Communication: Lifeblood of Leadership by Irish Primary Principals’ Network

Communication

Lifeblood of Leadership

Table of Contents 1

INTRODUCTION ................................................................................................................................... 1 1.1 1.2 1.3

COMMUNICATION – WHAT IS IT? ......................................................................................................... 3 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6

WHAT IS COMMUNICATION ......................................................................................................................... 3 KEY CONCEPTS IN DEFINING COMMUNICATION ................................................................................................ 3 THE COMPONENTS OF COMMUNICATION ....................................................................................................... 4 THE SHANNON WEAVER MODEL OF COMMUNICATION ..................................................................................... 5 INTENT V IMPACT ....................................................................................................................................... 5 INTRAPERSONAL COMMUNICATION ............................................................................................................... 6

LISTENING............................................................................................................................................ 7 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 3.5

COMMUNICATION & SCHOOL LEADERSHIP ...................................................................................................... 1 WELLBEING OF SCHOOL LEADERS .................................................................................................................. 1 HOW TO USE THIS RESOURCE BUNDLE ............................................................................................................ 2

GENERAL LISTENING TYPES .......................................................................................................................... 7 LEVELS OF LISTENING .................................................................................................................................. 8 WHAT GOOD LISTENERS DO ........................................................................................................................ 8 COMMON INHIBITORS TO HIGH QUALITY LISTENING ......................................................................................... 8 IMPROVING YOUR LISTENING SKILLS ............................................................................................................... 9

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS ........................................................................................ 10 4.1 MANAGING A MEETING ............................................................................................................................ 10 4.1.1 Preparation for the meeting – Content ........................................................................................... 10 4.1.2 Preparation for the meeting ‐ Environment .................................................................................... 10 4.1.3 Setting the Tone of the Meeting ..................................................................................................... 10 4.1.4 Attitudes you wish to Portray during the Meeting ......................................................................... 10 4.1.5 During the Meeting ......................................................................................................................... 11 4.2 THE 7 – 38 – 55% NON‐VERBAL COMMUNICATION RULE .................................................................... 12

DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS ............................................................................................................... 13 5.1 WHAT IS A “DIFFICULT CONSERVATION”? ...................................................................................................... 13 5.2 TO AVOID OR ADDRESS THE ISSUE ............................................................................................................... 13 5.3 PAR FOR THE COURSE ................................................................................................................................ 13 5.4 GOING FOR THE “WIN‐WIN” ..................................................................................................................... 14 5.4.1 The Purpose .................................................................................................................................... 14 5.4.2 Open Frame .................................................................................................................................... 15 5.4.3 Inquire ............................................................................................................................................. 15 5.4.4 Share ............................................................................................................................................... 16 5.4.5 Emotions ......................................................................................................................................... 16 5.4.6 Needs .............................................................................................................................................. 17 5.4.7 Options ............................................................................................................................................ 18 5.4.8 Way Forward .................................................................................................................................. 18 5.5 PREPARING FOR A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION ................................................................................................ 18 5.5.1 Using the Template ......................................................................................................................... 19 5.5.2 Be Calm, Cool and Collected ........................................................................................................... 19

COMMUNICATION SCENARIOS ........................................................................................................... 20 6.1 CLASS ALLOCATION COMPLAINT .................................................................................................................. 20 6.1.1 Scenario: ......................................................................................................................................... 20 6.1.2 Initial Reaction: ............................................................................................................................... 20 6.1.3 Preparation: .................................................................................................................................... 20 6.1.4 Purpose ........................................................................................................................................... 20 6.1.5 Open Frame .................................................................................................................................... 20 6.1.6 Inquire ............................................................................................................................................. 20

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

6.1.7 Share ............................................................................................................................................... 21 6.1.8 Emotions ......................................................................................................................................... 21 6.1.9 Needs .............................................................................................................................................. 21 6.1.10 Options ....................................................................................................................................... 21 6.2 SPLIT COMPLIANT .................................................................................................................................... 22 6.2.1 Scenario .......................................................................................................................................... 22 6.2.2 Initial Reaction ................................................................................................................................ 22 6.2.3 Preparation ..................................................................................................................................... 22 6.2.4 Purpose ........................................................................................................................................... 22 6.2.5 Open Frame .................................................................................................................................... 22 6.2.6 Inquire ............................................................................................................................................. 22 6.2.7 Share ............................................................................................................................................... 22 6.2.8 Emotions ......................................................................................................................................... 23 6.2.9 Needs .............................................................................................................................................. 23 6.2.10 Options ....................................................................................................................................... 23 6.3 UNDERPERFORMING TEACHER .................................................................................................................... 24 6.3.1 Scenario .......................................................................................................................................... 24 6.3.2 Initial Reaction ................................................................................................................................ 24 6.3.3 Preparation ..................................................................................................................................... 24 6.3.4 Purpose ........................................................................................................................................... 24 6.3.5 Open Frame .................................................................................................................................... 24 6.3.6 Inquire ............................................................................................................................................. 25 6.3.7 Share ............................................................................................................................................... 25 6.3.8 Emotions ......................................................................................................................................... 25 6.3.9 Needs .............................................................................................................................................. 25 6.3.10 Options ....................................................................................................................................... 25 6.4 BULLING COMPLAINT ................................................................................................................................ 25 6.4.1 Scenario .......................................................................................................................................... 25 6.4.2 Initial Reaction ................................................................................................................................ 26 6.4.3 Preparation ..................................................................................................................................... 26 6.4.4 Purpose ........................................................................................................................................... 26 6.4.5 Open Frame .................................................................................................................................... 26 6.4.6 Inquire ............................................................................................................................................. 26 6.4.7 Share ............................................................................................................................................... 26 6.4.8 Emotions ......................................................................................................................................... 27 6.4.9 Needs .............................................................................................................................................. 27 6.4.10 Options ....................................................................................................................................... 27 7

WRITTEN COMMUNICATION .............................................................................................................. 28 7.1 WRITTEN COMMUNICATION BASICS ............................................................................................................ 28 7.1.1 Clarity .............................................................................................................................................. 28 7.1.2 Conciseness ..................................................................................................................................... 28 7.1.3 Tone ................................................................................................................................................ 28 7.1.4 Active Voice ..................................................................................................................................... 28 7.2 IMPROVING YOUR WRITTEN COMMUNICATION SKILLS ..................................................................................... 29 7.2.1 The Why is the Key .......................................................................................................................... 29 7.2.2 BLUF ................................................................................................................................................ 29 7.2.3 Include only the salient details ........................................................................................................ 29 7.2.4 Organise your points ....................................................................................................................... 29 7.2.5 Keep it professional ......................................................................................................................... 29 7.2.6 Edit thoroughly ............................................................................................................................... 29

THE MEDIA & THE MESSAGE .............................................................................................................. 30 8.1 8.2 8.3

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION .............................................................................................................. 30 WRITTEN COMMUNICATION ...................................................................................................................... 30 WRITTEN COMMUNICATION MEDIA ............................................................................................................ 31

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

8.3.1 Email ............................................................................................................................................... 31 8.3.2 Website ........................................................................................................................................... 31 8.3.3 Paper Notes .................................................................................................................................... 31 8.3.4 School Newsletter ........................................................................................................................... 31 8.3.5 SMS based apps .............................................................................................................................. 32 8.4 SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS ........................................................................................................................ 32 8.4.1 WhatsApp ....................................................................................................................................... 32 8.4.2 Facebook ......................................................................................................................................... 32 8.4.3 Twitter and Instagram .................................................................................................................... 32 8.4.4 YouTube .......................................................................................................................................... 32 8.5 VIDEO CONFERENCE ................................................................................................................................. 32 8.5.1 Zoom ............................................................................................................................................... 33 8.5.2 Webex, GotoMeeting ...................................................................................................................... 33 8.5.3 Google Classroom, Microsoft Teams .............................................................................................. 33 8.5.4 SeeSaw ............................................................................................................................................ 33 9

USEFUL RESOURCES ........................................................................................................................... 34 9.1 9.2 9.3

RECOMMENDED READING ......................................................................................................................... 34 USEFUL WEBSITES .................................................................................................................................... 34 CONFLICT MANAGEMENT .......................................................................................................................... 34

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

III

INTRODUCTION

1.1 COMMUNICATION & SCHOOL LEADERSHIP School Leaders today manage people, data and processes. They are tasked with setting goals and motivating constituents to meet these goals. Effective communication and effective leadership are closely intertwined. School leaders need to be skilled communicators in countless relationships with many different groups and individuals within the school community – teachers, SNAs, ancillary staff, parents, pupils, BoM, DES, NEPS, SENO etc. They must learn to handle rapid flows of information from within, and without, the school community. Thinking with clarity, expressing ideas cogently, and sharing information appropriately with a multitude of audiences are part and parcel of the daily life of school leaders. Effective and efficient communication underpins the knowledge, skills and dispositions required of school leaders as they seek to shape and to influence teaching and learning in the school. Occasionally, they must also firmly and unequivocally communicate their academic and administrative decisions to non‐compliant and less compliant stakeholders. A fundamental requirement of leadership is to articulate a shared vision for the school community and to communicate this clearly to all constituents. The degree to which this is successfully done is dependent on the school leader’s communication skills. Within the school context, many problems can be directly traced to ineffective or insufficient communication – its content, manner and means. Taking time to review your communications strategies and ideas will be time well spent. Taking time to think about what you want to say will also help ensure you maintain your integrity and professionalism, that of your school, and of the wider educational community, particularly at times of challenge or crisis.

1.2 WELLBEING OF SCHOOL LEADERS ‘Self‐ Care is not selfish, you cannot serve from an empty vessel’ Elanor Brown Stress hampers good communication. It is not uncommon for stress to influence the manner in which we communicate. Communicating while under stress risks upsetting or alienating others. The right message delivered in the wrong tone can undo a lot of relationship building in an instant. Being aware of your emotions and dealing with them prior to communicating is highly recommended. All school leaders need to be aware of the effect of stress on their most fundamental asset as leaders and guard appropriately against it.

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

1.3 HOW TO USE THIS RESOURCE BUNDLE While the table of contents allows a busy school leader quickly find and access the section required at the time, a more leisurely reading and consideration of the entire Resource Bundle will pay dividends. Section 9 “Extra Resources” gives a list of books and other resources which many school will find useful.

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

COMMUNICATION – WHAT IS IT?

2.1 WHAT IS COMMUNICATION Communication comes from the Latin communicare, meaning "to share". Through communication we share our thoughts and feelings with ourselves and others – it can be said to be "the creation and exchange of meaning." Communication is a process by which we send and receive messages verbally or non‐verbally; a process of understanding and sharing meaning. We do this through oral and written communication, and through graphics e.g. maps, charts etc. We also communicate through signs, signals gestures and through our behaviour. The communication theorist James Carey, in his 1992 book “Communication as Culture”, defined communication as "a symbolic process whereby reality is produced, maintained, repaired and transformed". He posits that our reality is defined through sharing our experience with others.

2.2 KEY CONCEPTS IN DEFINING COMMUNICATION •

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Process: Communication is a process – dynamic and constantly changed by the context in which it takes place e.g. the way you communicate may change when someone else comes into the room. Understanding: “To understand is to perceive, to interpret, and to relate our perception and interpretation to what we already know.” McLean, S. (2003). The basics of speech communication. Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon. A story about a person falling off a bike might relate to a bicycle or a motorbike unless clarified. Sharing: Through communication we share thoughts, feelings, insights and ideas with others, or with ourselves. Communicating with ourselves is our means of clarifying how we feel about an issue, solving a problem and bringing ideas to consciousness. Meaning: Many words can be considered as homonyms – they can have more than one meaning, depending on the context e.g.  That bird is a crane  I had to crane my neck to see the film  The builder used a crane to lift the roof

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

2.3 THE COMPONENTS OF COMMUNICATION The communication process will be influenced at all times by the following 8 components • Source: The Source imagines, creates and sends the message using his or her choice of words, tone of voice, body language, behaviour and choice of clothes. • Message: The message is ultimately the meaning which the Source creates in the mind of the Receiver. This may not always be what the source intended and the message consists of more than just words and grammar – it also encompasses the way you deliver, your body language, your appearance, your voice (tone, volume, pitch, speech rate), the environment and the context. Everything contributes to forming the meaning in the mind of the Receiver. • Channel: The Channel is the means by which the message gets from the Source to the Receiver. There are a myriad of intrapersonal, interpersonal, written and electronic communication channels. • Receiver: The Receiver is the audience – the person(s) in whose mind the Source is trying to create the meaning of the message. The Receiver will analyse and interpret the message in both intended and unintended ways, taking all aspects of the message into account. A good rule of thumb for you as the Source is to try to put yourself in the place of the Receiver and see how you would interpret all aspects of the message you are sending. • Feedback: Feedback is the set of messages the Receiver sends back to the Source – both verbal and non‐verbal. Feedback gives the Source an opportunity to assess how the message is being interpreted and to modify it, if required. Modifying the message does not necessarily mean changing the meaning of the message, but seeking to improve aspects of the message which will clarify the meaning. Beware of the effect of emotion on the feedback, as it may affect its authenticity. It is sometimes better to wait until matters have settled before seeking to clarify what may have been an emotional, rather than rational feedback. • Environment: The Environment describes the physical and psychological atmosphere in which the message is being sent and received. Factors such as the formality or informality of the setting and the proximity of Source and Receiver are important here. • Context: The Context involves the setting, the scene and the expectations of the Source and the Receiver. What you expect from each other is often determined by environmental cues. A student teacher and a billionaire will have different communications with a bank manager regarding a loan! • Interference: Anything which serves to block or change the meaning of the message, as intended by the Source, is Interference. Physical interference, such as distracting noises outside a window or trying to drive and carry on a business meeting are obvious. More often, the Source or Receiver may be mentally distracted and not paying full attention to sending or receiving the message.

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

2.4 THE SHANNON WEAVER MODEL OF COMMUNICATION The communication process between two people is quite complex, but it can be summarised in this way:

The “Noise” in the above model represents the many incorrect signals which can get in the way of the message being sent. The ideal communication is where the received message or idea identifies with that which is transmitted. “What I said and what you heard may be different” US State Department Because school leaders are very busy people there is often a tendency to rush in offering a “quick fix”. Sometimes we fail to diagnose, to really deeply understand the problem first. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” Stephen Covey, Habit 5 in “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”

2.5 INTENT V IMPACT Good intentions are just that, but unless matched with action, they make no impact. Thoughtless communication about good intentions is of no value in itself. Action must follow talk. “How does a project get to be a year late? One day at a time” Frederick Brooks “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place” George Bernard Shaw

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

2.6 INTRAPERSONAL COMMUNICATION “A man speaking sense to himself is no madder than a man speaking nonsense not to himself.” Tom Stoppard We use language to make sense of what we perceive and to talk ourselves through situations. The inner voice motivates us to persevere through difficulties, or tells us that we are not good enough. What we say to ourselves, and when and how we say it has a tremendous impact on our self‐esteem, beliefs about self‐efficacy, and overall sense of worth. Our sense of can or cannot is based on our intrapersonal communication. It is the product of who we are, our cultural and experiential background. Intrapersonal communication can sometimes be a barrier to communication e.g. when we are thinking about what to say in reply to someone instead of fully listening to what is being said. Intrapersonal daydreaming can also block out communication.

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

LISTENING

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey Listening: the process of receiving, constructing meaning from and responding to spoken and/or non‐ verbal messages (International Listening Association). It is perhaps the most important interpersonal skill and the key to all effective communication. Without it, messages are misunderstood, communication breaks down and the sender can become irritated or frustrated. Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing is the ability to transfer the sounds that enter your ears to your brain and is an automatic process, provided you do not have hearing difficulties. Listening, however, requires mental and often physical focus and concentration as well. Listening is not a passive process – it requires us to pay attention not only to the story, but to how it is told, the use of language and voice, the body language and appearance of the storyteller. It requires us to be aware of the verbal and non‐verbal aspects of the message. The term Active Listening is used to describe the process of being fully involved. “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” Dalai Lama

3.1 GENERAL LISTENING TYPES The two basic types of listening are: • Discriminative Listening enables a baby to distinguish sounds and perceive that a mother’s voice is different from a father’s voice. This ability develops as we grow and adds to the communicative experience. It allows us discriminate between voices and regional accents. It identifies emotion in speech and, together with visual clues, allows us “listen” as well as “read” body language to better understand the message and aid comprehension. • Comprehensive Listening involves understanding the message or messages of the communication. It requires an appropriate vocabulary and mastery of language skills. Comprehensive listening can be disrupted by the use of complicated language, by people interpreting the same message in different ways or by body language or other context. It is vital, therefore, to constantly seek clarification and use reflection to aid full comprehension.

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

3.2 LEVELS OF LISTENING There are three levels of listening, depending on the type of listening required. • Informational listening occurs when you are listening to learn something and is what we are engaged in most of the time. It does not involve criticising or analysing and is used to learn facts and information. We often take notes during informational listening. • Critical listening occurs when we are listening to evaluate what is being said to make decisions or solve problems. It involves more concentration than informational listening. It allows us evaluate the information we receive from the world around us and use it as the basis for our opinions, beliefs and values. Critical listening requires an “open mind”. A “closed mind” allows stereotypes and preconceived ideas to prevent you from becoming a better listener and communicator. It hampers your efforts to better understand others and your relationships with them. • Empathetic Listening enables us understand the point of view of the person we are listening to. Through empathetic listening we try to “walk a mile in the other person’s moccasins”. We can develop empathetic listening skills through practice although we sometimes think it is in the domain of counsellors and therapists. Empathetic listening does not seek to judge the speaker, but rather to encourage him/her to explain and elaborate on feelings and emotions around a topic. Empathy is not the same as sympathy – no judgement. “Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart.” Tich Nhat Hanh

3.3 WHAT GOOD LISTENERS DO Good listeners • Physically face the speaker and pay attention • Minimise or remove barriers to effective listening • Listen for and verbally confirm the speaker’s intent • Confirm the content or speaker’s request – the who, why, what, when, where and how • Clarify the degree of importance of the request of the speaker. What is the reason, need, urgency of the request? • Recognise the emotions and level of emotions demonstrated by the speaker • Summarise and share their understanding of what is being requested • Indicate the level of response they will be able to provide

3.4 COMMON INHIBITORS TO HIGH QUALITY LISTENING The following 3 items are the chief impediments to listening • Daydreaming • Preparing our responses rather than listening • Thinking about someone or someplace or something else IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

3.5 IMPROVING YOUR LISTENING SKILLS No matter how good you feel your listening skills are, they can always be improved. The following 7 methods will help improve your listening skills and those of your staff if you chose to share them: 1. Increase your listening span a. Try to resist the temptation to interrupt the speaker b. Ensure that the speaker has made his/her point before you speak c. Ask the speaker to repeat if you did not fully understand the point 2. Take time to listen – don’t rush the speaker 3. Listen “between the lines” a. There is always extra‐verbal communication b. Seek to understand the attitudes, intentions and needs behind the words 4. Give your full attention a. Keep your mind focussed on the speaker – it is easy to “wander” b. Don’t rush in if the speaker pauses briefly c. Ask questions to clarify a point. This affirms the speaker and shows that you are paying attention d. Use open ended questions to encourage elaboration 5. Restate the message a. When you are sure that the speaker has finished, restate the main points b. This will help you organise your thoughts c. It will reassure the speaker that the message has been received 6. Listen for ideas as well as facts – try to understand what the facts add up to 7. Give encouraging and positive feedback to the speaker a. Through your eyes b. Through facial expressions c. Through gestures e.g. nodding 8. Don’t monopolise a. Resist the urge to dominate a situation or feel that you know everything about the situation b. Be open to new ideas and allow the speaker to have his or her say 9. Silence Sometimes the speaker just needs to be heard – just for someone to listen. Listening may not always require a response or a solution from the school leader

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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

4.1 MANAGING A MEETING

4.1.1 Preparation for the meeting – Content Always try to be as prepared as possible for interpersonal meetings • take the time to consider the issues beforehand • do as much “research” as possible • seek advice from colleagues or others • be clear on what you want from the meeting • take time to manage your emotions and to avoid stress – this is a skill which is only acquired with practice.

4.1.2 Preparation for the meeting ‐ Environment Consider the following: • Timing: ensure that there is adequate time set aside to deal with the issues without interruption • Location: o privacy is generally required o A neutral space can sometimes be more effective e.g. is it better to meet a staff member in a neutral space in the school rather than your office? • Environment: ensure that the participants are comfortable and consider carefully the seating arrangements i.e. you behind a desk, everyone around a table or you sitting “with” the participants (beside, opposite or in a circle).

4.1.3 Setting the Tone of the Meeting A constructive tone is governed by: • Tone of Voice: The same sentence can mean several things, depending on the tone of voice used. The mood of the conversation will be set by the level of emotion, the volume and the calmness, or lack of, in your voice. • Friendliness: Be friendly and cordial and provide a warm welcome to the meeting. A friendly welcome can assuage anxiety in others and reassure them that you are trying to understand and help. Sometimes, depending on the situation, a cup of tea might be appropriate.

4.1.4 Attitudes you wish to Portray during the Meeting •

Confidence: It is important to seem confident, but not over‐confident or aggressive in the meeting. Confidence comes from good preparation or knowing that you will not be rushed into making a decision before the end of the meeting.

IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

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Respect: Everyone deserves respect and simply using someone’s name or maintaining eye contact conveys this. People will engage more openly in communication with you if they feel respected. Active listening always engenders respect.

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Empathy: Empathy is achieved when the other participants feel that you genuinely wish to understand their point of view, their feelings and their emotions around the issue at hand.

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Open‐mindedness: A willingness to understand the other’s viewpoint is a pre‐requisite for good communications. Is there any point in discussing an issue with someone who has already made up their mind and who, you believe, will not or cannot, change it?

4.1.5 During the Meeting •

Active Listening: You should not engage in interpersonal communication unless you can be fully present and able to listen to what others are saying. Stay alert and interested in the other person while listening and try not to interrupt. “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway

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Non‐verbal Communication: Be fully aware of the messages, conscious or unconscious, you are conveying to others through non‐verbal signals. These can be in conflict with the meaning you are seeking to create in the other person’s mind. Non‐verbal signals are given by our tone of voice, facial expressions, eye movements, eye contact and limb movements.

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Asking the right questions: Asking pertinent questions is sometimes necessary to ensure that you fully understand what the speaker means. Asking pertinent questions also shows that you are listening and want to understand.

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Summarise and Clarify: Verbalise the other person’s position and clarify your understanding of it for them. If necessary, you can ask them further questions until you are both satisfied that you understand their position.

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Be clear and concise: Conveying a message clearly and concisely is the essence of good communication. Good preparation is the key to exercising this skill. Practice saying what you want to say in the clearest manner and with the fewest words.

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Be assertive: Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognises our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. Assertiveness in this context involves having the moral courage to be honest. Be careful not to confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness.

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4.2 THE 7 – 38 – 55% NON‐VERBAL COMMUNICATION RULE Professor Albert Mehrabian (1939‐) believes that there are three core elements in the effective face‐ to‐face communication of emotions or attitudes: nonverbal behaviour (facial expressions, for example), tone of voice, and the literal meaning of the spoken word. These three essential elements, Mehrabian argues, account for how we convey our liking, or disliking, of another person. His particular focus is on the importance of such nonverbal ‘clues’ when they appear to conflict with the words used and/or the tone in which they are spoken. Drawing on the findings of two experiments he conducted in 1967, he formulated the 7‐38‐55% rule with the formula: total liking = 7% verbal liking + 38% vocal liking + 55% facial liking. Mehrabian believes that the person receiving a communication trusts the element which most accurately reflects the communicator’s true feelings towards them. From the two studies it would appear that more is conveyed by the nonverbal ‘clues’ than by the spoken word.

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DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

5.1 WHAT IS A “DIFFICULT CONSERVATION”? Difficult conversations involve talking about issues which we would rather not discuss because we fear the consequences. Some subjects make us feel vulnerable or affect our self‐esteem. The issues at stake are usually important and the outcome often uncertain. Conversations can also be difficult when we care deeply about the subject matter or about the people we are communicating with. Difficult Conversations have within them three interlinked, overlapping themes: • Facts and intentions and who is to blame • Feelings and emotions, real or imagined, valid or invalid • Identity and self‐esteem issues arising from what we believe the conversation tells us about ourselves Recognising these interlocking themes is essential if we are to transform a difficult conversation into a learning conversation where each party benefits and a “win‐win” situation is established.

5.2 TO AVOID OR ADDRESS THE ISSUE School leaders often face the dilemma of whether to confront an issue head‐on” or whether to avoid having a difficult conversation in the hopes that “things will improve of their own accord” At the heart of this dilemma is the nagging feeling that, if we choose avoidance, while we may be “keeping the peace” and preserving harmony in the workplace, we are also: • torturing ourselves with feelings which will grow and fester • being taken advantage of • not being respected • not standing up for ourselves • hoping that tact will win out in the end On the other hand, we feel that things may be a lot worse if we choose confrontation. Avoid or confront? As a school leader, ask yourself the question “Is letting this go in the best interests of the children in my care?”

5.3 PAR FOR THE COURSE Difficult conversations are part of life. They occur every day in all environments. Most of us will face the “avoid or confront” dilemma many times in our professional and personal lifetimes. From time to time it becomes the painful, or joyful, duty of a school leader to have a difficult conversation. Tact is good and may mask the situation for a time, but it is not the answer to the problem. IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

“Delivering a difficult message is like throwing a hand grenade. Coated with sugar, thrown hard or soft, a hand grenade is still going to do damage. Try as you may, there’s no way to throw a hand grenade with tact or to outrun the consequences. And keeping it to yourself is no better. Choosing not to deliver a difficult message is like hanging on to a hand grenade once you’ve pulled the pin” Difficult Conversations. How to discuss what matters most. Douglas Stone, Bruce Hatton, Sheila Heen,1999, Penguin Avoidance is never the answer, and neither is procrastination. Eventually, the bullet must be bitten, the Rubicon crossed and the music faced. While it will be difficult, preparation, attitude and understanding will always get you the best possible result.

5.4 GOING FOR THE “WIN‐WIN” In their book “Difficult Conversation. How to discuss what matters most” the authors stress that the ultimate goal is to transform a difficult conversation into a learning conversation which ultimately benefits both parties. The following 8‐step approach to resolving difficult conversations is based on the work of Mary Raftery of Consensus Mediation.

5.4.1 The Purpose Crystal clarity about why you want to have the difficult conversation and what you what to achieve from it is essential. The most common problem with contemplating the purpose of a conversation is to think only about what you want to achieve and to ignore what it is that you want the other person to get from it. Thinking that you can change the other person or concentrating on the issues alone is being one‐sided and that will not work. If your purpose involves any of the following, think again: • “Fixing” the other person or ‘make him/her’ change his/her attitude or behaviour? • “Giving out” to vent your frustration or irritation? • Ignoring what the other person might have to say because you are too annoyed and past caring about their “excuses” • Trying to prove a point • Trying to win or prove that you are right? The goal should be: • Solving the problem • Improving things for both of you in terms of your work and relationship • Keeping calm and professional Coming to terms with such a purpose is not always easy. It is hard to apply this purpose to someone who has really upset you and who “drives you mad”. Take the time to take yourself in hand and begin by having a difficult conversation with yourself.

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Be clear before the meeting about: • What you want from the meeting? • What the other person wants from the meeting? • What you want for this working relationship? • What you do not want for this working relationship?

5.4.2 Open Frame Having set yourself up with a positive purpose and outlook, you need to project that right from the start of the meeting. There will be only one chance to get it right and to set the tone. An open frame guides the conversation in a manner that • Let’s the person know there is an issue to be sorted • Has room for each person’s view point • Doesn’t trigger a defensive response Rather than judgementally viewing the issues in terms of right and wrong, try to see that there are “different viewpoints” or “a gap between what happened and what was expected”. Open Frame Narrow Frame Set the context clearly and simply Beating around the bush or “sugar coating the issues” Neutral, non‐judgemental and friendly tone Blaming phrases e.g. “You are always…”, “Your attitude is….” Foregone conclusions e.g. “You are not fit for….”, Open mind “You have no interest in….” Open body language Open ears The Open Frame seeks to reassure the other person: • around any anxieties they might have in relation to the meeting • that you have positive intentions for the meeting

5.4.3 Inquire Understanding the other person’s point of view is our first objective. That can only be achieved by encouraging them to talk and ensuring that we are actively listening with empathy to build a rapport between us, leading to influence and behaviour change. “If your first objective in the negotiation, instead of making your argument, is to hear the other side out, that’s the only way you can quiet the voice in the other guy’s mind. But most people don’t do that. They don’t walk into a negotiation wanting to hear what the other side has to say. They walk into a negotiation wanting to make an argument. They don’t pay attention to emotions and they don’t listen” Chris Voss, FBI Negotiator and Author Open questions best encourage the other person to talk e.g. • “What did you think about what happened today?” • “What did you find difficult about the incident?” • “How did it make you feel when ……...?”

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Clarify your understanding of what the other person is saying by asking questions if necessary and by paraphrasing it for them. This demonstrates that you are actively listening and interested in what they are saying.

5.4.4 Share Now it is your turn to speak. • Stick to the facts – talk about what you saw or heard • Have concrete examples if talking about what someone else saw or heard • Talk about how it made you feel • Present the “facts” as being from your own point of view. Allow room for the other person to discuss the “facts” from their point of view. • Be careful of “facts” – they can be influenced by our perceptions, prejudices and emotions at the time. You may both have experienced the incident or event differently • Do not to present your “facts” as conclusions – that sounds judgemental and even opinionated and will not encourage discussion Make sure that you • Use a non‐judgmental calm, professional tone with open body language and eye contact. • Reiterate your positive intentions (from the Opening Stage) to find a way • forward and get the situation resolved. • Ensure you finish with an invitation for them to share their response to what you have said.

5.4.5 Emotions “It’s not objective reality that causes our feelings, rather it’s the spin or interpretation we put on objective reality that leads us to feel angry, frustrated or hurt” Mary Raftery, Consensus Mediation The influence of emotions on how we view facts and intentions is what distinguishes a difficult conversation. The issues involved will inevitably stir emotions in one or more parties to the conversation and you need plan for that. Before engaging in a difficult conversation ensure that you plan to • Pause • Acknowledge • Clarify Pause: It is important to be in a calm and prepared state of mind when entering a difficult conversation. No matter how prepared one is, emotions may still be triggered and when that happens we need to pause, detach a little and re‐focus before continuing. Preparation and practice are the most effective means to perfect the maintenance of a calm and unruffled exterior. Taking a deep breath or using the 4 – 7 – 8 Breathing Technique helps calm the mind and prepare for what is to come IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

Be clear before you start about • Your feelings about the issues and why you feel as you do • How will you avoid reacting to the triggers? How you can detach yourself from strong emotions which might cloud your thinking and ability to see the other person’s point of view Acknowledge: Emotions take a person’s brain away from rationality which will quickly derail the conversation. Once emotions take over, argument and logic will not work. If the person needs to “vent”, it is best just to listen quietly. Skilfully acknowledging the emotion post venting will help bring them back to rational thought. You might use phrases such as: • “I realise that this is upsetting for you…..” • “I can feel your frustration……” • “I know this is not what you were expecting….” The skill is in using an appropriate tone and authentic phrasing without sounding patronising or condescending which would be disastrous. Convey your interest and concern, being careful not to give the impression that you agree with their views or condone their behaviour. There may be a second, or even a third milder “venting episode”. Be supportive by listening and showing concern. Clarify Concerns: Emotional outbursts are a clear signal that a person’s need is not being met. You need to clarify what that need is so that it can be addressed. Careful questioning, in a non‐ judgemental manner, will be required here: • “What is it that has most upset you….” • “What did you find the most difficult aspect of the incident…” Finally clarify what you understand the issues and needs to be by paraphrasing what you have learned e.g. “Am I right in saying that you were upset because …….” This can summarise the discussion for all parties to ensure that no‐one is being misunderstood or that critical information has not been overlooked.

5.4.6 Needs “Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.” Marshall Rosenberg, Creator of ‘Non‐Violent Communication’ The main aim of all difficult conversations is to move from polarised argument to problem solving for both parties. This can only be achieved when we are clear on what is at stake for each party. A genuine search for the core issues demonstrates your care and concern and desire to resolve the situation and moves the focus to discussing what we can do to resolve the issues. Use closed questions, in a calm and supportive manner, such as • “What is most annoying you here……” • “Can you tell me a little more about what is important to you….” • “What is it that you want me to understand about how you see the issues…”

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5.4.7 Options In their book “Getting to Yes” (1981), Fischer and Ury suggest “inventing options for mutual gain” as a means of achieving “win‐win” rather than “zero‐sum” for the parties concerned. Moving to discussing options has several advantages: • It gives recognition, involvement and choice to the parties and leads to a feeling of fair play • It moves the dynamic from disagreement to collaboration. Ownership of the options means they will mean more to the participants and will be more likely to succeed when agreed • Participation in finding the solutions can “save face” for the participant who may have “painted themselves into a corner” • As the conversation is moving toward discussing options for a solution, the core issues for each side are becoming clearer and easier to name and discuss Some things are not negotiable e.g. School Policy, DES Circular, Health and Safety issue etc. Where this occurs it must be clearly stated and the focus moved to issues which can be negotiated to “win‐ win”. Sometimes, a person is not prepared to engage with options. In that case the school leader may move the focus to the consequences for the school and the person involved if the issues are not resolved e.g. a teacher who refuses to collaborate with her colleagues in planning might be asked to consider the positive consequences of engaging with others in planning for the pupils, younger teachers and reducing the workload for herself. She might also be reminded of some negative consequences such as her reputation and standing with her peers, her promotional prospects, her lack of being able to share professional ideas. Care must be taken when “making visible the invisible” that it is not interpreted as a threat.

5.4.8 Way Forward The last step is to record what has been agreed and adopt an action plan to implement the options agreed. These are best expressed as SMART goals: • Specific – the nitty gritty of who does what exactly and when • Measurable – the metric by which we will know that the goal has been achieved • Achievable – goals that are realistic and practical • Relevant – ensuring that the goals are focussed on the agreement • Time‐bound – review and completion deadlines

5.5 PREPARING FOR A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION Always take time to prepare for a difficult conversation. This can normally be done by scheduling a meeting which gives you the time and space to prepare. If it is not possible, concentrate on listening, inquiring and establishing the core needs and concerns. Explain that you need to reflect on the issues, or do some research and invite them to make another appointment to progress the conversation.

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5.5.1 Using the Template Appendix I contains a preparatory template which prompts you to consider and prepare for each of the 8 stages. Contemplate each stage and make notes on the template.

5.5.2 Be Calm, Cool and Collected In order to bring the difficult conversation to a successful conclusion, you need to remain focussed and in control of your emotions. The following techniques will help: • Be aware of the signs of distress in yourself and how you will manage them • Take 3 or 4 deep breaths • Count to 10 • Pretend you are an outside observer – a “fly on the wall” – to the conversation • Tell yourself that you are calm and in control and that you are ignoring or managing the triggers which might upset you • Be aware of what might make you feel undermined or vulnerable • Be aware of what might cloud your judgement and cause you to misread the situation

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COMMUNICATION SCENARIOS

The following scenarios provide a guide as to how a school leader might approach a challenging conversation.

6.1 CLASS ALLOCATION COMPLAINT

6.1.1 Scenario: Ursula has taught in the school for 25 years‐ the past 10 years as a SET. She has accosted you in the corridor to complain that she has not been given a SET post again this year. You have spoken at a Croke Park meeting about the value of SET experience for classroom teachers (after at least 5 years classroom teaching). You have already separately indicated to Ursula that you would be moving her back to the classroom next year. SET was her first choice in the preference sheet and she did not fill in the other two preferences. She is very aggrieved and upset.

6.1.2 Initial Reaction: A public corridor is not the best location for this conversation. You explain to Ursula that you are engaged in another task at present and make an appointment to meet her in your office as soon as possible. You might say something like “Ursula, I am meeting the Chair of the BoM in half an hour and I need to prepare for that now. Can we discuss this later in my office – it’s more private there. Would 2.30 suit you?”

6.1.3 Preparation: Go back over your diary to find the dates when you discussed the value of SET teaching for all classroom teachers and when you advised her that you would be moving her to the classroom. Fill in the difficult conversation template.

6.1.4 Purpose It is not your intention to upset Ursula, rather to give all teachers with at least 5 years of classroom experience an opportunity of SET teaching. You want Ursula to understand that all teachers deserve the chance to experience SET teaching and to bring that back to the classroom. You want her to realise that she is trained to teach all classes and that her SET experience will be invaluable in the classroom. You want her to work with you to promote the SET experience as being a valuable one for all teachers’ careers. You do not want her to become disaffected, but it is time for her to progress her teaching career.

6.1.5 Open Frame You will clearly set out the issue in a non‐judgemental, collegial manner and let her know that you wish to understand her upset and point of view. You will avoid words or body language which might trigger a defensive reaction.

6.1.6 Inquire You will encourage Ursula to talk about her upset and why she feels she has the right to remain in SET. You will listen actively to hear her arguments and her emotions. IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

6.1.7 Share When you are sure that she has finished, you will calmly lay out your reasons for wanting to move Ursula – sticking to the facts of what you have discussed with the Staff and with her.

6.1.8 Emotions Firstly be aware of what might set you off emotionally and plan for it. You may feel undermined and angry – put it to one side. Only rational thinking can resolve this issue. Secondly, acknowledge her emotions – “I know you are upset, but can you work with me on this…” Thirdly, encourage her to name her concerns – “what upsets you most about moving back to the classroom….”

6.1.9 Needs Encourage her to elaborate her concerns to see if you can establish her core opposition to moving back to the classroom – is she afraid that she will be “out of touch”? Does she feel threatened by the move because she does not think she is any longer able to teach a class? Is this impacting her self‐ esteem? Does she need support to “catch up” with the curriculum after 10 years of more targeted teaching? Is she anxious about the change in pace, in workload?

6.1.10 Options It is important to be clear that all teachers need to experience SET teaching because that will benefit Teaching and Learning throughout the school. That point cannot be conceded. However, you might invite her to suggest ways in which a more structured class rotation might be put in place – a Class Rotation Policy giving clarity to all teachers as to their career path with the school. Ideally, she will agree that the SET experience benefits all teachers and children in the school. Remind her of the great work she has done in the school as a classroom teacher and as a SET. Seek to reassure her that she is a highly competent teacher who will easily manage the transition. Address the option of support and “upskilling” for her from yourself and colleagues. Let her suggest what she would need and how it might be provided. If she refuses to engage with options or to suggest her own, you will focus the conversation on the needs of the school and, possibly, on your responsibility to organise the Teaching and Learning in a manner which best benefits the children. Way Forward. Lay out SMART goals to achieve what has been agreed, hopefully: • Supports for Ursula in moving to Rang IV • Work on preparing a Policy on Class Rotation

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6.2 SPLIT COMPLIANT

6.2.1 Scenario Due to growing numbers in the school you must have a split class next year. The children have been together as a class since Junior Infants but must be split next September into Rang III, Rang III/IV and Rang IV. You have discussed the criteria for selecting children for the split class with the class teachers and SET and have agreed that all children must have friends in the new class and that this class would better suit children who do not require constant supervision to complete a learning task. The children were told yesterday which class they will be going into. Pricilla’s mother is on the phone and is apoplectic with rage because Pricilla’s best friend is going into the Rang III and her daughter does not deserve to be put into the “slow” class and that Pricilla is being “singled out” and not being given fair play.

6.2.2 Initial Reaction Having listened for 5 minutes or more on the phone, you express your regrets that Pricilla’s mother is so upset and ask if she would be free to come in for a meeting in the afternoon. You express every confidence that, between you, you will sort it out.

6.2.3 Preparation Establish how long the teachers have been working on the issue and confirm the criteria used. Check how Pricilla is and if she is upset in class today. Check with the teachers how many friends she will have in the split class and where her “best friend” will be. Fill in the difficult conversation template.

6.2.4 Purpose It is your intention to reassure Pricilla’s mother that Pricilla will have friends in the new class and that it is not for “slow” children, rather for children who have a better self‐motivation and capacity to complete learning tasks with less supervision. You want her to reinforce a positive message and to reassure Pricilla about her new class. You do not want her to feel that her daughter is being treated unfairly or to negatively colour Pricilla’s perception of her new class.

6.2.5 Open Frame You will clearly set out the issue in a non‐judgemental manner and let her know that you wish to understand her upset and point of view. You will avoid words or body language which might trigger a defensive reaction. You are aware of the possibility that Pricilla’s mother may try to record the meeting. You will inform her that you will take notes during the meeting and give her a copy at the end. Should it arise, you will state that you do not wish her to record the meeting.

6.2.6 Inquire You will encourage Pricilla’s mother to talk about her upset and why she feels that Pricilla has not been treated fairly. You will listen actively to hear her arguments and her emotions.

6.2.7 Share When you are sure that she has finished, you will calmly lay out the reasons for putting Pricilla into the mixed class – sticking to the facts and the criteria you have discussed with the teachers.

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6.2.8 Emotions Firstly be aware of what might set you off emotionally and plan for it. You may feel undermined and angry and you have met Pricilla’ mother before and do not like the woman – put it to one side. Only rational thinking can resolve this issue. Secondly, acknowledge her emotions – “I know you are upset, but can you work with me on this…” Thirdly, encourage her to name her concerns – “what upsets you most about Pricilla’s new class….”

6.2.9 Needs Encourage her to elaborate her concerns to see if you can establish her core opposition to moving back to the classroom – what is the basis for her saying that Pricilla has only one friend (the teachers have told you that she is a very popular girl in the class)? Is she genuinely concerned about the pace and workload on the split class compared to the straight class? Does she feel threatened by the move because of her relationship with some of the other parents? Has she been narrowing her options for compromise by telling others that this is not a suitable class for Pricilla and that she will “sort it out”? Is this impacting her self‐esteem?

6.2.10 Options It is important to be clear that this decision has been made and cannot he undone. To do so would unleash a flood of requests and demands to change the class assignments. That point cannot be conceded. You can offer reassurance and offer to meet Pricilla’s mother in October to discuss how she is getting on with her new classmates. However, you might invite her to suggest ways in which the school might help children who are worried about moving into a new class where they do not know all of the children. She might suggest ways of helping children make new friends. She might suggest how parents could support their children in transitioning to the new class. Remind her of the facts that Pricilla has friends in the new class and she has been chosen for her ability to pay attention, her work ethic and the fact that she is such a dependable girl. If she refuses to engage with options or to suggest her own, you will remind her that the decision is ultimately yours and that a lot of thought and consideration has gone into this class selection. If she threatens to move Pricilla and her 5 siblings to another school, you must be prepared to express your regret, but that the class is set for next year. Way Forward. Lay out SMART goals to achieve what has been agreed, hopefully: • Reassurance and positive feedback for Pricilla from home and school • Reinforcing for Pricilla the fact that she has lots of friends in the new class • Support from home and school for Pricilla and the other children in establishing new friendships

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6.3 UNDERPERFORMING TEACHER

6.3.1 Scenario The BoM appointed Seáinie to a permanent position two years ago and he was assigned to Rang III, where he is again this year. For the first year everything went very well. However, you have gotten no Cuntais from him since November, but he told you that they were on the way. You had been meaning to chase them, but you have been busy. He broke a leg three weeks ago. It has now come to your attention that the children have only 3 copies for all subjects and they have not been corrected and there was a lack of clear planning for the substitute teacher to follow. After an hour in the classroom, you can see that the children are well behind the other Rang III in most subjects and that there is a lack of structure and routine in the classroom. You spoke to the other teacher. She was shocked because Seánie had been telling her that everything was fine: they had agreed the number and purpose of copies at the beginning of the year and they had been planning together. He was telling her that his class were up with hers in all subjects. When you rang him to ask about the end of year reports, he said that things had been getting on top of him lately and promised to do the reports from home. They were up on the system the following day, but when you checked them most of them were copied and pasted from one or two originals.

6.3.2 Initial Reaction You are devastated and feel duped. How did this happen? You are angry because Seánie has been untruthful with his colleague and with you. You are particularly upset about the end‐of‐year reports. There will be a lot of work for the next teacher to make up with this class. You will have to have a serious conversation with him. He has promised to meet with you next week because he needs to collect some personal effects from the classroom and he is now on crutches. You agree to meet him after school in your office.

6.3.3 Preparation Establish the facts: the copies agreed at the beginning of the year and when exactly they were last corrected and the standard of those corrections; the state of his long‐term plans; the progress of the class in each of the basic subjects; the lack of Cúntais; the end‐of‐year reports and the deception of his colleague and yourself. Fill in the difficult conversation template.

6.3.4 Purpose It is your intention to find out exactly what Seánie’s difficulty is. You know that he was very competent in his first year. You need to address his deceitful behaviour, which cannot continue. You need him to be truthful with you so that you can help him get back to doing his work properly. You want him to realise how damaging to himself, to the children and to the school his behaviour has been. You want him to clearly understand that he must never let things get out of hand again without seeking help.

6.3.5 Open Frame You will clearly set out the issue in a non‐judgemental, manner and let him know that you wish to understand his upset and point of view. Your manner will be that of a professional school leader seeking to help a NQT get back to what he can do well. You will avoid words or body language which might trigger a defensive reaction. You are aware of that he may be embarrassed at being “caught out”.

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6.3.6 Inquire You will encourage Seánie to talk about the issues which led to this state of affairs with the class. You will encourage him to talk about why he felt it necessary to deceive his colleague, you and potentially the parents. You will listen actively, to hear his arguments and emotions.

6.3.7 Share When you are sure that he has finished, you will calmly lay out the reasons for your concern and personal upset, sticking to the facts you have collated.

6.3.8 Emotions Firstly be aware of what might set you off emotionally and plan for it. You do feel duped, embarrassed in the eyes of the rest of the staff and very angry – put it to one side. Only rational thinking can resolve this issue. Secondly, acknowledge his emotions – “I know you are embarrassed, so let’s ensure that it never happens again…” Thirdly, encourage him to name his concerns – “what caused you to become overwhelmed….?”

6.3.9 Needs Encourage him to elaborate his concerns to see if you can establish the core reason for him getting out of his depth. Why did he not feel that he could confide in his colleague or in you? Why did he not seek help before you found out? What has captured his focus to the detriment of his work in school? Can he resolve this? Has he become disenchanted with teaching?

6.3.10 Options It is important to be clear that this standard of work is absolutely unacceptable; that deceiving his colleague and the principal is unacceptable. These points cannot be conceded. You will invite him to suggest ways in which you can support him in getting back to where he was in his first year in the school in terms of teaching. You will offer to assist him in regaining the confidence of his colleague and other staff members and ask him how this might be done. If he refuses to engage with options or to suggest his own, you will remind him that you must absolutely insist that he engage with you in rehabilitating his work ethic and standards. You may have to remind him of the provisions of Section 24, but that you would hope that, between you, you can resolve matters for both of you – it is not too late. Way Forward. Lay out SMART goals to achieve what has been agreed, hopefully: • Support from you in structuring his work in school • Assisting him in re‐establishing a positive relationship with his colleague and other staff members • Commitment from him to teaching and the school

6.4 BULLING COMPLAINT

6.4.1 Scenario Reggie De Burgh rang the school to complain vociferously that his son, Osvaldo, is being “mercilessly” bullied by his classmates in school and is refusing to go to school this morning. The school secretary is upset by his tone and calls you out of class to the phone. IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

6.4.2 Initial Reaction This is the first you have heard of Osvaldo being bullied – he strikes you as a boy who is well able to stand up for himself. You listen to Reggie on the phone for a few minutes and then explain calmly to him that, under the School’s Anti‐Bullying Policy, you will ask the Relevant Teacher to investigate the issue immediately. In this case, the Relevant Teacher is Osvaldo’s Class Teacher. You ask him if he can provide any further details such as the names of the alleged bullies, to assist with the investigation. He cannot – says that Osvaldo was too upset to go into detail. You ask Reggie if he could come in to the school tomorrow afternoon to meet with you to discuss the matter when the investigation will be complete. Reggie agrees and says that his wife, Letitia, will accompany him.

6.4.3 Preparation Establish the facts: Osvaldo’s Class Teacher has carried out an investigation and has found no evidence of bullying. Osvaldo is evasive about how is being bullied and by whom. The teacher (Rang II) tells you that she has noticed that, for the past week, he is more subdued than usual. She tells you that she devotes a few minutes each day to dealing with any unpleasant incidents in the playground after the breaks. There have been no incidents involving Osvaldo. He is a very competitive child and likes to be top of the class. Lately, and unusually, he has been having difficulty with Maths. He is finding it hard to grasp the concept of subtraction and is unusually quiet during the Maths class. All the other teachers report no difficulties in the playground involving Osvaldo. Fill in the difficult conversation template.

6.4.4 Purpose It is your intention to enlist Osvaldo’s parents in trying to resolve why he does not want to go to school and why his father says he is being “mercilessly bullied” in school when the investigation found no evidence of it. You want his parents to know that you are concerned about Osvaldo and want to resolve the issue. You do not want them to think that you are “covering up” bullying or that the teachers do not know what is happening in the school.

6.4.5 Open Frame You will clearly set out the issue in a non‐judgemental, manner and let them know that you wish to understand his upset and point of view. Your manner will be that of a professional school leader seeking to resolve an issue which is causing distress to a child. You will avoid words or body language which might trigger a defensive reaction. You are aware that Reggie is a very successful business man with a reputation for being direct.

6.4.6 Inquire You will encourage Reggie and Letitia to talk about the issues which, in their opinion, have led to Osvaldo refusing to go to school. You will try to gently probe for evidence of the bullying or the names of children who are involved. You will also gently enquire about his competitive nature. You will listen actively to hear their arguments and emotions.

6.4.7 Share When you are sure that he has finished, you will calmly lay out the fact that the investigation has found no evidence of bullying or even an unpleasant incident involving Osvaldo. His teacher has noticed his recent upset due to Maths. You will stick to the facts you have collated.

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6.4.8 Emotions Firstly, be aware of what might set you off emotionally and plan for it. You can expect to feel that they will not believe you and will be thinking that you are “covering up” for the teachers – put it to one side. Only rational thinking can resolve this issue. Secondly, acknowledge their emotions – “I know that you were very angry on the phone this morning and it is very upsetting for you when Osvaldo says he is being bullied, but …” “We seem to have a conflict of evidence here, and I can understand that you may feel disbelieved, but let’s explore this further …” Thirdly, encourage them to name their concerns – “has anything like this every happened before ….?”

6.4.9 Needs Encourage them to elaborate their concerns to see if they name any other reason for the upset. What are their expectations for Osvaldo in school? They are supportive of his learning, but how do they treat mistakes? Is there a culture of “winning” and “being the best” without acknowledging mistakes and personal development at play here? Do the parents feel that Osvaldo must be the best to prove something to themselves, or others? How long has he been upset? Has he mentioned bullying before now?

6.4.10 Options It is important to be clear that you and his teachers are absolutely committed to resolving this issue for Osvaldo. You want him back in school as a happy boy who can play with his friends and learn without fear of mistakes. You will invite them, in the absence of evidence to the contrary, to consider that there may be reasons other than “bullying” for Osvaldo’s behaviour because you cannot find any evidence of bullying in school, but you do know that his progress in Maths has been upsetting him lately. Suggest that home and school monitor Osvaldo’s behaviour and mood for the next week and then compare notes again. If they refuse to engage with options or to suggest their own, you will • state that the Relevant Teacher has conducted an investigation in accordance with the Anti‐ Bullying Policy and found no evidence of bullying • report the complaint and the result of the investigation at the next BoM meeting • refer them to the Parental Complaints Procedure if they are not satisfied Reiterate that your concern is to quickly establish what is causing Osvaldo’s upset. Way Forward. Lay out SMART goals to achieve what has been agreed, hopefully: • Support at home and at school for Osvaldo to overcome his issue • Monitoring and efforts by parents and teachers to discuss the issues with Osvaldo to see if we can find out more about what exactly is upsetting him • Contact between home and school to ensure that we are all made aware immediately if something of importance arises (names of “bullies”, upset over Maths, other new evidence…) • Further meeting at the end of next week • Further meetings on a weekly basis until the matter is resolved

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WRITTEN COMMUNICATION

Written Communication’ means the sending of messages or instructions in writing through letters, emails, text messages, reports, memos, bulletins, etc. The ability to communicate clearly, concisely and concretely in writing ensures that everyone understands what you’re telling them. Because written communication skills are so important for school leaders, it’s worth taking the time to improve yours. Written communication is formal and less flexible, but a written document, properly preserved, becomes a permanent record for future reference.

7.1 WRITTEN COMMUNICATION BASICS

7.1.1 Clarity Clarity helps your reader understand what you are saying or, at least, understand enough to know what questions they need to ask for further clarification. Writing in simple language and sticking to concrete, specific information is the essence of clarity in a written communication.

7.1.2 Conciseness It is important to get to your point quickly and efficiently. Include only the details needed to make the point. Avoiding unnecessary details or overly complicated sentence structures aids clarity and lends confidence to your writing.

7.1.3 Tone Tone refers to the “voice” of your writing. School leaders should generally aim for a collaborative and friendly tone when writing to parents. Adopting a complaining or “scolding” tone will generally focus attention on the tone rather than the message. Sometimes school leaders must convey a message which may not be pleasant reading for the recipient e.g. pointing out a mistake or an oversight by a supplier, staff member etc. When composing such a letter, it is best to identify what the problem is rather than making accusations or using language which might offend or upset. The use of language such as ‘it seems’ or ‘it appears’ may set a softer tone. A careful selection of non‐accusatory language is advisable.

7.1.4 Active Voice Messages written in active voice are typically more accessible and easier to follow than passive voice. Sentences flow better with active voice and the message is read faster. Complex, passive voice slows the reader down in professional communication.

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7.2 IMPROVING YOUR WRITTEN COMMUNICATION SKILLS

7.2.1 The Why is the Key Every communication has a purpose. A clear goal will keep the message clear and focussed. Ask yourself why you want to send this message – what is it exactly that you wish to achieve and what message exactly do you wish to establish in the mind of the reader?

7.2.2 BLUF The US Army teaches its officers to write using BLUF – Bottom Line Up Front. They are taught to get to the point quickly, leading with the main point and following up with the details. This ensures that, even for skimmers, the message is clear.

7.2.3 Include only the salient details When editing your communication ask yourself these questions 1. Is the goal of the communication clear and concrete? 2. Are the details specific? 3. Is this detail necessary for understanding the message? What can I leave out? 4. Is the writing as clear and concise as possible?

7.2.4 Organise your points Take the time to organise your points in logical order and consider using a separate paragraph for each point, and even numbering the paragraphs.

7.2.5 Keep it professional Avoid using informal references and attempts at jokes. A school leader’s written communication should be brief, to the point and professional. Assume that everybody in the school community will read it and write accordingly. It is sufficient at times to acknowledge receipt of correspondence in writing, and to state that the content is duly noted. It is not always imperative that school leaders respond further or immediately.

7.2.6 Edit thoroughly Read the communication two or three times, looking for the sense of it as well as proof reading. Ask yourself 1. Does it get across the message I want to send? 2. Is there excess detail in it? 3. Have I included everything I need to say? 4. How does it read? Does it “flow” well? It is a good idea to write a draft of a communication, save it and come back to edit it later. It is also a good idea, where possible, to have another school leader proof read it.

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THE MEDIA & THE MESSAGE

School leaders have access to a myriad of communication media, ranging from one‐to‐one conversation to on‐line video conferencing. Not all are best suited to a particular communication task. The skilled school leader will always choose the most appropriate media for the task at hand.

8.1 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Good interpersonal communication skills are the greatest assets of a school leader They facilitate the direct exercise of the leadership role in person. No other communication is as powerful as the face to face conversation. Advantages • Reaches people face to face • Allows for immediate audience feedback • Very useful in influencing a person or group as the message can be personalised for the audience • Ideal for sharing knowledge and skills, problem solving, reaching agreements and planning actions • Delivers the message in a non‐threatening way that is culturally acceptable Disadvantages • Reach is confined to a smaller number of people. Takes a lot of time if more than a few people or groups need to be addressed separately • Communication effectiveness is dependent on the skill of the facilitator or organiser • Message may be misinterpreted

8.2 WRITTEN COMMUNICATION Advantages 1. It creates a permanent record of evidence. It can be used for future reference 2. It gives the receiver sufficient time to think, act and react 3. It can be used as legal document 4. It can be sent to many persons at a time 5. It is ideal for sending statistical data, chart, diagram, pictures, etc. 6. Task descriptions in written form reduce ambiguity and clarify responsibility 7. Uniformity in work procedure can be maintained through written communication 8. It is easier to send unpleasant or bad news through written communication. 9. A good written communication can create goodwill and encourage stakeholders Disadvantages 1. It is time‐consuming both for the sender to compose and for the receiver to read 2. The feedback process is not instant 3. It cannot maintain strict secrecy possible in oral communi¬cation IPPN Communication Resource Bundle

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It cannot be clarified immediately if not properly understood It is less flexible and cannot be changed easily It is not effective in the case of emergency

8.3 WRITTEN COMMUNICATION MEDIA School leaders use a wide array of written communication media for communicating with small or large audiences. Among the more useful are:

8.3.1 Email e‐mail is used by almost all school leaders to communicate with staff, parents, BoM etc. It is ideal for short messages. The effectiveness of e‐mail is dependent on the audience checking their e‐mails regularly and reading them. For many people this becomes a chore as their inboxes become clogged and it is difficult to distinguish the important e‐mails It is easy to breach GDPR through the improper use of e‐mail, particularly through the Carbon Copy (CC) facility. The Blind Carbon Copy (BCC) is usually a much safer option.

8.3.2 Website Most schools now have a website which allows school leaders to post items such as school policies, school routines, procedures and rules, admission forms and details, booklists, etc. in one place where all members of the school community can access them. Websites are multi‐media platforms and so allow for a wide range of artistic expression. They are also used to promote a school, its teaching and learning prowess and the achievements of its pupils. Websites are only as good as the relevance of the information they contain and they need constant updating. This is difficult to maintain on a regular basis. Many school leaders do not feel competent or have the time to maintain a highly effective multi‐media website and either delegate the task or hire a professional web designer to maintain it.

8.3.3 Paper Notes The prevalence of children bringing home a “note” in their school‐bag has largely disappeared from Irish schools. Notes need to be composed, edited and then printed. Modern technology allows all of this to be done electronically.

8.3.4 School Newsletter Some schools still use Newsletters to communicate with parents. Their use has diminished with the advent of electronic communication.

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8.3.5 SMS based apps Several Irish companies offer this service. Most Irish school leaders use IPPN’s TextaParent service. It allows messages to be sent instantly to a parents’ mobile phone and is more immediate than e‐mail. Text messages have a 98% open rate and 90% of text messages are read within 3 minutes. TextaParent offers a delivery report and a history of all messages delivered. It can also be used to send links to the school’s website to view documents, polices, etc.

8.4 SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS

8.4.1 WhatsApp WhatsApp allows school leaders to set up a closed communications group, ideal for messaging groups such as all school staff, teaching staff, SEN staff, etc. with messages relevant to them. It requires careful monitoring to ensure that it is not used for purposes other than intended. Each participant needs to give explicit permission to the moderator before being added to the group as mobile numbers are visible to all group members.

8.4.2 Facebook Most Irish people have a Facebook account which they use to get news and information, to share their thoughts and views, and as a discussion forum with friends. It is largely unregulated and uncensored and can be used to promote the ideas of the person with most time to spend on it. Although many people have Facebook accounts, it is not recommended as the sole method of contacting parents and guardians as all relevant parties may not have Facebook accounts.

8.4.3 Twitter and Instagram Twitter and Instagram are great platforms for sending short messages or updates, and linking back to school websites for more detail. However, as with all social media platforms, we do not advise relying on these platforms for contacting parents and guardians, as the intended audience may not have the relevant social media accounts.

8.4.4 YouTube YouTube can be used to publish videos from school accounts. To find out how to disable or enable comments on YouTube videos, see the steps here. Please be aware that videos can be shared publicly and privately across other social media channels. If the videos contain images or video clips of students, consent from parents and students is required.

8.5 VIDEO CONFERENCE With the advent of COVID‐19, Irish schools quickly discovered the world of video conferencing to support teaching and learning and to conduct staff meetings remotely. Words such as “Zooming” have entered the lexicon. Among the more popular and useful video‐conferencing platforms are:

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8.5.1 Zoom Zoom is perhaps the most widely used platform. It is cheap (free for 45 minute or less sessions) and easy to use. With a little learning, school leaders can use features such as backgrounds, breakout rooms and chat features to enhance meetings. Zoom is used by many school leaders for staff and group meetings while working from home.

8.5.2 Webex, GotoMeeting Both of these platforms are similar to Zoom and provide facilities to hold on‐line meetings and to share content. They have gained adherents also during the COVID‐19 emergency. GotoMeeting is used by The Teaching Council and IPPN among others

8.5.3 Google Classroom, Microsoft Teams These platforms have been used by many schools for remote learning by allowing the student to connect on‐line with the teacher during the COVID‐19 emergency, particularly at second level education

8.5.4 SeeSaw Seesaw is a platform for pupil engagement. They use creative tools to take pictures, draw, record videos and more to capture learning in a portfolio. Teachers find or create activities to share with pupils and their parents during the COVID‐19 emergency

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USEFUL RESOURCES

9.1 RECOMMENDED READING 1.

James W Carey Communication as Culture: Essays on Media and Society Routledge 1992

“McLean, S. (2003). The basics of speech communication Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Roger Fischer, William Ury, Bruce Patton Getting to Yes Houghton Mifflin 1991

Bruce Patton, Douglas Stone, and Sheila Heen Difficult Conversations. How to discuss what matters most Penguin Publishing 1999

Sonia Gill Successful Difficult Conversations in School: Improving Your Team’s Performance, Behaviour and Attitude with Kindness and Success Jacinta Kitt Positive Relationships, Behaviours and Emotions: The Heart of Leadership in a School NAPD 2017

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Albert Mehrabian Non‐verbal Communication ISBN: 0202309665

9.2 USEFUL WEBSITES 1. www.consensusmediation.ie Mary Raftery gives a free download on the 8 steps for handling difficult conversations. The site also offers online courses in mediation and difficult conversations 2. Sonia Gill ‐ YouTube

9.3 CONFLICT MANAGEMENT It is possible to research more information on these via the internet Thomas‐Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is an assessment tool measures an individual’s typical behaviour in conflict situations and describes it in terms of assertiveness and cooperativeness. Albert Mehrabian Communication Model. The 7‐38‐55 rule and the various interpretations of it since proposed

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