Mehr: A Wife’s Indelible Right

All Muslims, especially converts, need to understand this legal obligation before getting married

BY MUZAMMIL H. SIDDIQI

Every Islamic marriage starts with an assertion of the bride’s right to mehr,either money or possessions, that the groom must present to her during their marriage ceremony. The Quran and Hadith use several words for it, such as sadaq, nihla and farida.

Its content should be agreed upon and known by the bride, the groom, their families and witnesses. If it is neither fixed nor mentioned, the bride and her family can still stipulate it as mehr al-mithl (mehr by precedence, similar to what the bride’s family receives).

There is no minimum or maximum amount, but it must be mutually agreed upon. It could be as little as an iron ring (“Sahih al-Bukhari,” 5150]), something symbolic like the husband teaching his wife part or all of the Qur’an or as large “as a heap of gold” (4:20).

The wife has the right to receive all of it at the time of the marriage, or part of it then and the rest later on, according to the agreement. It is fully payable after the marriage is consummated; however, if divorce occurs before that, then half of it has to be paid unless the wife or her guardians waive it. As a wife cannot be compelled or coerced

MEHR IS NOT A BRIDE PRICE, BUT THE WIFE’S RIGHT. THE QURAN CALLS IT SADAQ (A TOKEN OF FRIENDSHIP) AND NIHLA (SOMETHING SWEET OR GIVEN WITH THE SWEETNESS OF THE HEART), FOR IT IS MEANT TO SIGNIFY HER HUSBAND’S LOVE FOR AND APPRECIATION OF HER. IT ALSO SIGNIFIES HIS COMMITMENT TO MEET HER FINANCIAL NEEDS AND THOSE OF THE HOUSEHOLD, AS MANDATED BY THE SHARIA.

in this matter, she can freely waive it completely at any time.

Moreover, she cannot be forced to give it up, for as the Quran proclaims: “And give women (on marriage) their dower with good will. But if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer” (4:4), “Those among them (i.e., your wives) whom you enjoy, give them their dowers as an obligation. But there is no blame on you if, after a dower is determined, you mutually agree to vary it” (4:24) and “If you divorce them before consummation and have fixed a dower for them, then half of the dower is due to them, unless they forgive it or it is forgiven by him in whose hand is the marriage tie [the bride’s guardian/family elder]” (2:237).

As the mehr belongs to the wife, neither her parents nor guardians can consider it their property. Only she can waive its payment; however, if the marriage ends before consummation, then her guardian can waive it on her behalf. If the wife initiates the proceedings (khula’), her husband has the right to ask her to return it. If he dies without paying the mehr, it becomes an outstanding debt that must be paid before his heirs receive anything from his estate.

Mehr is not a bride price, but the wife’s right. The Quran calls it sadaq (a token of friendship) and nihla (something sweet or given with the sweetness of the heart), for it is meant to signify her husband’s love for and appreciation of her. It also signifies his commitment to meet her financial needs and those of the household, as mandated by the Sharia.

Some Muslims mistakenly believe that mehr is paid at the time of divorce. This is true only if it wasn’t paid at the time of marriage, for it must be paid before the divorce is granted.

People often divide mehr into advanced (mu’ajjal) and postponed (mu’akkhar or muwajjal). The mu’ajjal must be paid at the time of nikah, whereas the postponed part can be paid later. As the wife has the right to take it from her husband, he shouldn’t feel bad if she does so. Also, she shouldn’t feel threatened that he may leave her if he gives her the whole mehr. Such notions, held