Weird World by JTMB
Jared Blunk 835 S. Oxford Ave. #415 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Jaredblunk1@gmail.com
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Three friends, Wally, Willy and Wanda, are having a casual conversation in their living room. Wanda is seated in the center with Wally and Willy on either side. There are three untouched glasses of water on the coffee table. Willy is wearing a t-shirt with the words "I'm not taking any chances" on it. WALLY You know, I read online that in the world, there are more men than women. Like 100 women for like every 1,000 men. Wow!
WANDA
WILLY That's crazy! WANDA That's funny because in this room, there are two boys and I'm the only girl! Wanda laughs. WALLY Yeah, it is! Wally and Wanda laugh. WILLY I guess it's like they say, "You never know what you're gonna get!" Complete silence. Wally and Wanda frown. A beat passes as all three of them try to think up another topic. Another beat with no one talking. Suddenly Willy laughs. WILLY (CONT’D) (pleased with himself) Aaahhh... "you never know..." WANDA You know... I just remembered, the funniest thing happened to meWALLY (overlapping) What was it?
(CONTINUED)
2. CONTINUED: WANDA (overlapping) ...the other day. A quick beat. WALLY What was it? WANDA Well... I was walking down the street and listening to music on my headphones when I heard a car pull up beside me... Wanda swallows dryly. She gets a quick drink of water from Wally's glass on the table. She puts it down, leaving a large lipstick stain. As she resumes her story, Wally, seated off camera, reaches in and switches his glass with her's. WANDA (CONT’D) There was a black guy driving the car, and he pulled over to ask me what time it was. The funny thing is, when I took off my headphones, I realized he was listening to the same music that was playing in my headphones! It was even the same part! WILLY (astonished) Whoaaaaaa! I know!
WANDA
WALLY That's amazing! WANDA I know! It was like he was listening to the same radio station or something! WALLY That's so weird! They all chuckle. WILLY ...So, what time was it?
(CONTINUED)
3. CONTINUED: (2) WANDA Um, I didn't have a watch. Oh.
WILLY
Wally clears his throat and shifts in his seat. Wanda takes another drink of water, but this time from Willy's glass. WALLY You know... I remember when something like that happened to me. Angle on Wanda and Willy as they lean in to hear. WALLY (CONT’D) It was about ten years ago... I was waiting for my father to come out of the rest room, and I distinctly remember having a red ball in my hand. I suddenly dropped the ball and it went rolling down the stairs. I chased after it, fell down the stairs, cracked my skull open and started bleeding everywhere. Wally pauses for effect. Angle on Wanda and Willy, who have absolutely no reaction. WALLY (CONT’D) Get this... I look down at the ball, I look down at the blood... it's the same red! Huge reaction from Wanda and Willy. WILLY (dumbfounded) Whooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Willy falls back in his seat, hand on head, overwhelmed. No way!
WANDA
WALLY (emphatically) Yes!... That happened.
(CONTINUED)
4. CONTINUED: (3) WILLY That's crazy! I almost can't believe it happened! WALLY Well it did. WANDA I believe it. WILLY Yeah, I believe it too. I was just saying that because of the way that he told the story, it made it sound... unbelievable... Willy trails off to an incoherent mumble. There is another, shorter pause. Wanda and Willy begin at the same time. WANDA (overlapping) Blood has a distinct tasteWILLY (overlapping) I remember this one timeWANDA Oh! I'm sorry go ahead. WILLY No, you go. WANDA No, please I insist. WILLY No, really I don't have anything important, I was just, it was nothing, I just started, and it was just... (mumbling). Wanda waits for him to stop mumbling. Again, Wanda and Willy start talking at the same time. WANDA (overlapping) What I was going to sayWILLY (overlapping) What I was going to say- Oh! (MORE) (CONTINUED)
5. CONTINUED: (4)
WILLY (CONT'D) I'm sorry I was gonna let you talk, but you insisted, so I started again. WANDA No, it's okay. Please. Go. WILLY Well, I just wanted to share a story. It was about ten years ago... or maybe ten months ago, I really don't know exactly. It had to have been at least five years ago. Let's say it was a few years back. Maybe less than a year. About ten months ago. Maybe more. I'm not too sure but I think it was in Summertime because I remember wearing shorts. But it might have been winter because I would be indoors if it snowed, so I could have worn shorts then too. Unless of course if I went outside; then I'd have to put on some pants. Of course I could just put the pants over the shorts and still be warm in the snow. It would even be a little extra warm because the shorts would keep the cold out with that extra layer of cloth! Ha ha. But I don't think I wore shorts in the Wintertime, even when I was inside. Because you never know!
Willy starts laughing. Wally and Wanda are watching him, expressionless. Willy sighs, deeply satisfied and tickled by his own "story". He picks up his glass of water and brings it to his mouth. He stops when he sees the lipstick stain. Ew.
WILLY (CONT’D)
He puts it back on the table. WANDA I just remembered something. Whoa, this is weird. Wasn't there a Russian leader named Lenin? WALLY I think so.
(CONTINUED)
6. CONTINUED: (5) WILLY (sceptical) Maybe. WANDA Well, one time I was watching TV, and the TV just shut off! WILLY Wait, what? WANDA I got up to turn it back on, and as soon as I stand up, it turns itself back on! WALLY Oh. My. God. WANDA (emphatically) What's weird is I think the program that I was watching was about Lenin. The Russian guy. WALLY Whoa. Maybe it was his ghost!? WILLY Wait a second. Hold on one second. Did you just say "Lenin"...? I think he was in a band too. I remember hearing that name "Lenin" before. And I think he's a ghost too! Wally snaps his fingers. WALLY Oh my god, the guys from the Beatles! WILLY Whoa that's it! WANDA Wait, but Russian leaders can't be musicians... WALLY What was that Russian leader's first name?
(CONTINUED)
7. CONTINUED: (6) WANDA ...can they? WILLY I think it was like Joseph or John? Wally gasps. WALLY Oh my god, it's him! Joseph Lenin! I think he played bass in the Beatles! Each of them is deeply disturbed by this "fact". WANDA Whoa! That's weird you guys. What does that mean? WILLY How can we ever know for sure? WALLY It's like there's this whole mystical underpinning of society. WANDA (distressed) But, what does it mean!? WALLY It's like a transcendent realm with like inter-tangling threads ofWhoa.
WILLY
WALLY ...metaphysical spheres meshing and colliding beneath the whole crutch of civilization! WILLY (unnerved) Whoa, that's too crazy. Let's not talk about it any more. WANDA Yeah, I'm starting to get scared!
(CONTINUED)
8. CONTINUED: (7) WALLY Okay. Yeah, maybe we should just watch some TV. All three relax back into their seats. Wally turns on the television. The sound of a placid marsh and a man's voice become audible. MAN ON TV It sure looks calm out there, but I'm not taking any chances. Willy shrieks, one loud high-pitched yell. Ee!
WILLY
He covers his mouth in shock. Through his hand he says: Gys!?
WILLY (CONT’D)
With his free hand, Willy wildly gestures to his shirt and the words "I'm not taking any chances." Oh my god!
WALLY
Dark thematic music enters the TV soundtrack. Wally frantically turns it off. WANDA What does that mean!? WALLY I don't know! Willy, his hands still over his mouth, yelps again. Ee!
WILLY
Wally starts climbing behind his chair. WALLY Let's just remain calm. (Frantic) Take off that shirt! In a panic, Willy struggles to pull the shirt over his head while still covering his mouth. Wanda begins burying herself in the couch cushions to hide.
(CONTINUED)
9. CONTINUED: (8)
Oh my god.
WANDA
WALLY Let's just remain calm. It's not like one of us is going to die or anything! Willy yells through his hand, under his shirt: Wht? Wht!?
WILLY
WANDA Oh my god! Why did you say that!? Now because you said it, it's going to happen! WALLY It's not gonna happen guys, just stay calm! Oh God, why did I say anything!? Wanda is covered in couch cushions, hugging them, her eyes darting wildly. WANDA We're gonna die. We're gonna die. Willy puts his shirt down. He is sucking his thumb, tugging at his shirt and literally whining and crying. Wally gets down on his knees and begins praying dramatically. WALLY Oh God! Oh God! Why!? Why did I say something? Why, God? Why!? Dramatic tension builds. WALLY (CONT’D) Why, God? Why did I say anything!? WANDA We're gonna dieeeeee! Willy pulls a slobbery thumb from his mouth. WILLY Moooooommmmmmy!
(CONTINUED)
10. CONTINUED: (9) Suddenly a half-naked man, Darryl, walks partially into view. His stretched-out briefs in plain view under a small sleep shirt. DARRYL (top of his lungs) Shut up! Shut up! Shut uuuuup! Darryl is convulsing with anger. Wally, Willy and Wanda stare at him, terrified. Darryl stomps his foot to scare them and flounces away. Wally, Willy and Wanda exhale, deeply relieved. WANDA Whoa...! I thought he was gonna kill us! WALLY Me too. I thought that was it! I thought we were dead! WANDA I though we wouldn't be alive right now. I thought we were goners! Willy bursts into a fit of energy, throwing his arms. WILLY Did that seriously just happen!? They begin to relax and laugh a little. Whoa.
WALLY
WANDA I am like seriously... shocked. They sit back in their seats and Wally begins to chuckle a bit, lightening the mood. WILLY That was too much. I think I peed on myself. They all chuckle a bit more. Wally pretends to be scared by him again. WALLY Boo. Ha ha. They laugh at that. Their laughter winds down to sighs.
(CONTINUED)
11. CONTINUED: (10) WANDA XXIs there any more weed?XX THE END