X A MIGHTY WARM THANK YOU TO...
+ SAMMY SUDHAKAR IT’S AN HONOUR TO NOT ONLY CALL YOU MY BEST FRIEND BUT ALSO THE PERSON TO BOUNCE ALL MY CREATIVE IDEAS OFF AND TO, KNOWING THAT THEY WILL ONLY GET BETTER WITH YOUR INPUT. THANK YOU FOR JUMPING ON BOARD AND HELPING ME BOOT THIS PROJECT UP. & FOR YOUR WORDS. THEY ARE BRILLIANT.
+ EMA BOSNJAK/CAMERON PUDDY THANK YOU FOR BEING MY EXTRA HELPFUL MODELS AND PUTTING UP WITH A BUNCH OF CRAZY MAKE UP EFFECTS AND WARDROBE CHOICES. I HOPE YOU LIKE THE PHOTOS.
+ CHUN LOO YOU TAKE PHENOMENAL FILM PHOTOS, THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME USE ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITES.
+ T. S . E L L I O T / R YA N A D A M S YOUR WORDS AND YOUR MUSIC MOVE ME.
ANOTHER NIGHT & f o r o A l o ng i n He ho w l s T o who
ne g c at m s
mo r e da ry, a l o t he j e t ha l l i t
r k ni g ht nely r oar b l ac k sk y r etu r n?
F o r fa r t o o l o ng T he d u l l s t r eets A s i ni s t e r hu nt i ng g r o u nd L i t by t he S ta r o f B ethl ehem Hi s b e a m i ng g u i d e T e r r i b ly a l o ne & s o f o r o ne m o r e l o ne m i s s i o n He s hi v e r s away No t b o r n o f f e a r o r o f l oathi ng I ns t e a d f r o m a mi s t y ai r b o r ne c hi l l C o u p l e d wi t h t he b l o o d -s tai ned s no w B e ne at h hi s c a l l ou sed feet F o r he k no w s w el l T hi s i s j u s t a nother day A no t he r d eal A no t he r ni g ht J u s t e no u g h f o r a no ther m eal .
X BUT IT WAS ALL JUST A KEROSENE DREAM. B U R N T T O T H E G R O U N D . E V E R Y L A S T B I T O F I T. PUT TO SLEEP BY THE LULLABY OF REALITY; & CRUSHED BY THE SHEER WEIGHT OF MONOTONY
we run we crawl we hide in shadows with shivering spines & shaking hands all the blisters the squeemish habits the hidden blemishes lit by a single beam of light truth cold hard unforgiving so beautiful but so poisonous once again we step into the elusive mist
R I S K F R E E . that’s what you called him. & like a moth to a flame like a suicide mission you went in to be subdued. he became your ringmaster learnt all the tricks of the trade led you right into the spotlight announced your brand new name & m ay b e t h e i r r a p p o r t k e p t yo u u p supported you; made you strong so was it worth it? m ay b e , j u s t t o f e e l a g a i n but dig deeper, dearest y o u k n e w i t w a s o n ly a b a n d a g e wrapped around a gaping, messy wound “he’s risk-free. it’ll be fine.” that’s what you told me.
P A R T I C L E S now... holes in my jeans, cigarettes in my shoes. & i n t h e y c r e e p, a g a i n - s i r w h i s k e y, s i r d e p e n d e n c y now... to everything i was long gone. to rough & sleepless nights under deep city lights look inside her heaving chest full of matter & useless, useless particles how am i? b a b y, l o a d u p t h e b a r r e l & why don’t you take a potshot? b a b y, i ’ m j u s t o n e o f t h o s e t h o u s a n d s o f p a r t i c l e s the ones that swirl all in your chest just one.
SHE You are not the king No, You’re not even what you said you were No, I don’t think you ever were & I’m afraid you’ll never be So light me up another one & force the smouldering lies down my mouth Watch as it simmers on my tongue & laugh as I swallow the charcoal again You never said what I needed to hear You promised to carry weight I could not bear So why is the water rising to my chin? Why do I choke and splutter as it flushes my lungs? You promised.
HE My dear, Nor are you the queen Why call me out from such a false and lofty throne? So disfigure my heart again Cut and paste until you see fit Push and pull until you feel the overwhelming strain R e a c h o u t, t h e n w i t h d r a w u n t i l You feel you don’t need me at all N o , I d i d n o t l i g h t d e c e i t, b u t p a s s i o n Begging for just a single breeze of affection T o o b a d t h e a i r wa s a lways s o s t i l l Too bad I could not touch what was never made mine Yes, I promised. Y o u j u s t n e v e r l e t m e k e e p i t.
All this longing For all that you loathe Your compass only rests on a hunch Now you’re plunging into gaping dark holes
& in your failure to rise Sleeping imagination only ever stayed fiction Wasted in dear clouds of white dust Pissed away in a stream of Chivas
Reach out to touch it Watch the vapour split and bend around your fingers See?
So cheers to you Of such projected potential But this mediocre film is over The disgruntled audience is filling the aisles
Not a single atom is real. What a waste of belief Now opportunity is carried away On an ever rising, thieving current
But are you even surprised? You could never be a critics darling A performer is nothing without a platform And yours was made of thin and delicate glass
Even though it shook you & bellowed in your face “Wake up! Wake up! It’s time!” You didn’t even budge
Glass that failed to hold your weight Too much extra baggage Too many gaping dark holes.
+ SH E L I V ES W I TH A D EAD M AN , B ROKEN MAN, WEAK MAN SH E’S A DAN C ER , H E’S A C H EAP -S HOT FI NANC ER B U T SH E’S TH E R EAL THI NG L O O KS L I K E TH E R E AL THI NG F EEL S L I K E I T, SM EL LS LI KE I T TH E R EAL TH I NG
J U ST WATC H H ER , A SI N G L E P I R o u ette, s wep t i n p i nk s i lk i f o n ly i c o u l d b e th e o n e yo u want, all the dam n ti m e i c o u l d tak e yo u h i g h er . o h , you r lonely maes tro b aby, yo u ’ r e m y c en tr e when i dri ft b u t n o w yo u ’ r e sp i nni ng away so m ew h er e far , far, far away.
+ PUNCTURE I’d be ha ngi ng on you r w o r d s
N o, you c an’ t do that
Wishfu l t hi nk i ng, i t s e em s
Yo u ’ ve always p oi nted the revolver at you rs elf
I’d be hold i ng you t r u e
I t r e fu s es to fac e me, thi nk of the years we’ ve had
To eac h offe r , or e v e ry war m r egar d
Su r ely you r wri s t wi ll bend and break Su r ely you r fi ng ers wi ll c reas e and c rac k
I’d c lam p e d m ys e lf i n th e b ear tr ap C limbe d s t r a i ght i nt o t h e b ar b ed c ag e
A si n g le rou nd
The pri z e conta i ne d, on ly a m i r ag e A flimsy p r om i s e b i r t hed o n ly
Str a i g ht throu g h s ki n, organs
From w i s hfu l a nd u nr u ly d esi r e
Par ks ri g ht i n a p u nc tu re near m y heart & i n thos e long m onths, i t has drai ned m e
Why, why, w hy? You a s k
Fad e d m e,
Most ti m e s, I a s k m ys e l f to o Why I cha r ge d i n t he fr o n t l i n es Withou t a cle a r m e a ns o f sel f - d ef en se
b u t m ade me.
X R E M E D Y h o l d i n g m y b r e at h t i l’ m y l i p s t u r n b l u e waiting just to see your ghost m ay b e o n e m o r e t i m e & it’s interesting, but mad no m ay b e l o v e ly, b u t s a d n o w m e m o r y, a b l i n d i n g l i g h t b u l b burning harsh & deep right into the back of my mind glazed eyes, formed & reformed yo u w i l l a lways b e the memory yo u w i l l a lways b e my past & yo u w i l l a lways b e my blues t h e r e m e d y.
DO YOU remember? I’ll ask a thousand times until you do The sun rose on us, interrupted our trip we didn’t even mind Bliss was easily in our reach Let’s watch the sunrise Hell, everyday this month No? Maybe you don’t love it like I do. Maybe you don’t love YOU like I do. Is that enough? I guess not, you’re barely staying awake again The music is so loud, my dear But your eyelids, they are so heavy
So before you drift off please tell me Am I Anothe Did you pull me & then phase
your morphine? r distracting hit? close for what you needed me out at Summers end?
Sometimes I can barely tell It kills me, dear ‘more than just friends’ Sets fire to my insides A f l a m e o f j e a l o u s y, o f d i s c o n t e n t Confusion Almost unbearable pain.