The Sublime Zine Issue 6

6 A Magazine for the arts and culture.

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Editors note...

Season’s Greetings to all our Sublime Readers!

Here at Sublime, we like to think that even in an era of extremes such as this one, it’s possible to take the gluttony and excess, the poverty and despair, and hope for a time when a happy medium can be achieved for all. The holidays can be a joyous time, but they can also be tough. We appreciate being able to take a moment to reflect on a year past, to soothe and repair and then go on enjoying the festivities. Remember it’s not the price or the excess that counts, it’s the company. A little reflection can go a long way to a happier New year.

In the festive spirit, this month we bring you some delicious, mouth-watering recipes. Sick of frozen Iceland tat? Always wanted to cook for company but never had the nerve? Now’s your chance! We also have the usual features on a wide variety of artists, some thought-provoking articles and that most Christmassy of things, a review of a book about Jesus! It’s not the bible, but it may prove gospel. We also have some tech on show for those looking to pick up a late present for themselves, and a healthy dose of the usual pretentious ramblings. Cleanse the soul and stuff your face, your festive edition is here!

Remember guys, keep on submitting and Keep it Surreal, Oh and Merry Christmas Love From Luke, Jaxx and Jon.

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In This Issue...

Contents RICHARD ELLIS

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MOTHER 12 BEHIND THE LENS 13 MAX WHETTER

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EXISTENSIAL BULL SH*T 18 JENNIFER QUINN 20 YORKSHIRE PUDDING

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CRANBERRY AND APPLE SAUSAGE ROLLS

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SPECKLEDTOOTH; THE ART OF CHARITY

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RAK – HOME OF THE HITS FAKE TITS

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Z2 40 ANNE WHETTER 44 LAPTOPS AND TABLETS 50 HEIDI WILLIS

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FROM SAVAGE TO SCIENTIST

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LEMON AND THYME PORK STUFFING 62 LEMON AND THYME ROAST TURKEY 63 THE SECOND COMING BY JOHN NIVEN 64

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A Selection Of Work By

RICHARD ELLIS 4 The Sublime

“Under the cover of night I don a beret, slip into an artist’s smock and grab a handful of 8b pencils. OK, so maybe I don’t wear the stereotypical artists outfit, but I do use some very dark pencils”.

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city’s university. Like most people I explored lots of different mediums, many of which have helped to inform my design work today. But I always kept going back to this tonally dark style of drawing that has seemed to come more naturally to me.

So how did you make the transition from art student to illustrator?

After leaving University I gravitated towards working in Graphic Design / Illustration and Art became secondary for some time. A few years back I went to a life drawing class with a friend, which helped to reignited my interest. On the back of this, the same friend (Gareth Evans) set up a weekly art club.

There’s a small group of us that meet up at each other’s houses. We just sit around painting, drawing and chatting. It’s a great help to make sure that we’re all working on something every week.

This month we (virtually) met with Richard Ellis, an illustrator with a sinister yet humorous style that leaves your eyes wanting more. We came across his work and had to share its simple genius with you!

Its great to meet another illustrator, break the mystery and tell the readers who you are.

My names Richard Ellis, I live in Basingstoke, Hampshire. During the day I graphically design stuff for large corporate clients. This is all well and good, but it can have the effect of numbing your soul. So under the cover of night I don a beret, slip into an artist’s smock and grab a handful of 8b pencils. OK, so maybe I don’t wear the stereotypical artists outfit, but I do use some very dark pencils.

Sounds like a dream double life to have. Why do you want to go into this field?

How did you get into art?

Is art a passion for you?

I’m from Portsmouth originally and I didn’t think that they’d let me join the Navy due to my black, charcoal stained hands. So my only other sensible option was to study Art, Design and Media at the 6 The Sublime

I’ve always drawn and created art, with the occasional gap here and there. When the other kids were outside in the sunshine, running, laughing, playing football and forming terrifying teenage gangs, I

was hiding in my bedroom drawing imaginary big toothed creatures. So maybe I’ve subconsciously got into art to avoid playing team sports? I think what I’m trying to say is that it’s just something that I’ve always done, so I guess that would count as a passion.

Do you have a vision for your work?

Not really, it’s more about expressing myself through drawing and mark making. Just escapism really, so I don’t tend to plan ahead with some grand vision in mind. I don’t even tend to sketch out most of the pictures first; I just start drawing in detail and built it out from the starting point. I think I’m more interested in trying to express emotion or personality in the quality of a line or tone then trying to convey a particular concept or vision.

In what ways do you think your viewers respond to your illustrations?

I don’t think this is something that I consciously consider. Sometimes people respond positively to them and sometimes they think they’re eye sores. I think I’m more surprised when people like them, as they’re not exactly positive, bright and breezy images.

Do you see yourself in your artwork?

I see aspects of myself in the artwork, mainly the brooding, melancholy aspects of my personality. I expect that making that sort of artwork is my way of getting rid of some of that, but I’m not consciously trying to do that in some kind of self absorbed way.

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feel to them, but they never seem to come out that way. In the past people have asked me to draw their pet kitten or favourite stuffed toy, they’re always horrified when I hand them back a sketch of something that looks like it’s crawled out from the gates of Hades.

What do you think your work stands for?

I’m not sure, but whatever it is, it’s definitely something slightly sinister.

Describe yourself in one word. Why that word?

Maybe ‘Anxious’? But is it really possible for anyone to easily answer that question, we’re all multi-faceted to one degree or another. The answer for me would at times be generous, sometimes kind, sometimes funny, but equally sarcastic and irritable.

What motivates your work?

Nervous anxiety motivates me to draw.

What are you up to atm?

I’m exhibiting prints of my work in a gallery in Basingstoke, Hampshire called ‘All our own work’.

It’s been a great project to be involved in, as all of the work is by a wide range of talented local artists. The gallery has also had a great response from the public.

It’s a pop-up gallery located in the main shopping centre, which I think has made it much more accessible to everyone. Sometimes art can be perceived as being an elitist institution, which can deter many people from engaging with it, or from exploring their own creativity. So I think that these kinds of gallery spaces help to break down those barriers.

The funniest thing about you is?

I asked my wife what she thought the funniest thing about me was, she said it was my face! I do look a little bit like a haggard Wallace and Gromit character.

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Where are you heading next with your work?

I’ve had quite a big hiatus over the last few years, so my main motivation at the moment is too just keep creating artwork. I’ve been using social media to try to build a bigger audience, which in turn helps to motivate me. Here’s a few links below if your readers would like to follow me on one of them: An artist’s page on Facebook: www.facebook.com/MrRichardEllis A new twitter account that I’m trying to get to grips with: www.twitter.com/roboellis An online shop selling limited prints: www.etsy.com/uk/shop/MrRichardEllis A micro blog with lots of examples of work: www.roboellis.tumblr.com

Be sure to check out Richards blogs and pages, a sense of humour and talent is what is on offer.

Myself and the sublime have been going through it all over and over, laughing and being inspired at the same time.

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A Poem By Natasha Borton

MOTHER Rose petals, falling from the vase in whispers of white, browned.

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A Poem By Mottled Gray

BEHIND THE LENS Anticipate the moment: Hold your breath until you know You cannot grip its’ tail.

It slips to Air – And moments vanished.

But something you can’t fathom Has just happened.

The spark of furnace Buried deep inside your mind That burns to surface Yearns eternal gratitude and service– You accept.

And with a partner now You gasp for air And force yourself from darkness, Claw with all your breath And crawl like serpents Writhing in their nest.

Just perched for recognition.

Now that part of you that rested wakes, And growls in guts, Your stomach clenched As it tries forcing your submission.

Now you wrestle with yourself But just destroy the part you miss, You can’t resist, And overwhelmed you sit Alone.

And listen to your silent chaos.

Living just behind the lens.

As contemplation trickles Through your head And into caves and crevices, You vegetate And stare Into the empty space ahead.

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A Selection Of Work By

MAX WHETTER

Max Whetter is a skateboarder and illustrator who is also the son of this months cover artist. His work has humor and a strong cultural reference of our stone washed sunny days at the local skate park. Born in Cornwall England, Max has always 14 The Sublime

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been into skateboarding, photography and drawing monsters.

From an early age he was surrounded by art with his mother creating amazing nude paintings, in his late teens he tried his hand at college but couldn’t find himself belonging their and instead he got influence and skill from life and being around his mother.

His simple yet effective style wreaks with strong cultural elements, full of humor that constantly references the angst of young adulthood and a broken society of the Mighty Blighty With in the work you can see a strong reference to 80’s sub cultures and horror films, you can almost hear the west coast bands of America twanging on their Fender Jag guitars singing about the waves and wind and rolling on hard black asphalt with vert wheels. The message is drawn simple with hard black lines and repetition, our country is broken; our country is full of dim whitts and Max’s illustrations show us how messed up things are in a way that we cant deny is just funny.

Through its simplicity you can see what trends are being exploited on tumblr by the candy haired scene girls longing for a skater boy lover. I really like Max’s work and I hope that one day some one laughs that hard looking at them they employ him to make monthly illustrations for their savvy sophisticated art and culture magazine, wait hang on! We have one of those! Could be something to look out for in the future.

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A Rant By Callum Terras

EXISTENSIAL BULL SH*T i’m dead. not now, but i will be, one day. memento mori, remember that you will die. to know that you will one day die is to know that you are dead already. we are all slowly dying, slowly living. what’s the difference? what does it matter? how liberating it is to know that you are dead. fated to die. fated to live. again, what’s the difference? two sides of the same coin. i don’t feel inspired to write anything that isn’t this, so why should i? more importantly, how can i? i only do what i feel inspired to do. is that what life is? a series of inspirations? if we only do what we are inspired to do, does that not ultimately defeat the concept of free will? what is the nature of inspiration, of idea? where do inspirations come from? i can only write what comes to my mind, do i have any real choice in this? did i ever? i reject the idea of free will, and i’m happier for it. i can only do what i feel like doing, because is there an alternative? are you ever going to do anything else, but what you are inspired to do? i don’t particularly care for writing this, but somehow, by something, i’m compelled to write these words. from where does this compulsion come from? i most certainly did not generate this compulsion, so what is the source of this compulsion, the source of inspiration? here i am, writing this. i feel apathetic towards it, but i’m writing it, nonetheless. and in my mind, the fact that i’m laid here writing this, inspired to tap these words out, is a testament to something. to fate? am i a reluctant prophet of some kind? i don’t know. i don’t care. but i’m writing these words, and i did not generate the desire to

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write these words. and here i am, writing words i care not for, but writing them, again, nonetheless. i could be not writing these words, i could be doing something else, but am i? no, i am here, writing these words. in this moment, i am compelled to write these words, inspired to write these words. if i was inspired to do something else, like make a cup of tea, i would go and do so. but i am not inspired to make a cup of tea. i am inspired to write these words. i am not watching a film. i am not looking at pictures of cats. i am not liking your selfie on facebook. i am writing these words. and i care not for paragraphs, and i care not for capitalisation. and i was inspired to write that. fated to write that? i do as i am told, but by whom? inspiration, the compulsion to perform an action, even the action of inaction, where does it come from? do you care? if you’re reading this, why are you reading this? what compels you to read this? what inspires you to read this? do you inspire yourself, do you put your own ideas and actions in your head? do you think that you decided to read this? hah. why am i writing this? because i am fated to? can i really choose not to write this? not as long as i feel compelled to, inspired to. the apathetic mystic, preaching fate. who cares? i know i don’t. why should you? maybe that’s the point. why care at all? you’re already dead. you’re slowly dying, you’re slowly living. you’re walking from point a to point b. and what of it? do you really have a choice over where you’re headed, if you only do as you’re inspired to do? or are you really just a passenger on a journey from point a to point b? do you really think you have control over your life? do you really think you have choices? you will only ever do what you’re inspired to do. you will only ever “choose” what you’re inspired to choose. none of this

is original thought. i feel disgusted even writing it. apathetically disgusted. i don’t even know why. i don’t even care why. all i know is that i am compelled to write it, and that’s enough for me. and that’s how i live on a day to day basis. i just do as i’m told. by whom? fate? hah. what a silly boy. maybe that’s why i feel disgusted writing this. sharing this with people that will probably laugh at it and then dismiss it. but then i remember, if they’re reading it, then they were fated to read it. i could talk about synchronicity, and causality, and the inter-connected nature of humanity. but i won’t. i will if inspired to, because that’s all i can ever do. maybe i will be fated to? who knows. i know i don’t. all i know is that if i’m inspired to write about something, it’s because i’m inspired to write about it. how fucking powerless we are. but so what? i don’t mind doing what i’m fated to do. i don’t mind what the fates impose on me. sickness, joy, suffering, pleasure, heartbreak. i didn’t have any choice in the matter, so be it. i’m happy, i’m always happy. even when i’m contemplating suicide, i’m still happy and i’m thankful. fuck it, who cares about of this shit? why are you reading this when you could be fucking instead. but you’re not. you’re reading this. why? what compels you to read this? what has brought you to this moment? what has inspired you to read this? have you inspired yourself to read it? hah. again, hah. hah. hah. hah. that’s what i say. what i’m inspired to say. what a joke. i could be writing about the kardashians, but i’m not. why? i’m not inspired to. here i am, inspired to write about inspiration and fate. why me? why am i the conduit for these particular inspirations? another reluctant prophet that would rather keep this shit to himself. but, no. i’m inspired to write this. maybe i’ll be inspired to send it to jonnie, and maybe it will get put in the magazine, i don’t know. the fates do, but not me. the fates are great, i just let them do their thing. i don’t worry about a fucking thing anymore. i just do what i feel like doing, because i’m inspired to do it. i don’t know what i’ll be inspired to do tomorrow. hell, i might not even wake up tomorrow. i am already dead. not now, but someday. that day might be today. i don’t know, i don’t care. i won’t die with regrets. if the fates wanna kill

me off tomorrow, then so be it. i won’t have any choice in the matter. i don’t care if they do or they don’t, i just do as inspired to do. i might be inspired to cross the road in front of a bus, or i might be inspired to paint something beautiful. i don’t know, i don’t care. i just do what i feel like doing. can we really do anything, but what we feel like doing? there’s more to reality than meets the eyes, my eyes, at least. i don’t particularly care for any of it, i just bear witness to it. i just experience what i’m fated to experience. indifferent. unattached. am i enlightened? i don’t know, i don’t care. words words words. inspired to type that, fated to type that. maybe i truly am mad, maybe not? maybe i don’t care? maybe someone will read this and it inspires them to write something or paint something. i don’t know, i don’t care. all i know is that i’m inspired to write this. do i really need to type anymore words? i’ll let the fates decide, as i always do. i’ll write until i’m no longer inspired to write. i suppose i’ll be compelled to write until the fates decide that what i’ve written ties in with what their plans are. sigh, am i opening pandora’s box here, or something? is this the start of some mystic bullshit i have to reveal? can’t i keep my subjective truth to myself? am i fated to share it? seems so. or well, it seems apparent that i have to at least write about it. i might be inspired to never show it to anyone. i’m indifferent. i don’t particularly care one way or the other. i don’t really like how i’ve been inspired to articulate all this, but so be it. that’s just the way the cookie crumbles, as they say. as they are sometimes fated to say. inspired to say. i’m now inspired to take a piss, so i’m going to stop writing now. just as the fates always intended. tee hee.

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A Portfolio of work by

JENNIFER QUINN

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The other month I was watching the amazing film Brighton Rock. On the iPhone, into Google search looking for info on the film I came across an awesome illustration that had been. So I tracked down to person responsible and gave them an interview.

So first things first. Tell me about yourself.

At the moment, I am based in Manchester, trying to pursue a career as a Freelance Illustrator. Currently, my life is split completely in half and it’s a bit of a balancing act. I spend a lot of my time working as a waitress in a busy city centre pub and, when I return home, I switch to my alter ego with the use of pencil and paper at my desk.

Tell us about your undergraduate experience.

I studied Illustration with Animation at Manchester Metropolitan University, and I graduated earlier this year. My time there was definitely a massive benefit to me in learning the ins and outs of Illustration, as a career, rather than going into it blind. I also opened up methods that I would never have considered without this experience, and my use of digital tools for colour and print is something that can be attributed to this. It was a very intense course though. There was always work to do and a project to develop, but that is one of the key things I learnt really; there is always more that you can work on.

Why do you want to go into this field?

Is art a passion for you?

It most definitely is a passion. I find it incredibly liberating to work in the creative industry, particularly when working with subject matter that I find inspiring, as it gives me even more freedom to inject more personality into the work. This can be true for commissioned work as well as personal projects. I suppose, in this way, Illustration can sometimes act as an emotional outlet while working.

Do you have a vision for your work?

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is taking me. I tend to gain several different directions with where I want to go with drawing. I love to sit at my desk to illustrate an image, with as much detail and precision that I can gather, and I also have an equal passion for going out with my sketchbook to explore the world in a much more instantaneous and journalistic way.

My approaches can be extremely contrasting, but the subject matter is consistently anything which compositionally catches my eye. With this in mind, I would love to be able to use my work in the film and television industry. Having the chance to influence cinematic angle and design in this sort of environment would be a dream vision for my work.

How do you think/want other people to respond to your art?

I think a person’s reaction to artwork is always very individual, but channeling a certain mood or emotion in an illustration is always very important to me. A lot of my work is influenced by atmospheric, dark or pained emotion as I find these emotions the most visually evocative and inspiring. For more narrative pieces, suspense is also important to me in terms of its mood. If a person finds sympathy or empathy within my artwork, then I have achieved what I set out to do.

Do you see yourself in your artwork?

How? In my non-commissioned work, I think more so. I touched on this a little before, as when it is subject matter that I find personally inspiring, I instantly want to visually record it. Whether it be a scene I have come across while travelling with my sketchbook, or the emotion of man or animal in the subtleties of their expression, it is something I have personally connected with and so I think my own interpretation is channeled through the illustration.

What do you think your work stands for?

This is a tricky one. I think this is a question where the answer may change as I do still feel my work is developing and my visual language is not fully formed. For now, my answer is that my work stands for attempting to capture the intrigue and emotion of our world.

Maybe it allows a person to pause and take more time to notice the detail of something that they would not normally take the time to consider, but that is something I cannot be sure of.

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Describe yourself in one word. Why that word?

Thoughtful. I mean that in the context of finding myself daydreaming or being deep in thought.

It wouldn’t be abnormal to find me in my own bubble, but honestly I think it is something I find of a help rather than a hindrance when it comes to my work. I might not appear to be very observant, but tuning out seems to help me tune into the less obvious things around me, which probably helps me to pick up on the subject matter that I want to draw, particularly when commuting or travelling.

This might be something that doesn’t help me much as a waitress though. Aha!

What motivates/inspires your work?

No matter how I am working, my work always seems to be influenced by cinematic compositions and approaches from film. As I mentioned earlier, I always aim to communicate a strong emotion through my work. I do try and achieve this through the extremes of angles, shadows and perspectives in much of my work. I feel this can aid the subject of an illustration go from the unnoticed to noticeable. I find a lot of inspiration when I travel, which is why I like to take my sketchbook with me. Something I have noticed in my work on a personal level is that taking the time to sketch somewhere in my book instantly makes the location so much more memorable for me rather than taking a photograph, because I have taken more time to observe where I am.

What Are you up to atm?

At the moment, I am at a transition point of projects. I have recently finished some commissions of artwork for portraits of pets, which is obviously a lot more studio based. I would now like to go back to my sketchbook. In the next few months, I plan to do a lot of travelling and so I will of course take my sketchbook with me and see what I find.

The funniest thing about you is?

I’m a bit odd as, as much as I love spending time with my friends, I also like to do things alone. I

am very good at just having time to myself out and about to explore somewhere new, especially when I am travelling. I guess you could describe it as a bit of a guilty pleasure.

Where are you heading next with your work?

I don’t know exactly where I am heading with my work next, but I would like to use the drawings I gather along my travels in some way in the future, but I cannot predict when and what that will be. As well as this, I may well look towards how I would like to use my work in a more collaborative media environment, as I love the idea of being able to contribute to visual media on a grander scale. It is simply a case of seeing what opportunities I find along the way. My future of where I will end up in the creative industry is unpredictable, but I am excited for where it will take me.

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SHELLY SKELLINGTON’s RECIPES

YORKSHIRE PUDDING

It’s Christmas!!! Family, friends, presents, games, fun and more importantly...food! This time of year is usually when most people, from skilled Executive Chefs to the guy who has trouble microwaving leftover takeout, try their hand at cooking. There is such a rich abundance of recipes available online for Christmas feasts that I think what I will do is share with you a couple of my recipes and two of my favourites to make, which are Mary Berry recipes.

So, you have been tasked with making Christmas dinner? No problem. The key is getting things ready before the day. Things that can be made the day before? The turkey, stuffing, gravy, and yorkshire puddings. You can probably make more, but these are what I have made the night before and it’s worked. The yorkshire puddings are best done the night before, as in my recipe, they go in the oven twice. Serving your meat cold is a pretty standard practice, the gravy is there to not only accompany the meat, but to warm it. One of the most important pieces of advice I can give you for a succulent turkey, is to let it rest for as long as you cooked it. You wouldn’t believe the difference in taste. The moisture stays in, and absorbs back into the meat, making it tender.

This is why it’s rather impractical to cook the bird on the day. Getting up at 5 am to stick your hand up a turkeys bum isn’t any fun now is it?

Yorkshire Pudding Recipe by Shelly Skellington Ingredients 140g Plain Flour 4 Eggs 200ml Milk Beef Oxo Vegetable oil/Olive oil Heat oven to 230c Fan / 210c / Gas 8. Drizzle a little oil into a 12 hole non stick muffin tin and place in the pre heated oven whilst you make the batter. Tip the flour through a sieve into a large bowl and beat in 4 eggs until smooth. Beat using a hand whisk, you need the extra control. Start off beating using your wrist, and when it starts to ache, switch to using your bicep muscle, then when it aches, back to the wrist. Once the batter is smooth, gradually pour in the milk, a little at a time, when beating lift the whisk in and out of the batter to create air bubbles, this helps the puds rise, and keep on beating until the mix is smooth. Crumble in the beef oxo (it has to be the oxo brand, others don’t crumble the way they do) and beat that in. Pour the batter into a jug. Take the muffin tin out of the oven and very quickly pour the batter into each hole. It should sizzle a little bit. Working quickly put the tin back in the oven and leave for around 20 minutes, or until fully risen and brown. The next day, put the puddings back into the oven for about 10 minuets and they will come out perfectly crisp and delicious.

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CRANBERRY AND APPLE SAUSAGE ROLLS I LOVE this recipe, I first tried it out last year, as I wanted to do something savoury in the Christmas hampers I was making, and people went nuts for them!

1 x Sheet of ready made puff pastry 320g Sausage meat or sausages with skin removed 1/2 Apple, peeled and chopped A handful of dried cranberries 1 x Beaten egg, to glaze Preheat oven to 200c fan. Wet hands and mix the pork, apple and cranberry together in a bowl. Unravel the puff pastry and cut in half lengthways. Brush one side of each half in beaten egg, this will be the "glue" that holds it together. Divide the mixture in two and arrange one half on each piece of pastry. Roll the pastry over the mixture so it sits on the egg wash, creating a seal. Chop into desired size (I did thirds) or leave whole, brush the beaten egg over the top and side, and make a few slices along the length to allow steam to escape. Bake for about 20 mins or until nice and golden.

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An Inteoduction by Mica Connelly

SPECKLEDTOOTH; THE ART OF CHARITY Speckledtooth; the art of charity Drawing is an age old technique used to communicate, elaborate, explain, decorate, vent, relax... cope.

Art it's self, is now an acceptable method of therapy.

It has its own place in hospitals and schools, and is accepted as a form of rehabilitation. I unknowingly found drawing to be an outlet, a way to absently doodle while I let my thoughts chug away. It is a process which I find puts my mind in a place where it is able to make sense of situations.

Speckledtooth is the name for a collection of on-going drawings and illustrations which I have been creating using the pointillism technique. I started the project in December 2013. It turned into a project after creating an Instagram account and posting the drawings up as I went. It spurred from my father being diagnosed with Cancer and a lot of back and forwarding between London, where I live and work.

And Preston, my hometown, where my dad was being treated.

Looking back, these trips were some of the the most stressful periods of my life, during which I tried meditation, bubble baths, reading relaxation books but nothing really chilled me out as much as scribbling words and doodles into a sketch book. I am 32 The Sublime

very much into tattoos, the art of tattooing and being tattooed, and from searching for different artists I found a lot of people used this technique. It looked intriguing and I decided to give Mandalas a go in an attempt to give myself something peaceful to do, and still have an end process!

I found the art of pointillism perfect for this, because before a journey I could figure out what I wanted to draw and do the outline before I traveled, and dot all of the dots on the bumpy ride. I could also do this in the car with my mum on the way to the hospital and the hospice. Having something to concentrate on like this was so helpful for my own being and it gave me something to do in-between visits and helping my mum. Having only a pen and paper I didn't need to let it over take my day and I could pick it up as and when I needed it.

Since starting Speckledtooth, I have realised how important it is to have a personal outlet when things get tough. Earlier in 2014 I set my self a goal to make an alphabet using botanical illustrations which relate to each letter. I have always been fascinated by botanical illustration, but never pushed myself to sit down and take it seriously. Patience seemed to be what I lacked.

There even was a course on scientific illustration at Blackpool and Fylde where I did my foundation course. On lunch times I would go and have a look at

what the students had been up to and was in awe of what they could create.

After a few of the botanical letters being posted on my Instagram account I decided to offer to commission 5 illustrations (they didn't have to be from the alphabet – I wanted a challenge) where all of the proceeds to towards St Catherine's Hospice Preston – the response was wonderful, and through the sales raised £200.

St Catherine's Hospice played a big part over Christmas 2013, just after we found out my Dad's esophagus cancer had returned and was untreatable. They

looked after him and my family so well and arranged quality time for us to all be together. They provide absolutely brilliant services and put us all at ease, so I really felt, and still feel now that I want to help them be able to do that for more families!

On the back of the commissions had a lot of fun!

There was quite a few commissions to create people's names from the botanical alphabet, which helps it grow along nicely. And a few strange requests, including a t-shirt design for one of the Tough Mudder teams, consisting of a dagger being thrust through a gammon, and a friend of mine, in a coliseum, fighting a griffin (you get the picture).

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After a while I decided to try something different than just drawing on paper, and when a friend of mine invited me down to stay in Penzance it seemed like the perfect time. Mikee, my friend Sanja's boyfriend, owns a screenprinting company called Vino Sangria and invited me down to do some printing.

I doodled up a black ink drawing the night before I caught the 8hour megabus (we aren't all made of money) and sent it over for him to set up the screen before I arrived. I had done a little printing before at University, but he had a much better set up, and it was an ace experience. We ended up staying awake the majority of the night from spending the day walking along the beach and eating Cornish pasties, before getting the mega bus back home to London in the morning.

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One of the most recent endeavors Speckledtooth has embarked on was a collaboration with Kate Lynch, the brilliant creator of Meilb scarves. She had had her name commissioned in the botanical alphabet by myself, and later saw a picture of some RAF memorabilia on my personal instagram account which my Grandma had collected in the war. Kate got in contact with me to see if we could make a scarf together, if I wanted to draw up some of the memorabilia in the Speckedtooth style. In the end the scarf comprised of 7 illustrations, including a flight log book, an old letter which my Grandma had kept and a box of Wild Woodbine cigarettes. We decided on calling the scarf 'Keep Sake'.

I incorporated some more flowers into the mix, taking all opportunities to practice! This visually upped my skills on botanical illustration and I have found

that some the letters which I started with need to be re-drawn with a lot more accuracy. We also added a lovely bluey hue to the scarf to keep with the RAF theme.

The sale of the scarf it's self means that 25% of the profit goes to St Catherine's Hospice Preston and I think this is going to be a reoccurring theme throughout the sales of any Speckedtooth peices of work.

The illustrations which were used for the scarf are all also on sale, which can be bought as a pack of 5 (not all of the illustrations are available as prints) and £10 of the £15 also goes towards the hospice.

I am currently creating an identity for a band includ-

ing t-shirts, bags and a back drop. Next year the botanical alphabet will be available on cards and posters on the newly created Etsy account. In the description for each product there will be a certain percentage which will go towards St Catherine’s Preston, in fond memory of my Dad, who passed away on the 14th March 2014. Speckledtooth is having its first birthday this December, it has 209 folowers on Facebook, 217 on instagram, and has raised £275 for St Catherines, looking forward working harder and boosting it next year – Thank you! http://instagram.com/speckledtooth @speckledtooth https://www.facebook.com/speckledtooth The Sublime 35

A Review By Mottled Gray

RAK – HOME OF THE HITS For all those who like music and are interested in the industry, here’s a question for you… ever heard of RAK? If you had asked me the same question two months ago, my answer would have probably been the same as yours: a solid, confident, no-need-to-pause-to-scan-my-memory type, ‘No’. But why?

I recently was fortunate enough to be able to start working there, and this is just a bit of a reflection on my experiences so far. From first hand experiences I can see that regardless of whether you’ve heard the name or not, over the past few decades, RAK has made a significant impact on the music scene here in London and abroad, and continues to be an inherent influence on the people shaping our culture.

Over the 60’s and into the 70’s, RAK’s founder Mickie Most was at the epicentre of the UK scene. Having tasted success in South Africa as a band member, Mickie came back to London and started producing tracks for Columbia Records, one of which was the global phenomenon, ‘House Of The Rising Sun’ by The Animals. Following this triumph, as well as the commercial success of many other Most produced records, Mickie set up RAK Records and RAK Publishing in 1969. To this day, RAK Publishing owns the copyright to classic tracks such as ‘You Sexy Thing’ by Hot Chocolate, ‘I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll’ by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts and ‘Kids In America’ by Kim Wilde. If right now you are thinking you hav36 The Sublime

en’t heard of any of those tracks, a quick browse on the internet will undoubtedly reveal your unknowing familiarity.

So why is this important? RAK was extremely influential during its heyday, and you’d be forgiven for thinking its heyday was quite a long time ago. RAK Records no longer exists as it did and although RAK Publishing certainly has some aces up its sleeve, today the major publishing houses in the industry comparatively dwarf it. Yet, if you question the influence it still holds today, an answer can be found in simply two words: RAK Studios.

Voted as 2014’s best studio in the UK by the MPG (Music Producers Guild) and with clients like Adele, Take That, Nile Rodgers, Michael Jackson, Labrinth, Disclosure and Whitney Houston (to name but a few) RAK Studios is the place you’ve never heard of that’s responsible for making all the records that you have. It is a place that employs some of the best sound engineers in the world, and where some of the greatest musically creative minds have collaborated

and captured their genius.

So why is the name not plastered onto the mind of every individual who’s been fortunate enough to have a RAK recorded track grace their ears? I can’t help but feel that for the result that they produce, RAK Studios is not granted the recognition it deserves, especially by people outside the music industry.

Despite the fact that RAK is barely a 15 minute walk from Abbey Road, you’d be about as likely to see packs of tourists flocking at its entrance as you would a herd of buffalo.

Now, although this is clearly advantageous for artists coming to record there (which is of course the unquestionable priority) I still can’t help but feel that nowadays, in a generation where music is far too often seen as a disposable commodity for entertainment rather than a person’s genuine expression, it is even more important to recognise and appreciate the work that goes into making something sound the way that it does. Just as an example, imagine you have two songs, both of equal compositional merit.

If one was recorded in a small garden shed full of cobwebs and forgotten garden gnomes, and the other in a thousand pound, professionally sound-treated studio (and you didn’t know which was which) I’m pretty sure I could guess which one you would prefer to fork out cash for.

So now every time I hear a hit, I just remember that the talent of an artist alone is not nearly enough to make a great track. It takes hard work and dedication from a core team of people to make it the best quality recording it can possibly be, to give it every possible edge over its competition that it can possibly have, and to express the artist’s ideas as directly and transparently as possible. Without it, those superstars you hear everyday on the radio could well have been stuck at an open mic or busking on the street, just as thousands of other aspiring musicians are.

As a creative myself, I could never undermine or overlook the compositional demand that it takes from an artist to create a truly inspirational song, but I’ve started to get the feeling that sometimes, it is more the work of sound engineers and producers working 13 hour days in world class facilities like RAK, who are truly the gatekeepers of a record’s success. So with that realisation, next time you hear a song you really like, ask yourself this: who is really responsible for it? Although it’s true that from the outside you can never really know, perhaps now at least you have more to go on than just the name of the artist in question. And at the bare minimum, if someone asks if you’ve ever heard of a place called RAK (even if your answer is a pause-to-scan-yourmemory type one) it will, I hope, be a confident and unquestionable ‘Yes’.

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A Poem By Mr. Wild

FAKE TITS I’m sure you’ve heard the question, That hangs on peoples lips, Looking at the model, With fucking massive tits, Looking at her figure, Skinny as a rake, Watch them mull it over, 'Are they real or fake?'

The truth you see is hidden, For plenty live a lie, Concealement's all too easy, For looking to apply, Feeling's out the question, Asking’s not a go, You simply have to stand there, And really never know.

There’s always signs to look for, There’s hints and little clues, But in the end you just don’t care, And ignorance you choose, When never really knowing, You just enjoy the sight, And forget about the doubting, Recalling it at night.

This is how the lie works, When guilt cannot be found, Then innocence is ‘proven’, Upon this shaky ground, They sit there lapping up, Attention from the crowd, The chest is out, the chin is up, They seem so truly proud.

This confident display of theirs, Seems to seal the deal, How can they be so proud of something, If it isn’t real?

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This ignorance surrounds you, You buy all of their shit, You see the pride within their eye, And think ‘that’s real tit!’

Then one day you’re flipping, Through some new magazine, Or surfing on the internet, For something you can cream, And learn that big ‘ol titties, Has finally got ‘em out, You’re heart starts beating faster, As you hope to crush the doubt.

Then finally you see them, Your head falls in your hand, You wish that you could take your eyes, And scuff them up with sand, Your manhood wilts before you, You feel the crushing smack, Of all the disappointment, You knew you couldn’t hack.

Yes that’s right dear reader, By now you probably guessed, Of all the fake things in this world, Nothing beats her chest, Her tits are hard as boulders, Her nips look burnt and crappy, It seems she was so full of shit, She might have been a nappie.

It really doesn’t matter though, Depressed you shouldn’t feel, If you look then you will find, There’s plenty that are real, Ignore the smiling faces, Look past the phony pride, And in the end those fake tits, Will have no place to hide.

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A Review By Mr. Wild

Z2

Z2 was set to be released on October 27th 2014 to an eager throng of fans hungry for the return of their favourite 4th dimensional guitar hero Ziltoid The Omniscient. As the ravenous pack clamoured and clawed at even the slightest scrap thrown from the table and onto the YouTube skillet I sat back and rubbed my rumbling belly, quietly hyping up the imagined delicacy my ears would soon be devouring.

Sky Blue is the first 'side' of the double album.

This album is listed as a 'Devin Townsend Project' album. The DTP being Devin's current 'normal' band for the release of his last five albums. You can think of the DTP as Devin's commercial high street restaurant, serving his own unique dishes, but a lot more accessible than the basement dwelling chefs of the Ziltoidian dimension.

In the run up to the release two Hors D'oeuvres had been handed to us in the form of two pre-release tracks; 'Rejoice' and 'Deathray', a taste of things to come, and a way to prepare our palettes for the different flavours this double album would deliver. For this was indeed a double album, in true Devin style he had so much to stuff into our auditory complexes that he was releasing an album with no less than 23 tracks laid before us like some sprawling cheese platter.

Sky Blue feels to me like a hodge podge of the different styles he's honed on the previous five albums in the DTP series. The problem with a hodge podge is this; The ingredients used can be of the highest quality, grown in a field fertilised with God's own turds but the real skill lies in how you put them all together. The blend, the balance, they need to be handled correctly or even the spiciest of spices can taste like a mismatched blur of flavours and an overall product that has become less than the parts that made it up. Unfortunately this is how I would describe Sky Blue.

Would they be any good? Only time would tell, the pre-release tracks had garnered both applause and derision from the Omni-dimensional community, debates raged over the two new songs and our opinions thereof, until at last the main was delivered.

Like any meal of this size it took me a good while to chew through it all, digest it and poo a review out, hence why it didn't make the November issue, I wanted to make sure I had fully consumed all the ingredients that had gone into making this most anticipated of meals. So without further ado, let us now pick through my faecal matter and see what I thought.

Sky Blue.

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The blend just feels all wrong, the album can never quite decide where abouts it is in the musical pantheon. As though each different style is vying with the other for dominance, like a group of stroppy kids each trying to push to the front of the cake queue, what you end up with is a lot of noise, cake all over the place and a feeling that you should have just thrown it on the floor and let the little bastards fight like dogs for it.

As a whole I found it to be quite boring, there were none of the musical curve balls that Devin is known for throwing at you half way through a song you thought you had sussed. It just feels very run of the mill. The first song Rejoice is one of the better songs on the album and one of

the afore mentioned pre-release tracks, a nice guitar pumping thing, but it doesn't last, it's not indicative of the rest of the album, it sets a tone that doesn't continue. The album soon becomes more about musical ambivalence, like you can't really discern what it is, there's some guitars there, there's some drums there, there's Anneke, there's Devin, there's a choir, there's ambience and electronic effects, acoustic stuff, but none of it shines, none of it has chance, they fail to hook you because they're never dangled in front of you for long enough that you were even aware they existed. It's as though he couldn't decide which thing he wanted to accentuate, so nothing gets accentuated, it all just blends together in this bland white noise.

on, rather than being the 'Main Dish' it should have been it felt more like the free bread you get in those little baskets with your meal. You're grateful for it sure, but it's not why you went to the restaurant in the first place, and ultimately usually ends up going stale on the side of the table while you begin ploughing through the rest of the food.

The more 'heavy' songs feel almost like they were written by someone who just used a 'make this heavy' formula, they're too obviously meant to be heavier and have a generic quality that is a sore disappointment when you consider the vast wealth of originality that has come out of this man in the past. They're almost cringe-worthy, like an Avril Lavigne attempt at making something heavy.

Dark Matters.

Really the album only succeeds once in my opinion, the thing is when it did succeed it did it with such monumental ear blasting greatness that it pretty much makes up for the rest of the entire albums ineptitude. While tracks like Rejoice are fine, and listenable, the penultimate track 'Before We Die' was the only track where all the elements of what he attempted to splice together actually work, it was so fucking good it actually brought a tear to my eye.

Overall though I felt like he tacked this one

It's not that this is a bad album, for people who like somewhat softer music it might be fine, but for me, I just expected more Hevy Devy, but that wasn't what he wanted to put out this time.

I respect that about him, and can't fault him for it, especially as we still had dessert to come...so then...how was that?

The second 'side' then. This album was a 'Ziltoid' record...This album is a different dish altogether...

Firstly let's take a quick retrospective on what the original Ziltoid was all about.

Ziltoid was originally about a 4th dimensional alien, arrogant and immature, who comes to Earth demanding our universe's ultimate cup of coffee. Displeased with the result he attempts to destroy the Earth but ultimately finds this difficult to do for various reasons. He then meets the Omni-Dimensional creator and takes this opportunity to ask him what's really bothering him. It's here that we get a clearer idea of what this album was really about. Frustrated at a seemingly meaningless existence and lashing out at people for insignificant reasons are what made Ziltoid who he was. Confused by the

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world and his lack of comprehension of what it means to be 'real' he questions everything. Does his plight mean anything? Does his questioning lead him to some ultimate truth?

The music demonstrated this with it's shifts in style and tempo, moving from anger driven speed and heavy riffing to moments of enlightened and beautiful melody. By the end we discover, for all Ziltoid's frustrated questions that he was in fact just a puppet all along and the dreamer awakes, a nobody in a coffee shop who had day-dreamed the whole thing while working his ass off to serve people their tall lattĂŠs. His last moments on the album are spent apologising to his manager and receiving beration from some yuppie ass-hole with a difficult order.

The album had a schizophrenic quality to it, Ziltoid was clearly an embodiment of the conflicted personality of his creator. In spite of this make believe nonsense the fans loved it, it felt honest, you could feel Devin's own frustrations and conflict coursing through it.

isn't like he used the same ingredients as last time but played with the balance and composition to bring us something new, maybe with a few extra spices and chunks of meat, it's as though he used different ingredients altogether, bringing us a dish that was in no way related to the other save in name alone.

Musically it's not a bad album, there's plenty of good songs on there and a lot more 'Devinisms' than there was on Sky Blue. Lots more opportunities for him to cut loose and do something different with the sound.

The whole thing has a very 'musical' feel to it, as though this were designed specifically to be a Broadway type show. There is much more dialogue in it too. In the original Ziltoid dialogue was at a minimum, just brief one liners half way through a song or at the end or whatever to help set up the next bit.

In Z2 though the dialogue is much more prevalent, large parts of narrative break up the tracks and explain the story.

It doesn't take on the same schizo attitude, nor does the story in any way relate to the previous one in any fashion beyond the returning characters of Ziltoid, Captain Spectacular and the Planet Smasher.

The story then...is pretty weak, the first one never made a whole lot of sense, but this second one seemed as though it were making more of an effort to tell a proper story, an endeavour I can't help but feel a failure. The story relies on cliches and tropes as though this was the first time such things had been parodied, all they do is serve to indicate that Devin is a musician, not a script writer.

While Z1's scripted sections were silly they helped build this sense that he was looking at himself and his world in a deep way while trying to avoid getting all pretentious about it.

This is a very different album from the first. It

This second outing's dialogue though seems

When the sequel was announced then it was met with much hype from the fans. The problem though is that Devin isn't one for making stuff the way he thinks the fans might like. He makes it the way he likes. The second Ziltoid then, although a 'sequel' to the first, isn't really a sequel at all.

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like meaningless offal that serves no purpose, it isn't funny, interesting or necessary.

Something I think that Dev himself may have become aware of given that a 'Raw' version of the album was released that cuts out all the dialogue entirely. A shame really because for all it's stupidity Z1 has a number of genuinely funny and quotable moments, whereas the second features nothing that one would love to repeat ad nauseam when drunk with friends.

The music does feature some excellent Dev stuff, tracks like March of The Poozers, Ziltoid goes home and Dimension Z are all fantastic old school Devin. But for the most part a lot of the tracks are just....not that interesting.

The first Ziltoid was irreverent, heavy and captured a poignant moment in someone's life as they struggled to make sense of it all, Z2 is a bit of flash and fun with nothing really important to say.

I enjoyed the album, and still do, it was delicious in parts and it certainly filled my rumbling belly, but ultimately the consumption of all 23 tracks of Z2 left me feeling bloated and gassy and I'll probably only return to it to take bite-size chunks from the few stand out tracks between gorging myself on his earlier and more musically nutritious works.

He was also quoted in an interview that 'he may have just written the heaviest thing he's ever done on this album'...He's either kidding himself or just lying here. There is no way on Earth or any Omni-verse that he believes that quote. Has he not heard Strapping Young Lad? It simply isn't that heavy at all.

While I could be knocked here for my own prejudicial stance against music that isn't heavy it's important to remember that Hevy Devy got his name for a reason. He is first and foremost known as a heavy metal musician, his fans are heavy metal fans and Z1 was a heavy metal album. To expect a heavy metal album this time around is therefore not begrudged to the fans of the first.

All in all Dark Matters is fun and a raw version is appreciated but with a weak story, a sense that it isn't really related to the first and a less heavy approach for all it's pomp and grandeur it overall feels somewhat deflated.

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A Selection Of Work By

ANNE WHETTER

Anne Whetter is our cover artist this month. Her paintings grab your attention with the strong use of colour and intellectual observations of the hyper feminine world that exists with in ours. Its bold, its strong and it’s the kind of work we like to see here at the sublime.

Her use of acrylic is a wise choice, unlike oil its not unforgiving. Its quick, plastic niche, bold and expressive, a scrumptious medium to use and in Anne’s paintings she has used it to its full potential. Her characters have an early century feeling to them. You can almost imagine these girls walking into Klimt’s studio to star in his latest work.

Her colours and washes look as if Egon Schiele had possessed her hands, and even though we see a nostalgia towards the wonderful Art Nuevo movement she has placed her own stamp in the pigment and made a truly unique set of portraits (In the new year I think I’m going to seek to own one of them!).

I sat down for a coffee and asked Anne a few questions so we can get to know her a little more.

So Anne, before we feature you, you 44 The Sublime

need to tell us if you have an art qualification! Only kidding, how did you find art school?

My undergraduate experience is rather non descript! As I have always painted, drawn ect ect it seemed all people were interested in was what qualification I had! so I thought lets do this and get some letters after my name. My art at the end of the three years was the same as the day i started.

I had the same experience as a young painter. How passionate are you about painting?

Passion is an understatement; my home is like a living canvas that I live within.

I see you passed that onto your son too.

I have to stare at countless images of culture and society for hours before I get a vision for my paintings, how do you achieve yours?

As for a vision, I live each day for that day, I do not look into the future, what will be will be.

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Picasso, as genius as he was would douse his work with meaning to feed his ego, I like that you don’t feel the need to pretend your work is anything else but your passion, with your honesty describe yourself in one word.

Modest ............ because I am to well mannered to say what i really think of myself.

What’s your comfy starting point for each painting?

I spend far to much time on the internet looking at images and flicking through magazines until a face triggers a painting. This is only a starting point it never looks like the original image.

Right now, what’s happening in your work?

I like your outlook there. It really does show in your work with the innocence and truth in the images. What do you think people see in your work?

I would like to think that people do not look at my paintings and try to find some deep meaningful meaning to them. I paint them for my pleasure and if other people find pleasure in them then that is a bonus.

Would you say you can see yourself in your paintings?

I am currently working with figures with birds heads on canvas.

What’s the funniest thing about you?

I laugh a lot.

You have inspired me, your work and yourself. What is next for Anne?

My next move is to start painting very very large canvases.

Thanks Anne, its been an utter pleasure. If you want to see Anne’s work be I think a little of myself is in every painting, especially sure to follow her on Facebook at: passion. www.facebook.com/AnneWhetterfdaI really get that painting is your passion! ba Apart from passion do you think your work stands for anything else?

My work I think stands for a whole lot of nothing, it is frivolous.

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Christmas Buyer’s Guide By Dunc

LAPTOPS AND TABLETS Christmas Buyer’s Guide - Laptops and Tablets Peter Andre’s whoring himself for Iceland goods he’d never touch in a million years and nonsensical black and white ads for perfumes and men’s musk that probably cost more than my mortgage to make are ten a penny. It never fails to come around again, it’s Christmas-time, my friends.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas.

Apart from wrapping presents I genuinely enjoy the holidays. So, with that in mind I thought I’d do a very simple, quick guide to what to look for in a tablet or laptop in this time of year.

Now this could be used as a guide for yourself if you’re looking to treat yourselves to a new toy or perhaps you have a relative who’s asked for something for Christmas to get online. This be the guide for you, my friend.

I’ll start off with a couple of caveats. Why only laptops and tablets? Because they account for the vast majority of peoples wants these days.

You can use them on the couch, in bed, at the dining table or carry them round to a mates.

Second, this isn’t an in-depth, power-user’s guide. This is entry-level, basic stuff. If you’re looking for a powerful desktop-replacement laptop for heavy gaming, design, 3D work or 4K editing- look elsewhere. This is a beginner’s

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guide for basic hardware. It’s designed for those who need to buy a laptop or tablet, on a small budget, for a loved one and don’t know what the hell “Intel dual-core i3, 2.4GHz Haswell 1150, 4GB RAM, 500GB, 15” 1920x1080, Win8.1” means and, frankly, doesn’t care.

Now I’ve wasted many an hour in a cramped room with a single light-bulb for company perusing Micro Mart and PC Shopper so you don’t have to. I had considered, long and hard, whether or not to do a jargon buster with this guide to explain my buying choices but I’ve decided against it. Why? Because 99% of people don’t care. I know people at work who don’t even test drive the cars they buy? Why? Because if it gets the kids to school, them to Morrisons and doesn’t cost £1000 a week in petrol, who gives a flying cack what kind of engine it has or how the poncey transmission works.

So let’s begin...

Laptops Laptops can vary in price from £200 to £2000 these days, depending on what you need. Personally I lump budget machines into two categories: budget and slightly less budget. I’d class budget as being £200 to £400 and slightly less budget as £400 to £800.

Budget Laptops: £200 to £400 One of the deciding factors in a laptop is screen size.

For this money you’re looking at 11” to 15”. Which is right for you? Get down to somewhere like PC World and have a look. Pick them up, have a fondle. What’s the weight like, is the screen OK, does the cheap plastic creak? When no-one’s looking, lick them. Call them a filthy name. Get intimate. Then run from security.

At this budget the quality of screen and resolution, or detail, isn’t gonna be great but it should be OK. Which brand? Lenovo are very good, Hewlett Packard, Dell and Samsung aren’t. Sony make excellent stuff but you’re not gonna get one for under £400.

Acer and Asus make decent gear too. There will be 3 other ‘stats’ or bits of jargon on the sticker- processor type/speed, memory (RAM) and storage/hard drive space.

If you’re looking for a budget machine (email, Facebook, iTunes, Twitter etc) then most modern processors will do fine. It’ll probably be made by Intel and , in fairness, even their lowest end stuff is great for 99% of us.

RAM will be listed, at this budget, in the area of 4GB to 8GB. 4GB is a minimum these days, especially for Windows, and is plenty for run of the mill, day to day stuff.

Storage, you should get at least 500GB. If it says 1TB, don’t panic. That’s 1000GB. Unless you have HUGE video or music collections, 500GB is plenty. 1000GB is loads, you can really have fun with that.

Lastly, it’ll either come with Windows 7 or Windows 8. Doesn’t matter which. Both are as shit as each other and you can always upgrade later, plus Windows 10 is coming soon and any laptop from the last 4 years at least will be able to run that.

Two of the best places for online UK buying are www.amazon.co.uk and www.ebuyer.com Both have excellent customer services and 99 times out of 100 are the cheapest. So, firstly I would go down to somewhere like PC World and have a gander. Decide what screen size is good for you and what you like the look of and if you let one of the feckless, purple-shirted goons pester you into buying from there I’ll come

round to your house and spray-paint your children.

It’s a rip-off. This is viewing only, people. You’ll save MINIMUM £50 on Amazon and the customer service is better AND if you buy using a credit card you’re insured if that hairy-nostrilled postman nicks it.

While you’re on the high street, if you see something you like, go on it and start up the web browser. Head over to YouTube and search for “1080p”. Why? Full HD, 1080p video playback, believe it or not, is actually fairly taxing. Pick any video and start it playing. While that’s playing, muck about with it. Open windows on the machine, browser windows, see how it handles it. If everything’s smooth, that’s good. If it grinds to a halt, it could be a shite, underpowered machine.

Nextly get looking on Amazon. If you go into the laptops section and browse down the left hand side you can select items that have a minimum of 4-star rating and go from there.

Prices change day to day on Amazon so I ain’t gonna provide specific links, but read the reviews, good and bad. Lenovo are currently one of the top selling Windows PC sellers worldwide and my fiancée has one which, for the money, has been really good value.

So, to sum up- pick a screen size, have a shufty in the high street, then get looking for something in your budget and read the reviews. Processor- at this price, for day to day use, you’re not gonna see a huge difference. Get a minimum of 4GB of RAM, 6GB is good, 8GB is great. Minimum 500GB storage, 1000GB (1TB) is great.

Honourable mention- Chromebooks You know you don’t HAVE to go with Windows?

There are alternatives to consider. A Chromebook is a tiny, lightweight laptop, usually with an 11” to 13” screen that runs Chrome OS by Google. You know Google do their own web browser called Chrome?

Well they made it into a fully-fledged ‘online only’ OS too. These machines cost £200ish, but have very little storage- usually 16GB. The idea is you use on-

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line storage, the Cloud, for everything. Instead of having a music collection on your machine, you use YouTube or Spotify for streaming your music etc. There are plus points and minus points for this approach. On the plus side, these machines are lightweight, VERY fast, VERY secure and incredibly simple. On the minus side, if your internet connection is down you’re fucked.

Not So Budget Range- £400 to £800 All the pointers above are the same, except you can expect a faster processor, more RAM (I’d consider 8GB minimum at this price point) and you might see the hard drive size fall to something like 128GB or 256GB and it’ll say “SSD” or “Flash” storage. Basically, this is less storage but it runs faster than a Nun’s first curry. It’s based on memory chips and so, in theory, is only limited by how fast electric can travel. What does that mean for you? Apps, programs and the whole operating system runs lightning fast, web-pages load quicker etc. Picking between SSD/Flash storage and a conventional hard drive is like picking between a two-seater convertible and a Transit van.

One’s small, but very quick, one’s huge but slow.

You could also bump up to a 17” screen which sounds and looks great but remember, laptops are supposed to be portable. If you’re looking for a machine that stays perpetually plugged in next to the couch and is only for sofa surfing, that doesn’t matter, but if you wanna go wander find out how much the bugger weighs.

Honourable mention- Macbooks If your budget goes to £800 or a little more, you can consider a Macbook by Apple. At this price point you’re looking at a Macbook Air. A Macbook Air is what’s called an ‘Ultraportable’.

These are laptops that trade off big screens and powerful hard-ware to be super-light and su-

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per-slim. They’re still capable of every day gubbins- word-processing, light photo editing, watching movies, taking pictures of your food and putting it on Instagram and then rubbing yourself for every ‘Like’ you get... But they’re feather-light and feel as nothing in your backpack or murse.

Now, Apple hardware ain’t cheap. The cheapest Macbook is £750 and for that you get an 11” screen, 4GB RAM and 128GB of storage. So why is it more expensive? Well, you pay more for an Audi than you do for a Kia. Some folk would have you believe it’s the ‘Apple Tax’ and you’re paying for the brand, but I’d disagree. I’m typing this on a 6 and a half year old Mac that’s still smooth as you like. Macs cost more and are less upgradeable, but they’re stupidly well made, the keyboard and track-pads are second to none, the battery life is ridiculous, very good customer service and they’ll last longer. I’m not going to scream you should buy one- they’re expensive as hell, but if you can afford it, it’s worth it. Could a million hipsters be wrong?

Tablets OK, this is much simpler. It’s going to boil down to about three choices- screen size, operating system and budget.

Tablets these days can cost anything from £100 to £800. Surprisingly, for a budget review, I’m going to avoid the £100-ish range. Not because of snobbery or because a budget tablet once shouting something about my Mum from a passing double-decker. But because £200 isn’t that much more money and you can get a lot better for it too. Trust me, the ‘supermarket’ tablets are £120 for a reason.

Screen size. OK, this is down to personal choice. I’m going to disregard the ‘Pro’ tablet

Samsung released with a 12” screen because it’s a specialist item and I hate Samsung. This divides the tablet market into 10” iPad-size tablets and 7”/8” tablets. Which one you prefer is down to you. Nowadays the weight is negligible, it’s mainly the cost which dictates which you buy along with whether you need something for at home or something that’ll fit in your pocket for the bus.

Operating System. There are many choices these days, with new ones starting every day.

I’m going to stick to Google’s Android and Apple’s iOS. Why leave out Windows? Because Microsoft haven’t even decided what they’re doing in this market yet. It changes every five minutes, which leave Google and Apple buying us drinks and asking us if we want to share a Joe Baxi. I’ve used Android tablets and phones and Apple tablets and phones and can dissolve it down thusly: Android tablets are good, more open, fairly easy to use and very reliable. They’re also much cheaper than an iPad or iPad Mini. iOS tablets are dearer, but stupidly intuitive, very reliable and a pleasure to use. When I got an Android tablet, one of Google’s own Nexus range, I had to look up a lot of questions online on how to sort stuff and use it properly. An iPad, you just pick it up and learn as you go, they’re that easy.

Now what does it mean when I say Android is more ‘Open’? Well, Google is less arsed about what apps you can install from their app store. For example, if you enjoy retro-gems like old Nintendo games or arcade classics, Google happily looks the other way while Apple rules it’s corner of the playground with an iron fist. The plus-side for Apple is they’re very secure and safe, if at the cost of choice.

Now in terms of quality it’s easy. While there are many good tablets out there, Apple’s iPad is still the best. Build quality, battery life, software, screen-quality. They just rule the roost. You’d never regret buying an iPad. Conversely, there are several SUPERB Android tablets out there at the moment. Although, weirdly, I’d avoid Google’s own Nexus range as the current generation are a rip-off. Sony make EXCELLENT Android tablets, as do Acer and Asus.

It boils down to how much you want to spend. If you can afford an iPad, get one. There’s a reason they’re still number one. If you’re on a tighter budget or are more of a tinkerer, have a look at the Android tablets.

Well, that just about rounds things up for now, kids. I hope that this has helped. It’s longer than I originally intended but I had to give a BIT of background, no? My best buying advice is do your homework online and on high street. Nip to Dixons, PC World etc and have a play, then come home and shop online. Decide what size and type you fancy, then get reading Amazon reviews.

Hope you have a merry Christmas and a radge New Year. Not sure what my next article might be.

I touched on Apple and Macs this month, I might do a Mac-myth-buster next month, who knows.

Chin-chin.

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An artist catch up with

HEIDI WILLIS

We caught up with one of our past cover artists to see what she had been up to since we featured her. As always she didn’t disappoint and wrote this telling us what she has done since being in the Zine and what she plans on doing next.

Since my work was featured in Sublimezine in recent months, I have been extremely busy enjoying two of my favourite things in life, painting and traveling.

For the entire month of October I ventured far and away from the sunny sights of Sydney to explore NY promoting my painting and writing in the USA. This proved to be a wonderful experience that was incredibly enriching for me both personally and professionally. I enjoyed the overwhelming wealth and vastness of NYC and the unforgettable, drenching colours of the spectacular New England fall. I met so many wonderful and interesting people along the way, captured so many memories and I returned home again to my studio just as the NYC weather turned to bitter cold with what seemed like perfect timing.

The bone chilling winter was so suddenly replaced for the blistering heat of the Aussie summer, but I set to work again immediately, navigating through that familiar battle of getting paint from brush to paper before it dries as usual, and amongst it all, the birth of a new major work ‘St Vincents Amazons and Cannonball Tree’ has been taking place. As challenging as it has been to create this piece and although I still have a way to go before I can call it complete, I am extremely satisfied with its progress so far.

With its vast contrasting areas of detail, intricacy and soft focus, this painting is in my opinion, the most technically challenging piece I have ever created; working in watercolour is simply an additional consideration to its complexity. As soon as your pencil The Sublime 55

hits the page, you know how challenging a painting is going to be, and in this case, there were many ‘sigh’ moments at the drawing stage alone, even moments of self-doubt and of course the usual thoughts of… ‘am I completely insane?’. ‘Yes of course you are’ I reply to myself as I continue on, determined to make it work regardless of the internal dialogue. Think less.

Do more I repeat, pacing and steadying myself into it, and having come to this point with it, it feels no less complex and overwhelming, but I know that I can do it.

The curiosity, richness and depth of this piece is so appealing to me; the palette so unusual and delicious that it just continues to pull me in, holding me through the marathon that it is from start to end.

Mind management, endurance, consistency, maintaining your focus, is always a challenge on these major works or indeed on any of my paintings, but it is such a sustaining and worthwhile journey. To be able to create something truly beautiful, something memorable, a treasure, is an incredible thing. With this view, the time and energy that my work demands suddenly gains new perspective and we begin to consider what it offers beyond what it takes to create.

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tional competitive exhibitions in 2015 if it has not sold before then. Each year I like to aim for a small selection of internationally elite exhibitions such as Birds in Art, Waterhouse, or Focus on Nature, producing significant works for each. My work is also on permanent exhibition at The Morpeth Gallery in NSW. My Christmas plan this year is to avoid Christmas as well as I am able! I land in Vietnam in mid December and will travel overland and solo through Cambodia until the end of January 2015, as I am a wanderer and a wonderer at heart, free as a bird and an eternal lover of adventure.

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A Review By Mr. Wild

FROM SAVAGE TO SCIENTIST

than the star signs or lines of the palm, a myth most notably busted by a man whose name is entirely the opposite of the person he has become. (A rather tenuous segue I’m sure he and the Tested boys would be proud of). This man is Adam Savage, a man who is neither barbaric, uncivilized or stupid.

Back in the times of old a persons surname was bestowed upon them to indicate some aspect of their nature, their profession or their general role in the community. Smiths smithied, Taylors tailored, Barbers barbed and Dickinsons would...I dread to think...Even my own name ‘Wild’ was given to someone of an untameable or unpredictable character. It was good practice, it helped differentiate the several thousand Johns and Janes that might populate any given area.

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As many people may already know Mr Savage is no stranger to the busting of myths. Like most people my first and predominant encounters with this polymathic personality were enjoyed while watching the now epically successful Mythbusters TV Show on the Discovery channel. While he is not the only star of the show his vibrant and animated enthusiasm for the science they do and its delivery is infectious. He clearly loves what he does, and who wouldn’t, but he relishes his time in front of the camera as much as his time behind the scenes building and working on problems with his long standing co-host the enigmatic walrus-tashed, Jamie Hyneman.

During the course of the show we have seen Mr Savage grow from a young(ish) TV host full of piss and vinegar into what seems to be a far more refined and composed man of science. The Mythbusters show has given him a way in which to explore science and engineering in a fashion most of us will be forever denied. But his ability to communicate the journey they embark upon each episode is a testament to his skill as a communicator of science and carries us along as though we were physically enjoying the ride with him.

He has also demonstrated a great capacity for learning himself, something you can see as you watch the show from it’s beginnings to where it is now. Both he and Jamie, and indeed the other Co-hosts, Kari, Tory and Grant were not ‘know it alls’ and have embraced the ‘failure is always an option’ mantra throughout their experimental endeavours, a mantra that is at the core of the scientific method. The show is not a glossed over lecture in some principle that holds it’s hosts on some unrealistic pedestal, we see them fail, try again, succeed and learn with them.

I think Mr Savage though more than the others seems to go out of his way to communicate this scientific sense of adventure and his polymathic approach to his work is an inspiration. That someone can be so versed in so many different disciplines is a marvellous testament to the plasticity of the human brain and it’s capacity to learn new things. He expresses this in the show but more importantly he is an avid public speaker giving talks for The Amazing Meeting, Maker Faire, TED and other notable societies of learning and creative, critical thinking.

And all this from a man named Savage...You see how the names no longer mean anything, he is as far from a savage as the Saturn 5 is from a spear thrown from the hand.

I have great respect for the man. His enthusiasm for learning is something that sorely needs to be shared in a world where the dumbing down of the masses through non-critical thinking and intellectually offensive ‘art’ like X-Factor and Gogglebox take a hold on people who no longer seem interested in the discovery of new ideas.

Aside from his almost limitless capacity to take on such ideas and share them with the world, he is also an admitted atheist and has spoken at several atheistic events. This can only be a good thing, that a man of his standing in popular culture, particularly in America, will openly challenge the ignorance of ideas like creationism, a problem that is more rife in the states than here in the UK, and a problem that sorely needs a solution. Adam is at least part of that solution, though by no means as ‘Savage’ in his attacks as the likes of Richard Dawkins, Lawrence Krauss or the late Christopher Hitchens, his more relaxed and diplomatic approach is another most welcome tool in the construction of a new and stronger way of thinking about the world.

Add to this the man’s more recent collaborations with Norman Chan and Will Smith (Not that one) at the TESTED website and we start to see more of the wide range of talents and interests this already varied individual possesses.

From his EPIC Cosplays to his obsessive compulsion to ‘Knoll’ things he only gains more respect for his unceasing nerdiness. We’ve been given a glimpse of his world via tours around his ‘cave’ of wonders (His workshop and storage). A place any self respecting geek would fall to his knees in awe a dozen or so times in any given five minutes.

The man has built his own R2 unit, Blade Runner blaster (Several of in fact) dressed up like the Witch-King of Angmar and made his own replica skeleton of a Dodo bird. Just a few of the treasures that await anyone lucky enough to plunder his fabulous collection of eccentric and awesome work. He has also made several videos for the site that catalogue his building process and allow him to share techniques and skills that have made him so successful in both the special effects and myth-busting arenas.

This is yet another reason to love the man, his willingness to share his brilliance. Rather than jealously guarding techniques that he himself has honed over many years that allow him to do what he does so well he actively seeks out ways to share this knowledge for the betterment of the entire human race! Think that sounds a little over the top? Nonsense, it is precisely what he is doing, by sharing such things he is enabling thousands if not millions of people instant access to skills and knowledge it may have taken him years to acquire, giving them the ability to stand on the proverbial shoulders of this learned giant.

Also his ‘Still Untitled’ series of pod-casts on TESTED.com are a subscription favourite of mine each week on YouTube listening to him and the other Tested guys muse on topics ranging from films, previous work, critical thinking and the best place to get sandwiches in San Francisco.

This man, despite his name, is far from Savage, he is learned, intelligent, entertaining and inspiring and I’ll continue to support him in his pioneering endeavour to make a world in which ‘The Geek’ not the ‘Meek’ shall inherit the Earth.

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SHELLY SKELLINGTON’s RECIPES

LEMON AND THYME PORK STUFFING I made this last year and my goodness, it was absolutely amazing. This is what I will be making next year when it's my turn to cook. The extra effort to make your own stuffing is far outweighed by the taste. Its incredibly easy too. It's better than anything you can buy, besides, who wants that paxo shit?

Ingredients 25g Butter 1 onion, chopped 400g Pork Sausage Meat (the best you can afford) 50g Fresh White Breadcrumbs Finely grated zest and juice of one lemon 2 Tbsp chopped fresh Parsley Leaves from 3 Sprigs of Thyme Put a large pan on a medium/low heat. Add butter and chopped onion, cook slowly until the onion has started to soften. You DON'T want to fry them here, just gently cook. Take off the heat, stir in the remaining ingredients, mix well, and leave to cool. This is now ready to bake or stuff a bird. If baking, roll into balls and cook in a preheated 180c oven for about 40 mins or until the top is crispy and a knife poked into the centre (not the bottom) comes out very hot to the touch. You don't want people to get ill on Christmas day, if you are not sure if it's cooked, put it back in the oven.

If using it to stuff a bird (which I did) put half the mixture into the neck of the bird under the skin, and use the skin to tuck it in by pulling it over the cavity and securing it under the bird. Roll the other half into balls and cook alongside your turkey.

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LEMON AND THYME ROAST TURKEY Of all the turkey recipes I have cooked, this by far is the best. Take it from me, look no further than Mary Berry, and bow down to the Queen.

Ingredients 1 x 5.5kg Turkey (Giblets and neck out) 80g of Butter, softened 1 Lemon, thinly sliced 3 Sprigs of Fresh Thyme 1 Onion, cut into wedges Preheat oven to 200c fan. Wash our turkey inside and out. Loosen the skin over the turkey breast by slipping your fingers between the flesh and skin of the neck end, leaving the skin attached at the cavity end, taking care not to rip the skin. Spread the butter over the breast holding the skin up, and slip a few thyme sprigs and lemon slices under the skin. Stuff the neck end with the stuffing if using. Never put stuffing up the bum, it isn't safe! The pork wouldn't cook properly in there. Fill the body cavity with the remaining herbs, lemon and onion. Tie the legs together with string and coat the bird with the remaining butter. Calculate cooking time (roughly 4 hours for this bird) cover turkey with foil leaving a little air gap, then cook the turkey for 40 mins, then reduce temperature to 160c fan an continue to cook for 3 1/2 hours, basting regularly.

After that, increase the oven back to 200c, take off the foil and drain most of the juices off into a jug. Leave jug in a cold place so it separates, you can use that for gravy. Baste, then return to the oven to brown. Check turkey is cooked by piercing the thickest part of the thigh. The juice should run clear. Once you have taken the turkey out of the oven, cover tightly with foil and a tea towel on top of that, and leave to rest for as long as you can.

Merry Christmas everyone, Love Shelly Skellington xxxxxx

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A Review by Luke Berryman

THE SECOND COMING

BY JOHN NIVEN Whilst in university a few years back, I had the pleasure of picking up and reading John Niven's book Kill Your Friends, a darkly hilarious skewering of the cut-throat late 90s music industry. Steven Stelfox, an erstwhile Simon Cowell and the protagonist of said novel, was a greedy, amoral hedonist coke fiend with a penchant for horrendous (and hilarious) sex acts, black thoughts towards his rivals, and a healthy dose of deep-seated panic.

The book was breakneck paced and seedy as hell, but you couldn't help but feel a small pang for Stelfox somewhere in your heart: he was nothing but another crab fighting to get out of the bucket, grasping at every last hedonistic drug-fueled moment lest it all vanish in a puff of failed girl band projects. Then you remember that he slashed his secretary's throat open with a broken glass bottle mid-coitus, and implanted child porn on a rival music producer's computer in order to thin out the competition. Nonetheless, if he was an arsehole he was a compelling and entertaining arsehole, and the pop culture skewerings and narrative pace kept the book massively entertaining from start to end.

Stelfox himself was an unholy, abominable, amazing creation.

So it was with much anticipation that I picked up Niven's latest novel, The Second Coming. For one, the concept, a resurrected Jesus Christ using reality TV talent shows to spread his gospel was a concept ripe for a Niven deconstruction and thorough mocking of both the modern obsession with these syrupy wail-fests, and the religious fervour in America. The fact that Stelfox would return, fulfilling his Cowell-esque destiny as the head honcho of the reality show, was also certainly a selling point.

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crack and anal orgies? I was all up for that prospect.

I was surprised, however, at a few things. Firstly, only a small amount of the narrative is spent on Jesus' time as a competitor on “American Pop Star”. The book begins in Heaven with God despairing on the state of the world (he's been fishing since the Renaissance), and the introduction of the Almighty is a pretty good one, reminiscent in some ways of the down to earth portrayal of religious matters in Dogma. Heaven is a fluffy cloud office complex (people like to have something to do) full of angels busying themselves for God's return in a very familiar manner (panicking and cursing), and God himself is like an ultimate cool dad, smoking dope and rough-housing, joking with his underlings and enjoying human culture and achievement. When he finds out what's gone wrong on Earth, he takes it very seriously. The book pulls absolutely no punches in it's portrayal of the religiously obsessed, holier-than-thou zealots and people who operate on blind faith as ranging from incredibly naïve and unthinking to unforgivable cretins who harm everyone around them. None of this is what God wanted. In fact, as it turns out, he only had one Commandment to start with: BE NICE. He decides to send his son Jesus (here in full-on enlightened stoner form) back to Earth to sort things out.

Jesus and God have a rather touching relationship: God scolds him for being a layabout, and doesn't pull any punches (or curses) with certain segments of humanity, but ultimately what comes across is how much he cares about his creations. He's outright flabbergasted with religious madness, and the things done in his name. Niven's God doesn't give a shit about being worshipped, only about how clever humanity can be.

He loves humour, art, inventions of any kind, and also loves his son dearly. When he sympathises with Jesus

about how hard his task will be, and hugs him tight as he vanishes to be born again below in an American Virgin (God sticks to the old tropes it seems), it's quite clear that this novel has a very different tone to Kill Your Friends. In fairness, Niven has written other books I haven't read, but the change in substance if not in style (it's still extremely funny, quippy and full of cursing) took me by surprise.

The tone is, despite Niven's trademark spiky dialogue actually in a rather profound mode. Despite a laundry list of mankind's failings early on in the novel, and repeated instances of Jesus ranting about how wrong people have things, the book manages to avoid being preachy for the larger part. As a novel told largely through the eyes of Jesus (the narrative is not first person but follows him at the exclusion of anyone else save for some chapters following God, Stelfox or a selection of single chapter characters' thoughts), an ability to avoid preachiness is impressive indeed.

Niven pulls absolutely no punches when depicting man's folly, and the lists of atrocities committed by mortal beings is extensive, but there's always a sense that mankind is merely lost, and by no means past salvation. The initial chapters detailing Jesus' life in a one-room New York apartment, getting spat on and beat up and arrested for doing something as simple as trying to get food for some homeless friends, creates a gut-punching atmosphere that deeply discomforts the reader. It's bleak, it's savage and it's very real. Jesus' sheer anger and disbelief at the prospect of bleaching thrown-out food at supermarkets is powerful. Still, throughout it all he maintains a cool head despite his frustrations, reminding himself that They know not what they do. Mankind has screwed up all it's priorities, but Jesus still loves them, and never has a truly violent thought against them. He may call people stupid, tear down their beliefs, but he does it out of a desire to save them.

Indeed, Niven's portrayal of Jesus is among the strongest parts of the book. He is presented in the way most western Christians would see him, with long blond hair and full of kindness and wise words, but what is most notable is how down to earth he is. He is incapable of performing large scale miracles, instead preferring to do charity work and enrich the lives of his small rag-tag band of followers, who make a decent analogy for the band of disciples from the original bible: a bunch of washouts and needy people who Jesus enjoys because he can help them, and because they make him happy. Jesus is also used as a springboard for Niven's skewering of Christian beliefs like death bed repentance, blasphemy and God-given rights or

talents, though he doesn't come across as self-righteous. He shares a lot with the canonical Jesus, full of mercy and love, and without the air of forbidding authority often given to him by churches, honestly comes across as a very wonderful guy. He's a bit naïve of the world, thinking that people really want to be saved deep down, ignoring the idea that some aspects of the modern world are necessary, but he's always well-meaning, and does succeed in helping people.

The main emotional impact of the book is following his trials and tribulations, feeling his frustrations and his desire to make the world a better place. He's actually a rather effective everyman, a humble character with strong convictions who is happy with people laughing off his Son of God status as long as they get the message. In a way, the fact that he is canonically right about everything he says (about heaven and God at least) does take away from his convictions a bit, but then this is not a book about faith so much as it is about determination and hard work, so the subversion works quite well. He's not there to preach, but to heal.

As for the “American Pop Star” portion of the book, it takes wonderful jabs at the format, it's many clichés and tropes, and features the inevitable showdown between Jesus and Stelfox. Watching Jesus rebel against the format is great, calling out the Pope on air and defying convention to help another act break the format which was hurting his chances, and watching Stelfox tear his hair out is very rewarding. Yet there is something of a missed opportunity here. In the bible Jesus is severely, and sincerely, tempted by the devil at one point. Here, Jesus has his doubts and his moments of weakness, but when Stelfox offers him the world, Jesus flatly declines. While this is a nice moment, with Jesus puncturing modern day greed by asking what $30 million more dollars could possibly mean to Stelfox, it would have been nice, from a dramatic and character stand point, to have Stelfox almost sway him. As his natural counterpoint, some more tension between them would have been appreciated. As it is, Jesus finds ways to subvert him at every turn, somewhat wasting the otherwise stellar character of Stelfox.

Overall, the book is at turns both funny and damning, both heart-warming and exciting, and both harrowing and surprisingly profound. Niven offers us a very different window on modern society, and asks why we couldn't live another, better way if we just put our minds to it. In utterly subverting the idea of Jesus while at the same time rebuilding him, a chance is created for a window on Christian belief, on all belief, and the message is quite clear: Be Nice.

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