Snap! Snap! FROM

Chaos To Calm

From Chaos To Calm

By Julie Potiker

A Mindful Method for Expanding Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is defined as “the ability to understand, use and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.”

Psychologist Daniel Goleman popularized the idea of emotional intelligence, also known as emotional quotient or EQ, in his 1995 book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.” He defined the five key elements of EQ as self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills.

Mindfulness is the practice of focusing our awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting our feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. It’s all about developing those five pillars of EQ, especially self-awareness, self-regulation and empathy.

When Inspire Health asked me to write about emotional intelligence, I was struck by all the connections between EQ and mindfulness. After more than a dozen years of teaching and writing about mindfulness, I see how it builds emotional intelligence, and how EQ is a byproduct of the practice of mindfulness.

Practicing mindfulness has been shown to increase emotional intelligence and reduce emotional exhaustion among healthcare workers, and those benefits extend to anyone who practices mindfulness regularly. This has been my experience.

Everyone has their metaphorical bag of rocks they carry through life. My rocks are not the same as yours, and through the years, the rocks change in shape and size. Sometimes the bag is so heavy, I fear it will topple me. Other times, it feels like it is half- filled with polished pebbles.

This journey through life has been made easier by a path I found in 2010 when I was a student in a new class called Mindful Self-Compassion at University of California at San Diego (UCSD) taught by Steve Hickman, Psy.D, and Michelle Becker, LMFT.

Since 2014, I have had the pleasure of teaching Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) created by Christopher Germer, Ph.D., a leader in the integration of mindfulness, compassion and psychotherapy, and Kristin Neff, Ph.D., the pioneering researcher in the field of self-compassion. I love the curriculum, and I am especially grateful for and connected with our tribe of MSC teachers spread across the planet.

I have also had the good fortune to learn from Rick Hanson, Ph.D. After graduating from his Positive Neuroplasticity Training Professional course, I use his concept of “Taking in the Good” as a lens through which all other teachings follow. It has been a privilege and a pleasure to help people manage their lives with less suffering and more ease, by teaching them evidence-based techniques to manage difficult emotions and rewire their brain for happiness and resilience.

I wrote my first book, “Life Falls Apart But You Don’t Have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos,” to share mindfulness and self-compassion tools I’ve learned over the years. I just got done completing an audio version that will be available on 50 audio platforms by the time you read this.

Now I’m thrilled to introduce SNAP, a new system I created that front loads self-compassion with soothing touch, a practice named and taught in the MSC course; and my new book “SNAP! From Chaos to Calm.” I love that SNAP has a somatic component, the snap of my fingers, and dance-like moves with my hands and arms to accompany the acronym when I teach it:

Soothing Touch—Place your hands on your heart (or wherever it feels good) for a release of calming oxytocin and endorphins. Then move your hands, palms down, and:

Name the emotion—Name it to tame it; the prefrontal cortex calms the nervous system further, creating some space between the feeling and you. Then extend your arms as you:

Act—by choosing whatever technique is available to you from your mindfulness toolbox to help you change your channel. Finally, bring your hands into prayer hands at your heart to express:

Praise—Moveintogratitudeforyourself, your practice, the universe or your deity of choice.

I find the hand movements help to remember the practice, but I imagine if you can remember to snap your fingers, you can remember SNAP when you want to snap out of chaos and into calmness.

Sometimes in the liminal space between sleeping and waking, I have flashes of insight. That is how SNAP was born. I immediately started teaching it and blogging about it, and found that my students are remembering to use it when they feel activated by a difficult emotion. I’m hoping that teachers start teaching it, and that a wave of healing begins, with a snap of the fingers!

“Life Falls Apart But You Don’t Have To” is one facet of SNAP, the toolbox of skills that come under “Act.” The tool you choose from your mindfulness toolbox will differ based on what is available to you, and what you need in that moment. If meditation is one of the tools that you would like to practice, you can find over 100 guided meditations and visualizations to slow your mind on my free podcast, Balanced Mind with Julie Potiker.

“SNAP! From Chaos to Calm,” includes chapters on SNAP methods for anger, anxiety, equanimity, grief, gratitude and working on your inner critic. You’ll find SNAP methods for parenting, political strife and disaster, and working with emotions such as sadness and depression, shame and guilt.

As you practice SNAP, you may find it works better for some issues than others. Or maybe it works some days better than others. With regular practice, mindfulness practices such as this help boost your EQ by empowering you to observe, acknowledge and accept your thoughts, feelings and sensations. My hope is that with practice it becomes second nature, helping your boulders become rocks, and your rocks become pebbles. Who knows, maybe someday the pebbles will become sand and be washed away with the tide!

About the Author: Julie Potiker, Certified Mindful Self Compassion teacher, is author of the new book “SNAP! From Chaos to Calm,” and “Life Falls Apart, but You Don’t Have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos.” Her Mindful Methods for Life programs help others find peace and wellness. Visit MindfulMethodsForLife.com.