Digital Edition Dec 2021 Is 270 Vol 19
! e n o y r e v E s a tm is r h C y Merr Thanks for your support
New Digital Edition
Competitions Galore Plus Lots More
Keep us alive for less than a cup of coffee - €3
Support us via PayPal: info@irelandsbigissue.com
THERE IS NO CHARGE FOR THIS DIGITAL MAGAZINE. Your support, however, will enable us to continue highlighting under-represented voices & continue bringing you justice-driven journalism. Proud supporters of Irish Homeless Street Leagues.
Going Forward The Covid-19 pandemic has taken its toll on us, like it has on many other magazines, organisations and businesses globally. Among the problems facing us are: Our new landlord’s reluctance to come to a compromise on rent for an unused office during the pandemic and threat to hike rent meant we had to vacate our home of 20 years, The genuine public fear of physical interaction makes putting a magazine on the streets problematic. The advent of a cashless society. Unfortunately, all have contributed to a landscape that has irreversibly changed since the Big Issue first hit the streets in 1995. To meet this challenge, Ireland’s Big Issue have reluctantly decided to host the magazine digitally-only for the immediate future. We will revisit this decision as time moves on and circumstances change. We thank you for your support to-date and ask that you continue to help us help those on the margins of society. This has always been our aim and shall continue to be our driving force. Digital Edition Contacts: Editor: Sean Kavanagh Ireland’s Big Issue Email: info@irelandsbigissue.com
Contribute via PayPal at: info@irelandsbigissue.com
Contents Page 7
Times best-seller.
Letter to my Younger Self – Imelda May
Page 18 Home Alone: It’s That Time of Year
Queen of Rockabilly, Imelda May writes a letter to her 16 year old self.
Shaun Anthony takes a look back at the 1990’s classic movie Home Alone; a film that never gets old!
Page 8
Page 26
Homeless at Christmas
Ian Bailey In his Own Words (Part 4)
Connor from South Belfast speaks to us about being homeless at Christmas in Camden, whilst battling mental health issues after becoming a victim of workplace bullying.
Ian Bailey’s final article on his experience after the death of Sophie Toscan du Plantier.
Page 32 Competitions Galore
Page 12
Fancy winning a £200 voucher or maybe you’d like a hand-carved Donegal pen...So much to choose from. Get entering!
André Rieu: “My Most Favourite Time of the Year.” André Rieu on his new Christmas show and what he hopes Santa puts under his tree this year.
Page 34 Kate Tyrrell: The First irish Woman to be a Ship’s Captain Liz Scales looks at the life of trailblazing Wicklow woman, Kate Tyrrell who fought the patriarchy and an antiquated law to be recognised as a ship’s captain.
Page 14 Interview: Simon Reeve Sam McMurdock has a chat with adventurer Simon Reeve about the mental health problems that plagued him as a young man, how he learned to be confident and the ‘flop’ book that became a New York
Regulars 23/24/25– Photo World 36/37 – Screen Scene 40/41 - Book reviews
3
Wishing all a Happy Christmas and Peaceful New Year
Micheál Martin T.D. An Taoiseach & Leader of Fianna Fáil
On behalf of myself and everyone at Fianna Fáil, I would like to wish the readers and supporters of the Big Issue a Happy Christmas and peaceful New Year. It is important to keep supporting the vital work and services offered to the homeless all over Ireland by everyone at the Big Issue.
4
Editors Note A
nother year has passed, its incredible to realise how fast time flies and yet we seem to have stood still. Two years ago we were all going on our merry little way, oblivious to what was to come; picture back to that time and its like another world. In a way, everyday since has seemed like Groundhog Day.
T
ime moves on however, even if perceptibly slowly, but perhaps there is good in that. We have been given time to reflect, to see things, not in the narrow perspective of our own lives but looking outward at the world we live in and have, to some degree created. Something that is patently obvious to us all now is, there is no hiding the reality that we live in a fragile world where all actions have consequences. Government or individuals, whatever we do, good or bad affects our little world and the greater world we live in.
T
he world is full of moaners and whingers, social media is full of these people who blame everyone for everything but do nothing positive themselves.
P
eople are very quick to point out their entitlements, but never ask the question,
Why am I entitled ? Or, what am I doing that is positive and not self-centred? If the answer is nothing, then maybe its time to take a good look, to re-evaluate, realising it is only a matter of luck and geography that we enjoy and take for granted the freedom and comforts many like those recently drowned in the frigid waters of the English channel were seeking.
C
hange does not happen overnight, t is no longer viable for us to say it’s not despite what power seekers say. my responsibility. It IS our Change is gradual, and change Change is gradual, and change responsibility. Like it or not, begins with your mindset. begins with your mindset. Being our actions or inactions have Being positive is a start. contributed to where we are positive is a start. now, our imperfect world. ets start by doing something small, in our own world, here is no hiding the fact we are living in a time whatever it may be, it’s the accumulation of small steps of unprecedented challenges, war, Covid, climate that leads to major change. We all have it within us to be change, famine, human trafficking, racism, poverty and more caring, appreciative and generous, but it is up to homelessness. If you leave out Covid and climate change each individual to find a way of doing this and bring a there is nothing new in this, but those two items at least bit of Christmas cheer to our wounded world. make us focus and realise we can no longer stand idly by and all will be okay. It won’t - and we must bear our share lthough we are not able to sell the magazine on the of responsibility. streets due to Covid uncertainty, I would ask people, especially those who use cards for payment to put some What can we do ? spare cash in your pocket this Christmas, so you never have to pass a person on the street who is in need, it is a obody has all the answers, governments don’t, terrible feeling to see someone in need and be unable to although its convenient to have someone to vent our help them in some small way. anger on. Perhaps we should look at ourselves first before critisising those in power. n behalf of Ireland’s Big Issue magazine I’d like to wish you all a Happy Christmas and Peaceful New Year.
I
L
T
A
N
O
5
Sean
Wishing all a Happy Christmas and Peaceful New Year
Cllr Joe Costello
CATHERINE CONNOLLY Independent TD
Labour Party
Email: joe@joecostello.ie Mobile: 0872450777 Facebook: joecostelloIE Twitter: JoeCostelloIE
Nollaig Shona agus athbhliain faoi mhaise daoibh go léir
Catherine.connolly@oir.ie 091-567870 4 Commerce House Flood Street Galway
6
Issues: Life
Letter to my Younger Self Imelda May
E
ach issue we ask a well-known face to write a letter to their 16-year-old self. This issue, singersongwriter Imelda May (46) from The Liberties, Dublin takes on the challenge. Imelda has just published her much anticipated debut poetry collection, “ A Lick and a Promise.”
I know you won’t want a long drawn out letter as you’re busy and up to your eyes with ridiculous homework and exams (pointless BTW). So here are some tips:
Keep going to gigs and galleries, Even if you must go alone
Listen to Mam and Dad. They know more than you think. Don’t bother trying to fit in. You’re already cool. Don’t be swayed by conformity, It’s overrated. Do stay strong willed. It’ll stand to you.
Other people’s behaviour and consequences are not your responsibility. Learn to say ‘No’ louder. Don’t be afraid to say it!
The teacher was wrong You will amount to something.
Your friends going to Holland without you will be shitty But you’ll get over it and travel the world anyway.
Your feet will thank you.
Use the face creams Auntie Kathleen gave you. She was right. Buy the good shoes,
Call Mam when you’re staying out.
Don’t kiss the guy at Fiéle who says he’ll leave you alone if you do. He won’t.
Have fun!
Trust your instincts. They’re usually right. Keep daydreaming, Its your key to freedom.
It’s going to be a crazy ride.
Stay kind.
You’re fabulous, 7
Love you!
Issues: Life
Homeless at Christmas
C
onnor (26) from an affluent area of Belfast tells his story of living rough in Camden, London after a bullying incident in the workplace left him crippled with anxiety and clinical depression and eventually, homeless.
There’s a common misconception that homeless people come from a bad family, lack motivation, brought it on themselves or must be addicts. None of these fallacies apply to Connor, or indeed many homeless people.
working there Alan popped in one day that week and joked with the office manager, Maggie that I was his big brother’s protégé so she’d better treat me right. I didn’t realise that this would have indescribable ramifications. At first I thought I was being oversensitive, but I increasingly noticed I was being isolated; five of us worked in the office and I was consciously aware that I was never addressed. I tried to make conversation but they would answer in an offhand manner and continue interacting with each other.
*Connor from South Belfast has documented his experiences on the discussion site Reddit and when approached, was happy to write his own, firsthand account of what it was like to be alone in a strange town, sleeping rough, leading up to Christmas, this time five years ago.
Maggie was particularly cruel and would leave twenty files, demanding they were checked, signed I was twenty, I had a good career off and logged in the database by ahead of me at an independent lunchtime (I later discovered “I increasingly noticed I insurance company. My that 20 was the target for the was being isolated ....” parents wanted me to go to whole day - not lunchtime). university but I wanted to start Understandably, because I was earning at eighteen. I got a good job in the under pressure (she would walk behind underwriting department because I have an A* in me clicking a pen and sighing disapprovingly.) I both Maths and Further Maths at A-Level and had started to make the occasional error. Maggie made a been tutoring GCSE maths students as part of a comment more than once about nepotism, another buddy system whilst studying for three A-Levels: time she told me, Maths, Further Maths and Computer Science. “I don’t offer special favours, no matter who you are.” I had no idea what she was implying. Suffice to say, I My school principal wrote one of my references - his became obsessed with avoiding this woman’s wrath at brother Alan owned the company. When I started all costs. 8
Things came to a head one icy morning in December. I went out to get into my car and took a sharp pain in my chest. I couldn’t breathe but all I could think of was getting to work on time; Maggie had implied more than once that she’d no respect for “personal days” so I feared calling in sick. That morning, for the first time ever, I was late. Maggie casually shouted, “Good afternoon.” It was 9.30am. I sat down. She walked over and said, ”I see you’re struggling with the workload …. its not for everybody….” This was news to me as Alan had told me just days before when we were having a coffee in the canteen that they were really pleased with my work ethic. I was going to inform her of that but thought better of it.
impossible and the overwhelming sadness, feelings of impending terror, anxiety and debilitating depression floored me. I had nothing left to give. My parents were really proud of me, I didn’t know how to tell them I’d walked out of my job. I filled a duffle bag and got a plane to visit my sister. Six months later I still hadn’t gone to see her and by now I’d used almost all my savings on eating out, hostels and the occasional B&B. My parents thought I was in Lyon on a career break, visiting an old high school friend but I was in Camden, struggling to see each day through battling against every proclivity to end it all.
I was at breaking point. I noticed that Maggie was Queen Bee - the other employees were constantly ingratiating themselves That Christmas Eve I to her. There’d been will never ever forget. veiled comments about I had £23 left in the my weight, there wasn’t bank, I was sleeping an hour went past that in the park and I felt I hadn’t been ridiculed, hollow. I needed a taunted or singled out £10 top-up for my in some way by her. I was also pretty sure that a phone but I needed a bottle of booze more. I couldn’t rumour currently circulating that face my thoughts, my feelings. I went for a I (a straight man) was in a walk to take my mind off things, and to romantic relationship with warm up and I saw a mum and dad “That Christmas Eve I will the (straight & happily with two children walking between never ever forget. I was sleeping in married) owner had them. The girl reminded me of my the park...” been orchestrated by sister. She had a single, long dark Maggie. On top of all this, plait down her back and she was my grandmother passed laughing. I was overwhelmed with away unexpectedly. We were sorrow and didn’t realise I was crying until exceptionally close. My body was shaking, I I felt the tickle of a tear, then a torrent of them fall had a lump in my throat that made eating almost from my chin. 9
There were Christmas lights everywhere, there was excitement in the air but I felt invisible, like I was an alien observing something new I didn’t quite understand or have the human capacity to enjoy. I walked a bit more and caught my reflection in a mirror in a shop window. I had to look again. This time I studied my image. I didn’t know myself. I knew I was dirty - I could smell myself and I knew I had a beard and my hair was unkempt but I looked different. My eyes were sunken. My usual round, plumpish face was hollow. I had dents under my cheeks.
morning - Christmas Day and she was sitting on my bed.“You’re going to be okay … it doesn’t seem that way but I promise, it will.” I found it really hard to believe her. But I wanted to desperately. Although this was a very sad time, I’ll never forget that Christmas. I think deep down I knew the only way was up - and when my parents cried on the ‘phone and said they couldn’t care less about the job, it’s me they love - I felt this overwhelming burden lifted from my shoulders. I had my family’s love. As my sister handed me a hot cup of tea, I wrapped my hands around it and smiled. I actually smiled. That was my perfect Christmas gift - the best one I’ve ever received.
I was starving but aware I needed to top-up to call my parents. I started to worry about what I’d Remember, no matter how bad things are, there’s do, I literally had one day’s money hope. Now that I’m in a better frame of left. What was left for me? I mind I can see how ridiculous it “There were Christmas lights feared this day - the day was that I didn’t tell my parents or everywhere, there was excitement in confide in a friend ..... remember, when I might have to beg. the air but I felt invisible...” I headed back towards the when you keep a problem bottled park, I hated it there but on up, it magnifies. It looks worse the few nights I’d slept near than it is. My advice to anyone out the bus station I felt vulnerable there on the streets is, make that ‘phone and I’d seen girls who looked like call. Talk. If a street team want to get you zombies nearby - I knew they were on hard drugs help - take it. Don’t view your poor mental health as and I was terrified I’d ever be tempted, if only to get something to be ashamed of and certainly, never be out of my own head for a couple of hours. embarrassed to tell a friend that you’re struggling. That might be a male thing but I really want anyone out there to know - you CAN get better - there IS a As I was walking back I was approached by a man better life out there for you.” and woman in the shop as I bought a top-up voucher. They bought me a flapjack and tea from the machine * Connor - not real name was diagnosed with and asked where I was from. I hadn’t had a caring Clinical Depression and Generalised Anxiety interaction like this in months. I broke down. They were from a street homeless team in association with Disorder. After speaking with his employer & HR manager, Maggie was approached with the Camden Council. They encouraged me to ‘phone allegations of bullying (ironically another employee my sister and admit where I was. Ironically, she was from the same office also came forward - with a only 19 miles away in Bromley but I’d continued the detailed diary of abuse). Maggie handed in her facade I was in Lyon. notice. Connor worked part-time from home until he was well enough to return to work full-time just When my sister came for me I can’t remember over a year later. saying a word to her that night. I woke up the next 10
Wishing all a Happy Christmas and Peaceful New Year Download our new app Dublin Rough Sleeper Alert
* Are you self-employed or a director/partner of a small to medium sized business? * Do you have taxation, accounting, payroll or company secretarial requirements?
* Call or email the small business experts for a quality and value for money service. * Start-ups specially welcome.
Tel: 01 6903804 Mobile: 086 8288369 Email: darren@dbfs.ie Web: www.dbfs.ie
11
147 Hampton Cove Balbriggan Co Dublin
André Rieu
“My Most Favourite Time of the Year”
A
ndré Rieu on his new show Christmas with André and what he hopes Santa will put under his tree this year.
Welcome back. What makes Christmas so special for you?
What can audiences expect from this special Christmas Event?
People Christmas is from all by far my most over the favourite time world are of the year; invited to after several come to months of the cinema touring, which and watch still is very my newest satisfying, we’re Christmas all coming special: home. At there is the end of so much December, I to see, to spend my time hear and with my small to enjoy! family (my wife, Before our sons with you know their wives and it, the - of course - our cinema is five gorgeous turned into grand children). I say deliberately small family, because a winter wonderland. Chandeliers, snow, everything my big family are the lovely people with whom I travel you need for a delicious Yule Time in front of a gigantic around the world: my orchestra and crew members! screen. You’ll have a once in a lifetime experience, Since many years, our sons make Christmas dinner; there is a backstage tour, I’ll tell nowadays, they’re being helped by Before you know you things you’ve never their wives and their children. All it, the cinema is heard before. My beloved I have to do is sit back and relax. Johann Strauss Orchestra turned into a winter There is another tradition: I take can be seen, but also the home a Christmas decoration for lovely sopranos Anna Majchrzak our Christmas tree every year, and I give and Donij van Doorn, the fantastic Platin Tenors, the it to my wife Marjorie who collects these. So, we have a Golden Voices of Gospel, the Maastricht Dance and Ice very international tree! Last but not least, I started a new tradition in my hometown Maastricht in 2019: Christmas Skate Company... too much to mention! concerts! Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to organise them How long has this special event been in last year because of the covid-pandemic, but I have good hope for upcoming December! the making and what makes it different 12
from the others?
What are you hoping to get from Santa?
Since a couple of years, I’ve been thinking and dreaming of this December tradition in my hometown; since my summer concerts are so succesfull, I thought, there might be a chance that Christmas concerts will reach the same effect. Two years ago, my dream came true (like Walt Disney already said: “If you can dream it, you can do it!”). It is very special, because it is in my ‘own’ Maastricht; I don’t have to travel far to go to the stage and enjoy every day there!
First and foremost, Maastricht Kerstconcert Christmas is meant to be a feast for the small ones... but, okay, when you ask me: I hope to receive the green light for all my concerts in 2022! I can’t wait to perform again for all my beloved fans, they’ve been waiting (just like me) far too long for our concerts. In case this ‘gift’ is too much to ask for, I’m also happy with a nice novel or Christmas presents made by my grandchildren.
Of all the beautiful Christmas songs, which is your favourite and why? There are so many outstanding Christmas songs, that I simply can’t choose just one. Just to mention a few: “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”, “I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas,” “Oh Holy Night”, “Walking In The Air” and “Jingle Bells” because it is so happy... Alright, there is one song which incorporates all feelings together: “Jerusalem, The Holy City”! There is joy, hope, togetherness! And I’d like to record “Slumber my darling” one day.
Are you doing anything special for Christmas this year? Being at home and enjoy spending time with my wife, children and grand children; hopefully there will be snow, so we can make a nice walk all together on the St. Pieters Mountain next to my house. In the evening, there will be gifts and may be a wonderful movie like “The Sound Of Music” or “Mary Poppins”.
Christmas with André in cinemas 4 & 5 December 13
Simon Reeve:
“Human beings are the most extraordinary creatures - they’re capable of astonishing transformations.”
D
ocumentary filmmaker, TV presenter, journalist, author and adventurer Simon Reeve recently spoke to Samantha McMurdock about the depression that almost ended in suicide as a teenager, how a series of small steps helped him gain the confidence to take on life’s challenges and the ‘flop’ that became a New York Times best-seller.
You left school with no qualifications yet have been incredibly successful. Do you think we need to stop measuring academic ability purely on exam results?
in confidence, and as I started becoming a bit more confident, they gave me more and more responsibilities and with those responsibilities, I could grow further. Not everybody gets that opportunity in life or employment and that’s why I say that I’m very lucky. Qualifications do have their place, for those who want to be academic but they’ve done bu**er all for me [laughs].
I think it’s still one metric for sensing a person’s academic Simon has travelled the world capabilities to a degree, but its also such a small aspect of a human being, but on the other hand, although I’ve been reasonably successful - I’ve been incredibly lucky and As for the behavioural issues … you’re right, I was very I’ve met maybe 100,000 people over the years who could naughty, but I never stabbed anybody, nobody died at my do what I do, but I’ve just been the lucky s*d hands … I’m not saying that flippantly, because who’s got the gig. I don’t deserve it. I I grew up on the edge of inner-city never thought it would be my life. London. It wasn’t a conflict zone, “I lived with really dark emotions It’s been a weird series of events although it sometimes felt like it. and feelings.” that have got me here. More That past, particularly at the start useful than qualifications, I think, of my teens really started to indicate is having the ability to work hard that my problems stemmed from and having opportunities that allow your a complete lack of confidence. I suffered confidence to grow. a lot with teenage angst, I found it very difficult to be a teenager and I lived with really dark emotions and Because, to be fair, you were a bit of a naughty feelings. boy with behaviour problems that resulted in you starting fires and setting off explosives. How did you deal with that? [Laughs] Yes, when I started work [as a post boy at The Sunday Times], this became my school, my college, my Not very well. I sank. I wasn’t someone who didn’t have university combined and it was an environment that love around me. I had a family, and although we had a allowed me to grow a little bit more each day lot of trouble at home, there was still love there. I wasn’t 14
growing up in the middle of a war zone or terrible suffering, yet I somehow could not find my way - my little path. I think we’re very bad in our society at channeling youngsters, particularly young guys and finding a path for them, especially when it’s not obvious. If someone isn’t university-bound, many teachers, and even some parents simply lose interest. Exactly. It’s not automatically school to college to university for every single person. Society doesn’t assist you or get involved if you don’t fit that mound and that’s something I feel incredibly bitter about. I had to find my own way.
Publicity image from ‘The Americas. with Simon Reeve.’ BBC
How did you do that? A lot of luck. Hitting rock bottom and deciding that ending my life was not the thing to do. You considered suicide? Yes. Yes, I did.
investigative journalist? The Sunday Times must have noticed a great talent within you. Honestly, I don’t think so. I think they just gave me opportunities and I took them. It’s massively important that I remember that I lived in London and I was able to stay with friends and family whilst working as a post boy, whereas if I’d been living in Hull or Inverness it would have been much harder for me as I had no contacts in the media, nobody in my family has ever gone to university, I don’t come from a connected family, so it was geographic luck and employment luck. I think you’re being very humble, because many people would’ve got the job as post boy, clock watched and completed only the tasks necessary of them.
Well, that’s the thing. I worked hard, I volunteered, I said yes, I approached the job as a blank canvas, I didn’t think anybody owed me anything and as a result I think the staff were more willing to take chances on me and allow me to try things. When you’re starting at the bottom, like I did, you must be open to possibilities and put yourself out there. I quite quickly realised that.
That must have been difficult considering your How did you elevate yourself mental health issues when you started the out of such a dark job. spiralling depression? I think we’re very bad in our Yes, every morning I struggled to get society at channeling youngsters, It was a very physical act, particularly young guys and finding a there. I would throw up in the mornings, the act of just putting one path for them, especially when it’s I couldn’t eat when I was there … I was foot in front of the other riddled with nerves, but quickly, on the not obvious. and going on a little bit of job, things started to change, my confidence an adventure to Scotland on my started to lift, things started to get easier. own and finding myself - physical selfconfidence, and that gave me emotional confidence and That’s a very uplighting story that I’m sure will the outlook to start applying for jobs after being on the help many who are struggling. dole for quite a while. Well, human beings are the most extraordinary creatures How did you progress from post boy to - they’re capable of astonishing transformations. Anyone 15
who is in a dark place, they have to know that they CAN come through that. I’m not saying they will, but they can - any human being is capable of almost anything in my view. At just 18 years of age, your job was to follow a weapons dealer at Gatwick Airport. Was that frightening? After all, you weren’t much more than a child.
It has always interested me in the sense that, although I was living on the edge of inner-city London, I didn’t feel connected to the bigger world at Filming in Columbia. all. I didn’t go on Image: Simon Reeve/Twitter holidays as a child, I’d never been on a plane until I was an adult and I didn’t feel that connection, if that makes sense, with the rest of planet earth, but I was still very interested in listening to the That was a random radio and watching example of the the news - more weird things I was so the sharpest doing. I’d been at possible end of The Sunday Times a global events, and year when I did that. terrorism was right I don’t remember at that point. I’d feeling nervous. been fascinated By the time I was by terrorism since working undercover I’d met two South and following arms African neo-Nazi dealers and working terrorists on the on investigations I run in the UK was tense because when I was 18 there was a stress, and this was my but my confidence big break in many had grown so ways. I knew I was dramatically, so a pathetic kid but quickly that I felt I could see that more than capable. they were too. I didn’t understand Instilling how they could confidence in kids is very important to you. have so much power politically and over life and death, so that appalled and fascinated me. I started investigating Yes, I’ve seen first-hand how children, even if they don’t the first attack on the World Trade Center in 1993 the come from a supportive background same day that happened and carried on or they feel they’re cut off from investigating long after everyone had people - when you start to widen lost interest. I started researching my …every morning I struggled their horizons and give them to get there. I would throw up in the book at the age of 20 and it came opportunities - they can blossom mornings, I couldn’t eat when I was out when I was 26. It became a and flower. I had those chances there … I was riddled with nerves… New York Times best-seller after and I grew with them. I want 9/11. The reception was initially very opportunities for children - every depressing as nobody took any notice child has the right to build confidence. of my book. The conclusion of the book was that we were entering a new era of terrorism You wrote a New York Times best-seller at 21 where terrorists wanted to launch apocalyptic attacks and became a media expert in terrorism. Is very different from the Provisionals for instance who had terrorism a topic that’s always interested you political aims. The new breed of terrorists wanted to blow and how did you feel about the reception to the up the negotiating table and everyone around it. Nobody book? took any notice of the book. My parents went around 16
book shops moving it from the dusty shelves at the back to the front. Hardly anyone bought it and I went off and worked on others stuff - stewing with bitterness how my book had not been listened to. I was like every other who thinks their book is important but not being taken notice of. I’m telling anyone out there - never ever write a book - never! Unless you’ve time on your hands and loads of money, don’t write it - then again, sometimes you can’t stop yourself and I fell into that category. Your advice for anyone struggling out there? You’ve got to believe in yourself, have a plan and pursue it. Sounds like my favourite Dolly Parton quote, “Figure our who you are, then do it on purpose.” Exactly [laughs]. But we can’t underplay the value of luck - where would I be without luck? Highly recommended: Journeys to Impossible Places: In Life and Every Adventure by Simon Reeve is out now. Published by Hodder & Stoughton
17
Home Alone It's That Time of Year S
haun Anthony takes a look back at the 1990 Christmas classic Home Alone; a film that never gets old!
Home Alone is one of the greatest Christmas films of all time. No matter how many times you see it, there’s always something you haven’t noticed before. Its a film you can easily watch and enjoy every year.
he jokingly wrote, ‘Don’t forget the kids’ on his holiday to-do list, which made him ponder the notion of what would happen if he actually left the kids home alone; this seed of inspiration led to him penning eight A4 pages, which eventually morphed into a film script.
Home Alone was written by John Hughes (who captured comingof-age movies like The Breakfast Club and Secret Talks with Sixteen Candles) and the Opposition starred the naturally gifted child actor Warner Bros said Macaulay Culkin as they would finance the boy who defends and distribute the his house from burglars movie but threw when his family in the towel when accidentally leave him at home in Chicago as they realised it would require a much they holiday in Paris. larger budget than anticipated. Hughes had promised that he could make the film for Home Alone’s Genesis under $10 million, considerably less than most feature film production budgets of John Hughes actually thought up the idea for that era. Concerned his project would most the film when he was making preparations probably exceed that amount, Hughes met for a holiday and was plagued by a recurring secretly with 20th Century Fox, before nightmare that he’d left his children at home. production to see if they would fund the project if Warner proved unaccommodating. The dream was becoming so frequent that 18
Executive producer Scott Rosenfelt said character to give the story a more serious a copy of the script was “clandestinely” layer, as well as a more emotional ending. delivered to Fox, bypassing the legal restrictions that would have otherwise Culkin a Favourite from Day One prevented Fox from seeing it until the project was in Hughes had turnaround. always been determined Hughes that Didn’t Get Macaulay his First Culkin Choice in would Directors play Kevin McCallister; John Hughes he’d really previously wanted cast the Patrick Read 8-year-old in Johnston to Uncle Buck direct, but and felt he was contracted to Spaced Invaders and he would bring authenticity to the role but Hughes couldn’t wait for him to complete so director Christopher Columbus stated that he turned to Christopher Columbus, who’d the proper audition process must be followed just walked out of National Lampoon’s and hundreds of kids from around the U.S. …. Christmas Vacation after were auditioned in person a copy of the script was he and the star, Chevy and via tape. Eventually “clandestinely” delivered to Fox, Chase had a massive Columbus conceded bypassing the legal restrictions that argument. Columbus that Hughes was right would have otherwise prevented Fox felt that Chase was - Macaulay Culkin was from seeing it… unworkable and was Kevin McCallister. treating the cast and crew “like dirt” (of course, Chase was later exposed as being Casting near impossible to work with and hated in Hollywood circles by actors, producers Hughes really wanted Robert De Niro to play and directors alike). Hughes, aware of the Harry, the short and hot-headed thief who Chevy Chase issue gave Chris the scripts for targets the McCallisters’ home with his mate both Home Alone and Reach the Rock and Marv but Robert had no interest. Next Jon Columbus chose to direct Home Alone, as Lovitz, but again, he didn’t enjoy the script. he found it funnier and liked the Christmas Eventually, the script made it into the hands theme. Columbus did an uncredited rewrite of Joe Pesci who accepted it, Pesci, who of the script, which included the character swears incessantly in real life found himself Old Man Marley (played by Roberts accidentally swearing during the rough and Blossom). He added the tumble of physical scenes and so he actually 19
made up new child-friendly swear words which made their way into the final cut.
the bed-wetter. Ironically, whilst Macaulay has shunned Hollywood and celebrity, Kieran has forged an impressive acting career for himself, most notably as the compelling Roman Roy in the monster hit show, Succession.
For the role of idiot burglar Marv Murchins, Daniel Stern was cast but before shooting started, he was told that the production schedule had been Culkin was extended from six Terrified of Pesci weeks to eight with no and Stern extra pay. Stern said he would drop out Hughes and Culkin with Pesci & Stern unless his salary was Columbus felt they increased pro rata and needed to keep so they brought in Daniel Roebuck to replace Macaulay away from the robbers Pesci and him. Just days later Columbus Stern to amp up the child’s natural …. felt that Roebuck was fear. In fact, prior to the Pesci made up new childlacking chemistry with scene where Marv and friendly swear words which made Pesci and brought back Harry finally catch their way into the final cut…. Stern. up to Kevin, hang him by the jumper from a coat John Candy is paid just $414! hook and Harry threatens to bite off one of the boy’s fingers Joe Pesci actually John Candy had only one free day the year bit one of Culkin’s fingers, breaking the Home Alone was being made and Hughes skin and leaving him with a permanent seized it. Candy and Hughes were very close scar! Culkin was terrified of both men and friends and John said he’d shoot his scenes Hughes ensured that this spilled over into his for scale, if he was allowed to “just feel” the performance. script “and improvise” (which ended up taking 23 hours). Candy actually earned less Filming than the actor who played the pizza delivery guy in the film, earning $414. Filming was completed in 83 (very long) days. The house exterior scenes were filmed A Family Affair in Winnetka, Illinois. Cinematographer Julio recalled that Pesci was more difficult to work When Macauley heard Columbus saying he with than Culkin, believing some dialogue needed another young boy for the film on was not of a quality commensurate with his short notice, the 9-year-old asked them to acting ability. Pesci also resented the early give his brother Kieran an audition. Kieran calls, since they prevented him from starting dazzled Columbus and he was cast as Fuller, his day with nine holes of golf as he 20
preferred to do. After he took the assistant until 26th April). The film became the director by the collar to complain, daily call third highest grossing film of all worldwide times were moved back from 7 to 9 a.m. (behind Star Wars and ET). to accommodate his rounds. The crew had limited time to film the many night-time Culkin Becomes Impossible to Pay scenes, since Culkin could not work any later Child Star than 10 p.m. due to his age. Macaulay Culkin, thanks to his cuteness and The Stunts natural screen charm was now a bonafide Hollywood heavyweight who commanded Those $4.5m per movie post feats of Home Alone. When his daring were parents divorced midperformed 90s there was a bitter by a custody battle and a stuntman fight for control called of Macaulay’s trust. Larry Culkin’s father Kit Nicholas wanted bigger and who, bigger paydays for despite his son - but bearing being thirty in mind that Home John Candy years old, Alone 2 alone brought actually earned less than the actor who was about in $350m - it does played the pizza delivery guy in the film… as tall as a seem that $4.5 was nine-yearnot a lot to ask for the old boy. star. Sadly Kit would Stunts were originally prepared with safety destroy Macaulay’s career, angering studio harnesses, but because of their visibility executives and producers. His personal on camera, the film’s final stunts were agenda was to usurp creative control performed without them. Columbus said, “ of Macaulay’s movies and get his other We’d watch it, and I would just pray that the children noticed but power is a delicate guys were alive.” commodity in Tinsel Town. Despite Stern’s fear, that was actually a real Still, to this day, Culkin, despite staying tarantula that walked over his face! out of the industry, is a multi-millionaire thanks to Home Alone and has a net worth Reception of $18m. As the film finds itself a whole Home Alone grossed $476.7 million new generation of Home Alone fans every worldwide, against a production budget of few years, its fair to say it will remain a firm $18 million and was number one for twelve favourite for decades to come. consecutive weeks (remaining in the top ten 21
Wishing all a Happy Christmas and Peaceful New Year
Wishing all A Happy Christmas and peaceful New Year
Word Power Over the next few issues we’ll be attempting to increase your word power. Have a look at the words below and afterwards see if you know their meaning. Word Pronunciation 1. Myrrh Mur 2. Yuletide Youl-tide 3. Poinsettia Poyn-sett-e-ah 4. Wassail Waus-ayl 5. Sugarplum Shu-gar-plum 6. Epiphany Ep-if-an-ee May-jie 7. Magi 8. Advent Add-vent 9. Ceremonious Sair-im-ohn-eus 10.Magnanimous Mag-nan-e-mus 11.Altruistic Ahlt-tru-is-tik 12. Tidings Tie-dings How did YOU score?
-9
10 or more – Perfection!6 Brilliant. 3-5 Well done. 0-2 Must do better.
Answers 1. A sticky substance with a sweet smell that comes from trees and is used to make perfume and incense. 2. The period around Christmas Day. 3. Plant with large red or pink leaves that grow to look like flowers, often grown indoors in pots. 4. To enjoy yourself by drinking alcohol with others. 5. A small round sweet. 6. A Christian festival, held on the 6 January, in memory of the time when the Magi came to see the baby Jesus in Bethlehem. 7. The three wise men from the East who brought presents to the baby Jesus. 8. The advent of something/somebody the coming of an important event, person, invention, etc. 9. Behaving or performed in an extremely formal way. 10. Kind, generous and forgiving. 11. Caring about the needs and happiness of other people. 12. News, i.e. bringing glad tidings. 22
Old Ireland in Colour H
ave you every wanted to walk down memory lane? Dwell a while in a place and time from years gone by? A new book from Merrion Press might just be the perfect gift for you this Christmas.
We all hearken back to those salad days when life was simpler, and a new book, Old Ireland in Colour 2 transports us there! This beautiful hardback, which is the eagerly anticipated sequel to John Breslin and Sarah-Anne Buckley’s 2020 illustrated bestseller (which of course became the Irish publishing phenomenon of the year and even made the homepage of CNN) is out now and we were so impressed by these images that we just had to bring you a small sample of what graces the pages of this Merrion Press publication.
further celebrates the rich history of Ireland and the Irish people, from all walks of life, with all 32 counties represented. With over 150 superb images, the book is the perfect portrait of life in Ireland throughout 19th & 20th Century.
In Old Ireland in Colour 2, the authors have delved even deeper into our historical archives to uncover captivating photographic gems to bring to life using cutting-edge technology, historical research and expert colourisation. The book
This and countless other images with great facts can be viewed in the new book and over the next two pages we’re bringing you a sample of what’s on offer.
This photo, centre page for example is a fiddler (1860-1883), and while it looks at first sight to be a traditional fiddler playing, and would be one of the earliest images of such a thing, the fiddle only has three strings! The image is part of the collection of stereo negatives in the National Library of Ireland.
23
TEATIME c.1900, Glencar, Co. Leitrim
LARKIN: This iconic photograph of labour leader James ( Jim) Larkin shows him addressing a crowd on Sackville (O’Connell) Street. 1923. Dublin
24
SWEET TREATS. 24 June 1916, Co. Waterford.
Grafton Street c 1880-1890 25
Ian Bailey
In his own words: Part IV
This Christmas marks the 25th anniversary of one of Ireland’s most infamous and unsolved murders. On Monday 23rd December 1996 West Cork became the subject of international media interest as news of the savage slaying of a French national Md. Sophie du Plantier, nee Bounoil, as she was locally known, broke on the world stage. As an accredited stringer, or freelance correspondent, I was called upon to cover the crime initially by the Cork Examiner. I followed my instructions and began to report on the murder for Irish, British and French newspapers, magazines and media. I remember the life changing events of that midwinter very well.
one for our then good friends Pol and and Marie Colman and one for the Ballydehob butcher O’Sullivan. On Sunday afternoon I dispatched the seasonal fowl and in the process got a slight scratch to my head from one of the kicking talons. The domestic arrangement was, I would do the dirty deed; Saffron would do the de-feathering and Jules the disembowelling. Later on Saffron and myself went down to the Studio House where I climbed up through a 30 odd feet Spruce and sawed a five foot length off the top. In the process of doing that I got some light none bloodied scratches on my arms. We then dragged the tree top back up to the Prairy Cottage about two hundred yards and Jules and the girls then dressed the tree complete with crackers, chocolate oranges, walnut whips and a fairy on the top.
At home on The Prairy it was a busy time. We were to have a full cottage that Christmas. My now former partners’ three daughters Saffron, Virginia and the youngest Fennella were ...after 24 years of all there and the middle girl It was beginning to feel a little interference, abuse and false accusation, “Ginny” had invited an Italian bit like Christmas. In the 2021 was going to become the most girlfriend called Ariana down evening, we all but Fennella traumatic and testing period of my from Dublin. who said she was feeling a bit life... unwell, went out for a drink, On Sunday 22nd there were jobs music and a bit of craic. I took my to be done. We decided to save a few pounds on a bodhrán with me. Christmas tree by slicing the top off a Sitka Spruce at the nearby Studio House and there were three We initially went to Dennis Quinlan’s Courtyard fattened turkeys to dispatch. One for our own table Bar and from there on to David and Venita Galvin’s 26
Galley Bar where a group of visiting traditional musicians were gathering. Later at their invitation I joined them on the drum and threw in a couple of poems. We did not stay that late and drove back West over Hunt’s Hill where you could see across Dunmanus Bay all the little glittering Christmas lights of Kilchrohane and the Sheep’s Head Peninsula. On the Monday Jules and myself had been intending to go to Skibbereen to do our last minute Christmas food shop. But shortly before we departed at 1.40 the phone rang. Fenella, the youngest who was then 13, took the call.
In October of 2020 the Dublin High Court once and hopefully for all time rejected the perfidious French request for rendition. Anybody observing from a distance might well have assumed my fortunes were on the up. On my return to West Cork things were not as I might of expected. I thought that Jules would have been relieved that I had finally defeated the possibility of enforced separation by extradition. The reception I got was rather cool. The night after I got back I felt very strange and at some point I went into the yard and had what I guess was a blackout. I remember coming too on the gravel in the yard. I managed to get up and put the incident down to the huge long and exhausting pressure I had been subjected to over a long length of time.
She came into the kitchen and said it was somebody At the end of the day we are human and I had often after me. It was from the Cork Examiner’s felt I was being tested to the edge of my coping West Cork staffer, Eddie Cassidy abilities. Something has to give at some in Clonakilty informing me point and I had managed various His false statement was of a crime and giving me panic and anxiety attacks over the exposed by the fact that when I had details of the scene. Three years obtained a schedule of items taken from or so miles from The The Prairy on the first arrest, the first item Prairy. The Christmas of 2020 was lonely. listed was my long black coat. Jules went off to be with her family I listened to the 2 o’clock news, in Cork and I was on my own most of the which confirmed the incident. I told Jules to get time. I went through the motions of trying to have a her camera and then headed off to investigate. bit of seasonal cheer I even roasted a turkey crown, Little could I have known or guessed at what was which I chewed, alone. subsequently to befall us. Maybe I should have sensed what was subsequently Within 6 weeks I went from being the lead reporter going to happen. Little was I to know that after 24 on the case to being wrongly accused of the crime years of interference, abuse and false accusation, that and branded “prime suspect” by the media thus 2021 was going to become the most traumatic and began a 25-year form of torture. testing period of my life and what should have been an annus mirabilis was to turn into annus horribilis. The detailed trials and tribulation of those years will In January I started planting seeds for the subsequent have to wait for the full autobiography. But, suffice to growing season. I set tomatoes, sweet corn, broad say, none of them prepared me for what was about to beans and a few other plants which as it turned out I happen to me in the course of this year. was never going to plant out eat or sell. Between 1997 and 2020 I had been subjected to two domestic arrests and detentions and three abusive arrests under the European Arrest Warrant (EAW) process. 27
In March a letter arrived hand addressed to me. I remember Jules putting it down on the kitchen table. I did not recognise the writing and opened it wondering who it was from and what message it
would contain. What I read sent a deep emotional shock through me...it was written by a third party at Jules behest informing me that she wanted me out of her life and out of the house. Our journey was at an end. The shock was profound. What Jules had done was to get another person to write a good-bye letter, which, with the benefit of hindsight I guess she had not had the courage to write herself. Another chapter in a life extraordinary was about to commence... more on that later. For the previous five years I had been cooperating and facilitating the six times Oscar nominated Irish film director and National Treasure Jim Sheridan. I had agreed to give him pretty well unlimited access to myself and my extensive historical archive on the case. During those years I facilitated various filming sessions with Jim’s men and women who included the amazing one man camera crew Dublin Colm Quinn, the redoubtable Cork freelance Niamh Riley and from time to time the “Boy Wonder” investigative journalist and Professor of Criminology Donal MacIntyre. In July 2016 Jim approached the BBC Special documentary unit Storyville using footage of interviews with me to pitch the idea for a 90-minute documentary. The Commissioning Editor was a lady called Kate Townsend and she expressed great interest in what Jim was exclusively offering to deliver for a televisual coup. The story just cried out to be told in drama documentary format. 28
In 2016, I remember getting an excited call from Jim in London. He told me that Townsend liked his idea. Both Jules and myself were happy with the prospect of our torturous story being told to a wider audience and as British citizens the BBC was the perfect media to shine a light into our darkness. What was to happen next, in my opinion, was a disgraceful act of betrayal. What Jim did not know was that Townsend was about to jump ship having been offered the job of chief commissioning editor for the US based private company called NETFLIX. It appears instead With director Jim Sheridan of furthering the project idea for Jim, Ms. Townsend, it appears had contacted a close friend, one Mr. Simon Chinn MD of London based private production company Lightbox and told him about Jim’s project. As far as I know the first Jim heard about it was when Ms Townsend phoned my solicitor Frank Buttimer to ask for my participation, despite the fact that she should have known I had an exclusive arrangement with Jim who had been working on it for four years. The production team at Lightbox insinuated that Jim was a first time documentary director which was untrue but that was the reason they gave as to why Ms Townsend could not use him despite the fact that she had offered to commission him in glowing terms while at the BBC. With Townsend having migrated to Netflix she proceeded, it appears, to green light a multi-million dollar project for Chinn. The Sheridan Project, as I christened it, was severely disadvantaged by Townsend’s move from the BBC to a corporate global giant. People might not be aware, as I am as an international intellectual property lawyer that it is impossible to protect an idea by copyright. In a phone call in late 2018 Chinn rang me from London trying to persuade me to in effect to jump
ship. I explained my relationship with Jim and left the solicitor Buttimer to deal with him. Chinn as producer brought in a Scottish director, John Dower who then wrote to me seeking my cooperation in the Netflix production. I went on to meet him and explained to Dower the situation. I did however allow him some limited access to me in the market places of Skibbereen and Schull.
Two weeks later the Netflix project came out and I was inundated with media calls asking me for my reaction and to comment.
Although I did not watch Netflix production I was made aware of certain passages which most shockingly contained a number of downright falsehoods. The ones that stood out referred to my long black coat which I had worn at the Christmas I had also rather naively had given two trusted Day swim in Schull and two totally false statements journalists some limited access to me on The Prairy the first made by the retired Chief Superintendent, in May 2018. This was to finish up in the hands of the the Kerry born Dermot Jerimiah Dwyer. Dwyer Netflix production and was used to make it appear wasn’t telling the truth when he said I had burned as if Dower had conducted the interview, in the the coat in a fire on St. Stephen’s Day at the Studio three part faux documentary Sophie: A Murder in House. His false statement was exposed by the fact West Cork. The original journalists were never even that when I had obtained a schedule of items taken credited. It occurred to me that my existence and from The Prairy on the first arrest in February 1997 continued persistence was feeding a small industry. the first item listed was my long black coat. The I even made light of it by joking that I was no more second untruth had come from Ginny’s Christmas than a bone to be chewed by various animals. Some guest the Italian Ariana Boarina. She claims, for of them friendly like Jim’s whatever reason I do not know, that team others like while a guest in the cottage, The Sheridan Project, as I christhe Netflix team, she remembers seeing tened it, was severely disadvantaged by a dishostile. my dark coat soaking in graceful act of betrayal I knew that a bucket in the bathroom. the Netflix so-called (However, in her statement to documentary was going to be a piece Gardaí, she had said she saw clothes being cleaned of self-serving abusive propaganda that would in the bath). This is a total fabrication. Ms. Boarina’s perpetuate the false narrative and I was right. statement is a blatant untruth, which still has to be explained. What makes this untruth all the more At a certain point in early 2021 there was a race on damaging is that John Dower the director sets up a between Jim’s objective project, a five parter which sequence in which a black coat is soaking in a bucket. was to air on Rupert Murdoch’s Sky network and These two untruths conveniently gave Director Netflix’s project. I had been bracing myself for the Dower & Netflix the perfect hook to hang their story releases. I was also reeling from the emotional fall and distort the narrative. At the time of writing out of Jules’ decision to call time. I had contacted lawyers in the US are considering whether I have a Cork County Council to apply for a council house case against Netflix and Chinn for deformation. The and had a rake of paperwork to complete. problem is money, it costs a fortune to sue in the US and as everybody knows I am financially one of the I was about to embark on the craziest and most poorest people in Ireland although rich in so many testing time of my life. I had started to gather my non-material ways. possessions and bunch things I wanted to retain into the shed, which for several years had been my I note the head of Netflix, Ted Sarandos has claimed creative sanctuary where I would spend my time that no film they have distributed has had real life between writing and wood carving. negative effects on their subjects…Well let me tell you Mr Sarandos, the release of your demonising, Jim’s project went to air in early May. I had a go at biased and defamatory film ultimately had watching the first two episodes with Fenella’s fine catastrophic real life effects on me.I lost my partner, young son Theo, but had found it upsetting. It nearly my home, and was subjected to real life death threats brought me to tears. I was upset for the victim, upset and social media abuse. for Jules and almost upset for myself. I took the decision that I was too emotionally fragile to watch The release of the two projects coincided any more. coincidentally with my deciding to lose my Social Media virginity. I went from no SM presence to 29
Facebook, Instagram and within a very short time found I was well de-flowered. I currently have 3,000 plus friends, fans and followers on FB and 6,000 on Twitter and Instagram. I started receiving enormous support from thousands of people, the vast majority of whom I had never met. At the same time on Twitter I became the subject of a small number of trolls. The trolls, who of course are cowardly inadequate use false identities and seemed to be acting in some form of orchestrated unity. Their language was crude and it was apparent they were not very bright Sineád O’Connor and I and motivated by hatred. Their offensive remarks, far from upsetting me, rather perversely amused me and I took to taunting them. I even managed to deduce the true identity of some of them. My response was to report the more obscene twatterers as I christened them, to Zuckerberg’s organs. A couple I reported to the Guardians of Our Freedoms, AGS, for what it was worth. Amazingly a small army of supporters sprang up, many from the North, to challenge the imbecilic idiots and really put them to the word sword. The rantings of the trolls did not upset me, on the contrary, but what did was the way they would viciously go after anybody who was brave enough to voice support. In June I took a phone call from none other than the National Treasure who was formally known as Sineád O’Connor telling me she had a new job as a reporter for the Sunday Independent and that she wanted to talk to me about my poetry and to write an article. I agreed to meet her and gave her four hours of interview. I trusted her, she seemed to be not too unreasonable although as a seasoned senior journalist I found her interview technique of 30
throwing up to twenty different questions into one a wee bit irritating. I gave this cub reporter some learned professional critical feedback. Somehow, I suppose because our initial meeting was in semi-public the media not only got to hear of our meeting but photographed it as well. The following morning I had the first of a series of seriously abusive communications from Ms. O’Connor. After the first ranting telephone call I took no more calls but was then to receive a series of incoherent ranting texts, 12 in all (of which I have copies). The last one was sent on the Saturday night before her first ever article was to appear. It suggested I was mad, bad and needed help. She suggested I was an alcoholic and should get myself to rehab. Somehow the communication was leaked to the Irish Sun whose following Monday edition carried the legendary headline, “Sineád tells Ian he needs to go to Rehab...He said No, No, No”. This marks the end or my series of articles ‘In My Own Words’ for Ireland’s Big Issue magazine. I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to have my say, as all too often I have been the subject of false narratives. As an undertaking to the editor I have agreed to answer any questions he wants to put to me in relation to events as described in the 4 articles, I have nothing to hide, never had. Hopefully the truth will come out and the killer of Ms Sophie du Plantier will be found, giving some solace to her family. In the next edition of Irelands Big Issue I will answer those questions.
Ian Bailey In His Own Words: Part IV All words and photographs Copyright Ian K. Bailey 2021
Wishing all a Happy Christmas and Peaceful New Year
Have you a complaint about a public body? If so, the Ombudsman may be able to help. The Ombudsman investigates complaints about providers of public services such as: • • • • •
government departments local authorities the HSE nursing homes education bodies
You must have tried to resolve your complaint with the public body before contacting the Ombudsman. If you are unhappy with the response then you can complain to the Ombudsman: Online: www.ombudsman.ie In writing: 6 Earlsfort Terrace, Dublin 2. Call us if you need any assistance at 01 639 5600. The Ombudsman cannot take complaints about consumer matters, financial services, private pensions or An Garda Síochána.
OUR SERVICE IS IMPARTIAL, INDEPENDENT & FREE Aughrim St Sports Hall, Stoneybatter, D7. (01) 8388085 Tony Gregory Community, Youth & Sports Centre, Ballybough, Dublin 3. (01) 2228584 Sports & Fitness Ballyfermot, Le Fanu Pk. Ballyfermot, D10. (01) 2228580 Sports & Fitness Ballymun, Main St Ballymun, D9. (01) 2228240 Cabra Parkside Community & Sports Complex, Ratoath Rd, Cabra, D7. (01) 2227559 Clogher Road Sports Hall, Clogher Rd, Crumlin, D12. (01) 2228594 Clontarf All Weather Pitches, Alfie Byrne Road, Clontarf, D3. (01) 2226578 Sports & Fitness Finglas, Mellowes Rd. Finglas, D11 (01) 2228620 Glin Road Sports Hall, Coolock, D17. (01) 8478177 Inchicore Community Sports Hall, St. Michael’s Estate, Off Bulfin Road, Inchicore, D8. (01) 2228562 Sports & Fitness Irishtown, Irishtown, D4. (01) 2223801 Sports & Fitness Markievicz, Townsend Street, D2. (01) 2226130 Poppintree Sport & Community Facility, Balbutcher Lane, Poppintree, D11. (01) 2223985 St. Catherine’s Sports Centre, Marrowbone Lane, D8. (01) 2227542 Coolock Swimming Pool, Northside Shopping Centre, Coolock, D17. (01) 8477743 Crumlin Swimming Pool, Pearse Pk, Windmill Rd, Crumlin, D12. (01) 4555792 East Wall Water Sports Centre, Alfie Byrne Rd, D3. (01) 2225579 Municipal Rowing Club, Longmeadows, Islandbridge, D8. (01) 6779746
https://www.dublincity.ie/residential/sports-and-leisure 31
Fancy getting your hands on one of our great
CHRISTMAS PRIZES?
Simply email info@irelandsissuesmagazine.com & type Competition in subject line. Remember to include your name, address & daytime ‘phone number (this will not be stored on file or used for marketing purposes). Closing date 20th December. Fancy some new trainers? www.gola.co.uk
Like a £60 Gola voucher? Are trainers worn on the head or feet? Handmade Beauty Products
To win a box of goodies from this Co. Meath company. Where’s The Handmade Soap Company based? https://thehandmadesoapcompany.ie Unwind in the Kitchen?
To win a €50 giftcard. from Caulfield Country Boards? Where’s this business based? Kells or Letterkenny. www.caulfieldcountryboards.ie Write your memoirs? Two Handmade Pens from Donegal Pens To win one of two pens. Does a pen use ink or lead? www.donegalpens.com To win a €20 BOOK VOUCHER for Kenny’s bookshop. Is fiction true or false? www.kennys.ie
32
Thank you everyone! We wish you all lots of luck and may we take this time to thank you for your support and encouraging words. We appreciate your it enormously as it allows us to continue highlighting under-represented voices and continue to bring you justice-driven journalism. Your contribution via our website (you can also PayPal info@irelandsbigissue.com) helps us to continue helping the marginalised through the power of sport. Your support is greatly valued.
Artisan SKINCARE company BareEssential (Est. 2011) To win a giftbox of hand-poured soap. When was BareEssential established? www.bareessential.ie
NutraCheck WEIGHT TRACKING App. We have 5 yearly subscriptions to give away. When do people mostly start their diet: Christmas Day or in January? www.nutracheck.co.uk To win a boxset of gorgeous COOKING SAUCES. Did the wok originate in China or Wales? www.whitemausu.com To win a year’s supply of BARRY’S TEA. (25 boxes of their Gold Blend 80s teabags). What kind of cube sweetens tea? www.barrystea.ie
https://atlanticaromatics.com
TOMMY FLEMING 30th Anniversary Tour - PAIR OF TICKETS to one of his shows (he’s touring the country until 24th March) and a CD & DVD. For locations, see website below.
How many years has Tommy been touring? 10 or 30? https://tommyfleming.com For £200 to spend online at CLOTHING STORE Cabbages & Roses: Is a maxi dress long or short?
To win one of 10 Frankincense Massage/Bath/Body Oils : ‘A deeply relaxing blend for both men and women rsp €14.25’, from Co. Wicklow company,Atlantic Aromatics answer the following question. How much does the above product retail for?
Natural Beauty Products To be in with a chance of winning a BOXSET OF BEAUTY PRODUCTS. Where is lip balm usually applied? https://dublinherbalists.ie
https://www.cabbagesandroses.com
For a chance to win a Mini Mani (mini manicure) - what part of the body is gel polish applied? Is it nails or hair? www.tropicalpopical.com Nunaïa’s award winning 100% natural FACIAL SERUM. To win their Nourishing Radiance Serum (priced €75). What do you do with serum? Apply it to face or eat it? https://nunaia.com To win a LIMITED EDITION TRAVEL-THEMED BOARDGAME (aim, to make it to airport before lockdown).Does a traditional dice have numbers or letters? https://activacation.ie
33
Issues: Historical
Kate Tyrrell: The First Irish Woman to be a Ship’s Captain
C
ounty Wicklow’s Kate Tyrrell was the first woman in Ireland to be a ship’s sea captain. Kate would fight the patriarchy and an antiquated law tirelessly for over a decade to be recognised for what she was - a ship’s captain! Liz Scales reports. Trailblazer, Kate Tyrrell was born into a naval family in Arklow, Co. Wicklow in 1863, the second of four girls born to Elizabeth and Edward Tyrrell. From early childhood Kate had a dream to live an exciting life on the highseas and had interest in nothing else beyond boats and all things seafaring.
and judgement completely and she would carry out many tasks as his assistant, including filling out the shipping journals and monitoring the finances. Edward would often stop what he was doing and marvel at his daughter’s great mind and admirable work ethic; “You can do absolutely anything Kate … in fact, one day you’ll own your own ship. You wait and see.”
Edward owned a shipping company importing and exporting Kate would smile, hoping goods such as coal, his words were prophetic bricks, iron ore and because she wanted nothing textiles between Ireland else in the whole world but and Wales and from very that. early childhood, Kate, unlike other girls of the When Kate was 19, her time had no interest in younger sister died from TB dolls and domesticity and her mother sank into - she spent all her free time at the shipyard where she deep, clinical depression. Kate, did what she could to watched the men at work, asking endless questions and keep the family home ticking over but domesticity was taking mental notes. Edward soon realised that Kate bringing her down and she knew, in order to save her would be his successor as she knew just about everything own sanity, she needed to be back in the shipyard and that happened at the shipyard, not sailing. It was a difficult decision but she to mention keeping up-to-date found herself lacking any zest for The men may not always with shipping information life when she wasn’t near a ship have liked her but they admired and that affected the company. and the hustle and bustle of the respected her enormously. She also had a great mind for shipyard goings on. figures and was a fantastic business woman. Kate gets her own ship - kind of. Kate becomes her father’s right-hand woman. By the age of 12, Edward trusted his daughter’s abilities
In 1885 Edward bought a 62-ton schooner called the ‘Denbighshire Lass’ from Wales and registered it in Kate’s name. Kate successfully captained the ship back home to 34
Arklow. Locals started to talk. Who was this wayward, boisterous woman daring to call herself Captain? Taking charge of a vessel like that. Shouldn’t she be at home and doing what other respectable women were doing? Wasn’t she aware it was illegal to be female and the listed owner of a ship? Kate, never one to look for the recognition or approval of others couldn’t have cared less what people thought or said. She fought the rules deemed to keep her out of men’s business over and over - but was unsuccessful each time. Angrily she vowed that this would not stop her fulfilling her dream. Edward dies
unheard of in those days. The community started to talk - in fact the news was a scandal in wider society and people started all sorts of rumours. Kate had The Denbighshire Lass registered under her new husband’s name but continued to fight the legal system to have her own name on the documents. The couple had two children, James born in 1900 and Elizabeth born in 1905 but shortly after her daughter’s birth, Kate’s health started to deteriorate and she became broken-hearted at being less able to travel as frequently aboard her ship. The less time she spent at sea, the worse she became.
At the age of 23, Kate’s father passed away from Success against the a heart attack and his antiquated law groundbreaking daughter took over the business. After over a decade of She immediately began a fighting the authorities to decluttering of sorts, selling be called Captain, Kate was off quite a few ships and officially recognised as the became the sole owner of owner of the Denbighshire the ‘Denbighshire Lass’. Lass in 1899, at the age of 36. Kate wed childhood best friend, John Fitzpatrick Although she owned Despite being in ill-health, the ship, she still wasn’t Tyrrell celebrated - she’d allowed her name on achieved her goal - she’d the vessel’s official paperwork so she asked a trusted made an impact. She knew her father would be very male colleague, Lawrence Brennan to sign his name proud and he was the only person she’d ever truly enjoyed on the documents and she continued carrying out all impressing. the business operations as usual, examining repairs, commanding the crew and maintaining a successful shipyard. The first ship to fly the new Irish The Denbighshire tricolour flag at a foreign port. Lass continued to sail Tyrrell was very proficient at throughout World War I, navigating running the business and this landmines in the Irish Sea without The Denbighshire Lass continued enabled her to spend most incident, despite having no to sail throughout World War I, of her time captaining her insurance! navigating landmines in the Irish ship, which led to her becoming a Sea without incident, despite having no respected expert at navigation - in fact, all aspects of sailing. Of course she wasn’t always popular. insurance! It was the first ship to fly the new Irish tricolour flag at a foreign port. She was known for being a very strict enforcer of rules and order on board the ‘Denbighshire Lass’ and refused to put up with any drunken crew members or tomfoolery. Kate Tyrell died in 1921 aged 57. Kate was a remarkable, The men may not always have liked her but they admired pioneering woman. Even faced with outdated, sexist laws, she pursued her dream to be called Captain and nothing and respected her enormously. would stop her. Kate marries Male or female we could all learn a thing or two from the legacy this County Wicklow woman left behind. At the age of 33 Kate married her childhood best friend, John Fitzpatrick but kept her own surname - something 35
Screen Scene
The Unforgivable ****
Red Notice ***
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Ryan Reynolds Run Time: 115 mins Streaming on: Netflix Available to stream from: 12 November
Starring: Sandra Bullock Streaming on: Netflix Run Time: 113 mins Available to stream from: 10 December
When an Interpol-issued Red Notice — the highest level warrant to hunt and capture the world’s most wanted— goes out, the FBI’s top profiler John Hartley (Dwayne Johnson) is on the case. His global pursuit finds him smack dab in the middle of a daring heist where he’s forced to partner with the world’s greatest art thief Nolan Booth (Ryan Reynolds) in order to catch the world’s most wanted art thief, “The Bishop” (Gal Gadot). The high-flying adventure that ensues takes the trio around the world, across the dance floor, trapped in a secluded prison, into the jungle and, worst of all for them, constantly into each other’s company. The all star cast is joined by Ritu Arya and Chris Diamantopoulos. Directed and written by Rawson Marshall Thurber (Central Intelligence, Skyscraper) and produced by Hiram Garcia, Dwayne Johnson and Dany Garcia of Seven Bucks Productions, Beau Flynn’s Flynn Picture Co. and Thurber’s Bad Version, Inc., Red Notice is a stylish globe-trotting game of cat-and-mouse (and cat). 36
Based on the British miniseries, Unforgiven, The Unforgivable stars Sandra Bullock, playing the role of a woman just released from prison after serving a sentence for a violent crime but facing major struggles to move forward in life when society refuses to forgive her past. Bullock, of course is no stranger to Netflix Originals, having starred in Bird Box recently, but in the role of Ruth Slater, a woman attempting to seek redemption through finding the little sister she left behind, we see a whole new side of Bullock. Great actress - superb performance.
Robin Robin ***
Misneach ****
Starring: Gillian Anderson, Richard E. Grant Streaming: Netflix Run Time: 32 mins Available to watch: From 24 November
Starring: N/A Streaming: TG4 Player Run Time: 2 x 30 mins Available to stream: Now
A stop-motion Christmas musical special with Aardman. When her egg fortuitously rolls into a rubbish dump, Robin is raised by a loving family of mice. As she grows up, her differences become more apparent. Robin sets off on the heist to end all heists to prove to her family that she can be a really good mouse - but ends up discovering who she really is. Beautiful film for all the family.
Ireland has always been a lonely place for Whistleblowers. Those who stand up and speak out have historically suffered as a result of their disclosures. The 2014 Protected Disclosures Act exists to offer protection to those willing to speak out. But what of those who spoke out before any protection existed? How does one cope when your world is turned upside down and you become the target for doing the right thing?These are the stories of those who stood up against wrongdoing in the workplace and found their lives almost destroyed forever because they refused to stay silent. Misneach
Robin Robin
Love Actually**** Starring: Hugh Grant, Martine McCutcheon Streaming: Prime Run Time: 129 mins. We’ve watched it a million times and still somehow haven’t tired of it. Starring Hugh Grant and Martine McCutcheon, this 2003 (yes, it really is that old) this British rom-com has gone down in history as one of the most famous festive flicks and feel good Christmas movies to come out of the noughties - and with good reason! The movie follows the complicated lives of multiple London couples as they navigate their personal and professional worlds in the five weeks leading up to the ever-emotional festive season, culminating in an epic ending we promise not to spoil here. Prepare for laughter, tears, and a hearty helping of ‘aww’ moments. Hands down one of the best Christmas movies on Amazon Prime this year. 37
Love Actually
ge you’re bin t us t a h w s Le Tell u ristmas? h C is nd h t ssueIrela I watching ig B @ r Twitte know on
Irish Homeless Street Leagues (IHSL) Keep Going Despite Covid
D
espite the restrictions imposed by the Covid pandemic our Homeless Street Leagues continued in limited fashion during the year with league programmes in Dublin, Cork, Limerick and Galway while our ladies team participated in a challenge tournament in Belfast. It has been a difficult year, especially with no Homeless World Cup in 2021 but despite the obstacles, we have managed to start a new League in Hardwicke Street on the northside of Dublin and we are also endeavouring to start a new league in Drogheda. Obviously Covid makes restrictions necessary but the important thing is to keep going so our players have time and space where they can meet, communicate, and play the sport they love. ‘A ball can change a life’, that is our motto and we know from experience that participation in sport has a positive effect and does change lives. Hopefully Covid will be on the back burner come the New Year and we can look forward to better times and the return of The Homeless World Cup in 2022.
From all the players and volunteers at IHSL, thank you for your kind support. A Happy Christmas and Fruitful New Year to all.
Captain of our (IHSL) lnternational Team in the World Cup, Norway 2017, Tara McNeill meets Ireland Senior International Katie McCabe at team hotel prior to their recent International match against Georgia. 38
Obituary
Christine Geoghegan 1992-2021
I
t was with great sorrow and shock that we learned of the passing of Christine Geoghegan in November. Christine was a member of our ladies team who represented Ireland in the Homeless World Cup in Oslo in 2017. It is hard to believe that she is gone, she had been ill but it appeared she had overcome her illness like she had overcome many obstacles in life. Meeting her recently, she looked so well and was the picture of happiness; it was inspirational just catching up with her that day. Sadly, after seemingly overcoming cancer, it returned recently and she passed away after a short illness. From all at the Street league family our sincere condolences to her wife chloe, family, friends and teammates she will always have a place in our hearts. RIP Christine
39
Issues: New Book Releases
Patricia Scanlan’s Book Club Patricia Scanlan was born in Dublin, where she still lives. She is a #1 bestselling author and has sold millions of books worldwide. Her books are translated in many languages. Patricia is the series editor and a contributing author to the award winning Open Door
This issue, Patricia brings her favourite books of the moment. Fight or Flight - My Life My Life, My Choices – Keith Earls (Reach PLC) Keith Earls has maintained a low profile throughout his rugby career. A native of Limerick city, Earls grew up in one of its most socially disadvantaged housing estates. Moyross was blighted by crime and violence and he did not escape unscathed. For the first time he talks in depth and at length about the inner turmoil that went unseen by teammates, friends and fans. A confessional, intimate and courageous story of the pain that was a constant companion to the glory.
Journey to the Well -– Mary Kennedy and Deirdre Ní Chinnéide
(Hachette Ireland)
For sisters Mary Kennedy and Deirdre Ní Chinnéide, spirituality has been at the centre of their lives since childhood. Their home in St Brigid’s Road in Clondalkin, Dublin, was around the corner from a holy well, a place that signalled family, community, and divine ritual. Drawing on Celtic spirituality – a key focus in Deirdre’s work as a psychotherapist, retreat leader and singer, and a long-held area of interest for much-loved broadcaster and author, Mary – in Journey to the Well, the sisters share a voyage, as they invite us to journey with them through the Celtic seasons of Samhain, Imbolc, Bealtaine, and Lughnasa. Journey to the Well is a book of connection that celebrates the divine within each of us.
Aisling and the City - Emer McLysaght and Sarah Breen (Gill Books)
With BallyGoBrunch flying and the door firmly closed on her relationship with John, Aisling accepts an unexpected job offer and boards a business-class flight to New York in her best wrap dress and heels. As she finds her feet in the Big Apple, she throws herself into the dating game, grapples with ‘always-on’ work culture, forges and fights for new friendships and brings her good wedges to a party in the Hamptons, much to Sadhbh’s dismay. But catching up with family and friends on WhatsApp and email is not the same as sitting in Maguire’s putting the world to rights over mini bottles of Pinot Greej and a shared bag of Taytos. And yet New York has so much to offer, not least in the ridey fireman department. Will Aisling forget her roots?
40
Normal Sheeple - Ross O’Carroll-Kelly (Sandycove) From the day I was born, I was brought up to believe that Gaelic games were invented for people too stupid to understand the laws of rugby. Little did I know that one day I would become a legend of Kerry football. But then my life has taken a lot of unexpected twists and turns. My old man is, like, the Taoiseach of the country. My wife is an actual Minister in his Government. And my suddenly teenage daughter is heading for the Jailtacht - and her very first rugby boyfriend. And then there’s Marianne. Of course, I was too busy becoming a Gaelic football stor to realise that my family - like the entire country - was being pushed towards a cliff edge. And I was the only man capable of saving Ireland’s democracy. Which is just like, ‘Fooooooock!’
Old Ireland In Colour 2 – John G. Breslin (Merrion Press)
In Old Ireland in Colour 2, the much-anticipated sequel to their beloved bestseller, John Breslin and Sarah-Anne Buckley have dug even deeper into Ireland’s historical archives to uncover captivating photographic gems to bring to life using a unique blend of cutting-edge technology, historical research and expert colourisation. Old Ireland in Colour 2 celebrates more of the rich history of Ireland and the Irish from all walks of life and from all four provinces, as well as the Irish abroad, throughout the nineteenth and twentieth centuries...
A Lick and a Promise - Imelda May (Faber Music) A Lick and a Promise is the debut poetry collection of one of Ireland’s most famed female musicians, Imelda May. Following the release of her first poetry EP Slip Of The Tongue in 2020, this collection contains 100 poems, including two each from both her father and young daughter. Using the themes of Breast, Below, Blood, Eyes, Tongue and Temple, the poems are written in May’s absorbing, visceral style and encapsulate heartbreak, sex, nature and womanhood. Included in the collection is ‘You Don’t Get to be Racist and Irish’, the powerful poem which was written in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and was recently used by Rethink Ireland campaign.
Noni and the Great Chawwwklit Mystery – Dermot Whelan (Gill Books) Meet Noni: hard shell, soft centre – just like the treats she sells from her pram outside Thomond Park. She’s a law-dodging, pram-wielding, chocolate-selling, wickedly funny woman who likes nothing more than a sticky situation. In her very first adventure, Noni and her young sidekicks Emma and Seán must find out who’s tampered with the chocolate supply before the whole town is poisoned. Will Noni solve the mystery and save her beloved business? Will Noni’s pet raven, Francis, ever find enlightenment? Will anyone ever teach Noni to say the word ‘chocolate’ properly?
A Hug For You –David King –Sandycove Nothing warms us up quite like a hug, but what can we do when we can’t be together? This is the story of a new hug’s adventure and the boy who shared it with the world. This picture book, inspired by true events, tells the story of one little boy with a big idea that came straight from the heart. The virtual hug makes its way onto mugs, postage stamps and even all the way to outer space, spreading warmth and connection to people all over the world.
41
Wishing all a Happy Christmas and Peaceful New Year
42
The Origin of our Favourite Christmas Traditions The Christmas Tree
Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer
In 16th-century Germany fir trees were decorated, both indoors and out, with apples, roses, gilded candies, and colored paper. In the Middle Ages, a popular religious play depicted the story of Adam and Eve’s expulsion from the Garden of Eden. A fir tree hung with apples was used to symbolize the Garden of Eden -- the Paradise Tree. The play ended with the prophecy of a saviour coming, and so was often performed during the Advent season. It is held that Protestant reformer Martin Luther first adorned trees with light. While coming home one December evening, the beauty of the stars shining through the branches of a fir inspired him to recreate the effect by placing candles on the branches of a small fir tree inside his home The Christmas Tree was brought to England by Queen Victoria’s husband, Prince Albert from his native Germany. The famous Illustrated News etching in 1848, featuring the Royal Family of Victoria, Albert and their children gathered around a Christmas tree in Windsor Castle, popularized the tree throughout Victorian England. Brought to America by the Pennsylvania Germans, the Christmas tree became by the late 19th century.
The Chicago-based Montgomery Ward company, department store operators, had been purchasing and distributing children’s coloring books as Christmas gifts for their customers for several years. In 1939, Montgomery Ward tapped one of their own employees to create a book for them, thus saving money. 34-year old copywriter Robert L. May wrote the story of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer in 1939, and 2.4 million copies were handed out that year. Despite the wartime paper shortage, over 6 million copies had been distributed by 1946. May drew in part on the story “The Ugly Duckling” and in part from his own experiences as an often taunted, small, frail youth to create the story of the misfit reindeer. Though Rollo and Reginald were considered, May settled on Rudolph as his reindeer’s name. Writing in verse as a series of rhyming couplets, May tested the story as he went along on his 4-year old daughter Barbara, who loved the story Sadly, Robert Mays wife died around the time he was creating Rudolph, leaving Mays deeply in debt due to medical bills. However, he was able to persuade Sewell Avery, Montgomery Ward’s corporate president, to turn the copyright over to him in January 1947, thus ensuring May’s financial security. May’s story “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” was printed commercially in 1947 and in 1948 a nineminute cartoon of the story was shown in theaters. When May’s brother-in-law, songwriter Johnny Marks, wrote the lyrics and melody for the song “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, the Rudolph phenomenon was born. Turned down by many musical artists afraid to contend with the legend of Santa Claus, the song was recorded by Gene Autry in 1949 at the urging of Autry’s wife. The song sold two million copies that year, going on to become one of the best-selling songs of all time, second only to Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas”. The 1964 television special about Rudolph, narrated by Burl Ives, remains a holiday favourite to this day and Rudolph himself has become a much-loved Christmas icon.
The Christmas Card A form of Christmas card began in England first when young boys practiced their writing skills by creating Christmas greetings for their parents, but it is Sir Henry Cole who is credited with creating the first real Christmas card. The first director of London’s Victoria and Albert Museum, Sir Henry found himself too busy in the Christmas season of 1843 to compose individual Christmas greetings for his friends. He commissioned artist John Calcott Horsley for the illustration. The card featured three panels, with the centre panel depicting a family enjoying Christmas festivities and the card was inscribed with the message “A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You.”
43
s e k o J
Because laughter is the best medicine!
The Santa Claus at the shopping centre was very surprised when Emily, a young lady aged about 20 walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ ‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Emily sweetly. ‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What would you like me to bring her?’ Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, ‘A son-in-law.’
Jennifer was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy. Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth who was manning the fabric section. ‘How much is this gold tinsel garland’. The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, ‘This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre’. ‘Wow, that’s great’, said Jennifer, ‘I’ll take 12 metres’. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and gave it to Jennifer. She then called to an old man who had been browsing through the Christmas trees and said, ‘My Grandpa will settle the bill.’
It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the Nativity Story out of the big family Bible.
‘No, madam, ‘he replied, ‘they’re all dead.’
I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, “It’s
Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away. ‘Okay.’ said his father ‘I tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your A-Level grades up to A’s and B’s, study your Bible and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.’ A couple of months later Danny went back to his father who said ‘I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your Bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet. Danny was a smart young man who was never lost for an answer. ‘Look dad. In the course of my Bible studies I’ve noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.’ ‘Yes. I’m aware of that...’ replied his father ‘... but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?
Something like your sister’s room, but without a stereo.”
44
When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.
The 4 stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus 3. You dress up as Santa Claus 4. You look like Santa Claus
How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive”? Olive? Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names” .
What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney? “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...”
D is c o u n
t Corne
RR
r
P €4
.50
Available in Health Food Shops Nationwide An Independent Irish Company Est. 1984 www.atlanticaromatics.com
45
@
Is í ár dteanga féin í. It’s our language.
BAILE ÁTHA CLIATH · BÉAL FEIRSTE · RÁTH CHAIRN · DÚN SEACHLAINN · GAOTH DOBHAIR
forasnagaeilge.ie