Up Portland February 2019

FEB 2019

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Artist’s Talk Set At Maine Jewish Museum 10 Feb. The public is invited to join the Maine Jewish Museum, 267 Congress Street, for an artist’s talk with Jane Banquer, Sunday, 10th February from 2 to 4 p.m. in the Fineberg Family Community Room. Jane will be giving the talk in conjunction with her show, now on exhibit at the museum, entitled “Habitats, Inhabitants”.

The event will be free and is open to the public.

The public is also welcome to drop by during regular museum hours to see Jane’s show, as well as the other artists’ works on exhibit in the museum’s galleries.

Regular museum hours are Mondays thru Fridays from 10 a.m. until 4 p.m. and Sundays from 1 until 5 p.m. Closed Saturdays.

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By Randy Dankievitch — TV Critic / TVOvermind The Marvel/Netflix Partnership: Timeline of A Blockbuster Failure In 2015, Marvel and Netflix announced an ambitious shared endeavour to bring some of Marvel’s finest B-squad heroes to the streaming network. Greeted with cautious optimism, the potential was almost immediately realised with the first season of Daredevil, a noir-ish, gleefully brutal adaptation of Matt Murdock’s Devil of Hell’s Kitchen - played masterfully by Charlie Cox, in perhaps the single best performance of a Marvel character on either TV or film (an operatic villain performance from Vincent D’Onofrio didn’t hurt, either).

The hype only grew when Jessica Jones debuted later in the year: the boozesoaked private investigator was a natural fit into the darker, grimier universe established by Daredevil, both a surprisingly tight origin story for Jessica, and also a powerful tale of abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Those first two series set lofty expectations for the next collection of shows to follow: although they weren’t particularly well-paced (as is often the case with streaming dramas, 13 episodes offers writers and show-runners waaaay too much time to waste), strong central performances, impressive action sequences, and fantastic villains offered a lot of hope. It presented a completely different avenue for Marvel to explore with their massive universe of films and other shows (which, by 2016, was really just the failed Agent Carter and the eternally mediocre Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.).

Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20: the pacing issues that plagued the midsections of both Daredevil and Jessica Jones’ first seasons turned out to be a harbinger of things to come. In early 2016, Daredevil’s 2nd season premiered, an intoxicating mix of wildly ambitious fight sequences, powerful storytelling around new characters like Frank Castle (better known as The Punisher) and Elektra – and some horribly written antagonists, killing the show’s emotional momentum in early episodes, with a thoroughly underwhelming plot involving crime bosses, conspiracies, and laughably rote mysticism elements.

The midseason bug struck again in the Summer of 2016, when the highly-anticipated first season of Luke Cage debuted on Netflix. Anchored by a star making performance from Mahershala Ali, the first few episodes of Luke Cage looked like a smart side step from the eternally dark second season of Daredevil. But when the show killed off Ali’s character halfway through the season in favour of a 2nd, more bombastic (and thoroughly less satisfying) antagonist, Luke Cage’s momentum was cut off at the knees; eventually limping its way to a loud, brash, underwhelming season finale.

By the end of 2016, Netflix was hyping up the inevitable team-up between its characters, a mini series titled The Defenders set to launch in the Summer of 2017. However, any excitement Marvel and Netflix were able to gin up was immediately killed by the laughably bad first season of Iron Fist: a poorly written and performed Danny Rand (the show’s titular character; think a more immature, whiny version of Bruce Wayne) buried the show almost immediately, embodying the elements of mysticism that had completely suffocated the 2nd season of Daredevil (and again, at 13 hour-long episodes, was an absolute bore and a drag).

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By Randy Dankievitch — Continued From Page Three After such a promising start with the beginning of Daredevil, the Marvel/Netflix partnership was mostly on fumes by the time The Defenders arrived in August of 2017. It’s telling that even at eight episodes, it felt like much of The Defenders was weighed down by its sheer running time: even worse, it proved that the creative minds behind these shows were still making the same mistakes. There is no amount of awesome fight choreography that could save itself from the same issues of lame villains and glacial pacing that had plagued each of the four seasons (which at this point, totaled 62 hours of TV) before it. Even a strong finale and a cliffhanger ending couldn’t shake the feeling that the entire experiment was beginning to break at the seams. Disney’s announcement in early 2018 that they’d be starting their own streaming service (set to launch later this year) wasn’t exactly a promising sign, either.

And yet, the Marvel Netflix Universe trudged along, to varying degrees of success: although the Daredevil spinoff The Punisher once again overstayed its welcome with too many episodes when it arrived at the end of 2017, the sheer brutality of the series was energising, even if it eventually felt like its violence (it’s no understatement to say it is one of the most violent shows I’ve ever watched) undercut its larger messages about war and trauma. Unfortunately, with Frank Castle isolated from everyone else in Netflix’s superhero packed New York, any momentum gained with The Punisher was lost in 2018, which saw the arrival of not one, not two, but three completely underwhelming, surprisingly boring 2nd

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seasons of Luke Cage, Jessica Jones and Iron Fist (Admittedly, Iron Fist’s sophomore effort is an improvement over the original, though that isn’t saying much.).

And then, as promptly as it began, the Marvel/Netflix collaboration crashed and burned to the ground. Last Summer, Netflix unceremoniously cancelled Iron Fist and Luke Cage, mere weeks after their respective 2nd seasons debuted. Daredevil was soon to follow: its 3rd season, a mostly successful return to 1st season form, was cancelled without fanfare three weeks after its premiere.

By the end of 2018, the Marvel/Netflix partnership was in tatters; only Jessica Jones (whose 3rd season was already in production when the axe came down on Luke Cage and Iron Fist) and The Punisher remained standing: two strong lead performances (by Krysten Ritter and Jon Bernthal, respectively) completely awash in an abandoned universe. The Punisher’s second season, which debuted in January, really begs the question of why it would even exist, an empty exercise in trying to recapture the magic of its 1st season with regressive characterisations, and a penchant for hyper violent moments that no longer had the fury and shock of the 1st series.

And there’s really no hope for redemption: the 3rd season of Jessica Jones will debut later in the Spring, but the writing is already on the wall for both JJ and The Punisher at this point. What is left behind is a legacy of lost potential: every single one of the dozen seasons produced featured the same flaws, three years of repetitive creative miscalculations that held back each of the series from reaching their full potential. There’s already been talk of these series being revived on the new Disney streaming service – but what’s the point?

Never able to keep a compelling story together for more than three or four hours (often out of 13), the Marvel series drowned themselves in their sheer need to exist and keep the content machine churning along (a problem the similar DC/The CW partnership faces, though they’ve stayed afloat with creative successes like Legends of Tomorrow and Black Lightning in recent years). It’s a disappointing end to an ambitious experiment: and with the continued fracturing of streaming networks by every media conglomerate trying to capture their own revenue streams, one we may never see again.

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Mark: My Words

By Mark Gatti / Mark’s Hotdogs Buskers, people who sing or play instruments on sidewalks or parks, have been a consistent feature around my food stand since I first opened up. I take time here to mention a few of the noteworthy, out of the many seen and heard, around my Old Port Business neighbourhood. Actual names of buskers have been changed to protect the innocent (as the old TV show said) and their privacy.

Davvy was the first busker who started singing and playing his guitar around my stand on a regular basis. Very friendly by nature, Davvy was also seriously intense at his craft and wrote many of his own compositions. Three years my junior, he had just graduated from my alma mater and become my customer in what was my 2nd year in business. His work schedule allowed for a couple of hours off at lunchtime and I readily gave permission for him to perform at a workable proximity from the stand, not too intrusive to customers.

Our arrangement worked out great as Davvy’s skills were good enough to draw and entertain customers that both ate and drank with me and quite often tipped him. In fact, the positive vibe created by us attracted so much attention that we became local celebrities that Summer.

Channel 13 had a quirky fun time slot in its programming back then called Dave’s People, hosted by a popular local news celebrity of same name, and we were thrilled and honoured to have Dave do an entire piece on us. All these years later, whenever I run into Davvy, we reminisce about our moment in the limelight.

Anyone interested in checking out the piece could inquire at channel 13, where it may be archived. It would definitely provide some laughs!

Rockin’ Rick was another unique character in Old Port circles circa 1990’s. Disabled from gainful employment relatively early in life, he gathered his energies as best he could and managed to sing and strum along to popular cover tunes of the 60’s and 70’s. A salt of the earth guy, he would drive up in his old brown Chevy van a few times a week and play in our vicinity after enjoying his red hot dog and Coke. Barely competent musically, he made up for his lack of skill with baritone vocals that really projected far and wide. Most of the songs he sang were out of key but he always nailed Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl. That was Rockin’ Rick’s signature song, and thank God it was, because without this ace in the hole, his daily tips would have been quite paltry!

Next, we have Melvin. I became acquainted with Melvin years ago when he first showed up in his late teen years. He played guitar well and possessed strong inkey vocals. A good looking fellow, he played his music with outgoing confidence, but was rather shy around all the pretty ladies who he attracted. A fixture only for a brief time, I always remembered how skilled he was.

But I was to wonder no more, as lo and behold, Melvin showed up again a good 15 years later and became the Tour de Force Busker at Tommy’s Park for a few years. He shared with me that he had gone through some ups and downs in life and wanted to immerse himself in his music in part for self-therapy.

With maturity gleaned from hard times and tough living, Melvin was not shy at all around the ladies anymore. During breaks from his playing he would sit in his lawn chair in the middle of the park and hold court with his fans; much like Buddha with an assemblage of adoring disciples.

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Tiny was a “musician” in self proclamation only. Sadly, this man had no musical acumen at all, so many kudos should go out to him for having the guts to busk in the first place. Possessing a friendly and outgoing nature generally, Tiny could get quite obnoxious after he’d downed a few drinks. Always respectful to play a good distance away from my business, he would have scared away many more customers than he would have attracted if closer to me.

His lack of skill, coupled with an earthy, shaggy mane, reminded me of a latter day Jim Morrison on an acid trip, but gone horribly wrong. Despite this, I am happy to recall that Tiny did rather well in tips, owing in large part to the altruistic nature of some of the folks he “entertained”. After all, Tiny was deep down a friendly guy and very brave to play out in public, all things considered.

Stating the obvious, talent and skill varies greatly in this endeavor. In recent years I have had great pleasure to listen to a young lady who possesses a fantastic voice. Singing songs strictly in the opera genre, she reminds me of the supremely talented Beverly Sills --- one of the all-time great sopranos of the 20th century.

Chatting with her one day I was shocked to hear her state that not only did she not sing professionally, but that she had never even had a single voice lesson! She sings in our area a few times a month and regales all present with the great gift of her voice.

A couple of elderly buskers also deserve mention here. One was a fiddler who played the opening stanza to Fiddler On The Roof quite well. Interestingly, that was all he ever played! Despite this extremely limited repertoire, he captured a decent amount of tips. I am sure it helped that he was a nice gent and good conversationalist, but I like to think there is something to the “Doing one thing very well” school of thought that came into play, too.

The other old busker was a small and kind gentle man. Singing old timey religious songs, he would set up a small table with a pewter pot perched on top for people to place tips in. Much liked and admired, he was tipped generously and was a comforting fixture to all of us.

One day a young misguided youth grabbed pewter pot and made a run for it.

What a mistake! The whole block rallied and the miscreant was captured with ill-gotten booty in hand in a New York minute. After a stern lecture by the police and a tearful apology to our busker friend, order was restored and a lesson hopefully learned. Owing to the forgiving character of our elderly gentlemen, no charges were assessed.

And there was Bat. Bat was a friend of mine from childhood who sadly passed away recently. Bright with a variety of skills, his work career included long stints all over the world. Playing music, particularly the blues, was a special passion of his. Quite accomplished, he played in a variety of bands or soloed. Bat was talented to the point that music provided him a solid secondary income, coupled with his regular work pursuits.

Outgoing, eccentric, with a warmth of soul, he rarely missed an opportunity to play on the spur of the moment. This included many impromptu appearances with bands playing regularly scheduled paid gigs. Busking was his extra whipped cream and cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. He supported buskers big time with ardor and encouragement. Bat occasionally busked himself and happily joined in on any busking scene going on when asked to do so. I have a dream, in the next dimension I am preparing a huge barbeque with succulent smoked meats right down to the beans, cornbread and fatback It’s a huge blues festival and Bat is right there with many of our friends past and present playing blistering, fantastic blues, Everyone is in ecstasy!

Finally, a shout out to the trio that has played Christmas music on the street for years. Thank you, you guys are great! And warm thoughts to all in in this Winter chill.

---Mark

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Already tired of winter?

R EL A X! Wishing you could enjoy a few hours of relaxation, delicious food, no hassle parking in the Old Port and spectacular views of Portland Harbor… just like it was summer?

Then stop into DiMillo’s, Portland’s One-Of-A-Kind Restaurant!

Locals’ Season

Family members are always on board to greet you and chat, night and day, and it’s just one of many reasons why DiMillo’s has been named Maine’s number one family-owned restaurant.

Parking? RELAX! The parking is ALWAYS available and ALWAYS FREE while you’re aboard. The DiMillo’s family hopes to see you soon!

Our wonderful Locals’ Season is now through March, with wonderful winter specials, delicious winter stews, soups and appetizers from 11AM seven days a week.

Portland’s One - Of-A-Kind Restaurant In the Old Port, Portland, ME

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Always free parking while you’re on board.

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Sauntering With Mat

By Mat Robedee / Up Portland Commentator

I often comment how the secret to surviving a Maine Winter is making sure to leave for part of it. I still stand by these words with this year being no exception.

Most people tend to head south, seeking warmth from the Florida, Arizona or Texas sun. So to follow pursuit, I recently left for a couple weeks to go visit a friend living near Fort Lauderdale. Since the two of us are avid thrill seekers, we decided to make the most out our experience and get our scuba diving licenses together.

were being discovered along the coast of Maine. These barrens were usually just around 40 feet underwater, which made them an attractive source of income because the fishing can be done in the relatively shallow water with basic diving equipment.

The urchin’s inner roe, commonly referred to as uni, was a high profit harvest that sold quickly on the docks in Portland. This yellow-orange delicacy is buttery and briny, with a custard-like texture. This distinct flavour from the sea is a delicacy throughout many areas of the world. I tried uni a handful of times growing up, in various ways, once even cracking open an urchin pulled straight from the water and eating the uni like one shoots down an oyster…this was quickly followed by me gagging off the side of the boat. To this day, I hold great appreciation for uni but still cannot choke it down.

Getting scuba certified has always been on my ever-growing bucket list and I’m honestly surprised it has taken me this long to receive it. My interest in the sport stems from my upbringing, as both of my parents were commercial divers who harvested sea urchins off the coast of Maine. During the mid 1980’s, Maine’s sea urchin fishery experienced a massive boom and rapidly became one of Maine’s most valuable resources. Dense sea urchin barrens larger than football fields

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During the 1990’s, one of the largest purchasers of Maine urchins was the Japanese. Japan could not supply the demand alone, so they imported urchin roe from all over the world. Nearly all uni harvested in Maine at this time was exported to Japan. I remember pulling up to the docks and watching my father and his friends haul numerous totes full of those spikey green creatures off the boat. Wide-eyed and curious, I would watch as Japanese fisherman would quickly come over and sort through the day’s harvest. I would walk through the facilities as the totes were weighed, holding my nose due to the pungent smell, but in awe of the entire operation. Being a young child living in Maine, my encounters with other cultures were incredibly limited, so these experiences were thrilling to me.

During the peak boom, there were around 3,000 urchin divers in Maine. The price, which originally started at just a few cents per pound, skyrocketed up to $2. Unfortunately at this time, there were no rules set in place. Divers could harvest as much as possible, during any time of the year. No regulation ultimately led to a major collapse in sea urchin populations. The once-thriving business quickly came to an end. Nowadays, sea urchins are in very short supply, not to mention pretty pricy, as the accompanying photo from Harbor Fish Market here in Portland illustrates..

One of the greatest obstacles surrounding this once profitable business is the harvest season peaked in the Winter, and ended in March. So to get high yields, one had to gear up and dive during the Winters. This is no joke. I remember being a small child playing games on the boat, bundled up for warmth in the cabin of a boat and sipping on hot cocoa looking out upon Fort Gorges collecting stone. My father and his friend would be diving in Casco Bay, every so often surfacing to drop off their harvest and quickly diving back down again. As I noted, both parents were divers but my mother tended to save her energy for warmer seasons.

After telling my mother I was getting certified to dive, she was obviously excited for me. This excitement was then followed up by the classic “When I was your age” speech. Hers was a bit more unique and worth sharing.

“When I got my scuba certification, it was off the coast of Maine in February and I had to walk through two feet of snow to get to the water”.

Whoa! Talk about dedication. Well, as much as I love my mother and would gladly follow in her footsteps any day, I took a hard pass in considering that option. So I happily packed my bags and headed south and enjoyed receiving my certification under the warmth of the Florida sun.

Being back in the northeast and daydreaming about warmer months on the horizon, I get excited thinking about making use of this certification in Maine. I will likely never see the fields of urchin barrens that once were, but I am certain diving in Maine will be like most of this state’s greatest experiences – beautifully rugged, raw and a bit salty.

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Beyond The Forecast

By Jack Sillin / Weatherman & Meterology Student Hello everyone!

We finally had some interesting weather this past month that’s worth a revisit.

I’ve been explaining the quirks of Maine weather for a while now, and try to keep things interesting by avoiding repeat columns. For that reason, I won’t be covering the recent cold weather because not only was it not actually that cold

by Maine standards, but I’ve also talked about some of the factors that can conspire to bring us cold weather in winters past. My focus here will instead be on that storm we had back on Sunday the 20th of January.

For those not cursed with an ability to remember each detail of storms gone by, that was the system forecast to dump over a foot of snow in Portland that ended up being six inches followed by about eight hours of sleet despite surface temps hovering around 10 degrees. My fellow skiers begrudgingly remember that sleet even mixed in across the mountains where forecasts called for 20:1 snow ratios and accumulation in the two to three foot range. So what happened?

Interestingly and frustratingly enough, the answer traces its roots back to Arkansas and Texas during the wee hours of the morning before the storm. As low pressure moved east through Oklahoma, thunderstorms started to erupt along its cold front. That alone wasn’t the problem. Those storms were taken into account by forecasts issued in the days leading up to the event. The issue was just how strong those storms ended up getting.

The graphic to the left is a radar image from the morning of Saturday the 19th. For those who sometimes check radar in the summer, you’ll recognise the pattern. A strong squall line was present from the NW Gulf of Mexico all the way up into Tennessee. Storm reports from this line show that it produced widespread wind damage in Mississippi as well as several tornadoes from Louisiana all the way over to Montgomery, Alabama. These were intense storms! So what did that have to do with our busted snow forecast?

of this process. The two maps compare mid level temperature forecasts from before the thunderstorms developed to a forecast map depicting approximately what happened.

The difference is pretty astonishing. What was forecast to be fluffy snow up in the mountains ended up wetter and mixing with sleet. The heavy snow in Portland became a full-fledged sleetstorm. In some parts of Maine the model’s forecast was a full 20 degrees colder than what actually transpired. Oops!

It’s important to keep in mind that the forecast wasn’t entirely a bust. The impacts were more or less the same, and I promise your car’s tires don’t care if it’s snow or sleet covering the road --- as long as they can’t get to the pavement you need to take it slow. The general forecast of a strong area of low pressure riding up a strong frontal boundary bringing heavy precipitation along with it verified nicely, and the surface low matched up well with earlier forecasts.

For that we’ll turn our attention to the second graphic (above right) which is a bit more complex, but hopefully helps you visualise the complex processes at work. The dark red lines represent the shape of the mid level ridge forecast by our computer models several days ahead of the storm, and the lighter purple arrow represents the path warm air in the mid levels would take with a ridge shaped like that.

The red lines represent the shape of the mid level ridge after the thunderstorms dumped vast amounts of heat into the atmosphere while the dark purple arrow represents the new path of the mid level warm air.

The third graphic (below right) illustrates what ended up happening as a result

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But at the end of the day, a few thunderstorms a thousand miles away that were slightly stronger than forecast made the difference between a two foot blizzard and six inches of heavy sleet.

So why did the models miss the storms?

The basic answer is that the models forecast the weather by dividing the atmosphere up into lots (billions) of little cubes, then calculating the conditions at the vertices of each cube. So if there’s something, say a cumulus cloud, that’s small enough to fit entirely within the bounds of one cube and never hits one of the grid points, it’s “invisible” to the model. If the model can’t predict the formation of cumulus clouds, it has a hard time predicting the formation of cumulonimbus (thunderstorm) clouds, which in turn means it will mishandle the ridge.

Of course the brilliant folks who build the models aren’t unaware of this problem. They’ve devised incredibly complex schemes to attempt to fix this, or at least mitigate some of its impacts. But the reality is that any attempt we make to substitute an artificial simulation for the real world will be inevitably flawed. It follows then from chaos theory that any small error in our understanding of the atmosphere now will multiply out through time, resulting in larger and larger errors later.

This is why a few little cumulus clouds that developed across Oklahoma, then became thunderstorms in Arkansas, eventually led to sleet all the way up here in Maine. It might not be the case that a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil can cause a tornado in Texas as the old saying goes, but this is pretty darn close.

Next time we forecasters miss a forecast (and inevitably this won’t be the last one of those) do well to remember how tiny errors like those cumulus clouds can quickly spiral into massive errors down the line. Even if we get tomorrow’s forecast 99.999% right, it doesn’t take long for that .001% error to escalate to a major change in next week’s weather.

Jack’s Weather Terms Convective Parameterization --- In my main column I talked about how the computer models we use to predict the weather can’t “see” small scale features like cumulus clouds, or even some of their bigger cousins the cumulonimbus.

Obviously that’s a bit of a problem, given the outsize influence thunderstorms have over larger scale weather patterns!

Convective parameterization is our attempt to mitigate the impact of this shortcoming by guesstimating how much energy might be released by thunderstorms that form in a given environment. It’s a complex and imperfect solution to a really hard problem, but that basically applies to everything in the realm of weather modelling.

Snow Squall --- A snow squall is a brief burst of very heavy snow accompanied by strong winds. They’re typically short in duration (15-30 minutes) but in that time they can drop 1-2” of snow. The heavy snow and strong winds can cause whiteout conditions due to heavy falling and blowing/drifting snow. Squalls typically form along Arctic cold fronts and are therefore accompanied by rapidly falling temperatures. They can be extremely dangerous if you’re not prepared for them, or you happen to encounter one while travelling.

The photo below left was taken when a snow squall swept into downtown Portland the evening of 30th January. It left less than an inch of new snow, blew around what was on the ground and created near whiteout conditions for a brief time before sweeping into the bay and out into the Atlantic.

I’ll be back next month with another look at the mechanics behind our weather.

But because everyone always seems to be wondering, I expect February to start off on the warmer side with a series of rain events during the first week of the month. A larger storm likely to impact the region on the 8th/9th might be either rain or snow (I’d lean rain for the coast/snow in the mountains) with colder conditions setting in for the latter half of the month. Winter has plenty of gas left in the tank!

-Jack

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Layne’s Wine Time

Layne V. Witherell / Up Portland Wine Critic

When the month of February comes to mind, we usually think of cold weather, Valentine’s Day, more cold weather and trying to keep up with some of those New Year’s promises we made.

The first promise is that a steaming pot of stew greets us when we get bummed out over the ice, piled on with snow, followed by that, oh, so deadly and slick to the touch, top layer of ice. Nice.

The wine to have while inhaling the stew and trying to force a smile is Freakshow Cabernet Sauvignon from Michael David, 2016, Lodi ($20.) The label is enough to make you smile by itself. It is a multicoloured Sargent Pepperesque carnival, complete with strongman and the entire sprawling cast of characters.

eyes and it is Summer. Rose, once a seasonal treat that vanished the moment after Labour Day, is going to stick around. The 2018’s should be appearing soon.

This alerts you that Spring isn’t quite so far away, and there is still hope.

Lay out some prosciutto and melon on a platter with some grilled shrimp to make it seem a bit like Summer. This can be a little intro to Valentine’s Day dinner. There are tons of delicious roses out there with many more coming in 2019.

They are both to drink and easy to love.

If you must have that most dreaded of popular knee jerk attractions --- pinot grigio --- at least spend some money and get the real thing. Jermann Pinot Grigio, 2016 ($20.) This is the best stuff. It is dry, aromatic and has a zingy freshness that is a serious leap above what you get when you shell out ten bucks a glass in a restaurant for a cheesy no-name pinot grigio. Or, you can just flap your arms in your local restaurant and say, “glass of pinot grigio over here”. Your choice.

Silvio Jermann is in far northern Italy, near the Slovenian border north of Venice. He is breathtakingly idiosyncratic. He ups his game when many are comfortable to tag along with the rest of the pack. He blended chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, ribolla gialla, malvasia and picolit, naming it Vintage Tunina (after the poorest of Casanova’s lovers, a housekeeper in Venice). It created a sensation and sold for serious bucks.

The flavour of black currants and olives invigorates both you and the stew.

This is a wildly flavourful wine. Life just got a little easier. Michael David does a terrific zin as well as a petite syrah, but the cabernet packs the mid-February wallop that you need with your stew.

Not to be content with resting on his laurels, he created barrel-aged chardonnays, giving them fanciful names like “Where the Dreams Have No End”. And you just thought that you were going to be happy drinking any old pinot grigio --- think again. In the region they accompany the wine with the freshest of fish, crudo or lightly sautéed.

For promises made, there is always Whispering Angel Rose, 2017, Provence ($20-$25.) It is onion skin clear, with a delicate fragrance of roses. Close your

We were out and about in Portland and spied this on a local wine list. Domaine Sambardier Beaujolais Villages “Vielles Vignes”, 2016 ($36.) If you think that I

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am down on pinot grigio, wait for the Beaujolais attack. The region is Beaujolais in France, the grape is gamay (called locally gamay noir a jus blanc). There is nothing wrong with all of that EXCEPT for the tsunami that erupted in the 1970’s called Beaujolais Nouveau.

(the full bodied one), Morgon, Julienas, Fleurie, Cote de Brouilly, Chirouble, Chenas and Brouilly. They range from $15 to $30 and each have different personalities.

Have a warm, happy February!

It is a mid-November release of the freshest, fruitiest little creature right out of the vat to be consumed immediately in copious quantities. It reached the point where the hysteria of the arrival of the fresh fruity wine far outdistanced any interesting flavours in your glass for the money.

Today most of the “hoopla� has subsided and Beaujolais must pick itself back up as a quality wine. There are very few estates that produce the best Beaujolais, with most labels in the hands of quality shippers. That is the reason that the Sambardier old vine Beaujolais came as such a shock. It had the colour and flavour of bright cherries and raspberries, with juicy softness together with depth.

It should be served with a slight chill and served with sausage, various charcuterie, mild cheese or fish, especially in a red sauce.

(EDITORS NOTE: Layne is a professional in the wine business with over 30 years of experience. He can be reached at lwitherell@gmail.com for talks and consulting.

His website is http://winemaniacs.wordpress.com/ He will be doing wine events at Port City Blue 650A Congress St. “Layne’s Wine Gig� is a talk and tasting with wine, a rollicking standup beginning 8th February from 4.30 to 5.30 p.m. Every 2nd Friday of the month. Call them at 774-4111 for info.)

Another reason that Beaujolais is under the radar is the emergence of quality everyday pinot noir from the Central Coast of California, Oregon and New Zealand. They have filled in the $12-$15 retail slots that Beaujolais had abdicated.

With producers like Sambardier appearing it is time to breathe a sigh of relief and order the wines again.

But wait: there is another thing out there in the cold knocking at the door to come in. They are the crus. The crus are the individually named villages that are both a step up in quality and price.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day is St. Amour, followed by Regnie, Moulin-a-Vent

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An Employment for the Fingers:

The Hair Work Craze of the Nineteenth Century

Saturday, Feb. 23 at 1:30 Talk by Elizabeth DeWolfe

Please join us in the University Events Room, Glickman Library, on the 7th floor of the Osher Map Library next to USM Wishcamper Center.

Use Wishcamper parking lot.

Hair Braiding Table And join us in March: • Saturday, March 30 - Augustus King: The Pimp of Portland, with Tim Gillis. A talk about the 1849 riots on Munjoy Hill.

Sponsored by Spirits Alive at Eastern Cemetery - Free, donations at the door More info at spiritsalive.org Page 14

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A Portland Winter’s Tale Welcome back to Up Portland’s monthly crossword. We took a month or three off to do some searching around and found out this is a popular feature, so it’s returned literally “by popular demand.” And this time, it’s all about a bunch of things that to we Mainers mean Winter --- from sports to shovelling and back.

You’ll find a lot of familiar (and maybe a few notso) words here, all having to do with the places and things which make up this chilly season here in Maine... and be sure you put on that thinking cap, since while some are as easy as slipping on a jacket and pair of gloves, others may require the skill of a skier on a black diamond run at Sugarloaf!

Sharpen your pen or pencil and as always, comments are welcome at ted@upportland.com and the solution (no peeking) is on Page 20. Oh, and above all, let’s stay warm out there.

Solution On Page 20 Up Portland 02.19 In Print * On The Web At: www.upportland.com * On Facebook Page 15

Food For Thought...

The word for this month’s main restaurant review is “VERY” because that superlative seems to describe most everything this reviewer found over at Washington Avenue’s branch of the Lewiston bakery and restaurant, Forage.

But before you drop everything and run, bike, walk or drive over to 123 Washington Avenue, read on, because not all of the “verys” here are very good ones, for while the food was very good, the atmosphere very unique (even for a Portland restaurant) and the whole experience very pleasant, the restaurant is laid out in a very confusing manner, we missed seeing some things we very much would have ordered had we seen them and what to do when one finishes is very confusing.

Also the tunes and sound level (it was Spanish vocals of some sort) very much reminded us of what we’d encounter in a disco when we first started going out in the 70s. It was very unappreciated, especially at ear-splitting volume.

A lot of “verys” there, so let’s do some explaining...

First off, the eatery is a branch of a highly successful spot in Lewiston, and judging from the mobs which pack Forage here (especially early mornings and at the weekends --- be warned) I would be very wrong not to say there’s a reason.

Maybe it’s the wood-fired bagels they specialise in. Or maybe the smiling staff.

Or the convenient off-street customer parking next door. Or just the boom in restaurants which has hit Washington Avenue. Do remember: in a high enough tide, all ships --- even those with holes in their hulls --- rise.

So what did we find on our recent Tuesday visit about 1 p.m. to Forage? Surprisingly (as we were told time and time again by friends they sell out early) a great selection of bagels to have our sandwiches on. We also found a half-empty and very eclectically-decorated dining room and a warm, welcoming atmosphere on a cold, snowy afternoon.

The down-side of the restaurant is what this reviewer feels is the confused organisation of the entryway. The counter where one orders is combined with the bakery one, so those wanting just a half-dozen bagels stand together with someone wanting a sandwich, coffee, a meal or a t-shirt or hat from the little shop Forage has. Add in that the menus are sitting by the rest of the items on the counter so standing to look at one while deciding means you’ll be in someone’s way... and that someone may well already know what he or she wants, which probably is for you to get the H$@!! out of their way.

The other organisational issue here is that some things are well past the register but not visible. We’d have loved some chips with our wonderful bagel sandwiches, but the chip rack is past the order station and we did not see

Page 16

it before ordering. Same with a majority of the drinks, which are in a stand-up case which is not really visible before one orders. Memo to management: Move stuff around so you can sell more drinks, chips and add-ons!

So what’s good about Forage? Almost everything but what we have mentioned.

It’s fascinating to sit in the very bright and airy dining room and look one direction to see the stacks of logs and wood-fired bagel oven in operation. Or look the other way and thru wide windows watch the traffic and pedestrians passing on Washington Avenue. The floors are glistening concrete and the tables remind me of the faux granite dinette tops my dad sold in one of his Kentucky furniture stores in the 1950s, with chairs also of that era to match.

So, you are asking (You are, aren’t you?), what about what came out on the plates?

In a word: “delicious,” and, if one has time to properly navigate the menu, a wide choice, from one called “Hair of the Dog” at left, we liked (“two eggs over easy, two meats (choose from bacon, ham or sausage), cheese, local greens, tomato, herb aioli. $12”) to the more traditional “BYOB (Build Your Own Bagel) $2.75” with add-on’s like turkey, ham, roast beef, bacon, hummus ($2.50 each), avocado

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name and one similar flummoxed the staff, just as we were confused what to do when we’d finished the delicious lunch.

Looking around, we found a “dirty dishes” bin and trash so we assumed (correctly, we guess) that one is expected to bus their own table when done. Again, not well explained anywhere (like maybe a tent card on tables saying “after you have enjoyed your meal, please put your dishes in the tray” or some such.)

A further word, too on the music. My dining companion (who is much younger than I and has a way broader taste in tunes than this food reviewer) proclaimed it “crap!” before commenting “they must let the staff play whatever they want.

This is not only bad crap, but entirely too loud crap!” He, of course, had to shout that over what I shall loosely call “music” played at a volume only slightly softer than the sound of a B-52 in final take-off mode. Come on Forage! Get a decent playlist and turn it down. Added to the concrete floors and open-style ceilings the music was a literal headache!

And finally, about pricing: a bit high, we felt because two of the sandwiches, a giant cold brew and a tap water came to close to $30 with a tip (for the order staff and person dropping off the food, once they figured out who was where).

The “hair” bagel I had was wonderful, well provisioned and have I mentioned I picked a wood-fired “everything” bagel to put it all on, which was pretty decent, too? Dining partner’s turkey with avocado bagel was also quite good, but it all would have been better for say 10% less out of pocket or at least a pickle on what was a pretty bare plate. Hint for Forage: Go down to Monument Square and see what they do at HiFi Donuts for lunch. You could learn something!

So the big question: Will we go back? Answer: Definitely yes. But saying that, we may well do take-out to save our ears from the deafening “music.” And we definitely will know what to do and grab some chips and a soft drink from the appropriate spots before ordering.

And how does Forage rate in our mind as far as the bagels? Good... not great, but good. We still like Union Bagels the very best, followed by Scratch (which we don’t really think are bagels in a traditional sense but are great eating.). Meanwhile, Forage has to also go up against a lot of other local competition, including the (we feel) badly over-priced Rose Foods on Forest Avenue, Mr. Bagel for the local traditionalists and any number of other spots in this foodie city. We just hope management at Forage remembers that on Washington Avenue competition is already tough and getting more-so by the day, so we’d like to hope they tweak a few things and make good become better. Start with that music, please!

Full details at www.foragemarket.com Hours: Weekdays & Saturdays from 7 a.m. till 3 p.m. and Sundays 8 till 3. Credit cards: all the usual suspects.

($1.50), greens, tomato, cheese (each $1), prosciutto ($3), brie ($2), garden veggies ($2.50), herb aioli (75 cents).

As we said, the menu here is extensive, so do what we failed to do, which is give it a look at http://www.foragemarket.com/the-market/#menu before you head for Forage and you won’t feel rushed. Or grab a menu, stand to the side and have a bit of LSD time before you order. LSD stands, by the way, for “Look, See, Decide”.

Also, when you arrive, take a couple minutes and walk past the register and order desk to see what’s in the cases, on the chips rack and all that so you will know and be able to order everything when your turn arrives.

A bit about the ordering, too. The process is a bit confusing because you give a name and they find you in the large dining area when the eats are ready. The day we were there our

Bits & Bites... more restaurant news... It amazes us how the different places to eat or buy baked goods or food are handling the Winter off-season and also the lack of available help in a tight job market this year, but we find it aggravating that so many seem to be doing so by cutting their days or hours to the point that our bank is open longer... and they have little more than the proverbial “bankers’ hours.”

We know that everyone wants to get with families, relax, recharge their batteries and all the rest this time of year, but there’s nothing worse than showing up somewhere that’s usually open to find the door locked, with a closed notice posted...especially if one has a “taste” for what they were expecting to buy.

One local shop that’s family owned and operated got me with that recently and left me fuming, while another I mentioned it happening to said “well people who are in retail food should know that much as they’d like to spend more family time, it can’t happen if they plan to succeed!”

Please Continue On The Next Page

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More Food For Thought...

All this reviewer can say is I was amazed at the positive posts the place closed when I got there had on Facebook for announcing they were cutting hours to have more family time... including a big hug and bravo from another establishment’s boss --- one who ran an eatery previously which cut their hours and was not dependably open to the point they no longer exist! I get this feeling that was not a lesson learned, but that’s me.

Anyway, not to be rude, but you’d think folks would learn that they can’t sell anything thru a hung up phone or locked door! End of rant and hopefully season will bring back extended hours all over town sooner, not later, and that the flagrant hour cutters will survive to fight another year!

On a happier note, congrats to the Highroller Lobster Company food truck folks for not only giving up the wheels and opening their excellent bricks-andmortar store at 104 Exchange Street, but for the recent announcement that the popular spot is expanding. We see they are taking over the former optical shop next door and adding an outdoor garden so they will more than double their restaurant and kitchen space If you have not been by yet, now’s a great time, before season brings the hoardes back. They offer some awesome Lobster Rolls and some fun oddities like a Lobster Grilled Cheese, “Lobby Pops” and a Lobster Cheese Taco.

You can see the whole menu via their website at www.highrollerlobster.com and, better yet, in your hand if you pop in their Exchange Street restaurant. It’s five-star with us, as you can see in the photos on this page.

Also of note, as the bigger paper in town and signs on their doors have mentioned, we are sad to see closure at the end of February of the Coffee

By Design location at 43 Washington Avenue.

We do see the common sense the owners are showing by shuttering it, as it’s very close to both their Diamond Street and India Street locations and it does lack parking, but we are always sad when one of the places we like to visit closes their doors... even if good economic sense dictates.

The good news is all staff will be offered spots at the remaining locations (including the one on Congress Street) so nobody’s losing their job and the great coffees, lattes and cinnamon rolls this reviewer is addicted to will still be found all over the Peninsula.

As far as the Washington Avenue CBD location, the building’s been sold to Duckfat, which already has a Frites Shack out back. As of this writing, no announcements as to what their plans are there, so as the saying goes: watch this space.

Finally, in case you missed it, Harraseeket Inn’s Maine Harvest Dining Room has started their special themed dinners. We hear tell the first few were big successes and they have announced more for the coming months.

Speaking of Harraseeket, a few Sundays back we had a snow and ice storm. A couple days later friends came to dinner at our place. When we asked how they managed in the extreme Winter weather they said “just fine, but we knew it was pretty bad because we heard Harraseeket Inn cancelled that Sunday’s brunch.”

It’s pretty telling when one operates not only one of the best hotels and restaurants in Maine, but when they get to double as weather forecasters. Go try the brunch soon, by the way. Things are all thawed out in Freeport!

Meanwhile happy Valentine’s Day and February. We will be back next issue.

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Up Portland 02.19 In Print * On The Web At: www.upportland.com * On Facebook

East End’s Nancy Marshall Top PR Winner For 3rd Year Nancy Marshall, a resident of Portland’s East End, has earned Maine’s top award for public relations work for the third year in a row. Marshall’s agency, Marshall Communications, was recently awarded the Maine Public Relations Council’s Best in Show award for a media campaign it created for Orvis’s 50/50 on the Water, an initiative to introduce more women to the sport of fly fishing.

Marshall said, “I was first introduced to the sport of fly fishing by Master Maine Guide Bonnie Holding. I handled her PR back in the 1980s, and many journalists told us that she was the only guide with a publicist. I am proud that my team is now involved in promoting the sport to women around the country.”

Marshall, known as The PR Maven®, founded Marshall Communications in 1991 in her A-frame home on the shores of the Carrabassett River after having worked in Sugarloaf’s marketing department for seven years. Sugarloaf was her first client. The agency has since grown from a one-woman operation to a team of 11 and is one of the longestoperating marketing and PR agencies in the state.

Marshall is the author of the book PR Works!, a real-world how-to guide to the best in traditional, guerilla, new media and digital PR strategies. She is also a columnist for Forbes.com and Mainebiz, a business and motivational speaker, a social media strategist, and the author of the blog prmaven.com.

While representing Northern Outdoors in West Forks, Maine, Marshall earned her Maine whitewater guide license.

Before entering the field of public relations, she became an associate certified ski instructor through the Professional Ski Instructors of America and worked at the Lost Valley ski area in Auburn. As a teen, after earning her American Red Cross Water Safety Certification, Marshall was a lifeguard and swim instructor at Damariscotta Lake State Park in Jefferson and was the waterfront director for at Camp Merrowvista in Tuftonboro, New Hampshire. While working there, she founded the Go-Getters Club, an organisation that still exists 40 years on. She has completed the Trek Across Maine seven times, benefitting the American Lung Association, as part of the Carrabassett Cycology team.

“I’ve always been someone who said, ‘I can do that and I have always wanted to be involved with people and organisations that made me feel happy. I was blessed to have parents who always carted me around from one activity to another and encouraged me to try new things. All these childhood experiences have enabled me to better represent clients in public relations, and my years at Sugarloaf certainly laid the foundation of a fulfilling career.”

Marshall now hosts The PR Maven® Podcast, available at prmaven.com/podcast.

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Maine Jewish Museum

Artist Talk: Jan Banquer, Sunday February 10th at 2pm First Friday Art Walk: February 1, 2019 Exhibition: January 10, 2019 to March 1, 2019

Habitats, Inhabitants Jane Banquer Fineberg Family Community Room

Extracts

Ilana Welch Third Floor Sanctuary

Oh, So It’s You Again Berri Kramer Spiegel Gallery

Maine Jewish Museum

267 Congress Street, Portland, ME 04101 (207) 773-2339 Monday - Friday 10am-4pm + Sundays 1pm - 5pm or by appointment mainejewishmuseum.org Nancy Davidson, Curator in Residence

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Hobson’s Landing offers one, two, and three bedroom condos with available garage parking. There are multiple floor plans, including penthouse units with extraordinary water views & expansive private terraces. The condominiums are customizable and include thoughtfully designed kitchens, state-of-the-art appliances, gas fireplaces, high-efficiency heating and cooling systems, private decks, & 9-foot-plus ceilings.

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In Pursuit Of Evolution Jesse Herrick / Evolution Laser Studio

#devolution I don’t envy the generation that is making its way through grade school today.

What a strange detached world, devoid of certain essential realities. I have genuine concern for the direction we are headed and whether this dopamine-fueled train can be turned around before true societal disaster.

My theory largely centres around smartphones. While truly amazing tools, in the pockets of the vast majority of anyone over the age of 10, they have created a perceived autonomy and equality in the younger generations. Yes, yes, I am about to sound like Old Man Herrick, launching into a “back in my day” soliloquy, but as my new business has forced me to dive into the world of social media, I have been slapped across the face with what I view as the devolution of our society.

Combined with social media and the dopamine hit culture, we have created a monster.

A society where constant praise through post “likes” is the norm and anything shy of that is seen as somehow unfair. This soft-batch society can’t handle the truths of life beyond Instagram. We have a culture where people are actually BUYING followers on these social media platforms to make themselves look more popular in the eyes of others, and for a bit extra you can buy followers that will interact and give you likes so that you can get that little extra dopamine hit per post. The standard for success has become the size of your follower base, and how many people click “like” on your highlight reel, rather than the merits of who you actually are and what you have actually accomplished.

This has bred an unprecedented need for acceptance and praise that no other era has seen. The ripples form this pebble have made their way across the pond, and the new standard is a gold ribbon for failure. It’s the age of the participation trophy. Fortunately, the concept of a participation award is a wonderful way of teaching children about the realities of life. I for one have had many promotions and raises in the business world based on showing up whenever I want and not

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doing anything. Oh wait, no, I actually had to work for it. Everyone is not a winner. I had to meet a standard and excel beyond that standard. Life is tough, it is competitive and those who work harder and better will win. Those who don’t strive to excel lose without the intervention of dumb luck. I’ll bank on skill and effort over luck any day.

Parallel to this we have the biggest uptick in technological advancement the world has ever seen. Machines have attained new levels of impressiveness and efficiencies that the Jetsons wouldn’t have even imagined. Manufacturing processes streamlined, self-driving Uber cars, even a fully automated robotic burger bar in San Francisco. As a former engineer I am wowed, yet am genuinely scared.

What happens when the over-coddled generation we have created with a shelf full of participation trophies and post likes meets a job market where there are no more people on assembly lines? One where taxi drivers are a thing of the past and burgers are flipped by the Terminator? Entitlement won’t save us and neither will our Instagram followers who told us how sexy we looked in our last scantilyclad selfie.

Evolution, the foundation of our existence and survival, is about adapting to your environment so that we are better equipped to deal with the trials and tribulations that comprise life. We have departed from this age-old concept and have entered a frightening stage of devolution. We are exercising and developing the wrong muscles. We are bolstering a false sense of worth and accomplishment as we enter an age where competition will do nothing but increase as technology replaces the need for humans in the workplace. When confronted with any level of real adversity, this false sense of self-worth and self confidence quickly crumbles.

In the immortal words of Rocky Balboa, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you!

You’re better than that!”

We need to start focussing on instilling the ability to get hit and keep moving forward. Coddling is easy, giving into the wants of our younger generations is easier in the moment than confrontation, and parenting with iPads is more relaxing than being engaged. That said, life is not a womb and everyone is unfortunately not a winner. Let’s act and teach accordingly. Tough love.

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The Standard Reviewer

By Andrea Rouda / Up Portland’s Film & Theatre Reviewer

Meryl Streep: A National Treasure When Meryl Streep dies, schools will likely close for the day and flags across the country will be flown at half-mast. Truly a national treasure, she has appeared in 65 films to date, been nominated for a record 21 Academy Awards and has won three. Streep has received 31 Golden Globe nominations, winning eight -- more nominations and wins than any other actor. So yeah — she’s good. She’s also a crowd-pleaser. I can’t recall ever meeting anyone who said they didn’t like her.

Her acting career began with Julia (1977), although Deer Hunter a year later put her on the national map. Not long after, Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) and Sophie’s Choice (1982) earned her an Oscar for each: Best Supporting Actress and Best Actress respectively. And the list goes on. Following are a few of Streep’s lesscelebrated roles, all of them highlights and one clunker. (Hey, nobody’s perfect.)

Heartburn (1986) With shades of an episode of I Love Lucy, Streep gives Lucille Ball a run for her money in this one. Directed by Mike Nichols, script by Nora Ephron from her semi-biographical book of the same name, and co-starring Streep and Jack Nicholson, this film had to be great. And it is. While now it seems a bit dated, Heartburn still delivers the laughs and tears that are timeless in a tale of new love, married love, and love gone sour.

Streep plays Rachel, a magazine writer living in Manhattan who meets and falls in love with Mark, a charismatic Washington, D.C., political columnist/womanizer. After much deliberation and against her better judgment, she moves to his city to be with him. They marry, renovate an old townhouse and have a couple of babies (one of them is Streep’s real-life daughter!) before Mark becomes the cad we always suspected he might be and things fall apart. Rachel flees back to New York to live with her father, two babies in tow, which is tough on an airplane. She cries a lot, much more than the babies.

Sounds corny, but along the way there are scenes too delicious to miss. One involves Rachel shoving a cream pie in Mark’s face at a dinner with their friends after learning of his infidelity. (It’s priceless.) Another shows her at a salon getting her hair coloured and suddenly understanding, from an overheard conversation, that her husband is cheating on her. She races out of the salon with her hair still in tin foils and rushes home to look for evidence. (She finds it.) This is early Streep displaying the full range of her skills. Jack Nicholson is also at his best, and best-looking. Trust me -- you want to see it.

Defending Your Life (1991) While one does not ordinarily think of Meryl Streep as a comic, she holds her own in one of the funniest comedies of all time. Written by and starring Albert Brooks, a comic genius with few equals, Defending Your Life is my #1 go-to movie if I’m feeling down. It’s also how I now view Death and the Afterlife, and since according to Brooks it’s a gas, I’m a lot more relaxed about it.

The action takes place immediately after the death of our hero Daniel (Brooks) and before he is assigned to his next reincarnation. He wakes up in Judgment City, where over the course of several days his time on Earth will be evaluated to determine if he has evolved enough to move on to a higher plane or must do another turn on Earth.

Page 24

Rip Torn, his lawyer, and Lee Grant, his prosecutor, are both dead themselves but gainfully employed as permanent residents of Judgment City. They dispense legal advice and handle the proceedings as key experiences from Daniel’s life are reviewed on a giant movie screen. It is in this setting that Daniel (Brooks), kind of a loser when he was alive, meets Julia (Streep), who is everything anyone could wish to be, dead or alive. She’s beautiful, smart, brave, kind and funny, i.e.

Streep at her most convincing. The two of them fall in love, but what bad timing -- they’re both dead!

Julia is also having her life examined, and she passes with flying colours. She’s definitely moving on, but Daniel might not be. Will they ascend and be together for Eternity? That’s the question. Meanwhile, life in Judgment City is pretty fabulous. You can eat all you want at one of the many fine restaurants and not gain an ounce, there’s free transportation to everywhere, turn-down service and wakeup calls at your hotel and a closet full of clothes in your room, all in your size. Of course you’re dead, which is a bummer, but it still looks better than many foreign vacations I’ve endured.

Hope Springs (2012) One of those small movies panned by the critics and thus yanked from the theatres before anyone had the chance to see it, Hope Springs is an overlooked gem.

Featuring Hollywood stars depicting real people in real situations, they do such a good job you completely forget they are Hollywood stars. Instead they’re the couple next door. By turns funny, sad and profound, an added bonus is a great soundtrack that fills in the blanks left by a spotty script.

Streep and Tommy Lee Jones are two old pros who can effectively telegraph complicated emotions with a raised eyebrow or half a smirk. The only problem when they are both on screen is choosing which one to watch. They play Kay and Arnold, a paunchy husband and frumpy wife sleepwalking through a dull marriage, both dying of boredom after 31 years of the same-old-same-old, and no sex for the last five.

Former funny guy Steve Carell plays the very serious shrink they pay a big chunk of money for a week-long Intensive Couples Therapy retreat in smalltown seaside Maine, and he excels at being totally humourless. The setting was so pretty that I spent a considerable amount of mental energy trying to pinpoint just where it was shot, until the final credits revealed that Maine was “played” by Connecticut. (Go figure.) Almost a "chick flick," it would benefit any married man to take a peek. If your marriage is good, see it to make sure it doesn't derail. And if it's already bad, you might find a few pointers for the price of admission that could get it back on track.

August: Osage County (2013) This over-the-top depiction of an outrageously dysfunctional family is a standout for several reasons, one of which was clarifying that the dysfunctional family I remember from my childhood was a tribe of cuddly Disney forest creatures in comparison. I mean really -- hold on to your hat for this one. On the plus side, everyone attached to August: Osage County, which was adapted from the awardwinning Broadway play, deserves an Oscar for Best Whatever.

Led by Streep, who fairly stuns you with her mesmerizing performance as the bald, pill-popping, cancer-ridden matriarch, the impressive cast includes Chris Cooper, Julia Roberts, Sam Shepard, Juliette Lewis, Dermot Mulroney, Ewan McGregor and Benedict Cumberbatch.

Each one of them has something to hide, and none of it good. The film’s director, art director, cinematographer, set designer and prop master also deserve kudos for the unceasingly lovely landscapes that give way to darkened interiors full of interesting objects. It's all quite eye-popping.

Despite the good stuff, be forewarned: these are not happy campers. One particular spoken line was seared into my brain: "It's a good thing we can't see into

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the future, or none of us would ever get out of bed." That gives you some idea of the violence, hatred, duplicity and histrionics that assault you from the get-go.

And just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. Still, the film is satisfying and even fun in some twisted way. Maybe because it's not your family, allowing you to feel good about yourself. I couldn't help wondering about Tracy Letts, the playwright who won the 2008 Pulitzer Prize for this work. I hope he has a vivid imagination because I'd hate to think any of this stuff really happened to anyone.

The Giver (2014) There are several things to know before watching The Giver, an earnest adaptation of the award-winning children's book by the same name aiming for an adult audience. First, the book was better. Second, it's interesting to see Ms. Streep be only mediocre instead of as-usual-fabulous, and looking exactly like Anjelica Huston in a fright wig while doing so. Streep plays the Chief Elder of The Community, shows little emotion and wears some sort of drapery the whole time. And last, it is not your imagination: Jeff Bridges, who plays The Giver, does seem to have a mouth full of marbles. Consequently, he looks strange and sounds worse throughout. (Both of these superstars must have been paid a whole lot.)

The time is the distant future when everything -- trees, sky, people -- is either black, white or grey since colour was deemed to be too stimulating and thus eliminated from everything. Ditto music, love, snow and dancing. There are neither people of colour nor senior citizens. War is non-existent, as are pain, sorrow and comfortable furniture. Nobody is fat, which is nice, and everyone apologises for the slightest infraction, also nice. Precision of language is quite important, which I found refreshing. Also, lying is against The Rules, certainly a plus.

In fact, I was quite taken with their little utopia: No war, no killing -- what's not to like? Except there is killing, and on a daily basis it turns out, carried out for the "good of the Community." For example, twins are strictly forbidden and that's all I will say about that. The plot is so full of holes that it's fun to look for them, as Old Man Bridges turns over the forbidden memories from the past to the newly-chosen "Receiver of Memory" at a big ceremony where everyone claps using one hand on their thigh instead of two hands the way we do it now. Apparently one-handed thigh clapping is one of the ways man will evolve. Doesn't that tell you all you need to know? But stick around, since the end credits roll over a fabulous song called Ordinary Human by One Republic. Or else skip the movie and find the song on YouTube. And read the book; it's great.

Florence Foster Jenkins (2016) In this wildly funny and profoundly sad film based on true events, Streep illustrates there is no role beyond her boundless talent. Florence Foster Jenkins is a fictionalized account of an actual heiress and socialite who was a Manhattan cult figure in the 1940s. Thus we are treated to gauzy, colourful images of the New York elite in those days, with flapper dresses, vintage cars and fancy hotel living.

Florence first rose to fame for her philanthropy, and later for her outlandish attempts at operatic singing. In the title role, Streep wears silly wigs, ornate costumes, tons of makeup and a fat suit to portray the aging, would-be singer.

But the real star of the movie is her voice: Horrendously off-key, reminiscent of a feral cat wailing in the night, everyone hears how bad it is except the singer herself who, having battled a chronic disease for most of her life, is slightly hard of hearing and totally off her rocker. Hugh Grant is endearing as Florence's loving husband with a mistress on the side. A failed actor, he has a good heart and tries his best to shield Florence from the people laughing at her behind her back.

Aided by a talented pianist who accompanies her at small, private concerts and a giant public one at Carnegie Hall, Florence lurches towards her preposterous stardom and eventual death. Her journey is by turns very funny and abruptly sad. The film, deftly directed by veteran Stephen Frears (The Queen, Philomena, The Grifters, Dangerous Liaisons) offers a glimpse into an unforgettable life worth knowing about.

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Hackin’ The Net

By Ted Fleischaker / Publisher When I look back over the electronics columns I’ve written thru the years, I notice that every year or two I come back to the topic I am covering this month.

For those who have seen it all before, hopefully, you will get some new hints and tips; for those who have not, I hope you get some use out of it.

So what’s the topic? Knowing when “it’s time”. We all have things that this can apply to: knowing when it’s time to call the doctor if you just can’t shake that cold. Or knowing when that bump, bump you hear as you drive requires a visit to the mechanic. Or knowing when you keep blowing circuits if you switch on the toaster that it’s time to call an electrician. Each and everything has its own “time.”

So this time, how and when do you know if it’s time to replace, get service for or just junk that old (fill in the blank here: cell phone, tablet, computer, monitor....)

My general answer, after I say anything unsafe needs immediate attention, is to decide what and if you wanna pay for a repair, a replacement or are you willing to live with the current situation, understanding, of course, that few of these modern day gadgets can or do self-repair.

First, the safety issue. If something is shocking you, smells like it might be overheating, makes “electricity shorting sounds,” blows fuses when plugged in or appears “dead” then it needs immediate repair or replacement. Do not pass “go” do not collect $200. Immediately unplug and quit using something that has obvious issues which could cause injury or fire.

And do not fool yourself: if you dropped that phone in the toilet, spilled wine in the laptop or did anything else that could be called “user damage” it’s gonna cost to repair or replace, but it beats the danger continuing to use something defective can pose.

OK, so let’s look at the less-serious things that may or may not need attention. A friend called me last week and wanted to know what to do because his computer kept flashing up a window requesting he update his operating system (OS).

Problem was, he could not get rid of the pesky pop-up and he was not even sure what an OS is, does or was.

need to tend to your devices’ aches and pains. My usual advice here would be to update and be sure you are running the “latest, greatest” version of things you actually do use.

In the case of my friend with the OS reminders, another hurdle appeared: his 2012 computer is too old for the more memory-intensive latest OS, meaning updating would have either slowed life to a crawl on his desktop or caused his system to quit working altogether.

That meant I could help him get the pop-up to go away right then by asking for “info” as an option the pop-up gave me, then shutting that window when it came up. But he’s now got a dilemma: either struggling along until all his apps quit working and get a new computer then... or getting one now and transferring the files and photos he wants and needs.

You can feel free to call all of this planned obsolescence or just think of it as stuff getting replaced with better, faster and more modern stuff. Need an example or two? When I was a kid we were thrilled to fly to Chicago on a propeller plane, but nowadays, it’s a jet. I’m sure someone with a horse and buggy in 1910 never thought those new “horseless carriages” would ever replace ole Dobbin, but try and drive a horse and buggy on I-295 and you’ll either be killed or arrested or both. These extremes are just two bits of technology which have gone from everyday to museum pieces --- and in both cases in pretty short order.

If your computer is over five or six years old (or your tablet or phone) then you are quickly entering the replacement zone... if you are not already there! Yes, you can keep using the old gear until it just won’t up-date anymore, but even things like Microsoft Word or your web browser will eventually quit working because your OS is not compatible with the latest app versions. I suppose what I am saying is the minute you buy a new phone, tablet or computer, you might wanna start putting $5 a week into an account to replace the device when its time comes... because it surely will!

But the above said, let’s chat a bit about two other aspects of this issue: --- Do you need or just want new gear?

As my friend said, “I’m 80 and don’t know if I will outlive this computer.

Should I buy a new one, anyway?”

I’m an eternal optimist and see no reason he won’t see 85 or 90 or more, so my answer was a resounding “yes,” despite him saying he “only does e-mail and looks at the web sometimes” on the out-dated device.

In my personal case, a malware protector I use occasionally (above) has been bugging me to update to the latest version, so almost every boot up at my house, what I find to be the obnoxious pop-up you see asked did I wish to update this barely used programme.

The list of things is endless, but just like you can only ignore that sore throat so long before you call the doctor or visit the local clinic, eventually you will

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But what if you want new gear? If you can afford to update sooner than is required, do so. I got a nice trade-in from Apple when I turned in my year-old iPad Pro recently. I did not need a new one, but I wanted a faster one with different screen so I chose to update. Choosing to update is different than having to! Just ask anyone who buys a new car every year or two while their friends continue to happily drive their 2009s and do just fine.

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--- Keep in mind that “repairs” come in all sizes, shapes and colours. Some of them work while others fail. Some also void warranties by not using real parts, but sub the genuine article for cheap knock-offs. I won’t point fingers or name names, but do read that warranty before you go see that “neighbourhood repair guy” to make sure it will still be valid.

Also, if I had a dime for every friend who claims to have “fixed” their wet phone or laptop with a box of rice, I’d be a wealthy man and could afford two iPad pros. In some cases, putting a device which has become wet in rice (and some say instead to use those packets of silica gel which one finds in medicine bottles and elsewhere to keep the stuff dry) will “fix it.” My experts say simply: dream on.

If you are fortunate, your device may decide to wake up and might even work for a short time, but when water (or worse: Coke or wine) has gotten into sensitive electronics, the damage has been done. And while you might not see or hear or know it immediately, the corrosion and destruction are continuing inside your gadget.

That means someday (probably soon) it’s going to short out when you plug it in.

Or it’s going to just quit. If you are fortunate enough to get things going again temporarily with rice or some stunt, use that gift of borrowed time to do an additional back up, save the photos and music you want and then when the last breath occurs, you won’t feel too cheated by your phone’s passing.

Of course, this is where I say you DO back up all the time to a computer or the cloud anyway... don’t you?

Finally, on the repair, replace or what to do topic keep in mind that nothing is forever. Just like the 80-year-old friend is wondering if he will outlive his aging computer and a pal in Florida told me her father-in-law bought a new car just weeks before his doctor suggested he hand in his driver’s license at 96, it’s all down to what one needs, wants, can afford and, most of all, will use.

Some of my friends say I did not need that new iPad and I’ll be first to agree with them. But I read what it could do my old one didn’t or couldn’t and decided to buy it, meaning a lot of my opening question about “When is it time?” is down to what we want and can afford versus what we need. Take time to think it thru before you go all out. Look at safety first then decide what your gut feeling is telling you.

Just as you’d not willingly let that sore throat go on so long you’d end up in hospital with pneumonia when you could see your doctor sooner, you don’t want to lose your data or ability to work by delaying the inevitable and not replacing your obsolete gear.

So there’s a whole column of “non-advice.” Non because I can remind you over and over and over of some basics, but whatever I write and say, I can’t order or tell you what to do next. That’s down to what you are willing to put up with, can afford and decide for yourself.

Just remember, it’s fun to be sportin’ the latest gear, but do you need what you are considering buying? That one, only you can answer.

Oh, and just so you do not think this writer is too smart for his own good, check that 2nd graphic on the opposite page. That’s what came up when I clicked on the App Store app on my own iPhone today. See that list of updates? What about that tiny “7” that’s in the bottom by the word “updates”?

Yep, that’s how many outdated apps I had on my own phone before I finally dragged myself into the present from the past. And you know what? Had I not updated, sooner, rather than later, many of those outdated apps simply would have quit functioning. I sure hope I live to be 80!

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Give Your Sweetheart a Sweet Gift!

BAKING CLASSES AT TWO FAT CATS! The Art of Biscuit Making

Sunday, February 17, 1—2:30pm $35 All ages

St. Patrick’s Day Classics Learn the history of soda bread and how to make your own. Make a loaf of traditional Feckle Bread, a fruited brown bread.

Sunday, March 17, 1—3pm $50 Ages 16+

Portland — 47 India Street 207.347.5144 Tuesday–Saturday 8am-5pm Sunday 8am-4pm South Portland — 740 Broadway 207.536.7713 Tuesday–Saturday 8am-5pm

Classes take place at 740 Broadway in South Portland.

Call 207.536.7713 to register

www.twofatcatsbakery.com

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