FAMILY LIFE
On Raising Girls Jahili attitudes toward women persist, despite Islam’s 1,410 years of historical existence BY NOOR SAADEH
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aising practicing Muslim children amidst Islamophobia and a very jahili society is a difficult task. This is especially true in terms of raising and interacting with girls and women. Parents are influenced by Western society’s idea of freedom, children view Islam as terribly restrictive and the umma privileges boys and men while relegating girls and women to narrowly defined roles and goals. I asked several young women from a variety of ages, socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds to evaluate how their parents and community have succeeded or failed them. The results are discussed below. Appearance. For girls, appearance remains paramount. One need only recall the (now largely discontinued) matrimonial sections: “Family seeks bride: beautiful, slim, tall, white, educated…” Oh yes … “and religious.” There still appears to be less focus on character development and a deep practical understanding and implementation of the deen. Yes, pursuing higher education is far more the standard today, and yet they stated that their parents too often view an advanced degree as a carrot to dangle in front of a prospective groom’s family or yet another element of their bragging rights. Matrimonials now read: “Family seeks bride with university degree.” But the reality is she’ll often be expected to stay home and have babies. So are we hypocritical when proclaiming that the mother’s lap is the child’s first school? Was the degree’s goal acquiring knowledge WE HEAR FATHERS CRY, “SPOIL THE GIRL,” or just another item on the matrimonial list? Education = Career = Conundrum. Islam requires WHICH MEANS TO CONDITION HER TO AN EASY everyone to seek knowledge. A woman’s mind and LIFE, DRY HER TEARS AND DECIDE EVERYTHING voice are necessary to complement those of men. But FOR HER, INCLUDING HER FUTURE AND HER as we concentrate on moving Muslimahs into higher education and the workforce, are we losing sight of HUSBAND. SO WHAT ELSE CAN WE EXPECT their basic nature, psychology and physiology? BUT A CHILD RAISING CHILDREN AND WOMEN Traditional gender roles and responsibilities are WHOSE WORLD IS LIMITED TO THE HOME, THE changing and merging. Too many young women, attracted by the glamor of working life, are forsaking MALL AND THE BEAUTY SALON? traditional homemaker roles. More worrisome, they are debating whether to have children at all and, when they do, are leaving them to be raised by hired help and schools. longish shorts — as do many non-Muslim men — Modesty. Modesty invariably dominates any discussion of Muslimahs, thanks perhaps choosing not to remember that the early to “O ye Children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover your Muslims adopted a defining dress code that was worn shame, as well as to be an adornment to you. But the raiment of righteousness at all times, not just for Friday prayer or Eid celebra— that is the best. Such are among the Signs of God, that they may receive tions, which today are more cultural than Islamic. admonition!” (7:26). Muslim men apparently expect Muslimahs to fend We may all “remember” an image in our history books of the fully clothed for themselves. European discoverer calling the scantily clad natives (accurately depicted?) “savCulture. “And they attribute to God daughters ages.” In contrast, provocatively baring our flesh now denotes our urbanity and — exalted is He — and for them is what they desire. sophistication, while covering it relegates us provincial at best, if not backward When the glad news of the birth of their daughter is and oppressed. brought to them, their faces turn gloomy and black Conversely, today’s modest Muslimahs represent Islam’s vanguard, for they alone with anger” (16:57-58). It’s 2020 and we’re still dealing with the “problem” are its very visible ambassadors. As a result, they have become targets for others’ wrath and ridicule. Do we provide them with the tools to combat this negativity? of women — that a man and a family’s honor are Muslim men defensively claim they have a beard and wear loose pants or connected to their womenfolk. A sin is still a sin, 46 ISLAMIC HORIZONS NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2020
