Contents Part 1 Darkness Theory
3
Darkness Following
5 7 14
Avoid Enslaved The Grip
16
Plead
18 24
Set me free
Part 2 Sleepless Nights Growth Finding solace Negligence Heart Rage
Greys and Blacks. The two phenomenon’s which resonate with the theory of darkness.
Forgiveness
26 27 29 31 34 36 39
Part 1. Truth About Darkness.
Yes, darkness is a theory. In fact, darkness is an illusion. It is the one thing that can spiral one’s life like a hurricane and cause tension like a tug of war. Darkness can make a person dark. Dark inside. It can make one so dark that the atrocities which follow are often unjustified...
Why do you hurt me the way you do, Darkness? Why do you rip my soul into shreds and stomp on my heart as if you are killing an ant? Why is that I can’t run or hide away from you? Darkness, you are constantly following me. Even on the sunniest of days, you follow me in the shape of my shadow. Even when I need to recuperate, you follow me in the shape of the glorious shade.
Darkness, I try to avoid you. I can never seem to do that because you are the only reason why I am able to sleep at night. Without you, I can never get to the end of my day. Darkness, you are so dangerous. You are the serpent which lures me into sin... at the same time, you are the one who extinguishes the harmful fire within my heart.
You turn my heart to stone. You cause me to be silent during the times when I need to be at my loudest. Darkness, why do you do this to me? It’s as if you have me on a leash which binds me with the chains of pain and fury. I feel enslaved to you and I fail to liberate myself from your bondage. Darkness, I plead with you. I cry in your presence every night, begging to be free. You are the only one who sees my tears. This continuous cycle which has no break leaves me weak at your feet.
Whenever I hurt, you are present. Whenever I sin, you are the reason. When I am vulnerable, you take advantage. You take me in as if I am an orphan in need of parental care. You grip onto me with force and whisper to me, “you can NEVER leave me. I am everywhere you go. I am in your sleep; in your wildest dreams. I PARALYSE you when you awake and I only TAKE, I never give.�
I plead with you to set me free.
Set me free so that I may embrace my light even though I am in your ‘care.’ Set me free so I may live and not crumble in your presence. Set me free so I may defeat you.
Set me free so I may enslave you.
Part 2. Release .
Constant fights, sleepless nights. Here I am, in and out of sleep battling with my subconscious. I awake, you’re present in my current endeavours of life. I go to sleep, you visit me in my wildest dreams.
I’ve grown to forgive you, yet I’m still growing to forget. For the walls I’ve broken down for you. I’m yet to discover new materials to build a wall stronger than before.
No wrecking ball can wreck me no more. Constantly battling my own being. Am I a fully-fledged person or am I just a human walking this earth with no feeling? Here I am, releasing all of memory of you. Finding solace and sanity in the things which brought me to my knees before you.
The very same things which I neglected to accommodate your dreams over mine. Could I say that I loved you? Well, I don’t seem to know what love is anymore since you’re not the definition of it.
Truth be told, I don’t know what love is. No tale nor theory can ever educate me. Love has become a blur. My ability to feel has run away from me. My heartbeats remain empty. I let you in so much as to only let you out. The moment you walked out, the final pieces I held onto crumbled to floor like broken glass.
My oblivion left with you and my consciousness remained. My heart was in a critical condition. No form of affection could save it. My heart had turned to stone and release was my only answer. As concrete as it’s be come, no furnace can reignite that spark.
I raged over you. Fury in my heart wouldn’t let me eliminate you from my thoughts. I wanted the best for me more than I wanted to treasure you. I still want the best for you, yet not with my knowledge. I want to encapsulate your memory and cremate it in the furnace of my lessons.
I find tears in my eyes at the thought of you. I’ve grown to forgive, yet still growing to forget. You’ve become an ancestor to me, as I have be come to you. No longer living yet still existent.
Credits: Directory : Jay Carson x Township Rockstar x Pictures Of The Pictures Collaboration : Muriel Nthabiseng Mamoepa Editorial / Graphics : Misha van der Walt Photographer : Sean Steenkamp Writer : Masesi Tsotetsi