Where The Devil Won't Go

where the devil won’t go

Copyright Š Jendella 2013 The right of Jendella to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988 First published in Great Britain in 2011 Printed and bound in the Netherlands All rights reserved. The digital edition of this book is available freely for digital distribution as a whole entity, unedited and unaltered from its original state. Individual extracts of text or images are not permitted to be reproduced or published in any form, digital or otherwise, without the express written consent of the author. The print edition of this book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author.

Design, images and text by Jendella.

Acknowledgements This project would not have been possible without the cooperation and hospitality from Pastor Mimi, the leadership and all the members of Word of Grace Ministries, the guidance and support of Paul Jenkins, Hainsley Brown and Charlie Murphy, and the moral support and encouragement from Sean Benson and Florence Adepoju.

When approaching the Myatts Field estate from Brixton Road you will find an abandoned trailer with the letters “GAS” graffitied across it in black. If you were in any doubt about whose territory you are stepping into before, this landmark serves as a clear reminder.

Hidden between the stairwells and sirens are former gang members living lives under very different circumstances. They have turned their backs on the lifestyles they used to live, forsaking crime, violence and their formidable reputations for new lives as devout Christians.

GAS gang are close affiliates of the notorious OC gang based around the Myatts Field estate, an estate that is known as ‘Baghdad’ by the locals. Armed police officers are not an unfamiliar sight around the estate and closed circuit television cameras survey the area from high vantage points protected by spikes and anti-climb paint. This is an area that, according to one reporter, not even the devil would venture.

While the government, local authorities and the judicial system search for ways to stem the tide of gang-related crime, violence and death and the media whips up moral panic with tales and statistics, there are some that have found an escape route.

Here are the stories of three of them, in their own words, explaining why they got in and how they got out.

“My name’s Terroll. I grew up in Myatts Field, Brixton, that’s South London. Growing up on an estate with no father figure around affected me, so the people I looked up to were the older guys around the estate. They had nice cars, jewellery and that so I’m thinking that’s the life there. That was their influence, my life was brought up on influence.

Getting into a gang just happened; you’ve got loads of friends, all hanging around together and that becomes a gang. If you live in the area you’re part of the gang, even if you don’t say

that you are, you’re seen as one of them, that’s how it is. When you’re younger you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into and you just get into fights and what not. As you get older, it’s not really about the violence, it’s about money, trying to get your money up, but you have to look behind your back all the time because all the madness you were keeping about when you were younger catches up on you. A lot of gang members usually say, ‘I’m going to get my money up then leave’ because you realise that you need to start planning for the future ahead and you just need to get out of it.”

“I’ve got seven tattoos. The one on my neck on the left is a tattoo of the gang I used to be in, ‘OC’, One Chance. The other side says ‘live everyday like it’s your last’ because when I was on the road that was basically how I lived. I’ve got one on my left arm, ‘cry now, smile later’. A lot of people know the phrase ‘smile now, cry later’ but the things that I’ve been through and this world we’re in, I believe that it’s a stressful time that we have to go through now to make us who we are in the future. My motto is ‘you have to go down to go up’ and going down, going through all these troubles, I’m crying right now.

I’m going through stress stages and I’m going through depression stages, but I know that soon I’ll be able to smile.

The change has been powerful but it’s not an overnight change, definitely not. It was a long process actually letting the world go and even now I’m going through a lot of things so that’s why I will never point my finger at anyone who was where I was. They all have respect for me, because they know where I’m coming from and we can talk to each other. They respect me but they don’t understand, they’re interested, they just don’t understand how I’ve done it. To tell you the truth, it’s only God.

My consistency has been good as a Christian, I’ve been striving.

The way I can explain it is I’ve come out the blocks in a race and I’m jumping hurdles. I clip hurdles sometimes, I’ve even hit the hurdles and ended up stumbling and falling sometimes but I’ve never stayed on the floor, I just get back up and keep on jumping those hurdles.

Once they’ve hit a hurdle, hurdlers stumble and they can’t get their rhythm again, but it’s only by the Holy Spirit that I keep my rhythm and I’ve got that same rhythm that I started off with. It’s just like a race to me and the finish line is ahead but there are a lot of hurdles that I still need to jump. It’s not easy and athletes need composure, skill, speed and agility. As a Christian I’ve got to use prayer, fasting and reading the Word of God. I never really knew what a father was but once I accepted God into my life, I don’t know how but I knew in my heart what a father was and it changed me. Before, I didn’t want kids but my whole perspective has changed and I’m going to be the best father for my children one day. It’s given me that peace of mind that everything is going to be alright and if I die tonight, I’ll be with my Father God in Heaven. I’ve just got that peace.”

“I go by the name of Lox, my government name is Karl, my stage name is Mr C’mon. I’ve lived here all my life, but I didn’t live directly on the estate, I lived just on the edge of it.

My first major influences in life were my dad and my older brother and I would just watch the gangs that were around.

There were people my age who were already involved, but because I had so many restrictions I never really had a chance to become acquainted with everybody like that. When I left primary school and went to secondary school, my eyes opened to more and I started looking for different people as role

models and I doubt I picked the best ones. In year seven I had one hundred per cent attendance, I was in the top set for every single lesson, they put me in the gifted and talented programs, they labelled me a young genius - I was a very, very good boy.

Then that ship sank at a fast rate! From year seven summer holiday I started flirting with the other side.

Growing up here was educational, but not the sort of education that you can get from a book. It showed me the harsh realities of life, and that people can do some foul things and foul situations can make good people do foul things as well.”

“I was in a gang before I was in OC, but I joined OC when I was in year nine which would make me fourteen. I got involved in gangs because I was getting victimised, it’s a dog eat dog world. I used to see boys from the estate, they’re friends now obviously, but back then they were just the bad boys from the estate and I’d have to hide my phone. I would bring home a friend from school and they’d rob him because he wasn’t a local. I’d be riding my bike and they’d punch me and take my bike, I wouldn’t get peace.

When I became a gangster my brother didn’t have to be because now what I was doing was covering us all. My brother was getting oppressed as well but when I became a gang member that stopped. My mum’s car was getting broken into before but when I became a gang member around the estate it never happened.

There was the normal financial gain as well and it was like a family, there was a sense of belonging.

It was very hard to leave old relationships behind, some of them understood, but most of them didn’t. If they had looked carefully a change was inevitable because before I left I was starting to talk about Christ and say that what we were doing was wrong.

It was hard because we lean on each other, we don’t call ourselves a gang, we call ourselves family and when a family member’s in trouble you feel obliged to step in, but now I was unable to. That hurt them, and it hurt me that it hurt them.

The first person to change from OC was Nicholas. He changed and that had a huge influence on me because although gang activity wise I was more involved than he was, on the crime side of things he taught me how to de-barrell peds, my first break and entry - he taught me everything. For him not to be doing that anymore had a big influence on me and after that a few of us came to church to see what was going on.

I started coming to church a lot more and it was changing my thought pattern, how I perceived and saw things. I saw that I was stuck, I was trapped, I was bound. This had become more than a habit, this was my lifestyle and it was a lifestyle that had a lot of issues surrounding it. It got to a point where I just had to put my life totally in God’s Hands, because just because I found a new ideology didn’t mean my enemies would.”

“I gave the road like five, six years of my life and all it did was give me scars on my face, chest and back, emotional scarring from losing friends, trust issues plus a whole lot of rage and paranoia. Now I’ve given my life to Christ, these three years I’ve been going strong with him, He’s given me so much. I’ve got a whole new outlook on life, I evaluate myself on a daily basis and it allows me to be less judgmental and critical. This is a whole brand new me!

When I speak to people now, when people talk about what we used to do, or when I sit down and I think about it, I can’t even remember being a monster like that, but I really was. You can google me, I’ve been in newspapers talking about how I’ve got back problems up until this day because I used to sleep in a bulletproof vest. It’s not a secret the life I used to live, but I literally have not seen a prison cell in almost three years. I’ve been free. The harrassment by the police has gone down considerably, I’m pretty sure they’ll soon forget about me same way that I’ve forgotten about how I used to be. God is real and I’m alive because He is real.

With my music I feel a burden of responsibility, because I ditched the old me and everything it represented to emerge showing that you don’t have to glamourise a gangster lifestyle to be able to get a buzz and to get somewhere in this industry. So I feel like I’m proving a point that this way is the way forward and I feel like the world’s on my shoulders right now. Being in a leadership position at church means I’ve got a lot of responsibility, people look up to me and it’s a lot of pressure but I enjoy it.

Even though materialistically I may not have everything, I feel like I’ve got everything. Certain times I wake up and I’m like ‘God why is my life so perfect?’ In actual fact not everything’s perfect around me, but because God is in my life He allows His Light in. The security I have in Him keeps me at peace and it has me content, it’s done more than replace my old lifestyle. I’m now able to pursue other things because being on road takes a lot out of you. Life’s hard enough already, but with the gangster thing you have to try to stay alive. Now I’ve got more peace, I just live life like a normal human being.”

“My name is Nicholas and I’m from Brixton. I was involved in a gang from when I could walk basically, from eleven and younger. My road name’s ‘S-Man’ and I was in OC. Most of the people around me were involved in a gang and we all just grew up into being a part of it. My next door neighbour was older and he was a gang member, so I was inspired in that way. I wanted to be like him and that helped bring me into the gang, but the main reason was poverty. I grew up without a father and my mum was there providing by herself, so I took it upon myself to make my own money.

There are gang members that seek for a name and seek attention, but me, I was more of an underground one. People knew me for robberies because that’s what I used to do. I was money-motivated, not gang-motivated; my motive wasn’t just to get fame, my motive was money and that’s where I was driven. I was notorious and because I started so young, it was a natural thing to me. I wasn’t forced to do anything, I loved doing it. You start loving it, you start enjoying it, like when you finish school all you think about is going to rob someone or going to make money.”

“I don’t know the actual day that I came away from gang life, but it was roughly when I was sixteen. I believe seeing two of my friends die started opening my eyes to see that death was close. The life we were living can lead to death, but being in a gang you don’t think that, it’s the last thing on your mind. My first friend died at fifteen, I was fourteen then and it enraged me. But at the same time, I think that God was doing something, He was opening my eyes to make me think ‘am I going to die for my area?’ When you’re dead and gone everyone else is moving on with their life.

My mum has noticed the change and she’s proud of me, she tells me that I’m her boast. She’s always boasting about me, she’s happy and now the relationship’s gotten better because I’m not giving her stress anymore. She’s not given stress by the police, knocking on her door at late hours, she hasn’t got to worry about me not coming home - she knows that I’m on a good path right now. My younger brothers, I’m not going to lie to you, I influenced them too much, but I hope that I’m making a good impact on them now.

God has matured me so much because I even went to go and look for my dad and I found him, I shook his hand and that. With my dad there’s no relationship at all but I don’t let it bother me because God’s my Daddy, you feel me?

My life is so different now, when I was on this gang thing, I had no feelings, I didn’t care what wrong I did. It was just me by myself, I was so self-centered and had no love for no one. I had to watch my back, I couldn’t go to certain areas, I was stuck in a maze but right now I can walk anywhere. People think I’m crazy, but seriously I walk anywhere and by God’s grace I’m still here. I feel so free, my life is amazing! At the end of the day, I had money but that money couldn’t take me far. Right now with God I’m looking to the future.

Before when I was in the gang I was just living for now and hoping for tomorrow, but right now I’m living for tomorrow as well. I’m a loveable person now, if you see me you would have never thought I was a gang member, it’s that real.”

“I can’t remember my childhood, it’s like it got deleted. I used to smoke from a young age and skunk was like sleep medication.

Because of the life we were living, if I didn’t have skunk I wouldn’t have gone to sleep at night.

I’ve been in church for like three, four years. Most of us come from a similar background and it’s amazing how God changed us. We weren’t people pretending, we were proper, hardcore gangsters.

We’ve done a lot - name it and we’ve done it! Most people change and they’re still dabbling in certain things but God’s changed us so I thank God that I’ve gone through all of this now, I’m only 19 so I’m much, we don’t dabble in anything like that at all. We’re one hundred a step ahead of most. When I buy my house then I’ll be set. I want to per cent real. be secure when I get married - like secure in myself, financially. I want to invest and help my family and I want to have enough money to Being in church side by side with the same friends I used to do help others, inspire them and help them to achieve. Even if it’s just robberies with is the best feeling you can have in life. It’s good when something as small as getting a job, some people can’t even do that. you change, but when your family, your friends change as well, it’s so great and you’ve got so much support. It’s not only your life that’s You see what keeps me on track, seriously, it’s only God right now. blessed, it’s everyone around you as well.

I’m not going to lie, the gangster life, you do like it, it’s enjoyable and because I’ve lived it for so long that’s all that I knew. Take God out of We’ve missed the whole aim of life. It’s like we’re living to die in the the equation and I’d go back to the same old ways, because there’s sense where, all our aims, all our goals are to get material things but too much temptation around, everyone wants to be a gangster these at the end of the day when you die your material things don’t come days and it will trigger you. But having a family around me where with you. It’s good to be successful, but not only in riches, success is my brothers and sisters are in Christ, that secures me because your life, how you live it. certain times you do get tested, you do bump into little things that can trigger the old you. But having your family around you, when you It’s mad how God’s changed me, you think before I would have been speak to them, they will encourage you to press on. like this? Was I nice before? Nah, not like this.”

About the author Jendella Benson is a photographer, filmmaker and writer based in London.

www.jendella.co.uk