khuluma31

free copy

august

2014

got the munchies?

FOR THE MENU see pages 2&3

tale issue The Femme Fa

Celeste interviews

Anele Mdoda Did Anele take the drive-time show just to skip the traffic?

Janine Davies Can Janine do her make-up while on a motorbike?

! a l u l u k , y a d h t r i b h t 3 1 Happy

i l u t N e t Celes

PLUS City guides, stargazing, safari surprises, roller derby, public protector, and much more

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View from the Top

Have Your Say

Whether you’ve had a great flight or feel that we could improve our service, we’d like to know. Drop us a line at khuluma@picasso.co.za.

Dear kulula, I would really love to make special mention of the delightful and thoughtful service I received on flight MN 111 on the 19/06/2014 at 10am. I would like to make special mention and send a special thank you to Pandora Ndungane, who took such care of me and looked after me during the flight.

I was in a state of shock and pain as I had been hijacked and assaulted, and had missed my 6:25am flight. She immediately seated me, took care of my luggage and brought me something sweet to drink. All the attendants were also very helpful, concerned and sincere. If it had not been for this I would never have been able to attend the conference.

Well done kulula, take care of Dalene Hattingh, Leigh-Anne Weschke, Pandora Ndungane and Nicolette Makhathini.

Warm regards, Moosa Kharodia

Winners

June competitions PHAT Treasure Hunt: Holly Bailey Days of the Dinosaur: Hava Haffajee Edge of Tomorrow: Alister Ho, André le Roux, Charmaine McDonald, Edwin Ramkelawan, Sanda Songca

AUGUST IS WOMEN’S Month in South Africa. My wife says this is because men get the other 11 months of the year – but I am not entirely convinced of this. I think it is all a subtle plot to let men think they are in charge, like in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, where the mice actually rule the universe. The women did slip up on this secret once, when one of them said, ‘Behind every great man is a great woman,’ but she was subsequently silenced and given a new identity as a man.

Women’s Day is on 9 August, and commemorates the 1956 march by 50 000 women on the Union Buildings to protest against the pass laws.

Prime Minister JG Strijdom was supposed to be in the building, but I’m fairly certain he had escaped out the back door and was well on his way to his apocalypse hideout. I certainly would not have been brave enough to face 50 000 women.

About two years ago we happened to find ourselves at the Bourke’s Luck Potholes on Christmas Day with my father-in-law and mother-inlaw. As I parked the car, we were confronted by four good old Transvaal boys of about 150kg each, claiming title to that parking space. Not being too bothered about where I parked, I moved five metres to the next parking space. But little did these boytjies in their web vests and khaki shorts know what they had unleashed.

My wife and my mother-in-law proceeded to flay them verbally for the next 15 minutes, without taking a single breath between them. Soon they were surrounded by a cheering crowd, and the boytjies squeezed back into their Ford Fiesta, never to be seen again – and probably glad that they had chosen to wear their khaki shorts.

It would be interesting to know if JG Strijdom was wearing khaki that day in 1956.

And on a different note – this month kulula.com turns 13 years old! South Africa’s first low-cost carrier is now officially a teenager, but one with very strict parents!

Erik Venter, CEO: Comair Ltd

kulula.com

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Contents August 2014 regulars

1 VIEW FROM THE TOP Our CEO’s hilarious letter, plus

your thoughts

11 ÜBER-EDITOR’S LETTER Celeste Ntuli has a (fa)tale to tell you

12 KULULA PAGES How your sky-high cuisine gets there, Trev’s Mauritian manifesto, plus our partner snippets

guide

19 WESTERN CAPE What to do and eat, where to sleep and how to dress in and around the Mother City 25 GAUTENG Get busy, chow down, shop till you drop, then sleep

it off in Gauteng

31 KWAZULU-NATAL Forget the cold; it’s always summer in KZN 37 GARDEN ROUTE Food, fashion and forest getaways in the

greenest part of the country

40 TOP TIPPLE Chuckle with your tipple at some of the lighter moments of the wine industry 42 WATCH Monsters, musicals, munchies and mayhem at the movies, plus our Jersey Boys giveaway 45 LISTEN Three albums guaranteed to rock your soul

47 READ Latest literary picks plus a giveaway!

50 GAMES Thumb-twiddling, eyetwitching gaming goodness 53 TECH Our roundup of the latest trends and gizmos

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Contents August 2014 chat

59 RADIO Celeste and Anele Mdoda talk the state of the nation’s entertainment industry

65 SPORT Celeste and Janine Davies chat about being the roses among the thorns 72 LOCAL HERO We find out what makes Thuli Madonsela the champion – and the woman – that she is

travel

80 SUTHERLAND Of stars, SALT and sub-zero temperatures 88 EASTERN CAPE Biltong, bonding and beasts on an

impromptu safari road trip

action

96 BEHIND THE SCENES Eight wheels, body armour and a whole lot of attitude – welcome to roller derby 103 DRIVE The battle of the sexes over a Peugeot RCZ, plus five vehicles built for the fairer sex 106 GO GREEN Sisters are doing it for

the planet

stuff

108 MONEY MATTERS

Balancing motherhood and your career

110 HEALTH The ABC of PMS,

and more

112 COLUMN Of women and witch-hunts

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EDITOR Anthony Sharpe anthonys@picasso.co.za CONTENT MANAGER Raina Julies rainaj@picasso.co.za CONTENT COORDINATOR Vanessa Payne COPY EDITOR Joy Capon PROOFREADER Ingrid Graham COVER PHOTOGRAPH Morné van Zyl MAKE-UP ARTIST Cindy Horton HEAD OF DESIGN STUDIO Jayne Macé-Ferguson DESIGNERS Mfundo Ndzo Leo Abrahams Johan Labuschagne PRODUCTION EDITOR Shamiela Brenner PROJECT MANAGER Richard White richardw@picasso.co.za SALES CONSULTANTS Stephen Crawford, Bonnie Eksteen, Randall Grace, Ryan Hannival, Steve Norval, Marc Plastow, Andre Potgieter, Alec Rompelman, Roman Ross, Clint Smith, Zelda Stein BUSINESS MANAGER Robin Carpenter-Frank robinc@picasso.co.za FINANCIAL ACCOUNTANT Lodewyk van der Walt

To advertise in this magazine please contact Richard White (Project Manager) on 021 469 2500 or richardw@picasso.co.za

SENIOR GM: NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES Mike Tissong ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER Jocelyne Bayer

kulula.com CEO COMAIR LIMITED Erik Venter MARKETING MANAGER, kulula.com Shaun Pozyn SENIOR BRAND MANAGER, kulula.com Bridgette Ramuluvhana BRAND MANAGER, kulula.com Thembeka Mabaso COMAIR LIMITED 1 Marignane Drive, Bonaero Park, Kempton Park, 1619 Tel 011 921 0111 kulula.com contact centre 0861 KULULA (585852) PRINTING

CTPprinters

CAPE TOWN

Copyright: No portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written consent of the publishers. The publishers are not responsible for unsolicited material. khuluma is published monthly by Picasso Headline Reg: 59/01754/07. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Picasso Headline, kulula or Times Media. All advertisements/advertorials and promotions have been paid for and therefore do not carry any endorsement by the publishers. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of its contents, neither kulula, nor the publisher can be held responsible for any omissions or errors, or for any misfortune, injury or damages that may arise therefrom. We reserve the right to edit interviews for layout purposes.

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ÜBER-EDITOR OF THE MONTH

Über-ed’s letter Celeste Ntuli

All hail the queens!

picture: morné van zyl

I’m sitting on the floor in Frankfurt Airport writing this editor’s letter. As much as I have been busy, away on family holiday in Europe, and heading to Glasgow to perform at the Commonwealth Games, I was not going to miss out on this great opportunity to fly high with khuluma!

How ironic that I’m writing this in-between flights. I guess kulula and I have something in common: flying high (I mean literally).

I had a great time in Cape Town with the photoshoots. The weather was cold but I was offered great tea and I quickly warmed up as I slipped into my lounge-singer character. Although you can’t hear it through the cover, that’s me singing kulula a very happy 13th birthday!

But it wasn’t all just make-up and lights, camera, action. Because it’s Women’s Month, I decided to chat to two amazing but completely different South African women.

Anele Mdoda … where do I start? You all know her as the Queen of the Airwaves. I always speak to her but I never get enough of her wit, worldly knowledge, and her kind and loving personality. I might sound biased because she is my friend, but read my interview with her and you will see what I mean.

Then I got the chance to speak with a fabulously talented blonde from Benoni. Janine Davies is the Queen of Speed – a superbike rider, model and wife (I think she is secretly Superwoman).

As for me, I’ll be back to perform my one-woman show, Home Affairs, in Jo’burg on the 23rd, and in Durban on the 29th and 30th.

So raise yourself up and fly high with the queens. From me, the Queen of Zulu Comedy, and the Queen of the Airwaves and the Queen of Speed, happy Women’s Month and happy birthday kulula!

Fly kulula and live love laugh! ■

Who will be our next ed?

South Africa’s a funny place. It’s got lots of funny people. Some are damn hilarious. Every month, khuluma chooses a particularly amusing individual to be our über-editor. This funny man or woman then interrogates prominent South Africans for us.

So book your flight for next month or head over to www.khulumaonline.co.za to see who it’ll be.

kulula.com

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Celeste’s creds

Celeste Ntuli has come a long way since she was first discovered performing in a marquee in Durban. Known as the Queen of Zulu Comedy, she is the first local female comic ever to record a one-woman DVD, Seriously Celeste, which is a collection of her performances across the country. Catch her one-woman show, Home Affairs, at Jo’burg’s Lyric Theatre on 23 August, and at Durban’s The Playhouse on 29 and 30 August. Follow her @Bhelez.

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Flying 101: We know how it goes – you board the flight, check out the person sitting next to you, get comfy in your seat, look out the window and then wonder what to do. Do you get some shut-eye, do some work or maybe just read a book? Whatever you choose, we know that as soon as you settle in for the flight, the thought of a snack crosses your mind.

Whether you’re genuinely famished or just looking for something to nibble on, you’d really love some biltong and a beer, or perhaps some nuts and a glass of vino to wind down at the end of the day. Maybe you missed lunch and you need a chicken-mayo roll to tackle your hunger pangs, or your morning cornflakes didn’t touch sides and a croissant or muffin with a cup of coffee is just what you need to fill the gap. Luckily for you, our in-house catering division has all your onboard padkos cravings covered.

So, who is the dream team behind the scenes, who gets up at the crack of dawn and works until the early hours of the morning to make sure our flights are stocked with a variety of fresh and tasty meals and snacks?

In 2012, Comair, operator of kulula and British Airways in southern Africa,

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decided to launch its very own in-house catering division, called Food Directions, to give fans a greater selection of top-quality, fresh and delicious food on board. This also tightened controls, and improved menu flexibility and offering.

Food Directions has facilities in Airport Industria in the Mother City and in Jet Park in Jozi, which are fitted with state-of-the-art bespoke kitchens designed for maximum productivity, smooth preparation and cooking flow, as well as best hygiene practices.

There are hot and cold kitchens, plating areas, chillers, freezers,

sanitation, and receiving and dispatch areas – all super hi tech.

In total, Food Directions employs 220 people. The Cape Town facility opens at 4am and Jozi at 4:30am to make sure you have fresh treats on board your flight, and close only at midnight and 1:30am respectively. Between the two operations, a whopping 7 400 meals, which comprise hot, cold and snack meal options, are made every day for hungry fans on board kulula and domestic British Airways flights.

Now go on … sit back, relax and treat yourself to a little tasty something.

picture: supplied

Food Directions has padkos covered

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get great deals with our partners

Trev’s Hot Spots

picture: supplied

postcard from paradise BLISS. I RECENTLY discovered the true meaning of the word, thanks to kulula’s latest holiday package deal.

‘Bliss’ means escaping to paradise.

It’s trading your office for an island.

It’s sipping cocktails as you watch the evening sky settling in over the sea. It’s spending seven nights in Mauritius. And it’s getting all of this for next to nothing with kulula’s Mauritius holiday deal from only R12 270 per person sharing.

You pay for five, but stay for seven nights in a superior room at the Solana Beach Resort, including breakfast and dinner daily. The price also includes return flights from Jo’burg to Mauritius, all airport taxes and fuel levies, as well as return airport-to-hotel transfers.

I’m fresh from my kulula trip to Mauritius and I simply can’t stop raving about this Indian Ocean sparkler. It features all of those classic island prerequisites: swaying palm trees, sandy beaches as well as an aquamarine ocean.

But there are also many things that truly set Mauritius apart from other island destinations. Like its traditional dance, the passionate sega.

Or its incredibly diverse food culture, influenced by its Creole, French,

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Chinese and Indian inhabitants. Or the fact that the island boasts the oldest botanical garden in the southern hemisphere and has an exceptionally rich biodiversity.

Although there’s a lot to see and do, and so much culture to soak up in Mauritius, it wasn’t easy for me to leave the very, very comfortable four-star Solana Beach Resort on the island’s east coast. It’s set on its own private beach, with a pristine blue lagoon from where you can embark on water adventures like kayaking and windsurfing.

The resort also offers a full-service spa, a pool, two restaurants and two bars.

They’ll also keep little holidaymakers entertained at their kids’ club, plus the resort is a stone’s throw away from the Flacq market (the island’s largest openair market).

But don’t take my word for it; go and experience bliss for yourself. The deal is valid from 16 October to 6 December 2014. You must book and pay at least 45 days in advance in order to qualify for the deal. Tips, meals (unless specified), beverages, all items of a personal nature, visas and travel insurance are excluded.

Standard kulula legal stuff applies.

Protea Hotels: from blue-sky thinking to blue-sky looking Whether you’re a jetsetter, a mover and shaker, or a holiday-maker, mix business with pleasure and get the best of both worlds with Protea Hotels and kulula. Protea Hotels has a footprint of more than 116 hotels in seven African countries, so you can rest assured there is a Protea Hotel that’s perfect for you. And if you’re keeping it local, they’ve got you covered – literally! Their hotels are strategically located across South Africa so that you’re in the centre of all the action.

Plus, with up to 500Mb complimentary Wi-Fi access daily, you can push your success to the next level when you stay at any Protea Hotel or African Pride Hotel. It’s the only thing faster than your jetsetting lifestyle … other than our green machine, of course. And while you’re thinking about where to go, don’t forget that you can bring the junior jetsetters along. Kids under the age of 12 sharing with parents stay and eat breakfast for free! Now that’s what we call family fun.

Did you know that, as of April 2014, Protea Hotels forms part of Marriott’s global brand portfolio, made up of 18 brands that operate more than 4 000 hotels in 79 countries?

Got some eBucks? Pay or part-pay for your next kulula flight using your eBucks.

Choose your favourite Tsogo Sun hotel and let kulula book your room. Now that’s luxury you can afford.

As a Discovery Vitality member, you can earn Discovery Miles, which you can use towards paying for your next kulula flight.

Rent a car with your flight and get 10% discount, or get the best rates with Europcar.

twitter.com/kulula facebook.com/iflykulula

THE NOTICEBOARD safeguard your baggage and valuables against loss, damage, delay or theft.

Flight and bag insurance gives you peace of mind so you can enjoy your holiday or get on with important business. From only R30 per person per

Until next time, happy travelling.

Trev

flight, you can ensure that you’re protected from those inconvenient, unforeseen setbacks. For more info, go to www.kulula.com.

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western cape | GUIDE

What’s on Western Cape Prime cut 9 August

Live music Prime Circle’s Let the Night In South African tour is on at the GrandWest Grand Arena, following the band’s performance at Bloem’s Sand du Plessis on 1 August. Tickets are R145-R315, available from www.computicket.com. For more info, go to www.primecircleband.com.

Please note: Lead singer Ross Learmonth has denied rumours that the band is considering experimenting with other geometrical constructs.

Cuddly ideas 16-17 August

Conference TEDxCapeTown 2014, on at the Cape Town City Hall, is themed ‘Design Your Thinking’, and aims to provide a channel for innovative and potentially world-changing ideas to be showcased and heard. Tickets are R350, available from www.quicket.co.za. For more info, go to tedxcapetown.org.

Please note: This is not to be confused with TEDxxx, which addresses an entirely different kind of design.

Guild wines

21 August (Cape Town), 27 August (Jo’burg)

text: anthony sharpe; images: tracy gander. supplied

Wine showcase At the Cape Winemakers Guild Auction Showcase wine-lovers can taste the selection of sought-after wines to go under the hammer at the auction in Stellenbosch in October. The showcases are on at the CTICC in Cape Town and The Atrium in Sandton. Tickets are R170, available from www.webtickets.co.za. For more info, go to www.capewinemakersguild.com.

Please note: ‘Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.’ – Joan Collins

Giveaway!

We’ve got two sets of double tickets to give away to each of the Cape Winemakers Guild Auction Showcases! Go to www.khulumaonline.co.za and hit the competitions tab. Competition is open to all South African residents over 18, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/Comair Limited, and closes on 17 August 2014.

kulula.com

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Blistering pace 24 August

Charity walk The 47th annual Blisters for Bread Charity Family Fun Walk takes place at Green Point Cricket Club. The entry fee of R50 will feed 25 hungry schoolchildren for an entire day. Entries are open and limited to 12 000 walkers. Enter online or download a copy of the entry form by visiting www.psfa.org.za.

Please note: Blisters and bread don’t really go together so well.

Stick to strawberry jam.

Oodles of doodles 28 August

Charity art sale The Night of 1000 Drawings, taking place at the Good Hope Centre, is a massive inner-city art sale of doodles collected over the last nine months from doodle sessions around the city. Entertainment at the event includes live bands, food, doodle battles, VJs and more. Proceeds from the event will go to Thomas Wildschutt Primary School. For more info and this month’s doodle sessions, go to 1000drawingsct.co.za.

Please note: ‘Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.’

– Oscar Wilde

R’S ITOICE D E 29 August – 7 September CHO

Rock or die

Musical Playing at the Artscape Opera House, Rockville 2069 is a love story set against the backdrop of a post-apocalyptic world. Featuring a cast of 25, a seven-piece rock band with the Cape Philharmonic Orchestra, it combines artists and musicians from different cultural and musical backgrounds to bring a new, sometimes discordant, always thrilling voice to the rock musical scene. Tickets are R100-R250, from www.computicket.com. For more info, go to www.rockville2069.com.

Please note: The guitarist’s string broke, but he didn’t fret about it.

Folk these days 30 August

Music festival The sixth Cape Town Folk ’n Acoustic Music Festival, on at the Baxter Theatre Concert Hall, features 24 local artists and bands, including Vusi Mahlasela, Farryl Purkiss, Digby and the Lullaby, and Dave Ferguson, performing completely acoustically in an intimate, concert-style setting. Tickets are R165-R185, available from www.computicket.com.

For more info, check out their Facebook page.

Please note: Some folk just don’t understand musical puns.

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GUIDE | WESTERN CAPE

EAT WESTERN CAPE Mount Nelson Hotel

Rust en Vrede At Rust en Vrede restaurant, Beaumont Hope Marguerite Chenin Blanc is deliciously paired with a plate that combines pork belly, prawn ravioli, blood sausage and apple. The refreshing, fruity notes in the Hope Marguerite balance the richness of the prawns and pork belly.

Hope was Marguerite winemaker Raoul Beaumont’s mother – who was apparently very fond of the wine. How she felt about prawns and pork belly is not known.

Annandale Road, Stellenbosch, 021 881 3757, www.rustenvrede.com

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Pommes Anna (sliced, stacked potatoes cooked in butter) were created and named by French chef Adolphe Duglere for 19th-century courtesan/actress Anna Deslion. Whether Mme Deslion was hurt

by Chef Duglere’s subsequent introduction of Pommes Annette (a version of the same dish with julienned potatoes) is not recorded. The bad news is that almost no one makes either Anna or Annette potatoes any more. The closest we could find was Chez Max in Somerset West, which has a lovely standalone sausage menu. Diners choose any two sausages from the list (which includes Toulouse, hot Italian, Cumberland, bierwurst) and a choice of various potato dishes.

146 on Main, cnr Main and Myburgh, Somerset West, 021 852 8209

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1) A classic stone trench coat, as made famous by iconic British brand Burberry, is one item that will never go out of style, and the ratio between style and practicality is a rare thing of beauty – no sacrifices for the sake of fashion here! This version from local designer Albertus Swanepoel is pure perfection.

And at R1 750, you won’t be spending a month’s salary on it, but you’ll be channelling that same iconic look.

Available on Spree.co.za

2) When it comes to animal print, there are various options that will always stick around, such as leopard print, snakeskin and crocodile. This faux croc bag from Woolworths goes with everything and is big enough to use as an everyday bag for all your essentials.

Whether you opt for it in black or burgundy, the glossy texture will add visual interest without overwhelming the rest of your outfit. Just don’t wear it with more snakeskin or crocodile! R399

text: anna trapido, lize hartley; pictures: supplied

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Chez Max

DRESS WESTERN CAPE

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The Mount Nelson lounge menu includes a delicious Reuben sandwich. Arnold Reuben, founder of Reuben’s Restaurant and Delicatessen in New York, first cooked up the hot rye-bread sandwich of corned beef and Swiss cheese with Russian dressing and sauerkraut in 1914, for a down-and-out actress named Anna Selos. He named the sandwich after her, but when she refused to marry him, he changed its name to the Reuben Special.

76 Orange St, Cape Town, 021 483 1000, www.belmond.com

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half price.

50% off pizzas at Col’Cacchio pizzeria. Mondays all day.

Limited winter offer, valid until 31 August 2014.

facebook.com/colcacchio

colcacchio.co.za

twitter.com/colcacchio

SIT DOWN ONLY, ONE PIZZA PER PERSON. EXCLUDES WHEAT & GLUTEN FREE PIZZA BASES, ADDITIONAL TOPPINGS AND ‘CREATE YOUR OWN’ PIZZAS. T&Cs APPLY (SEE OUR WEBSITE FOR FULL T&Cs). E&OE.

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western cape | GUIDE

Sleep Western Cape Head in the clouds Anthony Sharpe channels his inner Greek god at Clouds Estate.

pictures: supplied

In Greek mythology, Mount Olympus was the home of the gods – Zeus, Hera, Hestia, Demeter, Poseidon, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Hermes, Aphrodite, Hades and Hephaestus – who lived among its gorges. It was from Olympus that Zeus, the leader of the gods, hurled down thunderbolts onto the mortal world when angered.

Only the Greek hero Bellerophon ever dared to attempt to reach the summit – on his winged mount, Pegasus – but Zeus sent a gadfly to attack the horse, which reared and sent Bellerophon tumbling to earth to land in a thorn bush, leaving him blind and crippled.

Fortunately, you don’t need to tame a mythical beast, nor risk life and limb, to visit the Cape’s very own Mount Olympus. Clouds Estate, perched at the summit of the Helshoogte Pass, is like something out of mythology. The estate comprises seven beautifully modern guesthouse rooms and five luxurious self-catering villas.

We stayed in a guesthouse room, kitted out with satellite TV, Blu-Ray DVD player, iPod docking station, minibar, heated towel rails and Wi-Fi, with views southwest of the winelands and mountains that could only be described as jaw-dropping. To the

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left, the gardens led to two swimming pools, and below, the estate’s vines sprawled across the hillside. I felt a helluva lot like Zeus, but there was no righteous anger; rather than thunderbolts, I wanted to pour down rainbows and light onto the land.

Serendipitously, we were welcomed by a rainbow upon arrival at Delaire Graff for dinner. The neighbouring estates are linked by a gate in the fence on a precipitous paved road, along which we were driven by golf cart that might as well have been the chariot of Hermes himself.

That night we dined upon ambrosia and nectar – or rather the estate restaurant’s seven-course tasting menu paired with selected wines from the region. The humble offerings included a poached quail egg in bacon foam made to look like a fried egg, and a carrot marshmallow – truly nourishment fit for a deity.

For those less inclined to foamy food, the villas have fully equipped kitchens and you’ll rarely find a better view to wash down a meal than on one of their balconies. There’s also Tokara, which specialises in contemporary cuisine and also offers stunning views, or any number of restaurants further afield, whether you head east along the pass to Stellenbosch or west towards South Africa’s culinary capital, Franschhoek. Clouds itself also serves a mean continental and cooked breakfast.

So, are you ready to join the pantheon?

Helshoogte Road, Stellenbosch, 021 885 1819, www.cloudsestate.com

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

WHAT’S ON GAUTENG

HAND ME YOUR KEYS 14 August – 5 October

THEY’RE DRY, BUT YOU CAN CHOOSE THEM 2 August

Comedy awards The Savanna Comic’s Choice Awards returns with a side-splitting variety show that will have you in stitches. Nominees include khuluma alumni Tumi Morake, Chester Missing, Schalk Bezuidenhout and Loyiso Gola, with Mark Banks set to receive a lifetime achievement award. Tickets are R230-R270, from www.computicket.com. Go to www.comicschoice.co.za for more info.

Please note: ‘I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said, “It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.”’ – Jimmy Carr

I SAW THE (DE)SIGN 6-10 August

Lifestyle festivals Lovers of design and décor are in for a treat, with two events taking place at the Gallagher Convention Centre. Decorex Jo’burg (www.thebereed.co.za/decorex) showcases everything from furniture and fabrics to fine finishes and essentials for indoor and outdoor living, while 100% Design South Africa (www.100percentdesign.co.za) is an international showcase for contemporary design with a unique African perspective. Tickets for both events are available on www.webtickets.co.za.

Please note: If you fire your interior decorator, does that mean they become your decor-ex?

ONCE YOU KOPPI, YOU CAN’T STOPPI 7-9 August

R’S ITOICE D E O CH

text: anthony sharpe; images: robert weedman, supplied

Music festival Technically, it’s in Limpopo, but the legendary Oppikoppi music festival is well worth the mission. Celebrating its 20th birthday this year, the festival’s massive line-up includes aKING, Bittereinder, Beast, Black Cat Bones, Shadowclub, Toya Delazy and many more. Tickets are R700 from www.plankton.mobi. Go to www.oppikoppi.co.za for more info.

Please note: Whatever you do at Oppikoppi, don’t allow anyone to ducttape a two-litre Coke bottle to your hands. It never ends well.

GIVEAWAY!

We’ve got five sets of double tickets to the Rise & Shine festival to give away! To enter, go to www.khulumaonline.co.za and hit the competitions tab. Competition is open to all South African residents, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/ kulula.com/Comair Limited, and closes on 15 August 2014.

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Musical A Handful of Keys is on at Pieter Toerien’s Montecasino Theatre, featuring a firecracker script and two grand pianos, played with unparalleled virtuosity by Ian von Memerty, Jonathan Roxmouth and Roelof Colyn. Tickets are R100-R170, available from www.computicket.com.

Please note: A virtuoso pianist was recently trampled to death by an elephant in a game park after attempting to tinkle the ivories.

OH, THE DRAM-A 15-17 August

Whisky festival The FNB Whisky Live Showroom in Soweto takes place at the Walter Sisulu Hall in a new, boutiquestyle event that offers the city’s whisky connoisseurs a rare opportunity to taste the world’s finest whiskies from Scotland, Ireland, South Africa and the United States. Tickets are R150 online and R170 at the door. For more info and to book, check out www.whiskylivefestival.co.za.

Please note: Whisky detractors like to go against the grain.

SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE 23 August

Music festival The Rise & Shine festival takes place in Sandton Central Park and features artists including Shortstraw, Al Bairre and Death By Misadventure. In partnership with Johannesburg City Parks, they will plant a tree for every 50 people who attend the festival, ensuring a green footprint will be left behind. Tickets are R150-R250, available via the Rise & Shine Facebook page.

Please note: Whoever invented the phrase ‘rise and shine’ clearly had a very nice espresso machine.

GOTTA GET AWAY 29-31 August

Lifestyle expo The Gauteng Getaway Show, on at the CocaCola Dome, features more than 400 leading travel, outdoor and adventure brands under one roof, offering the latest in interactive exhibits and experiential technology. Tickets are R70 for adults, R40 for pensioners and students, and kids under 12 get in free. For more info, go to www.getawayshow.co.za.

Please note: Fritz was evicted from the campsite because he couldn’t pay the tent.

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Johannesburg’s Alternative Airport Lanseria International Airport is Gauteng’s only privately owned international Airport. Commercial airlines, charter companies, and many other service providers, call it home.

It’s conveniently positioned north of Johannesburg, close to the business hub Sandton, as well as Pretoria, Midrand, Krugersdorp and surrounds.

World class airport facilities: • • • • • • •

Spacious airport building servicing Domestic and International flights Self service check in kiosks Ample parking and Fast Drop ‘n Go Facilities Quick baggage collection Daily domestic flights on offer between Johannesburg and Cape Town, and Johannesburg and Durban One-of-a-kind open air viewing deck that overlooks the runway Close proximity to hotels and B&B’s and many tourist attractions

world class facilities on offer, shouldn’t you be considering Lanseria International Airport?

With all these

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

EAT GAUTENG La Madeleine Madeleines are small, shell-shaped sponge cakes named for an 18th-century pastry cook, Madeleine Paulmier. It was this tea cake of which 19th/early 20thcentury French writer Marcel Proust once wrote: ‘It invades the senses with exquisite pleasure.’ At La Madeleine in Pretoria, menus change according to season and chef whim, but chef-patron Daniel Leusch and his daughter Anne always use top-quality ingredients. From the first crisp crunch of baguette with achingly wonderful anchovy butter to the last mouthful of lemon zest-flavoured

madeleine at the end of the meal, Proust’s edible exquisite pleasure is in evidence.

122 Priory Road, Lynnwood Ridge, Pretoria, 012 361 3667, www.lamadeleine.co.za

Beluga Female European sturgeons have it tough.

It is, after all, from them that beluga caviar is harvested. The eponymous restaurant chain now serves up heaps of the stuff (hopefully from a less endangered species) in Gauteng, with a new branch in Midrand and Pretoria.

Expect the full complement of dim sum,

sushi, cocktails and an à la carte menu.

Shop 5, Waterfall Corner, Midrand, 010 596 8970 The Club, 109 18th Street, Hazelwood, 012 346 1457, www.beluga.co.za

text: anna trapido, lize hartley; images: supplied

DRESS GAUTENG 1) A bold red lip can vamp up even the plainest look, so a great red lipstick is a beauty essential! Kate Moss is the epitome of chic and sexy when she sports a red lip, so follow her lead with this classic red from Rimmel. Line lips with a matching red lip pencil first, to ensure a flawless application that stays put.

R89.95, also available on Rubybox.co.za 2) Similarly, red nails are a classic – simultaneously very striking and, technically, a neutral. Just remember that red nail polish, like the paint of a red car, has to be absolutely perfect, otherwise it looks tacky. Revlon has several great options, including Red Carpet, Red, and the gorgeous Red Hot Tamale. R95, also available on Spree.co.za

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3) I always say that leopard is my favourite neutral. Because the truth is that as out-there as this print is, it is such a wardrobe staple that it has morphed into a neutral, like black or white. It was made famous by true legends such as Marilyn Monroe, Brigitte Bardot and Elizabeth Taylor, and we haven’t looked back since.

But remember, only one leopard print item at a time, or you’ll be fashion road kill, and keep it classic with brown, tan, black and white, rather than bold colours and trendy palettes such as neon. These Zoom court shoes are the perfect way to punctuate a chic all-black look of tailored trousers and a blazer. R460, also available on Spree.co.za

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gauteng | GUIDE

SLEEP Gauteng At my stable Trevor Crighton whinnies with delight at Jo’burg’s Tintswalo at Waterfall.

pictures: supplied

In Shangaan, tintswalo means ‘the intangible feeling of love, gratitude and peace bestowed upon someone offering you a meaningful and worthy gift’. For the literal, ‘Tintswalo at Waterfall’ would then mean ‘feeling strongly about someone who just gave you a nice present, while getting soaked by cascading water’.

Sometimes, it’s best to not take things too literally.

Tintswalo at Waterfall is, in fact, a five-star boutique hotel that lies midway between the madness of Midrand and stylish Sandton. Situated on a 240-acre country estate with achingly beautiful polo fields and manicured gardens, the building itself is modelled after a stable.

Horsey people are generally quite posh, but this is quite possibly the stable of exquisite equine dreams.

High ceilings, exposed wood and brick, and plush furnishings give the entire space a stirring warmth, with each of the 16 suites named for a different horse breed, and decorated accordingly and distinctively. There’s underfloor heating, a tempting minibar and a bathroom larger than most chain hotel rooms themselves.

It’s easy to get carried away about a view of any kind of green space in

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Johannesburg, but the vistas from the hotel force you to grasp for adjectives.

Waking up overlooking a polo field with the Magaliesberg mountains in the background is a good distraction from the fact that you’re going to have to brave the M1 into Sandton shortly.

When it comes to food, the Feedroom restaurant is more romantic than it sounds. Head chef Eric Hlatshwayo’s food philosophy is founded on his 20 years of hardboiled kitchen experience rather than a formal qualification, which means that you get heart, not geometry, on your plate.

Breakfasts are served on the patio overlooking the fields, or in-room.

Ticking every box on the room-service menu and throwing open the patio doors to take in the view in your dressing gown (hopefully not scaring any passing mares) is a treat. Lunches are of the languid variety, while candlelit dinners beside the fireplace are all that you’d imagine.

There is, inevitably, a well-appointed gym, reached by a brisk walk from the hotel. If your thing is decreasing rather than increasing your heart rate, the spa facing the dam offers enough treatments, wraps and therapies to demand repeat visits. Alternatively, if you want to massage your mind, an afternoon flicking through books in the well-stocked library is a good way to do it.

Waterfall Country & Equestrian Estate, 011 300 8888, www.tintswalo.com/waterfall

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kwazulu-natal | GUIDE

What’s on kzn Chill, brew 9 August

’S OR E T I ED OIC CH

Beer festival The SA On Tap Craft Beer Festival, on at Kings Park Stadium, is all about providing exposure to local craft breweries, and to introduce locals and visitors to the delicious flavours and varieties being produced on our doorstep. Tickets are available from www.quicket.co.za at R60, or R100 with an American pilsner beer glass or a goblet beer glass. Go to www.saontapcraftbeerfest.co.za for more info.

Please note: ‘Beer makes you feel the way you ought to without beer.’

– Henry Lawson

Toddler tips 16 August

text: anthony sharpe; pictures: bruce vieane, supplied

Parenting expo On at the Three Cities Riverside Hotel, the Johnson’s Baby Sense Seminars offer the latest parenting advice for new and expecting parents.

Cost per seminar is R240 and R80 for the massage workshop; if you book for both seminars and the massage workshop, a discounted rate of R480 applies. Go to www.facebook.com/babysense for more info. The seminars are also on in Port Elizabeth on 23 August at the Marine Hotel, in Joburg on 6 September at the Woodmead Country Club, and in Cape Town on 13 September at the Vineyard Hotel.

Please note: ‘Never have children, only grandchildren.’ – Gore Vidal

WHAT’S ON Garden Route

27-29 August

Wine festival The Mercury Wine Week, being held at Suncoast Sunstrip, brings together delicatessen food, wine exhibitors and hundreds of wines, from farms boasting histories spanning centuries to undiscovered boutiques wineries. This year sees the addition of a wine theatre, with dedicated tastings each evening by different estates. Tickets are R100, or R160 for a two-night pass for the 27th and 28th. Go to www.mercurywineweek.co.za for more info.

Please note: If the mercury’s high, reach for Sauv Blanc. If it’s low, reach for Cab Sauv.

Play nicely now 22-31 August

Arts festival The Playhouse Company is proud to present the 18th annual South African Women’s Arts Festival, with a programme packed with music, dance, drama, poetry, workshops, visual arts and much more. For more info, go to www.playhousecompany.com.

Please note: George Jean Nathan’s definition of opening night: ‘The night before the play is ready to open.’

Casual and effect 5 September

Charity drive Casual Day, South Africa’s most successful fundraising project for persons with disabilities, celebrates its 20th birthday this year with the theme ‘Bring out the Bling’ and the colour dazzleblue. So put on your dancing shoes and dress up, not down, for this year’s Casual Day. Buy stickers from schools and centres that provide services to persons with disabilities, as well as all Edcon stores. Go to www.casualday.co.za to find a participant in your area.

Please note: Don’t be a casualty; get involved.

Run your sox off 8-10 August

Trail run The afbSOX three-day run is South Africa’s most scenic and diverse trail event. Day one traverses 30km through the Outeniqua Mountains; day two is 30km of beautiful trails through the Knysna Forest; and day three runs 20km along the rugged Wilderness Coastline. The Race Village is at the Ebb and Flow National Park, Wilderness, George. Check out www.soxtrailrun.co.za for more info.

Please note: Running on a treadmill is like driving around a parking lot.

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Something to wine about

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KWAZULU-NATAL | GUIDE

Ile Maurice

Market

Crêpes Suzette are said to have been created for then-Prince of Wales Edward VII on 31 January 1896, at the Café de Paris in Monte Carlo. When the prince ordered a special dessert for himself and Suzette, a young female companion, chef Henri Charpentier produced the flaming crêpe dish. Edward reportedly asked that the dessert be named after his companion, rather than himself. At Ile Maurice, the flamed, orange sauce-laden pancakes are a treat second to none.

9 McCausland Crescent, Umhlanga, 031 561 7609, www.ilemauricerestaurant.co.za

Granny Smith is not only a tart green apple, but also a real, live (well, she’s dead now) granny. In 1868 (long before Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin thought to call their baby Apple), elderly British-Australian farmer Maria Ann ‘Granny’ Smith propagated a new variety of pomaceous fruit on her farm in New South Wales and named it after herself. At Market restaurant in Durban, the chef makes a freshly squeezed carrot, Granny Smith apple and ginger juice.

40 Gladys Mazibuko Road, Morningside, Durban, 031 309 8581

EAT KZN

text: anna trapido, lize hartley; pictures: supplied

DRESS KZN 1) From Bond babes Halle Berry and Ursula Andress to Bo Derek and Farrah Fawcett, bikinis will always be our favourite swimwear option. Whether you have a summer holiday coming up this month or you’re simply holding out for the warmer weather to hit the southern hemisphere, good swimwear is obligatory.

Retro-style full bathing suits are making a comeback, and Blu Blu makes a version that will suit any body type.

Solid black is flattering, although it is also available in red and turquoise.

If you want to show a bit more skin, grab an itsy-bitsy polka-dot bikini, like this red-and-white version from Scarlett Swimwear. R799 and R380 respectively, both available from HelloPretty.co.za 2) Two things that will never go out of style: black and white. Together they are an eye-catching and timeless

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combination. Combine this chic palette with a pair of cute ballet pumps à la Coco Chanel and you have yourself an item you’ll be able to wear with almost anything. High heels are no longer a necessity if you want to make an impression – a pretty pair of pumps will do the job just fine. This gorgeous pair from Cinnamon Shoes is sure to end up being one of the most-worn pairs in your wardrobe! R950 3) Take your style cues from Audrey Hepburn and you’ll never put a foot wrong! The iconic beauty was all about understated fashion and beauty, and could regularly be seen in the perfect tailored, black cropped pants. Don’t be afraid to spend for the sake of a great fit and fabric. Pair this Trenery version with a feminine, cap-sleeved blouse and some cute ballet pumps for the perfect everyday ensemble. R849

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Kwazulu-natal | GUIDE

sleep KZN At your service The Concierge Boutique Bungalows offer a posh surprise in a slowly developing area, as Will Edgcumbe discovers.

pictures: supplied

Nestled down a side street in Greyville, The Concierge Boutique Bungalows embody the kind of place you need to know about to find, but once you’re there you can’t quite believe what a great little hideaway it is.

Greyville is a slightly edgy part of town just south of leafy Morningside and trendy Florida Road, and although the area is not where most people would think of staying, The Concierge should change all that.

If anything, the location is a win all round – you can easily nip into the CBD on business; you’re five minutes from the beach; you can stroll to Florida Road; Moses Mabhida Stadium is around the corner; and if you need to head north to Umhlanga, the M4 is right there. But the location isn’t the only reason that The Concierge has become one of Durban’s most popular hotels.

Firstly, it’s really beautiful. Each room is individually decorated in a mix of old and new, with the original 1920s façade blending with the modern wooden headboards, Scandinavian-influenced furniture, bright colours and quirky design flourishes. Essentially, the rooms are very Durban – luxurious and

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supremely comfortable, yet totally laidback and fun.

They’re also appointed with everything you could ask for, including a king-size bed, free Wi-Fi, air con, DStv and a bathroom so nice you’ll never want to leave.

The rooms are all set around a central courtyard, home to a beautiful old fig tree and a shipping container that’s been converted into the Freedom Café. There’s a diner vibe inside, and a modern provincial feel outside under the tree, so you can take your pick of atmosphere.

The only problem you’ll have is deciding what to eat for breakfast, which is not only one of the best available in Durban, but is also served all day, something more places need to get onto. Freedom Café is pretty famous for its buttermilk pancake stack, potato rosti and French toast, but if you’re looking for something a little different, you need to try the eggs benedict with salmon gravlax – sounds funky, but gravlax is essentially salmon that’s been cured in a dry marinade. It’s something of a specialty, and those are always worth trying.

If you stick around for lunch, you’ll notice that the café is extremely popular with Durban’s tastemakers, who gather here for good food (the burgers are legendary) and the odd bit of light business. They’re only open for dinner on Friday and Saturday nights, so bear that in mind.

031 309 4434, 36-42 St Mary’s Avenue, Greyville, Durban, www.the-concierge.co.za

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GARDEN ROUTE | GUIDE

EAT GARDEN ROUTE Ginger Restaurant

Ginger Restaurant in Port Elizabeth has crêpes Suzettes on the menu, but we already know about the Prince of Wales and his fancy woman. The restaurant also stocks a selection of Twining’s Teas, including Lady Grey tea, which is a variation of the more famous Earl Grey tea. Lady Grey tea was named after Mary Elizabeth Grey, the wife of Charles Grey, the second Earl Grey, for whom Earl Grey tea is named. Like Earl Grey, Lady Grey is a black tea scented with bergamot oil (though in lower concentrations).

Marine Drive, Summerstrand, Port Elizabeth, 041 583 1229, www.gingerrestaurant.co.za

East Head Café

Bloody Mary (the tomato juice and vodka melange) is a reference to Queen Mary (1516-1558), who was given this nickname in memory of her brutality as she attempted to re-establish Catholicism as the British state religion.

The world-class wonderful Bloody Marys at The East Head Café are much nicer than the queen they were named after.

25 George Rex Drive, 044 384 0933, eastheadcafe.co.za

Dessie’s

A croque-monsieur is a classic French ham-and-cheese bar sandwich. The name is based on the verb croquer (‘to crunch’).

The same sandwich with an added fried egg on top is known as a croquemadame. It is said that it has this female denominator because the egg resembles an old-fashioned woman’s hat. The croquemadames at Dessie’s in PE are heavenly and do look a little like ye olde ladies’ hats.

145 Main Road, Walmer, Port Elizabeth, 041 581 3113, www.dessies.co.za

text: anna trapido, lize hartley; pictures: supplied

DRESS GARDEN ROUTE 1) Stripes are a timeless print. Channel your inner French Riviera holiday-goer with this chic black-and-white striped T-shirt. Navy and white or off-white is another classic option when it comes to stripes, and both palettes work perfectly with staples like tailored pants and simple summer sandals or sneakers (don’t worry, summer will be here soon!). R299, Poetry 2) Much as there are classic items that are must-haves for every wardrobe,

there are also classic patterns, prints and textures. Hound’s-tooth is one of these, and the bold black-and-white print is here to stay. If you’re hesitant to go the Gwen Stefani route and wear bold prints on larger items such as a coat or pants, try accessories instead. These subtle inclusions will really liven up a neutral outfit, and they afford you a lot of versatility. Opt for quality and style with this scarf from Witchery. R399

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BRIDAL BONANZA!

Bride&co offers an entirely unique experience for South African brides with the largest selection of wedding gowns and wedding party attire under one roof anywhere in South Africa. When it comes to the groom and his men, they’re in the best hands with a full Eurosuit store located at each Bride&co.

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garden route | GUIDE

sleep Garden Route Up where we belong You haven’t lived till you’ve spent the night in the trees, as Seth Wood discovers at Teniqua Treetops.

pictures: supplied

A vast carpet of green rises to kiss the drooping underbelly of indigo sky.

Somewhere a donkey heehaws, and if I listen carefully I can just make out a deep-throated cock-a-doodle-doo from a slow-off-the-mark rooster.

Dawn is barely breaking, but as I stand on my wooden deck, hovering in the forest canopy, I’m aware that birds are already hard at work, flitting between the branches, energetically cranking out status reports, gossiping about the unfolding weather. Only a sudden scream from the bedroom breaks the deep bucolic calm.

The tented cottage I’m in is built on wooden stilts and is, like the other seven treehouses at the 35-hectare Teniqua Treetops resort, utterly unique.

It was designed around the branches, constructed so that nothing had to be cut down, and to take best advantage of its sweeping view of the indigenous forest that covers the plunging valley and distant mountains it overlooks.

Still, it’s a feat of eco-engineering, incorporating all the creature comforts, yet designed to minimise stress on the environment. So there’s solar-power, self-composting loos, and the water you shower or bath in is rain-harvested, or from the river.

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But these are all boring details, minor technicalities that are far more intriguing once you experience them in action.

What’s important to know about this hideaway, located somewhere along a backcountry farm road 15km inland from Sedgefield, is that once you arrive, it takes tremendous effort to tear yourself away.

The trick is to come fully prepared – bring all the food you could possibly need, because popping into town for a litre of milk will cut into the down time you’ve come to savour.

Each evening we found new uses for the braai on the porch, preparing satisfying meals before tilting our heads back and pondering the stars. We ate and ate and ate, and then we stared up excessively. Even books and backgammon were too much effort.

And then came the wind in the night.

It was furious, profound and, we were told, unlike anything people in these parts had seen for decades. I loved that sense of witnessing a freak of nature, even if it pounded furiously through the trees, shaking our canvas walls, unleashing an apocalyptic fury on the forest that made me shudder in my electric blanketwarmed bed.

By morning, calm was restored, the treehouse unscathed. It was so cosy inside, in fact, that a fist-sized rain spider had taken shelter inside our bedroom, on the canvas wall right above my arachnophobic roommate. Which is why, occasionally, shrill human screams can intrude on even the most tranquil of mornings.

044 356 2868, www.teniquatreetops.co.za

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GUIDE | TOP TIPPLE

A barrel of laughs RIANIE STRYDOM IS the name behind the award-winning Haskell and Dombeya labels. As a young assistant winemaker, Rianie had to climb up to the top of a huge tank to check the fill height and then shout down to her colleague to stop pumping when full capacity was reached. The chief winemaker decided to reverse the roles. He would tell her when to stop the pump. Alas, when he was halfway up the ladder, the tank reached capacity; it overflowed and he was near drowned in a waterfall of wine.

He was not amused, but the rest of the cellar team split their sides nonetheless.

Rianie, one of a handful of women granted membership to the Cape Winemakers Guild, will present her wines alongside others at the CWG Public Showcases on 21 August in Cape Town and 27 August in Jo’burg. The 30th CWG Auction takes place on 4 October at Spier in Stellenbosch. See capewinemakersguild.com for details.

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Who would believe that an acclaimed winemaker got her inspiration from Mills & Boon romance novels?

Carmen Stevens tells the story: ‘When I had difficulty reading and writing English, my mother handed me a stack of Mills & Boons to get me reading. The realistic settings on wine farms, in cellars and old estates aroused my sensory instincts, and I knew then that wine would be part of my life.’

Despite the early challenges, Carmen realised her dream of making wine under her own label. Through angel investors, Naked Wines, the Carmen Stevens Reserve range became available only in the UK. She recalls attending a Master Class in Austria with eminent wine master Michael Silacci, craftsman of iconic Californian wine Opus One. Michael presented the class with a selection of wine components and challenged the participants to mimic his masterpiece.

Carmen made her selection and omitted one component. When the master questioned her selection, she reported that the particular sample was not to her liking on the nose or palate. In fact, she doubted that such a dubious sample could be part of the blend. The master responded that the sample, in fact, made up the backbone of his blend. Somewhat embarrassed, Carmen blamed her perception on the garlic starter of the night before.

Many moments of mirth have spilled on my own long and wineing road. While training students at the Hotel School in Cape Town, I used word pictures to aid memory. The lesson was on how to open wines, impressing that you never put a bottle between your legs (as some were doing) – to suggest that guests should drink anything that came from between someone’s legs is decidedly inappropriate.

When the sparkling wines were demonstrated, a loud ‘kaboom!’ was heard as the youngster popped the corked.

Everyone laughed. ‘No, no, no! You’ve got to restrain the cork,’ I said, ‘like when a nun passes wind – imperceptible.’ An exam question later: ‘What precautions do you take when opening sparkling wine?’ Answer from an Afrikaans student: ‘Jy moet dit oopmaak soos ’n non se poep – fffttt.’

pictures: supplied

Are there any moments of mirth in the wine business?

Ingrid Graham asked two wine celebs to spill the juice.

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GUIDE | WATCH

Watch this…

JERSEY BOYS

Release date: 15 August

Release date: 1 August After stealing a mysterious orb, brash outer-space adventurer Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) is forced to form an uneasy alliance with a group of misfits: Rocket, a gun-toting raccoon (Bradley Cooper); Groot, a tree-like humanoid (Vin Diesel); the deadly and enigmatic Gamora (Zoe Saldana); and the revenge-driven Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista).

It’s a little different from the usual superhero saga from Marvel, one which promises humorous, rollicking spaceopera action that is already being likened to Star Wars.

Anticipatometer: 5/5 ■ ■ ■ ■ ■

THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY

LUCY

Release date: 29 August

Release date: 22 August This adaptation of the Tony Award-winning musical is directed by none other than Clint Eastwood, with four relative unknowns – John Lloyd Young (who portrayed his character on stage in the Broadway production of the show), Erich Bergen, Michael Lomenda and Vincent Piazza – starring playing the members of 1960s rock ’n roll group The Four Seasons. Jersey Boys tells the group’s story in four ‘seasons’, each narrated by a different member. It’s not as dynamic an adaptation as it could’ve been, but the music is good and an Eastwood film is always a pleasure to behold.

Anticipatometer: 3/5 ■ ■ ■

This tasty flick tells the tale of Hassan (Manish Dayal), who along with his family, is displaced from his native India. They settle in a French town to open a restaurant, to the displeasure of Madame Mallory (Helen Mirren), the proprietress of the classical French restaurant across the street. You know the dish already; it’s the presentation that matters, and this confection, by Lasse Hallström, who directed What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?, The Cider House Rules and Chocolat, among others, sounds pretty delectable.

Anticipatometer: 4/5 ■ ■ ■ ■

This action film starring Scarlett Johansson looks completely bonkers, and is directed by Luc Besson, so it probably is. Johansson plays the titular character, kidnapped and forced to work as a drug mule in Taipei.

When a drug she is smuggling leaks into her system, it unlocks the full potential of her brain, basically granting her incredible strength and intelligence. Armed with these, she sets out to exact vengeance on those who’ve harmed her. It sounds like a superpowered version of 2011’s Limitless – and that may not be a bad thing at all.

Anticipatometer: 3/5 ■ ■ ■

Jersey Boys giveaway

We’ve got 10 Jersey Boys soundtracks plus 10 sets of Nu Metro double tickets to give away! To enter, go to www.khulumaonline.co.za and click on the Competitions tab. Competition is open to all South African residents, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Nu Metro/Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/Comair Limited, and closes on 31 August 2014.

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text: anthony sharpe; pictures: supplied

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

LUCY

THE HUNDREDFOOT JOURNEY

JERSEY BOYS

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Make a date with the girls and a humongous box of popcorn this month.

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LISTEN | GUIDE

Listen up Claire Martens beats her drum to a different rhythm this August.

Chevelle

pictures: supplied

La Gárgola Epic As one of the most popular alternative rock bands to come from America, Chevelle’s musical formula has proven itself to be highly addictive. But after six successful albums, you can’t help but begin to wonder when they will start a slow descent.

La Gárgola is not so much said descent as it is a plateau. Their signature sound is gratifyingly familiar, but it’s lost some of the addictive factor. Although the industry has responded in kind, hoisting them into Top 40 charts all over the world, the Chevelle brothers are cashing in on acquired fame.

Nevertheless, they deserve our continued respect. The band doesn’t bend to industry forces or change what has worked for them. The songwriting in ‘One Ocean’ and ‘Take Out the Gunman’ is still some of the most influential I have heard this year. While not at the level of their earlier work, La Gárgola is great nonetheless.

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The Very Wicked You’re The Everything In Us Independent I’ve been keeping an eye on this local psychedelic rock act for quite some time, and their debut album is better than expected. They’ve managed to quench a thirst I didn’t know I had – the thirst to be moved by a different kind of rhythm.

With a combination of modern creativity and decades-old musical influences, You’re The Everything In Us is oddly familiar, but strangely exhilarating.

Centred on a driving groove, but with a sound that feels eerily distant, the music is subtle and sophisticated. They flirt with the idea of music as an art form, to great effect.

A hazy musical execution is what really gives The Very Wicked its uniqueness, but this may isolate them from a mainstream audience. Perhaps keeping to the underground will be the best thing they could do for themselves, giving them a level of notoriety befitting their name.

The Blues Broers Into The Red Guava Records

Into the Red is the seventh album from the Blues Broers, who’ve been around since the 90s, claiming the honorary badge of the longest-standing blues band in South Africa. Although known for their incredible live act, good work ethic and mighty musicianship, the band has one particularly endearing factor: they don’t really take themselves all that seriously.

Into the Red is an album comprising mostly tongue-in-cheek compositions, executed by a tight fit of musicians.

With an encyclopaedic knowledge of blues, they easily explore the different styles and sounds that lie at its core.

The ease with which these exemplary musicians create such a diverse and amusing mix of songs is not surprising, although a few of the songs are a little dry about the edges.

By packaging issues such as religion, South African life and, of course, love into a conventional blues format, the educational, rather than passionate, aspect may come across too strongly.

I am not wholly convinced.

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READ | GUIDE

library lounge Monsters, money and mauls – August’s literary picks are nothing if not eclectic.

pictures: supplied

Call It Like It Is: The Jonathan Kaplan Story

Broken Monsters

Think Like a Freak

Lauren Beukes Umuzi Following on from the phenomenal success of The Shining Girls, Lauren Beukes returns with a similarly morbid and creepy tale in the form of Broken Monsters. Set in Detroit, it tells the story of a detective, Gabriella Versado, and the disturbed killer she is tracking, who is trying to remake the world in his image.

The first instance of his work is the dead body of a young boy somehow fused to a deer.

At the same time, Gabriella’s daughter is playing a dangerous game with an online predator. It’s another layered and disturbing thriller from Beukes, one that touches on the death of the American Dream, online fame and the undercurrents of our world.

Steven D Levitt & Stephen J Dubner Allen Lane First published in 2005, Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything became an enormous success, melding pop culture with economics. The authors followed it up with Superfreakonomics: Global Cooling, Patriotic Prostitutes, and Why Suicide Bombers Should Buy Life Insurance.

Now we have Think Like a Freak, in which the authors turn what they’ve learned into a practical toolkit for thinking smarter, harder and differently – in other words, thinking like a freak. It offers, in many ways, a rehash of ideas from the first two books, so if you own those you can probably live without this. But for those new to the ways of freaky thinking, it’s an entertaining and informative read.

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Jonathan Kaplan with Mike Behr Zebra Press Jonathan Kaplan is the most capped test referee of all time. If you care about rugby, that’s kind of a big thing.

Especially if you’ve ever screamed, torn at your hair, or flung cushions at the TV over a particularly controversial piece of refereeing. Refs can maketh the game.

In Call It Like It Is, Kaplan lays bare the world of international rugby refereeing through the story of his own career: his climb to the top; struggles with injuries and rugby management; and the toll of the itinerant lifestyle. It’s an unusual look at the sport through the eyes of the smallest man on the field at any given time, and the one who has to tell a pack of 120kg brutes their fortune – never an easy task.

Giveaway

We’ve got five copies of Call It Like It Is, each signed by Jonathan Kaplan, to give away! To enter, head over to www.khulumaonline.co.za and hit the Competitions tab. The competition is open to all South African residents, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/ Comair Limited, and entries close on 31 August 2014.

AUGUST 2014

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Thumb wars

Future, fantasy or gritty realism: this month’s crop of games sees you dealing with disaster in many different guises.

Destiny

text and pictures: supplied by BT Games

From the creators of the hugely popular Halo series comes Destiny, a fusion of traditional first-person shooter elements with MMO (massively multiplayer online) ideals. Thousands of players share the same expansive game world, with bands of players able to join together to explore the game’s richly detailed universe. The story is set 700 years in the future, after an event known as the Collapse has left humanity crippled. You play a Guardian of the City – one of the brave defenders of the last human city in existence.

You can choose your character’s race and class from a number of different varieties, each with their own strengths, weaknesses and unique, devastating abilities. As you progress, your character’s power steadily grows, granting you access to an arsenal of impressively destructive weaponry with which to face the many dangers of the game’s open world.

Pre-orders from BT Games get you an upgrade to your in-game vehicle!

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GAMES | GUIDE

Diablo III: Reaper of Souls – Ultimate Evil Edition Diablo III’s well-received expansion, Reaper of Souls, is finally set to give console gamers the chance to dive into all the delicious expansion-exclusive content on offer.

The Ultimate Evil Edition includes all the content from the original Diablo III, which means that there are six character classes in total (including the new Crusader class) and five acts (the expansion adds a new one) across which to slay demons and hoover up giant piles of shiny loot with which to outfit your character so that you’ll be even better at slaying demons and hoovering up giant piles of shiny loot.

The console version features four-player split-screen multiplayer (along with online multiplayer), along with all the countless improvements that have been made to the game’s base gameplay. Adventure through randomly generated Nephalem Rifts; hunt down bounties for glorious rewards; build your power up to a new level cap of 70. In short, there’s a mountain of awesome new content to reap.

The Last of Us Remastered The Last of Us was released at a bit of a funny time: just as the PS3 was starting to wind down to make room for the PS4.

But those who did play it on its home console probably can’t shut up about it, because it is just that good. Now one of

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the greatest adventure games of 2013 has been updated to join the ranks of the next (or current, if you’re going to be a stickler about it) generation of games consoles.

The setting is a classic one: the world’s been overrun by zombies (of a sort), and it’s up to you as a smuggler named Joel to get a young girl called Ellie to safety, by any means necessary. It sounds simple enough, but this is a game that’s not afraid to throw curveballs at you all the way.

This remastered edition brings with it new content, updated visuals, optional directory commentary, and all the extra stuff that was made available for the initial release. Now available from your nearest BT Games store.

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TECH | GUIDE

Talking tech The latest gizmos and tech developments, brought to you by Steven Norris of Gearburn.com.

Flick review

Flick (which sounds dangerously close to photo app Flickr) is a photo-sharing app that dares to be different – it wants us to share photos from Android, iPhone, PC or Mac with a quick ‘flick’ of the finger. It’s a simple app that doesn’t need much explaining, as it gets the job done in seconds. There’s no need to register users and if one of your friends has Flick installed on their PC or smartphone, sending them images, notes or contact details is a matter of flicking the file into their name. As long as you’re in wireless range of each other – closer than 10m – Flick will detect your friend on the other side.

Flick’s all about privacy as well, and files can be set to auto-destruct after a select amount of time. Snapchat has the same option, only it’s a little prettier to look at. Speaking of looks, Flick hasn’t got ’em. This is one basic app in both action and looks.

Yet (deep breath) none of this stops Flick from being downright lovable.

Does an app have to be beautiful to be loved? Not with Flick; it wears its ugliness on its sleeve, like a badge of pride. There’s a blue background for mobile, where selected content lies about all messy, like an artist’s easel, and practically anything can be shared with anyone in seconds.

This is a fast, fuss-free app which works on Mac, Android, PC, iPhone and Linux, so that’s all the major platforms covered. It’s now a permanent part of my Android and MacBook Pro, as it’s a much better way of transferring files in the office. Never mind its humble looks, Flick rocks. One warning: you’ll need Java installed on your device for it to work.

pictures: thinkstock, supplied

Woman in tech changing the world

Tech has always been a maledominated scene, but thankfully it’s 2014, so that nonsense is changing.

Meet two women who’ve practically changed the tech scene: Julie Uhrman, creator of the Ouya gaming console, and Lisa Falzone, who created the iPad

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point-of-sale interface called Revel.

Let’s talk about Julie first.

Ouya, for those who don’t know it, is like a turbo-charged Samsung Galaxy S5, transformed into a game machine, sporting a slick gamepad and loaded with charm. The Ouya costs only a little over R1 000 and can play most of the best Android games around. Julie made a plan for those who can’t afford an expensive console, sourcing $8.6-million on funding site Kickstarter, and $15-million in further investment.

By creating

a cheap, simple games console, Julie practically turned an entire industry on its head. Speaking of which, here’s Lisa Falzone.

Lisa invented or – better yet – reimagined the cash register with her Revel point-of-sale (POS) system for iPad. When you go to a McDonald’s and a cashier is punching her greasy finger into an iPad, they could be using Falzone’s software to take your order. Again, Falzone took an industry standard and made it her own. She raised more than $3.7-million in funding for Revel, and her system now takes fast-food orders at US restaurants such as Popeye’s, U-Sushi, Illy Coffee and others.

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TECH | GUIDE

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Girls ’n games

Quickly, think of women in gaming.

You thought of Lara Croft in Tomb Raider, didn’t you? Many of the best games have female protagonists, but we’ve been so bombarded by the Duke Nukems and Mario Bros of the world that we’ve forgotten who the real heroes are. Below, we’ve listed a few of gaming’s greatest women (spoiler alert: the pneumatically endowed Ms Croft ain’t on the list).

SAMUS ARAN – METROID Since the ’80s, one of the strongest female players remained a mystery to its maledominated fan base.

Metroid, an actionadventure game par excellence, cast players into the boots of Samus Aran, a bounty hunter searching for giant, floating squid-brained aliens (don’t ask). The first game in the series, released in 1986, took the players through a sprawling, mazelike adventure as they navigated purple planets in a robot death machine. But right at the end of Metroid, Samus removed her helmet to reveal blonde locks underneath.

It was gaming’s first real surprise ending, and a cool introduction to a bad-ass hero.

BAYONETTA – BAYONETTA A witch with bullettime powers possesses a living costume made out of her ponytail and wields guns bigger than her body, decimating devil-angels to a soundtrack of snappy

one-liners. That’s Bayonetta for you, a game that’s more than a gender-swap of Devil May Cry, and is actually one of the sassiest games ever made. With tight controls and a strong female lead, Bayonetta smacks down any gaming hero with perfect prose and a storyline that exposes male dominance in video games.

It’s crazy, but it works.

ALYX VANCE – HALF-LIFE 2 The best game ever made has the most believable female lead ever written for a game. Half-Life 2’s Alyx is a strong, take-no-prisoners revolutionary who guides male lead Gordon Freeman through a desolated, brutal world. Later instalments in the Half-Life 2 saga place Alyx front and centre as she becomes Gordon’s guide every step of the way.

Alyx is well cast as a soldier who will do whatever it takes to win, with her warmth and maturity shining through each and every time she smiles at you.

Office productivity

Work – what is it good for? The office is where we go to while away the day, stacking papers and emails until the five o’clock bell tolls.

But work is tough enough without having to do things the hard way, which is why we’ve picked five of the best applications to use around the office.

DRAGON DICTATE Voice-to-text dictation programme. Takes the pain out of transcribing meetings and interviews.

DROPBOX Perfect for sharing large files with anyone, anywhere, over WiFi or wireless internet.

E-FAX Stop sending real fax messages and use this instead. Or use email like normal people.

MAILBOX Here be the most awesome mail app of all time. It’s clean, clear, quick and – best of all – free.

MICROSOFT WORD Did you ever think MS Word would run on an iPad? Well it does, but you need an Office 365 subscription to edit files.

There’s loads more, but these five will make office life far easier.

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teners, s i l k l a t le and Ane e t s e l e C nd love a c i s u m local nine talk a J d n a Celeste Benoni d n a s e ond bikes, bl

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Join the...

CHAT

Celeste Ntuli, the Queen of Zulu Comedy, is now the Queen of the Skies too! Well, for a month at least‌

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radio | chat

Anele Mdoda is the vivacious voice behind Highveld Stereo’s drive-time show. Now it’s Celeste Ntuli’s chance to ask the questions.

Flying high (veld) kulula.com

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Advertorial

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ACB Link offers a range of services, with the primary offering being debit order processing on behalf of clients.

“If you bill regularly for licence fees, levies, rentals, subscriptions or donations, a cost-effective collections solution can offer great value to your business,” says Kathy.

Many business owners are not aware of the fact that debit orders are not processed only by banks, she explains. Unlike banks, ACB Link does not require clients to cede funds prior to collections. This can be highly convenient for businesses with tight cash-flow needs.

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Clients can integrate these offerings directly into their systems or they can make use of them on ACB Link’s online portal.

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For more information, contact ACB Link on 011 462 9300 or info@acblink.co.za, or visit www.acblink.co.za.

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radio | chat

Celeste Ntuli: Hey Anele, welcome to khuluma.

Anele Mdoda: Hello Celeste. Thanks for having me.

CN: You don’t have to thank me.

You know I love you.

AM: [Laughs] Okay.

CN: But the folks out there need to get to know you as well as I do. Even though they listen to you every day.

AM: Fair enough.

CN: Okay, first question. What is one thing that you have learned about yourself through radio work?

AM: You know, one thing radio has taught me is that just because you have a microphone, that doesn’t make you better than anyone. Radio is the levelling ground of society and I’m the person carrying the rake making sure the ground is level.

CN: Yoh. That’s deep.

AM: Indeed. The funny thing is that we call the folks tuning in the listeners, but if you want to be a great radio personality, you have to be the one who listens. People want and need to be heard. Be the ears.

pictures: supplied

Radio is the levelling ground of society and I’m the person carrying the rake making sure the ground is level

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CN: And what do you think about the local entertainment industry and the ratio of SA music that’s being played?

AM: Local entertainment is doing just fine. Corporates are now putting more money into the field than ever before.

Entertainers need to be relevant; otherwise this will be the downfall of the industry. Gone are the days where we’re playing music because it is South African; we now play music because it is good.

CN: So even if I record my album, you won’t necessarily play it? What a friend you are!

AM: [Laughs] The pity party is over, and I for one know we are ready for it because South African musicians really are excelling.

CN: Huh. What happened to a friend in radio is a friend indeed? Okay, so speaking of radio, what one thing would you change in SA radio if you had a chance?

AM: Honestly, the only thing I would change is the phone lines.

CN: Seriously?

AM: You know, sometimes I listen back to my show, or sometimes when I’m driving, listening to other shows and other stations, South African phone lines are terrible and it can really be the killer of a great radio moment.

That’s all.

CN: So you mean there is also a load shedding with Telkom? I think I prefer to be bought airtime than roses.

AM: [Laughs] CN: Well I suppose it’s not so bad if that’s the only thing. Now tell me, because you’ve been involved with reality TV on SA’s Got Talent, what can we do to get those talented voices from Clash of the Choirs a chance to

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Talent is not the issue in South Africa; the management of that talent is.

Everyone wants to be famous, but no one wants to work the books be solo or group artists, and to get to hear them on the airwaves?

AM: Ha, so here’s the thing about reality-show winners or participants.

The industry looks all too easy because

you get to a place, and the clothes are there, the lights, the stage, and all they need is the talent and action!

CN: But it’s not really so.

AM: No, many will tell it’s not so. That is why many reality-show winners fizzle out after their year of reign.

You got so used to hearing yes to the crown you forget that a lot more no’s are going to come your way. With Clash of the Choirs, I always say talent is not the issue in South Africa; the management of that talent is. Everyone wants to be famous, but no one wants to work the books.

CN: It’s about graft, you’re right. Okay, final question my dear.

AM: Already?

CN: It’s a deep one. Tell me one thing you know about love.

AM: Wow. CN: [Laughs] AM: Okay, one thing I know for sure about love is that not even your family has to love you; you earn it and wait for it to be returned. Many people are sitting with family members who don’t deserve their love, yet they give it because they’re family.

I say stuff that! Everyone must show you they’re worthy of your love or they can chuck, because love comes with so many things – forgiveness, nurture, care, time, compromise, sharing, consequence – such heavy things to be wasting on an unworthy person.

CN: Ja, imagine if we could divorce our siblings – so many people would be truly single.

AM: [Laughs] CN: Anele my dear, thank you so much. I always love talking to you.

AM: Me too! Thanks for the opportunity.

Good luck with your trip. ■

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SPORT | chat

Full throttle

pictures: supplied, SABC

Janine Davies is an unusual mix – part motorbike racer, part model, all superwoman. Celeste Ntuli catches up with the speedster.

Celeste Ntuli: Hi Janine.

Janine Davies: Hello Celeste.

CN: Where are you right now?

JD: I’m actually at my parents’ house at the moment. We’re busy offloading the bikes from racing this weekend.

CN: How often do you race?

JD: I race at least once a month, which is for nationals, but there are a few odd fun races, so on average about twice a month.

CN: So do you race with men or just against women?

JD: It is only with the men. [Laughs] CN: Yoh! Welcome to my world!

Because usually I’m the only woman on the comedy line-up. It’s only me and Tumi Morake and, now, Anele Mdoda.

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JD: Likewise, there are only about three of us who are part of nationals.

CN: I heard, and I thought, queen of speed, oh my word. And you’ve got a husband too?

JD: Yes, I do. [Laughs] Balancing being a wife and racing … it’s crazy.

CN: You don’t have babies yet?

JD: Not yet. I’m just surviving looking after a husband.

CN: [Laughs] I must learn a thing or two from you, because everyone tells me I’m not going to find anyone, being in this male-dominated blah-blah-blah.

But here you’ve managed to capture somebody’s heart at speed.

JD: Listen, there are alpha males and

alpha females, and we’re alpha females.

There’s an alpha male waiting for you.

CN: Woo! Okay now, I know you’ve probably been asked this question so many times, but the modelling and the biking, how do they go together?

JD: To be honest, it all started when I went to watch a race. There was another woman racing, and when I saw her win her class, I said, that’s me. I want to be her. And then The Fast and the Furious came out, with that girl Michelle, and I thought, if she can do it, I can do it. I did motor mechanics in school, and I’ve been an adrenalinejunkie for as long as I can remember. My mom and dad just supported me and gave me the opportunity.

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Advertorial

What is your present position at Discovery?

I am currently a Franchise Director at Discovery Consulting Services. I have a team of business consultants that markets Discovery’s products to financial planners.

What is the title of your book and who are it’s intended readers?

The book is titled I INC. Be the CEO of your Brand (available at all major bookstores and on www.katemoodley.co.za). The book is also available online (ibooks, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Scribd, Kobo, Baker and Taylor, e Sentral).

This book is for all individuals who are “serious” about building a successful career within a corporate space or being an entrepreneur. The book explores the importance of building a powerful personal brand.

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I was going through a personal journey of deciding whether to follow a corporate career or being an entrepreneur. However, being privileged enough to run my own business under the flagship of Discovery soon made me realise that your personal brand was of paramount importance, and not whether you are following a corporate career or being an entrepreneur.

Kate Moodley Kate is a well-qualified, accomplished businesswoman. She began her career in legal then moved to financial services insurance industry. Kate has gone from strength to strength.

Starting as a Candidate Attorney, she then became a Legal Advisor with Old Mutual in 2003, moving to a Business Development Manager in 2005. Her career grew markedly as she established herself first as a Regional Manager and then moved on to General Manager (Executive Management). In 2010, she took the courageous step of becoming a Franchise Director at Discovery - essentially running her own business under the Discovery umbrella. Professionally she has been recognized as an emerging leader and businesswoman.

In 2014 she was nominated as one of SA’s Future Black Leader’s.

In 2013, she won the Oliver Young Achiever Award. In 2012 she was selected as one of the Top 200 South Africans by the Mail and Guardian. She was also selected as the one of 20 on the Power list by Woman and Home for 2012. She won the Rising Star award for the finance category. In 2011, she won Top Business Woman of the Year and also Top Woman Executive for South Africa.

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The power of social media in building a brand. It is a free platform available to everyone. However, it needs to be utilised appropriately, as it could be extremely damaging.

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Most definately. I made a new network of business partners and friends as a result of this journey. It also allowed me to expand my personal brand by sharing my thoughts on how to be successful.

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To be the best at what I do or not do it at all, and leave a legacy you can be proud of.

Is the book written from your personal experiences? Yes it is. I used several examples of what worked for me in running a Discovery Franchise and navigating my professional career.

Where to from here for yourself and for the industry in general? I have no doubt that Discovery is my spiritual home from a career perspective. I love everything about the business and we are led by the best people in the insurance industry. I am presently working on my second book which will be launched by mid next year.

What are the most challenging aspects of your position? The most challenging would be the regulatory changes. In saying that, I always view challenges as business opportunities, so it’s really about how you “re-engineer your business”.

Define your management strategy and how it has assisted you in achieving your goals? I have a simple one-page plan and stick to it. I am a really focused and disciplined individual, self-motivated, which makes everything a lot easier.

Do you address teams on your areas of expertise?

Yes. Since the launch of my book, I have had the privildge of presenting over 200 keynote addresses. Some examples of clients that I have worked with include: Medi-switch, Discovery, Dannon, Nedbank, Seef, PRISA (and more), and various local and international conferences. Apart from branding, my key note also addresses elements of being successful in sales as I have been in Distribution for over 10 years.

Contact details: 082 783 0180 Email address: katem@dcs.discovery.co.za Website: www.katemoodley.co.za twitter: @moodleykk

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sport | chat

I’m not a very pretty sight when I come off that bike after a race: bloodshot eyes, sweating, a proper little tomboy kulula.com

Interview 2_31_new.indd 67

CN: Kudos to your mom!

JD: I think they nearly had a nervous breakdown when I asked them, but they let me do it and this is where I am today.

CN: Who else in your family races or rides a motorbike?

JD: No one.

CN: No one has a bike?

JD: Nope. Just me! [Laughs] CN: I thought maybe your dad had taught you or something.

JD: No, I don’t come from a biking family at all. My mom says I’ve got my crazy gran’s genes.

CN: Now, can you fix bikes or do you just ride them?

JD: I can change a tyre. I really can, especially on a bike, which is quite complicated. But my dad doesn’t let me.

He looks after me. He says, ‘You’re the rider, you just relax.’ So I can do it, but…

CN: Because of the males, you’d rather not. [Laughs] JD: They think I’m going to hurt myself!

CN: I think it’s enough to bike or do any male-dominated thing. When it comes to domestic work, I say no. I won’t even change a globe. I know how to, but I just say no.

JD: [Laughs] The thing about racing is that you need to be so focused. When I put that helmet on, I’ve got to think about what I’m going to do in that race. They don’t want you thinking about anything else; that’s why you’ve got a mechanic and a big team and a support structure.

They want you to get on your bike and do what you need to do.

CN: I understand, because you still have to worry about your hair after the helmet has made it all sweaty and sticky.

JD: Listen, I’m not a very pretty sight when I come off that bike after a race. bloodshot eyes, sweating, a proper little tomboy.

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CN: Now, I saw your modelling pics.

I can’t pose to save my life! If I’m going to a photoshoot, I just pray.

JD: [Laughs] CN: I can talk, but not the whole talking with my body thing. There’s too much talking when I talk with my body.

JD: [Laughs] CN: Oh, happy birthday! Are you turning something-something that you can’t say, or are you proud of your age?

JD: I’m 26.

CN: Damn, close this thing. You’re so young and I feel old. Bye! JD: [Laughs] No, don’t go!

CN: You’re so young and you’ve got everything! Do you realise what you’ve achieved with so few years?

JD: It’s mind-blowing. And there’s still so much that I want to do. There’s a bigger picture out there. You never stop dreaming and having goals.

CN: So what is it that you eat in Benoni that makes you guys so successful?

I mean, you’re like the next Charlize Theron, by the look of things. I thought, oh my goodness, she’s also from Benoni; I need to eat whatever they eat there, because I’m already blonde…

JD: I think you’re going to have to come and visit, have a couple of glasses of wine and some nice food.

CN: I’m from Jo’burg, so I’m definitely coming to Benoni, even if just to drink the water. Is your husband also from Benoni?

JD: No. We actually met in Benoni, but he’s a Pretoria boy.

CN: Okay, so when is your next big race?

JD: It was going to be happening next weekend, but that got postponed because the track was damaged. The next one is actually in Durban on 23 and 24 August, and it’s going to be a street

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race. It’s a completely new track and none of us know anything about it, so best you make a trip there, do a gig and come to watch the race.

CN: On the 23rd I’ll actually be in Jo’burg, doing my show. I’ll be in Durban at the end of August for two nights.

I’m from KZN, from Empangeni, but I worked a lot in Durban, so a lot of my fan base is there. I moved to Jo’burg three years ago.

JD: So you’re a coastal girl; that’s awesome.

CN: That’s why I’m so cool. [Laughs] JD: It’s true! I believe you’re in France now. How long are you there?

CN: This is the second week. One of my sisters lives in Paris and the other lives in Marseilles, which is where I am now.

JD: Wow. CN: My mum is here too; it’s a family thing. On Saturday, I’m visiting Barcelona with my other sister, who is also single. It’s so hot here.

JD: Nice!

CN: My holiday ends today, though, because now I’m heading to Scotland to work. I’m performing in Glasgow for the Commonwealth Games.

JD: That is going to be incredible.

CN: Do you have any sisters?

JD: I’ve got an older sister. I’m the little tomboy in the family.

CN: So tell me, are you still doing modelling?

JD: That’s actually all coming from racing. I’ve always wanted to be a model. When I became a teenager, I loved the make-up and hair and girly stuff. But all my opportunities came through racing. Funnily enough, I never used to be a very confident person, until I started racing and people

started asking me to be in magazines.

A lot of opportunities came through the racing; that’s the best part. And now I’ve been asked to be on Strictly Come Dancing.

CN: What? Are you in this new season?

JD: Yeah, season seven.

CN: How is the training? I wanted to do that; it was my way of losing weight.

JD: Trust me, it’s awesome. We’re training about four to seven hours a day, but it’s so much fun.

CN: Are you a dancer? Do you dance naturally? Can you join the train? Most white people can’t join the train, so if you dance the train, I promise you will win that show.

JD: My dance partner is Tsholo, and he keeps chirping me, ‘We’ve got to bring your black into you. You need to beat that booty.’

CN: [Laughs] JD: I’m just, like, seriously?

CN: We take that stuff seriously.

At every black wedding there’s a train dance. But I promise you, after Strictly Come Dancing, you’ll be shaking your booty. When I see you, I’ll teach you a proper train. When you and your husband go to your next wedding, you can say, ‘Hey, check out my new moves!’

JD: [Laughs] CN: Well, good luck with the dancing and the racing, and if you and your hubby are bored, come to watch a comedy show.

JD: I love comedy! I’m following you on Twitter now, so I know where you are.

Have a fantastic trip.

CN: It’s been lovely chatting to you, Janine. You’re so bubbly and the things you do are amazing.

JD: This was so much fun. Thank you! ■

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PUBLIC PROTECTOR | LOCAL HERO

The e’s l p o e p n a i d r gua

pictures: pete woodbridge, supplied

Keith Bain chats with public protector Thuli Madonsela about a life that’s inevitably become a crusade for human equality.

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It’s a pretty big deal being a guardian for the people. All of the people.

Serving as a kind of sentinel posted by parliament to protect ordinary citizens against potential failures within their own democratically chosen government.

Looking out across the sometimes fractious politisphere of our national Gotham, you can’t help but figure that’s a mighty heavy burden to carry.

But then along comes this sharp, quietly confident woman with heaps of experience in human rights law, an unfaltering sense of justice and passionate belief in equality. And she takes to the job like a fish to water. So much so that when Time named its ‘100 most influential people’ in April, Thuli Madonsela was the only South African listed.

Not bad for someone who – in her quiet, contemplative way – tells me she never had an inkling she was destined for any sort of limelight. ‘I don’t even consider myself super-confident,’ says the 51-year-old public protector, who had to overcome real insecurities during childhood, a time when her sense of gawkiness paralleled her considerable academic nous. Like many teenaged girls, she feared being unattractive, being unlovable, not fitting in.

Her intellectual acumen prevailed, though, and she deftly channelled her energies into a blistering desire to make things right with the world.

‘I began thinking about law as a teenager. Growing up under apartheid, I was aware of injustices, of the Black Administration Law, of the unfair treatment of women, pass laws, detention without trial, police brutality.

I saw the impact this had on my own parents. It was then that I started thinking about one day being a human

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PUBLIC PROTECTOR | LOCAL HERO

So, what does the public protector actually do?

‘We primarily serve the people.

That’s why we’re called the “public” protector. We’re an administrative complaints body of last resort for people who believe they’ve been wronged by government. When all other avenues have failed and all you’re left with is to go to court, if the wrongdoing can be classified as a state action, you may request my office to review the administrative action of government. We’ll decide whether the action was proper or improper, and aim to remedy it as best as we can.

‘Non-citizens, whether in South Africa or outside the country, can also complain. All that’s required is that there was state action involved – in other words, if the injustice or wrongful action you’re complaining about happened within state assets.

It could be an embassy in Malaysia, or the Department of Home Affairs processing your work visa or business permit – even if you’re not a citizen, you’re entitled to complain. You can complain about a violation of your own rights, and you can also complain about wrongdoing that doesn’t affect your rights at all.’

rights lawyer. I never thought, though, that I would be the one making the decisions around what was right and what was wrong.’

The constitution for the job She has, in fact, played a role at high levels for quite some time. Having qualified with law degrees from

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‘I want to help build better societies.

Ones that are more inclusive and just.

Where your fate is not determined by your birth, by whether you’re born poor, born a particular colour, born into a particular village. But rather societies where your fate is determined by what you put into life yourself.’ – Thuli Madonsela universities in Swaziland and at home, she turned down a scholarship to Harvard in order to contribute to the drafting of our Constitution.

Today, that document informs her work intimately, but her values and her keen sense of justice were formed much earlier, at home. ‘My first role models were my parents. They were very decent, hard-working, disciplined people. My mother was compassionate and served as an informal social-worker and midwife. My father was a spiritual person who believed that everything that happened could not happen without God’s permission. He worked hard, and would not take anything that did not belong to him.’

Her mother regarded education as the great leveller, and that philosophy fuelled her pursuit of knowledge. She grew up believing that people should work for their place in the world, not arrive as a result of entitlement or privilege. Which makes her amply suited to the task of weeding out corruption, something she views as part of her job, which is ‘enabling people to exact justice for state wrongs’.

You only have to dip into one of her reports to realise that she’s a workaholic, incredibly thorough, epically detailed. ‘It’s important that I give attention to detail, because every “i” that’s dotted and every “t” that’s crossed is one that I’ve endorsed myself.’

Call of duty It seems somehow a relief that, in a world rife with negligence, there’s someone who feels a sense of personal responsibility towards her task. But this lady doesn’t believe she’s doing anything beyond the call of duty. ‘Really, it’s about giving justice the best shot possible, because every report my office puts out determines someone’s life. Whether we decide against the complainant or against people in organs of state, somebody will be disappointed, and either way they deserve a process that is thorough, that has looked at all possibilities, and that has tried, as much as possible, to get into their shoes. And that’s what I try to do.’

She’s not one for taking the credit, though. And she says that if there is some sense of confidence about what

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PUBLIC PROTECTOR | LOCAL HERO

she does, it’s because of the people she works with. ‘My team is supercompetent, and our decisions are thoroughly debated during internal brainstorming sessions. I honestly don’t think I work any harder than the other members of my team. These people work beyond the call of duty.

I’m fortunate to have joined them. We somehow have the same values around fairness and justice – that these are things everyone deserves.’

How the wheels of justice turn ‘We have a universal approach whereby we work through the process logically, asking the questions: What happened? What should have happened? Is there a discrepancy? Can it be classified as maladministration? And if it is maladministration, how are we going to remedy it? That procedure applies to every case.

‘We ensure that the process is transparent by documenting each investigation thoroughly. Even if we make a finding that there’s no wrongdoing, we still issue a closing report, which can be disputed by the claimant.

‘Similarly, if I make a finding against government, my report will spell out the details of misconduct: “This is the alleged improper conduct. This is how things unfolded. These are the regulatory frameworks that should have been complied with. This is the standard. This is how you deviated from the standard. I therefore find your conduct constitutes maladministration and, in terms of powers invested in me by relevant parts of the Constitution, I’m taking this appropriate action.” It’s that transparent.’

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Eye of the storm Of course, sometimes in the interests of fairness, what people get is ‘the boot’, plus public humiliation. So what about the inevitable backlash from people unhappy with her decisions? Tasked with holding public officials accountable, she’s frequently in the eye of the storm, attracting threats, scorn, even crude mockery. But Thuli says she’s learnt not to sweat the small stuff, and that in the big scheme of things, most of the aggravations and insults, and perceived danger and hostility that comes with the job is insignificant.

‘It doesn’t take much to make me laugh. And I definitely laugh at myself when people call me names. Because it is funny. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learnt not to take things so seriously. Every day I realise that a lot of the things that people think are matters of life and death really aren’t.’

Beyond this realisation, she attributes her positivity to her spiritual foundations.

Tapping into something deeper than the blunt edges of the physical world, she says what keeps her grounded is the understanding that none of it is personal.

‘Human beings will say or do things to me based on whether they are fearful or loving. And if I’ve made decisions against

people, it invites fear from them. So they respond to me from a position of fear – and that’s not personal.’

The not-so-secret formula ‘I know there are naughty people who go around saying, “Oh, you favour this party or that party”, but the process is so objective that it’s really difficult to sustain the mischievous argument that we could be influenced. The system is very open, and absolutely compliance-driven.’

This is one area where Thuli really is fiercely confident. Non-partisanship, she says, is fundamental and absolute. She has no enemies or vendettas. She is solely interested in serving the cause of justice.

Elaborating, she describes how her office works in a simple, straightforward way that’s too transparent to warrant suspicions of favouritism.

‘We’ve adopted a formulistic approach whereby every matter has to be dealt with using the same rules. We just have to stick to the formula. Every decision, whether it’s concerning Gogo Dlamini’s claim for a grant, or an issue regarding tender irregularities, uses the same logic to explain how decisions are arrived at.’

[To read about the process, see How the wheels of justice turn, left.]

A value proposition As Thuli explains the technicalities of her job, I can’t help but pick up on her easy warmth, her optimism, her instinctively nurturing tone. I ask if she thinks that being a woman somehow enables her to be a kind of guardian for the people.

‘I have to be careful about assigning particular values to any gender,’ she says.

‘But, you probably are right in that the way women are socialised always to look after everyone’s interests might somehow influence how we respond when called

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LOCAL HERO | PUBLIC PROTECTOR

upon to make a judgment. As a mother, or as a sister, there are always “issues” that come up at home. And you are raised to make sure that you don’t place emphasis on only one person’s needs or concerns.

That there is a sense of fairness. A sense of inclusiveness in what you do.’

Ultimately, it’s her natural predisposition towards fairness and inclusivity, and her determination to help to usher in universal equality, that underscore everything she does. She sees every case that’s handled as an opportunity to correct injustices, and strengthen society’s hope for a brighter future.

‘I’ve come to realise that what I stand for is about embracing humanity in all forms that humanity comes in. Respecting human diversity, and having governments that are accountable and responsive to people. Because, really, we’re just trying to build societies where all humans are given a fair deal, where their dignity is respected and they have an opportunity to realise their full potential.’

So, you think you work hard?

‘In the past year we had a case load of about 40 000; we were able to finalise about 26 000 cases,’ says Thuli. ‘Some we had to carry through because we didn’t have sufficient resources, and others we handed over to other institutions as part of my power to refer. We have a very small full-time team of about 300, and we’ve been joined by trainee investigators who bring the staff complement to 400.

That’s for 20 offices located across the entire country.’

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Out of this

world Anthony Sharpe loses himself in the vast emptiness of the Northern Cape – and the universe – on a trip to Sutherland.

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sutherland | TRAVEL

It’s the best place in country to see the stars, and one of the best places in the country to freeze your butt off

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The second-largest of our solar system’s planets and named after the Roman god of agriculture, gas giant Saturn is notable for the system of rings that surrounds it. Composed mostly of ice, with traces of mineral matter, they extend hundreds of thousands of kilometres from the planet’s surface in concentric rings.

But as I squint through the eyepiece of a 16-inch Meade telescope, it’s like I’m looking at a shape punched out of black cardboard by a 10-year-old me, surrounded by hundreds of pinpricks, with an incandescent light shining through from behind. I see something I know to be real, but can scarcely believe true.

It is the last object that guide Willem Prins shows our group on our stargazing session – which includes the twin balls of flaming plasma that make up Alpha Centauri, Jupiter and three of its moons in perfect alignment, and the Tarantula and Sombrero nebulae – at the South African Astronomical Observatory (SAAO), 14km outside the Northern Cape town of Sutherland.

Sutherland is famed for two things: being the best place in the country to see the stars, and being one of the best places in the country to freeze your butt off. Both of these are products of its elevation, lying 1 450m above sea level, while the former is a product of its location. With nothing but endless semiarid Karoo stretching in either direction, to horizons punctuated with hills and unnaturally flat buttresses, this is as middle-of-nowhere as it gets, folks.

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SUTHERLAND | TRAVEL

pictures: anthony sharpe

Small-town life Cathy Roussouw sits next to me at the enormous stone bar, while her husband, Ian, passes me an ice-cold Windhoek.

The proprietors of the White House Inn exude small-town hospitality – except that they’re not from a small town at all.

Cathy and Ian moved to Sutherland 18 days prior to our arrival in town, and we’re their inaugural guests.

After almost 40 years of life in Pretoria, the couple decided to change their lifestyles completely and open up an inn somewhere quiet. Really quiet. The 100-year-old double-storey building has a history as a backpackers and a popular stopover for bikers, who will no doubt be glad to see it reopened, and keep business ticking over while Cathy and Ian establish themselves in town.

The Roussouws’ border collies, Jasmine and Jonty, have had a tough time adjusting to the quiet, while their macaw, Neville, sleeps in a cage covered in two layers of blankets. In the corner of the inn’s large living area, a fire is getting going, the Springboks are being schooled by Wales on a screen above the bar, and it all feels like the perfect place to while away a freezing Northern Cape night. They offer five rooms, two of them currently en suite and the others heading that way, with breakfast, lunch and dinner served daily.

The White House is one of almost 40 guesthouses and B&Bs in town – around one for every 100 people. Most of these have sprung up in the past 10 years, astrotourism becoming Sutherland’s second-largest industry after agriculture.

Almost everyone has a telescope in the living room or out on the lawn.

Across the road from the White House is Kambrokind guesthouse, run by Rita and Jurg Wagener. Jurg runs popular

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NEW PAINT JOB? The garden side of the White House reveals its 100-year-old brickwork.

REACHING OUT SAAO outreach manager Anthony Mietas is proud of the Sutherland Community Development Centre.

NO GUESTHOUSES HERE Most of Sutherland’s residents are involved in agriculture and live in the poorer part of town.

stargazing tours from a spot just outside town, along with evening ghost tours for the kids. As I scratch the friendly feline that comes snaking out from behind the fence, I notice that the surface of the Wagener’s fountain is frozen. They weren’t kidding about the cold.

Bringing the stars home The sky is blindingly bright, and the air so cool and so crisp that you could bump your nose into it when we meet Anthony Mietas the following morning. Anthony is the outreach manager for the SAAO, acting as a liaison with the public and ensuring that the project benefits the surrounding community. He grew up in Sutherland, but was recruited back by the SAAO three years ago. I ask him if he misses the hum of the big city. ‘Not one bit,’ he chuckles. ‘I’m a small-town boy at heart.’

Anthony is showing us around the Sutherland Community Development Centre, which opened its doors in November 2012, offering study room and educational facilities to a town that desperately needs it. Of around 3 800 people residing in the town itself, only around 800 live in the affluent part. ‘That was previously the whitesonly part of town,’ Anthony tells me, with residents of colour living in much poorer conditions on agricultural wages, with the associated social problems. ‘We have issues with alcoholism and teen pregnancy, like anywhere else,’ explains Anthony. ‘And it’s astonishing, but the tik monster has found its way out here too.’

The development centre was established with funding from the SAAO and the Department of Science and Technology, in the wake of the establishment of the

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SUTHERLAND | TRAVEL

LIKE VINTAGE? Built in 1938, this Grubb-Parsons telescope is still going strong.

It was agreed that this time the community would actually benefit from the research taking place on its doorstep South African Large Telescope (SALT). ‘When the large telescope was built, it was agreed that this time the community would actually benefit from the research taking place on its doorstep,’ explains Anthony. ‘Previously, the observatory had operated in total isolation from the town itself.’

Inside are 26 computers offering free internet access to all residents, along with a small library, partitioned study desks and three mobile Dobsonian six- and eight-inch telescopes. ‘We want to get kids interested in looking at the sky,’ says Anthony.

‘When you grow up with a night sky like this, you don’t necessarily appreciate it. Our aim is to get kids to look up, to appreciate and wonder.’ Linked to this is a project called Sutherland Reflections, started by Bronwyn Lace and Marcus Neustetter, which has kids building and flying kites before evening stargazing sessions.

Look up, Mr Bond We follow the snaking road up through the reserve to the top of the hill, where SALT awaits. But SALT isn’t the only piece of stargazing equipment atop this flat, scrubby hill overlooking the vast emptiness of the Northern Cape. More than a dozen other telescopes of varying shapes and sizes litter the hilltop.

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EYES ON THE SKIY Telescopes litter this arid plateau 1 700m above sea level.

A crane towers ominously over a pile of construction equipment, and the millions of dollars’ worth of equipment perched here above the emptiness recall images of a James Bond villain’s base; I half expect to hear a sinister voice over the PA system: ‘Activate launch seekvenze!’

But these instruments aren’t trained on world domination – rather on universal understanding. Research groups from all over the world have chosen this site to build their roving eyes on the sky. At any given time, there are around 35 scientists staying at the accommodation just below the hill. They spend their nights ensconced in rooms filled with banks of computer screens, monitoring unintelligible graphs and readouts.

The first of these we visit is a 74-inch vintage beast from 1938, constructed around a massive X-shaped counterweight. It’s a staggering piece of engineering, the core of which has remained relatively unchanged over the years, with more sophisticated imaging and photography hardware added on. The icy wind sings in the slats of the white dome, shut against the elements.

Instructions on operating the wind shield and telescope are pinned everywhere; it seems even astrophysicists are in need of regular reminders of just how expensive all of this stuff is.

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MIRROR, MIRROR… SALT’s light-gathering surface consists of 91 hexagonal mirrors in an array 11m across.

Our big eye on the sky But this is just a warm-up – a starter for the entrée – for the star of the show: SALT. The largest optical telescope in the southern hemisphere, and one of the largest in the world, SALT can detect light a billion times too faint to be seen with the naked eye.

That’s like seeing somebody light a candle on the moon.

The telescope is of an unusual design, with a hexagonal mirror array 11m in diameter and comprising 91 individual mirrors, each of which can be adjusted individually so as to act as one enormous mirror. Light from the great beyond bounces from this mirror to a spherical aberration corrector, which contains four mirrors and compensates for distortions caused by the design, before finally ending up at one focal point.

Local astronomers and those from SALT’s partners across Germany, India, New Zealand, Poland, the UK and USA can monitor light from the near-ultraviolet to the near-infrared spectrum, surveying distant supernovae, searching for extra-solar planets and monitoring black holes. It operates on a queue-schedule basis, with scientists planning their observations months in advance; you can’t just pitch up and point this thing wherever you want.

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But none of this really penetrates my thoughts as I stand before the 100-tonne colossus of steel and glass and wiring. It is staggering in scale, and with the only sounds our footsteps echoing around the dome and the faint, but incessant, whistling of the wind, I feel an almost eerie reverence, as if I’m gazing down on some ancient shrine dedicated to the worship of extraterrestrial gods.

As we prepare to leave, I ask Anthony about the white marks on some of the hexagons. ‘Bird poop,’ he says.

‘Sometimes they get in here and, well, they don’t care where they do it.’ Which seems like a handy reminder that, even when it seems as if life is crapping in your eyes, you’re just a spec of animated carbon on a piece of dust hurtling around one of a trillion trillion balls of flaming plasma in an ever-expanding everything of nothingness you can’t truly comprehend – but also that you have the capacity to appreciate all of this and still crane your neck skywards to experience the glorious vertigo of it all.

Contacts

South African Astronomical Observatory 021 447 0025, www.saao.ac.za White House Inn 023 571 1444, www.sutherlandwhitehouse.co.za Kambrokind Guesthouse 023 571 1405, www.sutherlandinfo.co.za South African Large Telescope www.salt.ac.za Astronomical Society of Southern Africa assa.saao.ac.za

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a m l e h T d n a e s i n e D On an impromptu Eastern Cape safari, Katie Bigelow observes how nature can soften hard heads and hearts.

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EASTERN CAPE | TRAVEL

SOMETHING WAS OFF. Not so much hormonal meltdown as inexplicable late-winter slump. Even Game of Thrones couldn’t wrench me from my funk, and when I called mum, instead of emotional support, I got the guilt trip centred on my failure to produce precisely two grandchildren before my ovaries withered.

Broken, but not yet defeated, I hauled myself out of bed and steeled myself for the nest of vipers waiting at book club.

Perhaps it was the third glass of Chardonnay, maybe the faux feminist chatter, but suddenly the bubble burst.

Suffocated by their frenetic gossip and tedious Oprah-worship, I stood up and blurted ‘Ladies! Shades of Grey is rubbish.

We need real adventure. Who’s coming with me?’

Scanning the room full of wide-eyed, open-jawed shock, I sensed I’d crossed a line. There was no turning back.

I wondered if any of these women were really my friends. I’d just about resigned myself to slipping away with my tail between my legs, even lonelier than before, when Denise – timid, sensible, happily married Denise – jumped to her feet, chugged her wine and said, ‘Um, me?’

I assumed she meant business.

Best-laid plans

pictures: supplied

We caught a taxi to a gay bar, where we weighed our options. We could get sucked into another vortex of wine-tasting and gourmet dining in Franschhoek, or cruise Namaqualand ogling wildflowers, or fly to Mauritius and work our tans. Then Denise said she’d never been on safari, and the deal was sealed: at dawn we’d hit the

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EASTERN CAPE | TRAVEL

LITTLE CAT ON THE PRAIRIE A feline resident stalks the plains at Kwandwe.

I SWEAR I SAW SOMETHING Tree-watching is included in the price at Kwandwe.

highway and head for the border – the Eastern Cape border. We were going to the land of aloes and elephant parks.

Back home, I called in a few favours, made arrangements, and thanked my lucky stars my freelance lifestyle (and lack of boyfriend) allowed me to take off on a whim. I imagined Denise telling, then begging, and finally arguing with her husband for the right to take a few days off from her housewife routine.

SUITE BLISS Kwandwe offers the best possible way to wake up in the morning.

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The biltong-eater

The getaway

The elephants

Denise didn’t, in fact, discuss the trip with her husband. She left Nigella’s latest book with a note that read, simply: ‘Good luck!’ She also took the keys to his SUV, so instead of shuddering along in my banged-up Beetle, we sailed effortlessly along the N2, stopping only for petrol and farm-stall coffee. Denise drove stealthily, hardly blinking as we breezed through Wilderness, Knysna and Plett.

When we hit the Bloukrans Bridge, though, she made an unannounced turn and suddenly we were signing indemnity forms and defying death attached to an elastic band. I’d never seen this crazy side of Denise, usually so restrained. As she hurtled through the air, her screams were a blood-curdling mix of terror and relief.

She said the sensation of free-fall made her feel like a teenager again. It made me feel like I might wet myself.

Less than an hour from Port Elizabeth’s industrial sprawl, the Eastern Cape interior is a rural wonderland of rolling green hills, vast scrubland patched together with dense Albany thicket, and craggy mountains covered with the distinctive shape of aloes. Vistas are vast and expansive, so you never feel hemmed in.

We spent the night at Addo’s main camp, where we hunkered in the underground hide watching zebra, red hartebeest, eland, kudu and bushbuck drinking at the floodlit waterhole. In the morning, we found an elephant family cavorting in a carpet of yellow daisies, against a backdrop of mountain slopes thick with euphorbias. Among them were calves playfully discovering the world, while the old, wrinkled matriarch fluttered her thick black eyelashes in our direction. It was a far cry from book club.

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NO PLACE LIKE BOMA Laying the table for a different kind of fine-dining experience.

Back on the highway, we headed east and, 20km from Grahamstown, we turned onto a dirt road and arrived at a miniature medieval castle perched unexpectedly in the African scrub. Once headquarters of the world’s first ostrich farm, the fortified homestead is now the reception for Kwandwe, the Eastern Cape’s finest private game reserve. We were served hot towels, warm smiles and home-made lemonade as Denise handed over the SUV keys.

Soon we were being driven deeper into the reserve, disappearing along unmarked tracks through untamed bush by a man skilled in the art of appearing to be getting lost (as opposed to actually getting lost). The lodge was filled with Persian rugs, antiques, cut-glass decanters, African spears and comfy sofas, reminiscent of a reinvented scene from Out of Africa. I imagined Hemingway popping out from behind the stone fireplace. Instead, we found a Canadian couple on the terrace, staring down at

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ROADBLOCK ‘I suppose now wouldn’t be a great time to say I left something in the trunk.’

the Great Fish River and the primordial paradise that stretched beyond.

‘Have you girls tried biltong?’ asked the Canadian woman, instantly breaking the ice. ‘I did, accidentally, thinking it was dried fruit!’

Oblivious to the fact that his wife’s tone was self-mocking, her husband rolled his eyes at us, embarrassed.

‘They’re locals, Jackie. They eat that stuff all the time,’ he said. We’d arrived in the middle of a domestic squabble, and immediately decided Jackie needed friendly allies. We invited her to join us for lunch and made a game of ignoring Jack’s silly jokes about Africa. The three of us chatted up a storm, savouring the small personal victory.

The ranger JP was sun-weathered and eager. As we assembled for mandatory treats and tea before our first game drive, this handsome, boyish ranger plied us

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with intriguing wildlife facts and refilled our cups.

‘Any large cats?’ interrupted Jack.

‘So many lions, we have to sell them off. They breed like rats,’ said JP. Jack scoffed disbelievingly. ‘We’ll see.’

Our tracker, Siya, sat up front on a special raised seat at the front of the vehicle, keeping watch vigilantly as we trundled through the bush. Jack feigned boredom and sighed audibly when we stopped to watch a family of warthogs.

‘Ecologically, warthogs are a good sign,’ said JP. ‘They’re the first to die off when the grass isn’t providing the right nutrition.’

‘Where are the rats?’ spat Jack.

JP was unfazed, but Jackie stiffened at her husband’s tactlessness, and took revenge by prompting JP to stop for each and every herbivore, indulging him with questions about a curious-looking spekboom. Like a well-rehearsed chorus, the three of us oo-ed and ah-ed at zebras and giraffes, and laughed hard at

JP’s tired joke about impala being the ‘McDonald’s of the bush’.

Before Jack got wind of the growing conspiracy against him, gimlet-eyed Siya told JP to stop, and pointed excitedly at the ground: fresh lion prints. Even Jack brightened a little.

King of the jungle?

Siya climbed down from his exposed lookout into the passenger seat and we shuttled forward, following the tracks.

I felt my heart beating hard and fast, anticipating the thrill. Before we saw cats, though, we found ourselves face-to-face with a pair of white rhino, standing near the road, listening for signs of danger, weirdly oblivious to our presence.

The male had blood on his face, presumably the result of some kind of territorial ruction. According to JP, he’d beaten his opponent, probably in some primal skirmish, and this female was his reward. Romantic. The wind shifted

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Rhinos munched the grass like gigantic horned lawnmowers

FIGHT CUB Brawls became heated in the McDonald’s queue when they ran out of impala burgers.

imperceptibly, the male’s ears twitching as he sniffed in our direction, and then beat a hasty retreat, trophy wife in tow.

Our leonine search was eventually rewarded with a scene that instantly softened every muscle in my body: five golden-blonde furballs playing together like four-legged toddlers, tumbling face forward over one another, biting at the grass and shaking their tiny paws as if they didn’t know what to do with them.

Nearby, their mother lay stretched out in the shade, licking her paws, face smeared with blood, belly bulging. JP explained that she would’ve recently hunted, killed and – after some lazy male had feasted – finally eaten. Jackie glowered at Jack, who seemed genuinely shocked that the king of the jungle had his meals served to him by a mother still nursing her cubs.

Later, as we paused to learn about spiders, termites and dung beetles, even Jack struggled to hide his deepening respect for JP’s wilderness knowledge.

For ages we followed an old male lion with a distinctive black beard. ‘A bit of a loner,’ said JP. ‘He was a big deal once, but is now so old the females have lost interest. ’

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‘Poor guy,’ Jackie commented. ‘He’s still quite handsome. Perhaps he needs to put in more effort.’ She glanced at Jack, hoping her words would soften him.

Nightlife We found a spot with wide-open vistas and stopped for sundowners. As evening fell, we saw more rhinos silently munching the grass, like gigantic horned lawnmowers silhouetted against a sliver of molten gold. JP poured G&Ts and passed around the biltong. Jack tucked an arm around his wife, and grabbed a handful of dried South African meat.

With a searchlight scanning the bush, and the Canadians now huddling for warmth, we drove back to the lodge beneath a full moon, stopping only when a rustle alerted us to a lone aardvark snuffling for termites in the darkness.

‘What should we do next?’ I asked Denise as we stared at the stars from our terrace later that night.

‘I’ve never tried skydiving,’ she said.

‘Have you?’

‘Not yet,’ I said, as my heart thumped in my chest.

Park off

Addo Elephant National Park is at its prettiest in spring when flowers are in bloom, adding extra colour before the summer rains start in October. Self-drive and guided game-viewing is possible, and there are hiking trails and horseback safaris, as well as a dedicated springtime birding weekend. There’s a variety of camps available. www.sanparks.org/parks/addo Kwandwe covers 22 000 hectares of private rehabilitated farmland, with incredible wildlife and a choice of luxurious lodges. Great Fish River Lodge is the largest, with a more traditional safari look and feel. Ecca Lodge (opening spread), which reopened mid-July after refurbishment, is funkier, more colourful and less formal, and has special amenities for children. www.kwandwe.com

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l r r r G ! r e pow Step aside boys – South Africa’s newest full-contact sport is one for the ladies.

Will Edgcumbe tries not to get hurt.

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Roller Derby | BEHIND THE SCENES

Conventional wisdom says fullcontact sports are for guys, and that girls need to be content with ballet or netball.

Then roller derby comes along, grabs conventional wisdom by the scruff of the neck, and pounds it into the floor in a high-speed flash of roller skates, attitude and badass tattoos.

Combining elements of rugby, speedskating and team-pursuit track-cycling, roller derby is about more than girls bashing each other around a track.

Watching Durban’s MissFits roller-derby team competing in a bout (i.e. a match), you quickly learn to appreciate the grace, skill, teamwork and fitness the sport requires. And the resulting bruises (known as ‘derby kisses’), back spasms, broken ankles, sprains and snapped tendons. Make no mistake, this is a proper contact sport played by real athletes – just with a lot more attitude and fun than you’ll find on the rugby pitch.

The sport has been going only for about four years in South Africa, but in that time, leagues have sprouted in Jo’burg, Cape Town, Durban, Bloemfontein and even Grahamstown. And it’s growing.

The basics As with any sport, roller derby can get complicated, but Zanele Baloyi (aka Flying Samurai), a blocker for the MissFits, sums it up pretty well. ‘Five girls per team on the track at a time, and one player from each team (the jammer) wears a nifty star cap, meaning she gets to be the “ball”. She has to score points by passing opposing players in the pack (the blockers), whose only aim is to make sure that doesn’t happen.’

Once you understand the basics, you can begin to appreciate the various checks used to block jammers, what gets someone thrown in the sin bin, and

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Roller Derby | BEHIND THE SCENES

s y ha te b r de he la oter ler Rol ins in t prom rules US the rig its os, when anged ting to a 0 t. ch 193 eltzer nce sk ontac c a S r r Leo f endu skate e o eas incr the skill it takes to manoeuvre quickly through a dense pack of people who all want to bring you to your knees.

pictures: Knot Just Pics, BNE Photography, Blair Austin

The beginnings The Durban league is pretty new and has two teams: the MissFits and Eve’s KanEvils. The MissFits were founded by Szerdi Nagy (aka Julia Seize-Her), team captain, and Amy Bennett (aka Capt’N Crash), vice-captain. ‘In the early days of the league, when the teams were divided, we kind of saw ourselves as the underdogs,’ says Szerdi. ‘The name MissFits is a play on the punk band the Misfits, and on how we originally saw ourselves. There were six of us originally; we’ve grown to about 12 skaters, although of the original six, only Amy and I are still around. Our coach, the esteemed Monkey Nuts, is also on the selection committee for the South African roller-derby team.’

For many of the team members, roller derby was something they happened

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upon accidentally. ‘I’ve always loved being involved in a team sport, but was finding it hard to join one,’ explains Amy. ‘Roller derby kind of happened organically, as I had started roller-skating along the beachfront promenade with friends from work, for fun; then we heard about a sport you could do on skates, and I was sold. I love the challenges you face when trying to increase your skillset, and the feeling of nailing a difficult skill you’ve been practising is euphoric!’

‘I first heard of roller derby when I read an article about C-Max (the Jo’burg roller derby league) in a local art magazine, which led to intense YouTube research and the inevitable watching of Whip It (a feature film about the sport),’ says Tannith Kriel (aka The Grin Reaper), jammer for the MissFits.

‘I was certainly drawn in by the apparent drama and brutality of it all, and knew I had to find a way to be part of it. I also had a bit of a figure-skating stint in high school, which helped me to believe that

I may just have a chance with the whole quad-skating thing.’

The culture Roller derby has its roots firmly embedded in alternative culture, hence the players’ nicknames, tattoos and attitude. The sport certainly attracts people with an alternative outlook on life, or who perhaps found that organised team sports never appealed to them at school. But that doesn’t mean you need to play in a punk band or have ear tunnels to fit in.

‘Personally, I was attracted to derby because of its alternative appeal,’ says Szerdi. ‘I like rock music and have piercings and tattoos, so I fit the derby stereotype perfectly. Once I really got into it, though, I realised there was so much more to it. There’s starting to be quite a distinct schism within the derby community, of those wanting to keep it “underground” and alternative, with derby

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BEHIND THE SCENES | ROLLER DERBY

It allows women to embrace an aspect of their nature they often shelve because they’ve grown up in a society that prefers them to behave

names and fishnets, and those who want to bring it out as a mainstream sport using real names. They’ve even applied to have it included in the Olympic Games.

I think there’s definitely space for both derbys to co-exist happily. Some will be attracted to the sport of it, and others to the perceived alternative glamour.’

Free expression Female empowerment is a big part of the roller-derby scene globally, and for our local teams it’s no different. ‘There are very few environments where a woman can go and express herself, both personally and athletically, in a caring and supportive environment,’ reckons Szerdi.

‘Derby provides this. When you come here, it doesn’t matter if you’re a poor 18-year-old student, a career woman or a 30-something stay-at-home mom; we are all an equal part of an incredibly supportive community.’

Zanele agrees. ‘Derby is empowering in that it allows women to embrace an aspect of their nature they often shelve because they’ve grown up in a society that prefers them to behave. In that sense, its feminist ideals hold true, but

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Blood & Thunder Roller Derby World Cup This year the roller-derby leagues from all over South Africa are coming together to send a team to the Blood & Thunder World Cup in Texas, USA, in December. They’re desperately looking for any support or funding to help them to make history, by being the first and only African team to participate in this event. *Ahem* rich businesspeople, this is where you come in, with sponsorship deals or just by throwing fistfuls of cash at the team. You can find out more here: facebook.com/ TeamSouthAfricaRollerDerby. we’re not as militant as our overseas counterparts. We just want to play the game and have it recognised as a sport beyond the crazy get-up.’

‘Being part of a roller-derby team means having both emotional and physical strength, and people can see that when they watch us at practice or at bouts,’ says Tannith. ‘They may arrive

at a bout with preconceptions of tights and girl fights, but walk away with a new-found respect for the sport, and the women who play it.’

Fortunately, there hasn’t been too much resistance to the sport from people who perceive it as a little out there, or who think contact sports should stay a guy thing, but the MissFits have had to overcome a little of that attitude. ‘I think a lot of people don’t know enough about the sport,’ says Amy. ‘When they first hear about it, many think that we’re just a bunch of angry chicks rolling around and hitting each other. However, for the most part, friends and family have been so encouraging and supportive, especially once they’ve been to a bout to see us in action, and have realised that this game is quite strategic and physical, and also highly entertaining to watch.’

Derby up Does roller derby sound like your thing?

The Durban Roller Derby League runs 12-week ‘fresh meat’ programmes, which introduce people to the rules of the game and teach them the basic skills they’ll need to compete. If you’re not based in Durban, you can contact one of the other leagues to get plugged in.

The MissFits facebook.com/MissfitsRollerDerby Eve’s KanEvils facebook.com/EvesKanEvils Durban Roller Derby League facebook.com/DurbanRollerDerby C-Max Roller Derby League (Jo’burg) facebook.com/cmaxrollerderbyleague Cape Town Roller Girls facebook.com/capetownrollergirls

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DRIVE | ACTION

and offered my thanks to the gods of French engineers for a clutch that didn’t try to trick me, my back-seat experience was forgotten. The BF may have muttered something inconsequential about the bodywork colour combo being so-so; he stopped grumbling as soon as the car started moving and his seat warmed up.

Pure joy

HE SAYS:

David Taylor and Liv Dunham fight over who gets to drive the Peugeot RCZ. HE SAYS:

angle. It’s sexy as hell from the outside, but pure hell on the neck if you come too close on the inside. That’s about the only fault I could find, however – it is rather beautiful.

Clearly Peugeot was so impressed by the Audi TT that it commissioned its engineers to make a French version of the sporty coupé. The result is this breathtakingly pretty car. It’s called the RCZ and is unlike anything they’ve made before. Peugeot makes city-oriented family hatchbacks, yet the RCZ is designed and engineered to be a pure enthusiast car. It looks extraordinary and happens to drive exceptionally well too.

HE SAYS: Its 1.6-litre turbo engine has 147kW, which is enough to make for a fun experience, yet economical enough never to destroy your wallet. There’s a nice urge as you flick through the gearbox, and due to the close ratios, there’s no shortage of power. You can be doing 80km/h in sixth gear and the RCZ will respond immediately if you put your foot down. Few cars are this poised and hands-on; it’s wonderful to drive.

pictures: supplied

SHE SAYS: Don’t fall for the sales pitch: this is definitely not a four-seater. It’s not even a three-seater, unless the third person is Tyrion Lannister. I can say this with certainty because I spent some time in that back seat, my face pressed against the ‘roof cleavage’ at a rather creative

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SHE SAYS: I wish I could’ve driven the RCZ for longer.

Much longer. The slow, rain-sodden meander through the winelands didn’t do it justice, nor did the quick trip to the shop.

The latter did demonstrate, however, that the Peugeot’s boot is vastly bigger than that dinky back seat. Big enough for two golf bags, a case of wine and some serious Vuitton swag – or 1x female passenger who, next time, might climb in there rather than under the double-bubble.

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Solar flare

Uber Prime

Car paint colours often have silly names – there’s no such thing as a simple red or blue. Lexus announced a Facebook competition to name its vibrant new shade of orange for its flagship car, the RC F coupé. The winner was selected from around 400 entries and the name is quite appropriate, considering the sporty nature of the vehicle.

People are going wild for the cellphone appbased taxi service Uber. To coincide with the latest Transformers film, Uber USA organised Optimus Prime to pick up a few lucky people for a quick fan experience. Here’s hoping he remembers to let his passengers out before deciding to transform…

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SHE SAYS: Once I moved into the driver’s seat, sorted the perfect height for the steering wheel

It comes with all the cool gadgets, like sat nav, heated leather seats, cruise control, and the cabin can best be described as snug. While the boot is surprisingly cavernous, there’s no legroom. Sadly, the rand’s decline against the euro has meant the RCZ’s price has moved into silly territory (R524 000 will make even the most passionate French car fan wince), which is a pity, because I believe Peugeot has created a sensational machine.

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Five cars for the fairer sex

August is Women’s Month, so we’re taking a look at cars which are aimed at the ladies.

These are all about practicality, comfort and style – things guys don’t really understand.

se Becaulove we allist al

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FIAT 500

Metrosexual men everywhere will be throwing their moisturised hands in the air here, but as cool and as fun to drive as MINI Coopers are, they’re aimed at the female market. Clearly the marketing has worked, as girls love them. Don’t believe me? Take a look around when you’re on the road and note how many ladies are behind the wheel of MINI products.

This pint-sized little bundle of joy is the Italian equivalent to the MINI. It’s very cute and boasts numerous convenience features. There’s a reason why they’re a hit in Europe and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have one. It’s also fully customisable, so chances are no two Fiat 500s are alike.

MERCEDES-BENZ A-CLASS

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The new Mercedes-Benz A-Class is a class act.

It’s smart and modern, and is the perfect set of wheels for the executive woman who wants to show off. It may have a firm suspension, but that hasn’t deterred sales, as the waiting list for this fashionable hatchback is huge.

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HONDA JAZZ

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It may not have the same cool factor as the Mercedes-Benz or the MINI, but Honda’s Jazz is one of the most spacious, comfortable and practical cars in its class. Not only is it supremely reliable, but it also happens to be quite cute.

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BMW X1

Want a BMW SUV, but daunted by the larger X3 and X5? Enter the X1, a compact SUV loaded with plenty of gadgets and gizmos. There are some powerful yet economical engines to choose from too. Go for the efficient diesels, which offer some punch.

text david taylor; pictures: supplied

the fiver

MINI COOPER

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Women against waste The fairer sex is leading the charge in recycling and eco-friendly initiatives, as Dale Hes discovers.

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Green Earth currently blitzes waste material gleaned from restaurants, grocery stores and Johannesburg’s city parks, and creates earthworm farms, which are sold commercially. ‘Green Earth uses the four elements that originally created life – carbon, oxygen, hydrogen and nitrogen – and processes organic waste that would otherwise have been placed in a landfill to create poisonous gas, recycling these elements into life for the soil,’ explains Gina.

The company recycles an average of 200 tonnes of organic waste per month, amounting to around 24 000 tonnes over the past 10 years. ‘We have always recycled organic waste, but now the demand is greater than ever, due to the rising costs of waste removal. Ten years ago, our services were not understood, but now we are

contributing to combating climate change with our operations,’ explains Gina.

Plastic fantastic Other initiatives are playing a major role in the recycling of synthetic materials.

Polyethylene terephthalate (PET), the highly recyclable material used to make plastic bottles, has become a particular focus for recyclers in recent years. Despite their recyclability, more than 50% of PET bottles in South Africa get tossed into overflowing landfills, where they decompose painfully slowly and release toxins into our soil and waterways. Around 100 million tonnes of waste are sent to landfills each year.

Although the rate of PET recycling has risen from around 16% in 2005, the fact that more is not recycled is a bit of a travesty, as

picture: supplied

THERE’S A PLAUSIBLE explanation why the collective of all things natural is often referred to as Mother Earth. A wide body of research has proven that women are better at looking after our planet than men: they are said to recycle more, save more petrol, show a desire to be green and make more eco-friendly purchases. And in South Africa, women are increasingly becoming leaders of the country’s green army.

‘I think the motherly instinct of women plays a role,’ says Gina Shoemaker, co-owner of Green Earth Landscaping, a company that recycles organic waste into valuable organic fertilisers. ‘Perhaps we feel that we should look after the earth as though it is our child, especially when we see it being destroyed, as it is at the moment.’

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go GREEN | stuff

Recycling supports a large, informal sector of collectors and selective waste pickers who sustain a livelihood from collecting bottles the product can be used to make everything from clothing fabric and pillow fibres to automotive parts and new containers.

Under the management of superwoman Cheri Scholtz, recycling company PETCO is managing to increase significantly the amount of PET recycled in South Africa.

‘In 2013, 182 000 tonnes of PET were consumed in South Africa, 70% of which consisted of bottles,’ says Cheri. ‘During that period, PETCO collected almost 60 000 tonnes of used bottles for recycling.

We calculated that this created 41 000 income opportunities across South Africa for informal collectors, many of whom are women who support a number of dependents by doing this.’

Thankfully, PETCO’s board of directors comprises representatives from some of the nation’s biggest bottlers, retailers and packagers, including Coca-Cola, Pick n Pay, Nampak and Woolworths. ‘Organisations can assist with the recycling rates of PET by separating their waste at their offices and factories, and changing procurement policies so that all packaging that is bought has some recycled content,’ explains Cheri.

Lisa Parkes, marketing manager at PETCO, says PET recycling has huge benefits for the economy. ‘Recycling of PET not only enables the development of new products and injects money into the economy,’ she says, ‘but it also supports a large, informal sector of collectors and selective waste pickers who sustain a livelihood from collecting bottles.’

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From bags to riches A few organisations don’t just have women leaders, but have gone the whole nine yards to employ only women.

Working out of Kwazulu-Natal, Supa Mama provides a weekly salary to around 100 previously unemployed women, training them to collect, sort and grade plastic waste before selling it to parent company Verigreen for recycling.

‘Being a businesswoman and a mother myself, I was moved by the struggle of the mamas who sell plastic waste, and inspired by their efforts in trying to make a living and provide for their children,’ says Supa Mama founder Thina Maziya. ‘I therefore took it upon myself to make a difference by cutting out the middleman and paying them more for their plastic waste.’

The organisation collects and recycles more than five tonnes of plastic a week, gathered from factories, businesses and shopping centres, and has recycled close to 750 tonnes since it was established last year. The plastics are turned into a variety of ‘Supa Strong, Supa Value’ heavy-duty refuse bags, complete with drawstrings, which are sold at supermarkets in the province under the Supa Mama brand name.

‘My passion for recycling stems from the belief that a healthy ecosystem provides humankind with the elements that sustain our lives, and should therefore be preserved,’ explains Thina. ‘Landfill

diversion initiatives such as the Supa Mama waste-to-product programme are contributing immensely towards environmental sustainability.’

A mama knows Thina agrees that women hold the edge when it comes to recycling initiatives.

‘Activities like gathering waste and producing marketable products from this waste require not only patience and dedication, but also teamwork and community support,’ she says. ‘This can only be provided by women who understand the pain of being a mother and having no resources to feed and educate their children.’

Supa Mama aims to extend the programme to other parts of the country, and Verigreen is also partnering with one of the biggest recycling companies in South Africa. ‘We can’t say the name just yet, but the company has a wash plant, which will allow the mamas to collect contaminated waste, thereby increasing their volumes and earnings,’ explains Thina.

Dr Linda Godfrey, principal scientist of Waste for Development at the Council for Scientific and Industrial Research (CSIR), says an evolving waste sector has exciting opportunities for small business. ‘Over the past five years, in particular, we’ve seen a surge in the number of small businesses starting up and providing services from collection, through sorting and separation, to final disposal,’ says Linda.

‘While it’s incredibly daunting at first, trying to figure out one’s role within the sector and the economy, there’s a lot of support available to small business owners and entrepreneurs, thanks to the sector associations, and local, provincial and national government initiatives.’

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STUFF | MONEY MATTERS

EcoMOMics

A FEW WEEKS ago, I came up with a strategy to deal with a mounting pile of deadlines. I was slightly apprehensive, but nevertheless reassured that I had a plan in place to cope. And then it happened. A sign that went up at my eldest son’s school: Cake sale this Wednesday. And then an email from my youngest son’s play school: ‘We’re having a cake sale this week.’ Yes, you guessed it, on the same Wednesday.

It’s moments like these that make you wish you were a stay-at-home mom, that you didn’t have to juggle so many balls at the same time. Ever had to choose between taking a sick child to the doctor and sorting out a massive work problem?

The constant tension between work and home can sometimes threaten to overwhelm us.

If you consider all the roles mothers play – from housekeeper, cook and psychologist to driver, peacekeeper and operational director – it’s a wonder that we even cope.

Phillipa Geard, founder of www.recruitmymom.co.za, says, ‘The decision that a working mom needs to make is how much of her load she is happy to outsource. If she is not able to delegate these

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responsibilities, then her life can indeed become a “double burden”.’

Perceiving a gap in the market, Phillipa started her online recruitment agency for mothers two years ago. ‘Skilled moms (many with more than 10 years’ work experience) are one of the largest untapped skills sources in South Africa,’ she says. ‘Organisations don’t always need to hire full-time staff to get a job done.’ She believes it’s a win-win situation: companies get to hire skilled workers and enjoy staffing flexibility, while moms are able to work in a way that better suits their life rhythm.

What women want According to a survey of 200 female leaders, conducted recently by Deloitte SA, the top two requirements for staying at a firm were achieving a work-life balance and career development.

‘Having a child is a catalytic transitional

milestone in a woman’s life, often occurring when she is at the height of her career,’ says Deloitte’s Anthea Scholtz.

‘This frequently results in an unnecessary exit or career change, at a huge cost to the company and not always in the best interests of the woman herself.’

Deloitte is one of many SA corporates that want to help their female employees manage the transition to motherhood better. ‘Many employers make the mistake of being “too nice” when senior employees return from maternity leave,’ says Anthea, ‘giving them so-called “soft” options and unchallenging assignments that do not advance their careers.’

There’s no doubt that having a child interrupts the norm. But with proper planning and a good support system in place, it is possible to thrive, says Eunice Sibiya, FNB’s head of consumer education. ‘Don’t play superwoman,’ she advises. ‘Enlist the help of your partner and family with household chores. Time management is key, as well as keeping your priorities in mind.’

If you develop certain non-negotiables, such as spending regular quality time with your family and partner, it is possible to feel fulfilled both at work and at home.

picture: istock

Few would argue about the need for mothers today to bring home the bacon.

But juggling managing a home and the demands of a job can place a double burden on women. Katherine Graham investigates.

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STUFF | HEALTH

You go, girl…

Annie Brookstone’s healthy hints for those with an XX chromosome configuration.

Friends who stay together have babies together?

You know that thing about how once someone from your school year has a kid, it seems as if everyone is suddenly having babies? Well, that’s a real thing. New research has revealed that young women whose high-school friends have had a baby are more likely to opt into parenthood themselves. The study was based on data from thousands of women, specifically friendship pairs, who were interviewed regularly from the 1990s. The researchers found that after one of the women in each friendship pair had a baby, the likelihood that her friend would do the same went up for about two years, and then declined. Peer pressure? The study’s authors, from Bocconi University in Italy and the University of Groningen in the Netherlands, put it down to social influence and social learning. Well, I guess friendship is about shared experiences, after all.

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Nutrition found that women who ate foods rich in B vitamins – that’s meat, beans, spinach and whole grains – had a 25% lower risk of PMS than those who didn’t. Mexican night, anyone?

CALCIUM AND VITAMIN D The best way to treat PMS is to avoid it in the first place. A 2005 study revealed that a diet high in calcium and vitamin D might help you to do just that.

Include milk and yoghurt in your diet daily or, you know, forgive yourself for reaching for that tub of ice cream every now and then.

Pain: his & hers

It’s a debate that has raged for years: are men better at manning up to physical discomfort or do women actually have more balls when it comes to pain? The answer is both … kinda.

An Austrian study of more than 10 000 people found that men experience more pain after major surgery, while their fairer contemporaries are likely to report more pain following minor procedures. We guess bikini waxes didn’t make it into this study, right ladies?

80%

Increased likelihood of teenage boys to quit smoking versus teenage girls. A Canadian study also found that teens who played team sports were 40% more likely to kick the habit in the butt.

images: supplied

PMS ABCD

It’s one of those things that dudes just don’t understand: the cramping; the bloating; the irrational desire to swear at every driver on the road, cry uncontrollably and cuddle puppies, all at the same time. Yup, being premenstrual is a real pain in the uterus. Before you reach for another slab of chocolate, here are some foods that can really help you to beat it back (the PMS, not your uterus)…

A LITTLE FAT Studies have revealed that increasing your intake of omega-3 fatty acids can provide significant relief for symptoms of PMS. Hit the sushi conveyor; fatty fish (such as salmon) and avo are both great sources of healthy fats – and there’s nothing sushi can’t fix, right?

B VITAMINS A study in the American Journal of Clinical

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STUFF | COLUMN

Life’s a witch

Each August for three weeks, the grim, grey, perpetually chilly northern town of Edinburgh transforms into the world’s biggest arts festival. To many, that conjures images of some cutesy fairytale world filled with artists and actors and, of course, men who wear skirts.

The reality is quite different.

Edinburgh may have time-warp tendencies and its fair share of whisky-swilling giants and tartanweaving elves, but – like any urban settlement – it also has its ills, its awful secrets, its darker mysteries.

I first visited the Scottish capital almost 20 years ago as a harddrinking, mostly idiotic student. That was shortly after the film of Irvine Walsh’s Trainspotting exposed the city’s terrifying underbelly through the eyes and nightmares of a misfit named Renton. I could relate. Like Ewan McGregor’s drug-addled character, my memories of that trip consist primarily of pub-crawling through labyrinthine back alleys, stumbling home along cobbled streets, and one particularly sobering ghost tour.

If you’ve been to Edinburgh, you’ll know that it’s barely the size of a large village.

Yet, packed between its gothic towers, ancient ruins and secret courtyards is enough grim atmosphere and spooky history to ensure its stature as the world’s most haunted city. Built in weird layers, with underground vaults and tunnels, and all kinds of concealed nooks and crannies,

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there are countless corners evoking the screams of dying witches or grave-robbers unearthing corpses in the moonlight.

And while the city is genuinely believed to be haunted by ghosts and ghouls, including the most documented supernatural entity of all time – the socalled MacKenzie Poltergeist – it’s the gory bits of Edinburgh’s honest-to-god history that should really raise the hairs on the back of your neck.

Hours after being hanged, a woman sentenced to death for concealing an illegitimate pregnancy was heard banging on the inside her coffin. ‘Half-Hangit

Maggie’ lived another 40 years, and popular Maggie Dickson’s Pub on Grassmarket Square, where she was strung up, is named in her honour.

Less fortunate were the multitudes of women persecuted, tortured and put to a grisly death during Scotland’s five nationwide anti-feminist witchhunts, concocted to control and silence those somehow identified as the femme fatales – or deadly women – of their day. Often their crime was dishing out good advice or herbal medicines.

Ironically, Edinburgh has long been regarded as a global leader in medical science, with the nasty twist that the city’s most infamous serial-murder saga involved a pair of body-snatchers who sold exhumed corpses for use in anatomy lectures. Not satisfied with digging up the already-dead at Greyfriars Cemetery, they started creating their own cadavers by murdering at least 16 people, whose bodies were then publically dissected.

The tradition of dredging up the dead continues. JK Rowling wrote much of the first Harry Potter book in a café overlooking Greyfriars, where names on the gravestone inspired characters at Hogwarts. A couple of centuries ago, Rowling – then a single mom on the verge of poverty – would have been burnt at the stake for daring to fantasise about wizards and magical sorting sticks.

Instead, she captivated the entire world and became the first-ever billionaire authoress.

Pop that in your cauldron and stir it.

illustration: pete woodbridge

With the Edinburgh Festival and Women’s Day looming, Keith Bain goes on a witch-hunt.

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