Your Kitchen Horoscope

By: Madelyn Ostendorf Aquarius: Intellectual, quick problem-solvers, an Aquarius values speed and efficiency over all else. Ruled by Uranus, the biggest problem Aquarius faces is the limits of their potential. In our kitchen, Aquarius is represented by the air fryer. Fast, effective, and getting the job done right the first time, this air sign and this air fryer are a match made in heaven.

Pisces: Pisces are creative escapists with a strong intuition and a desire to make others feel good. Ruled by Neptune, Pisces are generally considered the most tolerant of all the Zodiac signs. When I think of appliances that haven’t let me down, I think of a Keurig. Pop in a coffee pod, and a few minutes later, you have precisely what you need to face the day, just like a conversation with Pisces.

Aries: Independent, confident, and honest, Aries are time-oriented individuals with no patience for passiveness. Ruled by Mars, these signs are among the best organizers; balancing many tasks is something these signs do well. Aries reminds me of a digital kitchen timer, with the ability to tell you when your food is done and look up recipes on command and store ingredients on a shopping list as you run out.

Taurus: Taurus is a reliable, responsible, and practical sign and is among those signs that are the most determined. Ruled by the planet Venus, they channel their reliability into acts of love and compassion to those around them. Traditional techniques, like making pasta by hand, match well with Taurus. A manual pasta press, reliable and practical, is perfect for these signs.

Gemini: Most famously known for their double personalities, Gemini can switch between being fun and playful to a more serious and thoughtful state. Ruled by Mercury, these signs are incredibly adaptive to any situation you can put them up against. Just as adaptive as Gemini are slow cookers, able to handle any meal you toss into them. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, and sometimes even dessert can all be made in a slow cooker and still have their unique taste!

Cancer: Deeply sentimental, emotional, and protective, Cancers are some of the most challenging Zodiacs to get a read on. Ruled by the Earth’s moon, Cancers have a complicated emotional pattern, which may lead to interesting interactions with them. When looking to recreate nostalgia with plenty of variety, Cancers are an excellent match for SodaStream, with plenty of customizability the ability to match the taste of a McDonald’s Sprite almost perfectly to bring back the nostalgia of the road trip you took in 2003.

Leo: Much like their mascot the lion, Leos are passionate, prideful and warmhearted individuals, with more than enough humor to go around. Ruled by the Sun, Leos have the biggest ego of the Zodiacs, for better or worse. A top-of-theline oven, Leo is the centerpiece of the kitchen that produces food for parties and events, but also one that you hope doesn’t break, as it will be expensive to fix.

Virgo: Analytical, hardworking, and kind, Virgos are the perfectionist of the Zodiac signs. Ruled by Mercury, just like Gemini, Virgos value well-organized things and practicality over all else. Virgos also tend to be quite eloquent in their ability to communicate, as they desire everyone else to be just as perfect as they strive to be. Virgos are kitchen scales, measuring everything down to the gram to ensure recipes are flawless, or at least as flawless as possible.

Libra: Libras are the most idealistic of the Zodiacs, and are defined by their peaceful, gracious demeanor. Also ruled by Venus, they desire a keeping of the peace between everyone to the best of their ability, and they tend to be pretty good at it. As opposed to a kitchen utensil, Libras serve as a calming to the cacophony of kitchen chaos; they are a radio that plays in the background. Cooking is stressful, and a good podcast or album can keep the nerves from fraying too bad.

Scorpio: Resourceful, passionate, and stubborn, Scorpios are the most assertive of the signs, unafraid to tell everyone else exactly what it is that they think. Ruled by Pluto, Scorpios are able to keep their cool in the most stressful of situations. Cast-iron skillets are, in the same way Scorpios are, multipurpose and resourceful. I’ve yet to see a cooking situation a cast iron skillet couldn’t handle, and even a few non-cooking situations!

Sagittarius: Sagittarius are idealists with a great sense of humor and a desire for Freedom. They are extroverts to the max. And want everyone else to be just as out there as they are. Ruled by Jupiter, the king of the planets, there are no bounds for their enthusiasm for life. Sagittarius is the blender; they want to pull everyone from every corner of their life in and mix them into one big, happy outdoor family.

Capricorn: Disciplined, Managerial, practical, Capricorn is the most grounded of the signs. Ruled by Saturn, Capricorn is incredibly stubborn when getting what they want and will always learn from their mistakes and do better than next time. When it comes to a kitchen, Capricorn is a good, reliable wooden spoon and spatula. It has worked for as long as you can remember and will work for as long as you can imagine. No reason to get rid of or upgraded; there’s no use fixing what isn’t broken.