Clocking Off

Your odyssey starts here

Clocking Off 14.05.2011

Film

We're just wasting time

Let us help you improve your procrastinating, with top time wasting websites and activities

Celebrating George Lucas’s birthday with his first born, Star Wars

Burlesque

Time to Strip

Naughty Museums and crazy parents Come Back and Dine With me

We take you back through time, this week to the 70’s, to show you the hip food, fashion and frolics of the era

Fashion Pages

Clothing has gone through twists and turns to become what it is today

T

ime; it’s inevitable that it will play it’s part in all our lives.

It can be precious, memorable, forgettable, valuable, wasted, but however you choose to spend it, there never seems to be enough.

Clocking Off is an opportunity to take stock of time, albeit somewhat tenuously.

Contained within these pages you will find the collected wisdom/ adventures/procrastinations of a group of writers who all have time on their side.

We’re not telling you how to spend your time, but if you ever find yourself with the keys to a DeLorean that can hit 88mph, perhaps we can help you plan your journey. We might just be your time-bending SatNav. Historically inaccurate, dubious in content but always entertaining, Clocking Off will get you through your valued weekend downtime.

Be sure to check us out online at www.guardian.co.uk/clockingoff and remember to look out for these symbols throughout the magazine: Web link

Music/ Soundbite

Video

Now relax, sit back and clock off.

Famous birthdays through history

May 14th

Mark Zuckerberg Zuckerberg was born in 1984, he is an american programmer and was, from a young age, an entrepreneur.

He is the founder of facebook, the chief executive and president.

George Lucas Lucas was born in 1944, he is an American film producer. He is well known for his films ‘Star Wars’ and Indiana Jones.

Cate Blanchett Blanchett was born in 1969, she is an Australian actress and theatre director. She starred as the Lady Galadriel in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

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Amelia Valentine: “I had to half improvise but I was there in my knickers and nipple pasties and I was loving it!”

Jamie Tayler delves into the world of burlesque - Page 9

Follow the line through time

Let us lead you along with our Clocking Off timeline, providing handy dates and facts so you know whicb era you’re in - We don’t want you getting lost!

Contents Wasting Time Page 5 Move over Dark Lord, you’ve lost your job of making work for idle thumbs! We provide you with a neverending source of procrastinating gold.

Come Back and Dine with me Page 6 This week we take you back to the 70s, where chicken supreme and black forest gateau is on the menu.

If I had a time machine I’d... Page 8 Columnist Simon Blundell shares his timetravelling views each week Lifestyle Burlesque Page

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Fun & Games Page Medieval life Page Comment Antique Junkyard

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Page 17

Film Page 20 George Lucas, the one trick pony. does the franchise need a 3D reboot, or is he flogging a dead horse?

Fashion Page 22 The cyclical nature of fashion featuring creative stylist Nasima Ahmed Current: A Right Royal Waste of Time? Page The End is Nigh?

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Clocking Off

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All the time

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Bored of stapling the same bit of paper over and over again? Had enough of making smiley faces with sandwich crusts and tomatoes left over from lunch? Say no more, Clocking Off has scoured the internet for the best procrastinating sites around to help you pass the looming, ever-grey office hours.

They’re guaranteed to make you keep you occupied for all the worthless reasons in the world!

Odd Celebrity - Fed up of looking average? See how Angelina Jolie looks with a third eye or Colin Farrell with a lengthy caterpillar monobrow! Type in your favourite celebrity’s name and have their image mirrored to give them cock-eyes and odd teeth. When you get fed up of looking at pretty people looking less pretty, see how odd you and your friends could look. You’ll be entertained for hours! www.makeacelebrityodd.com

Just

wasting time Sell Yourself For a Date - Name Your Price is in ways, priceless.

It’s a website dedicated for men who can’t get dates, so they’ll pay to have one from a list of ladies. Have pity for those poor chaps who bravely put up their pictures, and have a gawp at the gorgeous ones getting paid for dating such desperate souls. www.whatsyourprice.com

Droopy-Eyed Steve - Remember Steve Buscemi? That guy mostly in Adam Sandler’s movies with the crazy eyes, coupled with equally strange lines - well now you can see how chicks would look if they had those peepers! Eyeball those pictures and wonder why anyone would do this… www.chickswithstevebuscemeyes.tumblr.com People Who Look Like People - Yes, it’s another celebrity fob-off but when you see half of these impersonators, you’d think they were the real deal! The delight is in spotting the really bad ones that don’t look remotely alike to their idol. Bizarre, and totally wastes your time, but its worth a try! www.fakefaces.co.uk

Clocking Off

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1970

Come back and dine with me O

pening your front door to an afro-clad moustachioed man sporting a pair of aviators is not something you’d expect to do on a daily basis. Yet, for a 70s themed dinner party, it may be slightly more acceptable.

In a gesture of great kindness, I invited some friends to my humble home for a 70s “Come Dine With Me” style treat. From garish patterns to crazy hair, everything was there!

70s favourites in the food department were typically plain, yet satisfying - chicken dishes were a must-have and cheaply made school dinner desserts, such as Gypsy Tart, will probably always live fondly in the memories of children of the 70s!

With such a wide variety of chicken recipes to choose from online, I was originally stumped on what to make. Visit www.retrofoodrecipes.

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com for some fantastic ideas! After much careful consideration, I chose Chicken Supreme (which you can find the recipe for at the bottom of this page) - a tasty concoction of chicken breasts and mushrooms roasted slowly in a dish full of cream of mushroom soup.

To accompany this, I made crispy roast potatoes and garden peas - but the dish is so versatile that mixing it with any vegetables would work just as well!

For the dessert, I chose the cake that caused much wonderment back in the 70s - Black Forest Gateau. With cherries and cream sandwiched between layers of rich chocolate cake, it is no wonder that this dessert was so popular when it first arrived on our territory.

Delicious!

To save stress on the day, I made my dessert the night before and kept it in the fridge until it was

time to eat it. A good idea that was indeed - I had to spend my whole day making my house spick and span as it was! Placing the final cherry on top of the cake was incredibly rewarding… I just prayed that it would taste as nice as it looked!

The evening arrived, and so did my guests - well, in dribs and drabs, anyway! Things started to warm up when one of them ended up being over two hours late.

Would I end up burning my precious spuds? Would the chicken breasts be juicy no more? With guests getting hungry fast and the heat in the kitchen rising by the second, I did start to worry for a moment that everything was going to be a disaster!

Then, with a rat-a-tat-tat and a jovial smile, he arrived, arms clad with wine and chocolates! Suddenly, everything seemed just fine once again… and not a moment too soon!

As soon as he had taken his seat, I threw open the oven door and placed the food on the table. Let me not forget to tell you that the

table had a rather shoddy set-up - there were six of us eating and only four dining chairs… So out came the sofa! Nothing like a bit of rustic charm at the dinner table!

Much to my pleasure, the compliments came rolling in about the dinner - particularly about my crunchy roast potatoes. Luckily for me, I paid close attention to my mother’s method of making them every Sunday lunchtime!

“Would I end up burning my precious spuds? Would the chicken breasts be juicy no more?”

It seemed like all my hard work had paid off, but I couldn’t relax just yet. One very important confection had still not been eaten… the Black Forest Gateau!

Without further ado, I wheeled out the mighty beast. She was certainly big and beautiful, yet I was dreading the first cut… What

if my efforts to bake the perfect cake hadn’t quite worked this time? After an enjoyable main course, I didn’t want the night to be tainted with the memory of a dry cake! Knife in hand, I took the first slice and hoped for the best.

Each plate piled high with overly generous portions, we took our forks and delved straight into the chocolatey abyss. I felt myself exhale pleasurably as I realised that the dessert had indeed been an all-round success!

After several glasses of wine and whiskey, my guests slowly began to filter out of the time machine that my house had become and back out onto today’s streets, taking the decade away with them as they went. As stressful as cooking can be, with the right recipes and time, miracles really can be made behind that oven door of yours!

Lauren Moore

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Simon Blundell

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If I had a time machine I'd...

ime travel would be pretty darnned useful. Regardless of gender, religion, colour or creed, surely everyone has wished at some point that they could turn back those pesky clock hands?

You may be a historical time turner and choose to remind the captain of the Titanic that icebergs are rather prevalent at certain times of the night, or you could take a fire extinguisher to the Reichstag in February 1933. If that doesn’t take your fancy why not get involved in slightly less important events, like tripping up Diego Maradona before he punched in the infamous ‘hand of god’. An evil dictator would still have consolidated his power to become one of the most feared and reviled men in history, but at least the 1986 English football team wouldn’t have gone home disappointed.

Despots and English football teams aside though, time travel has always been a great dream for human kind, a real science fiction story which has its roots set in reality. Time travel is not an impossibility according to a certain

Albert Einstein, merely extremely difficult. Should anything ever manage to move faster than the speed of light then, in the words of people far smarter than me, there would be some “inertial frame of reference in which the signal or object was moving backward in time”. To put that into layman’s terms if you could move faster than the speed of light you could potentially go back in time.

Hard to believe maybe but Einstein was pretty good at his theories.

The best solution so far suggested involves throwing people through a wormhole

this team of hardy souls would then simply enter the wormhole again at the other end to return to the present day and report their findings.

Simple enough then you would think?

Unfortunately it is my sad duty to point out the rather obvious difficulties in this time travelling expedition. Number one: an unfortunate lack of wormholes. Number two: an unfortunate lack of wormhole proof space ships. Number three: an unfortunate (and not altogether surprising) lack of hardy souls willing to enter said wormhole. There is no guarantee that these wormholes will act as time machines and may in fact double up as rather grisly places to shuffle off of this mortal coil, which casts serious doubt as to whether problem number three can ever be solved voluntarily.

So how on earth do we take advantage of this? Quite simply we can’t as of yet. The best solution so far suggested involves throwing people through a wormhole (which scientists believe are capable of moving faster than the speed of light, theory fans) and then

But I feel I am ruining the romance of this science fiction love affair with actual science, so I beg of you to continue with your daydreams of rigging the lottery and tackling greasy Argentinean footballers to the floor. Albert Einstein says time travel can be done, and if we can’t trust Albert on science then who on earth can we trust?

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T e iT m

p i r t S o Jamie Tayler delves into the world of burlesque Clocking Off

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1950

The Other Royal Occasion

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t’s in the twilight that your mind and body can travel

If it weren’t for the eerie glare of a hundred mobiles and the dazzling and sporadic flashes of digital cameras, you could be mistaken for thinking you were in 1911 not 2011.

Of course that is probably a little on the romantic side, but burlesque is certainly theatrical and, if you allow yourself (which I would certainly recommend), you can find yourself absorbed into a different world.

Chaz Royal, the self-proclaimed King of Burlesque, started in promotion a decade ago and is the creator of London Burlesque Week. Now in it’s fifth year, and propelled by the success of mainstream cabaret performers such as Dita Von Teese, London Burlesque Week has become the talk of the town.

Held from the 26th April, London Burlesque Week was held over 5 consecutive nights. Not even the marriage of a certain royal couple could overshadow the event.

According to the enthusiastically selfassured Chaz: “There’s only one Royal you needed to be aware of on Friday!“ A cheeky boast, but the British Bombshells certainly pulled in the crowds the night before the wedding.

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Wearing a porkpie hat and sipping from a “well earned” beer the day after the festival, Chaz has a sly smile as he fumbles through the Sunday papers, bringing attention to an article detailing the nation’s apparent obThe Guardian

session with a certain royal sister’s derriere: “Saucy picture postcards and ‘Kiss Me Quick’ hats? We’re not the prudish nation that other countries often lampoon. We have an illustrious history in the art of tease and erotica.”

Although the term “burlesque” has been used for hundreds of years, the modern day interpretation finds it’s roots in early 20th Century Paris. The now infamous Moulin Rouge played host to many of these early performances, where titillation and suggestion took precedence over nudity.

The real challenge in the more progressive 21st Century, however, is rather surprising; challenging public perception. Questions often arise about the striptease element, often with the moral majority challenging the motivations of those performers who “undress for money“.

With a demure smile, Betty Page hair and an overwhelming cloud of perfume and fairy dust, celebrated performer, Amelia Valentine, spoke candidly of her experience: “When I made my debut performance I was extremely nervous; I had been to a strip club once before and felt uncomfortable with women taking their clothes off and there I was about to do the same! However there was something more playful and exciting about burlesque. It felt so liberating taking my clothes off in front of people I didn’t know. I have always been self-conscious about my body and here I was having people cheer me for showing it off; it was ace! My routines weren’t great, and I had to half improvise but I was there in my knickers and nipple pasties and I was loving it!

“To the people who wouldn’t entertain attending a burlesque/ cabaret night I probably wouldn’t bring up the subject as it obviously makes them feel uncomfortable. I just think it is a shame that people can’t open their minds and embrace new/very old ideas of entertainment.

The human body is a beautiful and

unique thing - we should sing praise

to it. Let’s face it we all like to get naked in front of another human at some point in our lives, granted for most people it’s with the lights off but we were born naked and I’m going to spend time embracing and loving that.

“Burlesque helps you love the good bits of your body and laugh at the not so good bits which I think is a good place to be.”

watch it?”

Most of the performers hold respectable daytime jobs as caterers, designers and teachers, but in the dim light they transform themselves into their stage personas to perform for five hedonistic minutes.

Chaz is keen to bring attention back to his press release which reports that his festival is the “world’s greatest showcase of international burlesque talent and the biggest and most spectacular event of its kind.”

But burlesque isn’t really about exhibitionism and attention; there is a true feeling of both acceptance and celebration. Burlesque is far more about what is suggested as opposed to what is actually seen. In a world where “gents magazines” can be found on the shelves of the local supermarket, many artists are bemused by the thought of burlesque being seen as an immoral activity.

Starring the best in burlesque strip tease and variety acts from around the globe, selected from over 400 applicants, he could be right that this was the most “glamorous date ever recorded in the International Burlesque calendar.”

Loula is also keen to dispel the notion that burlesque is something sordid.

She notes that cabaret audiences tend to be “two-thirds female” and the majority of men in attendance are at the event as their ladies have “dragged them along”.

Stairway to Heathen: Venturing down the illuminated stairs of Soho’s darkly alluring Madame JoJo’s, regular cabaret enthusiasts and curious newcomers, are welcomed to appreciate the finest in burlesque performers as well as bask in “sheer glamour and tastefully risqué entertainment.”

She says that: “Burlesque has become a massive movement in the UK that celebrates the female form in all of its shapes, sizes and colours . Women are there to witness and take part in female empowerment.

Welcoming the audience to this “other world” are, in their own words, the “buxom” Hostess Hotties. Foxy Coxy and Loula Cherry are the stage names of two of the UK’s most established front of house usherettes and they have been involved with London Burlesque Week from it’s inception.

Modern burlesque has been prevalent since the early 90s, but has often been sidelined to smaller venues, being found nestled behind the glossy exterior of average bars, in average towns, with the common concern from the average pub-goer: “Is this soft porn? Is this a fetish? Am I deviant if I

The Festival helps develop the most talented new and established performers, right through from the avant garde to erotic, sexy circus artists, novelty acts, classic and new strip tease, exposing them to an international stage and the acclaim of diverse audiences. The Festival is full of colour, panache, excitement and could quite simply be “the greatest showcase of international burlesque talent on Earth” as Chaz reiterated on the following Sunday (reading from a carefully folded note he cunningly had hidden behind his left lapel.)

Leaving the beautiful, smouldering ladies and dapper chaps and venturing back into the cruel modern streets of the West End, maybe a time travel back to the 1950s is the order of the day.

Clocking Off

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What can you remember?

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1226

Medieval Life Y

ou push through the gap in your tepee and stare bleary eyed into the morning, dew glinting off the fresh, diamond grass. Smoke rises in ringlets from nearby cooking fires as snatches of a subdued flute song float through the air, a choir of birds harmonising with the sweet sound. You’re no longer in 2011, but transported back to the hazy realm of medieval England.

It seems that people everywhere do what they can to relive the bygone days, from hosting royal banquets, or pottering off to a pagan camp, to reliving medieval life at unique events such as the Robin Hood Festival. There are so many ways of removing ourselves from modern life, and we leap at the chance.

In the case of Sherwood Forest’s Robin Hood Festival, it is a magical, annual event, where performers from far and wide join for a week of turning back time for themselves and the public. There are stilt walking, juggling minstrels, medieval folk bands who have meticulously handcrafted their own instruments to be perfect historical replicas, and wandering characters such as the Singing Plague Victims and Simple Tom. Of course, the highlight of every visitor’s day is following the story of Robin Hood and his troop, performed by The Legends. With horseback jousting with the Sheriff, and sword fight skirmishes around

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the Major Oak, they aim to make a big impression Artists and performers come from all over England to camp, perform and throw themselves a few centuries back in time. Tom Willis travels from Hastings each year, and is part of an archery troop.

“It is a place where we have found friendship, memories, creative inspiration, and peace from every day life”

They, like the others performers and characters, camp down by the Major Oak in a makeshift village of traditional tents, and spend their time in medieval clothing.

Tom said: “I think the thing that

makes it special for me is that it is celebrating one of the most famous stories ever told in Britain, and with all the legend and magic it brings Sherwood forest alive.

“Dressing like this gives a real taste of medieval life, and when I’m not teaching archery it’s great to see other parts of the festival. It makes me enjoy the outdoors much more, and I really do love it.”

Sherwood is all about being communal, and forging some of the lost magic involved in physical interaction. Story-telling, games, dancing and cooking together break the boundaries we put up,

creating closeness and laughter.

And at night there’s nothing but you and the stars.

For a lot of the specialist market holders, such as the Pot Maker, Grunnel the Jeweler, and the Philosopher, they live this way for nearly the whole year, travelling and living in character, visiting different events all over Europe.

They have created their own little network.

Also amongst the performers are the Janissens – Otherwise knows as the Crazy Dutch Regulars.

They are a performing family that come over from Holland each year to join the Robin Hood Festival, brightening up the forest with music, singing and traditional gypsy and fire dancing.

Eldest daughter Annique, has been visiting ever since she was little, with the upcoming festival being her 18th. She said: “Sherwood is absolutely the highlight of the year for us. Ever since we were kids, we have loved going there. The festival is amazingly fun, and when there are no special activities going on, we love to go to the forest and have a nice walk around, or take the bicycles. It has a magical atmosphere.

“I think the festival is great at giving the public a taste of medieval life. Not only is it wonderful to be grown up and still allowed to dress up in gorgeous outfits, making you feel like a princess, but the range of entertainment shows, in a fun way, what life could have been like many centuries ago.”

The Robin Hood festival has been a huge part of their lives, and something they look forward to every new year with every new festival.

Annique explains: “For my family it is a place where we have found friendship, memories, creative inspiration, peace from every day life

- and we take those feelings home again after the festival has ended.

“I love performing and we have had some very touching moments with fantastic audiences, where they join in, and try to sing along.

Once a group of children actually sang us a song as a thank you.

That was very touching. We also love the interaction with the other artists. After the shows we get to meet up for a meal or drink and get to know each other outside of our characters. I also love how we can gather round a fire and have amazing jam sessions, with drums, guitars, ukeleles, singing, spoons,

anything we can get our hands on. It’s a joy to share our musical passions. But the best par, for me, is that we get to spend an entire week in the forest, feeling at one with nature.”

So whilst most of us opt to live in the now, some people choose a different approach – Banquets give us a new taste of life, pagans keep an age-old, natural religion alive, whilst medieval performers light up history. It summons the question: “Do we need to live in our digital, over virtual world?”

Tor Callis Clocking Off

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2000BC

The Antique Junkyard

Weekends Away in the UK Advert

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ever one to shy away from controversy, I’ll spell out this week’s gripe: should museums be celebrated when they appear to harbour a plethora of items that our ancient ancestors couldn’t re-gift or flog to some halfwit at a car boot sale?

How, I hear you ask, have I met with this rather “scientific” analysis of our nation’s treasures?

Cambridge, April 2011: The Taylerclan ventured to the Duke’s new “crib” for an affordable afternoon of entertainment. When I say affordable, I mean sitting on the banks of the River Cam, drinking juice boxes and watching egos crushed as self-assured business types fall into the water after too much champagne and not enough punting experience. It’s a beautiful day, but the combined concentration levels of an eight and eleven year old and a, quite frankly, overly childish thirty-something make this activity entertaining for a mere half hour.

Walking down the cobbled streets of Cambridge is an adventure in itself; although I understand it is rather quaint, “ye olde skool” paving does nothing for my own fragile ego. After previously laughing at the escapades of a bunch of punts on the river, I’m the one now hobbling down the street looking like a “married-era” Amy Winehouse on a night out in Camden.

But I digress….

Finally happening upon the notion that I cannot keep my kids from whinging on the promise of a fictitious ice cream, I remember the age-old favourite of parentdom; museums! Best news, The Fitzwilliam Museum is free and it’s open!

After hesitantly walking past the curators (I may have ran around the rotating doors more than once) we venture into the Ancient Egyptian exhibition. Although there is a distinct lack of mummies, it is filled with a compendium of ancient bric-a-brac.

“Museums are filled with Junk - Discuss.”

One thing, however, is that museums rarely come with an age rating; trying to explain away the contents of a cabinet filled with 4000 year old “adult toys” and the mini statue of a naked lady with her legs behind her ears would challenge the skills of an established wordsmith let alone me.

Having used the entirety of my awkward, child-friendly, sexual vocabulary in the Egyptian section, we moved to the (what I naively believed

to be) relative safety of the Italian Renaissance. Wrong decision! It was “nudey city” and the tiny hamster tail winkles of religious figurines made my daughter giggle for hours.

Back to my original point, my academic thesis: “Museums are filled with Junk - Discuss.”

Ancient dildos, boss-eyed martyrs, slave statues with oversized mannipples, Renaissance porn; this is what makes our nation’s museums great.

I love rubbish; our recyclables could take centre spot in the museums of the future. I hope they enjoy the piranha pottery I made for my mum when I was young. It would be awesome if a future Tony Robinson dug that up, or it ended up on the 31st Century’s equivilent of the Antique’s Roadshow.

Details for the Fitzwilliam Museum can be found at: www.fitzmuseum. cam.ac.uk. Entrance: Free Jamie Tayler. . .

Clocking Off

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1960

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Generation revelation P

arents are the foundation of any morally righteous person in the world. These teachers of good manners, discouragers of wrong and general do gooders will set any young person on the right tracks to success. They are able to take up their position on the moral high ground because their own copybooks are spotless, not a single bad deed can be held against their names and therefore when you, the feckless child, commits an act of stupidity they have every right to condemn you for your foolishness.

Or so they would have you think.

In a scandal so large it makes Watergate look like a kiss at the office Christmas party, I have discovered that at one stage or another everybody’s parents were at the mercy of youth themselves. The caring cornerstones to your world were once your age and younger and as such they were once feckless children who created their own acts of stupidity and felt the full force of condemnation from their own parents.

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In a moment of weakness from my own Father I managed to steal an insight into his own sozzled school years when he regaled me with a tale from a Christmas Eve past. In glorious technicolor he described to me how he and a friend finished off three crates of strong beer between them (for my teetotal fans a crate generally holds around 18 cans or so I’m told) and then proceeded to make the short Christmas Eve The Guardian

“As I delved into the disturbing underworld of parents and their youth, a whole host of hilarious and downright horrendous stories began to rear their heads”

trudge across a playing field in an attempt to reach home. It turned out that this walk was far too much for my Dad and he proceeded to take a nap in the middle of the aforementioned field not rousing from his slumber until around 11 o’clock when he finished off the walk home.

It had not occurred to him but his Mother had been up since around 7 o’clock and upon discovering her eldest son’s absence she had proceeded to phone the police as she rather rationally thought he was dead.

Therefore an Essex wide manhunt was launched in an attempt to find my Father; needless to say the spirit of the season was not embraced by my Grandmother upon his return.

As I delved further into the disturbing underworld of parents and their youth a whole host of hilarious, unsettling and downright horrendous stories began to rear their heads: A mother who admitted to having three boys on the go at once, a father who accidently broke into the wrong house believing it was his and one person, who shall remain anonymous, who was so drunk upon returning home that they had to crawl to the bathroom and proceeded to vomit into the toilet. The horrendous bit? The toilet lid wasn’t open.

They have schemed and messed up just as much as anyone of their children and in short parents are far more similar to you than you ever thought; they’ve just got much better at hiding their vomiting.

Simon Blundell

1977 - 2011

Star Wars 3D George lucas is back...

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ucasfilm Ltd. and Twentieth Century Fox announced earlier this year that Star Wars: Episode 1 The Phantom Menace will hit the screens in February 2012, in glorious 3D! 3D means a complete makeover for Star Wars, Lucas’ vision is to enhance the classic, not ruin it with a popular novelty. it appears to be the case that the masses are worried about Lucas’ decision.

visual effects supervisor John Knoll, member of light a magic (supervising the visual effects) reassured viewers: “Really getting good result from a stereo conversion means a lot of attention to detail and taking the time to get it right,

we are going to take the time to get it right.” Knoll also supervised Avatar and Rango.

“For Star Wars we will take our time, applying everything we know both aesthetically and technically to bring

audiences a fantastic new Star Wars experience.” of course, the whole concept has caused mixed reactions. a new level of immersion awaits viewers in 3d. the question is, will it ruin the original?

“We’re really at a point where if we can imagine it, we can create it,” said James Cameron, the maker of Avatar,. “There are no limitations now.”

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what does it matter? The original will always exist. The space battles will be absoultely immense, as a tie fighter flies directly out of the screen. personally, i can’t wait for the scene in episode iv where solo and skywalker are on the turrets of the millenium falcon, firing away at their in-

coming attackers. moreover, the icy scenes with the AT ATs, and other huge vehicles that the rebels have to take down. 3d will bring it to life. surely, just for the vast array of visual effects, just for the novelty, the movie would be worth watching. if the

original is what your worried about keep that old vcr copy in your coat - close to your heart and try to enjoy the new wonders of visual technology.

James Gallimore

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1900

What we were wearing H

1850

1580

“Velvet and silk against pale skin creates a soft, ethereal look.”

Wild West

“Every girl loves a guy in unifrom”

ow has our clothing changed?

Rosie Khan discusses the clothes timeline with creative stylist Nasima

Ahmed

Elizabethan

There was a time where we thought slacks were cool, then they weren’t then they were again but only if you wore them so tight, you couldn’t sit.

“Red, teamed with lace and frills oozes sex appeal”

The trends die and revive but as the times go by, we humans have been clothing ourselves too much or little for too long.

Then almost by calling, you go on a hunt for things you’ve not seen for years.

World War

Those outlandish glam rock outfits holler at faint memories when you fish them out and smell the musty air off of them, and you wonder, with the familiar and well known thought: ‘What was I thinking?’

You probably weren’t. So the team at Clocking Off got curious and found a hole in a time wall and went back to all manners of past times. The Medieval times, where jolly jesters and buxom maidens were colourful and poverty-riddled but still classy and quaint.

Then there’s the wild west, with knickerbockers galore, and the Victorian era - a.k.a. apron central.

Complete the look:

Complete the look:

Complete the look:

For the ride we heaved along fashion doctor Nasima Ahmed to give us the down-low of what’s hot and what gives off the trots!

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Clocking Off

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1870

1480 Advert for Clothing Brand

“The elastic around her waist really enhances her shape, and makes the bust look fuller”

Medieval

Victorian

Complete the look:

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The Guardian

“The colours and the open collar, combined with hareem trousers shows real flair.”

Complete the look:

2011

201

2?

O

Royally Riled

W

hilst waiting for your train to leave St Pancras station, you see several drunk women run along the platform wearing bridal veils and swooping Union Jack flags along the ground behind them. What time of day is it? 3pm!

Yes, the country sure was hit by Royal Wedding fever on 29 April, when many Britons enjoyed their extra day off by celebrating with William and Kate and being unusually patriotic. I only passed through London on the Bedford to Brighton service that day, but what I saw was enough to give me a taster of what was happening throughout it.

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I have to admit, I originally complained about the amount of media coverage that the wedding was getting. Did they really need to have the ceremony on television all day and then show the highlights just two hours later?

Did every single music channel really need to play soppy love The Guardian

songs all day in dedication to the happy couple? Did their faces really need to be plastered across practically every dining item in existence?

Although it may have irritated the living daylights out of some people, yes, they did! In such a gloomy period, patriotism always helps to bring a nation closer together. I was surprised at just how much effort people had gone to - everywhere, girls were dressed in bridal attire, and even some men were suited and booted for the

occasion. Not only this, everyone I saw was wearing a smile, which is always refreshing!

London may have been the hot spot for all the action, but up and down the country, everyone was partying just as hard. On my arrival in Brighton, streets were swarming with Royal Wedding joy. There was barely any room for traffic to pass through the winding town centre alleyways because of the sheer volume of people on the streets! With every shop window beautifully decorated for the occasion, Brighton truly had made a splendid effort.

My souvenir for the day? On my train to Brighton, I found some flags below my seat - one side laden with a Union Jack, and the other with a cartoon picture of a bride and groom kissing. A unique item of memorabilia that I will be keeping!

Lauren Moore

ver the years we have been promised numerous glamourous endings – we’ve got apocalypses coming out of our ears. But none of them ever ring true. So what is our obsession with the end of the world?

We’ve had the millennium bug scare, where machines were meant to go back in time and toasters grow legs, the Hadron collider, assured to cause a black hole that would consume the earth, and the long awaited religous apocolypse.

And now we’ve got the excitement of the world ending in 2012 to look forward to, thanks to our friends the Mayans. And we’ve been waiting patiently for this for centuries.

There have, however, been a few signs that soemthing isn’t quite right with the world. So far 2011 hasn’t bode well – the tension is almost palpable, pressing down on us all.

Everyone seems to be in a state

The end of the world is nigh of unrest, with riots in Egypt, Lybia, and numerous protests here in little England.

There have been devastating earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan, tornadoes in America and a surprisingly sunny April in the UK (which paid havoc with my daffodils). It definitely seems like Mother Nature is trying to tell us something, Some believe it is down to the changing of the magnetic poles, causing a shift in the earth’s crust as well as our behaviour. Maybe the Mayan’s prophesy is on it’s way.

But dont get your hopes up It will probably pass us without incident.

So after the 2012 hype has died down, what disaster will we be treated to next? An alien invasion? A plague of ladybirds? I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out!

Tor Callis Clocking Off

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