November 2011
Living A Life Of
Thanks
in this issue
“There’s nothing
worse than a
jaded attitude that resists the true
spirit of the season.”
3 A Season for Humble Gratitude Charles R. Swindoll
pressure points
6 You Can’t Always Get What You Want Steve Johnson
lifetrac
9 Generation Entitlement Robyn Roste STRONG FAMILY
12 Preventing Second-Generation Fallout Charles R. Swindoll laughing matters
14 So I Married a Humourist Phil Callaway Help Me Understand
17 Guilt Insight for Living Canada
Copyright © 2011 Insight for Living Canada. All rights reserved. No portion of this monthly publication may be reproduced in any form without prior written permission from the publisher. Insights is published by IFLC, the Bible teaching ministry of Charles R. Swindoll. IFLC is an autonomous ministry and certified member of the Canadian Council of Christian Charities. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture passages are taken from the NASB. Printed in Canada. Unless otherwise noted, photography by IFLC staff.
by Charles R. Swindoll
3
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It’s baaaack! The age-old yuletide season is about to slip in the door once again. Better not shout, better not pout, for the malls will be playing “Jingle Bells” several thousand times between now and December 25. If you’re not careful, the crowds and commercialism will weigh you down like that fourth helping of stuffing at Thanksgiving dinner. And there’s nothing worse than a jaded attitude that resists the true spirit of the season. Although this has been a challenging year in numerous ways, we have a practical reason to look back over it with gratitude for God’s protection and grace to each of us. This reflection sets in motion the ideal mental attitude to carry us through the weeks ahead. In other words, a sustained spirit of humble gratitude will make the period leading up to December 25 an integral part of the Christmas celebration rather than a dreadful marathon run toward the finish. We live in a world fraught with evil— one in which innocent people are gunned down as they go about their business, where world governments seem powerless to stop those whose intent is to control through fear. But we cannot afford to end the year in frustration. I—like you— 4
A Season for Humble Gratitude continued from p. 3
have seen and experienced God’s hand of protection and mercy, even in the toughest moments. During this holiday season, let’s pledge not to let ingratitude become our creed or cynicism our stumbling block. As we consistently remind ourselves of God’s provision in our lives and the lives of our loved ones, the holidays will become a special time of spiritual enrichment, personal renewal, and genuine gratitude. Sometimes, though, it can be a challenge to give God daily praise and look for His hand, even when we possess the knowledge of His love and faithfulness. If you find yourself in this situation, often the Psalms are a great source to get you back on track. Psalm 116 is an extraordinary expression of love—addressed to God! “How do I love Thee, God?” the psalmist seems to ask. In his answers, he sets forth several magnificent truths about God’s goodness and deliverance. I love the LORD, because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live. The cords of death encompassed me
“God loves you and me with every bit of His heart, to the extent that He gave us the very best gift: life, wrapped up in the form of His Son.”
and the terrors of Sheol came upon me; I found distress and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the LORD: “O LORD, I beseech You, save my life!” Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; Yes, our God is compassionate. The LORD preserves the simple; I was brought low, and He saved me. Return to your rest, O my soul, for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you. (116:1-7) How do we love our God? We love Him by counting the many ways He has been good to us and, as the psalmist did, by sharing His goodness with others. What does God desire? Our humble thanks. Our heartfelt
gratitude. He wants us to be hungry for life, to treasure every day He entrusts to us. When you have a quiet moment, read the entire psalm, expressing your own heart of gratitude to our loving Lord. Let the wonder of the season wash over you again. God loves you and me with every bit of His heart, to the extent that He gave us the very best gift: life, wrapped up in the form of His Son. It’s this life—the abundant life—that Jesus promised. This is the true spirit of the season. Let’s be humbly grateful. Photograph of Chuck Swindoll © 2010 by David Edmonson
5
Pressure Points
by Steve Johnson 6
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Some movies make us stop and think. Take for example Bruce Almighty. Life just doesn’t seem to go right for the main character Bruce Nolan. When he has his worst day ever he ridicules and blames God for it. So God shows up and challenges Bruce to take on the job and see if he can do any better. When Bruce, acting as God, gives himself everything he wants and tries to give everybody else what they want the result is disaster. In the end, Bruce and the viewer realize that only God can be God.
Not having things go the way we want when we want is one of the toughest things in life we have to deal with. Prayers aren’t answered right away, loved ones pass away, and bad things happen to good people. And things like that comprise the reasons given by most nonbelievers as to why they refuse to trust God. More disturbing, it also ranks among the top reasons with Christians who are bitter or nominal in their faith. Like Bruce Nolan, things don’t go the way we would like and so we blame God—“How can God be good if He let this happen?” Although we gather for worship and sing, “God is good all the time” it rings hollow. We sing it, all the while hoping that life doesn’t go sideways and we have to put our belief in God’s unchanging goodness to the test. Our misgivings about the goodness of God are inherent. We have a sin nature, which is fiercely resistant to trusting God and a mind tainted by sin so our conceptions of God’s goodness are twisted. Thankfully, in Christ these are being renewed.
We also have an enemy who doesn’t want us to trust in our good God and obey Him. One of Satan’s strategies from the beginning has been to cause us to question and doubt God’s Word (“Indeed, has God said...?” Genesis 3:1) and God’s goodness (“You surely will not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” v.4-5). Satan led Eve to believe God wasn’t good and He was holding out on her. Some have the idea that God is a kind of celestial Santa Claus. If my conception of God is that He is good, and if I’m measuring that by my own yardstick—I get what I want when I want it—then I can only conclude God is not good all the time because nobody gets what he wants when he wants it all the time. But since God’s Word is true when it says “The Lord is good to all” (Psalm 145:9) and “I the Lord do not change” (Malachi 3:6) then I have to measure God’s goodness by some other standard than that of 7
me getting what I want when I want it. The Word says “The Lord is not slow…as some count slowness”(2 Peter 3:9). Similarly it is accurate to say, “God is not good as some men measure goodness.” In other words our conceptions of God’s goodness must not be determined by sinfully flawed minds but by Scripture and balanced with His other attributes. Some of these are: • God is good, but He is also all-knowing, meaning that He knows the future and the impact and consequences of actions, not only for us, but everyone. • God is good, but He is also wise, meaning He knows what is best not only for us but everyone.
“Not having things go the way we want when we want is one of the toughest things in life we have to deal with.” • God is good, but He is also just, meaning that He must give to people what is due them. • God is good, but He is also severe (Romans 11:22), meaning He will discipline us in love as necessary. • God is good, but He also operates within the principles of His Word that He has established—the law of reaping what you sow, give and you shall receive, and the testing of faith produces character. Truth out of balance becomes error, and so we err if we do not balance our understanding of God’s goodness with His other characteristics. I guess the Rolling Stones have it right when they sing, “You can’t always get what you want.” Bruce Nolan learned that, and we should too. Steve Johnson is the interim executive director at IFLC.
on the air in december:
for these special Join us Christmas messages!
8
Mary’s Little Lamb When the God-Man Walked Among Us Unselfish Humility Indescribable Gift
by Robyn Roste On lifetrac.ca and facebook.com/lifetrac this month: Looking Beyond the Surface By Robyn Roste
There’s this friend I have who’s a little bit spoiled. You probably have a friend like that too. Someone who (in your opinion) has never needed to work very hard and seems to take it for granted. For the most part, my friend’s situation didn’t really bother me except in one area: work. I don’t know how many jobs she has been through in the past five years. Ten. Maybe more. And she just keeps losing them. Of course there’s always a reason why. And I actually understand some of them. But the one I can’t get over is the reason she quit her last gig—according to her they just didn’t treat her right. We’re all familiar with the names for this attitude. In fact, they’re labels for an entire generation—Generation “Me,” the Ungrateful Generation, the Entitled Generation. In short it’s those selfish 20somethings expecting everything to be handed to them and not appreciating any of it! In some ways I connect with this assertion, I mean my friend seems to fit the definition pretty well. But while researching for this article I was overwhelmed with the amount of negativity towards this generation and my opinion has shifted somewhat.
“We are masters at focusing on what we lack, rather than the abundance we have in Christ.” People born after 1981 are called everything from selfish and ungrateful to lazy, soft, and disloyal. The weirdest part is no one blames them for this perceived lack of character. All the blame is aimed at their parents for raising a generation of kids with too much confidence thus forcing them to be self-involved narcissists without hope for redemption. Generation Entitlement continued from p. 9
It’s difficult for me to agree with this. While parents are charged with teaching their children the ways of God, and raising them to be responsible humans, children are still personally responsible for their attitudes and choices. And no matter what the situation, people in every generation and age group have struggled with a lack of gratitude and feelings of entitlement. We have a long history of pride, narcissism, and faithlessness. Here’s how I see it. Complaining is in Our Nature Whether we’ve had to work hard for what we have or if we’ve had everything handed to us on a silver platter, we still complain. We are masters at focusing on what we lack, rather than the abundance we have in Christ. Numbers 11 is a key illustration of this point. Although not much time had passed since Moses led the nation out of slavery by performing spectacular miracles in the form of the 10 plagues and the parting of the Red Sea, the Israelites began to grumble and complain about their present discomfort. How quickly we forget God’s provision and protection! Gratitude is Something Learned, Not Earned Everything created by God is good (1 Timothy 4:4) and we are to be thankful for it. However, we don’t become thankful or grateful by working really hard. In fact, if that is your story you probably battle pride more than anything else. The secret is learning to be content with what you have. Here’s how Paul says it in Philippians 4:1113: “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need” (NLT).
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Take it from a guy who went from being rich and famous to being chased by mobs and thrown in prison without trial. Gratitude is not dependent on circumstances. God Wants Us to Have High Self-Esteem There is a difference between narcissism and high self-esteem. Someone who is described as a narcissist has the following traits: selfishness, vanity, self-importance, and egotism. When we walk around thinking we are better than others, or our actions are motivated by selfishness, we are representing narcissism. Philippians 2:3-8 warns against this type of behaviour. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is a person’s reflection of his or her value. God wants us to
know how valuable each one of us is to Him. Psalm 139 is a great example of seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. He knows everything about us—even how many hairs are on our head—and yet, He accepts and loves us as we are. Unconditionally. Whether you’re 20something or something else, whether you had to work hard for everything or you were born into luxury, remember we’re all in desperate need of God’s grace. And salvation isn’t a reward for the good things we have done (Ephesians 2:8-9), it’s an incredible kindness, which we so often take for granted. Maybe we’re all a little bit spoiled.
Free mp3 We all know forgiveness is costly. As always in matters of forgiveness, the offended—the forgiver—must pay the cost in full. That takes an awfully big person to pull off. Are you that big? In this full-length message, Being Big Enough to Forgive, Chuck Swindoll takes a look at a remarkable moment in King David’s life.
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Is Grace a Blue-Eyed Blonde? Grace is a difficult concept, but when we do finally understand it, grace changes our lives and our relationships. Instead of trying to control and manipulate others, we begin to see things from the other person’s perspective.
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“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:8-10 NLT
Robyn Roste is the LifeTrac co-ordinator at IFLC.
Strong Family
PREVENTING FALLOUT by Charles R. Swindoll
A curious phenomenon has plagued families for as long as there have been families. Go back as far as time will take you, and there it is in all its mystery and misery. What is it? It’s that age-old problem of second-generation fallout. Happily, there are wonderful exceptions. But more often than not, it occurs. Each time it does, this fallout breaks the heart of godly moms and dads. The scenario goes something like this. A couple gets married. They have fallen in love with each other and desire to serve Christ with all their hearts. They press on in their spiritual growth by becoming involved in a local church, giving generously and consistently, and serving in various capacities. As several children come along, they begin to build into each one as they pray that God will get hold of their little lives and use them for His glory. Time passes. Childhood runs its course, leading to the teen years with all the inevitable adjustments and struggles. The family gets busier than ever, walking gingerly through the minefield of time demands, financial pressures, sports involvements, academic activities, and relational skirmishes. Nothing blows apart, thank goodness…and before they know it, the kids are grown, out of high school, and pursuing any number of options: college, careers, travel, the military, marriage, or whatever. 12
Mom and Dad wind up together and alone, again, breathing big sighs of relief (“We made it!”) and still stable and strong in their Christian walk.
“Help your child face up to the hard facts that choices have consequences and we’re all accountable for the decisions we make.” But what about the now-grown kids? Ah, there’s the rub. Somehow, between learning how to ride bikes, memorizing the multiplication tables, and perfecting their skills on the piano…and getting married or earning a degree or buying their own home, God got pushed way down their list of priorities. In fact, disciplines like prayer, church attendance, tithing, serving, and serious Bible study got lost in the shuffle. I repeat, there are certainly exceptions to this second-generation fallout, but that’s the tragedy—they are the exceptions. Ever wonder why? Is this some kind of unique, 21st century, postmodern malady? You know better. Even a cursory reading of the Scriptures reveals the sobering truth: even in biblical times parents’ hearts were broken by secondgeneration fallout. A few come to mind.
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• Adam and Eve surely wept over Cain’s murderous act. • Isaac and Rebekah must have tossed and turned through sleepless nights over their twin boys. • Eli, the priest, was embarrassed more than once because of his two immoral sons. • David, who loved the Lord dearly, found himself at a loss to understand Absalom. • Solomon’s son, Rehoboam, was a national scandal…an unwise and unruly leader. The list continues to the present day. Some of you who read these words could add your name to those in biblical times. Truth be told, you have to admit that you could never leave your inheritance to your son(s) and daughter(s) due to their lifestyles, which stand in stark contrast to yours. Parents and grandparents, let me be painfully and firmly honest with you as I offer a few suggestions for preventing second-generation fallout. First, teach personal responsibility. Ours is an era where passing the buck is an art form…where seeing oneself as an “innocent victim” is in vogue. Help your child face up to the hard facts that choices have consequences and we’re all accountable for the decisions we make. Personal responsibility cannot be disowned. Second, emphasize the “erosion principle.” Evil is not only getting increasingly worse but also more cleverly disguised. Point that out. Like the proverbial frog who gets cooked in a gradually heated pot of water, explain how easy it is to get used to evil. Easy to shrug it off, rather than identify it and confront it. If your youngster isn’t alert, he or she will get sucked into it. Third, take time. Not just to eat together or work together around the house…or do homework together or go to the athletic
games together. Take time to sit and talk about life together. To play together. And don’t forget to relax together. It is amazing how powerful first-generation presence can be when it comes to curing the second-generation plague. Though second-generation fallout is both ancient and common, it can be prevented. New and healthy habits can be formed. Start today. Adapted from the article, “Second-Generation Fallout,” by Charles R. Swindoll, from Newsbreak, Volume 13, Number 41, the weekly newsletter of The First Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton, California. Copyright © 1993 by Charles R. Swindoll Inc. All rights reserved.
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Laughing Matters
by Phil Callaway Twenty-nine years ago we embarked on spent in a blissful state at a luxury hotel. a honeymoon we’ve been trying to forget Then, with piggy bank barely jangling we for—oh, about 29 years. A friend named hastened in our 1972 Mercury Comet to the “Bob” offered us his beach house outfitted “beach house,” a term I use very loosely. Had there been a brochure, it would for people in ministry who lacked money. We qualified. Our first two nights were have read thus: “Conveniently located 14
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just steps from the outhouse, this is the ideal train lover’s paradise and a favourite haunt of bear watchers and researchers from the Poison Sumac Institute. If you happen to be in the outhouse when the train thunders past (every half-hour), your prayer life will be deepened. Beware of three-legged tables, protruding mattress springs and snakes—particularly the rattling kind. The beach is located in a northeasterly direction, though you will never find it. What were you thinking coming here?” What happened next I am not proud of and it comforts me to know that readers will keep this in strictest confidence: We argued. We fought over things both related and unrelated to our circumstances. We stood in the rain and uttered unkind words. Some of them true. Yes, I drove too fast. Not only had I forgotten my toothbrush, I was too cheap to buy a new one. When a black bear climbed aboard our picnic table, we retreated to the car and argued. “I’ll just go sit with the bear,” I threatened. Someone in the car said, “Go ahead.”
What happened next I am even less proud of: I pointed the Comet toward my mother-in-law’s house. I wish I were making this up. Though Mom loves us dearly she had not anticipated our arrival so had only single beds. Which was fine. Ramona was not remotely interested in sharing a room with me. Nor a bed or a toothbrush. The second night I discovered a phrase that has saved my marriage more than any other: “I’m sorry, Babe. I can do better.” And I found that single beds could be pushed together, though you run the risk of losing one of you in the night.
“Ramona was not remotely interested in sharing a room with me. Nor a bed or a toothbrush.” On this our 29th anniversary, we’ve been reflecting on the words theologian Rod Stewart sings, “I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger.”
CAR © shutterstock.com/unopix
Here are a few things we know now. 1. I don’t eat garlic unless she does. 2. When I’m lost she lets me drive around, remaining silent when I stop and ask for directions. 3. I don’t compare her soup to my mother’s. 4. Four years into our marriage we ceased trying to fix each other. 5. When I do compare soups, I say, “I’m sorry. I will try to never do it again. How can I make it up to you?” 6. If selfishness and criticism vamoose, love and joy can enter. 7. Laugh lots. Even when she says, “You want breakfast in bed? Sleep in the kitchen.” 8. We don’t let the sun go down on our wrath. We stay up and fight. 9. At least once a year we lie on our back and watch the stars (lately we’ve had more trouble getting up). 10. Whether I need to or not, every four to six years I buy underwear in bulk. 11. We’ve loved our marriage enough to protect it, believing God’s laws are for our joy, not our misery. 12. Most nights I read her a book. One of mine! What a blessing! 15
13. When we worry about the kids or the cheque book we remind each other that worry is like cracks in our home’s foundation. 14. Every day we pray our favourite prayers together: “Help!” And “Thanks!” 15. We dance together. Even if our children are around and make gagging noises. 16. Together we have cruised the Nile, toured remotest Africa, strolled the heathered glens of Scotland, and walked in the footprints of Jesus—all through books. 17. We look for the good in each other and find it. 18. She doesn’t show me bills until I’ve eaten. 19. We enjoy lasting friendships with couples who share our values. 20. We view debt as a four-letter word. Divorce too. 21. She golfs with me. Or at least drives the cart. 22. I shop with her. But bring a book. 23. Sometimes we play oldies music from our dating days. 24. She encourages me to hang with the guys. 25. She says she likes me better with less hair (she lies). 26. Every single day I can’t believe she married me. 27. Last Christmas she gave me a GPS without saying a word (I now have a woman in my car telling me where to go). 28. We’re learning to celebrate and emulate God’s grace. It’s not so much where we start out but where we end up that counts. 29. Sometimes I tighten jars. That way she needs me. Someone asked where I’ll take her for our 30th. “Bob” claims he’s renovated that beach house with indoor plumbing. I shall try to remember to bring my toothbrush. Visit Phil online at www.laughagain.org
giving
thanks
Paws & Tales DVD 5 Based on Psalm 116:12-14, this animated Paws & Tales DVD includes two episodes that teach kids about being thankful at Christmas and all year-round.
16
GUILT
“I feel like a failure”
GUILT People tell me I’m too busy, that I need to take it easy. How do I explain that my biggest fear is the overwhelming anxiety—nearly panic—filling my soul as soon as I’m alone and all is quiet? It’s in those times my inner voice reminds me of all the bad things I’ve done in my past, all the people I’ve let down, and all the items I haven’t crossed off my list. Instantly I feel deep regret, shame, and guilt for failing at life. Why would I slow down when it will make me feel horrible about myself ? I’d rather not feel anything. No. I must also keep going so I won’t let anyone down, myself included. I should be able to handle my schedule—I take care of myself and I always try to be on time and to follow through on my commitments. Sometimes time gets away from me, and often I don’t have time for church or Bible study because of other commitments, but it’s something I’m working on. People can be very demanding you know.
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Our Problem — We are all guilty of
sin by virtue of our sin nature inherited from Adam. “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard” (Romans 3:23 NLT) When the Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin, we become aware of our guilt and feel true shame over our sin. We all have an intuitive sense of justice and that wrong must be atoned for. But because of our sin nature we are prone to self-atonement and false guilt, a sense and thought that we must somehow pay the penalty ourselves. This results in self-recrimination, self-accusation, and false shame, which is a powerful sense of worthlessness.
God’s Answers — God addressed the problem of our guilt and shame by providing forgiveness as a gift “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23 NIV). The punishment for our sin is not overlooked. The death of Christ actually paid the penalty in our place once for all: “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). The Lord also provides ongoing provision for our sin: “My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father— Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 2:1-2). By truly receiving His forgiveness when we sin as believers, we thwart self and Satan’s attempts to create false guilt.
True Guilt
is caused by something wrong we have done, such as lying, stealing, etc.
False Guilt
is caused by our perceived shortcomings and self-condemnation.
The Solution
1. Recognize that Jesus Christ’s life and death demonstrate God’s love for us. 2. Know that God freely offers you His Son Jesus Christ as a substitute penalty-bearer. 3. Accept God’s free gift of forgiveness through Jesus as full payment for your sin. 4. Understand that God is compassionate. He knows our weakness in temptation but wants us to experience the freedom of His forgiveness. 5. Should we sin as believers, upon our confession of that sin, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins (1 John. 1:9). 6. Knowing that Christ was beaten and died for your sin, commit to not beating yourself up for your existence, sins, and mistakes. 7. Be aware that Satan uses accusation and false guilt to hinder our faith walk. However, having accepted Christ’s sacrifice for our sin we can point Satan at Jesus’ work on our behalf and declare our freedom in Christ. 8. Examine those areas where you feel guilty to discover whether it is conviction by the Holy Sprit because of sin, or accusation by Satan creating sorrow and despair. by
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Insights on the New Testament 5-book set by Charles R. Swindoll
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Terry Anderson never expected to find a dead body. Nor did he realize that the gnarled fingers would point toward his family, prying open secrets long buried. Every ounce of faith he ever had would be tested.
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Golfing with the Master paperback book by Phil Callaway, 195 pages
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Thank You Cards set of 10 cards by Insight for Living Canada
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giving
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