For example, making a choice about whether or not you would like to engage in sexual activity may involve thinking about: • your reasons for wanting to explore sexual activity and if it fits with your own personal values, beliefs and comfort level • if you feel safe with this person • if there is anything you need to know before engaging in any sexual activity • if you are trying to prevent pregnancy and, if so, what information/contraception might help you to do this • if you are trying to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and, if so, what information/supplies you need • if the sexual activity is legal in terms of age of consent • what you can do to ensure that sexual activity is consensual.
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Making the choice to be involved in sexual activity will also require you to talk with your potential partner about your expectations and sexual histories, consent and your desire to use safer sex or prevent pregnancy if relevant.
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You will need to communicate your boundaries in an assertive manner. Assertive communication is about expressing your thoughts, feelings, opinions and boundaries in a way that makes your views and needs clearly understood by others, without putting down their thoughts, feelings or opinions.
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When you communicate assertively, you can: • say how you feel • ask for what you want or need • disagree respectfully • offer your ideas and suggestions • say ‘no’ without feeling guilty • speak up for someone else.
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In any relationship, you have the right to be assertive. In a sexual relationship, it is important to honestly express your thoughts and feelings. You need to do this in a way that shows respect for the other person’s feelings, wants or needs. Positive sexuality occurs when both people in a relationship feel secure and not threatened or scared about the topic of sex. Using assertive communication promotes positive sexuality because it ensures that neither partner is pressured into doing things they don’t want to. FIGURE 2.26 If you are considering having sex, you must talk with your partner about contraception.
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Here is a script to help with assertive communication: • ‘I think ...’ (simply express the facts of the situation and your perception of them). • ‘I feel …’ (share your emotions or thoughts about the situation with an ‘I’ statement). • ‘I want ...’ (clearly state the actions you want from the other person or what you want to happen).
Safe sex Sexual contact that doesn’t involve the exchange of semen, vaginal fluids or blood between partners is considered safe sex. In a heterosexual relationship, there is a risk of unplanned pregnancy. It is the responsibility of both partners to take effective precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. If pregnancy is not a risk, STIs can be. In the 1960s, the contraceptive pill gave women the power to control if and when they became pregnant. This has led to some people believing it’s only a woman’s responsibility to use birth control in a heterosexual relationship. However, it is the responsibility of both partners to start a conversation about contraception. Each 88
Jacaranda Health and Physical Education 9 & 10 Second Edition
