Ireland's Big Issue 268 (October 2021)

Digital Edition Oct 2021 Is 268 Vol 19

Exploiting the Vulnerable: The Disturbing History of Conservatorships

Also Ian Bailey (In his own words. Part Two) Letter to My Younger Self (Derry Girl’s Louisa Harland)

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Contents

Going Forward The Covid-19 pandemic has taken its toll on us, like it has on many other magazines, organisations and businesses globally. Among the problems facing us are: Our new landlord’s reluctance to come to a compromise on rent for an unused office during the pandemic and threat to hike rent meant we had to vacate our home of 20 years, The genuine public fear of physical interaction makes putting a magazine on the streets problematic.

The advent of a cashless society.

Unfortunately, all have contributed to a landscape that has irreversibly changed since the Big Issue first hit the streets in 1995. To meet this challenge, Ireland’s Big Issue have reluctantly decided to host the magazine digitally-only for the immediate future. We will revisit this decision as time moves on and circumstances change.

We thank you for your support to-date and ask that you continue to help us help those on the margins of society.

This has always been our aim and shall continue to be our driving force.

Digital Edition Contacts: Editor: Sean Kavanagh Ireland’s Big Issue Email: info@irelandsbigissue.com

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besmirch it as self-indulgent nonsense. Shaun Anthony looks at the instances where The Method was taken too far!

Talking Point: Where Does Corporate Accountability End & Snooping Begin?

Page 22 Conservatorships: Exploiting the Vulnerable

Should employers be allowed to spy on their employees with ‘tattleware’?

Sam McMurdock report.

The disturbing history of how conservatorships were used to exploit and swindle Native Americans. Andrea Seielstad reports.

Page 6

Page 28

Letter to my Younger Self – Louisa Harland

Ranulph Fiennes: The World’s Greatest Living Explorer Sam McMurdock had a chat with Sir Ranulph Fiennes, the first man to have crossed both polar ice caps and the oldest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest.

Derry Girls actress Louisa Harland (28), who plays the hilarious Orla in the hit comedy has a word with her teenage self

Page 34

Page 8

Life in the Underpass

Kabul Diary: Afghan Teacher Tries to Flee the Taliban

Kendra and Maciej have become a familiar sight in the underpass in Dusseldorf, Germany. They eke out an existence on Kendra’s unemployment benefits, supplemented by begging and collecting bottles. This is an excerpt from Oberbilk: Behind the Station by Alexandra Wehrmann and Markus Luigs.

A gay Afghan teacher recorded a diary, giving an account of his perilous effort to board a flight out of Kabul as the Taliban took over and he began to fear for his rights and life.

Page 36 It’s Long Way to Tipperary

Page 12

Arguably the best-known song of WW1, selling 6 million copies across the world, Sam McMurdock looks at the song we’ve all known since childhood - a song, so well loved that even the German soldiers sung along!

Ian Bailey - In My Own Words

Contribute via PayPal at: info@irelandsbigissue.com

Part 2: Ian Bailey speaks exclusively to Ireland’s Big Issue.

Page 16

Regulars

When Method Acting Goes Too Far Some actors swear by it, while others

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20/21 – Photo World 26/27 – Screen Scene 25 - Book reviews 33- The Perfect Podcast

The Communications Workers’ Union will continue its work through the ‘RAISE THE ROOF’ campaign until everyone in Ireland has a place to call home.

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Issues: Talking Point

Should Employers Be Allowed to Spy on their Staff with ‘Tattleware’?

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here does corporate accountability end and snooping begin? Sam McMurdock reports

*Elaine, from Portstewart, Co. Derry thought all her founder Del Currie when approached regarding many dreams had come true when she walked into her dream homeworkers concerns they’re being spied on stated that, job in public relations just weeks after graduating from “The software is meant to replicate the office. We know Queens University Belfast before the first lockdown last lots of people will find it an invasion of privacy, but year, there’s also lots of teams out there who are good friends “I couldn’t believe it when I walked right into a job with and want to stay connected when they’re working good money, great perks together.” and the promise that I’d be invested in should I Mmm…. Surely good wish to progress within friends don’t report each the firm. After some other for not sitting at months we were asked their laptops and this is to work from home and something that’s encouraged just a couple of months with Sneek’s programme. after that we were sent an email asking us to Surveillance software is install an app on our poised to become a standard desktops and ensure feature of working from our webcams were home. In fact there’s been fully operational. I a 243% increase in Google knew immediately that we were about to be the latest searches for remote monitoring in the past 6 months homeworkers subject to digital surveillance. But worse alone. It’s worth stating that Sneek are by no means was to come - we would be photographed every 60 alone - there’s countless other ‘bossware’ or ‘tattleware’ seconds with our image spread across a companies. Time Doctor, Teramind, and “But digital conference waiting room. If Hubstaff and ActivTrak are also major worse was to come - we someone wasn’t at their computer, would be photographed every 60 players. These software programs give we were encouraged to send the employers a selection of options for seconds ...” image to a team-chat through the monitoring workers’ online activity and software’s messaging platform (with the rather assessing their productivity: from screen-shoting befitting name Slack). I began wondering if my image employees’ screens to logging their keystrokes and would be uploaded to the team-chat messaging platform tracking their browsing. if I was off to the loo or in the kitchen making a coffee.

I felt violated and like a naughty child who needed the Frighteningly, as each new digital surveillance company threat of retribution to do my job.” springs up they seem to ‘outdo’ the previous, for instance, the newer FlexiSpy offers call-tapping; Spytech, offers You won’t be surprised to know that Elaine handed in mobile device access; and NetVizor has a complete her notice a few months ago, remote takeover feature. Where will it all end? It seemed “Our boss having this ‘tattleware’ really exemplified, bad enough when companies would draw on in-house whether she intended it or not, that she didn’t trust us. I IT departments to monitor their staff’s emails for flagged didn’t appreciate this as someone who prides myself on words like ‘salary’, ‘recruitment’ and ‘job application’ excellence. It was my dream job but I was not prepared to predict which employees were planning to leave the to have my sacred place invaded. I’m still working at company but software that evaluates ‘attention tracking’ home but not in PR but free from Big Brother’s beady (yes, Zoom) and ‘productivity score’ (Microsoft) really eye. If my current employer suggested surveillance, I’d illustrate that its time for the remote working workforce have no qualms resigning.” to push back.

We need legislation, we need to protect what is So, what is ‘tattleware’? The surveillance software that increasingly slipping out of our fingers - our right to Elaine and her colleagues were monitored through digital privacy. was probably one of the best-known on the market strangely enough named Sneek! The company’s co*Elaine not her real name 5

Issues: Life

Letter to my Younger Self Louisa Harland

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ach issue we ask a well known face to write a letter to their younger self. This issue, 28-year-old Louisa Harland from Dublin who plays Orla McCool in the Channel 4 sitcom Derry Girls has a word or two with her teenage self.

Unfortunately, I must feel more confident, start by admitting that I but sadly I am still wasn’t happy aged 16. I searching for that was at school in Dublin confidence a decade at the time, and so on. It maybe a bit disengaged, so desperate generic to say, but to be an actor and totally the career I have insecure about my chosen and the appearance. I wish back current obsession with then I was more like social media, with its Orla, the character I play emphasis on physical in Derry Girls, who is 16, looks, has certainly undoubtedly different, created a destructive confident, carefree and environment for us all. uncensored.

I got my joy from At 16 I wish I knew going once a week to how cool my parents Ann Kavanagh’s Young were. My mum is People’s Theatre, but fluent in French and I wanted to study was always so keen to acting every day. I had teach my sisters and watched documentaries me. I didn’t realise about performing arts how useful that could schools in London and have been. One of my begged my parents to biggest regrets! My let me audition, but father was constantly they insisted I finish my pushing me to learn Leaving Cert first. I am guitar, taking me to now so grateful for those gigs and making me extra years in Dublin. Not only would I have missed out listen to John Martyn and Nick Drake albums. I only on learning more about Irish realise now how cool it was to see History, which has been people like The Counting I am now so grateful for those extra very useful for Derry Crows, Regina Spector, years in Dublin...

Girls but I treasure my Macy Gray, Fleetwood years growing up in Dublin, Mac, Springsteen in concert and when I eventually arrived in - at such a young age. I remember London aged 19, I was very homesick. seeing Ray Lamontagne’s brilliant gig at The Olympia Regarding the anxiety over my appearance, I would love in 2007. He gave such a powerful performance, despite to be able to tell my 16-year-old self that you will one day being so introverted he couldn’t even face the audience.

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Music continues to be a huge part of my life today, but and support in an industry full of ups and downs is so if I had listened valuable to me. One of to my dad - I’d my best friends who with some of the cast of Derry Girls be a much better is an actor started a guitar player! I charity two years ago that see gigs the same financially and creatively as I see theatre. helps less fortunate Watching a live people go to drama performance of school. It is already any kind is my expanding and the hope greatest buzz. is to extend it to Ireland.

I picked up my I so wish Open Door had first cigarette been around for me, as it when I was would have prepared me 16, and I so more comprehensively desperately wish I and taken some of the could go back and financial strain away for tell myself not to. my parents. Ultimately, The importance Open Door will help add of mental health so much diversity to our is also something I industry, something I care ...the current obsession with social have learned since deeply about.

I was 16. I lost a Lastly, I wish I could media, with its emphasis on physical looks, has very close friend reassure my 16-year-old certainly created a destructive environment for us around this time, self who battled with selfall. which left a huge mark doubt that one day you will on me and introduced me fast to be in a female-led comedy on Channel the importance of support. My friends and family are of 4, be on stage at the Royal Court, be directed by Woody massive importance to me - friends who are outside the Harrelson - and most importantly, that women who are acting world particularly so. I have the same friends I had not so ‘perfect’ are cast today as leading ladies. aged five, today. However, some of my best friends, who I couldn’t do without, are actors. The shared understanding So, GO BE MORE ORLA!

With Saoirse-Monica Jackson as Erin Quinn in Derry Girls 7

Banner: Real Life

Kabul Diary: Afghan Teacher Tries to Flee the Taliban

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gay Afghan teacher recorded a diary, giving an account of his perilous effort to board a flight out of Kabul as the Taliban took over and he began to fear for his rights and life.

Edited and compiled by Hugo Greenhalgh and Tom Finn, with additional reporting by Rachel Savage. The writer asked to remain anonymous.

In Afghanistan, the Taliban have promised a softer brand of rule than the radical form of sharia law they enforced from 1996 until 2001 when they were ousted by US-led forces but concern is growing for LGBT+ Afghans, some of whom are on the run fearing death.

gates at the airport. I took my backpack and filled it with my essential documents and certificates and went to the north gate of Hamid Karzai International Airport [also known as Abbey Gate – the scene of an Islamic State suicide bombing the following evening].

Even before the Taliban takeover, LGBT+ people said it was too dangerous to live openly in Afghanistan.

The Taliban were everywhere, all holding guns. I took some pictures of them and how they looked at people, even those whose cases had been approved and who were carrying the correct documents.

But under the Taliban’s extreme interpretation of Islam, LGBT+ Afghans say they could be punished with death, especially if international attention fades.

If they had caught me taking their photograph, they could have shot me, and they One gay man, a really looked like they were ready former teacher whose name and to do it. I visited age we are withholding for his own safety, has kept a diary the other gates, but I couldn’t get through to the airport.

But I couldn’t go back home because I didn’t want to lose from Kabul about his hopes and fears. the chance of getting on a flight, so I wandered around the airport Here, he writes about his life, It felt like everyone was perimeter all night long until, his boyfriend – and what sort carrying their funeral with themselves ... of future he has in a country finally, I received another email. that could put him to death if 26 August its new rulers knew the truth about his sexuality.

By 3am, I was worn out. I was wandering around the streets, waiting in hope – but then I received an email 25 August 2021 asking us to go to a particular place where we could find At 11pm, I received an email from my one and only hope, a bus that would take us inside the airport. I stayed there for almost three hours, but no bus was booked for so early an organisation that is trying to evacuate and resettle Afghan LGBT+ people to countries far away from the in the morning. I cannot explain how exhausted I was. All around me I could see women, girls, children sleeping on tyranny of Taliban. The email said that our case had been approved and that we could go to one of the several the streets. Since washrooms were unavailable, they had 8

to pee near the places they slept, ate and stayed, while waiting for this bus to take them inside the airport. The way Taliban treat people is inferior to how one might treat a wild animal.

As I have not worked for three months, all my savings are spent and to buy food and water – and have enough left for bribes – I have sold my laptop.

I returned home utterly exhausted.

Afterwards, I received a call from one of my foreign friends who told me that a bus for LGBT+ people was leaving for the airport. I reached the bus as soon as I could and after a lot of effort, I managed to get on. On entering the bus, I noticed the scared faces of the passengers, all of them LGBT+ people.

family, as they had a special emigration visa. I have never felt lonelier in my entire life. He means the world to me and we never realised that this day would come and split us up. He is not only my partner but also my best friend.

We fight a lot as a couple, but we are best friends. We have always considered our bond inseparable.

30 August The evacuation of Afghan people has come to an end.

Afghan LGBT+ people have been abandoned and it is clear that no countries care about us. The Taliban have taken control of most of Hamid Karzai International Airport and they were waiting for the last American military personnel to leave so that they can celebrate their success because America had announced at midnight that the airport would be free from their control.

Our bus reached the main gate of Hamid Karzai International No laughter of children in Airport and there we waited for I was very scared and I decided the alleyways; no women and girls on seven hours. The stressed faces to move to one of my relative’s the streets ... of the Afghan LGBT+ people houses for my own safety. Before on the bus were noticeable, so we I went to my relative’s house, I had shut the windows so that people could kept myself hidden in my own house, not force their way on to the bus. The heat inside keeping busy only with activities indoors. After the was appalling, but everyone could only drink just drops Taliban took over Afghanistan, I tried to concentrate on of water. If they drank too much, then they would have reading, but all I could think of was the situation I was to pee inside the bus where everyone could see them. No going through and about my own survival. I wanted to one wanted to take the risk to go 50 or 60 metres away walk through my relative’s house so I could see how they from the bus because everyone knew it would not wait for were living. I had thousands of questions inside my head anyone. such as: how people are doing? Would women and girls be walking on the street like before? Will there be children After waiting seven hours, we were told that there was going to schools fully equipped with school bags and in a high likelihood of threats against the people waiting their uniforms? outside the airport. So I came back home, I had never felt so humiliated and devastated as ever before. I had lost Although Kabul is considered the most crowded city in all my hopes, all the dreams I had and all the future plans Afghanistan, it seemed completely empty. No laughter I worked hard for. It felt like everyone was carrying their of children in the alleyways; no women and girls on the funeral with themselves. streets going to university or school or even work; no sign of any school children. Most of the stores were closed; But I did receive a message from my beloved boyfriend. credit cards to top up my mobile phone were unavailable.

He said he was trying to get into airport alongside his The only things you could see were police cars full of 9

Taliban military and rickshaws on the streets. our visa, but I have neither passport nor enough money Kabul that night was a nightmare. No one could eat, nor because I haven’t had a job for the past three months. could they sleep. At half past midnight, when the U.S. My boyfriend is now in a refugee camp in Qatar, but due handed control of the airport over to the Taliban, the to the lack of WiFi or internet, we cannot communicate Taliban kept easily. After firing bullets even 24 or in the air 48 hours, he to celebrate just sends what they me short saw as a messages wonderful informing occasion. We me about his were in bed health and trying to sleep diet, and asks and all of a me if I am sudden we OK. I have heard gunfire. no idea where We thought he is going that there was and when. It’s a war going been 24 hours on between since we have Ahmad talked to Massoud (the each other. commander It makes me of several realise that thousand I will never fighters from local militias and remnants of the meet him again in person. government’s armed forces still resisting Taliban rule).

We took the children and fled to the basement far from 1 September any windows, doors or glass that could break and harm us. They Living in my relative’s house is ...we are told to go to either celebrated for several hours. not comfortable, though they India or Tajikistan to process our visa, but I do everything to cheer me up.

We could not sleep till the have neither passport nor enough money.. morning.

I chose to become a teacher because I respected people and 31 August wanted to be respected. I spent a lot of energy and time to educate children and Even crowded places, markets and business centres are teenagers and share all the things I have learned. But now empty. Anyone can see how the situation has harmed it looks like all my dreams have been buried. I hope I can small businesses. Poor people have brought their live in a country where I can continue my studies and possessions onto the streets to sell them cheaply to be able have the best version of myself. to have food on their tables.

I woke this morning to a message from the organisation I can barely see girls or women walking on the streets. trying to help me. They sent me a web link to the story of a gay man raped and beaten by the Taliban.

Although the Taliban have not said anything yet about any upcoming laws, people are already returning to The stress of being punished by the Taliban is eating me what they used to do in 1996, such as growing beards, up. Even those of us still living in Kabul cannot guess moustaches and wearing turbans. Women can only leave the house with a mahram (a family member as an escort). what is going to happen five minutes from now.

If Taliban catch a woman without a mahram they will The diary entries have been edited and condensed for punish her. clarity.

I have now grown a beard and moustache and I wear Courtesy of Reuters / Thomson Reuters Foundation / a turban. I have hidden myself in my relative’s house, INSP.ngo bringing only some essential things and my books. Now, we are told to go to either India or Tajikistan to process 10

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IAN BAILEY: IN HIS OWN WORDS (PART II) Copywrite words and photographs Ian K. Bailey 2021

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’m sitting in the back of an unmarked police car, stunned, shaken, handcuffed, abused and accused of a murder I was reporting on and had nothing to do with.

Thoughts flooding my mind, why am I here, what’s going on? This shouldn’t be happening.

Little did I know then that this was just the beginning of a 25 year living nightmare.

Just before Christmas 1996 there was a horrific murder close by to where I lived in West Cork. I was the lead reporter on the case but within six weeks of the crime the reporter became the accused.

After spending six weeks at the cottage preparing to commence my Irish adventure, I packed a bag, secured my possessions and made it up to County Wicklow.

There I had a good friend, the grocer, raconteur and fine musician, the late Peter de Paor.

For days I would walk the Wicklow Hills, picnic, pen and paper always at hand. I sat at where the waters meet and Thomas Moore had written his famous poem and in Avoca wrote a poem “Many” which concluded with the prophetic line “MANY ARE THE CHAPTERS, AS YET UNTOLD, BEFORE THE STORY ENDS”.

It had all begun so promising Dublin was celebrating the European arriving in Ireland, on Year of Culture and after a few Midsummer’s Day 1991, with eventful days there including dancing relative youth, energy and a on a big stage outside the Bank of pocket full of hopes and dreams.

Ireland with Eleanor Shanley, I ... I had no idea of what was to headed off on the next part of my befall me.

Irish Odyssey.

In that long ago summer of I had contacts in County Waterford... innocence I first established base The Shannahan Farming Clan camp at Arduslough, high on a in Fewes, Kilmachthomas. The hill, overlooking the village of Shannahan’s kept cattle and had 150 In Cork and Kerry Crookhaven. acres under barley which was just Mountains with bodhran.

I’d left my rented flat in the heart ripening. My duties would include 1994 of the decomposing nation with a getting up with the dawn to protect van load of important possessions the grain from the enormous flocks of mainly books, clothes and an early Tandy lap crows who, could destroy the crop and waste ten top. I had a small network of Irish long months of blood red toil.

I had a small amount of friends and contacts gathered Will equipped me with a flat cap and a savings and a game plan. largely in London. I had a small Czech made double barrelled shotgun amount of savings and a game plan. and bandoleer of cartridges...in effect I I immediately contacted the ancient was to become a walking firing scare crow. and esteemed West Cork organ The Southern They were long joyous days and each day I would write Star and Skibbereen Eagle, then captained by the in the golden fields of Kilmachthomas a trilogy of poems legendary late editor Liam O’Regan and News Editor I called The Preachan Trilogy .

Con Downing. Also I contacted the News Editor of the As the sun rose lower and the Autumn winds blew in a then Cork Examiner, Maurice Gubbins alerting both bitter crueller bight the season ended and heralded my papers to the fact that a former Fleet Street investigative farewell to Kilmach and the magnificent Shannahans. journalist had arrived in their patch.

I took to the highroad the N25 to the Capitol of The “De Paper” put me in touch with their South West Rebel County of Corcaigh. From there it was a three correspondent Eddie Cassidy of Clonakilty. Some five hour bus journey, initially to Goleen, to collect my winter or so years in the future a phone call from Eddie just clothes. before Christmas of 1996 was to change my life beyond It was the former West Cork TD Paddy Sheehan who recognition told me they were recruiting workers at the fish plant 12

in Schull. I was hired (due to my experience a junior of wild untended land and garden into a tropical garden fishmonger on Gloucester Market) as the floor manager. and self sufficient small holding.

The work was hard and long and on the frequent days Often I would drive the girls to and from school and of winter storm non-existent. The work was paid a piece whenever I could help them with homework. I dug the rate, a flat 5 pounds and hour. On those days the fish sod, landscaped and planted, assisted Jules with the workers would gather in smoky huddles, close to the fire creation and installation of her large scale murals. in Regan’s Bar Pier Street, wait, play cards, drink I wrote occasional articles for the Cork Examiner and One day not long before Christmas I was outside the Southern Star specializing on doing profiles of famous plant when a lady wandered down and asked me if we musicians (Ronnie Drew, Hothouse Flowers etc). I’d take had any black sole...I told her I didn’t but there were Jules with me and often she would take photographs to some plaice and hake. I gave her a good deal and said accompany my profiles. goodbye.

As well as gardening Shortly after that I was work on The Prairy down in Dinny’s Bar, I freelanced as Goleen and who should a gardener and walk in but the lady I had spailpean fanach served with fish...we started planting cabbages and chatting, she seemed very other crops. pleasant and attractive In 1994 I got a job and we discovered we as Investigations had a good few things in Editor for Earthwatch common including a Welsh Magazine and in late connection.

1996 I returned to full The lady told me she was time self employment Happier times with Jules. 1996 an artist, originally from as a freelance reporter.

Wales, who had studied I circulated my details in London. before coming and CV to a number to Ireland in the 1970s with her partner to rear her two of Irish papers and received positive responses from daughters. a number including The Sunday Tribune, at that time After chatting for a good while she came to say goodbye edited by a young and upcoming pundit Matt Cooper and after she had departed I realised she had left her and the Irish Daily Star. purse...I handed it over the bar.

Jules’ home a small cottage was 200 yards from the The lady was Catherine Julia Thomas aka Jules. We met studio house where I lived and slept and worked on the by chance a couple of times more. She thanked me for typewriter. rescuing her purse and I realised there was an increasing By the end of 1996 my career as a journalist was degree of mutual attraction... we were becoming friends. flourishing. I had regular work coming in from daily and We had similar taste and interests in art , music and Sunday papers and I intended to self publish a collection culture and there was the strong Welsh connection. I was of my better poems and stories under the title The West Welsh on my mother’s line.

Cork Way Winter turned to Spring and with In the later days of December it the fish work came to an end. we were busy preparing for My career as a journalist I began looking for a new home the seasonal festivities. Saffy, was flourishing. and in February I met Jules again Jules eldest daughter returned and told her I was looking for simple from art college in Dublin to accommodation where I could cook, sleep and to lend a hand. get on with writing. Jules told me her mother had bought We had fattened up three turkeys that year...two for sale a second house west of Schull which she used as a studio and one for the table. for her large scale paintings...it was simple, basic but had On the Sunday before it was my job to dispatch the three water and electric supply. feathered beasts. In the process of doing so one of the So on St. Patricks Day 1992 I hired a lorry and drove turkeys kicked out as I tried to get its legs into a bailer out with my possessions. At that point there had been no twine loop. I received a light scratch to my head from one intimacy baring fond hugs and innocent kisses. I set up of the talons. It was in my hairline and not visible. an office area complete with my old trusted Underwood I wore an old pair of rugby shorts for the job on the type writer and my Tandy Laptop. basis that it’s almost impossible to kill and bleed turkeys We came to an arrangement which included me giving without a bit of blood getting displaced. The shorts Jules a hand with her two youngest daughters and on her were to be subsequently soaked in water and bleach in a land and thus began a thirty year project to turn an acre bucket in the bathroom.

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The subject of the bucket and what was soaking in it was townland. going to become highly controversial some 24 years later He told me of an incident and that a body had been when a three part Netflix documentary was to be aired found . He said it was thought to be a female and none around the world. I will address the significance of the Irish, possibly French and asked me to find the scene. bucket and its contents in a later article.

The incident was confirmed on the 2.00 local radio news.

After that I went down to the Studio House with Saffy I told Jules to get her camera and I drove us Tormore. intent on topping a Sitka Spruce which would become a I had planned to start at the post office, always a good Christmas tree in the cottage. place to start.

I climbed the thirty foot tree bare armed with an old bow On the way at a junction I met another car driving East saw and set about cutting the top five feet off. Saffy was from a boreen. I recognised the driver as Shirley Foster, with me throughout. The saw blade had known better partner of the late Alf Lyons. In 1995 I had done some days and I struggled a bit but after managing to get a cut gardening work for Alfie and I was aware he had a I dragged the top down through the lower branches in French neighbour. the process of which I got a few light scratch marks on I asked Shirley had she seen anything of the Guards and my arms. she she said she had back along the boreen. She drove off At that moment I had no idea how controversial the and I drove on along the single car track. scratches would become.

There was a pull in, maybe two hundred yards from a The previous Saturday Jules middle daughter Virginia scene. It was clear there were guards as well as maybe a had returned from Dublin and was joined by an Italian six or eight men with slash hooks clearing the hillside. friend called Ariana.

I got out, asked Jules On Sunday night to take long lens shots after the turkeys and walked toward the had been gutted scene. Two guards who and plucked we turned out to be the late went in two cars Billy Burnes and Martin to Schull where a Malone walked towards number of bars me. had pre Christmas I told the officers I was music sessions. there at behest of The Jules and myself Cork Examiner and went to Dennis and asked was there any Dunmanus Bay with Jules.

1997.

Fionula Quinlans’ information. One of Happier times.

Courtyard Bar and them told me that all then on to Dave press inquiries must go and Venita Galvins’ through the Dublin Garda Waterside where there was a traditional session. With the Press office. invitation of a group of visiting musicians I had joined in I retraced and then drove down to the post office were with the bhodran and threw a few poems to the session. the late postmistress Nan Jermyn said they had heard the That night I drove home and took the body of a French lady holiday homer had route over Hunt’s Hill which been found. Later she gave me the “made a rather gave a spectacular view across name Bounoil the victims former unfortunate black Dunmanus Bay. Because of married name. humoured remark along the way Christmas was falling We drove back to the Prairy. I the lines “Oh yes ...I midweek I had a deadline for a went to my office to hit the phone needed a story”. story about how the Internet was and Jules went off to Skibbereen. I coming to West Cork for the first time. I got a call from a freelance photographer had sold the story to the Sunday Tribune. It had to be Mike Brown of Reuters and gave him directions on how filed either on Monday or Tuesday. After initially retiring to find me. to bed with Jules I got up and sat in the kitchen for about Mike arrived sometime before four and we drove out to 45 minutes hand writing the 600 word story after which I the scene to find the tracked taped off. Eddie Cassidy returned to slumber. had arrived and was talking to Spt. JP Twoomey of Originally Jules and myself had planned to go to Bantry. I joined the conversation and after Mike dropped Skibbereen 20 miles east to finish Christmas shopping. me back to Prairy I got writing and filed for Examiner, At around twenty to two the phone rang. Fennella Independent and The Star. the youngest daughter took the call. It was Examiner On Christmas Day I went into Schull for the annual reporter Eddie Cassidy...The first question he asked charity swim. I was wearing my fine black Crombie and me was how close was I to Tormore, the neighbouring hat and was filmed by a number of people.

14

Over the Christmas I was active on the story and went out into the yard and I showed her I was in handcuffs. I asked to visit Alf Lyons on St. Stephens Day with supplies of her to post the letter and the last words I can remember milk and peat briquettes. hearing was Jules saying to the police ”You’re making a On New Year’s Eve just as we were preparing to go big mistake”. out a Guard in civvies arrived. He appeared to reak of The driver Liam Horgen headed off to Bandon. It was a Christmas spirit and came in to take hair and fingerprints 45 minute journey. I was in the back with an aggressive samples from both of us...I was happy to give hair as officer who started jabbing me in the arm saying “You it had been reported that the victim may have had her should get your story together”. assailants hair in her hand.

It was made clear the officers were convinced I was the Throughout January I continued to report and on murderer. The driver even told me “even if we cannot one occasion with Sunday Tribune News editor Helen pin this on you you’re finished in Ireland...you’ll be found Callanan, who had earlier told me it was being said in dead in a ditch with a bullet in the back of your head”. I Dublin that I was the killer, I made a rather unfortunate told him that sounded threatening and his response was black humoured remark along the lines “Oh yes ...I “It won’t be us that do it”. A clear reference to the IRA. needed a story”.

On arrival at Bandon Barracks That example of dark there the cameraman Mike Brown humour was to come back to was waiting. I was photographed bite me. I was increasingly being lead in and after formalities I becoming aware from local began what was to become a hostile chit chat that somebody was and threatening interrogation. I was circulating the dirty rotten told repeatedly “You did it, you did stinking lie that I was the it, you did it”. murderer.

Throughout the questioning by In late January the lead different detectives the tone was detective Kerry born, Spt. menacing and accusatory. There Writing outside. 1996.

Dermot Dwyer, had called at were zenaphobic remarks about my the cottage and I offered him cultural extraction and at one point coffee and some old mince I was threatened by a clenched fist pies. We spoke for about an hour and a half. Two things detective who appeared about to loose control of himself. remain as clear as crystal. First Dwyer asked me did I play At a certain point after a couple of hours one officer made poker. When I said “No” he said “You should”. me aware that Jules had also been arrested. I was then told More astonishingly before he came to leave Dwyer told that Jules had acknowledged I was the killer. me he was going to place me close to After 12 hours of accusation I was told I was the murder scene in the early free to go but the officer who told me “..if we cannot pin this on you hours of Sunday morning. this also said that Jules had accepted you’re finished in Ireland...you’ll be My response was to tell him I was the murderer and wanted found dead in a ditch with a bullet “thats ridiculous” his response nothing more to do with me, that in the back of your head”. was a chilling “we will see”. there was a lynching mob gathered to Maybe I should have guessed or greet me in Schull and that the Studio (my known that was the writing on the wall. home) was not available as it was a designated crime Nothing could have shocked and surprised me more than scene. what was about to befall both myself , Jules, her family The officers drove me back West and on the way I and the community. directed them to the home of a now late friend, the artist On Monday February 10th I rose early and went from Russell Barrett near Skibbereen. Russell was away that the cottage to the Studio House...I had a lot of stories and night but a friendly lodger admitted me and I spent a writing to do. dreadful night in fretful sleep.

Sometime after 9.00 I became aware that two officers In the morning I was having breakfast when one of who had been round repeatedly and taken statements and Russell’s lodgers came into the kitchen. He was English my old boots, turned up. One of the officers saw I was and introduced himself as Martin Graham. Mr. Graham a wearing wellingtons and said “You can take them off”. former squaddie in the British army was to feature large in The next thing I was put under caution, told I was under my life in the months ahead after he was recruited as a spy arrest for murder and clapped into handcuffs. I was by two detectives...more of that in part 3. forced into the back seat of a civilian car and I asked if Nothing could have prepared me for the ensuing 25 year I could speak with Jules. There was a letter that needed torture... to be continued. posting on the cottage table.

The car drove back to the cottage and driveway where For permissions contact Ian K. Bailey email 107867433@ there was a lot of Garda activity going on. Jules came umail.ucc.ie 15

Issues: Screen Tales

When Method Acting Goes Too Far

S

ome actors swear by it, while others besmirch it as a self-indulgent and unwarranted part of the craft. Whichever way you look at it, it’s a prevailing part of the profession which has resulted in more than a few riveting tales throughout the years. Shaun Anthony reports.

They say that method acting separates the good actors from the all-time greats. This approach means going beyond portraying the character to actually trying to be them in every sense. The Method as its known in the industry was first introduced by Russian theatre practitioner Konstantin Stanislavski in the early 1900s, who famously said, “there are no small parts, only small actors.”

What is Method Acting?

Lewis stayed in character for months before shooting (and during filming) of the 1989 Jim Sheridan film My Left Foot portraying writer and painter Christy Brown.

He also spent two months at a cerebral palsy clinic in Dublin researching the condition, remained in a wheelchair months before and during filming (he had to be lifted across the lighting cables each day to reach the set) and was fed by members of the crew off-camera whilst on set. He insisted on being called Christy and had to be carried to and from his car not to mention mastering writing and painting with his feet. This act of Method-prowess earned him his first Oscar nomination and his first win, beating Tom Cruise in his own wheelchair-bound performance as veteran and activist Ron Kovic in Born on the Fourth of July.

Day-Lewis as Christy Brown in My Left Foot

In order for actors to create natural performances, Stanislavski believed they needed to use their own personal experiences to “inhabit the mind of the character” - even during their everyday life off-set. This preparation is said to feed their performances on-camera.

Method in the Madness?

For his role as Hawkeye in He spent two months at a cerebral Michael Mann’s 1992 palsy clinic in Dublin researching the condition, Many well-known remained in a wheelchair months before and during historical epic, The Last of performers like Daniel Daythe Mohicans, Day-Lewis filming….

Lewis consider themselves learned to hunt and skin wild practitioners of The Method animals, he insisted on learning and have argued that finding ways into how to build wooden canoes using the mind of the character is part and parcel of the job, traditional Native American methods and learned to fire however, even amongst some of our best-known method a 12-pound flintlock on the run, (he carried it everywhere actors there’s a handful who go to such extraordinary he went, including Christmas dinner with his family). He lengths to excel in their role that their behaviour borders also mastered fighting with tomahawks and only ate food on downright insanity. he’d caught, skinned and cooked.

Daniel Day-Lewis

For the 1993 film In The Name of The Father, the dedicated actor lost three-and-a-half stones to play Gerry Conlon, a man wrongly accused of the 1974 IRA Guildford pub bombings. He also spent days and nights

Let’s start with one of the best-known practitioners of The Method, Daniel Day-Lewis. Oscar-winner Day16

in solitary confinement in the abandoned prison in which Some would say he had a point! they shot the film, with no food or water in an attempt Extreme Weight Loss & Gain to identify with Conlon’s conditions. He requested that some staff reside on-site, throw water at him to stop Actors who manipulate their body for roles have always him sleeping and verbally abuse him day and night for been regarded as the most unwavering and committed.

72 hours. At Christian Bale the end of the who wasn’t three days, three the biggest teams of real-life guy in the special branch world to begin policemen were with lost fourbrought in (at and-a-half this request) stones for to interrogate The Fighter him for 9 hours. and gained The film took 7 stones a lot out of, not for his role only Day-Lewis as Batman mentally, but the in Batman whole cast and Begins. He crew who found lost four-andthe experience a-half stones Olivier then uttered to Hoffman “Why don’t you just try acting?” miserable. again for The Machinist and didn’t Dustin Hoffman allow himself sufficient sleep in order to portray a chronic insomniac. The 6-foot-tall During the shooting of the actor plunged to 8-and-a-half Actors who manipulate their body 1976 suspense-thriller stones by starving, working for roles have always been regarded as the most Marathon Man, Hoffman out all day and living on unwavering and committed. did everything imaginable to vitamins. At one stage, fearing get into the character of Thomas for the life of his patient, his ‘Babe’ Levy, depriving himself of sleep for days doctor informed him he was so dangerously at a time, in fact underweight Hoffman, who he was close was disorientated to death by lack of rest Bale, refusing was stumbling to come out around the set of character, when his co-star went on to Laurence Olivier lose another asked, 20lbs!

“How did your Is Robert week go, dear De Niro to boy?”

Blame?

Hoffman told Christian Bale almost died him that he had How did this from his extreme weight loss filmed a scene trend start, in which his sacrificing character was supposed to have been up for three days the body for art? The answer is possibly Robert De Niro straight. who got shredded to play the role of young boxer Jake “So what did you do?” Olivier asked.

LaMotta in Raging Bull, only to gain 60 lbs. to portray “Well, I stayed up for three days and three nights.”

LaMotta later in life (while shooting, De Niro filmed Laurence Olivier then uttered this famous line, “Why all his boxing and flashback scenes at 145 lbs, then, don’t you just try acting?” production was shut down for four months while De Niro 17

gained over 60 lbs residing in Italy.) When he returned to the United States, production commenced and the remaining scenes were shot at a rapid pace because the extra weight was taking a toll on De Niro’s health and the studio feared he would end up in hospital any day. He did win an Oscar though!

way. Heath’s character research included isolating himself for 6 weeks at a time, beginning an in-depth character diary and studying other bodies of work which depicted psychopaths similar to The Joker.

Christopher Nolan stated that Ledger read and reread A Clockwork Orange Matt Damon, when

by Anthony Burgess preparing for Courage and studied the Under Fire back in paintings of artist, 1996 lost 40 lbs from Francis Bacon.

Heath Ledger as The Joker. his 11-and-a-half stone, He rarely, if every Ledger was known for going too far.

5’11” frame to get slept and became into the character of The Joker all day heroin addict Andrew Ilario. He ran 12 miles a day and every day. It became quite obvious in his personal journal survived on a diet of egg whites and broccoli. Damon that he had no idea where Heath ended and The Joker became very ill prior to and during filming, suffering began and was fearing for his sanity. When he finally from adrenal-gland problems as a result of extreme made it on set to start work, he ignored anyone who crash-dieting and on-set doctors begged didn’t address him as if he were him to start eating normally but the Joker and never He rarely slept and became The Joker all the star refused to, believing he went home. Director day, every day. would no longer be capable of Ang Lee would later channeling the inner-psyche of Andrew state how Heath clenched Ilario if he did. When the film wrapped, a heart specialist his teeth and scrunched up his jaw every waking hour immediately took him to hospital to carry out tests and for months before and during filming which caused stated that he was days away from irreversible heart him considerable pain and dental issues. Staff began to damage (his heart was beginning to shrink). worry as he was getting frailer and more confused daily.

He would reportedly follow the make-up and wardrobe Heath Ledger people around on his days off and refused to sleep in case he lost touch with The late Heath Ledger his character. Of De Niro shredded then bulked up for his role in Raging Bull was famously committed course, Heath to The Method for Ledger died, aged every role he undertook. just 28 when Countless producers he accidentally and directors knew overdosed on that Ledger would prescriptions prepare for roles sleeping tablets months in advance, just before the spending up to 20 hours film’s release. a day researching his Ledger’s untimely character’s personality death sparked all traits. kinds of rumours that transformed In the case of his role the actor’s as The Joker, director, performance into Christopher Nolan, cast Heath before the script had even the stuff of legends, but the fact that he threw himself been written. This meant that Ledger had an unusually so fearlessly into every role - albeit to an extreme degree long amount of time to obsess over his character, conduct should earn him the respect he deserved as an actor. thorough research and get to know and create a back As far as method acting goes, you’d be hard pressed to story for his character in an unprecedentedly detailed name someone more committed than Daniel Day-Lewis 18

Bale has since spoken out about the dangers of The or Heath Ledger but there’s other actors who refused to Method but for those actors who break character including believe Konstantin Stanislavski’s Joaquin Phoenix, Kate technique is the most authentic Winslet and Adrian Brody. manner - and many do, we Method acting, for many, will continue to witness radical especially those with actions in the years to come. compulsive personalities can be dangerous, Call me old fashion, but acting especially when coupled is just that, acting. Every with extreme weight child knows how to act, it’s loss. Christian Bale, who instinctive but something we survived on black coffee, loose as we grow older. While an apple and a tin of tuna research is obviously necessary per day for The Machinist almost died and he’s since to understand the character an actor has to portray, is it really spoken out about how, necessary to go to extremes ? The “my mortality was staring method actors I have highlighted me in the face”. in this article have all won The star also suffered Oscars, however there are far severe mental health issues De Niro packed on the pounds as LaMotta more who have not employed the due to malnutrition and Stanislavski technique who have could not even walk up also won, so does it really make a difference? a few stairs due to weakness. When filming wrapped he told the press that, “I felt like I was no longer in my body” and feared “I was going to die.”

Word Power Over the next few issues we’ll be attempting to increase your word power. Have a look at the words below and afterwards see if you know their meaning.

Word

Pronunciation

1. Denigrate Den-eh-grate 2. Gratuitous Grat-u-at-chus 3. Largess Lar-shez 4. Promulgate Prom-all-gate 5. Quotidian Quote-id-ian 6. Vociferous Vos-if-er-us 7. Equanimity Ek-kawn-in-wit-ee 8. Egregious Eg-re-gee-us 9. Circumlocution Sir-cum-la-ku-shun 10.Abnegation Ab-nee-gay-shun 11.Enervate En-er-vate 12. Ephemeral Ef-em-er-al

U score?

How did YO erfection!6-9 or more – P 10 Brilliant. ne.

3-5 Well do better.

0-2 Must do

Answers 1. To say that someone or something is not good or important.

2. (Of something such as bad behaviour) not necessary, or with no cause.

3. Willingness to give money, or money given to poor people by rich people.

4. To spread beliefs or ideas among a lot of people.

5. Something that is of daily occurrence.

6. Something or someone who is offensively/ conspicuously loud.

7. Maintaining composure in stressful situations.

8. Reprehensible or outrageously bad.

9. Expressing someone in an indirect way.

10. Renouncing a belief or doctrine.

11. Lacking in vitality or mentally/ morally drained.

12. Lasting for a short duration.

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Beautiful romantic lake Bled in Slovenia, view with castle over the rock.

Issues: Life

Conservatorships Exploiting the Vulnerable

T

he disturbing history of how conservatorships were used to exploit and swindle Native Americans, Andrea Seielstad reports.

Pop singer Britney Spears’ quest to end the to women and people of color. Perhaps nowhere conservatorship that handed control over her finances has the impact been so grave than with respect to and health care to her father demonstrates the doubleNative Americans, who were put into a status of edged sword of putting people under the legal care and guardianship due to a system of federal and local policies control of another person. A lawyer with decades of developed in the early 1900s purportedly aimed at experience representing poor and marginalized people protecting Native Americans receiving allotted land from and a scholar of tribal and federal Indian law shows how the government. Members of the Five Civilized Tribes this seemingly of Oklahoma – Pop star Britney Spears very modern Cherokee, Choctaw, phenomenon, Chickasaw, Creek, thrust into and Seminole everyday nations – were parlance particularly by the impacted by these #FreeBritney practices due to campaign, the discovery of oil was actually and gas under their historically lands. Swindled used to by ‘friendly oppress Native white lawyers.

American A conservatorship, communities or a related in the early designation called a 1900s. guardianship, takes A judge may away decisionat times deem making autonomy it necessary from a person, to appoint a called a “ward.” guardian or conservator to protect a vulnerable person Although the conservator is supposed to act in the from abuse and trickery by others, interest of the ward, the system can be “began or to protect them from poor open to exploitation especially when to disappear mysteriously.” decision-making regarding vast sums of money are involved. their own health and safety. But This was the case between 1908 when put into the hands of self-serving and 1934, when guardianships became a or otherwise unscrupulous conservators, however, it can vehicle for the swindling of Native communities out of lead to exploitation and abuse as it is alleged was Britney their lands and royalties. By that time, federal policy Spears misfortune. had forced the removal of the Five Civilized Tribes from Celebrities like Spears may be particularly susceptible to eastern and southern locations in the United States to exploitation due to their capacity for generating wealth, what is presently Oklahoma. Subsequent federal policy but they are far from the only people at risk. As a lawyer converted large tracts of tribally held land into individual with decades of experience representing poor and allotments that could be transferred or sold without marginalized people and a scholar of tribal and federal federal oversight – a move that fractured communal land.

Indian law, I can attest to the way systemic inequalities Land deemed to be “surplus to Indian needs” was sold within local legal practices may exacerbate these off to white settlers or businesses, and Native allotment potentially exploitative situations, especially with respect holders could likewise sell their plots after a 25-year trust 22

period ended or otherwise have them taken through tax use guardianships to steal Native Americans estates and assessments and other administrative actions. Through lands. As described in 1924 by Zitkála-Šá, a prominent this process Indian land holdings diminished from “138 Native American activist commissioned by the Secretary million acres in 1887 to 48 million acres by 1934 when of Interior to study the issue, “When oil is ‘struck’ on an allotment ended,” Indian’s property, it is usually according to the considered prima facie evidence Indian Land Tenure that he is incompetent, and in the Foundation. appointment of a guardian for During the 1920s, him, his wishes in the matter are members of the Osage rarely considered.”

Nation and of the Five The county courts generally Civilized Tribes were declared Native Americans deemed to be among the incompetent to handle more than richest people per capita a very limited sum of money in the world due to the without any finding of mental discovery of oil and gas incapacity. Zitkála-Šá’s report and underneath their lands.

Congressional testimony However, this discovery documented numerous examples turned them into the of abuse. Breaches of trust were victims of predatory documented in which attorneys schemes that left many or others appointed conservators penniless or even dead. took money or lands from Reflecting on this Nation members for their own period in the 1973 businesses, personal expenses book “One Hundred or investments. Others schemed Million Acres,” Kirke with friends and business Kickingbird, a lawyer associates to deprive “wards.” and member of the ‘Plums to be distributed’ Kiowa Tribe, and former One such woman in ZitkálaActivist and writer Zitkála-Šá.

Bureau of Indian Affairs Šá’s report was Munnie Bear, a Credit: Wikimedia Commons special assistant Karen “young, shrewd full-blood Creek Ducheneaux wrote woman … [who] ran a farm that members of the Osage Nation which she inherited from her aunt, her their estates “began to disappear own allotment being leased.” were left “not to their families, but to their mysteriously.”

Munnie saved enough friendly white lawyers, who gathered to usher them into On death, their money to buy a Ford the Happy Hunting Ground,” estates were left truck and livestock for her “not to their families, farm, with savings remaining but to their friendly white lawyers, who in a bank account. Once oil was discovered, gathered to usher them into the Happy Hunting Ground,” however, the court appointed a guardian, who appointed Kickingbird and Ducheneaux added. a co-guardian and retained a lawyer, each of whom Lawyers and conservators stole lands and funds before deducted monthly fees that depleted Bear’s funds. During death as well, by getting themselves appointed as the period of her guardianship, she was unable to spend guardians and conservators with full authority to spend any money or make any decisions about her farm or their wards’ money or lease and sell their land. livestock, nor did she control her bank investment.

Congress created the initial conditions for this Zitkála-Šá’s report displays the extent of this practice: widespread graft and abuse through the Act of May 27, “Many of the county courts are influenced by political 1908. That Act transferred jurisdiction over land, persons considerations, and … Indian guardianships are the and property of Indian “minors and incompetents” plums to be distributed to the faithful friends of the from the Interior Department, to local county probate judges as a reward for their support at the polls. The courts in Oklahoma. Related legislation also enabled principal business of these county courts is handling the Interior Department to put land in or out of trust Indian estates. The judges are elected for a two-year term. protection based on its assessment of the competency of That ‘extraordinary services’ in connection with the Native American allottees and their heirs.

Indian estates are well paid for; one attorney, by order Unfettered by federal supervisory authority, local of the court, received $35,000 from a ward’s estate, and probate courts and attorneys seized the opportunity to never appeared in court.”

23

ownership and Wards were secured it in often kept below the trust of the subsistence United States. levels by their It also ended conservators while the potential for their funds and theft through lands were depleted guardianship. by the charging of But the lands excessive guardian and funds lost and attorneys’ fees as a result of and administrative guardianships costs, along with were not actual abuse restored nor did through graft, negligence and descendants of those swindled deception.

The Osage Nation were once among the wealthiest people in the world. ever enjoy the Reports like that of Credit: Library of Congress / Wikimedia Commons benefit of their Zitkála-Šá’s resulted relatives’ lands in Congress Indian and monies either. enacting the Indian guardianships are the plums to be Reorganization Act distributed to the faithful friends of the judges as a Andrea Seielstad is of 1934. This put the reward for their support at the polls. professor of law at the Indian land that had University of Dayton. Courtesy not fallen into non-Indian hands of The Conversation / INSP.ngo during the federal policy of allotting plots back into tribal

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Issues: New Book Releases

Patricia Scanlan’s Book Club

Patricia Scanlan was born in Dublin, where she still lives. She is a #1 bestselling author and has sold millions of books worldwide.

Her books are translated in many languages. Patricia is the series editor and a contributing author to the award winning Open Door Literacy series.

This issue, Patricia brings her favourite books of the moment.

Belonging: A Memoir of Place, Beginnings and One Woman’s Search for Truth and Justice for the Tuam Babies - Catherine Corless – Hachette Ireland When 51-year-old Catherine Corless decided to enroll in an evening course in local history, she had no idea where the decision would lead her. The lecturer encouraged the class to ‘see history all around you,’ to ‘dig deeper and ask why?’It was from these humble beginnings that Catherine began researching the Tuam Mother and Baby Home in County Galway, which she had passed every day as a child on her way to school. Slowly, she began to uncover a dark secret that had been kept for many years: the bodies of 796 babies had been buried in what she believed to be a sewage tank on the grounds. But who were these children, how did they get there and who had been responsible for looking after them?

Determined to ask why, Catherine doggedly set about investigating further. Her quest for justice for the Tuam babies and those who went through that home would span over a decade as, often against fierce resistance, she brought to light a terrible truth that shocked the world, impacted the Vatican, and led to a Commission of Investigation in Ireland.

Part memoir, part detective story, Belonging is both Catherine’s account of the personal history that led her to care so deeply about the Tuam babies: one of the tender love of a mother and her child; of pain and trauma; of the unforgettable screams which echoed through the corridors as children were taken from their mothers; and of a mystery which continues to this very day, as so many are still left without answers, still searching to know where, and to whom they belong.

Her quiet, secluded life - rearing a family, farming, gardening, and enjoying her pastimes of art, crafts and family history research - changed drastically in 2014, after some research she had done into the Bons Secours Mother and Baby Home at Tuam was picked up by media and exposed worldwide. Her research revealed the harshness, cruelty and discrimination of the mothers who gave birth there, and their offspring. It also revealed

the terrible secret of 800 babies who had died at the Home from 1925-1961, whose remains had been laid in a defunct sewage tank. Resulting from this revelation, the Irish government was pressurised into setting up a Commission of Investigation into all Mother and Baby Homes in Ireland, whose final report was issued in January 2021.

A truly shocking, gut wrenching read. Irish society owes Catherine Corless a debt of immense gratitude for fearlessly and doggedly shining a light on one of the darkest, most shameful events in our nation’s history Catherine is donating her royalties from the sales of her book to the Tir na nÓg Orphanage Mission which is a non-profit voluntary organisation created to alleviate the suffering of Tanzanian children.

The Guinness Girls: A Hint of Scandal — Emily Hourican—Hachette Ireland As Aileen, Maureen and Oonagh – the three privileged Guinness sisters, darlings of society in Dublin and London – settle into becoming wives and mothers, they quickly discover that their gilded upbringing could not have prepared them for the realities of married life.

For the eldest, Aileen, in Luttrellstown Castle outside Dublin, being married offers far less than she had expected; for outspoken Maureen, in the crumbling Clandeboye in Northern Ireland, marriage means intense passion, but fierce rows; while Oonagh’s dream of romantic love in London is shattered by her husband’s lies. And as 1930s Britain becomes increasingly politically polarised, the sisters’ close friends, the Mitfords, find themselves under the media glare – causing the Guinness women to examine their own lives.

Inspired by true-life events, The Guinness Girls: A Hint of Scandal is a sweeping, epic novel of Ireland and Britain in the grip of change, and a story of how three women who wanted for nothing were about to learn that they couldn’t have everything. Emily Hourican brings these extraordinary and very different women to life, as they navigate the intricacies of married life, in ways they hadn’t expected. An enthralling page turner. Thoroughly enjoyable.

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Screen Scene

You ****

Nine Perfect Strangers ***

Starring: Penn Badgley, Victoria Pedretti Run Time: 10 x 1hr Streaming on: Netflix Available to stream from: 15 October

Starring: Nicole Kidman, Melissa McCarthy Streaming on: Prime Video Run Time: 5 x 55 mins Available to stream from: Now

For those eagerly awaiting the third season of You, it’s available to stream from 15 October on Netflix. Joe Goldberg, our favourite obsessive nerd is back and this time the serial killer has become a father to baby Henry (with fellow killer Love), however, Love’s helicopter mother believes the baby is the reincarnation of Forty (Love’s dead brother). Who will Joe’s next obsessive behaviour be targeted towards? Do any of us believe he can control himself enough to be a ‘normal’ husband and dad in the ‘burbs? Breaking out of a cage in a basement is one thing but the prison of a picture-perfect marriage to a woman who’s wise to his shenanigans is another.

We are all in for plenty of drama. Can Joe really change, like he promises his son or with a wife as willing to kill for love like he does, will his violent tendancies remain - and perhaps even encouraged?

Based on the 2018 novel of the same name by Liane Moriarty, Nine Perfect Strangers, created

by David E. Kelley is the story of nine strangers (funnily enough) from the city who gather for a 10-day retreat at Tranquillum House, a health and wellness resort which promises to transform and heal the guests who stay there.

Some are there to lose weight, some to get a reboot on life, others are grieving, but the resort is not what it seems to be and the guests soon discover many secrets about each other not to mention the resort’s host, the hypnotic Masha (played brilliantly by Nicole Kidman).

As the layers peel back in each scene, not to mention each episode, we soon learn that Masha has an agenda - and is drugging their healthy smoothies and porridge - with LSD as part of her psychedelic therapy, not to mention spying on them and other unethical behaviours.

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Invasion **

Schumacher***

Starring: Shamier Anderson, Sam Neill Streaming: Apple TV+ Run Time: 10 x 60 mins Available to stream: 22 October.

Starring: Schumacher’s family Streaming: Netflix Run Time: 90 mins Available to watch: Currently

Set across multiple continents, Invasion follows an alien invasion through different perspectives around the world. The series stars Shamier Anderson, Sam Neill and Shioli Kutsuna and if science fiction is your thing you’re going to love this.

Fully supported by Michael Schumacher’s family, SCHUMACHER features rare interviews and previously undisclosed archival footage and draws a very sensitive yet critical portrait of the seven-time World Champion.

The documentary explores the many facets that made and define this complex athlete and accompanies him on his meteoric rise in this challenging and dangerous sport, which is followed by millions worldwide. His strong will and triumphant fight to win against all odds put Michael Schumacher at the centre of global attention. Michael Schumacher’s journey has captured the imagination of millions, but there is a lot more than motor racing to the success of this very private man. However, it is not only his fighting spirit and striving for perfection that define Michael Schumacher as a person; his selfdoubt and insecurities complete the picture of a sensitive and reflected man.

Inspired by H.G. Wells’ book, War of the Worlds, this sci-fi drama will make you question what you would do under extraterrestrial threat and how one alien invasion would effect us all.

At the heart of Michael’s story are his parents, his children and Corinna Schumacher, his childhood sweetheart and the love of his life.

They are now ready to tell his story

Seamus Heaney The Music of what Happens *** Starring:Sharon Shannon Streaming: TG4 CatchUp Run Time: 87 mins.

Born into a farming family in rural Northern Ireland, Seamus Heaney became the finest poet of his generation and winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1995, but his career coincided with one of the bloodiest political upheavals of the 20th century, the Troubles in N. Ireland.

Six years after Heaney’s death in 2013, his wife Marie and his children talk about their family life and read some of the poems he wrote for them, and for the first time his four brothers remember

t

h hing rig c t a w e g u’re bin o y t a h w now d Tell us eIrelan u s s I g i ter @B on Twit

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Issues: Interview

Ranulph Fiennes -

The World’s Greatest Living Explorer

S

am McMurdock recently had a chat with the world’s greatest living explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes, the first man to have crossed both polar ice caps and the oldest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest.

Your new book is on the Co. Kildare Antarctic explorer Ernest Shackleton. Of course we are very proud of his success here, but what captivated you about his life?

“No! It was filled with lies and rumours. And how Huntford could place himself in Scott’s shoes when he’s never been anywhere colder than when he was a sports journalist in Stockholm for The Observer is beyond me!”

“He is the most impressive person to keep going under the most horrendous circumstances.

Lots of people go through hard times but I’ve never written about anyone who went through so much and for so long. It was real torture by nature and to keep not only himself upbeat, but his men, many of whom were from very different backgrounds was really something.”

You’re consider the world’s greatest living explorer; what birthed that proclivity to traverse the globe in you?

“It was the Guinness Books of Records that stated I was the world’s greatest living explorer and at the same time they said Paul McCartney was the greatest musician and Billy Jean King the world’s greatest sports person. I don’t know…..”

What does the writing process look like for you?

“When I wrote about Captain Scott for instance, I spent three years straight reading everything from lots and lots of strange people but then a guy called Roland Huntford came along, assassinated the reputation of Scott and it was Were you an inquisitive child? “..he’s never been anywhere colder like killing a British icon, like than when he was a sports journalist Robin Hood [Huntford presented “I think I must have been. I was in Stockholm for The Observer.. ” a contrasting view of Captain brought up in South Africa [but Scott , not as a hero, but as a heroic born in Windsor, Berkshire] and bungler]. He got away with it too.” my dad was killed just before I was born [his father, Lieutenant-Colonel Sir Ranulph TwisletonYou don’t feel that Huntford’s book had any Wykeham-Fiennes trod on a German anti-personnel truth to it? [Huntford’s book, The Last Place S-mine and died of his wounds 11 days later in Naples]. on Earth portrayed Scott an an amateur whose My mum took my three sisters and myself out to South incompetence condemned his men to death].

Africa with our granny who wanted to die where she’d been born and we were there until I was twelve. Out in 28

South Africa, our nanny would say I was the naughtiest of the children for my many escapades.”

fingertips when you returned with an electric fretsaw. Tell us a little bit about that trip.

You’ve taken expeditions up the White Nile on a hovercraft, you’ve undertaken the Transglobe Expedition and journeyed around the world on its polar axis using surface transport only, which nobody else has ever done before or since - but many people aren’t aware that you were also the youngest captain in the British Army, serving in the Middle East during the 1960s.

“I don’t like solo expeditions to the Arctic as you can quite often fall into the ice because it’s much thinner than you thought, it’s obviously very very cold, and quite often, very dark and a full moon and full tide breaks up the ice on top of the tide so it’s best to have another person with a one hundred yard rope as an anchor, as this person will save your life many, many times. In the Antarctic it’s ice on land but there will be snowbanks and you’ll just fall right into them and in many occasions a person will die from losing their tent and rations.

“Yes, back then, the Brits had left what was called Aden — then Yemen. The Soviet powers were getting in, to make Oman Marxist, rather than Islamic. The Sultan of Oman, the father of Qaboos, he applied for basic help and the Brits sent certain volunteers. And they were fighting Soviet-trained Yemenis.”

“I was doing this quest solo as it had never been achieved by one person, just by two Norwegians. So, to get to that night, my sled fell off the edge of the ice flow, blocks of ice fell ten feet below the ice flow’s edge with it so I hit the quick release button to my harness on my belt and the And during this time, in order to be successful sled careered down into the sea followed by lots more ice in combat and leading your men, you learned blocks so I had to get it out and as time passed I knew I Arabic from the soldiers in your may only have a few minutes until I lost “...so I cut them off with a unit [comprised of Omani both hands. I was trying to retrieve Black and Decker [four fingers tribesmen from the Jebel everything as I had seventy days and a thumb]...”

Shams area.] rations and supplies and when I pulled my hands back out and they “Yes, it’s my secret skill!” were exposed to the -63C conditions I just knew. They were ramrod stiff and ivory white. They You’ve endured a lot of hardships during your might as well have been wood ... I had seen enough expeditions - what have you learned from them? frostbite in others to realise I was in serious trouble.

“I’ve learned that you must plan in order to avoid risk.”

How so?

“What we do as a group who’ve worked together for decades is, we divide projects into two categories. If it’s an expedition to break a world record, that’s one aspect but if it’s to raise money for a charity then we go for easier targets that have been done many times, like Everest or the Eiger. Speaking of trying to break world records, we look to see why the Norwegians or the Canadians failed, which is often because they ran into major hardships and started suffering physically and mentally. It wore them down, and if they’d only avoided that particular bit of bad nature or risk – or planned the dates differently so that they wouldn’t be out there when the ultraviolet summer sun is melting the ice – things could have gone more smoothly for them, so it’s all about planning in order to avoid those risks.”

I remember back in 2000 when you attempted to walk solo to the North Pole and your expedition failed when your sleds fell through weak ice and you were forced to pull them out by hand. You sustained severe frostbite and cut off your own 29

“My doctor needed me to retain my fingertips for some months to allow regrowth of the remaining healthy tissue but Ginny [his wife who sadly passed away in 2004] said I was getting irritable so I cut them off with a Black and Decker [four fingers and a thumb].”

As we finish the interview, Ran tells me how proud he is that his first wife Ginny [they were childhood sweethearts who’d been married since 1970) was the first woman to be awarded the Polar Medal and tells me about all her hard work behind the scenes was pivotal to his success.

Like the Aretha Franklin song suggests, I joke,’Behind every great man, there has to be a great woman’ “Exactly!”

Shackleton: A Biography

by Ranulph Fiennes (Michael Joseph) is out now and available on Amazon and all good bookshops.

Issues: Photo Essay

With the Ball, With the Fans: Journalist and photographer Fábio Soares on “explosions of joy or crying” at the football Since 2011, journalist and photographer Fábio Soares has recorded the emotions and subtleties of those in the stands and around football stadiums. He briefly explains what has motivated this passion and presents a series of his images.

Ten years ago, because of my desire to do fieldwork about the world of football fans, I began to document movements in the stands and around football stadiums. I try to look at the varied cultural perspectives surrounding the event – and their transformations – by blending the characters in their highly individual settings with the desire to see the transcendent in the ordinary. Their

nerves, sometimes expressed in explosions of joy or crying, their expression lines, the architectural contours of the stadiums covered in banners and flags. I try to capture that atmosphere without being repetitive, which is certainly my biggest challenge. Since 2011, I’ve already covered over 500 games. My weekly routine has only been interrupted by the pandemic – I don’t have an end date in mind.

Translated from Portuguese by Ali Walker Courtesy of OCAS / INSP.ngo

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Proud Supporters of Ireland’s Big Issue & Homeless Street Leagues

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The Perfect Podcast W

e attempt to bring you the best selection of podcasts each issue.

This issue we look at This American Life, The Blindboy Podcast and more.

This American Life (Topical)

Women’s National League. The podcast is released every Monday and Friday and has a real ‘homely’ feel to it - almost like you’re around the table with the presenters enjoying the banter! Brilliant website and podcast.

This American Life is a weekly public radio show, heard by 2.2 million people on more than 500 stations.

Another 2.5 million people download the weekly podcast.

It is hosted by Ira Glass and has won all of the major broadcasting awards. There’s a reason why this podcast is number one so often in the podcast charts - with the variety of content - from serious issues like gun violence and online trolls to humorous and lighthearted stories of human error and mishaps - from rookie cops and their first day on the job to life as an elf in a department store.

The Blindboy Podcast (Comedy) Hosted by Blindboy, of the Rubberbandits.

An eclectic podcast containing short fiction, interviews and comedy, covering topics like ‘Victorian Sex Communes and Breakfast Cereal’ to ‘A History of Summer Salads and Taytos.’ Worth a listen for a good old belly laugh!

Bitesize Irish Podcast (Language)

Documentary on One RTÉ (Local Topics)

The Bitesize Irish Podcast is a free show in English for anyone interested in the Irish language, and Irish culture. New episode published every couple of weeks and a great back-catalogue of episodes to binge-listen!

Content is wide and varied from people’s motivation to learn Irish - or even the button accordion (!) to interviews with interesting people and their journeys of moving toward intuitive self expression.

Multi award winning documentaries from telling real-life stories. With over 1,800 documentaries on offer, the Documentary On One Podcast has the largest archive of documentaries available in the world, dating as far back as 1954, right up to the present day.

It’s no wonder this podcast is the winner of over 340 national and international awards as you find yourself immersed in true tales like ‘The Curious Case of Typhoid Mary’ and ‘The Deadly Saris.’

How to: You need to download an app like Acast from Google Play (if you’ve an Android device) or the App Store if you’ve an Apple device. Once the app has downloaded you can search for any topic that interests you & there will be a podcast that’s right up your street!

The Extratime.com Podcast (Sports) Oisin Langan presents the Extratime.com Podcast featuring coverage from an array of sporting action with a particular focus on the League Of Ireland and 33

Issues: Our World

Homeless Kendra and Maciej: Life in the Underpass

K

endra and Maciej have become a familiar sight in the underpass in Dusseldorf, Germany.

They eke out an existence on Kendra’s unemployment benefits, supplemented by begging and collecting bottles, and are given food by local restaurants and belongings by locals. But they dream of a place of their own. This is an excerpt from Oberbilk: Behind the Station by Alexandra Wehrmann and Markus Luigs.

It’s Wednesday morning at the end of Emmastrasse, a Being chased away is something the two of them have street in the Oberbilk district of Dusseldorf. The winter experienced many times. Being chased away is part of has returned overnight. Temperatures are just above zero. their everyday life.

Thick wet flakes Maciej and Kendra in the underpass Photo Markus Luigs are falling out of The underpass a grey sky. There at the end of may be times Emmastrasse when it might is a rather seem romantic to unusual place sleep out under for homeless the stars. This people. While Wednesday in they are March is not sheltered one of them. from the rain, But Kendra and they are not Maciej have no sheltered from choice. It’s 11 o’ the glances of clock and the two passers-by and of them have not people who been awake for perhaps wish long. They are them no good. doing what they And, last but nearly always do: not least, sitting on their because the mattresses in their underpass is sleeping bags and smoking. quite a distance from many of the facilities that provide for the needs of the homeless; the soup kitchen on For a time, I only knew Kendra and Burgplatz, the Shelter day care centre on Maciej by sight. Almost every day, Bokerstrasse, the Cafe Pur on Mintropplatz.

I walked right through their The couple have lived on the street Kendra and Maciej don’t living room. Their living room often take advantage of that sort of since 2013... is the railway underpass between assistance. They have a postal address at Emmastrasse and the Volksgarten. the fiftyfifty centre for the homeless, where When the weather is fine, half the district their most important documents are also stored. passes through here: dog owners, mothers on the way They see to their personal care in a public toilet at the to the playground, joggers, cyclists. At some point, entrance to the Volksgarten. “You get 20 minutes there,” they were joined by Kendra and Maciej. Since then, the says Kendra, which is long enough to even wash your Paradise Pop radio station can often be heard in the hair. Because you still have to look after yourself, even if underpass. They both love pop songs. Before the couple you are living on the street. Her fingernails are painted in found the Oberbilk underpass they slept in the car park a shimmering mother-of-pearl apricot varnish. of a discount store.

“But we were chased away from there,” Kendra explains.

A year after the couple pitched up there, it is no longer 34

Everything the couple owns has been given to them: the possible to imagine the underpass without Kendra and mattresses, the sleeping bags, the pots, the pans and, last Maciej. Without their mattresses, their sleeping bags, but not least, their mobile phone, which somebody had their plastic bags and their suitcase, the space underneath brought them the day before our conversation. Money the railway embankment looks strangely empty. But most is donated on a regular basis. The couple’s takings are of the time they are there. watched over by a stuffed animal – a small elk in a red Kendra with her glasses and long black hair. And her and white sweater. It is supposed to remind people of Polish friend Maciej, who introduces himself with Hennes the Billy Goat, the mascot of Cologne Football the Germanised names of “Matthias” or “Matthes”.

Club. FC Cologne. Maciej is a big football fan; FC The couple have lived on the street since 2013. For six Cologne is the team that he loves the most. years they were in Cologne, and in 2019 they came to Dusseldorf. “We had hoped that it would be easier for us Health-wise, the 48-year-old is not in a good way. to find an apartment here,” says Kenda. That hope has not Actually, he really ought to see a doctor as a matter of been realised so far. Kendra has just viewed another one- urgency. He has problems with his kidneys, and he has bedroom apartment. It is right round the corner from chronic back pain. Before he was given the mattress, the underpass, in Oberbilk. It would cost 700 Maciej slept on concrete for six years. His only Euros a month. The landlord preferred cushion was a sleeping pad. Nowadays to give the flat to students. Who he can only walk a short distance.

They see to their personal care in a rents out to the unemployed and Unlike Kendra, Maciej has no public toilet , “You get 20 minutes there, ” says homeless anyway? Dusseldorf ’s health insurance. As an EU Kendra, which is long enough to even wash housing market is already citizen with a Polish passport, your hair. difficult enough for many people he cannot claim unemployment with a job. Without employment it’s a benefits. Kendra, on the other hand, nightmare. And without somewhere to live, gets the standard allowance. The two of it’s virtually impossible to hold down a regular job. them supplement the 446 Euros (as of 2021) per month by collecting bottles and begging. When the underpass There was a time when both Kendra and Maciej had jobs at the end of Emmastrasse gets emptier in the evenings, and an apartment. He comes from Poznan in Poland; he they start up their gas-fired hotplate to warm up a tin of trained as a plumber, then drove trucks and worked in Fiery Texas Magic soup. It’s better than nothing, as far various European countries. She lived in Oldenburg, was as Maciej is concerned. But, of course, he would prefer married twice, and had a variety of jobs over the years to cook in a proper kitchen, in a proper home. Kendra’s – as a painter and varnisher, kindergarten teacher and dreams are similarly modest: “I’d love to come back home cleaner. The two met in Cologne, in the soup kitchen on from work in the evening, take a hot shower and then Apellhofplatz. He spoke to her, and soon after that they watch telly,” she says. Things that many other people became a couple. At that time, Kendra had only been on regard as normal would mean happiness to the couple. the street for three weeks.

“An apartment,” says Maciej, “would be like a lottery win.”

“In those days, I didn’t even know that you could But what’s the probability of them getting six correct get a deposit back on bottles,” she recalls. “I still had numbers in a row? everything to learn.”

The woman from Lower Saxony sat in Cologne Central Postscript: Kendra and Maciej have been able to leave Station and begged. She was robbed multiple times the underpass since this conversation took place. After during her first weeks in the cathedral city. She also living temporarily in a hotel in Friedrichstadt, leased experienced sexual harassment, adds Maciej. But now she by the City of Dusseldorf to house the homeless during has him. the coronavirus crisis, they are now living in a former retirement home in the district of Gerresheim. They have The people from the surrounding district have become a room of their own there. accustomed to the two homeless people in the underpass.

Many who pass by with dogs or on bikes say hello and wave. The owner of the nearby Flora Bar lets the two of Translated from German by David Reardon them use his toilet when he opens up in the summer.

The Pizzeria La Duck on Emmastrasse donates pizzas Courtesy of FiftyFifty / INSP.ngo or Indian food. The Wellnetz restaurant, located nearby, regularly brings home-cooked fare to the underpass.

Spaghetti Bolognese. Cured pork. Or goulash. “The people here in Oberbilk are kind to us,” says Maciej.

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The Marching Song That Took the World By Storm It’s A Long Way to Tipperary

I

t’s a Long Way to Tipperary is arguably the best-known song of World War 1, selling a staggering six million copies at its height across the globe, but where did this song about a British soldier yearning for his Tipperary love originate - a song so universally loved that even German soldiers sung along with their own translated version? Sam McMurdock reports.

It’s a Long Way to Tipperary was written by Jack Judge and Harry Williams as a music hall song in 1912 as a five Shilling bet, you see Harry argued that Jack (who was performing at the Grand Theatre in Stalybridge, Greater Manchester) couldn’t come up with a new track overnight and Jack, a former fishmongerturned-producer, determined to win the wager sneakily converted an existing song by the duo called It’s A long Way to Connemara and changed the town to Tipperary (where his own grandmother came from) and performed it on stage the following night - 31st January 1912).

The pair sold the publishing rights to Bert Feldman who created a catchy marching tune to it and Feldman would list Judge and Williams as co-writers.

When Jack met Harry.

talent for writing songs and playing a variety of musical instruments. Jack was a semi-professional performer in music halls when he met Williams and felt he was something of a celebrity.

The Song is Trending ….. long before the days of Twitter Not surprisingly, the song went viral (or as viral as things could go pre-social media days), selling three million copies in the UK and a further three million across the world when Count John McCormack (said to be the Pavarotti of his day) recorded it. Just months after the war started, Judge and Williams earned $750,000 in royalties - a complete fortune in those days (interestingly, to this very day the song brings in $40,000 for the writer’s family as the copyright has not run out). I say writer - not writers, but more on that later. In August 1914, Daily Mail journalist George Judge and Williams Curnock reported hearing a battalion of the Connaught Rangers singing the song to boost morale as they arrived in France.

Tipperary became a symbolic home for terrified young men of all nationalities.

As part of a simultaneous quodlibet (songs whose corresponding melodies mean you can sing them both at the same time), soldiers often merged the song with the 1915 hit Pack Up Your Troubles In Your Old Kit Bag. Both tunes were taken up and translated by the Germans in the opposite trenches.

So, how did this talented duo meet?

Jack and Harry met in Oldbury, Worcestershire at the Malt Shovel pub that Williams’ brother owned. Williams was severely disabled, having fallen down cellar steps as a small child and badly breaking both legs. He developed a

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Tipperary became a symbolic home for terrified young men of all nationalities.

more ... I have sworn affidavits in my possession by Bert Feldman, the late Harry Williams and myself confirming that I am the composer …”.

In an interview in 1933, he added, “The words and music of the song were written in the Newmarket Tavern, Corporation Street, Stalybridge on 31st January 1912, during my engagement at the Grand Theatre after a bet had been made that a song could not be written and sung the next evening ... Harry was very good to me and used to assist me financially, and I made a promise to him that if I ever wrote a song and published it, I would put his name on the copies and share the proceeds with him. Not only did I generously fulfill that promise, but I placed his name with mine on many more of my own published contributions.

During Mr. Williams’ lifetime, as far as I know, he never claimed to be the writer of the song …”

As casualties mounted, the songs darkened and included sexual innuendo and anti-officer sentiment. New arrivals attempting a line or two of the traditional song were shouted down and taught the lewd version: “That’s the wrong way to tickle Mary”.

The song even became a Snoopy meme as the Peanuts dog thought himself a WW1 flying ace! In one cartoon, he is walking such a long distance to Tipperary that he lies down exhausted and notes, “They’re right, it IS a long way to Tipperary.”

Another time, Snoopy walks along and starts singing the song, only to Jack Judge meet a sign that reads, “Tipperary: One Block.”

Of course, on the N24 as you enter the real Tipperary there’s a clever nod to In 2012 Williams’s family campaigned to the song with the sign, “You’ve come have Harry Williams officially re….on the N24 as you enter a long way.” the real Tipperary there’s a clever nod credited with the song, and shared to the song with the sign, “You’ve come a their archives with the Imperial War Jack Judge falls on hard times Museums (the family, as mentioned long way.” earlier, still receives royalties of During the war Jack Judge lost his son in approximately £30,000 per year). Usually combat and after some years fell on very hard times copyright runs out after 70 years but because the song and sold his half of the copyright to Harry Williams for is still performed all over the world, is used in films (and just £5. Williams had actually been very generous with even ringtones), the family still own it. his earnings and had been giving large sums to help the wounded, Tipperary folks tired of many of whom were shipped back to association to war barracks (which had been converted to a military hospital) in Tipperary, The people of Tipperary but when Harry Williams passed understandably became weary away in 1924, Jack claimed sole of the song eventually and its credit for penning the track, stating association with war and set up he had only agreed to Williams their own peace prize. being co-credited as recompense for Over the years other people a debt that Judge owed. Williams’ family were incensed around the globe claimed they had written the song and provided dated documentation to prove the lyrics to - one in particular Alice Smyth Burton Jay sued the the song already existed in the form of a manuscript, It’s song publishers for $100,000 alleging she had penned A Long Way to Connemara co-written by both parties. the song back in 1908 for a song played at the AlaskaJudge countered, Yukon-Pacific Exposition promoting the Washington “I was the sole composer of Tipperary, and all other apple industry. The chorus started, “I’m on my way to songs published in our names jointly. They were all 95% Yakima.” Courts dismissed the suit claiming the two my work, as Mr. Williams made only slight alterations songs did not resemble one another! to the work he wrote down from my singing the It seems everyone wanted a piece of the Tipperary compositions. He would write it down on music-lined success - and who can blame them, it’s an infectious, feelpaper and play it back, then I’d work on the music a little good song …. Just don’t look up the rude version!!

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s e k Jo There was a Hillbilly, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater. They attempted to rob a bank but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair. The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go.

The Longhorn went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say.

He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go.

The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say.

He said no and pressed the button.

Nothing happened and he was free to go.

The hillbilly went next. They asked him if he had any last words.

“I think if you plug the chair in, it’ll work better.”

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly aunt, entered the doctor’s office.

“We have come for an examination” said the young girl.

“Alright,” said the doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.”

“No, not me” said the girl. “It’s my old aunt here.”

“Very well,” said the doctor.

“Madam, please stick out your tongue.”

Farmer Brown said, “Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the

Because laughter is the best medicine! accident he is trying to sue my client.

I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Brown’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite mule Bessie.”

Brown thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.”

He continued, “I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.”

“Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”

Finally, farmer Brown came to the end of the story. “The patrolman looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are YOU feeling’?”

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

38

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.

So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!” He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: “NOW THERE ARE TWO!” During my first skydiving class my instructor would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.

One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”

Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, “The rest of your life.”

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers: Tower: ‘Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!’

Delta 351: ‘Give us another hint! We have digital watches!’

O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: ‘United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.’

United 329: ‘Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this..I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.’

D is c o u n

t Corne

r

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@

Is í ár dteanga féin í.

It’s our language.

BAILE ÁTHA CLIATH · BÉAL FEIRSTE · RÁTH CHAIRN · DÚN SEACHLAINN · GAOTH DOBHAIR

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