FINANCE
Three Signs of a Financially Abusive Marriage Everyone should be financially literate BY MANAL FOUZ
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inancial abuse, like emotional abuse, is far too common in many relationships. It’s not unique to any generation, culture or faith. Seldom discussed, it can make its victims feel anxious, powerless and resentful. I guarantee that you know at least one couple currently experiencing it. Financial abuse can occur when one spouse exerts complete control over the other’s access to financial resources. In the case of a married couple, the husband is almost always the guilty party, for the wife’s ability to be financially self-sufficient is greatly reduced. This reality, an unfair power dynamic slanted in the husband’s favor, can result in the loss of trust and emotional intimacy within the marriage. The good news is that, unlike other forms of abuse, couples have a high chance of overcoming it with just a few changes. Here are three signs of financial abuse in a marriage and some things you can do about it: ➤ Denying access. When one spouse controls all the money (income, credit cards, investments, etc.) in an unhealthy and manipulative way, that’s financial abuse. When you deny your spouse access to marital assets, it’s a power play. And usually, when you’re trying to assert your dominance, it means you don’t view them as an equal. Consider how unprecedented this verse must have been to the Prophet’s (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) contemporaries: “And do not covet that by which God has made some of you excel others; men shall have the benefit of what they earn, and women shall have the benefit of what they earn” (4:32). WHEN ONE SPOUSE CONTROLS ALL THE MONEY Husbands who give their wives an allow (INCOME, CREDIT CARDS, INVESTMENTS, ETC.) ance need to tread carefully. An allowance can be healthy if both spouses share access to IN AN UNHEALTHY AND MANIPULATIVE WAY, the family’s marital assets. Consider depos THAT’S FINANCIAL ABUSE. iting most of the family’s income into a joint bank account. Each spouse can set up an individual bank account for this allowance and then spend it with no questions asked. ➤ They feverishly monitor your Abusive spouses aren’t always cheap. In fact, they spending, but forbid you question theirs. Setting up a household budget is will sometimes make a large purchase with your joint important for a family’s financial success. However, it’s unhealthy for one spouse money after you’ve purchased something for yourself. to make all the spending decisions or react angrily whenever money is spent. A massive, unexpected purchase after an argument A spouse who vigorously tracks every purchase and gives just enough money can be a symptom of financial abuse. Remember, it’s all about control. to complete a task has major control issues. There can also be a fine line between being cheap and inflicting financial abuse. ➤ Keeping you in the dark. A husband who For instance, if a wife spends money on herself for clothing, entertainment, food maintains secret financial accounts is committing and other needs and her husband goes nuclear, that’s financial abuse. If he refuses financial abuse. Hiding something important from to spend money on her medical or dental needs, that’s financial abuse. As 4:34 one’s spouse, such as debt, investment losses or even states, “Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by God large purchases, is sometimes referred to as “finan over women and tasked with supporting them financially.” cial infidelity.” They may use their spouse’s credit 54 ISLAMIC HORIZONS JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2022
