4 minute read
Editorial
Should bereavement be part of the school’s curriculum?
Happy New Year to you all! Welcome to the Spring 2021 edition of the Journal.
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It has been a year of trials, tribulations and tiers, and maybe some triumphs, if you look for the positives that have come out of last year. The coronavirus has encouraged us to communicate more, it showed us the value of what is important and demonstrated the kindness of strangers. We started to hear the birds sing and see the landscape grow and it felt like this was the beginning of the healing process for the planet.
Of course, this was not all that came out of last year. As the virus took hold, the world experienced unexpected deaths in numbers not seen in recent history. As the virus became more contagious those daily death toll “numbers” now had “names.” It was no longer a case of this happening to someone else – this was happening to people we know, friends, family, work colleagues – it felt much more real.
On a personal level, I experienced the death of two friends. Although not Covid related, both were unexpected and sudden. Both families were understandably devastated. This being their first experience of a close death, they had no idea what to do or where to go for help. They were not prepared for the administrative nightmare that death brings – starting with the death registration process, filling out burial or cremation forms, and then post funeral, dealing with estates, was there a will? What is Probate? What are Letters of Administration? All this to navigate whilst trying to deal with grief.
I spent time trying to use my experience to help those families from a practical and emotional perspective. I listened to the outpouring of grief and hurt, knowing there was nothing I could do to change things. Through these conversations it occurred to me that we are not taught at any level about bereavement, death, or grief. Or even to understand the practical challenges families face when someone dies – how it impacts them financially and legally, the importance of a will, or simply what to do. We are left with Googling “what to do when someone dies” and seeking out information that is out there somewhere! It made me think, should this be a subject that we are educated about at school level? Would talking about death, loss and grief at a young age help us prepare for the future?
So much of this comes down to society’s perception about death and grieving. Death is still a taboo subject in Western culture. We do not want to think about it let alone talk about it until we are forced to experience it for ourselves. Why aren’t we taught about the end of life in schools when we are taught extensively about conception and birth? Maybe, I think, it is because we are afraid. We need to take the fear out of it, and the best way to do that is to talk about it – we will always be more afraid of the unknown. We need to talk about it in schools, we need to have an open dialogue with those around us, our families and our friendship groups. We need better legislation that protects grieving people in the workplace, and an easy access route to grief-specific mental health support. This way it takes away the stigma of accepting that we may need help and empowers us to ask for it.
Death is not limited to a specific age group. It can strike at any time, at any age. In 2018 Child Bereavement UK surveyed more than 1,000 teachers, and found that whilst the majority had experienced a death within the school community, many felt ill-equipped to manage it. Almost one in three respondents had experienced the death of a pupil at their school, and more than one in five had faced the death of a colleague. Almost three-quarters reported that pupils they taught had been affected by the death of someone important.
School plays a key and significant role for young people and it can provide support and continuity during these times, even more so if the teachers are given the right training and tools to help. I believe it can be taught in a sensitive and age-appropriate way. Young people are more resilient than we give them credit for. Their natural curiosity should be nurtured, and we should give them the space and opportunity to ask those questions that maybe they feel they otherwise can’t.
My friend told me she was not prepared for the grief. She said it felt like someone was stamping on her chest, squeezing the air out of her lungs, and she physically felt crushed. At times she could not breathe. She described her pain as “violent”, “deep rooted” and “permanent”. Every one of us will experience loss and grief in our lives. Now, we are living through a period of collective loss on a large scale, yet it feels like we are ill-prepared to cope with our own grief, or the grief of those around us. We are already heading towards a national mental health crisis, and if we cannot find a way to better support each other through bereavement, that picture will only get worse.
Starting the conversation at an early age may just change the way we manage our grief and alter the mindset that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. If education starts at an early age, maybe, just maybe, it may change the course of action that someone might take in the future. Preventing one less suicide or a lifetime of depression has to be worth at least a conversation, don’t you think?
