ION Magazine issue 27

ART BRUT UNKNOWN WHITE MALE THEY SHOOT HORSES, DON’T THEY? BOB KRONBAUER

FREE

MARCH 06

This MoNTh in Ion 16 18 20

48

49

50

Editor’s Letter God I hope my parents decide not to read this one.

ION the Prize Of the Month Cats that yawn, video games about cowboys, The Dirtbombs and movies about a really filthy joke.

News From Nowhere Sam speculates about happiness. Probably to trick girls into thinking he’s more complicated than he is.

Horoscopes ION’s in-house astrologist Ernold Sane reads the stars and all the childproof containers in your medicine cabinet.

The Perry Bible Fellowship

ART 22

24 28

Competitive Eating I know this guy who, one time, ate a whole pie in one sitting.

Bob Kronbauer Photographer, designer, skateboarder, dog lover.

Laquay Jewellery Finally jewellery that you can look stylish in and clean up those messy spills with at the same time.

FASHION 30 You Can Leave Your Hat On Fashion editorial shot by David Fierro.

FILM 36 Unknown White Male Expect a punch in the face from the film maker if you complain to him about that time you forgot where you put your keys.

MUSIC 38

42 44 46

42 12 IONMAGAZINE.CA

They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? Scientists predict that by the year 2012, all bands will have upwards of 15 members.

Art Brut Et tu Brut eh?

Seripop Will help you understand why people talk about AIDS Wolf so much.

Reviews

Volume 4 Number 2 Issue 27 Publisher

Vanessa Leigh vanessa@ionmagazine.ca

Editor in Chief Michael Mann editor@ionmagazine.ca Arts & Culture Editor Jennifer Selk jen@ionmagazine.ca Fashion Editor Vanessa Leigh fashion@ionmagazine.ca Acting Film Editor Michael Mann film@ionmagazine.ca Music Editor Bryce Dunn bryce@ionmagazine.ca Photo Editor Fiona Garden photos@ionmagazine.ca Advertising Kelly Hassen kelly@ionmagazine.ca

Claudio Rubbo claudio@ionmagazine.ca Advertising Accounts Manager Natasha Neale natasha@ionmagazine.ca Copy Editors Marisa Woo, Maha Al Farra Art Department

Danny Fazio danny@ionmagazine.ca

John Morrison john@ionmagazine.ca Website Andrew Bobic Contributing Writers: Sam Kerr, Ernold Sane, Chris Walters, Natalie Vermeer, Filmore Mescalito Holmes, Jason Grimmer. Maha Al Farra, Adam O. Thomas Contributing Photographers: David Fierro, Mark Maryanovich, Syx, Jason Lang, Bob Kronbauer Original Artwork & Design: Nicholas Gurewitch ION is printed 10 times a year by the ION Publishing Group. No parts of ION Magazine may be reproduced in any form by any means without prior written consent from the publisher. ION welcomes submissions but accepts no responsibility for the return of unsolicited materials. The opinions expressed by writers and artists do not necessarily reflect those of ION Magazine. All content © Copyright ION Magazine 2006 Hey PR people, publicists, brand managers and label friends, send us stuff. High resolution jpegs are nifty and all but it’s no substitute for the real thing. Clothing, sneakers, liquor, video iPods (60 gig version only), CDs, vinyl, DVDs, video games, and an Xbox 360 can be sent to the address below. We’re serious about the Xbox 360. We really want one.

3rd Floor, 300 Water Street. Vancouver, BC, Canada V6B 1B6 Office 604.6969.ION Fax: 604.6969.411 www.ionmagazine.ca feedback@ionmagazine.ca Cover Photographer: David Fierro Model: Els at TalentCo Model Management Ltd. hat by Edie Hats vest by Vasanji

EDITOR’S LETTER Words Michael Mann

16 IONMAGAZINE.CA

I don’t mean to alarm you but there are people watching pornography on their video iPods. I can handle the idea of people watching porn. Whatever you want to do in your place of dwelling is cool. But the prospect of someone sitting next to me on the bus, white headphones and all, watching a porno is a little too much to handle.

I learned about iPorn through an experiment where I decided to watch every movie nominated for best picture at the Academy Awards on the video iPod. Watching a movie on a tiny screen is a fun experience, though it saddens me to say that widescreen 16x9 format doesn’t translate well onto a screen that’s around two square inches. An example of this would be how the subtitles were kind of tough to read in Munich. Also, pixilation due to compression of the movies sometimes makes it difficult to follow the plot and I’m still kind of unclear why those cowboys started wrestling each other in the tent in Brokeback Mountain. But after working through all the best that Hollywood has to offer I stumbled across the best the Valley has to offer.

Porn was first introduced into the iPod video piracy community on January 29, a little over a month after all these people got them for Christmas. If you want to look a little deeper into that you can say it takes about a little over a month for a group of nerds with too much time on their hands to completely pervert any given piece of technology. But I’m not one to judge something until I’ve experienced it so I decided to download some. There were many to choose from but I decided on Ass Parade, because I’ve always been fond of parades.

Before I go any further, this sentence right here is the one where I give the obligatory disclaimer that I don’t watch porn. I’m not one of “those guys” and I was only doing this so you don’t have to.

The film in question was a reality-television inspired work that revolved around a girl with an oversized posterior. Spoiler alert: There’s no parade.

So we’re talking about a fetish porno for the guy who’s so into porn he needs to have it on his iPod. So we’re looking at a doubly small audience here, right?

Not so. To give you an idea of how popular it was, at the time I was downloading Ass Parade along with 20 other people, which isn’t a lot. But a mere eight people were downloading the video iPod version of King Kong. So this is either a raging endorsement to the popularity of iPod porno or a total condemnation of Peter Jackson’s latest cinematic effort.

So get ready. The private will become public.

Stuff that should be kept in the home office, at the bottom of your stack of DVDs or in the third drawer of your dresser underneath the sweatshirt that my grandmother got me for my birthday is about to burst into the streets.

The coolest thing you can do with technology is stuff that you’re not supposed to do with it. I think it’s safe to say that Steve Jobs probably didn’t have this in mind when he unleashed this product on an unsuspecting public. After millions of years of evolution we’ve finally reached the apex: the ability to watch a 30-minute porno while riding the bus to work. So enjoy. But please, not when you’re anywhere near me, degenerate.

#OME AND 'ET A 0IECE OF 5S¨4HIS !PRIL

ION THE PRIZE

Photo Syx Langemann/Blackframe Studios

The prize this month are men’s and women’s outfits courtesy of Criminal. Criminal makes clothing for the unapologetic “fuck you, this is who I am” individual. These stylish threads are a surefire way to show you’re sexy, rough, dirty and up for anything.

Because hey, whatever you do, make a statement.

Go to www.ionmagazine.ca and click on contests to enter.

18 IONMAGAZINE.CA

Of THe MoNTh

1

3

Pet 1. KITTY

DVD 3. The Aristocrats

If we had to pick the one thing we like about cats the most, it would be when they yawn. It’s just so adorable. But really, why would a cat ever need to yawn? All they do all day long is sleep and eat.

A fun thing to do when your cat yawns is to stick your finger in it’s mouth and try to touch it’s hairy little tongue. You probably won’t get bitten but your cat will give this ‘WTF?’ look. Don’t front like you’ve never done it.

So a man walks into a talent agent’s office with a DVD under his arm. The talent agent asks “So what do you do?” The man goes “Oh it’s a hell of a crowd pleaser” and puts on the DVD. It’s a documentary with a bunch of comedians like George Carlin, Sarah Silverman, Gilbert Gottfried, Bob Saget and Fred Willard telling a really dirty joke to Penn and Teller.

It’s largely improvised and always seems to involve a lot of cursing, bodily fluids, incest, blasphemy and bestiality. After the DVD is done playing the talent agent enquires “Well that’s a hell of a documentary.

What do you call that?” The man replies “It’s called The Aristocrats,” as he snaps his fingers and takes a bow. Man, that punchline sucks.

Swag 2. THE STROKES Like the Strokes and don’t have the new album First Impressions of Earth yet? Visit www.ionmagazine. ca and click on contests to win a shirt and CD prize pack courtesy of Sony BMG.

20 IONMAGAZINE.CA

4

4. Caribou: Marino It’s pretty standard for every major label release to have an accompanying DVD filled with all sorts of extras that you’ll never watch. It’s a way of adding value so you don’t ask “Why are they charging me $15 for something that costs $1 to make when all I want is the music that I can download for free.”

Leave it to Caribou to come out with a DVD/CD combo actually worth buying. Dan Snaith a.k.a.

Caribou a.k.a. Manitoba is Canada’s favorite laptop musician because he produces fantastic sentimental songs that’ll conjure up all sorts of happy repressed childhood memories. Marino is exquisitely packaged and the DVD has all his music videos that you’ll never see on TV and probably weren’t even aware that they made a video for. As a bonus you get a CD of original music. How’s that for value?

Pick it up.

5

Ticket GiveAway 5. THE DIRTBOMBS & THE GREENHORNeS Courtesy of House of Blues, we have tickets for The Dirtbombs show on April 2 and The Greenhornes show on April 21, both at Richard’s. The Dirtbombs hail from Motor City, Detroit and this magazine can’t be held responsible if they blow the roof off the venue. With two drummers and two bassists this means two times more rock than mind will be able to handle. Then there’s the Greenhornes from Cinncinati. If saying ‘they’re a bluesy psychedelic garage rock band’ makes you scratch your head, just know that Jack White really likes them. Even if you hate the White Stripes you gotta think Jack White probably hears a lot more music than you do. So maybe you should just trust him with this one.To enter go to ionmagazine.ca and click on contests. If you don’t win you can pick up tickets for these fine shows at Zulu Records or from Ticketmaster.ca.

6

8

Contributor 6. Jason Lang

Video Game 8. Gun

Jason Lang is entirely responsible for the shots in our competitive eating piece as well as for ‘Performance Spaces’ (February ‘06), for which we made him traipse around the city writing in dust, for three days straight, during record-setting rainfall. Jason hates people but likes to photograph them; he’s “really into high-kicks,” aspires to be the Terry Richardson of war photography and is in the market for a bone saw. He’d like to clarify that he isn’t being ironic about the bone saw.

Not enough games get made about the Wild West.

Now that what the Wild West is has been radically redefined due to the television show Deadwood, it’s about time the video game industry decided to follow suit. You’re a Clint Eastwood-esque anti-hero voiced by Kris Kristofferson on a mission of vengeance to waste all the bad guys. One of the bad guys even looks like Al Swearengen, who is pretty much the greatest character in the history of television. The ever so familiar Grand Theft Auto engine makes learning how to shoot people and running around a simple experience. Aside from the story line you’re supposed to follow you can play Texas Hold ‘Em, hunt for wild game, visit brothels, go on deputy missions and cut off the scalps of your enemies. Keep your eyes peeled for ‘wanted’ posters as they’ll send you on side missions to bring bad people like opium dealers to justice. This game could last a little longer, but me saying something should last longer is a tad hypocritical.

URL 7. Gawker.com The reason this site gets a nod is because it’s the first site we saw to publish the rumor that the career of UK media whipping boy Pete Doherty (The Libertines, Babyshambles and Kate Moss) is actually an elaborate prank conceived by Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty of The KLF. It’s probably not true but how amazing would it be if it was?

IONMAGAZINE.CA 21

ART

CompetitivE Eating

Words D.B. LeHouillier Photography Jason Lang Model Spencer Snashall Wayne Gretzky. Even if you don’t know sports, his wife would bet the name is familiar. But not all sports are created equal. Consider Takeru Kobayashi. Never heard of him? You’re not alone. Despite being a world record holding “athlete,” Kobayashi is hardly a household name. That’s because while other jocks are lifting weights and tapping each other’s ass-cheeks together, this 132-pound Japanese dude is alternately stuffing his face and puking his guts out, all in the name of gluttonous glory. He’s a competitive eater, and he’s kicking American behind.

Kobayashi’s gastrointestinal domination is a big cultural deal. According to the IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eaters, www.ifoce.com), he’s ranked first in the world and is favoured to win at the 2006 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs Eating Contest, having already captured first place two years running. In 2004, he downed 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes, earning himself his aforementioned world record in addition to (we’re just guessing here) a bit of bulimia-esque induced constipation. (Note to the kiddies: binging and purging ain’t good for your bowels.) A $100 bet on Kobayashi with World Wide Tele Sports (www.betwwts.com) will win you $150 should he four-peat.

According to Rich Shea, a PR rep for the IFOCE, some fans are “troubled with Kobayashi’s dominance.” It’s definitely an annual blow to American pride that on 22 IONMAGAZINE.CA

Independence Day, this Japanese contender out-devours home grown heroes, particularly considering that the food consumed is as all-American as apple pie.

That said, Shea points out that American competitors, Joey Chestnut and Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas “are nipping at Kobayashi’s heels of late.” American hopes are certainly pinned on these two, as evidenced by Thomas’s online bio, which reads: “There is a century-old prophesy … that foretells the rise of the One Eater, a woman who will electrify America’s gurgitators and lead them to international victory once again.” That said, don’t count your vomit chunks before they’re hurled, people. Kobayashi is still the likeliest bet.

Regardless of who wins, competitive eating is a cultural phenomenon that’s growing fast. Official events are broadcast nationally on ESPN (in HD no less) and according to Shea, the sport has also been featured on CNN, Fox and the inexplicably long-lived King of the Hill, as well as by international media outlets in places like Japan and Saudi Arabia. Finally, prize pots are growing all the time.

Shea says the “IFOCE helped deliver roughly $250,000 in prizes to eaters in 2005. Already in ‘06 IFOCE eaters have secured nearly $50,000 in prizes.”

Alas, before you start stretching, you should know that the IFOCE doesn’t currently have an active Canadian schedule, though we think we’d throw down in the poutine, beavertail, and pemeal-bacon arenas like nobody’s business. Sigh.

Maybe next year.

A note from the IFOCE: Safety first! Kids under 18 shouldn’t compete as competitive eaters, and organizers always have EMTs on hand at eating events.

ART

IONMAGAZINE.CA 23

ART

Bob Kronbauer Words and Interview Jen Selk

Pro photographer, designer, skateboarding aficionado, and art golden boy Bob Kronbauer made a splash in 2004 when his first book of photos, Beach Glass hit the market and a lot of people decided he was the next big thing. Suddenly, Bob K was everywhere. But he’s not the sort of guy who likes to dwell in the past. He says he’s “talked the hell out of Beach Glass and Girl Skateboards” (a former gig), and he’s ready to share “stuff that’s in the future and in the now that nobody really knows about.”

Okay, Bob. Get to it.

So, you’re keen to talk about all things new. Like what?

I’ve recently launched an online market – Umbrella Market (www.umbrellamarket.com) with Matt Irving, Jeremy Fish and John Trippe. It’s a place where all of our independent brands are available and where we offer other small label/hard to find stuff. Art, clothing, books, things directly or loosely related to art and clothing and books…

When you say “loosely related” what do you mean?

I mean companies that are owned by the artists who created them. Three of my friends from San Francisco and I came up with the idea because we all have our own small, art-influenced companies, and we were each spending a lot of time managing mail order crap. We figured we’d bring our online shops together so that we could focus more on what we do best - the creative stuff.

Is it just you guys?

We’re taking on other labels as well as our own so we have a bunch of other small brands that our other friends do. There’s rarely a sales person or a CEO type of dude breathing heavy down the necks of their designers and it allows the type of freedom that can really get something special out there. Clothing companies like Stacks, Dark Room and Delphi Collective, magazines like Arkitip, The Drama and Hamburger Eyes. Companies like that.

Is it already online?

We did a soft launch in December and the official launch for it is March 1.

Okay, so what else?

I recently signed on to be represented by the Elliott Louis Gallery here in town.

Also, over the past year and a half I’ve been working on a series of photographs similar to the ones that appeared in my book. Beach Glass was shot over a three-year period in LA; this new series will be shot over a three-year period in Vancouver. I’d like to get somebody to publish it when it’s done.

What kind of stuff have you shot for the Van book so far?

I can’t say much but I can say that they definitely won’t be ‘photos of Vancouver,’ just like the works in Beach Glass aren’t really ‘photos of LA.’

24 IONMAGAZINE.CA

Secretive. But it’s sort of a Beach Glass sequel?

I’d call it another chapter. The next one will likely be shot in Paris. My aim is to be able to spend time exploring and dissecting these cities, isolating things that I enjoy shooting that often go overlooked. The work itself is a form of isolation for me. Like any art form, the process is really meditative. It’s therapeutic.

Okay, so will Elliott Louis be displaying some of this stuff?

Yep, right now they’re showing eight from Beach Glass and they’ll have 16 more later this year. They’ll have the Vancouver series when it’s done too.

On to Crownfarmer [Bob’s tee-shirt line. www.crownfarmer.com] What’s new in tee-shirt-town?

Crownfarmer’s been going for about five years now as a t-shirt line, but it feels like it’s gone as far as I can take it. Like, t-shirts are fun but it’s either time to step it up or bow out... so I found the perfect business partner in Paul Higgins from Tenille Clothing. We’re developing a full clothing line right now.

Are you going be sketching dresses like Lagerfeld? Where will it sell?

It’s men’s and women’s street wear, available in skate shops and boutiques.

Paul’s in charge of the technical side of the line and he’s a lot better at the business crap than I am so I’m trying to get him to take over that stuff too. He’s also an amazing designer and he’s done the production for a bunch of popular brands that I probably shouldn’t name. A lot of the pieces we’ll be introducing come straight from his head.

Got any other news to share?

I got a dog.

Name?

Frankie Peabody Irving.

That’s kind of a weird name.

My girlfriend and I got him in October. She came up with his first two names and I tacked on his last name in honour of our friend Matt Irving who has been talking about getting a dog for as long as I’ve known him... like a decade. Now I’ve turned into one of those weird dog lovers, it’s like I’ve joined a cult or something.

I’m not as bad as Paul though; his nickname is the Puppy Pervert because he’s always checking out dogs while he’s driving. He’s almost crashed a couple of times perving on pugs when he should’ve been watching the road.

You’re more careful?

If you could call having Frankie sit in my lap everywhere that I drive “careful,” then yeah.

IONMAGAZINE.CA 25

ART

MOONCRUISE GALLERY LAQUAY JEWELLERY

Words Maha Al Farra Photography Fiona Garden Model Tara at Jett Mooncruise Gallery is located at 235 Cambie St., in Vancouver. www.mooncruisegallery.com

Pan scrubbers. Best-before tags. Kitchen sponges. Antibiotics.

Who thought you’d ever be rocking these items as jewellery?

Justus Laquay, that’s who. This Berlin-based conceptual artist/ jewellery designer takes everyday, seemingly mundane household items and turns them into charming and unique accessories.

Mooncruise Gallery - a combined store/art space that boasts “unique products and fashions from both local and international designers as well as the works of photographers, painters, and visual artists from around the world” is currently featuring a series of Laquay’s jewellery, particularly his rings.

Gallery owner Claudia Schulz says she first came across the uber-cool artist at a trade-show in Frankfurt. What attracted her to his work is the fact that Laquay favours “very clean, modern looking designs and nothing is too flashy.” In addition, she says the pieces are bold, which is part of their appeal.

Laquay’s creations are definitely spunky-chic. The rings, crafted from materials like copper wire and sponge, are feisty, hand-made wonders that will enhance almost any look. They feature a melody of different colors, and translucent crescents and ovals frame the little surprises inside (which include the aforementioned kitchen sponges, best-before tags, and antibiotic and vitamin pills, among other things) all set in favour of traditional gemstones.

Most of Laquay’s works aren’t for the shy, but even if you’re a basic silver type person, you shouldn’t write him off. Schulz says Laquay’s jewellery is “very original … for people that like big rings. It’s not for everybody, but there’s definitely a market for it as we are selling them quite well.”

According to Schulz, Mooncruise is the only store that carries Laquay’s artsy creations in Canada, and even if the idea of drugs in your bling doesn’t appeal, a visit to the gallery may yield other finds. The store carries clothing and accessories from Europe, as well as works by local designers, none of whom are very well known, which is a major selling point if you’re trying to set yourself apart from the Lululemon/Uggs wearing (or worse, the Lululemon/stiletto wearing) masses.

In addition to rings, Laquay also creates earrings and cufflinks, so even men can get in on the action. Pieces start at $99.00, which is kind of pricey, but totally worth it. In the words of Schulz,“It’s a clever concept and it’s timeless.”

28 IONMAGAZINE.CA

IONMAGAZINE.CA 29

hat by Boy’s Co. top by Vasanji necklace by Twigg & Hottie

hat by Edie Hats top by Garage

hat by I love Hats top by Smoking Lily vintage necklace

hat by I Love Hats dress by Vasanji

hat by Jorg & Olif top by Narcissus choker by Twigg & Hottie stylist: Gerry Centanni make-up and hair: Anya Ellis model: Els with TalentCo Model Management Ltd. produced by David & Kyoko Fierro

FILM

UNKNOWN WHITE MALE Words & Interview Adam O. Thomas

In July 2003, Doug Bruce put down the phone in his New York apartment after finishing a conversation with a friend. Hours later he came to riding the subway, miles from home. He had no memory at all of what happened during those lost hours, where he came from, and most frighteningly of all, who he was. Panicked and confused he turned himself in to the police who, unable to find any evidence of Doug’s identity sent him to the Coney Island Psychiatric Hospital. There they gave him a wristband 36 IONMAGAZINE.CA

with Unknown White Male written in as his patient id. With only a single phone number jotted down on a torn piece of pink paper, Doug clung to the hope that the person at the other end of the line might know who he was. Luckily for him they did, and after being released from the Psych Ward, Doug Bruce began to reassemble his life, and also started a new one. Fortunately he had been a wealthy stockbroker and had a sweet apartment loft. As news traveled back to Doug’s native England, his old friend Rupert Murray decided to go to New York to re-meet his friend and to shoot a movie about the experience as it was happening.

ION: One of the most interesting explorations was the whole question of what makes identity.

What was it like watching Doug re-invent himself?

Rupert Murray: It was a fascinating process. I don’t think re-inventing himself is a correct description of what happened to him though. When he found himself on Coney Island, 35 years of his life completely wiped out, he’d lost a sense of himself. He felt he didn’t have a personality. He probably did but he felt he didn’t have a personality. Through experiencing the world again, much of it for the first time, and with some of the memory systems that were left intact, he created a new character—this new personality. Which started off being quite different from his previous personality.

Doug seems so naïve and has this great

FILM sense of wonder. Child-like if you will. Has he re-learned any of his cynicism?

I don’t think he has. That’s one of the great things about it at the moment. He’s very grounded, confident and happy with his life right now. He still has some of those qualities that he had initially, without the paranoia that accompanied them. I spent New Year’s Eve with him in Sydney to see the fireworks.

And I looked at his face and it was literally like the face of a child, just enjoying the fireworks. It was a joy to watch.

Well, have you come to any conclusions about the nature of personality? Is it nature or nurture?

the concept of what the past means. So when he had his 36th birthday it was also his first birthday.

He had a difficult time dealing with time. He had no idea what time meant. What love meant as well.

Things like that.

The case and nature of Doug’s amnesia is totally fascinating but I found it a little difficult to sympathize seeing as he stumbled into a very lucky life. Did he ever express any sense of privilege?

He didn’t stumble into it. But no, because when he woke up he didn’t know what privilege was. He had no experience of anything different. For him, that was just the way it was. I think you have to remember there’s a good chance all those years as

There are no conclusions. Each person and each situation is entirely different. It shines a fascinating light on the subject and maybe helps you define what nature and nurture actually mean. But in terms of working out which one is more important it doesn’t do that.

After the initial confusion wore off was it harder for Doug’s friends and family to accept than it was for Doug?

Oh yes, absolutely. For him it wasn’t a big fuss if he got his memory back. He had no personal connection with the past. We all had a connection with this person. We all thought he needed to get his memory back. That’s one of the questions of the film: can you live without your past? Well you can, quite easily. If you lost your past would you want it back? In some cases no. We can think about all those years, eight, nine, 16, 21 all those hundreds of experiences. Doug not only lost his past but he lost

I noticed Doug was wearing a red string bracelet for most of the movie. And this usually is a sign of the Kabala, worn to protect from the evil eye. Did that ever come up?

Yeah, quite a few people have said that, but I think it was given to him by some hippy surfer. So it doesn’t mean anything.

Since the film has Doug re-gained any of his memory? As you mention that it could come back at any time.

No, he hasn’t remembered anything at all.

Well do you think he’s happier now?

There’s a fair bit of skepticism about the reality of Doug’s story – was this frustrating for you?

It was initially. But the percentage of people who doubt the film’s veracity has been very small. It’s not .5 percent. The people who do have questions, it’s a shame because they’d enjoy the film more if they believed it. It is 100% true. It was like a slap in the face to begin with. It took a year and a half of persuading Doug’s friends and family to reveal sensitive parts of their lives. I was very shocked. I take it as a compliment in terms of documentary filmmaking because it means the story is almost too good to be true. It just keeps on coming at them.

out the window in my bedroom and imagine what it would be like to look out of it for the first time. And I wanted to replicate that experience for the viewer. If you’re an artist, a lot of the way you create work is by vividly remembering experiences or memories. But also you can gain an insight into the world through forgetting by becoming a tabula rasa (Latin term meaning ‘clean slate’)

It’s difficult to say. I think in a way he is. Happier than the person immediately prior to the amnesia. But mainly because he’s fallen in love with a fantastic woman and his career is taking off. Before that he was single and about two years into college. He was very happy throughout many parts of his previous life.

His new career is photography?

Director Rupert Murray and producer Beadie Finzi

a stockbroker had some impact on what happened to him. There are these receptors called gluco-corticoids, which go back and forth from the hippocampus, which is the main distributor and gatherer of memories. If you go through very long periods of stress the receptors can become damaged. So there’s a chance that the 10 years in the stock market, which he did find really stressful, had something to do with amnesia.

Has Doug’s experience had any philosophical effect on the way you look at your own life?

Yeah, it’s taking off. His pictures are extremely good.

I didn’t say it very well but this is from Mary Warnock, who is one of the philosophers in the film. She wrote a five-page paper on the film and the issues it raises. This is a quote from it: “For Wordsworth, say, or Proust, both creative joy and profound understanding came through the possibility of reliving the intensity of the past in the present. I have always assumed that memory could make poets of us all. Perhaps what I personally learned from the film was that another way of acquiring such intensity of experience was through becoming again a tabula rasa.”

It did for a bit. Then I had a really horrendous postproduction. That was one of the reasons why I wanted to make the film. I really like to spend time imagining what it might have been like. I try to look IONMAGAZINE.CA 37

Look at these guys (and gal) and what do you see? A schoolyard gang? Young bounty hunters? Extras from the cast of Falcon Beach? Nay, friends you’re looking at They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?, a musical rag tag team much like Hannibal and his A-Team but without the ridiculous plots and goofy one-liners. However, they do explode on stage as well as on record, making music out of mayhem as most of the U.S. and Canada will soon discover when this Vancouver B.C. outfit hit the road and assault you with their Zappa-meets-Architecture In Helsinki good times. Boo Hoo Hoo Boo is their latest full length release on Kill Rock Stars and it will not make you cry, but instead you will laugh, sing and want to bake them cookies, even if they look scary and mean like the guy second from the left.

Actually, he’s a big ol’ teddy bear and you can tell him I said so. www.theyshoothorses.org

MUSIC

Art Brut

Words & Interview Chris Walters Despite their cynical, mocking debut album Bang Bang Rock & Roll, Art Brut front man Eddie Argos, is a well-mannered musician, having nothing but respect and joy for the chance to be doing exactly what he’s doing. I had a chance to sit down with Eddie and discuss his engagement, MySpace, methods for lyric writing, and the Art Brut franchise.

Who would have expected that bratty lyrics about not being able to stand the sound of the Velvet Underground, being on Top of the Pops or seeing her naked... TWICE would have been written by such a down-to-earth guy doing what he loves?

ION: How’s touring so far?

Eddie Argos: Well touring was good, but we are finished for right now. Now I am on tour with my girlfriend and her band…

That sounds like fun, what is her band’s name?

They’re called The Chalets, I am not quite sure what I am going to do at the end of it all… probably go mad (chuckles)... Sorry it’s one in the morning over here, and my phone doesn’t work in the hotel, so I am outside now.

Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to call there so late…

Ha ha, it’s okay, I’m quite curly up and drunk. I didn’t know you were phoning. I am on tour with my girlfriend’s band so I got a bit drunk with them.

Well I didn’t mean to surprise you…

Oh no worries, I just haven’t been able to check my emails being on the road and everything, I haven’t been home since sometime in December, it’s kinda weird. K, let’s get to the questions…

I’ve heard that there are Art Brut named cover bands out there paying respect to you guys and covering your material.

They normally aren’t full cover bands, it’s usually just one or two songs… I quite like the name Art Brut, and I felt quite guilty taking it. Other bands can have it, they just have to add a number to it. There are about 60 Art Brut’s now really, I mean there is an 42 IONMAGAZINE.CA

Art Brut in Amsterdam, Art Brut 25, and one of them works for Euro rail so I can go to Paris for free. It’s just a lovely benefit of the Art Brut franchise system.

It wasn’t the original plan, but it’s good for me. I’m the head of the corporation. My friend was in New Zealand over Christmas, and she went into a pub and she found a band that was playing ‘My Little Brother’, and she was like “oooh, I know Eddie!!” and they were like “oooh we’re Art Brut 17.” It’s kinda nice having all these franchises all over the world. I mean I was only joking. There is one in West Virginia that does all country and western versions of our songs, I think it’s Art Brut 3.146…(pie).

Is it flattering?

I love it, because I like live music and they’re doing it “Art Brut” style. It’s really cool.

How are you guys coping with the success that you have garnered thus far?

Ummm it’s all right, I don’t think we’re that successful so it hasn’t affected us. We’re doing all right in Germany, it’s good. We get academic acclaim, not girls throwing themselves at us. We’re just normal people.

So girls aren’t throwing themselves at you?

I have a girlfriend so I can’t get girls. A few of us can get girls but none of them are me. I still don’t really understand girls. I’m happy though, I’m engaged in fact. I don’t need other girls…

Congratulations.

Yeah I’m engaged to Paula in The Chalets. It was weird, somehow it got onto MySpace before it got to my dad. My dad was like: “I just heard on MySpace that you are engaged to Paula” and I was just like “YEAH!!” (laughs). I don’t know how it got there first before it got to my family. Internet makes the world such a small space.

So where did the name Art Brut come from?

You had a different name originally didn’t you, Art Goblins?

I wanted us to be called The Tokens you know, as in that jungle song group (note: ”The Lion Sleeps Tonight”), but it was already taken. Art Brut is my favourite art, sort of art made by non-artists, and people who aren’t very artistic. I thought that I couldn’t sing.

My band is a bit funny because they didn’t know

what the name meant at first. Really it is the name for a bunch of mental patients. I can’t sing, I know that, and I think we are that, we are Art Brut.

How do you approach the writing process, do you write as a band, or are parts created beforehand and then bled together?

They write the music and I write the words, I’m not quite sure. I just sorta turn up when they’re writing music. I write lyrics all the time. I’ll put them in my phone and when I go home I have a big book that I write them in. When it comes time to write I bring the big book. I’ve been doing it like that since I was young. I’m walking around and have lyrics in my head, so I write them down or put them in my phone, then I put them onto music when they write the music. It’s quite a nice system actually. My favorite thing is writing, I wouldn’t rather do anything else, I love it.

You are living a dream for so many people, including yourself …

Yeah, I am, it is amazing. People like the lyrics and stuff, and being in a foreign country like Germany or Sweden and hearing people sing back the lyrics to me in a foreign accent is just amazing. And there’s Internet too. Internet is just a fuckin’ magical creature, just how things go around.

So what’s next for you guys, have you started recording the new album?

Yeah! I’m home on Sunday (February 19), and we’re recording some new songs. Everything is going really well. We’ve got loads of new material. We’ve been on the road touring for about nine months now so we’ll have a month and a half to write new songs. It’ll be so great to have the time off to be able to write and get things done.

Are you going to be debuting any new material?

Yeah totally! We have four new songs that we are doing in our sets at the moment, and then we are going to have loads of new songs. So we’ll see you then? You should come over and have a couple of pints and say hello. See you in about a month’s time.

MUSIC

IONMAGAZINE.CA 43

MUSIC

POSTER ART SERIPOP

44 IONMAGAZINE.CA

MUSIC So you hate AIDS Wolf. You can take solace in the fact that you’re not alone and you posses the traits required to get a job at the CBC. But there’s nothing to hate about the poster art made by Seripop who are 2/4 of AIDS Wolf. You may think their psychedelic designs are as illegible as the music they make but that’s just because you need to be on LSD to fully appreciate how great they are. So Turn on, Tune in, Rock out.

IONMAGAZINE.CA 45

MUSIC

ALBUM REVIEWS

The Advantage Elf-titled 5RC The Nintendo rock boys are back and this time around with material that really showcases their brilliant skills for taking a computer generated ‘blip bop’ sound, and blows it up to create something of substance. For those Hella fans it may not seem like there are any resemblances, and you are right.

Spencer this time has left behind his radical guitar onslaught in favour for a set of drums. Not exactly like his Hella counterpart Zach Hill, Spencer can still lay down a solid drum track. This time around on Elf-titled, Spencer’s drumming is set back in the mix a little bit, which really gives the rest of the band a full opportunity to shine. This time around we also get to see the band really delve deeper into video game titles as we see them covering material from games that weren’t just privy to mainstream success. Solar Jetman, Batman and Guardian Legend are more obscure titles that true video game aficionados will really love. Put it on, play some video games and go see them if they come. By the way their album sounds, their shows will really take the cake.

4/5 Chris Walters

Barr Beyond Reinforced Jewel Case 5RC Described as “spoken word/free jazz,” Barr is basically Brendan Fowler (of New England Roses, you know, that band with JD Samson of Le Tigre) with some help. My first mind association was of that earnest “It’s Saturday” track by King Missile. Barr grows on me as if I’m continually getting to know him better, like how that Lost show hooks people.

I love the drum rolls, bounces and taps and how he talks naturally so there are slips and repeats of words sometimes. “(All Separate)” is the longest 16 seconds (all repetition) I’ve experienced but then there’s “I have done worse!” repeated on “Sing Sit Singing” and it’s so endearing. The “Us” track features Barr and his father (apparently) and I have to quote! “After that sadness, comes what? I’m not even sure ‘cos I didn’t really even allow for the sadness… there’s a point where it’s just too heavy and you shut down or you can make a song and a band and a record to help you get through the day at all…your dad dies and the earth dies a little every day…” (deep

46 IONMAGAZINE.CA

oh-that’s-so-sweet-and-sad sigh). He ends off the album with “Anthems and All,” and asserts, “This record is too long.” But I don’t believe! Especially when he announces,“my feet have shrank and my penis HAS FALLEN OFF! I AM IMPOTENT AND SOFT! So soft, the game is a loss…”

4/5 Natalie Vermeer

Bees of Deseret Delay Rite of the Acieed Godz Run Down Sun Records Acieed Godz indeed. This sounds like what the Godz woulda done had they not been into actually trying to make pop music. Maybe if they had heard the first Black Sabbath record before those Dylan and the Beatles records got ‘em all hot and bothered. This is, I guess, release number 12 from Vancouver underground noise-and-other label Run Down Sun and it’s pretty fucking cool. Beware, however, if you are prone to “bad trips,” there’s no guide here, just five dark atmospheric guitar pieces that’ll light your pipe proper. The press kit claims “heavy-psych jamz from a couple of high school drop-outs” which pretty much describes the most perfect band ever in my mind. To be more succinct: the latest limited-edition pleasurable fuckover from the best new (and Thurston Moore approved) label out there today. Recommended if you like drugs, basements and blacklights.

4/5 Jason Grimmer

The Elected Sun, Sun, Sun Subpop Sun Sun Sun begins with a beautiful opening of birds, light harmonies, and a guitar fading in reminiscent of Sufjan Stevens arrangements. It actually feels like the clouds are parting as the title song suggests “clouds parting (8:14 a.m.)” but once “Would You Come With Me” kicks in, suggestive arrangements give way to light and breezy alt-country-pop. Yes, that’s right, I am going to whip out a new cross breeding genre to describe something, but that is all I can think of. Perhaps if you took a Bright Eyes album, polished up all of Conor’s raggedy edges, take away his penchant for good honest lyrics and took out all of his attitude then you would get The Elected. Whatever you want to take from this is up to you, but I think those are all good things about Bright Eyes albums. When it comes

MUSIC down to it, I really feel like The Elected are doing nothing exciting, at all. Recently I have been delving into the indie-country and alt-country so when it came down to review this album I felt it lacked any real substance. All around, Sun, Sun, Sun is an average attempt at something that others are really doing amazing things with.

2.5/5 Chris Walters

Gravenhurst Fires In Distant Buildings Warp Warp, home to Aphex Twin and Squarepusher, doesn’t release too many rock bands. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why it promotes the ones it does either. On this new disk from Gravenhurst, the efforts of multi-instrumentalist Nick Talbot, contains only the slightest traces of electronica.

Instead, Fires sees Talbot progressing from largely acoustic folk to more richly recorded gothic prog-rock (more appropriate too given his alias).

The structural parallels between the album’s two closing tracks and the darker Doors jams are deliciously eerie. Like a Bizarro World version of The Dears, Nick balances out the rage filled Goth with some more poppy moments and a couple whittled down sentimental numbers. The nearly acoustic “Animals” showcases his ability to shift moods, interpolating the Talking Heads’ immortal “Take Me To The River” to this end, while “Nicole” cleanly resurrects the gone but not forgotten spirit of Simon & Garfunkel. What can I say? Keep ‘em coming, Warp!

3.5/5 Filmore Mescalito Holmes

Le Volume Courbe I Killed my Best Friend Honest Jon’s Charlotte Marionneau is basically Le Volume Courbe. I say basically because it is her lovely and lazily hushed voice you hear on all of the tracks.

I also say basically because she is being helped out by an assortment of indie rock luminaries on most tracks. Kevin Shields and Colm O’Ciosoig (My Bloody Valentine), David Roback and Hope Sandoval (Mazzy Starr), and Martin Duffy (Primal Scream) all make appearances and helped in various ways with the construction of the songs. The sound is most definitely lo-fi and halcyon with various mysterious sounds appearing here and there within the songs, coloring them a deep and musty grey. One highlight is a version of “I Got Life” (fea-

turing a Moondog loop) that thankfully owes more to Nina Simone’s reading of it than the awful one I heard from the Original Broadway Recording of Hair (sung, I think, by Treat Williams of all people).

4/5 Jason Grimmer

The National Trust Kings And Queens Thrill Jockey When the Har Mar Superstar spandex R&B train rolled through town, it left without me. When the Scissor Sisters jiggled out into the public eye around their dance-pop misinterpretation of Pink Floyd’s now tainted “Comfortably Numb,” I took quiet offence. And I cannot begin to convey to you the horror Justin Hawkins and The Darkness puts me through. So already there’s a lot in the way of my being able to enjoy Kings and Queens. The National Trust remains to be the post-Dolomite efforts of Neil Rosario and After All’s old keyboardist Mark Henning. But something drastic has occurred between this record and 2002’s Dekkar, an album of psychedelically tinged, sexed-up funk and neo-soul. Queens sees a decidedly more dance/ electro funk approach guided by the hands of producer Abel Garabaldi (R. Kelly, Britney Spears).

Sure, the production is indeed flawless, but it may be a little too flawless (as is one of the problems with soulless hacks like Spears and Kelly). There is now an almost total lacking of raw, live energy, which is the lifeblood of genuine soulful funk. It’s definitely not the direction I would’ve liked to have seen them go. To my mind, the funk synth-pop hiphop spittin’ “Jacuzzis” is the only track with real balls here. Perhaps I should just avoid ironic music altogether.

2.5/5 Filmore Mescalito Holmes

Prefuse 73 Security Screenings Warp

next, the guest appearances that somewhat overwhelmed his last LP –an opinion addressed on “Illiterate Interlude”– have been scaled back to brief appearances by Four Tet and a member of TV On The Radio. This placed the focus squarely on P73’s peerless, reinvigorated glitch-hop production, and he doesn’t disappoint. I get the same feeling when I put on this CD as I got the first time I put on DJ Shadow’s Private Press. With this, Prefuse is now one of Warp’s single greatest assets. Here’s looking forward to the next full-length then.

4.5/5 Filmore Mescalito Holmes

Ulrich Schnauss Far Away Trains Passing By Domino Schnauss is an act I couldn’t imagine seeing live, at least not without heavy drugs. His style of electronic bliss, like that of Nightmares On Wax’s Mind Elevation, is beyond chill yet indisputably cheerful.

A couple years after the release of his 2001 debut Far Away Trains Passing By, Ulrich found himself at the business end of a flattering critical windfall with the appearance of A Strangely Isolated Place.

On the back of this frenzy, he managed to move up labels from the solid CCO to the semi-legendary Domino –who saw their way clear to re-releasing that sophomore album shortly thereafter (curse, be damned). With the third LP on the way, Domino has again returned to Ulrich’s back catalogue, this time to enrich his already lush first album. Now including a six-track bonus disk, Far Away has swelled from 43 minutes to an hour and a half of the finest ambient techno ever pressed to vinyl, no filler. Electronica fans now officially have no excuse for not owning this stellar debut.

5/5 Filmore Mescalito Holmes

As solid as Surrounded By Silence was, it certainly didn’t have the same spark and flavour as his first two contagiously rocking records. But with Security Screenings (named after the blind fervor airports devote to maintaining the illusion of security which, as you well know, only inconveniences everyone but the terrorists), I am excited about Prefuse 73 again. Granted this is only a 40 minute teaser as to where Guillermo Scott Heron is going

IONMAGAZINE.CA 47

The Buenos Aires sunshine falls through an open window onto my face, waking me up to a hangover for the 25th time this month.

I drag my stinking body out of bed and go into the bathroom to brush the taste of ashtray from my mouth. Once in front of the mirror I have an overwhelming urge to punch the face I see. I return to the bedroom carrying an aura of emptiness. I decide to do some push-ups to help get this day off on the right foot, but, after about four I collapse to the floor. I lie motionless and alone: a defeated mixture of self-loathing and self-pity. What a pathetic sack of donkey puke I am. I glance up at the bedside table and notice a near empty bottle of whiskey. Aside from a couple of cigarette butts perverting the liquid it looks good. I contemplate hitting the bottle… again. Do I really want to spend another day drinking myself into a state of functional retardation? Is that going to make me happy? Better still, if not alcohol, what on earth could make me happy on a day like today?

What is happiness? The Cambridge online dictionary defines the word happy as: feeling, showing or causing pleasure or satisfaction. Seeing as that definition clears up absolutely nothing I turned my search for a tangible idea of happiness elsewhere.

The problem encountered by most when faced with the mystery of happiness is that it must be dealt with in terms of contrast. The sweet just isn’t as sweet without the sour. Fancy cars are coveted by people that can’t afford them. A pay raise brings pleasure because one is accustomed to receiving less. Things that we find pleasurable are considered “good” only with respect to what is considered “bad.” To make things more complicated, once we get these “good” things we usually don’t want them anymore.

Take religious ideas of the afterlife and one can begin to see just how inept humanity is at describing an idea of real or permanent happiness. If you are to ask a Christian to describe Heaven he will undoubtedly give you some drivel about eternal bliss, endless unwavering love, or some other description which is nothing more than a juxtaposition of flowery words and vagueness. In short, what he is saying is,“I have no idea what Heaven will actually be like but it had better be good because this worthless existence is getting on my nerves.” A clear idea of what might be expected is never uttered. Hell on the other hand can be described by just about anyone in poetic detail.

For Buddhists and Hindus, the vast majority of our world’s population, happiness is achieved through Nirvana. This Heaven is described as disinterested wisdom and compassion or emancipation from ignorance and the extinction of all attachment. Right, so all I have to do to be really happy is stop caring about everything. I suppose that makes sense, but it sure doesn’t sound like much fun.

I remember hearing somewhere that a man can only feel truly happy on the morning when he wakes up and says, “I want nothing more.” Well Jesus, what kind of life would you need in order to wake up one day and utter such a statement? And then there’s George Orwell who said,“Whoever tries to imagine perfection simply reveals his own emptiness.” So maybe I should have that drink after all.

NEWS FROM NOWHERE Words Sam Kerr

48 IONMAGAZINE.CA

HOROSCOPES

Words Ernold Sane

will be a good time for you financially and friends will definitely ‘‘ beThis close by to score drinks off you. You’re meeting lots of potential darkroom-make-out material but no one you like to listen to after sex, or on the phone, or when you’re out together. Post Valentine’s Day depression means this month will call for Jack Daniels, porn and Livelinks.

PISCES Feb 20-March 20

’’

Aries

March 21-April 20

You’ve got yourself hooked on Lost and now you’re wondering which cast members you’d hang out with if you were stuck on the island. Unfortunately, the only one willing to be around you is the crazy French woman and she only wants to steal your baby coz she thinks you’re pregnant. This month you need to do more sit ups.

Taurus

April 21-May 21

With the moon on your side this month you can get off the caffeine, it gives you this deathly stare like that creepy Olsen twin that looks deep into your soul and makes you feel violated. You need to stop pretending you love reggae, you look so fucking pathetic, you smell like mold and in Jamaica they’d call you trust-afarian as they stuffed your fake dreads up your bum-bum.

Gemini

May 22-June 21

Your best friend is stealing all your MySpace faces... you know the one 8000 “friends” who went to the UK for two months and came back sounding like Keira Knightly? Now they’re making a play for your ex’s saying that you have less sex appeal than Simi

Sara taking a mud bath. This can be changed if you brighten yourself up by putting a bag over your head.

Cancer

June 22-July 22

I’ll tell you from the heart that the eye-liner you’re sporting makes you look like you got punched in the face.

Here’s a quote from Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President: “It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” Remember these words and know that the world is in bad hands. Now go wash your face.

Leo

July 23-Aug 22

You need to listen to Art Brut and wear better jeans.The tight look will work for you if you really mean it. (I know you don’t but you can at least try). Maybe in Spring you’ll find a new romance who will educate you on how to be messy but smart, boring but fun. Then and only then can you watch The O.C. and not be a total geek.

Virgo

Aug 23-Sept 23

You’ve been feeling distant from your friends lately, and it is partially due to the amount of milk that is left in between your teeth that has gone moldy. No one has told you because

no one knows what the hell it is. However the stars are telling me and now I am telling you, that the milk you have in the morning or with coffee, is left between your teeth and it smells like the inside of a goat.

Libra

Sept 24-Oct 23

After holding out on getting a webcam, and then finally getting one over the holiday season, you haven’t realized that people could see you before you even plugged it in. The whole world (especially in Sweden) has been enjoying watching you sing along to Creed while you do passion pulls. Please do NOT stop. It’s hilarious.

Scorpio

Oct 24-Nov 22

Just when you thought things couldn’t get much worse, you’ve noticed that your bedroom degenerate partner is making weird sex faces. I hate to say it but the person they’re fantasizing about is Frankie Muniz while you’re getting down and dirty. Things could be worse. Oh who am I kidding, that’s just not true.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 Your leading planet says you’re being cheap on your friends and selfish in

the bedroom. However most of your friends have secretly been making out with your partner. So keep those pennies in your pocket and your head above the covers. You need to build up your rock n roll collection to ensure you meet the right people. And stop dressing like a hippy coz you look like a pirate.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 It is believed that Capricorn ‘the seagoat’ was the secret keeper of pornographic material and dark secrets regarding horrible music collections.

Capricorn usually sings along to The Killers and are the last of the people to say, “Have you heard The Killers?”

Capricorn you suck, The Killers suck, The Killers suck and The Killers suck.

Your lucky number is three.

AQUARIUS

Jan 21-Feb 19

You’ve been less than generous in your tipping lately. Remember, you’re not in England (even if you tell everyone your Grandparents were Irish).

Start smiling, start eating sushi and start fights you know you can’t win.

You need to research your family’s obsession with coprophelia and ask around for a new glass coffee table this week.

IONMAGAZINE.CA 49

50 IONMAGAZINE.CA