How the Love of God

Love God

By Katrinna Lewis Mashburn

The only thing I knew about religion and the church was there was a God that existed and it was my choice to decide if I wanted to believe in Him. Growing up I believed there was a God out there, but the world had too many awful things happening in it to really have Him care about me or my issues. I tried going to different churches many times; with friends, on my own, and with family. I could never stay with one for long. I was water baptized when I was 21; but honestly at the time I could not tell you what lead me to be. I believe now that I thought somehow it would save me from a bad situation I had gotten myself into.

When I truly came to Christ about 2 years things; like will the boat flip? Where will they ago, I had been wearing the cross that was a end up? Will they sink? Will they die? It is the baptismal gift. I had a Bible but I couldn't tell you same storm but different responses based on one word that was in it. Like many, I found God their own individual knowledge. at a time where my entire life had fallen apart. While building your relationship with God I knew nothing about God or His love. The only like any other relationship, especially a new thing I knew was that I was broken, rejected, relationship; there will most definitely be pain, and abandoned! I desperately needed something tears, bumps, and bruises. One of the many authentic and powerful to not feel the way I did. awesome things about the hard, painful parts I praise God that He truly never leaves us or that is crucial to remember is God understands forsakes us! He was always watching out for me, all of our emotions and He can handle them. even when I did not recognize His presence. Being completely honest with God about

Discovering God and His love led me to how you are feeling is so very important! realize this was not going to be easy, but I was Just as important is being completely honest determined to continue the with yourself. Personally, journey with Him. Discovering I received some of my God began with developing a relationship with Him. Getting to "In His perfect love greatest breakthroughs and healing after I was know God is much like building any other new relationship. It requires He showed me that completely and brutally honest with God and time, patience, forgiveness, humility and vulnerability. The ...He truly does myself. That honesty often included anger with God, difference is in this relationship you are building it with someone care. " once even screaming at God that I hated Him and what you cannot see physically. A He was putting me through. lot of the previously mentioned This particular time was requirements are actually more for your own followed by me in the shower, sobbing, asking personal transformation than the outside world, God to forgive me. This experience actually as I had assumed. In this process of letting God’s helped me to see a strategy of the enemy love transform you, and I emphasize the word in making me feel completely unworthy. I "process", one of the first things I learned was was placing the blame on God. This was the the way God loves is not at all the way the world beginning of gaining the understanding of God has taught us to love and be loved. I am still allowing painful experiences to show how He learning this as God teaches me over and over will really work everything together for my through many different experiences and trials. I good. It also changed my heart! Now, when I also learned as you grow in the experience and am going through these experiences I begin to understanding of the different ways God loves seek God on what He is trying to accomplish or you, be prepared to keep your heart and mind show me. open because it will not make any sense. I had Experiencing God’s transforming love to find peace with that part. Do not allow the is also something that cannot be forced nor distraction of trying to make sense of it all at should it be. As hard as it may be, do not rush once make you lose focus on God Himself. Once I the experience. Take time and let God heal was able to "let go and let God" as they say, it was you His way and show you true love His way. possible to find joy and peace, even in the midst of Enjoy the time with Him. Surrender and let the trials, because it began to feel like a fun mystery process happen! I know how difficult that word to figure out. This process is admittedly hard "surrender" can be and so does God. Be careful and scary! God’s love is solid foundation and He and aware of bringing self-condemnation on showed me that if I anchor my love and hope on when it feels like things are not moving fast His solid foundation, then I don't have anything enough or happening the way you planned. to fear. I explained it to a friend this way; if two In a recent revelation from God, in His people were in a boat and a storm was raging, perfect love He showed me that He truly does one is calm and the other is freaking out. It is the see everything and He truly does care. All the same storm, but the calm one knows that the boat questions we have, even the ones we don't ask is anchored and secure. The other person doesn't out loud, or even understand it to be a question know that. They are scared of many different or concern, He knows. He knows the worries

even when we don't admit or understand it is a worry. Recently, I was very concerned about learning His character and His word incorrectly and being influenced by outside sources not of God. I really wanted to make sure that I was learning from Him, what he wanted me to learn and surrounding myself with true people of God. I was having a very hard time trusting anyone, including myself. I hadn't really voiced my concern to God, it was just something I was constantly thinking about. Of course, God knew and didn't want me distracted so He sent a word through a friend. He told me not to be concerned, He said to trust Him and He would surround me with people who could lead and guide me in truth. The key word being to "trust". I had to trust Him. I realized that I had become distracted by something I was concerned about rather than keeping my eyes focused on my Father. He tells me to cast my cares on Him and not to worry. When I released that burden to God it allowed me to see more of what God wanted to accomplish in me and through me.

Another beautiful revelation I received, is what being "born again" is not. It is not to disregard everything about ourselves and start over. God made us unique and gave us the unique gifts we need to fulfill His purpose for us in the world. Rather than trying to become a completely new or different person, we should seek God for understanding of the things and characteristics that make us unique, as well as ask God how to use them the way He intended for us and His kingdom. Two examples of characteristics for me, which I always knew about myself, were being very observant and a quick learner. I never really understood these to be "gifts", but God has shown me that He has a purpose for them. I may not know yet what that purpose is, but I can now go to God and ask Him how he would like to use them. It is my belief, to truly experience the fullness of God’s love, you must come to a place where what God says and how God feels about you, is your main focus and what is most important. As you begin to embrace God’s love and start experiencing His love in small doses, it will feed a hunger that you did not know was there. The nourishment actually causes the craving and hunger to grow as it is fed. God and His word will become the lifeline you did not even know you needed. The healing and peace that only God can give will become something that you will do absolutely anything to hold onto.

This past February was by far one of the hardest months I have encountered in the process. I was completely aware that I was in a spiritual battle! The enemy used every weapon in his arsenal against me, to get me to give up on everything, including God. I did my best to retaliate with the weapons I knew I had, admittedly it was very difficult. I prayed, I cried out to God, I dragged myself to church with everything in me and was prayed over and most importantly I had the word. In my heart I knew that God was protecting me, that He was taking me somewhere or the enemy would not have been fighting me so hard. I knew something amazing was on the other side of this battle. I didn't know what it was, but I was okay with that because I knew that the "amazing thing" was going too far surpass whatever the enemy had to throw at me. I also knew God loved me. I felt it deep down in my heart and He would undoubtedly get me to where He was taking me; and that is exactly what God did. With March came the peace that surpasses all understanding! I was finally able to say with full confidence "it is well". God’s love transformed me and I am able to finally understand the joy of the Lord is my strength. He gave me the most beautiful new word to stand on.

“Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of faith, the salvation of your souls” (1 Peter 1:8-9, NIV).

My name is Katrinna, I am 36 years old. I live in the panhandle of Florida in the United States. I have been blessed with three beautiful daughters ages 11, 5 and 3. I work as a Home Owners Association Coordinator for a vacation rental/property management company. I have been a believer in Jesus Christ for a little over two years now. As I have allowed God to transform my heart, I have found that I have a heart for the lost and nonbelievers. I truly want to see everyone saved, healed and know the true love of Christ.