Khuluma42 by Jayne Macé-Ferguson

View from

the top

’m sure that many of you have watched programmes on driving in India, and how half of the driving takes place on the wrong side of the road, into oncoming traffic, with an entire family and its chicken strapped to a moped. Surely the road fatality rate in India

should be horrific – where driving into a cow is sacrilege, but hitting the local swami is merely fate. However, India, at 207 deaths per 100 000 vehicles per year, is not much worse than South Africa. So what on earth do South African drivers get up to? There was a recent proposal in parliament to have all South African speed limits reduced by 20km/h, because of the constraining effect that drivers are having on population growth, at a rate of 156 people per 100 000 vehicles. South Africans are certainly on the thin edge of Darwin’s wedge when it comes to crossing the road. Most fatalities relate to pedestrians, which raises the question as to whether we should impose a speed limit on the sidewalks (for the pedestrians, not the taxis). Then you have Germany, where some roads have no speed limits at all, and yet it achieves only 6.9 deaths per 100 000 vehicles. However, if you jaywalk in some parts of Germany, you'll lose your driver’s licence, as you've shown disrespect for the rules of the road. I notice that our municipalities are implementing a rash of speed bumps, but they're struggling with the complexity of these things. We either end up with the ‘Table Mountain’ variety, where you have to climb up one side, cross the top, and climb down the other side, or the ‘undercarriage ripper’ that simply takes your wheels off and gives you a wedgie. So you should feel good right now, travelling at 850km/h with no speed bumps, no pedestrians and no need to strap a chicken to your moped.

Erik Venter, CEO: Comair Ltd

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Contents

JULY 2015

52 Regulars 1

VIEW FROM THE TOP Our illustrious CEO ponders the dangers of driving

GAUTENG Get busy, chow down, shop till you drop, then sleep it off in Gauteng

LISTEN The latest CD releases, plus the wildest musician antics in history

ÜBER-EDITOR’S LETTER Simmi Areff takes on the wilderness armed only with his good looks

KWAZULU-NATAL Play, eat, dress and dos like a real KZNite

GAMES Thumb-twiddling gaming goodness

GARDEN ROUTE Food, fashion and getaways along our glorious Garden Route

TECH Conquer the elements with these nifty gadgets

TOP TIPPLE Embrace your wild side with these lekker local liquors

Chat 75

BEAUTY If you can’t make up your mind, then at least make up your face

GOT MAIMANE ON MY MIND Mmusi Maimane dispenses a little fashion advice to our guest ed

WATCH All the magic of this month’s movies

INTO THE BLUE Simmi meets a real-life mermaid in the form of Hanli Prinsloo

READ Larks to satisfy your literary longings

LOCAL HERO Leading the charge against rhino poaching

KULULA PAGES Passengers’ wild requests, and Trev’s getaway at Vic Falls

COMPETITIONS Win stuff! Lots of stuff

WESTERN CAPE What to do, what to wear, what to eat and where to sleep in and around the Mother City this month

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Guide

JULY 2015

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100 Travel 92

CALL OF THE WILD Man meets beast on the Imfolozi Wilderness Trail

100 ENDLESS WINTER Ride the big one at SAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best winter surf spots 108 OFF THE BEATEN TRACK Get your game on at some of our lesser-known parks

Action

116 BEHIND THE SCENES Face down the elements at the Bear Grylls Survival Academy 125 DRIVE Conquer the urban jungle in the Opel Mokka, plus five essential off-road monsters

Stuff 129

PROPERTY Get ripped (boet) in the comfort of your own home

132

MONEY MATTERS How cloud computing is changing the way we work

135

BUSINESS How to nail every public-speaking gig, every time

137 HEALTH Keep the winter lurgy at bay with these healthy hints 138

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COLUMN Ben Trovato duels with a sand dune. And loses

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EDITORIAL Editor Anthony Sharpe – anthonys@picasso.co.za Content Manager Raina Julies Content Co-ordinator Vanessa Payne Copy Editor Lynn Berggren ART Head of Design Studio Jayne Macé-Ferguson Designers Anja Hagenbuch, Mfundo Ndzo Design Intern Johan Labuschagne Production Editor Shamiela Brenner Cover Photograph Morné van Zyl Make-up Artist Michelle Dickman Props stuffed animals supplied by Out Of Africa SALES Business Manager Robin Carpenter-Frank – robinc@picasso.co.za Project Manager Richard White – richardw@picasso.co.za Sales Consultants Stephen Crawford, Bonnie Eksteen, Randall Grace, Louis le Roux Steve Norval, Marc Plastow, Andre Potgieter, Alec Rompelman, Roman Ross, Clint Smith, Zelda Stein, Shaun Westley Advertising Co-ordinator Vanessa Payne OPERATIONS Financial Accountant Lodewyk van der Walt General Manager: Magazines Jocelyne Bayer KULULA.COM CEO Comair Limited Erik Venter Head of Department: Marketing, kulula.com Shaun Pozyn Marketing Manager, kulula.com Bridgette Ramuluvhana Brand Manager, kulula.com Thembeka Mabaso COMAIR LIMITED 1 Marignane Drive, Bonaero Park, Kempton Park, 1619 Tel: 011 921 0111 | kulula.com contact centre: 0861 KULULA (585852)

To advertise in this magazine, please contact Richard White (Project Manager) on 021 469 2542, or email richardw@picasso.co.za Copyright: No portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written consent of the publishers. The publishers are not responsible for unsolicited material. khuluma is published monthly by Picasso Headline Reg: 59/01754/07. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Picasso Headline, kulula or Times Media. All advertisements/advertorials and promotions have been paid for and therefore do not carry any endorsement by the publishers. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of its contents, neither kulula, nor the publisher can be held responsible for any omissions or errors, or for any misfortune, injury or damages that may arise therefrom. We reserve the right to edit interviews for layout purposes.

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ÜBER-EDITOR OF THE MONTH

Simmi Areff

Wildly handsome T

he wilderness is a place where you can really get lost. It’s also a place where you can discover a lot of stuff, especially about yourself. Some people take the word wilderness literally and think of the jungle, but if you think about it, anything can be a wilderness. Right

now, the only things around you are other passengers, cabin crew and this magazine … so take some time and read about things you might not have known. I’m not an adventurous person. Some might say that’s strange since I do stand-up comedy for a living. When I relate the theme of ‘Into the Wild’ to comedy, I imagine myself in front of an audience. There’s an element of the unknown before me and through my jokes, I get to explore the situation. With this in mind, I interviewed two different and vastly interesting people from our South African landscape. Mmusi Maimane took some time out to answer more questions after he had a massive Twitter interview. I’ve always admired Mmusi. He just seems like someone who has so many interesting stories to tell, and I was glad he shared a snapshot of his thoughts with me. But a major discovery for me was interviewing Hanli Prinsloo, a freediver who started an organisation with the potential to change the lives of the youth through water. Take any ideas you have about swimming and throw them away – this girl is a real-life mermaid. So sit back, relax … but don’t recline your seat too much (you don’t want to cramp the style of the person seated behind you) and enjoy

Simmi Areff is a stand-up comedian, who has toured probably the whole country and appeared on Comedy Central and other TV shows. His first solo show sold out, and he’s at the Just For Laughs comedy festival in Montreal this month, so you know he’s funny. Catch him in his new one-man show, which will be touring the country soon. Simmi is also very handsome. Remember that. Follow him @simmiareff.

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this magazine. Or you could play Candy Crush on your phone, but then you’d be missing out on an opportunity to dive into the wild with this issue of khuluma. At worst, you could just look at the pictures and come to the same conclusion my mother would: ‘Simmi is so handsome.’

picture: morné van zyl

SIMMI’S CREDS

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flying 101: our crew share humorous and unusual on-board moments

ith 412 flights a week, across 14 domestic routes, our cabin crew meet diverse travellers on the job. When you put so many people in a confined space, you can be assured that funny things are bound to happen. We spoke to three crew members, to get insight into some of the bizarre requests and sightings they have heard or seen while 35 000 feet in the sky.

bachelor banter On a flight from Lanseria to Cape Town, cabin crew member Joanne Patrick encountered a group of young, excitable men on a bachelor’s party. The tall and lanky bachelor was dressed in a neongreen Borat mankini – very brave. His friends managed to persuade him to strut his stuff up and down the aisle. Thankfully, fellow passengers responded with a loud round of applause and saw the humour in the spontaneous moment. JOANNE

SIHAYO

itchy ear The early morning flights between Cape Town and OR Tambo are very popular for business travel. A good-looking and welldressed businessman stopped cabin controller Mariette van der Spuy and asked, ‘Miss, do you have a pen?’ Blushing and eager to meet his request, she was about to hand over her pen when he continued to say, ‘I need to clean my ears.’

frog attack After a flight from OR Tambo to Cape Town, cabin crew member Sihayo Ngobese was doing his security checks on board to see that nothing had been left behind by any passengers. About a quarter of the way down the aisle, he opened the overhead stowage and a big, fat frog jumped out and landed on his face. He screamed in shock because of his phobia of frogs, and ran into the galley MARIETTE

to get help from his fellow crew member, who was also in disbelief that someone had left the animal on board.

on-board laundromat On the red-eye flight from Durban to OR Tambo, Mariette had just served coffee to a smartly dressed businessman who had been glued to his laptop, when they hit some turbulence. After only one sip, the man’s coffee spilt down his crisp white shirt. Mariette offered him wet wipes and everything else at her disposal, but it only seemed to make the stain worse. The gentleman decided to head to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. After quite some time, Mariette knocked on the door and asked if the man required any assistance. He opened the door, shirtless and clutching a soaking wet shirt, which he handed to her and asked whether she could put it in the tumble dryer for him. He left Mariette speechless and casually strolled back to his seat … shirtless!

dear hostess… After a flight from OR Tambo to East London, Joanne found a bank slip left behind on the plane by a passenger with a note written on it. This wasn’t just any bank statement though – the balance stated R1.8-million and the note read: ‘Your smile radiated through my heart, call me [with the number], Dr Sithole.’ As you can see, there’s never a dull moment on our big, green flying machines.

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take a break without breaking the budget!

Trev’s Hot Spots

kingdom of heaven

pictures: istock, supplied

y kingdom for a holiday. Isn’t that how the famous Shakespearean saying goes? Oh sorry, it’s actually ‘My kingdom for a horse’. Oh well, close enough. A few weeks ago I got on my own horse (aeroplane, actually) and made my way to The Kingdom Hotel at Victoria Falls. It’s pretty impressive, but then it would have to be to live up to the wonder of The Victoria Falls, one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World. They say they’re in no particular order, but if you ask me, the Victoria Falls is the number one wonder of all the wonders. It’s also a national park and World Heritage Site. It didn’t take me long to discover The Quartermains, The Rapid Pool, The Wild Thing and The Pit, which all sound like titles of movies showing on e.tv on a Friday night, but they’re actually the names of the four bars at The Kingdom Hotel. Bars aside, this is a fun resort that will appeal to families, couples, singles or conference-goers. They have three swimming pools, restaurants, a food

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court, kids’ play area, casino, spa and beauty parlour. I also went bungee jumping from the Victoria Falls Bridge, which was aaahhhmazing. And I took the helicopter Flight of the Angels, for a rad aerial view of Victoria Falls. There’s also white-water rafting, sundowner cruises on the Zambezi River, elephant riding and game viewing. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. The good news is that you don’t have to sell your kingdom to go to The Kingdom Hotel, especially with this special offer. For just R5 669, from July to November, you get a three-night stay, including return airfare from Jo’burg to Livingstone and airport taxes, return airport-hotel cross-border transfers, and breakfast daily, which is after all the most important meal of the day. These offers are subject to availability and standard kulula.com legal stuff applies. E&OE. All prices are correct at the time of publishing. Check you next time, Trev

Since 2008, eBucks and kulula.com have partnered to save countless South Africans from sad holidays at home watching their piggy banks go on an imposed diet. It’s easy. You can choose to pay for your kulula.com ticket in eBucks, an FNB card or any combination of the two, and get sky-high eBucks Discounts of up to 40% off on your flight when you book through eBucks Travel online. To join eBucks, visit www.eBucks.com. Switch to FNB by visiting you nearest FNB branch or apply online at www.FNB.co.za.

Choose your favourite Tsogo Sun hotel and let kulula book your room. Now that’s luxury you can afford.

Protea Hotels ensure your stay with them is as unique as the kulula experience. Try out any one of the hotels – you won’t forget the experience.

Rent a car with your flight and get a 10% discount, or get the best rates with Europcar.

As a Discovery Vitality member, you can earn Discovery Miles, which you can use towards paying for your next kulula flight.

twitter.com/kulula facebook.com/iflykulula

THE NOTICEBOARD join the conversation Join our social community and have fun with us and others who love to travel as much as you do. Chatting #madeeasy.

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COMPETITIONS | GUIDE

Camp cleanse One lucky khuluma reader can win a 10-day detox camp at the CSN Fat Elimination & Diabetes Reversal Camp in Great Brak River, for one couple sharing, worth R15 000! The CSN lifestyle offers an eating programme with dramatic and permanent weight-loss results, and a substantial improvement of your overall health and wellbeing. Check out csnc.co.za.

Treasure Hunt Piatto yeah!

We’ve got a R1 500 voucher to Piatto Restaurant and Grill to give away! Piatto focuses on providing exceptional value for money in a warm and inviting atmosphere. Their menu boasts a huge variety that caters to all tastes – from business executives to the young and trendy, to families looking for a great night out. Depending on location, breakfasts are also served in their classic style, making Piatto an anytime, any reason, all-day experience. Check out piatto.co.za.

Join the khuluma Treasure Hunt and win with Sinotec! Find the Sinotec logo hidden in a story in this issue of khuluma, and you could win a 42-inch full-HD Smart 3D LED TV (STL3-42E51M) with built-in wireless, three HDMI ports and two USB ports.

One for the guys

Five lucky khuluma readers can each win a L’Oréal gift pack, comprising a funky toiletry bag filled with L’Oréal Men Expert products.

To enter

Go to khulumaonline.co.za and hit the competitions tab. Competitions are open to all South African residents over the age of 18, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/ Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/Comair Limited, and close on 31 July 2015.

Romeo, oh Romeo

We’ve got a pair of Wolverine Raider Romeo boots to give away! These badass boots have full-grain leather uppers, as well as CK mesh lining. The Raider Romeo boots also feature removable full-cushion insoles, while the MultiShox comfort system features individual compression pads built into the soles that absorb shock and return energy in every step. Check out wolverinesa.co.za.

Magic Mike movie-merchandising madness

We’ve got five positively beefy Magic Mike XXL hampers to give away, comprising bandannas, shot glasses, men’s T-shirt, women’s tank top, black hat, tumbler, colour pillows and lunch bags. Magic Mike XXL reunites much of the cast of the original film for more temperature- and eyebrow-raising antics. Check out our write-up on page 55. (Ts&Cs apply. Prizes are not transferable and subject to availability. We reserve the right to substitute any prize with another of equivalent value without giving notice.)

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GUIDE | WESTERN CAPE

What’s on Western Cape Exhibition Now on at GrandWest and running throughout the winter school holidays, the internationally acclaimed exhibition Tutankhamun – His Tomb and His Treasures presents the king’s faithfully reconstructed tomb and more than 1 000 perfectly replicated burial treasures, as they were discovered over 3 300 years ago! For tickets and more information, visit tut-exhibition.co.za. Please note: Be careful you don’t lose your mummy at this one!

GET YOUR LAUGH ON 1 July – 1 August

Comedy Some of the best comedians in SA (including some khuluma cover stars) will be hitting the stage at the Roxy Revue Bar Comedy Festival at GrandWest this month, bringing together the best in local talent that’ll have you laughing for days. Acts include Loyiso Gola, Dave Levinsohn, Kagiso Mokgadi, Conrad Koch and Chester Missing, Kagiso Lediga, Mel Jones and more! Visit suninternational.com/grandwest for more info. Please note: Why did the comedian cross the road? Never mind, you wouldn’t get it anyway.

DISNEY’S IN TOWN 8-12 July

Theatre Someone thought of Disney on Ice – the wonderfully timeless idea of putting together a performance about Valentine’s Day with princesses Cinderella and Tiana; a very unhappy birthday with Alice (not in Wonderland but now at the Grand Arena at GrandWest, apparently) and a Halloween party with the Ursula and Jafar – all irrespective of the time of year. Genius! Tickets are R100-R300, visit feldentertainment.com for details. Please note: What would happen if you handed Elsa a balloon? She’d let it go.

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TRUE LEGENDS NEVER DIE 8 July – 8 August

Theatre It’s been 20 years since the passing of South African theatre powerhouse Barney Simon. And for 20 years, South African fans have remembered him fondly. Now, as a tribute to the late, great playwright and documentary writer, the Baxter Theatre will be reviving his greatest work Born in the RSA for a limited run only. Tickets are R25-R150, available from Computicket. Visit baxter.co.za for more info. Please note: Springsteen had nothing on this guy.

NU WORLD ORDER 17-19 July

Music festival The Cape Town Nu World Festival is on at the City Hall over the Mandela Day Weekend, featuring a diverse line-up of artists including Mokoomba, Elemotho, Majozi, Toby2Shoes and Native Young. Returning once again are the Light Bulb Sessions – short TED-style talks by featured artists and industry innovators. Tickets are available at selected Pick n Pay branches and through Webtickets. Check out ctnwf.com for pricing and info. Please note: ‘Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.’ – George Carlin

THAT’S HOWARD DO IT 22-23 July (Cape Town) 25 July (Jo’burg)

Live music Ben Howard is playing two shows at the Grand Arena, GrandWest, before heading to Jo’burg, where he’ll play another show at Zoo Lake. With sold-out shows across the globe, famous songs include ‘The Wolves’, ‘Keep Your Head Up’, and more recently ‘I Forget Where We Were’. Tickets are R465, available from seedtickets.co.za. Please note: What did the piano player say to a tightrope walker? You better C sharp or you’ll B flat!

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied

KING TUT Throughout July

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GUIDE | WESTERN CAPE

Eat Western Cape Wild men hunt and gather. Chris Erasmus is Franschhoek’s premier wild man foraging chef. The name of his restaurant, Foliage, is drawn from his intended focus on forest-to-table food. Menus have a core of wild-sourced ingredients, so they’re always ultraseasonal and changing. Expect the likes of braised boerbok with wild figs, wild mushroom risotto with wild watercress, and fiddlehead fern. 11 Huguenot Street, Franschhoek, 021 876 2328, foliage.co.za.

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OEPSIE!

At Oep ve Koep Restaurant in Paternoster is chef Kobus van der Merwe’s homage to West Coast ingredients. Expect the likes of maasbanker bokkom and pear salad with ice plant, wild parsley, dune spinach and sea lettuce. On cold days, the rooibostea consommé with wild-caught crayfish is wonderful. Sweet-toothed types adore the Strandveld honey-and-buttermilk ice-cream with wild sage blossoms. St Augustine Road, Paternoster, 022 752 2105.

ATE THAT THE TRUTH

The Cape of Storms dishes out some seriously wild weather, and Eighty-Ate restaurant at the Cape Town Hollow Boutique Hotel is a delicious place to wait out the storm, ensconced behind its ceiling-to-floor glass windows facing the Company’s Gardens. The prawns cooked in lemon, ginger, garlic, and chilli, and the moskonfyt-bobotie phyllo pocket with crispy rice noodles will keep you warm on even the coldest of Cape days. 88 Queen Victoria Street, Cape Town, 021 423 1260, seasonsinafrica.com.

text: anna trapido; pictures: supplied

GATHERING GOODNESS

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GUIDE | WESTERN CAPE

Shop Western Cape

In Cape Town it’s easy to feel like a happily lost cub. Here’s how you can look good while trying to find out where your next adventure will lead.

2. R495, Zando

3. R199.99, Mr Price

1. R4 399, G-Star Raw

8. R349, Spree

1. Achieve that I-work-so-hard look with these funky denim overalls. 2. This chiffon parrot-print dress from Michelle Ludek is perfect for blending into the background. If the background is the Galápagos Islands, that is. 3. Investing in a few budget jackets this winter is a good idea. Start with this grey fleece tiger-tooth button cardi from Oakridge. 4. Country Road impresses again with this standard dark-blue denim – there’s just nothing wrong with it. 5. This brightly coloured cowl-neck tunic is the perfect solution to the cold. And it just looks so good. 6. One simple fact of life is that black goes with anything. This satchel bag with gold detailing is as versatile as it is stylish. 7. This stormy-blue long-sleeved gathered blouse is distinctly feminine and not overly formal, making it the perfect downtime attire. 8. This leather-strap watch from Garde is the perfect accessory for the working man.

7. R699, Woolworths

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied, simon deiner/ SDR photography

4. R699, Woolworths

5. R139.99, Mr Price

6. R499, Zoom

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GUIDE | WESTERN CAPE

Night on the town

ureka! I’ve found the perfect location for a quick business stay in the Mother City. Ideally situated in the heart of the CBD, The Townhouse Hotel is what people refer to when they say, ‘It’s all about location, dahlings!’ Granted, I’ve never said that before, as I don’t mind the long drives and breathtaking views the Cape is known for, but this time around, being within walking distance of the rich history of the Cape was a welcome bonus. The Company Gardens, Iziko museums and Planetarium, the Castle, the Grand Parade (someone should perhaps tell Mayor De Lille to drop the Grand) … the list (and the walk, if you’re not too caught up in the amazing sights) is endless. Your saving grace, though, is that your room isn’t that far off. We stayed in the deluxe suite, which, for a hotel slap-bang in the middle of all this rich history, is surprisingly trendy. An en suite cordoned off with frosted glass walls, a retro bath

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an arm’s length away from your bed, some very interesting-looking bedside lamps, and a balcony for some al-fresco dining all add to the trendiness. Speaking about dining, all meals at the hotel are expertly prepared under the guidance of resident Michelin-trained executive chef Stefan Schmidt. So you can definitely forgive them for closing their kitchen early at 9:15pm. The hotel boasts 107 luxury rooms, offering guests a seamless transition from the working day into a welcoming overnight stay. But that’s not all they have on offer. The hotel has also recently stepped into the events box, and now offers a venue for workshops, conferences, working lunches and corporate functions. The events centre, which can host anywhere between 12 and 160 guests, is spread out over two levels and equipped with state-of-the-art audio-visual equipment and high-speed Wi-Fi. It seems pretty standard, but what sets it apart is

the ecofriendly and socially responsible initiative that the centre supports. The hotel donates R2 on behalf of each delegate to Trees4Schools, which plants trees and veggie gardens at schools in underprivileged areas in Cape Town. So booking your event at this hotel is simply the right thing to do. That R2, the ecofriendly practices, the Michelintrained chef, a rooftop garden that supplies many of the herbs used in the kitchen, along with the fact that one of the conference rooms has additional large doors which open from Corporation Street really sets this events centre apart, and makes it perfect for car launches and engineering events. In fact, if Cape Town had MTV-style super-sweet 16 birthday parties, this venue would be perfect. You could just drive the limousine straight onto the dance floor. 60 Corporation Street, Cape Town, 021 465 7050, townhouse.co.za.

pictures: supplied

Raina Julies finds convenience at the Townhouse Hotel.

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GUIDE | GAUTENG

What’s on Gauteng Theatre Beautiful – an international production featuring an amazing set design, stunning costumes and more than 20 drop-dead gorgeous and super-talented performers – will be bursting out onto stage at the Emperors Palace in a cloud of opulence and glitter. The affair will run Thursdays to Sundays and promises some of the most amazing feats of burlesque talent you could ever imagine (whatever that may entail). Tickets start at R150, available at Computicket. Please note: Parental guidance is advised (for the parents as well).

WOOF, WOOF 17-19 July

Pet show This year, the largest and most popular pet expo – the World of Dogs and Cats – will be celebrating its 20th year running. Taking place at the Gallagher Convention Centre, this show features a jam-packed itinerary of events and competitions such as ‘Canine Survivor,’ dog-carting displays, dancing dogs and a feline fashion show. For more information, visit dogscats.co.za. Please note: There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast right away.

EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY 23-26 July

Food festival The Johannesburg instalment of the 2015 Good Food & Wine Show will be coming around this month, with a stellar line-up of both local and international food sensations and celebrity chefs. Ticket prices vary, available at Computicket. Visit goodfoodandwineshow.co.za for more info. Please note: The only thing better than food and wine is wine and food.

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MOTO-TAINMENT 24-26 July

Motoring show The annual Gauteng Motor Fest is once again gearing up to deliver its highly anticipated one-stop show at the The Rock Raceway in Brakpan, Ekurhuleni, merging the thrill of live-action performances with entertainment and a whole bunch of super cars. Tickets are R100, available at thebereed.co.za/gautengmotorfest. Please note: What is the smallest part of a Lamborghini? The owner’s brain.

HERE COMES THE BRIDE 25-26 July

Wedding expo The East Rand Wedding Show is an intimate boutique-style wedding exhibition, which aims to provide visitors with the ultimate wedding extravaganza. Over 140 of the top bridal suppliers in South Africa will be in attendance at the Emperors Palace this year, showcasing their work and offering you the help you need to create the wedding day you’ve always wanted. Tickets are R80, visit eastrandweddingshow.co.za for info. Please note: Did you know that marriage is the chief cause of divorce?

TOO STRONG FOR YOU? 25 July

Live Comedy Ndumiso Lindi – who recently graced the cover of khuluma – brings us his latest show Diluted People. On at The Lyric Theatre at Gold Reef City for one night only, this show promises to be a roller-coaster ride through this talented comedian’s mind. The show offers hysterical takes on traditional values, family, culture shock, democracy and current affairs. Tickets are R165, available at Computicket and via The Lyric’s box office. Please note: This one you’ll want to enjoy straight, no chaser.

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied

SHOW UP 16 July – 9 August

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GUIDE | GAUTENG

Eating and evolving

Go bos

Black and bitter

Humans ceased to be wild animals when they learnt how to catch and control fire. The dietary change from raw to cooked food allowed for the extraction of greater energy out of food. Chef Coco Reinarhz’s Le Sel @ The Cradle is located on a game reserve within the Cradle of Humankind World Heritage Site. Diners are signed in by a guard and advised to drive slowly to avoid hitting any animals. At the end of the drive, there’s great food as a reward. Route T9, Kromdraai Road, 011 659 1622, thecradle.co.za.

Sheep are just about the tamest animals in the world, but Karoo lambs do eat wild, indigenous grazing plant species (aka bossies), which are unique to the region in which they live. Fantastic (and not at all wild) lady butcher Caroline McCann of the Braeside Butchery in Parkhurst, Jo’burg, sells superb, certified Karoo lamb. Alternatively, check out karoomeatoforigin.com for suppliers in your area. 4th Avenue, Parkhurst, 011 788 3613, braesidebutchery.co.za.

Coffee is almost invariably called for after a wild night out. Afric Black Espresso Bar supplies single-origin beans, and also offers barista and latte-art workshops. There are also chocolate-and-coffee-pairing workshops and team-building parties. Take such a course and you’ll be able to cure any morning-after-the-night-before pain. Northriding Corner, Corner Newmarket and Witkoppen roads, Northriding, 011 462 2443, stilcoffee.com.

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Eat Gauteng

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

Shop Gauteng

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a (concrete) jungle out there. Make sure youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re prepared for any situation with these hot fashion winter buys. 1. R59.99, Mr Price 3. R499, Spree.co.za

2. R1 199, Woolworths

8. R3 899, G-Star Raw

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied, simon deiner/ SDR photography

1. While most mothers may not believe the slogan of this animal-print pullover when they dress their little girls in it, others might. 2. Nothing says quite as much as blood red. This twill-trim silk shirt from Trenery is definitely making a statement. 3. On the rare occasion, we get warm days in winter. These snake-print ankle-strap sandals from Madison are perfect for such times. 4. This stunning cobalt waterfall trench coat is a must-have in your winter collection. 5. Check it out, or just wear it. Either way, this blue-check shirt is cool. 6. Suede is one of those things that just seems to keep coming back. This tan-desert boot is ideal for wild city life. 7. Who knows what folks did before the advent of high tops? In fact, who knows what any of us did before these denim sneakers? 8. When all else fails, always reach for denim. This jacket from G-Star Raw is sure to rake in the compliments. 7. R1 599, Diesel

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4. R650, Spree.co.za

6. R799, Woolworths

5. R829, Polo

JULY 2015

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

The concrete jungle Eugene Yiga finds a chic watering hole at The Maslow Hotel.

pictures: supplied

‘Y

ou’re staying at The Maslow Hotel?’ one of my friends asked when I said I’d be in Jo’burg for a few days. ‘I didn’t know you had friends in ga-va-ment!’ Located in the heart of Sandton, close to most of the financial institutions, investment banks, and Johannesburg Stock Exchange, The Maslow Hotel is ideal for business travellers. Indeed, it seemed like the breakfast buffet at the Lacuna Bistro bustled with suits and smartphones, no doubt fuelling up before they dashed off to the office, ‘power-lunch’ packs in hand. But while the hotel offers free scheduled transfers to the Gautrain and Sandton City (returning as late as 10:30pm), guests don’t even have to leave the building to take care of business. That’s because the hotel’s spacious conference centre and meeting

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rooms (each named after famous titans of industry) can accommodate up to 650 people for business or social events. When all’s signed and done, The Maslow Hotel is also an ideal evening spot. Not just on the weekends, when guests can relax over afternoon tea by the pool or enjoy live music sessions, but also during the week when the corporates need a place to loosen their ties. While we sipped on our signature cocktails – try the Cape Berry Mule or the Fynbos Cooler – the Lacuna Bar was abuzz with banter from the office. It was the same over dinner in the restaurant, where the serving staff seemed like they’d never handled a full house before. For those of you who might prefer something more relaxed than the loud calls of the wild, a glass-enclosed private dining room overlooks the gardens and can accommodate up to 15.

It’s here that you can enjoy a menu that executive chef Jason Millar will design just for you. Even more indulgent for those are travelling for business is the Africology Spa. Much like the restaurant, it takes inspiration from nature and even offers an African Potato Body Wrap as one of its signature treatments. That’s what corporate credit cards are for, right? At the end of it all, you can rest your weary head in your suite. Each room keeps the design sleek and simple, with no mountains of pillows that always end up on the floor. How nice to know that working in the concrete jungle doesn’t have to mean being at the bottom of the food chain. Staying at The Maslow Hotel will make you feel like leader of the pack! Cnr Grayston Drive and Rivonia Road, Sandton, 010 226 4600, suninternational.com/maslow.

JULY 2015

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KWAZULU-NATAL | GUIDE

What’s on KZN REMEMBERING REESE 1-5 July

Musical The Reese Witherspoon film about a blonde Barbie doll who packs up her chihuahua and follows her snobby ex-boyfriend to law school in an attempt to win back his heart, and in so doing, finds a love for law and a brandnew man has been adapted into a musical. Is there anything more camp in the world? Legally Blonde: The Musical debuts at the Natal Playhouse this month. Tickets are R40, available at Computicket. Please note: What’s the name of that actress who got stabbed? Reese, something? Witherspoon? No, with a knife.

LASLAPPIES 3-7 July

Festival The biennial South African National Quilt Festival will be held at Kearsney College in Botha’s Hill, near Durban, this month and will be showcasing some of Mzansi’s best local talent in this age-old art. The theme for this year’s festivities is ‘Creative Energy’. Visitors can expect just about anything, from brightly coloured creations that will stretch the imagination to snug inventions that’ll make you long for your childhood days. Visit quiltsouthafrica.co.za. Please note: A quilt will warm your body and comfort your soul.

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied

SHOOT FOR THE STARS 31 July

Expo Durban will play host to South Africa’s Rising Stars Career Expo, the largest of its kind, at the Protea Edward Hotel this month. This event is aimed at high school and tertiary students and will offer young people the opportunity to meet desired future employers, and learn more about about internships, mentorships and recruitment in various industries. Entry is free for students. Find Rising Stars Careers Expo on Facebook for more details. Please note: Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.

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What’s on Garden Route SHUCKING AND SHAKING 3-12 July

Food festival The annual Oyster Festival is back in Knysna this month. From oyster shucking and food and craft markets to live concerts and street parades, the eclectic town will come alive with one of SA’s most delightful festivals. Entry and ticket prices vary, visit oysterfestival.co.za for more info. Please note: Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

RUN OFF ALL THOSE CARBS 11 July

Marathon Organised to coincide with the massive influx of people heading to Knysna during the annual Oyster Festival, the Knysna Forest Marathon allows participants to take part in either a gruelling 42.2km trek through the breathtaking woods, or a marginally less gruelling 21.1km run. Visit knysnamarathonclub.co.za for more info. Please note: Did you hear that last oyster joke? I laughed so hard I think I pulled a mussel.

THE MOST CHILLED FOLKS IN SA 22-28 July

Festival The vibrant Rastafarian community of Knysna invites Rastas and visitors from all walks of life to join in the Rastafarian Earth Festival, taking place this month at Judah Square. This event is a celebration of the natural and organic world and the Rasta way of life – their food, their music and their philosophies. Visit visitknysna.co.za for more information. Please note: Bob Marley said: ‘Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.’

JULY 2015

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GUIDE | KwaZulu-Natal

Eat KwaZulu-Natal However wild you are at heart, do not forage without checking the legislation. In South Africa, Nature Conservation Laws are provincial, but the same broad principles apply nationwide. Protected flora and fauna collection is restricted and requires a permit from provincial nature-conservation authorities. If the collection is for commercial purposes, then an additional licence and registration is required. Even unprotected flora and fauna can only be collected with dated, person-specific, written permission from the property owner. The written permission must include the name of the species to be gathered and the amount to be removed. Those in any doubt as to the status of a foodstuff they wish to forage should consult the national list of threatened or protected species (TOPS): speciesstatus.sanbi.org/threatened.aspx. Similar principles apply to the collection of wild marine food resources. The specifics of such can be viewed at nda.agric.za/doaDev/fisheries/index.html.

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The above restrictions apply to individual collection and to those who forage as part of a foraging tour, not to those foraging for commercial purposes.

For the love of foraging

Cape Town-born Constantijn Handjiek has recently taken charge of famous food establishment, Hatford House. He has worked in a number of Michelin-starred restaurants in Europe, but his real passion is the food and produce of South Africa. He’s particularly excited by the challenge of Hartford. ‘Being so remote makes getting kitchen supplies complicated,’ he says, ‘but when you’re as isolated as Hartford is, you become ever more reliant on your immediate environs and the ingenuity of the people in the kitchen. In season we make use of the delicious cèpes mushrooms we find in our pine forests after a full moon. There are great wild spinaches that grow on the North Coast and that I pick at Umdloti beach. There are wild-wood sorrel plants that sprout up all around us. Dinner guests love our roast cèpe espuma with dried Kalamata

olives, wood sorrel and oatmeal crumble. Even at breakfast we have wild Umsobo berry jam with hot buttered toast.’ Hlatikulu Road, Mooi River, 033 263 2713, hartford.co.za.

Lekker lamb

At Enaleni Farm, outside Hillcrest in rural KwaZulu-Natal, Richard Haige has been awarded the prestigious international Slow Food Movement Presidium Projects Prize for his work in preserving endangered, ancestral Zulu sheep. These traditional Zulu sheep – izimvu – are farmed, but compared to exotic sheep breeds that have been imported from Europe, they’re quite skittish and even occasionally fierce during the lambing season. If you can catch one, they taste great. At Enaleni, they also grow traditional maize varieties and ibhece melons. None of the vegetables are skittish or fierce. Just tasty. The good news for those who like to mix wild life with dinner is that Enaleni Farm also has a guest house where delicious, organic, lamb-laden meals are served. Hillcrest, 082 872 2049, enaleni.co.za.

text: anna trapido; pictures: supplied

Collection code of conduct

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GUIDE | KWAZULU-NATAL

Shop KZN

Come rain or shine, Durbanites are always up for a good time. Get styled for some fun with these winter warmers.

1. R699, Woolworths

3. R179.99, Mr Price 1. This poncho-type deal from Witchery could easily look like a blanket, but it’s a stylish way to keep warm. 2. This crimson midi skirt from Suzanne Betro is great for those warm winter days. 3. If it’s an easy yet still semi-presentable look you’re going for, there’s nothing else you’ll need besides this charcoal-knit cardigan. And some pants, of course. 4. The weather might never cool down in KZN, but that doesn’t mean the fashion can’t be winter inspired. This pom-pom beanie is not to be missed this season. 5. If you want your little dude to love you even more, get him this hybrid denim hoodie. 6. Fit in with the cool dudes with this peak cap from G-Star Raw. 7. Pair these faux fur-lined lace-up black combat boots from Dolce Vita with anything from jeans to tights and watch the jaws drop. 8. This mint abi dress from designer Michelle Ludek is great for a night out (don’t forget a coat, though).

8. R625, Zando

4. R59.99, Mr Price

5. R380, Woolworths

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied, simon deiner/ SDR photography

2. R345, Spree

7. R399, Spree.co.za 6. R 799, G-Star Raw

JULY 2015

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KWAZULU-NATAL | GUIDE

High point of the season Will Edgcumbe goes bos in the Berg at The Cavern.

pictures: supplied

f you’re going to do winter, you need to do it right – at least for a weekend. And the only way to do winter right is to spend some time in the Drakensberg. At every turn, the views and vistas of the mountains above or the rolling country below are breathtaking, and on a chilly (read: freezing) winter’s morning, when the air is crisp and a dusting of snow covers the mountains, there’s no better place to be. Unless you forgot to pack your thermal undies, that is. Set adjacent to the Royal Natal National Park and the Amphitheatre – probably the Berg’s most iconic vista – and surrounded by Afromontane forest is The Cavern. With massive sandstone cliffs towering above it, the setting is pretty awe inspiring, so the option is there to take lots of photos to put on Facebook so your friends can writhe with jealousy. The Cavern is named for the ‘Cannibal Cavern’, a 200m-wide,

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60m-deep overhang situated above the hotel. Worry not though; said cannibals are long gone, and the whole area has been declared a Site of Conservation Significance thanks to, among other things, the sandstone cliffs, fern forest, and rare bird, plant and animal species, including the endemic Drakensberg dwarf chameleon. The Cavern has won numerous awards over the years, and the rooms testify to this. The superior suites are beautifully appointed, with their own fireplace and patio, and views of the surrounding mountains are to die for. There are also standard rooms set in the gardens, each with its own patio, and some family room options. The resort operates on a fullboard basis, offering a delicious breakfast, light lunches and a four-course dinner. As one would expect of a resort in the Berg, when you’re not staying warm inside, there’s plenty to do. The area is

awesome for walking and hiking, and you can take yourself on some short, self-guided trundles. If you’re keen on a serious trek, there are a number of guided hikes, including the Amphitheatre Ascent and Tugela Gorge. If you prefer to let another creature do the walking for you, there are horses available to ride, and the valley also has some 100km of mountainbike trails if that’s more your speed. You can fly-fish for rainbow trout in the resort’s well-stocked dam, and there’s a bunch of stuff to keep the kids occupied, from pony rides to jungle gyms. If that all sounds a bit too exciting, the on-site Forest Retreat spa is all about unwinding. Set on the edge of the fern forest, it offers a full menu of treatments, grooming and massages by qualified body care therapists. Bring it on, winter. Northern Drakensberg, 036 438 6270, cavern.co.za.

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GARDEN ROUTE | GUIDE

COOKING WITH CLEMENGOLD ROASTED CHICKEN WITH CLEMENGOLD, SPICES AND SWEET POTATOES (SERVES 4 TO 6)

Eat Garden Route SCALY BUSINESS

text: anna trapido; pictures: supplied

If we don’t source fish in a sustainable manner, there’ll be no wild ones left. The Fat Fish is situated on Plettenberg Bay’s beautiful Central Beach, with great views of the Indian Ocean and the Tsitsikamma Mountain. All Chef Kirsty Sinclair’s seafood is sourced from SASSIcompliant suppliers, so worrying about the wild won’t get in the way of you enjoying the delicious grilled hake with thyme lemon butter or local mussels in a creamy leek sauce. Children have their own menu labelled ‘Fish Food for Guppies’. Those who have trouble maintaining wild ways should seek out the superb strawberry daiquiris. Hopwood Street, Milkwood Centre, Plettenberg Bay, 044 533 4740, thefatfish.co.za.

GET YOUR GAME ON

Whether you dine on the wooden balcony or in the verdant courtyard, The Butcher’s Block is the place to come if you’re feeling wildly carnivorous. This grill house has game galore. There are seafood and poultry dishes for those who prefer something lighter, but why would you want such a thing when there’s a wild springbok fillet topped with cashew nuts and drizzled with a piquant mustard sauce? 44 Newton Street, Newton Park, Port Elizabeth, 041 365 3740.

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Embrace citrus season with this delicious dish!

45ml (3 Tbsp) olive or avocado oil 60ml (¼ cup) lemon juice 160ml (⅔ cup) ClemenGold juice (about two ClemenGolds) 80ml (⅓ cup) rooibos tea 20ml (4 tsp) Chinese five-spice powder 5ml (1 tsp) cumin seeds Salt and pepper 8 chicken thighs, excess fat removed 4 medium sweet potatoes, cut in thin wedges 6 leeks, cut in thick diagonal slices 2-3 ClemenGolds with the skin, cut in slices • Preheat oven to 180°C. Mix oil, lemon and ClemenGold juice, rooibos tea and spices in a mixing bowl. Season to taste. • Place chicken and veggies in mixing bowl and mix to coat with oil mixture. Place in large oven dish and arrange ClemenGold slices in between. Pour oil mixture over. • Cover with foil and roast for 40 minutes. Remove foil and roast for another 25 minutes or until chicken and sweet potatoes are golden brown and cooked.

JULY 2015

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GUIDE | GARDEN ROUTE

Shop Garden Route

The Garden Route is by far the most beautiful untamed natural landscape in the country. Make sure you’re not outshone by all the pretty trees and mountains. 2. R99.99, Mr Price

1. R1 335, G-Star Raw

3. R1 395, Spree.co.za

8. R1 300, Pringle of Scotland

1. You can’t go wrong with washed-out denim. Take this G-Star Raw jacket, for example. 2. This might just be the most vivid animal print we’ve seen since the glory days of Queen, which is exactly why we love it. 3. This bold-blue cotton sateen trench coat from Label Femme is classic and versatile. 4. We’re definitely seeing a trend towards darker and warmer colours this winter, like this maroon pullover knit from Oakridge. 5. There’s nothing quite as comfy as an ugg boot. This knit-cuff slipper boot with a vivid print is perfect for long winter nights. 6. A floral bow tie is something few men own and even fewer would admit to owning. Nonetheless, it’s pretty freakin’ cool. 7. A knee-high leather boot isn’t something you’ll necessarily need every day, but it’ll be fun on those days you do get to wear it. 8. A monochrome knit dress is something that takes a lot to pull off. But once you’ve got it down, it’ll be nothing but stylish sailing.

4. R119.99, Mr Price

7. R2 299, Trenery 5. R399, Trenery

6. R149, Spree

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GUIDE | GARDEN ROUTE

Angels on the rocks

here was nothing angelic or cushy or even the slightest bit comforting about the weather that day. It was midwinter and Knysna was in a froth. Freakish rain pelted down, and tumultuous waves transformed the usually idyllic lagoon into a wet and violent roller coaster. We were watching this from our romantic little nest just inches from the water, staring in awe as colossal tides collided with the Heads that stood sentinel at the lagoon inlet. It was like having ringside seats to some kind of end-of-theworld prelude. Little boats bucked and bobbed like rodeo broncos and the sky was streaked with bruise-coloured clouds that sent down swirls of mist, turning the day dark grey. It was wild and raw and real. And it was wondrous. Caught in the grip of an exhilarating show, we stared in awe, sipping glasses of the house bubbly as something raucous and operatic spilled out of our room’s stereo. We were wrapped up warmly,

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snuggling on our terrace at Lover’s Nest – a cosy self-catering cottage that’s one of three annexes at Two Angels – a sixbedroom wood, stucco and stone beach house tucked away between some of Knysna’s biggest holiday homes right on the water’s edge of Millionaires Row. Built with bohemian touches and done out with personality and flair, its chic Provençalstyle interiors mixed with local paintings, crystal chandeliers, antique armoires and beds laden with plush linens. Our honeymoon refuge was positioned for maximum privacy, secreted away beneath a canopy of untamed bougainvilleas in a lush little garden – we felt like pampered wildlings, the elements battling away furiously just inches from us. In the morning, the weather had calmed and the lagoon was once more besieged by serenity. The beach was a few steps from our front door, so we borrowed a couple of kayaks and paddled around for a bit, surveying the aftermath of the storm and waving at passing boats. Back on land,

we traipsed five minutes down the road to East Head Café, where we took a leisurely breakfast of fluffy eggs and strong espresso while gawping through large picture windows at the looming edifice of craggy rock and overhanging cliffs. Then we drove inland to experience Knysna’s enchanted forests and tramped for hours in a soggy wonderland, wrapping our arms around the mammoth trunks of ancient trees, and drinking from streams filtered by the Outeniqua Mountains. On Thesen Island, we joined the hordes who’d arrived for the crush of the annual Oyster Festival. We rallied with the cyclists, marathon runners and party-seekers. We even queued to watch oysters being shucked so we could guzzle them down by the dozen, before retreating to the tranquillity of our water’s edge love nest, where we did things that would make the devil blush. George Rex Drive, The Eastern Heads, Knysna, 082 820 9246, twoangels.co.za.

pictures: supplied

Katie Bigelow tames the wild at Two Angels in Knysna.

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TOP TIPPLE | GUIDE

Top tipple Ingrid Graham wets her whiskers with these wild tipples.

BUCKLE YOUR HELMUT

pictures: thinkstock

What’s the superlative of wild? Wilderer! With Helmut Wilderer at the helm of Wilderer Distillery in Paarl, things can get really wild. Unique products include Cape Fynbos Healing Herb Bitter, a naturally produced distillate of over 30 herbs such as buchu, devil’s claw, rooibos, honeybush, African wormwood and wild dagga. An exquisite nose of herbs, spice and fresh veld is followed by intense earthy overtones with a sweet fynbos finish. Enjoy as a digestive or nightcap. Price: R250 per 500ml. Helmut’s Grappa Pinotage is also unique. This distillate has spent 12 months in French oak barrels. A spectrum of fragrances like vanilla, cherries and roasted coffee aromas excite the senses. The taste is soft and round with balanced sweet finish. Price: R230 per 500ml. wilderer.co.za.

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TAKE A KRANS

GO WILD WITH AN AMERICAN HONEY JULEP

50ml Wild Turkey bourbon Wildekrans 25ml Wild Turkey American Honey Wine Estate 50ml lemon juice lives up to its Mint sprigs name. The Crushed ice suffix ‘krans’ • Combine Wild Turkey, American could refer to a Honey and lemon juice in a shaker crag, a crown over ice. or garland. • Add crushed mint leaves to shaker. The farm • Shake vigorously, strain over is situated crushed ice and garnish with fresh in the sprigs of mint. beautiful Bot River Valley BERRY NICE INDEED and has The Hermitage Valley in the Swellendam received District is home to Wildebraam Berry many Estate. This picturesque farm nestles Estate decorations beneath the towering Langeberge with the of honour meandering Klip River lapping the berry for their bushes. It seems natural progression that super where there are berries, you’ll find a tipple. premium The family hobby has become a successful wines. The Barrel commercial venture with a range of Selection Reserve Pinotage liqueurs that includes youngberry, honey, 2012, for example, has nine accolades to rooibos, fennel and more. The venue hosts its credit. At R250 (ex-cellar), many will weddings, conferences, restaurants and only admire it on the shelf as they reach you can pick your own berries in season. for the kraantjie. But MD Ken Arthur points wildbraam.co.za. out that Wildekrans caters for tipplers across the budget spectrum. Caresse Marine, a range of white and red wines, sells for around R40, while the Estate Range of premium cultivar wines sells for around R60 per bottle. There’s even a range of PET wines that combine a wine glass and single-serve wine bottle for those who need their tipple on the trot. * Alcohol sale prohibited to persons under 18 years of age. wildekrans.com.

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WATCH | GUIDE

Watch this... Action, history, secrets and six-packs to keep you entertained this month. TERMINATOR: GENISYS

MAGIC MIKE XXL Release date: 3 July Steven Soderbergh’s sleeper hit about male strippers has spawned a sequel, this time directed by Gregory Jacobs, who worked with Soderbergh on the Ocean’s movies and Contagion. Three years after he retired from stripping, Mike (Channing Tatum) reunites with the rest of the Kings of Tampa for a blow-out (cough) final performance in Myrtle Beach. The first packed a surprising amount of dramatic heft, but we’re betting this one is more like pork crackling than the actual roast. Anticipatometer: 3/5 n n n kulula.com

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A ROYAL NIGHT OUT

LOST RIVER

MAGIC MIKE XXL

TERMINATOR: GENISYS

Release date: 3 July Oh, that name. That name, that name, that name. We’re not sure who was smoking what when they came up with Genisys as a subtitle for the fifth instalment in this long-running action sci-fi franchise, but suffice it to say they must’ve been sky(net) high (geddit?). Anyway, what you need to know is that Arnold Schwarzenegger is back, just as he promised us so many times, as the pun-cracking, ass-kicking robot from the future, who’s out to save Sarah Connor (Game of Thrones’ Emilia Clarke) of the past from another robot from the future, and one from the past, and from her son, from the future, who is now a robot. Ummm … guys, stuff explodes. It’ll be fun. Anticipatometer: 3/5 n n n

LOST RIVER Release date: 10 July Ryan Gosling’s directorial debut is an arty oddity. In the virtually abandoned city of Lost River, Billy (Christina Hendricks), a single mother of two, is led into a macabre underworld in her quest to save her childhood home and hold her family together, while her teenage son discovers a road that leads him to a secret underwater town. It’s a weird, uneven, indulgent film that wears its influences (David Lynch, Nicolas Winding Refn and Edward Hopper) on its sleeve. Anticipatometer: 2/5 n n

A ROYAL NIGHT OUT Release date: 17 July This period comedy drama offers a decidedly different change of pace. On V.E. Day in 1945, as peace extends across Europe, princesses Elizabeth and Margaret are allowed out to join the celebrations. It is a night full of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance. The film takes liberties with the actual events (duh) to create some extra tension, but the result is a frothy, fun and largely inconsequential romp of distinctly British character. Anticipatometer: 3/5 n n n JULY 2015

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READ | GUIDE

Library lounge Prepare for adventure with this month’s literary picks.

Astronomy in Minutes

text: anthony sharpe; pictures: supplied

Dirty Boots: Adventure Guide Dirty Boots Publishing The Dirty Boots: Adventure Guide is a comprehensive book about adventure activities in South Africa, Swaziland and Lesotho, published in a handy little book that you can just about fit into your back pocket. The Dirty Boots range is distributed extensively and free of charge to the local and international travel industry, and to adventure enthusiasts. It’s essentially a catalogue of service providers for adventure activities around the country, including shark-cage diving, skydiving, hiking, kayaking, safaris and much more. The book is divided into colour-coded sections covering the various provinces, for easy reference.

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Giles Sparrow Quercus It may seem ambitious to explain something as unfathomably vast as the cosmos in minutes, but that’s exactly what Giles Sparrow sets out to do in this nifty little guide. What happens when a star dies? How many asteroids are in our solar system? Can galaxies collide? What is dark energy? Astronomy in Minutes answers all these questions and more as it condenses 200 key concepts into easily digestible essays. Accessible maps accompany each constellation, while simple diagrams clarify each theory, and the latest photographs from space illustrate stars and planets. It’s the easiest way to learn about the greatest of unknowns.

Rhinocephants on the Roof

Marita van der Vyver and illustrated by Dale Blankenaar Tafelberg Rhinocephants on the roof? A crocopotamus in the bathtub? If you’re not quite sure what’s going on here, this beautifully illustrated children’s book should make it all perfectly clear for you and your little one. Young Daniel is staying over at his grandparents’ place when he hears all sorts of strange and scary noises coming from around the house. With the help of grandpa and grandma, he’s able to chase the monsters away and conquer his fears. It’s a whimsical way of addressing kids’ fear of the dark, with their wildest imaginings brought to vivid (and a little scary) life by the stunning drawings.

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LISTEN | GUIDE

Listen up

Claire Martens tames her unruly eardrums with three wildly different new releases.

pictures: supplied

Mumford & Sons

Wilder Mind Island/Glassnote Mixed reactions have plagued Wilder Mind, the third album from everyone’s favourite/least-favourite indie-Americano band. The most obvious difference between this and their searingly original previous albums is the exchange of banjo and upright bass for electric. The pace and lyrical matter have also altered, with Wilder Mind inflected with romance and heartbreak. It was a bold move and destined to divide people. But what really matters: keeping to your sound in order to satisfy the critics or walking the path less travelled? Mumford & Sons have the singular ability to capture your ear. There can never be passive appreciation for something as definite, defined and desired as their songwriting. So yes, they’ve delivered the unexpected and parts of their songs are a little ‘fluffy’, but there’s never a dull moment on Wilder Mind.

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Karen Zoid

Drown Out the Noise Independent One of the more brilliant aspects of Karen Zoid is her ability to stay current, while remaining true to her own style of rock. Even after more than a decade of albums, her voice, direction and compassion are still the driving forces behind her songwriting. And it’s that third factor which keeps her close to the hearts of her fans. Hers is the most critical voice of our times. Drown Out the Noise focuses on our disconnection from ourselves due to the ‘noise’ of the information age. Working with legendary producer Theo Crous has kept her contemporary and given each song a scorching honesty. Extending from ballads to full-on rock ’n roll, Karen stretches herself and the music, breaking out her passion and signature rawness to make songs that take you to the edge and back. The only things missing are moments of quiet, leaving the album a little too intense for everyday listening.

Kahn

SALT Independent SALT is the debut solo album from the provocative frontman of South African rock export The Parlotones. Being what they are, which is probably the only band in SA that’s hated by some as much as it’s loved by others, this is the most difficult album that I’ve had to review in years. Kahn Morbee has become renowned for selling out, and truthfully, it’s a challenge to reconcile Kahn from 15 years back with the Kahn featured on SALT. While not selling out necessarily, this album feels contrived. It’s as if his craft has become so finely honed that it’s difficult to form any connection. Always the performer, Kahn’s SALT is not a straightforward album, but a performance piece. In this way, Kahn has outdone anything that has come before. SALT is a fascinating album, but a conjuring nevertheless – distant and emotionless.

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GUIDE | LISTEN

Rock

’n what? Sex, drugs, schnarfing lines of ants… Annie Brookstone reveals some of the wildest rock-star antics (as if they weren’t revealing themselves enough already).

hat does it take to become a rock star? Raw talent? Passion? Perseverance? And endless hours of practice? Try a liver of steel, dubious morals and little to no regard for your own life. You see, rock stars aren’t like you and me: they gargle with vodka; have rewritten the Kama Sutra in ways mere mortals can’t (and shouldn’t) even begin to imagine; treat money with even less regard than they do their own organs; and flirt with death more voraciously than you’re flirting with that pretty cabin crew member right now (yeah, don’t think we didn’t notice). There’s wild and then there’s this…

SOME UNHINGED HISTORY When Miley Cyrus entered her short, light bondage video Tongue Tied – a pretty pop take on S&M – into the NYC Porn Film Festival earlier this year, tongues were more than tied; they were wagging. But it’s not just the ‘kids these days’ who are swigging lean and trampling their limited-edition Adidas kicks all over the moral fabric of society. Rock ’n roll has never been a respectable pastime. Back in the 1950s, when Elvis’s hip-shaking was just about starting riots, Jerry Lee Lewis was getting the public (rightfully) riled up for even more salacious reasons, when at the age of 22 he got married to his cousin.

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Oh, did I mention that she also happened to be 13? Of course, that’s gross even by rock-star standards, and the energetic music genre’s early converts weren’t that forgiving. The move ruined his career, not to mention probably made him less than popular at family reunions. And speaking of Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis, it gets even weirder… In 1976, Lewis was arrested outside Elvis’s Graceland home with a loaded gun. He was charged with public drunkenness and carrying a pistol, but failed to do what a heart attack would manage eight months later, in true rock-star style, while the King was on his ‘throne’.

This is how you get ants! While we’re on the topic of rock ’n roll royalty, no story about musos behaving madly would be complete without an appearance from the ‘Prince of F***ing Darkness’ himself, Ozzy Osbourne. Yeah, we all know he once bit the head off a dove … or was it a bat? Trick question – he seems to have a taste for both (note to self: never hire Ozzy as a petsitter). However, if you need pest control, the Black Sabbath frontman is definitely your dude. While on tour with Mötley Crüe, back when they were all still relevant, he famously snorted a line of ants – that’s right, the tiny six-legged bug type – when told by Nikki Sixx of MC that there was no cocaine. ‘From that moment on, we knew there was always someone who was sicker and more disgusting than we were,’ Sixx is quoted as saying.

Rappers are the new rock stars Managed to catch this flight by the skin of your teeth? Now, if you were American

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rapper DMX in 2004, you would’ve conned the parking-lot attendant into thinking you were an FBI agent and then landed up in an altercation with another driver, culminating in your arrest. Yeah, not too sure being a rapper slash actor worked out too well for DMX this time around. This is neither the first nor the last case of rappers being rotten either. For a dude with something as benign as an ice-cream tattooed on his face (three scoops nogal), Gucci Mane is a far cry less innocent than you’d imagine. The rapper, currently serving a prison sentence until late 2016, has a list of misdemeanours and felonies longer than his discography. From drug convictions to driving on the wrong side of the road, aggravated assault and carrying a concealed weapon to disorderly conduct – not to mention the dropped murder charge – it seems as if the rapper, real name Radric Davis, is treating legal charges like Pokemon – ‘gotta catch ’em all’, right?

covered his song ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, cursing in interviews. Her response when he told her as much involved three words, one of them containing four letters. Prince, who by all accounts is built like a 10-yearold girl, reacted in the most mature way possible – he took a swing at her. Sinead then responded as maturely as she could. ‘All I could do was spit. I spat on him quite a bit,’ she said. Can someone please get a babysitter for these two? The playground of superstardom is a perilous place and there are more than a few spoilt brats who need a time out. So next time you vomit out the window of your taxi or those jacuzzi photos you hoped would never see the light of day make it onto Facebook, give yourself a pat on the back for taking it mildly. Or consider taking up the guitar. It’s a dirty, dirty job – but somebody’s got to do it.

picture: thinkstock

guide | listen

Bad behaviour abounds Yip, it seems like fame and fortune frequently come with an unhealthy dose of bad behaviour. But best not to do it in front of everyone’s favourite musical weirdo: Prince. Turns out that the man who was once freaky enough to date identical twins didn’t think too highly of the bald-headed, Bambieyed, makes-you-cryinto-your-breakfast-cerealpost-break-up 90s hit maker Sinead O’Connor, who’d

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Twiddle your thumbs Get your game on with this monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crop of digital doozies.

GOD OF WAR III REMASTERED FOR PS4 Kratos returns to enact vengeance upon the gods in an elaborate plot of carnage and destruction set in the realms of brutal Greek mythology. Key elements of the remastered version include the enhanced graphical fidelity of full HD running at a silky-smooth frame rate, and a photo mode that captures the merciless beauty of revenge by allowing players to freeze, edit and share Kratosâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s moments of rage. Also expect the inclusion of all the costumes and content of the PS3 version. Guide Kratos across breathtaking scenery like the glittering marble halls of Mount Olympus, while carving a path

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of destruction through enemies within detailed and unique 3D worlds. Experience the visually enhanced elements of realistic muscle striations, detailed facial expressions, and new

heightened levels of brutality and gore. Gratify the desire of insatiable vengeance to the God of War in his quest to end the reign of the destructive Olympian gods once and for all.

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GAMES | GUIDE

LEGO JURASSIC WORLD – MULTIPLE FORMATS LEGO fans are about to enter a prehistoric experience in the newest adventure, spanning across plots of all four Jurassic Park movies and allowing players to partake in mesmerising scenes and action sequences recreated from the films. Incorporating two-player co-op mode, players will be spoilt for choice with more playable characters to choose from, including more than 20 dinosaur species and Mr DNA

himself, who provides tips and fun facts throughout the adventure. Audio vocals and effects taken directly from the movies bring the Jurassic movie experience to life, as players discover the unique special powers of each character across the game’s 20 levels. Discover the wonders of a new world across the main story mode or explore the hub locations of the Isla Sorna and Isla Nublar in the free-roam option. Featuring dynamic weather, and a day/night cycle in levels and hubs, plus a wide array of collectables allowing you to view dinosaurs in their fossil form, the Jurassic experience is open for the whole family to enjoy.

text and pictures: supplied by BT games

LEAPPAD 3 The newest model of the LeapPad series introduces a series of impressive features, ramping up the durability and educational aspects for children. The LeapPad 3 offers a robust build capable of withstanding a child’s abuse, with a shatterproof screen and a solid casing. A well-placed button layout, 5-inch responsive touchscreen, frontand rear-facing cameras and a built-in rechargeable lithium battery top the features list of the quad-core device. The software library contains a diverse range of learning applications for various

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age groups, supporting purchases via download cards or online payment options. Purchased learning apps linked to the online parent account can be used on up to five LeapFrog-compatible devices. Highly rated learning titles like Disney Pixar’s Brave, Hello Kitty, Toy Story, Cars and Kat’s Math-errific Magic Show are available from the online app store or in physical cartridge form. The sturdy LeapPad 3 comes highly recommended as the definitive starter tablet for children aged 3-9. They’ll love it and you’ll love how smart your kids are!

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TECH | GUIDE

Glamping gizmos Andy Walker tests the gadgets you need to turn your next camping experience into a glamping experience.

HOME FROM HOME

JUST CHILLIN’

Of course, if you don’t want to go all out on an enormous home-sized tent, there are more practical solutions. The Hannibal Impi, for instance, is so small that it can be bolted to the roof of a MINI Cooper. Unlike a conventional tent that requires fastening to the ground, the Impi is a roof tent that sits on rails above your vehicle’s roof. It’s everything anyone should want in a tent, boasting a 75mmthick mattress and an LED light in the roof, but it’s only 1.5m tall when opened. R16 995, Hannibal.

Although it might be winter, you’ll need a solid supply of ice-cold refreshments on your glamourous-tech camping experience. Winter days can be very warm in the Cederberg, after all. The SnoMaster 82D is not the cheapest glamping essential on this list, but it will give you 82 litres to store food, drinks or any other perishables that need to be kept cool. It’s powered by a 12-volt outlet and boasts digital temperature control that can be adjusted thanks to a solar-powered remote. R9 500 RRP, snomaster.co.za.

TAKE-ANYWHERE COMPANION Sony’s Xperia Z3 Compact is a jack of all trades and perfect for the great outdoors. It has an amazing camera for snapping wild animals and vivid flowers, and records video in 4K so you can relive moments on your big screen at home. It’s also waterproof, so dropping it in the nearest river won’t harm it at all and if you happen to drop it in mud, a simple rinse is all it needs. R5 315, Orange Store.

pictures: supplied

CHARGE IT UP Although the Xperia Z3 has an amazing battery, it will run out of juice sooner rather than later. We’ve covered mobile chargers like the Waka Waka Power+ solar charger before, but for a truly endless supply of juice, we can’t think of a better power bank than the Romoss Sailing 5 13000mAh. It will charge all devices with a micro-USB port (including your tablet, and certain headlamps) and can be charged using a car charger. It should able to charge the average phone four times before it gives up on you, though. R480, Takealot.

WEATHER WONDER

While camping is all about the hardware, you’ll need a few apps to keep you abreast of weather and other information out on the back roads. Wunderground is a good place to start. Weather is as changeable as your campsite moods will be and that’s why a reliable source is irreplaceable. It’s wonderfully reliable and boasts a crowdsourcing feature, which allows users to report the weather conditions around them. Free, Android and iOS.

For more insightful gadget and gaming news, check out gearburn.com.

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Simmi channels his inner wildling with this monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cuddly guests

k suits, l a t i s u nd Mm a i m m i S agger w s d n a s speeche with s s e l h t ets brea g i m m i S rmaid e m e h t i Hanl

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Chat

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2015/06/19 9:04 AM

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POLITICIAN | CHAT

Got

Maimane on my mind

Mmusi Maimane has been in the national spotlight ever since that speech in parliament. Now he’s heading up the opposition. Simmi Areff engages in a little realpolitik.

Simmi Areff: Hi Mmusi. My name is Simmi Areff, I’m a stand-up comedian. You’ve probably heard of me because I’m like mad famous. Firstly, I’m a fan! But I don’t know much about you and I guess some of the readers probably don’t either. Tell us, where did you grow up? Mmusi Maimane: I was born on 6 June 1980, at the Leratong Hospital in Krugersdorp. I spent my youth growing up in Dobsonville, Soweto. My parents still live there and I visit as often as possible. It’s the place that played a part in shaping the person that I am today.

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POLITICIAN | CHAT

I’VE BEEN TOLD THAT I LOOK GOOD IN A SUIT AND BRING A LITTLE SWAGGER OR UMSWENKO TO POLITICS

SA: When I was young, I wanted to be a cricketer. What did younger Mmusi want to be? Was it politics from the beginning? Were you a prefect at school or head of your school’s student representative council? MM: The younger me wanted to be an accountant. And yes, I was part of my school’s SRC and governing body. SA: And what extramural activities were you good at? MM: I enjoyed sports when I was younger. Even now, I watch a lot of soccer – I support Kaizer Chiefs and Liverpool – and tennis. I played both in my youth. SA: I have to admit, I’m kind of enamoured with you. Not only because of your political achievements, but because you’re one of the few politicians who makes a suit look good. Please tell me where you get your suits. Are they tailor-made? MM: Some of my suits are off the rack, with a little tailoring done. A friend of mine, who is a tailor, makes some of my suits for big events.

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SA: Look at you! Do you think your suits add just that little bit of swagger into politics? Be honest, no need to be shy or humble when answering this question. MM: A suit does not need to be expensive or flashy; it just needs to be worn right. I’ve been told that I look good in a suit and bring a little swagger or umswenko to politics. SA: Nice. Listen, I do a lot of writing, would it be cool if I suggest a slogan for you next time you’re in parliament, or for your campaign? What do you think about ‘Pay Back Maimane’? It’s a play on words of ‘my money’. MM: I’ll be sure to consult with you next time the DA needs a new slogan, although ‘Pay Back Maimane’ might confuse people. Are they paying me? SA: You’re in a position to mould the youth of this country. Do you ever see yourself as a role model to younger kids and, if so, what is the message you want to get across? Sometimes I feel there’s little hope in politics and politicians, but here’s an opportunity to inspire the kids.

MM: The hard facts are that unemployment sits at 35%. Of that number, 66% are young people. That’s why a lot of the DA’s focus is on jobs, education, the economy and the youth. As a party, we want to restore hope – hope for a better tomorrow under a DA national government. The DA’s new Values Charter is based on the values of freedom, fairness and opportunity – three simple, but very powerful words. Young people are one of the country’s and continent’s greatest assets, and we need to work hard to unlock that potential by fixing the education system and the economy. If we can get this right, we’ll be taking a giant leap in the right direction. Young people need to get a quality education, so they can add their skills to the economy, start businesses and create jobs. SA: Respect for that answer! I see you recently did a Twitter interview and a lot of people took the mickey out of the hashtag. Did you have a little giggle at some of the questions?

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POLITICIAN | CHAT

If so, what were your favourite funny ones? MM: I had a laugh at some of the questions, which ranged from asking me for clarity on Beyoncé lyrics to why the chicken crossed the road. I was also impressed by the questions that touched on policy, parliament and the DA’s plans for South Africa once we’re in national government. SA: Nice. So listen, a lot of people seem to see similarities between you and Barack Obama. Is he someone you look up to? If so, why? MM: President Barack Obama brought an edge to politics, and he’s relatively young for a president. He worked hard to become president and kept on pushing, even though there was criticism about his experience, his nationality and so on. No leader is perfect, but I feel he’s one leader who has done his utmost best. It’s for history to judge if he’s a great leader or not. SA: A news publication called you the Obama of Soweto. But don’t you think it’s better that we call Barack Obama the Maimane of Hawaii? MM: It has a nice ring to it. I prefer to be seen in my own light, but being called the Obama of Soweto is also not so bad. It’s better than being called, say, the Mugabe of Mamelodi. SA: I get you! Other than me, obviously, which South African heroes, celebrities or sports people would you want to hang out with and why? MM: When are we doing coffee again?

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SA: [Laughs] MM: I would like to meet Archbishop Desmond Tutu. The positive role he played during the struggle is something I admire, and in democratic South Africa he remains a moral compass and a voice of reason. SA: In your downtime, which must be minimal, what do you get up to? MM: I spend time with my family. I’m married to Natalie, who does the important job of raising our two kids, KG and Daniel, while I’m away. I watch sports

and read – in short, I try live a normal life. SA: Who’s your favourite musician and why should we listen to them? MM: I’m a big fan of Tsepo Tshola. His music contains timeless messages for every stage or situation of your life. SA: Speaking of messages, the speech you delivered in parliament during the State of the Nation Address was brilliant. Do you have any people helping you write parts of your speeches? If so, will you employ me? I can write some blazing jokes for you. MM: Writing a speech like that requires a lot of preparation and research. It doesn’t happen overnight. I supply the skeleton, and I have a brilliant communications team; they add the meat. We then go through a number of editorial processes until the speech is perfect. Send me some of your jokes, though, and I’ll add them to a speech. If people laugh, you’ve got the job. Your title will be Executive Joke Writer. SA: Awesome. Thanks for taking the time to speak with me, Mmusi. I’ll be sure to catch your next gig in parliament. MM: Thanks, Simmi.

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WATER BABY | CHAT

Simmi Areff: Hello Hanli, this is Simmi, how are you? Hanli Prinsloo: I’m great, thanks. How are you? SA: I’m well, but I’m going to have to keep this conversation short because I’m running out of airtime. HP: [Laughs] Okay, I get you. If it runs out, I’ll call you! SA: No, I’m joking with you. But speaking about airtime, how long can you hold your breath underwater?

Into

HP: I can hold my breath for six minutes. SA: Six minutes! How did you get to six minutes? HP: Well, it was a little bit of training, a lot of lung stretching and quite a lot of physiology research about how the human body works on low oxygen. I was like, ‘Oh wow! My body can do this and now my mind must just learn, too.’ SA: That’s crazy! How did you become a freediver? Like, do you look at water and start to think, I can go pretty deep in that? HP: [Laughs] Well, like many people, even those who claim not to, I dreamed of being a mermaid when I was a little girl, even though I grew up on a horse farm outside Pretoria. When I was living and studying in Sweden, I met a very good freediver who started coaching me, and then I dived down into the quiet and was like, ‘This is where I want to be’. SA: Okay, that’s cool. What has been your best freediving experience? HP: Well, I competed for many years, swimming up and down ropes and doing it very well, but then I realised I got more joy out of swimming with animals. Those have been my best experiences – freediving with blue whales, sperm whales, dolphins and sharks.

the blue

Hanli Prinsloo is committed to saving our oceans, can hold her breath underwater for six minutes, and has body doubled for Halle Berry. That was enough to get Simmi Areff to dive in.

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2015/06/19 9:10 AM

FA R M F R E E D O M 2 A D U LT S & 2 C H I L D R E N F O R A S TAY O F 2 N I G H T S O R M O R E

F R O M R 11 8 0 P E R A D U LT. K I D S S TAY F R E E

The farm air. Peace. Quiet. Getting out and doing things together. On Spier Farm being a family is easy. Your children are made to feel welcome, and we have plenty to keep them happy. And even more to stir up their sense of wonder. Step into the world of Eagle Encounters, have a picnic and a proper farm dinner; farm-to-table eating at Eight Restaurant. A relaxed round of wine tasting. Fun grape juice tasting for the children. Ice-creams at Eight-to-Go. All this for all of you, all included.

Booking Details: reservations@spier.co.za or 021 809 1100. Quote â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Kululaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; when making your booking. Accommodation is in a Signature Room at Spier Hotel. Children under 12 stay free when sharing with 2 adults (max 2 children). Children over 12 stay in their own room (up to 2 children). From R1180 per room subject to availability. Terms & Conditions apply

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WATER BABY | CHAT

pictures: peter marshall, charlie dailey

I REALISED THAT I’M ACTUALLY MORE PASSIONATE ABOUT THE STORIES OF THE OCEAN SA: Yes! I’ve seen some pictures of you swimming with lots of different sea animals. Which sea creature would you like to be and why? HP: I think out of all the sea creatures – and this is one I haven’t met yet – but I think the sea creature I would like to be … is an orca or the killer whale. [Laughs] SA: Like from Free Willy! HP: They’re super cool and they’re also wildly social. They have family structures that are so strong; when one captures a fish, they actually share the fish in the group. So they have this incredibly long social structure, but at the same time, like

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dolphins, they’re super playful. So they’re like the coolest animal ever – and they look like sea pandas! SA: Sea panda – that’s funny! I was looking at your website and I read that you use freediving as a tool to coach athletes like rugby players. How do you do this? HP: Yeah. Basically, freediving is an incredibly mental sport. It’s all about overcoming your inner limiting assumptions about what your body can do,

what you physically can do. I think often times we limit ourselves in our physical performance before we even get into our bodies. We limit it from our minds. And with it being such an incredibly mental sport, I’ve done so much mental training in overcoming these inner assumptions that I’ve learnt enough to be able to share it with other sports people. So that’s the one side. The other side is quite simple: bigger lungs make better athletes. And I know how to make bigger lungs! SA: A little birdie – and by birdie, I mean Wikipedia – told me that you studied drama and performing arts here in South Africa and overseas. Did you ever dream of being an actress? HP: You know, I’m passionate about telling stories and when I was in high school, I thought that my way of telling stories was going to be on stage through theatre. Then I realised that I’m actually more passionate about the stories of the ocean. So I stopped making films and aiming for that, and rather focused on writing articles, making films, and speaking about the ocean and its creatures. SA: If you had followed acting, which roles would you have liked to play? HP: Oh my gosh! I would’ve played Daryl Hannah’s role in Splash. [Laughs] But it feels like such a far-off dream that I can’t even put myself into that any more. Oh, and anything that involves riding a horse – that would’ve been fun too. SA: Like Sea Biscuit! I also read online that you were a body double for Halle Berry. Tell me more. HP: That’s right! Basically, Halle Berry was in this film as a character who works with great white sharks.

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WATER BABY | CHAT

Initially, she was going to be a scuba diver, but then the director saw photos of me diving with tiger sharks and he changed the script to make her a freediver. So in Dark Tide, every time Halle goes underwater, it’s actually me. And it was really fun because she’s fabulous; it was really nice to work with her. And she was very curious about sharks and their plight. I really liked working with her. SA: Look at you! Finally, tell me more about the I Am Water foundation. HP: I’m a firm believer in protecting what we love, and it breaks my heart that so many youth and children in South Africa and from all around the world don’t have access to the ocean that’s on their doorstep. So many kids live right by the sea and don’t know how to swim or snorkel, or even get to see the ocean. So what we do through the I Am Water foundation is share the ocean with as many people as we can, through projects where we take kids snorkelling, teach them swimming and get them to experience the ocean, believing that this will help them protect it one day. SA: That sounds amazing. Thanks so much for chatting with me, Hanli. HP: Thank you so much. To find out more about Hanli and the I Am Water foundation, visit iamwaterfoundation.org.

WHAT WE DO THROUGH THE I AM WATER FOUNDATION IS SHARE THE OCEAN WITH AS MANY PEOPLE AS WE CAN kulula.com

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ANTI-POACHING | LOCAL HERO

ELISE DAFFUE

The fight against rhino poaching has become one of life and death – for animals and people. These heroes have put themselves on the frontlines to protect South Africa’s wildlife heritage. Delia du Toit joins the charge.

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Founder of NPO Stop Rhino Poaching Elise has worked in the wildlife industry since 2000, first as secretary for the Wildlife Translocation Association and then at Bassair Aviation, which specialises in wildlife helicopter services. ‘It was during this time that I was exposed to the rhino crisis,’ she says. ‘I felt absolutely helpless, but knew that I had to try and help. Although there are a number of focus areas – each one critical to an overall solution – I was drawn to the anti-poaching side because of my relationship with the guys on the ground.’ She started StopRhinoPoaching.com in 2010 to raise awareness on the subject. The site quickly became so popular that she saw an opportunity to raise funds. ‘I never intended for StopRhinoPoaching.com to become a big organisation, but now we have a national footprint for strategic funding of security initiatives and ranger support on the frontlines. Our focus is almost entirely on the ground, supporting regional security and investigation activities. We also play a significant role in networking – linking role players for rhino crime-related information sharing.’ The organisation has become a huge motivation for the teams they support because, through initiatives like these, the rangers know that there are people out there who care about them. ‘We get great feedback from the ground,’ she says. ‘One ranger’s life was saved after he was shot, thanks to his manager having attended a course we co-developed and sponsored. The manager was able to plug the wound with a trauma pack we provided, saving his life. ‘Late last year, another story had me in tears. We’ve deployed a number of rhino dogs that have contributed to arrests, but one saved a ranger’s life. A poacher had snuck up behind them, and the dog’s body language changed, alerting the ranger that someone was in the area. The poacher was already taking aim when he spotted him, and both escaped unharmed.’ The issue has become a personal one for Elise. ‘I hate the cruelty of it all,’ she says, ‘the senselessness and brutality, the fact that conservation rangers have needed to become trained soldiers. I need to know that every day I’ve done my best to support them. Rhino poachers are not just poor people from outlying communities; some of them are dangerous, hardened criminals.’ Though a lot of work still needs to be done, and Elise admits that poaching will never be completely wiped off the earth, she’s positive about the future. Law enforcement in the field has improved significantly, she says, and awareness is gaining momentum.

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ANTI-POACHING | LOCAL HERO

ISABET ERWEE Senior state advocate As a state prosecutor in the Pretoria High Court, Isabet was often sent out to smaller towns and so started working her first court cases against poachers. ‘I’d always loved nature and our national parks,’ she explains, ‘but I knew nothing about prosecuting poachers at the time. It was a relatively new field, and still is, and the learning curve was steep.’ She was assigned to cases of organised crime, including poaching syndicates, and started out with only five cases in 2010. Today, the unit has almost 100 open cases against poachers – and that’s only in the Lowveld. ‘It certainly is an uphill battle,’ she says. ‘Since it’s a very new field, there’s very little authority or examples for courts to work from. Every single case, even illegal entry into our national parks, is crucial because it forms the blueprint for how future cases will be handled by a judge.’ But, Isabet says, huge strides are being made. ‘The courts are starting to see poaching as a violent crime, and we’ve had sentences of up to 77 years. We haven’t lost a single case – even if an accused only gets sentenced on a

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smaller charge.’ She admits some people feel these sentences are very harsh, but believes it’s an essential deterrent – poachers often come from poor backgrounds, and the money involved in the industry means only very high stakes might discourage them. ‘Rangers, police members and dog teams put their lives on the line every day to fight this battle. ‘Poachers shoot to kill – whether people or animals. And everyone involved has seen the heartlessness of it all, and it touches you. I’ve seen strong men become emotional when encountering a rhino that’s had its face hacked off but is still alive. It’s ruthless out there.’ That’s why Isabet and her fellow prosecutors keep working on these cases, even though the hours are long and the in-tray is piling up every day. ‘When I feel hopeless,’ she says, ‘I think of all the people who’ve put in so much effort to grow the anti-poaching movement. The perception is that not enough is being done about the problem, but without all the hours some people have already put in, we would have been nowhere. Now we’re getting to a point where we can see a light – the tide might be turning some time soon.’

MAJOR-GENERAL JOHAN JOOSTE Head of anti-poaching at SA National Parks Over the last two years, the ranger corps at SA National Parks has become like a special-ops force, thanks to Johan’s efforts. ‘We started off by centralising command for our parks so that we can share intelligence,’ he says. ‘It’s a problem that was seriously hampering our reach and impact. Rangers also received training to better their anti-poaching techniques, and were equipped with navigation and night-vision gear.’ Combating poaching has become a very dangerous fight over the last few years, and every ranger’s life is on the line. They’ve also taken the war to the skies with a new helicopter force, the park perimeters have been rigged up with early warning sensors, and trained dogs are also used to help sniff out any trouble. Their efforts led to 227 arrests last year. Despite these valiant efforts, poachers still aren’t deterred. More than 800

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LOCAL HERO | ANTI-POACHING

rhinos were killed in the Kruger National Park last year, and the number of poachers is only increasing; Johan estimates that around 4 500 entered the park in 2014. ‘The good news is that we expect to finally see a drop in these numbers by the end of this year,’ he says. ‘A big help was to form an alliance with our neighbouring parks and Mozambican police and authorities. Most Kruger poachers come through the northern border, and sharing intelligence has given us an advantage. Despite all our new technology, the human element remains the most important weapon in the fight against poaching.’ The key, Johan believes, is to clean up the park from the outside in. ‘Once a poacher is inside the park, it’s too late, because the area we then have to cover is just too big. The park has a 1 000km-long border, which is already huge, but more manageable.’ Within the park, they’re concentrating their efforts in the south, where most of the 8 000-9 000 rhinos roam. They’re also

exporting rhinos to other safer parks. ‘This fight won’t be easily won,’ admits Johan, ‘and there are no medals for the brave people trying to make a difference. But quitting is not an option. Rhinos, and any animals in our country, have such an important symbolic meaning and must be protected.’

ERIC ICHIKOWITZ Marketing director at defence and aerospace company, Paramount Group Weighing a tonne and standing nearly 10m tall, Parabot seems like a giant, real-life Transformer. The ‘robot’, constructed with the body of an Mbombe 6 armoured vehicle, is the Paramount Group’s latest endeavour in raising awareness around the fight against rhino poaching. Topped with a massive rhino horn, Parabot makes a big statement indeed. It’s been showcased at events such as the Rand Show, and has drawn a lot of attention to the plight of rhinos in our country. ‘Parabot is a symbol of resistance,’

PARABOT SEEMS LIKE A GIANT, REAL-LIFE TRANSFORMER

explains Eric, ‘a symbol of the fight back, and a message to the criminal gangs who are behind the slaughter that we will not give up on Africa’s wildlife heritage. The defence industry is in a unique position to strengthen conservation efforts. We have technology and equipment that is making a real difference.’ As Africa’s largest privately owned defence and aerospace company, Paramount Group believes the industry can play a significant role in fighting poaching through the provision of technologies, equipment and training. Over the last two years, the Paramount Group has provided aerial platforms and combattraining programmes for park rangers, and established South Africa’s largest K9 facility to train detection and ranger dogs for anti-poaching patrols. To develop and promote Parabot, they partnered with the Ichikowitz Family Foundation, a charitable organisation that aims to find new and innovative ways to support SA’s national parks. Parabot itself took 600 hours to build, and was made by Cape Town film-effects company CFX. ‘The Ichikowitz Family Foundation was founded with the belief that Africa’s potential can be unlocked through education, the respect for human rights, a better understanding of Africa’s dynamic history and the conservation of its rich biodiversity,’ says Eric. ‘We aim to promote conservation to this end.’

Visit stoprhinopoaching.com to help. Every cent donated goes straight into the organisation’s projects, and there are a number of products for sale online to support the rhino cause.

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pictures: supplied

Support the cause

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Call of the

wild Keith Bain finds spiritual renewal in the iMfolozi wilderness.

IÂ

t was the tail end of a very long, very dry winter, and the entire Hluhlwe-iMfolozi Park was parched beyond recognition. Not just dry, but desiccated and brittle. Smoke was still rising off stumps of blackened trees in the wake of recent fires, and the ground was charred and ashen in places. It was a stark reminder of a fragile balance. In some areas, we barely saw a patch of green and the lifesustaining river itself had dried to a snaking channel of sand sparsely dotted with puddles, where animals congregated, making do with what the earth provided. Rain was desperately needed, although I wondered how it would feel to spend five days walking in the wet, and how our nights under the stars, without tents, might feel if rain did in fact come. For most of us city slickers, I guess, concerns about comfort come more naturally than worries about survival.

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IMFOLOZI WILDERNESS | TRAVEL

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iMfolozi wilderness | travel

Facing the fear I am not what you would call brave. I have a morbid fear of heights. I tremble at the sight of snakes. And no one I know is more petrified of shopping malls. Few things, however, compare with the silent trepidation I felt for several weeks before setting off on a five-day walk in KZN’s iMfolozi wilderness. For no good reason, my mind kept inventing vivid scenarios in which I was being skewered by rhinos, flattened by elephants, and treated as a one-man buffet after being ripped apart by lions. My fears didn’t make sense. I’d been on plenty of walks through game reserves before; I’d tracked rhinos in the Kruger National Park and paddled through hippoand croc-infested water in the Okavango Delta. And when a Maasai warrior led me through the Kenyan outback, we spent hours trailing a bull elephant in musth. But somehow this was different.

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Perhaps because I knew my world was about to be turned upside down. It didn’t help that Peter Raimondo, our wilderness guide, was a close friend who had extolled the infinite virtues of what awaited us. He’d also, over the years, told me precisely what could happen out there. This wasn’t some petting zoo or pretty nature sanctuary we were heading into. The area between the White and Black Umfolozi rivers is known to have some of the highest concentrations of dangerous large game on earth. The first proclaimed protected wildlife area in Africa, it was once the private hunting ground of Shaka Zulu, and later became famous as the place where white rhinos were brought back from the brink of extinction. It occupies a special place in the hearts of conservationists, but knowing this did little to stem the anxiety I felt as our minibus made the journey north from Durban. As it turned out, I wasn’t alone with my jumpy nerves. Just before we left

civilisation, Peter sat the six of us down for a serious briefing. It was the sort of nuts-and-bolts pep talk that got our hearts beating wildly, squaring off the fact that should ‘anything serious happen’, he would use the emergency cellphone, but that if a threat to life or limb made a medical evacuation necessary, it would be several hours for the helicopter to arrive from Richards Bay. It was the grown-up way of telling us that where we were going, we wouldn’t be mucking about or taking unnecessary risks. I felt myself turn pale. ‘If you want to back out,’ Peter said, ‘now’s your last chance.’ But nobody gets that far only to turn back just as it’s about to turn real.

No Turning back So there we were with our backpacks full of food and just enough gear to see us through. We left behind all gadgets and distractions and filed into the bush with a

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iMfolozi wilderness | travel

singular aim: to connect with an untamed environment. We were there, Peter told us, to be part of this world, to live among the beasts on their terms, not merely as safari-style observers, but as our ancestors once did, when the world was shared on more even terms. By day, we slipped into a casual semiroutine that involved walking, napping and digging for water. Walks were slow and meditative – this wasn’t a hike where covering distance or reaching the destination took precedent over the journey. We had no schedule, other than some natural allegiance to the vagaries of the sun. We walked in silence, in single file, with a system of finger snaps and tongue clicks to catch one another’s attention. The whole point was to fit in, to become part of the environment, or at least as much as that’s possible when you’re a lumbering primate, covered in clothes and sunscreen, noisily trudging through unfamiliar terrain with a pack on your back. At night, darkness came quite suddenly. And we didn’t linger too long around the fire once we’d eaten. Lying in my sleeping bag, I spent long moments staring at the

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For the most part, though, the creatures whose world we’d entered simply became part of our reality stars, imagining the distances between them, searching for meteorites blazing trails through the blackness. Those dead hours weren’t dead at all. Through the night, each of us took turns keeping watch, making sure the fire didn’t go out and patrolling our campsite with a powerful torch, scanning every potential pathway for lurking predators, or anything large that might unwittingly be padding in our direction. For that hour of solo watch, there was little beyond snores, the crackle of the fire and the ceaseless opera of croaking frogs and insect chirrups for company. On that first night, keeping watch felt like shouldering the whole heavy world and I wondered if I’d be capable of distinguishing an elephant from a warthog. What would I do, anyway, if a lion suddenly pounced out of the dark?

But once initial worries about my own ineptitude evaporated, night watch became a pleasure, a time of fireside contemplation spent listening to amorous lions grunting in the distance, picking out the clown-like guffaws of hippos echoing through the darkness. Being there, surrounded by wildness and overcome by a growing sense of freedom, I noticed how my initial desire to have those epic encounters you see on Discovery Channel faded into the background. It wasn’t, I realised, about the thrill of animal spotting, but rather the sensation of simply being there – existing, as the wild beasts do, without expectation. Fitting in didn’t mean switching off or being complacent, however. There were times when heavy surges of adrenaline reminded me that the harmless-looking

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rhinos we were walking past were the same ones from my scary visions, and I’d feel that familiar knot in my stomach. Secretly, I’d try recounting the advice we’ve been given on escaping, if charged. Must I hide behind a tree or climb up it? And when, precisely, did I last climb a tree? For the most part, though, the creatures whose world we’d entered simply became part of our reality. We’d eat breakfast while watching wild dogs chase nyala. And drink tea as hyenas loped about. There were sunsets when we’d sit, staring down at the bend in the riverbed, witnessing scenes straight out of The Lion King. A parade of elephants would sashay in one direction and a herd of buffaloes amassed in their hundreds. Warthogs trotted through the grass and giraffes grazed the high branches of thorn trees while, unbeknown to any of them, a pair of male lions lay in the high grass plotting their next hunt using muffled grunts, keeping everyone in suspense.

Showers of blessing We were lucky to have witnessed it. Bang in the middle of the night, everything changed. First a light drizzle. And then a downpour that had us scurrying to erect makeshift shelters. It was a bit of a blur as dextrous fingers tied knots, fastening ropes to rocks and stumps. Comfort be damned. Within moments we were ensconced under canopies, and the snoring and night watch resumed. By morning, the rain had lifted, but there was a renewed energy in the air. Palpably, a tension had lifted. By that stage, too, all my earlier anxieties had dissipated. Fear had been replaced by a sense of being utterly alive. If anything, I felt free, at ease. Some call this a form of remembering, when our long-ago ancestors’ genetic instincts come to the surface, because

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our DNA encodes intuitive memories of how the world was before we claimed it, conquered it, developed and civilised it. We are, as they say, wired to feel the call of the wild. When our five days were up, it was a shock to discover how close we’d been to our vehicle and, ultimately, to civilisation. This realisation suggested that heading into wilderness is as much a state of mind as it is a physical reality. The wilderness is a place of surrender. And once you surrender to it, it’s like transcendence or time travel. Because the wilderness is really humankind’s original habitat – it’s that near forgotten place where we all, in our hearts, belong. By the end of it all, my soul was restored, my batteries recharged, my spirit refreshed. It had nothing to do with bravery and everything to do with connecting with myself. Back at Durban’s airport, though, I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough to face the mayhem of modernity’s rat race. Civilisation, I thought, was a very scary place.

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TRAVEL | WINTER SURF SPOTS

Endless

winter Dexter Douglas feels the stoke at SAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best winter surf spots.

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winter surf spots | TRAVEL

o most people, the combination of ‘winter’ and ‘beach’ makes very little sense – being cold, wet, sticky with salt and buzzed by ravenous sea gulls lusting after your rapidly cooling fish and chips is probably the picture that comes to mind. And while in the Cape this might be true for stretches of the year, the conditions at most of South Africa’s beaches are pretty phenomenal year round. And if you surf or bodyboard (or even don a speedo and surf handgun for a bodysurfing session), winter is a time to lick your lips and taste the stoke. South Africa has nearly 3 000km of coastline, so winter conditions at Richards Bay compared to Llandudno are going to be slightly different. Nevertheless, winter is pretty much the favoured surfing season across the country. The waves are more consistent than during the summer months, the swell is generally bigger, the breaks are less crowded with casual surfers, and the water temperature isn’t much cooler than it is in summer – on the East Coast, that is, where winter basically only means that the sun comes up later. The West Coast can be pretty frigid in winter, as it is most times anyway, but that’s what wetsuits are for. And hot chocolate. Or whisky. Or hot chocolate and whisky. Basically, winter will reward your bravery with consistently fat slabs of swell, so that when the wind is right, it doesn’t matter where on the coastline you find yourself, there’ll be waves to charge.

Alkantstrand, Richards Bay Richards Bay probably isn’t high on most surfers’ bucket lists, and to the locals that’s probably for the best (sorry locals), because Alkantstrand pumps. Set on the north side of the harbour, the Alkantstrand wave is a wedge that barrels beautifully and is pretty fast,

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so surfers pull off big turns – and your chances of getting tubed are way high. The conditions are pretty consistent, so the waves are generally pretty good, meaning you’re unlikely to mission there without having some fun. Perhaps because it’s not a busy wave, the locals are mellow too, so you shouldn’t fall victim to surf rage either. You’ll want to spend more than a day in the area to fully appreciate the beach – Challenor Ridge B&B is just a kilometre from the waves, so you don’t have to worry about where to keep your car keys.

NEW PIER, DURBAN Durban is known as Surf City for a reason. Bay of Plenty, North Beach, Dairy, Wedge and New Pier are where you’ll generally find the locals (although even uShaka and Vetches can pump when the winter swell rolls in). That’s a lot of beach with a lot of wave to go around. Though the surf is good year round, winter brings glassy conditions and longer rides, and the consistent beach break at New Pier is just about Durban’s most popular wave. When conditions are good, the wave is hollow and fast, so it’s no surprise that the spot gets pretty crowded – your best bet is to be in the water at sunup, or after the

ANSTEYS BEACH, SOUTH DURBAN

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NEW PIER, DURBAN

working stiffs head to the office. Durban’s beachfront is lined by hotels, so you’re kind of spoiled for choice, but the Blue Waters Hotel, set on the northern end of the strip, is affordable, comfortable, and a pizza and beer at the Blue Dolphin Bar can’t be topped.

ANSTEYS BEACH, THE BLUFF, SOUTH DURBAN Mention a Bluff beach when you don’t live there, and an alarm goes off somewhere for someone to be despatched with a length of chain to come moer you. Or so the Bluff’s reputation goes. Though there can be a bit of a ‘locals-only’ vibe at most Bluff beaches, you just need to follow basic surf etiquette and you’ll be fine. Ansteys’ right-handers are hollow and powerful, and with the banks often changing, you’re always in for

MDUMBI POINT, WILD COAST

a different wave, so you might get barrelled one day and face a big shorebreak the next. Conditions are also super consistent, but if you happen to be there when the surf isn’t firing, that’s okay too – the beach is way more quiet than Durban’s beaches and great for chilling. And if you stay in a local spot just off the beach, like Ansteys Beach Backpackers, you won’t run out of friends either.

MDUMBI POINT, WILD COAST The Wild Coast is one of those places that lives up to its name in a big way, and if you’re adventurous and handy with a 4x4, there are loads of secret surf spots to uncover. Mdumbi Point near Coffee Bay is isolated and chilled, with a classic point-break wave that seemingly runs forever. Mdumbi Backpackers is just a

MDUMBI POINT, WILD COAST

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few steps from the beach, and offers accommodation in traditional Xhosa huts, as well as lawn camping sites. It might be the most mellow place in South Africa, so when you’re not in the waves, you can’t help but kick back and take it easy.

SUPERTUBES, JEFFREY’S BAY Does J-Bay even need an introduction? With its legendary tubes, it’s arguably the home of surfing in South Africa, with people jetting in from around the world to sample its long point break. The waves are fast, hollow and near perfect, with barrels that seem to go on forever, but you’ll need to be a pretty skilled surfer to make the most of it. At this point, saying ‘respect the locals’ seems like a no-brainer, but such perfection is always going to be fiercely guarded – so wait your turn and don’t do anything thick like drop in on anyone. As the name suggests, Supertubes Guesthouse is just off the beach, allowing you to keep tabs on

VICTORIA BAY, GEORGE

conditions, grab your board and nip out whenever the craving hits. Otherwise, you can chill in comfort and visualise tomorrow’s waves.

VICTORIA BAY, GEORGE This tiny cove enclosed by cliffs between George and Knysna is the kind of place that you only find out about if someone tells you. The surf is amazing, with a consistent right-point break that runs for about 300 metres. Surfers of all levels can get something out of the wave, making it a pretty fantastic spot – and something

WITH ITS LEGENDARY TUBES, J-BAY IS ARGUABLY THE HOME OF SURFING IN SOUTH AFRICA

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of a jealously guarded open secret. You can almost literally step out of your room and into the water if you stay at Lands End on the southern tip of the bay, with the waves rolling past just metres away. It’s one of the most breathtakingly beautiful settings in the country, and the six self-catering apartments all have sun decks or verandahs, so when you’re not in the waves, you can still appreciate their form.

SURFER’S CORNER, MUIZENBERG The most beginner-friendly wave in the Cape, Surfer’s Corner is always busy, so it’s best to get there early. The wave is best when a north-westerly blows in winter, but it can be surfed most days if you have a long board; sometimes a long, slow glide is what the soul needs anyway. Shark attacks are a reality in False Bay, so respect the opinion of the shark spotters – if the siren sounds or the flags are up, best to skip today’s wave and live to surf another day. Stoked Backpackers is perched on the edge of Surfer’s Corner, and has a mix of private and dorm rooms. The vibe is super mellow and if you’re travelling alone, you’ll make friends fast.

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Elands Bay, West Coast

A 40-minute drive from Cape Town city centre, Long Beach lives up to its name. The waves break to the left and right due to a permanent sandbar in the middle, so whether you’re goofy or natural, you’ll be comfortable. The waves are also offshore in any of the prevailing southerly winds, meaning conditions are super consistent year round. This also means it can get crowded on the weekends, so get there early or during the week to have more of the wave to yourself. Kommetjie Cottages has killer sea and mountain views, and a real beachhouse vibe. You’re only a two-minute walk away to the sea, so you can easily hoof it with your board. The little town is also rich in history. It boasts a massive 33m-tall lighthouse, which was built in 1919, and is visible from Ou Kaapse Weg.

Three hours north of Cape Town, up the still, semi-desert West Coast is the tiny town of Elands Bay and a beautiful – if icy – wave. The lefthanded point break is fast and long, and suitable for more experienced surfers, especially as it can be shallow in places. Just make sure you and your crew pack your hoods, boots and gloves or you’re going to end up chilled (in the bad way). One thing to watch out for are the kiteboarders and windsurfers who make use of the howling wind in the afternoon – they come through the line-up pretty quickly and a clash won’t be fun for anyone. Elands Bay Hotel is the place to stay, and offers everything from a luxurious presidential suite to backpackers rooms and campsites – so there’s no need to make it just a day trip, whatever your budget.

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Contacts Challenor Ridge B&B 035 753 2672, challenor.co.za Blue Waters Hotel 031 327 7000, bluewatershotel.co.za Ansteys Beach Backpackers 031 467 1192, ansteysbeach.co.za Mdumbi Backpackers 083 461 1834, mdumbi.co.za Supertubes Guesthouse 042 293 2957, supertubesguesthouse.co.za Lands End 044 889 0123, vicbay.com Elands Bay Hotel 022 972 1640, elandsbayhotel.co.za Stoked Backpackers 021 709 0841, stokedbackpackers.com Kommetjie Cottages 021 783 1783, kommetjiecottages.co.za.

pictures: supplied

Long Beach, Kommetjie

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beaten track

Off the

Or on a track that hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t been trodden very much yet. In the bush. With barely anyone else around. And some animals. And Will Edgcumbe.

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SECRET GAME PARKS | TRAVEL

here’s nothing like being in the bush – the wind shushing through the long grass, birdsong ringing through the air, wild animals nobly eating (and defecating), scrubby plains as far as the eye can see … and then diesel fumes as a guy in a low-slung GTI redlines his car while in first gear to get in front of yours and yells something at the lion you were craning your neck to see. It’s okay if that prayer you subsequently mumble under your breath is for the lion to eat said guy. Everyone else around you is praying it too. Truth is, game reserves can quickly become extremely irritating places when there are lots of people clogging the roads, and even ones as huge as Kruger National Park can become a little crowded at times. So the next time you head into the bush, why not go somewhere a little less popular? Winter is also without a doubt the best time of year to do it – dryer conditions mean the bush isn’t as thick, making animals easier to spot (waterholes generally have lots of thirsty visitors) and the heat isn’t quite as devastating as it can be in summer. South Africa is home to more game reserves and national parks than you can wave a stick of petrol-station droëwors at, so we’ve selected some of the best lesser-known, overlooked or just plain far from anywhere reserves for the next time you get a craving for a break in the bush. You might not get to see a lion eat a guy in a GTI … but that’s what YouTube is for anyway.

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IT’S A PLACE OF STARK, ARID BEAUTY, AND TOTAL STILLNESS – UNTIL, THAT IS, YOU APPROACH THE FALLS FROM WHICH THE PARK TAKES ITS NAME AUGRABIES FALLS NATIONAL PARK, NORTHERN CAPE

AUGRABIES FALLS NATIONAL PARK

Not many places can claim to be far from everything, but most of them can be found in the vastness of the Northern Cape. Some 120km west of Upington and not far from the border to Namibia is Augrabies Falls National Park. It’s a place of stark, arid beauty, and total stillness – until, that is, you approach the falls from which the park takes its name. At 56-metres high, it roars when the Orange River is in flood, and aeons of its erosive power have carved a spectacular 18-kilometre long gorge. The animal life may not be as populous as other parks, but you can nevertheless see an interesting cross section of creatures including caracal, Hartmann’s mountain zebra, bat-eared fox, eland, Cape clawless otter, Verreaux’s (black) eagle and the Broadley’s flat lizard, which is only found within a 100km radius of the falls.

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secret game parks | travel

an absorbing game drive, and the three excellent game hides overlooking the park’s pans make for excellent game and bird viewing. Best of all is the sycamore fig forest, which can be seen on a remarkable guided nature walk that includes a series of platforms built into the massive trees for elevated views of the forest.

Mapungubwe National Park, Limpopo umkhuze section of the isimangaliso wetland park

umkhuze section of the isimangaliso wetland park

pictures: supplied

uMkhuze section of the iSimangaliso Wetland Park, KwaZulu-Natal uMkhuze is a 38 500-hectare reserve that has been amalgamated into the iSimangaliso Wetland Park, also a World Heritage Site. The reserve is a favourite for birders, with a staggering 420 species of birds to be seen – that’s approximately

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half of the species that call South Africa home. In the last two years, the park also officially became home to the Big Five when lion were introduced, and other species that can be spotted include cheetah, hippo, crocodile, wild dog, eland, giraffe and other smaller antelope. The park’s range of habitats – including acacia savannah, riverine forest, swamps, sand forest and woodlands – make for

Set at the confluence of the Limpopo and Shashe rivers, and bordered to the north by Zimbabwe and Botswana, you can’t go much farther north than Mapungubwe National Park. It forms part of the Greater Mapungubwe Transfrontier Conservation Area, allowing its game to roam between the three countries. The park’s diverse habitats are home to a variety of game including elephant, white rhino, leopard, wild dog, aardvark and spotted and brown hyena. It also happens to be a World Heritage Site, though not for its wildlife, but for its history. It was at Mapungubwe Hill, protected within the park, that a prosperous kingdom existed between 1200 and 1270AD, and archaeologists have uncovered evidence of a community that lived here dating back to the Iron Age. A visit to the Mapungubwe Interpretation Centre to learn more about the area’s history and to see the fabled golden rhino is a must-do.

Dinokeng Game Reserve, Gauteng A Big Five game reserve in the bustling Gauteng province doesn’t initially sound feasible (and brings to mind images of well-heeled business people being mauled in Sandton Square), but Dinokeng Game Reserve – just 45km north of Pretoria – is in fact Gauteng’s only free-roaming Big Five reserve.

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THIS PARK HAS THE RARE DISTINCTION OF BEING HOME TO A PLACE CALLED THE VALLEY OF DESOLATION There are 30 or so lodges on the 18 500-hectare reserve, and last year a self-drive route opened up for day visitors, meaning that it’s now possible for Jo’burgers to just nip out of the city for a spot of game viewing for the day, instead of a longer trek. Other than the Big Five, the massive reserve is also home to giraffe, hyena, kudu and waterbuck, as well as decent birdlife.

BORAKALALO GAME RESERVE, NORTH WEST The reserve on this list with the hardest name to pronounce ten times fast, Borakalalo Game Reserve is a protected area surrounding the Klipvoor Dam and covers some 13 000 hectares of woodland and open bushveld, as well as a lovely stretch of riverine forest. It’s just 80km from Pretoria, so if you live in Gauteng, it’s an easy place to get to for a day trip. Fishing on the dam and along the Moretele River is popular, with carp, bream, barbell and yellowfish lurking in the depths, and 350 species of birds have

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been recorded. If your vibe is game viewing, there are 35 species of mammals to see, including giraffe, white rhino, leopard, zebra and a whole heap of antelope.

CAMDEBOO NATIONAL PARK, EASTERN CAPE Set in the north-west corner of the Eastern Cape and practically surrounding the town of Graaff-Reniet is the Camdeboo National Park, a place of breathtaking scenery and the absolute stillness typical of the Karoo. This park has the rare distinction of being home to a place called the Valley of Desolation, which, although it sounds like a place where orcs breed, is achingly beautiful. Over millions of years, volcanic and erosive forces have created sheer cliffs and teetering columns of dolerite that tower precariously over the valley floor; it’s an arresting and humbling sight. The park is, as one would expect of the Karoo region, pretty arid, but it’s home to a wide range of hardy animal life, including five tortoise species and 43

mammal species such as meerkat, kudu, Cape buffalo, red hartebeest, gemsbok and Cape mountain zebra.

ELEPHANT’S EYE, HWANGE If you’re feeling even more adventurous, head north to Elephant’s Eye in Hwange National Park, south-east of Livingstone in Zimbabwe and just south of the Zambian border. Hwange is Zimbabwe’s largest national park, covering a staggering 1 465 000 hectares. Because of its close proximity to Victoria Falls, the park boasts an incredible biodiversity of flora and fauna, with more than 100 species of mammals and nearly 400 bird species on record. It also boasts one of the largest elephant populations in the world, making the name of the 6 000-acre Elephant’s Eye private concession quite apt. The lodge comprises eight tented en-suite chalets overlooking a waterhole – so you can watch those pachyderms taking their morning drink while you take yours.

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BEHIND THE SCENES | SURVIVAL ACADEMY

Grin and

bear it Trevor Crighton learns the life-saving value of a sturdy stick at the Bear Grylls Survival Academy.

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survival academy | BEHIND THE SCENES

ear Grylls is the 21st century’s MacGyver, able to live for days on his own urine and start a fire with his sunglasses. His burgeoning popularity has led to the launch of franchised Bear Grylls Survival Academies (BGSA) around the world, with South Africa being the most recent addition. The local chapter launched with a 24-Hour Adult Survival Course, which saw 12 participants packed off into the wild of the Magaliesberg. The instructors are serious about what they do, and impart knowledge to participants that could enable them to literally save lives. Being current and former SA Special Forces operatives with access to impressive depths of knowledge, these instructors have lived by the code they’re teaching, surviving the most challenging of situations. They also have the most fantastic nicknames, used to help protect their identities. You can scoff at taking instructions from someone called Smurf if you like, but he’s just the kind of guy you want by your side in a survival situation. The course starts with basic situational assessment and navigational instruction. You’ll want to prioritise protection for yourself and your party, set up a signal to help rescuers find you, find a water source and start a fire – each have myriad steps

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and motivations, but keep to the code and you’d already have given yourself a chance. Smurf shows us how to plant a stick in the ground and mark off its shadow with a stone. Come back 20 minutes later, do some basic geometry, and we’re able to figure out in which direction we should be heading for help. Backpacks on and the walking begins, with instructions to keep an eye out for a sturdy stick for each member. Minutes in and the group fails its first test. Otto points out the remains of an animal carcass dangling from a tree that everyone bypassed, and Smurf extols its myriad uses, among them food and skin for warmth and water storage. It’s important to take in every aspect of your surroundings – you never know if something seemingly random could play a role in your survival.

KNOTS AND KNIVES After zig-zagging down the side of the hill, the group arrives at a good spot for another on-the-fly lecture, where Wings shares some impressive knot knowledge with us. I realise then that if I don’t pay attention, I may not make it through the weekend. I’m going to have to tie myself to a fellow group member tomorrow and euphemistically ‘do some climbing’. Not mastering a bowline could leave someone clawing fresh air at a pivotal moment.

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Basic knots covered, it’s time to unsheathe the previously ornamental knife. Wings covers the basics of knife wielding as the paramedic starts sweating gently on the periphery of the group. The knives are out and tested on the sticks we’ve all picked up along the way. Sharp intakes of breath signal a collective understanding of how careful we need to be. Fortunately, nobody fillets themselves.

TAKE SHELTER The trek follows the contour of the Magaliesberg as we drop into the valley, with the instructors stopping to point out edible and medicinal plants as we go. A clearing provides an opportunity to forage – we find a sheet of corrugated iron and, conveniently,

a ‘food drop’ of unmarked tins, some blankets and a parachute. Everything is gathered and split among the group as the hike turns uphill towards a second clearing. There, Crank is seated on the edge of a comfortablelooking shelter, in front of a roaring fire. Intimidated by the plush accommodation he’s built, we’re instructed to build our own shelter for the night, using anything we can find. Tasks are divided, suggestions are made and the shelter starts taking shape under the V of a tree trunk as the sun sets. Reminding us of our survival priorities, the instructors halt construction to demonstrate firemaking methods and the setting of ‘humane’ snares. Headlamps illuminate the campsite as the pace on the

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WE SET OFF UPHILL UNTIL WE’RE GREETED BY A SHEER WALL OF ROCK. HELMETS ARE HANDED OUT AND A REFRESHER COURSE ON KNOTS IS WELCOMED

pictures: anton nel

shelter’s construction picks up. Ferns are hauled in to create a springy mattress and the parachute is stretched across the branches as a roof. A careful glance at the instructors reveals some approval. So we’re not totally hopeless. A trio of guinea fowl are humanely dispatched and prepared. Potatoes are produced and rolled into the fire. A few more heart-in-mouth moments ensue for the paramedic, as tired hands use

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sharp knives inexpertly to open cans. It’s a welcome meal at the end of a long day – curried beans and all. After dinner, Smurf urges us to extinguish our headlamps and leads us on a short walk up the hill. There, the navigational mysteries of the stars are laid bare in simple terms and as night vision settles, we all realise that we’d actually have a shot at finding our way around in the dark.

IT’S ALL UPHILL FROM HERE It’d be unfair to say that the group is woken up at 5:30 the next morning, as a number of us had hardly slept a wink. Our triumphantly built shelter was never going to be big enough to house everyone and those who opted for a night under the stars didn’t get a lot of shuteye. Sleeping bags are stowed and the corrugated-iron sheet salvaged the previous evening turns into a skillet as eggs are produced, scrambled and inhaled. We set off uphill until we’re greeted by a sheer wall of rock. Helmets are handed out and a refresher course on knots is welcomed. I look up and can’t see the top. Fifteen minutes later, I’m hugging a boulder like a lost lover, standing on a ledge barely wide enough for my feet. My backpack is flirting with gravity and trying to tug me backwards. ‘Now is probably a great time to

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mention my fear of heights,’ I mutter softly to Wings. After inching along slowly and doing a ‘Ministry of Silly Walks’ manoeuvre to get into something loosely resembling a foothold, I’m up and over. The view from the top is my reward for volunteering to head up in the first trio, as we wait for the other members of the group to join us.

Somebody call 911 There’s a bellow from one of the instructors who’s already set off beyond us. His fellows quickly and efficiently stabilise and treat what appears to be a snakebite. We’re all a little tired, but the phrase ‘snakebite emergency simulation’ does seem familiar from the course literature. We take instructions from Smurf and fashion a stretcher from those sturdy sticks we collected yesterday. The ones we tested our knives on and used as supports for our shelter; the humble stick’s stock as a survival tool is rising. The paramedic jabs a large drip needle into Wings’ arm and blood jets onto the dry grass. We’re not sure this is a simulation any more. We start a signal fire and stand in formation to signal a clear landing spot for the evacuation helicopter. The orange Alouette II swoops in to collect him and as it barrels away, we’re congratulated on an efficient emergency reaction. The group treks on across the flat top of the mountain, and after being warned that ‘this is puff adder territory’, we use those versatile sticks to prod ahead of each footstep. The sun is baking down and the reality of a survival situation is weighing heavily on us all. We could be doing this on no sleep, no food, no water and while having to transport injured people. Attention levels are at an alltime high.

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We start a signal fire and stand in formation to signal a clear landing spot for the evacuation helicopter Shortly after, we’re greeted by the blissfully snakebite-free Wings. Blood still streaks his arm as he sets about teaching us how to make a meal out of mealworms, and to dispatch a scorpion safely. He shows us how to build a bush oven out of a termite mound and use our fire-starting knowledge to cook the lot. Oh, and how to purify water with charcoal from the fire and some fine grass, stuffed into a sock. Wings is like Bear Grylls and Gordon Ramsay rolled into one. And best of all, we don’t have to drink pee.

Over the edge We march on and crest a ridge to see a crew clustered around a few bakkies. Their presence marks the chance to make a decision – hitch a ride down to the meeting point, or extract your gloves and harness, grab a helmet and abseil 50m down to the foot of the mountain. I’m torn between my all-clenching fear of heights and the thought that I’ve come too far in the last 24 hours to bail out now. Twenty minutes later,

I’m walking backwards over the edge of a cliff. Just below the lip, the rope stops feeding through my right hand and I dangle there, briefly. ‘Sorry, someone else was on your rope,’ calls the instructor, who’d previously noted my dilated pupils and quivering hands. Everyone’s a comedian. After a fairly rapid descent and without paying much attention to the view, I’m sipping the world’s most welcome soft drink at the foot of the mountain, leaning against a Range Rover. Every member of the group abseils and as the numbers swell around the vehicles, so does the sense of accomplishment. After making it through this part-campout, part-vital life-saving crash course, I know now that I’ll at least stand some chance of surviving being stranded in the middle of nowhere. Just as long as I have my sturdy stick. For more information about the Bear Grylls Survival Academy, visit www.group73.co/bgsa or ‘like’ Group73 on Facebook.

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DRIVE | ACTION

Running amok(ka) David Taylor reckons Opel’s new Mokka is more chic than off-road, but it’s still a great way to traverse the urban jungle.

pictures: supplied

don’t understand people who buy hardcore off-road vehicles and then never use them. What’s the point of buying a fancy monster with a low-range gearbox, off-road differential and tyres, if you’re never going to venture further than Pretoria? When people ask me what’s a great off-roader to buy, I often reply with, ‘Are you going to drive across the Kalahari, or do you just want to climb some shoppingmall kerbs?’ Most SUV customers don’t actually need all of these off-road features, and manufacturers have realised that most people really just want some extra ground clearance and the appeal of sitting higher up.

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Opel’s Mokka is a great example of this. It looks capable, but is more metropolitan than mud. Power comes from Opel’s trusty 1.4-litre turbo petrol engine, which offers credible performance without compromising the environment or your wallet. And despite its SUV sizing, still retains fun-to-drive elements seen in smaller city cars. These SUV size and dimensions come in handy though, as there’s just enough height to climb pavements and mount kerbs when parking is scarce, which should keep Sandton mummies happy. What’s a car without a sound system and fancy gadgets? The Mokka has a smart and intuitive infotainment system

called Intellilink, which makes other systems look woefully overcomplicated. It really shouldn’t be difficult to connect your phone via USB or Bluetooth, but some car makers have made it a tedious process. Within a few seconds you’ll have your music blasting through the system and you’re able to make/receive calls without touching your device. The other ace in the Mokka’s deck is its interior space and specification. For a vehicle starting from R288 500, there’s a lot of tech thrown in. There’s also a great warranty attached, and right now you’d be hard-pressed to match the Mokka as a great urban crawler. Who wants to get dirty and go camping anyway?

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ACTION | DRIVE

Suzuki Jimny

ii It’s the smallest and cheapest vehicle here, but that doesn’t mean it’s not as capable. Thanks to its dimensions, the Jimny is able to hop over obstacles and its off-road gearbox plus high-ground clearance mean it’s really solid when the going gets rough. From R224 900.

FJ Cruiser u Toyota ii It may resemble something out of the original Gulf War, but this Japanese Hummer is a monster go-anywhere machine. There’s a meaty four-litre V6 engine, and an assortment of 4x4 gearboxes and differentials to ensure that you really can go anywhere. From R513 900.

Adventure time

Outback x Subaru ii Yes, it may be a station wagon, but the new Subaru Outback has just been launched in South Africa and promises a lot of off-road ability, along with huge interior space. It also has a great 2.0-litre turbo diesel engine. From R479 000.

Volkswagen California

ii Arguably the coolest vehicle on this list. Who doesn’t want a big Volkswagen camper van with a built-in tent? It has 4motion all-wheel drive tech, which means it can go off the beaten track, but probably not as far as the others. Still, you can basically live in the California, which makes it a winner. From R696 300.

Land Rover Discovery

ii What off-road list doesn’t feature at least one product from the Land Rover family? In our opinion, the Discovery offers the best blend of off-road ability and luxury. While we all dream of the ultra-luxurious Range Rover, the price tag of near R2-million brings us crashing back to reality. From R717 286.

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text: david taylor; pictures: supplied

Want to rough it? Believe that the world is your playground? Then one of these go-anywhere vehicles is for you.

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property | stuff

Kerry Hayes flexes her muscles as she explores the idea of the home gym.

uring the chilly winter months, the idea of working out outside the comfort of your home is slightly less appealing. I have a gym membership, but it’s a real schlep to get there after work – especially when I’ve had back-to-back meetings and had to apply my mind to writing a practical article about home gyms. Now there’s a novel idea: a home gym! Actually, home gyms have been growing in popularity in South Africa, as citizens look to improve their health and wellness, while cutting down time away from their homes and families (and missing the overpowering traffic). There are many other benefits to having a home gym, such as exclusive use of the equipment (you can leave those wet wipes

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Klapping it,

at home now) and not having to wait until the person ahead of you finishes the circuit before you take your turn. And if you have need of a trainer to keep you in line, most of them are more than happy to come to you. It basically boils down to convenience and an enhanced lifestyle – and the more motivated you feel by your relaxed lifestyle, the more motivated you’ll be to not miss a gym session.

Setting the scene Setting up a home gym is not as difficult as you may think. First, you need to look at your space: will you have a dedicated corner in your home for a few pieces of gym equipment; or will you have a dedicated room? With South African homes generally being more spacious than

boet

European ones, it’s not only possible but also quite practical to opt for the latter. Ideally, you want a well-ventilated room with enough space for the equipment that you wish to work with. If your training leans towards the noisy side – like slamming a SandBell or medicine ball into the wall or floor (or pretending the sandbag is your boss) – then you may want to choose a space away from the bedrooms and living areas. It’s recommended that you install gym flooring, to soften the noise and protect the underlying flooring in the room.

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STUFF | PROPERTY

Then include some strength equipment – things like an Olympic bar and free weights, a multi-gym, bench press or a squat-to-bench stand with telescopic arms and barbells. SandBells are a really great addition as they can be used as kettlebells. And don’t forget dumbells and a sandbag; you can swing, slam, lift and throw, and they won’t break. ViPRs are also a great addition if space allows. Throw in a suspension trainer that can hang off a wall, or a pull-up bar – these don’t take up much space. And then it’s useful to include some equipment for core, stretching and functional training. The specifications of each home gym need to be tailor-made, based on the training goals and needs of each user.

sauna or steam room and massage area, you can expand the purpose of your gym to include wellness and relaxation.

BUILT FOR STRENGTH

A comfortable environment makes everything more pleasant and will increase the time that you spend in the room. Adding in good light, modern finishes and quality audiovisual equipment is a great idea, and by combining other relaxing wellness products in the area such as a

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Now that your space is set up, you need to fill it with the right equipment to fit your gym requirements. This will depend on the space available and the type of training you require. Look at dividing your room into training zones – cardio, strength and stretching/functional training. Cardio will most likely form the base of your home-training environment – a treadmill, water rower, elliptical trainer or bike are some of the most popular products. Try to have a few different pieces, so that your routine can be varied on different days.

There are some downsides to a home gym. Equipment can be costly, and if you don’t buy from a reputable specialist, you could end up with an unreliable item that could be dangerous. Quality equipment should last a very long time, but remember that it does have to be serviced and maintained. Another drawback could be the toneddown environment. At a commercial gym, the environment is high energy, and you’re among fellow likeminded gymers. Whatever your reason for wanting a home gym, do your research beforehand, and speak to the right people for equipment and setup advice. It’s a sizeable investment, but you’ll reap the rewards in the long run if you’re committed. Remember, the only six-pack that you can buy is the one from the bottle store. With thanks to Life Fitness, Origin Fitness and Technogym. For more home and décor ideas, visit sahomeowner.co.za.

pictures: life fitness, istock

THE DOWNERS

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STUFF | MONEY MATTERS

Into the cloud C The reasons why businesses are migrating to cloud computing are compelling, while the reservations that many previously held are slowly waning, writes Katherine Graham.

loud computing isn't pie-in-the-sky stuff; it's real and it's growing. Think of how much money companies spend buying servers, maintaining and upgrading them; the hassle of buying software licences for new employees; the risk of data loss if it hasn’t been backed up; the cost of having an in-house IT department. That's so last season. The forward-looking company pays a monthly subscription to a cloud-based service provider, accesses software and documents via the internet, uses Gmail for their employees' e-mail accounts (at $5 per month a pop with 25GB of storage space, it's a bargain), doesn't have to worry about losing data if there's a fire or burglary because it's in the cloud and no longer needs its own IT department (most of them smoke too much, anyway). It's so beautifully streamlined and simple.

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The scalability of the cloud makes it attractive – you only pay for as many users as you need, and it's easy to adjust your costs up and down. It also fosters greater collaboration between teams who can work on documents together in real time, no matter where they are. 'The cloud is really the answer to so many frustrations that businesses have experienced in the past,' says Steven Cohen, MD of Sage One AAMEA. 'Now you can share data, keep connected to the people in your business’ ecosystem and have the freedom to work and access important information wherever you are.'

As with most things in life, there are doubting Thomases. For some firms who’ve spent a fortune on hardware and software, they may want these assets to 'sweat' a bit more before they are willing to migrate to the cloud. Others worry about security, data ownership and privacy, which are all valid concerns, but most experts argue that the cloud is more secure than traditional on-site solutions. If you're not ready to migrate yet, you could try a hybrid model, where some functions are on-premise and others are in the cloud. 'I have seen an increasing

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trend with larger organisations to “trial” cloud computing by only moving less sensitive solutions to the cloud as a start, while keeping riskier solutions such as ERP and accounting in-house,' says Ryan Barlow of e4. Of course, nothing is completely free of risk (even the Apple cloud was hacked), but most agree that the advantages offered by the cloud far outweigh the risks. As Roberto Caprio, director of Dial a Nerd, says, 'Soon cloud computing will be a differentiator that could provide your business with an edge compared to competition that chooses to continue relying on older technology.'

picture: istock

'Having documents in the cloud allows you to have access to data any time and anywhere,' says Andry Ranaivo of On Site Computer Doctor. As long as you have an internet connection through a computer or smartphone, all files are readily available. 'There’s no need to go back to the office to update that important file,' says Andry.

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BUSINESS | STUFF

The Wild West Richard Mulholland of Missing Link has a showdown with the heebie-jeebies of public speaking.

picture: thinkstock

o I was sitting next to this guy on a flight to Cape Town last week. We were exchanging the usual inane small talk, killing time and boredom until we got to the obligatory, ‘So what do you do for a living?’ bit. When I told him I was involved in the presentation industry, he replied that he was on his way to Cape Town to deliver a rather big and important presentation at his company’s conference and he was crapping himself. He said he felt like he was going into a showdown in the Wild West. This surprised me. This dude was smart, confident and able to communicate with ease. Now all he had to do was the exact same thing to a group of co-workers – and he was nervous. It didn’t make sense. In my line of work, though, it’s something that we hear a lot. Everyone knows the old adage that next to dying, people’s biggest fear is public speaking, so it must be scary, right? Wrong! I can tell you with absolute honesty that public speaking is the most fun you could have standing up. It’s like having a wee chat with someone on a topic that you’re an expert on. Except, instead of one person listening, there are many, and best of all: they have to listen to you. It kicks ass.

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So why do people get so nervous? It’s simple really. You get nervous because you have to stand up and be the person you think your audience expects you to be. This is the key, though: you don’t. Inside every audience member, there exists a finely tuned bull-dust detector and it’s on the constant hunt for authenticity, which is without a doubt the number one most endearing characteristic any speaker can have. Audiences don’t want to listen to words; they want to connect with people. So the good news is that you’ve nothing to be afraid of. I can say with absolute certainty that you’re without a doubt the 100% best version of yourself in any room you could ever speak in. You just have to bring the best version of yourself on the day. So if you’re funny, make them laugh; if you’re not, don’t. If you’re an academic, make them think. The trick is to know what your own personal ninja skill is and to open with that. Get them on your wavelength; don’t try get on to theirs. Mostly though, enjoy yourself. No matter what the content or who’s in the crowd, you have a chance to change people for the better. That’s pretty damn rad, and something worth looking forward to.

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HEALTH | STUFF

Winning with winter Runny nose, scratchy throat, weak body â&#x20AC;&#x201C; these are all signs of the common cold. Stay healthy with these five easy steps. STEP 1: HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON This might sound slightly counterintuitive, but a lack of sleep can produce an acidic environment in your body, creating the perfect breeding ground for viruses and germs to take over. Besides, it's so much nicer sleeping in during winter. The solution: Make sure you get at least seven to nine hours of solid sleep a night.

STEP 2: BRING ON THE DRINKS

text: raina julies; picture: supplied

Not the fizzy sugary kind that can hike your glucose levels, affecting your immunity over time and making you more susceptible to colds and flus, but good old H2O. The solution: Add extra no-sugar electrolyte sachets or tablets to your water to get an extra boost. The key to staying well hydrated is drinking before youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re actually thirsty.

STEP 3: EAT AWAY Garlic and curcumin, which is a substance derived from the spice turmeric, are both great natural immune boosters. The solution: Look for curcumin or whole turmeric powder in a tablet or

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capsule form. Take between 400mg and 600mg three times a day for general health. Alternatively, chop or mash a few cloves of garlic into your food every day. By the way, chewing parsley is a great way to get rid of garlic breath.

STEP 4: BEAT THAT BODY A moderate level of regular exercise has a long-term cumulative effect on immune response. Regular aerobic exercise, five or more days a week for more than 20 minutes a day, is as good as an apple a day. The solution: Don't go overboard, because strenuous exercise releases the stress hormone cortisol, which can weaken the immune system.

STEP 5: GET OFF THAT COUCH Believe it or not, socialising helps strengthen your immune system by keeping you active and reducing your stress levels. So get off that comfy couch, turn up the volume to your favourite tune and invite some friends over for a healthy electrolyte- andwater party. The solution: Well, if you need help on how to throw a good party, best you Google that!

JULY 2015

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COLUMN | STUFF

Into, and out of, the wild T

he road to Jangamo Bay in Mozambique was rougher than a Northern Cape farmer and twice as hairy. The first thing to greet Brenda and myself when we opened the door to the rickety beach shanty was a giant spider moving across the floor like Usain Bolt with eight legs and a really small head. In hot pursuit was a detachment of geckoes, their hideous voices raised in a crackling war rattle that scared the life out of me. I woke early the next morning, doused myself in the local Tipo Tinto rhum that serves as a panacea for everything from shark bites to sobriety, and talked Brenda into coming snorkelling with me at a spot a couple of clicks down the beach called Paindane. Cresting a dune, we saw a couple of 4x4s way down below on the beach. Brenda suggested we park and walk down. ‘Nonsense,’ I said. ‘If they can do it, so can I.’ She reminded me that I was new to this off-road business. I gave her the lazy eye. ‘How hard can it be?’ She nodded then shook her head and looked out of the window. I took that as permission to go ahead. Getting down the dune was a piece of cake. The main reason I like snorkelling is because fish don’t talk. They might look at you as if to say, ‘Who are you

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and what the hell do you think you’re doing here?’, but they don’t actually say it. The only sound was that of me sucking on the snorkel. And then, when an appalling snake-like creature stuck its dreadful snout out of a crevice, the sound of my chest being ripped open on the coral as I scrambled, mask askew, to reach the safety of the Land Rover. Brenda had seen an octopus and was already in the passenger seat. With the snorkelling well and truly

over, I had a go at the dune and made it halfway across the beach when the car sank up to its thighs. I got out and kicked the tyres. Nothing happened so I took off my shirt, flexed my muscles, coughed up a bit of blood and lay down on the sand. I told Brenda it was important not to lose face in front of the other 4x4ers. We needed to pretend that we had decided to stop there for a bit. She got out and waved over a posse of bracelet sellers, who scrabbled around beneath the wheels and pushed the car out. As punishment, I kept driving and made Brenda walk all the way to the top of the dune. In return, she made me sleep in the spider’s room until fear got the better of me and I begged for mercy. Over the next few days, I rolled a quad bike and fell off a horse. My toe swelled up like a sea cucumber and Brenda spoke nothing but pidgin Portuguese. The time to leave came with the onset of tropical crotch rot and a deranged fisherman who stumbled up to me and shouted ‘Crab!’ right into my face. I packed the cooler box with a dozen plastic bottles of Tipo Tinto, three wall-eyed barracuda and a conch the size of our president’s head, then pointed the Land Rover’s nose towards Swaziland and floored it.

illustration: pete woodbridge

Ben Trovato dices with death, dunes and deranged fishermen in Mozambique.

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