Sarah

Ocean

Times like this, when night was long, cold and dark. Times like this, nobody wishes they did exist. Times like this, I heard a whisper, "This boat is not strong enough to carry this much; will we die?" Will we see tomorrow? Time like this, when water was safer than home! It is like to lose home at the risk of never finding home again, And split your entire life between two lands. Times like this, all we had were tears at the night and next day morning waiting for the boat to sail, sail away. Bag full of paper making it clear that you would not be going back. Lose your name, lose your family, make a refugee camp a home for a year or two or ten! Times like this, all you can hear, "Hello, we need help right here. " Will we see tomorrow? Fire under feet, hot blood in your belly. And boat it is the only place that will take you! No one would understand! How can a little boy hold a gun bigger than his body? How can a little girl know only two words: ''refugee" and "camps"? Sun would not rise unless it makes sure that the ocean swallows children. What does it matter if drowning is easier than staying? At the end they say:Look what they have done to their own countries, what will they do to ours?

What was it called again?

It has been a long time since I had a quiet moment. But why? Hmm, I have a, what was it called again? Whatever name is not important, I still have it! My dad hated it, he cannot deal with me anymore, he thinks I am crazy. Hahaha, my mom says I am insane, she cannot take it anymore too. I can see, they get tired of me. I mean being that way... How to explain, they did not give me even one chance to talk! Little they know, what you are? Little they know how you make me feel? Little they know that you are the only thing that won't let me go!!! How can I explain, where to start from? I joke about having you; just to see how people will react! My parents will get mad like I broke the TV, or they will laugh like they are watching Mr Bean. Suddenly, it feels like someone breaking my body into small parts. Then I say what they would do if they knew I already contain you. You start to laugh at me, and you have such different ways to laugh at me. Once you made me feel like there was a bird pecking on my brain. You make me press on my fingers in such a bad way, that they will hurt. Now I have three broken fingers. You have no time, you would come in before knocking. I told you I do not want any guests... I still take a shower everyday, just because someone touched me on the sidewalk a month ago. You come at wrong times, at rush hours, when I am being productive just to destroy me; to make my heart vibrate, to give me watery eyes, and shaky body. I stop in the middle of four walls, they feel like a huge monster surrounding me; you made them look that way. Even when they have a baby blue paint all over them. I cry with myself, I need balance. I need to live. I need to be free. You were once a helper but not anymore. I cannot wake up early, cuz you made me think if I washed my hands yesterday? cuz you made me wash my hands thirty times last night. You are taking too much of me... too much. I am losing control, let me go. I cannot get help, my society will laugh at me, they will say: "she is with no brain. "shame on her she feels that way. " What to say more. When you cry cuz one letter you did not like, in a whole paragraph of 3500 words, and 7 pages single spaced. When you end up cleaning for days, no stop, no rest; just cuz there was water on the floor. When you are obsessed with things that people won't even notice. When you lose a ring and you end up having a panic attack. When you will throw out the most things you love just cuz they get touched by a person that is not you. You took too much from my life; that moment, the days, you keep taking away so much beauty from my life. I cannot treat you. I lost so many times. I rub my hands so hard thinking that I got rid of you, I took the skin off, blood everywhere. What kind of feeling you make me feel! Now, this simple poem kills me, cuz you do not like it; you want it to sound more poetic, sounds like it is the best poem ever written about you. What was your name, again?