khuluma32

September

Casper interviews

Gareth Cliff Did Gareth really get fired from his first radio job?

Joel Sebothoma Is Joel the Michelangelo of coloured pencils?

The Sp ring in to

2014

Action issue

CASPER DE VRIES

has a bee in his bonnet

got the munchies?

FOR THE MENU see pages 2&3

PLUS Breakfast, beer, fitness, fashion, meat, MGMT, Namibia and a whole lotta action

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Have Your Say

Whether you’ve had a great flight or feel that we could improve our service, we’d like to know. Drop us a line at khuluma@picasso.co.za.

I am one of those lucky people who travels a lot for work (and holiday) and kulula is (and always will be) my favourite airline for various reasons. Yesterday I was on my way back from KZN to CT on flight MN702 when I noticed an elderly gentleman (who reminded me so much of my dad I wanted to give him a big hug) who was escorted to his seat by cabin crew leader Randall.

Not only did Randall treat this gentleman with so much care and genuine sincerity, but he also ensured that the rest of the passengers receive the same professional service with a quirky twist! His witty announcements and his crew kept us smiling for the duration of the flight, so much so that I decided to swipe my copy of the khuluma to get this email address!

I am in the service industry and I unfortunately know how often good service is overseen and those heroes forgotten.

Thank you Randall – you really made my day and ensured that I’ll be a kululite forever!

Kind regards Riane Künkel

Find MyGarage and win!

Enter the khuluma Treasure Hunt, where one lucky reader can win MyGarage organisation kits to the value of R4 000!

To enter, find the MyGarage logo hiding in a story in this issue, then go to www.khulumaonline.co.za and hit the Competitions tab to enter. Competition is open to all South African residents, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/ kulula.com/Comair Limited, and closes on 30 September 2014.

MyGarage provides the sale of a massive variety of garage storage solutions. Are you tired of moving your things from one side of the garage to the other without gaining any extra space, having to park your car outside as the kids’ bikes, sports gear or tools are taking up all the floor space? Take heart, MyGarage has the solution. Their garage storage solutions will help you tackle the clutter, get organised and take back your garage.

View from the Top

SPRING IS DEFINITELY the season of testosterone deficiency. All those bunnies and flowers and puppies and lambs and stuff. Just read the following extract from EE Cummings. sweet spring is your time is my time is our time for springtime is lovetime and viva sweet love Hmmm … did you feel warm and fuzzy inside, or just slightly nauseated?

My wife would call me an unromantic ox, but I suspect that I am just one of the three billion guys on the planet who would rather watch Top Gear.

Sorry, but I can do nothing about it!

Yet for as long as we have walked upright, the other three billion inhabitants have been trying to change us with metrosexual moisturisers, paternity leave and shopping for clothes. And then we get asked where the real men have gone when we steal their deep-conditioning, avocadoextract masks.

Now I’m not proposing we revert to dragging our wimmin back to the cave by their hair for a bit of breeding, nor that we prohibit them from learning to read (essential these days for operating kitchen appliances), nor ban them from the golf club or even the after-dinner discussion. We know that we’re unlikely to get a chance to wrestle a zebra for supper (or even pluck a chicken), so let’s at least pretend to be Sean Connery or Clint Eastwood, and not that bleached and shaved guy in Vampire Diaries, or that floppy-haired guy in Three Weddings and a Funeral. Real men never need to ask for directions, can carry all of the shopping in one trip, and know that there is enough petrol to get home. And remember that real men have feelings too – like feeling hungry.

Don’t welcome spring with a his-and-hers bodywaxing session, but rather admit that spring has officially sprung when the first butterfly we see is not tattooed above a G-string.

Erik Venter, CEO: Comair Ltd

kulula.com

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Contents September 2014 regulars

1 VIEW FROM THE TOP Our CEO’s hilarious letter, your thoughts and our Treasure Hunt

11 ÜBER-EDITOR’S LETTER Casper de Vries on painting and talking your way through a midlife crisis 12 KULULA PAGES Flying for the Red Cross Children’s Hospital, plus a trip down memory lane (with a chance to win!)

guide

19 WESTERN CAPE What to do, where to eat, where to sleep and how to dress in and around the Mother City

25 GAUTENG Get busy, chow down, shop till you drop, then sleep it off in Gauteng

31 KWAZULU-NATAL What’s happening in the warmest place in Mzansi

37 GARDEN ROUTE Food, fashion and natural wonder along our glorious Garden Route

42 TOP TIPPLE Hopping mad for craft beer 44 WATCH Silver-screen entertainment plus a heap of giveaways

47 LISTEN We check out the latest CD releases and talk musical mayhem with MGMT 57 GAMES Thumbtwiddling, eye-twitching gaming goodness 61 TECH The latest trends and gizmos, plus your must-follow list for #heritageday

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Contents September 2014 chat

68 RADIO Casper and Gareth Cliff talk about the past, present and future of radio

76 ART Casper and Joel Tshepo Sebothoma on painting your way to a brighter future

80 LOCAL HERO Better days through breakfast

travel

84 WEST COAST TO NAMIBIA Take an extraterrestrial journey right here on earth

action

92 BEHIND THE SCENES We talk fitness with folks who stay in shape for a living

101 DRIVE Cross over with the Suzuki SX4, and drool over five virtual vehicles

104 GO GREEN Arbor Week, Greenpop and the treevolution

stuff

107 PROPERTY Welcome spring by jazzing up your outdoor entertainment area 111 MONEY MATTERS How to change careers

113 HEALTH Healthy hints for the new season, plus the state of the nation’s kids 116 COLUMN How to spectate on spectators

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EDITOR Anthony Sharpe anthonys@picasso.co.za CONTENT MANAGER Raina Julies rainaj@picasso.co.za CONTENT COORDINATOR Vanessa Payne COPY EDITOR Joy Capon PROOFREADER Ingrid Graham COVER PHOTOGRAPH Morné van Zyl MAKE-UP ARTIST Tamaryn Pretorius HEAD OF DESIGN STUDIO Jayne Macé-Ferguson DESIGNERS Mfundo Ndzo Leo Abrahams Johan Labuschagne Zanele Balfour (design intern) PRODUCTION EDITOR Shamiela Brenner PROJECT MANAGER Richard White richardw@picasso.co.za SALES CONSULTANTS Stephen Crawford, Bonnie Eksteen, Randall Grace, Eugene Howard, Steve Norval, Marc Plastow, Andre Potgieter, Alec Rompelman, Roman Ross, Clint Smith, Zelda Stein BUSINESS MANAGER Robin Carpenter-Frank robinc@picasso.co.za FINANCIAL ACCOUNTANT Lodewyk van der Walt

To advertise in this magazine please contact Richard White (Project Manager) on 021 469 2500 or richardw@picasso.co.za

SENIOR GM: NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES Mike Tissong ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER Jocelyne Bayer

kulula.com CEO COMAIR LIMITED Erik Venter MARKETING MANAGER, kulula.com Shaun Pozyn SENIOR BRAND MANAGER, kulula.com Bridgette Ramuluvhana BRAND MANAGER, kulula.com Thembeka Mabaso COMAIR LIMITED 1 Marignane Drive, Bonaero Park, Kempton Park, 1619 Tel 011 921 0111 kulula.com contact centre 0861 KULULA (585852) PRINTING

CTPprinters

CAPE TOWN

Copyright: No portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written consent of the publishers. The publishers are not responsible for unsolicited material. khuluma is published monthly by Picasso Headline Reg: 59/01754/07. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Picasso Headline, kulula or Times Media. All advertisements/advertorials and promotions have been paid for and therefore do not carry any endorsement by the publishers. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of its contents, neither kulula, nor the publisher can be held responsible for any omissions or errors, or for any misfortune, injury or damages that may arise therefrom. We reserve the right to edit interviews for layout purposes.

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ÜBER-EDITOR OF THE MONTH

Über-ed’s letter Casper de Vries

Want Vries with that?

picture: morné van zyl

FLIP! FANCY MEETING you here… Welcome aboard this kulula flight in the company of the khuluma magazine and yours truly, Casper de Vries.

I know what you’re thinking. Who the hell is he? I get that a lot (especially from my mother). Let me introduce myself. I’m a single mixed male with two dogs and a Segway. I was born in Pretoria to an Afrikaans father and Dutch mother.

I studied drama at Stellenbosch University after a failed radio audition at the SABC, and it was there that I met and worked with people like Pieter-Dirk Uys, which made me decide to focus on doing one-man shows – elaborate annual theatrical presentations of my material in the form of music, sketches and stand-up comedy.

While I was acting in some movies, TV specials and my own TV series, The Casper Rasper Show, the gist of the next 27 years were my tours through the length and breadth of South Africa, Namibia, and even London, Holland and Canada.

And then it hit me. Not a car. Not a plane. A midlife crisis. I decided to stop doing what I did best, and reboot my life. At 50. I developed a passion for painting and, once I opened that colourful door, I haven’t been able to stop since. I now have solo exhibitions all over the country (accompanied by my dogs), and enjoy the new calm serenity of creating on canvas instead of on a stage.

But wait, there’s more! Gareth Cliff decided to start his own internet radio channel, CliffCentral.com, in May this year. He asked me to be part of it, and now at last I can live out my radio dream with the weekly two-hour CasperRadio Show on CliffCentral. So I’m interviewing my boss for this issue.

Joel Sebothoma’s art is absolutely beautiful and exceptional. He’s is still very young but already revered and respected as an artist, and we collaborate on the same paintings for some projects (yes, it can be done). I sat down with him when we took a break, and asked him about his life and interest in art.

And that’s me. In a nutty shell. As I once said to a blind couple who were fans, ‘If you see me, wave to me, I’ll wave back.’ I klapped myself on the forehead afterwards.

Best wishes, Casper

Who will be our next ed?

South Africa’s a funny place. It’s got lots of funny people. Some are damn hilarious. Every month, khuluma chooses a particularly amusing individual to be our über-editor. This funny man or woman then interrogates prominent South Africans for us.

So book your flight for next month or head over to www.khulumaonline.co.za to see who it’ll be.

kulula.com

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Casper’s creds

Casper de Vries is an actor, comedian, entertainer, composer, director, producer, radio presenter and artist who’s been entertaining South Africa (and the world) for almost 30 years. He’s performed on stage, on TV, in films, and has finally realised his dream of being on radio. He is also the only South African to have sold out the London Palladium with three different one-man shows.

Keep up with him on www.facebook.com/CasperDeVriesOfficial.

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Flying 101: kulula flies for the Red Cross Children’s Hospital

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diagnosed with leukaemia. Amanda Mei from East London became very worried when her three-year-old daughter, Esihle, started vomiting excessively, suffered from diarrhoea and developed sores around her mouth. Esihle was diagnosed with leukaemia on 23 February 2014 and was then referred from East London to the Red Cross Children’s Hospital to receive the chemotherapy she required.

Little Esihle and her mother, Amanda, were inseparable for four months.

Amanda travelled with her daughter and slept on a kangaroo chair next to her little girl’s bed instead of at the on-site Parents Accommodation, as she couldn’t bear to be apart from her daughter. Doctors were happy with Esihle’s progress so she was discharged, and kulula was proud to fly her and her mom home. kulula’s contribution to the Children’s Hospital Trust is valued at R1-million,

which consists of air tickets to the value of R500 000 for patients, parents and doctors of the Red Cross Children’s Hospital. A monetary donation of R500 000 is going towards the expansion of the Parents Accommodation facility on the premises of the hospital, which provides parents or caregivers with a comfortable place to stay so that they are close to their children who are receiving medical care in the hospital.

Watch little Esihle’s story on our Facebook or YouTube pages.

pictures: supplied

AT KULULA WE love flying whoever, whenever, whyever. But it really makes all the difference when we can fly a little person with a big need. That’s why we’ve partnered with The Children’s Hospital Trust to fly kids in desperate need of medical treatment to and from the Red Cross War Memorial Children’s Hospital in Cape Town.

We want to help our partners to reach as many children in need of medical care as possible by doing what we do best – flying! This includes providing flights for children and their parents who cannot afford flights to and from the Red Cross Children’s Hospital, as well as flying the hospital’s specialist doctors to hospitals outside of Cape Town. Through this partnership we hope to make a positive contribution in the lives of our new fans.

We recently welcomed on board Esihle, who is only three years old and was

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kulula celebrates its 13th birthday with a trip down memory lane

get great deals with our partners Fly more for less with up to 40% off kulula.com when you book your tickets through eBucks Travel online.

Rent a car with your flight and get a 10% discount, or get the best rates with Europcar.

Choose your favourite Tsogo Sun hotel and let kulula book your room. Now that’s luxury you can afford.

WE LOVE A good reason to have some fun with our fans. In the months of August and September, we celebrated our 13th birthday by taking all South Africans back to their teen years.

Remember braces, curfews and sweaty palms on your first date? Getting your mom to drop you off around the corner from school to look cool in front of the other kids?

Because we are a fun brand, we called on all South Africans to travel down memory lane and upload a photo of themselves at their most magnificent teen best onto the kulula Facebook page, using #kulula13.

Admittedly, we’ve had lots of laughs looking at the pictures of our fans in their awkward teen glory: braces-face, unfortunate zit attacks, homestyle pudding-bowl haircuts, knobbly knees and all. Fear not, all this embarrassment isn’t for nothing. For four weeks during August and September, kulula is giving away weekly return flights to lucky #kulula13 Facebook uploaders.

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All your fun, crazy photo submissions received over the duration of the campaign will go into a draw to stand a chance to win the grand prize of a weekend away for four, including flights, car hire and hotel accommodation.

Photo submissions only close on 13 September, so you still have some time to get uploading. If you are reading this article after the closing date – sorry, next time!

We can hardly believe that it’s been 13 years since we took to the skies and made flying much easier and more affordable for our fans. Time sure does fly when you’re having fun. Every now and again it’s good to look back to a time when you were slightly awkward and appreciate how you’ve grown up. We are proud of how we’ve evolved and matured over the past 13 years, and we look forward to having more fun times in our ‘teen’ years.

Check out the kulula birthday celebration shenanigans on Facebook at iflykulula.

As a Discovery Vitality member, you can earn Discovery Miles, which you can use towards paying for your next kulula flight.

Protea Hotels ensure your stay with them is as unique as the kulula experience. Try out any one of the hotels – you won’t forget the experience.

twitter.com/kulula facebook.com/iflykulula

THE NOTICEBOARD extra luggage?

If you have more luggage than the one free 20kg and one piece of 7kg hand luggage allowance, you can buy extra bags online or by calling the Contact Centre on 0861 KULULA (585852). This will save you from paying the airport fee of R350 per extra bag. Be sure to book your extra bag at least two hours before flight departure and save 30%.

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Home Affairs new regulations unabridged birth certificate (UBC) requirements As of 1 October 2014, in addition to a valid passport all parents travelling with kids in and out of South Africa will be required to present an unabridged birth certificate for their young ones. When making travelling arrangements please ensure that you obtain a UBC from the Department of Home Affairs – bearing in mind that it can take a few weeks.

For more info, please visit www.dha.gov.za.

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www.fishgate.co.za_CT_4653

Keep your family, Always Visible.

With the ability to monitor your vehicle’s location via SMS and real-time tracking applications on your smartphone, tablet or computer, keeping your family visible throughout any journey is child’s play. Get your Ctrack tracking system, which comes with stolen vehicle response services, today.

Always Visible

0860 333 444 • telesales@ctrack.co.za • www.ctrack.co.za

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WESTERN CAPE | GUIDE

WHAT’S ON WESTERN CAPE HOW FUNNY?

2-6 September

Live comedy Starring Chris Forrest, Warren Robertson and Deep Fried Man, and blending elements of crowd interaction, improv and animation, Funnier Than Them is a show guaranteed to deliver an evening of laughs from three of the country’s funniest comedians. It’s on at the Fugard Theatre and tickets are R110-R130, from www.computicket.com.

Please note: Comedians make great friends – they’re real stand-up guys.

CALL ME MISKIEN 2-27 September

Theatre Performed in English and Afrikaans, …miskien is a simple story of two guys – best friends who are stuck in similar deadend jobs and nondescript lives, both waiting for happy hour at the end of each day to drag them into the next. Directed by Tara Louise Notcutt, it’s on at the Baxter Golden Arrow Studio and tickets are R65-R145, available from www.computicket.com.

Please note: A good performance, like concrete, should be moulded quickly and then forever set.

WINE AND DINE

text: anthony sharpe; pictures:text: supplied

3-4 September (Cape Town) 24-25 September (Joburg)

Food and wine The Come Wine With Us dinners bring together wine estates, restaurants and foodies. This month they’re partnering with the Nederburg Heritage Heroes range at Savour @ 15 on Orange in Cape Town, and Emoyeni Estate in Joburg. Tickets are R350 and R390 respectively. For more info and to book, go to comewinewithus.co.za.

Please note: The viticulturist just couldn’t stop wining about his failed harvest.

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A MOTHER (CITY) OF A RUN 20-21 September

Marathon Launched as a two-day festival of running from Saturday, with the main attraction – a 42.2km classic city marathon – on the final day, the Sanlam Cape Town Marathon aims to become Africa’s first iconic city marathon. For more info and to register, go to www.capetownmarathon.com.

Please note: It’s best to exercise early in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing.

TAYLOR-MADE COMEDY

22 September – 3 October

Live comedy On at the Baxter Theatre, Stuart Taylor’s ninth one-man show, BeSpoke, is a back-to-basics comedy show inspired by his comedyclub roots. Tickets are R110, with concessions for block bookings and students, from www.computicket.com.

Please note: Whatever you do, just don’t ask Stuart if his suits are Taylor-made.

PAEDIATRIC PUTTING 23 September

Charity event For a second year running, celebs will converge on the Pearl Valley Golf and Country Estate in Paarl for the Pearl Valley Celebrity Charity Golf Day, to play for children in dire need of paediatric healthcare at the Red Cross War Memorial Children’s Hospital. For more info or to book, mail events@pearlvalley.co.za or go to pearlvalley.co.za.

Please note: How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FORE!

EVERYTHING’S COMING UP… 2-5 October

Music festival One of SA’s biggest music festivals, Rocking the Daisies, returns to wreak havoc on Cloof Wine Estate in Darling. Headliners this year include MGMT (check out our interview with them on pg49), Rudimental, Crystal Fighters and The Presets, as well as a ton of local acts. Tickets are R200-R750, available from rockingthedaisies.com.

R’S Please note: Any complaints about the festival are to ITOICE D E O be raised with MGMT. H

C

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GUIDE | WESTERN CAPE

EAT WESTERN CAPE

Lefty’s

Lefty’s is a hipster dive bar with great burgers and ribs. There is very loud mid90s, hard-rock music, and there seems to be a minimum beard length required to work at the establishment – for the male staff at least. Those who don’t feel like red meat can try Southern fried chicken served on waffles with bacon and syrup.

105 Harrington Street, Cape Town 021 461 0407, info@leftys.co.za

Overture

Overture sits at the foothills of the Helderberg on the Hidden Valley wine estate. Chef Bertus Basson cooks up

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Best-ever rib recipe

For those who like to DIY their dinner, this slow-roasted pork rib recipe, adapted from a recipe by Nigel Slater, is sweet, sticky, spicy honey heaven. You should expect a liberal hand and face coating of caramelised honey rib sauce. (Serves 2-4 people, depending on greed.)

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Method • Combine the honey, oyster sauce, spices and garlic. Mix well, then toss the ribs in the marinade and set aside to marinate for at least one hour.

• Roast at 160°C for one hour. (Nigel says 90 minutes, but my ribs burn if I leave them this long – perhaps English pigs are fleshier.) Turn the ribs in the sauce every 15 minutes.

• After an hour, turn up the heat to 200°C for a final 5-10 minutes. Watch the ribs carefully in this final phase, as gorgeous, dense, caramelised sugars can become bitter burnt offerings if they aren’t monitored carefully.

DRESS WESTERN CAPE 1) The Mother City takes a bit longer to warm up, so September may still be a little wintry. That means rain, cold and misery. But that’s not to say you can’t start getting yourself in the mood for those future 9pm sunsets. The ’80s sock is the perfect colourful detail to liven up an ensemble of dark neutrals and heavy fabrics. R105, Nicsocks.com

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Ingredients • 6 tbsp thick honey • 3 tbsp oyster sauce • ¼ tsp chilli flakes • 4 whole star anise • Pinch salt • Pinch ground black pepper • 4 cloves garlic, crushed • 1.5kg meaty pork ribs

2) Winter is over! And just because you’ve been indoors for several months, it doesn’t mean your skin needs to look that way. Add gorgeous colour and warmth with the Stila Sweet Treat bronzer. If the packaging alone doesn’t sell you, the three golden shades certainly will. R175, available on Rubybox.co.za

text: anna trapido, lize hartley; pictures: supplied

a robust, yet stylish, celebration of the South African flavour repertoire. That means plenty of meaty moments, such as sout ribbetjies served with pickled turnip.

Hidden Valley Wines, Annandale Road, Stellenbosch, 021 880 2721, www.dineatoverture.co.za

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WESTERN CAPE | GUIDE

SLEEP WESTERN CAPE ICONIC LIVING Anthony Sharpe forgets about home at the Icon Luxury Apartments.

pictures: supplied

THEY SAY THAT to know a city, really, you need to walk it. You need to wander, meander, nip down alleyways, gawk at architecture, pet passing dogs, stop off in little cafés and galleries and shops. And so, when I found myself very briefly the tenant of a 12th-floor apartment in Home From Home’s Icon Luxury Apartments building, situated about as centrally as you could hope for at the northern end of Cape Town’s famous Long Street, that’s exactly what I did. I walked.

On an unseasonably glorious winter’s morning, after stopping at the Food Lover’s Market downstairs for coffee and a croissant (and supplies for later), I strolled towards the mountain up Bree Street, with its ever-growing proliferation of funky establishments and excellent coffee shops, across to the Company’s Gardens, where I fed the last of my breakfast to an albino squirrel and communed with the hadedas, then back down through the buzz of the city’s most famous stretch of tarmac, Long Street.

After all that leg-stretching, I skipped the Icon’s on-site gym and opted instead for a midday swim in the icy pool, four floors above street level, with its own little patch of Astroturf and deckchairs. I then hopped over the

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Buitengracht bridge and walked to the V&A Waterfront, where I ogled clothes I could never afford and defended my lunchtime sandwich from hordes of ravenous seagulls.

By the time I returned to my perch above the city, I was exhausted, so I pulled open the sliding door of the master bedroom’s Juliet balcony to let in the smell of the sea, and caught 40 winks. I was awakened shortly, however, by guests – half of them drawn by the lure of the apartment’s large flat-screen TV to watch the Springboks claw it out against Argentina, the other half by the promise of the enormous wraparound balcony facing towards Signal Hill for sundowners.

Mercifully, I’d stocked up properly that morning, and whipped up a massmarket pasta in the well-equipped open-plan kitchen, before settling down for a hilarious round of Cards Against Humanity in the lounge, with friends and cushions scattered everywhere.

When all the wine was drunk and the friends had departed, I sat out on my balcony in the fresh night air, gazing down on my view, sipping a cup of tea from my favourite white ceramic mug.

And then I remembered that none of this was mine, even though it really felt like it was. I guess that’s why they call it Home From Home.

Cnr Hans Strijdom & Lower Long Street, 021 418 2821, homefromhome.co.za

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

WHAT’S ON GAUTENG SO FAR, SOWETO 4-6 September

Wine festival The 10th Soweto Wine Festival, on at the University of Johannesburg Soweto Campus, promises 1 000 wines to taste, fashion fabulousness, mouthwatering food from Soweto’s top restaurants, lifestyle brands with dazzle and glitz, and extraordinary wine lounges to excite the senses. Tickets are R130-R310, from www.webtickets.co.za. For more info, go to www.sowetowinefestival.co.za.

Please note: ‘In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat, you need it.’

– Napoleon Bonaparte

TAP THAT!

13 September (Gauteng), 4 October (KZN)

text: anthony sharpe; pictures: robert weedman, supplied

Wine festival Now in its 10th year, the Diemersfontein Pinotage on Tap festival promises great wine and food, as well as rocking live music. It’s on at the Val Bonne Estate in the Modderfontein Reserve in Gauteng, and at the Litchi Orchard in Salt Rock, KZN. Tickets are R310-R1 290, from www.computicket.com. For more info, go to www.diemersfontein.co.za.

Please note: ‘I read about the evils of drinking, so I gave up reading.’ – Henny Youngman

AND ALL THAT JAZZ 25-27 September

’S OR E T I ED OIC CH

Music festival More than 75 jazz performers from across the globe, including Dianne Reeves, Delfeayo Marsalis, Sibongile Khumalo and Jonas Gwangwa, are part of the line-up for this year’s star-studded Standard Bank Joy of Jazz at the Sandton Convention Centre. Tickets are R750-R1 250, from www.computicket.com.

Check out www.joyofjazz.co.za for more info.

Please note: If you miss out on this one, at least you’ll have the blues.

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TASTY CITY 25-28 September

Culinary festival After announcing record numbers for last year’s event, the Pick n Pay Taste of Joburg is back at the Montecasino Outdoor Event Area. Attractions include the Pick n Pay Wine and Canapé Experience, the Robertsons Butcher’s Block in association with Big Green Egg, the Rekordelig Premium Cider Lounge, and the Lindt Chocolate Experience. Tickets are R80-R685, from itickets.co.za or www.pnptickets.co.za. For more info, go to www.tasteofjoburg.com.

Please note: Going round tasting bits of Joburg is not generally recommended; rather stick to the festival.

AN ALE OF A TIME 26-28 September

Beer festival The Joburg Festival of Beer is back at Pirates Sports Club. Look forward to hundreds of local and international beers on show, delicious food stalls, kiddies play areas, live entertainment, food and beer pairings, home-brewing demonstrations, beer tours and, most importantly, sampling all the beers on show! Tickets are R150, from www.webtickets.co.za. For more info, go to www.joburgfestivalofbeer.co.za.

Please note: Give a man a beer; he’ll waste an hour. Teach a man to brew; he’ll waste a lifetime.

NIGHT LIGHT Until 28 September

Cabaret Nataniël returns to the Theatre of Marcellus at Emperor’s Palace with a brand-new creation, Rainbow at Midnight, a story told – in true Nataniël style – with original music, stories (in both English and Afrikaans) and breathtaking designs by Floris Louw that jump from the present to the past. Tickets are R160-R440, from www.computicket.com. For more info, go to www.nataniel.co.za.

Please note: The first person to shout ‘double rainbow’ gets the boot.

ONCE YOU POP… 2-5 October

Music festival Now in its fourth year, the Mieliepop Music Festival, at Lothair in Mpumalanga, is one of the country’s most laid-back rock, reggae and blues festivals. Acts include Shortstraw, Sean Jacobs Band, Radio Kalahari Orkes, Wonderboom ft Mandoza, Shadowclub, and many, many more. Tickets are R595. For more info and to book, go to www.mieliepop.com.

Please note: We’d make a joke about mielies here, but that would be just plain corny.

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Johannesburg’s Alternative Airport Lanseria International Airport is Gauteng’s only privately owned international Airport. Commercial airlines, charter companies, and many other service providers, call it home.

It’s conveniently positioned north of Johannesburg, close to the business hub Sandton, as well as Pretoria, Midrand, Krugersdorp and surrounds.

World class airport facilities: • • • • • • •

Spacious airport building servicing Domestic and International flights Self service check in kiosks Ample parking and Fast Drop ‘n Go Facilities Quick baggage collection Daily domestic flights on offer between Johannesburg and Cape Town, and Johannesburg and Durban One-of-a-kind open air viewing deck that overlooks the runway Close proximity to hotels and B&B’s and many tourist attractions

world class facilities on offer, shouldn’t you be considering Lanseria International Airport?

With all these

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

EAT GAUTENG

Braeside Meat Market

Caroline McCann is one of the few women butchers in the business. Her boerewors has won more prizes than she has had hot dinners. On Saturday mornings she makes a braai and sells fabulous, fired wors outside her super-smart shop. Once you have munched on a sausage from the stall, you can go inside the shop and buy some more to take home.

Cnr 4th and 10th Street, Parkhurst 011 788 3613, braesidebutchery.co.za

Jazz Maniacs

Jazz Maniacs is in the Soweto Hotel. On the last Sunday of every month, the hotel hosts live jazz and a meaty shisa nyama.

Jazz-lovers sip on the hotel’s signature cocktail, the Kliptini (homemade ginger beer and vodka), while enjoying chef Junior Molewa’s menu, a melange of traditional South African fare: mogodu (tripe) and dombolo (dumplings), morogo (spinach), uMngqushu (samp) and a trio of very fine chakalaka relishes. For dessert

text: anna trapido, lize hartley; images: supplied

DRESS GAUTENG 1) Now there’s no longer any need to hide your hair under hats and beanies, it’s time to showcase your tresses in all their glory.

Anyone with hair needs a ghd; whether you’re aiming for straight and sleek, bouncy curls or a gorgeous, naturallooking wave, this is your No 1 hair tool.

And what better way to inject some colour into your daily routine than with ghd’s vibrant new Birds of Paradise collection? Available in Lagoon (shown here) and Sunset, these chic stylers will have you dreaming of tropical islands as you style your hair to perfection. R2 380, available on Everythinghair.co.za

there is a bling bread-and-butter pudding.

Cnr Union Avenue & Main Road, Walter Sisulu Square of Dedication, Kliptown, Soweto, 011 527 7300, sowetohotel.co.za

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2) A pretty shift dress is a great addition to any wardrobe. It can be dressed up or down, and it’s perfect for layering while we’re still between seasons. Opt for flattering coral and wear it with ankle boots, tights, a light scarf and a cardigan for an outfit that works for chilly mornings as well as warmer afternoons. R399, woolworths.co.za 3) Dreaming of escaping the office for a beach holiday already? Say it with this monochrome printed tee from Deacon, while you count down the days to Durban.

R349, available on Spree.co.za

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

SLEEP GAUTENG STYLE COMES STANDARD Iga Motylska learns not to judge a hotel by its name, but rather by the number of golden stars behind it.

pictures: supplied

AS THE FORMER Grace Hotel, the fairly new 54 on Bath in Rosebank has inherited not only its famed art collection and library of books, but a few old-timers too. Yet, the hotel has certainly earned its five stars.

The name conjures up images of the hot springs and Roman baths in Somerset, England. For its namesake, I had to take a dip in the porcelain tub – well, it’s not quite porcelain, but those scented bath salts go far.

Each of the 74 spacious rooms is decorated in a minimalistic manner that evokes modernity and style, with monochromatic grey tones, teal accents and orchids. Besides all the amenities you’d expect from a boutique hotel, each room comes standard with a coffee machine, and each blend is paired with a Lindt chocolate. With the assortment of complimentary snacks and treats in my room, I didn’t even get to the minibar.

Unlimited Wi-Fi is accessible throughout the hotel, although there is a business centre on the second floor should you need an excuse to leave the room. As part of the Tsogo Sun brand, the hotel also has its own TV channel.

Sure, it’s on loop, but how many other

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hotels offer you that alongside the DStv bouquet?

If location is everything, then 54 on Bath comes out tops. It’s a brisk walk from the Gautrain station, although a complimentary shuttle is available too. The hotel is also a few paces from Rosebank Mall and The Zone. Guests are welcome at the Rosebank Planet Fitness, and the spa is just down the road.

If you really want to feel posh, try the afternoon tea – an étagère of scones served with preserves, colourful macaroons, English sandwiches and other delights. You can even substitute your tea with bubbly! But if you pass on the opportunity to drink while the sun is still high, enjoy a glass at the in-house Veuve Clicquot bar at sundowners – it’s the only one of its kind in South Africa.

As for solid sustenance, the seasonal dinner menu at Level Four Restaurant is selective, focusing on quality over quantity. The menu is coupled with an extensive wine list. In the morning, I’d recommended savouring a full breakfast on the rooftop terrace, under the shade of the trees, looking out onto the fountain and swimming pool.

If, like me, you find yourself wanting to stay longer after checking out, you can always read the books in the reception, hope a talented guest starts playing the baby grand piano and draws a crowd, or simply visit again.

54 Bath Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg, 011 344 8500, www.tsogosunhotels.com/deluxe/ 54-on-bath

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KWAZULU-NATAL | GUIDE

WHAT’S ON KZN SYMPHONICALLY YOURS Throughout September

Live music The KZN Philharmonic Orchestra’s World Symphony Series Festival runs every Thursday throughout September at the Durban City Hall. Stunning international soloists, popular South African artists and a mix of the very best composers form part of the offering through the eight-week season. Tickets are R50-R210. To purchase and for line-up info, go to R’S www.computicket.com.

ITOICE D E O Please note: How can you tell if a singer’s at your door?

CH They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.

DAY OF THE DURBANITE 7 September

Music festival East Coast Radio presents Durban Day, with Jimmy Nevis, BlackByrd, The Arrows, Mafikizolo, Gangs of Ballet, Freshlyground, The Parlotones, Khuli Chana and Mi Casa gearing up to bring the house down at People’s Park, Moses Mabhida Stadium. Tickets are R150 for adults, from www.computicket. com, and kids under 12 get in free. For more info, go to www.ecr.co.za.

Please note: Efforts by the KZN government to have Durban Day recognised as an official holiday have thus far failed.

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?

text: anthony sharpe; pictures: supplied

19-21 September

Lifestyle expo The Sunday Tribune Garden & Leisure Show, on at Pietermaritzburg’s Royal Showgrounds, offers something for everyone, with about 4 000m2 under cover and 12 000m2 of open exhibition space.

Highlights include the Bonsai Society display, the Orchid Hall and the Illovo Floral Cake of the Year Competition. Tickets are R55 for adults, and R35 for pensioners and kids under 12. For more info, go to www.gardenshow.co.za.

Please note: What kind of socks does a gardener wear? Garden hose.

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HOME IS WHERE THE EXPO IS 3-5 October

Lifestyle expo The 12th Durban Homemakers Expo is on at the Durban Exhibition Centre. You can look forward to a brand-new Barista Championship, a flavoursome Flavour of the World Demo Kitchen, the What’s It Worth Antique Roadshow, and much more. Tickets are available at the door at R50 for adults, R25 for pensioners, and kids under 12 get in free. For more info, go to www.homemakersonline.co.za.

Please note: Home may be where the heart is, but the beach is definitely where the mind is.

HOPPING MAD

19-21 September

Beer festival The Tops at Spar Durban Bierfest is back at Suncoast. A range of traditional Bierfest games, on-the-spot competitions and fun audienceparticipation activities await as Bierfest’s own ‘Mayor of Munich’, Hans von Tipplestein, regales you with sing-alongs and hilarious stories.

And, of course, there’s loads of beer. Tickets are R125-R906. For more info and to book, go to www.bierfest.co.za.

Please note: Musicians at Oktoberfest are expected to play Bavariations on a theme.

ALPINE ACOUSTICS 24-28 September

Music festival Held near Giant’s Castle in the beautiful Central Drakensberg region of KZN, the White Mountain Acoustic Music Festival offers acoustic performances by artists including Craig Hinds, Matthew Mole, Brett Newski, Gerald Clark and Luna Paige. Other activities include fun arts and crafts for the family, an array of food outlets and a popular beer market, all overlooking the magnificent and peaceful beauty of one of the most idyllic spots in the Berg. Tickets are R600, from www.computicket.com. For more info, go to www.c-weed.com/wmf.

Please note: Want to hear a joke about a mountain? Trust me, it’s hill-arious!

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KWAZULU-NATAL | GUIDE

Max’s Lifestyle

41km from King Shaka Airport, Max’s Lifestyle is where KZN’s crème de la crème meet to see and be seen. They meet over meat – this shisa nyama on steroids serves a great selection of beef cuts and a few traditional Zulu comfort-food classics too. Everything is super-fresh.

V1328, Mbe Road, Umlazi, 031 906 1393

Café Abyssinia

Chef-patronne Charity Worku welcomes diners into her tiny, 30-seater restaurant (which was once a double-door garage) with a shy smile and heavily accented English. Carved wooden chairs, gentle

Ethiopian music and the smell of freshly roasting coffee beans set the scene. Try her kitfko (Ethiopian-style steak tartare).

Those who don’t do raw meat swear by the chef’s delicious doro wat chicken stews served on a pretty enamel tray topped with an injera soured flat bread/ pancake base.

77 Problem Mkhize Road, Berea, Durban, 031 836 4777

EAT KZN create rump steak topped with livers, fresh avocado and mushroom sauce.

34 Newport Avenue, Glenashley, Durban, 031 826 9690

Craft Trattoria

In addition to good cocktails, Craft Trattoria has lovely Indian Ocean beach views. The food is broadly Italian (pizza, pasta, risotto), with a sprinkling of South African-Italian fusion dishes – it seems unlikely that an Italian would

text: anna trapido, lize hartley; pictures: supplied

DRESS KZN 1) Durban winters are, at worst, mild.

But while you may have done nothing more drastic than switch to black and grey tees during your not-so-cold colder months, spring is the perfect excuse to add a pop of colour to your outfit. These classic tees from Woolworths are versatile and come in a range of eye-catching colours, such as jade and purple. Hey, if the shirt fits… R90, woolworths.co.za 2) Plastic bags are so not cool right now. With the world becoming increasingly aware of the problems we face with waste, everyone is switching to more sustainable options for grocery shopping. But instead of buying a bag at the checkout counter that everyone else has too, invest in this vibrant Big Kiwi tote from I Spy. That way you can be smug about how

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you’re saving the world, and your personal style! R760, available on HelloPretty.co.za 3) Heavy makeup is a total nono in summer. It looks tacky, and chances are you’ll just sweat most of it off by noon anyway. Instead of full-coverage foundation, switch to a colour-correcting cream this month.

Bourjois CC Cream offers lightweight coverage that will create a beautiful, even complexion. It stays put all day, and the SPF15 means it’s skincare as well as makeup. R160, available on Rubybox.co.za 4) We all know Durbanites wear sandals year-round. But a new pair never goes amiss, right? Pastel pink gets a bit of an edge with this snakeskin design with gold detailing.

R599, Aldo

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KWAZULU-NATAL | GUIDE

SLEEP KZN TAKING STOCK Will Edgcumbe takes it slow on the edge of the KZN Midlands.

pictures: supplied

HOWICK PROBABLY doesn’t even make the list of the 10 most popular villages in the KZN Midlands. Maybe it’s because it sounds like the name of a British person with a speech impediment, or maybe it’s too close to Pietermaritzburg to feel as if you’re properly in the Midlands.

There’s a common bumper sticker in town that goes something like, ‘Paris. London. New York. Howick’.

Which is the kind of light humour your mum enjoys, but it kind of sums up the charm of the place. Howick is a quiet, lovely little town without the pretension of places such as Clarens, with their accompanying hordes of visitors. With great eateries, a fantastically scenic waterfall and friendly locals, it’s also pretty central, so it’s a great place from which to explore the rest of the Midlands.

One of the best things it has going for it is the four-star Stocklands Farm.

Set on the outskirts of town, it’s the kind of B&B where you make sure you get there as check-in opens and leave as late as possible, because it’s just really flippin’ nice.

The rooms are more like suites, with lounge and bedroom sections, and large en-suite bathrooms. Everything is geared towards homely comfort –

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heavy duvets, soft pillows, comfortable couches, a flatscreen TV with DStv, and a few light snacks and a snifter of sherry for your delectation. The décor is quite cottagey, but it feels right in this setting, like staying at your favourite wealthy gran’s for the weekend (though not the one with the freaky porcelain-doll collection you’re sure will one day develop a shared sentience).

Stocklands is set in a beautiful 150-year-old farmhouse, and although the guest rooms aren’t quite so old, the vibe is of a rambling and lived-in, but well-heeled place. As and when you’re able to drag yourself out of bed in the morning, it’s worth taking a light amble about the beautifully manicured garden, which seems to have been imported from the English countryside.

It throngs with birds and insects, and you just know someone, somewhere, has a really sore back from tending all the lovely flowers.

Breakfast is included in the room rate, with a few choices of starters and mains. The menu changes every now and then, but if you come across the creamed mushrooms with pesto on toast, or the cinnamon and apple oats, don’t even think, just order them.

While you wait for your food, pour yourself a large cuppa and sit on the veranda overlooking the garden, while you smugly congratulate yourself for your good taste. Not everyone has it, after all.

4 Shafton Rd, Howick, 033 330 5160, www.stocklandsfarm.co.za

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1. Puppy Socialisation 2. Obedience Training 3. Canine Good Citizen Tests The Rottweiler Working & Breeding Association (RWBA) has the perfect facilities to offer you the above training stages for your dog. In fact we also offer: 4. Breed Assessment and Breed Suitability Tests (only at RWBA shows) 5. International Tracking Trials (ITT) 6. Advice on Breeding and Raising Puppies 7. IPO and Working Trials Training Our Training Venue is safe and secure and is situated at Midrand Graduate Institute, Alsatian Road, in Midrand. Join us on Sundays at 9:00. Meet our trainers, fellow dog owners and of course our great dogs. You will also be able to see what we do, and how much fun you can have with your best friend. Bring your family for a visit too-your children will love it.

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GARDEN ROUTE | GUIDE

WHAT’S ON GARDEN ROUTE ONGEKLOOFLIK 13 September

’S OR E T I ED OIC CH

Trail run The Baviaanskloof Trail Run is a 40km single-day trail run held in the wilderness area of the Baviaanskloof Nature Reserve. The route, entirely on track and rough trail, takes runners over some of southern Africa’s most inhospitable and rugged terrain, through area inhabited by two of Africa’s most feared game, the black rhino and the Cape buffalo. For more info and to register, go to www.baviaansrun.za.net.

Please note: If you meet a buffalo along the way, say, ‘Buffalo!’

Then say, ‘Buffgoodbye!’ and get the hell out of there.

NORTHERN LIGHTS 27-29 September

Art festival The annual Northern Arts Festival is on at Port Elizabeth’s Van Der Kemp’s Kloof in Bethelsdorp. Bridging the gap between community development and the arts, the festival gives exposure to the wealth of local talent, and features successful acts and personalities from the area. For more info, check out www.northernarts.co.za.

Please note: What do you get if you cross a painter with a boxer? Muhammad Dali!

DON’T BE A SUCKER 25-27 September

Lifestyle festival The Port St Francis Calamari Classic Festival will feature a night market on Friday, including a calamari cookout, live music and entertainment, and on Saturday and Sunday there’s an open day with food stalls and more entertainment for adults and kids. There’s also plenty of sporting activities, including golf, bowls, swimming, surfski and mountainbiking. For more info, contact 042 294 0121 or 073 825 0835.

Please note: How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?

Ten tickles!

RALLY YOUR ALLIES 26-27 September

text: anthony sharpe; pictures: supplied

Motorcycle rally This year sees the third Camdeboo Rally, held once more in the picturesque town of GraaffReinet. The rally is well on its way to becoming the biggest V-Twin freedom rally in South Africa.

Expect music, drag and timed races, giveaways, and lots of tattoos. For more info, go to www. camdeboorally.co.za.

Please note: Bikes don’t leak oil; they mark their territory.

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HERALDING FUN 3-5 October

Lifestyle expo The Herald First Choice Kids & Baby Expo is on at the Moffett on Main Lifestyle Centre in Port Elizabeth. New attractions this year include a brand-new Computer Fun Area with 10 computer stations and two virtual racing cars, a Soccer Goal Practice Net, Muna Kids Bike World, as well as popular favourites such as Action Cricket, the exciting Stage Arena and the Creative Kids Zone. There are also great prizes to be won.

Tickets are R30 for adults and R25 for kids, available at the gate. For more info, go to www.harwoodevents.co.za.

Please note: It’s not just wisdom that comes from the mouths of babes. There’s cereal, too.

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GARDEN ROUTE | GUIDE

EAT GARDEN ROUTE Wandu @ ekasi

Mwanda Khondlo’s excellent eatery is run from his RDP-style township house.

Munch on toasty fire-baked roosterkoek breads and a range of isiXhosa traditional foods, such as umngqusho, isophu and lamb chops with chakalaka. Authentic eating at its best.

147 Mbethane Street, Khayelethu, Knysna, 082 294 9063

Nguni

With a name like Nguni, it should come as no surprise that the rib-eye steaks are meatily marvellous. But the menu is much more than just dead cow on a plate.

Expect succulent springbok and meaty bobotie spring rolls served with startlingly spicy blatjang. The malva pudding will make you so glad that cows also make cream (for the sauce – see recipe below).

6 Crescent Street, Plettenberg Bay, 044 533 6710

Malva pudding

Ingredients • 500g castor sugar • 500g milk • 120g apricot jam • 30g soft butter • 2 eggs • 500g flour • 10ml bicarbonate of soda • 15ml white vinegar • 15ml vanilla essence Sauce • 250ml cream • 100g butter • 125ml brown sugar • 60ml water Method • Cream the butter, sugar, jam and eggs together.

• Add the milk and vanilla essence.

• Sift the bicarbonate of soda and flour.

• Add milk and flour to the butter mixture alternately.

text: anna trapido, lize hartley; pictures: supplied

DRESS GARDEN ROUTE 1) For the days when you can’t actually get to the beach but still want the look, fake it with products and tools! Spray some Paul Mitchell Awapuhi Texturizing Sea Spray onto damp hair and tousle it with your fingers, for texture that creates a beachy look. R245, available on Everythinghair.co.za 2) Jewellery is an easy way to change up a look without having to invest in an entire new wardrobe. With Emma Anne’s fun daisy ring, you can add florals to your spring wardrobe without looking like you’re wearing

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• Add vinegar last.

• To make the sauce, boil everything together.

• Pour the filling into muffin trays to make small individual malvas.

• Bake the pudding at 180˚C for 20-25min.

• As soon as the pudding is ready, pour the sauce over.

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your granny’s couch. It’s handmade in sterling silver with a rose-cut blue chalcedony, so you’re investing in some quality local design. R575, available on Hellopretty.co.za 3) Even if we’re still a month or two away from wearing short shorts, it’s nice to dream. And what could be more perfect for summer than these cute denim cut-offs with floral-print detail?

We love the rose button, and you can be sure that denim will never go out of style! Chook Clothing, R200, available on HelloPretty.co.za

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GARDEN ROUTE | GUIDE

SLEEP GARDEN ROUTE BIRDS IN THE BUSH Gareth Pretorius gets used to a different sort of twitter at Fynbos Ridge.

pictures: supplied

FINE DINING AMONG the fynbos.

Feathered friends fluttering and twittering betwixt the ericas. Okay …

Robert Frost I am not. But I can’t help it; this is what Fynbos Ridge does to you.

This immaculate guesthouse and self-catering country lodge is tucked away off the N2 just outside Plettenberg Bay, and is one of the gems along the new Plett Birding Route. With Liz and Brian as your hosts, the pigs and dogs reminding you just who truly is in charge, and bird-song harmonies and the hum of open spaces softening every frazzled edge, this is a location that will get your creative juices flowing.

Thankfully, we humans don’t have the capacity to hear the quiet murmur of plants, for this barely restrained, spring-soaked, indigenous garden is a naturist’s delight, with hidden benches, tucked-away beehives and a soon-to-be-introduced programme of rare and endangered fynbos. The 6ha property was proclaimed as a fynbos nature reserve by the Western Cape Nature Conservation Board in 2001, and is now home to small buck, genets, porcupines, bushpigs, countless butterflies and, at last count, 86 species of birds.

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Although the main house was built only about 30 years ago, it was designed and meticulously built in the Cape Dutch style, with each of the rooms named after indigenous flowers. Brian runs the kitchen, and provides breakfasts and fine dining in season. However, he will supply meals on request down in the three self-catering cottages. Liz is one of those people who seem to accomplish as much as a small army of gnomes, and the energy she and Brian pour into the place is palpable.

‘We took it over about seven years ago; it was an already rehabilitated pine plantation, but we’ve done a lot since.

I took up art after I came here, so a lot of the pottery pieces in the garden are my rejects,’ she says.

Most of the walls are adorned with art works that either Liz or her mother painted. From Karoo scenes and leopards to pelargoniums and pin-cushion proteas, the décor is handchosen to accentuate the spaces.

Fish eagles, forest buzzards, puppies and pigs. Antiques, couture, succulents and figs… Oh, there I go again. But it’s hard not to feel inspired.

This is a place that not only attracts birders and artists, but also offers so much for those who relish exquisite quality and quiet escape. And after an evening spent sipping champagne around the swimming pool, I guarantee you, too, will be spouting sonnets to the sunbirds and haikus to the hoopoes as the sun sets languidly over the Outeniquas.

Plettenberg Bay, 044 533 0106, www.fynbosridge.co.za

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GUIDE | TOP TIPPLE

Crafty business Braai, boeries and beer … Ingrid Graham gets to the bottom of the keg.

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A couple of blondes complete the pack.

What a par-ty!!

Never judge a book – or, in this case, a tipple – by its tag. Despite the incongruous labels, they’re all pretty decent and rather gesellig around the fire. What are they?

Craft beers, made by local brewers that guarantee to keep the gees going long after the embers have died.

Eager to get acquainted with the scene, I moseyed off to the Beer House on Long Street. A toothy grin from George the navigator welcomed us on the balcony overlooking a buzzing Long Street. ‘This your first time?’ he grinned. ‘Don’t be nervous; the hex will help you along.’

‘A witch in the house?’ I gasped.

‘No no!’ he laughed. ‘The beer hex is a hexagonal tasting chart that helps you navigate the tasting.’ By the time we got through the 12 x 100ml tasting shots, I was more than edified. I could distinguish fruity, bitter, light, light and sweet, roasty, and complex and heavy, thanks to the hex and navigator.

the labels. They read: ‘Alcohol abuse is dangerous to your health – and wallet’ and ‘Enjoy responsibly – every time’.

Word’s out that Soweto Gold will soon be brewed by the women of the house – now that’s true African heritage!

Beer in banana-land The Shongweni Brewery is home to Robson’s Real Beer. Brian Stewart learned the art and science of commercial brewing from brewmaster Stuart Robson, although his own homebrew was the oasis for parched and weary travellers for many years. In twoand-a-half years, output has increased by 300% as the father-and-son team strive to quench local thirsts.

Personal tours and tastings ensure a memorable interactive experience. Pack a basket and enjoy your picnic on the riverbank, while sipping a Robsons to suit your taste – from light to robust – in the beautiful Shongweni Valley. Brian may even open his secret cellar.

Beer and heritage

Contact

Rumour has it there’s a gold rush up north – in Soweto. If your heritage celebration is at the historic sites in Vilakazi Street, why not make a pit stop at the uBuntu Kraal Brewery, home of Soweto Gold?

Complete the experience with a township grill at the Kasi Beer Garden and Cider Shack after the tour and tasting.

Inspired by kulula’s emergency announcements, Ndumiso Madlala, chief beer officer, took a lighthearted spin on

Beer House 223 Long St, Cape Town, 021 424 3370; Cnr Sunset Ave & Witkoppen Rd, Fourways, www.beerhouse.co.za Soweto Gold uBuntu Kraal Brewery 111846 Senokoanyana St, Orlando West Ext, 079 890 8321, www.sowetogold.co.za Shongweni Brewery 082 497 6462, www.shongwenibrewery.co.za Check out craftbru.co.za to find a beer fest near you.

pictures: supplied

GUESS WHO’S COMING to braai?

First on the list is that naked Mexican I spied today. Lumber jack, bone crusher, van hunks and the whistling weasel throwing copper at the dead pony from the black mist with loaded cannon will also attend. Accompanying the beast of the deep is a hardcore jolly nun with sweetlips dragging the dead guy with fake silver back and white tail.

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GUIDE | WATCH

Watch this…

IF I STAY

BEGIN AGAIN

HARD TO GET

INTO THE STORM

BEGIN AGAIN

IF I STAY

This local action-romance flick tells the story of TK (Pallance Dladla), a handsome young womaniser from a small community who falls for a sexy, reckless young thief named Skiets (Thishiwe Ziqubu). Thrust into Jo’burg’s criminal underworld, TK realises that his best bet for love – and survival – is to trust her and hang on for the ride.

It’s a classic kind tale told with slick production through a distinctly local lens – not original, but encouraging nevertheless.

Anticipatometer: ■ ■ ■ ■

Possibly hoping to capitalise on the success of sleeper hit Sharknado, this found-footage flick has a bit more budget to play with (US$48-million), meaning all manner of wanton onscreen destruction. In the span of a single day, the town of Silverton is ravaged by an unprecedented onslaught of tornadoes. Most seek shelter, while others run towards the vortex, testing how far a storm chaser will go for that oncein-a-lifetime shot. Park your brain at the door and marvel at the mayhem.

Anticipatometer: ■ ■ ■

Gretta (Keira Knightley) and her long-time boyfriend Dave (Adam Levine) are college sweethearts and songwriting partners who move to New York when he lands a deal with a major label. He gets famous and leaves her. Dan (Mark Ruffalo), a disgraced record-label exec, stumbles upon her performing and is captivated by her raw talent. Together, they find themselves through music.

Feel-good drama; you know the drill. The twist is that this one is actually rather good…

Anticipatometer: ■ ■ ■ ■

If I Stay is a bona fide youngadult tearjerker of the sort that seems to make lots of money these days. When an accident claims the lives of her parents and her brother, Mia (Chloë Grace Moretz) is left in a coma in hospital.

Caught in limbo between life and death for one day, she flashes back into her past, and has an out-of-body experience as she watches friends and family gather at the hospital.

She must decide whether to let go and die … or live. Take a large box of tissues.

Anticipatometer: ■ ■ ■

Release date: 29 August

Release date: 5 September

Release date: 12 September

Release date: 29 August

text: anthony sharpe; pictures: supplied

HARD TO GET

INTO THE STORM

This month is all about crime capers, storm chasers, music makers and tear jerkers.

Giveaways

We’ve got five blustering Into the Storm hampers (survival whistle; rain poncho; survival tool; emergency blanket; pet tornado, canvas cap; T-shirt; and LED lantern, flashlight and radio) and five heartrending If I Stay hampers (bookmark; ladies’ hoodie; chalkboard photo frame; water bottle; backpack) to give away! To enter, go to www.khulumaonline.co.za and click on the Competitions tab. Competitions are open to all South African residents, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Nu Metro/Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/Comair Limited, and close 30 September.

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LISTEN | GUIDE

Local light Claire Martens sings to the soul of South Africa.

Dan Patlansky

pictures: supplied

Dear Silence Thieves Independent Dear Silence Thieves is the seventh album from South Africa’s most charismatic bluesman, Dan Patlansky, and has to be his most original yet.

A mixed bag of traditional blues and straight-up modern rock, the album speaks strongly of Patlansky’s progression from an earlier focus on the blues antecedents to a musician finding his feet in childhood favourites.

In a sense, he has come full circle.

Backed by his strongest band yet, and taking his cues from muchadmired producer, Theo Crous, it contains some of the best songwriting I have heard from a local band in a while. Quite frankly, Dear Silence Thieves rocks – from the guitar tones to the vocal effects.

Having said that, I don’t think Dan Patlansky has quite reached the potential of the new direction. It feels right, but the execution doesn’t feel quite real. Perhaps a little too commercial and a little too sure. I miss the grit of his earlier work.

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Mr Cat & the Jackal S3T Independent Cape Town’s boldest theatrical musicians are back with their third studio album, and it makes a swift dive to the right. A more studied and conservative album musically, it nevertheless still takes on the bigger themes of religion and politics (and love) with their usual cynical flair.

They are thespians in a theatre of your imagination, but rooted in the drama of reality.

To say that the members of MC&J are talented is an understatement.

To say that their music is unique is just digging a deeper hole. They are exceptional, wondrous, dramatic and audacious. But I cannot love this album. It’s a little too feverish, with not enough fantasy.

I miss the fun and games of their earlier albums, although I will concede that S3T is probably the direction they should be moving in. By exchanging the exuberance for a crisper composition, the music is as tight as it’s ever going to get.

Qadasi (David Jenkins) Uhambo Olusha Sande Entertainment I surprised myself by enjoying Uhambo Olusha more than I thought possible.

This can be attributed to the spirit and joy of a young maskandi artist who has not let his age or his looks define him.

Qadasi has allowed his path to follow the music, and it has led him from the foothills of Zululand to a place where he has gained the credibility to share the stage with other legendary traditional artists, including his hero, Johnny Clegg.

The second album from this rising star contains some wonderful songs.

Through a clear and crisp voice, he has brought out the universality and passion of maskandi. Although considered a traditional form of music, it becomes authentic through his guitar.

Whether bathing his music in the light of celebration, or tempering the focus to tell stories about being a young South African, Qadasi has grasped the richness of the music, and his voice is an exceptional gift.

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Accidentally

spectacular pictures: supplied

Psychedelic rock outfit MGMT is coming to South Africa to weird us out.

Keith Bain raises some issues with management.

WHEN MGMT EARNED international recognition and a pair of Grammy nominations for their debut album, few people could have been more surprised than band members Andrew VanWyngarden and Ben Goldwasser.

They claim their earliest recorded songs were attempts to lampoon commercial pop. There’s evidence of their deception in their lyrics, but their inclination towards a fresher, more experimental musicality was all over their dreamy, psychedelic tracks.

Non-commercial tendencies became

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startlingly evident with the release of their second album, frightening their record label and confusing fans who’d perhaps misunderstood where the band was coming from. Ben has stated that MGMT, which has organically evolved into a sixman band, hates being associated with ‘electronic indie pop’, making the point that they’re not much interested in labels.

In anticipation of the band’s performances in South Africa next month, Andrew spoke to us about MGMT’s roots, being genetically wired to make music,

and the loophole that enabled them to bring their experimental tendencies into mainstream consciousness.

My first memory of an electric guitar was my dad taking me into the basement, plugging his guitar into a huge Fender Twin Reverb amp and playing The Who’s ‘Pinball Wizard’. My dad played in rock bands until he was 30; he taught me my first chords. My great aunt was a singer with the Metropolitan Opera. My grandfather was a big-band jazz trumpeter.

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LISTEN | GUIDE

We went from utter obscurity to playing David Letterman within a month, and then we played Coachella

I was born in Memphis. I always say Memphis, although I grew up in Pittsburgh, and went to college in Connecticut. That’s where Ben and I met. We were both studying music and lived in the same dorm. We formed our band, then called The Management, in our freshman year.

Our first gig was a college party, where we played the Ghostbusters theme song over and over. That was our thing: doing weird, freaky performances. We didn’t have any songs. We were all about irony, sarcastically lampooning mainstream pop.

We wanted to have fun. I don’t think we had a message. We weren’t really ambitious in the traditional band sense.

We wanted to create a kind of poppy sound, something fun and not too serious.

Being signed by Columbia Records was a bit startling. We told them not to sign us. The EP that got their attention was really a satire of mainstream music, but no one told the big decision-makers that we’d been joking around. They didn’t realise that we had no intention of writing that kind of music again. Our first album,

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Oracular Spectacular, included some of those songs we’d made as students.

Our sound is influenced by classic psychedelic rock. Our parents raised us on albums that came out of the ’60s and ’70s. Things like Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead and The Incredible String Band [a Scottish psychedelic folk band]. At college my eyes were opened to electronic music – Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Life on Mars – which is also a big influence. Plus, at college we took classes in ‘experimental composition’.

The words ‘rock star’ remind me of that movie with Mark Wahlberg and Jennifer Aniston. It’s a great movie, but we’re not interested in being that kind of rock star.

If we’re talking about how your cousin or aunt might call you a ‘rock star’, then maybe yes, we’re those sorts of rock stars.

We get grossed out pretty quickly by self-worship and hype, and the whole world of packaging yourself and doing whatever it takes to get as many internet views as possible or rack up Twitter followers. That’s never been why we

make music. We err towards keeping a low profile, I guess.

Success took us off-guard. We went from utter obscurity to playing David Letterman within a month, and then we played Coachella. You learn quickly when you’re thrown in the deep end. I think it was a challenge for us to make sense of the idea that we were truly making it as a band, to understand what that represented to us.

Over the course of making three albums, we’ve maybe figured out how to take the band seriously.

On stage, we’ve always been slightly awkward and that’s genuinely us – the real us – on stage. We’ve never been really big ‘showmen’. On stage we don’t adopt roles or characters or personas.

It’s just us doing things that we love, no matter what deranged impression our music videos create.

Our collaboration with Jay-Z will probably never be heard. I don’t think he liked it at all. It’s probably not cool the way we thought it was cool. It was kind of nerdy, like evil Phantom of the Opera rap.

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LISTEN | GUIDE

We make music the way you build a treehouse when you’re a kid.

You just nail pieces of wood together

I started surfing while we were recording our second album, Congratulations. I’d been dreaming about surfing for a long time before that. There’s a 12-minute song on the album – ‘Siberian Breaks’ – all about surfing in the Arctic Circle.

The important thing in life is to focus on the present moment as much as possible.

I’ve always been anxious and worried about what might happen, and I’ve tended to weigh up all the possible outcomes and all the scenarios. And I think now that’s a bit of a waste of energy. I’ve learnt that it’s better just to be positive about what may come, while staying focused on the now, the present, what’s happening.

We make music the way you build a treehouse when you’re a kid. You go ahead and just nail pieces of wood together. It’s probably not the most stable or safest way to do it, but it looks cool, it’s fun to play in, and has a unique touch.

I believe there’s a little magical thing that happens to us as artists. It struck me especially while we were working on the last album, MGMT. We improvised a

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lot, and there seemed to be some kind of alchemy, inexplicable moments where we had this sense of the ideas coming from somewhere else. I believe there’s more to it than just hard work. There’s something that comes from a more ethereal place.

The bands I look up to all tend to have some kind of magic to them. And I hope there’s some of that magic in what we do.

Our wildest festival experience was probably playing to about 200 000 people at the US Open of Surfing at Huntington Beach, Surf City. It was jam-packed, there was fighting in the crowd, and the energy was incredibly intense. James, the guitar player, suddenly told people to throw their left shoes onto stage, so we had hundreds and hundreds of shoes being thrown at us. That was pretty crazy.

Our first trip to SA is happening at a good point in our development. We’ve found our niche and our rhythm. We’ll be playing music from all three albums; the last album is quite a bit more upbeat than the second, so it’s a solid show, very balanced.

We’ve heard SA’s really beautiful and we’re

really excited to perform there. I hope audiences will be stoked to see us play.

Oracular Spectacular, MGMT’s debut album, earned them a Best New Artist Grammy nomination in 2008. This month they perform at Vodacom in the City, Newtown (3 October, inthecityjhb.co.za), and are the international headline act at Rocking the Daisies, Darling (2-5 October, rockingthedaisies.com).

Giveaway

One lucky reader can win either a full weekend pass to Rocking the Daisies, or a pair of tickets to Vodacom in the City, courtesy of Seed Experiences! To enter, go to www.khulumaonline.co.za and hit the Competitions tab. Competition is open to all South African residents over 18, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/ kulula.com/Comair Limited, and closes on 25 September 2014.

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GAMES | GUIDE

Digital daydreams Twiddle your thumbs with Sims, superheroes and sport.

The Sims 4

text and pictures: supplied by BT Games

The Sims is back! And statistics show that almost everyone on the planet loves The Sims, so you should be all sorts of excited. The fourth entry in this series of life-simulation games is removing pools and toddler Sims from the equation, but is improving in nearly every other way.

Build mode is being greatly enhanced, allowing you much greater control over designing the perfect house for your Sims, and promising streamlined ways of editing your homes by allowing you to place predesigned rooms and even move your entire house and individual rooms to another location with ease.

Create-a-Sim is also being updated with fancy new features, allowing you even greater customisation over the appearance of your Sims and their unique personality traits. Sims will now experience different emotional states that’ll change the way they act and alter the way they interact with the world around them – angry Sims will be more effective when working out at the gym, for example. Sims can now also do multiple tasks simultaneously. Basically, the whole experience is being made better and crammed full of greater variety.

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Disney Infinity: Marvel Super Heroes This is Disney Infinity 2.0. You have to say it ‘two-point-oh’ to really get the full effect. That means new everything – a relaunch of the toy/game hybrid from Disney that aimed to take on Activision’s dominant Skylanders series. But don’t fret; all the money you’ve spent on buying the 1.0 characters, Power Discs and Toy Boxes ‘for your kids’ is still good, and will all work with the 2.0 system.

This sequel focuses on Disney’s superhero division, including Agents of SHIELD and The Avengers (Iron Man, Hulk, Black Widow and that lot). One of the writers from Marvel, Brian Michael, is also on board, and he’s put his talents to use helping the development team create a version of Manhattan that’s four times the size of The Incredibles play set. Expect more of everything in this comic-inspired videogame crossover experience.

Pre-order from BT Games to get a free character for use in Disney Infinity: Marvel Super Heroes.

Be a sport All right, sports fans, it’s time to set aside your rugby, soccer (or ‘football’ – but let’s not go there right now) and cricket for a moment and embrace a couple of typically American sports in the form of EA’s NHL 15 and Madden NFL 15.

NHL 15 (that’s ice hockey, for the uninitiated) is set to push the game

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further than it’s ever gone, with realtime physics running the show. Players collide with near-perfect realism, and pucks spin, roll and bounce, meaning you can now feel every moment of pain alongside your digital avatars.

Madden NFL 15 takes to the AstroTurf with improvements made across the board. The new defence system features intuitive tackling mechanics and redesigned zone coverage, pass accuracy is more realistic, and Player Sense 2.0 delivers realistic player behaviours.

It’s all here to deliver the most gritty, realistic and strategic Americanfootball game to date.

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TECH | GUIDE

Talking tech The latest gizmos and tech developments, brought to you by Steven Norris of Gearburn.com.

Function: fitness Spring means that everyone, all of a sudden, gets their butt into gear. As the temperature shifts from freezing to freeing, humans crawl out of their cosy TV nests and start running, cross-fitting, kettle-balling and whatever else makes them happy. But thanks to technology, you don’t even have to think too hard about getting healthy and fit anymore. You can just plonk a gadget on your wrist and

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pictures: thinkstock, supplied

Nike+ Fuelband SE

UP

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have it tell you how to be beach-ready, whatever that is. These are three of the best fitness wearables currently on sale: Fitbit is one of the cheapest fitness gadget options, and can be worn on the wrist or as a little clip-on for the waist. Its main selling point is the price, as the Fitbit Flex, One and Zip are insanely cheap (for what they do). Fitbit manages your healthy lifestyle, sweetly nudging you in the right direction if you ever go off track.

Nike+ Fuelband SE was one of the first fitness gadgets on the market, and it shows. With a chunky appearance and a lot of sass, the Fuelband practically ruled the fitness kingdom. There are many more options available now, though, but for an extremely comprehensive trainer (which specialises in running), it’s hard to beat the Fuelband.

Jawbone UP is an extremely attractive fitness band you’ll never want to pull off your wrist. But when you do, you’ll see that it works smarter than it looks. By downloading the Android or iOS app, you’ll discover that the UP tracks almost everything you do, from walking to sleeping. Over time, the UP will build a pretty comprehensive history of your life. Scary, but true.

You’re never too old to groove Spring ain’t just a season; it’s a feeling, it’s an action, it’s a renewal of self. No-one knows that better than 77-year old DJ Wirginia Szmyt, or, as her fans call her, DJ Wika. Szmyt is the oldest known DJ in the world and, in her own words, she ‘injects people with happiness’.

Hailing from Warsaw, Poland, Szmyt is hardly your average pensioner. Twice a week, she hauls out her laptop to play salsa, disco and rumba at the Bolek Club.

During the week, she’ll pop into Warsaw and visit the music store, where she relaxes with new tunes and decides on a set for the week. Apparently, Szmyt is known for drawing the crowds as, thankfully, she’s a really great DJ. Her method is a simple one and says that anyone can be a great DJ; they just need an ear and good taste.

Ultimately, Szmyt believes she is a link between the younger and older generations and, often, she’ll party with the crowds, as she says you have to be fit and able to dance with your fans. For Szmyt, it’s all about making a connection with the audience and building an atmosphere. I know it’s a hoary old saying, but Szmyt literally proves that it’s never too late to accomplish your dreams.

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TECH | GUIDE

Charge at large You know what makes me mad about flying? The exact same thing that irritates nearly every one of us. No, it’s not the person next to you stealing your armrest, but the fact that when we get off the plane, our phone batteries have died from excessive gaming, reading, or whatever it is phones do when they’re offline.

That’s why you need a powerbank – a portable battery charger for smartphones. You plug it into a computer, charge it up and carry it with you when your phone needs an emergency boost.

There are loads on the market, but the one I use is the PowerCard from Monster (not the energy drink); it has a 1650mAh charge, which is enough to power any phone to almost full. It’s all about the convenience. It’s cheap, incredibly useful and comes highly recommended.

Buckshot Bluetooth speaker Not your average Bluetooth speaker, the Buckshot is an outdoor thumper fit with microphone and mounting system for handlebars, which means the next downhill mountain-biking trip needn’t be a silent one. It’s also waterproof, which allows it to face beaches, pools and springtime torrential downpours on the Highveld like a pro. Available in five different colours, the Buckshot will also bring a little colour and sound to that never-ending hiking trail.

Panasonic Lumix DMC-FT5 Often one needs technology that brings peace of mind, should something horrible happen. Have you ever dropped a camera in the pool? Exactly. Panasonic’s snapper is shock, water and toddler-resistant, and allows holidays without headaches. The 4.6x optical zoom and a large 16.1MP sensor takes crisp images of spring flowers, while the built-in WiFi can ensure the files are sent back home in one piece without fuss.

For more insightful gadget and gaming news, check out gearburn.com.

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Gizmos for the great outdoors

AirDog The GoPro is a nifty and ultra-durable camera, but it can’t fly. Attach it to the AirDog, however, and this all changes.

The AirDog drone is specifically designed to carry an extreme camera, allowing the user to capture aerial footage of their spring adventure. With a battery life of around 20 minutes and a range of over 300m, the AirDog – like its namesake – is an explorer’s best friend.

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Panasonic Lumix DMC-FT5

BioLite CampStove Traditional gas stoves are clunky, dangerous, and ruin the planet by burning fossil fuels and littering landfills.

The BioLite, on the other hand, is a nifty thermoelectric stove powered by nothing but twigs and leaves. As the canister heats, a fan is powered by the thermoelectric energy produced. Surplus power is also spat out into a USB port, letting users charge a phone while cooking a gourmet outdoor meal.

BioLite CampStove

With the days warmer and longer, there’s more time to get outdoors and enjoy the beauty and adventure our country offers.

Although nature boasts a distinct lack of technology, that doesn’t mean technology can’t play a role in our enjoyment of it.

Check out four gizmos that will take your adventure to the next level.

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GUIDE | TECH

#heritageday Last year, South Africans mentioned #braaiday more than 60 000 times on Twitter on Heritage Day! This year, we thought we’d connect you with some quintessentially South African Tweeters. @Kmoeti

@TannieEvita Evita Bezuidenhout is, of course, South Africa’s darling tannie.

@ElanaAfrika TV and radio presenter, winemaker, businesswoman and celeb golfer.

Mother, political orphan, blogger, activator and driver of social change.

@LewisPugh Ocean advocate, swimmer and UN Patron of the Oceans.

@TomEatonSA

@KhayaDlanga Author of In My Arrogant Opinion.

He says if you don’t like his views, he has others.

@ZeldalaGrangeSA Presidential aide to Nelson Mandela and author of Good Morning, Mr Mandela.

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@ThandiswaMazwai Award-winning singer using music to explore our South African heritage.

@BarryBateman Our go-to guy for news on the #OscarTrial.

@janbraai The oke behind #nationalbraaiday.

picture: thinkstock

Columnist, screenwriter and bastion of satire in South Africa.

(Ed: I still miss Hayibo.com.)

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Gareth d n a r e Casp ored, s n e c n u on being nradio’ u ‘ n o d n da unhinge el talk o J d n a Casper angelo l e h c i M , Monet e a the Be y a M d n a

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Join the...

CHAT

Casper de Vries puts the ‘action’ in Spring into Action.

2014/08/25 1:28 PM

Cliffhanger Casper de Vries recently launched his radio career on Gareth Cliff’s new radio station. Now Casper turns the interviewing screws on his new boss.

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RADIO | CHAT

Casper de Vries: So, I’m here with Gareth Cliff at CliffCentral’s offices.

How did it come to pass that we are sitting here?

Gareth Cliff: It came to pass that we were wandering in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. [Laughs] CdV: Forty years, you mean?

GC: Now, two things – it was very easy.

Number one is that I wanted to offer the audience something new, because radio is boring and I think there is too much in the media that is controlled and regulated and stifling.

So, number one was to create an opportunity for people that was a new listening and content experience. The other is that I needed a challenge. I’d been in radio for 16 years – campus radio, talk radio, music radio – and I felt we needed to take things up a level on my own career path.

CdV: Your phases: you were at Tuks; then you were at 702 and Radio 5?

GC: Tuks was three years; two-and-ahalf, then I got fired.

CdV: [Laughs] Why were you fired?

GC: I was fired because we did a bunch of really outrageous stuff. I was 19, 20, so we had a size competition between black and white men – let’s just say a stripper was involved – and we did the whole thing on air. I also had my mother’s domestic worker doing the weather for a few days.

CdV: [Laughs] GC: Her name was Lisbet and she had a drinking problem. We’d call Lisbet at my mother’s house and I would go, ‘Lisbet, how’s the weather going to be today?’

And she would shout at me and swear into the phone. Then I would say, ‘I’m sorry, she has a foul mouth,’ and I would get away with it.

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CdV: Ag, that is clever, but that would be before its time, I think.

GC: But it’s not different from the stuff that you were doing on TV. CdV: Ja, but I got into trouble. But there’s such a big difference between being common and being controversial, isn’t there?

GC: [Laughs] CdV: Because you get such a lot of common rubbish out there that you go, please, you’re just doing this for effect! But this … size competition and the maid’s weather is something I really like.

GC: But they fired me; they didn’t really think it was funny.

CdV: So you were fired and then you decided you were going to leave your studies?

GC: I studied law for three-and-a-half years, decided it was not for me, so I didn’t finish. Then I did international politics and history, which was also stupid. Then I kind of went to see John Berks at 702 and he said, ‘You need to be on radio,’ so he introduced me to Rina, who was not on radio at the time; she was consulting at an ad agency. She said she couldn’t do anything for me then, but one day...

CdV: I just want to interject to say that Rina Bloomberg is now heavily part of CliffCentral.

GC: Yes, she’s my business partner now and we’ve been working together for just over 14 years.

CdV: She controls you…

GC: [Laughs] CdV: …no, but she is very calm. You are like this wild child, and when she says, ‘No, Gareth,’ do you listen to her?

GC: I have to. You know, with creative people and people who burn on high

energy, who like to be very driven and communicative, you need someone in the background who can keep control of all the basics, otherwise you spin out, and she is kind of the brake-pedal on my accelerator.

CdV: Okay, sounds like a country song.

GC: [Sings] Yeah, she’s the brake on the accelerator pedal.

CdV: Your accents are really good.

I want to tell you that, and I really want to ask you, on record, will you be part of some of my sketches?

GC: I’d love to! My problem is writing skills; I can’t write. You give me scripts and I’ll do it for you, no problem.

CdV: Fantastic. Why did you leave 702 for 5FM? GC: Well, it was a numbers thing. It was five times the audience that 702 had.

It was people my own age, so I wasn’t talking to my parents’ generation. And the third thing was money, because they offered me much more money for much less work, because it was a music station, so you played songs and only talked a little bit – maybe 10 minutes in an hour. So it was easy, and that was where I was at that stage of my life.

CdV: You’re absolutely right: you go through certain stages of your own style and your life. Then, I suppose, you got bored of that and needed some more time to talk and have fun.

GC: I didn’t feel that they were moving in a direction that was particularly inspiring to me. It was more of the same and you need to change things now and again.

Plus, I’m 36 years old, I’m at the age that if I don’t do something for myself now, I’m going to end up working for someone else for the rest of my life – which is not a bad thing, but I don’t want to work for the SABC for the rest of my life. Or I’ll

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RADIO | CHAT

end up like most broadcasters – giving up on it, which I never wanted to do, because I love, love, love radio. So if I can’t do it on my own terms, it’s gonna be rubbish, and if I can’t do it at all, it’s gonna be rubbish, so I had to build something new.

CdV: So now you’re back to speaking to the younger generation, some even more with-it than your 5FM listeners, perhaps.

GC: Oh, I think this audience that we have here – you would have noticed from the people you’re interacting with – these are people in their younger 20s, even younger than that sometimes.

There are older people too. Radio shouldn’t discriminate; if you’re good, everyone should be able to listen. So I don’t choose the target market, but I do feel that tech-savvy, young, smart, connected people who have influence, people who have money, people who know what the next thing is – these are the people who are listening to us and I couldn’t think of a more exciting audience than that.

CdV: This ‘unradio’ term you coined, which is a very clever term, is actually gaining momentum, because unradio basically means no convention.

Your audience go out

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and they look for this station; they don’t happen upon us while they’re channelsurfing, and that is why the podcasts are so clever.

GC: Your podcast downloads are tremendous.

CdV: Ja, thank you, but it’s clever because now, if people miss a show, they say, ‘Don’t worry; I’ll quickly get a podcast.’

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2014/08/25 10:54 AM

RADIO | CHAT

GC: It’s like PVR on TV. When do you ever sit in front of the TV to wait for your show? You PVR the entire season if you want, or these days you can get them on demand. If you’re driving home at 3pm and you want to hear Arye, he’s live, but if you want to hear Casper from the day or the week before, you can listen to him.

CdV: And that’s what’s happening with all of the shows, because we do get feedback. What kind of shows do you have on CliffCentral? What is the variety? Why are you so proud?

Because I know that you just wanted yourself on this.

Now I did one of the very last interviews with you on 5FM, and all of a sudden Gareth Cliff will have an announcement, and I followed, and it looked like you were starting your own radio station, and I contacted you and said, ‘That’s a dream I’ve always had and no one gave me a chance.’

And you said, ‘Well, you’re on my list.’ I thoroughly love this.

GC: Well, you’re the only other person who has a show longer than an hour.

CdV: It can actually now be four, please. [Laughs] GC: It could easily. We’ve got everything from sport shows to news shows, to pet shows, to sex shows, to gossip shows, to leadership shows, to lunatic shows like yours, which is comedy and it’s real talk.

You interview some amazing people and you get the really controversial topics without any fear or favour.

And we’ve got real celebrities: you, Penny Lebyane, Tony Ndoro, Trevor Gumbi’s here. It’s just insane: you and Trevor would never get onto radio, because the two of you are so wild that there should really be an age restriction on everything.

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It is really entertaining, but it’s adult; we’re not patronising our audience CdV: There should, but when you listen to it, it is actually entertaining.

GC: It is really entertaining, but it’s adult; we’re not patronising our audience, saying, ‘Don’t say that swearword!’

CdV: ‘Because someone will be upset.’

GC: ‘Ja, I mean how could we possibly expect you to think for yourself?’ We don’t do that here.

CdV: How do people listen to CliffCentral?

GC: Well, there are two ways to listen to CliffCentral.com. The easiest way is on your phone, tablet, laptop, whatever device you use; go straight to www.cliffcentral.com. It will start playing as soon as you log on.

Going on WeChat is quite cool too, if you want to try that. On WeChat we have an official account – type in CliffCentral, then you get all of our updates every day and it’s as easy as going onto the app, into the CliffCentral official account and pressing listen, and then you get to listen nice and cheaply. It will cost you as little as 25c to R1.50 an hour, depending on what contract you’re on. But even at R1.50 an hour, listening to two hours of Casper De Vries is R3.

CdV: [Laughs] GC: Considering the quality of the entertainment, we should be charging at least 500 times that.

CdV: Ag, go on. Now do you want to clarify this whole Comedy Central thing for folks?

GC: In retrospect, going on Comedy Central confused things. When we went off Comedy Central, a lot of people thought that was the end of our business.

Our business was never to be on TV; the TV show was an add-on, and what it did, in retrospect, was fragment the audience.

I want people listening to us 24 hours a day and we have programming now all day. If I could do it all over again, I would never have gone on TV. CdV: Okay.

GC: I did it because I thought that it would be fun to have people see what we get up to in the studio, and it would allow people to see that it wasn’t some Micky Mouse business run from a laptop and garage. The TV show was not even half of my radio show, let alone the whole 12 hours of the day. It was like a tiny cog in an enormous machine.

CdV: Well, it’s a pleasure to be a part of that machine. Thanks for the chat, Gareth.

GC: Cheers, Casper.

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Brush okes Joel Tshepo Sebothoma didn’t pick up a paintbrush until he was 21. Now he’s making a name for himself in the art world. Casper de Vries tests his palette.

Casper de Vries: So, Joel, I want to know where you come from. How were you raised and what got you interested in art?

Joel Tshepo Sebothoma: I was born in Ga-Rankuwa, but I grew up in Soshanguve. That’s where I live now.

I was raised by a single parent.

CdV: Your mother?

JTS: Yes, by a single mother. I have two brothers as well; I am the second-born.

I’ve loved art since I was young.

I was encouraged by my uncle. He loved

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to draw cartoons, like Maya the Bee. Remember Maya the Bee? CdV: Yes, I remember Maya!

JTS: He introduced me to that and saw that I had talent. From the age of two or three, I loved to take a colour pencil and sketch. I developed a passion for it.

CdV: So when he saw you drawing, he said it was good?

JTS: Yes, and he encouraged me.

I started to show my talent at school, because my teachers encouraged me to draw.

CdV: How did you nourish that then?

JTS: I went to the library and researched older painters like Da Vinci and Michelangelo.

CdV: And did you find it beautiful?

JTS: I did, and I told myself that if they could do that, then I could as well.

CdV: Yes, because, after all, they were only human beings.

JTS: Yes! [Laughs] CdV: Okay, so how did you rehearse or practise that? Did you try to copy them?

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ART | CHAT

pictures: supplied, joel tshepo sebothoma

In my teenage years I used only pencil, colour pencil, charcoal and ball-point pens JTS: I was trying to copy them, but I failed many times; I wanted to capture their style, but I didn’t know what paint was at that time. I tried to achieve that with colour pencils.

CdV: Ah. That’s good, but quite a difficult exercise.

JTS: Yeah, I didn’t know anything about paint or brushes.

CdV: So how did you get to know that?

JTS: I was introduced to painting later, when I was 21.

CdV: Only then?

JTS: Yes. In my teenage years I was using only pencil, colour pencil, charcoal and ball-point pens.

CdV: Wow. JTS: I didn’t know about the galleries at that time, the museums … I went to the libraries to learn about the old masters and the paintings, and about art itself.

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CdV: If I were to ask you whom you admire as painters – the masters – whom would you say?

JTS: Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, and recently Salvador Dalí.

CdV: Interesting, surrealism…

JTS: Yeah, I love surrealism – and [Claude] Monet; I love his work so much.

CdV: The water lilies and that.

JTS: Yes, impressionism.

CdV: Monet had this garden – I haven’t been there yet – but apparently it’s in France, and you can walk through and see everything that inspired him to paint.

JTS: That’s so beautiful.

CdV: Because he planted those plants and trees to paint them.

JTS: Landscape painters as well – Gainsborough, Constable. They inspired me to paint landscapes.

CdV: I saw your paintings and I was impressed by the … slice of life. I don’t

know whether that was a phase or what, but it was just like a slice of life: people sitting around, people walking in the street, people sitting in a veld, just like a normal snap of life. Do you do that a lot?

JTS: I do, because I love to paint what I see. Because every moment that is happening, it will never repeat itself.

Every moment is unique, like when I’m sitting with you here; it’s a unique moment and it will never repeat itself.

CdV: It’s a moment frozen in time, which you then capture in your imagination.

JTS: For me, a moment is a beautiful thing to capture.

CdV: What would you say is your style?

JTS: Most recently I’m into realism, because I like to capture expressions – especially the portraits. I like to capture the expression of the face; that’s what

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CHAT | ART

In the township they don’t see art as a way to survive in the community, so I want to change that

talks to me. The emotions from the work – that’s what captures me, so I like to project that. If the person is sad, or happy, or calm, I want to capture that. I like to connect that with the view.

CdV: Also, your close-ups of people.

It’s not a portrait, but it is like people in the street … you can see the movement in your head when you look at it. You can see what happened before and what’s going to happen afterwards. You capture that so beautifully. Do you do that by memory or do you sit there, or how do you do that?

JTS: I go to the environment and sketch a lot of movements; then I take pictures for reference. Sometimes I like to see the fashion … what people are wearing that particular year. So I like to capture that moment; then I write a date and record that at a particular time, the fashion was like this. In five years’ time, things have changed – the colour of the clothes, the designs.

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CdV: How did you then become a student of art?

JTS: I went to a local artist called Eric Lubisi, in 2001. He’s the one who introduced me to painting.

CdV: So he became your mentor.

JTS: Yes, he became my mentor.

We’re still good friends.

CdV: Locally, who else do you like?

JTS: Diane Victor inspires me a lot, and Carl Jeppe as well. I like the way he keeps his surrealism in his drawings.

Even Annette Pretorius … she’s the one who really got me out of my comfort zone. I took classes with her.

CdV: What would you like to achieve?

JTS: I would like to have an art school in the township. A lot of children don’t know about art and how valuable it is, and how you can have a career out of it, so I’d like to have a school for children, just to nourish their talent if they have talent, and they can have careers when they grow up. We can make a living from

our art; in the township we are taught that when you grow up, you have to have a career and go to work, but they don’t see art as a way to survive in the community, so I want to change that.

CdV: If your life depended on it, which one of your paintings would you take with you?

JTS: The collaboration I did with you.

CdV: No man!

JTS: [Laughs] CdV: That was fantastic – I loved that painting as well. But one of your own?

JTS: My self-portrait.

CdV: Okay.

JTS: It was a challenge for me, because it drew different emotions from me that I tried to capture. Even the colour of it; it took me a while to get the result that I wanted.

CdV: What’s your studio setup?

JTS: I have a routine from when I wake up at 5 o’clock in the morning. I arrange everything that I’m going to work on through the day. I start at 9 o’clock, and then I take a break from 12 until one, and from one to five I do my work.

CdV: So that’s where you stay?

JTS: Yes, where I stay. I built a studio at home.

CdV: And you’re going to stick with this, yes?

JTS: Yes. For me, art is life. It’s part of me. It’s something I cannot separate myself from. That’s why I have tenacity.

I’ve been discouraged over the years.

People said, ‘You have to go and find a job, do this and do that,’ but I stuck with what I wanted to do. I have a great passion for it; it’s something that I breathe every day. It gives life to me.

It’s like air to me. [Laughs] CdV: As it should be. Joel, thank you so much.

JTS: Thanks, Casper. ■

kulula.com

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2014/04/10 3:31 PM

LOCAL HERO | BREAKFAST FOR BETTER DAYS

Munching their way to better days An ambitious project is distributing breakfast to schools across the country.

Zweli Mokgata gets it all this morning.

THE SCHOOL CAMPUS is spotlessly clean on this winter morning, and the garden in the central courtyard is immaculately kept. A smell of justwatered soil freshens the air, despite freezing temperatures. Streams of children, dressed neatly in white shirts, ties and blue uniforms, start entering the grounds in disciplined order, and teachers, smiling, usher them into classrooms without trouble.

The walls are filled with bright and colourful learning material, and an empty bowl is on each desk. The children are surprisingly well-behaved as they wait patiently while each bowl is filled with a helping of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. They fold

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their arms to say a quick prayer and eat in silence. When finished, each child takes a bowl, washes it outside in the waiting basins filled with warm, soapy water, and cleans a pair of tiny cold hands in a separate bowl.

This resembles a monastery, not a primary school. Could it be that these kids have somehow been coerced into such good behaviour, some kind of lingering threat in the air? The warm bond between student and teacher, however, which is clearly evident, puts that theory to rest.

Yes, they may have been prepped for special visitors today, but something about the flow of the day seems so effortless, so well-ingrained in the culture of this school.

Snap After a few minutes on the property, it’s easy to forget that Magobeng Primary School lies right in the middle of one of the poorest areas of Katlehong: Nhlapo Section. In a neighbourhood where unemployment levels are over 80%, the younger generation is often doomed to a life of hopelessness and failed dreams.

However, since Kellogg’s introduction of its Breakfast For Better Days initiative, the kids are being given a much-needed second chance at a successful future.

The school’s principal, Mateta Marokoane, says the neighbourhood’s children are flourishing now that they have something in their stomachs to start their day.

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BREAKFAST FOR BETTER DAYS | LOCAL HERO

pictures: matthews baloyi

SAY CEREAL! Grade 6 Learners from Mogobeng Primary enjoy a bowl of Kellogg’s cornflakes with comedienne and khuluma alumnus Tumi Morake.

‘We don’t have latecomers anymore,’ Mateta says. ‘They are much happier and don’t fight like before, and school results are up. Our netball and soccer teams are starting to beat all competitors in their leagues, and the school choir was recently selected to represent our province nationally. Most of these learners come from extreme poverty and, just by having a bowl of cereal for breakfast, those who had lost hope are much happier.’

Mateta heads up a staff of 65, who oversee 1 273 learners. Many of the children had never seen breakfast cereals, coming from homes where breakfast is a completely foreign concept,

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and often go back home to no food at all.

A significant number come from childheaded homes, and, according to Mateta, 75% of them live in squatter camps or informal settlements.

Crackle Kellogg’s dietician and corporate-affairs manager, Linda Drummond, says Kellogg’s aims to deliver five million servings of cereal to more than 25 000 children in 60 schools around South Africa this year. ‘This is part of a broader initiative

by Kellogg’s,’ she says. ‘The company has realised that hunger is a serious issue around the world, with one in eight people facing food insecurity.’

The cereal giant has committed to serving one billion servings of breakfast and snacks to children and families around the world by 2016. To meet this goal, there will be initiatives in other countries.

‘A national survey released last year showed that one in five South African children went to school without breakfast,’ explains Linda. ‘It may seem simple, but breakfast is the first opportunity to get energy and nutrients after a long night’s sleep. Children who don’t have energy to start the day can be tired and lethargic, and sometimes don’t even have energy to go to school at all. Various studies show that children who eat breakfast attend

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LOCAL HERO | BREAKFAST FOR BETTER DAYS

ANYTHING IN MY TEETH? Grade 5 learners tucking in before class.

A-CHOIRED TASTE The Mogobeng school choir, which recently represented Gauteng Province at the National Music Competition.

school more regularly, and have energy in their brains and bodies to focus in the class environment.’

In the long run, children are able to get the most out of their school experience, influencing what they want to do in the future. Also, kids who have energy play more and tend to engage in more physical activity, says Linda.

The children will receive breakfast cereals every day from the beginning of the 2014 school calendar until December, when schools close. Kellogg’s provides the cereal – a total of 150 000kg – which is then delivered by Foodbank. The 500 000 litres of milk consumed are provided by Parmalat.

SING FOR YOUR BREAKFAST Nchaki Lebesa, Hlongwane Mokgethwa, Mbotole Nobuhle, Molefe Sisi and Maluleke Fikile sing a special thank you song.

CAPTION BM Tshabalala, Mogobeng Primary principal Mateta Marokoane, Tumi, and Kellogg’s dietician Linda Drummond.

eat at home, I can come here and eat,’ she says. ‘I feel very happy that I can eat in class; I can concentrate very well. Other children don’t even have money at home, so this is important for them. They can come to school and be able to hear what the teacher is saying. I’m improving in my school work and enjoy singing in the choir even more.’

Nine-year-old Grade 4 student Sibululele Ralarala lives in Nhlapo Section with his single mother and younger sister.

‘When we come to school and eat, our bodies become strong and this helps us

concentrate,’ he proudly states. ‘I want to be a lawyer when I grow up so that I can help people. They won’t have to pay me; I’ll do it for free.’

Comedian, actress and khuluma alumnus Tumi Morake is the Kellogg’s Breakfast for Better Days brand ambassador. Tumi says she was attracted by the campaign’s relevance to mothers like herself. ‘I have a big family, with three children, so I’m very passionate about kids,’ she says. ‘I’ve also done a lot of work bringing educational shows to primary schools. So I understand what difference it makes to feed a child, especially in winter when children are often expected to sit in the cold on empty stomachs.

‘I felt it was an important initiative, and already I’ve seen the morale of the kids growing. Unlike adults, who have to tell you how they feel, you can immediately tell by looking at a child. They have a sparkle and presence that wasn’t there before,’ she says.

Maybe there’s something to be said for getting it all in the morning, after all…

Pop Queen Mphahlele, an 11-year-old Grade 6 pupil, says just knowing that she will get something to eat before morning classes makes a big difference to her day.

‘I know that if I haven’t had anything to

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2014/08/25 9:29 AM

Alien daze Katie Bigelow heads north on an extraterrestrial adventure.

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2014/08/25 11:23 AM

WEST COAST TO NAMIBIA | TRAVEL

EACH SPRING, I prepare for an alien invasion. It’s a time when my sinuses clog, my eyeballs burst into flame, and relentless sneezing heralds an ongoing quest for more potent antihistamines. Like a planned attack by intelligent life forms, hay fever’s seasonal assault is cunningly disguised by the arrival of billions of blooms in bright, eager-to-please colours.

Invariably, I’m torn between a dance of joy and a desire to scratch my eyes out.

So when Denise proposed a road trip to ogle the wildflowers, I agreed – on condition that, once we’d seen them, we kept driving north, preferably deep into the desert where nothing grows.

Big bang bloom

pictures: supplied

An hour from the city, we made a breakfast pit stop in Darling, where each September, townsfolk assemble the country’s oldest and most lavish wildflower show, a massive display of blooms to rival the one nature puts on all around the town with its pretty old cottages and broekie-lace verandas.

We continued north, slowing for roadcrossing tortoises as we gawked at more flowers in the West Coast National Park.

The park’s white dunes, granite rocks and riotous spring flowers seemed especially magical against the azure waters of the Langebaan lagoon. As we drove slowly by, ostriches fluttered their eyelids and zebras merged into black-and-white mirages against the horizon.

Soon we were heading inland once more – east, to connect with the N7 that would funnel us north. Wild blossoms were everywhere as we passed the turn-offs to Citrusdal, Clanwilliam and Niewoudtville.

And then Kamieskroon, a far-flung little town at the foot of three peaks

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WEST COAST TO NAMIBIA | TRAVEL

ALIEN OUTPOST Far-flung and unexpectedly cosmopolitan, the Kamieskroon Hotel is a small-town classic.

We entered Mad Max territory, a sparse Martian world of bald brown hills and shimmering horizons

A BLOOMING MIRACLE In Namaqualand, nobody treads on the carpets.

of the Kamiesberge. Flowers are the cause of Kamieskroon’s unexpected cosmopolitanism, and at the Kamieskroon Hotel, where we stayed, I heard at least half a dozen languages spoken, many of them by religiously enthusiastic flower geeks straight off planes from Europe.

The hotel opened as a six-room country inn back in 1925, and has been run by descendents of Fanie Stone since 1953.

The furniture and décor preserve that era perfectly, too, and it’s grown into one of those slightly dated, eternally charming spots that still sell postcards and maps from the office-lobby. We couldn’t fault the setting, though, and at sunset Denise and I watched in awe as the candy-coloured sky sank into a sea of molten gold.

Skilpad Flower Reserve, part of Namaqua National Park, which stretches all the way to the coast, is 21km from Kamieskroon, and although we’d seen blooms all along the way, walking through this protected area felt as if we were inside

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a kaleidoscopic painting rendered by some colour-mad artist. Besides the multiplicity of flowers, there were squadrons of insects buzzing and whirring like miniscule intergalactic helicopters transferring pollen from one flower to the next, the different colours presumably serving as a flight map for mid-air pick-ups of their favourite nectar.

Utter space Immediately beyond the border, we entered Mad Max territory, a sparse Martian world of bald brown hills and shimmering horizons composed of dun and khaki-coloured emptiness.

Even after the Northern Cape, Namibia was another world – mysterious and strangely beautiful.

We spent a night at Felix Unite’s rafting base, a resort-like collection of chalets and camping spots with a bar, pool and restaurant, set on the banks of the Orange River, amid volcanic rocks and ruin. The

air was so dry, we were able to unfurl our sleeping bags on the lawn, drifting into dreamland while counting stars and circling spaceships.

In the morning we joined a short rafting trip, floating, paddling and drifting between raw Richtersveld peaks festooned with tall aloes and hardy, drought-resistant plants.

The silence was incredible, pierced only by the caress of paddles dipping into water, the plop of jumping fish, and goliath herons launching their hefty bodies into the air.

We arrived back at base exhilarated, but bone-dry, so we dived into the river to cool off before continuing north, deeper into the barren, bumpy, boulder-strewn emptiness.

Our first glimpse of the Fish River Canyon was from the /Ai-/Ais Hot Spring Spa Resort, where bravehearts who choose to hike it end their five-day pilgrimage.

The spa is a bit of a gimmick, although probably much appreciated by anyone who’s recently marched through 85km of unyielding canyon.

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TRAVEL | WEST COAST TO NAMIBIA

ON THE ROCKS Boulders literally infiltrate the chalets at Canyon Lodge.

Denise and I marched straight to the bar for cooling drinks, and then braved the heat on a short hike to the top of the nearest hill, to get a sense of what all the fuss was about. In many ways, the landscape’s as alien and unfamiliar as the moon, a surreal desertscape dotted with time-smoothed boulders, wild mustard bush and scraggly, sun-scorched trees, plus slabs of pink feldspar, rough-chipped stone and beaches of fine sand. It’s Africa’s version of the Wild West – dry, weathered and parched for millions of years.

Black whole With the sun still burning down, we took the rough dirt road to Canyon Lodge, a boulder-encrusted oasis in the desert.

Its rock and thatch chalets are built so that most of it virtually disappears into the granite boulders of the surrounding landscape. Inside, too, rocks shape the bathrooms, adding organic curves to walls.

It wasn’t unnecessarily fancy, but there was a huge pool with views of the surrounding desert and horses available for wilderness rides. We joined a hike through the arid surrounds and, at sunset, climbed to the top of a hill, with

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views stretching for miles. The night was blissful, serene and charged with spellbinding energy.

We set off early for the 20km drive to the Canyon’s main viewpoint. There, we stood on the rim, witnessing the sun steadily bathing the abyss in a fiery glow.

One moment we were squinting into darkness, the next a vast dropaway world was revealed. Said to have been created by the thwack of a dragon god’s tail, Africa’s largest canyon is a magnificent expanse of plunging cliffs, folded mountains and towering rock fingers. Its magnitude and exhilarating beauty leave you breathless. Denise, in fact, couldn’t hold back, and she let loose a torrent of excited screams that echoed off the rocks, startling fish eagles and signalling to a busload of Japanese tourists that they should include us in their photos.

Having gawped and shaken our heads in disbelief, we found our way back onto the main road north, driving until we hit Keetmanshoop, where we sought out one of only two quiver tree ‘forests’.

We made our way to Gariganus, 14km northeast of Keetmanshoop, and there learnt that quiver trees aren’t actually

TOO COOL FOR POOL Canyon Lodge nudges against beautiful desert terrain.

trees at all; they’re a species of aloe, capable of reaching a height of 9m and living up to 300 years.

The forests are unique because these plants usually occur only as solitary specimens. At sunset, we watched the plants glow golden-red and then braaied outside our futuristic igloo-shaped chalet, our eyes perpetually raised skyward, mesmerised by extravagant displays of stars.

In the morning, we walked through the nearby Giant’s Playground, where colossal dolerite rocks balance precariously atop one another, like the work of ancient alien sculptors.

Star grazing Somewhere two hours north of Windhoek, we guessed our way onto the dirt road that led to Erindi, a private game reserve recovered from once-overgrazed farmland. Known for its abundant wildlife, conservation projects and size, the reserve’s name is Herero for ‘Place of Water’, referring to the myriad pans spread across its 70 000 hectares.

We steadied ourselves on the main terrace at Erindi’s Old Trader’s Lodge,

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TRAVEL | WEST COAST TO NAMIBIA

and took in the vast savannah plains that swept towards distant, low-slung hills. And right beneath our feet, a huge waterhole bubbling with life.

‘Look, hippos! In this heat?’ said Denise in her best Attenborough voice.

‘And crocodiles,’ said I, pointing at a protruding snout.

But Denise had already lost interest.

She was negotiating with the waiter, summoning an afternoon’s supply of G&Ts. ‘With buckets of ice,’ she told him. ‘We’ll dehydrate if we don’t drink something immediately.’

As we quenched our thirst, we watched giraffes taking chances at the water’s edge, strutting and posing the way teenagers congregate at public pools, only with longer eyelashes and more complicated necks. Then, satisfied that the crocs weren’t watching, they manoeuvred themselves like crazy ballerinas, spreading their forelegs into strange half-splits positions so their long tongues could reach the water to drink.

We didn’t have too long to wait before cake and coffee was served, and then the boarding call for our first Namibian game drive. Quickly we noticed that many of the predators were collared, plugged into all kinds of research projects and fairly habituated to the vehicle. As a result, we saw a lot of activity – prowling cheetah, mud-bathing elephants, nervous warthogs.

Canis major Then came a bloodsoaked hunting episode involving 15 wild dogs and one hapless waterbuck. Wild dogs are tenacious hunters, driven by a strong pack instinct.

They attack, strategically, as a team, outsmarting rather than outrunning their target, and then taking it out with relentless fervour.

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It was a gruesome encounter. It was like watching a grotesque, hypnotic, gory opera, with whimpers and barks serving as a strange background aria for the visual ferocity of flesh and organs ripped apart by fearsome jaws. The waterbuck’s life was snuffed out instantly as five of the dogs tore into its neck, holding their prey down as the others took turns tearing out the stomach.

Soon each of the dog’s faces was painted in blood and gore. They took turns devouring chunks of flesh, then stepping back to lick their snouts, letting out little yelps of pleasure, scanning their surrounds for potential pilferers. Methodical killing and then fast, furious eating is a tactic to prevent losing the prey to bigger predators, said our ranger. Given half a chance, lazy lions would happily scavenge, rather than put in the effort.

A sense of awe and shock rippled through the Land Rover, and stayed with us long after we had dragged ourselves away from the ceaseless butchering.

As the day turned, we celebrated our sightings with sundowners and watched the sky melt.

Night came quickly, charged with the promise of seeing shyer nocturnal creatures. At one point the spotlight fell on a tiny pearly spotted owl, apparently the smallest owl on earth, and we watched a den of bat-eared foxes skipping listlessly across the road.

Back at the lodge, we sat in the darkness on our private deck and listened to the sniggers and guffaws of the hippos, interspersed with the mournful cries of jackals somewhere far away.

And we stared into the glistening heavens, watching falling stars collide with the atmosphere, pretending they were UFOs filled with sightseeing aliens.

DECKED OUT Erindi’s chill-out terrace overlooks wallowing hippos and snapping crocs.

DOG DAY AFTERNOON ‘Who you callin’ Lassie, huh?’

‘It’s a miracle, don’t you think?’ said Denise, her voice tinged with mystery.

‘What?’ I said.

‘You haven’t sneezed once since we left the city.’

Make contact Kamieskroon Hotel www.kamieskroonhotel.com Felix Unite www.felixunite.com Canyon Lodge www.gondwana-collection.com Quivertree Forest Rest Camp www.quivertreeforest.com Erindi Private Game Reserve www.erindi.com

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One size fits all?

It’s beach time and you still look like a pasty bowl of porridge after a winter of couch cuddles and comfort food. Trevor Crighton hits the gym – with the pros.

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PRO FITNESS | BEHIND THE SCENES

PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES AND models are blessed with something more important than talent. Sure, some of them hit the looks lottery or the talent trifecta at the genetic bookies, but the bulk of those who’ve made it to the top of their game spent a long time working at it.

There’s no need to give half of your life over to your personal trainer and stop eating anything that’s not green, but training efficiently for your body type will sort out the sag and help you to get to the top of the stairs without pausing for a puff.

Obviously it’s important to consider your physical limitations when exercising – give your doctor a call before radically changing your regime.

Run like the wind International trail-running sensation Ryan Sandes (pictured) is the first person ever to win an ultra-trail race on all seven continents. In 2011, Ryan won the Leadville 100-miler mountain race in Colorado at his first attempt, setting the third-fastest time in the race’s history.

Unsurprisingly, Ryan says cardio work is his most important form of training.

‘Strength work is also very important, though,’ he says. ‘Most of my programme is geared towards running, but I do some strength and mobility sessions in a gym to stay injury-free.’

Ryan runs between 12 and 22 hours a week. He does around five hours of strength work and also spends a fair amount of time getting massages, visiting the chiropractor, lynotherapist and physiotherapist. His favourite type of training is being out on the trail itself.

‘Running on the trails is what I love to do.

I really enjoy being outdoors, and I get to see and explore so many cool places when I am running.’ He takes one full day a week off from training to recover physically and mentally.

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DON’T LOOK BACK Ryan Sandes says if you want to be fit, you have to make it a part of your lifestyle – all year round.

You have to adjust your exercise regime to your body type

MAKING A SPLASH Kirsty Coventry believes in a combination of core, strength and endurance exercises.

If you’re looking to get fit, Ryan recommends making it part of your lifestyle. ‘You should try to eat healthily all year round, exercise throughout the year and look after your body,’ he says. ‘Nutrition is really important, as that is what fuels your body. If you get your nutrition wrong, it will lead to poor performance and your body can even eventually break down.’

pictures: kelvin trautman, supplied

Float like a butterfly Zimbabwe’s Kirsty Coventry made her Olympic swimming debut at the age of 16 in Sydney in 2000. She has held six world records, and her seven Olympic medal haul ties her in first place for individual swimming medals among all of the women in Olympic history.

Kirsty says a combination of cardio, strength and core is important for helping her to attain success in the pool. ‘It is so

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important to have a strong core, as a lot of the drive in my kicking comes from here.

Strength is particularly vital for the shorter distances,’ she says. ‘Cardio makes all of the difference, to stop you from “hitting the wall”. Having a good combination of all of these exercises is fundamental in creating an Olympic swimmer – but it is nothing without the mental strength or drive and determination required to want to be the best.’

Kirsty follows the same schedule on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, with no training on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday afternoons – and she takes Sunday off completely. Typically, her training schedule starts with a 7am wakeup call and a small breakfast. She swims for two hours from 8am, before heading to the gym for an hour. After a light lunch, she naps for about 90 minutes from 1.30pm. After a post-nap snack of biltong,

cottage cheese on a biscuit or pickles – her favourite – she hits the pool again at 4pm for another two hours, before enjoying dinner and some family time.

Kirsty says her favourite type of training is time spent in the pool itself – although that can also be the toughest. ‘As much as it is about racing somebody else, it’s about getting faster and being better than I was yesterday. I love competition and I live for that feeling of accomplishment,’ she says. ‘That said, with the incredible feeling of accomplishment comes the falls and negativity of being unfit, having a bad day, or just not “getting it”. It can be a love/hate relationship, but the feeling of accomplishment far outweighs the tough days.’

She cautions against adopting someone else’s training regime, because everyone’s body is different. ‘You have to adjust your exercise regime to your body type. I can’t

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Rest and recovery are as important as the workout itself.

My body craves movement, though, so I’ll do some other form of exercise on a rest day

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run very far on the road, because I have weak knees, so I use treadmills more often. Overtraining is also a huge problem and takes a lot of time to get over,’ she says. Her advice for people wanting to get fit is simple: ‘Find a partner and start now’.

Kick like a mule Pat Lambie first played for the Sharks in the 2010 Super 14 competition aged just 20. He’d already played SA Schools Rugby in Grade 11 and 12, and represented the Springbok U21 side before making his full international debut at the end of 2010 on the Boks’ UK tour. He’s also an excellent cricketer, golfer and surfer. Talent is one thing, but Pat also trains harder than most.

He cites a balanced workout programme, including cardio, strength and core work, as vital. ‘Personally, I have had trouble with my groin and hips in the past, so core is most important for me.

I try to do a bit of work in this area every day,’ says Pat. ‘Core work also helps you know where your body is, and helps you move better.’ His favourite type of training is ‘movement prep’ – a thorough warm-up involving elastic bands, foam rollers, core, stretching and active movements.

When he’s not training with the rest of the team, he ‘rests’ by surfing, swimming or playing golf. ‘Rest and recovery are as important as the workout itself. My body craves movement, though, so I’ll do some other form of exercise on a rest day.’ His partner-in-crime on off-days is his wife, Kate. ‘I drag Kate along with me mostly.

Fortunately for me, she doesn’t take much convincing,’ he says.

Pat says he tries to stay active, even during the off-season. ‘You always feel better at the end of the day after some form of movement or exercise. Off-season is a really nice period when we are required to do some gym work, but wherever and

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BEHIND THE SCENES | PRO FITNESS

whenever suits us. It’s about freshening up, so a change in scenery and some different forms of activity can be good,’ he says.

His advice for someone looking to get fit for summer? ‘Find something you can enjoy doing. This should help to keep you motivated to reach your fitness goals.’

Act up a sweat

STUNT SINGLE Alex McGregor needs to stay fit enough to do her own stunts.

Fresh-faced model and actor Alex McGregor has been performing for as long as she can remember. Fashion shoots, theatre, commercials and film work keep her busy, but she always makes sure she takes time out to get some exercise.

She says a mix of cardio, strength and core work is important in her line of work.

‘I need to be fit and strong, and look lean and toned, so I do a bit of everything,’ she says. ‘I am OBSESSED with S.W.E.A.T 1 000 classes – it’s my favourite type of exercise because it’s a full-body workout.’

Alex says acting requires her to be an all-rounder, because she always needs to

look her best – but also be fit enough to do her own stunts, which she loves.

Alex attends S.W.E.A.T 1 000 classes on a two-days-on/one-day-off rotation. On ‘off’ days, she does power yoga or sculpt yoga (yoga with light weights).

‘It’s strange how much has changed in a year,’ she says. ‘I used to hate exercise, but I’m now addicted to classes. Highintensity interval training, combined with strength training, is my favourite!’ To stay motivated, she’ll train with her boyfriend, fellow actor Bjorn Steinbach. ‘I need to be pushed – and he’s a great motivator!’ she says. ‘I also have to listen to music when I train. I find it very motivating if you gym along to your favourite songs.’

Alex says the biggest misconception about exercise for women is that weight training makes you put on loads of bulky muscle. ‘Lifting weights makes you toned and lean – so smash a few S.W.E.A.T. 1 000 classes, eat a well-balanced diet, and you’ll be well on your way!’ she says.

Eyes on the ball

Physical exercise is important, but mental and visual acuity play a vital role in success, too. South African Dr Sherylle Calder’s EyeGym system has helped sharpen the skills of the Springboks and the All Blacks, the 2003 World Cup-winning Australian cricket team, a host of English Premier League teams, and even some Super Rugby teams and Formula One drivers. Johnny Wilkinson says the programme gave him more time to make better decisions, and Bryan Habana reckons it’s made his hands as quick as his feet.

Sherylle says EyeGym trains and improves the eye muscles. ‘The process skills can also be improved, and response skills of eyehand, foot and body co-ordination can be enhanced. When people see more, they can assess the situation much quicker, therefore exercising their options, and ultimately making better decisions,’ she says.

‘80-90% of decisions made in sport are based on visual information,’ explains Sherylle. ‘Developing visual skills includes learning to use both eyes together effectively. Having both eyes move, align and focus as a team enhances your ability to interpret and understand the potential visual information that is available to you. Once you see it correctly, you can then process that information.

You can train the input skill and improve the processing skill to improve the response. Most people are born with good eyesight, but vision, the ability to identify, interpret and understand can be trained and improved.’

EyeGym has applications in enhancing academic performance and business acumen as well. Calder says the benefits include, among others, better concentration, quicker response, better timing, improved decision-making, improved coordination, improved overall academic results and improved comprehension skills.

Visit www.drsheryllecalder.com for more on EyeGym.

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DRIVE | ACTION

Get a grip

pictures: supplied

David Taylor thinks crossovers are only cool if you can go offroad. The Suzuki SX4 is one crossover that can.

IF YOU’RE IN the market for a crossover, you’re going to be spoilt for choice.

Crossovers are all the rage right now and they’re all quite macho with their offroad looks. To be honest, very few of them can actually go offroad, which can result in some embarrassing situations.

Enter the 2014 Suzuki SX4 AllGrip: a crossover that actually does what crossovers are supposed to do.

It’s got a little 1.6-litre engine, which offers enough punch to get around town, with the added benefit of being light on fuel. The SX4 happens to be rather well

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Price: R319 900 Engine: 1.6-litre four-cylinder petrol Power: 86kW @ 6 000 rpm Torque: 156Nm @ 4 400 rpm Transmission: 5-speed manual gearbox Wheels: 17-inch 0-100km/h: 12.5 seconds (claimed) Fuel economy: 6.2 litres/100km (claimed)

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Audi wins Le Mans (again)

Google’s self-driving car

Despite the best efforts of Toyota and underdog Porsche, there was no catching Audi yet again as the German team won its 13th Le Mans event in 16 starts. Two Audi R18 e-tron quattro cars crossed the line to take a one-two victory, with one of the Toyota TS040 hybrids taking third. Sadly, the much-hyped return to Le Mans by Porsche failed to materialise, as both 919 racers retired due to mechanical failure.

Google has added self-driving vehicles to its repertoire. These fully automatic cars are designed never to be driven; instead, you’d just climb in, select your destination and the car would do the rest. While some enjoy the pastime of driving, many commuters would rather put bamboo under their nails than sit in endless traffic jams. Fingers crossed the design improves…

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built and comfortable, and it feels as if you’re in a premium product, which is nice considering you’ll be forking out more than R300 000 for one.

The cabin is airy and spacious, with plenty of legroom and headroom for tall adults. The boot is cavernous too. It comes with all the features you’d expect from a pricey car, and everything you would ever need. It has USB/Bluetooth, cruise control, automatic headlights, automatic wipers, park distance control and keyless start. It also has all the modern safety features, and it scored five

stars in the Euro NCAP crash test. It also features a neat little dial in the centre console. This is the AllGrip system, which gives the car some offroad ability.

There are various modes to play with and the system spreads the power from the front wheels to the back. If you’re in a bit of mud or snow, this system will be your saviour. It’s simple to use too.

Turn the dial and the car will do the rest. But while the car is reasonably competent offroad, don’t expect it to perform miracles.

The Suzuki SX4 is one of those cars that doesn’t try to stand out from the rest of the market. It’s quietly confident in its abilities and, thanks to its AllGrip 4x4 system, can do some proper bundubashing. Given the state of South Africa’s deteriorating road network, a crossover is starting to make far more sense than any ordinary family hatchback.

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Five virtual race cars

ACTION | DRIVE

The cult racing game Gran Turismo is now in its sixth iteration. The ultra-realistic racing simulator has proven so popular that car manufacturers are creating new virtual cars specifically for the game. These beauties can be downloaded and unlocked for use in Gran Turismo 6.

se Becaulove we allist al

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BMW VISION GRAN TURISMO

Designed in conjunction with Red Bull Racing Formula One chief engineer Adrian Newey, the Red Bull X2014 was designed to be an F1 racecar without any regulations. It looks like a spaceship with wheels and has the performance to match.

Inspired by German Touring Cars of the 1970s, the BMW Vision Gran Turismo is a theoretical virtual racer that has 550 horsepower and weighs just 1 100kg. It’s based on the roadgoing BMW M235i, which thankfully does really exist.

VOLKSWAGEN GTI ROADSTER

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Volkswagen told its designers to create the ultimate GTI with no limits, and the GTI Roadster is the result. You’ll be able to virtually drive this fantastic-looking racer up to speeds of 300km/h.

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Mitsubishi says it wanted to combine its years of motoring heritage and experience into a virtual car. This mad-looking racer is based on a reallife concept car, but to make it exciting for the virtual racers, it features all-wheel drive, eightspeed gearbox and a hybrid engine.

NISSAN CONCEPT 2020

The Nissan Concept 2020 is a collaboration between the Nissan Londonbased design studio and engineers based in Japan. Unlike the other vehicles, which are destined to be virtual cars only, this vehicle has been given the go-ahead to be made into a real-life concept car.

text david taylor; pictures: supplied

the fiver

RED BULL X2014

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An arbor of love What better time to plant trees across the country than at the beginning of spring? Dale Hes joins the treevolution.

JULIAN STERLING MORTON, a wellheeled gentleman from New York, was absolutely nutty about trees. In 1854, the newspaper editor, farmer and politician settled into a 52-room mansion on a barren 160-acre estate in Nebraska with his wife and sons, and proceeded zealously to plant thousands of trees on the property.

While serving on the Nebraska Board of Agriculture, in 1872 Morton introduced a resolution that one day a year would be set aside for tree planting in the state, under the name Arbor Day. The proposal was passed unanimously, and it is estimated that more than one million trees were planted in Nebraska on the first Arbor Day. Morton could never have expected that Arbor Day would spread to 40 countries

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around the world, including to the tip of Africa, where South Africans dedicate not just one day to the cause, but the entire month of September.

The height of the arboreal activities takes place during the first week of the month, when government, non-profit organisations, businesses and greenies from across the country get their hands dirty to plant trees. Government’s Arbor Week partnership with petroleum giant Sasol has seen more than 13 million trees planted since 2000.

The 2014 National Arbor Week theme is Forests and People: Investing in a sustainable future. ‘The campaign will support and strengthen the implementation of greening in South Africa,’ says Department of Agriculture,

Forestry and Fisheries spokesperson Makenosi Maroo. ‘Central to this will be tree planting that is focused towards the beautification of settlement areas, food security and conservation of certain endangered species.

‘The intention is to educate, change attitudes and modify the behaviour of the South African public in the way they relate to our green heritage,’ Makenosi adds.

Organisations such as the trendy Greenpop (co-founded by local music legend Jeremy Loops), and Food and Trees for Africa (FTFA) also rev up their greening and food security initiatives during Arbor Month.

‘The 1st of September marks the beginning of Arbor Month and, while every month is Arbor Month for us, this is an

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ARBOR WEEK | GO GREEN

Join the fest

BOOM BROERS Greenpop co-founders Misha Teasdale (left) and local music legend Jeremy Loops.

SPADE IN AFRICA 'The trowel is mightier than the sword!'

pictures: michele brooks, FTFA

SAPLING MAP Greening rural areas is a vital part of Arbor Week.

important time of year to raise awareness of the vital role that trees play in our lives,’ says FTFA founder Jeunesse Park.

FTFA has planted 4.2-million trees to date and will distribute thousands of trees throughout South Africa this Arbor Month.

Although the term ‘tree-hugger’ attracts some negative connotations, there is very good reason to have affection for the woody wonders. ‘Trees are the world’s single largest source of breathable oxygen, increase biodiversity, provide beautiful, healthy places and nutrition, and improve an area’s water

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quality,' explains Greenpop CEO Misha Teasdale. 'They are under threat, which means we are under threat.’

Worldwide, the rate of deforestation has been startling. The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) estimates that we have lost 80% of our original forests in the past decade, and that 14 billion trees will have to be planted every year for the next decade to make up for the loss.

UNEP’s Billion Trees Campaign was established in 2006 in a bid to shore up this shortfall, encouraging the world to plant a billion trees a year. The campaign surpassed all expectations in its first five years, with more than 12 billion trees planted, before the project was handed over to the Plant for the Planet Foundation in our very own Durban in 2011.

Incredibly, Plant for the Planet was started by Felix Finkbeiner when the German pupil was only nine years old.

Established in 2010 by three energetic young individuals, including Jeremy Hewitt (AKA Jeremy Loops), Greenpop has planted more than 40 000 trees in 286 locations, benefiting 3 500 people. The hip organisation makes everything concerning trees enjoyable, holding music festivals, entertaining events and even yoga classes to coincide with tree planting and education in areas which need it.

On 12 September, Greenpop will hold its flagship event, the Reforest Fest, in the yellowwood forests of Hogsback in the Eastern Cape. Visitors can expect to plant thousands of trees, attend eco-workshops, do yoga in the forest, enjoy live music and delicious vegetarian meals, and visit the oldest yellowwood tree in the Eastern Cape.

For more information, call Greenpop on 021 461 9265 or visit www.greenpop.org.

Today the foundation has 25 000 global ambassadors and every year selects a global board made up of people between the ages of eight and 21. The ambitious young organisation has now set the goal of eventually having 1 000-billion trees planted worldwide.

Before his death in 1902, Julius Morton summed up the importance of Arbor Week perfectly. ‘Other holidays repose upon the past; Arbor Day proposes for the future,’ he said.

Get involved If you can’t go out and plant a tree yourself, there are numerous websites which allow you to pledge trees during Arbor Month. Start off by visiting www.greenpop.org.

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PROPERTY | STUFF

Say good braai to winter

It’s time to fling the patio doors open and wheel out the braai. Kerry Hayes reckons South Africans know a thing or two about outdoor entertaining.

pictures: supplied

SOUTH AFRICANS ARE truly spoilt with our weather – even in mid-winter we are able to enjoy a braai (albeit with an extra vest donned). But now that spring is finally here, we can shrug off the layers and fully enjoy entertaining outdoors.

This begs the question: is your outdoor entertainment area up to scratch? Could you host the ultimate ‘do’ that will leave guests talking not only of your culinary achievements, but also of your spectacular entertainment area?

Here’s what you need to know (the Joneses will be impressed!)…

The setting To achieve a stylish entertainment area, you can’t just hose down the plastic chairs

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and table and centre it in your grassless back yard; nowadays entertainment areas are getting a lot more attention to detail.

Firstly, you need to take note of what your entertainment setting is like. If it is very sunny you will need to consider some type of cover, be it a pergola or sun umbrella; or if you are considering a renovation, look at building an undercover patio with drop-down patio blinds (for extra effect, these can be automated – that will get them talking!) This way you can entertain outdoors even on rainy days.

A popular trend is creating a flow from your indoor to your outdoor entertainment area. This can be done by installing stacking doors that fold completely away, making the space look significantly larger,

and giving guests the choice of lounging inside by the bar, or sipping their cocktails in the fresh air. Depending on the look you want to achieve, you can go with frameless sliding/stacking doors (these can work out to be very expensive though), a contemporary aluminium frame, or go more rustic with wooden-framed doors.

The trick to creating this seamless flow is to carry elements from your indoor entertainment area to the outdoors. So tile the outdoor entertainment area/patio with the same tiles as inside (just make sure then that your choice of tiles is weather proof); if you are going with the decking option, use low-maintenance decking of a similar colour to your indoor area; and keep the style of your furniture the same,

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STUFF | PROPERTY

BAIE BRAAIS From a simple skottle, to a full outdoor kitchen setup, there is a huge variety of braais to choose from.

OPEN SESAME Fold-away doors open up your entertainment area completely – great for extra space, and balmy summer evenings.

LIGHTBULB MOMENT Get creative with your mood lighting – it looks great, and comes in all shapes and sizes.

so if you love the French Provençal theme indoors, find outdoor options to carry the theme through.

The furniture There are so many exciting options of outdoor furniture to choose from. Those old plastic or wire sets from when we were kids, that we had to wipe down when the tannies came to visit for Sunday afternoon tea, are gone; dead; hopefully buried (or better yet, recycled or upcycled).

Nowadays, you can get an entire lounge suite in intricately woven cane with goosedown-stuffed cushions that you sink into; beautiful wooden furniture that, if correctly maintained, can last for decades and trendy steel and aluminium furniture.

And, for those distraught over finding out that their old plastic set is ‘un-trendy’, do not fear! Plastic has come back in a whole new way, in the form of curvy ghost chairs, designer armchairs, entire plasticbased outdoor lounge suites – and my personal favourite, the glow-in-the-dark variety. This spacey concept takes your entertainment area to a whole new level at night, with neon oranges, pinks, blues,

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COVER UP Built-in cover, like this Bali-style pergola, protects guests from the sun while adding a chic design element.

greens, yellows, reds (created by lighting embedded into the furniture) giving your entertainment area so much texture and ‘mood’ that you may have to play that epic nightclub last song, Closing Time, five or six times before your guests actually leave.

The lighting – the ambience factor But now that we are on lighting, one of the most important elements of a good outdoor entertainment area is lighting.

Effective lighting is far more intricate than you may imagine – you can’t just switch off the main lights, gooi a lamp in the corner and expect the mood of your event to suddenly mellow out. Oh no, my friend – you have to employ a lighting strategy!

There are three types of lighting that you can play with to ensure you have good ambience at your event, while still being able to ensure that you don’t overdo those rib-eyes. Task lighting is your more functional lighting, so ensuring that you have a good, bright light around your braai and preparation area is essential. Accent lighting highlights a particular item or area of interest, like your Italian dart board, or

COSY BY THE FIRE A firepit adds both warmth and ambience. Try marshmallows at the end of the night.

even your LED-backlit bar counter. And mood lighting is your softer light that mellows your guests almost as much as that 15-year-old whisky does.

So you’re all set: you’ve got a trendy space, fabulous furniture, and the perfect lighting. Now all you need are some aged steaks and fresh rolls, a melktert for pud, and a few ice-cold Heinies, and you’re ready to celebrate National Braai Day in style.

For more inspiring décor and home ideas, go to www.sahomeowner.co.za.

Fired up

Choosing the right braai depends on your braai-lifestyle: a built-in braai can be part of your outdoor entertainment area design, while a mobile braai can be stored out of sight when not in use. For those who can’t wait out the burning down of the wood or charcoal, gas gets going fast allowing you to braai that much quicker. But can you really beat the flavour of ’n stuk boerie that’s been flame-grilled over smoky wood?

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MONEY MATTERS | STUFF

How to change careers

Do you feel trapped and unfulfilled in your job? Spring is the season of change and, with the average working person switching careers five times in their lifetime, now may be the perfect time to consider changing yours, suggests Katherine Graham.

picture: istock

FOR 10 YEARS, Mel Tomlinson owned a curio wholesale business. ‘I loved my work, but I always knew there was something I was meant to do that was more than just earning money,’ he explains. When Mel discovered that coaching was a career you could qualify for, he immediately signed up for a course. ‘After the first weekend’s training, I put my business on the market, sold it and became a coach within one year,’ he says.

His story resonates with others who feel their current job is at a dead end. ‘When you experience a high level of frustration and disengagement in your work, you know something is wrong,’ says Sundra Naidoo, a coach at Change Partners.

‘Your career move should not only be dictated by a negative “push” away from your current reality,’ advises clinical psychologist and performance coach Neil Tuck of Perform Well. ‘It must also be dictated by a positive “pull” towards something else.’

Speak to a career counsellor and do aptitude tests to navigate the way ahead.

‘The time, effort and money you spend investing in this will pale into insignificance compared to the cost of making illinformed decisions,’ says Neil.

Do your homework Plan your approach carefully and do as much research as possible. ‘Get feedback from people who are in your prospective career,’ recommends Neil. If you’ll need to study to improve your qualifications, then enquire about what courses are available, whether full-time, part-time or online.

Get a mentor Try to get a mentor from your chosen profession. A mentor will give you an inside track about what skills and qualifications you’ll need, as well as what opportunities exist in the job market. They can also use their network to point you in the right direction.

What’s your driving force?

Get moving!

‘It is always important to determine what you are passionate about,’ says Keith Adrian Mienies, CEO of AW Management Consulting. ‘This can often mean the difference between a job and a career.’

Organising your daughter’s wedding, for instance, may spark a creative streak leading to new desires, such as becoming an event coordinator.

You’ve done your research, plotted your next move and are raring to go. One final piece of advice: make sure you have enough money in the bank to cover six to 12 months’ income. Mel speaks from experience when he says: ‘Money in the bank helps you through tough times when you may be seeking employment or when your business is new and clients are few.’

Create a career masterpiece

If you’re unsure which profession interests you, you’ll need help finding the right career direction. ‘The Career Canvas is a powerful tool that counsellors can use with individuals to find their way to their career masterpiece – the work that they want to spend most of their waking lives focused on,’ says Anne Heslop, director at the Career Canvas. ‘Everyone can design the career they want – the Career Canvas is a unique way of exploring and designing this, either on your own or with a therapist.’

Visit www.thecareercanvas.com for more info.

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HEALTH | STUFF

Spring into action Annie Brookstone offers some healthy hints for making the most of the new season.

Season’s best

Some of your favourite spring foods are finally ripe for the picking! Well, picking up at your local supermarket. Here’s how to make the most of the season, simply by putting the right produce in your trolley…

• Pineapple One cup of this prickly tropical fruit will see you sorted for almost 100% of your daily vitamin C needs. It’s also a great source of bone-building manganese.

• Beetroot According to a 2010 study, drinking beetroot juice (which is packed with nitrates that help to lower blood pressure) increases blood flow to the brain in older people, and may be able to fight the progression of dementia.

• Strawberries These little guys, which are actually a member of the rose family, really are berry, I mean very, good for you: they’re packed with vitamin C, antioxidants and fibre.

• Asparagus Turns out asparagus is a known aphrodisiac. This is because it’s full of folic acid, which assists histamine production in the body, which in turn plays a role in regulating the libido.

images: supplied

20 MINUTES The time it takes to skip off that chocolate bar you just bought from the snack trolley. Pick up a skipping rope to enjoy a cheap, portable workout that’s great for your heart and a serious fat-burner.

HALT HAY FEVER EARLY ON Before you gather up your springcleaning goodies to make sure your home is spick-and-span for your little one, you might want to consider leaving a little dust around.

A new study has found that infants exposed to household bacteria and allergens from rodents, roaches and cats during their first year of life are much less likely to suffer from allergies or wheezing.

According to the Johns Hopkins researchers, about 41% of the sans-snot kids in the study grew

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up in homes full of allergens and bacteria, versus only 8% of those who’d been exposed to these substances in their first year of life and had developed allergies and wheezing. Dr Todd Mahr, an allergist-immunologist, says this supports the ‘hygiene hypothesis’ that lack of exposure to allergens means kids’ bodies don’t develop appropriate responses to them.

Did you know?

Sneezing starts in your nerves – the message is sent to your brain that something in your nose needs to come out, and … ACHOO! That’s why you don’t sneeze in your sleep; when you nod off, so do your sneezing nerves.

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HEALTH | STUFF

SA kids score a D for healthy living The latest Healthy Active Kids SA report paints a picture of a nation of couch-potato children who eat too much fast food and exercise too little. Katherine Graham offers some ideas on what parents can do to help their kids spring into action and step into healthy living.

Report cards can be embarrassing, especially when you don’t perform as well as you should’ve. That seems to be the case with South Africa – and we’re not talking about our economic growth rate or Bafana Bafana here. We’re talking about the healthy habits (or lack thereof) of our nation’s 18.5-million children.

According to the Healthy Active Kids SA Report Card 2014, only 50% of learners between the ages of six and 18 are exercising for 60 minutes a day, and less than half of SA children are participating in organised sport or a recreational activity.

The report draws on research findings from six universities, including UCT, Wits and UKZN, and was compiled in collaboration with the Medical Research Council of South Africa, the Sports Science Institute of South Africa, the Heart and Stroke Foundation South Africa and Discovery Vitality. Report co-author Professor Vicki Lambert of UCT says South Africans still have a long way to go to improve kids’ health.

‘Children spend more time in front of screens large and small, watching almost three hours of television per week day and even more on weekends, which is far in excess of the recommended one hour a day.’

Supersize me Even more alarming are the high obesity rates in children, particularly in a nation where more than a third of deaths are attributable to non-communicable diseases such as diabetes and heart disease – 23% of girls and 10% of boys aged 10 to 14 are overweight or obese, while 27% of girls and 9% of boys aged 15 to 17 are overweight or obese.

‘This is paradoxical in a country where so many children are food-insecure and whose bodies are not always getting the nutrients they need,’ comments Vicki.

She adds that poverty and escalating food prices remain a barrier to healthy eating. ‘Unfortunately, most healthy food is more expensive than cheap, processed food, which is high in sugar and salt.’

Clearly junk food is a favourite among teenagers; more than two-thirds of adolescents eat fast food three times a week. And we score the highest in Africa when it comes to cool-drink consumption.

The report mentions strategies to curb kids’ junk-food cravings, such as monitoring how your children spend their pocket money and creating national guidelines for school tuckshops.

Get moving With spring upon us, now is the perfect time to encourage your children to become more active. Enjoy cycling as a family, take a walk to the park together, or go swimming at your local public pool. Outdoor gyms are popping up in municipal parks all over South Africa, so take advantage of the opportunity to exercise for free.

‘We need to reclaim neighbourhoods and bring back the days of riding bikes and playing cricket in the streets,’ says Vicki.

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STUFF | COLUMN

Spectator sport

MELBOURNE CRICKET GROUND – one of the world’s great sporting arenas, home of the 1956 Olympics, capacity 100 000.

I’d squandered big money to attend a game that Melbournians regard as religion, rather than sport.

Nope, not cricket. I was there for a tiny local spat between two of Melbourne’s 10 Aussie rules football clubs. ‘Local or not,’ explained the woman alongside me, ‘it’s sold out.’

I had less luck, though, getting her to explain the rules of the game. Why was it played on an oval field? And what was the meaning of the crotch-hugging shorts?

‘The shorts are so us ladies can see the lads’ legs,’ she said. ‘There’s lots of running and they kick and pass that ball – like the girls do in rugby – to score.’

I studied her intently for signs of irony, but instead heard her rendition of the elaborate scoring system.

‘You know they’ve scored a point when the men in white coats point their fingers like they’re doing a doubleprostate exam,’ she said, getting technical.

‘Are their designer haircuts a requirement?’ I said.

‘They’ve got to look good on TV,’ she said. ‘Image is big business.’

Aussie rules’ closest relative is Gaelic football, the most popular spectator game in Ireland, where it’s among few major sports to have remained strictly amateur. Ireland’s other tradition-bound game, hurling, is acknowledged as the

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world’s oldest surviving team sport, and apparently the fastest game on earth.

Imagine a bunch of men feverishly dashing around a field brandishing long wooden ladles. Unlike hockey, the ball (or sliotar) is played in the air, so there’s enormous propensity for getting pummelled by an out-of-control hurley stick or flying sliotar. Only since 2010 have helmets become mandatory, but players don’t wear padding. Nor do they curb their

Irish passion, undoubtedly explaining why there’s such massive spectatorship.

It’s one of the most furious sports I’ve ever watched, and after several pints of Guinness, I was in on the action, ducking to escape an onslaught of imaginary flying sliotars.

The most intense crowd I’ve shared the stands with, though, was for a soccer match in Naples. Rough reputations meant opposing supporters had to sit on either side of wire barricades. I saw why, too.

Although I was, by default, compelled

to cheer the team whose supporters I’d landed among; the brutes on the other side were a bunch of gorillas, shouting vile Italian profanities at us while we – of course – sat peacefully enjoying the game.

In Mexico City I watched old ladies cursing like cowboys, verbally emasculating enemy luchadores while their grandchildren giggled through long nights of Mexican wrestling. The action, in any case, is pure farce, put together like a spandex soap opera.

Good guys are named Angél, baddies Diablo.

The entertainment hinges on stereotypes and laugh-out-loud slapstick.

As zany as Mexico’s wrestling comedies seem, though, nothing prepared me for the depravity of American baseball. In San Francisco, the one (and, mercifully, only) game I attended was essentially an ignored side-show to the depressing behaviour on the bleachers. There, thousands of devotees devoured hotdogs and swilled beer as their offspring gorged Coke and junk food before being marched to merchandising stalls to purchase gigantic foam hands, team caps, bumper stickers – anything signalling that they’d been there.

They needed reassurance, I guess, because no-one actually watched the game. I could hardly blame them.

I watched intently, only to discover that, in baseball, nothing actually happens.

illustration: pete woodbridge

Keith Bain forgets the rules and discovers that sport’s true magic happens on the sidelines.

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