FBI uses satellite dishes to control Max Jasper
Scienticians Clone Idiot
Max Jasper for test subject
Hello again loyal subjects, It’s your king again so bow down and bring some pizza. I’m here to inform you that as your king I don’t have to do as much work and the magazines will be bigger and possibly better. I have people writing some of the articles and all I have to do is type them up. I still write a lot of the crap shoved in this magazine and thrown at you. I also have some bad news, I’m gonna have to start charging you for the magazine. I need money to buy toner for my printer or else I won’t be able to make Possible Truth anymore. This issue is free but from now on it’ll cost you 50 cents to buy a copy or 25 cents to borrow if you can keep it nice and crispy for resale. I hope you all enjoy this issue of Possible Truth. Once again, my email is DISCOBEAR360@hotmail.com. Sincerely, King Max Jasper of Farmington,
NH
The Best Place in the world A true story by Max Jasper My parents sent me to work in a pillow factory to get some extra money to publish my magazine. When I’m there I’m supposed to pull the pillows off the walls and chew them open, then I go and pound on the door really hard until the men in doctor costumes come and put a shot in my arm. Sometimes when I wake up I’m wearing a really tight jacket and I can’t move my arms. During my lunch break a lady in a nurse costume comes in to my room and spoon feeds me pudding and gives me work-improvement capsules. I don’t see why they have to give me those pills, as I’m a very good worker. Also, I don’t understand why the people always wear doctor costumes. Maybe they’re all having a company costume party. If they are then why didn’t they invite me? At night little people come out of the walls and tell me to do things. One night they told me to copy everything the people in doctor costumes do because they are the best workers and also to eat lots of the work-improvement capsules because
they are good for me. So when morning came I ran past all of the doctor costume people and found the closet with the costumes and capsules. I put on a costume and ate thirteen bottles of capsules. I took the rest of the capsules to the workers who weren’t doing as well as I was and made them eat some.
The capsules that I ate made me sprout wings and glow with happiness that the angels told me to spread to the whole world. I ran to the window and flung it wide open and flew through the whole world spreading happiness and joy to everyone everywhere. At the end of that perfect day I went to sleep on a cloud only to wake up the next morning in the duck pond outside of the pillow factory. I took the duck’s feathers and carried them with me to make into pillows. I knew everyone would be very happy. When I came back inside, I got a promotion for doing so well with my feather gathering. They strapped me to a table and put things on my forehead and then told me to stay very still while they turned on the pillow manufacturing machine. But then lightning hit the building and sent shocks through my brain. When I woke up the costumed people said that I was cured and I could go home. They said that since I was going back to school that I would need the capsules but only for a few months. When I got home my dad told me to write about my experience at the factory and we could put it in my magazine. So I did, and now I wonder, did I get
paid?
FBI uses satellite dishes to control Max Jasper
On Wednesday, September 29, 2008, Max Jasper found out that the FBI was controlling him by making him write stupid magazines as a government cover up operation. Yes, every single article in Possible Truth magazine is 100% true. The FBI is sending Max Jasper stories to write but everybody thinks he’s such a psycho that they don’t even believe this. You are all so wrong and upside down about everything, unless you’ve believed every word that I’ve typed so far. It seems that the FBI are using satellite dishes to send a beam into space that tips over some dominos and presses a button to make sure that the guys sending me the stories stay
awake and don’t slack off and play with the other secret military issue dominos. Max Jasper only commented by saying “no comment!” and then fell over and started drooling. That’s the most interesting thing that I found out this week. Yay! Happy! Shiny!
And now, for all you sports fans, it’s…
Boston Bankees Out for the Season By Silas Thompson whose e-mail is Fisherman478@gmail.com
Breaking news. Yesterday while the Boston Bankees were playing against the New York Med Pox in a Baseball game, Java Pancouve was pitching against Twolio Hugo in the top of the first inning with no outs. Pancouve pitched a 132 mph fastball and Hugo hit it! It looked like Twolio was about to hit his 800th home run but while the ball was still in the air, an airplane came out of nowhere and the ball got caught in the plane’s propeller. The propeller cut the ball up
into 5,374 tiny pieces. Every single piece of the destroyed ball was caught by Ollie Everest, ending the whole season for the Bankees.
The Denver Dragons Lose Again! Also by Silas Thompson Yesterday the Denver Dragons lost against the worst team in the NBA, the Miami Whales. The score was 64 – 132. The Denver Dragons have gone on a 41 game losing streak, the biggest ever. Their star player, Joe Jaxon, scored 52 points out of the team’s 64. When will this losing streak end? Their next game against the Transylvania Tigers starts on November 3rd. Hopefully they win this one or they will become the worst team in NBA history.
The Luckiest Team on Earth Once again, by Silas Thompson Yesterday an amazing thing happened, with three seconds left in the fourth quarter the Milton Marmosets were down by six. They needed a touchdown to win. Mike Brady hiked the ball and gunned it down into the end zone with a Covenant Carbine he picked up from an enemy. A defender tipped the ball into the hands of Mark Bennete, the best wide receiver in football. It looked like the Marmosets were going to win but Bennette, instead of catching the ball, accidentally tipped it back into the air. Then another defender tipped it to another defender,
then another, then another. It finally ended up in the hands of Mike Brady, the quarterback who had thrown the ball in the first place. The Marmosets went on to win 20 – 21. I have never in my life seen anything like it.
Hey everyone! And especially you! Ya I’m talkin’ to you! Ya you wit da face! Ya I know you! Get over here so I can….
And now its time for Ask Cindy. Its our very first, REAL, anonymous letter. Dear Cindy, My girlfriend broke up with me… Now when I see her she ignores me… I think she has a girlfriend now. What should I do? --Lonely girl 108 Dear lonely girl, Um… ya… okaaaay… this is a little strange… Okay, so you’re saying that you’re girlfriend left you and you’re lonely GIRL? I have nothing against you, I just didn’t think that my first help letter would be like this. Well, anyway, I think that you should think about why your girlfriend left you and try and see if it would be better if you both just tried to stay friends but move on. I hope that this letter was helpful to you. Bye now,
Cindy
Now for the…
The campfire corner is a place where you can submit scary, twisted, or weird stories. Make sure that you use your own ideas and don’t plagiarize or Maxxy will get sued.
I Poisoned my Dog! A happy, heartwarming tale by Adam Crepeau (Dragonkid012296@aol.com)
A kid named Billy Gates lives in the town of Wishville. He got in trouble for hacking Google. His mother sent him to a summer camp for misbehaved kids. Every day at camp he had 2000 cement blocks that he had to move to a construction site, 30 miles away. When he got back in the fall of 2009 he schemed up a plan so evil, so deceiving, that he himself couldn’t bear it. The next day he went to the bakery down the street. There, he bought a cookbook, which he brought home and baked a pie using rat poison. He left the pie on the kitchen table for his mother to find. When he came back he noticed that his death-pie was mostly gone and that his dog, Old Drum, was laying on the floor dead. Old Drum was his only friend and only love. His mother walked in to see her son sobbing on the floor. He explained to her that he had baked the pie and for what purpose. She told him that she had already eaten, and although the pie
looked delicious, she decided not to eat it. Billy put the remaining pie in the refrigerator. A few days later he decides to eat the pie because he had nothing to live for. And they all lived happily ever after. Don’t get any ideas.
A Dream dreamed and written by Dora Jasper I got up under a tree on a sunny day with chipmunks trying to eat my hair so I took one for my Dad and shoved it in a drawer in my shoe and walked inside. I got out some cheese and orange juice and put them in my closet. I got out a few muffins and took them outside to my garden and planted them for my tree house where I sell cakes because the muffins I grow turn into the best quality cakes and I get tons of money from them. I went back inside through the hallway full of the animals that follow me home from the forest that has the best apple trees with delicious apples and tons of branches that I climb. I bring apples home for pies every week. I picked up an odd lizard with two tails for my mom and put it in the cage inside my hat because it could get into a fight with the chipmunk. I went upstairs to my bedroom and burnt my bed to ashes for a project. I got out my sewing machine and made a dress and hat with hidden pockets for bringing things to places where they aren’t allowed. It took only about half an hour and after that I got out my live bug collection and recorded them. I have cicadas, grasshoppers, bees, and bugs that nobody else has ever named so I’m going to name them and they sound like anything they want to. I put them away and went down and ate a bagel that looked like a tiny moose and it wouldn’t stop yelling “banana” at me. I went outside and walked to the forest with my piggy bag to pick apples and climb trees. I spent two hours there and a raccoon with an orange vest followed me home and when we got there I taught it to do flips and I put it in the hallway near the other raccoons. I walked back outside again and fished for my shoes I lost yesterday. I found my shoelaces but no shoes so I went inside and made a different pair with tons of cool stuff like drawers and lights and cages that popped out. I put them on and went to the park to look for worms for my birds and I found a trowel there and installed it in my right shoe. It worked really well for digging up worms and there was a hole in my shoe that I flipped worms into. I got 32 and went back home to feed my birds. Then I got a scuba diving suit on to sleep in and sharpened pencils until I fell asleep on top of my piano and woke up in my pool—which only happens on Thursdays.
The Exciting conclusion of…
Cow vs. Rooster By: Max Jasper
Ok, I lied. It’s not an entire article. Here’s how it ends. The cow was sold to a steak factory and the Rooster ended up in jail for numerous convenience store robberies. He later “flew the coop” and hasn’t been seen for several months. Time for a longer and much more interesting story…
Scienticians Clone Idiot By Max Jasper On jds d dsdns djsd jdjsdnhd ddhwb andj ajdnsdnfd sdnbfns jkdnsugd djcbsvhwjsf///addw
Now by A lobotomized orangutan pounding its head on the keyboard: A little while ago, BBC (British Broadcasting Company) agents came to Max Jasper’s house and took him to their secret, subterranean lair. While there they performed strange tests involving dynamite getting shoved in his brain. Sadly, he didn’t even have enough to blow his nose.
Just two weeks ago, Max Jasper discovered that they were cloning him and he had a brand new himself. The BBC agents improved this clone though. It was much more intelligent than Max (a little bit smarter than a potato). And the clone could fly and summon Abe Lincoln by tearing off its own ear and drawing a face, hat, and beard on it. Max Jasper, using his ultra-super turtle power, teamed up with Jax Masper (the clone) to fight crime and watch television. I’m quite sorry to inform anyone who was looking forward to the conclusion of “Space Dwarves, Fact or Crap?” that I currently have no new information on the subject. Sorry. Please don’t kill me.
What gives people?!?!?! No ads?! I thought you cared about my feelings. I need
ads to live. If I don’t get any ads for issue 3… I might not make it to make issue 4! p.s. Please contact me about anything at DISCOBEAR360@hotmail.com. p.s.s. I’m going to start an email newsletter for updates and previews on Possible Truth.
Welcome to the secret back cover of Possible Truth. Here you can sign up for the Possible Truth club!!! Just fill out the form and give it to Max. As a member of the Possible Truth club you are entitled to such things as: previews to the upcoming magazine, a cool code name, protection from our mind control beam, free air, and if I feel like it I’ll make badges.
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Little Menace Publishing co .
“I didn’t do it” By now! M@>< J@593R