FEATURE

TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT

Driving a car or other personal vehicle has long-represented personal independence. Driving embodies the notion of being in control of a journey —from driveway to destination, and represents unlimited opportunity, treasured convenience and efficient access to social, work, volunteer and community places and people. But when is it time to stop driving?

You face difficult conversations with their friends sometimes, and one of the most challenging topics may be how to talk with friends about giving up driving. It’s an undeniably sensitive topic, where considering the loss of driving can feel like the end of vibrant independence, connection, function and identity. It can be grief worthy. It’s emotional. Driving competency isn’t about age; it’s about ability and risk. When someone notices certain things, it’s a suitable time for a discussion, ideally together, to explore these questions gently but concretely, such as: •Are familiar driving routes now confusing, or is the driver getting lost on familiar routes? •Has the driver received a warning or ticket for a driving violation when the driver wasn’t aware of committing the violation? •Have there been any recent nearmiss incidents or accidents recently where the driver was at fault? •Has the driver been advised to limit or stop driving due to a reason related to health, medical or prescription issues? •Do road signs, street markings and traffic lights seem overwhelming to the driver? •Does the driver either speed up or drive too slowly without reason?

DRIVING

By Juliane Morris

Answering yes to these considerations may indicate it is time to take steps to protect them, and others. Some solutions to brainstorm together about include: •Eliminate rush hour driving •Refrain from driving longer distances •Avoid highway driving •Drive only during the daytime

TALKING TIPS

1. Know who should broach the subject, selecting a trusted influencer to help lead discussion. 2. Be prepared, with information, examples, and solutions, aiming for some agreed outcomes or next step plans. 3. Be sensitive, using empathy and compassion, protecting dignity, and validating in advance why it is a difficult subject. 4. Use “I” not “you” phrases, which are less likely to trigger defensiveness. 5. Feature alternatives, to offer realistic solutions that provide encouragement rather than discouragement. Discuss public transportation, Ride Share, hired rides/caregivers/drivers. 6. Allow time and space to process what you’ve shared, before expecting buy-in and decisions. 7. Enlist the help of a healthcare professional, if the conversation isn’t going anywhere.