#73 FREE
ERS OF THE Y A L P
T H E 2 0 11 L O U D C H A L K E R S HERE’S TO THE AFTER HOURS ATHLETE
CONTENTS
VOLUME 9 NUMBER 4 ISSUE 73
FEATURES
30. Seth Fluker: Seth Fluker proves his last name is ironic.
38. Fashion: Photography by Patrick Lacsina and styling by Will Lumilan
48. Teddybears: They can smell the of-the-month section.
DEPARTMENTS
CULTURE
MUSIC
18. Shoreditch: Party photos originated at the Tudor theatre.
54. J Staffz: It’s good, but is it “Sex Packets” good?
24. Siggi Eggertsson: Damn Scandys are always up to their tits 58. Miami Horror: Summer breezin’. in talent. 36. Summer Books
60. Album Reviews 61. SelectION: Drop that ass to the ground, hydraulic style.
REGULARS 10. Editor’s Letter: Naked nostalgia for the recent past.
16. Of The Month: Who’s the king of the surf guitar?
63. Horoscopes: Ernold Sane could make the Predator cry.
14. ION Style
62. ION the Web
64. Comics
15. ION The Prize
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ION MAGAZINE
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ION
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MAGAZINE
Publisher/Fashion Director Editor in Chief/Music Editor Creative Director Arts and Culture Editor Office Manager
Vanessa Leigh vanessa@ionmagazine.ca Trevor Risk trevor@ionmagazine.ca Tyler Quarles tyler@ionmagazine.ca Douglas Haddow douglas@ionmagazine.ca Natasha Neale natasha@ionmagazine.ca
@ionmagazine facebook.com/ionmagazine ionmagazine.tumblr.com
Design Intern Robyn Gerry
issuu.com/ionmagazine Writers RJ Basinillo, Zia Hirji, Peter Marrack, Ernold Sane, Cooper Saver, Dr. Ian Super Photographers and Artists Leeay Aikawa, Alan Chan, Ashley Gesner, Patrick Lacsina, Scott Loudoun, Will Lumilan, Deanna Palkowski, Loni Schick, Kim Svensson, Dougie Wallace ION is printed 10 times a year by the ION Publishing Group. No parts of ION Magazine may be reproduced in any form by any means without prior written consent from the publisher. ION welcomes submissions but accepts no responsibility for the return of unsolicited materials. All content © Copyright ION Magazine 2011 Hey PR people, publicists, brand managers and label friends, send us stuff. Youtube album art teasers are making too much e-waste, time-waste, and brain-waste. We prefer getting actual stuff. Butter our biscuits with: band t-shirts, Talkboys, the Criterion collection edition of The Monster Squad, CDs, vinyl, Lorem Ipsum crosswords, “Luv Ya Blue”-era Houston OIlers gear, Blu-Rays, video games, secrets, and iPads can be sent to the address below. #303, 505 Hamilton Street. Vancouver, BC, Canada. V6B 2R1 Office 604.696.9466 Fax: 604.696.9411 feedback@ionmagazine.ca www.ionmagazine.ca | www.facebook.com/ionmagazine @ionmagazine | www.issuu.com/ionmagazine
Advertising enquiries can be directed to sales@ionmagazine.ca
COVER: Teddybears [shot exclusively for ION Magazine] Photography: Kim Svensson
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When you have a serious food allergy, birthday cake is just one more thing you can’t have. Visit anaphylaxis.ca
CONTRIBUTORS Stylist [Deanna Palkowski]
PHOTOGRAPHER [Kim Svensson]
Illustrator [leeay aikawa]
Photographer [Loni Schick]
Deanna was born and raised in West Vancouver, with much of her style influenced by her Hungarian grandmother. Having to wear a school uniform for 13 years pushed her towards fashion as it was an outlet for expression of oneself. Her belief in “everything happens for a reason” led her to being signed with Lizbell Agency. While she has just started her career, she hopes to broaden her horizon with travel, study and meeting glorious people. For now and forever she is addicted to accessories. You will find her with a handful of rings, layers of necklaces, and a stack full of bracelets, like a gypsy!
After assisting his friend, fashion photographer Kambiz, Kim started his own photography in late 2005 and since then has had success shooting a wide range of artists like Fever Ray, José González and Civil Civic. Kim is also a member of the great Göteborg String Theory which recorded in 2009 and performed all over Europe this year. For this issue of ION Kim went to Teddybears’ studio to shoot the cover and feature story. Kim Svensson is based in Gothenburg, Sweden and is currently working with various advertising clients on projects.
Leeay is a Toronto based illustrator originally from Japan. Her clients include The New York Times, The Globe and Mail, Atlantic, and Walrus. For this issue, she illustrated the butt wiggling piece somewhere near the back of the magazine. Leeay without collage is like a summer without beer on the patio. Leeay is excited to attend the Goodbye Boobies Party. A good friend of hers is getting a breast reduction.
Loni Schick is a photographer and writer based in Toronto who shot JStaffz for this issue. She is passionate about hip hop, sneakers, BMX culture, and fell in love with photography over 13 years ago. Loni has traveled to 21 countries, lived on three continents and shoots wherever she goes. Her work has been featured on websites such as Sneakhype, Sneaker Freaker, Female Sneaker Fiend, and M.I.S.S. She shot the Rotterdam chapter of Female Sneaker Fiends' Girls Got Kicks, a photography book about women and sneakers. She is also Subeditor of C.O.P. Magazine, the world’s best underground publication for women.
[www.deannapalkowski.com]
[Kimsvensson.com] [@neilchampagne]
[leeayaikawa.com]
[lonischick.carbonmade.com]
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EDITOR’S LETTER
T
he Handsome Furs’ new album (well, “new” if you didn’t get it a few months back when it was literally the quickest leak of all time) has boobs on the cover. It also has a vagina on the cover. Okay, what it has is a nude woman showing off her boobs and vagina. This doesn’t shock me, but at one time it would have. Go way back, and it would have been stroke material for legions of young men. The cover isn’t particularly sexy, but it’s nudity, and if my nostalgia gauge is correct, that’s all we needed. Still images were once enough to bring a man to his disgusting-looking and sounding climax. Patton Oswald recently decided we should be leaving porno mags in the woods so an entire generation will not be deprived of the excitement of discovering nudity organically like we did. However, this generation (Z? Whatever)
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hasn’t ever lived in a world where quickly streamed, live action pornography hasn’t been available, and with all the privacy of a laptop instead of having to soil your parents’ VCR. In fact, I’m 88 percent certain that if I were internet savvy enough I could find nude photos and possibly videos of co-workers down the digital rabbit hole. You know, Muslims believe that it’s a sin to raise an adopted child as a blood child, for the logical fear that he or she could grow up to marry a sibling. Why is nobody worried that with all this accessibility and easy-to-make HD amateur encounters, we might end up stumbling upon our daughters, siblings, parents or (holy shit) grandparents? It should be illegal to make nudie movies unless you’re an only child-orphan-sterile-bachelor. Today, it’s actually considered classy to
purchase magazines instead of typing with one hand. I imagine I could probably give my father a Playboy wrapped up with a copy of Perfect 10 for Christmas and nobody would consider it lewd. My barbershop has several copies of Penthouse having a glossy cuddle puddle between Wallpaper and Us, but are they worried that I might be fully erect when it’s time to wash my hair? Absolutely not, but that’s only because they’re used to it. I do everything erect; driving, DJing, voting… I wonder why Tipper Gore hasn’t tried to shut down Sub Pop for the Furs’ album art. I’ll bet she’s moved on, and probably wears a vintage “Fuck Martinez” shirt around the house when she’s making breakfast. I’d love to ask that divorcee about the state of censorship in music and artwork. She’d shrug and say something
like “I’m just happy where I’m at with life, and to not have to drink my own recycled pee anymore”, before lighting a Virginia Slim and crossing her legs all slow like. She’s come a long way baby. So now I have to see penises and pussies in Judd Apatow movies, episodes of The Venture Brothers, and on every episode of every show from England. I have to hear about it in every stupid rap song, and not just in hilarious 2 Live Crew songs. I guess you can’t stand in the way of progress. I mean at least now porn stars are way prettier, and plus the new Handsome Furs album stinks anyway. -Trevor Risk Editor in Chief
ION STYLE Brenna Sweater and leggings: Nymph Hat: Kangol Necklace: Little Burgundy Shoes: Minnetonka @ Little Burgundy Bag: Jeffery Campbell @ Little Burgundy Kesi Vest: Yumi Top: BB Dakota Shorts: Gentle Fawn Shoes: Hibou @ Little Burgundy Watch: G-Shock
Photography: Alan Chan | Styling: Deanna Palkowski @ Liz Bell Makeup and Hair: Ashley Gesner @Lizbell Models: Kesi and Brenna @ Rad Kids by NOBASURA
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ION THE PRIZE JANSPORT This month we are giving away an amazing selection of backpacks from Jansport. These packs will help you carry your books, clothes or iPad in style. With heavy-duty zippers, reinforced stitching, numerous compartments, and suede bottoms, these backpacks will be able to handle anything that you throw at them or in them.
Photo: Tyler Quarles
To enter visit [www.facebook.com/ionmagazine]
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OF THE MONTH
ADULT SWIM SINGLES PROGRAM Adult Swim is a rare dragon indeed. Because HBO plays Super Troopers every single day, Adult Swim is the only reason left to pay for cable in America. They’ve got low budget, hilarious shows like Eagleheart and Children’s Hospital and if you’re up real late, you can catch never-not-funny reruns of BBC 2’s Look Around You. Currently, they’re giving fans never-before-released tracks every week from artists like The Tallest Man on Earth and The Rapture. Adult Swim, you had us at Space Ghost Coast to Coast and everything since has been gravy.
CHARLIE SHEEN TO HOST SATURDAY NIGHT AT GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS See title. That’s good enough.
GENERATIONALS FREE DOWNLOAD As our arts and culture editor likes to remind us “Music has no value”. This may explain why ION favourites, Generationals, have blessed you with a free download of their EP Medium Rarities. With an alternate take, a new track and two remixes, you’re getting more value than if you bet on the Bruins to win the cup. [parkthevan.com/mediumrarities/]
PRINCE: CHAOS, DISORDER, AND REVOLUTION BY JASON DRAPER From the purple people eating minds of Backbeat Books, we’ve got a new biography about the man currently known as Prince. From his curious, gyrating, guitar playing at James Brown’s birthday party (arriving on a man’s shoulders) to kicking Kim Kardashian off his stage, Prince is the best pop music weirdo America has ever had, and for a small fee you can get deep into the life story of His Royal Badness. The book even includes photos of 1980 Prince, back when he had that sick moustache, long hair, and never wore a shirt.
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OF THE MONTH
STEPHEN COLBERT WITH THE BLACK BELLES Nashville, Tennessee is currently the main vein of songs in America. In many years you’ll see documentaries about the explosion that took place around this time. A fun footnote to the story will be the 7” single put out by Jack White’s Thirdman Records “Charlene II (I’m Over You)”, a collaboration between The Black Belles and American voice, Stephen Colbert. Get it online or if you can, head down south and hit the label’s store. Rumour is it’s run by the Soledad Brothers’ drummer.
SURF BEAT: ROCK ‘N’ ROLL’S FORGOTTEN REVOLUTION BY KENT CROWLEY They say if a man lives long enough he’ll acquire two things: prostate cancer and a taste for country and western music. Imagine how much cooler it would be if instead it were a discerning taste for cheese and surf music respectively? In Surf Beat a new book by Kent Crowley, you’ll be quickly on your way to getting pitted with Murphy The Surfie and Gidget. Be warned though, Fender Jaguars may look cool but they’re reliability will drive you up the wall.
THE WA The Wa is a biannual arts and culture magazine run out of Toronto. This Halloween it’s celebrating its fifth birthday. The latest issue is daredevil themed and features interviews with Mick Foley, a stuntman, a counterterrorist/customs officer and more. Check out all the back issues at [thewamagazine.com]
WHOOPSIE DOODLE Sometimes when your magazine’s production weekend takes place in a filthy, Thunder Bay strip club, mistakes are made. It’s not completely our fault. We’re going to blame the shots of that cherry flavoured Jim Beam and the deafening sound of Chris Lake songs. Either way, it should be noted that in the Parallel Dance Ensemble feature in issue 72, answers 6-10 and the last one are credited to the wrong interviewee. When you read those lines you can cross your eyes, count backwards and it should read just fine.
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CULTURE SHOREDITCH, EAST LONDON
THE COSMIC GUTTER Words: Douglas Haddow
In the late 16th century it already had a bad reputation amongst moralists for being a shithole full of beggars, tramps, drunkards and thieves. Maybe that’s why Shakespeare loved it so much. Founded centuries before Brooklyn, Shoreditch is the world’s longest reigning “it spot”. Once home to royal jesters and Elizabethean comedians, the neighbourhood has recently hosted the likes of Damien Hirst and Peaches Geldof; the latest in a long line of misfits to populate its vomit-stricken cobblestones. Since being labeled as terra non grata way back when, every few decades has ushered in a new era. From French Huguenot refugees and Azekanashi Jews, to Bangledishi immigrants and wayward hipsters, each wave of migration adding a fresh puff of cream to the multicultural layer cake. In the 90s, Shoreditch became the district of choice for Young British Artists, both moneyed and penniless.
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Soon after that, it became infamous for “the Shoreditch twat,” a pejorative used to describe the overdressed twentysomethings that flocked to the ditch upon learning of its reputation. Still, Shoreditch survived and evolved, and against all odds remains one of the best places on the planet to spend your paycheque on pints and live on the cheap. But with the 2012 summer Olympics drawing nigh, many are worried that the days of affordable rent and ramshackle vibrancy could be lost in the pounds and pence. Recently, ION chatted with the berg’s preeminent documentarist, Scottish photographer Dougie Wallace. Over the past decade Wallace has crept its streets, snapping the drunken and drugged debauchery with a gonzo style that will no doubt serve as a historical record for this, the latest chapter in Shoreditch’s checkered history.
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CULTURE
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So you’re from Scotland yeah? Yeah. Glasgow, but I’ve lived here fifteen years. It’s good, you get used to it. Has the neighbourhood changed much? It’s changed tremendously, but I think it’s for the better, it’s like the new SoHo; the place where everybody goes drinking and meets up and stuff. Has it gotten more expensive? Yeah, there’s always been that, artists might say that the rent is going up and you have to get a bit further out, that’s gonna happen with celebrities and that. It’s radically changed but that doesn’t mean it’s for the worse. Your photos are along the lines of typical party photography, but
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you’ve got quite a original take on it. Yeah it’s more like clubland without getting too kitsch, more autobiographical. I’m basically a street photographer, so I try to capture the common denominator behind it all. Rather than sort of, randomy pictures. And how did you get into street photography? Em, just when I picked up a camera about ten years ago. I’m sort of a travel photographer as well. These Shoreditch pictures are just pictures I’ve been taking … usually I’m just wandering the street and I see a picture, or I’m out clubbing and I’ve always got my camera, but now I’m actively pursuing it. Usually I do reportage or travel, and it
just so happens that I live in Shoreditch. But now I’m actively getting out and taking pictures of Shoreditch, when I never used to. You know what I mean. So how do you approach photographing a trendy area without it seeming totally cheesy? I dunno, I’ve just always been here. I only use the good pictures. I approach people with a flash so I get compared to Bruce Gilden a little bit. I jump out at people, so usually you’ll get a an expression in the face. But I don’t always jump at people, obviously.
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CULTURE SIGGI EGGERTSSON
POST-NORDIC CONTOURS Words: Douglas Haddow
Icelanders are a rare bunch, and with a population just over 300,000, their global profile betrays their modest numbers. Said to be the most literate people in the world, they are a nation of over-achievers, but in recent years, the little green island’s capacity for the exceptional has been smothered under a blanket of disaster. In 2008, Iceland was the first country to get hammered by the global credit crisis, and it was hit hard and fast. Drubbed into the ground by the same market abstractions that transformed what was a remote fishing outpost into a hub for transatlantic capital. Within a few weeks of the crash, all of their major banks collapsed. Unemployment tripled, the government fell and people started blowing up their SUVs to collect insurance because their currency had lost two thirds of its value. In 2010, just as Icelanders started to emerge from their vicious economic hangover, Eyjafjallajökul blew its top and spewed 140 million cubic metres of magma discharge across continental Europe, holding tourists from all corners of the world hostage as the fallout made its way into Russia. Around the same time, The Best Party, a satirical political party founded by anarchistcum-comedian Jon Gnarr, won Rejkyavik’s municipal election.
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Their election theme song was Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best”. All of the aforementioned may or may not be relevant to understanding the work of Siggi Eggerston, an Icelandic illustrator/designer living as an ex-pat in Berlin. But the troubles of Eggertson’s homeland provide a revealing backdrop to a visual style that has been frequently applauded for its “difference”. I first met Siggi in Antwerp a couple years back while attending a design conference and was struck by how typically Icelandic he seemed - reserved, tall, blonde, and dressed in black from head to toe. Admittedly, having never met an Icelander before, my preconception of what “typically Icelandic” looked like was the stuff of fantasy, but nonetheless, he fit the part perfectly. But over some beer and steak I learned that, as with the precrash Icelandic economy, the image only hinted at the reality, and that Siggi had a personality as distinct as his work suggests. When one talks to a celebrated European designer, rarely does the subject of Shawn Kemp and the ‘96 Seattle Supersonics come up, but it turned out that Siggi is a huge basketball fan, so we had plenty to discuss. I checked in with Siggi via Skype and talked a bit about Berlin, Nintendo, and LeBron James.
I know you’re a big fan, so I wanted to ask you about LeBron James – what do you like about him? I just think he's an amazing player who just gets better and better, and he seems like a cool person off the pitch too. I watched a lot of basketball when Jordan was playing, because there was nothing like him, then when he retired; I lost interest in the sport. And now, somehow, LeBron managed to pull me back into the game. Is there a certain trait you focused on when you illustrate him? Not really, I just wanted to draw him, no deep thought behind it. Perhaps in the back of my head I was hoping that someone at his camp sees my work and I get to work with him one day. That would make me feel great. He's apparently the most over-analyzed basketball player ever. And he's got an interesting career arc, from hometown hero to something of a villain. What do you think of the amount of hate he's received since leaving Cleveland? I think it's a bit pathetic. They should rather appreciate what he did for the team when he was there. If he wants to leave, change something in his life, that should completely be up to him, and you can't really hold anything against him. But I suppose I would
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CULTURE
feel differently if I was from Cleveland. Did you get to see the finals? Yeah, great finals - first time I watched it in a while. Kind of sucks watching the games at 3 AM, but it was worth it. Do you watch the games at home or does Berlin have some good late-nite sports bars? I just watch at home. It's a bit late for going out to watch basketball. Berlin has developed a mythical status over the years, sort of a Shangri-La for "creatives". How has the city treated you since you moved there, and what keeps you there? I really like the city, it's cheap compared to other European capitals and I can afford a nice apartment. I still don't speak any German, and that's a bit annoying. I'm sure I would like the
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city even more if I could understand everything, but at the same time I kind of like not understanding anything. It helps me focus on my work. So I'm not really in the scene, I don't know what’s going on, I don't work for German clients, I just live here because I think it's nice. How does the German experience compare to that of Iceland? Is there anything you miss? It's definitely different. You can't get lost in Reykjavik, and everyone knows everyone. And no, nothing I really miss about Iceland that I would like to bring here, but many things I would like to bring to Iceland. Such as? Like for example being able to buy beer and wine in a kiosk, instead of having to go to a government run alcohol store that
closes at 5 pm. Just stuff like that, stupid rules that no one needs. I remember we talked a bit about the internet when I was in Antwerp - you seemed to be a fan. How do you think the internet has affected your life? If you were born ten years earlier, would you still be a designer living in Berlin? The internet is the best invention ever. I got into design when I was rather young, around 13-14, when programs were starting to become usable, and at the same time the internet was becoming mainstream, so I kind of grew up with it. The internet gives (almost) everyone access to information and the ability to share things, so everyone has an equal chance. You don't have to be in magazines anymore to be noticed. I think the power of the internet is especially profound when it
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comes to design/visual arts. The popularity of design seems to have exploded over the years, as with the output. I agree. But it also has to do with the tools. Now everyone has a computer, so anyone can design something. But, there's also some danger when it comes to consuming visual content online. For instance, if you look at certain Flickr groups, or certain blogs, you notice that people will seek out others with similar styles‌ Absolutely, I don't look at it at all. I avoid those websites like fire. I don't believe you can create something original when you are constantly consuming what other people are currently making. At least that applies for myself. But I made a Tumblr the other day, with stuff that I find inspiring, so maybe I'm just taking part in the whole thing, but I just wanted to share those with people. That's one thing that really strikes me about your work - it feels like you've embraced the true nature of the programs you use in order to create something entirely new. The programs are just tools, and I've been working with them for
such a long time, so it kind of becomes an extension of myself. I probably have different working methods and ways to do things than other people, but it works out for me. So what is your day like? Recently it's been waking up, going out to get breakfast and coffee, go to the studio, answer emails, work, work work, have dinner, work work, go to sleep. Deceptively simple. But I'm trying to get out of that routine now, going to try to enjoy a little bit of the summer here in Berlin too. Do you play any ball there? No, just NBA Jam on the Wii Do you play many videogames? Every now and then. Currently playing Paper Mario, really like it. Then I sometimes play StarCraft 2, but recently I've just been watching others play StarCraft 2. With commentary, it's really like watching sports. I'm not sure if you have to know the game to be able to enjoy watching it though, but after following a few players for a while you start recognizing their playing style and tactics. Everything is really
thought out, a bit like a chess match. So, you own a Wii? Not an Xbox/PS3? (I only have a Wii and I'm not ashamed to admit it) Yeah I only have a Wii, and just recently got it. I'm always a bit afraid of devices that are designed to waste your time. Had my friends Xbox for a while though, was playing the UFC game with friends, that was a lot of fun. But I'm more of a Nintendo guy, prefer clever design/gameplay rather than crazy graphics. Haters gonna hate. Is there anything specific about Nintendo that you dig? They are just a bit like the Apple of the console companies. I like the controllers of the Wii, and how you can use them in different ways. And I think the new controller for the Wii U is going to be really cool too. What are you doing the rest of the day? Think I'm going to try to work a little bit, then tonight I'm going to try a flotation tank for the first time, kind of excited about that. I've wanted to try that for a long time, think it will be nice. Sounds chill.
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FOCUS SETH FLUKER CHECK OUT MORE AT [SEEWHATEYESEE.COM]
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Finding beauty in some of the most unforeseen places, Seth Fluker seeks to produce photographs that depict a hidden world that is often overlooked.
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FOCUS SETH FLUKER
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FOCUS SETH FLUKER
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CULTURE SUMMER BOOKS
BEACH CRITERIA
Words: RJ Basinillo
If spring is signaled by the arrival of the birds and bees, it might not be a stretch to say summer arrives with beaches, bikes, babes and books. There are a couple of ways to approach summer reading. While some might look to blaze away the long days with an easy page-turner, others might find that the leisurely pace accommodates more difficult reading. Whether it’s a sleazy graphic novel or labyrinthine French prose in translation or some smart non-fiction; we take a look at some of the most buzzedabout books of the year and a sneak peek at two of early fall’s most anticipated releases, because we’re all hoping for a long, hot summer.
THE TIGER'S WIFE - TEA OBREHT As the only unpublished author to be selected to last year's controversial The New Yorker 20 authors under 40 list -- and the youngest, just recently turning 25 -- Tea Obreht’s much buzzed-about and little known-about manuscript was under heavy scrutiny. The Tiger’s Wife follows a young doctor as she sorts through a war-torn, unnamed, Balkan country looking for answers to questions that surround her grandfather’s death; employing a narrative style demonstrating nothing less than “the crushing power of myth, story, and memory” and drawing favourable comparisons to Bulgokov and Garcia Marquez. Obreht, though, benefiting from the kind of promotional push most novelists can only dream of, has picked up glowing reviews and endorsements, giving way to her win of the prestigious Orange Prize earlier this spring.
THE ART OF ASKING YOUR BOSS FOR A RAISE - GEORGES PEREC France’s Georges Perec -- who once wrote a novel without the use of the letter e, and has been dead for almost 30 years -- would be pleased at this slim new volume of previously untranslated work (pleased at the actual physical slimness of the book; Perec famously concerned with the size of his library). It’s full title, which I doubt would fit across the spine, is The Art and Craft of Approaching Your Head of Department to Submit a Request for a Raise. David Bellos deserves some sort of recognition for translating this oddball office satire, deciphering a prose style that lacks punctuation, paragraph breaks, or even capital letters; Perec wrote the novel after being asked by a computer company to compose a piece based on then contemporary program-planning methods. Though this schematic style may seem unbearable, Perec is no mere experimentalist, and the work of pouring through this slight, dense work pays off as the machinations begin to betray moments of actual beauty.
PAYING FOR IT - CHESTER BROWN Chester Brown’s canonical graphic novel biography of Louis Riel is such a landmark work it has found its way into high school and college history curricula nationwide. Though, far from a composer of some heartland “great Canadian stories,” closer followers of the often contentious Brown should find it no surprise his follow-up novel be almost as far removed from the classroom as possible. Paying For It is a comic memoir of Brown’s history as a john, a “frank and guileless” first-person account of the workings of the prostitution industry from its very front-lines. Beginning by making a case against romantic love and taking off with an argument in favor of decriminalization, Brown’s agenda might suggest sensationalism, but his sobering, painfully honest renditions -- his masterful comic execution -- turn what may have been mere agitprop into a haunting portrait of a very lonely man.
1Q84 - HARUKI MURAKAMI 1Q84, Murakami’s alleged magnum opus sold out in less than a day upon its original release in Japan and has sent his legion of English-speaking fans in a frenzy, this release being no doubt the big literary event of the fall. Plot details were sparse and kept under-wraps almost until its release in Japan. We now know that the story concerns a novelist and a gym teacher and their involvement with a mysterious religious cult. The Japan Times has called it “a mandatory read for anyone trying to get to grips with contemporary Japanese culture.”
THE ART OF FIELDING - CHAD HARBACH Chad Harbach, one of the founders of n+1 and one of their current editors-in-chief, has been the subject of much literary hullabaloo in the last few months. Allegedly the pen behind n+1’s widely discussed unsigned essay on the state of book publishing (”MFA vs. NYC”), Harbach’s The Art of Fielding has been the subject of much speculation. Being some nine years in the making, Harbach’s manuscript was at the center of an eight publisher auction that ended with Little, Brown & Company purchasing its rights for $650 000 and moved underneath the scalpel of onetime David Foster Wallace editor Michael Pietsch. Let it be noted that Harbach had lost a copy editing job and had been unemployed -outside of n+1 duties (a nonprofit organization) -- for five months before finally finishing and selling the work.
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FASHION
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FASHION
Trench Coat: Uniqlo Pants: Penshoppe Underwear: Calvin Klein Necklace: Solo
FASHION
Top: Gilded Age Scarf: American Apparel Pants: H&M Shoes: Converse
Tank: BDG Vest: H&M Pants: G-Star Raw Belt: Energie Necklace: Topman
FASHION
Shirt: Acne Tank: Allsaints Pants: BDG Clip: H&M
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FASHION
Shirt: J-Crew Vest: Abercrombie & Fitch Harness: H&M Tie: Paul Smith Shoes: Topman
MUSIC TEDDYBEARS
YOU'D BETTER GO IN DISGUISE Words: Trevor Risk
Photography: Kim Svensson
Phil Spector’s band was The Teddy Bears, Elvis Presley wanted to be yours, and Teddy Pendergrass had a beautiful man-beard. Today, carrying the plush Gund down the stairs by the ear is Sweden’s Teddybears. They’ve been a hardcore act, a remix project, a synth pop outfit, and currently write songs in whatever style they choose whilst recruiting the world’s top performers for collaboration. With the release of their new album Devil’s Music, Teddybears have kept their foot on the hybrid’s gas pedal without giving a thought to how they come across. Truly they are a collective who create for nobody but themselves.
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MUSIC
It’s generally lazy to ask a band about the history behind the band’s name, but it’s interesting that Phil Spector’s first band was called The Teddy Bears, and in the last decade you’ve taken over a similar career arc to him. Teddybears’ trademark has become taking hit songs and plugging in the best pop singers in the world. Are you the new wall of sound machine, minus the gunplay?
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Joakim Åhlund: No the gunplay is definitely an integral part, only perhaps less public than in our mentor's case. You’ve included the 2009 song “Get Mama A House” on the new record, instead of a track like “No More Michael Jackson”. In a sped up media cycle, why the revisionist addition? It's a different version of "Get Mama...". Different vocalist, different mix. The new version has B.o.B. on it instead of
Desmond Foster, who was on the first version. We keep making new tracks all the time and they will sometimes come out in no particular chronology. We just like to try and keep new shit coming out as we finish it. How have your influences changed over the last twenty years? Not as much as one might think judging from how our own music has developed. It's actually more a matter of us gradually
MUSIC
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getting to master different techniques more and thus being able to better explore different musical directions. We started out barely knowing how to beat on a distorted guitar and these days our music contains more studio-wizardry and things like synthesizers, sequencers, programmed beats and samples etc. But even in our humble grindcore beginnings, we were always listening to, and trying to recreate the sounds that we heard on records by Kraftwerk and the Egyptian Lover and Shabba Ranks. The pop genre is the highest mountain to climb in your business. Were there nerves when you made the switch from hardcore to electronic-tinged hits? We're not trying to climb mountains or make hits, we're just trying to make stuff that we like ourselves. It's been a long, gradual process. Once the international radio world finds something other than house/electronic to paint its pop stars with, do you have plans to develop into another different incarnation of Teddybears? Yeah, we've already stocked up on sitars and yoga mats. Had the B52s and Cee Lo ever met or considered working together before you married them on the track “Cho Cha”? It was actually not even our idea but Cee Lo's. When we got down to Atlanta to finish the track with him, we found out that he had already gone and recorded them on the track without us even knowing it. A very pleasant surprise for us indeed! Does the climate of a venue or city have anything to do with whether or not to wear the masks? It must be hot in there sometimes, especially while also wearing a suit. We always wear the masks. It's crazy hot in there, but if one wants to look sharp, it's a small price to pay. What’s your favourite all time Teddybears song? There's a fantastic version of "Punkrocker" that a Swedish, progrock band named Träd Gräs och Stenar did. The title track on Devil’s Music repeats the names of some virtuoso guitar players. How important is the guitar to the music of Teddybears? Do you write on it these days? It definitely used to be more important to us before, when we were more of a guitar-bass-drums-turntables-type combo, but lately it has disappeared more and more from our sound.
I still write mainly on the guitar, though, and then translate to synth or whatever, but the songwriting takes many different and sometimes weird paths in our case. Which artist have you worked with that you never thought you would or had you consciously thinking “Wow, a younger version of me would have never thought this would be possible”? Iggy Pop, Cee Lo, Wayne Coyne, Wiley, The B-52's, Eve, Mad Cobra, remixing Daft Punk and stuff, it's pretty heavy. All those people are our heroes... we never would've dared to dream. It's all pretty amazing for us that we got the opportunity to work with such cool artists. But for me personally, I don't mean no disrespect to any of the others, but Iggy Pop…that's a proud moment for me. Are Teddybears and Robyn forever linked? What’s the working relationship like? Who writes which parts? I have only written a couple of tracks for her, with her and Klas, "Robotboy" and "Stars Forever" but it's mainly Klas. He writes a lot for and with Robyn and he has produced most of her stuff on the last couple of records, since she got really good ha ha. From this side of the world, it appears that Sweden is at the forefront of all genres; house, pop, garage etc. How much of that has to do with the forward thinking grant programs the government institutes? I really wouldn't know, but it's a matter of tradition too I guess. We always had other good Swedish bands to get inspired by. Although we're a small country with very few inhabitants, at the edge of the world, it never felt like it would be impossible for us to reach out with our music to the rest of the world somehow. What’s the biggest struggle today for a pop band with so many credits under them? For us I think the biggest struggle is that sometimes it takes forever for things to happen. I like for our music to come out as soon as it's done, but sometimes stuff gets caught up in bureaucracy and Kafka-esque longueurs and that can be very frustrating. But that part of things has also improved a lot lately and it gets easier and easier to distribute one’s music when it's hot off the press through blogs and stuff and not necessarily through pieces of plastic.
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MUSIC JSTAFFZ
STAFF INFECTIONZ Words: Peter Marrack Photography: Loni Schick
I’ll assume anyone interested in reading about Toronto hip hop producer, JStaffz, is also interested in professional men’s tennis. In tennis, we have players like Rafael Nadal, who are not always the prettiest to watch, or the most versatile, in terms of their arsenal, yet they work hard and compete like an angry bull. Then we have players like Roger Federer, who grace us with their class and magical dynamism each and every time they step foot on the court. JStaffz is Roger Federer. Just the other night I watched him play a very expensive-looking piano - owned by Number 9 Recording Studios in Toronto - with the effortless grace of a natural-born musician. Then he shuffled over to the adjoining room and blasted eleven new beats... grimy enough to contest anything coming out of the smoking section at Lex Luger’s crib. Yet I don’t think that’s J’s lane, per se, the Lex Luger B.M.F. style. After all, classical music, along with good wine, is J’s guilty pleasure. He seems to perform best in the studio when he’s injecting classical vibes into the heart and soul of hip hop beats. So if I were to really weigh in on this dude who spends most of his time holed up in "Mom’s basement", massaging the keys and tweeting, whose produced for the likes of Wiz Khalifa and Tony Yayo, I’d say he’s destined to be a heavyweight in the rap game. Toronto is in good hands, heads.
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So what have you been working on lately? Just making people a lot of music, basically, and that’s about it. Working on that and working on my social networking game, working on JStaffz TV. I guess the biggest record you’ve done is the Tony Yayo record, "Officer Ricky", right? It was actually called "Somebody Snitched". It was quoted as "Officer Ricky" because he says that a lot in the chorus. I did the Wiz Khalifa record too, with Boogz Boogetz, called "Meet New People", and then I did "Young Rock Starz" on the exact same day. It’s funny because when I went and gave them the beats to do those records, I never knew they were going to use one of the other beats for the song, and then it was so weird when the song came out, because Yung Berg was on it, and they didn’t tell me that either, so it was kind of a shock when it came out. I was like, "Hold on a second". And then they shot the video and they didn’t tell me that either, and I was just like, "What the hell, man?" The Wiz Khalifa video? No, here’s the thing. When I met them, I went to the studio just because Boogz Boogetz was on Ustream, and he was like, "Hey, come out". So I went, sat there all day, getting baked for like five hours. Before I even played any beats, we just chilled, and it was like twenty minutes before I had to leave, because my manager
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was with me, or at the time she was with me, my friend Vanessa, and she had to work the next day, and it was like 11 o’clock at night, and we’re four hours away from home. We’re in like St. Catharines or something. That’s where I was born. [laughs] That’s why it was so weird, because Wiz was just there by himself. Wiz was in St. Catharines? Yeah, by himself. It was like two years ago, maybe 2008, 2009, summer of 2009. We just hung out. We didn’t really do anything, and then Wiz’s like, "Play your beats". I played three beats and I got to the one that he liked for “Meet New People”, and he’s like, "Yo, leave it on". He’s just sitting there nodding his head, and he grabs a blank piece of paper, and a marker, and scribbles his verses. That was crazy. I just went there to hang out and play beats, and then all these records come out. Wiz ended up putting one of them on his mixtape, and then Boogz Boogetz did a mixtape hosted by DJ Khaled, and both the songs were on that. I was like, "Oh my gosh". And with the Tony Yayo record, how did it feel to be slotted on one side of that beef with Rick Ross? I didn’t even care about the beef. I followed it because it got press, but when the record came out I remember people calling me up and saying like, "Yo, I’m in Atlanta and I heard the track." That was so cool to me because at the time I only had a couple records on regular rotation in Toronto, or across Canada. I never had anything that was played in other countries that people really liked. Even when G-Unit called me in 2007 or 2006, they were like the biggest rappers. They were like Young Money now. So that was kind of a shock, going from some kid in Brampton who just makes rap beats to the biggest rapper in the world calling you. You’re from Brampton? Yeah, man. I’m a Bramptonite. Where in Brampton? Hawarden and Mayfield.
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There’s a lot of talent coming out of Canada, it seems. I think it’s just all coming out now, because there’s been a block as far as popular music goes, in Canada, for a very long time. Drake and Justin Bieber opened that up. But you got to think, who was the last big rapper we had, who was as big as Drake? Maestro? Snow, maybe. But that was only like shutting down malls. Maybe Maestro. That was the early 90s. Canada only gets a good rapper every ten years. That’s retarded. When you’re producing, do you use mostly the boards? Yeah. I don’t like sampling. I feel like I’m cheating, especially because I know how to play the piano. It’s like plagiarizing when you’re the best reader/writer in the world. Not that I’m the best. Well, you’re obviously on the right path. Do you have a strict business plan? Kind of. Up to a year ago I used to be this crazy money-hungry "pay-me-for-beats" kind of artist. I wanted a thousand dollars for each beat. Then I realized the artists who have a lot of money... like the world is set up so that the artists who have a rich mommy and daddy just suck. They’re not really that good. And a lot of the ones who don’t have money, they’re amazing. Like the guys you find playing on the side of the road, or in the TTC, are amazing. They’re so good, and then the guys that are like, "Hey, I got ten grand, you want a beat? Can I get a beat?" You listen to them rap and you’re like, "Dude, just keep your money." Who do you like to listen to now, when you’re not working? Tyler the Creator. He’s just crazy, and he breakdances. He makes like goth hip hop music and he breakdances. He’s a sick dancer. Cory Gunz is good. He blows my mind. Probably a lot of Drake. He’s been putting out a lot of emo music, well not emo, but emotional. But that’s good. Because if you listen to So Far Gone, all those songs are stories. He’s one of the artists who’s realizing when you tell your deepest secrets in song form, people take a way more personal approach. They get connected to you. They feel like they
know you. As opposed to rapping about cars, clubs, girls, and getting hammered. Rapping about that stuff is cool, but having seventeen songs about that on your album is just ridiculous. It’s not any fun. I feel like music is getting back to the point where people are talking about real things that are going on in their lives; real stories. I feel like hip hop at least is getting back there, and that’s great. You rap too, don’t you? I’m weird. I’m like a part-time rapper. I like doing it, but that’s only because I get free studio time, and I get free beats. I don’t really pay to do it. If I had to buy beats, and pay for studio time, I probably wouldn’t do it, because I have way more passion for making beats. But words come with it sometimes... The only time I really get an urge to write a rap record is when I make a beat that’s really good. Then I remember that I just don’t like rapping very much. Because I’ll do one song, and then everyone’s wondering when the next one’s coming out. And I won’t have another one. [laughs] Like, I did this mixtape called The Staff Meeting. Right, I couldn’t find it online. Well, I didn’t want to promote myself as a rapper. Because a lot of people were like, "Hey, like what do you really rap about?" I’m just like, "I rap about making beats." That’s like my whole thing, and there’s not that many people who can relate. I feel like if I go through something really traumatic, or say my career explodes and I become this huge producer, then that would be an opportune time to start rapping, because I can rap. I just haven’t been through enough to make a full ten to fifteen song mixtape, because ten of the songs would be about how much I hate rappers sometimes, and the rest would be about how I sit in the basement, and drink wine, and how I don’t like partying very much, and how I just watch movies. I wouldn’t be rapping about killing people, and drugs, and that stuff, because I don’t do that. I like going out to restaurants, so that’s all I would rap about.
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MUSIC MIAMI HORROR
A REAL HORROR SHOW Words: Cooper Saver Illustration: Tyler Quarles
An ELO record, a Prince record, and a New Order record... what do they have in common? Well, you’re extremely likely to find them sitting on the coffee table at Benjamin Plant’s home, the mastermind behind Melbourne’s four-piece electro-rock act, Miami Horror. Originally formed as a solo project for Benjamin’s production and DJ work in 2006/2007, Miami Horror has evolved into a live band and since then their sound has progressed into a more mature, experimental sound. Recently visiting my home of Vancouver, BC for a sold out show at Fortune Sound Club, I was lucky enough to arrange a nice chat with the boys. I was joined in the downstairs lounge of Fortune by Ben Plant, Aaron Shanahan, and Dan Whitechurch. Josh Moriarty was unable to join due to the jar of honey he packed in his guitar case exploding into quite the sticky mess. Sometimes a man just has to clean! Ben, Miami Horror started out as your personal outlet for productions and DJ mixes years back, and then your music progressed into this psyche-rock indie-dance live band project which is what it is now. What influenced this shift? Ben: To be honest, I think it was just me getting over club music and wanting to explore something new. It was sort of a "been there done that" kind of thing. I was in that scene for years and most of the remixes were done in like 2007/2008…it’s 2011 now; time for a change in what I thought was cool. Hopefully everyone else still digs it. But that doesn’t seem to be a forgotten element of Miami Horror. Do you still plan on keeping that side of your work alive in years to come? Ben: Oh totally, remixing is fun and all but we just haven’t had time with the band. The band project is the main focus these days. As far as making music today, what’s keeping you guys inspired? What are you listening to personally, as well as in the studio
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for influence? Aaron: I guess everything we listen to is going to influence us in the future in one way or another. It’s all different but also similar in ways. I guess I’d say a lot of 70s stuff, or stuff that sounds like 70s era music. Lately it’s been Pink Floyd, John Lennon, Beatles, even leading up to current music like the Flaming Lips and Radiohead. It changes a lot but for personal listening that’s usually the standard for us. So what’s next for Miami Horror? Dan: Maybe it’ll be a 50s inspired album next (laughs). We’re going back! Going back to the beginnings Ben, when did you decide you wanted to transform your project into a full band? Did you know the rest of the guys from before? Ben: Yeah well we were all connected in the scene back in Melbourne. Josh and I went out a lot together to shows and all the other guys have either been band members or DJs/ producers for a while before so it was an easy process to get everyone together in Miami Horror. Josh was doing vocals for me in previous projects so it was obvious to have him on board. Aaron: You know it was a lot like American Idol! Ben was sitting there at a table and we’d all have to come audition and he’d yell at us. There were posters on the street advertising it and everything! (band laughs) But yeah, we all came together and that’s that. We haven’t really had any changes since. It’s a good crew I’d say. We’ve shared a lot of rooms in the last while and we aren’t tired of each other... yet. I bet it’ll be refreshing to go back and play all your favorite local venues at home after this. Ben: Actually, we kind of have by-passed all the venues and
clubs we started out at and it’s a lot like the concert circuit we typically do on tour. We just have more festivals. There are a lot. There are heaps! They’re actually super fun. Even the smaller ones are crazy. Would you guys say you’re popular at the festivals because your sound translates well to the huge summer party crowd? Dan: That could be it. We seem to always play as the sun is going down. Have you noticed that? Aaron: It’s kind of funny because our music usually fits in well at a night time club and the day time is a different environment completely. Are there any newer bands that Miami Horror suggests to the people today? Ben: Umm, there’s a band called Art vs Science who are really good. They’re from Sydney and I think they’re coming out here to Vancouver in August apparently, so check them out! I guess if we’re talking about Australian artists, there’s this singer, Kimbra, who’s awesome too. She did some vocals on our album. Aaron: We also really enjoy Tame Impala, I’m sure you have heard of them by now. A lot of bands don’t listen to too much music while they’re either touring or working on material. Do you guys find the time to listen to much while on the road? Aaron: Oh we definitely do, but I can see why some bands don’t. There was a period in Europe when we would be travelling by bus, just spending so many hours driving, and we’d just share tunes the entire time. But I know what you mean and I can see why that happens.
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MUSIC REVIEWS 1
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[1] Beirut - The Rip Tide Beirut gets all the pussy, all the “I crocheted this sweater myself and live with my parents at age 30” pussy. That’s theirs. In order to fully appreciate The Rip Tide I called all my exes to say that they were right about everything and then proceeded to punch myself in the dick. I’ve never gotten this band. They just seem like a bunch of try-hards whose output is middle of the road at best. One gets a sense that Beirut intended to make a powerful slow burner of an album which gains throughout. In actuality they’ve done little more than produce boring tracks that seem more at home at Urban Outfitters as contemporary muzak than on your stereo. Maybe I just don’t get it, maybe I’m being too critical, or maybe Beirut is just bland boring pablum-fed pseudo folk that cries out to be glossed over and forgotten. - Dr. Ian Super [2] Brilliant Colors - Again And Again The thing about shoegazy jangle pop that most of the contemporary, revisionist bands don’t understand is that the shoegaze part didn’t develop because of detached, hipster snark. It was that the music was so beautiful that it needed no personality. The sound was strident and the unintentional persona was a pinwheeling blend of
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coy and fey. Luckily, record label Slumberland understands this perfectly, mostly because they were doing it originally, and have kept it up for over two decades. Brilliant Colors’ new album is another strike in the win column for Slumberland. Although the songs on Again And Again sit happily on the jangly side of shoegaze, the music still hits you like a blast of lemonade from a busted fire hydrant. Standout track “Value Lines” gets its point across in two and a half minutes, and no song on the album is longer than four and three quarters. Now if they could only spell their name properly with a “u” in “colours”, we could all sleep comfortably. - Trevor Risk [3] Jessica 6 - See The Light Have you ever wondered what a Whitney Houston comeback album would sound like; an album where her people decided she should appeal to a hipper demographic, so they hired a bunch of electroclash producers and told them to make disco? This is basically the Jessica 6 album. Jessica 6 formed after the three members met putting together Hercules and Love Affair’s live show. At first they were called Deep Red but changed their name to Jessica 6 after a character from Logan’s Run. “White Horse”, one of the lead
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singles from their inaugural effort See the Light, sounds like an upbeat Deborah Cox record. “Prisoner of Love” which features Antony is the only real standout track. This album should have been amazing but falls well short. Off key singing and too many synths does not equate to pleasurable listening. It’s like someone in the studio was standing at the gear rack and turning the knob on the meh filter to 11. - Zia Hirji [4] They Might Be Giants - Join Us When you make an episode of Tiny Toons with Warner Bros., write and/or perform the theme songs for Malcolm In The Middle and The Daily Show, and cover “Tubthumping” with the entire Onion AV Club staff, it’s easy to pile up the “joke act” reputation around you like bails of hay. To the completely uninitiated though, They Might Be Giants sound like the finest band Brooklyn has to offer. In fact, the second track on new album Join Us sounds like what the Strokes latest offering should sound like if they hadn’t run out of gas. I know that statement will angry up the blood of both camps, but… whatever. Suck it. - Trevor Risk
Songs can be categorized as where the listener feels them. Sometimes a song rips your heart out. Sometimes it can give you a lump in your throat. Sometimes it makes you move your feet around like that sick dance in The Breakfast Club. If we’re going to get real for a second though, we can admit that the best place for a song is the butt. Here’s our list of the best butt wiggling, swagger-soaked songs in the world. Disclaimer: like our misogyny list, we had to disqualify any rap song for two reasons. 1. Wreckx-N-Effect would take all five spots with “Rump Shaker” and 2. EVERY rap song moves butts.
Illustration: Leeay Aikawa
SELECT[ION]
MUSIC
[1]The Clash – “This Is Radio Clash” Staccato horns and delayed claps over straight time drums can make anyone jump out of their wicker. Deliver this formula to one of the finest bands to ever live, and you’re gonna take that butt and move it and shake it all around. Just don’t ask George Strombolopolous about them. He’s got some serious opinions that nobody asked for. [2]The Rolling Stones – “Emotional Rescue” When Keif finally wrangles his way into heaven, the sweet stereo system up there is going to be blasting out this classic while he high fives and bumps rumps with the awaiting audience. Ever wonder why Charlie Watts lifts his stick off the hat every time he hits the snare? Here’s your answer.
[3]Spoon – “I Turn My Camera On” Every songwriter wished they came up with this simple shimmy shakedown when it was released. Two notes (three if you include the passing note), falsetto, glockenspiel, and the only change for the chorus is a tambourine. Thank you Spoon for this late at night, salty, make out tune. [4] Joel Plaskett Emergency – “Fashionable People” When super hero songsmith Joel Plaskett decides he’s tired of clean guitar, he’ll grip onto that ass like a confused chigger. Top off this backside slide with the key lyrics “The dancers need a dancefloor/The swingers gotta swing/Fashionable people doing questionable things”, and you’ve got a near perfect afternoon jam. Note: chiggers are six legged wingless mites, not Chinese wiggers.
[5] The Spinners – “It’s A Shame” Remember when your mum used to vacuum the house to that one tape your dad made her back when they were dating? This was that song that came on after “Automatic” by the Pointer Sisters. Today, it still belongs on any mix you make for a young lady, right before you get super duper serious with that pathetic Elliott Smith song and right after that rap song she said she liked. Can’t you picture that tush teasing you? Wait, we’re still talking about your mother, right?
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ION THE WEB THE WORLD WIDE WEB
THE MEDIUM AND THE MESSAGE
FUCKYEAHMENSWEAR
If you’re not familiar with documentary filmmaker Adam Curtis, here is an incredibly brief primer: Curtis makes films for the BBC that will melt your brain and shatter your illusions by peeling back the onion of reality to reveal the misguided manias that have turned us all into automatons and lead the world into a state of perpetual doom. That, or he’ll leave you confused and slightly agitated, especially if you don’t like Brian Eno. In his latest film, All Watched Over By Machines Of Loving Grace, Curtis examines the connection between Ayn Rand, a gang of Silicone Valley business mavericks and a couple of colonial naturalists. The verdict? Computers have sabotaged reality and Ayn Rand was a desperately lovesick individual. The Medium and the Message is Curtis’s blog, and it may even be better than his films. Lifting the title from a book by his intellectual godfather, Marshall McLuhan, Curtis pieces together bits of BBC archival footage and pairs them with tireless research to build historical narratives that challenge those of the 24 hour news cycle, with altogether illuminating results. The irony here, is that for such a potent critic of technology, it would seem that Adam Curtis was born to blog.
The nature of internet success is fleeting; to be washed away when our collective attention span recedes and the next hype wave rolls in. But no matter how long this tumblr commands an audience, its author can take pride in having created an entirely new literary genre – satirical street style poetry. The ideology of steez promoted by the website’s nameless writer is dogmatically organic. Crispiness is not to be purchased or consumed, but to be developed over time and refined. The game is to be smashed, not to be flashed. Reading FYMW, one is reminded of the economist Nassim Taleb’s Black Swan theory – which posits that major historical events and scientific discoveries are at first a surprise, and are then rationalized through hindsight bias. It is in this sense that crispiness correlates to the rise of the personal computer or the Arab Spring – historical events are always obvious in the rearview, but only the outliers really know it before it hits the streets. Rather than patronize its readers with halfhearted tips or faulty intelligence, FYMW tells it like it is. If you’re not already crispy, odds are you wont be any time soon. True steez cannot be communicated; you either live it or live your life chasing the dragon.
[bbc.co.uk/blogs/adamcurtis]
[fuckyeahmenswear.tumblr.com]
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HOROSCOPES THIS MONTH: Ernaold Sane THIS MONTH: ERNOLD SANE Photo: Scott Loudoun
Ernold Sane is a happy person, he just has little to no patience for humans. He will break a nose to defend his friends, but will look the other way if you’re beating a child and possibly give you words of encouragement. [Twitter.com/ernoldsane] [Facebook.com/ernoldsane] [Myspace.com/ernoldsane] [Reverbnation.com/ernoldsane]
ARIES: Seems like no one is taking your bait on PlentyofFish because mermaids don’t eat chum. Maybe you need to broaden your horizons by casting a bigger net and being open to the bottom feeders. Sadly you’ll never hear the phrase “It’s a keeper”.
man-face. If you were made into a cartoon figure you would be Shrek 3D. You’re like a car alarm; people ignore you. Ever wonder why people disappear after there’s a pause in a sentence? You get more eye rolls than a rear view mirror on a handicapped bus. With your luck you’ll be raped AFTER you’re murdered.
TAURUS: The stars align to circle around your head. You were beaten so bad with the ugly stick even your father wouldn’t molest you. Later in the month you will be accused of being a predator. It’s not the first time. You just have that look. Luckily a mountain of candy couldn’t entice the fattest child.
CANCER: “Look at me” month is really working out well for you. We all hate you and have you on “hide feed”, the one step away from “delete”. You’re not fooling anybody. You’re still the joke we all wanna forget, and nobody’s laughing. We avoid you at parties, we never invite you for dinner and if you died on a toilet we would flush.
AQUARIUS: The new moon brings a love interest. Unfortunately, it also brings diarrhea, abandonment and death. The only thing sadder than your existence at this moment is Countess Luanne’s new single. At least she has a wreck her deal; you have AIDS. There isn’t a mountain of pills good enough to make that go away… good luck. C’est bon, c’est bon.
LEO: Imitation is flattery but a blatant rip off stinks as bad as your taint after a bike ride from Wreck Beach. Critical Mass denied you. Your cut and paste life looks like a kindergarten project managed by Gary Busey. Quit now while your gunt is ahead.
SCORPIO: Aim low and you’ll always end up high. Your girlfriend takes bigger shits than the size of your head. Stop feeding her or tape that shit up coz no one wants to see the outcome, especially now that you’ve decided that unemployment is the new job. Grease your streak up and zip up your leathers cos it’s gonna be a long ride to nowhere.
LIBRA: Lucky you’re not a twin so you don’t have to see your ugly ass face everyday. Unfortunately for the rest of the humans we have to witness
PISCES: You’re not an alpha male, you’re a fem-male with a kryptonite cock. Women, dogs and dead bodies do not wanna lie with you. Quit
GEMINI: Puffing up your lips won’t take away your
your disproportionate body, useless mind, and a face that looks like it was dropped into a volcano (pre Proactiv). Your eyes are as piercing as a dead fish and you need to be scaled down.
being such a head pusher, no one wants to kiss it. Your cat wouldn’t eat it with apple sauce. You’re too smart to be retarded, but dumb enough that you are.
CAPRICORN: It seems the phrase “I live at my mom’s place” works about as well as, “I have ugly genitalia” and quite frankly you’re cramping your mom’s style. She gets way more action than you. You thought people were recognizing you, until you saw your mom’s website www. mysontheloser.com
SAGITTARIUS: Too bad working out takes such a toll on your face. Looks like things aren’t “working out”. Your face looks like a leather glove that was soaked in blood, tied in a knot and put in a box for 20 years. You smell like a lost tampon and no one’s looking for ya. VIRGO: Too bad your mother’s new year’s resolution wasn’t to abort you . The area between the twat and the shitter is called the Twitter. Leaving it non descriptive and silent is how we like it. Next time you open your mouth instead of your Twitter (which would have nothing to say but “wipe me”) remember; your face still looks like flesh jerky dried over a hot teepee, your breath smells like fresh corpse and the only people who read your Twitter gave birth to you.
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COMICS
LUNCHBREATH
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ION MAGAZINE
Can’t find a copy of ION Magazine? Live in an area that we don’t distribute? Looking for back issues? If you answered yes to any of these questions and you are interested in getting the magazine delivered right to your door go to [ionmagazine.ca] and hit up our store.