SIR Magazine Issue 1 Spring 2012

THE

DEBUT ISSUE! sir magazine |

s p r i n g 201 2

|

v o l u m e 01 . // i s s u e 01 .

CORN FED a new generation of farmers

TRAVEL LIKE A MAN

tips for looking your best

IF DON DRAPER WENT TO ISU *funded through GSB

CYCLONE STRONG THE BODIES OF ATHLETES HILTON MAGIC President Leath

Q & A

bikeworldiowa.com | facebook.com/bikeworldiowa | twitter.com/bikeworldiowa Bike World West 5950 Village View Drive West Des Moines, IA 515.222.1880

Bike World Ames 126 South 3rd Street Ames, IA 515.232.3669

Bike World Urbandale 6600 Douglas Avenue Urbandale, IA 515.255.7047

“Look better, Feel better…

Think BETTER.” ™  ROOM

OOM

Men’s Grooming Center & Salon

303 MAIN STREET | AMES, IA 50010 | 515.232.9935 | THEGROOM-ROOM.COM

cover photos

yue wu •

photographer

yue wu

CONTENTS

the cover girl Jordon Andreassen is the dream Cyclone athlete. With a strong body, mind and goals to match, Andreassen just might be our new favorite campus catch.

Read about her and three other Cyclone athletes on page 28.

food A FEW GOOD EATS

Eat like a man and adopt these three meals into your diet.

MACHO MEALS

Vegan recipes for the virile.

drink IF DON DRAPER WENT TO ISU

The mad man on his go-to drinks, the world of advertising and more.

BARS ON BARS ON BARS

Follow our staff through a night in Campustown, With little known facts and that cute redhead bartender.

BREW CODE

Brewing beer at home is the best thing since the McRib and easier than you might think. sirmag.tumblr.com

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from the editor

editor-in-chief john lonsdale

creative director allie adams

photography directors allison butler & yue wu

managing editor m at t w e t t e n g e l

articles editor c o r r i n h ata l a

senior editors

c a i t ly n d i i m i g & k e l s e y s c h i r m

contributing editor kaleb warnock

digital editor tay s h a m u r ta u g h

Welcome to the best damn party you’ve ever had in your life. What you have in your hands is the first issue of the new Iowa State men’s publication, Sir. It started out as a way for us to talk about what some people might call “guy things” and ended up being about even more.

Iowa State is a place where good men come to learn how to be even better, and we wanted to showcase that in these 48 pages.

People keep asking me who the Sir reader is, and I’ll have to admit I’m not 100 percent sure yet and am excited to see where this publication goes. But I do know there are men (and women) on this campus who are doing some things that are slowly changing how we think about how we live, and I hope all of you will be inspired to make a difference.

You don’t have to like chopping wood or eating steaks (but who doesn’t love that?), you just have to be confident and want to have a good time with us. We’re into making ourselves better, from learning new ways to travel and dress, to taking up a new hobby like brewing beer —all while having a good laugh in the process.

There’s a little something for everyone in this issue: we have one hell of an interview with President Leath, some quick and dirty recipes for food and drinks and some thoughts from our very own Jeremiah Davis on why “Hilton Magic is Back!” (page 44). Our cover girl is not only a serious catch, but she can run like her life depends on it. Bar reviews and some talks about “What a Girl Wants” (page 45) are also all featured here. Not quite last and certainly not least (don’t you hate it when people say that one?), Devon O’Brien wrote a great story (page 22) about Iowa State students preparing to take over their family farms, something we can all connect with as students here.

There’s so much more, but I’ll stop at that. I want to thank our talented staff for helping create this publication from scratch, and we want to thank you for picking up and being a part of our debut issue. Now turn the page and enjoy—we have.

Cheers, JOHN LONSDALE

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richard blanck jessica bruning abe burzette ivy christianson j e r e m i a h dav i s luke elzinga k at e g i b s o n elaine godfrey chris grim jared knight ian laughead leslie marshall d e v o n o’b r i e n merritt rethlake to n y t h o n e s ava n h

photo

dav i d d e ro n g kait mckinney claire powell

design

julie cronin a n n e t t e i va n i s e v i c emerald klauer charlie poulson jennifer schrimper

public rel ations austin ballhagen n at e r ya n

thanks

o u r fa c u lt y a d v i s e r , d e b g i b s o n dennis chamberlin a n dy m e s s e r s m i t h marcia prior-miller l i s a at p d g p r i n t i n g the greenlee school g ov e r n m e n t o f t h e s t u d e n t b o dy a n d you .

yue wu

DEAR SIRS,

writers

photographer

This sounds really stupid, but the reason this photo is in black and white is because I’m wearing a black tie, a brown leather belt and brown leather shoes. If my mom and sisters ever found out, they’d kill me. It’s for the best, though, because now you guys know not to do it, too. But we have heard from a couple girls it’s not that big of a big deal anymore if you mix them. See? This is why you need us. You’re welcome.

contents

articles

28

TRAVEL LIKE A MAN

Kaleb Warnock traveled halfway around the world last summer.

What he learned will stay with him for life.

CORN FED

Students prepare to take over or help with their family farms after graduation. What have you done lately?

PRESIDENT LEATH

Q&A with Iowa State president Steven Leath. Archery, music and the day he delivered his son.

CYCLONE STRONG

Four athletes share what it’s like to be an Iowa State athlete and how they maintain strength, grades and peace of mind.

SOLAR POWERED

A group of dedicated students known as Team PrISUm spend two years creating a solar car from an idea and have a good time doing it.

26

THE DUDES WITH SPIRIT

Three male cheerleaders are defining strength like never done before.

ACCIDENTALLY COOL

Acting professor Matt Foss inspires with a few good stories and and life lessons not written in the scripts.

08

09

fiction HOOTIE’S ROOST

Luke Elzinga’s fictional story takes us through a teenage boy’s mind and hilarious misfortune in “Hootie’s Roost.”

36

final words HILTON MAGIC IS BACK

A recap of the 2011–2012 basketball season.

style+health SPRING UP YOUR STYLE

Style tips to become the successful man you’ve always been.

WORKOUT TIPS

Five simple workout tips to do on the go and in your own time.

Cats, invisible chairs and cool cars all in one workout regimen.

WHAT A GIRL REALLY WANTS

The questions men wonder that women don’t tell you.

A NOTE FROM JARED KNIGHT

GSB-elect Jared Knight talks next year’s plans.

ITALIAN NOT-SO STALLION

Kate Gibson is studying abroad in Italy. Read her thoughts on Italian men and more.

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food

SIZZLIN’ BBQ BACON BURGERS

Let’s face it–cooking in college usually means using what’s in your cupboards or fridge (beers and day-old pizza can only get you so far). Hard as it is, save money by skipping the late-night drive-thru and prepare these manfriendly, do-it-yourself recipes. Before you know it, you’ll be the king of the kitchen.

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INGREDIENTS

DIRECTIONS:

8 1

1. Fire up the grill to mediumhigh heat.

2. Cook the strips of bacon in a non-stick skillet over medium heat for seven minutes.

3. Mix ground turkey, fried onions, barbeque sauce, Worcestershire sauce, and black pepper in a bowl. Keep stirring until the mixture is evenly blended. Divide the meat into six patties.

4. Grill the patties for six minutes. Continually flip over to make sure the patties are cooked all the way through.

Keep on the grill for an additional five minutes or until meat is wholly cooked.

5. Assemble burger and top it off with extra barbeque sauce and bacon. Add extra zest with a slice of pepper jack cheese.

SLICES OF TURKEY BACON PACKAGE OF GROUND TURKEY ½ CUP OF FRENCH’S FRIED ONIONS 8 TABLESPOONS OF BARBECUE SAUCE 1 TABLESPOON OF WORCESTERSCHIRE SAUCE 6 SLICES OF PEPPER JACK CHEESE 6 BUNS 1 DASH OF GROUND BLACK PEPPER

yue wu

by LESLIE MARSHALL & TONY THONESAVANH

MAKES: 6 SERVINGS | PREP: 10 MINUTES | GRILL: 11 MINUTES

photographer

THREE EASY MAN DISHES TO PREPARE BEFORE CLASS OR AFTER A NIGHT OUT.

ANY CARNIVORE WILL APPRECIATE THIS CREATIVE TAKE ON THE CLASSIC BURGER WITH MORE FLAVOR AND BACON.

*YEAH, IT LOOKS SCARY BUT IT TASTES GOOD.

BANGIN’ BACON WRAPPED BREAKFAST JALAPENOS BURRITO THE BEST MANLY SNACK FOR PARTIES, SUMMER AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. SPICY, BUT NOT TOO SPICY.

MAKE YOUR OWN BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS. SWITCH THIS DISH UP FOR DAY OR NIGHT.

MAKES: 3 SERVINGS | PREP: 15 MINUTES | COOK: 15 MINUTES

MAKES: 2 SERVINGS | PREP: 5 MINUTES | COOK: 10 MINUTES

INGREDIENTS

DIRECTIONS:

INGREDIENTS

DIRECTIONS:

6 JALAPENOS 1 PACKAGE OF CREAM CHEESE 12 SLICES OF REGULAR OR TURKEY BACON (THICK CUT) 12 TOOTHPICKS

CAJUN SEASONING (OPTIONAL)

1.

4 EGGS 6 SLICES OF TURKEY BACON ½ CUP OF SHREDDED

CHEDDAR CHEESE ¼ CUP SLICED GREEN PEPPER ¼ CUP CHOPPED ONION ½ SALSA (YOU CAN

ACTUALLY MAKE YOUR

OWN, JUST GOOGLE IT) 2 12” WHEAT TORTILLAS

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Cut jalapenos lengthwise in half.

Fill jalapeno halves with cream cheese.

Wrap bacon tightly around the jalapenos and stick a toothpick through the bacon.

Put cajun seasoning on top of the jalapenos (optional).

Bake in oven at 400°F and cook until bacon is fully cooked.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Crack the eggs into a mixing bowl and whisk until blended. Scramble the eggs in a pan over medium heat.

While the eggs are cooking, place strips of bacon in skillet and cook over medium heat for seven minutes.

Once the eggs are done, turn heat down low, and add in cheese, green pepper and onion.

Let simmer. Grab a tortilla and place the bacon in the center. Spread eggs, green pepper, onion and cheese over.

Wrap, roll and top it off with your favorite salsa.

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MACHO MEALS

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COW-LESS TACOS

DIRECTIONS:

8 TORTILLAS 4 VEGGIE BURGERS, CHOPPED 1 CAN REFRIED BEANS 1 TOMATO, DICED ½ ONION, DICED 1 TABLESPOON VEGETABLE OIL 1 PACKET TACO SEASONING,

CILANTRO OR SPINACH (IF YOU WANT TO GET REALLY HEALTHY AND GET YOUR IRON ON) 1 JAR SALSA, EXTRA SPICY 1 TRUSTY BOTTLE OF TABASCO, JUST IN CASE

GUAC–BUY IT AT THE STORE OR MAKE YOUR OWN (AGAIN, GOOGLE IT)

1. Heat your oil up in a skillet, throwing in your chopped veggie burger when it’s hot.

2. Stir around, and when the burger feels less frozen, slop in refried beans, some diced onion, and taco seasoning.

Cook your beany, beefy mix thoroughly.

3. If you’re going all out, you can warm up your tortillas in a skillet, too, or right on the stove.

4. Fill ‘er up with diced tomato, onion, Tabasco and either cilantro, spinach or lettuce.

5. Eat with your hands. *Serves one hungry guy, two if eaten with a side of chips. *Add a round of Tequila shots and make us proud.

HAVE A SMART PHONE? //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Take this recipe for the virile with you on the go or to the grocery store.

For more manly meals, check us out online at sirmag.tumblr.com

yue wu

THE “MAN-FOOD PYRAMID.” HAVE YOU HEARD OF IT? OF COURSE you have… it’s the one that’s slightly better than that other one. It puts bacon at the bottom, forming a greasy, yet solid base. As we go up, we meet steak and potatoes, then beer and barbeque, topped off with chocolate and mixed drinks in absolute moderation.

But there’s something we’ve been hearing about around here. What do Mike Tyson and Alec Baldwin have in common?

Besides being total badasses, these men don’t eat meat. Or nacho cheese. Or even bacon—which, as we know, is a perfectly reasonable exception in a vegan diet.

Now, it’s hard not to take advice from a heavyweight boxer and a Baldwin brother, but Derek Tresize, bodybuilder and personal trainer, makes a pretty convincing argument for trying a vegan recipe. And once you see the size of his triceps (do we even have triceps? What are triceps?), you mostly just don’t want to argue back.

Men want to “feel like top predators at the top of the food chain and like hunters,” says Tresize. “But the average man also goes to his local grocery store and orders his meat pre-cut, packed, and ready to cook. No hunting required.”

Make a beeline for the produce department and supplement your diet with something green…or red, purple, or yellow, if you’re into that kind of stuff.

“If plant-based nutrition makes you scrawny and weak,” Tresize says. “How do herbivorous animals like gorillas (a close relative to humans), rhinos, and oxen get so big and powerful without eating meat?”

Now how about an experiment in beefing up a taco without beef. SIR

photographer

by IAN LAUGHEAD

VEGETARIAN FOOD FOR THE VIRILE.

IF DON DRAPER WENT TO IOWA STATE....

FROM MANHATTAN TO AMES, THIS IS WHAT THE “MAD MEN” CHARACTER WOULD SAY AS A NEW STUDENT IN OUR CYCLONE NATION. Q: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ZODIAC TRADITION? D: A real man makes his own luck. You can’t go through life believing in silly superstitions.

At its root, this so-called legend sounds like some man’s poor excuse for scoring low on an exam. Instead of dodging a mark in the floor, keep your head up, be a man and show up prepared for the test. Take control of the situation. Don’t assign blame.

Blame is for cowards.

WHAT WOULD DON DRAPER DRINK?

Q: WOULD YOU PARTICIPATE IN CAMPANILING? D: Romantic notions, such as kissing under this clock tower, were invented by guys like me to sell lipstick. I kiss a woman when I feel like it, not to perpetuate some fictional ideal about love. However, if Mrs. Draper dragged me to this event, I might lay one on her, because frivolous as it may seem to me, to her it means something more.

MANHATTAN:

WHISKEY NEAT:

OLD FASHIONED:

You can’t like a show about advertisers in Manhattan and not know how to make the drink that grew hair on their chests.

This is the manliest drink anyone can ever have. Ever.

Think retro with an Old Fashioned. If you truly want to embody Don Draper, then you better be able to make one. It is his favorite drink, after all.

Q: WHAT ARE THE WORDS TO THE IOWA STATE FIGHT SONG? D: Yes, we will “zoo bisou bisou” for Iowa State....

illustrator

emerald klauer

by CAITLYN DIIMIG

INGREDIENTS: 2 OUNCES RYE WHISKEY (WE LIKE BULLEIT RYE–$30) 2 DASHES OF BITTERS (TRY ANGOSTURA–$8) 1 HEAVY SPLASH OF SWEET VERMOUTH (TRY ROSSI–$8)

DIRECTIONS: 1. Pour ingredients over ice into a mixing glass 2.

Shake and strain into tumbler over new ice

INGREDIENTS:

WHISKEY, ROOM TEMPERATURE (WE LIKE GEORGE DICKEL NO. 12–$20)

NO ICE DIRECTIONS: 1. Don’t be an idiot (use Single Barrel Reserve–$40) 2.

No ice

INGREDIENTS: ½ TEASPOON SUGAR 1½ OUNCES BOURBON (WE LIKE MAKER’S MARK–$30) 1 ORANGE PEEL 1 DASH BITTERS DIRECTIONS: 1. Pour in bourbon, sugar and orange peel–muddle together until suger is broken up 2.

Add a dash of bitters

3.

Add ice

4.

Serve over ice in tumbler. sirmag.tumblr.com

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drink SIGNATURE DRINK: WELCH AVE STATION With plenty of TVs, pool tables, darts and seating, this bar is ideal for unwinding with friends and watching sports games. Because of the laid back atmosphere, Welch Ave Station attracts people of all ages.

“Welch Ave is the graduate bar in Campustown—generally older crowd during the week,” said Nathan Reeves, bartender.

STYLE:

SIGNATURE DRINK:

The entrance to the “Ministry of Magic” is located in the handicapped stall of the women’s bathroom.

BARS

BARS ON, BARS ON

GREAT FOR:

Pissed off Japanese Minnow Farmer.

This sweet, cherry flavored cocktail contains 10 liquors and 4 mixers and got us a good buzz to start off the night.

STYLE:

The style of dress is casual: think jeans, t-shirts and flannel.

Good service, plenty of bartenders and waitresses on staff, so you never have to wait too long for a brew.

Clint Cole, junior in journalism, says he never has to wait more than 3 minutes for a drink. Because of the big tables and TVs it can be a great social environment for big groups, but the various nooks and crannies also make it easy to lie low.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

Welch Ave Station made Esquire’s Best Bars in America list – one of only six bars in Iowa to do so, and the only bar listed that is not in Des Moines (suck it, Iowa City).

WE WENT OUT ON A COLD FRIDAY NIGHT IN SEARCH OF THE BEST BARS IN CAMPUSTOWN. UNFORTUNATELY, WE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME OR TOLERANCE TO MAKE IT TO ALL OF THEM. IN THE END, IT WAS A TOUGH JOB, AND WE DEFINITELY WERE GOING TO BE THE ONES TO DO IT.

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Mostly casual. The guys wear jeans, but the girls to tend to dress up.

WHAT WE LIKE:

The staff of mostly female bartenders, especially that cute redhead.

Still waiting for your call, Laura…

s p r i n g 2 01 2

SPECIALS:

• Free pool Tuesday - 4 pool tables • Pint night on Wednesdays - $1.25 for a pint of locally brewed Olde Main Beer and domestics.

• Top-shelf Thursday - $2.50 for a single and $5 for a double

SPECIALS:

• Taco Tuesdays: $0.85 tacos, enough said. Any other day, the tacos will cost you $1.25. (Warning: Like most specials, Taco Tuesday draws a large crowd, so get there early.)

• Beer Pong tournaments every Wednesday at 9 p.m. Winners have been known to win $500, and if you have a girl on your team it’s half price entry.

• Birthday Thursdays. If it’s your 21st birthday, bring 5 friends and fill up 21 mugs for just $21.

• Free Papa John’s pizza on Friday at 6 p.m.

• (Warning: Get there quick, because it usually doesn’t last longer than 5 minutes.)

MICKEY’S IRISH PUB GREAT FOR:

Picking up braless babes, hanging out and smashing Irish Car Bombs.

SIGNATURE DRINK:

CY’S ROOST GREAT FOR: Dancing.

SIGNATURE DRINK:

420, containing Jeremiah Weed, lemonade and Sprite – invented by our bartender Chrissy Lim, senior in Biology. Cy Screw: Screwdriver with grenadine and vanilla Smirnoff—reminds us of an Orange Julius.

STYLE:

It varies, but guys dress down and girls dress up.

$1 Dirty Shirleys

WHAT WE LIKE:

Semi-casual, so dress a little nicer than you would for the previous bars.

Brittany Bogler, senior in accounting, told us she appreciates coming to Cy’s because of the well-dressed guys who frequent the bar.

WHAT WE DON’T LIKE:

STYLE:

WHAT WE LIKE:

Cy’s features different DJs every night Wednesday’s through Saturday’s and a fun dance floor to flaunt your moves.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

ES TAS

What we don’t like: Even for a bar, Cy’s seems to have an especially sticky floor. Oh, and don’t bother ordering a Red Bull Vodka. The bar doesn’t carry Red Bull—just Monster.

GREAT FOR:

LITTLE KNOWN FACT 02:

Because of the long tables, Es Tas is great for large groups of people, but they fill up quickly, so be prepared to stand. The fun, youthful atmosphere and several TVs makes it perfect for watching sports (and the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show). Regular Ben McQuade and senior in history says he comes because of the great food and atmosphere.

SPECIALS:

LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

WHAT WE LIKE:

by TAYSHA MURTAUGH & CAITLYN DIIMIG

10

Nerd bomb, containing vodka strawberry, sour apple pucker, watermelon pucker and Red Bull, this sugary shot packs a big punch and tastes just like its namesake.

Cy’s Roost seems to attract athletes.

Caitlin Axland, junior in Event Management, told us one night while she was at Cy’s with her mom, she came onto the dance floor to see a certain basketball player grinding on her mom.

The moose head covered in panties and bras. Also, the garage door opens to the patio, which is perfect for summertime drinking and brave smokers in the wintertime.

Not a lot of seating. Also, watch your step: the floor is messy because of the free popcorn.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

Mickey’s is more authentically Irish than Paddy’s.

SPECIALS:

• Free popcorn, hot dogs and Dum Dums suckers.

• Karaoke Tuesday—the only time dancing occurs at Mickey’s • $4 fishbowls on Thursdays

SPECIALS: THE LIBRARY GREAT FOR:

A late-night snack (they sell tacos) and striking up a conversation with a hottie.

• Wednesdays: $1 Whiskey drinks and $1 Busch Light draws • Fridays: $3 you call it and $1 draws until 10 p.m.

• Saturdays: Two-fers on all wells and draws until 10 p.m.

SIGNATURE DRINK:

Semi-casual. We noticed a lot of button-down shirts.

WHAT WE LIKE:

Rope-lights on the floor, chalkboard walls and nice bartenders. “Our mothers raised us this way,” says bartender BJ Norman.

“We’re nice Iowa boys.”

WHAT WE DON’T LIKE:

Teeny-tiny, one-person capacity bathrooms.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

It’s not located in Parks Library, and there are no books.

SPECIALS:

• Margarita Thursdays

OUTLAWS GREAT FOR:

Line dancing to country music.

“I’m a big country fan,” says Willie Baughman, junior in elementary education.

SIGNATURE DRINK:

Kool-aid shot made with triple sec, slow gin, grape pucker, apple pucker and sour mix.

STYLE:

Semi-casual. Of course there were plenty of flannel shirts and cowboy boots.

WHAT WE LIKE:

The tri-level venue contains more than one bar and allows for easy viewing of the dance floor, which is filled with cowboys twirling cowgirls all night.

WHAT WE DON’T LIKE:

They only play country music.

Only.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

Over the dance floor hangs a cowboy boot disco ball.

GREAT FOR:

Dancing. Sips’ dance floor is almost always full, especially at this time of night. We love the lively atmosphere and beautiful girls.

SIGNATURE DRINK:

$1 Tequila shots

STYLE:

SIPS

PADDY’S IRISH PUB GREAT FOR:

Socializing. The large bar is surrounded by stools allowing for access to new people, old friends and the bartender.

SIGNATURE DRINK: Ames iced tea

STYLE:

Casual. Jeans and a tee will do just fine.

WHAT WE LIKE:

Paddy’s is very relaxed environment, and you will always find someone you know there. Brandyn Chapman, junior in agriculture and life sciences education, says he thinks Paddy’s has the best crowd and the cheapest drinks. It also has a punching bag game breaking men’s wrists since the day it was installed.

WHAT WE DON’T LIKE:

It can be a messy bar. You may be able to find a place to sit, but it’s usually wet from spilled drinks. Oh, and we triple-dog dare you to go to the bathroom there.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

There isn’t anything Irish about it.

Bartender Wallace Franklin recommended Kryptonite, a tasty concoction of vodka, rum, gin, triple sec, blue caracao, sprite and orange juice (it’s possible we may have missed a couple of ingredients—it was getting late, and we were getting drunk).

STYLE:

POLL WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CAMPUSTOWN BAR? WELCH AVE. STATION

SIPS

At this point in the night, who cares?

WHAT WE LIKE:

That glorious stripper pole.

WHAT WE DON’T LIKE:

Sometimes the venue can get a little too crowded—to the point where it’s pretty damn hard to get a drink and not get beer spilled on you. Also, the bathrooms are nothing to write home about.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

No one goes there until midnight, but everyone stays until close.

SPECIALS:

• Wednesdays: Bicardi nights. $.75 Bacardi drinks from 8-10, $1.50 Bacardi drinks from 10-midnight and $3 Bacardi bombs until midnight.

• Fridays: $3 bombs, $2 wells and $1 draws until 10:30 • Birthday Saturday: $3 pitchers for birthday groups until 11 pm

PADDY’S IRISH PUB

WHICH CAMPUSTOWN BAR HAS THE WORST SERVICE? PADDY’S IRISH PUB

SIPS

SPECIALS:

• Tuesdays: Two-fers on all bottles, draws and wells • F.A.C: $.50 draws and $2 wells until 8 p.m. If you come in before 6 p.m., you can get a stamp for $1 draws and $3 bombs from 11 p.m. until close • Spin the Wheel of Deals from 8–11 p.m. on Fridays for your own special

CY’S ROOST SUPERDOG STAND To finish off the night, we swung by the Superdog stand to grab a muchneeded drunk snack…with everything on it.

THE BATHROOMS

HERE ARE A FEW TIPS FOR YOUR LADY FRIENDS WHILE THEY VENTURE ON TO THE CAMPUSTOWN BAR SCENE. At Cy’s...

Grab a few napkins before heading to the john, because they often do not have toilet paper.

At Mickey’s...

Put a trashcan in front of the door so no one walks in to see you hovering over the toilet.

At Paddy’s...

Bring a friend with you to stand in front of the door-less stall. sirmag.tumblr.com

11

Mike Young doesn’t crack open a cold one very often anymore, but that’s because at any given time he has nine kegs of self-brewed beer on tap in his basement.

Young’s house looks like the others on the 900 block of Kellogg Avenue, but the aroma of a fresh mash, and eventually wort, drifts from his back porch at least once a week. He loves the smell and wonders why there aren’t air fresheners made to duplicate the scent, though from his experience the “lady-folk” usually don’t care for it once the hops are added. With his brewing setup and supplies that he buys in bulk, Young is equipped to brew and serve a lot of beer. So, logically, he does.

The ascension to his large-scale operation began while Young was a 20-year-old sophomore in management information systems at Iowa State. At the time, beer wasn’t even his drink of choice.

“It took me sitting myself down with a case of Keystone … and just pounding it out and I told myself I was going to start drinking beer. And I did,” joked Young, cringing ever-so-slightly at the thought.

Young worked his way through a variety of commercial beers before realizing he could make 12

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a better brew himself. With the aid of the Internet and a beer kit, Young began his brewing endeavors, which has manifested itself in the back porch and basement of his house. After brewing using extract for two or three years, he worked his way up to an all-grain system, meaning that he mills his own grains rather than using pre-processed malt extracts that can be purchased.

Young’s taste palette has changed dramatically since he forced those first Keystones down as a young and naïve college student. Not only has he become a member of the Beer Judge Certification Program, he’s also brewed all but seven of the different styles in the program’s guidelines – which has 28 categories – each with one to seven subcategories. When he isn’t brewing himself, Young now spends his free time attending meetings for the Ames Brewers League or the Iowa Brewers Union and sharing advice with members who are new to brewing.

Today he’s working on a Scottish 60 Schilling, a lower alcohol amber session beer, having broken out his 10-gallon system for the spring/summer season. Walking around to his back porch, I hear another voice. It turns out to be Louie Rizzo, senior

designer

BREWING BEER IS EASIER THAN EVER BEFORE WITH KITS AND A LITTLE BIT OF CURIOSITY. EVEN ON A COLLEGE BUDGET, THESE MEN HAVE A TASTE FOR SOMETHING BETTER AND LIVE FOR THE NEXT GREAT BREW.

yue wu •

by MATT WETTENGEL

at Iowa State and one of Young’s brewing buddies who he met through the Ames Brewers’ League. He’s over watching Young begin his current brew, talking about a party he had thrown the night before over a couple beers.

He’s a younger version of Young, who has already transitioned to using an all-grain system in his apartment on Beach Avenue. He explains that he’s an accounting major, which he jokes gives him more time to brew beer than his former stint with mechanical engineering. Though he gives school precedence over the craft, Rizzo has put in applications at breweries all over the place, he says. What began as a hobby a little over three years ago has quickly become a major interest of Rizzo’s.

“It’s definitely not hard to make beer. It’s tough to make really good beer, but anybody can make beer, technically,” Rizzo says.

Though we’re at Young’s place, listening to their brew-speak and knowing Young is one of his mentors, chances are Rizzo has brewed some really good beer.

Rizzo began concocting his own brews with as little knowledge as Young had when he began. He laughs as he says that before he started brewing himself he thought beer was made first and the alcohol was added after. Now he has the whole process down to a science, as does Young, and works with his five-gallon system to keep beer flowing from his kegerator that he built and keeps in the kitchen in his apartment.

His roommates are some of the biggest supporters of his hobby and are always curious about what kind of beer he’s brewing. When he brews, they know they’ll eventually get to drink it, which is exactly what Rizzo wants.

“I like to get peoples’ opinions on it. If I ever want to open something up, I want to know what everyone’s going to like.”

Rizzo doesn’t want to think about how much he’s invested in homebrewing, but it’s enough that he says he knows it’s something he’ll likely be doing for most of his life. The satisfaction from making something that people enjoy out of relatively simple ingredients is enough to keep both him and Young involved with brewing – spreading their passion for the craft to others and always striving to make the next great brew. SIR

photographer

THE BREW CODE

jennifer schrimper

drink

BREWING TERMS

EQUIPMENT

MASH

1 FIVE-GALLON BREW SYSTEM

Product of combining a mix of milled grain and water and heating this mixture, which allows the enzymes in the malt to break down the starch in the grain into sugars.

WORT

Liquid extracted from the mashing process during the brewing of beer.

Boiled and fermented to create beer.

1 TEN-GALLON BREW SYSTEM 2 KEGERATORS (4-TAP & 5-TAP) 10 FERMENTERS 23 KEGS

EXTRA FRIDGE FOR BREWS THAT REQUIRE TEMPERATURE CONTROL

IMMERSION WORT CHILLER

STORAGE BINS FULL OF GRAINS AND A DRILLPOWERED MILL

EXTRACT

Concentrated wort made from mashing grain malt and then removing a portion of the water to either concentrate it into thick syrup or a dry powder.

ALL GRAIN

Process of brewing beer where the wort is created by mashing crushed malt and running hot water through the grain bed.

WANT TO BREW YOUR OWN BEER?

MILLING

Process of crushing grains to separate the seed from the husk. This increases the surface area of the grain and makes the starch more accessible

KEGERATOR

A personal draft beer-dispensing device, which stores one or more kegs, depending on its size, for easy access and chilling purposes.

LEARN MORE //////////////////// For more of Mike’s recipes, tips and all things brewing-related– check out Mike’s website, mikebeer.net

The Ames Brewers League is a club designed for all brewers, whether you have experience or not.

An ABL meeting is the perfect place to ask any questions you may have about getting started brewing. Find meeting times and more info online at

www.AmesBrewersLeague.org

or join our Facebook group.

*MEMBERS MUST BE 21 AND OLDER sirmag.tumblr.com

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style+health

SPRING UP YOUR STYLE

FIVE SIMPLE TIPS (FROM A GROUP OF DUDES WHO AREN’T PRETENDING TO BE STYLE EXPERTS) TO LOOKING YOUR BEST THIS SPRING AND SUMMER.

by TONY THONESAVANH AND SIR STAFF

02: GO SOCK-LESS On the days you don’t have to go underwear-less, you can do this simple spring and summer style upgrade for yourself. With the change in weather, it

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03: ACCESSORIZE Accessories can make an outfit pop. And that weird ring we used to wear that spans all four of our fingers (hey, it’s not as bad as having an extra toe – that shit’s gross) really doesn’t count. Clasp on a brown or black leather watch for a classier look.

04: JACKETS Every man should have a jacket that can be used to tackle the heavy rains of spring or to win over a potential employer. Invest

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in a rain parka or a longer TIPS: trench (but not the creepy »Try this stuff on. Just kind). Department stores take the time, and, have great sales going on please, try it on. And for for casual sport jackets, the not-so-brave, wear too. Navy, gray and khaki a neutral color for pants are good color choices (navy, gray, or khaki) or once again, but if you feel wear a colorful pair of the need to get some extra shorts instead. Try to attention, go for maroon or stay away from white. a light blue-colored jacket.

No matter what the trends tell you, white 05: pants get dirty, fast.

INVEST IN CHINOS

As the season changes, so should your pants (even if you wear them after you get done working you should probably change them). Change it up by wearing a bold color of chinos – it’s like a jeankhaki-slacks combination.

They’re easy to find. Make sure you get a size that stays true to your waist and leg measurements.

»Rain parkas can be used to dress up or down. Layer with a simple t-shirt or a shirt and tie combo. »Tie clips also make good accessories. They help ties stay in place. Use them or look sloppy.

yue wu

Button-ups can be worn as dressy or casual depending on the occasion. For a dressier look, pair it with a tie. For a more casual look, keep the shirt open for the ladies and layer underneath with a tank top or t-shirt. Some men have even gone as far as wearing a v-neck – yes, it’s ok now. Except for that guy on the bus with the belly button showing. That’s not cool.

is finally acceptable to go sock-less (unless your feet smell like the bar bathrooms after Mug Night, then maybe treat your feet to some baby powder – trust us, it helps).

photographer

01: DRESS UP, DOWN

by SIR STAFF

WORKOUT TIPS WE WERE TIRED OF GOING TO OVERCROWDED GYMS THAT DON’T LET YOU IN IF YOU FORGET YOUR STUDENT ID, SO WE CAME UP WITH THESE SIMPLE WORKOUT TIPS TO GET A GUY SWOLE (JUST GOOGLE IT – BUT THAT’S BRO TALK FOR “RIPPED”).

BOOK & LOAD

Take favorite piece of literature and lie flat on your back. Raise legs six inches to a foot off the ground. Hold for one minute and switch.

Do five sets.

INVISIBLE CHAIR

Break out the Gameboy Color or PSP (or Etch A Sketch) and play Mario Kart or Donkey Kong.

Then get up and do two more sets or until you fall down.

illustrator

emerald klauer

THE RUN-IN-PLACE

Run in place for sixty seconds as hard as you can. Seriously. Try to keep your knees high and keep your form consistent.

Maybe put a headband on, though. Make sure to take it off if it’s not tight in the cool way.

CAT-UPS

Take your fat cat and put him or her on your back. Then do a standard pushup like you would any other day but try to keep your cat from falling off your back. Dogs, snakes and other nonhumans can be used in this exercise.

SIDE PLANKS

So we know, we’re watching some coolass rides on the tube (check out the Team PrISUm feature on page 30). But first, balance your body weight on an elbow as long as you can. Then switch to the other side. Tighten your glutes and abs.

WATCH YOUR BODY TRANSFORM AND THE GIRLS FLOCK TO YOU. MAYBE TAKE YOUR CAT OFF YOUR BACK BY NOW, BUT KEEP A PUPPY CLOSE. GIRLS DIG PUPPIES. *THESE STATEMENTS ARE NOT REAL WORKOUT TIPS AND COULD NOT BE CERTIFIED BY ANY PROFESSIONAL. PROBABLY BECAUSE OF THAT CAT. OR MAYBE IT WAS THAT HEADBAND. sirmag.tumblr.com

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articles

by KALEB WARNOCK

THE COBBLESTONE PATH ON HAPPY VALLEY TEA PLANTATION WINDS THROUGH TEA PLANTS WHILE THE AFTERNOON MIST ROLLS IN. DARJEELING IS FAMOUS FOR ITS UNIQUE BLEND OF BLACK TEA, ORIGINALLY BROUGHT TO THE AREA BY THE BRITISH. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 16

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STRUGGLED AWAKE Pawing through the darkness at the pile of what had formerly made up the contents of my bag, it was 3:30 in the morning and I was going to be leaving shortly to see the sunrise over Mount Everest.

As I pulled on my sopping wet clothes, I realized that I had overlooked the fact that clothes don’t dry as quickly here in Northern India as they did down in the south. Although I had washed my laundry in the bathtub about seven hours ago, my clothes were still soaking wet, and I didn’t have any extras. I was already shivering by the time I had reached the dark street below the Dekeling Lodge when I began looking for a ride to the Tiger Hill station. In my travel guidebook I had read that I could witness what is universally held to be one of the most magnificent views in India.

I happened upon a driver who was willing to get me there, but not for less than 1,500 rupees (about $30). The rate was astronomical, but I wasn’t going to be able to haggle him any further and there was no one else to give me a ride. I found it funny how necessities like this were beginning to work my wallet loose again.

Even as we passed the Tiger Arch, the morning fog remained, shrouding everything more than a few hundred feet away in a murky sea of grey. I stepped out of the car among several other caravans of tourists in their disposable ponchos and showed the attendant at the station the specialty ticket I had purchased. The “luxury” observation deck he directed me to was really just a large room with foggy windows, no heat, and tattered couches. Slightly put-off, I slid into a lonely spot at the end of the first row.

kaleb warnock

DON’T BE AFRAID, DON’T BE A TOURIST, BE A TRAVELER.

photographer

TRAVEL LIKE A MAN

T

he idea of traveling is romantic, sexy, and downright exciting.

However, many approach the concept with trepidation and skepticism because of the complications and uncertainties that can accompany getting outside of your comfort zone. Travel itself isn’t scary though; it’s really something you learn to be comfortable with, like swimming or riding a bicycle. I like the swimming analogy, so we’ll stick with that one.

It’s a strange feeling – not knowing your surroundings – especially when stepping off a train or out of a cab into a bustling sea of people who look and smell different than you.

It’s not hard to drown (so to speak) in a setting like this, especially when there doesn’t seem to be anything tangible or familiar to grab onto.

However, as you learn to travel, you may just learn to enjoy this feeling of wonder you get from stumbling into this stew of uncertainty.

One of my most educational experiences as a traveler was my trip through Darjeeling.

Darjeeling is a city in Northern India, famous for its tea gardens and its isolated location amid the foothills of the Himalayan mountain range.

The city was initially given to the British by the country of Sikkim, but once again became part of India in the mid-20th century. I won’t spoil it, but my brief stay in the city taught me a lot about how to be a traveler.

I felt a bit out of place in my raincoat and skinny jeans while other tourists dressed in mountain hardware raingear with their cheap Canon SLRs around their necks and mountaineering packs on their backs.

The complimentary tea finally arrived and I burned my lips as I tried to force it down in a trivial effort to restore some of my body heat.

The fog was a lighter grey by now, indicating that the sun had already risen. I huddled against the couch, shivering for about twenty more hopeless minutes before I relinquished my post and lumbered down the stairs to the car. I was dejected and slightly bitter having lost the opportunity to see the sunrise over the roof of the world. It was a long time before I could look at photos of the Himalayas again.

I returned to the hotel and took a hot shower to let myself thaw a little bit before breakfast.

Gazing down at the city from my room, the city appeared as if it floated among the clouds as the fog rolled over the trees of the valley below. I couldn’t believe the color that emerged from the mist as the city began to awaken. The warm beige, reds, and purples of the patchwork of tarps, tin roofs, skylights, and fluttering prayer flags helped me brighten up a bit. I was in Darjeeling, after all.

The city was a tourist mess, but there were a few interesting shops that I couldn’t help but peek inside. I wandered into an antique shop that I had completely missed the first time I’d walked by. This place was something straight out of Indiana Jones. The walls were lined with

shelves overflowing with swords, jewels, skulls, drums, tapestries, carvings, crystals, pots and plates and bells of all sizes and countless other things I couldn’t identify. I rummaged around in a pot of flutes and pulled out a horn made out of a bone of some kind. Without weighing the consequences, I raised it to my lips and it gave out a weak, but incredibly distinct bleating. I drew the attention of the shopkeeper and he glanced up at me and said something I will likely not forget.

“Human femur,” he smiled politely and returned to his books.

At this juncture I made my exit. I decided to make my way back down to the edge of the city to get some fresh air. I’d read that it’s easy to get a tour of a tea plantation, and I was looking for something a bit more structured for the afternoon. I decided to check out the Happy Valley Tea plantation, and stumbled down a cobblestone road winding among the terraces of tea plants toward the main building.

The tea plantation tour was more than I ever cared to know about tea, but it was a nice break from the bustle of the city. On my way back up the hill, an older woman living on a small hut next to the steep cobblestone road nearly forced me into her cabin to try the “best cup of tea in the world.”

The woman operating the tearoom had me sample and sort out the teas while I waited for my water to boil. I failed monstrously, but the tea was, in fact, the best cup of tea I’d ever had. The little cabin wasn’t mentioned anywhere in the book, but I was glad I’d stepped off the path for a few minutes.

After bidding my goodbye, I began making my way back to the jeep station.

THE CITY APPEARED AS IF IT FLOATED AMONG THE CLOUDS WHILE THE FOG ROLLED OVER THE TREES IN THE VALLEY BELOW.

THE VIEW FROM THE DEKELING LODGE IN DARJEELING. THE FOG CLEARED UP IN THE LATE MORNING BUT WAS LATER REPLACED BY RAIN THAT CONTINUED TO OBSCURE WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A MAGNIFICENT VIEW OF THE VALLEY. /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

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I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD EXPERIENCE THIS WORLD THAT UNTIL THAT SUMMER, I COULDN’T HAVE EVEN BEEN SURE EXISTED. THE KID, HIMSELF. HE CLIMBED IN AND OUT OF THE VEHICLE AS WE PASSED THROUGH THE MARKET TRYING TO SELL PEOPLE SEATS TO SILIGURI. HE WAS THE ONE I’D HEARD YELLING AS THE JEEP PASSED WHEN I ENTERED THE MARKET. /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

DADDY YANKEE AND A WATERFALL The jeep stand was squeezed among the throng of people that were coming and going and loading and unloading bundles of produce and pound after pound of products. The stalls overflowed with trinkets and statues and fine linens of all kinds. I wasn’t interested in buying anything, and I wasn’t hungry, so I wandered aimlessly through the mayhem.

“Siligurisiligurisiliguri!”

It was barely discernable as the jeep flew by, but I realized that that jeep was going to get me to Siliguri so I could head back to catch my train to Patna. I flagged them down and hopped in the back next to a small boy of about twelve. We snaked through the base of the city and the market for about an hour until we had acquired several other passengers along with a few enormous burlap bags, the contents of which I could only guess. When we finally blew out of the city, the copilot cranked up the stereo that was now pounding out Daddy Yankee and he looked back for my nod of approval before settling back into his seat. The cool mountain air blew past my face, and I watched the landscape roll by while we zigzagged down the switchbacks around cows, road gangs, and bicyclists. No one could really talk because the music was so loud, but I didn’t notice because I was lost in the moment.

I resumed conversation with my neighbor, who I later learned was named Michael. He was a quiet and smartly dressed citizen of the state of West Bengal, and we talked about everything from American aphorisms (many of which he recited 18

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hilariously inaccurately) to education, religion and politics. Michael was a schoolteacher at a Catholic school in Darjeeling who was now traveling home to see his family. He was actually of Nepalese descent, but was part of a distinct ethnic group called the Gorkha people.

I learned from Michael that the Gorkha people hail from Gorkhaland, a small area in northern India around Nepal and the northern Indian state of Sikkim. They are distinctly separate both religiously and ethnically from other Indians due to their Nepalese heritage. They have been fighting to form their own state, independent of the West Bengali government, but as they demonstrated against the government in a strike in the ‘80s, many were slaughtered in the ensuing riots.

As Michael told me the story of his people and the oppression he felt, he became increasingly more agitated until he shouted. He quickly became silent. After a few minutes, we retreated to talking about the mountains and the weather until he got out at Kuresong.

We re-entered the jungle just as it started to sprinkle. I found myself wondering if these jeeps ever run out of gas, but immediately scolded myself. These are people of the mountains, not shortsighted mid-westerners. They plan for these things.

The jeep stalled just as we rolled over a short bridge spanning a small depression that had been carved through the road by falling water. The driver and his copilot popped the hood, but it was fairly obvious that we were out of gas. Despite the fact that we were right in the middle of the road, jeeps

continued to roll past us, honking and flashing their lights, sometimes yelling things at us.

As is standard procedure, the rest of the passengers soon emerged from the jeep to perform their own diagnostic of the problem and to offer a bit of their own expert advice. After my assessment ruled that it was fairly hopeless, I decided to stretch my legs a bit and explore the surroundings – but not before someone handed me an umbrella. The rain was coming down a bit more heavily by now as I stood at the edge of the road overlooking the gully of trees. I couldn’t help but think of the images I had seen as a kid in National Geographic and the Discovery Channel of Nepal, India, and the Himalayan foothills. I never thought I could experience this world that, until that summer, I couldn’t have even been sure existed.

I closed my eyes and listened to the rainfall over the lush green landscape. I greedily took in the warm smell of rotting wood and wet soil. I could feel the splashes of water that were now beginning to penetrate my umbrella as the rain fell more heavily. The storm had evolved from a warm summer rain to a downpour unlike anything I had ever seen. It was like standing under a waterfall. Water began to flow freely over my feet and tumble from the edge of the road down into the gulley. I couldn’t hear anything but the pounding of the rain on the undergrowth and the small splashes from the falling on the leaves creating a cool haze to replace the warm mountain mist. By now there was a steady stream of water pouring through

ABOVE, LEFT: A PICTURE OF ME SILIGURI KID TOOK IN THE CAR. ABOVE, RIGHT: A VIEW OF THE STREET. /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// the holes in my umbrella and one of the young men from the jeep ushered me back in.

His name was Palan, and he was a member of the military based out of New Jaipalguri. As his captive audience member, he told me the story of how the Gorkha people really weren’t a people at all, but were just rebels stirring up trouble in the north. The horror stories Michael had told me about the conditions of the hospitals where Gorkha people were treated were lies, and that there was no need to worry about them.

I wasn’t sure why he hadn’t talked about this while Michael was there, but he was adamant about teaching me what he thought to be true information. I found his argument interesting, especially because he was a member of the same unit that would be called to put down the insurrection if it were to occur.

It was completely dark by now. Cars passed less and less frequently and that dull feeling of worry was slowly creeping up my spine. I had a train to catch, and I needed to get to the New Jaipalguri station in less than two hours.

Conversation had died out and I had trouble pushing images from Jurassic Park movies out of my mind. No one in the world knew where I was, and it was a bit frightening to imagine how easy it would be for me to just disappear.

Finally, a man on a motorcycle with no headlight brought us a few gallons of diesel that would get us to a station. We got back onto the road just as the rain was letting up. Darkness engulfed the road behind us and seemed to swallow the light at our front. The sweet smell

of rain and wet soil wafted through the windows as I leaned with my head against the panel. It was cold by now, and the cool air blowing past my face coaxed me until I could relax. It looked as if I was going to make my train after all.

THE KEY TO SUCCESSFUL TRAVEL It’s easy to stay in hotels or resorts and retain your isolation at a safe distance, to enjoy peace and solitude and watch the culture from afar. But for some, that just isn’t enough. Even for people who may be timid about getting a bit more down to Earth, you never know what you’re going to learn or whom you’re going to meet.

Once you’ve found yourself to be comfortable getting around, the key to successful travel is about being respectful and being conscious of your surroundings. This applies to everything from backpacking to kicking it by the pool and to nearly everything in between.

Getting into it and indulging in the local culture and dress isn’t usually a bad thing, as long as you remain respectful. It’s not always patronizing to act (and interact) like a local. It’s important to be mindful of the culture, and keep your eyes open.

A lot of times, it’s harder to pick up on the subtle things than you might think.

In general, Americans deserve more credit than they are given by most accounts, but a lot of people don’t do much to dispel stereotypes about loud American tourists. My experience with other Americans abroad is that they are, albeit unintentionally, a little loud. Accordingly, the more Americans you get together, the louder they get.

It’s especially easy to talk with other Americans when you interact with them, especially in the hostel or pub, but I’ve always left like I’ve learned a lot more from people who aren’t from the U.S. Some people may be more than willing to talk about human rights, corruption, or foreign policy with you, but don’t make any assumptions.

Also, it’s important to be sensitive to the political climate of the place you are traveling. However, you may find that people will often want to talk with you about it.

There are places where you can get away with looking like a tourist. Although a lot of backpacking hipsters might tell you it’s essential to blend in, you’re probably not going to fool anyone in certain situations. You’re not fooling anyone if you’re somewhere like the Eiffel Tower or Universal Studios, for instance.

However, if you were wandering the back streets of Bromley, or the pubs of Budapest, it would probably be best to blend in.

And if there’s a place you really want to learn about, rather than just being a tourist, snag an internship, study abroad trip, or a volunteer gig for a month or two before you tour the place. It’ll help you astronomically.

There’s still adventure in the world, so go out and get it. SIR

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by KALEB WARNOCK

GEAR LIST CONDOMS: Well, you know... // GUM: Excellent substitute when you can’t get to a sink. // DENTAL FLOSS: For anyone else who’s a dental freak. // TOOTHBRUSH & TOOTHPASTE: An essential. // RAZOR: It doesn’t have to be very nice, but they can be hard to find in some places, and sometimes expensive. // CLIPPERS: I’d rather my nails not look like Fritos. // SHOWER GEL: Something small, it’s best to get something that works as shampoo and body wash. // DEODORANT: Stinking stinks. // HAIR GEL: Travel is no excuse to look like you just rolled out of bed. // NAPKINS: Easy to steal from restaurants, great for TP, facial tissues, and stopping the bleeding. // FLASHLIGHT: Great for dark bunks on trains, busses, or for when you get lost in the woods. // USB DRIVE: good place to dump photos, if you have computer access, so you don’t have to suck up space on your cards. // GRANOLA BARS: don’t just stop with granola bars. Eating a quick lunch or breakfast here and there can save you quite a bit of money in the long run. // PACKABLE RAINCOAT: No one likes getting wet, and it’s even worse to have to lug a coat around all the time. Get one that backs up and can fit in an exterior pocket of your bag. Let it dry out if you can though, mildew sucks. // CORDS: USB cords for linking camera to a computer and one for your phone and ipod to plug into the USB wall charger. (Europe-specific) // MEMORY CARDS: always pack a few extra, there isn’t always time or the facilities to dump photos. // EXTRA BATTERY: running out of batteries is bad news. Keep an extra one, and take advantage of free outlets when you can. // CHARGERS: make sure you have a converter if you need one; they’re usually specific to the country. // CAMERA: I shoot with a Nikon D7000, but it’s up to you and your specific needs. // LENSES: I generally stick with a compact wide-angle and some kind of standard telephoto. // MOBILE PHONE: Not always necessary, especially if you can’t swap out the SIM card. They are nice, however, for stealing Wi-Fi. I use a Droid 2 Global because I can swap out SIM cards without any problems. Getting a SIM card may require proof of residence in some countries. Be sure to check with your provider. // SUNGLASSES: Something comfortable and preferably cheap that you wouldn’t mind leaving on a bus seat or in a taxi. // IPOD: Some people like to stay away from isolating electronics, but it’s nice (and necessary) sometimes to drown out your surroundings. // PEN AND PENCIL: You’ll be surprised how often you actually have to use it. It’s also great for journaling. // CAMERA STRAP: I go with something a little subtler. Some manufac20

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kaleb warnock

photographer

turers make straps that are slash-proof and can’t be cut away from your neck by thieves. // SHOES: I go with something good for walking that also is a little subtler. Think of something you could get away with wearing to a club, because you probably might want to check out a few. // FLIP-FLOPS: definitely not a necessity, but letting your feet breathe can be fairly refreshing once in a while. // BELT: pulling up your pants gets old very quickly, and belts are expensive sometimes. It also doubles as a tie-down. // GUIDEBOOK: Essential. I’m partial to Lonely Planet because of their abundance of maps, telephone numbers, and global network of travelers. You can use it as much or as little as you want, and don’t be afraid to step off the beaten path once in a while. Also provides good background information for locations. // LEISURE BOOK: Great for long train rides or down time. Try that classic you’ve been meaning to read. Bonus: some hostels have book swaps, so bring something you wouldn’t mind trading for something else. (I actually swapped for this book at a hostel in Salzburg) // NOTEBOOK: some people like to journal and some don’t. It’s up to you, but if you do, you’ll be glad you did later. Also, good for writing down addresses and phone numbers for hotels and cab companies. // BUSINESS CARD: definitely not an essential, but you might be surprised how good backpacking can be for networking. // MONEY: ATMs are incredibly common, especially in more developed areas. I would still recommend carrying cash though, because the fees can add up and the really fun places like street markets and vendors don’t usually take plastic. // PASSPORT: pretty important if you’re going abroad. Don’t be afraid to let it take a beating, but don’t loose it. If you do, contact the nearest consulate or embassy as soon as you can. // TICKETS: keep them all together at all times. Personally, I like to keep them after I’ve returned home. // PASSPORT PHOTOS: not always essential, but sometimes to travel to autonomous areas or between countries you have to get special permits. Check out the guidebook if you’re unsure. Also, make sure to get them professionally done. // WALLET: A good place for money. Don’t keep it in your back pocket for the most part, it’s easy to pick there. // CLOTHES: Clothes can be completely dependent on the individual and the climate. They generally take up most of the room of your pack, and you can strike a balance between bulk (and weight) by giving up extra things and wearing things twice. Also, laundry can be expensive, so bring your own detergent and do it yourself. Make sure you allow more than enough time to dry though. sirmag.tumblr.com

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articles

CORN FED

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—TOM BALVANCE

designer & illustrator

Dean says the farm needs “better technology for bookkeeping and recordkeeping” — skills Tom will have after he graduates.

Andy Guy is a fifth-generation farmer and the first in his family to go to college. The junior in agriculture studies grew up on Guy Farms in Brighton, Iowa. When he takes over, Andy will be living the life he’s wanted since his childhood.

Andy says the economic side of farming is the most important thing he will be able to bring back.

“Our recordkeeping system is a piece of paper,” Andy says. “I feel like I could do something to make that a lot easier and more efficient.”

Andy’s father Danny says whether or not Andy will be able to bring back useful information [from Iowa State] is something they will have to “find out the hard way.” Because agriculture is constantly changing, Danny believes an agricultural education should be continuous. But Danny has already found one thing college has taught Andy.

“We went to Hy-Vee and walked through the liquor department and he was able to tell me which was the good stuff and which was the bad stuff,”

kait mckinney •

Farming is in Tom Balvance’s blood. Being born and raised on Balvance Farms in Buffalo Center, Iowa, the senior in agriculture business says the farm has been in his family for three generations.

Tom will be the fourth once he takes over.

As far back as Tom can remember, he has been working on the farm.

“It’s what I grew up doing. The phrase ‘it’s all I’ve ever known’ comes to mind,” says Tom. “If I didn’t need money, I would do it for free.”

After graduating from high school, Tom went to Iowa Lakes Community College and received a degree in diesel mechanics. During his time there he recalls knowing it wasn’t what he wanted to be doing; he wanted to be back on the farm. Tom told his father, Dean, who said that before he could return to the farm, Tom would need to go back to school to bring something back to better it.

“He understands the value and importance of [a college education],” says Tom. “He wanted me to do something and learn things that we didn’t already know, so that’s why I chose the route of [agriculture] business.”

IT’S WHAT I GREW UP DOING. IF I DIDN’T NEED MONEY, I WOULD DO IT FOR FREE.

photographer

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE FATE OF THE FAMILY FARM IS IN YOUR HANDS? THREE STUDENTS SHARE THEIR STORIES ABOUT BEING RAISED ON THE FARM, GETTING A COLLEGE EDUCATION AND HOW THEY ARE CHANGING THE FAMILY LEGACY ONE FIELD AT A TIME.

a n n e t t e i va n i s e v i c

by DEVON O’BRIEN & SIR STAFF

ph ot o c ou rt e s y o f t o m b a lva n c e

Danny says.

Andy’s mom, however, encouraged him to go to school to get a degree before farming.

“I get to have fun and network,” Andy says. “It’s always good to have a back-up plan. If farming doesn’t work, I can always do something else.”

If being a farmer doesn’t pan out for Andy, he wants to put his criminal justice minor to use and become a police officer.

In addition to contributing record-keeping improvements to the farm, Dean also wanted Tom to have a back-up plan, similar to Andy.

“Tom is a true farmer,” Dean says. “He wants to farm, but I want him to have a college degree to fall back on in case the farming economy goes bad. It’s getting so cut throat,” Tom says.

“The big farmers are coming in and paying way high cash rent.”

Tom explains margins are the reason the bigger farms can pay more. Because Balvance

Farms is on the smaller side, it needs to make more money per acre than a very large farm. Because big farms make enough money on combined land to stay in business, Tom worries they will come in and offer their landlords higher rent than what Balvance Farms can afford to pay.

“Even now, I worry that we will be squeezed out. It’s not guaranteed that [our farm] will be there forever … now I’ve got a back-up plan,” Tom says.

Some things are not as complex as economics for these farmers. There is one simple thing most farmers agree on, and that is a farming equipment “color” (John Deere green or Case IH red). Both Andy and Tom are on the same team: Case IH red.

Once a farmer picks a side, the other automatically becomes a rival, they said, half-joking.

Haley Jones, senior in Dairy Science, grew up on a fourth-generation, 700-cow commercial dairy farm in Spencer, Iowa. After graduation, she plans on returning to the family farm to help or take control of turning the farm into a tourist attraction

TOM IS A TRUE FARMER ... HE WANTS TO FARM, BUT I WANT HIM TO HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE TO FALL BACK ON IN CASE THE FARMING ECONOMY GOES BAD. —DEAN BALVANCE

LEFT: DEAN BALVANCE AND SON, TOM, OF BALVANCE FARMS. ///////////////////////////////////////////// ///////////////////////////////////////////////////// sirmag.tumblr.com

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I GET TO HAVE FUN AND NETWORK. IT’S ALWAYS GOOD TO HAVE A BACKUP PLAN. IF FARMING DOESN’T WORK, I CAN ALWAYS DO SOMETHING ELSE. —ANDY GUY

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by giving tours and hosting educational programs for the public.

“I have always wanted to work in the ag industry,” says Haley. “I remember in kindergarten, the first thing I wanted to be when I grew up was a farmer like my dad. And that has stuck with me thus far….”

With seven siblings, most in the agriculture business, Haley has grown up learning how to run a farm.

“While growing up there, I did chores every day, twice a day, since I can remember — anything from feeding newborn calves to milking cows. Having that responsibility has really taught me hard work, dedication and motivation,” says Haley. “…Growing up on a farm in the country was great because we were always outside playing and being adventurous. There were enough of us that we could form teams for basketball or kickball or have raging snowball fights. We didn’t ever have more than five channels on our TV or any video games [or] PlayStation or anything like that. I absolutely loved growing up on a farm with a large family.”

Wherever Haley goes, she’ll still be sticking

with agriculture. She says her family has expressed interest in taking some of the milk from the cows’ produce and making cheese for purchase. With a minor in journalism, Haley says the knowledge she has gained will come in handy when sharing information about the dairy industry if her farm goes in the direction she thinks it will.

Both Andy and Tom will also be working with family after graduation — something a college education won’t necessarily prepare a farmer for.

“Some people don’t want to listen, some people think they know and they don’t,” Danny says. “There are people in my family who just don’t want to be told what to do, but you know, that’s just the way it is. Andy takes a lot after his mother … we won’t go there.”

Andy can understand where his father is coming from. “It’s the best and the worst thing,” Andy says. “You are with your family, but then it’s like, oh, I know what I’m doing and he says, ‘No, you don’t. You don’t know jack shit.’ And then I say, ‘Bull shit! I know what I’m doing.’ Then we yell at each other, and then I’m usually wrong and then he’s like, ‘I told you, you’re stupid.’ That’s how that works. It happens less and less often the more and more we do stuff.” SIR

I REMEMBER IN KINDERGARTEN, THE FIRST THING I WANTED TO BE WHEN I GREW UP WAS A FARMER LIKE MY DAD. AND THAT HAS STUCK WITH ME THUS FAR....

—HALEY JONES

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articles

PRESIDENT LEATH

by ELAINE GODFREY

Steven Leath began his term as Iowa State’s president in February, after serving as vice president for research and sponsored programs at the University of North Carolina. He has a Ph.D. in plant pathology – and has even spent some time in the U.S. Department of Agriculture. But just who is the man behind the desk? We sat down with Steven Leath in late February to talk Cyclones, style and the big Ames transition.

“READY FOR A MANLY DISCUSSION?” SAID President Leath, offering me a seat on the sofa and pulling up a chair for himself. He chuckled, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. He has the appearance of a man who loves to laugh and does it often.

We met in his new house at the Knoll while rain poured down in sheets outside and streaked the windows of the formal living room.

Kitchen staff bustled through, cleaning up dishes and rearranging furniture.

Do you watch a lot of movies?

I really enjoy early American frontier history – as sort of a hobby. “The Last of the Mohicans” was a really good movie – it was actually filmed really close to my Christmas tree farm in North Carolina. “The Patriot” was a great one, too.

You had a Christmas tree farm?

I still do! It’s in the mountains, where North Carolina meets Tennessee and Virginia. If I had my iPad on me, I’d show it to you. (After a minute of 26

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designer

I don’t get to read much, other than sort of work-related books, but if you’re interested in that, I just finished a good one called Innovation Nation about how to make the country more innovated. Another great one is Guns, Germs & Steel.

dav i d d e ro n g •

What books do you like to read?

photographer

I’d definitely say I’m a classic rock man. My top three would have to be 1. The Stones, for sure.

2. Aerosmith and 3. Bob Seger. But if we’re talking newer music, I like Coldplay.

jennifer schrimper

What is your favorite band or genre of music?

searching, he shows me a smaller picture on his iPhone of a group of a cluster of trees)

the ambulance.’ I say not if it’s your wife and son!

You have to do what you have to do.

thing is to think big. Really do that. Most people don’t think big enough.

Do you support any sports teams?

Do you consider yourself a dancing kind of guy? Say you’re at a wedding reception – what’s your go-to move?

How do you stay in shape?

Well, I grew up in St. Paul, so I have always been a Twins fan – still am. And I’ve always been a big fan of the Carolina Panthers, but I’m thinking now I’m going to have to adopt a Midwestern team. Besides the Cyclones, of course.

What do you wear outside of the office?

A classic T-shirt and jeans combo? (laughs) Well, I really don’t want to be caught in a t-shirt these days, and besides, my wife is traumatized by that, anyway. Usually, if I’m not working, I’ll just wear jeans and a black leather jacket.... with just a normal shirt.

Do you have any crazy college memories – or stories you want to share with Iowa State students? (laughs) I don’t know.… I do, but I’m not sure that’s the right message I want to send out to students (more laughter). But a really good story is that I actually met my wife in college. That’s definitely my most memorable part of college. I mean, we’re still married, 30 years later.

So, how did you meet your wife?

I was the T.A. for a class when she was getting her undergrad. It was Introductory Plant Pathology. She was two years older because she had waited to start college, so she was going to class with a bunch of 18-year-olds. We had a lot more in common.

Did you ask her out?

No, actually, she asked me! I was trying to be a good T.A. and not do anything. Apparently she got tired of waiting. Our first date was at Longwood Gardens, an old du Pont estate in Philadelphia. It’s beautiful – with huge gardens and long paths you can walk through – one of the most beautiful places.

Oh, man. I don’t really know… but I guess I’d have to say twirling my wife (he laughs). I do like that.

I BET THAT MOST STUDENTS DON’T KNOW I’M AN ARCHERY FANATIC, AND A BIG BOW HUNTER. OH! AND I DELIVERED MY OWN SON – BY SURPRISE OF COURSE. WE DEFINITELY DIDN’T PLAN IT THAT WAY. —STEVEN LEATH, I S U P R E S I D E N T

Are there any words of advice you want to give to guys here at Iowa State?

It’s hard right now because it’s difficult seeing your career path. But focusing on what you do well will help you in the end. Just learn to do something really, really well. And always be honest. Another

Well, I shoot my bow a lot, so that keeps my archery muscles in shape. I also lift weights and ride my stationary bike. I didn’t bring a lot when I first moved here, but I definitely brought my weights and my bike.

Do you have any role models?

I really look up to Erskine Bowles, former White House chief of staff. He was also the former president of University of North Carolina, so I look to him a lot as a fellow university president.

What is your drink of choice?

Bourbon. With no close second. There are other things I’ll drink, but bourbon’s at the top of the list.

This is a hard question. What does being a man mean to you? (pauses) That’s definitely a hard question. But I would say, and it may not be gender-specific: selfreliance and a high level of integrity. And always being helpful to those who need it.

What’s your favorite part of Iowa State so far?

The people. The campus is beautiful, but it’s the people. They’re great.

After the interview, Leath took me through the kitchen exit to help me avoid the rain.

“This is the door I always use,” Leath said, turning on a series of outdoor lights. “It’s faster, and you won’t have to walk as far in the rain.”

Sure, people here are great; Leath is going to fit right in. SIR

What’s your favorite place to eat in Ames?

Let’s just say I’ve eaten my way through Ames. I really hate to endorse just one specific place, so I’ll just say that I’ve enjoyed most of the meals I’ve eaten, and I’ve been to about every place in Ames. Oh, and the restaurants in the East Village in Des Moines. They’re great – I really like goin’ over there for supper, too.

Is there something you’d like the male students at Iowa State to know about you?

I bet that most students don’t know I’m an archery fanatic, and a big bow hunter. Oh! And I delivered my own son – by surprise of course.

We definitely didn’t plan it that way.

Wow, really? How did that happen?

We were at home, and it caught us by surprise.

We called an ambulance, but since we lived way out in the country, I had already delivered him and cut the cord by the time they got there. A lot of my friends said ‘If that would have been me, I would have ran out of the house and waited for sirmag.tumblr.com

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WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BE A CYCLONE ATHLETE? A FEW SAT DOWN WITH SIR TO TALK BODIES, 6 A.M. WORKOUTS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.

by TAYSHA MURTAUGH

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Another reason is that body—if it weren’t for her toned legs and impressively long wingspan (three inches longer than her height!), her wild locks and feminine figure might distract you from the fact this girl is not only beautiful: she’s an athlete, and a well-rounded athlete at that. As a heptathlon runner, or a “multi,” Jordon competes in the following events over the course of two days: 100-hurdles, high jump, shot put, 200-meter-race, long jump, high jump, 800-meter-race and javelin.

Maintaining her athletic body is more complicated for Jordon. Because of ongoing back problems, she can’t have weight on her back and shoulders. She must compensate with body weight and core stabilization workouts, which makes it hard for her to build muscle.

“It doesn’t look like I’m strong or that I can do what I can do, because it’s hard to regain all that muscle I lost, but I’m stronger now than I have ever been.”

Q: WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR MIND BEFORE A RACE? A: I just try to be as relaxed as possible.

I have a lot of adrenaline going, but I don’t want to get too nervous, so I just try to be relaxed and use that adrenaline to push through my race.

I’m really intense right before my race, and everybody says I get this face, but I’m just ready to go. Before that, I’m usually really loud and talk to everybody and wish them luck before the race.

writer

rachel green •

photographer

pheobe buffet •

designer

chandler bing •

illustrator

joey tribbiani

TRACK AND FIELD | HEPTATHLETE Jordon Andreassen has never been on a spring break trip. When her roommates and friends left for Florida, the multi-event track runner and senior in coaching stayed home to prepare for a meet—one of the toughest sacrifices Jordon says she’s made as a student athlete.

“It would be so fun to go and have a week to lie on a beach and be a college student, but I really can’t.”

In order to perform well as an athlete, Jordon has learned to say no. To sweets, to drinking and to spring break.

“I was the fat girl, freshman year, on the team,” Jordon says, laughing.

“I came in heavy and had to cut out sweets completely.”

One glance at her long, lean body, and it’s hard to believe her, but she insists and says there are videos of the “chunky” version of her hurdling to prove it. Her humorous elf-depreciation is just one of the things that make Jordon the fun and spunky girl we chose for our cover.

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FOOTBALL | WIDE RECEIVER As an athlete, Ben Dinkins says his body needs to function like a machine. That’s why he and his teammates work out, practice and lift six days a week. The junior in animal science and Iowa State wide receiver even started juggling to improve his hand-eye coordination, and he keeps tennis balls beside his bed to pick up and toss.

But Ben says being a football player is not just about being physically fit; from studying plays to managing a strict diet and a jam-packed schedule, it’s also about being mentally tough.

“Football doesn’t just train your body but also your mind,” Ben says. “It helps you out with your communication skills, analyzing things more … and helps you understand your brotherhood and your family.”

Ben certainly is a family man.

Since coming to Ames, he says he’s grown a lot closer to his family back

in Miami; the 6’1”, 198-lb 21-yearold admits he calls his mom every single day.

“I’m a grown man, but I love it when she calls me her baby,” Ben says, laughing.

If that weren’t enough to make the ladies swoon, Ben says his goal in life is to be a faithful husband, a loving father and a servant to all.

As the vice president of the Ames chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Ben also values being part of a community, and he takes his leadership roles—on and off the field— very seriously.

“People on the outside may think we [athletes] are doing it for selfish reasons. We work hard for your entertainment and because we have a love for it … We’re stepping out on a limb not for ourselves but for our families and our peers and our school, because if we mess up, everybody sees it.”

Q: HOW IS A STUDENT ATHLETE’S BODY DIFFERENT FROM THE AVERAGE STUDENT’S? A: There’s guys who always work out mainly just their arms—the babe attractor—but as an athlete, we work out almost every single muscle.

We’re more finely tuned, because we have [coaches] watching over us. We all have to have our fine-tuned things in order to function as a team and win.

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VOLLEYBALL | LIBERO Kristen Hahn has what she calls a “vision board” hanging above her bed. Every day, the junior in kinesiology and Iowa State volleyball player looks up at the cluster of photos, quotes and goals pinned to her bulletin board as a reminder of what she’s trying to reach, on and off the volleyball court: a National Championship trophy and an All-American plaque, a degree in physical therapy, a family and a collegiate coaching position are just a few of her goals.

Standing at 5’6”, the defensive specialist is the shortest on her team; most of the other players are between 5’11” and 6’1”.

What she lacks in height, Kristen makes up for in strength and agility. As the libero, it’s her job to beat the scary-fast spikes hit by the opposing team, and Kristen has become somewhat of a master at this.

She also has a body to prove it: her defined shoulders and biceps sit atop her petite body as yet another product of her hard work, and the strong thighs and glutes that propel her from one end of the court to another are the final touch to one hell of a figure.

But Kristen’s not cocky. She attributes most of her individual and team success to the dedication, hard work and support of her coaches and the workouts they develop.

Because volleyball players need to be lean and fast, the coaches don’t focus as much on hard, heavy weightlifting, but on lifts that strengthen tendons, improve stamina and agility and prevent injuries. Pull-ups, push-ups, stability ball leg curls, external rotations, one- and twolegged squats and small band work are common.

Despite the big time commitment Kristen has, she says she wouldn’t change being a student athlete for the world.

“I think a benefit of being an athlete is that we all come together and connect on that level,” Kristen says. “Not just specific sports, but the fact that we are student athletes is a big deal to all of us, so we connect and have kind of a family.”

Q: WHAT KINDS OF SACRIFICES DO YOU MAKE AS AN ATHLETE? A: We definitely sacrifice being able to go out like a normal student would. We miss out on the social scenes, but I think it’s worth it because we get so much joy from our sport.

Having a great practice really makes me so much happier than going out and having a beer would. sirmag.tumblr.com

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joey tribbiani

illustrator chandler bing •

designer pheobe buffet •

photographer

Q: YOU’RE A KINESIOLOGY MAJOR. ANY TIPS FOR PEOPLE TRYING TO TONE UP? A: Some people lift but don’t eat afterward. You have to eat almost more because you need to refuel. Eating and lifting go hand in hand. My metabolism is so high I can eat a lot, but that doesn’t mean I can eat the wrong things.

writer

rachel green •

TRACK | SPRINTER It isn’t a struggle for Callan Jacobson to work out.

In fact, the track sprinter and senior in kinesiology finds it difficult to sit still.

“I love lifting and working out, and I’ve always cared a lot about my body. It’s something I’m passionate about and want to make my career.”

After Callan graduates, she wants to be a personal trainer or fitness instructor and possibly do some low-key fitness demonstration modeling on the side. She’s proud of her athletic body and wants to be recognized as an athlete, even after her days with Cyclone Track and Field are over.

But Callan wasn’t always so confident about her stalky frame and muscular legs.

“I was kind of offended when I was little and people would say, ‘You have big quads,’ but now I just say thanks, because that’s how I want to look,” Callan explains. “Since there was no way I was going to have skinny legs, I decided to make them work to my benefit.”

Responsibilities Callan has as a student athlete include scheduling her days around practice and classes and serving as a positive representative of Iowa State and the state of Iowa.

“It takes a lot of commitment and planning ahead. You have to be mature about your decisions, even on the weekends.”

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How it works

POWER TRACKERS BATTERIES

T

he group that makes up Team PrISUm is dedicated. Between school and working on the solar car together, the team sometimes puts in 90 hours of work a week. During one of these 90-hour challenge weeks, one of the members had to be driven to the hospital. He cut his hand during a test run on an exit attempt. But that didn’t phase him. Cory Anderson, junior in mechanical engineering, said his teammate’s accident has gone down as one of the funniest stories in the last three years he’s been working on the car.

“This hospital trip is going to count towards my 90 hours,” Anderson said, recalling his teammate’s infamous quote.

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IT IS NOT AS BIG OF A CHICK MAGNET AS ONE MAY THINK. NOT SURE WHY, THOUGH. WE ARE MAKING A RACECAR FROM SCRATCH. HOW IS THAT NOT SEXY? —CORY ANDERSON, p r i s u m m e m b e r

emerald klauer

illustrator m at t w e t t e n g e l •

by KELSEY SCHIRM & SIR STAFF

designer

COMPETITION

M O T O R

yue wu •

POWERED

MOTOR CONTROLLER

photographer

SOLAR

the sides of the NASCAR speedways, but it takes a good two years to build the solar car, according to Anderson.

The whole process starts like most things do: first, a concept must be thought up. Second, the team sits down together and has a design meeting to discuss the build. Then a whole process follows afterwards.

“During the entire design process, feasibility of manufacturing is the main criteria that we evaluate, [because] it all has to be made in real life eventually,” Anderson said. “Many of the designs that we have are far beyond the ability of anybody on the team to make or has time to learn to make, unfortunately. We end up sending many of our designs to get manufactured by other companies that sponsor our team.”

Team PrISUm has been bringing solar technology to life on the Iowa State campus for over 20 years. Their ultimate goal is to build a solar car from scratch every two years to compete in the American Solar Challenge (ASC), a cross-country race.

The car’s design and build schemes are by students, which allows the team to offer opportunities and experience to all majors on campus. Team PrISUm was founded in 1989 by the engineering honor society Tau Beta Pi. It was originally formed as a project to enter the first U.S. solar car race called the “GM Sunrayce.” The car Tau Beta Pi built was the first solar car to be built in Iowa and was named PrISUm. See what they did there?

“In 1990, the team changed [its] name from Solar Car Club to Team PrISUm and registered as a student organization, opening its membership up to anyone on campus,” said Evan Stumpges, Team PrISUm project director and senior in mechanical

engineering.

Today, Team PrISUm has about 35 to 40 active members from all departments within the College of Engineering and even students from different majors on campus.

“We have a few people from the College of Business, whom we desperately need in terms of marketing funding and outreach,” Stumpges said. “We have a huge outreach program for middle school and high school students that we could always use people to help with.”

The big race (ASC) is held every two years, and on the off years, there is a track competition.

“Not only have we entered a car in every cross-country race, but we are the only solar car team in the nation that has competed with a new vehicle in every race,” Stumpges said.

The cross-country race runs over a course of three weeks and travels to different destinations each year, and the track race is only a three-day event. This past summer, Team PrISUm competed at the track race in Indianapolis leaving with an honorable fourth place finish.

This upcoming summer, the team will compete once again in the ASC from July 6–22 with their new car. The race will begin in Rochester, NY, and end in St. Paul, Minnesota, covering about 1,600 miles. For the competition, a maximum of four drivers will be registered and a group made up of various members will act as the pit crew.

“Tons of positions are needed to support the crew from technicians to work on the car to cheerleaders to help motivate us when we’re all tired,” Stumpges said.

Because the cross-country races are every two years, the most important aspect of the club is completing the two-year design-build schedule on time so they can present the new car at ASC. “Pretty much every day of the week and every day of the year there is work being done on this car. Throughout all the breaks there is always someone here and even over summer break there are at least a few team members here that are active on a daily or weekly basis,” Stumpges said. “It takes a lot of time, resources and commitment to build a car from scratch every couple years.”

In addition to the team members’ commitment, sponsors play a huge role in the completion of their cars. The team’s most recent sponsorship is with Snap-On Tools, a tool company that donated several tool chests to the garage and agreed to provide any tools needed to build the car. Stumpges said this sponsorship will change the operations majorly because they’ve lacked the tools they’ve needed to work on the cars in the past.

With the addition of these new tools and the collaboration of its many other sponsors, the team has been hard at work on the car, sticking closely to their short-term deadlines in

order to get the car finished on time. Their goal was to have the car finished for VEISHEA and feature it in the parade.

“The major portion of work that our team does all in house is the body,” Anderson said. “Everything that is possible to do in Ames pertaining to the body, we do it. This includes all bodywork, cosmetics additions and final assembly. We also go out -of-state to machine the molds and make the composite shell. Overall, this entire process takes two full years to complete and there is very little time we take off.”

The team hopes to take their new design to ASC this summer and come back with a win. Although the competition is a huge part of what keeps the club going, Stumpges and other members agreed that it’s much more than that.

“It’s a big hands-on project and there’s a lot going on,” said Tyler Larsen, junior in aerospace engi-

neering. “You are taking concepts that you learn in the classroom and applying them to real-world situations before you even get out into the industry.”

Anderson says he’s a part of Team PrISUm because he likes to apply what he learns in school in real life, even if what he learns in school isn’t helpful.

“Much of what is taught to us in school is very elementary or not applicable when trying to build this car,” Anderson said. “I [have] learned a great deal outside of the classroom during the last three years on the team.”

As far as other benefits to being on a team that builds solar cars, Anderson had another thing to add.

“It is not as big of a chick magnet as one may think,” Anderson said. “Not sure why, though.

We are making a racecar from scratch. How is that not sexy?” SIR

PRETTY MUCH EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK AND EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR THERE IS WORK BEING DONE ON THIS CAR. THROUGHOUT ALL THE BREAKS THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE HERE AND EVEN OVER SUMMER BREAK THERE ARE AT LEAST A FEW TEAM MEMBERS HERE THAT ARE ACTIVE ON A DAILY OR WEEKLY BASIS. —EVAN STUMPGES, p r i s u m p r o j e c t d i r e c t o r

RIGHT: TEAM PRISUM AT A DAILY SOLAR CAR CLUB MEETING. //////////////////////////////////////////// ////////////////////////////////////////////////////// sirmag.tumblr.com

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articles LEFT: LOGAN BRINKMAN, JONNY ANYAOGU AND NEAL WIEBERS ARE ALL MEMBERS OF THE IOWA STATE CHEERLEADING SQUAD. THE THREE HAD NO INTENTION OF JOINING THE SQUAD BEFORE COMING TO IOWA STATE, BUT ENDED UP JOINING FOR THEIR OWN REASONS. ///////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////////

MY FAMILY’S IN SUPPORT OF IT, BUT I FELT LIKE I WAS COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET WHEN I FIRST TOLD MY MOM I JOINED THE CHEER TEAM. —LOGAN BRINKMAN, MALE CHEERLEADER

THE DUDES WITH SPIRIT

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“We weren’t actually serious about trying out for the cheer team.”

They attended three open practices before they were invited to join the squad.

The three men follow a strict regimen. They have two-hour practices on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Various athletic activities occupy their Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, and Sundays are reserved for tumbling practice.

They are also required to complete three, onehour a week workouts on their own time (which is filled with deciding between Taco John’s and Taco Bell, (the latter winning). The biggest change was a change in diet. Their party habits remained the same.

“We still go out to the bars and stuff,” Brinkman says. “And we drink Platinum, which is six percent for all you ladies who think we [male cheerleaders] are soft guys.”

designer

admits that he never thought he had what it took to be a cheerleader. Lifting girls in the air and working out so often seemed like a ton of work.

“I knew [joining] was going to be a challenge, but it’s really fun. I’m proud of myself for taking advantage of the opportunity,” Brinkman says.

Anyaogu and Wiebers, both Minnesota natives and friends since childhood, took a different route to joining the squad. Anyaogu, sophomore in psychology, ran short sprints for Iowa State’s track team during his freshman and sophomore years.

The girlfriend of one of Anyaogu’s track teammates was on the cheer team. She told Anyaogu that he would make a great cheerleader and the squad was in need of some testosterone.

Anyaogu left the track team early in his second year. He decided to attend the first open cheer practice only if Wiebers went with him.

“It kinda started out as a joke,” Anyaogu says.

kait mckinney •

LOUNGING IN ATHLETIC SHORTS AND CUT-OFFS after another vigorous night of yelling at the top of their lungs and hoisting women above their heads, Neal Wiebers, Jonny Anyaogu, and Logan Brinkman are in the living room of their apartment chowing down on cheese balls and gaining valuable life lessons from the latest episode of “How I Met Your Mother.” Athletic bags, backpacks and pizza boxes are scattered on the kitchen table and multi-colored Christmas lights outline the living room ceiling.

“Make sure you talk about Logan’s anacondaGodzilla arms,” says Wiebers, junior in political science. Brinkman laughs and shrugs it off.

“Coming from an engineering major, time management is really hard to do,” says Brinkman, senior in construction engineering from Gowrie, Iowa.

This is Brinkman’s first year on the squad. He

photographer

by MERRITT RETHLAKE

m at t w e t t e n g e l

HOW THREE FRIENDS TURNED A JOKE INTO THEIR TICKET TO THE BEST VIEW IN JACK TRICE STADIUM.

Though they do admit they learned the hard way not to rage the night before an early football or basketball game, the trio says that being on the squad doesn’t make them feel more or less like a typical college kid.

“Except when I walk on campus with, like, six girls from the team. Then I feel like a boss,” Wiebers says, laughing.

As far as dating and being around female cheerleaders most of their days, the men say that most of the time it feels like they’re just hanging out with good friends, and it even feels like family when they’re just with the guys. They also hint at the fact that it doesn’t hurt to have sexy, short-skirted girls hanging around them.

“Lifting girls is way more fun than lifting weights,” Brinkman says.

There’s a quick break from the jokes and laughs as the men talk stereotypes and challenges of being a male cheerleader. All three guys agree that at first it was intimidating telling people that they were cheerleaders. It was hard because they are never able to gauge how someone will react.

Anyaogu says that it’s difficult for his younger brother to accept his switch from track star to cheerleader.

“My family’s in support of it, but I felt like I was coming out of the closet when I first told my mom I joined the cheer team,” Brinkman says with a laugh.

The response Wiebers received from his family, specifically his two older sisters, was memorable.

“Have you ever heard a siren go off before a tornado? That’s what my sisters sounded like when I told them,” Wiebers says. “They were so excited.”

The other athletes the men are around are just as accepting. The guys give a special shout out to the women’s basketball team as being the most friendly and fun around them.

Brinkman delves into how many people confront him in his classes about being a male cheerleader. He talks about the number of guys who tell him how much respect they have for him and for other male members of the team.

“They don’t care that we throw T-shirts at fans.

They think it’s cool and crazy that we hold girls over our heads with one hand,” Brinkman says.

They also talk about how rare it is for catching all three of them to have a free night. Anyaogu, Brinkman and Wiebers are not only busy at Jack Trice or Hilton but also all over campus. Anyaogu works as a leasing agent for Campustown Property Management and is an Anderson Lab assistant.

Brinkman works as a project estimator for Henkel Construction Company, where he will also work full time after he graduates this spring. He is also a member of the Associated Schools of Construction Residential Construction Engineering Competition team. Wiebers works as a barista at The Hub’s Caribou Coffee. When he isn’t busy fulfilling his duties as the GSB senator for Campustown, Wiebers

maintains his roles as an executive member of the Campustown Action Association and as president of the Campustown Student Association.

Amid stereotypes, grueling workouts and demanding schedules, one might ask why these guys cheer in the first place.

“I’m physically stronger; I’ve made so many more friends, it’s unreal,” Brinkman says.

Wiebers agrees and says he missed being on an athletic team once he was at Iowa State.

“Plus I had front row seats to see Iowa State beat Oklahoma State,” Wiebers says, forgetting to mention every other major upset game this season.

For Brinkman, it’s a toss up between respect and integrity. He says that being on the cheer team has instilled extreme amounts of both strengths.

Wiebers says confidence is vital because of how applicable it is in any situation he faces.

“At this age, you’re meeting new people every day and are always in new situations. You have to have confidence for that kind of stuff,” Wiebers says, thoughtfully.

Anyaogu is careful in choosing what he thinks is the most important strength.

“Being genuine,” Anyaogu says. “[College men] don’t have enough of it, and it truly sets you apart.” SIR

ph o t o c o u r t e s y o f z h e n ru z h a n g , i o wa s tat e da i ly

MALE CHEERLEADERS RUN THE ISU FLAGS ONTO THE FIELD BEFORE THE IOWA STATE-KANSAS GAME ON SATURDAY, NOV. 5, 2011, AT JACK TRICE STADIUM. THE CYCLONES WON 13-10. //////////////////////////////

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articles

ACCIDENTALLY COOL

38

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member trying to explain to my roommate what we did in acting class, and I said 'I'm pretty sure he's just training me how to be a Jedi.'

“The way that he sees acting and theatre is, it’s not as much about something you put on as about something you find.”

In his short time on the planet – Foss is just 32 years old – the Iowa native took the scenic route to Iowa State. He’s studied and worked as an actor in Detroit (where he enrolled in Wayne State College and is still pursuing his Ph.D in performance arts) Chicago and Moscow.

He says the jobs were rarely glamorous but taught him a great deal and gave him life experience no other path could have given him.

His mother, Molly Foss, says that while she worried when he was traveling across Europe

designer

seemingly meaningless moments, it's helped me to be a lot more present in much more meaningful moments, such as the death of my grandfather."

Foss is in his fourth semester at Iowa State, but he has already earned a reputation of having some of the most interesting classes on campus.

Students see things when they walk into Foss's classroom that give them a perspective they would otherwise have never seen before. In Foss' acting classes, students don't learn how to read lines at the perfect pace or stand in some pre-determined spot.

They learn how to take a given situation and create something with it.

"We spent the first week of class picking up and putting down chairs at the same time," says Ethan Peterson, sophomore in performing arts. "I re-

yue wu •

THERE'S THIS GUY ON CAMPUS. HE OFTEN HAS disheveled hair and the buttons on his shirt don't always line up right.

He marches to a drum with a beat that isn't just different from others, it's one that's never been heard before.

He's "accidentally cool." He strives to be authentic and honest.

He's acting professor Matt Foss. "[Striving to be authentic] helps me survive myself," Foss says. "I guess in the classroom, I'll sometimes sacrifice myself on the altar of embarrassment to show how survivable that is. I'm always messing up or falling or knocking something over in public places, so rather than getting shamed or embarrassed, I just say, 'Well, this happened.'

"By being present in those silly or small or

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by JEREMIAH DAVIS

charlie poulson

AN ISU ACTING PROFESSOR IS PAVING THE WAY TODAY FOR THE STARS OF TOMORROW. WITH GOOD STORIES, HE IS BUILDING FROM THE BOTTOM UP.

—MATT FOSS, i s u a c t i n g p r o f e s s o r

and living in Detroit, she never questioned her son’s choices.

“I just knew that’s what he wanted,” Molly says. “I may have asked him once or twice if he was happy, but I wasn’t going to choose his path for him.”

Coming back to Iowa wasn’t always in the cards. It was failing elsewhere, Foss says, that landed him in his parents’ basement looking for work. He laughs now at the contrast between he and his younger sister Kelsey, who is married, lives in Des Moines and took a more traditional path to her life today.

It was a chance application to Iowa State – after hearing from his friend Andrew Dost, keyboard player for the band Fun., who played at VEISHEA in the spring of 2010, that Iowa State was a “cool place” – that led to him moving away from working as a performer to working as a teacher.

Foss saw an opportunity to help mold young people into creating things unique to them, and he jumped at it.

In his younger days – a more idealistic version of himself, he said – Foss thought maybe he could change the world with the work he was doing. Today that idealism has shifted to keeping track of things right in front of him, and instead, guiding his students down a path that may make the changes he once dreamed he could make.

“I do think my students will have a bigger impact than I will ever have, which is, I think, what I would prefer,” Foss says, “because they consistently humble me with how smart and intelligent and skilled they are.”

But to his students, what Foss is doing has a major effect on them and the field of acting.

Peterson says Foss has a style that’s unique, but not just for the sake of being unique. The shows Foss directs and the things he has his students do in class all have his mark on them, but not in a purposeful way.

Peterson said Foss simply tries to tell the best story, and whatever it takes to do that is what he’ll do. If a style or pattern emerges, Peterson says, it’s not something that’s pre-determined.

“Bertolt Brecht is a German theatrical mind that there is now a style [named after him] called ‘Brechtian theatre.’ And everyone decided ‘I’m going to make my play Brechtian,’ but Brecht wasn’t even trying to be Brechtian. He was approaching it the best that he could, and it became something unique,” Peterson says.

“Whereas we’re like, ‘Yeah, it’s a Foss show.’

And yeah, they do have his things, because it’s all through his imagination, but he’s not going

for a feel, he’s just being honest.”

If there is one area Foss will admit to feeling strong about himself in, it’s his ability to tell stories. Peterson says Foss will often say in class, “If loneliness is the disease, then storytelling is the cure.”

Telling those stories, and the way he and his students do it, are a craft Foss holds near and dear to his heart. Doing something he’s good at that might make someone, somewhere, feel better is the reason he does what he does.

“I think I’m decent at telling stories,” Foss says. “I know a lot of times I tell stories to either hope someone else feels less alone or maybe make me feel less alone or less strange.”

So while Foss says he has “no idea what’s next,” he certainly isn’t scared of what’s coming.

His students, Peterson says, will carry what he’s taught them for years, and that’s due in no small part to the aforementioned honesty and authenticity.

But with whatever’s next, Foss will approach that just like he does the theatre: by building from the bottom up and taking what’s given to him in any circumstance.

“I don’t have a lot of answers, but answers

never served me well anyway,” Foss says. “I find a lot of value in meaning what I say and saying what I mean…doing the small things well at least gives me a shot at doing the large things well.”

Beyond his work at Iowa State or anywhere else, Foss’s wants are simple, especially with how he’d like to be remembered. So often in the world of theatre, artists are remembered and lauded for generations. For Foss, he doesn’t need a “Fossian” genre named after him or auditoriums with his name on them.

A good story would do just fine.

“If they had some good stories, I think that’d be nice,” Foss says. “I don’t think I’d be too comfortable if anyone made a big deal of [me]. If they felt better about themselves…told some stories about me, that’d be nice.” SIR

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A FICTIONAL SHORT STORY ABOUT FIRST REAL JOBS, TEENAGE ROMANCES AND DISAPPOINTMENT.

by LUKE ELZINGA 40

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designer emerald klauer •

HOOTIE’S ROOST

I

COULDN’T AFFORD TO BUY A CAR until I got a job. I couldn’t get a job until I had a car to drive me there. The paradox finally unraveled a couple days ago, when my uncle Chuck sold my dad his old Saturn station wagon for cheap. Dad said I could use it, provided I went and picked up job applications. I hit up all the nearest fast food joints, a couple gas stations, the grocery store, and Hootie’s Roost.

Hootie’s Roost is a scuzzy little family restaurant with a plethora of arcade games and its titular country-singing animatronic owl, Hootie. I was there just two weeks prior for my little sister Meg’s family birthday party. They had the usual shitty-ass kids games, but to my surprise they also had a decent amount of shooters.

Area 51, House of the Dead, Silent Scope, Big Buck Hunter, Time Crisis. It’s actually a pretty legit collection. So, when “Derek” from Hootie’s Roost called to schedule an interview a week ago, I’ll admit I was a bit excited. A few days later I had the job.

It’s my first day of work (a Monday). Derek meets me when I walk in. Derek is only twenty, yet he is a manager at Hootie’s Roost. He prints and laminates a name tag and hands me my Hootie’s employee apparel: a brown polo shirt with a teal collar and the Hootie’s Roost signature owl hat.

We proceed to tour the place. Our first stop is the kitchen.

“Alright kid, prepare yourself,” Derek tells me. “The kitchen crew is a bit of a wild bunch.”

He pushes open the swinging double doors. The first thing my eyes meet is a scraggly teenager, probably a bit older than I, sipping on a cup of nacho cheese.

“Fresh meat!” the cheese-face proclaims, struggling through the viscosity of processed goodness. “What it is, chief?”

“Uh, it’s ... good?” I reply.

Cheese-face chuckles. “Good to hear. Got a name, newbie?”

“I’m Nick, you?”

“Joey. Everyone calls me Scruffles.”

I can’t imagine why. Scruffles offers his hand out to me, which I reluctantly shake. He continues, pointing out the rest of the kitchen crew. Jeff works the grill, and doesn’t look up from his phone when introduced. Fat Bob mans the fryers. The nickname is accurate. Andre and Chris are whipping each other with towels in the corner. Scruffles claims to be the brains of the operation.

I tell Scruffles it was nice to meet him, and Derek and I continue with our tour. He shows me around the supply rooms, the play place and ball pit, Hootie’s machinery and control room, and finally the prize counter.

“Alright, prize counter is pretty self-explanatory. We’ll start you off here. Put the kids’ tickets through the machine, give them the prizes.

Simple,” says Derek. “I’ll be by the front desk if you have any questions.”

From the prize counter I have a clear view of the stage that Hootie calls home. Hootie sings while he plays the banjo, which is pretty impressive for an owl when you think about it. He fin-

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fiction

WHEN I GET HOME, MOM IS STILL AWAKE. SHE ASKS ME HOW MY FIRST DAY AT WORK WENT. I TELL HER IT WENT FINE. TYPICAL TEENAGE RESPONSE. I FIND THAT THE MORE I REVEAL, THE MORE QUESTIONS SHE’LL HAVE. ishes the song “Hootie’s Hoedown” and reels back, the curtains closing behind him. I stand idly, leaning my weight against the smudged glass counter.

“Hey,” I hear a voice behind me say. “Who are you?”

I turn around. Her ears are riddled with piercings, and she has a ring on one side of her nose. She has olive skin and green eyes. Her dark brown hair is braided into pigtails.

“Uh, I’m Nick. I just started today,” I say.

“I didn’t see you earlier when Derek showed me around.”

“Yeah. I just got here,” she says. “Most waitresses don’t have to be here until four. It’s not exactly busy before then.” She throws me a halfsmile, the kind you might give to an acquaintance when you pass them in the hallway between class and make eye contact. “I’m Tessa.”

“Nice to meet you, Tessa. So ... how long have you worked at Hootie’s Roost?”

“Since I was old enough, fourteen. It’s been three years now. You know, my first job was at prize counter too,” Tessa tells me.

“Oh really? Any secrets you want to share with me? Any … warnings?” I raise an eyebrow flirtatiously at Tessa.

“Hah. Well there’s always going to be the little douche bags who claim the ticket counter is broken when they had at least five-hundred more tickets. Then there’s the kids who stare for ten minutes, not able to make up their minds.

I normally just suggest the whoopee cushions and Chinese finger traps.”

“Seems like a solid choice. For me, it was always purchasing as many Frooties as tickets could buy. There’s no better candy than Frooties.”

“Can’t argue with you there,” says Tessa.

“Well, I better get over to the waitress station.

See you around.”

“See ya,” I reply. Tessa walks away. She has a great ass. Nice tits too. They’re not that big, but definitely good size for her height.

Hours pass, and everything goes smoothly.

I already have most of Hootie’s songs memorized, and know the order they play in. He starts off with “Owl Be Your Friend,” a slow-paced song where Hootie pours his heart out to any lonely children who just want a friend. After a five minute break, Hootie returns to perform “Flap Your Wings.” This one gets the rambunctious little shits up and waving their arms about.

Ten minute break. “Hoo’s Blues” comes next, where Hootie laments on life living in a tree.

Five minute break. Then comes my personal favorite, “The Pellet Polka,” in which Hootie describes and explains the significance of owl pellets. Pretty revolting. I don’t know who thought that was a good idea for a children’s song. Ten minute break, and then it’s “Hootie’s Hoedown,” and the whole cycle starts over again.

At seven o’clock I get to take my break. Hootie’s Roost has an awesome policy where you get a free meal during every eight-hour shift you work. I get a Vanilla Coke (another perk of working at Hootie’s, I thought they discontinued this stuff ) from the soda fountain and sit down in a corner booth. Tessa spots me and walks up.

“Hey stranger, how’s it been so far?” Tessa asks me.

“Not too bad,” I say. “I can still hear Hootie singing in my head, though.”

Tessa laughs. “Trust me, you will be ready to storm that stage and beat Hootie to death in about a week from now.”

We both laugh. Tessa is adorable. I think I’m developing a bit of a crush on this girl.

“Do you need a menu or do you know what you’re going to have?” Tessa asks.

“I think … I’ll have the chicken strips with mashed potatoes and gravy.”

“Right away, sir,” Tessa says as she winks and twirls around quickly. Eleven minutes later she returns, carrying two plates. She sets them both down and sits across from me.

“I figured I’d take my break too. I don’t have any tables right now,” Tessa says.

“Thanks for the company,” I reply with a grin. I pick up a chicken strip and dunk it into the mashed potatoes and gravy, stirring them around. “So, where do you go to school?”

“Hamilton. What about you?”

“West,” I say with a mouthful of food.

“What other days are you scheduled for?”

“Let’s see ... Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday,” I reply.

“Damn! You got Friday and Saturday? You lucky bastard. A lot goes on around here during the weekend.” Tessa smirked. “Do you party?”

“Yeah, of course.” I hope I’m a good liar. The truth is I’ve only ever gotten drunk once. My parents were away for the weekend and my friend James and I had some of my dad’s whiskey. We ended up chasing my cat around, thinking it was the most hilarious thing ever. Then James vomited on the kitchen floor. We settled down a bit after that.

“Well good,” Tessa replies, “because every Friday and Saturday after close, shit gets crazy. Derek turns the games on free-play and we all get drunk.

It’s a great time.”

Tessa and I talk about our families, our friends at school, our future plans. Tessa wants to be an illustrator. She tells me about her idea for a graphic novel about a pirate chick who captains her own ship. I tell her about my dream of being a filmmaker.

“Well,” sighs Tessa, “I think it’s time for us both to get back to work. It’s been nice talking with you.”

I head back to the prize counter for the rest of my shift. Some kid buys four hundred tickets worth of fake plastic flies.

Ten o’clock rolls around and it’s closing time.

Derek walks me through my closing duties: locking the display case, vacuuming the game room floor, bagging the trash. I finish up and clock out.

When I get home, Mom is still awake. She asks me how my first day at work went. I tell her it went fine. Typical teenage response. I find that the more I reveal, the more questions she’ll have.

I’m actually pretty tired from standing around for eight hours, so I head to bed. Lying there, all I can think about is Tessa. Oh, Tessa...Beautiful Tessa...Dirty pirate Tessa...You like that, don’t you, dirty pirate Tessa?

I’M SO EXCITED FOR MY SHIFT ON FRIDAY THAT I show up fifteen minutes early. The first hour at work never seems to end. Finally, I spot Tessa walking in the front door. She spots me and waves. For fuck’s sake, I’m nervous already. I wait until the counter is empty and walk over to the waiting station.

“Tessssaaaa, what’s up?” I’m terrible at trying to be cool. She’s talking with another waitress.

“Hey Nick, how’s the prize counter going?”

“Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Although, I did just see a kid puke what appeared to be bubblegum ice cream all over a ski-ball machine.”

“Yikes,” says Tessa, “Make sure you act extra busy for the next hour, otherwise you’ll get stuck cleaning it up.”

“Thanks, I’ll be sure to do that,” I say. “So, were you serious about the whole partying thing tonight?”

“Oh yeah, I already put my bottle of UV in the walk-in freezer,” Tessa says.

“Neato,” I say. Tessa makes a sound that is somewhere between a laugh and a scoff. Damn it, I need to stop saying ‘neato’.

“Will you be partaking in the festivities this evening?” Tessa asks me.

“Yeah. I mean, if that’s cool. Derek seriously doesn’t care?”

“Please, he came up with the whole idea. He makes ‘Hootie’s Shooters’ every weekend. Besides, Derek isn’t even twenty-one. He could get in just as much trouble as the rest of us.”

“I hadn’t even thought of that,” I say. I check the prize counter over my shoulder. A girl is waiting impatiently with a grubby handful of tickets.

“Hey, I gotta go. Talk to you later.”

The Ewok-sized cock block has her arms crossed and is pouting her bottom lip.

“Hello there, would you like me to count those tickets for you?” I ask.

“Yes,” she says in an indignant tone, “I want stickers.”

“Alright, well we have dinosaur, race car, princess-” “Princess!” she shrieks. My dislike for children is rapidly increasing. The tickets finish counting and I hand her three packs of princess stickers.

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fiction diculous not to round up, especially when you’re dealing with little shits like this one.

Fridays are significantly busier than Mondays and Tuesdays. Hootie’s Roost is packed, and the crowd erupts into applause when Hootie takes the stage. I don’t get my meal break until nine, and by then I’m starving. There’s been a consistent line of kids at the prize counter. We ran out of plastic parachute soldiers.

In the minutes before ten o’clock, the atmosphere is electric. Everyone is hurrying to finish their final tasks. All I have left is vacuuming the last half of the game room. Unfortunately for me, there’s still some fat ass kid playing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game. His mother finally drags him away. He’s a whiner, this one. I have the vacuum ready to go, and make short work of the rest of the game room. I rush to put the vacuum away and then clock out.

“Come on Scruffles!” I hear Derek yell. “Even the rookie is clocked out.”

Scruffles puts away the last few dishes and slowly emerges from the kitchen. Derek walks to the front door and locks the deadbolt. We’re all standing in a group. Derek turns around and addresses us.

“Alright people, nice job today. Scruffles, you blew it again.” Derek grabs a token cup from behind the counter and slams it down. It’s a cue unknown to me, but everyone else runs to retrieve the alcohol they’ve brought. They gather around, each pouring some of their beverage into the cup. Once filled, Derek offers the concoction to Scruffles.

“Here you go, Scruffles,” he says. “Drink up, you poor bastard.”

It appears that Scruffles has had some practice with this. He chugs the entire thing and tosses the empty cup over his shoulder, letting out a massive burp. We all cheer. Everyone commences opening beers, mixing liquor with the fountain soda, taking shots. Derek circles the game room, unlocking the front doors of the machines and turning them to free-play.

“Did you bring anything?” Tessa turns and asks me.

“No, I didn’t. I don’t really ... know anybody,” I reply.

“Do you want some of mine? It’s UV Grape.”

“I’ve never had it before.”

“You’ll like it. It honestly tastes like candy.”

Tessa pours us each a shot.

“Here’s to getting fucked up,” Tessa says. She raises her plastic shot glass in the air, and I do the same. We throw them back. Tessa was right, it does taste like candy. We take another shot. And another. I’m starting to feel buzzed. I need to be careful, I don’t exactly know how much alcohol it takes to get me drunk.

By now, everyone is scattered about Hootie’s Roost. Scruffles and Fat Bob are busy with an intense game of Dance Dance Revolution. Jeff is playing Crazy Taxi by himself. Derek and a couple guys from the kitchen I don’t recognize are playing cards in the dining area. Some of the waitresses are lounging in the ball pit with mixed drinks.

“Another shot?” Tessa asks me, with a rather seductive smile forming on her lips.

“Sure, why not,” I answer.

We take the shot. The syrupy liquor is start42

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ing to be less appealing to my taste buds. I go and fetch us a couple of glasses from the soda fountain.

Tessa pours a few seconds worth of UV into the Minute-Maid Lemonade.

“Here, I want to show you something,” says Tessa. I’m having trouble finding a flaw with this girl.

Funny, cute, outgoing. She leads me to the kids play-place. We take our shoes off and climb up the multicolored tubes to the second level. We find a room with a padded mat floor and sit cross-legged facing each other. I am so nervous now I’m afraid I’m sweating through my teal and brown Hootie’s Roost polo. I take a sip from my UV and lemonade.

“So... what did you want to show me?” I ask.

“Give me one of your hands,” says Tessa after a short pause. I hold out my right hand and she takes it with both of hers. She presses her thumbs into my palm, moving them in circles slowly. “My mom’s a masseuse,” she says. “She’s taught me a few tricks.”

I laugh nervously. “I’ve never gotten a, uh, hand massage before.” It kind of tickles, but it’s relaxing at the same time. Tessa’s hands are soft and smooth.

SHE STOPS MASSAGING MY HAND AND PLACES HER HANDS ON MY KNEES. OUR TONGUES EXPLORE EACH OTHER’S MOUTHS. SHE GENTLY BITES MY BOTTOM LIP. I CRADLE HER CHIN, LIKE THEY DO IN THE MOVIES. Tessa smiles. I smile back. Neither of us breaks eye contact. Our faces start moving closer together, at the slowest possible pace. It’s as if gravity is playing Cupid. Oh shit, it’s going to happen. Don’t fuck this up, Nick. Like we’ve practiced now. You want to kiss her. She obviously wants to kiss you. Don’t be a pussy.

Our faces are inches away now. Tessa’s tongue flicks out to lick her lips. I gather up enough courage, shut my eyes, and press my lips against hers.

She stops massaging my hand and places her hands on my knees. Our tongues explore each other’s mouths. She gently bites my bottom lip. I cradle her chin, like they do in the movies. Chicks go crazy for that shit.

“HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN UP HERE?” I ASK. Tessa just shrugs. “A while,” she says. We finish our

drinks. The ice melted long ago. Tessa and I crawl through the tubes and slide out of the pipe maze. Tessa’s hair is a mess from the static.

We walk back toward the front of the store. Everyone is much drunker than we left them. Fat Bob isn’t wearing a shirt. Scruffles is passed out behind the wheel of Cruisin’ the World.

“There you two are!” Derek says, stumbling toward us. “I saw your shoes by the tube castle.”

He gives me an exaggerated wink. Tessa looks away, blushing, yet with a smile. She grabs a marker from behind the counter.

“Here,” she says. She jots down a phone number on the back of my hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” A pair of headlights pulls up outside, it’s my friend James here to pick me up.

I turn to face Tessa. “Tomorrow,” I say, nodding. I kiss her on the cheek and head toward the door. I turn around before I exit and wave goodbye.

IT’S BEEN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH SINCE I started working at Hootie’s Roost. Working the prize counter has taught me more about humanity than any class in school. For starters, children are vicious. If they’re not fighting each other, it’s normally because they’re picking on somebody else. Once I saw this boy push a girl who had to be half his age over to take her tickets. I imagine someday he’ll grow up to be a cop. Not a good cop, the kind of cop that operates a speed trap around the corner from the high school minutes before dismissal.

Things with Tessa have been going great.

We get to see each other at work three days every week and we’ve also been hanging outside of Hootie’s. She’s been over to my place a few times. My mom didn’t like her at first (I think it was the piercings), but she’s warmed up to her.

It’s Friday now, seven o’clock. Tonight has been slower than a dial-up connection. I already restocked the yo-yo’s, whistles, sticky hands, and other Hootie’s Roost knickknacks.

Looking over at the waiting station has become routine. Tessa catches my glance and meanders over to the prize counter flirtatiously.

“Working hard, or hardly working?” she asks.

“What do you think?”

“Ugh, I know. It’s terrible...Hey, come here.

I want to tell you something,” she says, leaning over the counter and cupping her mouth against my ear, “Tonight.”

I’m glad I have a counter to stand behind.

Tessa walks away, proud of her successful tease. Damn it, if time wasn’t dragging on before, it is now. It’s a good thing I bopped the bologna before I left for work this afternoon. I skip my break; I don’t have much of an appetite. I try and think back to all my sister’s copies of Cosmopolitan I’ve secretly read. “50 Hottest Sex Tips.” Funny, every month they have a “brand new” numerical collection of the best ways to bang. Soon enough, it’s time to start on closing duties.

My closing duties are completed before anyone else’s. First time that’s ever happened.

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k at e g i b s o n

I guess tonight is a night of firsts in more ways than one. I brought a bottle of Admiral Nelson I got from my friend Will’s brother, who goes to college twenty minutes from here. Without waiting for anyone to join me, I start taking pulls.

Tessa and I hang out with the rest of the crew for a while, playing a game of flippy cup on the air hockey table. I’ve never played before, and I’m terrible. Scruffles is relentless with his boasting. Turns out he actually has a talent, who would have thought?

Tessa gives me a look. My heart is pounding. I should probably be smiling or giving her a sexy look, but I’m just too nervous. She leads me up to the stage, and we slide through the curtains. The bottoms are oily from dragging across Hootie’s greased track.

“Wait here, I have an idea,” says Tessa as she sneaks off into the supply closet. Hootie is strange to look at up close. Thankfully, his eyes are shut when he’s turned off. Tessa returns with some candles and a lighter.

“Look what I found,” she whispers with excitement. She arranges the candles on the floor and lights them. Tessa looks up at me. The candles flicker in her emerald eyes. I try my best to be seductive while we undress each other. We arrange our clothes into a make-shift mattress and pillow backstage. Tessa lies down and I lower my body onto hers.

Oh, shit. This feels too amazing. Think about something not sexy. Anything. I adjust my arm so I can run my hand through Tessa’s hair. Big mistake. My elbow knocks one of the candles across the floor, directly at the curtains.

A cluster of flames appears. Tessa and I are scrambling to get up. The fire starts spreading further up the grease-soaked curtains. Quick, Nick, think. I whip around, and see a giant red button. That’s like an international signal for “Alert! Danger!” right?

I decisively slam my fist onto the button.

Hootie springs to life. The music blares and the curtains part. The Hootie’s Roost crew is running over to the stage and staring horrified at Tessa and I, bare-ass naked.

Shock has stricken me immobile. Tessa scoops up her clothes and sprints to the bathrooms. I snap back into it and jump into my boxers. Derek has reached me now. (cont. on page 47.)

*YES, THIS IS A BLURRY PHOTO.

final words

ITALIAN NOT-SO STALLION

MEN, LISTEN UP! DON’T BE A CREEP, AND ESPECIALLY DON’T BE AN ITALIAN CREEP IN A PINK TURTLENECK. IF YOU MUST CREEP, AT LEAST LOSE THE PINK TURTLENECK.

by KATE GIBSON OK, SO YOU KNOW HOW YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED to look an angry dog in the eye because they will supposedly attack? The same holds true for Italian men. Seriously, these guys are a different breed.

So one of my first nights out my roommates and I got into VIP at Club YAB (I mean, duh). So we’re dancing away like the crazy Americans we are and this guy approaches me: Crazy Italian: “Your eyes are so beautiful!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Italian: “So, you and me sex tonight?”

Me: “HA, no!”

Sadly, the latter part of this conversation was repeated for about five more minutes.

In America, my blue eyes don’t get me anywhere. Here, they are like a freaking golden ticket.

“This scarf matches your eyes, 10 Euro discount!”

“Your eyes match this shot of Absinthe, have it for free!”

How can I say no to that?

After my first “encounter” on the dance floor, I decided to change up my game. I mean, I was never one to get down and dirty in the first place (we all know that every Ames High pregnancy started on the floor of the Homecoming dance*), but I made the conscious decision to keep my dancing strictly weird from then on out. We’re talking flailing limbs, a look of vacancy and the occasional jazz square. Turns out they find this a bigger turn on. In fact, the first night I busted out these moves, I got the number of an Italian that works full-time at the Hard Rock Café. Score, right?! I wish this were a joke.

One night the roomies and I were at this bar Astor. I was a few Heinekens deep when I spotted him from across the floor. There he was, in all his glory. A middle-aged man, clad in a pink turtleneck making his move on American girls.

Naturally, I thought this was the funniest thing ever. And in true Kate form, I decided to approach him. I started to slowly creep in with the occasional shimmy, and we finally made eye contact.

He and I were seriously spinning all over the dance floor like the craziest people ever.

Everyone was staring at us laughing, except for one older woman sitting at the bar. I started to feel a little uncomfortable, so I asked him if she was his fuck buddy (he didn’t understand “wife,” and clearly the Italians are OK with sexual terms). He said, oh no that’s my cousin and we kept dancing.

Finally, I think she had enough and came over and broke us up. She then proceeded to start grinding with the guy. I could not stop laughing. I mean, if you’re gonna grind with your cousin, expect pictures to be taken.

Basically what I’m trying to say here is that Italian men are crazy as shit, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Oh, and the Italian sausage isn’t that great, either. I would know, I was flashed on my way to class one day. *sir cannot confirm this.

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final words

HILTON MAGIC

HOIBERG’S NO WIZARD, BUT HE BROUGHT MAGIC BACK TO THE COLISEUM.

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the seemingly endless drove on campus that proclaimed the home court advantage to be back.

Then I watched the Big 12 conference season unfold inside Hilton. I watched 14,376 fans show up to watch a defeat of No. 5 Kansas on Jan. 28. And I sat in my seat on press row in the regular season finale against No. 9 Baylor and, try as I might, could not find a single empty seat in the sold-out coliseum. They even had people with standing room only tickets line the concourse to watch the upset.

Apart from the game I covered at Phog Allen Fieldhouse, home court to Kansas, that’s the loudest sports environment I’ve ever been in.

I listened to Hoiberg say after the Kansas win that Hilton Magic was back. I reported he said so, and certainly acknowledged that the fans played a role in the upset, but couldn’t quite go there at the time.

After Baylor, though, I could no longer deny that whatever aura once existed in Hilton was back again. Fans believed their favorite team could and would win - misguided court-rush aside - again.

Because of that, they didn’t give up on the Cyclones when they were down seven at halftime, and pushed the decibel level to uncomfortable - for this guy’s ears, anyway - heights. They fed the players, and the players fed them.

Is that Magic? I don’t know.

Maybe Hilton Magic isn’t just how loud the crowd gets or how incredulous they get at a poorly made call by an official. Maybe it isn’t just standing as one in a crucial situation or alternating chants of “Cyclone! Power!”

Maybe it’s just believing.

For three of my four years at Iowa State, I heard fans with blind loyalty - and who am I to judge that? They can believe what they like when it comes to their favorite team - predict things for the team. This was the year they turn it around. This was the year Craig Brackins lived up to his NBA lottery pick expectations and Diante Garrett could lead a team to the Tournament again. People said it, but it was wishful thinking, and even they will admit that now.

Those fans can do so because Hoiberg, Royce White and co. made them believe again.

They believe their team can win. I don’t think that was the case for the last seven years - at least not if they really looked inside themselves.

Belief is a powerful thing. Belief in God, belief in science, belief in oneself. It drives what makes us who we are. Fans need to believe their team can win to have a legitimate impact from their seats.

So is Hilton Magic really back? I can’t tell you. It depends on what you believe. SIR

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A LOT OF SPORTS FANS ON CAMPUS HAVE USED the term “Hilton Magic” at one time or another. It sort of comes with the territory when you walk into Hilton Coliseum for a home basketball game.

Under former coach Johnny Orr, the term came to life out of the impact the ISU fans that packed Hilton had on the games. Current coach Fred Hoiberg has talked on multiple occasions about times he’d seen the backboard literally shaking from the noise. Cyclone fans took great pride in the role they played when Kansas, Missouri or Iowa came to town.

But after the Jamaal Tinsley/Larry Eustachy/ Natty Light-drinking days of the early 2000s, that Magic faded into something that barely resembled what it once was.

That wasn’t really the fans’ fault at all, as the teams were mediocre at best. One NCAA Tournament berth between the loss as a No. 2 seed in 2001 and this season - 2005, which ended with a loss to eventual champion North Carolina in the round of 32 - made Hilton Magic a distant memory that only emerged out of the darkness on rare nights.

Until this year.

I was reluctant throughout much of the season, while covering the team, to acknowledge the phrase stitched into the back of the Pep Band’s jerseys. I didn’t want to be just another voice in

yue wu

by JEREMIAH DAVIS

WHAT A WANTS

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yue wu

MEN, YOU ASKED, AND WE (AND BY “WE” WE REALLY MEAN THE TALENTED & SMART MERRITT RETHLAKE) ANSWERED YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT THE NEVER-ENDING MYSTERY OF WOMEN.

SOME OF YOU GENTLEMEN KNOW ANSWERS to obvious questions. Why does my girlfriend act weird when I flirt with randoms at the bars?

Why does she get defensive when I tell her she looks like she’s gained a few? Why did she roll her eyes when I wore sweatpants to meet her parents? Why isn’t she in support of no-shave November? If you find yourself at a loss for these answers then I will kindly ask you to re-evaluate your knowledge (or lack there of ) of women.

Now I know there are at least a few of you fellows who are genuinely baffled and are wanting answers for the “every guy’s wondering it, but I’m not going to be the one who asks it” questions. What do girls really want? And why do they do those “weird” (your word, not mine) things? Sir is here to offer answers to questions that real Cyclone gentlemen posed.

We’ll also offer a strong, supportive shoulder to cry on if you need it.

You said: “Girls say chivalry is dead, but they put up a fight when I want to pay for the meal.”

I say: You buying dinner on a date is about as chivalrous as me taking a shower before we go out. It’s kind of an unspoken rule. The term “chivalry” dates back to medieval system of knighthood. Those guys looked death in the eye daily, all in the name of love for their state and their ladies. You might want to re-evaluate what you count as a chivalrous act. Here’s a hint: it’s not the 2 for $20 deal at Applebee’s.

And while we’re on that subject, just remember that Applebee’s is never the answer.

You said: “They say they want a good guy, but then they go for the bad boy.”

I say: Girls don’t want bad boys who are actually bad. They want bad boys who are secretly good and sweet. I mean, come on, what girl wants a guy who treats her like garbage? Despite what you may think, women like to be treated with respect. I’m not saying if you come off as a good guy you don’t stand a chance – I’m saying that women are innately attracted to things that are bad for them: shiny things they can’t afford, chocolate, Smirnoff Ice and even unshaven, un-showered yet un-bad bad boys. If you’re hell bent on getting this girl to notice you, don’t be afraid to be a little rough around the edges and let her find the “good” you underneath those “bad” layers. Side note: women have an ingrained “maybe I can change him” mentality. Keep that in mind. Do you want to be the type of man a woman wants to change?

You said: “Why do they use emotions rather than logic in arguments?”

I say: Because to us, emotions are logical during an argument. We see logic as something that’s on the surface whereas emotions are the root of everything. And let’s be honest. We are aware that nine out of 10 times, you could kick our ass when it comes to arguing but you guys lose nine out of 10 times. Why? Because years of reinforcement have taught women that emotion either: A. scares guys enough to giving into the argument, or, B. confuses guys enough to get out of the argument. The point is

that emotions come as a natural means of defense, offense and all things in between for women.

You said: “Why does she still give me that look even though things aren’t the same between us anymore?”

I say: There are a couple explanations for this one. The first one being that she’s completely aware she’s doing it and sees it as some kind of game. This girl knows that she has some kind of hold over you and is using that to her advantage.

The second and more hopeful explanation is that there are still feelings there, even if there’s no longer that official couple title between you. The main thing is she wants you to know she’s there, but it’s really up to you to determine what type of look she’s conveying. If she’s giving you the sex eyes, take that as you will. If she’s giving you a deeper look, confront her about it because I guarantee you she is aware she’s giving it.

You said: “Why do some girls only text me when they’re drunk?”

I say: For the same reason you only text some girls when you’re drunk. Next question.

You said: “They expect everything from me.

What’s up with that?”

I say: We don’t expect everything from you. We expect most things. But most of all we expect you to keep us up to date on everything. We realize that we can’t be with you 24/7, so at least humor us and let us know what you’ve got going on throughout your day. All we want is to be in the loop. When a girl texts you and asks what you’re doing, she genuinely wants to know what you’re doing. Don’t give her a Kinsey 6 response. She doesn’t want to hear, “Babe, I’m just watching each minute tick by, missing you. I really just want to cuddle.” (At least not every time.) She wants to hear, “I’m just sitting on my couch watching my roommates play COD,” because that answers her question. SIR

A GIRL WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. A GIRL WANTS YOU TO BE THINKING ABOUT HER. A GIRL WANTS HER OWN SPACE. (BELIEVE IT OR NOT.) A GIRL WANTS MOST OF YOUR BOOZE. A GIRL WANTS YOU TO LISTEN AND REMEMBER. A GIRL WANTS A GUY TO FIGHT FOR HER. A GIRL WANTS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. A GIRL WANTS TO DO CUTE THINGS FOR YOU. A GIRL WANTS YOU TO ENJOY “GUY” TIME. A GIRL WANTS A GUY WHO LIKES HER BACK. sirmag.tumblr.com

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final words

FROM YOUR NEW GSB

PRESIDENT 46

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relationship between GSB, the university, the City of Ames, and the State Legislature to work together on issues important to students.

I’ve heard from many people that they’re interested in getting a leadership position by joining GSB, and the government is certainly a good way to build skills through hard work and service to others. But one of the best things about Iowa State is that there are so many ways to become a leader on campus. You don’t have to run for GSB or chair a VEISHEA committee to be a leader.

While getting involved is a great way to make friends and get oriented to campus, leadership isn’t associated with a title or a position.

If you’re in a study group, an intramural team, or even in class, you have the opportunity to set yourself apart as a leader. Leadership is about doing the right thing, working hard and setting an example for those around you.

As this year winds down, some of us will move on to the next adventure in our lives and some will return to campus in August, ready for a new school year. Regardless of what lies ahead for you, make the choice to be an inspiration, a role model and a leader.

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IF YOU’VE HEARD OF THE GOVERNMENT OF THE Student Body (GSB), you probably know that it distributes student fees to groups and clubs on campus. If you haven’t, you probably don’t know how GSB affects you. From CyRide to free lawyers for students to the Cyclone Cinema in Carver, GSB provides a lot of services for students whether they know about GSB or not.

There’s another side to GSB that gets noticed less than the funding side - the executive branch.

This year I have the privilege of serving as the president of the student body and head of the executive branch. While we don’t distribute funds to pay for clubs on campus, the executive branch works with every facet of the university administration to make sure their decisions are based on what’s best for students. In the upcoming year, we’ll be working hard to make sure your experience improves, both in the classroom and outside of academics. We’ll also be working to keep costs down, a task that we’re working on right now.

A few specific goals we have are starting an online database of professor evaluations so students can be sure their professors are good before signing up for a class; creating a website that compiles all off-campus rental properties for students to search when looking for housing; preventing an increase in mandatory student fees; and, building a stronger

claire powell

by JARED KNIGHT

fiction, cont.

“What the fuck did you do?” he yells.

I stumble over my words, not able to form a complete sentence. Derek shoves me aside as he rushes into the supply closet to grab a fire extinguisher. The flames are now licking at the ceiling and walls. Sprinklers are going off. This place is about to turn into an inferno.

Derek sprays the fire with no avail. A thought hits me from out of nowhere, something I learned from school, but I’m not sure which class.

“It’s not an ABC fire extinguisher!” I yell, “It won’t put out a grease fire!”

Derek looks at me wide-eyed. “The hell is wrong with you? Are you doing anything besides acting like a complete fucking moron?

Because that’s not really helping!”

He had a point. My jeans are still lying on the ground. I search through my pockets for my cell phone and dial ‘911.’ I’m blundering through my words but the message is clear.

Fire. Hootie’s Roost.

“Derek, it’s no use. Let’s go,” I say. The fire is spreading like mono at a co-ed sleepover.

Walls in the dining room are starting to smoke.

Everyone else is back by the front doors watching in disbelief.

Derek and I retreat from the stage. “Alright everybody,” yells Derek. “We all have to get the fuck out of here. The cops are going to be here any minute!”

Tessa emerges from the bathroom, soaking wet. Mascara is running down her cheeks.

She shoots me the deadliest of looks as she storms outside.

“Tessa!” I call out to her. She doesn’t turn around. I yell again. Nothing. She gets in her Jetta and starts it up. I run toward the car, yelling her name. Tessa guns it out of the parking lot, her tires screeching against the pavement.

My station wagon is parked nearby. I fumble for my keys and unlock the door. My hands are shaking, gripping the wheel. I’m not even sure I should be driving in this condition, but I don’t really have a choice. Just concentrate, Nick.

I start it up and pull onto the street. Sirens are off in the distance, but getting closer. I look over my shoulder at Hootie’s Roost. The fire is now visible from outside the building. Derek is entering his suburban. Everyone else has already split.

My house is only a couple miles from here.

I’ll be fine. My eyes dart between the road, my speedometer, and the rearview mirror. So far, so good. Don’t fuck this up Nick, you’ve done far too much of that already tonight. I enter my subdivision. My house lights aren’t on, which means my parents are probably asleep. I pull into the driveway, and throw the car in park. I don’t think I’ve ever sighed so hard in my life.

What the shit, Nick? What the shitting fuck?

The realization of what just happened hits me.

I burnt down a building. Am I an arsonist?

More importantly, am I still a virgin? What are the stipulations for losing your v-card anyway?

Is it penetration or climax?

Nick, you dumbass. There are more important things to be considered right now. The po-

lice have your phone number. You’re an employee of Hootie’s Roost. Could there be any evidence left in the ashes that could pin this on you? Even if there isn’t, someone’s going to step forward and tell them who did it. It’s inevitable. Shit, shit, shit.

I need to get out of this car and inside the house. I need to get in my room. This isn’t happening. My room is safe, I need to be in my room.

Go, Nick.

My bed is waiting, unmade. I turn on the T.V. On channel thirteen is Hootie’s Roost. The firemen are spraying gallons of water at the restaurant. The fire has collapsed the front of the store, and the cameraman zooms inside. The next image burns into my corneas. There, in the middle of the raging hellfire, is Hootie. He is a metal skeleton now, but his glass eyes are staring directly at me.

I lie in bed awake all night. I try calling Tessa, no answer. I think I will lie here until they come and take me away. The sun rises. Mom is making breakfast upstairs, I can smell it. Bacon, eggs, and hash browns. I close my eyes and wait for the doorbell to ring. SIR

CON GRAT ULAT IONS TO THE STAFF OF

magazine ON YOUR FIRST ISSUE

FROM ALL OF US AT THE

GREENLEE SCHOOL OF

JOURNALISM AND COMMUNICATION sirmag.tumblr.com

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