Tribalism and Psychotherapy: An Interview with Fr. Panayiotis Tekosis
by NICK TABOR
Not much, strictly speaking, but it does relate to the notion of belonging. People come in because they're struggling
with notions of identity. It's something like, “I don't know who I am anymore.” After a while, when they start really developing their narrative and they’ve built rapport with the therapist, they'll say, “I’ve found my tribe”—and that's it. That's when we get it. My own clients work with me or my team because they have to. They’re told, “If you don't do the program, you lose custody of your children.” There is an identity at risk there: being a parent. When another person challenges something you take for granted, you have to ask yourself, "Are the things I’m doing part of me? Is this me? Does that define who I am?” And once that gets clarified, and the person says, “Yes, I am a parent, and I want to be a good parent”—then the question is, “Okay, what does that look like for you? What was that for you growing up?” So that sense of identity gets formulated. Then you have groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, and there’s a sense of belonging there. People go voluntarily and buy into the mentality, the theory, the way of thinking. They build relationships, they have sponsors, they get chips for the number of days they’ve been sober. When someone has done the work, and they're really getting it, they will say, “Yes, that's my tribe. I have to go
jacob's well
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What’s your background?
I trained in existential psychotherapy in England, which involves considering insights from continental philosophy and seeing how that impacts the human person, while integrating those insights through established clinical procedures. The goal, as the therapist, is to always challenge oneself: to not stick with the obvious and to not put the client’s story in a box, because simply knowing what the problem is doesn’t give us the solution. The more therapists can do that, the better they can help clients move beyond the place where they feel stuck. I started working as a therapist in a secure mental health institution and then at outpatient facilities. When I moved to the United States, I had a private practice for a period. Currently I am supervising a team of therapists working on a contract with the Department of Human Services here in El Paso County. We support families who have issues with addiction and parenting. We support them in overcoming addiction and maintaining custody of their children. Does the term “tribalism” come up often in the world of psychotherapy?
there because it's good for me. These are my people.” How does that sense of belonging figure
into
childhood
development?
It provides a very basic need for safety. An infant has an expectation of being taken care of. When a baby cries, he doesn’t know any different. Everything is black and white in his experience. If he’s hungry, he screams. If he need to poop, he screams. There are no gradients. And someone comes and helps the infant to understand that that's okay, it's normal, he’s going to be okay. Now he belongs to this safety network. Gradually, he’s passed along to a grandmother, and then a cousin, an uncle, or an older sibling. The baby feels safe in all of these situations. He’s being carried, literally and emotionally. Growing up, you belong to a daycare, to a school. This becomes part of who you are, but also a safe place. You see it in the football team, you see it in college or the military. Let’s say you get a good job at a firm on Wall Street—that’s a tribe of its own kind. It grounds your sense of identity. Human beings are always looking for this stability, this equilibrium of safety. Adults are just grown-up children, right? And children are just very young human
