EncouragingWORDS

flourishingfriendships Sisters by heart. by Lisa Elliott

the seed of our friendship was sown in a season in which one wouldn’t expect it to survive, much less thrive. While it was summer outside, it was winter in my life. I came to find out that she, too, was experiencing a winter season. The ground in my heart was cold and hard, but her warmth and care furrowed deeply nevertheless.

We were two bleeding hearts, living hundreds of miles away from each other in two different parts of God’s vineyard. It was evident we had a heart-to-heart connection although we’d never met face-to-face. It didn’t take long before our hearts were entwined and our friendship took root and grew into a beautiful, aromatic, flourishing planting of the Lord. She watered my pain with her own tears. She nurtured my heart with care. She loved me right where I was. She helped bear my burdens. She prayed for me, encouraged me, and spoke truth into me in ways that cultivated a safe environment for me to bloom and grow in my relationship with God. She faithfully walked alongside me, and as our mutual love and respect for each other grew, our friendship took deeper root. Many seasons later, she continues to cause me to flourish in my life and in my ministry—as a mom, a wife, and in my relationship with our heavenly Father.

The friendship we share reminds me of one of my favorite stories in the Bible: the friendship between Mary (Mother of Jesus) and Elizabeth (mother of John the Baptist). We, too, can harvest a budding and blossoming friendship when we consider some of the qualities that provide a fertile environment in which to flourish: Connection (Luke 1:39). Mary knew exactly who she needed to run to for encouragement and support, and she didn’t waste any time getting there. The angel had already given her a clue in verse 36. Elizabeth and Mary were cousins. However, their connection deepened when they both found themselves pregnant in a miraculous way. Their relationship started out as a blood connection, but it turned into a divine connection through the Holy Spirit’s intervention in their lives.

It could be that you’re connected to a person because they’re a family member. Or you’re at the same age, stage, and season of life. Life’s circumstances could connect you to each other. Perhaps your children attend the same school or you live in the same neighborhood, are on the same committee. Or you could work together. Perhaps you connect at the heart with someone who’s “been there; done that,” someone who understands you and your circumstances. The important thing is to find someone with whom you connect.

Acceptance (Luke 1:40). Elizabeth greeted Mary with not only an open door, but with open arms and an open heart. That’s hospitality. It’s vitally important to provide a non-judgmental, caring environment where inner healing and hope can be experienced in their fullness. Likewise, we need to seek out others who will love us and accept us and value us—warts and all.

Understanding (Luke 1:41). When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. I’m not saying that we can’t be encouraged by those who aren’t in the faith, but how much more significant when you are like-minded and united in spirit? These women can pray for and with us, challenge us in spiritual things, and keep us accountable in our walk with Him.

Blessing (Luke 1:42). Elizabeth didn’t just whisper a welcome to Mary. She belted out her blessing. “In a loud voice she exclaimed…” Can’t you just hear her? Can you see the look on Mary’s face after having been virtually exiled and outcast due to her predicament? Couldn’t you use someone like that in your life?

Mutual Vulnerability (Luke 1:43). To me, there’s nothing worse than opening my life up to someone who stares at me through their zipped-up life. I call it “The Snowsuit Effect.” Elizabeth was “well along in years” (Luke 1:7). She was to be respected and looked up to by Mary. Yet Elizabeth esteems Mary by considering herself “favored” that Mary would choose her to confide in. She didn’t simply look at Mary as the one to be favored or blessed. They were both in a miraculously vulnerable condition. What a gift it must have been to enjoy the mutual love and affection that came along with their friendship. Empathy (Luke 1:44). Mary and Elizabeth understood each other on a level that not everyone could. They didn’t only feel sorry for one another, they empathized with one another as they related to one another. They spoke it aloud to one another. Verse 41 tells us Elizabeth experienced it, and then she declares it rather than keeping it to herself. We need those who will mourn with us in our mourning and rejoice with us in our rejoicing (Rom. 12:15).

Affirmation (Luke 1:45). Elizabeth proclaims, “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” One obvious thing is that Elizabeth believed in Mary when there was a chance that nobody else did—including her betrothed, Joseph. Likewise, we need others who, not only believe in us because they see God in us, but they believe in us because they see God’s potential in us.

Loyalty (Luke 1:56). Mary stayed with Elizabeth for three months! Can you imagine the hormones flying around that household or the grocery bill with pregnancy cravings? Three months is a long time, and a lot of life invested in a person. That’s a lot of life shared in the dailies. Many confidential moments were shared between the two of them. However, there’s no doubt in my mind that while living under one roof created its challenges, they appreciated each other more than ever, knowing that what they shared was something special.

Accountability. While there is no mention of the relationship between Mary and Elizabeth after their contact in Luke, they were both equally aware of the high calling God had extended to them. I can imagine that they held each other accountable to that calling. They were looking to each other to pray, challenge each other in spiritual things, and keep them accountable in their walk with Him.

Like the relationship between Mary and Elizabeth, a flourishing friendship is one that brings out the best in you while living through the worst with you. It’s someone who believes in you when you don’t believe in yourself. It’s someone who hears you out when the world shuts you out. It’s someone who speaks truth into you when all you hear are lies. It’s someone who doesn’t merely tolerate you, but challenges you to be all God created you to be. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

Lisa Elliott is a gifted speaker and award-winning author of The Ben Ripple and Dancing in the Rain. Her passion is sharing God’s Word, straight from the heart. She and her pastor-husband, David, live in Ottawa, Canada. They have four adult children (three on earth and one in heaven), a son and daughter-inlaw and four grandchildren. Contact Lisa at lisakelliott22@gmail.com or follow her on Facebook: LisaElliott-StraightfromtheHeart.