Estrada & Chavarria
handbook
Pr ovi din g LA TIN AS wit h t he too ls ne ed ed to su cc e ed in the
New Millennium A Civic Light Project
handbook Authors: Mica Estrada, Ph.D. Leticia Chavarria, BS, MBA Graphic Artista: Laura Negrete Silva, BA
The book’s purpose is to provide accurate and authoritative information on the topics covered. It is sold with the understanding that neither the authors nor the publisher is engaged in rendering legal, financial, accounting, or other professional services. Neither the publisher or the authors assume any liability resulting from action taken based on the information included herein.
To buy this book in ail us quantity, please em rg or quince@civiclight.o rg visit www.civiclight.o
Copyright Š 2012 by Mica Estrada and Leticia Chavarria. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, except as may be permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act or by the publisher. Requests for permission should be made in writing to quince@civiclight.org. ISBN 978-0-615-25692-4 Book Design by Laura Negrete Silva Cover photo (main centered image) provided by iStock Photo.com Manufactured in the United States of America First Edition/First Printing
Dedication These writings are dedicated with love to Leticia’s loving kids (Victoria, Daniel, and Anaya), to Mica’s sweet boys (Elio, Noah, and Andres) and their father Tom Hollenbeck, and to all the talented and bright Latinas who we hope will read this book.
Les Queremos Mucho Mica and Leticia
Table of Contents Page 1 3 5 7 10 12 15 18 21 23 26 28 30 33
37 41 43 47 50 52 55
Introduction
What do I really want from my life?
Day 1 – Excuseless living Day 2 – In search of authenticity Day 3 – The hidden message in jealousy Day 4 – Strengthen your intuición Day 5 – Follow your destiny Day 6 -- What does success look like on you? Day 7 – Living for the important (not the urgent)
How do I find success in the roles I play?
Day 8 – TV can’t define your worth Day 9 – Balancing family expectations with your own desires Day 10 – Resolving conflicts with win-win solutions Day 11 – Community caring Day 12 – Excellent communication Day 13 - Healthy relationships, healthy you Day 14 – Supporting the vision
What life rules can I follow to keep me on the path of personal success and happiness? Day 15 – Day 16 -Day 17 – Day 18 – Day 19 – Day 20 – Day 21 –
Healthy bodies, body beautiful Find your Latina Heart Zone Affirm to break free of fear Create a gratitude habit Learn from mistakes Respect yourself Live without limits Conclusion Acknowledgements References & Resources About the Authors
Introdu ction The day came that our children and our own personal lives just did not permit us enough time to be directly involved with the day to day running of an organization. After much discussion, we concluded that the next best thing was to write a book filled with the most important concepts and principles we know for Latina success and satisfaction with life. Thus, this book is a product of years of involvement with San Diego Latina organizations that promote educational programs for young Latinas. And with that, we want to ask you, how are you going to be using these next 21 days? Are the minutes, hours and days going to come and go without any significance, or are you going to make them really matter? If you want to make them really matter, you bring the commitment and we’ll provide the activities to make these 21 days count. Enjoy and grow from this 21 day challenge that strives to assist you in defining your goals and moving towards a lifetime of success.
ADELANTE…let’s go forward! P.S. We each use the word “I’ when writing , see if you can figure out which days are written by Mica and which by Leti. Email us at quince@civiclight.org to get the answer.
The Commitment I commit to take the 21 Day Quince Challenge in which I
will read a little, try a few interesting activities and reflect. I commit to taking this seriously and not doing it half-heartedly. This 21 day challenge will make me more clear about what I want from life and help me to create a plan for how to make my dreams come true.
Signed Date
4 Witness (optional)
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Section 1 This section is all about discovering what you really value in life. We
hope that you will do each exercise with your mind and heart centered on your own experience of life. These exercises will enable you to better answer the following question:
What do I really want from my life? Day 1 – Excuseless living Day 2 – In search of authenticity Day 3 – The hidden message in jealousy Day 4 – Strengthen you intuición Day 5 – Follow your destiny Day 6 -- What does success look like on you? Day 7 – Living for the important (not the urgent)
Day 1 Excuseless Living! If you want to stop, quit, give-up, not try, or otherwise not care about
what comes next in life, I am sure you can find a lot of reasons why you have no choice to be that way. Believe me, there is always an excuse for doing nothing. Let me tell you some of my excuses. First, my father was an alcoholic. I grew up in a place where drinking and light drug use was not only around, it was the norm. My father was married three times and divorced twice. My mother was married twice and divorced twice too. In high school, our household income was below the poverty level and I attended an “inner city” public high school. If I wanted to not try to be successful in my life, I could choose one of many excuses. But legitimate life challenges do not have to become excuses for not trying. At the core of every excuse is fear. Let me give you an example. The most common excuse I remember hearing from my friends who were smart and able was this, “I’m afraid I won’t have enough money to go to college.” I was poorer than most of them and I ended up going to U.C. Berkeley and Harvard University. I went because I tried and I was willing to work at it. They didn’t go because they gave up before they even began. I recently met a woman who had just finished her college degree. She was in her early 20’s, she had been a teenage mother, and she was from the “ghetto.” She had many reasons not to succeed, but she did not let even one of those reasons become an excuse. Why did she keep going when others gave up? She believed in herself! Did you know that Latinas are one of the fastest growing group of business owners in the U.S.? When we put our minds to it, we can do anything. I could write a long book describing all the Latina women who have done amazing things. Their secret? They do not let “a reason to fail” become “an excuse not to try.”
Want to know more about the lives of successful Latinas?
Read The Book of Latina Women, by Sylvia Mendoza (2004).
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try this Step 1: On small pieces of paper I want you to write every reason you have for not succeeding in life. Things that you could say are the reasons you don’t need to try. Reasons you have to quit. Reasons you have for not getting better grades. Reasons you have for not doing what you know is good for your soul and your heart. Write them down on pieces of paper and make a pile of your reasons. Did you make a pile of paper?
Circle:
Yes
No
Step 2: Now, when you are done with that, I want
you to affirm this to yourself 10 times – silently or aloud – “these reasons will not become my excuses, these reasons will not become my excuses, these reasons will not become my excuses.”
Step 3: Next I want you to take these pieces of paper
and get rid of them in a big way – flush them down the toilet (if the paper is small), or run the paper through a shredder, or put them in a bowl of water and let the paper dissolve. Do something concrete that really gets rid of those pieces of paper. From this point forward you will not let those reasons be an excuse for you not to be everything you can be. Don’t give those reasons power. You are in charge of your life and your mind, not those pieces of paper!
Reflect W henever you start to use one of those
reasons as an excuse, remember they are off limits – smile at the power you have to live without making excuses!
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Reflect
Day2 4 Day
In Search of Authenticity What does it mean to be “authentic”?
It means to be true to yourself, to be true to the inner voice that tells you right from wrong. Sometimes that voice gets silenced by others telling you who you “should” be. But happiness will only find you when you can live authentically and honestly. To do this, you have to know who you really are.
Step 1: If you had five lives to live and you could be whatever you wanted in each of those lives, what would you be? Write each on the tree below.
3 1 4
2
5
r
hing c a e
Step 2: Now, take one of these lives and do something related to it in the
next 24 hours. For instance, if you want to be a doctor, go put together a first aid kit for your house or if you want to be an actor, create a silly character and story for your cell phone or answering machine.
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Reflect
After you did this one thing related to one of
your interests listed on the tree, write here how you felt about taking this action? Do you feel more like yourself (i.e., authentic) when you do something related to one of your true interests? Write about what you did and how you felt.
KEY WORD-AUTHENTIC
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF BE HONEST WITH OTHERS
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Day 3 The hidden message in jealousy
I
hate it when I feel jealous of someone or something. It often creeps up on me. Jealousy is not a feeling I enjoy. However, even though I try to dodge it, I realize I can not. Surprisingly, jealousy can actually tell us a lot about what we should be doing with our time and what we can seek to do with our lives in the future.
try this Below I want you to fill out this chart.
Step 1: Write down three people that you are jealous of or
people you might envy.1 Step 2: Write down “why� you feel this way about them. What is it about them that makes you feel jealous. Step 3: Now, in the last column write what is one thing you could do that would move you towards doing what they do. If you had five lives to live and you could be whatever you wanted in each of those lives, what would you be?
example example
Person
Why?
What can I do?
Barbara She is a famous Kingsolver successful writer
I can write more each day.
Jennifer Lopez
Exercise more.
1Alternatively,
She has a great body
you could cut out pictures from a magazine of people who have something you want.
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Reflect
Jealousy sometimes causes us to not think
about those things or actions we want or value the most. Take the energy you use to avoid thinking about jealousy and put that energy into one small action today. Reflect on how doing that action made you feel.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt, ‘This Is My Story,’ 1937
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Day 4
Strengthen your intuición. What is intuition anyway? I think men tend to think of it as a
“gut feeling.” For women, it is often more subtle – a “knowing” one has. To me, intuition is that part of my soul that knows what is right and yet my mind doesn’t always know why. I often think of intuition as coming from a source of higher power. I feel this guiding principle around me in the trees, the air, the water and in the flames of a fire. To me, the world is full of energy and my intuition seems to know what direction to go when my mind can not make sense of a situation. Intuition told me to apply to U.C. Berkeley for college when the college counselors said not to bother. I got in. Intuition said I should travel and see the world when logic said I had no money to do it. I looked for programs and found a way to go using grants and scholarships in my third year of college. I traveled through Europe and lived in England for a year. I still can’t believe it happened. My intuition led me towards doing what fed my soul, even when the world gave me a list of what I couldn’t do as a “poor minority.” If I had one piece of advice, I would say, listen to your intuition, it won’t lead you down the wrong path. I know for some, intuition is less of a spiritual thing and more of a quiet voice of the higher mind. You may be very in touch with your intuition or it might be a weird concept to you. Either way, there are tricks to capturing your intuition.
ching Rea
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try this Step 1: Imagine a traffic light with red and green lights. Remember that green means go and red means stop. Step 2: Now, think of a question. With your mind’s eye, look at the traffic light and see what color is glowing. It might take a few minutes to really focus on the traffic light, but once you see it, really look at what color is there. The trick is to not over think your answer. What you really want to know is this, “What is the response I get from my intuition (or higher self) when I do not allow myself to think about it too much.” Okay. Now try it again with another question and see what you get. Don’t let your mind filter the response you get. Just sit with the color that immediately flashes. Write down the questions you asked and what color you saw.
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Reflect
When intuition leads you away from what
seems logical for you to do, step back and think about how you can make it happen. Be creative. When you think about doing something that is consistent with your intuition, how do you feel about that decision and about yourself? Write about that here:
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Day 5
Follow your destiny At an early age I remember my mother telling me, “Since the first
day you began to talk, your words where clear and strong for a little kid.” As I grew up, I researched the origin of my name and discovered that “Leticia” also means “joyful encourager”. I do not think this is a coincidence. In my heart I knew my destiny was to give encouraging words to my friends, my brother and even my mother. This knowledge about myself led towards careers and projects (like writing this book) that involve communication and encouragement. Take a Chance! Identify your destiny. Teens, adults and people around the world always ask in one way or another, “What is my destiny?” and “If only I knew my destiny!” Some people think of “destiny” as a place at which we arrive. They think destiny is the same as a destination at the end of a journey. But, we think of destiny as the way to travel, not the place at which you arrive. For instance, you may be destined to take care of others, but you can express this in many different ways throughout your life. You can be a doctor, a philosopher, a computer programmer, a mother or even a very good friend. You can do one or more of these things while fulfilling your destiny. To figure out your destiny, it really helps to think about what it is that you do well. What comes naturally to you?
try this Take a minute and think about what comes naturally or easily to you. On the next page write down the thing (or things) you thought of. If this is hard to think about, is there anything that a teacher, your parent or a friend says you do well and naturally? You can write that there too.
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What comes naturally to you?
Reflect Sometimes we take for granted the things that come
easily and naturally to us. We do not realize what a gift it is to be able to do this thing. Interestingly, the things that come naturally often are the most important talents to use as you journey through life. Your destiny is to use the gifts given to you – whatever you do and whenever you do it.
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Day 6
What does success look like on YOU? Success is different for everyone. The key is to give yourself time to really imagine what a “successful you” looks like.
try this Step 1: I want you to imagine for a moment that you are 40 years old and you are a great success. You are doing what you love and making a good living doing it. You are happy. Step 2: Now take the following space and write out the details of your life at 40. What are you doing with your time? Who is in your life? Pretend you are describing what your life is like to someone who doesn’t know you well. Okay? Now write:
I am 40 and I
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Now that you have a clear sense of your life at 40, I want you to pretend for a few moments that you actually are that person at 40. Take your pencil or pen and write a letter from your 40 year old self to yourself now. What advice do you have to share.
People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder.
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Salma Hayek
Reflect Did your 40-year-old self have any wisdom to share with you? Reread your letter to yourself and relfect on the words. Draw some pictures in the mirror to help you remember the letter.
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Day 7
Living for the important (not the urgent). They say there are two types of things that take up our time, the
important and the urgent. The important things are the things that really matter. What matters to you might be spending time with people you like or love, creating something wonderful, spending time developing your faith or spiritual life or maybe it is teaching others to do things. We all may differ in what we define as important to our lives, but certainly, with a little thought we can describe what we consider to be important in our lives.
try this Step 1: Think back over the past couple of years and
write four things you have done that you consider to be important or meaningful in your life:
Step 2: Now, let’s just take a few minutes to think about all the stuff we do that is urgent. By “urgent” I simply mean these are things that must be done in order to meet the expectations of our world. For instance, doing homework or trying to finish cleaning your room quickly are examples of urgent activities. Sometimes urgent stuff can take up a lot of our time. What types of “urgent” things have you done in the past couple of days?
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Reflect
URGENT
requiring immediate action or attention
IMPORTANT mattering much
If you want to avoid getting stuck doing what is urgent and never getting to do what you think is important, you can think about doing this.
First, be willing to know what is important to you. Second, be willing to explore what kind of jobs, professions, or lifestyles will allow you to have the “urgent” stuff in your life be “important” too. For instance, it is important to me to help people get along. So, I went to school and studied to be a mediator and professor. Now, my urgent every day work is also important to me too. If you can make the “urgent” in your life also “important,” I guarantee that you will spend the hours of your life doing something that is good for your soul and good for your spirit.
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Section 2 We all play many roles in our lives. We may be a student, a sister,
a daughter, a friend, or maybe even a volunteer. This section is about how to play the roles in your life with integrity and joy. By the end of this section, you should be able to answer this question:
How do I find success in the roles I play? Day 8 – TV can’t define your worth. Day 9 – Balancing family expectation with your own desires Day 10 – Resolving conflicts with win-win solutions. Day 11 – Community caring Day 12 – Excellent communication Day 13 - Healthy relationships, healthy you Day 14 – Supporting the vision
Day 8
TV can’t define your worth. The sad truth is that TV (or most of it) is about making money. One
of the best ways to make money is to make people feel as if they will be happier if they just buy a certain product (this product could be medicine for pimples, hair color, weight loss products, new clothes, you get the picture). You’ve probably heard it all. And even when you are watching a show (and not the commercials) you are being told how you fit or do not fit the “mainstream” image of being beautiful and successful. Now let me tell you the happy truth -- those images and products do not have to define whether you are beautiful, happy or successful in life. In fact, you are lying to yourself if you think all those “beautiful” people are happy with their lives. Some of the most miserable people I know are wealthy, beautiful and in perfect shape on the outside, but inside, they are all tangled up. In the end, you still have to live with yourself – that part of you that can sit back and watch yourself doing things. The voice that says, “yes, that makes sense” or “no, don’t do it.” It is the part of yourself that wants to be authentic, that listens to your intuition and guides you towards real happiness. Stay true to your real self and you will find true happiness and satisfaction in life awaits you.
Step 1: For this activity you will need a pen, the chart on the next page and a TV to watch.
Step 2: With pen and chart in hand, watch one half hour of TV and each time a commercial comes on, write down the information below each heading.
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Product Commercial What will you get if you buy it? **Make sure you write down not just is Selling the product but the other stuff they promise through the images such as a date, envy of other people, fun, happiness, a good time, etc.
When you are done watching the commercials, think of a time you were really happy, and then fill in this table:
How did seeing these commercials make you feel?
Did any of the products in the commercials you saw contribute to your happiness in the situation you recalled?
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Reflect
J
ust stop and think, “at this moment can you be happy without buying something, and without doing anything other than reflecting on this moment?” The answer to the last questions is “YES!” Happiness is as close as your mind allows it to be. No one is inadequate. If you think back on some of the happiest moments in your life, you will probably find that products had very little to do with your happiness. Usually a great time has more to do with your own state of mind and perhaps the company of a great friend, loving family member or special someone. TV and products do not make you happy and complete, YOU DO!
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Day 9
Balancing family expectations with your own desires I’ve always thought that we come into our families with a purpose.
They are there to teach us something important about ourselves. Sometimes they do this by giving us love, encouragement and support. Other times they teach us by making us rely more on ourselves, by pushing us towards our spiritual lives (because we don’t know where else to turn) or by making us show strengths of endurance we did not necessarily know we had. In our culture, families tend to play a big part of our lives and for some, it is hard to imagine ourselves without them. So, what do we do when our goals differ from what our family wants from us? You are either going to learn about obedience or about independence. Which lesson do you think will make you more the person you are most supposed to be?
Step 1: Think of a time when your family’s expectations were in conflict with your own desires. Step 2: Now that you have that image in your mind, step back for a moment and see the situation through the eyes of an outsider. From that perspective, you are in the perfect position to do a little analysis. Step 3: Observe yourself for a moment and answer this question: Why did I want to do this?
Why didn’t they want me to do this?
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Reflect
U
sually, both you and your family members are motivated by good stuff. Periodically, you might find that selfishness is guiding the whole thing. Other times, you might find that you and your family have two different ideas about what is “best� for you. I remember when I went to Harvard, which is located in Boston (on the East Coast of the US), I felt I was really far away from my home in California. When I would come home to visit, my grandfather would ask when I was going to move back, which made me feel pressured to come home. He expected me to be nearby. I believe this is because he loved me. But at the same time, I knew deep down inside that I wanted to get a good education so I could do good stuff in the world. After analyzing the situation, I realized that I was motivated by the desire to do for others. My grandfather was motivated by his love for me. I believe that when your desire to do something is directed by your need for fulfillment, then the best thing you can do is communicate this to your family. Often your family wants you to be happy with your life and to be a positive contributor to your community. Explain to them, perhaps in a letter if talking is hard, how your decision is not coming from selfish desires, but from a deep yearning you have to fulfill your destiny in life. If upon reflection you realize that your desires are not to fulfill your destiny but to make your ego feel good, then you might want to rethink whether it is worth contradicting your family’s expectations of you. In the end, whatever you do, do it with respect, kindness, and clarity of thought.
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Day 10
Resolving conflicts with win-win solutions Have you ever noticed that when you are really getting along with
someone, you kind of forget about yourself and simply enjoy doing stuff that makes the other person happy? Yet, when you are angry with that same person, your mind starts thinking about how to get what YOU want and what they did to YOU. In some cases we fight for what we want at the expense of the other person’s feelings. And in other cases, we Latinas start to feel guilty about our selfish focus and then give up too much just to avoid conflict. A good relationship is a relationship in which your own interests and the interests of the other person are both met. When the balance is thrown off too much, disharmony can develop within you and eventually in the relationship as well. So, how do you strike a balance? Here are two stories that might help us see how to resolve conflicts better.
STORY 1
There were two people who each wanted an orange. They argued and argued about it. Finally, a third person came and cut the orange in half. Each person got half an orange. Neither was fully satisfied.
STORY 2
There were two people who each wanted an orange. They argued and argued about it. Finally, a third person came and asked them each why they wanted the orange. One person said he wanted the skin to use in a cake he was baking. The other said he wanted the inside to eat. One was given the skin and the other was given the inside and each walked away happy. Moral of Story 2, sometimes people’s positions are different from their interests. POSITIO N WHAT YOU WANT
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INTERE ST WHY YOU WANT IT
In Story 2, each person had the same position – they wanted the orange. But, their interest in the orange differed – one wanted to bake a cake while the other wanted to eat the inside. Now, you try to look at a conflict this way.
Step 1: Think of a time when you had a conflict with someone important to you. Try to remember what it was you wanted from the other person. Write that here: ____________________________________ This is your position. Now, I want you think for a moment more deeply about this thing that you wanted and answer this question: Why did you want this from the other person? ____________________________________ These are your interests.
Step 2: Now, step back for a moment and think what they wanted from you. Write that here:
____________________________________ This is the other person’s position. Okay, now try to think about why this person wanted that from you? For instance, if your friend wanted to go to the movies, why did they want to go there? ____________________________________ These are the other person’s interests.
Step 3: Now think creatively -- was there a way for you to have your interests and the other person’s interests met at the same time? If the answer is “yes,” then you have found a win-win solution. If the answer is “no,” perhaps this exercise at least helped you to understand the other person a little better. But remember, sometimes win-win solutions are available if we have a little creativity.
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Reflect
Next time you are in a conflict with someone, be
willing to step back and figure out your own interests and the other person’s interests. Who knows, maybe there is a way for everyone to get a little more of what they want. Reflect on how it feels to step back and really analyze a conflict (even when you are involved). Did you learn anything new? Write about this below.
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Day 11
Community Caring This is an important age in your life as a young Latina Woman
because you have many opportunities to become a “community caring” individual. What does this mean? It means you can now volunteer or act in ways that give back to your community. We often think that community volunteering is a complex chore that requires us to have a lot of skills before we can get involved. But really, volunteering is one of the best ways to gain skills. Community involvement can be as simple as tutoring your little neighbor or watering plants for an elderly family member. If you’re already serving the community, it may be time to step it up a level and seek out larger local community organizations. The truth is, that in order to achieve success in life, career, and family we need to share our life with others. By giving, you actually receive. As a young woman, I committed many hours giving to several Latina/o based organizations in North San Diego County. Those experiences taught me some fantastic life leadership skills. Most importantly, it was the significant relationships with other Latinas who were passionate about community change and empowerment resulted in life changing friendships.
Step 1: Explore on the Internet what non-profit organizations need volunteers and make a list of organizations you may want to get involved with this year. For example look for these: Local Community Health center, Boys & Girls Club, Your Church, Schools, Tutoring Centers, Senior Centers, Preschools
Step 2: Now, take the next ten minutes to explore ways to
develop more “community caring” in your life. List two community caring activities you can do today (for example, make a small meal for someone who is ill or for someone who just does not have the time to cook).
Step 3: The next part is easy, step out and do one of those things.
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Reflect
What did you do?
How did you feel after doing a bit of “community caring”? Circle all the words that describe how you felt.
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Day 12 Excellent Communication Today, more than ever before, communication is a big part of your
life. You may communicate by talking on a cell phone, through text messages, and even chatting online. Technology’s “super highway” has put communicating on the fast track. Yet it remains true that no matter how we express ourselves with others, what we say and how we say it still reflects back on us. Maybe that is why having to speak in front of a group is one of the most difficult activities for people of all ages. We sometimes care more about what others think of us than about sharing our ideas with others.
I remember the first time my teacher announced that our class had to give a four minute oral presentation on our book reports. My heart raced and I thought about a million reasons why that was a dumb assignment. Four minutes was longer than four telenovela2 commercials!” What would I say?!? What would people think of me after I’d said it?!? After studying my report, writing down a few notes on 3x5 cards and discussing my presentation with my teacher, I started to feel prepared. The more prepared I was, the less I worried. And you know what, everything went well. The other students in the class appeared genuinely interested in what I had to say. I felt that I made some true connections because my classmates heard my ideas. Now, I speak a lot and I have found that authentically communicating to individuals or large crowds often leads to real connections with other people. And sometimes, these people become true supporters of my goals and dreams. But, they could never support me if they did not first know what my goals and dreams were. KEY WO RDCOM MU NIC ATI ON Sharing thoughts and feelings clearly with others
2This
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is a Spanish language soap opera.
Practice speaking in front of others. Research online, or at the library, for a famous female communicator (for example U.S. Representative Loretta Sanchez or the famous writer Isabelle Allende) and give a three minute presentation on that one person to your class, a group of friends or your family.
Keys to goo communicatindg
Be prepared. Do your research . Practice in fron t of others
Reflect H
ow did it feel to speak in front of people? Describe your experience here:
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Day 13
Healthy relationships, healthy you Wow girls! This is one of those hot topics that everyone wants the
answer to but not many are addressing. The fact is that once you hit your teen years physiologically there is a rush of hormones that changes “little Marie” to a noticeable young Latina women. This new body brings attention from young men and even older men. Sometimes this leads to romantic relationships or love. When “love” is in the air, all the amigas are practicing in their best handwriting different ways to write out:
J+N Por Vida
Marie & Diego Por Vida
When it comes to growing-up, no one can escape from hormones. These hormones are automatically released in your body and can make your emotions feel deeper and sometimes logic can fly out the window. You know this is happening when everyone (your family, your best friends, and others who care about you) start to ask “what are you doing?” If you think “They just don’t understand,” consider this to be the “WARNING” sign that hormones have taken over and your emotions (not logic) are now running the show. You can see this in your friends too. Perhaps, the boyfriend or friend that you thought was serious about school and their education is now more worried about partying, dating and staying out late. Some teen Latinas in your life will choose to do those things that make them feel good in the short-term but are not healthy in the long run. Remember, good relationships make you more true to yourself. Bad relationships pull you away.
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This activity is to help you think about what character qualities you really admire and appreciate in a person. Character qualities are things that describe a person such as nice, mean, sporty, funny, moody, etc. Below write a quality of an ideal person with whom you would like to “hang out” or “go out.” Illustrate with pictures that reflect each quality. For instance, you could put the word “nice” and draw a flower. Use colors and imagination to illustrate your QUALITY SARAPE.
nice
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Reflect
So, what does a quality quilt have to do with
hormones? This quilt represents what you logically would look for in a person with whom you “go out” or “hang out”. You can describe the qualities of a person with whom you would want to spend time. Yet, hormones can pull some girls away from what makes logical sense and some Latinas will accept much less in exchange for a little attention. But remember that when a person truly cares about you, they want you to do what is good for your spirit, mind and body and not just what is good for them. They want you to be filled with happiness, not regrets. As a young Latina woman, we hope that you too want these things for yourself.
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Day 14
Supporting the visions I do not know one successful Latina who did not have a cheerleader in the wings saying “you can do it.” These cheerleaders are a part of your social support network. A social support network is just a fancy name for the person or group of people who believe you can accomplish your life goals, live a happy life, and be a positive contributor to this world. They say, “ADELANTE MUJER” 3 when others folks, friends and even familia do not understand your goals. Not only do you need your own support network, but you have the power to support someone else. That means you can be the one who encourages and says, in all honesty, “I know you can do it if you really want to make it happen.”
Supporting someone’s goals does not have to be complicated. During most of my school years, my best friend Julie had some awesome goals and dreams. She had the kind of dream for which not many Latinas strive. She declared in a large dramatic way, “I’m going to be an actress y Que!” Although her small petite frame was less than 100 pounds, she had a big voice and attitude. And for some unknown reason to me, I believed her and supported Julie’s acting auditions and performances. Although, it has been many years I still remember the words to Alice in Wonderland and the songs to Cinderella as we practiced for hours in her little corner house in the barrio. In the midst of practice with Julie, I sharpened my own artistic skills and assisted in creating various stage back drops and props. Supporting her vision was not only easy, it was FUN!
Step 1: Speak with your close friends and find out what they dream for their lives. Write the responses to your question on the next page. 3
Go forward woman.
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Dreams
Step 2: Now, think about whether you can support them in their dreams.
Yes No Maybe
Explain your answer
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Place a picture here of you and your supportive friend.
Reflect My support group includes some people I have
known most of my life. I am convinced that “true� friends not only understand your vision and goals, but they believe in you too. And remember, you must be the kind of friend you seek to have in your own life.
Did you know that the best predictors of success among teenagers are the friendships they keep? 4
4 This
is also the best predictor of those who will drop-out or become pregnant.
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Section 3 One way in which we are bound to others is by rules. We have rules about when we have to go to school, when we should eat and how we should behave. However, rules are not only meant to be given to us. Rules are also something we can create ourselves. By the end of this section, our hope is that you will be able to answer this question:
What life rules can I follow to keep me on the path of personal success and happiness? Day 15 – Day 16 -Day 17 – Day 18 – Day 19 – Day 20 – Day 21 –
Healthy bodies, body beautiful Find your Latina Heart Zone Affirm to break free of fear Create a gratitude habit Learn from mistakes Respect yourself Live without limits
Day 15
Healthy Bodies, Body Beautiful So far we have spent time thinking about what your dreams may be
for now and the future. We have also talked about how to stay true to those dreams by developing relationships that support us rather than bringing us down. In this last section, we really want you to consider making daily choices that keep your mind, body and heart healthy. Why is this important? Well, it is because when your body, mind and heart are healthy, you have the energy you need to follow your dreams and live the fullest life possible. So, let’s begin by looking at how to keep your body healthy. Despite what the TV might tell you, at this very moment you have a beautiful body. There is beauty in the beat of your heart, your eyes that tell the world your truth, and the hands you use to serve others daily. Your body’s complex human anatomy is amazing. It functions on a very simple principle: What comes in, must go out (or it gets stored). But to keep that beautiful body healthy requires you to follow two simple rules: Eat right and exercise regularly.
Eating right – Our ancestors knew how to eat well. They ate a lot of vegetables and fruits, beans, rice, corn and drank plenty of water throughout the day. Our bodies are made to use these healthy foods to make us strong and healthy. Did you know we are made of 70% water? Maybe that is why we need so much “watering.” They say we should drink at least 6 glasses of water a day. Sodas, fast food (that contains a lot unnecessary fat) and white foods (such as white flour, white sugar, white rice) should not be eaten regularly. Exercise regularly –The amount and types of exercise we do determines whether your body stores the food we eat as fat or burns it off as energy. Did you know that, according to the Girl Scout Research Institute (2005), Latina girls are less physically active (both at school and at home) than girls of other ethnic groups. In your neighborhood is it “Cool” for Latinas to sweat a little playing sports, dancing or just taking a walk? If the answer is “no”, it is time to start a new trend. The mascara may get a
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a little messy but your Body Beautiful will thank you. Just 20 minutes a day of walking can change the way your body burns up the food you eat, the muscle tone you have and the amount of energy you feel you have to get through your day. The issue is simple, keeping our body healthy depends on the choices we make in selecting our meals and choosing to be active. Sadly, poor food choices, along with inactivity, have landed many of our Latina sisters with diseases such as obesity, depression, & diabetes. But today you can choose to make positive food choices and start to increase your physical activity. The excellent nutritional habits you establish today will follow you the rest of your life.
C al o ri e s IN: 576 Calories 370 Calories
Big Mac
Bean & Cheese Burrito
260 Calories
Home-made Bean & Salsa Burrito
Calories BURNED: Jump rope for 20 minutes 20 minutes of Dancing Walk for 20 mintues
(brisk but not fast)
220
102 90
*Go to www.calorie-count.com to get the calorie counts on thousands of foods and calories burned doing various exercises.
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OPTION 1
Balance “IN” and “BURNED” to stay healthy.
OPTION 2
“BURN” more than you take “in” to become thinner (talk with your doctor about how to do this safely)
OPTION 3
Take “IN” more than you “BURN” to increase weight and increase your health risks.
TRY THIS This is the first “Try This” that entails a 5 day
commitment. However, the task is simple and the time is important for feeling the difference.
Part 1: Stay “Fast Food Free” for 5 days.
Impossible? Make it happen! We have confidence you can do it.
Part 2: Unless your doctors forbid it, engage in
20 minutes of exercising each day. You can walk, dance in the living room, do cartwheels on the lawn, swim, play a sport, chase you little brother (or sister). Do anything that will get your heart and body moving for 20 minutes each day.
Part 3: Remember to do this every day for 5 days.
Start today!
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Reflect
(To be completed on Day 20)
Describe here how you felt about staying “Fast Food Free” and doing a bit of exercising each day. What was hard about it and what was easy?
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Day 16
Find your Latina Heart Zone!
Along with eating well and exercising regularly, one of the main
contributors to poor health is stress. Maybe the best way to understand stress is to image the opposite experience – the feeling of freedom and relaxation. When you are relaxed, your heart beat is somewhat slow and your breath is calm. Your shoulders rest back and down (instead of feeling tight and lifted a bit towards your ears). Your whole body is without tension and your mind is equally calm. How do we create these stress free moments instead of waiting for them to magically come upon us?
I had a dynamic track and running coach that helped me realize how important your breathing is to daily life. She taught me that our brain, heart, and cells depend on our breathing in air to bring oxygen to important parts of our body such as our heart, mind and muscles. That is why taking an active role in focused breathing brings us into the zone. People have been using breathing techniques to focus, goal set and release stress for many years.
TRY THIS Practice the following now.
Step 1: Sit up tall and look straight. Relax your shoulders but keep your spine straight. Focus on the face of a loved one in your mind Step 2: Take a minute and focus on your “Heart
Beat”. Place your right hand towards left and center on your chest. Listen to the beats.
Step 3: Take a deep breath in through your nose as an energizing breath. Hold it for a moment and then breathe out through your mouth releasing the old air as a cleansing breath. Tighten your stomach as you breath out so that all the air goes out. You can repeat this a couple of times.
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Reflect Practice the above when taking a
test, doing homework or when feeling stressed-out. How does it make you feel?
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Day 17
Affirm to Break Free of Fear Breaking free of fear! What is fear? A small four letter word that
has stopped many of us from speaking up in class or speaking out with friends. Fear involves real physical sensations that rush through our body. Sometimes you can even hear your heart thumping so strongly that you feel it could burst from your chest. Other times, fear is more subtle. For instance, when your stomach tightens slightly when you think of doing this or that. Fear can be a great warning sign to keep us from danger. Fear can also create walls in our lives that keep us from doing what our heart truly desires. Families, and even friends, can unintentionally have sayings or “dichos” that continue to push fear messages into our minds without us even being aware of it. For example, I’ve heard this myself from high school parents. “Mija even if you do graduate from high school, we may not even have money for college anyways.” This type of negative message can make us start to fear disappointment so we do not even try. The good news is that we can erase these messages by questioning the truth of the message and creating affirmations that blast away the old fears. For example, here is a way to face the fear of not having enough money for college.
State the Fear
Investigate how others overcame this fear?
What can you do to overcome that fear?
I’m afraid I won’t have enough money to go to college.
Actually, there are a lot of ways to pay for college including scholarships, grants and loans. The job of the financial aid officer at colleges is to help you find the money. Every year Latinas with no money work hard, apply to college and find a way.
Keep your grades up and apply for scholarships and to colleges. Work with the financial aid officer at the colleges that accept you.
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TRY THIS How about really examining a fear you may have. Are you willing to put it to the test?
Step 1: First, think about some of the fears that you have that might keep you from reaching for your goals. Second, on the chart below write down your top fear. Third, take the day to research how others have overcome this fear. Finally, really think about how you can overcome the fear.
Top Fear How have others overcome this fear? What can you do to overcome your fear?
Step 2: Now, as was done in the previous example,
write an affirmation that states that this fear is overcome (as if it has already happened). When writing your affirmation, be sure to write in the positive. Avoid using words such as “not,” “won’t” or “should” in your affirmation. “I have...”or “I am...” are good ways to begin.
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Step 3: Imagine what it would be like to not have this
fear. One way to do this is to affirm the opposite thought throughout your day, week or even year. Let’s just start with today. Affirm (that means say to yourself aloud or in your head) 25 times throughout today the affirmation you wrote. You can even write it on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror. The more you say your affirmation, the more it will become a part of you (and your life).
Whenever a fear comes your way, affirm this: “I am fearless, I am full of hope and I am full of potential to succeed.”
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Reflect Many successful people use
affirmations to blast away fear and create energy for success. This may sound crazy, but if you focus on the good you want and ignore the fears, they will go away. The darkness of the fear can not stay when you are filled with the light of hope and success. What did it feel like to affirm your statement throughout the day?
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Day 18
Create a Gratitude Habit w, I amway t naosure-fire gratotestart W ighant ful ftoorfeel R ... better about life every single day?
I will tell you a secret to feeling happiness and it only takes one word – “GRATITUDE.” It is so easy to spend our time and energy focusing on what is lacking in our lives. Just step back for a moment and think about it. When you are not happy what are you telling yourself? I find that my mind is saying stuff like this: “If only she would…” or “If I just had….” If you find yourself thinking this way, you are going down a road of unhappiness that requires that your world change in order for you to be made happy again. Why give the people and things in your world so much power over how you are feeling? There is a famous saying that goes something like this:
If someone has decided to be unhappy, there is nothing anyone can do to change her and if someone decides to be happy, there is nothing anyone can do to change her either.
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TRY THIS Here is a little activity to demonstrate that you have the power to make yourself happy, right now, at this moment.
Step 1: Take out a pen and fill your gratitude garden with the top 5 things that come to mind when you complete this statement:
Right now, I am grateful for ...
Step 2: Really think about each thing for a moment and say a quiet word of thanks in your mind. Now, before you think of anything else, how do you feel?
Step 3: For today, whenever you start to feel low or
unhappy, stop and think for a moment of your gratitude garden and say a sincere thank you in your mind for each item. Try to do this several times today.
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Reflect
If you want to feel more happiness in your life: start by creating a gratitude habit. It will change the way you walk around your world. Even as you dream of a wonderful tomorrow, you can be grateful for the gifts of today. Reflect here on how you felt when you remembered your gratitude garden today.
Gratitude is the best attitude.
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Day 19
Learn from Mistakes You will notice that the topic for today is not “avoid making mistakes”
or “ignore your mistakes.” Because “mistake” means to do something incorrectly, it is easy to understand why we might want to avoid or ignore them in our lives. The truth is that no matter how much we try, everyone makes mistakes and they are sometimes a very great gift to us. Teens (as well as adults) that are willing to reflect back to lessons learned through their mistakes can STOP from making the same mistake again. Reflecting back to my Quinceañera days, I remember sitting in my high school English class and feeling lost because I had just moved to this new school. On my second day of class, the English teacher (Mr. D) gave us a pop-quiz on a short story which I had not read. One of the cutest guys in class said, “Why don’t you copy my answers?” So, I did. “What was I thinking?!” In a matter of minutes, the teacher requested that I stepout of class immediately. My mind raced with a thousand excuses, but instead of saying them, I confessed and owned up to my cheating. To my surprise, Mr. D gave me a chance to read the story and retake the exam. Although Mr. D could have reported me to the academic dean, he chose to give me the opportunity to learn from my mistake.
TRY THIS in life. THINK about a time when you made a mistake you Circle all the phrases below that describe how ake: dealt with the mist Pretended it didn’t happen Figured out the lesson and moved on
Told my best friend what happened Wrote about it in a journal Felt badly about myself Told everyone what happened
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Lied Felt guilty Cried
Laughed it off Did nothing
Ignored the situation
Reflect
W
hen I cheated in Mr. D’s class, that was the last time I cheated on a test. Why? I did not fill myself with guilt or feel badly about myself for weeks on end. Instead I stopped and learned a few things about myself that day. First, I learned that I should not give into peer pressure to do the wrong thing (even if the guy is cute). Second, I learned to study and be better prepared so I wouldn’t need to cheat in the future. And third, I learned that the teacher believed in my ability to pass the quiz and I should believe in myself too. So, although making that mistake was not a pleasant experience, it was a very important one. I was never the same again. When you face your mistakes with the question, “what can I learn from this to become more the person I know I am?” you will find that a mistake can turn into a very strange type of gift from life. Reflect here on how you can learn from a recent mistake to become more the person you want to be:
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Day 20
Respect Yourself When your friend, your family member or a special someone treats
you right, you know you are being respected. We toss around this word, but have you ever thought about what it really means? It means that when you say “no” a person does not challenge your intelligence or make you feel bad about your decision. They don’t put down your values, your beliefs or treat your stuff badly. As Latinas, I think we are taught to treat others with respect, even when they don’t deserve it. I actually think this is a really beautiful part of our culture. But at the same time, it sometimes makes it hard for us to walk away from relationships that are hurting us. This seems to happen to us the most in our romantic relationships. Whether this describes you or not, I think it is worth thinking about what it means to respect yourself. To me, this means that I realize that I am a person put on this planet to do something special with my skills and talents. I don’t think I am better than other people, I just think that who I am is basically good. I try not to do things that harm myself and I try to make healthy choices in the things I eat, the things I do and the company I keep.
Create a habit of d respecting yourself an e. others in your daily lif
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TRY THIS What does it look like to respect yourself and how does it feel? Do you know? Here is an activity to help you really know what respect means to you.
Step 1: Can you think of a character in a book, movie
or TV show that you feel really respected herself. Describe what types of things this character did to show she respected herself. Try to be very specific in your description – that means, use details.
Step 2: Today, as much as you can, only hang out
with people who you respect and who respect you. If you can’t do this, be aware of what it feels like to be with people who are not respectful compared with those who are. And as much as you can, be respectful to everyone today (even if you feel they do not deserve it). Continue to respect yourself by eating well and treating yourself to something special or doing something that really makes you feel good about the powerful and gifted Latina that you truly are.
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Reflect
Write two sentences here about your day. In
particular, write about what things you did today that showed you respected yourself.
Now, go back to Day 15 and write about your last 5 days of eating well and exercising.
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Day 21
Be the person you want to be -- Live without Limits
If you approach the world with the attitude that everything is placed
in your life – the good and the bad – to make you the best person you can be, your whole world will change. Instead of saying, “poor me” or “that is just the way it is,” you’ll find yourself saying: “Every moment gives me an opportunity to be the person I am supposed to be.” I can not tell you how many professional Latina women with whom I have spoken have stories to tell of when their state of mind changed. Instead of thinking that they were incomplete, they started thinking everything they needed to live a fulfilling, wonderful life was available if they were willing to work to get it. The question is, are you ready to change your mindset from accepting what comes to following your dreams? Are you willing to follow your own heartbeat wherever it might go? Believe that you have the right to a life that contains fulfilling experiences, happiness and meaning. It is our belief that every single person reading this paragraph has that right. You may each find that fulfilling, happy, meaningful life in different ways, but each of you has the potential to live life that way. Don’t accept anything less. You were meant to do good in your world and you have taken many steps in that direction just by sticking with this 21 day challenge.
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TRY THIS Create a “Limitless Living Map”. Step 1: Find pictures from magazines or draw pictures
that reflect aspects of who you want to be. For instance, if you want to be happy, draw a happy face or paste a magazine picture of someone who is happy. If you want to be a writer, you can put a picture of a book or a computer (for writing). If you want to be a traveler, put a picture of mountains or a castle. There are no limits to what you can put on this map (only the barriers you have in your mind). Dream big and find the pictures to illustrate your dream.
Step 2: After you have collected and/or drawn pictures, attach them to your blank page. Create a visual map of who you are going to be. Step 3: When you are done with your “Limitless Living Map,“ place it on the wall in the area of your
morning routine or inside your closet door. Any place where you will be able to see it regularly. Like an affirmation, it is a statement of what you are and what you will be.
Step 4: Next to this poster post a paper with these words on it:
ap Living M
”
LIVE in health FIND the zone AFFIRM your strengths PRACTICE gratitude RESPECT yourself LEARN from your mistakes & LIVE without limits.
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”
Reflect
There are hurdles in life sometimes, but only
you can decide not to jump over them. Don’t get disappointed if things don’t turn out exactly as you planned. Take the lesson handed to you by life and delight in the fact that everything that happens comes to you for a reason. Figure out that reason and you will soon be walking the right path again. If you approach each day with a plan, some flexibility and with gratitude, you will find that life can be very fun.
God doesn’t require us to succeed; he only requires that you try. -Mother Theresa
possibilities 57
Conclusion Without taking any long far away trips, you have made an important journey while participating in this 21 day challenge. You have thought about what you value in life. You have thought about the many roles you play and how to grow relationships with people while still staying true to your values and goals. And lastly, you have been given some “rules for success� which are basically things to do that will help you stay true to yourself and the person you want to become. We say, with all honestly, that if you had the self discipline to complete all the reading and tasks in this book and if you have taken time to reflect daily, you deserve congratulations and you have our respect. You are a Latina full of potential, full of goodness and full of light.
This is only the beginning. ADELANTE MUJER!
Mica & Leti
CONGRATULATIONS to ________________________________
you completed the Quince Adelante Handbook: 21 Day Challenge
Felicidades y Mas
Acknowledgments This book was made possible because of the local Oceanside-Carlsbad-Vista American Association of University Women (AAUW) Community Outreach Grant. This grant was the primary source of funding for this project. In addition, the local Oceanside-Carlsbad-Vista AAUW chapter members provided ongoing encouragement and feedback on the project for which we are extremely grateful. We are also extremely thankful to the AAUW San Diego Branch for their grant that launched the printing of this book. A generous grant from Rosemary Negrete also contributed to the funding of this project. We would also like to acknowledge that the structure of this book which focuses on values, roles and rules was taken from Dr. Herbert C. Kelman’s social influence model (1958). He was Mica’s dissertation advisor and continues to be a powerful mentor. We would like to acknowledge the time and energy that many of the Civic Light board members, past and present, contributed by editing early versions of this book, engaging in fundraising for the project, and consistently supporting the vision of the book: Karen Swanson, Wendy Heit, Patricia Rivera, Michele Wegman, Nicole Moore, Mira Masakawa and Deanna Rule. Additional editors to whom we are thankful are Sylvia Villalobos and Narciso Iglesias Lastly, we would like to acknowledge the extremely useful input of those Latina middle school and college students, as well as local community members who participated in our focus groups. Their honesty and ideas for refining earlier versions of this manuscript were particularly helpful and encouraging.
Civic Light Projects is a nonprofit organization committed to cultivating economic, educational and cultural prosperity in our community. One of our primary projects is the Quince Project, started in 2005, which promotes academic achievement and “life skills for success” among low-income Latina girls. To learn more, visit our website at www.civiclight.org.
References & Resources For fun Mendoza, Sylvia (2004). The Book of Latina Woman. Avon, MA: Adam’s Media. Markham, Beryl (1942). West with the Night. NY: North Point Press. Wolff, Margaret (2002). In Sweet Company: Conversations with Extraordinary Women about Living a Spiritual Life. San Diego, CA: Margaret Wolff Unlimited.
Health and fitness Oz, Mahmet & Roizen, Michael F. (2006). You on a Diet: The Owner’s Manual for Waist Management. Free Press.
Books that rocked our world Cameron, Julie (2002). The Artist’s Way. NY: Tarcher/Putnam. Gladwell, Malcolm (2002). Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference. Boston, MA: Back Bay Books. Ruiz, Don Miguel (1997). The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Agreement, A Toltec Wisdom Book. San Rafael, CA: Tandem Library. Tolle, Eckhart (1999). Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises from the Power of Now. Novato, CA: New World Library.
About the Authors and Graphic Designer Mica Estrada Dr. Estrada earned her BA at U.C. Berkeley in psychology (1989), with a minor emphasis in Peace and Conflict Studies. She resumed her academic training at Harvard University, where she received her MA (1992) and Ph.D. (1997) in Social Psychology. In addition to raising three lively boys, she is an Research Faculty at CSUSM, a writer and community activist. As a professional and as a volunteer, she has worked with non-profits to empower Latinas through education and promote global thinking among all our youth.
Leticia Chavarria As both a professional and as a volunteer, Ms. Iglesias has spent over 15 years working with the Latino community in North San Diego county as a health-care advocate, parent educator, and program developer. A multi-talented woman, she recently received her M.B.A. and intends to share her business knowledge, as well as her enthusiasm for success with our communities’ youth.
Laura Negrete Silva earned her B.A. in graphic design from San Diego State University in 2005. In the same year she started Laura Silva Design, a full service, freelance graphic design studio. In addition to graphic design, she raises two small boys and contributes to the community through providing innovative and professional design for non-profit organizations.
What are you doing with the next days?
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