Little Quirks is a handcrafted Zine which celebrates the imperfections in life. The first issue will focus on ‘The Body’. This Zine gives the opportunity for people to relate with one another in order to illuminate the fear of their own personal imperfections. this zine is for you, the reader. we hope this makes you see imperfections in a different way.
‘a problem shared, is a problem halved’
For me personally, I feel an imperfection is something that you don’t feel comfortable with, an ongoing, reoccurring insecurity that makes you feel horrible. I could choose plenty of things about myself that I don’t like. I think that’s pretty normal for a girl. But the one main imperfection that i hate the most is the fact that I have Lymphedema. Lymphedema is a condition when there is water retention in body tissue which causes swelling due to a compromised lymphatic system. It began when I was about 15 and progressively got worse, at first I thought I had majorly sprained my ankle and the swelling had caused from that but the swelling never went down. I got recommended to a specialist who originally wasn’t sure what exactly it was or why it had occurred, as it is not common in young people. From there on I was put through many tests, saw many doctors and specialists and was diagnosed with Lymphedema. I luckily got seen by a lovely specialist who has does as much as he can to help me by giving me supporting socks to wear to reduce swelling and allow me to do exercise. However, they have not come up with anything that can illuminate the problem. In my case it affects my leg and foot. I know I am lucky because it could be a hell of a lot worse and many people do have to deal with it as an outcome from having cancer. However to me it is awful, disgusting and mostly frustrating as it causes problems every single
day. Every morning I will wake up and have a stress about what to wear that day as having to wear my sock rules out wearing most things other than leggings, as jeans are just uncomfortable. Then I have to find a top long enough to wear leggings and I end up wearing the same sort of thing every day, which just annoys me. I used to not to be able to wear heels which is never nice for a girl, however now I just know to be prepared so if I’m going out I know to prepare. It’s also annoying when I’m trying to do exercise and it’s just too sore but people probably just think I’m being lazy. I try not to talk about it too much and it takes me a while to tell people when I first meet them. I never know whether it’s best to tell people or not to bother. If I haven’t told them I’m constantly thinking about whether there looking at it or not and if I do tell people they tend to tell me they’ve never noticed it, but once I’ve made them notice I panic that they’ll be staring at it constantly. When I was younger some of the boys used to tease me but now that I’m older I’m lucky enough to have such lovely friends that once I do tell them they don’t blink twice and just take it as a part of who I am. But I think once your honest about something so personal the people who are truly your friends will accept it and never say a bad word about it and the ones that do are the ones who aren’t worth it.
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Imperfections are everywhere. In their simplest form they can be a small chip on the side of your favourite coffee mug, a spelling mistake on your dissertation. At most they can be a life threatening injury, a scar that stays with you forever. However much they affect us, they are all around us, and also, none of us could live without them. Imperfections are the dark spots that motivate us from day to day, because a sunny day comes best in the middle of a cold winter. Even though we all frantically push our problems under the rug, the problems need to be there so we can overcome them and become stronger. Someone once said that contentment is the enemy of invention, a prime example being that without imperfections, these words would have never been written.
My body isn’t flawless by any means, and neither am I, but when it comes to writing about my own imperfections, I am at a loss for words. Where to start? I criticise my body each time I look in the mirror, it has become habit, everyone does it, it’s a girl thing. I have the same insecurities as everyone else, give or take a few; a tiny scar on the side of my left eye, the slight overbite that even after a brace, apparently makes me look like a ‘squirrel’. But it seems that at the age of 24, I have come to except my little flaws, or more likely, block them from my mind. Our flaws, no matter how small, make us who we are and probably stem from a desire to be the ‘girl next door’ and excepted. We define ourselves by how our friends see us, which is probably why I have convinced myself that squirrels are cute. The fear of others reactions are what make us paranoid about our body in the first place. There’s a certain amount of perfection in being imperfect. Our flaws tell a story and make us the individual that we are. Perfection is overrated.
mastectomy
My imperfection isn’t necessarily a blemish or a fault of the body but in my eyes is defiantly undesirable. Yes I have those ‘ugly’ days where I get spots, I feel fat, my hair doesn’t fall right and I feel my ears stick out but doesn’t everyone. My imperfection is slightly different in that it involves other people, my family. As a whole we are imperfect. I can’t remember the last time we ever sat down and had a family meal full of love and laughter. It normally consists of being spoken to, shouted at and having objects thrown at me. Sounds awful but after several years this to me has become the norm and something I have accepted. I feel it’s an imperfection because my family has been torn apart due to stupid behaviour which is another tangent I could go off on but won’t bother as it really angers me and has made me see things and people differently. I envy those friends that have the ‘perfect family’ and sometimes wish it could be me but then I guess I wouldn’t be where I am today and the person I am without mine. As a whole I don’t think it has made my personality imperfect although I like to think not, I feel I am just very fortunate for the good times that I can have and have had with them. A part of me sometimes has to take the higher ground for a few hours or sometimes days and act older and comfort both parents and siblings which I’m guessing a lot of other people do. To me though I sometimes just feel like the other part and what would many people would call ‘middle child syndrome’. I guess you just have to enjoy the time you have with the closest people you have because you’ll never know when things will change and if they do what will change.
i had pre-eclampsia and was really ill. i lost my first baby about 24 years ago, and i had Megan prematurely 18 years ago. i was then pregnant with twins about 12 years ago. There were complications and i lost one so i had to have a c-section 20 weeks early, where i had my baby boy Alfie who was born 1lb.
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mother aged 47 scar from having three Caesareans
A COLLECTION OF IMPERFECTIONS ISSUE 1