Up portland january 2016

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Online at www.clarkinsurance.com Denise Douglass

Kip Thomas

Serving Portland’s Peninsula Since 1931

January 2016 We had to use a January photo from last year since by presstime, we’d had no snow in Portland. See Forecaster Jack’s Column on Page 19 to find out where our missing Winter has gone. Think Snow!

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From Ocean To Plate: Veteran Lobsterman Is Set To Hang Up The Claws After 42 Years

by Peter Michalakes for Up Portland For more than four decades, one individual has been an integral member of lobstering in Maine. His name is Doug Cressey.

“I’ve worked for three generations of the Springer family,” Cressey said in an interview a few weeks ago as he was beginning to prepare for his retirement.

“My last was the Springer son...It’s been a really long road.”

Finally, after 42 years of hauling traps, banding lobsters, and operating his own boat off of the coast of Maine, Cressey plans to retire next Fall. Now 55, he began fishing at age 15 in 1975.

UNEXPECTED BEGINNINGS

Lobstermen like Doug Cressey are honoured for their hard work to bring Maine’s best-loved Crustaceans to the world’s tables by this oft-overlooked statue at Middle & Temple streets downtown.

The story of how he got into the business is an interesting one, but I’ll let him tell it. “It’s a funny story how I got started,” Cressey said. “The older Springer sister tried to scare me back into school, but it didn’t work out that way.”

Cressey, then a sophomore in high school, was getting ready to drop out of school when one of the Springers took it upon herself to scare him straight. She took him out on her family’s lobstering boat to show him what life would be like without a serious education, but contrary to her best intentions, as it turned out, he loved it.

“She didn’t count on me falling in love with it...it was just the opposite of what she was trying to do,” Cressey said. “I knew that first day, lobstering was what I wanted to do.”

Cressey dropped out of school soon after, but went back for his G.E.D. years later. More recently, he enrolled in assorted marine science courses at Southern Maine Community College.

“I was basically setting myself up to take the Captain’s exam,” Cressey said, noting his burgeoning interest in captaining passenger and sightseeing boats.

Soon, however, Cressey realised that lobstering was his real calling.

“I had forgotten to realise that I could make more lobstering than I could running a boat,” Cressey said. “So I chose to stay with lobstering.”

Since then, Cressey has arisen each morning well before the sun itself — sometimes as early as three or four — to haul anywhere between 300 to 500 traps per day. When he was younger, he worked alongside members of the Springer family, but as he gained experience, Cressey started to work more independently. In addition to hauling traps, Cressey was responsible for baiting nearly all of those hundreds of traps himself and then banding the lobsters’ claws.“We used to use wooden plugs instead of bands on the lobsters,” Cressey said. “We got snapped all the time.”

LOBSTERING TODAY Lobstering was Cressey’s full-time job for over 30 years, but over the past decade, new government regulations in the lobstering industry have forced him and others into part-time positions. Now, there are limits on how many

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traps each lobsterman can place each day, and how long the fishing season is legally able to last. “The younger guys are used to the 800 trap rule...but us older guys, we remember the golden age,” Cressey said, adding that the lobstering community at-large is resentful of the new government regulations placed on the industry.

“Business isn’t what it used to be...everybody lost,” Cressey said, referring to the more restrictive legislation that seeks to conserve the future of lobstering. “The numbers don’t add up: there are boats breaking down in Casco Bay, everybody is more poor, and everything is more expensive.”

TIMES ON THE PORTLAND WHARF Over the years, Cressey has grown to love the fresh air ocean breeze, the unique fishy smell of his boats and his paycheques. What keeps him coming back, though, is the Portland wharf.

“I used to come down the wharf, and I used sit down and listen to the old-timers talking,” Cressey said. Only this past Summer did he realise that he had come full-circle. “I realised that I had a bunch of young guys around me, and they were listening to me,” Cressey said. “I’ve really gone around the clock.”

It’s moments like these that, to Cressey, best illustrate the camaraderie which the lobstering community boasts. Every day, numerous lobster boats sail in and out of the Portland ports with fishermen greeting one another on the wharf and then maybe sharing an early-morning breakfast at Becky’s Diner.

“I have never, in my life, met such a great bunch of independent people,” Cressey said. “I’ve always said, if they could all just work together, these new regulations would have never made it.”

Cressey makes a point of emphasising the damage which the limits on lobstering have done to the fishing community here in Portland. Statewide, it has become significantly more difficult to acquire a lobstering license, let alone start a profitable business in the face of the ever-increasing regulation. “We wouldn’t have to endure all of this today if we just worked together.”

HANGING UP THE CLAWS When asked why he was choosing to retire next Fall, Cressey had a simple reply: “It’s time.”

Lobstering is an extraordinarily physical job with significant risks if done improperly, and in recent years Cressey has found it difficult to keep up with the spry, mid-20’s lobstermen of today. “My body doesn’t want to compete anymore.

I’m hoping I get one more year in, so I can say I retired at 55, and let the young people step up.”

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Hackin’ The Net

By Ted Fleischaker / Publisher It’s NOT broken. Really. Repeat after me: “I may think it’s broken, but it’s really fine. Really!”

OK now that we have that out of the way, what am I referring to? Only the dozen of so calls, e-mails and stops I get a month from folks who are 100% certain their device (that’s what we call a phone, pad or computer nowadays) has died or is in deep, deep trouble and needs to go to the Apple Genius Bar, the Best Buy Geek Squad or another place for repair or replacement. In most cases, there really is not a whole lot (or anything) wrong with the gadget, so settle in and read along with me. I might just save you a lot of aggravation and a few bucks, quid or pesos in the process, too.

The biggest thing I hear when I talk to folks about “broken” devices is that this or that “just stopped”. Best recent example was a friend whose college-age son handed her his iPhone when he was home from Waterville for the weekend and told her it needed “a new antenna” because it would not receive any cell phone or WiFi signals. Sounds plausible and makes some sense — this coming from a writer old enough to recall when watching TV meant a pair of “rabbit ears” and maybe some tinfoil to get a snow-filled picture from Channel Six. But today antennas in modern gear are all built in and they do not (really) just quit, so I was immediately fascinated by her issue and asked to see the phone.

Once I did, trouble-shooting took all of 10 seconds. That’s how long it took me to notice the outline of an airplane in the screen’s upper left corner. (I’ve outlined it in the illustration at left from my own phone.) It indicated that he had his phone on “airplane mode”.

This is a part of the operating system designed to allows users to operate their devices on airplanes with the info they contain, but not turn on or search for WiFi or cell towers which can cause interference with airplanes’ navigation systems. In other words, it shuts off the phone’s search commands, call and text receiving or sending abilities and uses just what’s already there, which is why you can watch a movie, listen to your music or read on a phone or pad on the plane, but not make a call or download anything unless the flight has WiFi they turn on after you are in the air.

I “fixed” the phone simply by going into settings, turning off airplane mode and then logging into the mom’s office WiFi which immediately showed and let me not only check the weather to verify it was working, but almost immediately I started getting a pile of her son’s

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messages which had been sitting on a server unanswered somewhere.

So the first moral here is to know your device and failing that to either look online or ask where you got it (or with your phone carrier or on their site or at their store) what you need to know BEFORE you disable or run into difficulties with a function. I find the ease of turning on airplane mode to be a flaw because it’s very simple to do without knowing you have done it. That’s my way to say I’ve made the same mistake a few dozen times, so this is common.

But it’s not just airplane mode I’m writing about this month. I get a lot of folks telling me their modem or home WiFi has died. Or that their device has a battery issue as it won’t charge. Or that they can’t get or send their e-mails. All of these are common issues and in most cases, they are almost as easy to “fix” as the airplane mode one.

First, make sure you know how your device is supposed to work and make sure it is indeed set correctly to do so.

A tiny change in a toggle on the control panel can mean the difference between life and apparent “death” of your gadget. In other words, failing all else, read the manual — either the one which was in the box or an online one — and see what the thing is supposed to do and how it should work. If you can’t find or do not have said directions then do as our late pal Denny used to say: GTS! This stands for “Google That Shit!” and indeed typing a few words about the issue or the make & model of your device in a search bar should take you to a manual or trouble shooting from others with the same issue or who had the same problem in the past. It’s a quick, easy “fix” and way easier than a trip to the shop (and likely cheaper, too, as the cost is $0).

But what about other things?

Start with the obvious. If you think your phone battery is dead have you checked to make sure that the charger you are using is plugged in? If so, have you looked to see that it’s plugged into a “live” outlet? When we moved to Portland, I didn’t know our new home had switch controlled outlets where the top plug of each was controlled by a wall switch. I was all the time plugging in my charger and worrying when my phone failed to get any juice. It didn’t take long to learn that the wall switch was key. I have often found the same in hotels and B&Bs where a wall switch controls some of the outlets. Silly as this sounds, make sure the outlet you use is really “live.”

I also hear from a lot of folks “My home system won’t let me on the net!” or “My battery on the laptop is dead!” Well stuff does break down and batteries do have a certain number of charges and discharges (call them “cycles”) before they lose efficiency, but things usually can be brought back up to scratch pretty easily without a trip to the shop.

My computer experts always tell me the first thing to try is to reboot. Turn the device totally off, count to 10 and then power it back up. Sometimes all it takes is a restart to kick the gadget back into work mode. That worked for me recently when I thought my phone quit charging. I rebooted it and since then its worked fine. It’s just an easy “reset” that in many cases will “remind” the device what to do and how.

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The biggest issue I hear about is modems failing to connect to the net. If you have a home system and do not know how to reboot your modem and WiFi this should be something you learn. Here’s what to do: Look behind the modem and you will see several jacks and a power plug. Unhook all three but be 100% sure you note which plug went into which jack. After unhooking wait a full minute. It may seem like forever, but really...a full minute.

Done? OK, now plug in the power to the jack on the back of the modem and wait a few seconds. Next plug in the input and finally the output. Be patient, watch the lights on the front panel and after a bit you should be rebooted. Do a speed test on your computer or other device and see if things are up. And once again, be patient! It takes anywhere from a couple minutes to 10 or more for things to reset, resettle and your full speed to return. You can find the best speed checker at www.speedtest.net though if you are a regular here you already knew that.

Finally, check all the obvious things before you panic that your device needs to go in. Here are a few “no brainers” that even I have sometimes missed over the years: —Did you fall asleep with music or a video on last night? If so expect a zero percent (dead) battery today and a device which refuses to turn on. Plug it in and let it recharge.

—Is the monitor or CPU (computer) dead? Check all the connections. More than once one of our cats has knocked the power cable out of the wall or the one connecting the computer to the monitor has worked loose. Check and plug in or tighten.

—Is there no response when you try and place a call, use data or send a text when you are off WiFi? Check airplane mode, but silly as it sounds, did you pay the bill? More than once ours has got lost in the mail and the only thing saving us from disconnect was knowing we’d never seen it and contacting our provider to pay before it was late. AutoPay from the bank account or credit card can prevent this, but I’m old fashioned and like to look at the bill THEN pay. It’s your choice, just do it on time to avoid a disconnect fee and lack of service.

—And lastly, if you are trying to send or receive and nothing works, check to make sure you have signal, either from WiFi or cell tower or both. It sounds odd in 2016 to say this, but things DO break down and there are some areas (yes even in metro Portland) with poor or no cell service. Even the best, newest device won’t work if there’s no service. Think of it like a car and know even the fastest, best cannot go anywhere without a road. Either get out of the dead spot (at&t has a huge one we find in Freeport), turn on WiFi or just wait.

There you have some basics which I hope will help. Just remember no system is 100% foolproof and nothing out there with as much technology as is jammed in that device in your jeans pocket or lap will work 100% every time. There will be days when you really do just have to “take it in” but doing a bit of “due diligence” (a.k.a. triage) at home might save you a trip and a lot of aggravation (or cash) so give it a try yourself first. Happy computing in 2016!

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Food For Thought...

As usual, a few different directions with the restaurant column this issue, so let’s start out with a place which has become a fave at our house: Street & Co. Sometimes things you go to find meet you on the way. There’s a 1000-year-old poem about that we Jews read in some synagogues on the high holy day of Yom Kippur. But what does a fast day have to do with food? Well the poem is about meeting God, and finding Him on His way to meet us, but in the case of food, we met Street & Co. here in Portland quite by accident last Winter and it, too, was a very prayerful happenstance.

It took place because we walked one night (while condo shopping) exactly a year ago into the Old Port Tavern. We’d been previously, so we sat down and ordered lobster, only to be told they were out. We know it’s somewhat seasonal and January is not “high lobster season” but we had our mind set on it so we said “no thanks” to anything else on their menu that night and walked out onto Moulton Street feeling like what we were — lost strangers in the city which later would become home.

We wandered around and somehow magically ended up on Wharf Street, where we stumbled on the big cobbles and in to Street & Co. It was indeed the answer to our prayers, for not only did they have lobster, but it was offered cut in half for easy eating, then grilled and presented in a sizzling skillet on a bed of the best garlic & butter linguine we have ever had.

We liked it so much that a couple nights later, a contract in hand for the home we now occupy in Portland and having survived our first January Maine snowstorm, we went back to Street & Co. wanting a repeat. Only problem was that night it was THEY who were the ones out of lobster. But before we could decide whether to go or stay the wonderful staffer who had our table (it was a weeknight and the place in snowy January was pretty empty) said “Well, it’s not on the menu, but we could do scallops with the linguine and garlic for you if you want to stick around...”

That, dear reader, is called customer service so stay we did. We were so impressed with both the staff and what was on the plates (ah, make that in the skillets) that we have been back more than a few times since... and Street & Co. has become the “go to” place at our home these days for special occasions like birthdays, out of town visitors and anniversaries, too. And for good reason: We have never once found the staff or the food to have an “off” night. They do not always have lobsters to doze on those beds of linguine and garlic, but they seem to always have something (more than one something) to make us want to order and try and order and try again. We have had the scallops again, too, and while not on the menu, merely asking your waitress usually will bring a smile and answer in the affirmative as to whether we can obtain them.

From the Rustica bread they offer (with wonderful butter and a salt & pepper “cellar” on each table which is our way to say we break off some, butter it and then put a pinch of salt & pepper on before eating) to their beverage menu, we have never had anything but happy times at Street & Co. We will confess here (to be 100% honest) that we have never had dessert here because either we have been too full after the bread and the great entrees or because we have a fondness for walking up the stairs next door to Street & Co., crossing Fore Street and popping in to Gelato Fiasco for what the Brits call “afters”. We do owe it to Street & Co. to stay for dessert and always promise to do so, but never seem to follow our own promises to which we can only say shame on us!

So what makes the restaurant great? Well, we gave two loud hints already: food and service, both five-star. But add in atmosphere, from the almost speakeasy entrance on the nearly hidden Wharf Street, the place screams mood. And if you go you will not be disappointed — unless, of course,

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Oh, and if you either do not have time for a proper dinner at Street & Co. one night but want a bit of the restaurant to take home, or just love good bread Standard Baking Co, down on Commercial Street (I was told by some, same owners and others said used to be while others say related but different so I can honestly say I don’t know) makes their Rustica Bread and you can pop in and buy a loaf to take home for $3.25. That, like the restaurant is worth doing.

Moving right along, one of the things we found when we moved to Portland last Spring was that there are folks who are fiercely loyal to certain restaurants and others who can take or leave them or do not “get it” why they are popular.

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Price wise you will also be treated as fairly as we were on that very first night. The “In The Pan...” items we so adore are priced between $29 and $35, save for the Lobster Diavolo (For Two) which rings in at $53.95 and about which we have been told wonderful things by new friends and neighbours.

Like dessert, it’s on the “try soon” list and we do mean it.

So after all this almost saintly comment about Street & Co. is there anything we do not like? Not really, unless finding it is on your list as while we went out and met the place, it was not easy to find along the way.

The address is 33 Wharf Street but that can be an interesting trick not only to locate (so much so there’s a map on their homepage at www.streetandcompany.net but it’s essentially a hidden street behind Fore Street) but once you do find it, good luck being blessed with parking as it is the devil to find a spot most nights. You might consider a lot or garage nearby, or, if you are fortunate as we were to find a spot to live downtown, just walking. Besides, if you go up to the front of the building you’ll be right by Gelato Fiasco on Fore and if you prefer to go down Dana Street you can enjoy (weather permitting) a nice walk along Commercial Street to walk off a bit of your dinner.

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So what’s to eat? As I said, we have become very fond of the items we have found in the menu’s “In The Pan...” section, but there are a lot of other choices. Partner Ivan is a huge fan of swordfish and tuna, and both are among the “Grilled or Blackened” options on the menu. There are also broiled items, soups, salads and appetisers, so whatever you want to eat (save for burgers and fries) you will definitely be spoilt for choice.

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you have not visited Open Table or called them (775.0887) and reserved. Even in the off season they do have some busy nights and while lightning struck twice and we got in last January with just showing up, do not try that in season and expect no wait as it likely won’t happen. Let ‘em know you are coming in for while the bar is nice and cozy, you will spend less time there and more time enjoying food if you reserve.

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More Food For Thought...

We have skated around this issue a few times in the column, but this time it looks like we are skating head-on into some possible complaints when we say we do not understand what folks find all that exciting about the food at Great Lost Bear at 540 Forest Avenue. We finally (after many “You gotta try it!”) recommendations from friends did try it and we are not sure what’s so great about a spot we found to be mediocre and not a whole lot more. Mind you, we did not hate it, and the service was smiling despite us hitting there about 2.30 for a late, late lunch one wet, chilly December weekday. But the issue here is that in a city filled with marvellous restaurants in a state with great eateries everywhere, we found The Great Lost Bear to be, well, a bit lost on us.

It might be different if we were heavy (or even moderate) drinkers and liked the party/bar scene as we can see that they have same at the Great Lost Bear.

The decor is eclectic to say the least but nothing more outstanding than we have found elsewhere. In fact, the decorations bought to mind a TGI Friday’s from the mid-80s with all sorts of photos, signs and odds and sods on the walls everywhere.

We also wish to note that the Great Lost Bear has the biggest list of beers on draught (over 70 we were told) we have found since moving to Portland and that (we are sure after asking co-workers and friends) is what draws so many folks there. In fact, partner Ivan commented on his lunch there recently at work and was told by a co-worker, “well, that’s the mistake you made --- you went for food, not beer!”

But this is a food column and is supposed to be about eats not drinks...and in that area the bear was somewhere in the middle of the pack from what we have found since our move to town.

We did not have anything really bad, so do not look for anything along the “this was awful” or “never order...” comments as we can’t offer that. We also found nothing outstanding on the huge menu, and we did try a couple of the signature burgers. The round fries (made in house we were told) were delicious and came so hot as to fry the tongue, but the burgers were not as good as what we have had at Nosh downtown and at several other places on the Peninsula.

We did like a lot of the unique names the different menu items had (a “Mother and Child Reunion” featured fried chicken, bacon and cheese and a fried egg, for instance and the fried fish sandwich from Harbour Fish Market was titled “Never Haddock Like This”.)

The sad part is that the burgers were not outstanding, even though a couple with fries plus one Moxie set us back about $31. We did get our “One Eye Bacon Cheeseburger” with an egg on top cooked rare as ordered, but the egg was hard

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cooked and not moist. Last time we enjoyed something similar at Punch Burger in our old home of Indianapolis the egg was so runny we ended up with a delicious lunch and a shirt in the wash. I do wish they’d asked so we cudda said “over easy” or not over at all, but they didn’t.

Partner Ivan did the Bleu Cheeseburger (in the photo), which was covered with “rich bleu cheese dressing” which he found to be OK but, like the one eye, a bit shortsighted when it came to anything special.

So would I go back and find the Great Lost Bear again? Yes, but only if it were not a weekday and I was therefore not working and wanted a beer from the huge selection. Or maybe if it was in the evening when we can see this being a real happening place with USM down the block and UNE up the other way. For just a late lunch? Probably not because there are better burgers and food for the same or less cash elsewhere in the area and we just do not see the point. It’s slightly above average bar food served by a happy staff and falls about middle of the pack when it comes to price. I have a lot of spots I prefer, but before anybody sends a bear to devour me I need to say to each his own and I’m ready for the landslide of hate mail I’ll probably get for saying The Great Lost Bear is not on my “go-to” list and won’t be until someone shows or tells me what I missed.

As Yogi used to say it’s just an “average bear.”

Bits & bites...some more restaurant news in brief...

They got the doors open and we have had a couple of very nice meals at Tomaso’s Canteen, which took the spot at 18 Hampshire Street (just off Middle) where the late, lamented Sangillo’s used to be. The new owners did a total remodel, added a full kitchen and brought a lot of the old faves from their also-owned Samuel’s on Forest Avenue. We have done the burgers, the crab cakes and more and haven’t had anything we’d not recommend. As is our rule when somewhere new opens, we wait a bit before writing a full review (got to let the staff find the restrooms and the kitchen get its stride) but as of now we can say that review (which is come) won’t be anything but good. Go try it out...and yes, they did bring back the juke box in the corner so bring a few quid for your fave tunes... Also on our briefly speaking for this issue is congrats to Union Bagel Co. which holds forth in the tiniest of spaces which previously we are told has been the incubator for Silly’s and others at 147 Cumberland Avenue. What’s the shout-out for? The owner is planning a 2nd location out Westbrook way. But never fear: He told Up Portland that one will mostly be to service Union Bagel’s growing list of wholesale clients and it will not affect the great Cumberland Avenue spot. We do wish he could make that one a bit bigger, but get there early, grab a stool if you want to eat in or order a dozen of their great “everything” bagels and take em home or to the office. We know some swear by Scratch and others, but this reviewer is unimpressed and so long as Union Bagel Co. is around there’s no need to go elsewhere. Theirs are the best!... Finally, we need to mention while we have been enjoying the fruit pies, scones and cakes at Two Fat Cats Bakery (47 India Street) ever since we arrived here, we are now also hooked on Stacy & Crew’s chicken pot pies for a cozy Winter’s night entree. Just be sure to ask for one of “the green sheets” which detail how to reheat and serve any of the Two Fat Cats specialties and everybody will think you made that pot pie right at home. We understand they have pork pies and more, but for us it’s all about the chicken ones, especially as while the vegetables going in with the chicken vary a bit, you can never go wrong with this reviewer if you include pearl onions — and they do! While you are in for your pot pie, don’t miss a sweet treat for dessert. We adore their Shaker Lemon pies, too. We are told the savoury pies are just a Winter thing, so pop by and get one before Spring arrives and remember Two Fat Cats is open six days in this off season, giving the management and pie bakers a needed day off on Mondays!

Up Portland 01.16 On The Web At: www.upportland.com

Lobstering Era Ends As Doug Cressey’s Retirement Looms Continued From Page Three But, in the light of all of that which he has loved about lobstering, Cressey has one regret. “The only thing I regret about lobstering is the first day I went. Had I not gone that day, I would have never fallen in love with it...had I taken a regular 9 to 5 job, I’d probably be better off than I am today.”

LOVE Downtown. LIVE Downtown www.portlandmecondo.com

With such a demanding schedule — and with such little cash to show for it — it is not a surprise that lobstermen like Doug Cressey have sometimes found themselves regretting their career choice. He made the most money in his initial years, but since then Cressey has struggled to pay the bills through lobstering.

To soften the blow of his dwindling profits, Cressey has served as security at a variety of nightclubs and bars around Portland and is now part-time as security at Bill’s Pizza on Commercial Street.

“There are a lot of people in the work industry today who don’t like their job... but they do it because it pays the bills,” Cressey said. “There are times in lobstering where it just doesn’t pay the bills.” It isn’t lobstering, but the money that it pays, that has turned Cressey’s passion into a struggling market.

“What would I tell someone who wants to get into lobstering now? Go take a job at McDonald’s,” Cressey joked. “But there’s no other job that can touch the fresh air, out there, in the Summer — there’s no other feeling like walking down the wharf in the morning, and seeing all the captains wave ‘good morning’ to you.”

So, prospective lobstermen: if you can manage the tough budget, Cressey wants you to go for it.

ANDREW ROY Associate Broker

c: 207.649.1166 o: 207.619.7571 andrew@portsidereg.com portsiderealestategroup.com

AFTER THE END After he retires — a date which has been delayed from the end of this month — Cressey plans to focus more on his independently run handyman business, which he operates solely through the word-of-mouth of his customers. “I do work on apartments and houses, by day,” he said, noting that many of his peers often go to him for help when there’s a problem in their home.

So, Up Portland, if you need something fixed, you can find Doug Cressey on the wharf in the early mornings or at Bill’s Pizza in the late nights. He might even make you a deal on some lobster after he repairs your floor, carpet or doorbell.

It’s what handymen and jacks-of-all-trades do.

Peter Michalakes can be reached at pmichalakes16@waynflete.org

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The Standard Reviewer

By Bill Elliott / Up Portland’s Film & Theatre Reviewer

“Star Wars, nothing but Star Wars; give me those Star Wars, don’t let them end . . .” So sings fictional lounge singer Nick Winters in Bill Murray’s now famous Saturday Night Live sketch.

Well, the Force is back. And the seventh Star Wars chapter is, not surprisingly, a huge box office success, breaking records all over the world.

However, despite the widespread hoopla and critical acclaim surrounding it, the film is a huge disappointment.

I’ll admit that I am not a Star Wars fan. I didn’t bother to see the first Star Wars film when it came out (though I did see it some years later out of curiosity after watching The Empire Strikes Back and The Return of the Jedi).

The Star Wars series has always seemed a little infantile to me. It still does. Yet, 40 years on, the franchise has become a global phenomenon. Why? Does it tap into childhood fears and collective fantasies of good overcoming evil? That’s how fairy tales — and most religions — operate. And children tend to think in black-and-white, absolutist terms. But, it doesn’t explain why adults, in their droves, eagerly await each new chapter of the ongoing series.

The newest episode in the franchise, Star Wars: The Force Awakens continues the basic Star Wars theme of good struggling to overcome evil.

But I found the film overly simplistic and, forgive me, mind-numbingly dull. It adds nothing to the first three instalments of the Star Wars series.

There are plenty of films that present the world in a Manichean way. Whole genres do that; westerns, for example. And that’s essentially what Star Wars is.

A good old fashioned Western, with the sheriff and his deputies running the outlaws out of town. Or in this case, whatever quadrant of the universe the bad guys happen to have their sights on.

It’s fitting that The Force Awakens is distributed by Walt Disney Studios, as the film presents a highly Disney-fied view of the world (or in this case, universe).

There is no nuance here. It’s just black-and-white, good guys versus bad guys.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the kind of movie Donald Trump would undoubtedly admire. The bad guys are easily identifiable because they look scary. Most are hidden behind masks and uniforms; the thing you can’t see is more frightening than the thing you can see.

The good guys, on the other hand, are recognizably attractive. They look like Hollywood film stars, even if some are now in their 70s.

It’s hard to say much that is meaningful about the film without revealing plot details that might spoil the film for those who haven’t seen it. But, by the time this review comes out, I imagine just about everyone on the planet who has access to a cinema or a bootleg DVD will have seen it.

In the first place, the film is unforgivably confusing. There are just too many characters and locations to keep track of. New protagonists are thrust onto the

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screen and off we go. As one might expect, there are plenty of X-wing fighter chases, but honestly, we’ve seen this all before.

The film looks like computer video game blown up to fit on the movie screen.

OK, so The Force Awakens was made for 3-D viewing. And maybe it looks totally cool in 3-D. But I doubt that 3-D can paper over the film’s lack of story, strong characters, and thematic variety.

Han Solo (Harrison Ford) is back, along with his sidekick, Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew). And of course, I am sure everyone is happy about that. After all, he’s Han Solo. Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) is also back as a general of the resistance. But her role is so muted she might as well be invisible. Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) makes an appearance too. But, if you are expecting him to play any significant role in the film’s plot you will be sorely disappointed.

In truth, of all the returning characters, only Chewbacca is memorable. He is able to do more with a few meaningful grunts and yawns than most of the other characters are able to muster out of a scriptful of words. He is also the source of most of the film’s humour.

Of the new characters, Rey (Daisy Ridley), a spunky (original) Princess Leia clone with a British accent and a connection to the Force, holds her own in most of the scenes in which she appears. But, she seems too one-dimensional to be of any real interest.

There is a reformed former First Order stormtrooper named Finn (John Boyega) who becomes a member of the resistance. And an X-wing fighter pilot named Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac). They are all fine in terms of what they do. But they don’t break new ground.

There is even a new anthropomorphized robot named BB-8, whose bleeps, clicks, and whirs have audiences cooing at the cuteness of it all. But it seems so cloyingly manipulative. And, at the risk of repeating myself: it’s all been done before.

The more blatant attempts of cannibalising the past, such as the scenes involving C-3PO and R2-D2 are simply embarrassing. The British-butler voiced C-3PO was perhaps quaint and quirky in 1977. Here, he simply feels like a further attempt to recapture the film’s fading past. All in all, The Force Awakens is a film that rests on its nostalgic laurels.

I’ll save my biggest criticism for last: the film glorifies militarism. We gleefully cheer as First Order forces are spanked by the brave and righteous members of the Resistance. At this juncture, with the world in turmoil and the perceived dark forces of terrorism and rogue nations all around us, that seems like a dangerous thing.

And we are not done. Not by a long chalk. The film’s ending paves the way for future instalments. I am sure that fact thrills legions of Star Wars fans.

On the basis of The Force Awakens, The Star Wars’ empire is in danger of falling into self-parody. It may even end up sounding like Bill Murray’s overblown and self-absorbed lounge lizard song.

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Letting The Cat Out Of The Bag

By Stacy Begin / Owner, Two Fat Cats Bakery The Language of Bakers When I first bought Two Fat Cats Bakery, I knew there would be much to learn from the sheer volume of production, to the trash pick up schedule, to the fickleness of the equipment.

What I didn’t anticipate was that in order to manoeuvre, and manoeuvre successfully, in this strange new world, I would need to learn a new language, a language peculiar to the industry and specific to bakeries. Without becoming fluent in this foreign tongue, I was doomed to be misunderstood and to misunderstand others.

“Scale the dough, please.” “It’s located on the speed rack.” “We should make a x20 tonight.” What did it all mean?!! With naïve questions, and a very patient staff, I began to decode the language until I could speak it fluently. And now, dear friends, I offer you the Bakers’ Dictionary of Obscure (but still very useful) Words – Or, if you prefer, “How to Talk Baker.” Enjoy: Scale: verb. The weighing of ingredients to be used in batters, pastry creams, dough or the like. Example: “Please scale the dry ingredients for the cinnamon rolls.”

Tare: also a verb. To subtract the weight of a bowl or other vessel before weighing ingredients. Most scales have a “tare” button.

Gunk: noun. Not specific to bakers but used frequently to describe the disgusting, surprising, and at times, revolting material that accumulates in our grease trap.

x10: noun. This is the phrase used to describe the size batch of dough or other pastry the baker intends to make. It is not to be confused with 10x which describes confectioners sugar. If you “scale” a 10x instead of a x10 you will have a very angry production manager with 10 lbs of sugar which she does not need and no dough which she does. Avoid this mistake if you can.

Par Numbers: noun. This is the number of cookies, cupcakes, etc.. which the baker will be making for the day. Example: “I have a par number of 50 cupcakes.” Translation= we’re making 50 cupcakes.

Cray-cray: adjective. A derivative of the word “crazy.” Although not officially in the bakers’ lexicon, the staff at Two Fat Cats has adopted it to describe anything weird, outrageous, or mind blowing such as “The gunk in the grease trap is cray-cray.

Macerate: verb. A word often mistaken for “eviscerate”, it means to mix fruit with sugar and allow to stand for a specific length of time, but usually a few hours; whereas, eviscerate means to disembowel. Confuse these two words at a dinner party and guests will think that you are cray-cray.

It is What It Is: A phrase that means we have a problem, we can’t fix it with any amount of problem solving, we are not happy about it, and we don’t want to talk about it any more. It is what it is.

In the Weeds: another phrase. This is what happens when “it is what it is.” Officially it means to fall behind and panic.

Hitting Our Capacity: last phrase. This phrase describes the stage of production when it is what it is, we have pulled ourselves out of the weeds, had a cray-cray day and left the fruit to macerate (not eviscerate) overnight.

It is often followed by a drive home and the pouring of some sort of beverage, usually of the alcoholic sort.

Salut! (which means... well, I think you can figure it out.)

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Downtown’s Most Up-To

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Homes, autos & liability Second homes Electronics Jewelry, works of art Boats, RVs Identity theft Denise Douglass

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Eric’s Optimal Corner Eric Hilton / Optimal Self Community Health and Wellness Center My name is Liam Pinson, I’m a personal trainer at Optimal Self Community Health and Wellness Center on Congress Street. I work with clients specifically on correcting their movement patterns and creating a foundation for stronger, functional movement.

quit your job and abandon your family to get a pump. I am saying identify the scenarios which add up to missing a workout and see what you can do about them. It might mean waking up earlier to dodge traffic. It might mean packing extra food to keep your energy up by the time 5.30’s gym session rolls around or any number of things. Just remember — if it were easy, you would have already done it.

So next time you’re wondering what your programme is missing or why you aren’t seeing the results you want, take a moment and make sure you’ve really got your quality of movement and consistency locked down. It’s important anytime, but especially now when a lot of you have made New Year’s resolutions to do that workout, lose that weight and make yourself a better you in 2016.

Depending on who you ask, and who you are, exercise can’t be too easily summed up. Within the industry, we love to debate the nitty gritty details of the “best” programming — what exercises, how many days per week, the duration of your rest intervals — but all of these factors inevitably will depend upon the personal goals of the client and the personal opinion of the trainer.

This isn’t an article like the ones you’ve probably seen like “five new moves to a six pack” or “ten diet mistakes you didn’t know you were making” because those articles (And I’ve read almost every single one) can’t take into consideration your current position, your habits or your body.

Every good question I’m asked about exercise and nutrition inevitably turns into a small evaluation of the person’s current routines and programme because I can’t just give people a single answer without understanding the other factors involved. When I realised this problem (And it’s one that just about every exercise recommendation runs into...) I began to wonder what things can apply across the board to every human being and to every type of exercise and to every kind of athlete.

These are the two I’ve come across: Quality and Consistency. When I talk about quality I mean quality of movement. Taking the time to make sure your form is flawless. Whether it’s the depth on your squat, the wobbly point in your transition between warrior two and three or your footstrike while you jog you owe it to your joints to make sure that you’re using your muscles the right way every single time. Remember that one good rep is worth ten flailing ones, even if you have to use half the weight you normally do.

This can mean a lot of work, unlearning flawed movement patterns (we all have them) asking for help and spotters and maybe even re-evaluating your exercises entirely, but your joints will thank you. Your muscles are designed to move your body in movements which your joints can handle so if you’re experiencing joint pain I’m willing to bet part of your musculature isn’t working right. Fix this, and do it now.

Farmers Market Awaits Saturdays @ New Bayside Winter Home The Portland Farmers Market has moved to a new heated Winter home at 84 Cove Street where Saturday market hours are 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. “We are going strong with lots of fresh greens, squash, potatoes, meat, dairy, eggs, delicious cheese, honey, pickles, soap and even tomatoes, plus our new space is great — Brighter and more airy, with wider aisles and everything is super accessible with more parking,” Marketing Manager Clara Moore told Up Portland.

She also noted, “We are still honouring a Wholesome Wave grant that allows us to Double EBT purchases (with Maine Harvest Bucks).” For more info visit www.portlandmainefarmersmarket.org and see you Saturday!

When you take the time to really learn the most anatomically friendly movement patterns for your exercises, the second factor comes much more readily.

The best programme is worthless unless you keep showing up. By protecting your joints through mindful movement you significantly increase the chance you’re able to show up for your next workout.

Don’t pick up a programme and drop it after a week... don’t drop it after a month, either. Drop it once you have reached the goals you set for yourself at the beginning.

Making excuses to be a “no show” at training? Identify the things in your life which convince you not to workout. Stressful jobs, relationships, children who keep you up late and more can all be serious obstacles. I’m not telling you to

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The Buck Stops Here

By Luke Reinhard / Advisor — Ameriprise Financial

Setting Financial Goals for the New Year The start of a new year is a good time to dream big and set new goals. This is also a prime opportunity to step back, review your own financial situation and make sure you’re finances are on track to help you achieve your goals. Here are three fundamental steps to think through as you begin a fresh start in 2016.

•

•

Build up your emergency fund of cash that is easily accessible in a bank or money market account, so it matches at least three-to-six months of your income.

Consider opening an IRA to build up personal retirement savings in a tax-advantaged way.

Try to establish monthly contributions for each of these purposes, and set a reachable but meaningful goal for each.

When setting goals for the new year, many of us forget to consider the financial side of those goals. Think about how you’ll feel when you reach one of your goals, and then how it will feel to be right on track financially for your next goal.

That feeling should inspire you to get started goal planning today.

—Step one: Set concrete goals. One of the best ways to enhance the potential for building wealth and ensuring long-term financial security is having clearly defined financial objectives and a plan to pursue them. Typical goals include: • Providing for your children’s education; • Purchasing your first home or a vacation property; • Having enough money to retire comfortably at a specific age; • Setting money aside to start a business.

Contemplate what’s important in your own life and try to put a timeframe and priority on those goals. Next, consider the amount of time available for you to save for each goal and how much money will be required. For some goals, like saving for a down payment on a house, it may be easier to determine the amount needed and the timing of your planned purchase. For other goals, like education saving or retirement, more variables can come into play. Having a formalized financial plan can help you see how you’re progressing toward multiple goals over time. You can then adjust your strategies or priorities to stay on track.

—Step two: Match your spending to your goals. The decisions you make with your money every day can make an impact on your long-term goals. Yet it can be challenging to balance the comforts you want today with your big dreams for tomorrow. Evaluate your typical spending pattern. How does your spending relate to the goals you established in step one? As you evaluate, consider the following questions: • Are there ways to run your household more efficiently?

• Do you know how much you’re spending on your children’s education, activities and daily needs? Many of us underestimate the amount spent in each of these categories.

• Are you mindful in making little purchases each day or week?

• Are you strategic in how you pay down student debts, borrowing or your mortgage?

• Do you make impulse purchases without carefully considering how these items fit with your long-term goals?

This year, resolve to periodically evaluate your spending every few months. Doing so will allow you to make adjustments where necessary to stay on track with achieving your goals.

—Step three: Boost your savings. The most important way to improve your long-term financial position is to begin saving more and doing so consistently.

Here are some specific priorities to consider: • If you can participate in a workplace savings plan, you should do so.

If your employer offers matching contributions, make sure you save enough to take full advantage of that valuable benefit. If you already participate in a plan, consider boosting your savings.

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The Gossip Column

By Britain & Sydney / The Up Downtown Office Gossip Cats What a month it’s been for we pussies ...first the guys had what we hear was a great Christmas dinner at Harraseeket Inn in Freeport and didn’t even bring us a “catty bag” then Ted got assaulted in broad daylight at 11 a.m. on a weekday in Monument Square and finally we got a bit of a crash business course on how things need to work.... First that brunch, we hear was wonderful with all the lobster one could eat, not to mention a huge buffet. We cats got left home, though we did have a visit from Santa who brought us a catnip-stuffed cloth lobster and all sorts of goodies. Good thing getting high is legal here in Portland cause that was some super catnip!... Moving right along, Ted got a real indoctrination to our new hometown while walking on Monument Square when all of a sudden he felt two hands giving him a huge shove from behind. Instead of a friend playing a joke as he first thought, it turned out to be a street person apparently off his meds tearing down Congress Street with a city worker whose trashcans this guy had kicked over in hot pursuit. After Ted, a swift kick to the Market House ad sign was the next “victim” of the guy’s wrath, followed by destruction of the holiday decor and tables out front at David’s Restaurant and so on down to Middle Street leaving a trail of desolation and a lotta shocked shoppers. Ted did (as the chasing city worker shouted) call 911 but got left on hold so he walked by the police station after a meeting he was bound for to file a report, only to find the cops had been looking for him! Seems they wanted a witness statement as they’d corralled the miscreant after a foot chase and he was residing behind bars as a guest of the city. Ted happily complied with the statement request but as of this writing is wondering if he’ll get called to court to testify or they just gave the dude his pills and sent him on his way... Speaking of courting, we hear tell some folks on the Peninsula try a bit too hard to find a mate. Take one who was mentioned at a dinner party we were present for and whose name and photo on Facebook brought peals of laughter because the guy (whom it appears in his pics has “Summer Teeth” ‘cause summer here and summer missing) had tried to get dates with more than one of the females at the table via an online dating service!

They all exchanged tales of how they barely escaped his clutches and drank a toast to many happy days without his presence haunting their lives, though it was unanimous that he see a barber and a dentist!... Speaking of seeing, we heard and saw the sodden but working evidence as a Munjoy Hill resident we know told us he had a narrow escape with his cell phone. Seems the guy had a business lunch, but when he got inside the restaurant on one of our seeminglyunending wet days in December he realised his phone was not in his pocket. As his business contact was already there, we hear tell he went on, ordered and ate lunch, but then excused himself to go to his car and retrieve the phone. Sadly, though, it was not in the car at all, but face up in a bush next to the car where it fell and had been soaking up the rain for an hour. Somehow the phone escaped major damage and as of this writing was still operating just fine. Oh, but the kicker? The dude works for a company which sells and fixes phones — including he one he dropped in the tree. What’s that old line about charity beginning at home or some such “hang-up”?...And finally we found out an aspect of business we’d not thought of when we went to a couple of our fave baking establishments the day after Christmas and found them closed. When we went back the next day and stocked up we asked why and it then we got our tutorial: Bakers work during the night so there’s goodies for us to buy the next day. For staff to have Christmas with their families, the places were shut down the next day as they had nothing on the shelves to sell. Thank goodness our peninsula has such great baked goods that they were worth waiting an extra day to get! And on that note, happy 2016 and pass the catnip lobster!

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Two Art Shows Set To Debut At Maine Jewish Museum The new year is a busy time at the Maine Jewish Museum with two new exhibits set to open during the month — both taking visitors off the beaten path to somewhere special and distant.

Travels of an Artist, Paintings by David Rosenthal will invite viewers to explore the world through the eyes of Rosenthal, an artist and explorer who focuses on the beautiful, vivid and often surreal landscapes of extremely isolated areas.

Working entirely from memory, he lends a cohesive sensibility to all his work, independent of when and where he created it.

In this exhibit, Rosenthal presents a collection of work from all the extraordinary places landscape painting has taken him. This includes the polar regions of Alaska and other Arctic areas, as well as austral summers and winters at various locations across Antarctica. His works have been inspired by many places around the world, including Antarctica, Alaska, Greenland, the Southwest United States, and the East Coast.

Originally from Waterville, Maine, Rosenthal has been a resident of Alaska for 38 years. Visit David’s gallery of work at http://www.antarcticpaintings.com Travels of an Artist runs 7th January thru 7th March. An opening reception with the artist will be held Thursday, 7th January from 5 to 7 p.m. (Snow Date: Sunday, 10th January from 2 to 4 p.m.)

Also at the Maine Jewish Museum in January, New York City born artist Lawrence Elbroch will be featured. He has lived in several states and the United Kingdom before settling down in New England. A self-taught photographer, who continues to grow and push his work by taking workshops taught by notable photographers such as Sean Kernan, Michael Yamashita, Jack Montgomery, Eddie Soloway, he is a state-juried member of both the League of New Hampshire Craftsmen and the New Hampshire Art Association.

His aim is to take the viewer with him to Asia. Through travelling and interacting with other cultures, he has learned that we are more alike than different, but that it is our differences that are beautiful and maybe unique. He is particularly drawn to those who celebrate spirituality and who live closer to the earth. Many of his photographs are taken off the beaten track. He likes to wander and witness in an unobtrusive way and then tell the story through his photographs.

His exhibit runs 14th January thru 11th March. An opening reception with the artist is set Thursday, 14th January from 5 till 7 p.m. (Snow Date: Sunday, 17th January from 2 until 4 p.m.)

Both exhibits, along with regular museum hours will be on show during the First Friday Art Walks 5th February and 4th March from 5 till 8 p.m.

Nancy Davidson is the museum’s curator. The museum is located at 267 Congress Street at India Street. For more information ring 207/773.2339 or visit www.mainejewishmuseum.org Museum Hours: Monday - Friday 10 a.m. till 2 p.m. and Sunday afternoons from 1 till 5.

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Up Portland 01.16 On The Web At: www.upportland.com

Beyond The Forecast

spheric Warming Event) which basically throws tons of energy on one side of the Polar Vortex which throws it awry enough to allow Arctic air to spill south.

As of now, there’s not much to indicate that there is a strong SSWE coming.

There are, however, several indicators showing a transition to a more wintry pattern ahead. El Nino is weakening, Tropical convection around the globe (the MJO) is moving into a more favourable position, and there is some hope for high pressure to develop over the Atlantic in response to abnormally warm

By Jack Sillin / Weatherman & Meterology Student

Where is winter? Love it or hate it, this has been a tame start to Winter and this month’s Beyond The Forecast looks at why we haven’t seen Old Man Winter and some thoughts on when he might arrive (assuming he hasn’t by the time you pick up this issue of Up Portland.).

El Nino has been the biggest factor behind the lame start to winter. El Nino occurs when the waters off the Pacific coast of South America near the Equator get unusually warm. This causes a massive chain reaction of events that leads to wacky weather all across the globe. Here in Maine, the most common side effects of El Nino are warmer and drier conditions in the Winter.

How does warm water near Peru prevent Arctic outbreaks in Maine? Read on and stay with me here.

El Nino acts to strengthen existing semi-permanent circulations over the Pacific. High pressure areas become larger and stronger, and low pressure areas fiercer and more powerful. The extra warm tropical waters cause more air to rise which drives a series of events that results in a powerful low pressure area near Alaska and a powerful high pressure area north of Hawaii. In the Northern Hemisphere, air moves clockwise around high pressure and counterclockwise around low pressure. As a result, there is a strong band of westerly winds in the North Pacific that blasts warm moist air into the western U.S. These westerlies are always there and they vary in strength and exact location on a day-to-day basis (sometimes Alaska gets the storms, sometimes Washington, sometimes California and so on) but El Nino makes them extremely strong. These westerlies are so strong that they will often blast right through the west and continue to flood the rest of the country — including Maine — with mild air.

But El Nino isn’t the only factor contributing to the balmy conditions as I write this in late December. The other main culprit has been the strong Polar Vortex.

Yes, the Polar Vortex is extremely strong right now and that is bottling up a lot of the cold air way up north. The reason for this lies in centrifugal force. The cold dense air that lurks near the poles desperately wants to smash southward in a giant fury of wintry awesomeness but the winds that encircle the poles (at higher altitudes) keep the cold air spinning so fast it stays up north. Think of the classic spinning top. The heavy wood top desperately wants gravity to take it to the ground but it’s spinning so fast that the whole top can balance on a single point leaving the rest of the top suspended in the air. When the Polar Vortex weakens, much like when a spinning top slows down, the cold air can come surging south. That hasn’t happened yet.

water temperatures off the coast (leading to a negative NAO). All that to say, change is coming. That doesn’t mean however that in one fell swoop we’ll go from shorts and a t-shirt on Christmas Day (or the dense fog, seen below on Christmas Eve) to raging blizzards and subzero temps by New Year’s. Change will be gradual here. Air moving down from Canada is slowly getting colder and colder with each passing front. Eventually that cold air will be enough to support cold rains instead of mild rains and eventually snow will be able to survive all the way to the surface.

Rest assured, Winter will come as it always does in Maine but certainly don’t expect anything like last year. Keep in mind though, the first storm in last year’s epic snow blitz of awesomeness arrived on 24th January following recordsetting Christmas temps in the 50’s. Just because Santa has to change out his snow skis for water skis doesn’t mean Winter is canceled, so do not let this year’s (again) record-breaking Christmas Day high of 62 make you put away that board, those snow skis or that pair of Bean Boots.

Basically, El Nino contributes to a pattern where mild Pacific air floods the country and the Polar Vortex is spinning so fast that no cold air can break free to come south. How can we “fix” this series of unfortunate events for those of us who could really use some good conditions for Winter outdoor activities or those who just love Winter? El Nino’s mighty fortress is slowly crumbling as various forces undermine the pool of warm water off Peru. Eventually, other atmospheric forces will be able to exert their normal influences over our weather and that change is in process as I write this.

As for the Polar Vortex? That’s more complicated. Several events have to line up for the polar vortex to weaken enough to allow for true Arctic air to blast south.

The best weakener of the Polar Vortex is known as a SSWE (Sudden Strato-

Up Portland 01.16 On The Web At: www.upportland.com Page 19

The Essay Our Occasional Personal Observation Column Starting with this issue, Up Portland will be having an occasional column from assorted writers about some core belief, philosophy, or virtue which the writer wants our readers to see.

We hope that there will be a new writer for each issue, including those from the public: so, readers, if you have something you want the city to read, e-mail us and it may be published. Additionally, if this intrigues you, be sure to check out Up Portland’s inspiration for this offshoot-series, the This I Believe organisation at thisibelieve.org Their goal is the same as ours: to engage the public with meaningful writing and commentary. And so, for the first Essay of the Month, Our Place in the Sky. — Peter Michalakes *** Picture yourself in space, right above the Earth. Upwards of seven billion people fill the planet in front of you: anything you’ve ever cared about, anything you’ve ever done, anything anyone has ever done, has all happened on that floating piece of rock. All these people you see have their own ambitions, jobs, feelings, and stories, just like I’m sure you do. Distance yourself a little more — perhaps by just half a light year — and it becomes hard to make out the details of the planet that you’ve just left. You’re in empty space, and there’s nothing but that familiar pale blue dot in the distance. The stories, goals, and ambitions of everyone you know are all on that tiny little dot, surrounded by countless other dots that look exactly like it.

the observable universe. That’s three percent...with sixty zeros before it. If I was incredibly late to that history class, or even if I never showed up at all, a very, very small fraction of Earth’s seven billion people would even care. Even if I was the King of the World, known as Lord Peter Michalakes across the globe, there’s an entire universe of galaxies out there that still couldn’t care less. Like any typical high schooler, I’ve worried about too many frivolous things: how I did on a particular test, or my grade in a particular class. I’ve worried about the SAT’s, the ACT’s, my GPA, and numerous other acronyms that I struggle to recall. And these letters and numbers are supposed to define my success. But, the universe simply doesn’t care about any of this. It’s all entirely meaningless to those other galaxies out there. *** One night, I was up late, sprawled across my bed. In a few days, I was supposed to hand in a history essay about why George Washington’s presidency was a precedent for the entire world after him, and normally it’s a part of my character to complete assignments well in advance of their due date.

As a change of pace, though, I decided to pick-up the book that I had borrowed from the library earlier that day: A Brief History of Time, written by Stephen Hawking. After all, it seemed proper to me that the grand, expansive universe should take precedence over such a small, insignificant man like Washington.

The book was written in layman’s terms, and I was floored as Hawking summarised not only the massive universe that we inhabit, but that there are conceivably parallel ones that we just can’t observe.

There could be, Hawking wrote, universes that were in existence before ours began, universes that will be there after ours dies, and clusters of other universes so large that they put ours to shame. Humanity doesn’t even know what these distant realities look like, and it’s almost certain that we never will.

After a while, I became drowsy, and I knew that the world wouldn’t end if George Washington waited another night. As I rolled over and went to bed, I resolved to start tomorrow by hugging my cat. I decided, too, that I should always smile at the people I walk by in the hallways: for, on our pale blue dot, what else is there for humanity to do?

Beyond our solar system resides the rest of the Milky Way Galaxy. There are over 300 billion stars, all of which are very similar to the sun that shines over those seven billion people. The sun, which has guided humanity for thousands of years, warmed souls and touched hearts, is neighboured by over 300 billion copycats.

There are countless other copycats in the billions of galaxies that we can’t even see — our sun could suddenly disappear, and the difference would be insignificant to everything but those proud few living on Earth. The more that I’ve pictured the universe in which we live, the more I’ve questioned what my purpose here is. I’ve come to the conclusion that there really isn’t any. However, that shouldn’t feel deflating: I believe that our complete insignificance is wholly empowering in our everyday lives. *** Some thousands of years ago, Aristotle thought that everything in the night sky — all of those stars, solar systems, galaxies — revolved around the Earth. One dreary school day, I bustled down the hallway to a history class for which I was running late. With each ticking minute, I walked faster and faster, and sternly enough to form a slight wrinkle in my brow. I didn’t really say hi or even smile at the people that I walked by on my way there. I was much too focused on getting to class on time to pay them any attention.

Up Portland Is A Proud Member of the

February Edition Deadline

Up Portland is published the last week of every month at 22 Hancock Street, Suite 403, Portland, Maine 04101. While every effort is made to ensure accuracy and fairness, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors. Liability is limited to the cost of said ad. Ads not cancelled by published deadlines will be billed at agreed-upon price. Ads may be edited or rejected for content at the discretion of the publisher. All items appearing in Up Portland, as well as the name, logos and design are copyright 2016 by BBS, A division of High Speed Delivery Fork Ltd. & Ted Fleischaker and may not be reproduced in any form without prior written approval.

Phone: 207/536.0922 e-mail: ted@upportland.com

On generous estimation, our entire planet makes up about 3 x 10-60 percent of

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Thursday 21st January Papers On Street: Tuesday 26th January

Up Portland 01.16 On The Web At: www.upportland.com

Please Read Then Recycle!

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Here’s What We Think...

Up Portland’s Opinion

Call this S.O.S. but to some this author will be called an S.O.B. If you need a bit of help, here ‘tiz:

Up Portland is in favour of continued repairs and that includes better handicapped access ramps as have been installed in recent months and we strongly support city regulations which require new construction replace or add brick walks upon project completion. These not only cement the look of our historic areas, but they are something both locals and tourists enjoy walking on and showing off to friends.

Oh, and what does S.O.B. stand for? Not what you think at all (though some who’d like to see the bricks removed might think of this publisher in such noncomplimentary terms). It stands for what we feel and what we ask: Save Our Bricks. Fix ‘em. Rebuild ‘em. But do not remove this vital part of the Peninsula’s heritage!

There seems to be a move afoot to do away with Portland’s glorious brick sidewalks and we at Up Portland are opposed, not only because of the charm and uniqueness they lend to our city, but due to what the cost would be to rip out the miles of lovely walks which exist to replace them with ugly concrete.

Ted Fleischaker, Publisher, Up Portland.

Here’s What You Think...

The S.O.S. then stands for “Save Our Sidewalks” because while they do have some bumps and holes (take that photo along Congress Street, below) they are one of the most charming, lovely and fun things about life on the Peninsula — and they are something almost no other U.S. city of our size has.

The walks, we will concede, do need some work and they also are something that takes a bit of getting used to if one is new to town. We spent the first few weeks of our tenure here cussing and whining about them, but we soon started to realise just how much uniqueness they bring to the city and how much they mean to longtime residents. There’s even an historic repair project called Portland Brick (www.portlandbrick.org) which is combining stories of things which happened at different locations while providing free bricks to fix holes all with a $5,000 grant to pay for it!

While we have no clue if the story is totally valid, on a recent trip we took on the “mail boat” run daily

by Casco Bay Ferries, the tourguide said the first of the sidewalks on the Peninsula were bricks left from the great fire of 1866. His story was that many buildings were destroyed, leaving a lot of leftover bricks — bricks which were perfectly fine looking, but which after being in the blaze lacked what many felt was the structural integrity to be used for a building again, so they were put to use as sidewalks. We aren’t totally sure as to if he was right or wrong though it does make a great story — but we do know a lot of the bricks look awfully old so it makes as much sense as anything else.

But that brings us to today. Portland is the apple of the eye in many cities where brick walks have been ripped out, covered up with asphalt or ruined over the years — all while we were fortunate enough to save and nurture our red brick heritage. That’s why we at Up Portland feel it is so important now to ask that they continue to be saved, improved and repaired, but not changed or ripped out, despite a whining batch of folks who feel they have outlived their usefulness.

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Up Portland Gets Letters

We at Up Portland get letters, e-mails, calls and stopped on the street from time to time with comments on what we are doing here and we appreciate all of the feedback — good and bad.

We recently had a nice e-mail from Richard Ringenback which read: Dear Ted: I am a 63-year-old widower, a native of northern New Jersey who has been living in Portland for nearly 40 years. I caught Bill Elliott’s review on page 10 of the November Up Portland, and I’d like to share my own thoughts on it with you, if I may, for just a moment.

Bill reviewed two (I think) documentary films about Philippe Petit, a French tightrope walker who walked a rope between the Twin Towers of the World Trade Centre in lower Manhattan on an August day in 1974.

Ted...would you believe...I was in one of the WTC towers (I forget which one) on the very day that happened, but I did not see it, nor did I hear anyone talk about it. In fact, I didn’t know it happened until I got home. I was in lower Manhattan that day because I went to the Metro New York field office of the Federal Communications Commission (a dingy old red brick building) to take a test to be granted what they called back then an FCC Third-Class Radiotelephone Operator’s Permit (nicknamed the “FCC Third Phone”) that I would need for my future employment. When I completed the test (taken at desks that looked like they were from an 1890s schoolroom), I thought I’d do a little sightseeing, so I went to the WTC. And, I must say, I had to snicker a bit when Bill called 1974 “a more innocent time”.

Ted...I was a young adult in Metro New York in 1974, and I never in those years ever met ONE person who thought ANYTHING in America was innocent. NOT ONE. Do you know what a lot of Americans were doing in 1974? Pining for the “good old days” of the 1920s and 1930s, “when everything was perfect”. Thanks for a little of your time, Ted, and for the nice “memory jog”.

Up Portland 01.16 On The Web At: www.upportland.com

And thanks to you, Richard for reminding me of my own younger days and the fact I was in New York City a lot of Summers in the 60s and 70s spending time with my late uncle. I recall watching the World Trade Centre as it was constructed. It’s amazing how Bill’s review and your e-mail jogged by own happy memories of the days gone by and got me to thinking in just four years it will again be “the 20s” but I do not think the Charleston or the jazz music will be back this time around, sadly!

On another note, Up Portland carried a very nostalgic piece penned by Aaron Joy last month about mom & pop stores and especially the Joe Wigon office supply house alive & well on Free Street downtown. Aaron passed on this note he received to us: Just a quick note to tell you how much I enjoyed your article about Mom & Pop stores, and especially the profile of Joe Wigon. When I first moved to Portland in 1974 and was studying for the bar, all the bar review materials were paper in those days.

So to organise, I needed notebooks/binders -- a lot of them. Somehow I discovered the store and Sally.

It seemed like I was going in every other week to buy more notebooks. Sally thought it was a hoot and probably still remembers that wacky young lawyer who bought all the three ring binders she could get.

Since I do not work downtown, I have not had the occasion to stop in to say hello, but your piece brought back some great memories. Great article. Thanks for writing it.

Best, Barry Kohler.

But the comments are not all good as we heard from a very critical writer who spent much of his note in personal attacks and never did respond to our e-mail reply to him so we are uncertain if he intended for us to publish his missive about us or the paper or not, so we shall print an excerpt (minus his “F-bomb”) without a name just in case he doesn’t want to be identified. What he had to say in part: “...Based on the feedback I’ve heard from my co-workers, friends and even family who both read the last issue and previous ones I don’t think you’re going to make it... One friend who writes for another paper said you were arrogantly full of yourself and he hasn’t even met you but just has read your articles. So your own writing is not putting out a positive vibe. I would agree with him. Other feedback has said that you obviously don’t know who your audience is, don’t know who your readers are, you aren’t offering anything any other newspapers and magazines aren’t already doing in spades, you have not created nor filled a niche, and even though you did a multiple state paper and a downtown paper that doesn’t mean you can plop down here and do something with the same template particularly when (you) barely know the area. I’ve lived in probably more places, including foreign countries, than you have, and I know I would never start a paper with only a few months under my belt living some place and not expect to make a fool of myself. You are doing that. One person said you looked like a college student doing their own thing with daddy’s inheritance because your writing wasn’t good enough to get a job anywhere and the paper lacked professionalism...

Whew! All we can say to this person is that old line about pleasing some of the people some of the time and not all of the people all of the time is valid, though we are trying as hard as we can. It is a learning process for me, even after 46 years in the newspaper business including several major newspapers and a job with the New York Times Company out of college, though like any new business, we are trying and we are listening to all of the comments — positive and negative. That means your e-mail did give us a lot to think about going forward (like wishing we HAD that inheritance to pay for printing).

To others out there we welcome your comments and hope you will stay in touch. You may e-mail us at ted@upportland.com or use the form under the “contact” link from our website at www.upportland.com In any case we look forward to hearing from you in the new year...

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Up Portland 01.16 On The Web At: www.upportland.com