudges is found in Mark 11:22-25. The Message paraphrase says it like this. Jesus was matter-of-fact: “Embrace this Godlife. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say ‘Go jump in the lake’—no shuffling or shillyshallying—and it’s as good as done. That’s why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you’ll get God’s everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it’s not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins.” Holding a grudge against another seems like a sure-fire way to separate yourself from an effective prayer life and, thus, a healthy relationship with God. As well the concept of a
“Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” 2 Corinthians 3:5-6
Free mp3 In this full-length message Like Father, Like Son? Chuck Swindoll teaches from 2 Kings about a godly king whose son becomes an evil king. It’s a story providing insight and encouragement for those who wish their children would walk in truth. Download this message today at lifetrac.ca Miss Petty and the Grudge continued from p. 9
Losing Focus
It's easy to lose focus and get sidetracked by distractions. But when you stay committed to the task at hand—finishing school, raising a family, living a life of integrity—the rewards are immeasurable.
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grudge flies in the face of Jesus’ example of living magnanimously—being gracious and noble in spirit, and doing right even when others treat you poorly. Jesus tells a story about an unforgiving debtor where a man was forgiven a great debt by the king. This man, who would never have been able to repay what he owed, then turns around and demands a debt repayment from another man. Even though the first man had been shown great mercy by the king, he had none for the man who owed him money. When the king heard about it he was understandably angry and said “Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?” (Matthew 18:33 NLT) Jesus then says that’s what our heavenly Father will say to us if we refuse to forgive others in our hearts. In my heart I knew my self-righteous standoff was petty and immature. But in order to end the madness I had to be the one to break. And that meant humbling myself. Talking about being humble is simple, but it takes practice to actually be humble. And of course it’s always in times of extreme pride the words of 1 Peter 5:6 especially sting. “Therefore humble yourselves under the
mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time.” Once the still, small voice of God nudged those words into my mind and heart I knew my loitering with the Grudge must come to an end. I needed to stop feeding my Grudge, I needed to ask God for forgiveness, and I needed to make things right with my friend.
"As the days passed my Grudge got bigger, but I didn’t feel any better." In order to do this I knew I had to completely drop my hurt feelings, stop being Miss Petty, and remember we were actually good friends, and something as silly as a missed party should not change that. And besides, if people like Joseph (Genesis 45), David (1 Samuel 24), and the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:27-37)—people who had been wounded so much deeper than I had— can forgive couldn’t I oversee this tiny thing? What made these Bible characters great was not their Grudge, but their Grace. Didn’t I want the same for my life?
petty:
of small importance, trivial. Marked by narrowness of mind, ideas, or views. Marked by meanness or lack of generosity, especially in trifling matters. Secondary in importance or rank.
Robyn Roste is the LifeTrac coordinator at IFLC
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Moment of Insight
"Pettiness is the tendency of people without large purposes." (George Will)
Pettiness takes a terrible toll. It kills our joy! Let me remind you of Paul's reaction to those who "sneaked in to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Jesus." He declares, "We did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour" (Galatians 2:5).
Nor should we. You will encounter petty types. So when you do,
shrug it off and just keep on honouring God as you pursue those large purposes.
~ Charles Swindoll
Excerpted from Day by Day with Charles Swindoll, Copyright Š 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. (Thomas Nelson Publishers). All rights reserved worldwide.
Strong Family
by Insight for Living Canada s we go through life, developing, learning, and experiencing things, we form our own values— those things we consider to be useful, important, and worthwhile. When we share those values with others, whether in a family, marriage, church, or at work, there is usually harmony. When values shift or change, there will usually be conflict. Many times when people are in conflict they don’t recognize that much of it boils down to simply having different values. In the home a teen’s values may differ from that of her parents. She is forming her own values system and it is being influenced by very different sources than her parents. Two young people thinking of marriage may each have different values as a result of different backgrounds, education, experiences, or traditions. Having very different values could make their marriage difficult. As married couples go through life together they can change their values and perspectives from when they were first married. Changes in health, wealth, family— just about anything—can result in changed values. Differences and conflict may arise as a result. Identifying our values and their priority in our lives can lead to greater understanding and harmony in the home, marriage, church, and workplace. The following Values Inventory has been written to assist in gaining that understanding between people. (If you would like to do this exercise with your spouse or family make copies before beginning the exercise). Comment on this article
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Look at the list of values in the following chart and rate them in order of personal importance to you at this point in your life (1=Most Important; 10=Least Important). Achievements & Success Faith, Morals & Ethics Family Traditions & Values Financial Security & Self-Sufficiency Generosity & Social Justice Hobbies & Sports Loyalty & Openness Marriage & Sexual Fulfilment Physical & Emotional Health Recognition & Social Acceptance
After you’ve completed the exercise look over your list and answer the following questions: • Which values have become more important over the past five years? Which have become less important? What has caused that? • What is it about your “Top Three” values that define who you are? • Are there conflicts in your life that could be resulting from differences in personal values? What are some ways you can resolve these conflicts while still accepting others’ individual differences? Find a safe place to put this list and come back to it in one year. Do you expect your values to stay relatively similar? What changes would you expect? Are there any values you wish were higher on your list?
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As we come to the end of our fiscal year, please prayerfully consider supporting the ministry financially. There are three ways to donate: Phone: 1.800.663.7639 Online: insightforliving.ca Mail: Insight for Living Canada, Post Office Box 8 Station A Abbotsford, BC V2T 6Z4 17
Laughing Matters
by Phil Callaway
ating is nothing new for my daughter. Years ago Rachael began leaving our house once a month for dinner and a movie with the guy she loved: Her dad. It wasn’t for lack of alternatives. Boys proposed to her when she was three, four, and twice when she was six. Each time she most emphatically said no. In her teen years she pasted a Bible verse to her bedroom door. Psalm 56:1: “Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me.” And they did. A few showed up holding flowers. I had rehearsed clever and witty things to say to them, threats involving their little bodies and staple guns. But I never had the heart while they stood there on our front steps, sweating, as if someone had already yelled, “Ready! Aim!—” 18
“Why don’t you go out with them?” I surprised myself by asking. “They’re not the kind of guys I wanna marry,” she said. “Besides, I like dating you. You pay for everything.” A few summers ago a guy by the name of Jordan began showing up with regularity. His nerves weren’t so good either. One day he leaned against our counter and the toast popped up. You’d have thought he had licked an electric fence. Jordan is immensely helpful around the house. It’s surprising the things this guy will do for free. He has cleaned our shed, repaired our dryer, mowed grass, shovelled snow, and correctly assembled a barbecue. He does dishes, sweeps floors, and is showing real potential in the cleaning-out-ourfridge department.
One day last June Jordan stammered, “I, uh, was gonna talk to you about, uh, your daughter. I really like her.” I had rehearsed clever and witty threats for him. They were too good not to use. While sharpening a knife I informed him that I’m not real big but I have lots of friends. That if he broke her heart I would break some things that he might need. I told him that nothing on earth matters more to me than this girl; that we’ve prayed for her every single day of her life. That she’d find a guy who doesn’t talk about God as much as he loves Him. And I told him about the video surveillance units we’ve installed in every room. And in his car. He chuckled nervously and said, “I’ll be good to her.” And he has. Just before Christmas Jordan’s enthu-
siasm for chores reached an all-time high and his nervous disorder resurfaced. While Ramona and I wrapped Christmas gifts one night, he tapped on our door, and tiptoed in like a porcupine entering a balloon factory.
Boys proposed to her when she was three, four, and twice when she was six. Each time she most emphatically said no. “I was going to ask you about the uh,” — long pause—“marrying Rachael.” “Does she know about this?” was all that came to mind. He grinned. “Sit down,” I said, stalling. Jordan sat on the bed. “You have the right to remain silent,” I informed him. His grin widened. 19
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“Seriously, we’ve been watching you and we like what we see. You’re a gentleman. You make her laugh and we’ve seen your love for Jesus. You’re a youth pastor so you’ll be broke. That’s OK. We were too. Rachael has made me very happy. She’ll do the same for you if you let her. Just remember, I dated her first, you know?” Then I asked him a few simple questions: Why would you like to marry her? Will you be stronger together than apart? How do you plan to encourage her gifts? Are you honouring her now? How will you honour her after you tie the knot? How will you help her grow closer to God? What will you do if marriage doesn’t turn out the way you planned? Easy stuff like that. He spluttered a little, so I suggested we talk about these things during the seven years he would spend raising cattle for me. Jordan laughed. “You have a great sense of humour,” I told him.
“I think I’m gonna need it,” he said. And we all laughed. On December 28 Mr. Jordan Culp produced a sparkling diamond set in gold, got down on one knee, and fainted. No, he didn’t. He popped a question: “Will you marry me?” It wasn’t the first time she’d been asked, but this time Rachael broke down and cried. And said, “Yes.” We couldn’t be happier for them. But like an eight-track tape plugged into a Bluray machine we realize that life changes fast. I find myself offering up more prayers now, and less unsolicited advice. Last night I found myself on the other end of things when I asked Jordan, “May I have your permission to date her when you’re married?” Sometimes we watch them in the car talking about their June wedding. (The picture is quite clear from these new-fangled surveillance cameras.) They’re planning a lavish catered affair, but I think we should have a backyard potluck. A-E bring a hot dish. F-M salads. N-Z toasters. I haven’t mentioned this to Rachael. But I’m sure she’ll leave that decision up to me. After all, I’m the dad. I pay for everything. The wedding is June 18. Visit www.laughagain.org for updates and photos.
on the air in july: Volume TWO: The Story of God’s People A Survey of Joshua-Esther
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Redeemer. Deliverer. Lamb of God. These names reveal the Saviour, whose coming is pictured from the beginning of Israel’s glory days. Join Chuck Swindoll for this panoramic look at Israel’s grand history, which clearly introduces us to His story.
Upcoming messages Include:
Joshua: Triumph after Tragedy Judges: Recycled Misery Ruth: Interlude of Love 1 Samuel: Nation in Transition 2 Samuel: Ecstasy and Agony of a King
ANGER
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“Who do you think you are?”
ANGER I don’t think it ’s too much to expect people to treat me fairly and give me what I need. So why do people keep treating me poorly? Sometimes I feel depressed and impatient when I’m not respected. Like when I have to wait for people or when our plans change at the last minute — but who wouldn’t? It’s just impolite to treat me like that. Also it’s frustrating when less qualified people are given responsibilities that I deserve and then expect me to go along with it. I don’t think so! It’s insulting and people need to know they’ve wronged me. Besides, even Jesus was angry sometimes so I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like I actually hurt anyone and I certainly don’t yell and scream . . . I just make sure people know when they’ve upset me.
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Our Problem — Anger is a powerful God-given emotional response of displeasure. By itself it is neither right nor wrong. The problem we have with anger is the motivation behind it, how we express it, and how we direct it. These determine whether our anger is right or wrong. Motives—Anger is sinful when it arises from impure motives such as jealousy, selfishness, and impatience. Expression—Anger is sinful when we express it in destructive, often explosive, out-of-control ways using actions or words that hurt and tear down. Direction—Anger is sinful when it is aimed at things or people instead of the problems. Conversely, when anger is directed internally and we choose to suppress and internalize it, that too is wrong, becoming destructive and unhealthy for us. Good (righteous) anger is motivated by hatred of evil and injustice and is expressed in a controlled way with measured action. It provides the impetus to correct wrongs and promote right.
God’s Answers — God’s Word speaks about our anger to correct our sinful tendencies and promote righteous ones: Motives—We are told to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit” (Philippians 2:3). Nor to be motivated by vengeance, The Lord tells us, “Do not take revenge; I will repay” (Romans. 12:17-19). Expression—Because anger is such a powerful emotion we can easily lose control of it.
God’s Word warns us then, “In your anger do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26-27). Direction—If left unresolved or turned inward anger can be toxic to our spiritual health. So the Lord tells us to not allow anger to turn into resentment or bitterness (Hebrews 12:14-15). And in order to not create angry children parents are told, “Fathers do not exasperate your children” (Ephesians 6:1-4).
The Solution
1. Be wary of angry people. “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared” (Proverbs 22:24-25; cf. 26:21; 29:22). 2. Control your tongue by the Spirit of God. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Yielding control of your tongue to the Spirit is the only way to experience the fruit of gentleness (cf. Galatians 5:22,23). 3. Don’t let anger build up. Set a time limit on how long you will dwell on a problem. “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26-27; cf. Proverbs 27:4-6). 4. Overlook minor disagreements. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32; cf. Proverbs 17:14; 19:11). 5. Confess sinful anger to God. Ask Him and those you were sinfully angry with to forgive you. Learn new ways to solve the issues that gave rise to the sinful anger. by
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