Khuluma 46

November

2015

It's getting hot in here Starring Sifiso Nene FOR THE MENU see pages 2 & 3

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o … one morning, Crazy Horse lights the fire outside the wigwam before going out to grab a bison to bring home for dinner. That evening when he arrives home, bison in tow, Black Shawl gives him a thorough tongue-lashing. ‘What is the point of having a fire at home if you do not watch for smoke

signals? I’m expected to have the soufflé ready and you can’t even let me know how far you are with the bison!’

In his defence, Crazy Horse says, ‘Well, it would have been pointless to watch for your smoke signal as my flint was wet, so I could not have replied. Never mind that I was on my horse most of the time anyway, and you know that I am not supposed to light a fire while on a horse.’

I don’t think so.

In fact only a few years ago, I still functioned successfully without a cellphone, and was able to go out at night, drive to meetings, and even go on holiday for days at a time with no knowledge of where I could find the nearest telephone. Remarkably, this did not bother me nor anyone else. The entire human race has survived the last few thousand years and even managed to multiply like rabbits without being in constant and immediate communication with one another.

Yet yesterday a motorist in the left lane took a right turn in front of me because she just had to answer her phone rather than check her mirror. Probably her boyfriend saying that he had just taken off his socks, and should he put them in the wash – or some such life-threatening dilemma.

Humankind has developed a severe obsessive-compulsive attachment to the cellphone under any circumstances, whether in a rest-room cubicle, riding a bicycle, or chasing a bison.

I would rather throw mine out of the window, but I can’t do that while typing this column and driving.

Erik Venter, CEO: Comair Ltd

kulula.com

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Contents

NOVEMBER 2015

53 16 Regulars

20 62

BEAUTY The latest smelly, prettifying things to smear all over yourself

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WATCH Searing-hot silver-screen sensory sensations

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READ The latest long-form literary larks

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GARDEN ROUTE Food, fashion and fabulous getaways along our glorious Garden Route

LISTEN We rate the latest CD releases, and find out what puts the dink in Engelbert Humperdink’s humper

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GIFT GUIDE Our advanced-planning gifting guide for the whole family

GAMES Turn your eyes square with this month’s latest digital distractions

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TOP TIPPLE Beat the heat with these ice-cool cocktails

TECH Gizmos and apps to take advantage of all that surplus Vitamin D

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WESTERN CAPE What to do, what to wear, what to eat and where to sleep in and around the Mother City this month

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ÜBER-EDITOR’S LETTER Sifiso Nene wants no more baby-mama drama in his life (or his show)

GAUTENG Get busy, chow down, shop till you drop, then sleep it off in Gauteng

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KULULA PAGES kulula puts the green in the green-and-gold

KWAZULU-NATAL Play, eat, dress and dos like a real KZNite

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Guide 14

COMPETITIONS Win stuff! Lots of stuff!

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THE NOTICEBOARD Our monthly roundup of what’s going on around the country

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VIEW FROM THE TOP Our CEO contemplates life without his cellphone

NOVEMBER 2015

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Chat 82

MINISTER OF SPORT AND TWEETS Sifiso chats about teams, trash talk and Twitter with Fikile Mbalula

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TOUCHED BY AN ENGEL Sifiso tries to achieve dominion over Kim Engelbrecht

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LOCAL HERO High above the horizon with the pioneering Shark Spotters

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LOCAL HERO We chat to the men and women who fight fires

Travel

108 ISLAND STYLE, MZANSI STYLE Get the lowdown on SA’s island, erm, ‘paradises’ 114 WHO YOU CALLING A SEMI-DESERT? No matter what you call it, the Kalahari is a land of extremes

Action

122 BEHIND THE SCENES How to sweat and survive through Bikram yoga 127 DRIVE Tear up the road with the Mercedes-AMG GT S and tear up your expectations with five underrated cars

Stuff

131 PROPERTY Freshen up your al-fresco entertaining this summer 135 BUSINESS What do you do when your brand ends up in hot water?

136 BUSINESS Handle the heat when things go wrong on stage

WIN an iPad mini 3

Register on: www.dynamicvisionsa.co.za & receive a

R200 FASHION FRAME VOUCHER and be entered into the draw for a chance to win the iPad Mini 3 Terms and conditions apply.

Prizes are not transferrable or redeemable for cash.

Competition not open to employees of Dynamic Vision, their advertising agents or families.

Judges decision is final. Draw will take place on 30 November 2015.

Winner will be announced on our Facebook page www.facebook.com/dynamicvisionSA

139 HEALTH Last-minute tips for getting that bod beach-ready 140 COLUMN Ben Trovato tracks his love affair with warmer weather

DYNAMIC VISION

TM

OPTOMETRISTS

change the way the world sees you

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Call 0860 VISION 0860 847466 www.dynamicvisionsa.co.za www.facebook.com/dynamicvisionSA

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EDITORIAL Editor Anthony Sharpe – anthonys@picasso.co.za Content Manager Raina Julies Copy Editors Lynn Berggren, Vanessa Rogers Content Co-ordinator Vanessa Payne ART Head of Design Studio Jayne Macé-Ferguson Designers Anja Hagenbuch, Mfundo Archie Ndzo Design Intern Johan Labuschagne Production Editor Shamiela Brenner Cover Photograph Morné van Zyl Make-up Artist Cindy Horton, using Dermalogica SALES Business Manager Lodewyk van der Walt – lodewykv@picasso.co.za Project Manager Richard White khlassifieds Project Manager Steve Norval Sales Consultants Stephen Crawford, Jay Deary, Bonnie Eksteen, Randall Grace, Eugene Howard, Louis le Roux, Lana Martens, Marc Plastow, Andre Potgieter, Roman Ross, Clint Smith, Zelda Stein, Shaun Westley Advertising Co-ordinator Vanessa Payne OPERATIONS Senior Bookkeeper Deidre Musha General Manager: Magazines Jocelyne Bayer KULULA.COM CEO Comair Limited Erik Venter Head of Department: Marketing, kulula.com Shaun Pozyn Marketing Manager, kulula.com Bridgette Ramuluvhana Brand Manager, kulula.com Thembeka Mabaso COMAIR LIMITED 1 Marignane Drive, Bonaero Park, Kempton Park, 1619 Tel: 011 921 0111 | kulula.com contact centre: 0861 KULULA (585852)

To advertise in this magazine, please contact Richard White (Project Manager) at 021 469 2542, or email richardw@picasso.co.za To advertise in the khlassifieds section, please contact Steve Norval (Project Manager) at 021 469 2435, or email steven@picasso.co.za Copyright: No portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written consent of the publishers. The publishers are not responsible for unsolicited material. khuluma is published monthly by Picasso Headline Reg: 59/01754/07. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Picasso Headline, kulula or Times Media. All advertisements/advertorials and promotions have been paid for and therefore do not carry any endorsement by the publishers. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of its contents, neither kulula, nor the publisher can be held responsible for any omissions or errors, or for any misfortune, injury or damages that may arise therefrom. We reserve the right to edit interviews for layout purposes.

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ÜBER-EDITOR OF THE MONTH

ello kulula. My name is Sifiso Nene, and if you don’t know that name, you will soon. Welcome to the long, hot summer.

So last month I opened my one-man show, Baby Mama Drama, and I’m telling you, if you want to talk about it getting hot in here, try doing that! I don’t know if I’ll be trying it again any time soon. But you know, it sold out … so maybe I will.

Anyway, when I took on the job of guest editing khuluma, I thought it would be easy by comparison. But yoh, look at my tan!

Being a model isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, even when you’re as good looking as I am.

Speaking of good looking, I had the chance to speak to two very good-looking people for this issue: Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula and actress Kim Engelbrecht. Okay, just one very good-looking person – Fikile is hot! Anyway, it turns out that despite the crazy stuff he says on social media, the minister is very serious about his job, transformation and Orlando Pirates. And we bonded over the sad story of Bafana Bafana.

As for our very own engel, Kim Engelbrecht, yoh! That girl is on fire. From Take 5 to Isidingo SIFISO’S to Dominion to a new movie with some CREDS Sifiso Nene started his career really famous people, she is on track to by winning So You Think You’re become a superstar. She was in Hawaii Funny! back in 2009. Since then, when I spoke to her, but I could tell she he’s found out that he’s really funny and has appeared on stage with missed me. It’s difficult being in love with some of SA’s biggest comedians a comedian – we’re always on the road, as well as in his own one-man impossible to pin down, and obviously, you show, Baby Mama Drama.

Follow @sifisonene. know, super good looking.

So wherever you’re going this summer, keep it cool. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that drama, of the baby-mama kind or any other, gets you hot under the collar for all the wrong reasons. Just chill.

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Sifiso Nene No more drama in my life H

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flying 101:

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t’s common knowledge that we are all about green and the ‘gees’! So to show our support for the boys in green and gold, we created two massive rugby balls which were placed at our check in counters at OR Tambo International Airport. The rugby balls measured 2.5m in width and were signed by our proudly South African fans who, like us, wanted to wish the team the very best for the 2015 Rugby World Cup. To ensure that we pulled out all the stops, we even had our own cheer squad to create an authentic rugby experience and the right hype for the activation. Former Blue Bulls wing Akona Ndungane also got involved in the action by taking photos with fans and signing the giant rugby ball. And

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when you thought things couldn’t get any better, we had Kaizer Chiefs and the Bulls surprising fans as they also joined in on the fun before flying out.

We handed out 1 000 rugby shirts to our fans at OR Tambo so that they could be all prepped up for the opening match.

Our fun Cabin Crew made sure that the same patriotic energy was maintained on board, wearing the rugby shirts and making on-board announcements encouraging everyone to get behind our boys. The crew wore the shirts every time our team played a match.

If you missed it, you can watch our YouTube video (bit.ly/bokwishes) and also read all the Bok wishes on our Facebook page (iflykulula).

picture: supplied

we show support for the boys in green and gold

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plan your escape with Protea Hotels We don’t know about you, but we’re looking forward to sun, swimming pools and relaxing holidays. If you want to get in on the action this summer, choose from a range of awesome destinations across South Africa and experience all the sights, sounds and excitement that Mzansi has to offer. From chilling in the countryside to city experiences and seaside escapes – find your perfect spot at Protea Hotels. They have a footprint of more than 102 hotels in eight African countries, so you’ll be spoilt for choice! Go on, do summer your way with Protea Hotels and kulula.

Choose your favourite Tsogo Sun hotel and let kulula book your room. Now that’s luxury you can afford.

Got some eBucks? Pay or part-pay for your next kulula flight using your eBucks.

Rent a car with your flight and get a 10% discount, or get the best rates with Europcar.

As a Discovery Vitality member, you can earn Discovery Miles, which you can use towards paying for your next kulula flight.

twitter.com/kulula facebook.com/iflykulula

THE NOTICEBOARD

picture: supplied

share, like and comment Join others in winning, learning and laughing.

Meet fellow travel enthusiasts on our socialmedia platforms and also get a chance to ask the experts all those little questions you may have.

kulula.com

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STUFF | COMPETITIONS

Treasure Hunt

Join the khuluma Treasure Hunt! Find the Yogo logo hidden in a story in this issue of khuluma and you could win one of five Yogo frozen yoghurt vouchers, to be used at selected Body Fuel Express retail outlets. These stores also offer customers the option to buy bottled or refill pure reverse-osmosis ozonated water and 100% unsweetened Tooti Fruti fruit juice.

See bodyfuelexpress.co.za for shop locations and email info@bodyfuelexpress.co.za for business opportunities.

The socialist dream

Company Social Brasserie Menlyn Piazza’s awesome menu with sharing boards and artisanal dishes is designed to be enjoyed with friends – it’s not called a social brasserie for nothing! Add 36 craft beers, cocktails, boutique wines from the in-house wine cellar and some colleagues or friends, and you’ve got yourself one delicious night out.

To stand a chance to win two R500 vouchers, email ‘Win’ to company@company.net.za.

You smoozy, you loosy

We’ve got a Smoozy Le Chic bed, valued at R5 500, to give away! It’s ideal for youngsters, with a pull-out single bed for those who want to have friends over, or for mum or dad. As toddlers become kids and kids grow into teens, Smoozy has a range of linen, cots, beds, bunk beds, wall decals, rugs, desks and much more to suit their ever-changing needs.

Check out smoozy.co.za.

Competitions

To enter

Go to khulumaonline.co.za and hit the competitions tab. Competitions are open to all South African residents over the age of 18, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/ Comair Limited, and close on 30 November 2015.

Get real

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Mo'tastic Movember

The Proraso Italian shaving and beard-care range has been transforming the daily ritual of shaving into something quite extraordinary for almost a century, and is your best bet for keeping your facial fuzz on fabulous form this Movember. We’ve got three mo’tastic hampers, comprising beard oil, beard moisturiser, moustache wax and hot-oil beard treatment, to give away! Check out fineandfabulous.co.za/brand/proraso.

Beeeeer!

Calling all beer lovers. SA’s largest and most popular beer festival, the Cape Town Festival of Beer, is back at Hamilton’s Rugby Club from 27-29 November 2015. With more than 200 beers from 60 local and international brewers, this festival is a must-attend event for everyone.

And we’ve got five sets of double tickets to give away! kulula.com

pictures: supplied

The Real People College of Entrepreneurship offers practical short courses provided by expert trainers. One lucky khuluma reader can win a training course of their choice, valued at R6 900. To enter, simply email smetraining@ realpeople.co.za and name one of the training courses on offer (see page 86).

For more information, visit smeloans. realpeople.co.za.

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GUIDE | NOTICEBOARD

The noticeboard

The who, why, when and where of what’s going on around Mzansi.

SOURCE CODE The curators of the Watershed at the V&A Waterfront are turning their attention to Jo’burg for a new shopping concept in the rejuvenated Newton neighbourhood. WORK I SHOP I NEW I TOWN will present more than 45 stalls and store units, with an indepth focus on cutting-edge local fashion, alongside innovative product design and services such as a tailor, barbershop and tattoo parlour. Check out source-sa.com.

INNOVATION STATION The Tech Expo Innovator event, taking place in three cities, sees top IT and mechanical and electrical engineering students will present their original projects and innovative ideas to the top firms in their fields. It’s on at the SU Hall on Howard Campus UKZN University 19 November, the Waterfront Lookout Venue in Cape Town 24 November, and The Venue Melrose Arch 1 December. Tickets are available through Quicket at R100 per person and R30 for students. Check out techexpo-africa.com.

IT’S DRY, BIGGER, AND FUNNIER

THE BODY TECHNOLOGICAL The Bodytec concept is based on personal training using electro muscle stimulation, which allows for 90% of muscles to be activated simultaneously, with the contractions reaching a much higher intensity than those done voluntarily. These impulses are combined with traditional low-impact exercises under supervision of a personal trainer for an intense full-body workout in only 20 minutes a week! Check out bodytec.co.za to find the nearest of 22 Bodytec studios countrywide.

Ever feel like 340ml is too small but a quart is too big? Savanna feel the same way, and so have released a new 440ml can. They’re also bringing Kevin Hart to SA in March next year, and until 6 November fans stand a chance to win tickets to his show. Be on the lookout for a special code under the tab of the new can, then dial *120*7726# to enter.

RRP: R69 per six-pack.

A JUICY COLLABORATION To celebrate the launch of Sweet C, Sir Fruit’s limited-edition mandarin juice, each 500ml bottle of the juice is wearing a mini red superhero cape, made by the team of local super heroes from the Diepsloot Worker Co-operative in Soweto. The money for the capes will go towards the Jacobs Well Village NPC that looks after orphans and vulnerable children. Right off the bat, the launch has raised R25,000 for the Jacobs Well Village NPA.

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Screened against some of the Cape’s most spectacular backdrops, The Galileo open-air cinema returns with a feast of films, artisanal food and a host of gobsmackingly gorgeous new venues. From rom-coms and cult classics to documentaries and action flicks, more than 100 movies will be screened this summer, with additional Friday nightscreenings thrown into the mix. Check out thegalileo.co.za.

pictures: supplied

STARLIGHT CINEMA

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TICKETS ON SALE NOW FROM BIGCONCERTS.CO.ZA & COMPUTICKET

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GUIDE | WESTERN CAPE

What’s on Western Cape Comedy show Pieter-Dirk Uys is back by popular demand in Pieter Dirk Eish, at Theatre on the Bay. In this unique show, the characters are determined by the audience, who choose an age in Pieter’s life for him to re-enact. At 70 years old, there are lot of stories, anecdotes and impersonations available to keep the show fresh for every evening of the month.

Tickets from Computicket. Visit theatreonthebay.co.za.

Please note: ‘Uys dons false eyelashes and presidents listen.’

– Los Angeles Times

ROCK ON 14 November

Lifestyle festival For the third year running,the Dusty Rebels and the Bombshells Rockabilly Lifestyle Festival will take place at the West Coast Ostrich Ranch in Cape Town this month. This retro festival is all about the 50s, showcasing cars, bikes, music, burlesque, tattoos, surfing, skateboarding, food and fashion that capture the aweinspiring nostalgia of the rock decade. For more information, visit dustyrebelsandthebombshells.co.za. Tickets available at Webtickets.

Please note: ‘To me, rockabilly music paralleled punk’s energy and feeling, but the players were much better.’ – Brian Setzer

LIVE WIRE 27-29 November

Music festival Synergy Live, Cape Town’s legendary live-electronic music festival, returns to Theewaters Sports Club on the edge of the Theewaterskloof Dam. Soak up the sun, relax and rock out to a mind-blowing line-up of top international and local bands, DJs and comedians. Expect loads of attractions, including artisanal food and trade stalls, custom décor and much more. Tickets available from Webtickets. Check out synergylive.co.za.

Please note: For those fond of corporate speak, this is not a business conference, so don’t expect to action any deliverables.

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PROST 6-8 November

Beer festival Bierfest is coming to Cape Town at the Newlands Brewery. Modelled on the Munich Oktoberfest, hosted by comedian Brendan Murray and sponsored by Tops at Spar, it promises to be huge. The festival recreates Bavarian culture and offers Bavarian-inspired beer, food and entertainment, with a ‘Dress like a German’ competition and loads of prizes to be won. For tickets and more info, visit bierfest.co.za.

Please note: ‘Prost’ is German for ‘cheers’ and means ‘to your health’. You’re gonna hear it a lot at this event.

HISTORY COMES TO SA 27 November 2015 – 6 February 2016

Exhibition For the first time ever, Titanic: the Artefact Exhibition comes to Cape Town at the Watershed, V&A Waterfront. It focuses on the human stories behind the historic event through authentic artifacts discovered on the wreck site and recreated rooms of the Titanic. Each visitor receives a replica of the orginal boarding pass and follows a chronological journey from the construction of the ship to the tragedy of the sinking. For more information, visit titanicexpo.co.za.

Please note: Sorry ladies: Leonardo di Caprio will not be there.

THE REPUBLIC OF RAD 27-29 November

Music festival The organisers of the legendary Up the Creek festival are bringing us a new festival on the banks of the Breede River at Round the Bend Camp in Swellendam: River Republic. Expect a musical mix of electro, rock, pop, swing and folk, with The Kiffness, Grassy Spark, Toby2Shoes, Das Kapital, Riders Connection and many more on the line-up. Tickets are R850 for general camping, and pre-pitched tents, chalets and self-catering units are also available. Go to riverrepublic.co.za for more info.

Please note: Don’t forget your lilo and your water wings.

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied

EISH JA 3-28 November

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GUIDE | WESTERN CAPE

PORK VINDALOO (SERVES 6)

Eat Western Cape

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BICCCS

DION VENGATASS’S PICK

Nothing is cooler on a hot day than an ice cream. Fortunato Mazzone of BICCCS (Bread, Ice cream, Cake, Croissant, Coffee, Sandwich) is a third-generation gelato seller. He makes all the standard flavours, but also offers lesser-known but classic Italian tastes.

He says: ‘My three favourite flavours at the moment are torrone, which is crumbled Italian-style nougat with a touch of candied citrus; our peanut butter flavour, which is so rich you can feel it giving you an energy boost as you spoon it in; and giandiua with Pernigotti pure hazelnut paste and Barry Callebaut 70% cacao powder. Superb stuff.’

29A Huguenot Road, Franschhoek, 021 876 3333, bicccs.co.za.

The Belmond Mount Nelson’s hot young sous chef, Dion Vengatass, had his first break in 2011, when he won the Unilever Food Solutions Chef of the Year competition. He’s also worked at the Saxon Boutique Hotel, Pink Shell Beach Resort & Marina in Florida, and was a recent contestant on the TV series Chopped.

For your pleasure and enjoyment, he has kindly offered a deliciously hot and spicy pork vindaloo recipe that should keep you (and your dinner guests, including your mother-in-law) sweating for hours – as if the summer wasn’t hot enough already.

76 Orange Street, Gardens, Cape Town, 021 483 1845, belmond.com.

NOVEMBER 2015

For the paste: 20 dried, large red chillies 1 cinnamon stick 5 cloves 4 cardamom pods 1 tsp cumin seeds, toasted 1 tsp black mustard seeds, toasted 10 whole black peppercorns, toasted 1 Tbsp grated ginger 9 garlic cloves, peeled 1 cup malt vinegar 1 cup feni (white cooking wine can be used as an alternative) Water to keep the curry moist • Begin with the paste. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and soak for one hour, then grind until smooth.

• Rub the pork with the paste and allow to marinate for 30 minutes.

• In a medium-sized pot, add the oil and bring to a high heat. Add the pork, keeping any excess marinade to one side.

• Fry the meat for 20 minutes, then reduce the heat to medium low and add the onions and remaining marinate and simmer until the meat is soft and all the oil cooks to the top.

• Skim off oil. Season to taste and finish with a squeeze of lemon and freshly chopped coriander.

text: anna trapido; pictures: supplied

Ingredients: 2kg deboned pork shoulder, cut into 2 x 2cm cubes ½ cup vegetable oil 1 cup finely diced onions

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WESTERN CAPE | GUIDE

R59, Mr Price

R795, Bergamo

R5 295, dorefashion.co.za

R399, H&M R16 095, dorefashion.co.za

R975, Adam & Eve

R149, H&M R3 066, Shopbop.com

R225, Spree

All that jazz Jasna Zellerhoff is a freelance writer, stylist and creator of fashion, beauty, lifestyle and personal-style website fashionjazz.co.za.

compiled by: johan labuschagne; pictures: supplied

R749, H&M

R849, Spree

R149, H&M

JASNA’S FASHION TIP

Always wear garments that fit you properly and most importantly you feel fabulous in. Always add a bright lip and sunnies to make any outfit chic.

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R699, Woolworths R2 657, Shopbop.com

NOVEMBER 2015

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WESTERN CAPE | GUIDE

Ongeklooflik

M

y formative memories of the Cederberg were created during the Senior Scout Adventure. The year was 1997, and I spent an astonishing 12 days camping, hiking, abseiling, flying, fishing, parasailing, boiling, freezing, sweating and cursing (gently) across the most varied of terrain. I lost 5kg (highly recommended as a diet option), and came back about five shades darker.

I’m not sure what my 14-year-old self would’ve made of his future self’s rather different adventures at Bushmans Kloof. First up, he would’ve told me not to venture out there even in late March, when the daytime temperatures still soar into the 30s. He wouldn’t know, however, that Bushmans Kloof is a veritable oasis, positioned as it is on the banks of the Boontjies River, with lush green grass, reeds growing thick in ponds, and no fewer than four swimming pools.

He would’ve warned me about severe weight loss, having never experienced afternoon tea at Makana restaurant –

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how his eyes would’ve popped at tables groaning beneath the weight of freshly squeezed juices, 50 shades of cake and perfect puff pastries. He wouldn’t have browsed the restaurant’s award-winning wine list while dining on executive chef Floris Smith’s sumptuous cuisine.

He would’ve told me that I’m going soft, having never known the glorious contrast between hiking or mountainbiking the trails around the reserve or canoeing around the dam, gliding gently past bontebok as they sipped at the water’s edge, before having aching muscles kneaded into oblivion in the spa’s private riverside gazebo.

He would’ve told me the Cederberg is about the great outdoors, not fancy rooms, but never have sprawled on a plush, king-sized bed in a deluxe room surrounded by colonialesque art and furnishings, or soaked in a freestanding bathtub with a coffee-table book from my writing desk. He wouldn’t have known how well-earned that soak felt after a

sunrise game drive with the ebullient Zenobia van Dyk as our guide, who took equal interest in the Cape mountain zebra, wildebeest and eland as she did in the wild buchu growing alongside the jeep track, and who accompanied us thousands of years back in time as she showed us one of the reserve’s 130 Bushman rock-art sites.

Fourteen-year-old me knew little of romance, and so would’ve been even more flabbergasted at the wonder of dining at Kadoro, a secluded and staggeringly romantic stone cottage in the heart of the reserve, where I feasted on a sumptuous buffet and shared stories (fittingly, the name means ‘tinderbox of stories’) by candlelight on a balmy Karoo evening.

And although there was more chance of me returning 5kg heavier rather than lighter, I think my 14-year-old self would’ve been okay with that. Besides, he could always work on his tan by one of the pools.

Clanwilliam, Cederberg mountains, 021 437 9278, bushmanskloof.co.za.

pictures: supplied

Anthony Sharpe communes with the past at Bushmans Kloof Wilderness Reserve & Wellness Retreat.

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advertorial

A

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

What’s on Gauteng FESTIVAL OF FUNNY 6-8 November

Comedy festival The inaugural instalment of the Johannesburg International Comedy Festival is on in Braamfontein and Newtown.

The festival runs for three days, comprising multiple shows in various venues and featuring a plethora of local, continental and international talent in stand-up comedy. Tickets are R150-R250, from Webtickets. Check out jicf.co.za for more info.

Please note: Why are you looking for a joke here? Go to the darn festival!

GIVE US A KISS 7 November – 30 December

Pantomime Janice Honeyman’s 29th annual pantomime, Sleeping Beauty, is actually meant for the kids, but will do adults wonders as well. A classic production of good versus evil, the tale gets told amid dragon battles, time machines and true love. Witness the magic at the Jo’burg Theatre from 7 November until the end of the year. For more information, visit joburgtheatre. com. Tickets available at Computicket.

Please note: Laughter and a good night’s sleep after this pantomime will make you a beauty!

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied

SMILE 19-22 November

Expo The Photo & Film Expo takes place at The Dome in Jo’burg this year. With the widest range of photographic brands under a single roof, guest speakers, spectacular workshops, incredible new releases and loads of giveaways and prizes, this event caters to photographers and film-makers of all skill levels and genres. For more information, visit photofilmexpo.com. Tickets available from Webtickets.

Please note: You might be a photographer if you are greeted more frequently with ‘What are you taking a picture of?’ than ‘Hello’.

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ROCCO ROCKS 6-29 November

Musical performance In All About the Piano, popular pianist Rocco de Villiers pays tribute to the most popular instrument of all: the piano. Rocco will perform a collection of pieces, some modern, some old-fashioned, some quirky, some funny, some tragic – but always beautiful. The majority will come from Rocco’s latest album, The Beautiful Collection. Tickets from Computicket. Visit montecasinotheatre.co.za.

Please note: Did you hear about the pianist who kept banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

CAVEMAN CAPERS 11 November – 24 December

Comedy show If you haven’t yet witnessed the magic of Tim Plewman in the longest-running and most successful solo comedy act in South Africa, then this is for you. Performing in his caveman skins once again in Defending the Caveman, Tim provides much more than just great comedy at the Victory Theatre for the next six weeks. Written by Rob Decker, this play explores the common misunderstandings between men and women. Tickets available at Computicket.

Please note: What music do cavemen listen to? Rock!

AND THEY’RE OFF! 28 November

Horse race Get ready for the best that equine racing has to offer at the Gauteng SANSUI Summer Cup, hosted at Turffontein Racecourse.

This is Gauteng’s not-to-be-missed summer event of the year, featuring Goldfish, Cassper Nyovest, Mi Casa and Muzart.

Tickets start at R75, available from Computicket. Visit sansuisummercup.co.za for more info.

Please note: Good horses make good neigh-bours.

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GUIDE | GAUTENG

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LEOPARD FOOD COMPANY

PRUE LEITH ACADEMY

TASTE OF PUNJAB

Summer braais are hot stuff – literally.

But what to serve at your fiery feast?

Nick Gordan’s Leopard Food Company makes organic pork sausages (available at all good delicatessens across Gauteng) that are perfect for a blissful barbeque with the family.

Whether you sizzle up superb, Italianstyle, fennel-studded salsiccia or Frenchstyle saucisse with herbes de Provence, you can’t go wrong with this delicious range. Please note: no leopards were harmed during the formation or running of this company.

074 101 3612, leopardfoodcompany.com.

The hottest young chefs in town are to be found at the Prue Leith Academy. The practical components of their culinary courses can be sampled at the lovely on-site Prue Leith’s Restaurant.

Menus change seasonally and according to the teaching needs of the adjoining school, but a recent savoury triumph was mussels with semi-dried tomato, fennel crisps and chorizo foam.

Sweet-toothed types rave about the magnificent macaroons, which can be enjoyed with a cup of tea in the restaurant’s outside seating area.

262 Rhino Street, Centurion, 012 654 5203, prueleith.co.za.

We can’t talk about hot stuff without including an Indian option. Taste of Punjab is tucked away in an obscure suburban shopping centre, which hot hipsters would probably not consider cool, but the food is fabulous.

Those who wish to feel the burn should try the Hyderabadi-style biryani, the pan puri chaat or the chicken-mint masala. Sweet-toothed types can soothe fire-ravaged palates with the superb soji (semolina pudding) and rasmalai dumplings for dessert.

Sunninghill Centre, corner Tana and Naivasha roads, Sunninghill, Jo’burg, 011 234 2300, 082 665 9260.

NOVEMBER 2015

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Eat Gauteng

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GAUTENG | GUIDE

R129.99, Mr Price

R199, Spree

R199, H&M

R299, H&M

R69.99, Mr Price

R349, H&M

Jacob’s ladder

R499, Spree

compiled by: johan labuschagne;, pictures: lebz skywalker, supplied

Inspired by the sacred lake of the vhaVenda, Craig Jacobs’ Fundudzi introduced a modern take on the African aesthetic.

R399, H&M

CRAIG’S FASHION TIP

Channel your inner warrior by blending key African pieces with minimalist sports luxe accessories to create a modern tribal style.

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R499, Superbalist R1 800, kisua.com R360, Spree

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GUIDE | GAUTENG

Never forget

A

ny hotel that serves you a glass of your favourite whisky or a plate of homemade biscotti with your evening turndown should immediately be your favourite place to stay. The Hamilton offers just the kind of personal service that many hotels promise, but often fail to deliver.

General Manager Tasneem Osman and her team pay very careful attention to their guests and add touches like that, depending on your preferences (so be careful what you drop into conversation). She and her team are also on-call 24/7 to cater to each guest’s requirements, something they take very seriously.

Featuring just six rooms and set in the tree-lined streets of Jo’burg’s Craighall Park – less tourism hotspot and more suburban family haven – The Hamilton is close enough to the Sandton CBD for both business and pleasure, but far enough away from the noisy traffic madness to give you a chance actually

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to unwind after work. Not that it’s strictly a business hotel: the venue has played host to product launches and fashion shoots, and is rapidly gaining a following as a honeymoon spot for outof-towners. Neighbours often pop in for a drink or a snack, not something you’d contemplate at one of the big chain hotels down the road.

The rooms are split into Superior, Luxury and Standard categories, with differing levels of appointment, though all boast underfloor heating, large flat-screen TVs and, unusually for a hotel, access to the full DStv bouquet.

Superior rooms feature massive baths in an open-plan configuration, are decorated in modern grey, blue and brown and overlook the gardens – although opening your curtains on the other side of the hotel to reveal jacarandas in full bloom isn’t exactly second prize.

Breakfasts and dinners are served in the stylish restaurant, with the small

menu allowing meals to be cooked to order. Menus are seasonal and the food is homely, but quality is the name of the game. Think authentic Thai green curry or a marbled-especially-for-the-hotelkitchen rump steak, with cheesecake for dessert.

The honesty bar is well-stocked with essentials and gives you the chance to enjoy the drink of your choice outside in the lush garden or lounging at a table while you take advantage of the complimentary, lightning-quick W-iFi. The conferencing facility is run with the same personal touch as the rest of the hotel and offers a chance for a breakaway with a difference, rather than the bowl-of-mints-and-bottled-water approach other hotels apply stockstandard to business events.

And when you return, remember: the team at The Hamilton will remember you.

Corner Buccleuch and Cambridge/ Gosvenor avenues, Jo’burg, 011 447 9280, thehamilton.co.za.

pictures: trevor crighton

Trevor Crighton feels the personal touch at The Hamilton.

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KWAZULU-NATAL | GUIDE

What’s on KZN PRIME CUT 6-7 November

Live music After 13 years in the industry and a string of massively successful albums, Prime Circle have definitely secured their place as one of the most successful rock bands in South African history. Performing at the Barnyard Theatre in Gateway, these two rocking shows are not to be missed. Tickets and more information available at barnyardtheatres.co.za.

Please note: The guys were mortified to discover their first choice of name, Secondary Dodecahedron, was already taken.

AWESOMOSAURUS 12 November – 10 January

Exhibition On at Durban’s Suncoast Casino, Dinos Alive – The Exhibition is a fantastic family outing featuring animatronic dinosaurs that’ll make kids of all ages gasp, including tyrannosaurus rex, triceratops spinosaurus and ankylosaurus.

And you won’t be able to miss the sky-scraping brachiosaurus – a gigantic dinosaur recreated in all its glory for the exhibition. Tickets are R100-R300, from Webtickets. Visit dinosalive.co.za.

Please note: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus!

text: christian schroeder; pictures: supplied

OH SO CLOSE TO MY HEART 27-28 November

Live music Showtime Productions are partnering with Blu Blood to bring the Sonu Nigam musical concert Klose to my Heart to the Durban International Convention Centre. This performance incorporates a 40-piece orchestra , which will perform in perfect unison with the magical voice of Sonu Nigam and will include a full complement of strings, percussion, woods, rhythm and brass.

Tickets available at Computicket, visit icc.co.za.

Please note: What’s the range of a tuba? About 10 metres if you have a good arm!

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What’s on Garden Route TASTY TREAT 6-8 November

Culinary festival At the Taste of Port Elizabeth festival at the Boardwalk Entertainment Complex, PE’s top restaurants and gourmet food producers will create a host of delish dishes. A wide range of exhibitors, craft brewers, artisanal producers, premium drink brands and award-winning wineries will also provide a bounty of the country’s finest food and drink. Tickets start at R80, including a tasting glass, from iticket.co.za. Visit tasteofpe.com.

Please note: What do you call a victorious hot dog? A wiener!

TREASURE ISLE 7-8 November

Market Leisure Isle in Knysna will once again be transformed into Treasure Isle, and event that provides local crafters and small businesses a marketplace, as well as opportunities for local charities to raise awareness and funds. A variety of stalls will be on display, ranging from mouth-watering food stalls to awe-inspiring arts and crafts stalls and even toy and book stalls. For more information, visit www.visitknysna.co.za.

Please note: The best thing to put into a pie is your teeth!

OH DEAR… 27 November – 7 December

Festival As the longest-running student festival in the southern hemisphere, Plett Rage is a must on every post-matriculant’s calendar. Happening all over Plettenberg Bay on the South Cape coast, a range of parties, events and discounts have been arranged to which you get access by purchasing a very aptly named ‘Freedom Pass’. To get your hands on one, visit plettrage.co.za.

Please note: As Ernest Hemingway once said: ‘An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.’

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GUIDE | KWAZULU-NATAL

ARMANI DAY SPA, PATISSERIE AND BOUTIQUE Someone came up with the idea of combining a spa, pastry spot and boutique, and it works! Shopping makes you tired and getting pampered makes you hungry. It’s a win-win situation.

So in Durban, the hottest girls in town hang out at the Armani Day Spa, Patisserie and Boutique. How they stay so hot while eating all those baguettes, focaccia, cheese braids and brioche is initially a mystery, until it becomes clear that they are all ordering the almondflour Banting bread. Sometimes they treat themselves to a skinny latte, too.

99 Almond Road, Illovo Glen, Durban, 031 916 6744, armanispa.co.za.

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GARRET EMPORIUM

SPOONFUL EATERY

People go to Wakkerstroom to relax and get away from all the pressure of who is hot and who is not. Technically, Wakkerstroom is in Mpumalanga, but this tiny town is as near as pie to the KZN border. The Garret Emporium is a cool café and antique shop, so you can buy vintage copper pans or a Victorian dinner table while you wait for your lunch.

The menu is eclectic, with Thai chicken curry competing for customer attention with Parmesan-crusted pork and a caramelised apple, almond and cranberry cake with lashings of clotted cream.

Corner Badenhorst and Van Riebeek streets, Wakkerstroom, 079 733 3282, wakkerstroom.co.za/garret-emporium.

Leopard-print-loving, tattooed Masterchef SA 2014 winner Roxi Wardman is pretty hot – even when she’s not cooking up a storm in the kitchen.

She has recently set up shop selling delicious sweet treats and great coffee at the Spoonful Eatery. Her mantra, ‘Cooking my way through life, one spoonful at a time’, is reflected in the name of her blissfully boho café.

Signature chocolate cupcakes with salted-caramel icing (as seen on TV) are always the order of the day, so leave your troubles, including those of a dietary nature, behind.

Shop 8, Windermere Centre, Morningside, Durban, 072 983 4239.

text: anna trapido; pictures: supplied

Eat KwaZulu-Natal

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KWAZULU-NATAL | GUIDE R399, Spree

R375, Spree

R245, Spree

R590, Spree R1 399, Woolworths R1 600, Kirsten Goss

Stirring the pot

Kirsty Bisset is the CEO and owner of digital agency Stir. She can also be found blogging (kirstybisset.com), doing yoga and snowboarding.

R33 000, Gary Cherry

compiled by: johan labuschagne; pictures: supplied

R199, Spree R149, H&M

R599, H&M

KIRSTY’S FASHION TIP(S)

1. Invest in key items you can layer.

2. Spend time determining what silhouettes work for your body.

3. Find a shade of red lipstick that complements your skin.

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R399, Saint & Summer

R280, Woolworths

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GUIDE | KWAZULU-NATAL

That’s a juicy burger

W

hat’s in a name? Not a whole lot in many respects, if Wartburg is anything to go by. Let’s face it: Wartburg isn’t the kind of name that you’d likely find in a Shakespearean sonnet.

But as guttural as the name is, the town itself is quaint and pretty in an authentic way – just a tight-knit community living in a sweet little place far enough from a national road that not much has changed for who knows how long.

Wartburg is surrounded by sugarcane and timber plantations, and feels a whole lot more rural than it actually is (it’s just half an hour to the east of Pietermaritzburg). In many respects it feels like what the Midlands tries very hard to pretend it still is but hasn’t been for 20 years. The town has a strong Germanic heritage, settled as it was in the 1850s by German families, and even today you can hear the language being spoken around town – on my visit, more German was spoken in the Wartburger Hof Hotel’s restaurant than English,

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and a glance at the seating plan for a wedding reception there revealed more Hoffmanns, Schneiders and Brauns than a Berlin telephone book.

It makes sense, because the Wartburger Hof is one of the town’s most popular meeting places, piling on the friendly hospitality and hearty food. The rooms – you can choose from standard and family rooms, or a honeymoon suite – are comfortable and roomy, appointed with a touch of Bavarian flair, and look out onto the manicured gardens and countryside.

You’re pretty much guaranteed an amazing night’s sleep as the town is tranquil after dark, and the birdsong from the indigenous trees in the garden is a pretty great soundtrack to wake up to.

For most of my life, I’ve taken a perverse sort of pride in being able to finish basically every meal put in front of me, no matter the size. I’m happy to admit that the Wartburger Hof’s eisbein, served with sauerkraut and beer gravy, defeated me. You need to come seriously

hungry to make a dent, although it’s so good you’ll keep eating long after your groaning stomach tells you you’ve had enough. The menu offers a bunch of other German specialties, including an entire page dedicated to schnitzels. I strongly recommend the Wartburg ‘Riesen’ chicken schnitzel – baked in the oven and topped with crispy bacon bits and melted mozzarella, it’s basically a combination of all the delicious things in existence.

Considering the town’s small size, there’s a surprising number of churches, and come 9am on a Sunday morning when the bells from the two churches on either side of the hotel start ringing, you might be forgiven for thinking you were in a village in near the Black Forest. You’ll need to walk off your meals, so it’s worth going for a stroll through the town and taking in the architecture and quaint vibe of the place, the rolling hills of sugarcane shimmering to the horizon. It’s all rather lovely.

52 Noodsberg Road, Wartburg, 033 503 1482, wartburghotel.co.za

pictures: supplied

Will Edgcumbe bites off more than he can chew at the Wartbuger Hof Hotel.

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GARDEN ROUTE | GUIDE

Eat Garden Route

text: anna trapido; pictures: supplied

GRAIN MILL ORGANIC BISTRO At the Grain Mill Organic Bistro, Adelheid Schmid emphasises local, sustainable, organic, free-range and unprocessed food on her small but thoughtful menu. She grinds her own organic spelt flour on the premises and puts it into everything – including the chocolate brownies.

Breakfast on muesli with organic yoghurt and lunch on vegan salads or free-range lamb stews. Spelt apple strudel is served with clotted cream from happy cows. The adjacent organic market allows virtuous eaters to continue their goodness at home.

3 Union Street, Knysna, 083 635 7634.

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DE VETTE MOSSEL On a hot day, it is nice to be at the beach, especially if said beach offers peace and quiet away from the maddening crowds of holiday-makers.

De Vette Mossel beach restaurant, between Great Brak River and Tergniet, is situated smack bang in the middle of an isolated and pristine beach. There are open fires, piping-hot potbreads and potjie pots full of mussels, and of course crayfish galore. However hot it may get in the Garden Route, it’s always a pleasure to sip some good wine, stare out at the tranquil ocean and savour the seafood.

Great Brak River, 079 339 0170, devettemosselgrootbrak.co.za.

THE MOORINGS PREMIER HOTEL Need to chill out after a long, hot day of eating fat mussels on the beach?

Lagoons and woodland gardens offer the ultimate chill spot at The Moorings Premier Hotel in Knysna.

The on-site Salmon Restaurant and Bar has a patio perfect for al-fresco eating and cocktail sipping. Low GI and Banting main-course options are available for those seeking to get into/stay in their bikini bottoms. Puddings are not summer friendly but they are delicious. However hot it gets, there’s always space for Cape brandy pudding with lashings of custard.

George Rex Drive, Knysna, 044 302 7000, premierhotels.co.za.

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GUIDE | GARDEN ROUTE

R450, Spree

R599, Zando

R149, H&M

R2 299, G-Star RAW

R549, Zando

Caped crusader R149, H&M

R639, Zando

Beautiful, unique and African – three words with which designer Thabo Makhetha identifies. Her unique capes and coats inspired by her Basotho heritage have garnered her widespread acclaim.

R149, H&M

R79, H&M

THABO’S FASHION TIP: Summer is the sandal season.

Remember: comfort is key and lotion is your feet’s best friend this season.

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R220, Spree

compiled by: johan labuschagne; pictures: supplied

R990, Specsavers

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GARDEN ROUTE | GUIDE

At the edge of the abyss Seth Wood experiences high-altitude bliss at The Fernery Lodge & Chalets.

pictures: supplied

T

he setting was sensational. There we were, at the edge of the abyss, our bedroom’s balcony poised on the lip of the sheer cliff high above the Sandrift River. From below came the crash and rumble of a 30-metre waterfall plummeting into the depths of the gaping gorge, while in the near distance wild waves tumbled against the rocky headland where the dark, tannin-rich river spilled into the Indian Ocean. Stretched across the distance behind the trees and fynbos on the other side of the ravine was the magnificent, crag-torn bulk of the Tsitsikamma Mountains, staring down at us through a sheen of pale mist.

With so few guests to witness all this natural drama, The Fernery felt like a well-kept secret, tucked away at the end of an inconspicuous back country road somewhere off the N2 in the vicinity of the Storms River mouth. Bordered by commercial forests and fringed by a protected national park rife with rock pools, fynbos and wondrous hiking trails, The Fernery is attached to a busy

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nursery that exports ferns around the world. Its accommodation includes a mix of self-catering chalets and B&B cabins linked by boardwalks and spread along the cliff edge – perfectly geared for family getaways.

The main lodge, where we’d booked one of two ocean-facing suites, is a calm, tranquil, intimate haven set within a multilevel wooden structure raised on stilts and magnificently positioned to take full advantage of its surroundings. Our room’s sliding doors led directly onto a private deck, where we had an unimpeded vantage of the sublime, natural drama unfolding around us.

The visual magic was carefully offset by handsomely decorated interiors tied together with homely, personal touches without scrimping on luxuries such as underfloor bathroom heating, crisp bed linen, and smart furnishings.

We spent inordinate amounts of time sprawled on our balcony, slathered in sunscreen, staring at the majestic scene before us, and when we needed to cool off,

we lazed around one of the pools set on a deck above the gorge. Occasionally, we’d pluck up the energy for a cycle through the woods, paddle a kayak along the water, or stretch our legs on slow, meditative walks through the cool forest.

On one busy day, we tore ourselves away and climbed in the car to sample a few nearby attractions – we ziplined through the Tsitsikamma tree canopy and enjoyed a lovely, languid lunch at Fynboshoek, a little farm where cheesemaker Alje van Deemter prepares intimate lunches for a few guests at a time.

At night, we made an effort to dress up and descend into The Fernery’s Cellar restaurant, where we took our time over superlative dinners. Then we’d traipse back to our high-altitude lair to stand on our balcony staring up at the stars, listening to the unforgettable symphony of water crashing ceaselessly down below.

Forest Ferns Estate, Bluelilliesbush, Tsitsikamma, 042 280 3588, forestferns.co.za.

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GIFTING | GUIDE

SCHOOL WARS

Let your kids take part in one of the greatest quests in the universe and surprise them with an exclusive bag featuring a 3D design of Darth Vader.

R1Â 295 (school bag), R399 (pencil case), Samsonite

VROOM VROOM!

With its fun, durable, drivable, buildable and interchangeable design, the Modarri toy car entertains and teaches kids how things go vroom! R299 (single), R799 (three-pack), R299 (single) and R799 (three-pack), thegadgetshop.co.za, hamleys.com

PLAYING HOUSE

My First Playhouse by Duplo includes decorated bricks to introduce daily routines and a turnable day/night brick as a scene-setter for your toddler.

R279.90, Toys R Us

pictures: supplied

MAKE A CARD

Design your own fun and festive cards for the holidays. The Acorn Kids CardMaking Kit contains three blank die-cut boards (size A6), three envelopes, and an assortment of ribbons, sparkles, cut-outs and shapes to glue onto the cards.

R39, acornkids.co.za

Crafty kids

Keeping your little ones delighted this Christmas is as simple as rands and cents.

HELLO DARLING

Say hello with the adorable 12-inch Hello Baby Darling soft doll.

R99.90, Toys R Us

KEYING AROUND

The Casio Keyboard LK-240 has improved sound quality and keyboard feel, with 48-tone maximum polyphony and Auto Accompaniment.

R2 499.90, Toys R Us

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GUIDE | GIFTING

AY GIVEAW AY GIVEAW

PRALINE FOR MORE

The new Lindt praline collections includes Swiss Luxury Selection and Lindt Mini Pralines – the most prestigious Lindt pralines smaller, yet equally refined, for even more delight.

RUDOLPH THE DELICIOUS REINDEER

Eye-catching, bright and extra tasty, Chocolat Frey’s Christmas reindeers – Reni (red), Roni (blue) and Runi (green) – are carefully produced with the finest milk chocolate.

R124.99 (145g), R164.99 (195g), from leading retailers

R79.99, at selected retailers

LET’S TWIST AGAIN

Whip up lump-free smoothies with Breveille’s Kinetix Twist Blender. Press the smoothie button and the electronic motor automatically pulses the blades in a sequence of slow and fast bursts before turning itself off once complete.

AY GIVEAW

R1 999, @home

Festive food

BREAK BREAD

Paul Hollywood’s 100 Great Breads is now available online.

Folks 2016 is, like, next year. Fill your belly while the going’s good and the season is seasonal!

R280.00, yuppiechef.com

NOMU SPLASHES Nomu instant hot chocolate will make you wish for a cold white Christmas – no milk required.

R64.95 (500gr), nomu.co.za

Make a (clean) statement with a stylish Nomu apron.

R117, nomu.co.za

AY GIVEAW

CUTTING-EDGE CUTLERY

Eetrites Rose stainless-steel 16-piece cutlery set coated in titanium rose gold includes four table forks, four table knives, four dessert spoons and four teaspoons.

R1 580, yuppiechef.com

pictures: supplied

JUST ADD WATER

To enter

Go to khulumaonline.co.za and hit the competitions tab. Competitions are open to all South African residents over the age of 18, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/Comair Limited, and close on 30 November 2015.

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GIFTING | GUIDE

ROCKA YO HEADA

Designed in collaboration with local musos including DJ Zinhle (pictured), Mi Casa and Danny K, the ROCKA range includes five headphones and four waterproof earphones in a range of colours.

EVERYTHING YOU SEE

Pivothead’s Durango glasses put the camera where your eyes are, allowing for hands-free recording of, well, anything, with their 4-element Largan glass lens, 8-megapixel Sony CMOS sensor, 44.1 kHz mono microphone and 8GB of flash memory.

R189.99, Musica, Makro, CNA, Look and Listen, selected Mr Price Sport stores

R3 499, Cape Union Mart

AY GIVEAW

SMOKEY AND THE…

TomTom’s new Bandit action cam’s integrated G-force, speed, rotation, acceleration and altitude sensors record action data while filming to identify the highlights in your footage, and allows you to show those stats in your final video.

From R5 799, Due South, Makro, Cape Union Mart

IS IT A BIRD, IS IT A PLANE?

No, it’s the Leatherman Supertool 300!

The 300 features the strongest-ever Leatherman pliers (with a sloped-top handle design for manoeuvring into tight spaces), with removable wire cutters and a total of 19 tools ready to tackle the world. .

Gadgety gifts

R1 390, Outdoor Warehouse

AY GIVEAW

Get festive, go futuristic, have fun.

BE A HERO

The smallest GoPro yet, the HERO+ is waterproof, mountable and compatible with GoPro’s vast array of mounts and accessories, and captures stunning 1080p60 and 720p60 video and 8MP single, timelapse and burst photos.

HOW MANY INCHES?

Google’s Nexus 6 smartphone recently became available in South Africa. With its enormous 5.96-inch, 2560×1440-pixel QHD AMOLED screen, 2.7 GHz quad-core Snapdragon 805 processor with 3GB of RAM, 13MP rear camera, it’s an Android user’s dream.

R6 490, store.orange.com/za

R3 900, Sportman’s Warehouse, Cape Union Mart, Incredible Connection.

THIS IS DROID YOU’RE LOOKING FOR

pictures: supplied

This adorable Star Wars Astromech Droid adapts to you as you play with it, responds to voice commands and can be linked to a companion app for an innovative connected play experience.

R2 799, thegadgetshop.co.za

To enter

Go to khulumaonline.co.za and hit the competitions tab. Competitions are open to all South African residents over the age of 18, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/Comair Limited, and close on 30 November 2015.

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AY GIVEAW BETTER BREW

AY GIVEAW

Boston Breweries’ new ecofriendly, ergonomic four-bottle carry pack is ideal for summer parties, offering better cooling for your beer and better beer for your belly. (Giveaway is a mix pack of Boston Breweries’ beers.)

ORANGE YA THIRSTY?

The only thing better than a bottle of Cointreau is a bottle of Cointreau and a beautifully branded goblet.

R289.95, Makro

R389.00, available at liquor stores nationwide and Pick ‘n Pay

VERY SPECIAL INDEED

Hennessy’s beautiful VSOP (very special old pale) gift box includes a bottle of VSOP and two glasses – the perfect accompaniment to toast the festive season.

AY GIVEAW

AY GIVEAW

R599.95, leading liquor stores

AY GIVEAW

Piper-Heidsieck, the world’s numberone graded champagne, is spoiling you with an elegant, limited-edition gift pack including a bottle of Cuvée Brut and two champagne flutes.

Tis the season to be merry. Give your friends or family (or yourself) the gift that brings the merriment.

R270, Checkers LiquorShops

R399, Makro

AY GIVEAW JACK UP THE PARTY

This year’s Jack Daniel’s Series #3 design features a silver double tin containing a 750ml bottle of Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 with two weighty whisky glasses.

From R280, available at leading liquor stores

WINE ON A PLATTER

Tweaked, updated, expanded and more informative than ever, the Platter’s SA Wine Guide is a must-have for any serious oenophile.

R270, wineonaplatter.com

pictures: supplied

POP THE CORK

ONCE YOU GO BLACK

Think outside the box with this Black Box gift set, with parts of the 750ml bottle literally presented outside of the box.

* Alcohol sale prohibited to persons under 18 years of age.

Booze cruise

To enter

Go to khulumaonline.co.za and hit the competitions tab. Competitions are open to all South African residents over the age of 18, excluding employees of Picasso Headline/Times Media Ltd/kulula.com/Comair Limited, and close on 30 November 2015.

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TOP TIPPLE | GUIDE

Sub-zero sippers Ingrid Graham suggests these cool concoctions for the sizzling summer scene.

W

hat are those bubbling volcanos served in bars and restaurants? Cocktails made with liquid nitrogen, that’s what! Isn’t it dangerous? Won’t it burn your throat?

Can it explode? Yes – to all the above.

With a boiling point of -196°C, liquid nitrogen freezes alcoholic drinks instantly, letting off a cascading vapour that looks really cool. However, it should only be handled by trained, professional bartenders and chefs who use special protective gear and insulated thermos containers when concocting their spectacular creations.

SPICED GUAVA AND RED WINE ICE CREAM

2 cups Two Oceans Shiraz 2 cinnamon sticks 6 cloves 6 cardamom pods 1 tsp vanilla paste 2 star anise 2 tins of guavas in syrup 1 cup whipping cream 1 tin condensed milk • Mix the red wine, spices and guavas (including syrup) in a medium pot over medium heat.

• Simmer for 30 minutes until a syrupy texture is formed.

• Remove from heat and remove and discard spices.

• Mash guavas roughly. Remove two tablespoons of the puree for serving later.

• Place mixture in a loaf tin lined with baking paper.

• Freeze for approximately four hours until set.

THE STUFF IS DANGEROUS, SO: Do: get a professional mixologist to make your liquid nitrogen cocktail and wait till the nitrogen has boiled off before consuming the concoction.

Don’t: swallow or play with it and don’t stick your fingers in the stuff – they will freeze instantly and probably fall off.

Rather leave the risky stuff to the pros and try these safer chillers at home.

pictures: supplied, istockstock

WATERMELON AND STRAWBERRY ICE LOLLIES ⅓ cup strawberry liqueur ⅓ cup vodka ¼ cup water ¼ cup sugar ⅓ cup fresh mint, torn coarsely 4 cups watermelon, cubed Juice of 2 limes

• Blend all ingredients together.

• Pour into ice lolly moulds and freeze overnight.

• Don’t forget the sticks!

BOOZY STRAWBERRY LEMONADE SLUSH

½ cup sugar 3 cups water 3 cups freshly cleaned strawberries ¾ cup fresh lemon juice ¾ cup vodka ⅓ cup orange liqueur • Add the sugar and one cup of water to a small saucepan over medium-high heat.

• Bring to the boil, stirring until sugar has dissolved.

• Remove from heat, and add remaining two cups of water.

• Put liquid in a blender along with strawberries, lemon juice, vodka and liqueur.

• Puree until completely smooth.

• Pour into a large freezer-safe container and seal with lid or plastic wrap. Freeze until solid (about 4-6 hours).

• Remove from freezer.

• Scrape with a fork to loosen the ice; stir with a spoon to mix ice and the rest of the ingredients back together if necessary.

• Spoon into glasses, decorate with a strawberry and a lemon slice if desired, and serve with a straw and a spoon.

* Alcohol sale prohibited to persons under 18 years of age.

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WATCH | GUIDE

Watch this...

Afrikaans flicks for young and old, Spielberg, and Jennifer Lawrence killing people light up your screen this month.

DIE SNEEUKONINGIN

text: anthony sharpe; pictures: supplied

BRIDGE OF SPIES Release date: 6 November After the misfire that was Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Steven Spielberg has been on a good roll with his last three flicks. His latest stars favourite Tom Hanks as James Donovan, a Brooklyn lawyer who finds himself thrust into the centre of the Cold War when the CIA sends him on the near-impossible task to negotiate the release of a captured American U-2 pilot. It’s based on a true story, adapted by the Coen brothers and Matt Charman, and it looks like perfect fodder for its talented star and director.

Anticipatometer: n n n n

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THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKING JAY – PART 2 Release date: 19 November That’s a long film title, isn’t it? Such is the wont of film-makers who split novels into two separate films, in order to make as much money as possible do the story justice. In THG: MJ Pt 2, Katniss Everdeen and her friends leave District 13 to liberate the citizens of war-torn Panem and assassinate President Snow. For those mourning the end of the franchise, take heart: the producers are ‘actively looking at some development and thinking about prequel and sequel possibilities’. Eish.

Anticipatometer: n n n

‘N MAN SOOS MY PA

BRIDGE OF SPIES

THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKING JAY – PART 2

DIE SNEEUKONINGIN

Release date: 30 October Based on the classic fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen, this animated film, released exclusively in Afrikaans on local screens, follows Gerda and her brother Kai, who must battle the Snow Queen, who wants a new world where it is always winter and where the icy, Polish winds cool the people’s souls and the clean, cold lines of the winter landscape take away their emotions. The film features a wealth of local voice talent including Bettie Kemp, Cobus Visser, Pierre Breytenbach, Victor Voorendyk, Melt Sieberhagen and Rina Nienaber. Your laaities should dig it, and you should tolerate it.

Anticipatometer: n n n

‘N MAN SOOS MY PA Release date: 20 November Sean Else wrote and directed this local family drama about a young man, Juan, who returns to his family home for the first time since he left 20 years earlier, unable to handle his father Attie’s drinking.

His mother, Nakkie, is dying and her last wish for them to be reconciled, to have the relationship she always wanted them to have. She constructs a plan to use the restoration of a vintage Volvo to achieve this goal. It sounds like typically heavy South African drama, but it’s good to see local films of all genres on the big screen.

Anticipatometer: n n n

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GUIDE | READ

Literary larks

Feel the heat between the pages with this month’s pick of exciting reads.

PAPWA: GOLF’S LOST LEGEND MAXINE CASE KWELA BOOKS From the humble ranks of caddie, self-taught South African golfer Sewsunker ‘Papwa’ Sewgolum went on to become the first person of colour to win a provincial open in the country in 1963. In the height of apartheid, this was unheard of, and Papwa became a prominent figure in the sports boycott movement of the time.

WHERE MY HEART USED TO BEAT SEBASTIAN FAULKS PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE This latest offering by Sebastian Faulks tells the story of English doctor Robert Hendricks, who is forced to face his past as he tries to make sense of his current situation. Set on an island off the coast of France, Robert is hosted

by Alexander Pereira, who eerily knows a lot more about him than he should. Critics claim this novel might be Faulks’ best yet.

PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE Vanessa Tait has great authority on Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, as she’s the great-granddaughter of the original Alice.

Inspired by family treasures and stories from her great-grandmother, The Looking Glass House tells the story of Mary Prickett, governess to Alice Liddell and her two sisters.

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THE LOOKING GLASS HOUSE VANESSA TAIT

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LISTEN | GUIDE

Listen up Raina Julies keeps her cool with these sizzling new CD releases.

pictures: supplied

TAMAR BRAXTON

CALLING ALL LOVERS EPIC RECORDS I love an album with some meat, so this 16-track release is well worth your money and certainly well worth a listen … on repeat. The piano features strongly on an album that talks to the real highs and lows of love, and is such a real representation of Ms Braxton – soulful, loud and direct.

Most of the tracks on this album are 90s-inspired, and that makes me happy.

No track reflects this influence as clearly as the closing, ‘Coming Home’. It’s a ballad with vocals to rival any diva out there.

Braxton has a beautiful voice and it’s clearly showcased on this track.

I also agree with many of her Tamartian fans that ‘Must Be Good to You’ is an absolute standout that warrants a single straight away!

All in all, this is a great album with solid choices. Braxton certainly can take her seat on the throne as Miss R&B.

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SELENA GOMEZ

REVIVAL INTERSCOPE RECORDS Okay, that cover. What a way to strip that Disneyness off! You’d be forgiven in thinking that the album would sound pretty much as it looks, but it doesn’t. It’s the moderate emo-pop that Gomez has become known for – nothing provocative à la Britney or Miley Cyrus, despite the sheer nakedness upfront.

Revival is rather forgettable at best and all the tracks sound much the same. She has a sweet voice, and yes, the lyrics are a departure from her previous work, but it really is much of a muchness – and many of those lyrics are repeated ad nauseam.

But not all is lost – I predict this album will become a huge dance-floor hit. Not in the dance pop-style way, but certainly on the sultry love levels. And Gomez certainly knows how to do sultry. If you’re young and dealing with relationship ups and downs, this album is aimed right at you.

TIM MCGRAW

DAMN COUNTRY MUSIC MCGRAW MUSIC, LLC Well howdy y’all. If the title track is anything to go by, then y’all must know this album is going to slay … can you say slay for a country album?

Anyway, who else does commercial southern-fried-chicken music better than 90s superstar Tim McGraw? I actually like the title track, ‘Damn Country Music’. It’s typically honky-tonk, but poetically so. And you don’t expect much more than what Garth Brooks made famous the world over way back when.

A highlight is a duet with his oldest daughter Gracie on the track ‘Here Tonight’, and the first single from the album did receive an unusual marketing kick – McGraw introduced ‘Top of the World’ first to astronauts aboard the International Space Station. Clever right?

If only the musicianship were as out of this world…

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Humper The

comes to Africa

Engelbert Humperdinck has been in the business for 48 years and has sold more 150-million albums, and this month he returns to South African shores. Keith Bain finds out what makes the Humper dink.

N

ow approaching 80, Engelbert Humperdinck’s concerts are pretty tame affairs these days, but the English singer recalls a performance in a football field where he summoned the crowd to come down off the bleachers, prompting a stampede. ‘Humper’ had to be escorted to safety by the police.

‘I’ve done a lot of wild things in my time,’ says Engelbert, ‘but that was the craziest concert, watching orchestra instruments getting trampled by overzealous fans.’

Even if you think you’ve never heard of him, chances are you’ve heard the King of Romance sing, and you’ve probably hummed or sung along to some of the tunes that he made famous. He shared the charts with The Beatles, performed alongside Tom Jones, and had both The Carpenters and Jimi Hendrix open shows for him.

Over the years,

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he’s had 24 records go platinum, and earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, thanks to legendary hits such as ‘Spanish Eyes’, ‘The Last Waltz’, ‘There Goes My Everything’, and of course his rendition of ‘Quando, Quando, Quando’.

Engelbert was born and spent the first decade of his life in Chennai, India. ‘My dad was a military man and I was an army brat,’ he says. ‘I wanted to be a musician and played the saxophone, but had no inclination of being a singer at all. At 17, all of a sudden a voice came, as if from nowhere.’

While drinking in a working man’s pub one night, he got up and sang, drawing such applause and praise that his life changed completely. ‘Everyone wanted to know who my agent was,’ he recalls, ‘but I didn’t have one of course; I’d simply stood up and started singing because I’d had a pint of beer and it gave me the courage.’

In 1965, while he was still Gerry Dorsey, he had his first number one, in Belgium.

ENGELBERT RELEASED His success got him noticed at home, and he was soon taken on

by Gordon Mills, Tom Jones’s manager.

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‘ELVIS REALLY DIDN’T NEED MY HELP WITH HIS CAREER’ It was Gordon who gave him his unusual stage name, taken from the 19th-century German composer who created the opera Hansel and Gretel. Under Gordon, Engelbert recorded a version of ‘Release Me (and Let Me Love Again)’, which initially sat on the shelf for three months until the singer landed a spot on the British variety TV show Sunday Night at the London Palladium. ‘The song was broadcast to millions of people that night and the very next day started selling – 80 000, 90 000 a day. And it kept selling,’ he recalls.

It sold so well, in fact, that in January 1967 it was responsible for keeping ‘Penny Lane’ from becoming The Beatles’ 13th number-one song. ‘Release Me’ not only thrust him into the spotlight, but was also the first of seven consecutive Top Ten hits he recorded over the next two years.

In 1968, he toured South Africa for the first time, where he performed extensively.

‘It was way back before there were proper venues and we had to perform in hotel ballrooms and that kind of thing,’ he says.

His popularity also crossed the pond to the United States, prompting speculation that he directly influenced Elvis Presley’s image – Engelbert had sported thick sideburns and flashy leather jumpsuits before The King adopted the look. ‘Elvis really didn’t need my help with his career,’ jokes Engelbert, ‘but he may have seen

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my sideburns and taken them on as a result. Of course, he was a gigantic star and obviously made them more popular than I could ever have done. But I started the whole thing. And some of his early outfits resembled what I used to wear on television. Perhaps he got his ideas from watching me on TV. Who knows?’

SEAGULLS AND SONG CONTESTS Engelbert had his own TV show for a number of years and became a regular draw card in Las Vegas, while touring internationally. In 1996, he had one of his biggest successes in years, recording ‘Lesbian Seagull’ for the animated film Beavis and Butt-Head Do America. The film’s producers had caught his act at the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles. ‘They enjoyed my sense of humour,’ he says, ‘and came backstage to ask if I’d like to record something a little “unusual”. I thought the melody was good, and those lyrics made sense in a strange way. It went platinum.’

Two years later, he released The Dance Album, which featured club-worthy versions of his hits remixed by producing duo Thunderpuss 2000. In its revamped guise, ‘Release Me’ made it onto the Billboard Dance Charts’ Top Ten. In 2012, he was the UK entrant at the Eurovision Song Contest. Despite wearing

a lucky necklace given to him by Elvis, Engelbert was placed 25th out of 26 entries, after opening the show in Baku, Azerbaijan, with the ballad ‘Love Will Set You Free’. The result prompted many to air their doubts at the decision to enter a 76-year-old in the competition.

CALLING CARD But Engelbert’s never been one to run away with his tail between his legs, and was soon putting together his most recent album, Engelbert Calling. A duets project that took two years to put together, the album features songs performed with the likes of Elton John, Smokey Robinson, Kenny Rogers and Gene Simmons from KISS. ‘It was quite an accomplishment getting all these kinds of people together in a studio,’ says Engelbert. ‘I’m really enjoying being back on the airwaves since the album’s release late last year.’

Besides his busy touring schedule, this year he’s also launched his own jewellery range. ‘I love jewellery, and started wearing bling back in the early days when Elvis and Sammy Davis Junior were into jewellery,’ he says.

Also due for release is a documentary about Engelbert’s life on stage, and while it’s sure to dredge up deep nostalgia among his lifelong fans, the old-school romancer says has no plans for retirement, despite the vagaries of the pop world.

‘It’s a different era now and people are writing songs differently. I’ve always liked well-written songs with a message – songs with a story behind them that people can connect to. Songs that can help heal a troubled heart.’

Engelbert Humperdinck performs at the GrandWest Grand Arena in Cape Town on 21 November, and at Montecasino’s Teatro, Johannesburg, on 24 and 25 November; computicket.com.

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Twiddle your thumbs Futuristic combat, really futuristic combat, and the future of past racing games ‌ erm, it’s all here this month.

CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS III

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A full player-progression system allows gamers to showcase their custom personalised load-out across all game modes, including the signature zombie mode, which features its own ambitious storyline out the box.

How far are you willing to go to conquer the future? Pre-order from BT Games to get an awesome A1 poster plus access to the Nuketown map.

text and pictures: supplied by BT games

PC, PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One In a dark, gritty future, a new breed of Black Ops soldier emerges in a conflict where the lines are blurred between our own humanity and the cutting-edge military robotics defining the future of combat.

For the first time in Call of Duty history, experience an open-area arena-styled campaign designed for four-player cooperative action, allowing players to approach the game with a different strategy each time they play. Encounter epic, thrilling cinematic moments as you progress through a constantly evolving campaign experience.

A refined, momentum-based, chainedmovement system in multiplayer allows players to move fluidly across the environment using controlled thrust jumps, slides and wall runs, while maintaining control over your weapon at all times.

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GAMES | GUIDE

STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT PC, PS4, Xbox One In a conflict in a galaxy far, far away, an epic interstellar clash between the forces of the Empire and the Rebel Alliance is brewing. Fulfilling the grand dream of many Star Wars fans, the time has come to choose a side for the domination or freedom of the galaxy.

The game offers the opportunity to experience the fury of combat on famous Star Wars landmark planets while reliving some of the most

monumental battles in the series’ timeline. Take down daunting Imperial AT Walkers on the snow planet Hoth, weave between trees in the forests of Endor, or face off in gruelling dogfights against the best fighters of both sides in Fighter Squadron mode – these are just some of the ambitious game types available to players.

Players can command an impressive arsenal of Star Wars vehicles, fighters, weapons and iconic characters as they enter battle arenas supporting up to 40 players in a gruelling contest for galactic supremacy.

Which side of the Force will you join?

text and pictures: supplied by BT games

NEED FOR SPEED PC, PS4, Xbox One The neon-clad franchise returns to deliver electrifying high-octane racing, with players entering a seamless multiplayer experience set across an open-world environment.

Customise your ride to your heart’s content with an exhaustive array of options presented by a 360° camera, allowing you to peek into every nook and cranny of your dream car until your eyes turn square.

Enter the world of Ventura Bay as a rookie racer destined to build up your reputation across a variety of racing modes in a vibrant, sprawling playground brought to life by impressive weather effects and an immersive story.

Become one with the urban culture of speed brought to life from the ground up

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for current-generation consoles as you explore the neon-filled streets of the new generation of Need for Speed.

Ride in style with BT Games and get the Performance Pack DLC when you pre-order.

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GUIDE | TECH

Go solar, baby!

Andy Walker of Gearburn.com fires up some essential gadgets for making the most of the summer sun.

LOGITECH'S K750 Working in the sun is better than in the office. That’s where Logitech's K750 comes in. It looks like an average keyboard, but there's a little more beneath that skin. It's laced with a solar panel that means that there's no need for batteries, ever. It also holds a charge in a relatively dull room too. And if that doesn't quite work, at least the K750 will make working outside a pleasure. It's also a full-sized keyboard too, meaning none of those laptop-related cramped hands and sore forearms after a few hours of typing. R685, eStorm.

SOLSAVE MY-POWA The SolSave My-Powa boasts a 2200mAh battery pack that can be juiced not only by using the mains but by solar energy too. For a full charge, it takes around eight hours of direct sunlight, but with an empty phone battery in the middle of nowhere, the My-Powa could be your last resort. It's enough to charge an iPhone 6 fully with a little power left over in its tank. R499, Takealot.

ZAPPER

SOULRA RUGGED RUKUS The Soulra Rugged Rukus is an appropriately named boom box perfectly catered for those sun worshippers who love some beats on the side. And loud beats at that. Like most wireless speakers, the Soulra Rukus allows practically any device with Bluetooth support to play sweet tunes through its stereo speakers. And if you've been at it for a while and that phone battery's running low, the Soulra doubles up as a powerbank. Nice!

R915, Orange Store.

ORGANIC SOUL SOLAR JAR LANTERNS If emergency power isn't what you're looking for, there are some solar-powered gadgets that could make a dull evening a little more romantic. Organic Soul Solar Jar Lanterns make any patio that little bit more special. They come in all shapes and sizes, and can be used to guide visitors down your garden path or set a scene for a loved one on a deserted beach – all you have to do is pack the picnic. They also come in quite handy during load shedding, too.

R129, Takealot.

pictures: supplied

Summer means eating out, and paying your bill with your smartphone means you don't have to lug your wallet around with you. There’s a new kid on the QR-code block, and it’s called Zapper. This free nifty app functions in much the same way as Snapscan by allowing you simply to scan a code on your bill with your smartphone instead of handling card or cash, but it shakes things up by offering incentives in the form of vouchers. First up, all new users get R25 off their first Zapper transaction at a restaurant.

They’re also developing partnerships with restaurants to offer a wide range of discounts to Zapper users, as well as in-app alerts for launches, specials and events. Free, Zapper.com.

For more insightful gadget and gaming news, check out gearburn.com.

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If you thought the hottest thing about November was the sun, you obviously haven’t met Sifiso Nene

talk e l i k i F d Sifiso an and r e c c o s ng, swimmi edia social m ood w y l l o H Kim on d n a o s Sifi gels n a g n i t t d-bu and hea

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Minister of sports and

tweets

Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula is known for his larger-than-life presence on social media as much as for his policies. Sifiso Nene gets sporty.

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POLITICIAN | CHAT

Sifiso Nene: Hi Fikile, first up, did you play sport when you were growing up?

Fikile Mbalula: Like all African kids, I grew up playing football. I was a good goalkeeper in street football, then I moved to the backline, where they gave me the nickname ‘Harare Makhubela’, after a popular Orlando Pirates back-liner – that was my team growing up. I went on to become a semi-professional amateur. That was my game. I failed at running in the midterms. I wasn’t good at all.

SN: [Laughs] Tell me, transformation in sport is always a big issue in South Africa. What are the structures to ensure equal representation in terms of race?

FM: We’ve come a long way. At the moment we have the Transformation Charter Scorecard, and we’re enforcing the quotas where necessary, but we are trying to be organic in our approach. The big five sporting codes – rugby, football, netball, cricket and athletics – have come to the party, and we’ve signed agreements with them in terms of what needs to be done.

We are grabbing the bull by the horns, but transformation will equally be realised if we do our part in terms of development. We’ve got 84% of the South African populace that is outside of sport participation, and that is African and black people in general. So we need to get them into the system in an organic fashion, and we need to make sure they are supported.

Our transformation approach is a scientific one and it focusses on expanding our horizons to disadvantaged areas.

SN:That’s a good idea. When we get to the Olympics, you don’t see any black people on our swimming team, so then they say black people can’t swim. But there’s nowhere in the township where we can learn to swim.

FM: Yeah. We do have swimming places, but I don’t think Swimming South Africa is focussing on developing black talent.

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Swimming is something that starts at five; you can’t start at age 10 and then hope one day to compete at the Olympics. If you look at Chad le Clos, his father spent a lot of money developing that boy. Young people, black or white, don’t just do this in the pool in their back yards. They go to swimming academies and they graduate from there to become stars.

You can build 100 swimming pools so black kids can swim, but you need a focussed approach on top of that. We’re now in a better position to roll out facilities in terms of the national sports plan, but we must equally link those facilities to academies. If the academies are poor then those facilities will become white elephants. The former minister, Steve Tshwete, implemented multipurpose centres; they’re still there in the townships, but who uses them, and for what?

SN: True that. So getting back to football, which team do you support now?

FM: My team from my inception in the womb of my mother was Orlando Pirates.

SN:[Laughs] FM: My family are all the same, so I have no choice. But I respect my duties; the sports minister can’t be seen to be favouring one team.

SN:Now Bafana Bafana. They haven’t been doing well of late. We always refer to 1996 when we won the Africa Cup of Nations, but why do you think they’ve been struggling?

FM: The Bafana Bafana story is very sad.

It has a lot to do with the current crop of players and their psyche. These boys are talented – they can play football, but what they need is determination and courage.

SN:They are good. They’re really good.

FM: They are champion material! But they need the motivation to play for the national team. To stop being selfish and and appreciate the jersey. All they need is to don that jersey and understand!

SN: Eish.

FM: You must understand that the people of the world were inspired – and some realised their own spirit of freedom and self-determination – by the struggles of the people of South Africa. If our boys can realise this, like the 1996 generation did, I’m telling you we will be home and dry.

You know the Springboks – those boys understand what it means to wear the national jersey.

SN: They do. They go out and represent.

FM: Exactly. Even when they’re not at their best, you see the fighting spirit. I’ve gone to the Bafana camp, I’ve spoken to those boys, and I don’t see that.

SN: How do we rectify this psyche? How do we get the national team to embrace that understanding of where they come from? Like you say, when you play for the national team you’re representing a nation that has its own history, and people know and admire that history.

FM: It starts at club development. In other nations, players know their dream is not complete until they’ve played for the national team.

SN: This is a very emotional topic for me. I grew up playing soccer and I understand the hunger we have in the townships to play for Chiefs or Pirates, so when we see people who’ve made it to the national squad and aren’t hungry, it kills the mentality of youngsters to want to be the next, say, Lucas Radebe.

FM: Players in Europe show their clubs the middle finger when they try to stop them from playing for their country. I’m talking superstars. Ronaldo will do anything to play for Portugal, as much as they get chowed every day. That attitude should inspire our players. If you ask a young schoolboy rugby player what he wants to be, he doesn’t say he wants to play for the Bulls; he says, ‘I want to be a Springbok!’

They cry when they get those caps!

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SN: Eish. On another note, you used to be the president of the ANC Youth League. Looking at them now, do you think they’re struggling for the same vision that you did?

FM: Like any organisation, there are teething problems, but overall it is firm.

I think the Youth League got caught up in a period in which it was interrupted, but they’re getting back on track. I think in the process they will find a lot of youngsters who are very talented in that collective leadership. Normally people don’t look at the collective; they look at the president, and on the basis of the president they determine whether you are successful or you are just a nuisance.

SN: In politics, we’ve learned that anything can happen. Let’s say you were given the chance to be president for a term. What would be the items at the top of your list?

FM: I wouldn’t change what the ANC has prioritised now.

We’re not in America where the president gets to choose what he wants to do. The party’s priorities will change from time to time, informed by the political challenges facing the country.

In terms of how I’d conduct myself, I think a president should not be fake. He should first be a person who lives up to the expectations of the people, but not forsake being himself. A president should not see himself as above society and those who made him. If you see yourself as above others, you fail to understand the knowledge of your own people.

A fake president seeks to be something that he is not. Keep things simple. Be President Zuma. Be yourself. Don’t do things that you are not. Believe in your

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collective. President Zuma is one leader of the ANC I’ve seen who is very open and accessible to everyone. Some people don’t use that access to advance the cause; they misuse it. They drop the president’s name, they say, ‘I spoke to the president yesterday and this is what he said.’ But the personality – long after Zuma has left, he will be remembered.

SN: [Laughs] That’s very true.

FM: For things that people think would’ve been overshadowed by the negative. They will remember that this is a man of the

people, the man from Nkandla, who did not try to shape himself to be something that he’s not, who always believed that he could be better by trying to improve and lift himself.

SN: You were talking about accessibility.

Personally, I like your accessibility, especially on social media, because

you talk to us, the youth, using these platforms. I believe it’s easier that way to get a point across. Do you think that as time goes on this is going to be one of the ways to communicate with the public?

FM: Okay. Social media, when you’re a public representative, you’re skating on thin ice.

SN: [Laughs] FM: I say that because you’re open to abuse; people can put forward views that don’t promote positive or constructive criticism. They see it as a platform to abuse you. So it’s thin ice on which you have to have thick skin, and a skilful approach to respond to it. A tweet can cost you public office.

SN: Yoh, people are rude on Twitter!

FM: Yeah, but because of it, people are exposed more to what I do than before. Stuff that as a minister I would’ve announced in the newspaper, and nobody would’ve cared, people follow on Twitter.

It’s become my own media platform. So I promote my work, and a lifestyle based on the work I do.

But it’s also a platform of fun. The Americans recently got a taste of that with Trevor Noah, and that demonstrated that what we consider humour might not be the same elsewhere. But I really think he will make it. As South Africans, we can laugh at our own situations, but it doesn’t mean we’re downgrading ourselves. We laugh to succeed. We’re a fun nation.

SN: We are. Thank you for your time, Fikile.

FM: Thank you so much Sifiso. Let’s keep in touch!

pictures: frennie shivambu

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Touched by an

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From kids’ TV to Horizon Deep to a kickass angel, Kim Engelbrecht has come far.

Sifiso Nene feels some #NomaLove.

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ACTRESS | CHAT

Sifiso Nene: Hi Kim, these guys probably wouldn’t know there’s a 12-hour time difference between us, so first up I’d better ask: what are you up to in the States?

Kim Engelbrecht: I’m on a brief vacation in Hawaii, then I’m heading to LA for meetings with casting agents and auditions.

SN: Woah, nice. I could use a vacation in Hawaii. Got room for one more?

KE: [Laughs] SN: So you’ve been doing this for a while now. What was it like starting out as a child actress in Sarahsarà?

Do you think if you’d become a child star you would’ve gone off the rails?

KE: [Laughs] I’ve been pretty lucky.

Sarahsarà was my first international film, at age 12. I had the opportunity to see Italy and parts of South Africa while filming. I later went into doing kiddies’ TV, presenting Craz-e on e.tv and then Take 5, a youth-development show. I only made my way back to acting when I got the role of Lolly [de Klerk]. I’ve been lucky to grow up slowly with the projects I chose, and then had the opportunity to grow up with Lolly.

SN: Speaking of Lolly, you started in Isidingo at 18. Did your time on the show feel like a transitional period as an actress?

KE: For sure. I’d been doing the presenting thing, but when Lolly made her way to Horizon Deep, I slowly decided that acting was my first love.

I’ve been very lucky – having the opportunities to present an amazing TV show and playing Lolly were such gifts. I love her!

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actress what would you be doing with your life? Do you think we’d be married by now?

KE: Maybe not married yet, just courting.

SN: [Laughs] KE: Other than courting you and winning your heart, I’d probably do events or have a talent agency, or produce. I’d be involved in the industry.

I love it! I would probably go full circle and end up back acting – it finds you.

‘I’VE BEEN LUCKY TO GROW UP SLOWLY WITH THE PROJECTS I CHOSE, AND THEN WITH LOLLY’ SN: Talking about marriage, are you seeing anyone else at the moment, besides me?

KE: Just you. It’s bliss!

SN: Eish. That’s good to know. So who else inspires you in life. You know, other than you know who?

KE: You are my muse, yes.

SN: [Laughs] KE: I’m inspired by many people.

Usually people around me – my colleagues and friends and those whom I meet.

SN: Getting back to the industry, do you think that the South African entertainment industry is getting all the recognition it deserves abroad?

And why?

KE: No. I think the South African story is not just one thing, not one story. South African stories are both interesting and diverse. All our perspectives should be explored. The world is interested in what they haven’t seen and there’s definitely an audience. But we need to make films we want to make, not what we think people want to see.

Stories of passion! Make what you’re passionate about. I don’t know. I have no real answer. I just think we’re amazing people with lots to share.

SN: We are amazing people. I’ve been saying this for ages, man. Now tell me about the States. Most of us haven’t been overseas yet. Is it really like what it looks like on TV – I mean cars, money and, um, the girls?

KE: Yes. All that’s missing is you!

SN: [Laughs] Kim, you are too much, too much. Getting into Hollywood is seen as making it for actors, but have you got plans to get involved further in the local industry?

KE: Yes. I’ve always had the plan of basing myself in SA and working all over the world. South Africa’s my home! I love working in Afrikaans and I’m actually in the process of working through an incredible script with a director I’ve worked with before. I’m open to everything.

SN: So besides work, what keeps you going?

KE: My life is very complicated, but between binge-watching series and rewatching Indiana Jones, I do find time to run and write.

SN: Nice. Now this Dominion thing.

Your return to SA airwaves in the show, some people were describing it as a Twitter meltdown. And your Schwarzkopf commercial became

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playing women who have a Joan of Arc quality about them.

SN: So speaking about these hard conditions, your skills include sword fighting. Have you ever skewered someone by accident? Is there anyone in particular you’d really like to skewer?

KE: Accidents happen, but no one has pressed charges.

SN: [Laughs] KE: I had a scene in Dominion this season where I had to head-butt a higher angel. During rehearsal, I went on to head-butt him for real and my forehand was pretty swollen.

SN: Eish!

KE: Yeah, I started panicking because I was shooting the next day!

But it went down.

SN: Okay, almost there. You’ve just had arguably your biggest film in Eye in the Sky. What was it like acting alongside legends like Helen Mirren and Alan Rickman?

KE: Yes, sharing the screen with legendary actors has always been a dream of mine. It was surreal. The film deals with drone warfare – the difficult decisions you have to make and the human element associated with it. I play a drone pilot who has to follow orders

and make quick decisions. I suppose I do seem to be drawn to playing soldiers.

SN: What’s next for the big screen?

KE: I have a few scripts that I’m looking at.

There are directors in South Africa I would love to work with, and I’m closely keeping my eye on what’s out there with the help of my agents and managers. Finding the right project excites me.

Who knows? Maybe we can work together.

SN: You just say the word. Kim, this has been amazing, I’ll see you in Hawaii.

KE: Thanks Sifiso.

pictures: supplied

a viral hit with nearly 18-million views on YouTube. So, a meltdown, a virus … what’s your plan for bombing Facebook?

KE: [Laughs] Getting those hits online was insane with the ‘You – A Declaration of Love’ commercial.

Just proves love moves people. With Dominion, we have episodic tweetouts when the show airs abroad! I’m tweeting with lovers of the show from all over the world – Europe, Asia, America and South Africa. It’s incredible!

SN: This isn’t the first time you’ve been an angel. Which came first: being a Nelson Mandela angel or one who kicks some ass?

KE: It was while I was on Take 5. I was selected as one of Nelson Mandela’s Angels to be an ambassador to his foundation and to share his message, which I take very seriously. I see presenting Take 5 as the building blocks to my career. I interviewed great leaders in industry and had conversations with learners throughout the country. I had the opportunity to interview Bill Clinton, and I wanted to save the world, as we all do when we’re young. It also gave me the chance to work and meet a saint. Speaking with him, he just exudes love and compassion. It’s the one moment I can transport myself back to immediately!

SN: Nice. You’ve played a cop, a sergeant, and some seductive women. Which do you prefer?

KE: I think women are diverse. And yet, every character I play is a woman who loves. We are nurturers, beautiful and ethereal, but we’re always adaptable.

I play soft women who find themselves in hard conditions. I do, however, enjoy

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Eye on the

haai I

t’s a blustery spring day and the weather is moody as I walk along Boyes Drive, that beautiful stretch of road that run above Muizenberg, St James and Kalk Bay, affording me wallto-wall views of the False Bay coastline.

Far off to the left lies Monwabisi Beach, just off Baden Powell Drive. I’m here to chat to Liesel Lott, a member of the Shark Spotters group, stationed at a bench overlooking the sea. It’s her job to

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Justin Nurse sinks his teeth into Cape Town’s Shark Spotters programme and chomps on some of the good work these local heroes are doing.

defend the frontline of these beaches. The frontline between man at play and shark at prey.

‘When you’re working on the beach it’s easy, but when you’re here up in the mountain it’s hard,’ says Liesel. ‘You really have to concentrate. I wear these polarised glasses and look at the sea for five hours straight. The most difficult part of my job is the weather, especially when it’s raining and cold.

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SHARK SPOTTERS | LOCAL HERO

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LOCAL HERO | SHARK SPOTTERS

‘There are always people in the water, so I have to be up here, doing my job, no matter what. The Shark Spotters work every day of the year. On the beach I’m also always busy: people come up to me asking for help, simply because I have a radio. I’m proud, though, that I make a difference by saving lives.’

It was only in July of this year at SA’s major surfing event, the J-Bay Open, that the whole surfing world watched in horror as a great white got tangled up in Mick Fanning’s leash in the final.

There were only two surfers in the water at the time, and no one at SuperTubes – not the spectators, the cameramen or the judges – saw it coming.

So what difference can one spotter like Liesel make in her day along the False Bay coastline?

A massive one, as it turns out. This is the story of Cape Town creativity and ingenuity at its bravest. This is the story of how a small idea became a big job creator, and ocean conservation and research programme. The story of how the Shark Spotters are saving the lives of holidaymakers, and of the sharks and fish in the sea. After all, we all share the ocean. It is the Shark Spotters’ mandate to try and keep it that way.

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STARTING SPOT Rewind to 2004 when there was a spate of shark attacks in Fish Hoek and Muizenberg. People were scared – they didn’t want to use the beaches and this was decidedly bad for business. So local businesses and surf-shop owners came up with the solution of posting a lifeguard on the mountain and a car guard on the beach. Give them both a cellphone, and if the lifeguard sees a shark, call the car guard and get everyone out of the water.

This community initiative was started on a whim, but the basic, low-tech, low-cost approach has proven to be successful.

Since the programme started, there have been close on 2 000 shark spottings, with half of those resulting in beach closures. Prevention is the cure. The eight beaches covered in the Western Cape are Muizenberg, St James, Clovelly, Fish Hoek, Glencairn, Noordhoek’s ‘The Hoek’, as well as Monwabisi and ‘The Caves’ at Kogelberg.

The programme now employs 46 people, of which 26 are permanent.

The Shark Spotters have become real ambassadors for ocean conservation, learning about everything from coastal marine biology to first aid. Spotting a shark is not as easy as spotting a whale when

it breaches; the former’s dorsal fin rarely breaks the surface, so you have to watch for the shadow underneath.

The Shark Spotters also deal with all the trials and tribulations that come with life on a busy beach: surfing injuries; lost children; ‘Which way to Cape Point?’ tourist info … you name it, the Shark Spotters deal with it.

A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING The bigger picture is that what’s going on along the False Bay coastline is pretty much a world first. In other parts of the world, there’s less tolerance for sharks, and so less sustainable approaches are in play. On Reunion Island, they’ve simply banned swimming and surfing to deal with the problem. In Sydney and other parts of Australia, they use culling and lethal shark nets.

The formative theory in Cape Town is that we first need to understand the problem. Let’s try to find a balance between man and sharks in nature.

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THE SHARK SPOTTERS HAVE NOT ONLY REDUCED RISK, BUT THEY’VE ALSO CHANGED PEOPLE’S PERCEPTIONS AROUND SHARKS Let’s not just kill that which we don’t understand.

To this end, Shark Spotters are in partnership with the Save Our Seas Foundation and the City of Cape Town, while also having several marine research and conservation initiatives with the University of Cape Town on the go. Sure, it’s beautiful to see whales frolicking in the bay and pods of dolphins surfing, but we now also know that sharks are an indicator of a healthy ecosystem.

The Shark Spotters have not only reduced risk, but they’ve also changed people’s perceptions around sharks. Ten years ago, no one knew whether it was one random shark that kept attacking or lots of sharks. Now, through applied research, we know that the white sharks in Cape Town have a seasonal habitat.

During the winter months they’re at Seal Island, and during summer they’re

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more inshore. So the Shark Spotters know which are the more high-risk times of the year and can plan accordingly.

Sharks are apex predators (meaning they’re on top of the food chain), and the Shark Spotters recently learnt that our Cape fur seals are swimming distances of 600km to get away from them! These seals affect the migratory habits of other fish, and so on and so on. The bigger picture, of our ocean and its fine balance, is one that we are constantly trying to understand.

NET VALUE Cape Town wouldn’t be what it is without its healthy ecosystem, so a ‘nonlethal’ approach has been the way to go. The shark net at Fish Hoek is a great example of this: it’s deployed and retrieved daily, and if a whale or dolphin get too close to it, the Shark Spotters launch boats that actively deter the sea creatures from it.

This is what is called a ‘site-specific’ solution, and the same goes for the rest of the beaches that the Shark Spotters monitor. We’re blessed with providence, really. Call it ‘God’s bounty’. Call it simple elevation. That’s the key. They can get high enough up on the mountains above the sea for a decent vantage point, to tell the difference between a shark on the prowl and a lump of kelp that’s just chilling. That’s why nobody in J-Bay saw Mick Fanning’s shark attack coming: they simply weren’t high enough.

The Shark Spotters’ programme is a world first, and the research on great white sharks is cutting-edge. What gets me the most is that serving their community remains the Shark Spotters’ primary concern, as they’re the ones who started this programme. So rest assured, you can swim in one of False Bay’s beaches this summer season, knowing that a Shark Spotter’s got your back.

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Smoke gets in your I

think it’s in my blood,’ says Dean Williams, a platoon commander based at Cape Town’s Roeland Street Fire Station. ‘I’d never do anything else.

There’s the gratification from helping people, but it’s also a buzz – riding in those fire engines, the traffic giving way for you, sliding down the pole.

‘It’s also the thrill of not knowing. When you come to work, you don’t know what you’re going to get. We might get to the station, spend the whole day with nothing happening, say good night, go off to bed, and at two in the morning the lights go on, the bells drop, and we’re charging down the road. Seeing that glow in the distance, there’s something that kicks in.’

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eyes

Dean says when he joined the fire department in 1978, fresh out of the navy, he went in without any notion of the job’s potential dangers. ‘In those days, we hardly had TV, never mind shows like Chicago Fire, so people weren’t really aware of the dangers. I went in blind.’

Besides, says Dean, it’s only once you’ve been on the job for a while and have earned the respect of your seniors that you become exposed to the more dangerous side of the job. ‘When you start as a junior, you’re rolling out the hose and finding water for senior firefighters,’ he says.

Dean says a lot has changed over the years. ‘When I joined,’ he says, ‘it was just purely firefighting – going to building or

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FIREFIGHTERS | LOCAL HERO

When wildfire ravaged Cape Town’s mountains last summer, the city rallied the men and women who stepped up to tackle the rampaging blaze. But there’s far more to fighting fires than that, as Keith Bain discovers.

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LOCAL HERO | FIREFIGHTERS

‘A FIREFIGHTER SHOULD HAVE THE ABILITY TO STAY CALM WHEN OTHERS ARE PANICKING’ bush fires, and very rarely dealing with motor vehicle accidents (MVAs). In those days, we didn’t have the Jaws of Life and we were very naïve about the medical side of the job.

‘In the mid-80s, things started changing and we were better trained in emergency medical procedures. We got proper equipment and became better at medical rescue. Now we deal with everything: MVAs; building fires; ship fires; bush fires. Plus, I’m a rescue technician, so I go into confined spaces. I go to building collapses, I do rope work, I’m a diver, I’m a skipper – all skills acquired through the fire department.’

BRAVE HEARTS ‘It’s difficult to say what defines a good firefighter,’ says Dean. ‘It’s not a guy who’s well built, nor necessarily someone who looks like a hero. No, it’s something deeper

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than that: that special something that’s in your blood. It’s not about bravery; it’s just about doing the job.’

‘I don’t think any fireman thinks of himself as brave,’ adds Mark Hawklett, a firefighter of 22 years. ‘As firefighters, we should possess some desire to make a difference, but ultimately, we’re just doing our job.’

It’s not for everyone, though, warns Mark. ‘You need a reasonable level of intelligence, initiative, fitness, courage and tempered craziness,’ he says. ‘A firefighter should have the ability to stay calm when others are panicking. The ability to process an immense amount of information in a very short space of time. And make informed, safe decisions on the fly, and then adapt them as you go.

‘Our motto is “Semper paratus”,’ explains Mark. ‘It means “always ready”.

That’s what we are: always on standby.

‘The job has many aspects. Ten percent is taken up by fire; the rest is medical or miscellaneous calls and other nonsense.

It’s not like Chicago Fire, where in one episode there’ll be 10 grabs (where someone is pulled from a fire). In 22 years, I personally have pulled only one person out of a burning building. Still, that 10% is one of the most enjoyable and rewarding experiences that I know. When you first join, it’s incredibly exciting, with lots of adrenaline and the thrill of the unknown.

As a rookie, you want to prove yourself, you want to be part of the team.’

André de Villiers, who joined the department in 2012, says he still feels that thrill and relishes the excitement of being called to a rescue. He says firefighting was a calling, and he worked hard to get into the eight-month training programme that served as an introduction to his career.

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Centre for Business Management The Centre offers Short Learning Programmes (SLPs) that prepare learners for the business world in a quick and effective manner. The programmes carry credits as well as NQF Levels 5, 6, 7 and 8.

Benefits of SLPs are:

• the requirements for study are not as stringent as those of formal qualifications • they are relatively cost-effective • they are a quicker route to building a knowledge and skills base • they can add value to studying towards formal qualifications • after successful completion, a formal certificate will be issued that can add value to a more comprehensive curriculum vitae • they form a strong base for applying for promotional opportunities at work

The centre offers SLPs in the following streams:

• Financial Management (including Banking, Risk Management & Insurance Management) • General Management & Entrepreneurship (including Business Communication) • Marketing and Retail Management • Human Resource Management • Purchasing and Supply Management • Production and Operations Management (including Safety Management) You can find out more about CBM at: Webpage: www.unisa.ac.za/cbm Email: cbm@unisa.ac.za Tel: +27 12 352 4288

Chillibush3377Unisa

UNISA’s Centre for Business Management (CBM) offers introductory, pragmatic non-degree tuition in commerce, business and management sciences to develop skills and knowledge in line with the needs of the economy.

Define tomorrow.

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FIREFIGHTERS | LOCAL HERO

‘They send you into hot containers, put you in smoke-filled rooms, get you to crawl backwards through dark tunnels, and you learn specialised techniques such as flame bending,’ he says. ‘In some of those training situations, it’s really hot, and people who trained with me got burned through their gloves. Some fainted during training sessions. It’s tough, but it’s all simulated. The real training is what you learn from the older manne. Once you’re on the job, everything becomes unforeseeable. In Cape Town, where there are a lot of old buildings, you can easily go through the wooden floor. Ceilings can collapse. Anything can go wrong.

‘Some parts of the city are busier and more hardcore than others,’ adds André, recalling one of his first shifts.

‘I was working on 31 December. That night at 6pm, we got a call that 100 shacks were alight in Gugulethu. And the next morning, we got another call – 1 000

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shacks were burning. We worked straight through. After a shift like that, you can easily sleep for two days solid.’

André says that while fitness training can help alleviate the physical hardships and sleep can be caught up, no one is ever prepared for the gruelling emotional experience of the job. ‘You do get scarred by what you see, and you never forget those things,’ he says. ‘When you first see a burnt body, it’s very difficult. It’s not something anyone wishes to see. But you get used to it. They say cowboys don’t cry, and it’s true: you become hardened.

I’ve now learnt to handle seeing bodies by reminding myself that once the soul has departed, there’s nobody home – it’s no longer a person. That may sound cold, but if you attach yourself emotionally, you can’t do this job, because you’ll end up destroying yourself.’

SPREADS LIKE WILDFIRE ‘I’m not inherently brave,’ says Phillipa Phelp, a member of Cape Town’s Volunteer Wildfire Services, which specialises in attending to bush, veld and mountain fires.

‘Fighting fires is not something I need to be

brave about. It’s something I’m trained to do, something I know I can do.’

Still, says Phillipa, the wildfire that ravaged Cape Town’s mountains last summer was something unprecedented and, at times, frightening. ‘I was in Tokai, where a couple of houses burnt down. My crew was the primary resource there, and we’d been working from 6pm until 1am and were about to be stood down.

‘Then it came through on the radio that a change in weather was coming – the fire had turned 180 degrees, picked up speed and hit Newlands. It would be in Tokai soon. Minutes later, we heard this big, rumbling noise and this small, red glow in the distance suddenly blew up. That frightened me because we had crews near that flare-up. We could see fire tornadoes – huge spirals about 10m high – in the distance, and we got hit by smoke tornadoes filled with black soot. In those situations, you realise that once a fire gets momentum, it just goes.’

‘The fire was big,’ recalls Dean, who, as an officer, was responsible for tactical planning on one of the fire sectors. ‘It was difficult in the beginning, with the

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LOCAL HERO | FIREFIGHTERS

wind spreading the fire, and there was very little water. We had serious problems to contend with, especially the speed with which that fire spread. We had to change our strategies and tactics all the time.’

‘Fynbos burns sporadically and unpredictably,’ says Phillipa. ‘If it hits a big protea bush, it suddenly flares up, and you need to stand back and wait.

We don’t always have access to water.

In the Boland, we’ll often get choppered to the top of a mountain where there’s no chance of getting water. Often, we’re working like glorified gardeners, using tools to create scratch lines to prevent hot coals from igniting unburned vegetation. In areas where it’s mostly grass, we work with beaters – large rubber pads attached to long sticks – and literally beat the fire out.’

INTO THE FRYING PAN The intensity of the heat and the smoke surprises everyone, says Patrick Ryan, another volunteer who worked the devastating fire in Cape Town. ‘It’s like standing in front of a bonfire in thick,

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cotton clothing, with a balaclava, goggles, gloves and a helmet,’ he says. ‘We work as crews, with some guys up on the face – where the hot smoky fire is – and other guys farther back. They are constantly rotating to keep the system going. You can’t stay on a hose taking on a flame frontrunning into you for much longer than five minutes. It feels like putting on a whole bunch of winter clothing and climbing

PUT IT OUT

Training for active membership of Cape Town’s Volunteer Wildfire Services (VWS) runs over a six-month period. New volunteers are required to complete a combination of hikes (including night hikes and ones with heavy backpacks over long distances) and skills training sessions, plus a once-off wildfire suppression theory course. There’s a fitness evaluation and a skills assessment test, both of which must be passed before being able to go into the field. Volunteers retrain every year. Most of the time, volunteers will be summoned via SMS for a call out. Roughly once a month, they’ll be at the base over a weekend, during which time they’ll go through fire-safety procedures and hose drills. If a call out comes, they’ll be among the first crews on the fire line.

Prospective volunteers should monitor the VWS website (vws.org.za) to see when recruitment opens up, usually in March or April each year. Non-firefighting volunteers keen to assist with logistics are welcome to sign up at any time.

pictures: patrick ryan – rights of use: VWS archives, ingi deutschlander

‘MINUTES LATER, WE HEARD THIS BIG, RUMBLING NOISE AND THIS SMALL, RED GLOW IN THE DISTANCE SUDDENLY BLEW UP’

into an oven and then doing a three-hour workout while sucking in lungfuls of braai smoke. It doesn’t matter how experienced or tough you are; everyone eventually needs to step back. You’re usually there three minutes before swapping out. It gets incredibly tough and hectic.’

But that’s also when the training and experience kicks in, he says. ‘You get very focused. You develop heightened situational awareness, becoming acutely aware of the fire’s behaviour, the weather around you, how things are changing, and what your crew members are going through. And you’re wondering if and when things are going to change and become nasty.’

‘Sometimes you’re forced to stand back and watch because it’s too big to do anything with,’ says Phillipa. ‘And it’s mesmerising. I quite enjoy watching a fire.

There’s nothing else like it. People ask if I’m scared when I’m on a fire, but I don’t think there’s time for fear. After five seasons, I know what I’m meant to be doing, and I’m too busy thinking about how I’m going tackle this incredible beast to bother with being frightened by it.’

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Island style,

Mzansi style Will Edgcumbe dons his Acapulco shirt, grabs a piùa colada and kicks back on some of our local island paradises. Well, not really‌

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LOCAL ISLANDS | TRAVEL

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he call of island living is a strong one and brings to mind all sorts of great things – white sand beaches, palm trees, a coconut with a straw and cocktail umbrella sticking out of it, or perhaps, if you’re a negative nelly, smoke monsters and AK47-wielding marijuana growers. But the best potential an island has is for founding one’s own sovereign state, where legislation can be put in place to make things just right, a place where it is a criminal offence to be a teenager or own a selfie stick, pizza is legislated as the national breakfast food and dressing up means fastening one button on a floral shirt.

South Africa may have some of the best beaches in the world, but for all our nearly 3 000km of coastline, we have a veritable famine of islands – and the ones we do have already belong to the government. So sadly you won’t be propping yourself up as an island ruler without declaring war on your homeland first.

Nevertheless, a few of them are worth checking out, even if it is just through a pair of binoculars. And it doesn’t hurt to plan a place to escape to when the inevitable zombie apocalypse dawns. It’s called having options, people.

QUICK, NAME A SOUTH AFRICAN ISLAND! You thought of Robben Island, didn’t you?

Makes sense: it’s South Africa’s most visited island and played an infamous role in our country’s recent history, with former president Nelson Mandela serving 18 of his 27 years of incarceration on the island’s prison, along with numerous other political prisoners. Now a World Heritage Site, Robben Island is easily reached via ferry from the V&A Waterfront, and tours of the island and prison are led by former prisoners. It’s a deeply moving experience

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NOW A WORLD HERITAGE SITE, ROBBEN ISLAND IS EASILY REACHED VIA FERRY FROM THE V&A WATERFRONT and one of the true ‘must-dos’ when visiting Cape Town.

Robben Island is also fascinating for other reasons. The name is Dutch for ‘Seal Island’ (which you’ll notice is a theme when naming islands off South Africa), and has served various purposes, including that of a prison, whaling station, leper colony, animal quarantine station and even as a gun battery during World War II (you can arrange to tour the recently refurbished gun emplacements and plotting rooms for a change of pace). Also, thanks to the carnal pursuits of generations of rabbits, there are about 25 000 of the buggers around, along with large populations of African penguins and Cape fur seals.

Probably the country’s second most famous island, Seal Island, located 5.7km off the northern beaches of False Bay, has an area of just two hectares and really isn’t much more than a low outcrop of granite.

But the seals seem to like it, with some 64 000 of them calling it home. The

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marine mammals also make the waters around it a popular restaurant for great white sharks – the area is often referred to as the ‘Ring of Death’, which tells you that things get pretty real, pretty quickly here if you’re a seal with a gammy flipper.

Seal Island isn’t really the kind of place you’d want to disembark, though; it’s really rocky and has a distinctly unpleasant smell. However, boat operators in Simon’s Town offer trips around the island to see the seals, as well as shark-cage diving to see their predators up close.

THE WESTERN CAPE’S OTHER ISLANDS Just because there aren’t enough islands named after seals, there’s another Seal Island in the area, although this one is at least also known as Duiker Island, so we’ll refer to it as that. Set off Hout Bay, it’s pretty small with an area of just 0.4 hectares, but it’s renowned for its bird and seal life, and 40-minute excursions

leave from Hout Bay harbour a couple of times a day.

About 55km north of Cape Town is the little harbour town of Yzerfontein, and just 10km offshore lies Dassen Island.

Named for the large colony of dassies found there by the island’s discoverers, Dassen Island is an uninhabited nature reserve and not open to the public, although the odd tour operator offers cruises around the island. They need to navigate carefully though, as the island is surrounded by treacherous reefs on which many ships have come to grief. The island is a haven and favourite breeding ground for African penguins, though it’s also home to a handful of reptiles, rabbits, feral cats and the eponymous dassies.

Further north up the West Coast at Lamberts Bay is an island that is almost not an island. Some 100m offshore and connected to the mainland via a breakwater, Bird Island – referred to as Bird Island Nature Reserve and managed

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LOCAL ISLANDS | TRAVEL

UNLESS YOU’RE A RANDY SEA BIRD OR AN ORNITHOLOGIST, THE BIRD ISLANDS AREN’T ALL THAT FUN

by CapeNature – is home to a massive breeding colony of Cape gannets, which can be watched discreetly as they nest, feed and socialise. Bear in mind that getting onto the island is weather dependent, as rough seas can make the breakwater treacherous, so keep an eye on the weather forecast if you plan to go.

pictures: istock, winfried bruenken

FIND YOURSELF IN PORT ELIZABETH? Not to be outdone, Algoa Bay off the Eastern Cape is home to six islands in two groups of three: the St Croix Group on the western side of the bay; and the Bird Island Group to the east. The St Croix Group has a main island of the same name, and two islets called Jahleel and Brenton islands, while the Bird Island Group comprises Bird, Seal (there it is again) and Stag islands.

All six are closed to the public (boo) and are declared nature reserves, forming part of the Addo Elephant National Park.

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But unless you’re a randy sea bird (eight species of which breed on the islands) or have a vested interest in sea birds being randy (like an ornithologist), the islands wouldn’t be all that fun to hang out on; they’re basically just rocks thrust out of the sea that support minimal vegetation.

Nevertheless, Raggy Charters offers half-day boat tours out to the Bird Island Group from Port Elizabeth, giving you a great chance to spot Cape gannets, African penguins, Cape fur seals, Cape cormorants and a whole heap of other sea birds and marine life.

FAR, FAR AWAY Some 1 800km south of Port Elizabeth are two islands with a combined size of 316km2 thatactually form part of South Africa (if you want to get technical, they fall under Ward 55 of the City of Cape Town). Called the Prince Edward Islands, and individually known

as Marion Island and Prince Edward Island, they have been declared special nature reserves, so human activity on the island is restricted to research and conservation management, with the only inhabitants being a handful of staff at a research station. If they had a rugby team, they’d probably still be able to beat the Sharks, though.

The islands have a tundra climate, so they’re unusually windy and are among the cloudiest places in the world. It also rains about 320 days a year on average, and snow and frost can occur year round, so they’re not exactly tropical paradises.

Vegetation is pretty much limited to moss and ferns, with the indigenous wildlife being insects, sea birds, seals and penguins. A number of whale species cruise the waters around the islands, including killer whales, which hunt the aforementioned penguins and seals.

DON’T BE DEPRESSED If we’re honest, South Africa’s islands are a sad lot compared to the tropical, palmfringed places we see in tourist brochures, but it’s not like we’re lacking beaches or that island vibe on the mainland. And anyway, yes Africa’s a continent, but isn’t it also just a really big island?

CONTACTS ROBBEN ISLAND GATEWAY 021 413 4200, robben-island.org.za CIRCE LAUNCHES (Duiker Island tours) 021 790 1040, circelaunches.co.za BIRD ISLAND (Lambert’s Bay) 021 483 0190, capenature.co.za RAGGY CHARTERS (Bird Island Group tours) 073 152 2277, raggycharters.co.za

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semidesert ?

Who you calling a

Will Edgcumbe dispenses with the semantics and sets about not dying in the Kalahari.

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KALAHARI | TRAVEL

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eserts are generally pretty unforgiving places. The margin for error between life and death can be slim at the best of times anywhere in the wild, but throw in water scarcity and relentless heat, and it gets really uncomfortable. And guys, if you want to know about heat, the Kalahari is the place to go.

Now the dorks out there will want to get all technical and whinge that the Kalahari isn’t a true desert. They’d be right, but ‘desert’ sounds sexier than ‘semi-desert’ and in any case, if you find yourself lost on foot and forced to drink your own pee in either, the semantics of the argument would seem just a bit pedantic.

And it’s big. Biiiiiiiiiiiig. We’re talking 900 000 or so square kilometres, covering a buttload of Namibia, Botswana and, of course, South Africa. To put it into perspective, that’s nearly four times the size of the UK, or about 20 Nkandlas (which, by the way, sounds like a really catchy name for a failing currency. You read it here first).

It stands to reason, then, that something that big isn’t as uniform as people might assume, their mind’s eye dominated by a moonscape littered with the skulls of things that died of thirst and loneliness.

The truth is that there’s way more to the Kalahari than meets the eye, and it supports a surprisingly varied array of plant and animal life.

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THE ORANGE RIVER HAS CREATED A GREEN BELT THROUGH THIS ARID LAND FOR SOME 2 200KM

WATER IN THE DESERT No place (or stretch) better encapsulates this than the Green Kalahari. That’s not an oxymoron. If you were to traverse the Kalahari from east to west, following the course of the Orange River, you might wonder if there was such a thing as a semi-desert. From the mountains of Lesotho to the Atlantic Ocean, the Orange River has created a green belt through this arid land for some 2 200km, and on either side are irrigated fields of fruit trees, vegetables and – for 350 glorious kilometres – vineyards.

That’s right, clustered around farming towns such as Groblershoop, Upington, Keimoes, Kakamas and Grootdrink are hundreds of farmers supplying grapes to local cellars, most notably Orange River Cellars, which also happens to be the second-largest wine cooperative in the world. You can spend a couple of sozzled days doing wine tasting at the

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co-op’s cellars in the aforementioned towns, as well as at the odd farm owned by independent winemakers. And to further prove that you don’t have to go thirsty in the desert, a bunch of these winemakers also make the odd port, brandy, witblitz and mampoer. Just don’t go swimming in the Orange River after such a day.

The Orange River itself is pretty awesome for white-water rafting, and there are loads of stretches of gentle, flat water on which you can idle away your time, as well as seriously gnarly rapids that just want to eat you. And speaking of eating, if you’re good with a rod and reel, yellowfish are endemic to the Orange River, and serious anglers will tell you they’re one of the best sport fish in the world.

CRITTERS OF THE SAND Despite how tough things are for animals, the Kalahari is home to some pretty

fantastic animal life, particularly in the Augrabies Falls National Park and |Ai-|Ais/Richtersveld Transfrontier Park – we’re talking lion, leopard, hyena, eland, gemsbok, Hartmann’s mountain zebra and meerkat, not to mention a whole host of reptiles and bird life.

The animals may not be as easy to spot as they are in places such as the Kruger National Park, which tends to have higher concentrations, but in a sense it makes game viewing really rewarding. You can also be pretty strategic when it comes to staking out a spot at a waterhole or river bed – chances are a fair number of thirsty animals will head your way.

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KALAHARI | TRAVEL

But wherever you go in the Kalahari, if you know where to look, there’s plenty of life, and if you’re not afraid of creepy crawlies like scorpions and baboon spiders then there’s plenty of interesting stuff to see/freak the hell out about.

OTHERWORLDLY FLORA Adapting to such a harsh environment has resulted in some pretty odd-looking plants. Quiver trees, with their golden, almost leprous-looking bark and striking yellow flowers when in bloom, get a lot of attention, but an even cooler plant is the halfmens. The name, for those of you who failed Grade 5 Afrikaans, means ‘half person’, and this is the only place in the world where it grows. A single-stemmed succulent plant, it can grow four metres tall and has a spiny trunk that ends in a thick rosette of leaves.

The top of the halfmens also leans slightly to the north, which has led to an interesting legend about it as told by the Nama people, the largest group of the Khoikhoi. It’s said that when the ancient

THOSE WHO IGNORED THE ELDERS WERE TURNED INTO HALFMENS Nama fled here from Namibia and crossed the Orange River, their elders told them not to look back across the river to their homeland, or they would never leave.

Those who did were turned into halfmens, forever gazing longingly north to the land they left behind.

GETTING AROUND You don’t need a 4x4 to get around the Kalahari, although having one gives you

more options. The N10 and N14 will get you around a fair bit, as will the provincial roads, but if you want to disappear into the sticks or check out places like the Richtersveld, then a vehicle with high clearance is recommended. If you’re a 4x4 nut, there are some fantastic routes for you to explore and desolate places to set up camp – just bear in mind that the distances are huge, so go prepared and plan well.

pictures: supplied

HOW NOT TO DIE IN THE KALAHARI Not dying is one of the chief pleasures of going on holiday. Many a time people will look through their holiday snaps and think about how pleased they are that they successfully made it out alive.

You too can reminisce about surviving by following these simple tips: • Check your shoes/sleeping bag/ underwear for scorpions. Most are harmless, but if you come across one with a thick tail, that guy is not safe to mess with. Hot tip: scorpions are fluorescent under a UV light, so that’s a useful thing to have around at night when you hear scuttling. Scorpions

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also happen to be meerkats’ favourite food, making them a very useful creature to befriend.

• If you’re one of those real manne in a Hilux with raised suspension and massive, mud-terrain tyres, it’s not heroic to go off into the middle of nowhere by yourself. If you break down, chances are no one is going to stumble across you while popping out to buy bread, and radiator water isn’t fun to drink. If you’re in a Land Rover, though, feel free to go anywhere by yourself – help can easily follow the trail of oil right to you.

• This is kind of related, but more about how to stop other things from dying in the Kalahari: stick to the roads. Going off-road in an unsanctioned way can do untold damage to flora and fauna, and cause erosion. Ever seen a flat tortoise? It’s pretty sad.

• Dress warmly – you read that right.

Like most water-scarce places, the temperature can drop precipitously at night, especially in winter, so pack for all seasons.

• Finally, make your mom proud: wear a hat and sunscreen.

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Hotbox Katie Bigelow sets out to do a story on Bikram yoga – and gets addicted in the process.

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he room was dim and humid and warm, haunted by soothing mantras seeping from hidden speakers, as wafts of earthy incense smoke cleared away the sweaty stench of the previous class. Lithe women in leotards and bare-chested men were spaced out in some geometric pattern, lying on their mats with their feet facing a mirror-covered wall. As I tiptoed in, the air-con started up, blasting a hot wind that

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would steadily nudge the temperature up to 40°C. This was a sauna, differentiated only by the fact that once the instructor entered the room, we would be expected to stand up, heed her instructions, and execute a series of yoga postures that have been known to make grown men cry.

When my editor briefed me, I’d assumed this would be a quick, simple assignment.

Muddle my way through the world’s most famous – and infamous – form of hot

yoga, write a story describing my physical transformation, and then return to my life of bad habits and blissful ignorance.

It starts off fairly easily. You’re told to stand up straight, ground yourself through your feet, and focus both your eyes on the mirror. The sweat was already beginning to pour out of me by the time I heard that we’d be going through 26 postures and two breathing exercises, and that if we felt dizzy or nauseous we should lie down.

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BIKRAM YOGA | BEHIND THE SCENES

MORE THAN ANYTHING, THOUGH, THAT FIRST SESSION WAS ABOUT DISCOVERING PAIN – AND MY INCREDIBLE CAPACITY TO PERSPIRE And suddenly I was in the thick of it. The heat seemed to intensify as I stretched, bent, folded, balanced on one leg and then the other, and even battled with the simple task of swaying my torso from side to side with my hands interlocked above my head.

RELEASE THE ANIMAL WITHIN The postures each had elaborate Sanskrit names and English translations that

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mostly seemed to be animals. There was the twist-your-body-into-a-knot-whilestanding-on-one-leg ‘Eagle’ and balanceon-one-leg-while-holding-the-other-footwith-your-hand-behind-your-back ‘Dancer’.

‘Cobra’ was as simple as it got: lying on my tummy, using my lower back strength to lift my chest off the mat. And somewhere in the middle there was the ‘Corpse Pose’, which brought the welcome relief of lying dead still on my back.

All the while, the instructor reinforced basic things such as ‘breathe, concentrate, meditate’ and ‘in through the nose, out through the nose’. Throughout, she’d describe each posture in surgical detail that, if followed correctly, would eventually get my body into the desired form, strengthening the spinal column while boosting the immune, nervous and respiratory systems. What? I thought I was there just to sweat and bend.

More than anything, though, that first session was about discovering pain, imbalances, inadequacies, lack of coordination – and my incredible capacity to perspire. I oozed literally gallons of liquid that seeped into my mat and spread like a small salty dam around the edges of my space as I counted down to the moment when I could run screaming out of that torture chamber, dive into a bathtub filled with ice and never, ever return.

At the end of it all, once we’d wound down with a hectic breathing exercise called ‘shining skull’ – or kapalabhati – we were told to lie down while our heart rates returned to normal.

No. I didn’t come out of there feeling all tingly and alive, in touch with my feelings and in love with the universe.

I felt buggered. And although my head said ‘never again’, something weird and inexplicable made me go back … again and again.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF YOGA Colorado-born yoga instructor Debra Fenenga got into Bikram 11 years ago, aged 45. Like me, Debra had always sworn off yoga because of the stereotypes – because it seemed too inactive, because it was too meditational, devotional even.

What appealed to her was the idea of yoga as a physical workout. While living in Singapore, she responded to an advert featuring a sweaty body and the slogan ‘Look good naked’, offering 90-minute yoga in a 40°C room.

‘Initially, it was quite shocking,’ she says. ‘I couldn’t believe what I couldn’t do. Like virtually anyone who goes into yoga the first time, I discovered I couldn’t bend – forward, backwards, or side-toside. I was really off balance; my strength, flexibility, everything was challenged.

‘As a dancer, you assume you have your body under control, but Bikram is different. You have to really settle your head, still your mind, so that your cardiovascular system doesn’t explode, so that your breath doesn’t get taken away. Because if your breathing becomes overwhelmed, your heart rate goes up, and you get dizzy and collapse.’

Emotions also come welling up, typically during the few moments spent in stillness between certain poses. ‘When you’re standing still after a posture, that’s when everything starts to go haywire,’ says Debra. ‘Your blood is rushing through your body, moving through the organs, really getting into the joints, and when you’re asked to stand still, you need to acknowledge what your body is going through. Typically, you start feeling a bit nauseous, dizzy, and that’s when the emotions – irritation, anger, frustration, a desire to flee – start kicking in.’

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BEHIND THE SCENES | BIKRAM YOGA

Debra, who teaches Bikram at a number of Cape Town studios, obtained her certification under the founder of the discipline, Bikram Choudhury, himself.

‘It’s a nine-week training boot camp,’ she explains. ‘Two 90-minute classes a day, and in-between we had posture clinics lasting several hours in the morning and afternoon. We were going from 7:30pm until 2:30am, so there was very little sleep. Everything is monitored and it’s unnecessarily strict, but it’s Bikram’s way of getting people focused and disciplined.’

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The other big danger, says Debra, is ego – something yoga invariably serves to eliminate. ‘We get those sporty people

FIND YOUR MAT CAPE TOWN YOGALIFE With daily Bikram classes, as well as Vinyasa and power (heated Vinyasa flow) classes, Capetonians get their first week at this studio for free.

127 Waterkant Road, De Waterkant, 021 418 2884, theyogalife.co.za.

YO YOGA Offers hot yoga classes, including Bikram, Ashtanga and Vinyasa flow.

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YOGA EXPERIENCE This studio runs a 15-week hot yoga teacher training programme (12 March – 25 June 2016), inspired by Bikram.

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pictures: istock

Besides wide-scale opinion that Bikram himself has become a millionaire douchebag who tried to patent his sequence of 26 hatha yoga postures, the other serious debate revolves around the question of practicing yoga in an oven.

Many wrongly assume that the heat and sweat are meant to encourage weight loss, so people frequently get into hot yoga hoping to shed kilograms. Bikram, in fact, got the idea of adding heat to his classes from a student who complained of the cold while he was teaching in Japan.

‘You can do Bikram without the heat and still feel the benefits,’ explains Debra, ‘but the heat helps you find flexibility easier. I think Bikram is mostly about the purification process – the cardiovascular impact on your respiratory system and your entire body that works to get toxins flushed out through the skin and the lungs.’

The heat can, of course, be problematic.

‘Beginners need to be aware of heart problems, and high or low blood pressure.

We do see people getting dizzy and dropping because of the heat. You need to acclimatise – the discomfort eventually passes, and we always encourage people to lie down if they need to.’

– like I was – all the time. They think they can do everything right away. They want to do the poses so badly that they force their bodies into postures they’re not ready for. They’re wobbling, their knees are bent, and they force their bodies into skew positions just so that they can look like the experienced people in the room.

And they hurt their backs. As Bikram instructors, we try and keep them off that ego-adrenaline junkie ride and keep their minds quiet, get them to look into the mirror and listen to the instructions.’

And it works. It really does. The calmness. The ability to cope with the heat, accept the sweat, and realise that if you can’t balance on one leg today, it isn’t the end of the world. It’s just about being in the moment, and breathing.

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DRIVE | ACTION

Did you say 300km/h?

David Taylor gets to grips (at least tries) with the one of the fastest, hottest and most beautiful cars he’s ever seen.

pictures: supplied

T

his is the Mercedes-AMG GT S. Note: there’s no ‘Benz’ mentioned in the name; that’s because this is a product of AMG, not Mercedes-Benz. It’s the second time AMG has made a car for Mercedes – the first being the gull-winged SLS. Just look at it. A single photo isn’t enough to do it justice, and I spent a good two hours trying to find a hot image that would cover all the angles and show off this graceful machine best.

It really is a striking design, and if you happen to find yourself behind the wheel of this R2-million supercar, be prepared to be swamped by

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onlookers asking all sorts of questions.

‘How much is it? How fast does it go?

Can you rev it for us? Are you single?’ were all questions that I faced during a week-long fling with the GT S. It’s that much of a crowd pleaser – and even more so when you fire it up.

AMG’s real area of expertise is engines and the GT S doesn’t disappoint. With a 4.0-litre, bi-turbo,V8 engine at your disposal, performance is incredible.

A top speed of more than 300km/h is claimed, and judging how quickly it got to 120km/h, I could believe that.

What makes it even more incredible is that you can turn down the engine

and make it civilised for the drive to work. Or rather want to get somewhere in a hurry and wake all the neighbours?

Simply move the dial from Comfort to Race, and be prepared for the drive of your life. Let’s not forget that renowned AMG soundtrack too, which will have onlookers covering their ears.

At R2-million, the AMG GT S is one serious machine. It’s a bit tight in the cabin, but then again, it’s not built for comfort. This is a race car for the road and its performance is only eclipsed by its beauty. Easily one of the finest automobiles of 2015.

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ACTION | DRIVE

FORD FUSION

ii When looking for a premium sedan, many naturally turn to the expensive Germans. How about a Ford then? The Fusion is a great blend of economy, tech and practicality, with your best bet being the 1.5-litre turbo, with adequate power and low fuel consumption. Bonus feature: one of the biggest boots I’ve ever seen. From R349 900.

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MAZDA 3

Five underrated beauties

SUZUKI SWIFT

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ii Mazda is a brand that is quietly making some decent products.

The 3 offers a family-sized hatchback jammed with features for not a crazy amount of money. Build quality is very good, making this a strong contender in the hatchback segment. From R232 900.

ii This city car is fun to drive and cheap to own. It has a perky 1.2-litre engine and has many standard features.

It’s pretty spacious inside too, and is a tough little thing on the road. From R133 900.

With so many brands and models of cars available in South Africa, surely they’re all reasonably decent?

Here are five underrated cars that are great buys.

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VOLVO XC90

ii It’s taken its time to get here, but the wait has been worth it. The Volvo XC90 is easily the brand’s finest product and is dripping in tech. From an ecofriendly engine to an iPad-like tablet dominating the centre console, the XC90 is an impressive, smart-looking family SUV. Check those headlights! From R804 000.

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HONDA JAZZ

ii The Honda is often overlooked and it’s difficult to see why, as the Jazz offers incredible interior space thanks to its clever folding seats, as well as generous features such as a touch-screen infotainment system and full media connectivity. Throw in some good engines and you have a great runabout. From R185 300.

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PROPERTY | STUFF

Summer lovin’ Kerry Hayes is having a blast with these al-fresco entertaining tips.

W

hen summer hits the southern end of our continent, South Africans zone in on the outdoors like moths to a flame – specifically, a giant, flaming ball of plasma a few million kilometres away. Our climate is made for entertaining outdoors, so let’s look at what elements make up the ultimate al-fresco entertaining area.

TAKE A SEAT Where you put your bum has more of an impact on the comfort and visual appeal of your outdoor entertainment area than you think. Good-quality outdoor furniture is easily attainable, and needn’t break the bank either (provided your bum doesn’t break the furniture). There’s a variety of options to choose from, including comfortable loungers, barstools, sofas and even poufs (those oversized bean bags that you flop into, which can also double up as a footrest when the dumpy Labrador isn’t around).

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With its solid structure and natural feel, wooden furniture is making a comeback, but be careful if you’re going with authentic wood as it will require some weather-related maintenance.

If you’d rather keep your upkeep low, then aluminium, rattan or plastic weatherproof furniture is for you. Did you know you can illuminate your plastic furniture? Usually powered by rechargeable, cordless LED batteries, you can have a daring ‘red-light district’ party (if that's your thing, remember plastic’s easy to wipe down too), or a ‘disco’ affair, presuming you have enough furniture to create a dance floor. Some of these even come with a remote control, so you can change the mood of your party at the touch of a button. And imagine the stunning effect when your grid goes down due to loadshedding!

Always remember to check whether your furniture is UV and weather resistant, and how to best look after it.

SHADY CHARACTERS Ice-cold beer will only take you so far in keeping cool while entertaining in the daytime, so it’s vital that you have sufficient shade options available. These can take the form of umbrellas, awnings or pergolas – while advances in the industry have resulted in myriad

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STUFF | PROPERTY

ACCESSORISE Yes, you can accessorise your al-fresco zone! Scatter cushions, for example, not only add comfort to your outdoor furnishings, but can add pops of colour and texture too. And they are available in weather-resistant fabrics too. They are also relatively inexpensive, so you can change them with the seasons.

Rustic lanterns add the romanticism at night that trees add in the day. Hang them on your walls or placed around your entertainment area, and you have

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SETTING UP A TABLE OR OUTDOOR LOUNGE SUITE BENEATH THE TREES CANNOT BE BEATEN instant ambience. They come in an array of sizes and colour finishes – try copper, which is currently trending.

And while we’re on the topic of lighting, fairy lights are just gorgeous when strung through the trees at night.

These can be solar powered or battery operated, for a touch of magic.

HANGING OUT Got a pair of trees or pergola posts close enough together? Think about getting a hammock, so that once your lunch guests have left (or even before, if you’ve

had enough champers), you can relax after your tireless entertaining efforts.

You can get one in any colour and design you like, so you can sleep in the clouds or snooze on a tropical beach.

Well deserved, I’d say, after all the effort you went to tidy up your outdoor entertainment area, get the stretch sails up, hang the fairy lights on the branches, get the scatter cushions out, and prepare an awesome meal…

For more home and décor inspiration, visit sahomeowner.co.za.

pictures: supplied

options to choose from, ranging from permanent to retractable structures of all materials and finishes. You can also up your patio cred by motorising your awnings or adding sun, wind and rain sensors.

Shade sails are also pretty cool, as they can be put up and taken down as needed, and can be made in nearly any shape and colour you could wish for (for those wondering what to get me for Christmas, I’m just gonna leave the idea of a Batman sail lying right here).

Don’t, however, neglect the best shade option available: trees. Setting up a table or outdoor lounge suite beneath the trees cannot be beaten for relaxation and romance factor. There’s just something about the interplay of light and shade in the breeze while you high-tea with the girls that has a transcending quality.

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2015/10/21 12:37 PM

BUSINESS | STUFF

5 steps to get your brand out of hot water Nobody likes putting out fires, but crisis management is a reality that companies need to face – and prepare for – if they want to keep their reputations intact, writes Katherine Graham.

W

hen a video of KFC employees in Braamfontein hosing down chicken pieces on the ground went viral earlier this year, it was decidedly finger-burnin' bad for the company. Although the fast-food giant was quick to respond to the crisis, pointing out that the chicken in question was not for consumption and was about to be discarded, it did considerable damage to the company. 'The message for business is simple: you work in a goldfish bowl and the whole world is watching,' advises Aki Kalliatakis of the Leadership LaunchPad.

picture: istock

1. BE PREPARED When it comes to crisis management, the first step is to be prepared. 'It's about anticipating what types of crises could occur in an organisation, how to mitigate these risks and manage situations should they arise,' asserts Khuthalani Khumalo of Khaliphani Communications.

The time, effort and resources required to train your communications and leadership team in dealing with a crisis will not be wasted, asserts management consultant Deon Binneman. 'Think of it in terms of an insurance policy to ensure the survival of your business.'

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2. RESPOND QUICKLY The first few hours after a crisis hits are crucial. 'This is the time when the greatest inaccuracy and misinformation occurs,' says Deon. To correct this, your company needs to enter the fray as quickly and decisively as possible.

'Get to the facts of the crisis as soon as you can,' says Tamra Veley of Corporate Image. 'Without them, you can't communicate with any confidence.'

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY Nobody likes lame excuses, but the public can respond sympathetically if you're big enough to admit your mistakes. 'Regret and responsibility are important steps of crisis communication,' says Joanne Botha, reputation strategist at Pillar9.

She gives the example of Tiger Brands, who readily admitted their guilt in the 2006 bread price-fixing scandal and made the necessary governance reforms to regain customer trust and rebuild confidence in the brand.

4. KEEP YOUR MESSAGES CONSISTENT 'Determine the key points to share with your audience and stay focused on them,' says Jennifer Stein, MD of Gillian Gamsy. 'Reiterate your message at every opportunity and ensure that the messaging is consistent.'

Also be clear on how you're going to fix the problem so that it doesn't happen again. 'Your response to the crisis must demonstrate a way forward,' Jennifer says.

5. REGAIN TRUST The good news is that most crises do die down eventually and, unless you deal with them very badly à la Enron or Auction Alliance, there's a good chance your business will emerge on the other side relatively unscathed.

'The common denominator is trust,' says Tamra. 'Even in the midst of crisis, if your company can retain the trust and confidence of the public, it will survive and succeed.'

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STUFF | BUSINESS

The heat is on O

ne of our top five rules of presenting we share on our website is to prepare for every presentation under the assumption that your technology is going to fail you.

Picture this scene: it’s 2005 in Oxford, England. The stage is TED Global. I am one of six people selected to do a three-minute talk each. My subject is ‘First impressions lie’ (I'd prepared it as a counterpoint to Malcolm Gladwell's book Blink, as he was scheduled to speak there too).

All too soon, I hear Chris Anderson call my name. I walk up there in my shorts and a T-shirt (contrarian much?) and get ready to start. My Mac was set up behind me during the break and everything is ready to go, so I start to speak. All goes well for the first 30 seconds – I make a joke, I get some laughter, I advance a few slides…

And then it happens.

My Mac freezes. At TED. When I have only three minutes.

Holy crap! I glance over at Chris Anderson. He stares back blankly.

‘Keep going buddy,’ is the unspoken command.

As luck would have it, my Mac has frozen on a graph that I need to build. So running

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around like a madman, using my hands in a way that would make the dancers in the ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’ music video proud, I soldier on.

Finally I finish. People clap, Seth Godin whoops (I know it was him because he came up to me afterwards and asked, ‘Did you hear me whoop?’) and I leave the stage. My debut on the main stage of TED is over.

So what's my point? It's that, slideless or not, I made it. Sure it wasn't ideal, and it certainly wasn't my proudest moment. But Murphy threw his law book right at my junk and I managed to hold it together. That's why the aforementioned rule is so crucial.

Your slide deck is not your presentation – you are. And while I'm certainly a proponent of the idea that visual aids can help you deliver a message and help your audience remember it, I equally believe that they can sometimes act as a speaker's crutch. And if you lose that crutch, you collapse (along with your entire preso). You can't let that happen.

This is why so much of our training is spent on getting speakers comfortable with their content. However, whether you're trained or not, you can get through it with simple practice. Here's a tip: practise your preso without your slides. This will help you tonnes, even if your tech doesn't go belly-up.

Remember, the presentation is the stuff that comes out of your mouth, not the projector.

Prepare accordingly.

pictures: istock, freepik

Richard Mulholland of Missing Link on how to keep up when technology lets you down during your presentation.

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HEALTH | STUFF

Shape up for summer!

Summer is here and with it the beach, braais and bikinis! The last thing you want is for extra weight to spoil your fun in the sun. Luckily, it’s never too late to get in shape. With these seven simple strategies, you’ll feel and look good in no time.

EAT REAL FOOD

GET ENOUGH SLEEP

If it doesn’t look like an apple, it isn’t an apple! The less processed food is, the better it will be for your body. You’ll burn kilojoules more efficiently and your appetite will regulate itself naturally. Real food also lowers inflammation, boosts detoxification, aids digestion and regulates your stress hormones. Choose food that comes from nature and not from a production line.

Most people need between seven and eight hours of sleep per night. Your body and mind requires that time to reset and renew. A lack of sleep can affect your appetite and fat-regulating hormones, contributing to insulin resistance.

WATCH THE BOOZE We know the silly season is just round the corner, and there's nothing wrong with the occasional glass of wine or ice-cold beer, but falling into the habit of daily alcohol consumption can seriously affect your weight. The long-term problems may well not be worth the short-term lift.

text: supplied by CSN; picture: Freepik

MANAGE YOUR STRESS You honestly need to stop and breathe. Stress has never solved any problems.

It only makes you crave sugar and carbs, tempting you to comfort eat. Chronic stress causes your brain to shrink and your belly to grow.

OPTIMISE NUTRIENT LEVELS

FOOD SENSITIVITIES

Cravings are also often prompted by insufficient nutrient levels. You need omega-3 fatty acids to control your insulin function, while omega-6 helps your body absorb important vitamins. Low levels of vitamin D will impair your appetite control.

Gluten and dairy are two of the most common food sensitivities, but many others can hamper weight loss. Rid your diet of food sources that seem to cause adverse reactions in your body, and see the fat melt away.

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GET MOVING Besides healthy eating, exercise is the best thing you can do for your body – even if you just walk for 30 minutes each day. Our bodies were not designed to sit behind a desk all day. If you want your body to work for you, you need to work for your body. See you on the beach!

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STUFF | COLUMN

Some like it hot E

ver since birth, I have abhorred the cold.

Prematurely thrust into existence, I was immediately stuffed into an incubator. It was lovely and warm. And quiet, especially after nine months of having to listen to my parents’ bickering.

‘This is all your fault.’

‘Rubbish. I told you to get a vasectomy.’

After some time, a nurse prodded me with a fork and decided that I was done. When she tried to remove me, I screamed and lashed out blindly with my tiny feet. It took three security guards to wrestle me from my steamy paradise and into a cold, new world called Jo’burg.

The day after my fourth birthday, my parents sold the house and we all moved to Durban. It was like being plunged into a giant incubator filled with banana trees and beach sand. I perspired like a happy pink piglet and, my frontal cortex softened by the stifling humidity, rashly agreed to go to school.

Durban was where I fell madly in love for the first time. She was warm and wet and I wanted to be in her all the time. I am still in a relationship with the Indian Ocean – even though

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she has, over the years, tried to kill me on more than one occasion.

Then, in my mid-20s, I went to Namibia for a couple of months and accidentally ended up spending 10 years there. The desert winters were like treacherous reptiles from hell that snuck up on you every year and tried to freeze your face off. The torrid summers, on the other hand, would quickly set about greedily sucking the moisture from your eyeballs and stirfrying your brains.

After that, I spent 15 years in Cape Town. Scenery to die for; winters to die from. Colder than my ex-wife and with a similar tendency to go and on, winters on the southern tip of Africa are not for those with hearts of chicken and livers of lily. I eventually got cold

feet and returned to my old subtropical hot box on the East Coast. Don’t judge me. Homeotherms are people, too.

I am, as we speak, in training for my first Durban summer in years.

Part of the regimen includes sitting fully clothed in a Swedish friend’s sauna, eating spoonfuls of ‘mother-in-law exterminator’ curry powder. When I asked him why he had a sauna in his house in the first place, he said it was cooler than being outside, especially in February.

I clearly remember the summers spent in my childhood home in Durban North. During the day the walls would be slick with moisture and at night we’d soak our sheets in cold water before going to bed. My mother developed a habit of eating ice blocks to stay cool. The crunching emanating from our house sounded like two lions gnawing on a wildebeest’s skull.

My father even started brewing his own beer in a shed in the backyard, although that might not have had anything to do with it being summer.

Right. I’m ready. Let the sweating begin.

illustration: pete woodbridge

Ben Trovato tracks his love affair with warmer weather.

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