2008 Summer Bridal Guide by Hersam Acorn

Summer 2008

BRIDAL

GUIDE

Inside:  Wedding Planning  Theme Weddings  Fashion Trends  And More!

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A Bride’s Tale “It all started with the dress.” - Toby Raymond My dear friend Sarah Goethe (now Mrs. Goethe-Jones, thank you!) was explaining the inspiration for her recent wedding. The “dress” in question was not some simple frock or wardrobe essential – she was speaking about fourteen yards of satin, ten yards of lace, a year of research and study, piecing and sewing, and a mother’s phenomenal labor of love. Clearly this was some dress! In her past, Sarah had worked with a caterer and while she enjoyed the many weddings they attended and served, and had admired the bride in her fancy clothes, she never felt particularly fond of the modern garments. She decided that for her own wedding she would want to step far beyond the contemporary model of a bridal gown. Relying on history to guide her, she began to review historical dresses as a model for her own, but along the way she also began to collect many other fascinating bits of information about weddings of old. By the time she Photo Courtesy of Sarah Goethe-Jones

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had settled on a design for her gown, she and her then ﬁancé, Jeremy Jones, had decided that the entire wedding party would wear the distinctive garments of Sarah’s beloved Edwardian/ Gilded Ages. Sarah and Jeremy had also decided upon an entire wedding based on the traditions of that era. In making such a choice they would step back over a century, and create an entirely different wedding experience for themselves and their guests. Theirs would be no “standard” nuptial event; with no DJ, no stretch limousine, no waiters and waitresses wandering with trays of unique appetizers, nor even bubbles or birdseed to salute the new couple as they exited the church. Instead the two, along with their dedicated family members and friends, worked to create a mood, tone and feel that could have fooled even a n 1866 Lenox resident. Their day was a glorious example of a “theme” wedding at its ﬁnest. Going far beyond the clothes or appropriate music, the two began with handmade invitations on reproduction vintage stacontinued on page 6

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A Bride’s Tale

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Photo Courtesy of Sarah Goethe-Jones

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Did Sarah’s guests enjoy “knickknackeries”? Absolutely! Entering that delightful building the guests were directed to the “buffet” where beautiful trays of sweets, a gorgeous wedding cake, a groaning table of luncheon treats, and a glorious bowl of old fashioned punch awaited. Many of the main items offered had a delightfully hand-lettered little card explaining what the diner was about to enjoy and which historic cookbook it came from. Friends and family of the bride and groom lovingly made the entire meal, and the cake was handmade by Sarah herself. Taken from the “Northern Ladies Civil War Recipes” book it was the “White Mountain Cake” version of the standard and popular “Mother’s Cake”. For this wedding day the recipe required “6.5 cups of butter, 39 eggs, 39 cups of ﬂour, 19.5 cups of sugar, for a total of 9 hours of baking, and 51 cups of cake batter”. ��

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tionery. Everyone invited to their special day received a delicate note in a highly decorative ﬂoral print, inviting guests to attend the service, and a second little card for those invited to the “breakfast” afterward at Ventfort Hall in Lenox, MA (visit www.gildedage.org for details). The 1871 edition of the “Bazaar Book of Decorum” explained that the breakfast meals of the day were “the fashionable ball supper, lighted up by day instead of gas light, and is composed, like it, of stewed oysters, galantines, mayonnaise of fowl, cold game, ices, pyramids, and all the knickknackeries of confectionery.”

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The ofﬁcial menu and buffet arrangement for their day was inspired by “Mrs. Beeton’s Book of Household Management,” an 1861 bestseller containing “2,751 entries... on how to deal with servants’ pay and children’s health, and above all a wealth of cooking advice, instructions and recipes”. The twenty-one year old author saw her book sell in the millions by the time of her death only seven short years later. Though it is considered greatly outdated today, the name of Mrs. Beeton continued on page 7 2008 Summer Bridal Guide

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still holds a place of authority and tradition in British cookery, and in formal occasions both in the UK and the United States. Sarah also took a page, literally, from history when her friend, area photographer and historian David Dashiell, provided her with a copy of a letter from his own family’s past. In it are the speciﬁc details of a wedding from the post-Civil War era, and Sarah was thrilled to have the opportunity to match her buffet to that long ago afternoon. “We included almost everything on the list,” she said with a smile, “except the collared eel and boar’s head of course”. Their menu was composed of a Groom’s cake (which for this occasion was a fruitcake), white and purple grapes, apples (on the strong recommendation of Mrs. Beeton), strawberries and cream, and in place of the requisite “Jellied fruit, or alternatives of pigeons in jelly and blancmange,” the buffet offered a unique take on a classic JELL-O mold, and instead of “cold ham, salmon, tongue,” guests enjoyed cold ham, turkey, roast beef. Sarah noted a remarkable quantity of lobster, seemingly everywhere in the menu lists from the period, and opted instead for a large and whimsical “lobster” made from bread to serve in a place

Photo by: Cyndy Brissett

of honor at the head of the buffet (where he quickly lost his claws, and was soon devoured!). There were several cold salads, including Mrs. Beeton’s own chicken and potato salads, a family recipe for bean salad, and assorted cheeses and crackers. In addition to the Groom’s and wedding cakes, sweets included meringues, cheesecakes, and fruit tarts (including “Newton’s Tarts” which are the “Fig Newton’s” of today, and still from continued on page 8

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Newton, MA). The beverages included water, fruit punch and tea. The fruit punch recipe was “Returning Heroes Punch,” taken from the web site of the Commonwealth Vintage Dancers, an organization that works to “reconstruct, perform and teach social dances of the Nineteenth and Early Twentieth Centuries” (For more information visit http://vintagedancers.org). Because dancing and music form a large part of the bride’s dayto-day life; she is a formally trained ballerina and instructor, as well as a member and participant with the Commonwealth Vintage Dancers, both of these factors played a large role in the wedding day. The invitations welcomed guests to come in clothing appropriate to the theme, and entire pews of the Trinity Church of Lenox, MA were ﬁlled with hoop skirted women and beautifully dressed men - many active members in the CVD. The processional music and ceremonial music were taken directly from the ofﬁcial 1863 wedding ceremony of Prince Edward VII and Princess Alexandra of Great Britain. During the reception at Ventfort Hall the live music was performed by “Spare Parts,” a musical ensemble that specializes in period Photo Courtesy of Sarah Goethe-Jones

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events and social dances (visit www.bfv.com for details), and the dancers and guests took part in a “Grand March” as well as many other classic social dances of the era. Attendees at the Jones’ wedding ceremony were able to participate in several events that are still prevalent in today’s ceremonies, such as the formal “cutting of the cake” and a first dance for the newlyweds. Absent however was today’s customary bouquet toss, as well as several other reception events. Because such things did not occur during the Edwardian period, Sarah opted to give her wedding party jewelry and silver “tussy mussys” – formal bouquet holders, which were the traditional wedding accessories and “take home” gifts for the bride’s attendants. To continue to stay in line with the traditions of the day, Sarah and Jeremy relied on the 1863 edition of “The Book of Common Prayer” for their ceremony and vows, and also participated in a formal signing of a wedding contract at the altar. This is a highly decorative document that would have been framed or preserved in family archives, and Sarah was able to locate a well-made reproduction for her own wedding (available at www.plannersguide.com/wed7.htm). Guests at the ceremony also received lovely little “programs” which were rolled parchment pieces, tied in ribbon that itemized the ceremony details and discussed the source materials and historical origins of the music, words and vows of the proceedings. Now, back to that dress...Sarah’s mother, Sharon L. Goethe, made not only the bride’s dress, but all of the dresses, including her own. They thoroughly researched appropriate color schemes, trims and fabrics. They even handcrafted all of the required undergarments, purchasing outright only the pieces they could not find patterns for, or make on their own. I asked Sarah about the construction process, and she said they worked in an assembly line process over the course of a year, and right up to the night before the wedding! Hand sewing and piecing everything from the chemises and bustles, to the 190-handbound eyelets up the back of all five dresses. Not only did they make the ensemble by hand, but they also trimmed the undergarment pieces correctly, and some with the required “blue” of the standard “something old, something new...” rhyme. The patterns used for the gowns were from the Simplicity pattern company, but the trims and decorative work was designed and applied by Sarah and her mother, and was inspired by vintage images and plates. continued on page 10 2008 Summer Bridal Guide

Photo Courtesy of Sarah Goethe-Jones

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Sharon wore an appropriate blue and black trimmed gown that was a common color scheme for the mother of the bride. The other gowns were in a variety of dreamy shades of pink, lilac, blue and yellow. The male members of the party rented appropriate uniforms, and included sashes, hats and white gloves (visit www.thecostumer.com for details).

Photo Courtesy of Sarah Goethe-Jones

The ﬂowers worn in the hair of the attendants, as well as those in their bouquets were

Your wedding could be this perfect!

thoroughly researched, and only traditional blooms were used, including orange blossoms and white bridal roses. For Sarah’s wedding attire there was a seven-step process of completely outfitting her (not including hair and jewelry!). I requested a play-by-play of what it took to don that incredible gown, and was amazed by the number of pieces – in order there was the chemise, drawers, corset, bustle, hoop and petticoat, dress and the lacing of the 38 eyelets. Her jewelry was a mixture of vintage and reproduction and included diamond earrings, a diamond strand necklace and bracelet and her vintage aquamarine engagement band. For wedding bands the couple chose a simple, elegant and very traditional slim wedding band. In the end it was a remarkable day at the very least, and an incredible display of dedication and joy on the part of everyone involved. From the Richmond Volunteer Fire Company who helped with all of the setting up at the reception area, to the family members, like Sarah’s sister Heather Goethe, who did many small errands that were critical to the day’s success, it was a terrific triumph. I had first met Sarah as she was beginning to plan the wedding, and at the time noted how organized and focused she was. I asked for her suggestions to anyone planning a theme wedding of any kind, and her emphasis was on research – she recommended reading source material from the era, modern books by enthusiasts and scholars, and of course visiting places of significance to the period, such as Ventfort Hall was for her wedding. She also commented on the importance of finding good supply sources, for items like shoes and fabrics, if clothing is going to play a large role in the wedding day, to stationery and jewelry companies. Sarah also placed importance on the work of her family and friends, whom she said made the day, not only possible, but also affordable and a true joy. In fact many brides recommend that certain tasks and requirements be designated to a trusted friend or family member as a way of removing stress from the bride or groom.

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There were many lessons to be learned from Sarah and Jeremy’s wedding day. Guests did not just see what a Gilded Age bride would wear, or what her guests would eat, and what music they would dance to, but also were reminded of what can get lost in the enormity of some modern wedding events. I have attended dozens of weddings, and they all had their memorable moments, but for this simple and modest wedding it was all about the thought and consideration that went into the entire day’s events. This wedding was a real celebration of love and commitment, not only on the part of the bride and groom, but also on the part of the parents watching their children transition into adulthood, and on the role of the community around the two young people. I wished for more of my friends and family to have such a day. While preparing for their “theme” wedding, the two families really created an atmosphere of dignity and unity, elegance tempered by simplicity, and a wonderful place to begin a new life.

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Doing Your Own Thing -Beth Traver Adolphus I was at my nephew’s ﬁfth birthday party when one of my aunts told me that she’d heard I was planning to get married in a barn on my family’s hay farm. “You don’t want to do that. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” She said I’d be much happier with a church wedding. Even if your friends and relatives have the tact to keep it to themselves, everyone’s a critic when it comes to weddings. Your bridesmaid may not like the cut of the bridesmaid’s dresses, your grandfather may not approve of your musical selections or your college roommate may think that your wedding cake is an offense to her culinary sensibilities. Don’t worry about it. I remember worrying that some of my older relatives wouldn’t enjoy the Zydeco band at our reception. You know what happened? They danced more than I did. It goes to show that you just never know. And what if you do know? You needn’t reject all of the opinions or suggestions of your friends and family. After all, they love you, and it’s a big day for them, too. They’re also bound to have great ideas, and you probably want to include them in this very important event. But it’s okay for you to do your own thing and stand up for the things that matter to you.

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Bridal Showers • Rehearsal Dinners Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties ��

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Doing Your Own Thing continued from page 11

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Photo by: David Traver Adolphus

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Whether you get married in a town hall or yell out your vows while bungee jumping from a bridge, you’ll be making a statement about who you and your spouse-to-be are as individuals and as a couple. Your wedding is your ﬁrst ofﬁcial act together, and at its heart, it’s about the two of you. You’d probably still get married even if no one could attend. So it makes sense to consider what makes you feel close to one another. For example, two musicians might include the exchange of musical vows. It also makes sense to do what makes you happy. It seems obcontinued on page 13

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vious, but sometimes people forget to create a ceremony and celebration that brings them joy. If you want to do cartwheels down the aisle, so be it. Still worried what people might think? Here’s a news flash: people generally like happy people. Delight is contagious. Just as I was surprised to learn about my relatives’ love of Zydeco, there will be things that your loved ones may not know about you. Your wedding provides the chance to share something about yourselves. If your extended family members don’t know that you’re passionate about providing a foster home for unwanted cats, they’re sure to find out when your 27 wellgroomed felines attend the ceremony. Doing your own thing means that you’re making the day meaningful and, by extension, memorable - often for others as well as yourselves. Whether they were traditional or quirky, the weddings I’ve most enjoyed are those that truly reflected the personalities of the couples and the things they shared. My husband and I wrote our own vows, and, really, my aunt did us a favor. We decided to articulate the reasons behind our decision to get married in the barn as part of the ceremony. As we gathered on the land that has been farmed by my ancestors for over 250 years, we talked about family, love and tradition. It was meaningful for us, but it also resonated with our loved ones. We did have one regret - that we couldn’t do it all again and again.

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�� Top 10 Wedding Planning Tips

1. Start planning as early as possible.

Places are booked earlier each year after year. To insure that you get what you want, start your searching process early!

2. Know your service providers.

Reputation is of the utmost importance. Avoid surprises on the day of your wedding - select service providers with impeccable records.

3. Put everything in writing.

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When you book your service providers, make sure that anything you discuss, including special arrangements, are written in a signed contract.

4. Be organized.

Make an action plan by week of what you are going to do, and keep track of progress. This will help you to keep your thoughts and plans in order.

5. Pursue proper etiquette.

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Weddings are an emotional event - it is important to keep all relevant parties happy. Follow the proper rules of etiquette and you’ll never go wrong.

6. Invite people to participate in your wedding...

because they care about you, not out of obligation!

7. Watch your budget.

Start out with a budget and stick to it. Don’t start your new life with your partner paying oﬀ wedding bills for years to come!

8. Compromise.

Knowing how to compromise will save stress through the planning process. Be open to ideas and sensitive to the feelings of others!

9. Conﬁrm and follow-up.

2 months before, follow-up with your service providers - band, limos, photographer, ﬂorist - conﬁrm your arrangements, provide any last minute instructions, and reiterate timing of all activities.

10. Relax and enjoy!

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When Things Go Wrong breaking his leg the day before the big event. It seems almost inevitable, simply because you want everything to be perfect. But here are some things to think about when you face unexpected challenges. Perfection is just a little bit boring. Which makes the better story? “The weather was clear, the bride was beautiful, and everyone had a wonderful time” or “Everything was going great until the boats carrying the bridesmaids began to ﬁll with water halfway across the lake”? (True story - I was in one of those boats.) Remember the crazy weddings in “Father of the Bride,” “Meet the Parents” and countless other ﬁlms? If something goes amiss, just remember that you’ll have a better story to tell your kids. And if it’s really good, you can try selling it to a Hollywood producer. Photo by: David Traver Adolphus

-Beth Traver Adolphus Few of life’s events seem to involve the level of preparation and complexity that most weddings do. So don’t be surprised when something doesn’t go exactly as planned. Things go wrong, whether it’s a run in your stocking or the groom

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Recognize that you can’t control everything. What will be, will be. My husband once provided the photography for a client who handed him a five-page spreadsheet of schedules and information. There were spreadsheets for everyone involved in the wedding. When the bride was late, the groom began to look like an enraged lobster in a tux (I saw the pictures). Why ruin your day? Once you’ve finished planning, let someone else worry about the details and just go with the flow. While there is no scientific evidence to back me up, I think most successful marriages begin with wedding glitches. The best marriage I know - my parents’ - is heading toward the 45-year mark. On their wedding day, my mother sliced her finger badly on a razor blade. Had her father not been a hand surgeon, it might have required a trip to the emergency room. All of the photos show my mom wearing long, elegant, white gloves with a hole cut out of one of them; her bandaged digit wouldn’t fit inside the tight-fitting glove. But there’s a glint in her eye. I’m sure she handled the situation with humor and grace (and perhaps a bit of champagne to dull the pain). Along with keeping a sense of humor, it also helps to remember the meaning of the day. Does it really matter that the bridesmaids’ dresses came in neon cotton candy pink instead of petal pink? (This happened to my sister, still happily married 18 years later.) When my headpiece arrived, I was distressed that, instead of miniature roses, the florist had used an enormous, mutant variety. I felt like an exhibit at a garden show. It really upset me - for about five minutes. Then I flattened them down a bit and got on with the important stuff. The lasting feeling is the one you get when you walk toward the love of your life on that magical day. Believe me, you won’t care what anyone is wearing.

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Some Dos and Don’ts if you Plan to Leave the Country for a Wedding - Susan Coons My son moved to Florida in 2001. He met a new girlfriend, and the following Christmas brought her home to meet his family. She was very stressed during their entire visit. Not only did she suffer the anxiety of meeting all of us, but her visit was coupled with the extreme cold and dampness of a New England December. She’s a native of Costa Rica. When they married in 2005, it was our turn to meet her parents and family. This was a wonderful opportunity to visit Costa Rica and learn a few tips about wedding travel first-hand. 1. DO NOT think that three months is plenty of time to acquire your passport. I waited until about three months before the wedding to apply for my passport. Everyone told me it would be easy and not to worry. Six weeks after applying, I called the town clerk because I hadn’t heard anything. She didn’t understand what could cause the delay, but told me not to worry. After another week passed, I began to worry. For the next several weeks and after many long distance phone calls, I found someone in Springfield, Illinois who could help me. A copy of my birth certificate was over-nighted to the appropriate government authorities and three extra copies to me. Expenses accrued in the acquisition of a passport amounted to around $200, and included phone calls, four copies of my birth certifi-

Photo by: David Traver Adolphus

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cate, cost of the passport (at that time, $32) and the charge for over-nighting the information to the government. My passport arrived three days before departure. A close call. 2. DO NOT take the word of your mechanic when leaving on a trip of any distance. We left for Bradley International Airport in Hartford, CT, from Albany, NY, around 2:00 a.m. to catch a 6:30 a.m. flight to Miami. We stopped for a cup of coffee in a rest area a little more than half way there. My car sounded strange when we resumed our trip, but I had been assured by a mechanic that everything was just fine. Well, he was wrong. The car froze and the engine died half-way up the off-ramp at the airport exit. It was now about 5 a.m. and we had only an hour and a half to make our flight. A trooper, driving in the other direction saw us and called for help. My daughter, using her cell phone, also called for help.

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The tow truck arrived with a driver who looked like he had slept in his clothes. He sported a stubby beard that surrounded a cigarette hanging out of the right side of his mouth. He backed his truck into place, secured the chains to the front end of my car, and slowly began to raise it up the ramp to the platform of the truck.

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Suddenly one of the chains snapped and the car began to roll back down the ramp, heading for oncoming trafﬁc! I tried to hold the car back by grabbing onto the side view mirror. With his coffee ﬁnally kicking in, he was able to run ahead and jump in, pulling on the emergency brake only moments before the car reached the highway!

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The driver left us off at the front entrance of the airport. My daughter and I climbed down out of the tow truck; he tossed us our luggage, and with only minutes to spare, we ran into the lobby. We made it; the last to board! 3. DO NOT expect to ﬁnd the promise of hotel transportation to be accurate. It was chilly when we left Massachusetts; jacket weather, May 31. When we arrived in Miami, the temperature was 93 degrees, and dripping humid. We walked up and down the stairs, three times, towing our luggage, trying to ﬁnd a cab or jitney to take us to our hotel. After walking what seemed like miles in the airport, we found a sympathetic Red Cap who led us to a cabbie. We sealed the deal with a generous tip. continued on page 17

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2008 Summer Bridal Guide

Our transportation was a low slung, beat up, and patriotically decorated vehicle of a 1987 vintage. Red, white and blue ball fringe; small American ﬂags on each end of the dashboard; rosary beads hanging from the rear-view mirror; and bright, multi-colored fabric on the seats. A small vase attached to the middle of the dashboard held a little bouquet. I could feel the “cab” rocking with loud Cuban music.

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Our driver was short, grizzly bearded, and barely spoke English. We wouldn’t know if he was taking us for a “ride” or not. The hotel could have been right around the corner of the airport for all we knew. Half an hour later he dropped us off at the hotel.

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5. DO NOT use tanning lotion unless you’re able to rub it in very evenly. My daughter and I dodged thunderstorms as we walked about ¾ of a mile to a restaurant for dinner. She was ahead of me, and I noticed the back of her legs were streaked from the tanning lotion she used. I laughed so hard I wasn’t able to walk! continued on page 18

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4. DO NOT use your teeth to open a bottle. Ah, the room was lovely and air conditioned! We closed the draperies and our eyes, and rested for a couple of hours in the darkened room. This little nap was very welcome considering the events of the day. We awoke around 4:30 and began to think about where to eat dinner. I packed a couple of miniature Beefeater drinks to enjoy before going out to eat. The cap was difﬁcult to twist off so I tried it with my teeth. Got the cap off, and more – I broke off the front of a porcelain crown! That was just swell. Now I had a dark tooth that showed every time I opened my mouth! Lucy Ricardo going to meet the parents. Another disturbing situation, but by now, I was becoming used to them.

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Some Dos and Don’ts if you Plan to Leave the Country for a Wedding

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6. DO NOT board the plane without a sanitary mask. The next morning we boarded our ﬂight to Costa Rica. I sat facing the bulkhead, squeezed between two men who collectively probably weighed 550 pounds. The passenger on my right had a very bad cold; sneezed and coughed enough to have rung out a hankie ten times! I was so glad to get off that plane! (I ended up with pneumonia and was under the care of a doctor the day before I left San Jose for my return home.) 7. DO enjoy yourself and accept the love! We met Marcela’s parents who are lovely and very gracious people. All of her aunts, uncles and cousins threw a party for us, the bride and groom the night we arrived. There was dancing to the music of strolling troubadours, and drinking and eating as those of Latin heritage do so well. We had a wonderful time. It was great fun.

Photo by: David Traver Adolphus

The wedding was beautiful. The reception was elegant and even more wonderful that the party the night before! The remainder of the week was spent visiting rain forests, riding zip lines, visiting bird parks, historic sites, and driving past coffee plantations everywhere. Costa Rica is truly a beautiful country and the people are genuinely happy. From the moment I arrived in Costa Rica to the time I returned to Connecticut, I had a wonderful week. However, on arrival at the airport in Hartford, I found that my car was really dead and couldn’t be resurrected. I had one day to buy a car; ﬁve days to drive back to Hartford to pick up the license plates from the old car, register my new car and go to the dentist to have my porcelain cap repaired. Remember the Beefeaters? The tooth situation was the beginning of another long and expensive story.

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2008 Summer Bridal Guide

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