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THE TOUGH ALLIANCE MARTYRS PONTYPOOL GOTH FASHION
www.blackxs.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS 10 Editor’s Letter The parts about Chlamydia and running over dogs are lies. The rest of this story is true. 12 Of The Month Fake horror and gore, real life torture and a dog that looks like a large rat. 16 Of The Minute In a perfect world, everyone would have their own lesbian DJ sidekick. 46 Tales Of Ordinary Madness A story that goes to show doing LSD can be a good thing. 47 Horoscopes David Bertrand actually did research on astrology to pick out the best horror movie for your respective sign. A first for this magazine. 48 Comics
FASHION 17 Kat Von D Finally a celebrity gets their own product. 18 Once You Go Black... If you disagree with this article, feel free to write about it in your Book of Tears. 22 The Cellar Fashion editorial shot by Kate sZatmari and styled by Kristin Beery.
film 30 Martyrs We smell an Oscar nomination. Or is it blood and gun powder? They both smell so similar. 34 Pontypool Ion Art Director Danny Fazio has a line in Bruce McDonald’s Hardcore Logo. The line is,“I think he called us fags.” Fact!
MUSIC 36 We Are Scientists Not of the evil monster making variety. More of the exceptionally witty/fans of the Brat Pack variety. 38 The Tough Alliance Or is it Neo Violence? 42 Poster Art: Colin Moore The scariest thing about Colin isn’t his art.It’s how young he is. 44 Album Reviews 45 Five To One: Russell Peters Surprisingly, Russell Peters can beatmatch and only one of his song choices has racial slurs in it.
ION Magazine Publisher Editor in Chief Art Director
Volume 6 Number 6 Issue 52 Vanessa Leigh vanessa@ionmagazine.ca Michael Mann editor@ionmagazine.ca Danny Fazio danny@ionmagazine.ca
Fashion Editor Vanessa Leigh fashion@ionmagazine.ca Film Editor Michael Mann film@ionmagazine.ca Music Editor Trevor Risk trevor@ionmagazine.ca Editorial Interns Samantha Langford, Patricia Matos Copy Editor Steven Evans Photo Editor Fiona Garden photos@ionmagazine.ca Designer Leslie Ma leslie@ionmagazine.ca Designer Dept. Intern Aina Kawamoto Office Manager Natasha Neale natasha@ionmagazine.ca Office Intern Valerie Tiu Advertising
Paul Ellis paul@ionmagazine.ca Jenny Goodman jenny@ionmagazine.ca
Writers: David Bertrand, Bix Brecht, Chad R Buchholz, Dr, Ian Super, Jillian Ennis, Ann Hui, Sam Kerr, Jonathan Orr, Terri Potratz, Valerie Tiu, Natalie Vermeer Photographers and Artists: Leila Bani , Toby Marie Bannister, Tania Becker, Kristin Beery, Aileen Bryant, Caitlin Callahan, Jackie Dives, Taylor James, Kris Krüg, Brenndan Laird, Mika Olivia, Mariko Sakata, Krista Seller, Kim Svensson, Kate sZatmari, Toyo Tsuchiya, Oribu Yokota ION is printed 10 times a year by the ION Publishing Group. No parts of ION Magazine may be reproduced in any form by any means without prior written consent from the publisher. ION welcomes submissions but accepts no responsibility for the return of unsolicited materials. All content © Copyright ION Magazine 2008 Hey PR people, publicists, brand managers and label friends, send us stuff. High-resolution jpegs are nifty and all, but they’re no substitute for the real thing. Clothing, liquor, Wiis, CDs, vinyl, DVDs, video games, and an iPhone can be sent to the address below. 3rd Floor, 300 Water Street. Vancouver, BC, Canada. V6B 1B6 Office 604.696.9466 Fax: 604.696.9411 feedback@ionmagazine.ca Cover Credits: Photography Fiona Garden at NOBASURA.com Styling Leila Bani for THEYrep.com Model Britt Schafer for Next Hair Tania Becker - Moods Salon // NOBASURA.com Makeup Caitlin Callahan for NOBASURA.com using M.A.C Britt is wearing a pendant by Pyrrha Design
EDITOR’S LETTER ION THE PRIZE OF THE MONTH
Funny games Words Michael Mann Photography Toby Marie Bannister
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Waterboarding gets a pretty bad rap in the media but it’s actually a lot of fun. It might have something to do with the name. It sounds like what your grandparents called surfing in the Fifties. That’s not cool at all. They should just call it what it is, simulated drowning torture. Not only is waterboarding great for extracting confessions out of people, it’s also wicked fun to do to your friends at a party. I’m not gonna spell out how you do it, that’s what the internet is for. But to do it you’re going to need handcuffs, a rag soaked in water, a plastic bag, a bucket of water and a flat surface (doesn’t necessarily have to be a board— see how horribly misleading that name is?) The waterboarding game is pretty similar to that game you played in elementary school where you and your friends took turns choking each other unconscious. The difference is you’re a grown-up now so this game has a healthy dose of gambling and alcohol thrown into the mix. You appoint one person at the party Dungeon Master and it’s his job to make sure everyone gets tortured equally. Once you’ve done that, everyone puts $20 into a hat. Then you draw names to see the order in which you’ll be waterboarded. After the order is established, it’s time to start drinking. Now is the
time to secretly discuss what information you want to extract out of the torturee. It’s very similar to that show where they give people a lie detector test in front of their family but the stakes are higher. You can ask anything so think of a good one. When you’re ready to give in you signal to the Dungeon Master that you’re done by tapping three times. Whoever can refrain from telling their secret the longest wins all the money in the hat, with 15 percent going to the Dungeon Master. Some friends and I were playing it on Halloween last year and imagine my luck, my name got drawn last and I was the last to be tortured—a total strategic advantage. The other players went first and they were all tapping out in mere minutes. “Sword fight with best friend when 12,” said one with a gasp of air. “Ran over someone’s dog while driving drunk and kept on going.” “Knew I had chlamydia but still had unprotected sex with six different people.” And many more I wouldn’t dare repeat got blurted out. I was on deck and feeling pretty confident until I noticed the guy in front of me was doing much better than all the previous competitors.The
Dungeon Master was really waterboarding the shit out of this poor guy and asking the always entertaining question,“What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever done sexually?” This tough son of a bitch would not relent. The Dungeon Master found it so frustrating he started hitting the guy in the stomach while pouring water on his face. But still, he wouldn’t give in. As this continued, the torture intensified and me and the other contestants started to tell the Dungeon Master to ease up a little, hey, this guy was a friend of ours after all. He wouldn’t though.“What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever done sexually!” screamed the Dungeon Master, who was now alternating between punching the guy in the stomach, choking him and pouring water on him. Finally the torturee started tapping, and by tapping I mean his arm started convulsing. The Dungeon Master pulled the bag off his head and the wet rag out of his mouth then screamed,“Tell me the answer!” “All of your mothers,” he said while vomitting out a mixture of blood and bile.Then he twitched a little and stopped breathing. “Shit, he’s dead,” said the Dungeon Master. “Okay, who’s next?”
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dvd DVD Phantasm 4 Child’s Play Common sense would dictate that you should at least watch the first movie in a franchise before attempting to watch the fourth. Not so with Don Coscarelli’s Phantasm movies because they all make no sense so you might as well start with the fourth. Here’s what you need to know. There’s a man named the Tall Man (Angus Scrimm). He got that name because he is very tall. He is an undertaker from another world who steals corpses and turns them into dwarfs who then do his bidding. Aside from the dwarfs,he has sentinel spheres in his arsenal of weapons. They are flying silver spheres that will drill into your head and spray blood cross the room if you trespass on the Tall Man’s property.Also, the Tall Man likes to call people “boy.” The protagonist is an ice cream man named Reggie (Reggie Bannister) who packs a shotgun and drives a 1971 Plymouth Hemi Cuda. That concludes your Phantasm primer. Now watch and have some good schlocky fun.
Hey it’s Chucky’s 20th Birthday. To mark the occasion they’ve re-issued Child’s Play (to be fair, this movie probably gets re-issued every two years).This franchise has been tainted by the numerous mediocre sequels that were more about laughs than scares. Specifically, Child’s Play 4: The Bride of Chucky which has a scene where Chucky has sex with a female doll that’s been possessed by Jennifer Tilly and featured the tagline “Chucky Gets Lucky.” Forget all that crap though. The original is still pretty damn freaky and stands the test of time. “Friends till the end. Hidey Ho!”
DVD end of the line The opening two minutes of Montrealer Maurice Devereaux’s End of the Line will make you pee your pants. That’s a fact. After you clean yourself up and come back, you’ll meet a nurse is on her way home from work when the subway she’s on suddenly stops between stations. Then religious nuts from a doomsday cult start murdering everyone with daggers that are concealed in their crosses (yet another reason why you should never ride public transit). The survivors are going to have to fight their way through the tunnels which are filled with zealots and monsters if they want to live. And even if they do make it they may still be fucked as the world might be ending. Not recommended for people with heart problems.
Dvd Standard Operating Procedure Sometimes the most disturbing movies turn out to be true stories.The latest from Errol Morris (Fog of War,The Thin Blue Line) explore the atrocities that happened at Abu Ghraib prison. Like only Morris can, he shows what went on outside the frames of the now infamous photos of the smiling woman giving a thumbs up, the pyramids of naked people and the hooded and wired prisoner on the box. Meticulously researched with beautifully shot re-enactments and interviews with the soldiers, Standard Operating Procedure is a good reminder to be careful about which orders you choose to follow.
Game Spore
Pet oscar
From the guy who made SimCity and The Sims comes the greatly highly anticipated Spore. Though an innovative idea, the game is not without flaws.The whole idea of raising a creature from a single cell to galactic superiority is exciting but in practice you will spend more time redoing repetitive tasks and dressing up creatures and buildings than actually feeling like you’re conquering anything. Trading gnashing teeth for beaks or designing an aircraft that looks like a penis is for looks only—the strategic difference between your parts is minor. While it’s definitely worth a single playthrough, unless aesthetics are a big deal for you, wait for the sequel which will certainly deliver.
Meet Oscar, a Mexican Hairless. According to her owner Andrea, “his hobbies include snapping at my face while pleasuring himself on our living room carpet, eating blocks of cheese and running.The Aztecs considered his breed to be sacred and used to eat them and use them as makeshift hot water bottles because their skin gets really warm.” Send photos to pet@ionmagazine.ca to have your pet immortalized in print.
CONTRIBUTOR Contributor Chad R. Terri Potratz Terri Potratz was born in the year Buchholz 2379 and will write a word a day until the date arrives that she has a body. At that point she will be raised by a family of Californian pterodactyls, surf bums with no known moral virtue or code. Previously employed as a haiku, Terri now ekes out a paltry existence through the vacuous space of the east side of Vancouver and can be contacted telepathically for future projects. She enjoys eating vegetarian McKill burgers for breakfast and playing Yahtzee in high heels. www.theconveyorbelt.com www.wearelarry.com
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“Not content with simply being a malcontent, Chad (sardonic, bent unfortunately toward self-loathing, and perhaps overly concerned with the potentiality of going prematurely bald) has taken it upon himself be a writer in a world growing ever more full of the frivolous nuisances. One questions the feasibility/likelihood of this occupation ever resulting in any sort of ‘success’ for Chad when one realizes his puzzling inability to compile a Start to any particular thing, let alone a Middle or an End. Plus, he doesn’t even have a blog. And he’s too into modernism for a time when no one really gives a shit about The Wasteland or Ulysses. And see that photo above? Chad doesn’t especially like Beat Poets or white wine. And as much as Chad agrees with the statement that ‘Writing about music is like dancing about fashion,’ he’s a music writer. And, yes, he would really rather be in a band. Playing lead guitar. Narcissist.”
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Hat H&M Sunglasses Mark-it
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Photography Kris Kr端g Styling Leila Bani for THEYrep.com
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Jewellery Blue Ruby
Jewellery Blue Ruby
Tank Top Ca Va De Sole Vest H&M
Book The Big Book
T-shirt Mark-it
Shorts Zara Bag Zara Jeans Zara
Leggings American Apparel
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Shoes Aldo
Model Britt Schafer for Next/Connor Best (Monday night at 1181) Hair Tania Becker - Moods Salon // NOBASURA.com Makeup Caitlin Callahan for NOBASURA.com using M.A.C
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of the minute: costume LOHANED
watch them form. watch them unravel.
EDITOR’S LETTER ION THE PRIZE Photography Taylor James - taylorjamesphoto.blogspot.com Styling Mila Franovic - beadedeagle.blogspot.com
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What do Gremlins, Zack Morris and giraffes have in common? They’re known for their mischievous antics involving girls and money (minus giraffes, unless you consider excessive tongue usage an offense) and they all serve as sources of inspiration for The Suburbia’s Yulee Hong. Everyday tees and sweatshirts are injected with colourful prints and eye-catching designs. Hong’s artistic prints range from pixel army Pac Man to artsy sketched tigers. Guitar-wielding Gremlins aside, The Suburbia lends itself to social responsibility by donating a portion of proceeds to charity. Enter to win at ionmagazine.ca
Model Chelsea at Trisko Talent and John Taylor at Richard’
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KAT VON D Words Ann Hui Photography Vanessa Heins Kat Von D personifies the saying that appearances can be deceiving. When meeting her to discuss her new makeup line, she’s decked out in thigh-high leather boots and showing off a body covered in tattoos. She looks every inch the bad girl. But dig a little deeper and find that, despite her punk exterior, obsessive-compulsive workaholic and hopeless romantic are better terms for describing her. My first meeting with her is like meeting an overly-polite Japanese businessperson. She bows her head humbly and uses both her hands to clutch mine while repeating my name. All that’s missing are business cards and a briefcase. Plus, she keeps apologizing. She’s arrived late for our interview and seems
genuinely remorseful about it. She is, after all, an accidental celebrity. That is, celebrity found her and not the other way around. A fellow tattoo artist approached her to be on the show Miami Ink. Her popularity on that show led to her own spin-off show, LA Ink. Before all this, she didn’t even know what a television pilot was. She doesn’t own a TV and hasn’t watched TV in over seven years, nor does she watch her own show.“It’s a bit of a complex thing. I don’t like my voice and I don’t like seeing myself,” she explains. Her posture and mannerisms often seem more like those of a shy teenager, rather than a confident businessperson and bona fide TV star. Not helping her cause is the fact that she talks like a surfer.
Instead of TV, she prefers music. Her tastes run towards metal and rock (she is dating Nikki Sixx of Motley Crüe, after all), but she also counts Beethoven as one of her favourites. “When he died, he left everything to this woman who he called his ‘immortal beloved,’” she explains.Von D calls herself a hopeless romantic and to her, Beethoven’s “whole life was just so romantic.” Von D played a big role in the creation of the makeup line. No wonder, considering she’s a selfadmitted control-freak. “I’m OCD over everything, really,” she admits. “In my house, my closet is all colour coordinated. My makeup closet” (that’s right, she has a makeup closet) “has to be in perfect order. All the labels have to be facing forward
and sectioned by brand.” She takes the same approach to her work and has never once taken a vacation. “I’m kind of obsessed with it,” she says of tattooing. “I’ve been doing it since I was 14. I don’t know any other way. Work is my life.” With such a hectic schedule, she’s had to become extremely structured in her use of time and set clear boundaries for herself. “As crazy as I look, I’m kind of a prude” she says, scrunching her lips, painted a dark shade of crimson red. Right, Kat, you’re such a prude.
The Kat Von D makeup line is available in Sephora stores, as well as at www.sephora.com.
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ONCE YOU GO BLACK... Goth fashion
Words Terri Potratz Photography Brenndan Laird - brenndanlaird.com Styling Toyo Tsuchiya at Judy Inc. I became enamoured with a vampire during my teenage years. He had long dark hair, tattoos and an entirely black wardrobe. On special occasions he would wear false vampire fangs and he bit me once while wearing them. It was, indeed, a love bite of fantastical proportions. Friends considered my uncharacteristic attraction for him as somewhat batty, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be bitten again. Black clothing, big hair and heavy makeup only skim the surface of the goth movement. I initially considered this elusive subculture as an extension of Harlequin fantasies about vampires, a dedicated manifestation of society’s darkly romanticized bad boy/bad girl obsession. But this generalization, however appropriate in accounting for my girlhood crush, hardly epitomizes the many facets of gothic culture and fashion. The gothic novel, popularized by Horace Walpole with his romantic 1764 narrative The Castle of Otranto, lends many of its attributes to modern goth lifestyle: morbidity, darkness, self-parody, melodrama and terror that serves to please. The modern goth movement, however, wasn’t established until the late Seventies, as post-punk bands like Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees and Joy Division gained popularity with disaffected youth struggling to survive the dilapidated cultural landscape. Appearing often in popular press and on TV, these musical groups became emblematic of a burgeoning new movement, a nebulous mash-up of glam rock, androgyny and punk. Media soon caught on to these self-assigned “gothic” bands and their
followers, and by the early Eighties goth culture was both freely referenced and firmly grounded. When the Batcave nightclub opened in one of London’s sleaziest districts in 1982, it morphed Bowie style glam with something considerably darker and more horrific. Popular bands like Alien Sex Fiend and Specimen liked to frequent the Batcave, the inside of which was decorated by leather and lace decor, old horror film accents and the mixed crowd of people who partied there. Not only did the club feature live music, but there were activities as well—cabaret, old horror movie screenings, fire shows and more. Its immediate popularity and “celebrity” crowd garnered lots of media attention, which further stoked the notion of a new goth subculture taking hold. The Batcave soon began touring small towns, where bored kids dressed up for the occasion and danced voraciously. This club was where all the elements that make up “goth culture” eventually came together and is attributed as one of the key places where goth fashion first developed. Since its inception, goth culture has evolved and given birth to an incredible array of subcultures, distinguishable mainly by the varying fashion trends that accompany each. A Fetish goth is into kinky sex, body modifications like piercing and tattoos, and wears PVC/vinyl/ latex or otherwise slippery materials (don’t forget the talc!) They’ll try anything, with anyone, in every position. Alternatively, a Romantic goth is creative and emotional, wears ethereal velvet and lace clothing and will often be found reciting poetry. Loosely related is the Elizabethan or Victorian
goth, who’s not so much into heavy metal but very into dark period pieces and elaborate costuming. Deathrocker goth? That’s the missing link between punk and goth—think layers of netting, band logos and very big hair. Graver is another missing link, but this variation bridges goth to raver.The list could go on, but the novelty here is how diverse “goth” can actually be—it’s not restricted to the singular category of angst ridden teens who carve their arms and fantasize about death. Alienation is desired because it allows empowerment through the intensity of otherness, which is probably the single communal property among all types of goths. Making your look your own is a primary mantra and finding comfort and individuality in your style is key to being a successful goth. Few cultural movements are this accepting of aesthetics and playing the part, a fact which is both admirable and self-negating. And I’m not the only one suddenly becoming nostalgic about goth. Major fashion houses like Chanel, Viktor & Rolf and Yves Saint Laurent are evolving from the current grunge glam trend to a slightly more severe, yet still polished, goth glam. This may set the real goths rolling sorrowfully in their graves, but it does indicate yet another resurgence of an old trend and points toward the plethora of fashion leads that can be reaped from goth culture. The real goths will hate you for impinging on their style, but they need to evolve eventually so you’re doing them a real service by going to the dark side. Oh, and one final message to my former high school sweetheart: bite me.
Brenna: Black PVC corset by New World Designs from New World Designs, Red tutu by Suzee 666 from New World Designs, Black fishnet thigh highs, stylists own, Black shaped heels by Miu Miu from Holt Renfrew, Black fishnet glove, stylist’s own, Silver spike necklace by Ben Amun from Holt Renfrew. Minnie: Cream lace blouse with ruffle detail by Oscar De La Renta from Holt Renfrew, Black pleated skirt by Dolce & Gabbana from Holt Renfrew, Black patent bow belt by Sonia Rykiel from Misch, Black crinoline by Tripp NYC from New World Designs, Cream patterned tights, stylist’s own, Black patent knee high tie up boots by John Fluevog from John Fluevog, White lace gloves by Leg Avenue from Venus & Mars, Black parasol from Venus & Mars, Jewelled spider pin in hair by Lanvin from Holt Renfrew, Black headband by Candace Ang from Holt Renfrew. Dimitri: Black asymmetrical draped jacket by Trosman from Misch, Black ninja top by The Viridi-anne from Komakino www.komakino.ca, Silver hatchet necklace by Miss Bibi from Gravity Pope Tailored Goods, Bullet belt from www.gorillasurplus.com, Black painted jeans by The Viridi-anne from Komakino, Black leather boots by Fiorentini + Baker from Gravity Pope.
Make up Krista Seller from Liz Bell Agency Hair styling Oribu Yokoa with Mika Olivia Models Brenna, Minnie and Dimitri from Richard’s Models
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PHOTOGRAPHY-KATE SZATMARI | MAKEUP/HAIR-MARIKO SAKATA STYLING-KRISTIN BEERY | MODEL-ALI FOR PHOTOGENICS
PREVIOUS PAGES: 1st: SHOES BY VINCE CAMUTO DRESS BY JS BOUTIQUE 2nd: DRESS BY JS BOUTIQUES | BOOTS BY BCBG | LEATHER VEST BY LITERATURE NOIR GREEN LEATHER GLOVES BY NORDSTROM THIS PAGE: NECK PIECE BY KBEERY.
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WATCH THIS AND DIE pascal laugier’s martyrs Words and Photography Michael Mann Every year the Midnight Madness program at the Toronto International Film Festival does an amazing job screening the sickest and most disturbing horror movies from around the world. Last year it was Inside and Frontier(s). Before that came sick gems like S&Man, Hostel, High Tension and Calvaire. This year it was Pascal Laugier’s Martyrs. The film begins with Lucie, a pre-pubescent girl who’s been beaten to a pulp, running for her life from a slaughterhouse in tattered bloody rags. This is one of the least offensive scenes in the entire movie. Lucie (Mylene Jampanoi) was bound and subjected to extreme forms of torture at the slaughterhouse. Now institutionalized, it’s unknown why this happened, who her captors were, or how she escaped as she refuses to talk to anyone about it, except a friend she makes named Anna (Morjana Alaoui). Fifteen years later we meet a normal family eating breakfast together. The doorbell rings and the father opens the door. It’s Lucie with a shotgun and, without saying a word, puts a giant hole in his stomach then goes on what could be described as an Ellen ram-Page. After making quick work of the rest of the family she calls Anna for help. She’s convinced these were the people who abused her many years ago. Anna thinks it might be all in Lucie’s fragile mind but decides to help anyways. Making things more complicated, there’s a monster loose in the house. To talk about what happens would ruin the numerous unbelievably amazing plot twists (seriously, they’re Crying Game quality plot twists sans the penis). If you brave this film, be prepared for disturbingly graphic depictions of a woman getting smashed in the head with a hammer, self-mutilation with razor blades and kitchen knives, a little girl being blasted in the back by a shotgun and a woman having nails wrenched out of her skull which were holding a sensory
deprivation mask on her head (while not in any way suggesting a correlation, it should be noted that Benoit Lestang, the man responsible for all these brutal effects and makeup, committed suicide shortly after the film’s completion). As deplorable and disturbing as the subject matter and presentation is, don’t dismiss this film as just more torture porn. The performances, storytelling and technique in Martyrs are undeniable. It’s sick and disturbing masterpiece. A movie you’ll either love or wish you could unwatch. It goes places, extremely dark and disturbing places, that North American filmmakers wouldn’t dare go near. If you look at horror filmmaking as a neverending contest to raise the bar for the amount of trauma you’re allowed to unleash on an audience, then Pascal Laugier holds the barbed wire crown, for now. For you, what makes a good scary movie? It’s a film that has a face to the plot it tells. The lack of cynicism and the lack of distance is my idea of a great genre film. A film made as a direct expression from the director. That’s why I love the classics from Dario Argento and Mario Bava. They used the genre as a way to express themselves. What do you prefer more, gore or psychological horror? Or simply put: visual versus mental horror? I think for me the gore and the special effects is not the purpose. It’s a tool I have at my disposal to make films though. It’s just like colour, frame, cut, photography. Gore is the same. It’s one of the tools. I can’t spend two years of my life doing gore for the gore. Like it or not, your film is going to be lumped in with the torture porn genre because... well... there’s a lot of torture in Martyrs. I have no problem with that.
What differences do you see between French torture porn versus American torture porn? There is no real French torture porn wave. Torture porn is already dead. It’s just a word invented by jaded journalists. It’s the coming back of the rogue wild horror film from the Seventies. After Wes Craven killed everything by doing Scream, we lived through 10 years of funny horror films. I hated it. I was not alone. The new wave that came back was called torture porn. It means nothing though. As a fan, I loved Hostel, I love Eli Roth’s work but I consider my work very different. I’m not an American, I’m French and my sensibilities are very different. I was interested in using the imagery of torture porn and turning it into something different. Yes, shocking, but still disturbing for a horror audience. Why do you think offending people is a good thing? It’s the matter of what horror is if you want my opinion. As a fan of the genre, I was very tired of horror films that said nothing to no one. That’s one of the traps of the genre. The genre can be made from fans, for the fans and it’s in a kind of ghetto. It’s totally powerless. I wanted to make the genre offensive and disturbing again. Once again, the genre first existed for that kind of purpose. Trying to offend the dominant thoughts, the dominant people and trying to express something else. Trying to express something more real, the kind of reality that society doesn’t want to reveal. The film already opened in France. Can I get you to tell me about the rating it received and the controversy around that? We had some problems with the rating commission in France. Not because of the level of gore though. A lot of films like Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ did not get this kind of rating. At first I didn’t understand. They were
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trying to punish and kill the film. In France, when you get an 18+ rating, your film is dead. It’s like a porno. It’s like XXX. It was a way for them to censor me without asking me to cut anything. So we fought a lot and I was supported by all the unions of the French film industry. I was very surprised. It was a matter of principle. Even for people who didn’t like the movie, it was a matter of freedom of speech and expression. Finally we won and got the normal 16 rating and the film had life.
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Did you set out to make an entertaining horror version of Passion of the Christ? Passion of The Christ is a very funny and stupid film. It’s so gory that I’m fascinated by watching it. I watch it like I watch Italian sword and sandals films. For me, Mel Gibson’s take is not that much better. It’s a silly little film made by a guy who thinks he’s a genius. He’s not. The film is, at the same time, boring and fascinating.
Why is the film set in 1985? It was done to create distance between our time and the time in the film. I liked the idea that everything had happened in the past. The only testimony of the film would be the Super 8 footage at the beginning. Also, to be honest, I shot the film in Montreal and for me it was good way to make Canada look more like France. About an hour in I thought the movie was going to end. Then there’s an incredible plot twist. Did you know the direction the story was going to take when you started writing it? I found my story as soon as I learned the real definition of the word martyr. What is explained in the film is real. The very definition of the film
going to take. Follow me. Was it important for you to tie up all the loose ends in the film to justify all the violence? Absolutely. I don’t like the word justify but I knew it would explain to the audience why I’m showing so much violence from the starting point. It’s a film about suffering. It’s a film about pain. It’s not a film about torture. I wanted the audience to feel pain because I make my main actress suffer so much. I didn’t want any distance between their suffering and the audience’s suffering. My film, for me, is very empathetic. You have to feel for them. I never make a laugh at my main characters. I love them and I want them to stop suffering. It’s a very sad movie. I would even say it could be a depressing film. Its saying our time is over and evil has eaten everything. People are just hurting each other and it’s the end of it.
“I wanted to make the genre offensive and disturbing again.”
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Do you expect anything different in North America when it’s submitted to be rated? The Weinstein brothers bought the film for the American territory. I think it’s probably too much of a European film to be released in North America. I’m not sure if the regular North American horror fan is going to get it, to be honest. I’m very, very proud that a film shot in French has been sold in almost 40 countries. That’s very rare. Some will be in theatre and others will be on an uncut DVD. For an ego matter we prefer the big screen. But most important to me is that the audience can watch the film uncut.
is someone who sees something, a witness. I knew that I had my subject of the film when I realized that. Once again, it was playing with the archetypes of the horror genre and making them fresher again. To impress the audience, even the audience that watches 10 horror films a week. I didn’t want the audience to be in advance of the story. It’s a very involving experience and a very unsafe one. Are gunshots your preferred method of introducing a plot twist? Yes. Any time there is a direct act of violence, it turns the story into something else. There is consequences to what we do. I also like the idea that the more Anna tries to the solve problems, the more she is buried by a new problem. Like the audience. Any time the audience thinks that they know what kind of horror movie she’s in, I try to make them wrong. That’s not the path I’m
Exactly how many times did Lucie hit the mother in the head with the hammer? One shot for each year of suffering. Let’s say 15. (note: it’s closer to 20). What does your mother think of the film? She hasn’t seen it yet. She’s probably gonna go in France tomorrow night. My father didn’t watch it either. Both of them for different reasons. My mother because she’d get sick because she can’t stand the vision of blades slicing skin. My father is afraid to be shocked by the scenes of the film and wonder, “How did I raise this boy? Where did I do wrong?”
www.martyrs-lefilm.com
ION MAGAZINE 35
CULTURE
SHUT UP OR DIE
FASHION
Bruce McDonald’s Pontypool Words and Photography Michael Mann
FILM MUSIC
You all know Bruce McDonald right? Canada’s rock ‘n’ roll filmmaker. Director of Canadian classics like Highway 61, Hardcore Logo and last year’s The Tracey Fragments. His latest, Pontypool had its debut at the Toronto International Film Festival and it’s his first foray into genre films. It’s also the best horror film made by a Canadian director since David Cronenberg’s The Fly. Bet you didn’t see that one that coming. On Valentine’s Day, radio shock jock Grant Mazzy (Stephen McHattie, who will play Nite Owl in 2009’s Watchmen) is driving through a zero visibility blizzard in the quiet Ontario town of Pontypool. He pulls over to the side of the road to take a call and a woman appears out of nowhere and starts speaking complete gibberish to him. A little bit shaken up he continues on his way to work at the radio station, located in the basement of a church. It’s a typical morning with reports on school closures, people calling in to complain that there’s no 9-1-2 number people can call for lesser emergencies and Grant trying to get under the skin of the sleepy town. Then a call comes through about civil unrest at a doctor’s office with numerous deaths. There’s not a peep about this on the newswire so is it a hoax? Then the BBC picks up on Grant’s report and wants to know if French separatist terrorists are to blame for all the deaths. As the calls come into the station, it’s looking like the French aren’t to blame (this time) and Pontypool is in the midst of a deadly zombie outbreak spread by language… possibly of the lovey-dovey type Valentine’s Day language. What follows is a highly suspenseful sci-fi horror thriller that owes as much to the War of the Worlds radio play and Night of The Living Dead as it does to Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash. I got locked in
a room with Bruce McDonald, Stephen McHattie and writer Tony Burgess for 10 minutes and the following conversation ensued. Bruce, your last movie The Tracey Fragments: Ellen Page, Broken Social Scene, avant-garde editing, a hip movie. Your latest, Pontypool is a genre film, which is probably the nerdiest kind of movie you can make. Did you intend on making films that contrast so sharply? Bruce McDonald: Not particularly. That was just the next thing up. Tony, the writer, and I have been working on this project for many years. The fact that the script came up was a neat antidote. It was exactly the opposite approach of the previous one so it was very refreshing in that way.
eyed, glassy, I’ve had a script for 12 years that I’ve been working on kind of crazy. To me that’s a bit scary and disturbing. You’re not sure what’s going on there. Okay, well I won’t pull this script I’ve been working on out of the bag that I’d like you to read. Bruce: Scripts out of the bag are fine. It’s more of the Mark David Chapman kind of guy. What’s scarier: French separatist terrorists or a killer zombie virus? Tony: Stephen Harper. Bruce: They’re both pretty scary but I think Stephen Harper tops them all... Stephen McHattie: The most scary thing is people with power. It’s scary because they can actually do things that harm you. Tony: I think what’s scarier is when a media from another super power doesn’t know the difference from a terrorist or a zombie.You know the guns are coming but you’re not sure what the target is. Bruce: It’s not so much the French terrorist group that’s frightening but the guy who’s equated some political dissatisfaction with terrorism.
“Your imagination will always provide the biggest scares.”
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Are you a horror movie fan and if so which ones? Bruce: Oh yeah. The classics. The Tenant, dunno if it’s horror but it’s a Polanksi film. The Shining. Love The Shining.The Host, which was out fairly recently. It’s a Korean film about a sea monster that’s creepy and good. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The classics indeed. Tony Burgess: Phantasm. Phantasm is amazing but it makes no sense. Tony: That film is very near and dear to me. The Tall Man and the silver spinning spheres. It’s insane. What scares you? Bruce: At the festival there’s a certain kind of character that’s around. It’s this desperate, wide-
You bring the gore in this film but would it be fair to say you’re more of a fan of psychological terror? Bruce: I think so. Your imagination will always provide the biggest scares. You go back to these guys who made horror films at RKO and they suggested the terror and they suggested the horror which was in the shadows and it was half-seen. Seems much more effective than the full CGI’d eight-eyed beast. I mean c’mon, it’s a computer program. In a few shots in Pontypool, Neal Stephenson’s
Snow Crash is prominently featured in the foreground. Explain to me why this wasn’t an accident. Bruce: We love that book. I read it and my editor Jeremy had read it. There’s so much in it that’s simpatico to language and viruses. It’s a really terrific book and it’s our little salute to the author. So we just stuck it on the table there. Stephen, how did working on this film compare to working on films like The Watchmen? Stephen: This grew naturally. I got to work with Tony and Bruce on the character. It felt like we were all doing it together. If you’re working on a great big picture it has to be so planned out. A lot of times you can get stuck into trying to imitate a storyboard. When do you call 9-1-1? Stephen: Don’t think I can talk about that. Tony: I have a five-year-old who’s always trying to call it so I’m constantly screaming,“No, don’t do that! Constable so-and-so is going to put you in jail if you do.” Bruce: I’ve never called 9-1-1. Thank God I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve had to. My father once called 9-1-1 when the hood ornament from his car got stolen. Bruce: That’s why we need 9-1-2. Is this film an assault on Hallmark cards? Tony: That’s new and that’s true.
ION MAGAZINE
Excellent. Bruce McDonald hates Hallmark cards. Bruce, I talked to you a year ago and asked what’s the most you’ve ever drank in a single sitting. You said eight double vodka martinis. Has the number changed since then? Bruce: I think it has. Tony: Yeah, add a couple cognacs to that number.
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CULTURE FASHION
FILM MUSIC ION MAGAZINE 38
THE LAB RAT PACK WE ARE SCIENTISTS Words Jillian Ennis “I think I’d be most like Molly Ringwald,” says Chris Cain, one half of the astonishingly entertaining We Are Scientists. I ask him and band mate Keith Murray which member of The Breakfast Club they would be most like and their answers surprise me. Murray selects Andrew Clark, the ultra-cool jock played by Emilio Estevez, Cain chooses Claire Standish, the red-headed princess, clearly not a reflection of the slender, scruffy musician sitting on the couch in front of me. Cain doesn’t offer a follow-up though, and thus our interview heads down a similar path of speaking in the moment, the impulse to have a direct conversation about the things that interest them and they in turn, share no response with regret. “I would like to score the movie Wolf by Mike Nichols with Jack Nicholson and James Spader,” Cain declares.“And I would have scored it just with Theremin, solo Theremin the entire time.”“I wish you had worked on Wolf,” says Murray. As for his pick on which film he’d like to produce a soundtrack for? “Home Alone 3.” All antics aside (a nearly impossible feat for they are wickedly quick-witted), We Are Scientists refuse to revoke their freedom of opinion on topics of politics. More specifically, music politics. “We’ve met 50-100 people that work at EMI and they’re all way cooler than the assholes who talk shit about major labels,” says Cain, when I ask him the advantages of signing a deal with a major label. There is an ever-present notion in the all-knowing music community that if a seemingly cool band gets signed to a major record label, they lose their credibility as eclectic, indie performers. Not so, says Murray, who offers perhaps the most honest statement uttered by someone in his position; “We think it’s because they can’t get on major labels.” Is it a jab? Perhaps. But is it a welcomed theory? Most definitely. “It’s like when I talk shit about royalty, about kings and queens,” explains Cain. “It’s because I’ll never be royalty. So of course, I’m going to talk shit about
it. If I stood a chance to become a king would I be talking this level of shit? No. It’s not that much better than having a bankrupt indie with some dude handling your record from nine to midnight after he gets off his job at the post office. I hope the major label system stays until we’re finished.” It should bear mention that although their manner is adamant, they, themselves have not rid the indie mentality entirely. I observed the meticulous behavior displayed early on when I arrived to watch We Are Scientists hang up and study the visual display of their merchandise.They are not reliant on others as many speculate artists on major labels are, nor are they grossly co-dependant on their label as, once again, many insinuate to be the case. They are musicians who are happy to have growth and relevance in such a fickle industry. We Are Scientists have recently put out their sophomore album, Brain Thrust Mastery, a collection of thoughtful, engaging tunes that range from the buoyant head-nod to the electric, volatile dance movement. A different sound than their debut, Brain Thrust Mastery has accomplished what Cain and Murray had set out to do; new album, new sound. “I think I’m happiest that people seem to be surprised by it,” explains Murray. “Whether or not they’re annoyed by the fact that’s it sounds so different from the last record, I like that. I’d rather have people pissed off at us for having changed our sound than be happy that our sound didn’t change.” “I agree,” Cain chimes in.“Seems like a waste of one’s time to generate record after record of similar sounding fare. I like James Taylor but I could listen to one album of that. All I need is one,” Cain clarifies. “James Taylor is doing fine, he can take the abuse.” We take a moment to reminisce about the start of We Are Scientists and the sentimentality is left there. “We went through a very brief phase of where we wore jumpsuits I think vaguely meant to imply a unit of man and team,” Cain remembers.“They were very short-lived. We realized we needed to amp up
the theatrics if we were going to make a splash.” “Our first performance was at a dive bar, and when I say that I don’t mean in the awesome Williamsburg way,” says Murray. “I mean it was musky carpets, the stench of depression, fluorescent lights through gelled paper from arts supply stores and to top it all off the event was the third original member of We Are Scientists’ [Michael Tapper] office party. It was either an office party or an officebased birthday party. Essentially people only from his office.” What about their first performances as attendees? “Def Leppard,” Cain simply states. “The first concert I chose to go to was Bon Jovi and Skid Row,” explains Murray. “I turned down Bowie, I turned down REM, I turned down the Talking Heads and then Bon Jovi and Skid Row came to town. In my memory I was onstage singing, pumping my hips to the beat; to the driving rhythm.” He pauses and smiles.“There was 10% of me that believes that happened.” You can argue that their enthusiasm is magnetic and their impulse to achieve a plateau of great music is inspiring; yet it is their realistic nature that exhibits great humble ability. “I think everything has gotten consistently better,” says Cain.“Looking back at any show a year ago it would just be worse than the show we’re about to play tonight.” Whether or not Murray still daydreams of rocking out with Bon Jovi, We Are Scientists are devoting their time to having their fans do the daydreaming. In fact, they are so in tune with their fans they offer up an advice column on their website. Such topics include; how to get an older girl to like you, where to go in Brooklyn, and even how to get the most out of attending a We Are Scientists concert. “We just want to give the equivalent of the Ally Sheedy makeover to everyone,” says Murray, referring to The Breakfast Club once more. “A little emotional lip-gloss.” Brain Thrust Mastery is out now on EMI
ION MAGAZINE 39
CULTURE FASHION
FILM MUSIC
LIGHT AND HARD tHE TOUGH ALLIANCE
Words Chad R. Buchholz Photography Kim Svensson - kimsvensson.com Illustration Aileen Bryant
ION MAGAZINE 40
Gothenburg’s Tough Alliance may just be the most anarchistic punk band in the world today. They do not have a MySpace page. They lip-synch through shows, dancing and wielding baseball bats. Unhappy with pretty much anything music industry-related, they created their own record label, Sincerely Yours, in 2005. They almost exclusively conduct interviews via email so as to avoid having answers twisted from them or their words manipulated. On top of this, perhaps to point out the unimaginative regurgitation so prevalent in music journalism, they’ve taken to cutand-pasting answers to interviewers’ questions from previous interviews (though not this one, as far as we can tell). And in almost every way, their music, label and lifestyles can be seen as direct responses to the hypersaturated un-reality of the modern age; an unmistakable act of violent subversion towards the society of the spectacle. I emphasize here: In almost every way. Because The Tough Alliance aren’t thrashing on guitars or screaming about G.W. Bush. They aren’t waving the flag or beating the drum of revolution. They aren’t dabbling in abstract time signatures or grandiose instrumentation. They are, rather, producing Pop Music; joyous, unapologetic, crystalline pop music that sounds like running
through tall grass, meeting up with friends at the best party you’ve ever been to and falling in love under the stars, while all at once conscious and completely oblivious to the perceivable cliché involved. There’s a purity surrounding the duo that is hard to explain, though in an (email) conversation with TTA singer Eric Berglund (instrumentalist Henning Furst being the band’s other half) the unwritten Tough Alliance manifesto begins to reveal itself. Even though you guys have been known as The Tough Alliance since 2003 and A New Chance has been out for over a year in Europe, it seems like North America is sort of just getting introduced to you now, with the release of ANC and The New School here in September. I guess, in light of that, it seems like a good idea to start this off with: Who are The Tough Alliance? And what should people know about you both as artists and individuals? It may sound pretentious but TTA is first and foremost our way of dealing with a deeply fucked up world and our way of looking for something else. We don’t want you to know TTA on a superficial level; we want you to feel it deeply. And what we feel I can’t express in some simple words
here. I mean, that’s why TTA exists. We want you to dance and play with us. Let go of fear and [we can] discover reality together. Not to be assuming, but for some reason I get the impression you guys aren’t especially interested in doing interviews. In fact, it seem like the best promotional moves you’re making can be traced to the (apparent) aloofness/ mysteriousness of TTA. Is this a conscious decision, or just a reaction to the gross levels our promotional culture has reached? We simply wouldn’t be feel comfortable doing all those things that almost all artists seem to do without even thinking. We made a conscious decision a long time ago to try our hardest to only do things we feel like doing instead of the things that are expected from us. We couldn’t handle being media personalities. We’re far too slow, sensitive and shy for that kind of business. It makes sense for me though that listening to your heart could be a good promotional move and could lead to some kind of success. I feel no need to blow up, make a lot of money or be famous. I just want the success of staying true to myself—how I feel and what I believe in. I realize this sounds extremely cliché, but it’s how I feel.
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I’ve read quite a bit about your live show and I think I understand the explanation you’ve given that by not concerning yourselves too much with the actual act of playing you allow for greater and more varied audience interaction. I was hoping you could explain to a potentially unfamiliar Canadian audience what they might expect from TTA on stage and why you approach performing the way you do? Honestly, I don’t have a clue. I don’t know when we’ll perform the next time and I certainly don’t know what to expect at that point. I’m learning to let the mind step back and see what comes naturally, to not live in the future or try to control and dictate it. But, we did it the way we did cause it seemed like the only natural thing to do. We were so fed up with people just doing what’s expected from them or trying their hardest to bend over to fit into the norm. We wanted to play—like kids or dolphins—and see what happened, and playback seemed like the only honest way for us to perform. We didn’t feel the need to entertain, to put on a show in that sense. We just wanted to have some fun and express how we felt, let things out. It seemed so liberating and modern to us that what we did on stage didn’t require any talent or script. But a lot of people, of course, found it irritating. They didn’t want a unique, sincere situation. They wanted what they were used to,
what they thought they paid for— someone sulking behind a laptop or making love with a guitar and pretending to be a superstar for an hour. It was a good way of weeding out those stale and boring fellows right from the start. Okay, regarding baseball bats: Wood or Aluminum? Aluminum. They’re light and still hit hard, just like TTA! Also regarding baseball bats: Is it true that you’ve been banned from certain venues in Sweden for physically smashing sets while your songs play over the PA during your shows? [Smashing] drum sets? We smashed the roof, the stage floor, a bass guitar, ourselves and each other, but never any drum sets as far as I can remember. And we never got banned. Maybe just once or twice. Ha ha. Currently, your website contains nothing but the words “be still.” Seeing as how the internet is based upon an ideology of instant gratification and constant movement, do you think anybody takes a minute to actually think about those words when they come across your site? What does “be still” mean to you? I certainly hope they do. To me it’s about looking beyond all the nonsense of my own mind, as well as of this information and role-playing
spectacle I’m somehow part of. It’s about finding a space to be present in, to breathe and feel what’s really happening. TTA is that something for me at it’s best—a passage to being present, to real life. That being said, you said in your “Guest List” for Pitchfork, “That’s very TTA, to live in a fantasy which takes place in the future.” Does it get harder to live in that fantasy world as your music gains greater recognition and people seek to expose the ‘real’ TTA? I don’t want to sound arrogant but honestly I don’t really feel those things, they’re not part of my reality. The roe deer I meet on my morning walks have much more influence on TTA [than the media]. I don’t read press, listen to radio or watch any TV other than Eurosport. What really matters to TTA happens in a whole different sphere. And things are really happening there, ‘cause something is changing. What used to be almost entirely a fantasy of joy and things making sense is slowly but surely becoming reality. A fast rollercoaster life of anxiety, fast and cheap kicks and dreams that seemed more like fairytales is being replaced by adventures of real everyday life and it’s so wonderful that I pinch my arm every now and then. It feels like something inevitable though, ‘cause I don’t think I could go on just dreaming about real life and expect things to make sense much longer. And the funny thing is that [real life] was there all the time. I just didn’t see
it ‘cause I was trying too hard and looking in the wrong places. Finally, could you explain your fascination with women’s tennis stars such as Maria Sharapova—besides the fact that she’s a babe? To me that fascination is as natural and obvious as the fascination for, say, Vic Godard or Mishima—whom no one would ask me about. It’s so depressing how people seem to keep their mind and soul inside some kind of cell; how rare it is that people dare to listen to their hearts and make their own rules. I find it very alienating being in art contexts. It’s like a big prison with people all dressed the same, all doing the same things, trying to get somebody’s approval. It feels so cheap and shallow. I can’t be blamed for turning elsewhere for inspiration. Art should be something sincere, something necessary, something uncompromising about how to live a fucking life. I always feel extremely lonely talking about those things with people. It’s more than a fascination though and it’s not just women’s tennis stars. Athletics often inspire me so much more than “real” art. I want to approach TTA more like how Maria approaches a drive volley: it looks so natural, so sharp, so focused, so sincere. All presence, precision and instincts. No confusion, no fear. The New School is out now on Summer Lovers Unlimited Music.
FASHION
Colin Moore
CULTURE
FILM
MUSIC
ION MAGAZINE
44
POSTER ART
Colin Moore says he’s 23 years old, but we don’t believe him. Not because he looks old (because he doesn’t), but because he’s the smartest designer in Vancouver. His philosophy seems kind of obvious, (make a gig poster that looks different from all the rest), but you didn’t think of it now did you? Listen to how he got to where he is, and enjoy the work of a young genius. “I actually got my start professionally drawing in the skate, snow and bike scene and my contribution to the music scene was pretty minimal. It wasn’t until my old roommate started paying me in groceries to do his concert posters (thanks Dan!) I am not going to lie, the cooler your band name is the cooler the poster gets. I tend to be a fairly sarcastic and witty guy so I like to translate that on to my 11x17 canvas and make those posters a little more interactive. If I do see another rad poster on a pole I like to step up my game so keep them coming people. The more people that see my work, the happier I am, I couldn’t ask for a better medium!” Check out more of his work at www.illustratemoore.com.
ART FASHION
FILM MUSIC: ALBUM REVIEWS
The Clips Matterhorn Unfamiliar
The Genius/Gza Pro Tools Babygrande
Jenny Lewis Acid Tongue Warner
Roots Manuva Slime & Reason Big Dada
The Clips’ frontman Edo Van Breemen
The Cool Kids The Bake Sale Chocolate Industries
The Genius/GZA’s newest album is
I wish I had more of an acid tongue to
I was going to write how much I don’t
is a talent and has made it quite clear
I’m calling it... The Bake Sale will
called Pro Tools; that is either going to
describe this album. I feel a migraine
like this album, but it’s my non-paying
with this release that he will soon
convince fully grown men in beat up
resonate with you or not. Personally I
coming on and my teeth falling out in
job to really articulate my hates so
be viewed as such by the masses.
sedans to start flossin’ during morning
think it’s wicked. Now, if I were review-
chunks from the syrupy sweet vocals
I listened to the disc a couple of
His breadth of work is growing and
traffic hour. Opening with a swag-
ing any other album and I made a
of this Rilo Kiley lady. I would maybe
more times, and I regret to say that
should show up on your radar with
gering self-produced beat worthy of
statement like, ‘the most outstanding
compare her to Dusty Springfield if
now I don’t really hate it. Sure I hate
Matterhorn, coupled with his other
carrying a whole album on its own
thing about album X is that it isn’t
I concentrate mostly on the “Dusty”
aspects of it, like sometimes Roots
band Brasstronaut. The Clips (not
(although it’s not needed to), The Cool
album Y’ you could safely assume
name—and not dust that sticks
Manuva’s voice sounds like he has
Clipse) have something missing
Kids give listeners a taste of why they
that I wasn’t impressed, but the fact
around… this is dust that floats in
a gizzard filled with rocks, but other
from most indie pop bands... attack.
are being hailed as the new prodigies
that Pro Tools isn’t Liquid Swords
from nowhere and makes you sneeze
times he surprised me as in “Let the
Splashy drums and fuzzy stringed
of hip hop. The Chicago duo’s retro-
is mostly because Liquid Swords is
and then it moves on to somewhere
Spirit” which is my fave. It’s strange
instruments help box in a core of crys-
cool lyrical content may be intention-
singularly the best Wu-Tang effort and
else, you hope. Trevor Risk said “this
to say that you probably shouldn’t
tal melodies and precious lyrics. The
ally light with mentions of Sega, BMXs,
therefore probably in the top three
sounds like a combo of the Dawson’s
really “listen” to this album, but that’s
production work from Doug Woods
and Fruity Pebbles, but they also don’t
hip hop albums ever. Pro Tools has no
Creek theme song and ‘Building a Mys-
my recommendation. Just put it on
and the band themselves help elevate
hesitate to deliver head-nodding mes-
shot at that sort of distinction but it is
tery.’” I can’t listen to this and feel well.
and do something like cook dinner or
solid songs into a repeat-button-
sages within their schoolyard rhymes
a throw back to those times. Simple
Especially when the song that makes
make your Halloween costume. It’s a
pushing experience with a real treat
(“A Little Bit Cooler”). Combine that
loops and simple beats permeate the
me cringe the most is the longest!
specific niche of listening, but that’s
of a scorching instrumental epilogue
with meticulous production that
whole album reminding you of the
Eight minutes 45 seconds of “The
where it belongs. Slime & Reason has
titled “2nd Hand Deal.”“Space Kidz”
delivers crisp, synthesized beats and
good ol’ days. Can it be that it was
Next Messiah”—some of the stinki-
the distinct South London sound and
should become a college radio hit,
impossible drum patterns, the result is
all so simple then? Standout tracks
est “I want to tell you I love you” duet
really appeals to those who like UK
reminiscent of Violent Femmes vocals
a sick album with just the right touch
like “Alphabet” and “Firehouse” beg
cheese I have ever been near. You’re
hip hop (that’s me) but it has some
and keyboard sounds straight from
of old school to make you reminisce
to differ. While ‘Pencil’ is probably the
lucky I listened to this twice. If I have to
slow tempo grime and dub beats (no
The Rentals’ first record. The reason
about the Eighties.
best use of crazy chipmunk voice
listen to this again, I’m grading this a
deal). All said, nothing compares to
★★★★★
since Dirty’s “Snakes.” I wouldn’t get
fail. Kind of like when I took my driver’s
his “Where My Mind is At” produced
the Wu-Tang logo tattooed on my face
test and the examiner told me if he
by DJ Skitz (1996) but we can’t live in
running uncontested.
just yet but this is an excellent album
made me re-do my botched parallel
the past now can we.
★★★★✩
and may represent a return to roots by
park, I would fail. So he ignored such
the Killah Bees.
disappointments to let me pass. I’m
★★✩✩✩
that Vancouver’s music scene isn’t competitive is because The Clips are
ION MAGAZINE 46
– Trevor Risk
– Matthew Tsang
★★★★★
–Bix Brecht
trying to let this pass… like a kidney stone. Please, please, please go away.
★★✩✩✩
– Natalie Vermeer
–Dr. Ian Super
Tittsworth Twelve Steps Defend Music
The Verve Forth RED
Woven hand Ten Stones Sounds Familyre
If you listen to full length bmore
The Verve was what halted my over-
This is fucking heavy. Really heavy.
albums/mixes/long ass singles you
whelming obsession with Brit Pop
Woven Hand is the work of David
know it’s hard to find releases that
when I was in high school. Waking
Eugene Edwards who also fronts alt-
offer actual depth and artistic merit
up to Ride albums, and singing Pulp
country’s 16 Horsepower, so he’s no
throughout. I’m not saying that this LP
songs into the mirror were all a blur
stanger to death heavy Americana.
is so smooth that after you listen your
(Blur?) after The Verve’s 1997 release
This is the kind of record, featuring
pleasure bits are remarkably hair free,
Urban Hymns. They successfully went
titles like “Beautiful Axe” and “Iron
but put on “Almond Joy” and you might
from a shadowy psych band with the
Feather,” that you could imagine be-
“shed” just a little. Now if you want
forethought of Radiohead, to put-
ing listened to by Cormac McCarthy
to straight wax and tear that shit off
ting together an album that was so
characters before saddling up and
put on “Drunk as Fuck” and listen to a
drenched in Brit Pop cliches it was
heading out for some biblical brutality.
little hyphy/bmore collab between Titts
almost offensive to fans of Nineties
And with cheerful campfire sing-along
and The Federation. Balls. As a debut
pop from England. Clearly Urban
lyrics like “This weary melody ends/
LP Tittsworth has done a respectable
Hymns was an attempt at breaking
The host of heaven descends/ Down
nightclub, which is where Ion caught up
bmore/rap rave/job. So bring neon
into the American market, and that
beneath this bleeding ground/ Behold
with him. Russell rolls deep, with an en-
glow sticks or neon sunglasses and
it did. The next day The White Stripes
the lamb.” you can just imagine the
tourage that made us crap our pants and
you’ll be happy. Oh yeah, he uses a
formed and the American Empire
mayhem they would inspire. Most of
chug our high-ball before we approached
NuNRG rave horn on “911”. Fucking
struck back. The Verve are making a
the record is about bad winds blowin’
him and his motley crew of large men and
love that shit… I miss NuNRG, but
2008 comeback (a la Primal Scream),
and even badder moons rising and it
laughing girls.“Yep. Five tunes and one
don’t we all?
and the results are puzzling. They
sounds a lot like Earth but with slightly
classic,” we stammered.“All my favourite
★★★✩✩
make attempts at re-living their early
less powerful animal tranquilizers. You
songs are classic,” he said without smiling.
days, but the more successful songs
could probably even dance to a lot of
“Come back in 15,” we were told by (what
on the album are the ones that sound
it, but you’d need to be brandishing
we assumed was) his manager. Fifteen
more like The Verve’s catchier work.
some kind of sharp object.“Kicking
minutes later, there was a scrap of paper
Listen to “Valium Skies” and try not to
Bird” takes Earth’s country metal tem-
and a shot of expensive booze waiting for
find congruencies with “Lucky Man.”
plate and turns it into a fists in the air
us. Now I know you’re thinking that the 5 to
Either their music is slowly getting
scalp remover, while “Beautiful Axe”
1 section is for DJs and you’re right. Around
better again or I’m less of a snob in
sounds like Black Mountain but if they
20 after two, Russell got behind the booth
my adulthood.
had been raised in the Ozarks. Which
and carefully dropped some destructive
★★✩✩✩
is a good thing. Serious stuff.
techno that may or may not have been
★★★✩✩
pre-chosen for him judging by his apparent
–Dr. Ian Super
–Jonathan Orr
TO
ONE
Russell Peters Russell Peters’ brand of racially themed Canadian humour amuses everyone from your parents to the coat-check girl at a
love of Steely Dan.
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–Trevor Risk
FIVE
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TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS HOROSCOPES COMICS ION MAGAZINE 48
666 words Words Sam Kerr Photography Dan Bass
“Are you sure you two don’t want any acid?” Ricky asks. “No, we’re going out. Thanks though,” Sara says. Ted nods. The two go out to the car and drive to the Whistler Village for a class dinner. Guests gone, Ricky takes a tab and sets out on his stroll in the forest. He has done this walk many times in his youth, but it is especially nice in the summer on a clear night like tonight. Secretly, he is pleased to be alone and very pleased to be on acid. Back to the beginning, Ted took Sara to his friend Ricky’s cabin to get laid. He knew that Ricky would never want to join them in the village and he knew that Sara would never want to take acid. The two could be alone on their date and when they returned Ricky would still be high. Professional planning, avec prophylactics. After their meal they go for a drink and a dance at one of Whistler’s numerous nightclubs. To pass time while waiting in line outside Garfinkle’s nightclub, they call Ricky to see how his trip is going. The phone rings. Ricky answers. Ted hears heavy breathing and the sound of running. “I can’t talk now. I’m being chased, being chased by a goblin or a leprechaun or something. Fuck, I think it is a fucking leprechaun. Fuck.” Click. Ricky reports the story to Sara and she has a hearty laugh. After a few hours of below average music and overpriced drinks, they leave the lame nightclub and make their way back to the car. Before drunk driving home, they call Ted again to check in. “So, Ted, we’re on our way home. You all right.” “Yeah I’m here. Can’t talk right now. Watching Family Feud. It’s fucking me up.” Click. They arrive back at he cabin, safely. Opening the front door, Ted asks in a loud voice, “So Ricky, what happened with the leprechaun?” Calmly he claims, “Caught him. The little
cunt’s in the closet. He was fucking heavy, I carried him three clicks. Hell, worth it though, I want that pot of gold.” Ted and Sara look at one another and have another hearty laugh. Then they hear some movement in the closet. Ted walks to the door, unlocks the latch and opens it. Inside is an eight-year-old boy with pumpkin orange hair and bright blue eyes. He is filthy, missing a shoe, wearing a green jacket and visibly terrified. “Ricky, you fucking monster. You’ve kidnapped a child. Mother of mercy, what are we supposed to do now.” “Fuck that, I was in the forest and I caught a leprechaun. I’m getting the pot of gold.” Ted looks at Sara. They get the boy a glass of milk and ask him questions, but he is too scared to respond. Then they ask Ted questions, but he makes little sense, insisting the boy is a leprechaun. They decide to call the cops in order to find the boy’s parents. Perhaps they can
talk their way out of this mess… they hope. “You have found a child? Is he a boy? Does he have a birthmark on his left arm near the elbow? He does. We will be right over,” the cops say. Officer Winrob arrives and says, “Which one of you found the boy?” Ted and Sara reluctantly point at Ricky. The cop continues, “You sir, are a hero. Six days ago this boy wandered away from a campground. Two-hundred-men have been searching since. Where did you find him?” Ted awakes from his trance,“The Leprechaun, I bagged that little bastard near Emerald Lake.” Ted goes back to watching TV. “Emerald Lake, Christ, he walked 17 kilometres. Son, I don’t know how to tell you this but this boy’s father is a very wealthy man. There is a $100,000 reward, and you are entitled to it.” Ted says, “I don’t know why you keep calling him a boy, that little loser is a Leprechaun.”
HOROSCOPES: David Bertrand Photography Jackie Dives licious dive into H.P. Lovecraftian gloom! Smalltown Spain is overrun with gilled, ugly fishmen sacrificing hapless tourists to an ancient seademon! Our comic, Evil Dead-ish protagonist is trapped and hunted in, basically, a Piscean Hell. ARIES Black Sheep (2006): Always the impatient, impulsive, irritable lamb. Well! Strong wills lock with stronger wools in New Zealand’s Black Sheep, your classic zombie-comedy… only now with hostile, mutated ewes! Yes—murderous sheep devouring human flesh, turning people into sheep-people, who eat more people! TAURUS Ebola Syndrome (1996): Ah, Taurus. Resentful, beefy, fuuuurriooous when angry—much like Anthony Wong in the family-friendly Ebola Syndrome! Greasy Mr. Wong murders his boss, rapes the wife, goes to prison, gets out, ex-pats to Africa, works in a scummy restaurant, goes batshit, rapes again, gets Ebola-bile puked in his face and then things get nasty. GEMINI Sisters (1973):Temperamental two-faced terror… yes you, Gemini. Please observe Brian De Palma’s first Hitchcock tribute, Sisters, starring a pair of very fucked French-Canadian twins played by Mrs. Superman, Margot Kidder. Methodical and tense, with wicked use of split-screen—Sisters eases you in, makes you comfy… then stabs you in the mouth with a cake knife. CANCER The Thing (1982): You Cancers, like the disease, cancer, are sneaky things. You hide. You eat. You stay warm and shape-shift your crooked ass to trick us: much like The Thing, John Carpenter’s masterstroke of spooks and crazy-ass latex FX. An unthawed alien flawlessly replicates Kurt Russell and his merry men at an Antarctic research station. Paranoia intensifies. Who’s real? Who ain’t? LEO Withfinder General (1968): You’re a mean, self-aggrandizing prick, Now tell me… is there any bastard bigger than Matthew Hopkins, the Witchfinder General, notorious witch hunter of inquisitorial England? A real-life, publicly-sanctioned murderer, torturer, rapist, executioner, crook and sadist—Hopkins was also undoubtedly the creepiest asshole role of Vincent Price’s career.
David Bertrand tak es trash seriously. A film & music fanatic, freela nce journalist and reg ular of the Vancouver film industry, David’s rec ent blurbs of interest inc lude writing dialogue for game-makers Radic al Entertainment, pro gramming and hosting the weekly Bizzaro FilmO-Rama film nights , coordinating Nana imo’s Green Mountain Mu sic Festival and bei ng a roadie for The Pack A.D. Cabin of Terror ,a short horror film Da vid co-wrote and pro duced, screens this October at the Toronto After Dark Film Festival. See it!
VIRGO The Virgin Spring (1960) & Last House on the Left (1972): Young virgin, things aren’t looking good. In Bergman’s classic tragedy, a naïve farm girl delivering bread to Church gets forcibly deflowered and murdered by Swedish hillbillies. The Virgin Spring was imitated and sleazified for Wes Craven’s wonderfully undisciplined debut, The Last House on the Left, a benchmark for rape and torture. Yah!
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LIBRA Don’t Torture a Duckling (1972): Libra’s want everything perfect and comfortable. Well, a hang-up like that will have you stabbing children before you know it, guaranteed. Italian gore maestro Lucio Fulci’s insanely titled, surprisingly emotional DTAD, is, for once, an Italian thriller without sexy corpses. Instead, a deranged smalltown priest starts offing young boys. Temperance is a nasty bastard, Libra. So are you. Up with abstinence! SCORPIO Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion (1972): The most fierce, forthright, and freaky of the feminine signs, Scorpio gets her due in the mega-awesome Female Prisoner from Japan, starring cold-as-ice Meiko Kaji (Lady Snowblood) gettin’ her vengeance on. Scorpion encapsulates everything magnificent about Japan. Sleaze transcendent! SAGITTARIUS Possession (1981): Always hurtin’ for the unattainable, is Sagittarius the half-human (with beast balls!). Well-represented by Andrzej Zulawski’s Possession, which grates the deepest hells of the male-female turbine as ruined couple Sam Neil and Isabella Adjani vomit their emotions all over each other. Adjani escapes into a grotesque tryst with her own tentacled offspring, an ungodly fuck-machine who thirsts for blood. Good date movie! CAPRICORN Silence of the Lambs (1991): The cool-headed, meticulous sociopath: that’s you Capricorn. Over-exposure has made Hannibal Lector a neutered Santa Claus, I realize, but before the concentrated sequelization, Hannibal the Cannibal was creepy. People who don’t panic under extreme duress are scary. You’re scary. I don’t trust you. Go away. AQUARIUS I Drink Your Blood (1970): Nothing poops on the Age of Aquarius quite like drugcrazed hippie-horror! I Drink Your Blood is one of the first and finest hunks o’ sleaze to milk the Manson Family murder-spree for box office bucks. Boobs, bile, bloodletting, rape, rabid-meat pies and grandpa on LSD? Peace out, rainbowface. PISCES Dagon (2001): Chaos owns your ass, Pisces, in Dagon, another hyper-fun Stuart Gordon-
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DINOSAUR COMICS BY RYAN NORTH
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