Instant Message received on 9/28/2005 from MarkAlexisP
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MarkAlexisP (12:01:18 AM): Okay, so I'm sitting here feeling the weight of some bitter-cold mood befalling me - like the last traces of autumn and the first signs of winter - scared out of my quietly fermenting mind: I need out, I'm thinking to myself. I live in a family member's house where nothing is as consistent as the chaos that permeates everything throughout. I'm not sure of where I'll be in the coming month, I know I am not taking the preliminary steps needed to ensure that my health is stabilized and improved upon... MarkAlexisP (12:02:09 AM): I haven't been to a dentist in over three years, it's going on 6 months since my last blood work, I'm still smoking and drinking and I guess you can say I'm suffering from some subtle, though not minor, form of depression.
HU Outreach (12:02:46 AM): So where do you go from here? MarkAlexisP (12:02:50 AM): The moods ease in and out, like the tides and I understand it must seem like I'm coming off inappropriately lyrical at this point, but there's really nothing else for me to cling to.
MarkAlexisP (12:03:01 AM): I feel like Alice descending down the Rabbit hole. MarkAlexisP (12:03:03 AM): I don't know. MarkAlexisP (12:03:08 AM): I suppose that's why I'm writing to you. HU Outreach (12:04:40 AM): I am trying to remember what alice did when she hit bttm... MarkAlexisP (12:05:05 AM): The thing is - there's this tessellating light that shines deep within me - one filled with love, hope and strength. I just need someone or something to cultivate that light...
MarkAlexisP (12:05:17 AM): to make it shine...to make me aware that it's all up to me. MarkAlexisP (12:05:29 AM): GOD I'M SO FUCKING SENSITIVE IT'S PATHETIC. MarkAlexisP (12:05:30 AM): lol MarkAlexisP (12:06:01 AM): I'm like Sylvia Plath without the work to back up the neurosis. HU Outreach (12:06:10 AM): I wish I had the one shot deal that would ignite the bond fire from your lite... unfortunatelly, nothing is ever that simple... MarkAlexisP (12:06:20 AM): I know... MarkAlexisP (12:06:26 AM): I feel like I'm going to cry. HU Outreach (12:06:38 AM): Its ok to cry... MarkAlexisP (12:06:44 AM): Oh I know that... MarkAlexisP (12:06:47 AM): believe me... MarkAlexisP (12:06:57 AM): I've come close to drowning in my tears... MarkAlexisP (12:07:01 AM): on more than one occasion. HU Outreach (12:07:07 AM): for me it helps to clear away some of the "dirt" from my soul... MarkAlexisP (12:07:40 AM): To be honest with you...I'm trying to make it seem like I have things "all together" or that I know, at least, how to get things "all together" and I don't - in either case.
HU Outreach (12:07:53 AM): I often believe that it is these moments that test the measure of how we are as human beings... MarkAlexisP (12:08:14 AM): I'm doing this internship at The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Center ("The Center") and I can't help but think to myself...
MarkAlexisP (12:08:17 AM): what the fuck are you doing. MarkAlexisP (12:08:33 AM): (Of course...they are our "Dark Nights of The Soul") MarkAlexisP (12:09:00 AM): I need money, I need shelter, I need to be checked medically (Dental, Physical, etc.). MarkAlexisP (12:09:14 AM): And I'm running around in my own self-imposed circle of hell. HU Outreach (12:09:59 AM): wow, that must be hell... MarkAlexisP (12:10:20 AM): So... MarkAlexisP (12:10:30 AM): I suppose I need to get this confirmation test from your organization HU Outreach (12:10:46 AM): that would be one choice... HU Outreach (12:10:48 AM): MarkAlexisP (12:11:02 AM): I don't even have money for a goddamn metrocard. MarkAlexisP (12:11:07 AM): It's pathetic. HU Outreach (12:12:41 AM): its life... sometimes the simplist of things can be the most daunting... but sometimes, just sometimes... simple is just that... simple... if you would like, we can set up an appointment to come out and test you... we can even provide you with a metrocard for your follow up... MarkAlexisP (12:13:23 AM): Okay...just guide me through this right now...what do I have to do *right* now to get "the ball rolling" as you put it to me the other day.
MarkAlexisP (12:13:26 AM): ? HU Outreach (12:13:58 AM): Ok, so what day are you free? MarkAlexisP (12:15:25 AM): Well, tommorrow and Thursday, I have to figure out how to get myself to my internship at The Center (13th St and 7th Ave).
MarkAlexisP (12:15:47 AM): But, when do you suggest would be best to set up an appointment with you guys? MarkAlexisP (12:16:24 AM): I mean - it's just an internship I'm doing to try and network within "the community" and to see if I get a job through them, but I can just make other arrangements.
HU Outreach (12:16:28 AM): ok, how long will you be @ the center?
Instant Message received on 9/28/2005 from MarkAlexisP
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MarkAlexisP (12:18:11 AM): I'm supposed to be there at 10:30am...how long I will be there is indefinite...I can be there until 5pm or leave sooner.
HU Outreach (12:19:24 AM): ooh, ok... we are scheduled to be in the village testing on christopher st starting @ 7pm... HU Outreach (12:19:38 AM): if you can, we can do the test then... MarkAlexisP (12:20:10 AM): Hm...okay. MarkAlexisP (12:20:28 AM): When are you guys going to be in the Bronx area? HU Outreach (12:20:45 AM): we can drive out there on monday... HU Outreach (12:20:55 AM): if you like... MarkAlexisP (12:21:36 AM): Well, it would probably be better if I went ahead and allowed you guys to test me tomorrow... MarkAlexisP (12:21:38 AM): Now... HU Outreach (12:21:49 AM): good man... MarkAlexisP (12:21:49 AM): this is a "rapid-test", I'm assuming. HU Outreach (12:22:02 AM): yes... the first test you get will be... rapid oral... MarkAlexisP (12:22:19 AM): Once the results are confirmed, what is the next step? HU Outreach (12:22:37 AM): then we will give you the confirmitory... which will take 5 days, you follow up, and we enroll you into our medical care system... HU Outreach (12:22:59 AM): once you get into our medical system, you will get ADAPT... HU Outreach (12:23:10 AM): and then move on from there... MarkAlexisP (12:23:16 AM): What is "ADAPT"? HU Outreach (12:24:10 AM): I am still kinda new some my journey through this process is limited past the confirmitory and getting started with the medical stuff. ADAPT is medical benifits that include housing for hiv positive clients.. MarkAlexisP (12:24:19 AM): Now, just out of curiosity, do you know of anyother programs that you think might suite my needs better? I mean, I understand you are here to advocate for your program, but do you know of any others that might be more appropriate for me.
MarkAlexisP (12:24:53 AM): Okay, is there any information I need to provide you with here? HU Outreach (12:25:24 AM): yes... the young mens clinic @ columbia presypaterian hospital and mt. siani... I think I spelt that somewhat correct... HU Outreach (12:25:49 AM): those two places specialize in hiv positive youth... MarkAlexisP (12:26:07 AM): presbytarian MarkAlexisP (12:26:09 AM): i think MarkAlexisP (12:26:10 AM): ugh MarkAlexisP (12:26:11 AM): dunno MarkAlexisP (12:26:13 AM): Okay. HU Outreach (12:26:59 AM): once we get you tested, I can compile a list for you of different organizations that you can check out... my job is not to advocate for "MY" organization... my job is to provide you with options and choices, even if those choice lead you somewhere else... MarkAlexisP (12:27:24 AM): Understood. HU Outreach (12:27:24 AM): its my duty to want whats best for my clients, not the organization.. HU Outreach (12:27:49 AM): Once we get you tested... I will compile a list of places that you can check out... HU Outreach (12:28:05 AM): also, you will be assigned a "case manager"... PUT HIM TO WORK FOR YOU! HU Outreach (12:28:23 AM): if you feel like you're a priority... others will too... HU Outreach (12:28:24 AM): MarkAlexisP (12:29:28 AM): Understood. MarkAlexisP (12:29:42 AM): So, do you need any information from me right now? MarkAlexisP (12:29:59 AM): And - where exactly are the testings taking place on Christopher Street. HU Outreach (12:30:37 AM): not really, unless we do the intake over the internet... and then you can just come in to be tested tomorrow... HU Outreach (12:30:54 AM): we will be right infront of the church on Christopher... MarkAlexisP (12:31:53 AM): Let's do the intake here thne. MarkAlexisP (12:31:56 AM): *then MarkAlexisP (12:31:59 AM): No use in waisting time. HU Outreach (12:32:22 AM): well, then... give me a min to open the documents.. MarkAlexisP (12:32:27 AM): Okay MarkAlexisP (12:32:35 AM): Brb (getting something to drink). HU Outreach (12:32:54 AM): let me know when you have returned.. MarkAlexisP (12:34:43 AM): Okay. MarkAlexisP (12:34:45 AM): I'm back. HU Outreach (12:34:55 AM): cool... lets get started...
Instant Message received on 9/28/2005 from MarkAlexisP
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MarkAlexisP (12:35:08 AM): okay. HU Outreach (12:35:16 AM): First and last name... date of birth and current address... MarkAlexisP (12:35:57 AM): Mark-Alexis Bustamante September 1, 1981 1338 Beach Avenue - 1st Floor Bronx, New York 10472
HU Outreach (12:37:49 AM): ok... HU Outreach (12:37:56 AM): living with realitives? MarkAlexisP (12:38:15 AM): Yes - cousin and her two children. HU Outreach (12:38:37 AM): phone... MarkAlexisP (12:39:40 AM): 718 892-8260 HU Outreach (12:40:32 AM): ok, hold on... HU Outreach (12:40:40 AM): your hispanic? MarkAlexisP (12:41:07 AM): Yes. Puerto Rican. HU Outreach (12:41:45 AM): is english your primary languge? MarkAlexisP (12:41:57 AM): Yes. HU Outreach (12:42:01 AM): ok HU Outreach (12:42:48 AM): ok, now... these questions are TOTALLY valuntary and you can choose not to answer any of them... they will impact your services in any manner... ready? MarkAlexisP (12:43:17 AM): They will *not - you mean. MarkAlexisP (12:43:20 AM): MarkAlexisP (12:43:20 AM): And yes. HU Outreach (12:43:50 AM): lol, yes... thats what I mean... sorry... ok... HU Outreach (12:44:15 AM): have you has sexual relations with males females transgenders? MarkAlexisP (12:44:33 AM): Males - yes; Females - yes MarkAlexisP (12:44:41 AM): Transgenders - No. HU Outreach (12:44:44 AM): ok HU Outreach (12:44:54 AM): when was your last HIV test? MarkAlexisP (12:45:20 AM): April of this year I believe. HU Outreach (12:46:26 AM): Any of the people you had sex with, IDU-Needle users? MarkAlexisP (12:47:21 AM): No. HU Outreach (12:48:05 AM): ok... HU Outreach (12:49:34 AM): ever had sex in exchange for drugs or money? MarkAlexisP (12:49:58 AM): Yes. HU Outreach (12:50:23 AM): had sex with someone you knew was HIV positive? MarkAlexisP (12:50:32 AM): No. HU Outreach (12:50:36 AM): ok HU Outreach (12:50:45 AM): ever had an STD before? MarkAlexisP (12:52:38 AM): Syphillis. HU Outreach (12:52:57 AM): do you have a tattoo? MarkAlexisP (12:52:58 AM): That was two weeks prior to receiving my results for HIV. HU Outreach (12:53:04 AM): ok... HU Outreach (12:53:18 AM): ever been the victom of sexual assult? MarkAlexisP (12:53:26 AM): No. HU Outreach (12:53:38 AM): any tattoos? MarkAlexisP (12:53:54 AM): Yes (small tribal dragon on my right shoulder). HU Outreach (12:54:15 AM): ok... HU Outreach (12:54:33 AM): hold on... lemme enter all this data to be caught up, we are almost done... HU Outreach (12:56:30 AM): What made you want to get tested? MarkAlexisP (12:57:00 AM): Well, to confirm my status I suppose. HU Outreach (12:57:16 AM): ok HU Outreach (12:59:03 AM): so you found out you had syphillis within the last 90 days? MarkAlexisP (12:59:15 AM): Oh, no. MarkAlexisP (12:59:36 AM): I found out two weeks prior to my receiving results of my HIV status. MarkAlexisP (12:59:42 AM): That was back in August of 2004. HU Outreach (12:59:47 AM): ooh... ok...
Instant Message received on 9/28/2005 from MarkAlexisP
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HU Outreach (1:00:06 AM): so the test you took in april... that was another HIV test? MarkAlexisP (1:00:35 AM): Correct. I was in a rehabilitation facility. MarkAlexisP (1:00:43 AM): It was required to confirm my status. HU Outreach (1:01:10 AM): as for as your sexuality... what do yo concider yourself to be? MarkAlexisP (1:01:22 AM): Gay. HU Outreach (1:01:24 AM): ok HU Outreach (1:01:48 AM): No, who would you concider to be your "emotional support"? MarkAlexisP (1:02:14 AM): No one. HU Outreach (1:02:22 AM): ok HU Outreach (1:02:51 AM): What changes have you made to your life since you tested positive? who have you told so far? MarkAlexisP (1:03:18 AM): Everyone (and I should've said my mother in terms of "emotional supporter", but we're somewhat estranged at the moment)....
MarkAlexisP (1:03:23 AM): Everyone that I know that is. MarkAlexisP (1:04:07 AM): Brb (bathroom), but you can continue asking... HU Outreach (1:04:16 AM): ok HU Outreach (1:04:39 AM): any current issues of domestice violence? MarkAlexisP (1:10:13 AM): Okay - sorry about that. MarkAlexisP (1:10:23 AM): No - no current issues of domestic violence. HU Outreach (1:10:35 AM): ok.. HU Outreach (1:11:01 AM): and ideas or attempts of Suicide? MarkAlexisP (1:12:27 AM): I had to think... MarkAlexisP (1:12:48 AM): I have had four attempts at suicide - three within the past year... HU Outreach (1:12:55 AM): ok... MarkAlexisP (1:13:00 AM): As for ideas... MarkAlexisP (1:13:07 AM): I have to say no, I've kept them at bay. HU Outreach (1:13:52 AM): so, if you dont mind me asking, what do you do to keep them @ bay? MarkAlexisP (1:15:43 AM): I meditate...I think of my eventual survival and transcendence of my previous bouts with depression/attempts at suicide...I remind myself how suicide is not really an "exit" or "solution"...I think about the love, hope and strength that is still inherent within me...I ponder a future filled with joy and love.
HU Outreach (1:16:54 AM): excellent... if you can find those even in the darkest of days, I believe that you will be fine... HU Outreach (1:17:04 AM): we are almost dont... just a few more questions.. MarkAlexisP (1:17:15 AM): No problem. HU Outreach (1:18:23 AM): Since your last HIV test, how many sexual partners have you had that were MALE FEMALE MarkAlexisP (1:18:53 AM): Honestly, and this is bad: 0 Female, 20+ Male. HU Outreach (1:19:00 AM): ok HU Outreach (1:19:17 AM): and believe me... it isnt a judgement call... so dont worry bout it... MarkAlexisP (1:19:37 AM): ok HU Outreach (1:21:02 AM): and since your last HIV test how often have you used condoms when having anal sex with your partners? Choices are --Never--Less then half the time--More then half the time--Always--Refuse to answer--didnt have sex MarkAlexisP (1:22:22 AM): Less than half the time. HU Outreach (1:23:19 AM): what type of unprotected sex was it? Choices--Anal Receptive (bttm) or Anal Insertive (top) MarkAlexisP (1:23:28 AM): Anal MarkAlexisP (1:23:33 AM): Receptive HU Outreach (1:23:39 AM): ok HU Outreach (1:24:49 AM): Since your last HIV test, have you used any drugs (including prescription drugs) to get high? ? specify which drug(s MarkAlexisP (1:25:19 AM): Crystal Meth, Marijuana, Cocaine, Crack-cocaine. HU Outreach (1:26:30 AM): okk HU Outreach (1:27:00 AM): have you ever injected drugs with a needle someone else used? MarkAlexisP (1:27:20 AM): No. HU Outreach (1:28:32 AM): ok, so list one risk fact that you would like to work on to prevent further exposure to HIV... MarkAlexisP (1:28:51 AM): Um... MarkAlexisP (1:29:06 AM): Getting a home, getting a job, focusing myself. HU Outreach (1:30:18 AM): this question is more about some of the things you do now... that put you at risk for further infection... so for example if you smoke crack, what would you do to try to make sure you use a condom... MarkAlexisP (1:30:47 AM): I really can't answer the question. MarkAlexisP (1:30:52 AM): I'm not currently using drugs.
Instant Message received on 9/28/2005 from MarkAlexisP
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MarkAlexisP (1:31:10 AM): I suppose, refocus my energies and not be so promsicuous. HU Outreach (1:31:41 AM): ok, so that was just an example... so when hooking up with someone, one is one thing you would like to make sure you alwayz remember to do before having sex... MarkAlexisP (1:32:04 AM): Use a condom. HU Outreach (1:32:09 AM): ok HU Outreach (1:32:47 AM): that is it for the intake... HU Outreach (1:33:35 AM): Once you come to the van tomorrw, all you would need to do is take the test... 20 mins... then the ora-sure... ask for ME when you get to the van... MarkAlexisP (1:34:22 AM): Christopher Street and what again? HU Outreach (1:34:24 AM): so let me share with you some information you may or maynot be aware of... you can re-infect urself with HIV MarkAlexisP (1:34:27 AM): And at 7pm, correct. MarkAlexisP (1:34:31 AM): Okay. MarkAlexisP (1:34:32 AM): Explain HU Outreach (1:34:36 AM): yes... come by 7:30... HU Outreach (1:35:30 AM): HIV is specific to each person... and once you have it... you can also catch another persons "version" of HIV... which can complicate medications and cause further damage to the body MarkAlexisP (1:35:42 AM): What is your name? Where exactly on Christopher Street. MarkAlexisP (1:35:43 AM): Okay. HU Outreach (1:36:21 AM): My name is Xavior... we will be right infront of the church on christopher street toward the end by the pier... it will be a gold caravan MarkAlexisP (1:38:08 AM): What avenue tho, I'm not good with sites. HU Outreach (1:38:35 AM): ahh... ok... lemme look up the map... cause I dont want to give you the wrong street address... HU Outreach (1:40:28 AM): Ok, Christopher and Greenwhich St. MarkAlexisP (1:41:05 AM): Okay, cool - not too far from where I'm interning. MarkAlexisP (1:41:16 AM): So, after that test. I'm assuming you guys will be contacting me? HU Outreach (1:41:49 AM): yes... we will set a return date for your confirmitory results and set you up from there... MarkAlexisP (1:42:08 AM): Okay. MarkAlexisP (1:42:16 AM): So I dont get the results right then and there. HU Outreach (1:42:24 AM): you will for the RAPID... HU Outreach (1:42:49 AM): but EVERY positive with the rapid test must be follow-up with the Confirmitory... MarkAlexisP (1:43:05 AM): Ah, I see. Understood. MarkAlexisP (1:43:20 AM): Now, on a side note, do you know of any places hiring "within the community"... HU Outreach (1:43:34 AM): it will be sent to lab one... then from that point... we treat it as a DEFINATE positve... MarkAlexisP (1:43:45 AM): I have extensive experience in Office Administration and Sales/Customer Service Support. HU Outreach (1:44:36 AM): I will look up that information as well... I should have some leads for you when I see you... also, the center has a bulleten board with job postings... you can check there when you're there... MarkAlexisP (1:45:03 AM): Which center, yours or mine? MarkAlexisP (1:45:03 AM): lol HU Outreach (1:45:16 AM): the Gay and Lesbian Center... MarkAlexisP (1:47:01 AM): Actually, it's not really a job bulletin. MarkAlexisP (1:47:15 AM): More like advertisments and event listings - stuff like that. HU Outreach (1:47:59 AM): ahh, ok... I will look into it and see what I can locate... lemme add it to my calendar for work in the am... MarkAlexisP (1:48:29 AM): Do you want a copy of my resume? HU Outreach (1:48:49 AM): sure, send it to xford@harlemunited.org HU Outreach (1:49:30 AM): When you first tested... did you do a partner notification form? or did people talk to you about that? MarkAlexisP (1:50:12 AM): I did - peripherally touching upon my "partners", due to the fact that I've been so promiscuous. MarkAlexisP (1:50:18 AM): I sent my resume to both your e-mails. HU Outreach (1:50:23 AM): ok HU Outreach (1:51:18 AM): well sir, it is bout that time for me to hit the sheets, we both have a busy day today and I will be expecting you later tonight... MarkAlexisP (1:52:21 AM): Okay baby...well thank you for encouraging me to get the "ball moving". I do feel a lot better than I did when we first started out tonight. I'm keeping my fingers crossed as to the help I will receive.
HU Outreach (1:53:54 AM): I am going to share with you what I share with all the people I talk to... Dont try, DO... Dont hope,
Instant Message received on 9/28/2005 from MarkAlexisP
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KNOW MarkAlexisP (1:54:54 AM): MarkAlexisP (1:55:09 AM): HU Outreach (1:55:17 AM): You've come this far by faith... continue with courage...
goodnight...