march • FREE
understanding grindhouse miho hatori die mannequin mike libby
tel: 514-389-9495
TABLE OF CONTENTS 14 16 18 46 47 48
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Editor’s Letter Smile, you’re all over the internet. ION the Prize Of the Month Games about ice pirates, movies about how our God is an awesome God and a couple of cats in need of an exorcism. Tales of Ordinary Madness Tricking a girl into going on a date with you still counts as a date. Fact! Horoscopes This month ION grants Robert Dayton with the power to read the stars. Unfortunately, the stars say your dog is going to die. Sorry. The Perry Bible Fellowship
ART 20 Mike Libby Calvin and Hobbes comics taught us that Bats = Bugs. But according to Mike Libby, it’s Watch Parts = Bug
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FASHION 22 The Prince of Tides This month’s fashion editorial shot by Chris Haylett
FILM 28 Understanding Grindhouse Cinema it’s actually just a big coincidence that we’re printing this a month before the new Tarantino/Rodriguez movie Grindhouse comes out.
MUSIC 34 36 38 42 44
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Die Mannequin Faster, Mannequin! Die! Die! Miho Hatori Reading what this former member of Cibbo Matto has to say kind of makes you want to give her a big hug. The Pack Even coffee girls get the blues. Poster Art: Alice Phieu Reviews
514-389-9495
Volume 5 Number 2 Issue 37 Publisher
Vanessa Leigh vanessa@ionmagazine.ca
Editor in Chief Michael Mann editor@ionmagazine.ca Arts & Culture Editor Jennifer Selk jen@ionmagazine.ca Fashion Editor Vanessa Leigh fashion@ionmagazine.ca Acting Film Editor Michael Mann film@ionmagazine.ca Music Editor Bryce Dunn bryce@ionmagazine.ca Copy Editors Agata Zurek Editorial Intern Mariz Manansala Photo Editor Art Director Associate Art Director Design Assistant
Fiona Garden photos@ionmagazine.ca Danny Fazio danny@ionmagazine.ca Erin Ashenhurst erin@ionmagazine.ca Leslie Ma leslie@ionmagazine.ca
Advertising Jenny Goodman jenny@ionmagazine.ca Advertising Accounts Manager Natasha Neale natasha@ionmagazine.ca Contributing Writers: Degan Beley, David Bertrand, Robin Bougie, Robert Dayton, Amanda Farrell, Ryan Hoben, Filmore Mescalito Holmes, Sam Kerr, Sasha Langford, Adrian Mack, Mariz Manansala, Adam Menceles, Kliph Nesteroff, Trevor Risk, Adam Simpkins, Natalie Vermeer Contributing Photographers & Illustrators: Toby Marie Bannister, Chris Haylett, Kris Krug, Jason Lang, Mark Maryanovich, Mike Shantz ION is printed 10 times a year by the ION Publishing Group. No parts of ION Magazine may be reproduced in any form by any means without prior written consent from the publisher. ION welcomes submissions but accepts no responsibility for the return of unsolicited materials. The opinions expressed by writers and artists do not necessarily reflect those of ION Magazine. All content © Copyright ION Magazine 2006 Hey PR people, publicists, brand managers and label friends, send us stuff. Highresolution jpegs are nifty and all, but it’s no substitute for the real thing. Clothing, liquor, iPhones, CDs, vinyl, DVDs, video games, and a Wii can be sent to the address below. We’re serious about the Wii. 3rd Floor, 300 Water Street. Vancouver, BC, Canada. V6B 1B6 Office 604.696.9466 Fax: 604.696.9411 www.ionmagazine.ca feedback@ionmagazine.ca Cover Photography: Fiona Garden www.fionagardenphotography.com Model: Dani from TalentCo www.talentco.net
EDITOR’S LETTER ION THE PRIZE OF THE MONTH
EDITOR’S LETTER Words Michael Mann Photography Toby Marie Bannister
ION MAGAZINE 14
During the Second Punic War (218-202 BC), Archimedes allegedly took down a whole navy fleet with a big mirror. With the 2.0 Web Revolution (2004-present), we have an army of girls lifting up their shirts in front of their bathroom mirrors. Remember that “Right Now” video by Van Halen— minus David Lee Roth? You know, the one where it said “Right Now” followed by something thought provoking. Well if they were to remake that video today, the second or third Right Now statement would probably read “Right Now… there are bad nude pictures of someone you know on the internet.” Be afraid. The internet is great for finding stuff. But what it’s even better for is for accidentally finding stuff. In no other aspect of your life can something as minute as a misplaced keystroke lead you to seeing the most amazing or disgusting (or both) thing you’ve ever seen in your life. This most cer-
tainly never happens while searching through microfiche at the library. One alarming trend I’ve come across in recent years is amateur nude photographic self-portraits. Cindy Sherman these photos ain’t.They’re characterized by being poorly lit, with an obtrusive flash, and the subject usually has a dumb look on their face. Frighteningly, it’s not just the camwhores and college girls gone wild doing this. It’s women you know. Women with husbands and boyfriends, women with parents and grandparents, girls next door and girls upstairs. This is a relatively new phenomenon. I’m pretty confident there weren’t people in the 1800s taking their clothes off, holding pinhole cameras in front of really shiny sheets of copper and waiting eight hours for a photo to develop. Call it a weird conflux of digital technology and the cult of celebrity. What it boils down to is we have large groups of people who are so starved for attention they’ll take nude photos of themselves with their cameras and share them with the general public. It starts with a casual shot that maybe, even accidentally, shows a little too much cleavage. It’s a slippery slope from there. Before you know it, it’s
shirt up, tits out, snap, upload. Then bam! Some pervo sees the photo and it’s right click, save as to his hard drive. Experts say the only way to truly ensure that data can’t be recovered from a hard drive is to take a sledgehammer to it. Are you prepared to hunt down every single perv with an internet connection and take a sledgehammer to their computer? We tell people that smoking pot leads to heroin, that having a drink leads to alcoholism, that having a cigarette leads to lung cancer and that having sex leads to STDs. Why aren’t we educating people that taking bad and revealing photos of oneself with their camera and posting them on internet leads to a life of shame? I write this not to pass judgment, but to educate and encourage future generations to think carefully before publishing nude pics online. Always keep in mind that amateur nude photographic self-portraits are a lot like a loonie: once it leaves the mint, it’s in circulation forever. But unlike a loonie, when an amateur nude pic finds its way into the sewers of the internet, it just changes hands more rapidly. Consider yourself warned.
EDITOR’S LETTER ION THE PRIZE OF THE MONTH ION MAGAZINE 16
DICKIES GIRL Photography Fiona Garden The prize this month is an assortment of women’s clothing from Dickies Girl. If you can believe it, Dickies has been around since the 20s making overalls and work apparel. With Dickies Girl, this legendary brand offers up something different… sexy and fashionable street wear. The new Dickies Girl line features a diverse se-
lection of stylish and comfortable jeans, dresses, skirts and tees made for everywoman—including fantasy female mechanics that everyman secretly dreams will tune up his imaginary muscle car. To enter, go to www.ionmagazine.ca and click on contests.
EDITOR’S LETTER ION THE PRIZE OF THE MONTH ION MAGAZINE 18
DVD
DVD
DVD
Pets
Jesus Camp
Tideland
Shortbus
Chico & Les
The kids in Jesus Camp are pretty normal, apart from the fact that they’ve been raised almost militantly to promote Evangelical Christianity. The film follows three of them, and several hundred other future leaders of the Republican Party, as they head off to the Kids on Fire Summer Camp. At camp, the counselors tell them stuff like, “Warlocks are enemies of God. Had it been in the Old Testament, Harry Potter would have been put to death. You don’t make heroes out of warlocks,” while encouraging complete devotion to God and a subtle integration into Right wing ideology. The creepy earnestness of the children is what’s really frightening about the film. They pray and cry hysterically (satanically?!) as a proclamation of their love for Christ, and then follow it up with a trip to the local bowling alley where the recruitment for their Christian army continues.
We like a movie that begins with a warning from the director that you might not like this film. We like it even more when it’s Terry Gilliam issuing the warning. Vancouver’s Jodelle Ferland stars as Jeliza-Rose, the imaginative daughter of a former rockstar, Noah (Jeff Bridges). The two flee to Texas (actually Saskatchewan) after Jeliza’s mother (Jennifer Tilley) overdoses. Noah and Jeliza have a pretty typical father-daughter relationship: She cooks heroin for him, he dies and slowly decomposes in an armchair. Alone and not really comprehending that her dad is dead, Jeliza spends a macabre summer talking to severed Barbie doll heads and her taxidermist neighbours—a mentally handicapped man with a big scar and his older sister, who lost an eye to a bee sting. If you dug Pan’s Labyrinth and are up for a more challenging adult fairy-tale of an innocent child using her imagination to cope with her horrible surroundings, you might like this film. Then again, you might not.
Prudes beware, this is the John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig and the Angry Inch) movie where former Much Music VJ and current CBC personality Sook-Yin Lee really has sex on film. And it’s not just her too, lots of people have sex in this film. One man even sings the “Star Spangled Banner” into another man’s bare buttocks (it took three hours to come up with an inoffensive way to word that last sentence). True, Shortbus is beautifully shot, well acted and has some sort of story, but it’s highly unlikely that a single person will rent this movie because of those factors. No, they’re going to rent it for the sex and the controversy. But that’s okay and it doesn’t make you a pervert because it’s art, right?
Steve Murray of Vancouver sent us the following picture and wrote, “I took this shot about two months ago with my girlfriend’s digital camera. When I saw the result on the display, I was amazed/terrified. I always knew there was something otherworldly about the pair, I just never knew it was in the windows to their tiny little souls.“ Poor Steve. What he doesn’t know is that it’s his girlfriend’s camera that’s actually possessed and not the cats. Spirits and demons are tricky that way. Send your animal pictures to pet@ionmagazine.ca. If we use them we’ll give you a prize that pales in comparison to having your pet immortalized in print.
Game
Contributor
Lost Planet
Smooth Moves
Kliph Nesteroff
Robin Bougie
Did somebody say ice pirates? That’s what you are in the Xbox 360 exclusive title, Lost Planet. A filthy ice pirate who’s lost his memory. Think of this game as Dune meets Starship Troopers taking place on the ice planet Hoth. While you wait for your memory to come back, why not hunt for some ice pirate treasure. Your “booty” in this game is a precious futuristic fuel that you need to keep from freezing to death. Unfortunately, to get the fuel you need to waste bugs that are the size of skyscrapers. Fortunately, you have grenades, lasers, machine guns and a Bionic Commando-style grappling hook—anyone remember that game? If it gets too crazy, you can step into a VS suit, which turns you into a gigantic robot à la Robotech. Take a break from the story mode and take the action to Xbox Live and waste your fellow ice pirate nerds while screaming “brrr arrr brrr!” into your headset.
It’s fun to sit around and ponder the question: “if my video game was a neurological disorder, which one would it be. WarioWare: Smooth Moves for Nintendo’s Wii would undoubtedly be ADHD as it consists of over 200 micro-games that last about five seconds and use the Wii Remote in a different way. To make it even more insane, the longer you play, the faster things get. To make it even more insane, a lot of the games are five second nostalgic trips back to Nintendo games of yore like Zelda, Punch Out, Metroid, Star Fox and Mario Bros. You’ll the be the most popular nerd at the Wii party if you show up with this game. Best leave the Ritalin at home if you want to win.
Kliph Nesteroff is one of many who helped with our Grindhouse cinema guide this month. Kliph is a freelance writer responsible for the Generation Exploitation podcast, website and print zine. He is a regular contributor to CBC Radio One and Radio WFMU, and has had his work praised by both Vanity Fair and Comedy Central. In a former life he was known as stand-up comedian, Shecky Grey. Check out the Generation Exploitation podcast and blog at: http://playlist.citr.ca/podcasting/ xml/laughtracks.xml http://generationexploitation.blog spot.com
Robin, another one of many who helped with our Grindhouse cinema guide this month, has just published the 10 year anniversary issue (#20) of his infamous underground movie magazine Cinema Sewer; he is responsible for the recent 60 page filthy comic book anthology Sleazy Slice, as well as the DVD compilation known as The Retard-O-Tron Video Mixtape. In the works for Bougie in 2007: A 200 page softcover book collection of the first 12 issues of Cinema Sewer from U.K. publisher FABpress, Retard-O-Tron 2, and a religious triple-X movie called The Cumming of Jizzus featuring local porn industry luminaries such as the gorgeous Maya and Matt Daddy Deluxe. For more info visit: www.cinemasewer.com and Bougie’s daily blog: bougieman.livejournal.com
Photo by Kris Krug
Contributor
ION MAGAZINE
Game
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ART FASHION
FILM MUSIC
Frankenbugs
Mike Libby’s Insect Lab Words Degan Beley
ION MAGAZINE 20
The first question I ask Mike Libby is “Artist, entomologist or watchmaker?” Although the answer turns out to be firmly “artist,” when you see his delicate sculptures—made from dead insects and watch parts—you can’t help but think there’s got to be some overlap. Libby’s interweaving of organic, formerly living things and man-made creations is not new. In fact, it is the stuff of science fiction and, looking at some of the creepier insects, classic horror. At the same time, there is something undeniably compelling about the union. Antique looking cogs and gears fit perfectly into the space where guts would have been. Minute and second hands easily become antennae. Libby’s creations are an insect-phobe’s worst nightmare and a sciencefiction fan’s dream. Speaking to me over the telephone from his home in Portland, Maine, Libby tells me that inspiration for his Insect Lab came spontaneously one day in the form of an intact beetle on the ground. Next came the idea of an old wristwatch. The two seemed to come together quite naturally. He continued refining the process of combining creatures with cogs using neighbourhood crawlies, but since his local insect population is made up of garden variety bugs, he soon moved on to more exotic specimens ordered from international insect dealers. Frankly, I was so in awe of there being such a thing (as insect dealers) that during our conversation, Libby’s assertion that he often receives insects from regular folk didn’t raise my
eyebrow.“For some reason, it seems to be women who are the ones giving me these things,” Libby explained. I had been about to tell him that I have two moths in an Altoids tin he could have, but I chickened out. Libby’s current sculptural collection includes cybernetic spiders, butterflies, cicadas, dragonflies, beetles, bees and wasps. The mechanics side of the parts list has grown as well. He says he has so many different watch and clock parts (as well as diodes and pieces of circuitry board for the “high tech” looking pieces) that he can create pretty much anything that comes to mind.“I might use silver pieces and a blue diode, say, with a butterfly,” he told me,“While a big black beetle might lend itself better to corroded brass pieces.” The piece he was working on when we spoke was a huge black beetle that someone had custom ordered. He intended it to contain very simple cogs and clockwork and to have it look something like a contender at an end of the world battle of robots vs. humans. It sounded awesome, but I just hoped the guy who ordered it won’t ever invite me over! When Libby’s cyborg creatures are finished, they’re displayed either in glass bell jars or black shadow boxes labeled with their Latin names. And with names like Parantica Sita Sita and Chrisina Gloriosa, the labeling is almost as science-fictionesque as the creature creations themselves. I was convinced that while piecing together the intricacies of a butterfly and an LED, Libby would also
be concentrating hard on what kind of fabulous name the piece should have, but he assured me this is not the case. He said all the names are original and any wackiness is firmly the fault of entomology textbooks. So it seems there is a bit of humility here. While Libby is mechanizing nature, he doesn’t necessarily want to play God. He keeps as much as he can intact, carefully swapping in just a few parts. He says his work highlights the “confluences between the natural and mechanical worlds.” In the end, Libby describes his work as “eight years of correspondences between unlike things,” and this is certainly accurate. The end results of his efforts are small sculptures that seem to go both backwards and forwards in time. Libby feels his works have a “steampunk aesthetic,” referring to an offshoot of science fiction that roots itself in the Victorian age of industrial, steam-based technologies, but his works sometimes feature modern inventions as well. Libby graduated with a degree in sculpture from the Rhode Island School of Design and has shown his work in New York, Rhode Island and Maine. While he’s shown his bugs in galleries before, it’s not something he’s keen on doing at the moment. So if you want to see these extraordinary creatures in the flesh, you’ll just have to order one of your own. You can find the Insect Lab online at www.insect labstudio.com
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the
e c i r P n f
Tide
photography Chris Haylett for Theyrep.com Styling Leila Bani for Theyrep.com Grooming Sonia Leal-Serafim for Theyrep.com Fashion assistant Anna L. Thirkell Model Chris at Richard’s models
PREVIOUS SPREAD: Cape by Belstaff, jeans by Obey, necklace by Richard Kidd, boots by Sorel Kaufman Canada. LEFT: Jacket and shorts by Belstaff, tank top by Richard Kidd, scarf by Etro from Holt Renfrew, sunglasses by Gsus. ABOVE: T-shirt by Process Clothing, collared shirt and pants by Gsus, blazer by Paul Smith from Holt Renfrew.
ABOVE: Sweater and pants by Polo Ralph Lauren from Holt Renfrew, cardigan by Triple 5 Soul. RIGHT: Trenchcoat and shirt by Bertoni, hoodie by Triple 5 Soul, pants by Gsus, shoes are stylist’s own.
ART FASHION
FILM
Words: David Bertrand, Robin Bougie, Robert Dayton, Adrian Mack, Michael Mann and Kliph Nesteroff Illustration: Mike Shantz
MUSIC ION MAGAZINE 28
Us youngsters will never understand the sleazy pleasures of the early cinematic pervert. In the glorious 70s, there was no VHS or Betamax. No DVDs, youTubes, on-demand podcasts, or home theatres. If you wanted grime, you had to go downtown and find it—at a scummy, dangerous grindhouse. That word—probably one of this century’s most badass—is all over town thanks to the impending theatrical take-over of Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’s new gutter-film extravaganza... Grindhouse. Taking their sleazoid obsessions to the hilt, each writer/director made a 60-minute film which plays back-to-back as a double-feature. Tarantino’s Death Proof stars Kurt Russell as a psycho stuntman slaughtering vixens with his muscle car, while Rodriguez’s Planet Terror has a rag-tag gang—including a chick with a machine gun for a leg—taking on flesh-munching zombies. Between films are fake trailers directed by other fanboys-turned-superstars: Rob Zombie (House of 1000 Corpses), Eli Roth (Hostel), and Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead). Also look for Nicolas Cage as a notorious, racist stereotype Fu Manchu. Clearly, this is all very awesome. But what’s a grindhouse? The 60s fall-out brought free love, drugs, gratuitous violence and callous despondency to the public eye. Vietnam was televised; Deep Throat made pornography mainstream. The gritty new director-driven Hollywood—Altman, Scorcese, Coppola, De Palma, Peckinpah—shifted radically away from weak-kneed studio blowhards, while artsy foreign stuff—Bunuel, Bergman, Godard—took a shit on cinema’s rulebook. Roger
Corman taught producers how to pump out a gazillion cheap flicks a year with shameless marketing, censors loosened up a little. Tits, gore, dirt, nastiness and acid trips were what the new youth culture wanted to see. Enter the lowbrow cinema bliss of the exploitation film. Films sold on scandalousness, sensationalism, and gooey cheap thrills—mostly sex and drug-related—had been around since the 30s, but it was at the turn of the 70s that all kinds of crazy taboo shit was let loose on the world from every corner of the globe. Particularly Italy. Zombies, cannibals, sex slaves, black-gloved killers, lesbian nuns, women’s prisons, post-apocalyptic he-men, “educational” mondo films, martial arts, geysers of spraying samurai blood, blaxploitation, junkies, bikers, girl gangs, acid-crazed hippies gone mad, rape-revenge... Major theatre chains avoided this stuff. Thrill seekers had to go to drive-in theatres—a teenage staple since the 50s—or better yet, their nastier urban equivalent, the grindhouse. These once-thriving inner-city playhouses had turned to bump-and-grind burlesque before finally deevolving into sleazeball movie palaces by the late 60s. New York’s 42nd St.—long notorious for prostitution, peep shows, pimps, perverts and pillpoppers—was the grindhouse Shangri-La until the mid-80s, when city hall shut them all down to make the area more Disney-friendly. Tarantino and Rodriguez grew up adoring this cinematic underbelly... and Grindhouse is their imitative tribute. Not surprising, since Tarantino’s career is based on “homages” to other filmmaker’s cool shit—Reservoir Dogs is Kubrick’s The Kill-
ing via Ringo Lam’s City on Fire, Kill Bill milks the female samurai revenge saga Lady Snowblood, and Tarantino’s portion of Four Rooms apes the climax of an Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode (with a nasty twist). In doing that, he’s had critics and audiences slurping his jock for the last 15 years. Anything attached to Tarantino, no matter how frivolous the association (“Presented by Quentin Tarantino”, “One of Quentin Tarantino’s favourite films”) carries more weight, gravitas and head-nodding approval than a best picture Oscar. But by lauding his influences in every shot and every interview, Tarantino became the gateway for the under-30 generation into the wonders of exploitation. He mentions a film—people watch it. Critics now take “trash” films seriously. And with the wonderful DVD revolution, every neglected hunk of grindhouse greatness has exploded from the scrapheap with a pristine THX-mastered, 3-disc DVD release with ten hours of bonus material. It’s weird that, for sheer options and availability, 2007 is a way better time to be a lover of sleaze cinema than in sleaze’s heyday. It’s all so easily available. The true grindhouse vibe, though, is definitely dead and gone—we’ll all be watching Grindhouse the movie in a multiplex with clean seats and a five dollar taco. And we’ll like it. But next time Quentin, how about restoring crumbling old movie dens throughout the continent by playing your movie there only. Start an anachronistic revolution. People will go if you tell them. And it will be sweet. –David Bertrand
Oesspool Pinemas
ION MAGAZINE
The most grindhousey place on earth was the Deuce in New York’s Times Square back when it was still nasty. The theatres there covered every single cinematic genre of import, namely Martial Arts, Mondo, Cannibal, and Zombie movies, along with Biker, Women in Prison, and Nazi Sex Camp flicks, plus nunsploitation, blaxploitation, sexploitation… all the ‘ploitations, really, all there in one glorious, neon soaked ground zero of sleaze. It’s gone now, replaced by a lot of terrible crap, but you can still see it in the movies if you know where to look. Check out Midnight Cowboy for numerous wintry shots of the fabulous palaces of turpitude, profanity and tits and ass that lined 42nd St. between 7th and 8th Ave., right in its prime. Or Taxi Driver, in which crazed Vietnam vet Travis Bickle takes a girl to see a porno at the notorious Lyric Theatre, and for some reason she spazzes out like a total bitch. If those two movies are a little too “Oscar” for your tastes, the opening sequence of Umberto Lenzi’s cannibal flick Eaten Alive
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ART FASHION
FILM MUSIC
GRINDHOUSE CLASSICS A*P*E (1976. South Korea/USA) | Image Joanna Kerns, of Growing Pains fame, fights a giant killer ape! The King Kong formula has been done many times over in wonders like Son of Kong (1933), Mighty Joe Young (1951), and Mighty Peking Man (1977), not to mention King Kong (1976) and King Kong (2005). But never so ineptly and ridiculously as in the 1976 Korean blockbuster A*P*E—originally shown in 3D! Joanna De Varona stars as the damsel in distress (before she changed her name to the Maggie Seaver you know and love). Unlike far too many monster movies that have you waiting forever until the menacing confrontation, A*P*E starts with crazy monkey destruction right from the get go. No effort is made to help you with suspension of disbelief either as a guy in an obvious ape suit wrestles with toy ships and stuffed animals. They’re supposed to represent actual cattle and an actual navy, and if A*P*E
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were an artsy metaphor for some greater political message, perhaps they would’ve succeeded. But that’s not the point. The point is a giant pri-
Blue Sunshine (1976. USA) | Synapse
pessimistic, low budget gut-puncher follows a
Maybe the reason my hair is falling out is due
trio of luckless kidnappers who abduct a virginal
impalement, decapitation, castration, animal
to all the acid I took years ago. That’s what hap-
teenage girl (Susan Sennet) and bury her alive.
cruelty and, of course, cannibalism. This mov-
pened to the characters in this 1977 must see.
They demand a fortune in diamonds as ransom
ie introduced viewers to the concept of “found
Ahhhh, acid. Acid is fun but deadly. A 10 year de-
from her stepfather who happens to have been
real footage” almost 20 years before The Blair
footage we see gratuitous acts of rape, torture,
layed effect from Blue Sunshine acid caused the
looking for a way to get rid of the bratty teen any-
Witch Project. To help perpetuate the belief that
male and female (yes, ladies it can happen to
ways. Unfortunately for Candy, a seven year old
the documentary footage was real, the actors
you) pattern baldness in this pockmarked gem.
mute autistic boy is the only witness to where
signed contracts to not make any public appear-
Oh, and their eyes roll up in their head and they
the kidnappers buried her. The kidnappers get
ances for a year after the film’s release. The trick
become wildly murderously psychopathic. Wigs
more and more desperate, insane, and brutal
worked as the film was confiscated by Italian au-
galore in this well thought out intelligent ex-
as the story unravels. The violence and depravity
thorities and the director was nearly thrown in
ploito. I thought it’d be more far out but I actually
end up out of control, ending the movie in one
jail for making a snuff film. Adding to the con-
applaud that it wasn’t, as it makes it all the more
of the most nihilistic downer finales of its era.
troversy was that the uncut film has six real acts
plausibly scary. Hallucinations mapped out into
This delivers everything one could hope for from
of animal cruelty and is one of the reasons why
a grimly bizarre reality; the look, the vibe, the ac-
a film of this kind: lurid sex, sudden violence,
Cannibal Holocaust has been banned in too
tors and locations all seem to be part of a come
extreme characters, shocking plot turnabouts,
many countries to list off. If reading that incites
down sprung on us, the audience. And we are
and highly quotable dialogue. For decades The
you to write a letter, might we suggest sending it
all better for it. Is it a drug hysteria film? No, it’s
Candy Snatchers wallowed in obscurity thanks
to Sylvester Stallone’s kid? He owns Grindhouse
no Reefer Madness, it’s not based on reactionary
to never having joined the home video or DVD
Releasing, the company that put out the uncen-
fear but more as a type of “What if?” scenario. At
format, and yet it’s infamous reputation thrived
sored DVD last year.
the time that this movie was made, no one had
amongst collectors.
really done any research into the long-term effects of LSD on the human mind as it was too new a drug; though it was known that flashbacks occurred years after ingestion! Blue Sunshine is an important cautionary tale to be sure, one that doesn’t show teens falling off of buildings believing that they can fly. Not that there’s anything wrong with that either.
-Robert Dayton
-Robin Bougie
-Michael Mann
Double Agent 73 (1974. USA) | Image
Cannibal Holocaust (1980. Italy)
Chesty Morgan is the star of this film, and if the
Grindhouse Releasing
fact that a woman named “Chesty” is featured
The most notorious cannibal movie of all time.
doesn’t entice you, then you might as well stop
Four young Americans head off to the Amazon
reading now. Along with its companion picture
to shoot a documentary but never return. So
Deadly Weapons (both released in 1974), this
Professor Harold Monroe (played by Robert
is what you might call a classic in the exploita-
Kerman of Debbie Does Dallas fame) heads
tion film genre. Director Doris Wishman was one
off to the “green inferno” and discovers that
of very few women to churn out pictures for the
mate raising havoc for 87 minutes without any
The Candy Snatchers (1973. USA)
the group were eaten by cannibals. Monroe is
grindhouse circuit, and she did so rather prolifi-
explanation. At one point the ape raises his furry
Subversive Cinema
able to recover the footage and returns to New
cally. Double Agent 73 tells the story of a car-
middle finger to the sky, as if to say, “The joke’s
Incorporating drive-in/grindhouse sleaze with
York to sift through the National Geographic
toonishly endowed woman acting as a secret
on you, movie-goer.” A gem.
classic noir pot-boiler elements, this intensely
documentary gone horribly wrong. In the grainy
agent to bust up (ha, get it?) a heroin ring. In
-Kliph Nesteroff
order to be extra sneaky, she undergoes surgery
Bert let his creative juices flow, 1958’s Attack of
But Goodbye Uncle Tom is not so much a racist
to have a camera installed into her 73 inch bo-
the Puppet People had a crazy twist in which
film as it is a completely misguided and taste-
soms. In potentially the greatest scene in film
the lead characters shrink… and terrorize the
less grindhouse movie. Whatever lessons about
history, she breaks into an office in the middle
American countryside. However, there is a scene
racism there are to be learned, they’ll be large-
of the night, unearths some secret files, tosses
prior to the shrinkage in which the lead charac-
ly overshadowed by the rampant exploitation.
them onto the desk, rips open her shirt, and clan-
ters go to the drive-in and watch… The Amazing
This is the cinematic testament to good inten-
destinely takes photos of them. Why this couldn’t
Colossal Man!
have been done with just a normal every day camera is a question you should never ask. This picture also inspired the far tamer Chesty Anderson, USN.
-K.N.
-K.N.
Goodbye Uncle Tom (1971. Italy)
tions gone completely awry, and it should not be missed.
-R.B.
Blue Underground
Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks
You may think you’ve seen some shock-
(1976. Canada/USA) | Anchor Bay
ing and outrageous movies, but you haven’t
Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS is a pretty tasteless wom-
peeped poop until you’ve peeped Jacopetti
an in a prison film set in a Nazi concentration
Joan Collins of Dynasty fame fights giant killer
and Prosperi’s Goodbye Uncle Tom, and their
camp (actually the set of Hogan’s Heroes). Ilsa
ants! Should be enough said, right? However,
even more incendiary Director’s Cut version. This
(Dyanne Thorne), the busty blonde comman-
the real story of this film lies with that of its film-
Italian made, pseudo-documentary race-ploita-
dant, performs brutal experiments to show that
maker, Bert I. Gordon, a nearly talentless man ut-
tion classic from 1971 is the most controversial
women are superior to men, and consequent-
terly determined on his subject matter. In 1957,
and epic cinematic depiction of the American
ly, should be allowed to fight in the war. Even
his picture Beginning of the End told the story
slave trade and its brutal legacy that I’ve ever
though she dies at the end of the movie (sorry
of gigantic grasshoppers terrorizing the coun-
seen. Imagine if modern filmmakers took a trip
to spoil it for you), Ilsa somehow comes back to
tryside, and The Cyclops, made the same year,
to the pre-Civil War American Deep South, and
life for a sequel and is in charge of a Harem for
was the story of a giant one-eyed man terror-
excitedly recorded all the injustices they saw.
a horny oil baron, El Sharif. Ilsa takes kidnapped
izing the Mexican countryside. These were fol-
Rape, torture, children being sold as sex toys,
Western girls, strips them of their clothes and
lowed by The Amazing Colossal Man and War
beatings, racial and sexual humiliation, and the
teaches them how to be good little lovers. The
of the Colossal Beast, both about a gigantic
overall dehumanisation of mankind as it truly
ever-present threat of a hungry rat keeps the girls
man terrorizing the Nevada countryside. 1958’s
existed in America’s not-so-humble past. There’s
obedient. If only Americans would come to the
Earth vs. The Spider has a self-explanatory title.
a lot of angry rhetoric and also some very dis-
rescue! The acting and scripts of most low-bud-
In 1965, Bert G. came out with Village of the
turbing staged modern footage of some Black
get pornos put this film to shame. So why would
Giants, a mod cheapie about gigantic teenag-
Panthers slicing up a white couple and smash-
you watch this? Because Ilsa’s a Canadian cre-
ers terrorizing the adult countryside. Come 1976
ing a honky infant head against a wall like a ripe
ation and you can tell people you’ve seen it, of
it was Food of the Gods which featured gigantic
melon. The movie has been called one of the
course.
farm animals terrorizing the barnyard and coun-
most racist films ever made, and that accusa-
tryside and then 1977’s marvellous Empire of
tion is certainly seeded in the fact that many of
Maniac (1980. USA) | Blue Underground
the Ants. There actually was one film in which
the slaves are portrayed as barely being human.
This movie is mandatory! Earlier and superior
-M.M.
ION MAGAZINE
Empire of the Ants (1977. USA) | MGM
gives you a brief tour of the district, with an especially nice shot of the Harris, a cinema generally remembered as “menacing”, situated next to 42nd St.’s only all male bathhouse, the New Barracks. You probably shouldn’t ask me how I know that. The Harris specialized in unwholesomely sexy thrillers, or “roughies”, like The Dirty Dolls and The Candy Snatchers. Eaten Alive would eventually end up down the street at the Liberty, a relatively upscale venue that went for Eurosleaze garbage like, well, Eaten Alive. If you want something that adds a meta-textual feel to the experience, and also makes you horny, look for Michael Findlay’s Young and Wet; the demented account of a pornographer’s violent demise, set right in the Deuce, with some of Findlay’s other movies still adorning the marquees along 42nd. It’s the closest we’ll ever get to that magical place, in that magical time, although you can always rent Five Fingers of Death while you go through a box of pop-Adrian Mack pers.
31
ART FASHION
FILM MUSIC to Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. Written by
Wild Women, though not as good it’s still an en-
Spider Baby (1968. USA) | Image
kooky theme song! Filmed in justifiably apropos
and starring the great Joe Spinell (Taxi Driver,
joyably nasty romp.
Pretty much all of director Jack Hill’s films are
black and white.
-R.D.
Godfather), Maniac is character driven, dramat-
-R.D.
highly watchable exercises in pure entertain-
ic, gritty, downbeat and sleazy as hell. 1980 NYC
Snuff (1976. USA) | Blue Underground
ment that slip and slide across the exploitation
anyone? Excessive gore by Savini looks impec-
The notorious Snuff begins with porn/exploita-
genre; whether it be his very influential Women
Thriller aka They Call Her One Eye (1974. Sweden) | Synapse
cable—very excessive gore that’s a perfect un-
tion team Michael and Roberta Findlay and their
In Prison movies Women In Cages and Big Doll
“The roughest revenge movie ever made! There’s
flinching fit. A very believable movie, except for
1971 film Slaughter. This Argentinian-lensed
House, his strong female blaxploitation mov-
never been anything as tough as that movie.”
the part where the hot fashion photographer
cheapee was a Manson Family cash-in, poorly
ies Foxy Brown and Coffy, or his violent teen-
(Quentin Tarantino on Thriller, in Total Film mag-
falls for the paunchy pock marked serial killer.
dubbed and kinda boring... despite the bad-ass
age girl gang flick Switchblade Sisters and
azine). Known for appropriating much of what
That’s not so believable. But hey, the DVD has
biker chicks, tan-line tits and Charlie character
so on.... But the one film of his that is nearest
makes his films cool from lesser known exploi-
awesome bonuses: feature trailers, a short doc
named Satãn (!!!). Producer Allan Shackleton
and dearest to my heart is the strange Spider
tation classics, Quentin nicked Darryl Hannah’s
on Joe Spinell, examples of the critical outrage
bought the film and shelved it, until news reports
Baby. Expressionistic and nearly genre defy-
matching eyepatch and attitude from the Swedish film Thriller (or They Call Her One-Eye,
about so-called snuff films—genuine murders,
ing, perhaps loosely falling into horror, relying
filmed for the purpose of entertainment—in-
on eeriness, slow shivers and creeps, and in
as it’s more commonly known amongst movie
spired Shackleton to shoot a new ending and
no way conventionally structured, it fits in with
dorks). The harrowing story of a mute farm girl
Satan’s Sadists is the best biker flick that I have
rename it Snuff. The film now abruptly freeze-
other films of this ilk, films of the Bizarre, films
who unwittingly hitches a ride with a pimp who
ever ever (paste another ‘ever’ here) seen! It is
frames during a pregnant starlet’s murder. Cut to
that are my personal favourites because they
victimizes young ladies by kidnapping them,
seriously extreme! I am getting more and more
the “real” film set, behind-the-scenes. Shooting
share the same previously mentioned charac-
getting them hooked on heroin, locking them
fascinated by director Al Adamson. This movie is
wraps, but the burly director and a young female
teristics: Peeping Tom, Night Of The Hunter, Eyes
in a room and then pimping out their asses un-
this movie garnered and more!
-R.D.
Satan’s Sadists (1969. USA) | Troma
brutal and inhumane and fun! One biker (who
assistant are really “turned on.” They start to frol-
Without A Face, and, hell, let’s throw in Carnival
til their various orifices are blown out n’ crusty.
looks like Lee Hazlewood but with a fake mous-
ic; crew members discreetly roll camera. The ex-
Of Souls as well. Containing heaps of black
She’s not into this so the pimp gouges one of
tache instead of a too legit to quit) is named
cited director then mutilates the girl and yanks
comedy steeped in its own profound dementia,
her eyes out to show her who’s boss. Her inno-
Acid so expect a tripped out sequence. Ahhhh,
out her entrails. “Shit, we ran out of film,” says
Spider Baby is about a family that suffers from a
cence crushed, she thinks of nothing else but
Acid. Acid is fun but deadly. Russ Tamblyn (he’s
the cameraman. End of movie. No credits (This is
hereditary degenerative disease resulting from
revenge, and after gaining enough of his trust
Amber Tamblyn’s dad, kids) plays the leader of
preserved on the DVD which also has no menu).
inbreeding. This disease causes them to have
to be let out of the hump-hovel, gets training in
this utterly remorseless gang of bikers. I have
Snuff was the first film to self-impose a phoney
a taste for human flesh, amongst other things.
martial arts, gun shooting and driving. What fol-
ION MAGAZINE
never seen a gang of bikers so nasty on screen
“Rated X for Violence.” Shackleton anonymous-
Don’t expect large dollops of gore though, this
lows is a roaring rampage of revenge against
before! And there’s a great Vegas style crooning
ly tipped-off newspapers and women’s activist
film has no need for it. Lon Chaney Jr. was not
the pimps and the johns who defiled her, and
soundtrack theme (“By the time I was born I was
groups about a “real” snuff film in theatres, re-
known to turn down roles in a great many B hor-
it’s utterly breathtaking in its sexualized violence.
killing...killing for....Satan”) and some creative
sulting in picketers, protests, banned screenings,
ror flicks towards the sunset of his career but
In the lead role is Christina Lindberg, who many
photography including my fave exploito staple
FBI investigations, intense media coverage and
his performance here as the caretaker is gentle
cult film aficionados (myself included) consider
of action being viewed slightly askew through an
huge profits. Shackleton hardly spent an adver-
and nuanced. Exploitation stalwart Sid Haig im-
to be one of the most beautiful women to ever
old cracked car windshield. I also recommend
tising dime. Snuff remains the mutha of all ur-
presses as the “baby” of the family. Lon Chaney
bust shit up in a 70s exploitation movie.
32
the Adamson female biker gang classic Angels’
ban myths.
Jr. also sings the opening animated creepy and
-David Bertrand
-R.B.
WHERE TO RENT
GRINDHOUSE MOVIES CALGARY
Bird Dog Video 1333 16th S.W. | 403.398.2283 Casablanca Video 2101 33rd S.W. Marda |403.240.3472 2100 4th S.W. | 403.244.4502
named Hal Miller. At the end of 1974, the same
film’s star and villain, Wings Hauser. The movie
year as Willie Dynamite’s release, Roscoe Orman
who sang the theme song to Shaft and pro-
follows a night in the life of Princess (Season
scored the part of “Gordon” on Sesame Street,
MONTREAL
incredible song, “Neon Slime,” screamed by the
Isaac Hayes is best known today as the guy
EDMONTON
Truck Turner (1974. USA) | MGM
The Lobby
Boite Noire
10815 82nd N.W. | 780.433.0600 Alternative Video Spot 10050 82nd |780.439.2233
4450 Saint-Denis | 514.287.1249 42 McGill | 514.844.8727 Phos
vided the voice for Chef on South Park, but in
Hubley), a caring mom who leaves her young
a role he would play everyday for the next 30
a perfect world he’d be best known as the stone
toddling daughter with a babysitter so she can
years. The music is composed by J.J. Johnson,
5417 Chemin de la Cote-des-Neiges
col’ nigga who handcuffed lightnin’ and bitch-
prowl the streets as a no-nonsense whore who
who also put together the funk filled sounds
514.738.1040
slapped thunder in this seminal blaxploitation
ends up getting stalked by a crazy and violent
for the Across 110th Street soundtrack—the ti-
La Septieme
classic. Isaac comes correct as Mack “Truck”
pimp named Ramrod. Her first john of the night
tle theme which was also used by Tarantino in
3606 Ontario E. | 514.596.0854
Turner, a skip tracin’ bounty hunter who is fully
turns out to be an undercover cop, but Princess
Jackie Brown. This one’s a winner.
Video Beaubien
adept at “bustin’ heads and breakin’ jaws”. In
identifies him before she even gets in the car:
Truck’s ghetto world, the pimps are mean, the
“Do I look like a cop?” he asks with a smile.
Zombi 2 (1979. Italy) | Blue Underground
hos are savvy, and the madams are downright
Princess flashes a sexy grin and replies, “Does
Okay, so you’ve seen Day of the Dead, sequel
lethal. Case in point: Star Trek’s Nichelle Nichols’
a teddy bear have cotton balls?” When director
to Dawn of the Dead. Good work. But have you
(Lt. Uhura!) portrayal of Dorinda, a madam with
Gary Sherman was interviewed about the expe-
seen Lucio Fulci’s Zombi 2, the unofficial Italian
an ultra filthy mouth,“the finest bitches around”,
rience of making Vice Squad, he candidly spoke
sequel to Dawn of the Dead? A boat shows up
964 Queen W. |416.530.0006
and a squad of ruthless, blinged-out killers at her
about the fallout his skeezy grindhouse movie
in New York with a zombie stowaway that bites
Queen Video
disposal all hell-bent on blasting Truck’s balls
had in more reputable circles: “I got calls from
the jugular of a harbour patrolman. The police
412 Queen W. | 416.504.3030
off. Yet another entry in American International
John Milius and Martin Scorsese saying ‘Wow,
haven’t even seen Night of the Living Dead and
688 College | 416.532.0555
Pictures fine line up of grindhouse crowd-pleas-
where in the fuck did this come from?’ People in
thus aren’t too concerned. So a reporter and
480 Bloor W. | 416.588.5767
ers. This movie sports intense action, funky mu-
Hollywood were fighting about it. People reacted
the daughter of the boat’s owner begin an in-
Suspect Video & Culture
sic, outrageous characters, and some of the
pretty violently to it. I actually lost a picture be-
vestigation which leads them to an island full
619 Queen W. | 416.504.7135
most entertaining dialogue and situations to be
cause of it.”
of zombies. But screw the plot, here’s all you re-
Vintage Video
ally need to know about Zombie. 1) The score
604 Markham | 416.538.9927
found in the blaxploitation genre. Ultra-under-
750 Beaubien E. | 514.273.6428
is amazing. 2) Fulci’s zombies look better than
Velvet Blue.
This blaxploitation ditty stars a man who you’ve
Romero’s zombies. 3) For no good reason, a
seen act hundreds of times. Maybe thousands.
woman goes scuba diving topless. Underwater
Vice Squad (1982. USA) | Anchor Bay
Roscoe Orman. What’s that? You’ve never heard
she encounters a shark and a zombie. Then
Vice Squad rockets into action with what may
of Orman? Well, in Willie Dynamite (or Willie D.,
there’s an extended underwater fight scene be-
be one of the finest opening credit sequences
as the title theme refers to him) Roscoe plays
tween the zombie and the shark. Just what are
in the history of cinema: A veritable neon mon-
a coke snorting, fur sporting, prostitute exploit-
you trying to suggest with this scene? That being
tage of shitty Hollywood street life jam-packed
ing, BMW driving pimp. Does the actor sound fa-
underwater has an inverse effect on a zombie’s
with skeezy whores, dangerous pimps, dubi-
miliar yet? After strutting to the wawa pedaled
speed and they become lightening quick killers
ous johns, strutting cops, chickenhawks, leather
sounds in this film, Orman was immediately cast
who are capable of fending off sharks with their
men, hoboes, trannies, and bikers—all set to an
in a popular television show replacing an actor
bare hands? Don’t make me laugh. -M.M.
-R.B.
After Dark Video 1043 Bathurst | 416.533.7500 Black Dog Video
Black Dog Video 3541 Cambie | 604.873.6958 1470 Commercial | 604.251.3305 Happy Bats Cinema 198 E.15th | 604.877.0666 Limelight 2505 Alma | 604.228.1478 Videomatica 1855 W. 4th | 604.734.0411
ION MAGAZINE
Willie Dynamite (1974. USA) | Universal
VANCOUVER
rated Yaphet Kotto is amazing as the evil pimp
TORONTO
-R.B.
-K.N.
33
ART FASHION
FILM MUSIC
FAILURE TO LAUNCH Die Mannequin’s CARE FAILURE Words Adam Menceles
ION MAGAZINE 34
Die Mannequin, what does it mean? “It’s the name of a German dictator and it also means spatula in Bora Bora,” says Care Failure, the saucy lady who doubles as the lead singer and guitarist for Die Mannequin, a hard rock band playing out of Toronto. She and I had a very interesting conversation over the phone about life and the meaning of her music. Speaking of meaning, Failure told me, “The story behind the song ‘Autumn Cannibalist’ is about fucking a guy and then killing him.” Sounds pretty normal to me. Intrigued by this, I then asked about one of her bandmates’ nicknames. “Our drummer’s nickname is Ghostwolf because he was raised by Wolves.” She could have been joking (she probably was) but she said it quite seriously. Right... So Die Mannequin’s songs are mostly about love and loss served with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Their new album, How to Kill, is a collection of dark and introspective songs that speak of troubled youth and stories of a hard road traveled. It’s music that will give you a pleasant discomfort and a familiar unease. It’s best received while having a couple of beers and a few smokes in a dark, well used rock ‘n’ roll bar. While listening to Die Mannequin’s songs, you’ll swear you’re hearing a dejected incarnation of Sonic Youth. This gal’s got what it takes to lead
her band into the rough and tumble world of Rock ‘n’ bloody Roll. Die Mannequin are relatively new, having been around for just over a year now. But in their fairly short existence, they’ve already scored an opening spot on tour with Guns N’ Roses. Sure, the only remaining member of GN’R is an aging, braided weirdo with a temper, but nonetheless, the idea is quite kick-ass. I asked Failure to share some tour stories and she quickly recounted everything from strangle-fights with Axl Rose, to antics involving The Trailer Park Boys and Skid Row’s Sebastian Bach. Despite opening for GN’R, Die Mannequin’s sound—ranging from depressingly cool to chillingly morbid—is influenced by bands that are a bit more alternative: Nirvana, The Pixies and Eagles of Death Metal to name a few. Failure went on to share this amusing story about the first concert she ever attended. “I was 16 years old when I left home. One day I just packed up my bags, died my hair bleach blonde so the cops couldn’t track me, and that night I went to a Sonic Youth concert.” Live music is certainly an important part of Failure’s musical identity. She says that if a band can perform live to an audience and still kick ass, they’ve got what it takes to make it. No tricks, bells
or whistles. No mixers, voice doohickeys or fake guitars. The live show is it. A current example of this is Eagles of Death Metal, whom Failure kept raving about. She says,“The Eagles of Death Metal show had to be one of my favourites.” This rocker is a feisty one. She’s not exactly the girly type, but she does have an opinion about women in music. She feels that right now it’s a pretty level playing field when it comes to guys and girls garnering respect as rockers. She also says that she’s not so sure there’s much of a difference between the audiences that male and female artists attract. On the flip side, she believes that female artists currently offer a more novel approach to their music, and can therefore stand out in the crowd. So what exactly did I take away from this interview? There is a dissonance in Care Failure’s personality; she is friendly but appears not to care. This may seem contradictory to her name. Toughness and rebelliousness are strong in this young lass’s character. Failure is bizarrely easy to get along with.There’s comfort in her voice as well as a casual uniqueness that I can’t quite put my finger on. If you crave rock music with a dark ‘n dirty twist, Die Mannequin is ready to teach you how to kill.
ION MAGAZINE 35
ART FASHION
FILM MUSIC ION MAGAZINE 36
Viva LA WOMAN!
MIHO HATORI Words Natalie Vermeer
A lot has happened since Miho Hatori made the move from the Tokyo area to New York to attend art school in the early 90s. Since accidentally letting Cibo Matto take over her studies, she’s made music with Russell Simmons, Beastie Boys, Gorillaz, Sean Lennon, Medeski Martin & Wood, Stephen Merritt, Smokey Hormel, and countless others. Her first solo album finally reached North America in October of last year. Titled, Ecdysis, it covers a lot of Hatori’s life themes, including shedding old skin (and perhaps stereotypes) and substantiating her love of nature. I reached her by phone while she was on her west coast tour. “This [album] Ecdysis, was more of an inner world for me,” Hatori offers, “I’ve never put that kind of feeling in the music in my past so that’s what I want to do. It was really kind of scary because people expect me to [do] more [poppy] and energetic things. But I have more different kind of side as well and I didn’t know how to express that before. I don’t know how the next album is going to be! Some people just have such a big confidence like ‘Oh I have to have my name!’ but for me, I started from [a] band, so it’s completely different.” It’s common for Hatori to sing in languages aside from English.“A Song for Kids,” off of Ecdysis, is done entirely in her native tongue Japanese. I wondered how often she revisited her homeland. “I go back there once, twice in a year, something like that,” she figures,“I go back there; charging my energy, see my family, feel the nature over there. I do love Japan! Take a little trip every time, go to mountains and woods and having hot spring
bath. It’s full of mountains over there and woods. From Tokyo, there’s a place called Hakone which is one hour [and a] half by train [and it] is very easy to get there. Beautiful, beautiful place.” “A Song for Kids” is about pushing young ones to enjoy being young and explore the world around them. Hatori’s musings make it seem like she was encouraged to do the same when she was young. “The funny thing is I’m the only child, so I think I had a lot of time alone to spend [growing up]!” she ponders, “I was a very happy child. I was always playing outside—very active girl—but sometimes that is the fate of the only child! You have to find some way to have fun yourself… I was always collecting insects; that was my favourite thing. Going to little woods and catching beetles and ants and putting so many ants in a jar. All the bugs and things! I always loved to play with something in nature.” Nature themes and analogies pop up frequently on Ecdysis. Her compositions have been compared to Björk in several reviews, for Hatori, women are a source of inspiration in her musical fusions. “Woman, in general, who is working hard, is inspiring to me,” Hatori readily admits, “Not only musicians for me [were inspiring]—even amazing moms. I’m impressed [with] people who are working hard and doing something very positive.” After I press for a specific example, she adds,“I like [this] woman artist, she’s not a musician but she’s kind of like art director of opera and musical. Her name is Julie Taymor and she did Magic Flute
and she did Lion King. All kind of things. Her works are just stunning and just beautiful. So amazing. Really big fan of her and dreaming to meet her one day!” “There [are] so many women that are working in this kind of industry, you know, fashion, music, that kind of stuff,” she continues,“Some things we cannot do as women, we cannot use that much muscle maybe like man, but we can use our brain! I’ve met so many cool women in this experience and it’s really stunning. A lot of woman work hard and I really admire a lot of people!” She did not seem to want to skip over any credit due to men, though. “I think sometimes it’s hard to say because of man [or] because of woman, it’s better! I don’t think answer is that simple. It depends on the person, that’s how I feel,” Hatori explains, “Of course, strong woman is very awesome, but the same time I don’t want to lose the femininity. In Japan, a lot of people consider it’s very hard place for woman but same time, a lot of woman totally taking in charge everything about house, you know what I mean, money and every decision. I grew up in Japan in that system. I just want to be natural, enjoying being female.” “We only have man [and] woman on this world,” she reflects,“We have to respect each other and what we can do! We can’t lift heavy stuff. Sometimes I feel on tour, there’s a huge amp and I can’t carry that! I need man’s help to do that! A good man always loves to help. These are the people we need to give our love and respect!”
ION MAGAZINE 37
THE PACK PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARK MARYANOVICH
When General Ulysses S. Grant defeated Confederate forces in the Mississippi Valley during the Civil War, the losing side asked for terms. Grant declared, “No terms except an unconditional and immediate surrender will be accepted.” When guitarist Becky Black and drummer Maya Miller aka The Pack go to war, they too demand unconditional and immediate surrender of their listeners. The story goes: the ladies
haven’t looked back since they immersed themselves in the sounds of Howlin’ Wolf, Son House and other masters of the Mississippi Delta. Now they’re looking forward, forward to the release of their debut disc, Tintype, which sounds like what the blues should sound like if it was done by two gals playing it like they meant it. A lot of coffee helps too. www.myspace.com/blackmillblues
ART
Alice Phieu
FASHION
FILM
MUSIC
ION MAGAZINE
42
POSTER ART
While Alice Phieu may not realize her talents just yet, her naturally whimsical take on the world of poster art is definitely catching the eye of those in the know. Just ask the folks at Pop Montreal, the NXNE Music Festival and the handful of indie rock elite that have asked Alice to create works that are seemingly free of convention and rely solely on her ability to use ordinary tools and good ol’ fashioned brain power for aesthetically pleasing results. Not content to simply scribble in her art blog, Alice has started her own mini-empire, Evil Alice Corp, where one can grab stickers, pins, t-shirts and other goodies. Recently she’s also ventured into the world of music videos (check out the song “Gotta Get Out” on the Myspace page of bubblegum pop purveyors the Bicycles) that’ll help spread the word and good art of Alice Phieu—your wallet and brain will thank you later. alicephieu.com aliceisonfire.livejournal.com
ION MAGAZINE 43
ART FASHION
FILM MUSIC: ALBUM REVIEWS
Alright, Still lily allen Capitol Records
FEAST OF SHAME bRUTAL KNIGHTS DERANGED RECORDS
Already a pop sensation in her native England, with two consecutive top 10
Back Numbers Dean & Britta Zoe/ Rounder
Friend Opportunity deerhoof Kill Rock Stars
Woke Myself Up Julie Doiron Jagjaguwar
Kids with A.D.D. will be all over this
There’s a sweet whimsical dreami-
We can always count on Deerhoof to
The sixth full-length effort by
barely 15 minute shit-storm that is
ness to Back Numbers that is sort
be experimenting with something. On
Canadian indie darling Julie Doiron
singles “Smile” and “LDN”, Lily Allen is
Toronto’s answer to too many nights
of infectious but forgettable. Dean
their eighth full-length release, the
almost feels like two albums: one
poised to take her polished Brit-shtick
in the basement chugging eight balls,
Wareham and Britta Phillips, whose
main experimentation lies in finding
a collection of lo-fi folksy tunes, the
to these North American shores. And
watching kung fu movies and playing
work spans the now defunct but semi-
the most intergalactic synth sounds
other a more amped-up effort featur-
with a posh upbringing backing her
their entire Angry Samoans record col-
nal 90s group Luna as well as recent
available. But no need to worry,
ing her old Eric’s Trip comrades. It’s
early success (father Keith is a semi-
lection at full volume. Barely able to
soundtrack work for the Squid and the
traditional Deerhoof noise jamming
the tunes with the full band backing
known actor/musician/lout, mother
keep up, but keeping it real with songs
Whale peddle on with an album that
still has a place with a 12 minute-
that I find myself returning to when I
Alison is a film producer), critics have
that address what’s on the minds of
shines with such maturity that it will
long finale. The album’s lyrics are not
listen to this disc, as the fuller sound
keenly attacked Lily’s flippant Mockney
today’s troubled youth, the BK army
probably make you forget that Phillips
stimulating (“If I were a man and you
offers a more interesting contrast to
accent, her appropriation of 2step
don’t care that you can’t find them on
was once the voice behind that pink
a dog, I throw a stick for you,” from
Doiron’s wispy vocal than an acoustic
and Reggae beats and penchant for
the interweb, that you have “extreme”
haired cartoon rock star JEM. Their
“Kidz Are So Small”), but of course
guitar does. This winning combo is
starting publicity stunted feuds with
lifestyles and spoil yourself on things
third full-length release as a duo in-
this is not the reason why people
best highlighted on “Wrong Guy,” a
other celebrities. Most of Alright, Still
you don’t need. They just rock like hell
cludes covers of the Troggs, Donovan,
choose to listen to Deerhoof. In fact,
track that originally appeared on her
reeks of marketing group-think and
and don’t look back and that’s good
and a rendition of Ann Margaret’s “You
the simplicity of the lyrics effectively
collaboration album with Okkervil
big bucks: the Dido meets Gwen
enough for me.
Turn My Head Around,” with a charm-
complements the heavily textured
River in 2003. The revamped version
Stefani vocal delivery, cartoon-y pro-
★★★★✩
ing chorus and melody that strings
and unpredictable beats. Combined
features Doiron’s quavering voice
the album along merrily. There’s a
with the sheer adorableness of singer
drowning in noisy guitars when the
Reggae), and an abundance of sassy
mellowed charm throughout the
Satomi Matsuzaki’s voice, the listener
narrator makes her horrifying discov-
disses to the opposite sex. But unlike
tracks, but the subtle simplicities will
can easily imagine being at a daycare
ery at the song’s climax. The album is
some of her pop peers, Allen’s songs
pull you into their dreamy world and
dance party in space. With moments
definitely stronger for the fuller songs,
are rarely memorable. Despite the two
will quickly spit you out.
in the sonic realms of anyone from
but the simple acoustic numbers do
Stereolab to Parliament Funkadelic,
have their charm, particularly on the
Deerhoof have birthed another catchy
record’s final untitled track.
duction (i.e. easily digestible sugary
–Bryce Dunn
aforementioned singles and closer “Alfie” —which is basically Dizzee
ION MAGAZINE 44
★★★✩✩
–Mariz Manansala
Rascal’s “Dream” gone Euro-pop
record sure to satisfy any aspect of an
nightmare—the rest of the album
aural appetite.
★★★★✩
lumps together standard fare with little lasting impression.
★★✩✩✩
–Adam Simpkins
★★★★✩
–Sasha Langford
–Amanda Farrell
You Remind Me of Summer Vacation Mess up the Mess Paroxysm
Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer Of Montreal Polyvinyl
There’s something really 1995 about
“The churches fill with losers/ psycho
Mess up the Mess debut album.
or confused” - Kevin Barnes. One of
Maybe it’s their feminist slant and
the few bands left with ties to the
punky sound that reminds me of
magnanimous Elephant Six collec-
being 11 years old and being intro-
tive, Georgia’s Of Montreal just keeps
duced to music that makes you want
getting better. Their eighth odd studio
to jump up and down and not really
release, and second for Polyvinyl,
care about what they’re really say-
sees main brain Kevin Barnes at his
ing. But their unique lyrical narratives
most depressed and, subsequently,
and melodies are saying something
transcendent. The 80s synths, bub-
worth listening to. Songs like “Crystal
bling drum machines, and floating fal-
Pool” criticize racism in their native
setto make it all too easy to overlook
Washington DC, a constant source
Barnes’ disillusioned lyrics, written
of political angst for the group, while
during a bad time in Norway. Where
the anthemic “F-bomb” attempts to
The Darkness and Scissor Sisters
encourage feminist thinking. Their nu-
use falsetto to mask a lack of talent,
anced sound can be best described
OM succeeds by using it as timely
as Morrissey meets The Go-Go’s, in
punctuation; while the upbeat dance
the least polite, girly way possible.
basslines thoroughly beat the Sisters at their own coked up disco game.
★★★★✩
–Mariz Manansala
This here is the real deal, kiddies. Weird rock rules. Filmore Mescalito Holmes
Disco Romance Sally Shapiro Diskokaine
Up All Night With… The White Barons Gearhead Records
What is it exactly about East Van
Popular culture is half aesthetic and
Led by the husky-voiced harlot, the
these days. Indie rock and girls with
half everything else. With this in mind,
Baroness Eva Von Slut, these grease
boy’s haircuts have replaced the
it is completely predictable that the
balls from the Bay Area channel
junkie/hooker filled streets of yester-
Swedes make pop music with the
the Misfits, Social Distortion and
year. It’s strange that every other city’s
intensity and accuracy that the weird
other tattooed love boys and hot
music making factories are downtown.
cartoon teacher in The Wall made
rod honeys into their turbo-charged
Not literal music making factories.
child sausages. Eyes may roll when
mix of punk ’n’ roll. A match made in
That would be awesome. Punch the
one hears through the musical grape-
muscle car heaven for these cats to
clock. Make music. Punch the clock.
vine that another Swede Pop Princess
be label-mates with the likes of the
Go home. I’m still trying to get into the
has descended from the clouds (Keep
New Bomb Turks, the Dragons and
union, but it’s tough you know? This
in mind that Annie is from Norway...
the Lazy Cowgirls et al. While I grow
album is fantastic. It’s cute and sad
and vapid). Sally Shapiro’s difference
somewhat tired of the genre, it’s good
and perfect for the long, rainy walk to
is that she has a little jackrabbit in
to see what others can do to keep the
work at the music factory. It’s like the
her heart, and not in her throat. Johan
style alive and kicking; because they’d
sonic version of making out with a
Agebjörn produced a delicious gem
most definitely kick my ass if I tried
girl you love that is moving away…
of Italo Disco-inspired tastiness that
telling them that to their face.
forever. Sweet and fun and teary eyed.
is appropriate to listen to at any time
The title track is my favourite; I put it
of the day. Making a record of nearly
★★✩✩✩
on a mix tape I made for a girl I like.
the same tempo throughout without
The production is grand and everyone
sounding like a ?uestlove DJ set is a
in the band looks like models. Except
mountainous undertaking, but Johan
for the drummer Kenton Loewen who
did it. The album’s pillar is clearly the
kinda looks like me—sorry about that.
cover of fellow countryman Nixon’s
Maybe they could come to my house
“Anorak Christmas,” a song that can
and make out and I could fall in love
make any man feel like Jon Bon
with them and they could move away
Jovi to any woman’s Cindy Crawford.
from me…forever. Except, of course,
Remember that video? Purr....
Kenton. Sorry about that.
★★★★✩ ★★★★★
–Ryan Hoben
–Trevor Risk
–Bryce Dunn
ION MAGAZINE
★★★★✩
Touch Up Mother Mother Last Gang Records
45
TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS HOROSCOPES COMICS ION MAGAZINE 46
TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS Words Sam Kerr Photography Jason Lang
I went to the dog park to meet my buddy Del and his dog. While there I noticed some interesting things. First, there were numerous attractive women at the dog park. Second, my friend’s dog, a near dead, half blind, stone deaf, bitch, was by far the most popular dog there. I left the park enlightened. I needed a dog of ill health and I needed one bad. No offense to Del, he is a handsome man, but his dog was doing all of the work. That little blind bastard was walking face first into trees and beautiful girls were falling out of them. It was magic. I drove directly to the pound with the full intention of adopting a little bundle of lady bait right then and there. Upon entrance I met a pound volunteer, a strawberry haired firecracker named Ida. I gave her the description of what I wanted: a dog that would die within the year, with a defeated demeanor and, God willing, some visible sign of injury. She smiled and directed my eyes to the back corner of a cage. Scared of all of the other dogs, shivering alone, there stood a three-legged collie mutt. It was hideous and broken, and I was in love. I told Ida that the dog was perfect and she was overjoyed. Smiling uncontrollably, Ida asked why I would want such an old and unfortunate companion. Sensing her warmth, in earnest, I explained that I thought having an ugly dog would help me seduce women. The next thing I knew Ida is shouting obscenities so horrible that they shall not appear in print. Disappointed, disgruntled and defeated, I departed. When that dog and I locked eyes there was a connection. No human had looked at him that way since he was a fourlegged pup, ignorant to life’s cruelty. I needed that damn dog. Later that night I met with my friend Chan. Chan is a man that is not afraid to break the law. I told Chan the tale of the incarcerated canine and my dreams of his liberation. Chan was
touched. He himself had been incarcerated once, so the thought of granting an animal its freedom brought an odd stillness to his face. Chan told me that he would take care of it. The next morning the dog arrived on my doorstep along with a newspaper that had a page three story of a daring robbery at the local pound. With my new friend, whom I dubbed Bill, to the dog park I went. When Bill was off the leash he galloped across the dog park with the magnificence of a three-legged unicorn. It was not long before his beleaguered appearance and his exuberant energy drew positive attention. Bill started sniffing the crotch of some young German Shepard, and then, the crotch of its owner. I grabbed his collar and looked up to see a beautiful blonde smiling from ear to ear. She commented on what a cute old guy Bill was, and then she hinted at the missing leg. I made up a story about having volunteered to build a school in Cuba and during my time there I witnessed the fury of a class five hurricane. Looking out my window, in awe of the howling wind and torrential rain, I first saw him. Bill was a stray pup that had damaged his leg and
separated from his mother. I couldn’t leave him behind. The lie worked and the blonde suggested that we eat lunch together. We took our dogs across the street to a nearby restaurant with a patio. After being seated and receiving our menus I started talking about how truly honest animals are. Then I got arrested. While at the Dog Park I had failed to notice the presence of Ida, who had gone there to look for the missing strays. She saw me with Bill and she called the cops. Getting cuffed in the restaurant probably ruined my chances with the blonde, but that was an afterthought, because they had taken my Bill away from me. Bill was worth a billion blondes. Now I sit alone, in a holding cell at the downtown police station. They won’t let me go because I’ve got no alibi and I won’t flip on my man Chan for freeing the dogs. I’m not telling the man anything, but I will tell you this: the minute I get out of this stinking den of filth I’m going back to that fucking pound, breaking out my boy Bill, and driving to Calgary. I hear they’ve got lots of blondes there.
HOROSCOPES: Robert Dayton Don’t wake up today.
moments and hope for veracity, even as one calls it into question. Nothing is permanent except eternity.
TAURUS
LIBRA
ARIES
March 21-April 20
April 21-May 21
Stare at the sun for as long as you can. Even longer! Prove them all wrong! Note: this magazine is not responsible for any injuries that may result from the Horoscopes section.
GEMINI
May 22-June 21
Sept 24-Oct 23
Don’t order the liver and onion soufflé. It’s really not a good special. The cook was in one of his “experimental” moods again.
SCORPIO
Oct 24-Nov 22
If you see one of your neighbours chasing that yappy little dog that lives down the block with butcher knives, it’s okay. This neighbour is just trying to be helpful. Maybe give a supportive wave or nod to show you mean no ill will. Go inside your house and just piddle around. You’ll find that, although it’s a little tense for a while due to the dog owner’s loud crying and mood swings, your neighbourhood will actually be a much quieter place.
One year from now you’ll realize that you really weren’t cool. Your taste in music sucked (especially that band with the beards), and the deep Vneck tee and bandana/Palestinian scarf looked absolutely stupid on you, just like everybody else. You’ll start questioning your tastes and wonder if they were genuine or real. You’ll set aside your non-individual faux non-conformist hipster elitism. Only then will you hopefully be making the first step to becoming an interesting person.
Cancer
June 22-July 22
Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21
Stop being trapped in the confines of negative thought. Think positive! Is it pain you are thinking...or pleasure? Twist that nipple clamp tighter...tighter...tighter...and hold! Now doesn’t that feel good? Mmm. Now apply limejuice.
You know that shiny set of keys in your pocket? Get them out and shake them. Listen to how they jangle. Look at how they sparkle. Holding them half a foot in front of your face, follow wherever these keys take you.
Leo
Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20
July 23-Aug 22
VIRGO
Aug 23-Sept 23
If this sounds like goodbye, well, I guess it probably is. Treasure those
You have a lot of resentment stemming from getting so few gifts for your birthday due to it falling so close to Christmas. You blame your mother. This affects all of your dealings with women. Go buy yourself a little present today. Call your Mom and force her to call you her “little
AQUARIUS
Jan 21-Feb 19
With the possible exception of Virgo and Scorpio, forget all of those other horoscopes, as they aren’t really all that sincere and meaningful. This one is. Please pass it on to the other 11 signs. What I say is this: think positive and selflessly. You are loved and you are not alone. And you can make a positive impact on someone’s life, no strings attached. It just feels good. There is something greater than this here plane; if you are reading horoscopes you must believe that, and we must do our best to act harmoniously.
PISCES
Feb 20-March 20
That dog next door sure has been barking a lot lately. But it’s not the dog’s fault. The poor thing has unbearable pressure on its brain that causes it to react in gruffly physical ways—a cry for help as it were. That’s where you come in. The best way to cure this sick little canine is through acupuncture. But there’s no way that those thin little needles are going to get through the doggie’s thick skull. You’ll need special acupuncture needles. Go to your kitchen drawer and pull out the sharpest, biggest butcher knives that you can find. Go to the dog. Catch the dog. You can reach its pain center right through its ears with the knives. It should stop barking in no time. It will thank you for it.
Known mostly as a charismatic personality Robert Dayton is also an actor who can be seen as “prom photographer”in the Hot Pockets ad. He’s also a singer/songwriter/showman in the longtime acts Canned Hamm and July Fourth Toilet and in the brand new romantic melodramatic glitter rock act Hallmark: all can be easily found on MySpace. He’s also a writer and artist and potential philanthropist who gives and gives finding ever more to give like a magic penny.
ION MAGAZINE
Today is the last day of the rest of your life. Estimated time: 9:13 PM. But your corpse will be gorrrrgeous! Fuckable even.
seasonal angel” in a cooing maternal voice. Cry and think about going back to the womb. Don’t voice the last sentence as it may cause family problems.
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TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS
HOROSCOPES
COMICS
ION MAGAZINE
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