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A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO: + DAD + F O R H I S N E V E R E N D I N G S U P P LY O F I N T E R E S T I N G P R O P S A N D V I N TA G E MEMORABILIA. + LAURA ADAMSON + FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE OF MY ART AND FOR GOING THROUGH FACE P E E L I N G A N D G E N E R A L D I S C O M F O R T F O R T H E S A K E O F I T. . . I H O P E YOU LIKE THE IMAGES. + THE FOREST BANDITS + SAMMY SUDHAKAR, EMA BOSNJAK, VICTORIA BROWN, NICOL MOUTON, C A M E R O N P U D D Y. . . T H A N K Y O U F O R O N C E A G A I N B R A V I N G T H E C O L D A N D B E I N G G O O D L O O K I N G . Y O U G U Y S A R E T H E B E S T. + YA R Y S H E V E V G E N Y + Y O U D O N ’ T K N O W M E , B U T I K N O W Y O U R A R T. I T M O V E S M E . . . T H A N K YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING IT WITH US.
REFLECT/RELEASE + there’s a weathered china plate With your face etched in ink, so clean There’s a pile of our ancient journals moments, memories - all stored within Slender figure, perfect sharp hips A s w e s at, s o j o y f u l , s o c l o s e H e r e t h e y c o m e , w i l d ly p o u r i n g i n Flashbacks to your scent your ridiculous grin wide burgundy eyes when you struggled to think SEE NOW? you were the world to me A p u n c h i n t h e g u t, a v i o l e n t r e l e a s e All that I GOT when YOU TOLD ME TO LEAVE
For good? I guess it has to be now Time heals the soul BUT distance IS STILL DIVISIVE REMEMBER? It was an ache no one could diagnose A p a i n o n ly W E c o u l d e v e r k n o w “FIND IT HARD TO FUNCTION NOW?” I C O U L D O N LY B R E AT H E U N D E R Y O U R S K I N D AY S , M O N T H S , Y E A R S Will you still look back? I still do I t h i n k I a lway s w i l l Slid the film back into the box TORE UP EACH FLASHBACK IN OUR ANNULS Doused in CONCLUSIVE oil S e t q u i c k ly a l i g h t.
F r a m e i t u p, p r e t t y l i t t l e t h i n g We could make it through the inferno Past the wild torrential rain i t ’ s n e v e r b e e n e s p e c i a l ly p r e t t y M ay b e i t wa s , a l o n g t i m e a g o but Am I still the crown jewel? The apple of your glistening eye? so give it another shot G r a c e a lway s wa s yo u r m i d d l e n a m e The concrete pillars in your ideology When you’d call for second chances For the most bloodstained of hands
& it’s impossible to deny Complete foolishness to ignore That in your white knuckle grip Lies the measure of my worth I a m m a d e w h o l ly v u l n e r a b l e With the scars of your scalding spitfire & the bruises of my battered pride so please don’t tease me whisper lies in my eager ears build me or break me make the closing curtain call.
murky shadows in the DINING hall a s l i g h t w h i s p e r , a d i m ly l i t r o o m inside, you lie awake hear the deafening roar Weep and wait with baited breath rise and fall with the breath in your chest How do you ever escape it? find rest within a poisonous growth? P e a c e f o r o n e m o m e n t, c h a o s i n t h e n e x t loving, loathing, accepting, rejecting t h e c yc l e s tay s e v e r m o r e
& right on time, they arrive once again J e t b l a c k h o r s e s at t h e d e c ay i n g g at e s Rearing decomposed necks and battered heads t h e y p o u r v i o l e n t ly i n trample over flailing gangling limbs crash through old glass windows crawl deep underneath my skin w e e p, w a i t , r i s e , f a l l d ay s , w e e k s , m o n t h s to hear those closing words soon enough.
s o M a k e a d e c i s i o n , b r o k e n h i g h way tug harder on my arching spine even in my broken rest still weeping, waiting hoping, fading
Watch the metallic canisters housing blank slate soldiers Doom and gloom, written all over creased leather faces t h e s a m e d a i ly g r i n d but I can see past the thick facade A strong hide cannot veil a vulnerable stare Clarity has never dwelled here we are Shrouded in anonymity C l o t h e d i n l ay e r s o f p r i va c y an automatic defensive move Would we know what’s underneath? & w o u l d w e c a r e i f w e t r u ly d i d ? L i m b s b r u s h pa s t b u t h e a r t s l ay d o r m a n t hidden under a solid overshield a barrier of bitter regret
& I don’t think I can bring them all down f o u n d at i o n s d e e p ly f o r m e d in the crevices of the damaged mind desire is never a forced emotion Real pain is pushed down just so they can forget Strangers huddled at the drenched station I stand shoulder to shoulder in between Drawing deep and uncomfortable breathes adam, the first to fall now a generation follows suit we clutch to weighty shields we cower under heavy shrouds.
Did we cross the line this time? I tripped hard into a clandestine trap With nothing to break the fall Or cushion the fatal blow So damn hard to see the escape behind you W h e n y o u r g a z e i s o n ly f i x e d f o r w a r d A southbound mission, deeper down Dig until your nails tear and bleed Assess? Question? Contemplate? n o - i t ’ s a l l a b o u t t h e i m m e d i at e r e s u lt So caught up in the impulse Blinded by the pure intimacy of all the bittersweet nights
so Don’t look too much into it It was just an experiment of the heart I’m sweeping the shattered glass To slide into the cold garbage Along with all the tidings That pull toward you Cutting off T h e s u p p ly v a lv e For Good.
/ U S E R / A B U S E R / You W h o a r e c a r r i e d f r o m d ay t o d ay Amidst A SLOW breeze Of irregular, fleeting affection U n awa r e o f yo u r t h i e v i n g way s There’s nothing left to waste W h e n y o u ’ v e s q u a n d e r e d A N e n t i r e s u p p ly On a list of innocent VICTIMS THE ONES you drain and throw aside Helpless, I watch you open your door s o k i n d ly i n v i t e t h e m i n P U L L I N G away e v e r y t h i n g yo u wa n t o r n e e d TO thrust the blade IN from beneath S u r e ly y o u k n o w b e t t e r Our most hideous issues MUST have taught you well
Repeat offender, you never WERE ANY GOOD At righting your most atrocious of wrongs & N o w, a j u ry f u l l o f v i c t i m s Attesting to YOUR OVERDUE demise So shall we embrace honesty? Even in your most adamant denial Your refusal to abandon the lies The blood still stains your hands DARK crimson at the sharpest point You pierced the most tender chest Without a moments’ thought or regard & now the judge takes to the stand a SHOCKED whisper, but nevertheless A clear and piercing call. ‘ U s e r . A b u s e r . G u i l t y. ’
Losing my footing In a tug of war with time Everything I cherish S t r i p p e d away by p l a i n n e g l e c t
Sorting the hours into compartments Still won’t close the CHASM I can’t tell if this is working & you still carry the load alone
A GLIMPSE OF PRECIOUS FREEDOM A M O M E N T, A C O N N E C T I O N N O W F O R G E D But the sinister hand steals it all IN THE BLISTERING CROSSFIRE between duties I cannot leave & those I MUST KEEP NEAR
IT HAS TO BE NOW A change in the weather A s h i f t i n t h e d ay s ’ e v e n t s For us.
I KNOW I’M JUST like you Clutching to the last laugh A self-CONFESSED optimist
Our gauge is under empty No gas LEFT in this rusty old tank S AY G O O D BY E T O S O L I D R O U T I N E
D I R E R E S U LT S o n t h e h o r i z o n But I smile like THEY’RE not in sight
BID FAREWELL TO NORMAL LIFE
I’LL Turn the cog on the coping mechanism I t ’ s a l l i t r e a l ly i s ThE GEARS never last the long haul T H E Y C A N o n ly C A R R Y s o m u c h U N T I L W E F I N A L LY L O S E C O N T R O L SEE? the weight is forever grinding All THE joints FOLDING under the strain Cracks are forming at the RED RAW edges Of your artificial, exaggerated grin
NOW A letter at the scene So you were the first to eject A pine casket filled with white petals I plant a kiss on your cold hard neck IT HAD TO BE.
It was a careless remark but it made all the difference You could light a thousand sparks in the thickest of vapour All in that wretched smile behind the pain you force aside Your words are incisors C l i n g i n g t e n a c i o u s ly o n m y o p e n w o u n d s & i n t h e m o m e n t I c o u l d n e v e r s e e a way o u t but In the crossfire of suggestions Yo u ’ v e t o r n t h r o u g h a n o t h e r l ay e r o f m i n e
& I don’t want you to leave B u t I k n o w t h at yo u c o u l d n e v e r s tay You’re just a thorn in my side A raging fire in my chest A thorn I need to remove A flame I need to put out This is the final attempt this is the last time.
YouR FINGERS GLIDE ALONG STAINED ivory keys & I stand from afar ENGROSSED ONCE AGAIN Flowing cocktail dress Draped upon A FLAWLESS figure Crooning, the veins in your neck Tensing WITH the crowd THEY draW AN expectant breath Where is the divide between you and I? How did we draw the line so wide and so far? I c a n b a r e ly r e m e m b e r t h e b r u s h o f y o u r h a n d A l l I c a n h e a r i s t h e s o n g s yo u p l ay e d t h e r e Under dusky VERMILLION sky Coffee and cigarettes, tinkering and testing Clutching at hooks and capturing melodies The old grand piano IT MOANED YOUR UNFINISHED TUNES
T h e m a h o g a n y s c e n t, L i n g e r i n g i n c e n s e RIGHT in the back of my throat Traces of sandlewood, rosemary and thyme All in your skin, tasting the treat S t o l e n away i n a S I N G L E T H R E AT PLEASE DON’T FORGET You were my BEST-KEPT SECRET Mine, all mine “There’s no where but here” A single impassioned kiss & NOW you whisper your final note A BITTERSWEET murmur amidst thundering applause Long and lonesome I As you GLIDE OVER ivory keys & capture a world with that voice ONCE UPON A TIME I t o n ly c a p t u r e d m i n e .