Yoga for Letting Go BY KOREN PAALMAN “Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured.” —B.K.S. Iyengar, Guruji Uwatch (Compiled by Nivedita Josh, 2004)
DEATH, GRIEF, AND LOSS Each time we form an attachment to another human being, it is inevitable that, sooner or later, one of us will die. With every relationship we form, loss is guaranteed, though we rarely think about that outcome. Grief begins with childhood losses and its tantrums and tears. Over time, our responses to loss grow more complex. There may still be tantrums and tears, but also anxiety, anger, depression, numbness, and more. We think of death as the ultimate loss, but all losses make their mark on who we become. In 2014, the Iyengar Yoga community experienced the death our beloved Guruji, and more recently, our cherished Geetaji. Although we knew this time would inevitably come, their passing has left its mark on each of us individually and as a community. Patanjali tells us that our body is made up of the five elements of nature and that these primal elements create a temporary vehicle for our eternal soul to reside in. Our body undergoes constant change and eventual death; however, our individual soul is untouched. As yoga practitioners, we know that the soul is eternal and that each of us will physically pass through the various cycles of life beginning with birth and ending with death. We were all blessed to receive the teachings of Guruji and Geetaji, and their deaths mark time and are now milestones in our lives. In the words of Guruji, “Birth and death are beyond the will of human being. These two do not ask our permission.” (Astadala Yogamala, Vol. 5, p. 264) In 2007, I lost my life partner suddenly in a car accident, and in that moment, my life changed forever. My sadness was overwhelming and all encompassing, and my grieving seemed endless. I discovered how skillfully American culture avoids anything painful, particularly death. I learned, firsthand, that publicly displaying feelings and emotions is not ok, yet I was thrust into an unknown emotional state, rendered completely vulnerable and powerless looking for outlets to process my grief. My family and friends were comfortable holding space for my grief for a month or two, but then I was expected to get over it and move on. Understanding that their capacity for my grief had been exhausted, I built a new support community, seeking out those who had suffered a significant loss, attending a couple grief workshops, and putting together a yoga sequence that I practiced daily.
Yoga Samachar Spring | Summer 2019
Once I found solid emotional support and put into place a variety of effective coping skills, processing the loss raised my awareness and took my life in a new direction.
Once I found solid emotional support and put into place a variety of effective coping skills, processing the loss raised my awareness and took my life in a new direction. Based on my experiences, I started a grief support service, combining yoga with other modalities to help people of all ages in grief as well as those supporting people in grief. The underlying theme of my work is to promote consciousness in the grieving process, thereby providing a transformational opportunity much like the transformational opportunities provided by a dedicated yoga practice. WHY GRIEVE? If we believe the soul is eternal, then why do we need to grieve? According to yogic philosophy, experiencing a significant loss plants seeds of karma, and planted seeds of karma have to be experienced, either in this lifetime or the next. For yoga practitioners, unmanifested seeds of karma can bear fruit and impede our yogic path. Our karma dictates how we grieve and for how long. Western psychologists tell us that grieving is a necessary emotional journey that requires feeling the pain before we can experience the healing. Many strong and conflicting emotions are common in grief, including sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and thoughts of suicide. Grief expresses itself behaviorally as well with sudden outbursts of crying, unusual reactions to family and friends, withdrawal, and apathy. Physical manifestations of grief include insomnia, lethargy, high blood pressure, tightness in the throat, and headaches. Grieving is rarely a progressive road that moves consistently forward but rather is a process that includes backsliding. For most people, it can take two to three years to heal and
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