ION Magazine issue 30

FREE JUNE/ JULY 06

MUSIC ISSUE TRIPPED OUT FASHION THE BOY LEAST LIKELY TO Leonard Cohen: I’M Your man THE PRESETS

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The new Toyota RAV4.

It’s whatever you want it to be.

Regency Toyota 401 Kingsway @ 12th Vancouver, B.C. 604.879.8411 regencyauto.com

This MoNTh in Ion 18 20

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Editor’s Letter Harmonica Michael’s magical mystery tour.

Of the Month Fleshy cats, Jack White’s new band, movies with Neil Young and games that take you to the School of Rock.

ION the Prize Tales of Ordinary Madness That really hot girl you think you’re talking to on MSN is actually a man. Beware.

Horoscopes Ernold Sane says the sun is making him nice but I don’t see it.

The Perry Bible Fellowship

ART 23 Soundinsight A look at Nettwerk’s traveling art show.

24 Colson Whitehead He’s the author of Apex Hides the Hurt and he’s filthy rich.

Call him up and try to borrow money.

FASHION 26 Ion’s Psychedelic Technicolor Freak-Out Party Have you ever looked at one of our fashion editorials… on acid?

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Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man I think Director Lian Lunson has a thing for this guy.

Awesome, I Fucking Shot That C’mon admit it. You still have a soft spot in your heart for the Beastie Boys.

MUSIC

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The Boy Least Likely To They resent being called Twee Pop but why is it that they keep talking about Winnie the Pooh? Stephen Colbert would say, “I just nailed ya with that one.”

Youth Brigade You don’t have to overdose in a hotel in your 20s to be a punk.

The Presets “Just imagine walking into a mining town, going into the local bar filled with hardcore miners and then start talking to them about sucking cock.” That’s the best quote that will ever appear in this magazine.

Poster Art: Allan Lorde There’s a lot more to Winnipeg than cold winters and Burton Cummings.

Reviews

IONMAGAZINE.CA 15

Volume 4 Number 5 Issue 30 Publisher

Vanessa Leigh vanessa@ionmagazine.ca

Editor in Chief Michael Mann editor@ionmagazine.ca Arts & Culture Editor Jennifer Selk jen@ionmagazine.ca Fashion Editor Vanessa Leigh fashion@ionmagazine.ca Acting Film Editor Michael Mann film@ionmagazine.ca Music Editor Bryce Dunn bryce@ionmagazine.ca Photo Editor Fiona Garden photos@ionmagazine.ca Advertising Kelly Hassen kelly@ionmagazine.ca

Claudio Rubbo claudio@ionmagazine.ca Advertising Accounts Manager Natasha Neale natasha@ionmagazine.ca Copy Editors Marisa Woo, Maha Al Farra Art Department

Danny Fazio danny@ionmagazine.ca

John Morrison john@ionmagazine.ca Website Andrew Bobic Interns Elim Kwok, Elizabeth Wolber Contributing Writers: Adam O. Thomas, Curtis Woloschuk, Elizabeth Wolber, Emily Khong, Ernold Sane, Filmore Mescalito Holmes, Marielle Kho, Paul Borchert, Sam Kerr, Trevor Risk, Tyler Fedchuk Contributing Photographers: Jason Lang, Mark Maryonovich, Toby Marie Bannister, Syx Langemann ION is printed 10 times a year by the ION Publishing Group. No parts of ION Magazine may be reproduced in any form by any means without prior written consent from the publisher. ION welcomes submissions but accepts no responsibility for the return of unsolicited materials. The opinions expressed by writers and artists do not necessarily reflect those of ION Magazine. All content © Copyright ION Magazine 2006 Hey PR people, publicists, brand managers and label friends, send us stuff. Highresolution jpegs are nifty and all, but it’s no substitute for the real thing. Clothing, liquor, video iPods (60 gig version only), CDs, vinyl, DVDs, video games, and an Xbox 360 can be sent to the address below. We’re serious about the Xbox 360.

3rd Floor, 300 Water Street. Vancouver, BC, Canada V6B 1B6 Office 604.6969.ION Fax: 604.6969.411 www.ionmagazine.ca feedback@ionmagazine.ca Cover and Contents Photos: Mark Maryonovich Cover Model: Dom from 16MM Contents Model: Mark from the Manvils Belt buckle by Santo at Dadabase

EDITOR’S LETTER

Words Michael Mann Photography Toby Marie Bannister

I made one tragic attempt at being musical and it ended with me throwing a Yamaha keyboard against a wall. I’d taken a week of piano lessons and decided I was ready to perform Beethoven’s 9th Symphony in front of the school. Overly ambitious for someone in grade 2? Perhaps. I only knew the first 10 notes but I was confident the rest would come to me while I was up there. You better believe I nailed those 10 notes and I had that audience eating out of my tiny hands for all of five seconds.

Sadly, the rest didn’t come to me, so I took a bow and sat down. There was an awkward pause, and then pity claps. I kind of lost interest in piano after that because it was obvious it wasn’t going to come to me naturally and I’m not a fan of hard work.

Last week, while sifting through a bargain at a flea market I came across Play The Harmonica in 1 Hour– the DVD. I’ve had an urge to take up an instrument lately and the harmonica in an hour seemed a lot more feasible than the guitar in 10 easy steps.

It’d be great. I could join the rich tradition of harmonica virtuosos like Jose Iturbi, Harmonica Frank, Larry Adler and the chubby guy from Blues Traveler.

So I went to purchase my instrument and learned 50 things about harmonicas I didn’t know in the three minutes it took me to buy one. I went for a beginner’s harmonica with a replaceable reed plate because I fully intended on blowing the fuck out of this thing (no homo). Before I could figure out how to get the thing out of the case I was offered my first gig. Fired up, I quickly registered HarmonicaMichael. com, just in case. I then soaked my harmonica in

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whiskey, like all the blues greats do, and I cued up the DVD. A man in a smoky blues bar is wailing away on the harmonica. He’s wearing sunglasses in a dark nightclub so you know this man has soul. The hairs on my neck jumped on end... that man would soon be me. Bobby Joe Holman introduces himself and says, “In the next few minutes I’m going to give you some examples, basic information and a chance to play the musical treasures and soulful expression that a harmonica has to offer.” In writing, that’s what you call an “effective lead” because it got me hooked. Bobby Joe took me through the proper technique for holding the harmonica, which I immediately mastered. The second part was entitled “You are the Instrument” and was where Bobby Joe dropped this pearl of wisdom about the harmonica: “Your feelings, what you have in your heart and your soul, can be projected through this instrument. “ Inspiring stuff.

Onto the next section and it’s time to play a ditty called “Shenandoah.” Bobby Joe played those seven notes so well, a tear fell out of the corner of my eye. My turn now. Let me throw out the following

disclaimer: playing a single note on the harmonica is very difficult as the holes are tiny and close together. You want to blow in one hole to play a clean note but the beginner (me) will end up blowing into three and it sounds like shit. Bobby Joe offers no pointers and continues onto the next section. Wait, I didn’t get that first part, you’re going too fast. Bobby Joe doesn’t listen and keeps playing. This time, 10 notes in a row. He nailed that. My turn and it sounds worse. Bobby Joe says, “great work” and continues on to the next part and plays 15 notes in a row. This guy is amazing but a horrible teacher. At the nine minute 50 second point of Play the Harmonica in 1 hour, I quit.

In conclusion, unless you’ve been naturally gifted with a mouth the size of a straw-hole and a photographic memory, it’s impossible to learn how to play the harmonica in an hour. Sadly, harmonicas are Final Sale because you put your mouth on them.

Though, the kind woman who sold it to me said I could send it back to the manufacturer if there was a problem.Throwing the harmonica against the wall in a fit of frustrated rage isn’t considered a malfunction so I’m stuck with the stupid thing.

418 Davie Street (in Yaletown), Vancouver 604.683.2929 WWW.BROOKLYNCLOTHING.COM

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Of THe MoNTh

DVDs Dazed And Confused: Criterion Edition Break out the paddle, pack another bowl and turn up the Foghat... it’s the last day of school. Seniors are hunting freshmen for sado-masochistic trials of submission. Sexual tension is piling up faster than empty beer cans, the promise of the greatest keg party of all time looms in the imaginations of slut and dweeb alike. Dazed realizes the nightmare of li’l shit disturbers across the country: yes, someone other than you invented such sacred teenage rites as the traveling hot-box, the acid-induced anonymous make-out, and jeans requiring the assistance of pliers. Ben Affleck brilliantly portrays (the only time those four words will occur in sequence) a morally bankrupt asshole, while Matthew McConaughey believes that the fountain of youth lies in the soaking panties of high school girls. He famously pontificates: “I keep getting older, but they stay the same age.” This movie, on the other hand, appreciates with age - like scotch. Or jail bait.

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Neil young: Heart of gold Jonathan Demme. He made the Talking Heads concert movie Stop Making Sense over 20 years ago and it was the greatest concert movie ever. After that, his career kind of went to shit. Okay, he made a movie called Silence of the Lambs which a few people saw. Philadelphia too. But they weren’t as good as the Talking Heads movie. Neil Young. Take a look at this old man’s life and you’ll see he’s basically a God among men. However, he showed that he is in fact mortal in 2005 and underwent surgery for a brain aneurysm. This near tragedy got him thinking and he penned Prairie Wind. These two masters of their respective art forms meet in Nashville, Tennessee, at the Ryman Auditorium, home of the Grand Ole Opry to make the concert film Neil Young: Heart of Gold. Does it need to be said that when you put a legend in a legendary venue and have a legend film the whole thing you get a damn fine movie? The only thing this movie’s missing is a gigantic suit.

Pet MINGKY Not quite sure what to make of this thing. We got sent a disclaimer that this cat likes to “fuck people up,” but we’re assuming that means on an emotional level because we always assumed these things only existed in nightmares (and the occasional Robotman comic strip). Send your pictures to pet@ ionmagazine.ca. If we use them you’ll receive a prize that pales in comparison to having your animal friend immortalized in print.

Game GUITAR HERO We’re late to hop on the Guitar Hero bandwagon and that’s okay. So you never thought there’d be a console guitar game that’s better than UmJammer Lammy (an offshoot of PaRappa the Rapper where you’re an insecure female lamb in a grrrl band) but you were wrong. This game is one part Dance Dance Revolution and three parts amazing.

Pick your character, grab your axe, become a star.

Chances are if you can play the songs at the hardest level, you’re probably a better guitarist than the people who wrote them. While being good at this game won’t get you groupie-sex, a sequel is already in the works, so who knows.

Ticket Giveaway The Futureheads & The Raconteurs Can you feel that in the air? It’s summer concert time. Courtesy of House of Blues, we have tickets for The Futureheads on June 15 at the Commodore Ballroom and The Raconteurs on July 26 at Malkin Bowl. Feisty Brit rockers The Futureheads are rolling through town to promote their new album News and Tributes. These disciples of the Clash will no doubt rock the casbah, while skipping to the end and singing in four part harmony with smiles on their faces. The Raconteurs are Jack White from the White Stripes, Brendan Benson and The Greenhornes rhythm section. This one’s outdoors at Stanley Park and “everybody knows” it could be the show of the summer. Most side projects are mediocre at best. Not this one.To enter to win tickets go to www. ionmagazine.ca and click on contests. If you don’t win you can pick up tickets to these fine shows at Redcat, Scratch, Zulu or Ticketmaster.ca.

contributor john morrison John Morrison is one half of ION’s art direction squad, and the graphic designer of this month’s Psychedelic Technicolor Freak-Out Party. Beyond these facts, little is known for certain about this dashing young man of danger, romance, and international intrigue. Where others seek mere wealth, he searches for experience. From Angkor to the Amazon, Zürich to Zanzibar, he boldly blazes forth into action and adventure, his flowing blond locks and sensuous mustache flashing in the sun. Swashbuckler. Poet. Lover. Baron of Wall Street. Who is the real John Morrison? And who is illusion? The answer is shrouded in mystery. Oh, and ladies, he’s VERY single and very looking. Email john@ionmagazine. ca for a date, today. You won’t be disappointed.

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ION THE PRIZE Photography Syx Langemann

This prize this month is an assortment of men’s tees courtesy of Original Penguin. This company has been leading the ‘iconic animal’ polo movement since the 50s. Bob Hope even rocked their clothes.

Sporting this flightless little fella might let you pass 22 IONMAGAZINE.CA

for upper echelon, until the country club finds out that you got it for free and throws you out on your social climbing ass. Original Penguin won’t promise to improve your golf game, but its suburban chic aesthetic might get you a date with a gold-digger

and prove once and for all that penguins do in fact mate more than once a year. Enter to win at www. ionmagazine.ca.

ART

SOUND & VISION

Soundinsight: Nettwerk Records Art Show.

Words Jen Selk Photo Fiona Garden Nettwerk Records is a pretty enigmatic music label.

Back in the day, they seemed committed to offthe-beaten-track artists like Front 242, The Severed Heads and Skinny Puppy. These days, they’ve gone undeniably mainstream, and are pushing stuff like Barenaked Ladies and faux-punk Napanee princess, Avril Lavigne. It’s weird, considering where they started.

The label recently did another unusual thing. It debuted a new, touring art exhibit entitled “Soundinsight: A glimpse of 20 years of art in music.” The show opened in Vancouver on May 25th and will be moving on to both Nashville and Los Angeles over the course of the summer, stopping in each city for a month at a time.

According to Jamie Anderson, a lead designer for Artwerks (the arm of Nettwerk that handles album visuals),“the initial idea to hold this show came from wanting to utilize the SYNC for art & music related events.” SYNC is a Nettwerk-owned space/shop in which they house art exhibits, live showcases and readings. “As we started digging through more than two decades of artwork, the show began to expand and suddenly we realized there wouldn’t be enough room in three galleries to hold all of the imaging we have produced. We’ve picked out the essentials as well as some exciting, rare finds.”

“What you’re going to see in the show is going to be a very diverse range of artwork, spanning over 20 years,” she continues. “Everything from Skinny Puppy archival films to long-forgotten album covers to award-winning album covers. There will be a variety of art prints for sale, including brand new conceptual posters. All have been run in limited quantities and will be hand-numbered. The exhibit is bound to spark a memory, a feeling in the viewer.”

Anderson says that all of the art you’ll see in the Soundinsight exhibit has been influenced heavily by the musicians themselves. It sounds like PR

BS, but Anderson insists, “Nettwerk is all about the artist.” She says, “unlike major labels, our goal is to create album art that reflects the artists’ vision and personality.”

“Sometimes the artist will come in with a bunch of ideas and we’ll work closely with them to ensure that the final product reflects their vision. Other times we’ll start with a blank canvas, having only their music to guide us. As we are all quite passionate about both music and art, there is always a very organic flow to this process.”

As for how the show will reflect the massive changes Nettwerk has gone through over the years, particularly in terms of their catalogue, Anderson says “The art has changed as the music has. There is always quality in everything we produce. Whether we’re putting out electronic, roots or pop music, the art associated with it is going to reflect that flavour.

The show is definitely going to exhibit this.”

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ART

BANDAGE MAN

COLSON WHITEHEAd Words Jen Selk While reading Colson Whitehead’s latest book, Apex Hides The Hurt, I couldn’t seem to get one phrase out of my mind. That phrase was “Some folk’ll never lose a toe. Then again, some folk’ll.” You know, from The Simpsons. That’s about as much of the plot of this somewhat bizarre novel as I’m going to give away.

You probably haven’t heard of Whitehead. Here in Canada, he’s not particularly well known. But cross the border and he’s a veritable literary darling. His publisher’s PR people described him to me as a “young, hip, amazing writer who is a MacArthur ‘genius’ award winner and a past finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.”You’d think it would have been the Pulitzer part that struck me, but it wasn’t. It was the MacArthur part. The MacArthur part is about money. And man oh man, are you going to be jealous when you hear how much.

The MacArthur Foundation website describes it as “a private, independent grantmaking institution dedicated to helping groups and individuals foster lasting improvement in the human condition.” The so-called genius award won by Whitehead (otherwise dubbed a MacArthur Fellowship) is a huge deal. It’s worth $500,000. Yeah. $500,000. US, as we Canadians always need to point out.

In an interview from his home in Brooklyn, NY, Whitehead played down the big win, which he bagged back in 2002. When asked if he’d experienced any professional jealousy since (you know, seeing as how it’s got to be easier to be a novelist when 24 IONMAGAZINE.CA

you don’t have to worry about money) he said, “To tell you the truth, I’m not a very perceptive person. Do people treat me differently? I dunno. I think my friends and family are glad I got the award, and that’s what matters. I have met a few jerks in my time, but jerks don’t need excuses to be jerks.

It’s in their nature.”

It seems to be in Whitehead’s nature to write what may be perceived as weird books. John Henry Days, one of his previous works, is about a journalist who’s trying to break the record for attending the most consecutive publicity events. Another of his novels, The Intuitionist, is about a psychic NYC elevator inspector. Apex, his latest, is about a nomenclature consultant, adhesive bandages, and a terrible toe predicament, which I’m still not completely sure I understood the significance of. His writing is concise, smart and funny, but Apex Hides the Hurt isn’t exactly the sort of thing you’d want to take to the beach. It’s too satirical, and too far from obvious.

But Whitehead is worth getting into.

Personally, what sold me on him was his repeated mention of and enthusiasm for the upcoming movie Snakes on a Plane. (He keeps bringing it up on his website: www.colsonwhitehead.com) When asked what the big deal is, he said this: “Like Vaseline, Q-tips and Xeroxes, the name is the thing itself. What is the movie about?

Snakes on a plane. Quite admirable.

At this point, there has been so much coverage of it that it is probably the first movie to jump the shark before it’s even released, but there you have it!” Suddenly the whole novel-abouta-nomenclature-consultant thing makes more sense.

So what about the money? Alas, Whitehead is so logical about it, it’s hard to stay jealous. “It doesn’t make my books better or worse,” he said. “I still have to write them.”

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FILM

MR. COHEN, I’M YOUR FAN DIRECTOR LIAN LUNSON

Words Michael Mann Original Artwork the dark No one hates Leonard Cohen. It’s just a matter of whether you like him or you love him. Lian Lunson is straight up enchanted by the man. So much so, she made a movie about it titled Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man. Having cut her teeth doing music videos and a documentary on Willy Nelson, Lunson took a trip to the Sydney Opera House in January 2005 to film a Leonard Cohen tribute show on the advice of the show’s curator, producer, Hal Wilner. The show featured musicians such as Nick Cave, Rufus Wainwright, Antony, Beth Orton and Jarvis Cocker covering their favorite Cohen tracks. To keep it from being a straight up concert movie, the film also features candid interviews with the man at his home in Los Angeles. And because it’s okay to give away the ending of this movie without spoiling it, U2 and Cohen were filmed at a space in New York and give a passionate, stern and overtly political lecture about how we’re all uncaring jerks (Just kidding, they perform “Tower of Song” together). Here, Lian Lunson explains why Leonard Cohen is her man.

What makes Leonard Cohen an engaging subject for a documentary?

Well, I felt that this, more than a documentary, was a unique way of presenting Leonard Cohen to a lot of new fans, and the fans he has already, because you had all these really unique and incredibly talented performers that to me, almost felt like a patchwork quilt of him. They were all parts of him presenting these songs as chapters in his life. That was the uniqueness of the film, if I could try to include him with these songs as chapters in his life. Rather than a straightforward documentary.

Was it difficult combining concert movie with autobiography?

It was a bit of a challenge in the beginning, but once Leonard and I had done the interviews I really let his conversation direct the movie. Obviously there are songs that are more known than others and performances that were great. I couldn’t include all of

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them as there were 34 songs in the concert. That was hard and that was the big challenge.

You shot the interviews with Leonard Cohen by yourself?

Yes, and that was at his house with my own camera. I took a friend with me but it was just me and Leonard. It was so Leonard and I could just relax and it wasn’t with a crew so it wasn’t like a formal interview at all. It was more like a conversation Was this something he immediately jumped at or did it take a lot of convincing?

Leonard doesn’t really jump on anything. It came out of the blue. I wanted to meet him and let him find out about who I was first, which he did. He had seen my Willy Nelson film also and I showed him some of the performance that I had shot in Sydney already. It was just an organic evolvement of how that worked. We just got to know each other first and then I slowly started to bring my camera over.

What’s it like sitting down and chatting with this man?

Every time you speak to Leonard you walk away somewhat changed. He’s an extraordinary, unique human being. So it’s fantastic. The thing with these interviews is I didn’t want to do an in-depth [biopic]. I didn’t want to make that sort of film. I really just sort of wanted to capture the essence of who he was as a person. There’s so much more to him than I could even put in a film but you just get an essence of who he is. He’s this very very complex, vast and talented individual. And a great writer too.

One of the great scribes of our times.

What does he think of the film?

He really likes it. He’s very happy. It’s hard for him because he’s got a lot of people bowing at his feet and I think he’s a very humble person. He’s a bit overwhelmed by that. He’s very happy for me and he thinks I did a beautiful job... which is the best compliment I can get.

FILM

MCA, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? MAKING A MOVIE Words Adam O. Thomas Awesome I Fuckin’ Shot That, is labeled as an authorized bootleg which Adam Yauch (MCA) pointed out is an oxymoron. The documentary is a collection of footage shot by 50 audience members with handheld cameras at a sold-out Beastie Boys show at Madison Square Gardens in October of 2004.The film is comprised of all kinds of shaky handheld video camera shots from the floor, the nosebleeds and even the bathrooms of the Gardens. Undoubtedly, there’s a serious energy in the room as the Beastie Boys put on a good show. Sadly, this is not the thing to put on if you’re trying to fall asleep or coming down from a peyote trip. Or maybe it is.

Congratulations on the DVD. It’s a pretty interesting idea. Whose idea was it?

I guess it was mine. I got it from something I saw on the Internet. This kid had shot part of a show on his camera phone, and I got the idea from that. I thought it would be kind of cool seeing it, kind of in low resolution from an audience’s perspective.

One of the things I liked best about the movie are those moments where we follow people coming back into the show.

Yeah I love that moment where that guy’s coming back from the bathroom and you hear the sound kind of growing as he’s coming back into the room.

I mean I thought that that was kind of part of it, the film was really like the audience’s perspective, so it was kind of cool to go on these different excursions away from the show.

It must have been nice to do this project at Madison Square Gardens, on your home turf?

You know, it was really kind of a last minute thing to shoot the movie in New York. The idea for the film had been floating around for a little while and we were trying to think of the right place to do it. But as we were coming up on the concert I was like “it’s always a special thing when we play at home, and maybe this is the one to do it at,” and so I asked

Adam and Mike and they were into it, then I talked to our producer to see if he could wrangle up that many cameras in that amount of time and he could, so we kind of just went for it. We posted on our website and asked other people if they wanted to volunteer, and then we just did it. But there was really only three days of pre-production on it. Then one day of production and then like a year of post-production.

Do you think that by handing the filming of the show out to the audience that it solidifies the relationship with the band?

It just kind of made sense. There’s just a certain feeling there, that when it’s shot from the audience that you can feel the energy in the room. I think a lot of that can get sterilized out when you have really high res cameras with sweeping tracking shots… I mean it can be cool, I don’t want to put that down because there are certain films where it works, like in Pink Floyd’s Live at Pompeii or things like that, the camera is so deliberate and it works so well, but it just seemed to make sense for the kind of music we are playing and for this kind of a concert. I mean the energy in the room is kind of frantic and so you

catch some of that with the feel of the handheld camera.

So it was directed by your alter ego…

Yeah, I don’t know what you’re talking about…

Is it possible for you to reveal where the three of you– Adam Yauch, MCA and Nathanial Hornblower– sort of separate?, Well you know, early on when we were doing the Paul’s Boutique album I took the picture for the cover and laid out the album and I was putting the credits down, but I thought it would be stupid to put one of the band members names on there so I just put that name on it and have kept using it for visual and band related stuff. I just started using it and it’s evolved into a larger thing. Like this old person from Switzerland.

Who I hear is a good God fearing man apparently.

He is indeed.

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MUSIC

Lions And Tigers And (Pooh) Bears, Oh My! THe BOY leAST LIKELY TO Words Emily Khong The Best Party Ever sounds like eavesdropping on a children’s party. The Boy Least Likely To’s debut album is full of playful and poppy beats, supplied

by Pete Hobbs, while the mellow voice of lyricist Jof Owen surrounds it all. The band had their own Tickle Trunk of instruments for recording.“I try not to dance anymore, but if something makes me dance about in a stupid way then that’s usually a good sign”, explains Owen from a West London studio where the duo are recording a B-side to their next single.

Songs like the current single, “Be Gentle with Me” radiate with a sweet innocence thanks to the use of a glockenspiel:“We just knew we wanted something that sparkled over the top of the record, so we spent three days searching around the shops for a glockenspiel. We eventually found one in a children’s toyshop and when we put it down on the track it sounded just as we’d imagined it. The glockenspiel as a lead instrument became quite a distinctive part of the way we sounded after that”.

The album’s track listing reads off like a collection of children’s stories including, “I’m Glad I Hitched My Apple Wagon to Your Star.” The singer explains that the album was “originally just meant to be a collection of all the singles we’d released so far, 36 IONMAGAZINE.CA

but then we decided to add five or six new tracks… then when we put the songs together we noticed that the album had an overall theme and a sketchy narrative arc. It just seemed to come out that way.”

Completing the theme was the album artwork. The quirky cartoons are a family affair, as Owen’s brother creates them all and the two then collaborate on the finished product. Owen believes that the artwork and the album are interchangeable because “when people pick up the record for the first time without having heard it, they can still get some idea of what the music is going to sound like.” The point is driven home in the music video for “Be Gentle With Me” as Owen sings with a backing band of animal puppets.

“It’s a bit scary seeing them come to life”, Owen confesses. There’s something quite ‘Frankenstein’s monster’ about the whole thing”.

For those expecting an aural dose of Prozac from “The Best Party Ever,” it’s not all about rainbows and smiles. “I am generally a happy person, but at the same time I’m quite weirdly preoccupied with sadness. I think about things too much, and I worry too much about death and dying, and I think I’m probably over-sensitive to the evil side of life. I think the sadder or darker lyrics compliment the upbeat,

happy pop feel of the music. I think it stops the music from being too saccharine and sickly, and I think likewise, the music stops the lyrics from being too depressing or self indulgent or morose.” Look no further than “Sleeping With My Gun Under My Pillow” as a prime example, with an ode to paranoia that is as whimsical as it is twisted with its bent melody notes.

To work against the critics’ tendency to label the group as “twee,” Owen states that the band’s sound is “country disco”. He can see where the writers are coming from though: “I always thought all those bands from the 80s, like Talulah Gosh and BMX Bandits and The Pooh Sticks and all the other C86 bands, were unfairly derided for supposedly being too ‘twee’ or ‘cute.’ And Belle and Sebastian still get it too but I always thought those bands had a tongue-in-cheek sense of humour to the way they went about things, but I think that was often missed.”

Cute as their music may or may not be, TBLLT have their fair share of ‘little’ friends: “They can’t always get into our shows, but if we ever do in-store shows in record shops there’s always a lot of children there. One of our biggest fans is only nine. I can’t tell you his name because he set up a page so he could be our friend and you have to be fourteen to be on MySpace, and he’s worried that he’ll get kicked off if anyone finds out.”

Luckily for the band, most of their fans are of age and are enthusiastically appearing at shows bringing flowers, baked goods, and bubbles to blow. For those who show up empty handed, the band readily

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supplies percussion instruments to join in on the fun. TBLLT have recently finished touring with James “You’re Beautiful” Blunt and are currently doing their own headlining jaunt. Owen admits that they’re not fans of constant touring: “We just want to make it special when we play live… As my mum used to tell me when I asked why we didn’t move closer to the seaside, ‘If you live by the sea, you get used to the sea.’ That’s the way we feel about playing live.

We don’t want people to just get used to us being around. We want to be like everyone’s day trip to the seaside that happens once a year. Something they look forward to and never forget.”

When they do tour, they feed their music addiction the only way they can. “We’ve never stopped being geeky about music. We’re still happiest flicking through a box of seven inches in a little record shop in whatever town we find ourselves in.” There’s picking up records by The Pooh Sticks. Then there’s picking up Pooh sticks (a game played by Winnie, where participants drop sticks off a bridge and whoever’s stick passes underneath the bridge first wins). What are the odds of TBLLT having the singer most likely to become a professional athlete? Pretty high. “I want to become a ‘professional’ Pooh sticks athlete”, declares Owen. “I never want to do anything at an amateur level but I’ll probably leave that for a few years yet. For now, I’ll just concentrate on recording the next album and everything that goes with that. I think Pete would completely despair of me if I kept leaving the studio early to practice my Pooh-sticks-dropping technique.”

IONMAGAZINE.CA 37

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THEY Were Punks before you Were A punk YOUTH BRIGADE

Words Marielle Kho Photography Jason Lang I missed the punk rock boat big time because my parents decided to procreate after the heyday of punk in the late 70s. I never got to experience what people described as the birth of a genre and yes, this makes me bitter, because I know that I’ll never be able to see, talk to, much less get down and dirty in the washroom of CBGB’s with bands like the Ramones. But hope remains for my generation, as a slim number of punk bands from the 70s haven’t yet overdosed in a dodgy hotel room. One such band is Youth Brigade, who’ve been playing since before my conception. Lead singer, Shawn Stern, enlightens and gives a taste of punk rock antiquity.

Is Youth Brigade going to release a new album or EP any time soon?

Uh, yeah, I’ve been working on new songs for the past five years. It’s just that life gets in the way, and we keep talking about it. Adam’s busy doing graphics and animation for film, and I’m busy with the label (BYO Records) and I’m also busy building a house. But were planning and working on it; it’s just taking a while.

You are definitely someone who has been around. What do you think now about punk being mixed with different sounds, like metal, hardcore, even folk punk and art punk?

When we started out in the late 70s, punk really encompassed all different styles of music. It was really more about an attitude and look, rather than a style of music. It really got more narrowly defined in the early eighties with this whole ‘hardcore’ definition, which I always thought was kind of ridiculous. I always blamed that on Tim Yohannon and Maximumrocknroll [magazine]; that whole PC thing of what you should or shouldn’t sound like, what you should or shouldn’t look like, and I always thought that it was kinda wrong. It was never envisioned by anyone to be a certain way; it was really about doing your own thing. Granted, I wouldn’t call a lot of these bands today ‘punk rock.’ At least, for me, ‘punk rock’ is about thinking and speaking for yourself, and talking about what’s wrong with the world and how you’d like to try and change it. I think those things still exist, and people should still be talking about it. I have nothing against love songs, but if that’s all you’ve got to talk about, then that, for me, isn’t punk rock.

A band’s image is playing a much more prominent role nowadays. Do you think this is moving away from the roots of punk rock?

There’s not much you can do about it, so I just wouldn’t worry about it. That’s been existent for a long time. Look at the early days of punk: a huge part of it was style. Look at the [Sex] Pistols and their theatrics, much like the New York Dolls.

They dressed up like women, basically. It will always be a part of the music; it is art and performance. But at the end of the day, it’s the music that matters the most. No amount of theatrics is going to make up for lousy music.

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MUSIC Are the shows you play now crazier than the shows you guys played in the 70s? I heard a story about a girl pulling a bloody tampon out of her and sucking on it.

That wasn’t our show! That was when I went to go see the Dickies, and one of the opening bands decided to do an encore, even though no one thought they deserved an encore. They had some woman come down dressed in a mini skirt and fishnets, who was probably in her 50s and from France; she was very scary. She proceeded to do what I guess she called dancing and pulled a bloody tampon out of her and put it in her mouth. That was our introduction to punk rock when we were 16 or 17 years old.

You and your brothers started BYO Records quite a while ago, and it’s a record label that encourages bands/artists to send in their demos.

We all know what you’re looking for in a band, but what kinds of things are you NOT looking for?

I’m not interested if you sound like one of those calendar bands, those whiny bands that are on major labels that try to pass themselves off as ‘punk rock’, wear makeup, sing love songs and are on the cover of Alternative Press. They’re usually on the Warped Tour. I’m not interested in country, metal or hip-hop either.

But the Briefs, who are signed to your label, are pretty popular in alternative press, and I think they’ve played the Warped Tour as well.

I have nothing against the Warped Tour or Alternative Press. If a band is in that magazine or on that tour, it doesn’t make them a whiny, crappy, wannabe punk rock band. NOFX, Rancid, and Bad Religion play Warped Tour all the time, and I consider them all very good punk rock bands.Those are good avenues to promote your music, and if you’ve got something to say, as a record company owner and a musician, I want to reach as wide an audience as possible. Even if a kid listens to those whiny bands and thinks that’s punk, hopefully they’ll like the music enough to want to research the history and find out about other bands, which seem like the way that a lot of these kids find out about us. The majority of our audience these days is young college and high school kids, which never ceases to amaze me. It’s always nice to hear a guy come up to me and say “I

used to see you guys 20 years ago, and here’s my son! He’s coming to the show with me.” So hopefully the kids are listening to what we have to say.

Next year, 2007, BYO Records is celebrating 25 years as a record label.The people who made the Bouncing Souls commemorative DVD, are also making one for BYO and Youth Brigade…

Yeah, we’re making a 25 year anniversary DVD and put together a box set with 2 CDs. We’re going to try and get a lot of the bands that we’ve worked with to write something new, maybe a song or two or do collaborations to include in the set. We’re also going to try and put together a book, which will be a narrative with pictures that include the history of the label and details that wouldn’t be included on the film. The film will have interviews and try to show how we’ve been able to stick around for 25 years.

Do you think the DVD will be able to properly capture the legacy of 25 years?

I have the utmost faith that Jeff and Ryan can put it together. I mean, just look at what they did for the Bouncing Souls DVD; that was amazing, granted, those guys were walking around with a video camera since they started the band. We have the opportunity to go to China later in the year, so hopefully we’ll film some stuff there. When we went to Japan in ’96, I had a camera with me as well, so there’s a lot of material and interviews to work with.

What do you think punk music would be like if Bush wasn’t the president and the war never happened? What would bands like NOFX have to sing about?

I’d much prefer that young people weren’t out there dying. There’s plenty to write about the American government, regardless of who’s in power, like what a bunch of assholes they are, how fucked up the world is, and how we’re screwing up our planet. People are complaining now that they have to pay $3 per gallon for gas, but the majority of people in the world pay double that. The people of this country who were responsible for putting this government into power should take some responsibility instead of sitting on their asses and realize that we’re going to run out of oil and we need to deal with global warming now. The war in Iraq and Bush are just a diversion to the real problems.

The Vandals recently went to Iraq to play a show for the soldiers, not necessarily because they support the war, but just to put on a live show for the soldiers. Following that, people in Europe boycotted Vandals’ shows. Would Youth Brigade ever travel to Iraq and do something like that?

I was talking to Joe [Escalante, of the Vandals] about this, and I think what they did was pretty cool, and pretty fucking ballsy, because they were cruising around in humvees. And Joe said that he could put me in contact with the people that put that on, but I said,“Thanks, but no thanks”. As much as I support the troops and I’d love to go out and play for them, I’m not about to put my life on the line for some fucked-up war that some stupid government is sending people to. As far as the boycott is concerned, I think that it is ridiculous; it’s not going to accomplish anything. Al Franken goes out there and entertains the troops, and so does Henry Rollins.

Most of those soldiers are stuck out there because they signed up for the army to get an education.The American government is so lame that they don’t offer free education or financial help, other than sticking them in the army. I think that the majority of people do not want to be there, but they made a commitment. I think if the government has a problem, they should deal with it. They should let Bush and Saddam Hussein have a duel with each other.

Why should innocent people have to fight their wars for them?

If they brought back the draft, would you be someone that would hide out in Canada?

I’m too old, luckily. But I’d be out there [protesting] just like I was years ago. I helped organize the protest against the First Gulf War back in 1990. I was going down to the Federal building every weekend, bringing my PA for these blowhard old hippies that would sit there and talk about their issues and situations, then we did a big rally downtown. I got the Red Hot Chili Peppers and That’s It to play for about 10,000 people.

How would you ride out the zombie apocalypse?

I would get the fuck out to a forest and bring a lot of explosives.

IONMAGAZINE.CA 39

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SET TO GO THE PRESETS

Words Tyler Fedchuk The Presets are an electronic rock act that will melt your soundsystem, shake your ass and, at the same time, question modern man’s sleazy pursuit of leisure. After that, this Aussie duo consisting of Julian Hamilton and Kimberly Isaac Moyes, will drop the soundtrack music for your head while you wait at the international departures gate after a weekend of debauchery, spent drinking it in with their debut album, Beams. The Presets have just returned from three months of touring with the likes of The Juan MacLean, Hot Chip, Wolfmother, Peaches, Uffie, Digialism, Soulwax, Simian Mobile Disco, M.A.N.D.Y, Booka Shade, and Ladytron. ION caught up with them at their home in Sydney Australia and they wanna know, are you the one?

What is the connection between the Presets and Silverchair?

Julian: I used to play keyboards for Silverchair when they toured. Also, Daniel [Johns] is a good friend of ours and played some guitar on a few of our songs.

Back when the Blow Up EP came out in 2003 you said your songs were “different perceptions of masculinity.” Would you say that still applies to your latest LP Beams?

Julian: Kind of. What I meant was that there are different perceptions of masculinity in the world we live in.

What I’ve tried to do in some of the songs’ lyrics is explore some of those perceptions - and also smash them.

It’s probably a bit too much to go into now, but just imagine walking into a mining town, going into the local bar

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filled with hardcore miners and then start talking to them about sucking cock. That’s kind of what we’re trying to do in song.

The visual art that accompanies your releases is very dramatic while your videos are sensational and comical. Are the Presets comics or dramatists?

Julian: We create our best music when we are having fun. It’s also true of photo shoots, videos, artwork… all that stuff. Yes, the artwork is quite dramatic but I think it’s more high camp than super dramatic. It’s tongue-incheek.

I used to be a bartender and always played the album at work.

When “Steamworks” (the opening track on Beams) came on I would be busting my hump trying to keep up. It was the perfect soundtrack for hard work. Is that the idea behind Steamworks?

Julian: Definitely! We have this saying in Australia,“hard yakka.” It is basically a term that describes a real man’s man - racecar drivers, truck drivers, miners, steelworkers, builders. Any man that works long and hard all day, with other hard yakka blokes, building up a sweat, shirt off, getting dirty, and finishing the day with an ice cold beer.

These guys are hard yakka. We wanted to write house music that could be the soundtrack to the hard yakka man.

“Steamworks” was the result. I would love the film clip for Steamworks to be muscley men, working away in the mine or in the steel-works getting the job done.

What are you singing about on “Down Down Down”?

Julian: Strange that you should ask that. I read this great line in a Charles Bukowski book last night actually that

kinda summed it up. I haven’t got it in front of me right now, so I’ll probably misquote him - but it went something like: “All women fuck differently. Men are always chasing that different fuck.

That’s what keeps men alive. That’s what keeps men trapped.”

It seems to me that the Australian music scene is really interconnected. All the good bands are on Modular Recordings and they all work together and remix each other’s work, and when that label isn’t big enough for everyone, one of the bands on Modular, Cut Copy, go and start their own label called Cutters and the first thing they release is a 12” for Kim’s solo electro work called K.I.M. on which Kim namechecks label-mates Cut Copy and his own band The Presets on the track “System Breakdown.” What do you think it is about the Australian music scene that facilitates this amount of co-operation?

Julian: We’re all sluts.

Kim: We only have each other cause we are so isolated so we all need to co-operate. I think musicians generally co-operate with each other and it isn’t really something that new.

Do you think all of this co-operation among you Australians gives you an advantage when you’re trying to break into foreign markets?

Julian: Being signed to Modular has definitely helped us a lot. They’ve worked very hard for a long time to create a really credible brand. Now people know, whether they’re in the UK or US or Canada or wherever, that if Modular is putting out a record, then that record is definitely worth checking out. Being on a label along-side such great bands as The Avalanches, Cut Copy, and now of course Wolfmother is excellent. We feel like we’re

part of a really strong musical family here.

So Kim, about your solo project, what separates the music of K.I.M. from the Presets, and why did you feel it was necessary to separate K.I.M. from the Presets.

Kim: It’s a little less pop-orientated and a bit more for the dance floor. It’s not like I felt I needed to do it; just kinda happened cause there is so much shit lying around on my computer. I felt it would be fun to release something on my own.

Julian’s affected vocals in the chorus of “I Go Hard, I Go Home” sound very similar to Robert Plants chanting on Immigrant Song. Was that an intentional reference?

Julian: Not at all. I had never really checked out much Zep before my Silverchair mates insisted on playing me this live DVD. Of course `Immigrant Song’ came on and I was like ‘Shit!

That dude’s singing our song!’ It really is exactly the same isn’t it? I hope they don’t sue us.

The title track from your album Beams is a departure from the rest of the album. “Beams” is so warm and organic while the rest of the album is so cool and synthetic. You titled your album after it and called it your greatest achievement to date. Is this the direction you want to take The Presets in?

Julian: To be honest, I’m not really sure what direction we’ll take The Presets in next. Maybe it will be minimal techno, maybe it will be orchestral jazz. Whatever comes out of our machines on the day will be `the sound.’

We just wanna have fun.

Are you the ones?

Julian: My friend, we all are...

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IONMAGAZINE.CA 41

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POSTER ART Allan Lorde

According to his blogsite, there’s no shame in Allan Lorde’s game: he LOVES big women. Really. He also takes the same approach to poster design, where his larger-than-life ideal comes out in spades in the Saturday-morning-cartoonish drawing style you see here. I mean take that Horrorpops poster fer instance, that’s a Madball, for crying out loud! Does anyone remember those freakish things? What exactly did they do anyway? Tell ya what, if anyone has those stored up in their closet somewhere Allan will pay big bucks for ‘em. Okay maybe not, but what he could use is for someone to buy HIS stuff and make him rich. Or at the very least, make him enough so he can get out of Winnipeg every once and a while and stop watching cartoons. elnegromagnifico.blogspot.com

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Sound Design for Visual Media at VFS

a world of sound at your fingertips

From Film Production to 3D and Classical Animation, Sound Design to Makeup Effects, and plenty more, all the programs at VFS are designed to prepare the next generation of talent for specific careers in the most exciting and creative industry in the world. How? Every student graduates with a demo reel or a portfolio of original work – the ultimate calling card.

From Film Production to 3D and Classical Animation, Sound Design to Makeup Effects, and plenty more, all the programs at VFS are designed to prepare the next generation of talent for specific careers in the most exciting and creative industry in the world.

How? Every student graduates with a demo reel or a portfolio of original work – the ultimate calling card.

Vancouver Film School Where Results Matter

www.vfs.com/fingertips IONMAGAZINE.CA 43

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ThE DOERS Gnarls Barkley WHATCHA DOIN’? St. Elsewhere RED CAT Downtown

ALBUM REVIEWS

No review of The Doers’ 2004 debut – Ready, Set… Do – was complete without mention of the inimitable Mike Watt’s contribution to its accompanying EP, I Can Enjoy Just About Anything. Their second album finds the Vancouver quartet very much doin’ it for themselves. In retrospect, the circle-thewagons approach proves all the more commendable as Whatcha Doin’? marks the swan song for original drummer Jerf. Admittedly, an inauspicious opening note is struck with the plodding “Hello Horsey.” However, that sequencing misstep is immediately remedied by a volley of The Doers’ customary acou-punk. Songs like the exuberant “No Right Now” evidence the group in fighting form.

Kit-bashing Jerf mines mathy rhythms with Barry Higginson, who cements his status as a top-flight four-stringer. Meanwhile, guitarist Sean Maxey and sprightly vocalist Sarah Jane gamely lead the majority of the shout-alongs. Tallying 19 tracks, the disc proves a long and winding road rife with oddball off-ramps (“Sports Cars For Everyone”).The arguably excessive song count can likely be attributed to the band harbouring the best of intentions.

The Doers’ raucous cover of Daniel Johnston’s “Wicked World” ideally exemplifies their mandate.

With this release, they seem hellbent on showing listeners one hell of a time.

3.5/5

The love child of producer Danger Mouse (of Gorillaz fame) and singer/hoodlum Cee-Lo Green (Goodie Mob), this album immortalizes the night Cee-Lo and Danger got high on acid and watched Jesus Christ Superstar. Tracks like “Go Go Gadget Gospel” and “Transformer” fuse inspirational messages with erratic flute riffs and dark, sexy breakbeats. The result is so uniquely intoxicating I can’t decide what to do first: watch Saturday morning cartoons or masturbate to the Old Testament. The single,“Crazy” is so shit-hot it recently became the first song to reach the top of the British charts by internet distribution alone. It’s another feel-good, quirky ballad, slightly reminiscent of “Crabbucket” but without the suck. I’ve heard the distinction “song of the summer” being thrown around. However, all great songs fall victim to gross overexposure and become obnoxious, so enjoy this gem while it’s fresh. Gnarls taps into the Tricky-esque death/sex conflation niche in “Necromancing”. If you’re awesome enough to live at home, be advised that lyrics promoting necrophilia may not be ideal for blasting around your moms – that said, this CD compels you to dance, not scrutinize, so she might not even notice. Or she might just dig that sick-ass shit.

4.5/5

Lib Wolber

Curtis Woloschuk

Pumice Ghengis Tron Yeahnahvienna Dead Mountain Soft Abuse Mouth Crucial Records Blast The debut full-length from this three-piece from Poughkeepsie, New York is yet another entry into the category of interesting albums that your parents will hate. Conveniently slated for release on 6/6/06, Dead Mountain Mouth mixes unholy screaming and thrash metal riffage with ambient electro-cheese. The only thing harder than the thrash metal riffage is trying to figure out if these guys are genuine or the entire album is a perverted new level of irony the world isn’t ready for.

Either way, it’s fantastic. Think of Dead Mountain Mouth as the perfect soundtrack to an evening at a chin stroking wine party where you accidentally drink too much vino and kick over every newspaper box on the 10 block walk home.

4/5

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Michael Mann

New Zealand’s acclaimed comic book artist Stefan Neville has been a member of the country’s underground music scene for over a decade and has finally managed to create a buzz outside of Kiwi territory with his second release, Yeahnahvienna under the moniker Pumice. Yeahnahvienna was conceived and recorded in Vienna in early 2004 and has just recently been made available in North America. The album contains 10 tracks of deconstructed pop music. Yeahnahvienna begins with “Abominable” a number that embodies the term “lo-fi” with all the hisses and cracks of a cassette tape recording. “King Korny Remains” features the quiet voice of Neville accompanied by lone acoustic chords over ballad-like lyrics.

The album climaxes with a 12-minute track titled “Teas Tasting Fair” which makes use of an organ and vocals that sound as if they were recorded

MUSIC in a bathroom finally, concluding in a hail of crashing symbols. Overall the album is well put together and features some of the greatest lo-fi recordings since Palace Brothers. At times, Neville leaves behind the pop song structure that defines his abilities as an artist for an experimental, noise resonance, including four tracks identically titled “Worsted” which act as filler in between the good songs instead of unifying the album.

3/5

Paul Borchert

Kieran Hebden & Steve Reid The Exchange Session Vol. II Domino You probably already know Kieran as the modern prince of folktronica, Four Tet. Steve Reid, you probably don’t, but he has performed as percussionist for the likes of Miles Davis, Fela Kuti, and James Brown. So, yeah, his chops are never in question.

These legends of arguable degree met by the fate of the music gods and laid down enough music to pick and choose an album. But, in listening to the tapes, Hebden decided nothing could be spared and so we are met with the split results of said session. Running 16 minutes longer than its predecessor, Vol. II appears slightly less focused and driven. Steve’s drumming remains consistent but Kieran’s lighter, rattle sounds often come off as somewhat strained and reactionary in these three tracks, while the album as a whole is less accessible than the first installment. No one else is making this kind of free improvisation electronic jazz, though, and even for that these guys still deserve the utmost respect.

3.5/5

Filmore Mescalito Holmes

Silent Poets Sun Nocturne Taking some six years to follow up his Atlantic Records debut, collaborating producer Michihara Shimoda has returned under the Silent Poets banner to join DJ Krush in proving Japan as the place to go for sick ambient hip-hop. Granted Sun isn’t on the same level as Jaku, but SP’s brand of synth dub trip-hop has its own unique charm. Any track featuring Everton Nelson-conducted strings is instantly richer (Nelson has done strings for Björk and those are always eerily beautiful) and the all-English vocals do not come off as tacked on.

Offsetting the strings, Shimoda’s production has a tendency to sound overly programmed, which bal-

ances this album into a solid downtempo release instead of a great one.

3.5/5

Filmore Mescalito Holmes

The Stills WithouT Feathers Vice I thank The Stills for releasing yet another album to get us all through a Montreal February without hanging ourselves. It’s nice to know that someone can extract artistic inspiration from all that is bleak and gritty. Getting high and listening to “Baby Blues” (featuring that slutty-voiced chick from Broken Social Scene) compelled me to don my horizontal-striped shirt and feel so good about how alternative I am. There are a few solid tracks to blast as an upper, but singing along will make you feel like an idiot. The lyrics are far from mindblowing, and the melodies are a little beige, but this album is miserable and self-indulgent enough to make you feel comfortably subversive. Dabbling in the whimsy of anti-establishment is what urban survival is all about – so have these tracks on hand during the elevator ride to your boss’ loft before you sleep your way up the corporate ladder.

3.5/5

Lib Wolber

The Tears Here Come The Tears Independiente

Various Artists The Sound The Hare Heard Kill Rock Stars Slim Moon’s label has been host to some really ‘out there’ recordings over the years, from “wordcore” to Nintendo game theme covers. But that doesn’t mean he neglects the more traditional aspects of American musical culture. For The Sound The Hare Heard – whose name comes from a Buddhist parable – Moon compiled several of his best folking singer-songwriter pickings from his demo inbox along side label stalwarts like Laura Veirs and Sufjan Stevens. Indeed, it appears America is in no short supply of solid folk singers. I wonder why. Maybe the baroque Simone White challenge “The American War” knows. The departed spirit of Elliott Smith rests heavily on this compilation.

4/5

Filmore Mescalito Holmes

Voxtrot Mothers, Sisters, Daughters & Wives Cult Hero

Twelve years ago, the hearts of those music fans who listen with their hearts dropped about a kilometer under the earth’s surface when what’s commonly known as the best songwriting duo in Britain since Morrissey and Marr split up in the middle of writing their sophomore effort. Suede were considered to be at the forefront of the Britpop movement, right up their with Jarvis Cocker’s Pulp and others bands with precious one-word names. Brett Anderson ended up keeping the Suede name and replaced Burnard Butler with a younger doppelganger, whilst Butler went on to a self-indulgent solo career. Finally back together to continue a feeling they both knew they once would, Here Come The Tears is akin to Suede’s third album Coming Up if Butler would have played on and wrote it.The up-tempo songs kick as hard as Suede did (“Refugee” and “Lovers”), and the slower ballads even have those classic early 90s synth pad sounds (“Fallen Idol”). This album creates twinkle-eyed nostalgia for Suede fans and satisfies all our “what if” bar-room wishes.

Texas is not traditionally noted for its twee. Consequently, the song stylings of Austin’s Voxtrot beg an explanation. Well, it seems vocalist/guitarist Ramesh Srivastava ventured to Scotland in search of a lit degree. He instead returned as the Lone Star State’s answer to Belle & Sebastian’s Stuart Murdoch. Voxtrot’s second EP grabs the baton from 2005’s Raised By Wolves in full stride.

Reverb-heavy guitars jangle and entwine with melodious bass while danceable drums incite the argyle sock-hoppers. Lyrically, Srivastava continues to employ hairpin turns of phrase and taut schemes that lend themselves ideally to his agile vocals. Granted, the disc lacks a track as instantly infectious as Wolves’ heady, Morrissey-minus-theissues “The Start of Something.” However, Mothers boasts a wealth of dynamics not found on its predecessor. “Fast Asleep” sees its bass-heavy thrust surrender to a lithe, violin-accompanied piano passage. A cello joins the complement on “Rise Up in the Dirt” and slide guitar lends all manner of ambience to “Four Long Days.” By the time a French horn sounds on “Soft & Warm,” it’s evident that Srivastava has taken serious strides as a songwriter/arranger. And all the Anglophiles implore: Bring on the full-length.

4/5

4/5

Trevor Risk

Curtis Woloschuk

IONMAGAZINE.CA 45

TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS Words Sam Kerr

The Internet is a great forum for liars. Many years ago, the telephone made face-to-face conversations faceless, and in doing, so it ushered in a golden age for those who didn’t want to tell the truth. No longer could one use the dignity of another’s gaze to gauge the depth of their dishonesty. The telephone turned communication into a detached voice spilling out of a plastic speaker. Today, Instant Messaging is changing the game once again by ridding human interaction of all human qualities whatsoever. There is no face to look at or voice to hear, no scent to smell or body language to read. What you have is an exchange of pixelated words on a computer screen. Thanks to this digital anonymity, one must constantly ask oneself: Do I really know who this person is, sitting at the other end of cyberspace?

My friend Erik set up a fake email account. Next, he went to hotornot.com and stole some pictures of a hot young girl, with slutty eyes. After that, Erik waited.

Erik would go out drinking with his friends and he would silently monitor their alcohol consumption. When one of these degenerate scumbags would separate himself from the pack and shine alone as the drunkest guy in the bar, the Alpha drunk, Erik would make a mental note. For the sake of this story let’s call that loser drunk ‘Sam.’ After an all night bender, Sam fires up his computer and notices that someone has added him to their list on MSN. He clicks on this mystery person to see their display picture: a hot young girl, with slutty eyes. Hung-over, confused, and horny, Sam can’t help but ask, ‘who are you?’

She responds, “I’m Tara, silly. Don’t you remember me? We met last night at the bar. You were making jokes about fat people. You’re sooooo right I hate fat people!”

Sam doesn’t remember meeting Tara last night, or making those comments 46 IONMAGAZINE.CA

for that matter. However he was excessively drunk, so Sam assumes that he must have picked her up during his blackout. Logical enough. Thus begins their online romance.

Erik is a good liar. He gets deep into the mind, and well under the skin, of this 19-year-old girl. Tara Holland has a life story. She studies at UBC but originally grew up in Kingston, Ontario. She has a fake roommate named Sarah who moved out from Winnipeg to become a hair stylist. Erik legitimizes Tara’s online authenticity by adopting the instant message mannerisms of your average young strumpet. He writes in pink font. He uses blushing emoticons. “Hahaha’ is replaced by the more feminine and adolescent ‘hee hee.’ Erik reads celebrity gossip magazines just to keep Tara up to date. He. She. Tara Holland is an intricately crafted web of deceit, and Sam is tangled deep within her lies.

A few weeks later, Tara starts an online fight with Sam, accusing him of being a shallow pervert who is interested in her exclusively for sex. Startled by the accuracy of her criticism, Sam’s only defense is to show his sensitive side. For two hours he pours out his heart like a drunkard on reality television. Sam is an emotional man. Erik knows that it is time to act.

Tara Holland likes muscles. She asks Sam to email her a shirtless photo exposing his sexy muscles. Without hesitation Sam obliges. After receiving the picture Tara asks Sam if he wants to meet her for some drinks at a local pub....

Sam immediately agrees.

The next night Sam arrives at the pub, ‘A’ game intact. POW, he is ready to run some mutha-fuckin’ game, boy! Meanwhile, Erik lurks in a dark corner of the pub, incognito. He watches Sam’s confident eyes as the waitress drops off a menu.

Sam orders a drink and tells the waitress a joke. Sam is fucking feeling it tonight kid. Erik focuses in on Sam’s eager eyes as they glance down to notice a piece of paper, sticking out of the bottom of his menu. Curiously, Sam removes the paper and goes paler than a Norwegian goth kid in December. Breathless, Sam stares at a picture of himself, shirtless, making slutty eyes at the camera.

Erik leaves the bar through a back door, thanking the waitress for her help on the way by. He strides confidently down the alley lighting a cigarette. The exact opposite of a sexual predator, Erik is looking for his next victim,

HOROSCOPE

Words Ernold Sane

‘‘ ‘ Men are from Mars and women are from the kitchen’...

Jokes like that are the reason why all the women in your life go to Speakers Corner, pay a buck to be on TV and squeal about how men are assholes. You and your ladies need to be buried under feces and dragged through the streets of the burbs by your corn-rows.

–CANCER June 22-July 22

’’

Leo

July 23-Aug 22

Even your dog is sick of you bringing its name up and thinks you’re a little BITCH. As exciting as vet bills and dog tricks sound, a more exhilarating sound would be the air that comes out of your dog’s ass right before he takes a nice big crap on someone... else’s lawn. Go pick up ‘Men are from mars and women are from the kitchen’, squeeze your bunions and read yourself, alone, to sleep.

Virgo

Aug 23-Sept 23

You feel the need to get people talking about you. Unfortunately hearing about you is like watching Biography on Elvis. We’ve heard it all before and we know that, in the end, you’re gonna be a sweaty fatty with a prescription drug problem. Let it go, try to blend in with your puss faced friends and fade away like Oasis.

Libra

Sept 24-Oct 23

Being a Libra with standards, you’ve been taking all of your dates to the library. However, you need to get your story straight when feeding your dates the lies of your upbringing. It’s obvious to most that your mother was a stripper and your grandad was a war

criminal, but when your date sees you in the morning without any eyebrows, the jig will be up on your alien abduction and anal massacre scarring. Your lucky color is wet pink.

Scorpio

Oct 24-Nov 22

Your dreams of stardom are as bleak as Madonna’s career in acting... although I did cry during Evita, (but that was because the knife I was using to slit my wrists had vinegar spilled on it from my fish ‘n’ chips) However, you can simply move your big dream down the ladder a notch. If you screw a judge and get a green card you can be the new host for AFV.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 You are finding that problems arise in family life, but as Jupiter enters your sign towards the end of summer, things will pan out. Kind of like when you and your close cousin played tickle fight and ended up naked, putting Batman stickers on each other.

Oh to be 21 again.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 Your drinking has spiraled out of control. While others lay blame on you and say you’re a pile of feathered crap, I believe you’re finding your true

self. It takes a strong person to push over those news boxes (to an eleven -year old, those things are heavy). It takes heart for someone to have two beers and suddenly talk like they’re from Compton. Keep it real, son.

AQUARIUS

Jan 21-Feb 19

You really should hang yourself with your precious neck-scarf. It’s five years tired and you haven’t cleaned that bacteria rag for so long that the Mycoplasma inside it have a strata set up and are about ready to off each other. True, the neck-scarf does hide your obvious awkwardness, but trust me, the awkward people are getting laid these days. Work on your stu-stustutter da-da-douche-bag.

PISCES

Feb 20-March 20

You’re disappointed that you don’t know enough good bands to have a good summer album so you keep reliving good times by playing Will Smith and Sheryl Crow, secretly wishing that someday they’d do a duet.

Pick up some Slowdive and start your life over because nothing you have done so far is worth continuing... keep that head up, scumbag.

ARIES

March 21-April 20

You’re Aries The Ram and there hasn’t been a better ram since Robert Downey Jr.’s first night in jail. You’ve succeeded in keeping your affair a secret, but as Saturn continues to move forward, your crabs will kick in and give you away. This is what happens when you get backstage and have sex at every show you go to. Unfortunately, the crabs will last longer than the bands you’re banging.

TAURUS

April 21-May 21

No one will be joining you at the beach this month or cashing in on your exciting “drinking on the patio” invitations. Your days as a cheese dick scenester are at and end. The Internet has made you, and due to your sad taste, everyone is logging off. Better runs were had in a Mexican toilet.

GEMINI

May 22-June 21

You’ve been wondering why your partners keep their distance from you sexually. Well the reason is, and I hate to beat around the bush, you need to groom your womb, buzz your fuzz, y’know, shave your cave, clip your rip, chop your slop.

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