Since I was a teen, I would write poems about a love that I once knew. It baffled me how personal they were—as though it had been a real experience—because I hadn't actually had a relationship yet. Over the years I wrote it off as an overly romantic tendency. But I have finally come to terms with the truth. This imaginary idea that affected me as if it were a memory, was in fact a deep desire to connect, to be in union as are yin and yang. Each part is perfect in and of itself; but combined together they become truly powerful, like the ebb and flow of the tides. Intertwined with each other, they manifest and create life. Maybe I had this soul-filled love in another life. But I don't think that’s what generated the desire inside me at such a young age. Instead, I believe it was something that is an innate desire inside of all of us. We long to love and be loved and belong. However much I have tried to complicate this fact over the years, the simple truth remains, beyond fear and ego. I too want to love and be loved; yet I’ll stay by myself until I really know that the right kind of person has come into my life. The experience of love must meet a standard in my eyes. Many say not to have expectations. Yet it is healthy, even essential to not settle for less than we desire. For me, it isn't that I have expectations of how I think he should be, but of how we should be together. I feel and believe it is possible to really connect and bond with someone in a deep way, and I refuse to give my heart and soul for anything less again. I want to have faith again, to trust and feel vulnerable and be excited about love. I want to know that I didn’t settle for some one close to what I want, but that I waited until it was right, and we both know that what we have together is rare and precious and not to be taken for granted. When we are lonely, we cling to something that is familiar and comfortable. With comfort comes laziness most often. With laziness comes carelessness and demise of the relationship. If we set our standards high, of ourselves and of others, keeping in mind a goal or a dream of things being the best they can be, then we stay on our best behavior through most anything. We plan and care and cherish what we hold
in high regard, although it isn’t the most comfortable at all times. For me, it should be exciting and challenging and worthy of my attention. I am by no means saying that the arms of your loved one shouldn’t feel like the safest place on earth. I am saying it is the most precious place possible, and we must choose wisely. I am aware that this is difficult. We have habits and comfort zones we must walk away from so that we can then allow something wonderful into our experience. I am prepared to break free from old ways that no longer serve me, to make room for something wonderful that will. I have noticed how many people have no idea how to make love. I hear women speak about sex like it’s the equivalent of a pedicure. When the bond of two people is deep, the passion will be as well. I’m talking about groundbreaking, unbridled passion that forever links you with your lover. I am NOT talking about sex. Sex is animalistic and if you feel you need that, then you have taken up with the wrong partner. Having sex is another instant gratification experience that has no bearing on your life, no food for your soul. Sex is a soulless act that comes from filling holes (quite literally). Anytime you are filling a void, you are not fulfilling your highest potential; nor are you manifesting the highest potential mate into your life experience. I believe that relationships are a lot of work; but work in terms of creating a masterpiece—something that will be witnessed by others and then they too will want what you have created for themselves. If we stop settling and step out of our comfort zones and reach for the highest possibility, we aren’t just satisfying ourselves, we in turn raise the bar for humanity. A ripple effect starts in honesty and integrity, works its way passionately through our bedrooms, sits heartily in our family and game rooms, tends our garden and feeds the thoughts and desires of mankind. We are a collective consciousness; we need to own up to that responsibility. It has to start somewhere. Why not by engaging and dancing in life with someone you truly love and trust? A sign of truth that you’re in a real relationship: if it is the
real deal, then the other person will feel the same about you. If not, then you are under a delusion and it is none of what I seek or speak of. A relationship is two-sided. If you are told “no�, be an adult and respect the fact that you will experience even better than what you thought you would have with the person that doesn’t return the same feelings for you that you had for them. Let go, and allow yourself to be open to the right person, who feels just as strongly about you. Equality is a must. I wonder if there was a time when relationships were not consumed by issues of neglect, codependency, abuse and infidelity. I wonder when people stopped caring, stopped trusting. What started the need for us to justify settling for less of others and ourselves? I see a love that to others seems unrealistic, and if I hadn't tried time and again to settle for less, I might still agree that high standards should be lowered. Since I have tried and always felt more of a lack of love than I did by myself, I have realized that it isn't worth it to settle and be left wanting. I now understand that settling is the fuel to this empty cycle that most of us have suffered from. I see love as hard work, in terms of maintaining that higher standard, creating that masterpiece. When we share our love with another, it is our sole responsibility to keep ourselves in check, to be accountable for each decision we make that directly affects those we love. We all need to remember that we are each here to have an individual life experience and that even though we are choosing to share that experience with another, there is no room for ownership, control or insecurity. There are boundaries not to be crossed. Like our best friends, we accept each others different lives and choices. So why do otherwise with our love partner? This is most important to me. Previously in my life, I may not have been capable of loving the way I imagined it should be. But I feel that I am close to ready, close to treating another just as I would have him treat me. I wonder how we can bring real love back to fruition, back to reality, back to union? How many of us are willing to blindly trust again, yet simultaneously maintain our
sense of self so that we no longer lose ourselves in relationships and put ourselves in a position of inequality, one way or the other? I used to try and convince myself that my soul mate was an alien, because I couldn't imagine him to be like anyone that I had ever met. But now that I have grown in love, I am surrounded by people with qualities I would love to emulate, and I believe that someday soon, I will attract the kind of person that I can share true love with. I see love differently now. It isn't something to fill a void with, which is a different journey of finding peace within ourselves. Only once we’ve achieved that inner peace on our own, are we whole enough to be filled with enough love and life that we can share what we already contain within with a partner in a healthy and fulfilling way. I see love as something that doesn't fade, something that doesn't lie, unless, perhaps, it's postponing a surprise =). I see love in a sense as if our souls could meet up between each lifetime and laugh and cry and share openly all the experiences we had without any shame, judgment or insecurity. And since we are always the same souls no matter what life we are living, I see that love can honestly be shared the same way during our physical lifetimes. This is what I seek, and now that I am aware, I am capable and not in search of filling a void. I am attracting like-minded people. And I know that, as for the one I seek, we will both know when we have found each other. I know that I will see love again when it is true; when I am ready to give myself and to receive him fully. Until then, I have plenty of selfgrowth to do, and I am in no rush. In fact, as I see love, time is irrelevant, time is linear and does not exist in a collective infinite consciousness or in the union of two universal souls. I see love as though I am a Goddess and he will be my equal match, and our differences will add to our lives and broaden our experiences, both those experienced separately and those when we are together. I see love as a gift, one that should be treated with both care and effort each day, as we are constantly reminded of both what we have, and what we do not want to give up.
TRUTH Word by word you see right through me And brick by brick you disassemble it for me The truth behind lies lies the truth before me And sometimes walking away is the best thing to do But for who Who will when and who will loose that is the great disillusion Truths not just for us, its for all Don’t let the lies fool you come to me Give freedom make way, come to me be true Lets make love out of me and you Allow the unveiling allow your heart to show you‌ the truth Its felt in the touch its seen in the eyes Its heard in the voice of unwanted goodbyes The truth behind lies , lies the truth before me And sometimes walking away is the best thing to do but for who Have faith Have fait, have faith beyond disillusion Have faith have faith Have faith that truth is freedom Have faith have faith
Have faith its not just about you Have faith , have faith What lies behind truth is the right thing to do