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CONTENTS MAY 2014 7 8 9 10
FROM THE EDITOR FEEDBACK PEEPS JERK THIS What you should hit up and bitch about this month.
11 BACKDROP Hendricks Food Pantry
12 CLICKBATE 13 TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL Job Interviews
14 SEX Scholarship in Action
15 FRAMED
BITCH OPINIONS 16 HOME TO THE DOME The Dome days may be over, but will a new stadium actually benefit the city of Syracuse?
18 RE-CYCLED Look here! No, look there! Fast-paced and sensationalized news coverage distracts us from real, local, issues.
19 NEUTRAL GROUND Threats to net neutrality fringe upon our God given right to uninterrupted Neflix binges.
20 EYE IN THE SKY Drones have expanded Big Brother's all=seeing eye, and a new court ruling means he can legally sell what he sees.
21 LAKE EFFECT Like your mother always said: You don't have to clean your mess, if you don't make one in the first place.
22 SAVIOR COMPLEX When even well-intending young Americans volunteer abroad, their efforts do more harm than good.
SMUT FEATURES 24 INTERNET Welcome to the worldwide web of addiction.
28 PLEASE BE GENITAL All that glitters is in your pants.
32 ON CALL It's not all about the flashing lights behind the scenes of SUA.
GAWK FASHION 36 BLANK CANVAS This summer, get 50 shades of white.
44 CLOSET CASE Parents may be lame, but their vintage clothes aren't.
45 STRIPPED It's sandal season.
NOISE ARTS & MUSIC 46 SOUL OF THE STUDIO SUR gives music lovers a chance to develop and showcase their talents.
52 CASH COURSE The road to financial independance is hard. Let Jerk lead you the right way.
58 REWIND Jimi Hendrix
59 ALTRUIST Stand-Up Comedy
60 AMPLIFIED Inclusive Or
61 SYNAPSE Americana
62 DISCOVERSYR Cafe at 407
64 SPEAKEASY Mary Baker
65 OBITCHUARY Regular Yogurt
66 FORM AND FUNCTION Grad Student
Cover Photo by Katy Beals 4 05.14
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DID YOU KNOW...?
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Nina Wilcox Putnam, who created the 1040 form, also wrote the story that inspired The Mummy starring Boris Karloff.
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Riyana Straetker EDITOR
Riddley Gemperlein-Schirm EXECUTIVE EDITOR
Michelle van Dalen
Maddie Kelly
MANAGING EDITOR
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
EDITORIAL
Diana Pearl ASST. FEATURES EDITOR Kerry Wolfe ARTS AND MUSIC EDITOR Eric Lyons ASST. ARTS AND MUSIC EDITOR Erin K. Kelly OPINIONS EDITOR Sarah Schuster ASST. OPINIONS EDITOR Eric King STYLE EDITOR Lauren Yobs ASST. STYLE EDITOR Lis Webber F.O.B. EDITOR Cassie-Lee Grimaldi RESEARCH EDITOR Kelley Rowland COPY EDITOR Gigi Antonelle COPY EDITOR Collin Gordinier FACT CHECKER Michaela Quigley FACT CHECKER Ryan Harper FRESHMAN INTERN Rachel Lockhart FEATURES EDITOR
WEB
Teresa Nigolian WEB EDITOR Cori Rosen ASST. WEB EDITOR Haley Schluter COPY EDITOR Audrey Morgan FACT CHECKER Vanessa Salman WEB DESIGNER Hannah O'Connell
DESIGN
Andrea Bolf Sylvia Boyd, Kristie Cordon, Maia Henderson, Kelsey Ohira, Miriam Taylor DESIGN DIRECTOR DESIGNERS
ART
Hillary Cianciosi Shira Stoll STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Ilana Goldmeier, Penelope Vasquez, Shijing Wang ILLUSTRATORS Ryan Brondolo, Dylan Cownie, Adrian Hatch, Christina Mastrull ILLUSTRATION DIRECTOR
PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR
PUBLIC RELATIONS
Bryan Chou Blue Bookhard, Jensen Cannon, Esther Chen, Aidan Meyer, Mariann Yip PR DESIGNER Meghan Burns COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR PR REPS
DIGITAL DIRECTOR
BUSINESS
Justin Dorsen Carrie Eager, Rachel Meyer AD DESIGNER Hannah Blauner PUBLISHER
AD REPRESENTATIVES
CONTRIBUTORS MULTIMEDIA
Nick Ferreiro ASST. MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Arden Phillips MULTIMEDIA STAFFERS Jacob Pirogovsky PODCAST DIRECTOR Lakota Gambill PODCAST EDITOR Sawyer Rosenstein ASST. PODCAST AUDIO EDITOR Brianna Couture PODCAST CO-HOST Melissa Viola, Keely Sullivan, Malcolm Whitfield MULTIMEDIA EDITOR
Laura Anderson, Joelle Andraos, Katy Beals, Daisy Becerra, Ashley Branch, Laura Cabral, Lisa Cianciotta, Mark DiBona, Christine Edgeworth, Micki Fahner, Erica Fisher, Brendan Germain, Jorge Gomez, Elizabeth Hynes, Sam Maller, Lauren Murphy, Rahimon Nasa, Hugh Pringle, Ken Syme, Beiko Walker, Jamie Wand
Melissa Chessher ADVISER Through its content, Jerk is dedicated to enhancing insight through communication by providing an informal platform for the freedom of expression. The writing contained within this publication expresses the opinions of the individual writers. The ideas presented in this publication do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Jerk Editorial Board. Furthermore, Jerk will not be held responsible for the individual opinions expressed within. Submissions, suggestions, and opinions are welcomed and may be printed without contacting the writer. Jerk reserves the right to edit or refuse submissions at the discretion of its editors. Jerk Magazine is published monthly during the Syracuse University academic year. All contents of the publication are copyright 2014 by their respective creators. No content may be reproduced without the expressed written consent of the Jerk Editorial Board.
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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
The Ripple Effect I had my first—and only epiphany—when I was 15. Sitting in a McDonalds, staring out at the crowds of people walking past on the street, I made eye contact with a complete stranger. I couldn’t tell you if it was a man or a woman, but we both involuntarily smiled at the awkwardness. In that moment, it dawned on me exactly how many people we touch throughout our lives. It was every cliché rolled up and knotted together, and I feel ridiculous even putting it on paper. Yet here I am, still talking about it six years later. Maybe because it was so cheesy I find myself thinking about it every time I get stuck in a crowd. What if the person I just knocked into with my backpack misses their train at 7:02 because my bag slipped off my shoulder, and meets the love of their life on the 7:15 train? Maybe the person I cut off in my car because I wasn’t paying attention to the yellow light is going to miss their root canal appointment and have to wait until after their two-week business trip to get it fixed? I’m constantly wondering what unanticipated, unintentional effects my actions have on the people around me. If one miniscule action can actually have the kind of ripple effect we see in sappy Hollywood rom-coms, than maybe we should start paying closer attention to what we do. Though if I ever did cause you to miss your root canal appointment, I’m really am sorry. I like to think that, in some way, Jerk has the same ripple affect on those around it. Whether it be starting a conversation about the possible new home of the dome (page 16), motivating an aspiring recording artist to seek out Syracuse University Recordings (page 48), or inspiring another student to donate to the Hendricks Food Pantry (page 11), maybe this issue will push some of you into unanticipated, unintentional, yet hopefully welcome, experiences. Because if college isn’t the time to embrace the unexpected, then I’ve been doing it wrong. Cheers to four good years,
Riyana Straetker
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FEEDBACK Thanks for calling us out on our shit—that’s how any healthy relationship works. And don't worry, we can take it. Can't wait for more? Stay tuned for Jerk's iPad debut this summer. There's bound to be something you'll love to hate. @Danielleroth The cover of @jerkmagazine is basically the same as the art in Carnegie. That, or I’ve been studying for too long. @JaneHong Thank you to @jerkmagazine for writing a story about an inspiring teacher like Dubb!
APRIL 2014 VOL XIII ISSUE V SYRACUSE NEW YORK your student fee
SHOW US SOME LOVE Jerk Magazine 126 Schine Student Center Syracuse, NY 13244 @jerkmagazine jerk@jerkmagazine.net jerkmagazine.net
@JuliaOlteanu They’re Jersey boys, rising stars, and now trailblazers, too. @mcsportzhawk and @thayeahman are in the news again! http://bit.ly/1eBEeHU
@Sierra_Cuse @jerkmagazine #fckyourstereotypes #HowtodresslikeaWGSmajor
@jorgetamales Don’t appreciate @jerkmagazine’s tasteless and inappropriate Form-and-Function depiction of a Women’s and Gender Studies student.
In the April issue, Jerk did not attribute a quote to "Feminist Makeup Tutorial (PARODY)." in Form & Function. Jerk regrets this error.
FOLLOW, DON’T LEAD
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PEEPS
KEN SYME
ASHLEY BRANCH
Senior advertising major Ken Syme relies heavily on sarcasm. If he was stranded on a desert island, he’d rather it be a dessert island. That being said, he does love the beach and warm weather, which is why he chose Syracuse. His anticipation for summertime inspired his piece on sandals (page 47)— the shoe, not the Jamaican resort for swingers.
The sensitive Ashley Branch is a graduate student in magazine, newspaper, online journalism. She’s a sucker for John Mayer’s heartfelt lyrics and Friday nights at home, sipping red wine. With an appreciation for the classics and life’s simple pleasures, it was easy for her to muster up some Jimi Hendrix nostalgia for this month’s Rewind (page 60).
ELIZABETH HYNES
MICKI FAHNER
Freshman television, radio, film and English major Liz Hynes is a TV junkie. If she could have any super power, she'd instantly want to know who watches the same TV shows as she does. In a cruel twist of fate, her kryptonite is Arrested Development, so she has plenty of experience with reviving once-dead favorites, like the Dome. Check out her Bitch piece on the proposal for the Dome 2.0 (page 16).
Senior broadcast and digital journalism major Micki Fahner adores food. She loves sandwiches and wouldn’t mind eating them on a daily basis. Before now, she was missing out on local food hotspots, like Empire Brewery and the Hendricks Chapel Food Pantry. Check out her piece on page 11 where she caught up with the behind-thescenes action of the latter.
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JERK THIS WORLD PRESS FREEDOM DAY May 3 Without it, you wouldn't have us. You're welcome.
HIT
AN EVENING WITH PATTI LUPONE AND MANDY PATINKIN AT THE CIVIC CENTER May 6–8 You know, those Broadway legends from Girls and Homeland.
BITCH
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 May 2 "Amazing" is an overstatement. Bring back Sam Raimi.
MOTHER'S DAY May 10 Whether you’re a mother lover or just her child, show that lady some adoration.
BEER GARDEN AT THE EVERSON May 15 You can drink beer and pretend you know about art.
MALEFICENT May 30 We always liked the way the Evil Queen did her makeup.
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CHRIS BROWN'S ALBUM X May 5 Literally no one asked for this.
GRADUATION May 10–11 We will cling to this place if it kills us.
KIMYE'S WEDDING May 24 Hopefully they Purell their motorcycle before riding off into the sunset.
MAY FLOWERS All Month Long Flowers die. We accept Chipotle gift cards instead.
BACKDROP BACKDROP
HENDRICKS FOOD PANTRY SU noticed the growing problem of hunger on campus— and decided they can help.
1 1. Volunteers write the expiration date on all the items, making sure the food pantry doesn't distribute expired food. 2. The pantry now offers baby food to provide for students with families.
2
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3. The pantry hopes to grow in the future with the addition of a refrigerator for dairy and fresh produce.
By Micki Fahner : Photos by Sam Maller Canned vegetables, soups, and boxed cereals stock the shelves and bookcases inside the small, converted office space off of Hendricks Chapel’s north-facing staircase—all available for students in need. Light sneaks in through the room’s one window, illuminating the brightly colored packages and tins stacked along the walls. Hendricks Chapel opened the food pantry last fall after hosting a Thanksgiving food drive. The rise of tuition, textbook prices, and cost of living forced some students struggling financially to sacrifice food. And for a student without a meal plan, few affordable options exist. Genny Yerdon, Hendricks Chapel event coordinator and administrative specialist, realized a food pantry would help. Traffic has remained steady, though it varies each week. During its first months, Yerdon assessed the week-to-week needs of the pantry and its patrons while also keeping its future in mind. She estimates about 60 students have taken advantage of the help the pantry provides, but she wants to see it grow. One student that came in had been surviving off of powdered milk and applesauce. He now
visits the pantry two or three times a month, but he only takes from the pantry when he can bring an item in return, exchanging something like a can of peaches for a bag of food—his way of giving back. The eligibility requirements at many local pantries and churches make it hard for students to take advantage of their services. The pantry at Hendricks Chapel offers a solution for Syracuse University's undergraduate and graduate students. Users don’t need to show ID, and they don’t have to sign in to take what the pantry offers. “At this point, we’re really just here for students,” Yerdon says. “We knew we needed something here, and we wanted it to be available to all students.” A campus food bank isn’t unique to SU. The College and University Food Bank Alliance, a national organization that supports existing and emerging food banks on college campuses, counts dozens of colleges and universities as members, including Clemson University and the University of Maine. People can drop off non-perishable goods in the Dean’s office, located downstairs in Hendricks Chapel. JM JERK
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CLICKBATE
X
WHAT WE GOT OFF TO ON THE WEB THIS MONTH
Cardboard Box Office
cardboardboxoffice.com
.net
What's happening with Jerk on the web
Introducing the coolest family and photo project on the interweb. Lilly, Leon, and baby Orson recreate iconic movie scenes using only cardboard—AKA the best lesson in child-rearing. They fashion costumes, sets, and props from whatever they have around the house. Not to mention, every photo is accompanied by a fantastic pun. Some of their best recreations include “Back to the Cute-ture” and "Parents of the Caribbean.” If you’re not baby-crazy within a minute, you’re doing it wrong.
Street Eraser streeteraser.com
Where the Fuck Should I Go to Eat
Want more on Syracuse University Recordings? Head online to read more about their artist showcase. Prepare to feel musically inferior.
Beesmalls24 Instagram
wherethefuckshouldigotoeat.com
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If you’re hungry and also like being verbally abused, you're in luck. Simply type in your “fucking” location, click, and you’ll be directed to somewhere on Marshall1Street, or whatever is nearest to your “fucking” location. It also provides options if you’re feeling “fucking” thirsty. A way better alternative to “fucking” GrubHub.
Just like you, Brent Silberman gets lonely too. He started an Instagram devoted to the love he finds around him. Brent’s account consists of pictures of him photobombing unaware smooching couples. Sometimes Silberman even wears a gorilla suit. We thank him for his important contributions to photojournalism.
PHOTO CREDIT: cardboardboxoffice.com
What would happen if you could apply the Photoshop eraser tool to anything you see on the street? An inventive take on traditional street art and graffiti. Artists Guus Ter Beek and Yayfun Sarier post new images to streeteraser.com that feature swatches of blank space pasted on the world around them, resulting in new and beautiful street art.
TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL
UNDER PRESSURE
If you need to prep for a job interview, Jerk is here to help. Remember—practice makes perfect. We asked 50 students in Bird Library for the best answers to these real interview questions. JOB INTERVIEWS
HOW DO YOU FIT A GIRAFFE INTO A FRIDGE? IF YOU SHRUNK TO THE SIZE OF A PENCIL AND SOMEONE PUT YOU IN A BLENDER, HOW WOULD YOU GET OUT?
A. Open the door, put the giraffe in, and walk away. 80% B. What kind of sick… 20%
HOW MANY DOGS IN THE WORLD HAVE THE SAME EXACT NUMBER OF HAIRS?
A. One. 34% B. Zero. 33% C. Are you kidding me? 33%
A. Climb. 22% B. Yell for help. 34% C. I’d rather live in a blender than take this job. 44%
HOW MANY BASKETBALLS CAN YOU FIT IN THIS ROOM?
A. As many as Tyler Ennis can throw in from center court. 42% B. Are they inflated? 18% C. As many as it takes. 40%
HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR MEMORY?
WHAT COLOR TIE IS THE BEST?
40% What Great. 40% was the question? 60%
26%
24%
10%
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SEX
SCHOLARSHIP IN ACTION
Sometimes, sexual tensions run so high that you have no choice but to do it right there. Our readers share their best oncampus sex stories.
HOT FOR TEACHER
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS
GOOD VIBRATIONS
BOOTH FETISH
PARK AND RIDE HARRY SITUATION
BUSINESS IN THE FRONT
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“I had a thing for my TA all semester. Near the end of the year I decided to go for it. I went to his office hours, locked the door, and stripped. He was down and in a few seconds, so were his pants.” “One of my friends rings the bells in the Bell Tower and he loaned me the key. It’s a tight squeeze for two people, but the acoustics are better than you think.” “My girlfriend and I both lived in the same dorm Freshman year. We decided to mix things up. The washing machines in Sadler provide prime vibration.” “My boyfriend and I were working on a project all night. It was our anniversary, so we decided to try doing it in the Food.com booths. They’re more comfortable than they look.” “The bus was taking too long, so we fucked in the Connective Corridor bus-stop. It made the wait one minute shorter.” “I was at Harry’s and it was packed. Almost everyone was waiting on another drink from the bartender. Some of us were thirstier than others. I witnessed a full-on blowy, right there on the bar stools.” “On the way home from the bars, we swiped into Whitman and got it on in the team rooms. Crossed that one off the bucket list.”
BITCH FRAMED
Bobby Davison
Freshman, Illustration major I created this piece as a way of reminding me of my friends from home while I am away at college. The background is filled with images of my closest friends in high school. I chose to show them in bright, saturated colors to highlight their often energetic and eccentric personalities. The tattooed “weirdos” in the foreground image stands as a reminder of the importance to be yourself even if that makes you a little different. Showcase your work in Framed. Email art@jerkmagazine.net.
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BITCH
THE STADIUM REPLACING THE CARRIER DOME WILL NOT HELP THE CITY OF SYRACUSE, ONLY THE UNIVERSITY. By Elizabeth Hynes : Illustration by Christina Mastrull In a city entering self-declared “financial crisis mode” sits a university with a $1 billion endowment. At the beginning of this year, Syracuse University unveiled plans for the construction of a brand-new stadium to replace the Carrier Dome. In the early 80s, SU built the Dome, which is already the largest domed campus stadium in the United States, for $27 million. Its replacement would cost approximately half a billion dollars, seat 44,000 fans, and be part of a larger industrial complex in Kennedy Square—roughly three blocks south of the Dome’s current location. Not exactly the same as moving from 2nd Avenue to 5th Avenue. SU wouldn’t actually own the stadium, but would enter a 30-year lease with a private owner, COR Development, and pay roughly $5.4 million per year to house university athletic events, concerts, etc. This project could be viewed as a noble attempt by the university to bring revenue to an underprivileged urban community. That would be cool had SU not snatched up this space with little to no approval from its city. “We were all pretty dismayed that it appeared the university had been working on these plans for the last few years, and
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this was the first we were hearing of it,” says Common Council member Bob Dougherty, one of many city officials feeling the backlash of the university’s self-interest. It’s not that Syracuse just decided to buy an empty lot. This space originally had an entirely different purpose: It was intended to be the site of a project between COR Development and Upstate Medical. These initial plans included sections for office, educational, and retail purposes—all of which would provide valuable tax dollars to the city. The site was to be named “Loguen’s Crossing,” in honor of Reverend Jermain Loguen, a member of the Underground Railroad who lived on East Genesee Street with his family. Construction was expected to begin within two years—which would be right about now. These plans never came to fruition, but the city seemed to be under the impression that they eventually would—until SU unveiled its little surprise. Considering Syracuse's current financial state, it’s questionable that a dome would be the best use for this space. With so many issues to be addressed, it’s unfathomable how Dome 2.0 somehow became a top priority. The news about the stadium broke around the same time Mayor Stephanie
BITCH
Miner asked Governor Cuomo for $16.4 million in aid. This money would, according to Miner, cover basic infrastructure costs of the city, where the quality of life has fallen to “crisis level.” So yeah, who really cares if Syracuse crumbles around us? We’re going to pour all our resources into replacing the one functioning thing it has and deprive the city of valuable space. It’s unclear what exactly happened during the transition from Upstate Medical’s plans to the university’s acquisition of the area, but it seems as though the land has gone to the highest bidder, like it was snatched up at the last minute by a sadistic eBay user. But in situations like this, SU will always outbid its competitors. We have more financial resources than any other city organization. Take the entire debt of the city of Syracuse, then multiply it by the
average height of our basketball players. We (probably) have twice that amount. So if Syracuse's land is for the taking, and it’s being doled out to the city’s richest member instead of its most enriching players, SU will win every time. Despite previous efforts to connect the university with its city, such as former Chancellor Nancy Cantor’s Connective Corridor, SU and Syracuse remain largely separate and far from equal. According to Dougherty, even Cantor’s attempt to unite city with school was poorly received by many of the university’s donors. It seems SU is intent on looking the other way when it comes to its city. And with the university’s track record, I don't rule out a gold statue of Boeheim in our future. As long as it’s nowhere near I-81. What an eyesore. JM
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BITCH
Large-scale sensational coverage masks up issues that actually matter. By Diana Pearl : Illustration by Dylan Cownie In March, Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 disappeared. Since the news first broke, headlines were full of claims about debris, crash sites, and “pings” of all things. That frenzy was only the media’s obsession of the week. Think: Ukraine. Syria. Bat Boy. In today’s society, news is constant. Concerns about quantity increasingly edge out the importance of quality. The media latches onto a story and milks it for all its worth, feeding a newshungry audience. But this is the price the public pays to enjoy modern media on such a large scale. The enormous volume of media and channels used to express it may lead to occasional sensationalizing, but the potential for education, communication, and action is worth that cost. Our access to news beyond our backyard isn’t a bad thing. We’re able to react—and potentially take action— when injustices occur anywhere. Social channels like Twitter and Facebook open up the lines of communication and spark debates. Sixty-two percent of Reddit users, 52 percent Twitter, and 47 percent of Facebook users use social media as a source of news. Instead of being loyal to a
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network, people who get their news from social media have access to a diverse array of sources and opinions. What was “news” a few days ago can be easily tossed aside. We’re challenged to recognize what’s worth caring about—even if it's nearby, not halfway across the world. The endless space available to news outlets today allows for subjects to stay newsworthy. So although Flight 370 conspiracy theories still pop up and flowing communication may not please all ears, it’s still better than being under-informed. But in the words of Uncle Ben, with great power comes great responsibility. Swimming in the mass of information flooding our newsfeeds, we need perspective to keep our heads afloat. We live in an age where we can access global information—we’re lucky for that. The media’s responsibility to the public is to balance over-sharing with educating the public. While we shouldn’t let seemingly bigger problems overseas desensitize us to issues at home, it’s hard to be ungrateful for more reporting, sharing of information, and of course, the potential for worldwide action when it’s needed.JM
BITCH
Neutral Ground Netflix and Comcast have made a deal and it's hurting net neutrality.
By Brendon Germain : Illustration by Ryan Brondolo Nestled up cozy in bed and binging on 14 episodes of House of Cards, you’re suddenly interrupted by a pesky Verizon pop-up. “Additional fees required to continue watching,” the message reads. This message, one that may become all too real in the future, could be a result of the recent dirty dealing between Netflix and Comcast. Netflix, after some bullying, agreed to pay Comcast, one of the largest cable service providers, to deliver their content directly to Comcast customers. While shady in itself, this deal reflects a larger issue: the fall of net neutrality, or the concept that Internet service providers may not discriminate between different kinds of content and applications online. In February, an appeals court relinquished the Federal Communications Commission’s Open Internet rules that laid out net neutrality, threatening the relatively open Internet market we know now. Netflix pays Comcast to allow direct streaming to their site, rather than relying on a middleman media company to traffic content. Though this deal is not considered paid prioritizing, it means content providers like Netflix who can’t or won’t pay cable service providers like Comcast are at a disadvantage. And this will eventually effect consumers. The millions that will be dished out each year will inevitably trickle down to consumer payments, calling for higher monthly rates depending on which service provider you use. So when choosing a service provider, you won’t just have to consider which
offers the best rate, but which has the best deals with content providers. Consumers, especially those not using Comcast, may see less content availability and slow bandwidth or processing speed. The future Internet streaming market, being made behind closed doors, may appeal to only the wealthiest companies. The oligopoly-like effects may create a boy’s club of companies who provide content and programs, leaving consumers who don’t pay into these companies, like broke college students, at a loss. Comcast, which recently move to acquire. Time Warner Cable, is certainly not afraid to use its power. The FCC says it will draft open Internet policies, due by summer, reaffirming net neutrality. This episode of Netflix-Comcast debacle has concluded with a cliff-hanger, and we're scared to find out what happens next. JM
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BITCH
EYE In The
Sky
With more drones, privacy isn’t the only thing we have to worry about. By Mark DiBona : Illustration by Adrian Hatch We are all born with “certain unalienable rights,” or at least that’s how the myth goes. We like to believe that certain things we have will survive the landscape of our ever-changing world, like privacy. We should believe this, whether these rights were given to us or we created them. In the modern age, it is becoming increasingly clear these rights are dictated by capability and not only are they alienable, they are very much for wholesale. A new groundbreaking court ruling has proven as much. Raphael “Trappy” Pirker, a commercial drone enthusiast, flew a drone over the campus of the University of Virginia. He sold the video to an advertising company for $10,000. While at first he was fined by the Federal Aviation Administration, which monitors the airspace of the United States of America, the fine was later rescinded by a judge who ruled the FAA had no jurisdiction over a “hobbyist airplane” or any footage it might record. This would normally be nothing too unusual—it seems our public images have been free to document for a while. But it’s the fact that good old “Trappy” not only took the footage, but sold it for commercial purposes, which is concerning. This leaves the door wide open for anyone with knowledge of how to operate a drone 20 05.14 • JERK
to film any public image and make a profit of the footage. In an age of technological innovation, your very public image can be filmed, condensed, and sold to the highest bidder. All this can be done without any of your input, or even acknowledgement. When you think you’re just alone in a park enjoying a soda, there’s no law stopping someone from flying a drone overhead, zooming in on you, and suddenly making your face synonymous with the cold, refreshing taste of Pepsi MAX. Although the ruling is a violation of privacy, the courts clearly think that ownership means the ability to sell. When someone else has that capability, well, they own your likeness. When news outlets like tabloids get their hands on these aerial paparazzi, anyone in the public eye can be sure once they step out their front door, they are fair game. Now that the consensus of the law has caught up with the functions of technology, it’s becoming clear that there is no unalienable right of selfprivacy anymore. How can we possibly try to dignify our destinies when we aren’t even the primary broker of ourselves? In a society constantly defending its rights, whether they be free speech or guns, it is clear that drone technologies are only a step in the wrong direction. JM
BITCH
lake effect Cleaning Onondaga Lake is costing millions, and the state has no one to blame but itself.
By Christine Edgeworth Centuries ago, natives declared the waters of Onondaga Lake sacred. Two hundred and thirty-one years ago, New York State acquired these waters. Within the next 100 years, the lake’s shores were developed into a tourist destination that flourished with beaches, resorts, and amusement parks. However, alongside the rapid industrialization, the state managed to get away with taking a massive, chemical shit in its waters. During those 100-or-so years of expansion, the lake was quite literally a dump for waste. Municipal sewage flowed untreated into the lake. On top of that, industries, namely Honeywell, Inc., a Fortune 100 company that invents and manufactures technologies, poured six million pounds of salt residue into the lake up until 1986. And on top of that, they discharged hundreds of pounds of mercury into the lake while producing chlorine. It got so bad that swimming was banned in 1940, with a fishing ban following in 1970. Twenty-four years later, the lake was finally declared a Superfund site in 1994. Superfund sites—mandated by federal law—are hazardous waste sites ordered to be cleaned up by the parties responsible for the destruction in the first place. Honeywell, Inc. was responsible for the majority of the pollution of the lake and was charged with the lake’s half a billion dollar cleanup effort
in 2004. And what do you know—the United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) reports that no corporation has been linked to a greater number of Superfund toxic waste sites than Honeywell has. Since then, the situation has improved. Mercury and phosphorus levels continue to go down, along with the levels of the countless other toxins polluting the lake. Contaminated sediments at the bottom of the lake are being dredged. Plants spawn and birds reappear. And millions of dollars continue to be poured into the remediation efforts until swimmers can dive into the lake and without worrying about their swim trunks melting off. While Honeywell, Inc. spends millions of dollars on its clean-up effort here in Upstate New York, the state may have not learned its lesson. Hydrofracking—a method of natural gas extraction from the ground—is still permitted, despite the fact that study after study shows it contaminates groundwater. So it’s up to our lawmakers to put stricter regulations on land, air, and water pollution to cease chemical dumping, and to place human need above corporate greed. Alanis Obomsawin, a native of the Abenaki tribe on the Odanak reserve in Quebec, Canada, once said, “When the last tree has been cut down, the last fish caught, the last river poisoned, only then will we realize that one cannot eat money.” JM
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SAVIOR COMPLEX Privileged young people should rethink volunteering in Third World countries.
By Rahimon Nasa : Illustration by Ryan Brondolo Sometimes good intentions aren’t enough. As a Bangladeshi American, I thought it was my duty to go to Bangladesh and empower women. With my Western education and First World insight, I arrogantly thought my 13-year-old, prepubescent self knew more about women’s empowerment than women who support their entire families. I wanted to help—I still do—but I didn’t really know what I was doing. I had so much to learn. The trap I fell into is at the heart of “voluntourism”: travel that includes volunteering in economically disadvantaged areas of the world. While, of course, volunteering can have positive effects, they become convoluted when voluntourists go to countries they know little about it. Volunteering abroad makes up a substantial part of the multi-billion dollar global youth travel industry, which according to a report from Africa Insight, a peer-reviewed journal of the Africa Institute of South Africa, is worth $173 billion. A Google search reveals hundreds of companies that offer volunteer opportunities abroad. When these program costs include 22 05.14 • JERK
housing, airfare, and meals, fees can add up to several thousands of dollars. It’s a forprofit industry built on our desire to feed an egotistical need and use our good deeds to feel good about ourselves. It’s understandable these volunteer trips attract young, naïve 20-something dogooders: Not only do you get to travel to a new country rich with culture and history, you get to help people. But that desire to help comes with the arrogant assumption being from the West qualifies you to save the world. Building houses for the homeless in Haiti is great—in theory. But it’s not exactly efficient when the person building it has never picked up a hammer. No one deserves to live in an architecturally unsound house. While it can be argued that it’s better than nothing or that it's the best alternative, it only fills volunteers with a false sense of grandeur while taking away potential jobs from the community. Simply coming from an educated background and a well-to-do country isn’t enough. People who truly want to help others should realize it makes more sense to raise money and pay members of
BITCH
the native communities to do the jobs they are more qualified for. Our ability to easily enter and exit these spaces is a privilege in itself. We walk into these areas without having to consider the long-term effects of our presence or how to foster positive long-lasting change. Trips that bring underqualified young people into impoverished communities are pointless, superficial, and self-centered journeys that do not help members of the community in the long run. One of the most well-known volunteer travel nonprofits, Cross Cultural Solutions, has managed to bring over 300,000
volunteers on trips all over the world for the last 20 years. As voluntourism grows in popularity, organizations like Cross Cultural Solutions make a greater effort to carefully screen applicants. More organizations need to follow suit Voluntourists, whether well-intentioned or otherwise, need to reconsider their motivations. Wanting to help others while traveling isn’t inherently a terrible thing, but it’s necessary to really think about what you actually have to offer and why you actually want to volunteer abroad in the first place. Wanting a new Facebook profile picture doesn’t cut it. JM
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cycle SCROLL WITH OVER 2,405,518,376 PEOPLE ONLINE, AND THE LAUNCH OF THE FIRST INTERNET
ADDICTION TREATMENT FACILITY, IT WOULD SEEM INTERNET ADDICTION IS ON THE RISE. YET THE CLASSIFICATION AS AN “ADDICTION” IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST DEBATES IN PSYCHOLOGY. By Riyana Straetker : Illustration by Christina Mastrull It all started with an unpaid internship at Nylon.com. Working from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. two days a week as a junior in high school, Joelle Hyman, a senior art history major, got her first taste of the power of the Internet. For seven hours, she would sit behind the glossy-white plastic veneer of her MacBook, scrolling through Racked, Refinery29, Fashionista, Rolling Stone, New York Magazine, anything that posted content similar to Nylon. Even on her off days, Hyman would watch over online content, sifting through post after post, hour after hour. At first, staying informed meant doing her job well, but it soon became her way of keeping herself going. She felt as if she had discovered a part of her she hadn’t seen before. It’s a part of her that can only be fed by a constant stream of information—and the best way to satisfy that need is the Internet. Even now, five years later, it’s an internal competition to keep up with every celebrity sighting, track every designer dress, and know the Internet inside out and backwards to find
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every detail about that celebrity in that designer dress. Addiction: defined as “the compulsion to engage in an activity or ingest a substance that can be pleasurable but interferes with ordinary life and activities.” And while many people, like Hyman, find themselves uncontrollably drawn to the Internet and its many vices, the American Psychological Association (APA) has yet to recognize Internet addiction as a legitimate disease. In May 2013, the APA released the newest version of the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), known as the Psychologists Bible, and interestingly, no mention of Internet addiction as a viable and treatable disorder graced the pages. In a press release the APA said they considered Internet addiction for inclusion, but ultimately, the work group members decided there was insufficient research data to actually include the addiction. This surprising exclusion was followed by the grand opening of the first Internet addiction treatment facility in Bradford, P.A. Launched in
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SMUT September 2013 as part of the Bradford Regional Medical Center, the Internet Addiction Program lives under the Behavioral Health Department, and rather than focusing on a “digital detox”—where participants disconnect from technology for a set period of time—aims to rehabilitate patients from the addictive powers of the Internet. To the facility’s credit, in 2010, the Hadassah Medical Organization found that 1.5 to 8.2 percent of the population in the U.S. and Europe suffers from Internet addiction symptoms, and those numbers are thought to be growing. Even more shocking, a 2012 study conducted by the University of Bonn in Germany found a gene mutation, which may determine a predilection to Internet addiction—and it affects more women than men. All this highlights the increasing heat of a contentious debate in the psychology community, with many psychologists and industry professionals split on the legitimacy of Internet addiction. And it doesn’t help when potential patients like Hyman can’t identify if they have a problem or not. “No, I don’t think it’s a problem,” Hyman says. “I get offline when I need to.” She uses apps like SelfControl, which shuts down access to selected websites for set lengths of time, to try and keep her Internet and social media use in check. Taking this self-moderation one step further, the Internet addiction treatment facility hopes to treat all those who need help controlling their Internet habits. Founded by Kimberly Young, a professor at St. B onaventure University, the program houses four patients at a time who begin and e n d their
"An addiction is more than just, 'like to do it all the time and i don't like to stop.'" —GINA CHEN, Ph.D., Asst. professor
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treatment on the same day. The 10-day program starts with a 72-hour digital detox, followed by a full psychological evaluation. Young expects to see withdrawal symptoms similar to those seen in other addicts. All this rings up to a hefty total of $14,000—which patients pay out of pocket, since no insurance company, not even Obamacare, cover Internet addiction without the recognition gained from a place in the DSM-5. Part of what holds psychologists back from including Internet addiction is lack of research. Addiction diagnosis follows a strict path, and more conclusive studies must be conducted in order for the group to consider adding Internet addiction to the psychology bible’s ranks. “It’s having trouble being declared an addiction because it’s harder for things like Internet addiction to have the physiological symptoms,” says Gina Chen, Ph.D. Chen works as an assistant professor in mass communications at the University of Southern Mississippi and specializes in research on social media engagement and communication through social media channels. No study has successfully eliminated all doubts that linger on the exact source and location of Internet addiction. Extensive—and conclusive—studies find the source of addiction linked on many levels, from molecular biology to sociology. “If you want to get a reasonably good picture both of what’s going on and how it’s being maintained, you need to look at all those levels,” says Stephen Maisto, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Syracuse University and editor of the psychological journal Psychology of Addictive Behaviors. Addiction develops in and affects each person in a different way, and the importance each of these levels play in that person’s addiction diagnosis varies. But at the same time, each of these different levels, and their different affects, determine an addiction, which only makes a successful diagnosis more complicated. This multi-dimensional, layered approach to diagnosis of addiction also explains why no clear “cure” for addiction exists, Internet or otherwise. And when it comes to Internet addiction, these levels become increasingly more
SMUT complicated. “People use the word ‘addiction’ in a very loose way,” Chen says. “The public uses it very differently than the clinical definition. An addiction is more than just, ‘I like to do it all the time and I don't like to stop.’ It’s really when you’re supposed to have withdrawal and cravings, and all the physiological symptoms of addiction.” The layman’s use of the word “addiction” devalues actual addictions—like saying, “I’m so addicted to chocolate,” when in reality you could stop eating chocolate whenever you wanted. But this gets confusing when the multiple gateways to Internet addiction are considered—chat rooms, social media, alternate reality games. The endless ways to pass time online mean endless potential for addiction symptoms to develop. It also means the actual, diagnosable addictions are often linked to the way a person spends time online. For example, while a person may be addicted to watching porn online, they aren’t addicted to the Internet—they’re addicted to the sexual stimulation of the porn. The Internet simply acts as a vehicle for various forms of addiction, which makes it hard to determine where the problem stems from. Hyman’s Internet usage starts innocently enough—perusing the news headlines and social media—but soon can change tune. “I get sucked into a k-hole on YouTube which likely started with searching for interviews with an artist I’m currently into and somehow ended with watching fan-made montages of One Direction,” she says. This convoluted journey into the depths of the Internet also characterizes the research conducted on the addiction. The University of Bonn in Bonn, Germany, conducted a study in 2012 to find where in the human genome chain the gene for Internet addiction lives. Participants filled out an Internet addiction test, then swabbed the inside of their cheek for DNA. Those who scored 39 or higher on the test were marked as having problematic Internet use. After comparing the results to a control group, researchers found the gene, CHRNA4, more likely to reside in women. This string of letters and number is the primary
indicator of predisposition to Internet addiction. Christian Montag, Ph.D., the lead researcher on the study, says the results, while highly speculative, reflect addictive tendencies toward general use of the Internet and social networks. Montag knows of the debate raging around Internet addiction, and believes the DNA found can help define the parameters of the addiction. “Our findings support the notion that Internet addiction resembles a [classifiable] addiction,” he says. And while the science is still being explored, Chen believes mobile technology furthers the case for Internet addiction. Smartphones have made their way into everyday life, constantly becoming smaller and more accessible and making Internet more readily available. The overt availability, while not directly proven, affects the trend of Internet addiction. Scientists believe juggling multiple sources of technology affects our ability to focus—which certainly seems to make a stronger case for Internet addiction. Technology has the ability to overwhelm all other senses, creating distractions that can strongly effect how the brain processes information. This kind of alteration helps give researchers the push they need to define the parameters of Internet addiction—if it so strongly affects everyday life, there is a much stronger case to have it approved in the DSM-5. For Hyman, the Internet extends beyond a source of information or a or a passing distraction. “I source so much of who I am and what I know from the Internet,” she says. It all starts with Twitter. Get up, scroll through her Twitter feed. Read British headlines. Check New York Magazine, The New York Times arts section, The Daily Mail, NME. The bright backgrounds reflect in the glass of her thick, black-rimmed glasses as she spends the first part of her morning absorbing all the news possible. Then she loses herself in Tumblr as the morning slips away. In the afternoon she’s back, checking the same sites five times a day. It’s a way to keep herself going, to feed on a constant stream of information. JM
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Please Be Genital SU students bear all about their private piercings.
By Laura Anderson : Illustration by Dylan Cownie The dark ink of “POR VIDA” stands out in stark contrast to his pale knuckles as he grips a thick needle and prepares to pierce her clitoral hood. Sarah* spreads her legs in a gynecological position, her feet in stirrups. This is just like being at the gyno with my hot doctor, she thinks to herself as she wiggles against pleather seating. The bald man hovering over her has gauges so large she can see through them. Her eyes fall from his ears to his neck, which is tatted in grayishgreen scales. He looks like a dragon. “Could sting,” the piercer says in his best English. Sarah’s eyes scan the studio’s blood-red interior, decorated with hundreds of pictures of tattoos. She stares at an image of a naked
woman straddling a bull’s skull. Seconds later, a needle plunges into her clitoral hood. She looks down at a metal rod sticking out of her vagina. It feels like it’s on fire as it throbs under the weight of the rod. For the first time, Sarah wonders if her vagina has always had a heartbeat. “Acabado,” Dragon Man says under his breath. Finished. Before she stands, she wonders what her friends at Syracuse University will think of the spontaneous vagina piercing she got while studying abroad in Madrid, Spain. Sarah, a junior at SU, isn’t the only student on campus with a genital piercing. It’s a growing trend according to John Joyce, a JERK
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piercer in downtown Syracuse who’s pierced professionally at Scarab Body Arts since 2001. Joyce fits the description of a tattoo artist well. He has bright blue eyes, a long, thick brown beard, arms sleeved in tattoos, and two nose piercings: one through his septum, the other through his nostril. He sits next to a bamboo tree in the waiting room of his tattoo parlor. A big black binder titled “Body Piercing” lies on a glass table in front of him. Older men and women made up his original clientele, but a younger group soon joined in. Joyce came into the industry at a time when body piercings were becoming much more mainstream because of bands such as Aerosmith and Guns N' Roses. The band’s teen icon, Alicia Silverstone, rocked one of the first navel piercings seen on MTV in Aerosmith's "Crazy". “It was a time of leather, sex, S&M, and rock 'n' roll,” he says. “Everyone was getting something pierced.” Genital piercings soon came to dominate his job. The men began making their penis piercing appointments after hours, uncomfortable sitting in a waiting room with teenage girls waiting to get their navels and noses pierced. “For a while, the genital piercing scene was pushed underground, under the radar,” Joyce says. Now the trend has resurfaced,
and he and his team perform many genital piercings on people between the ages 35 and 45, particularly for married couples. This March, their paperwork showed the number of college-aged women who made appointments increased drastically compared to last year. Most of the girls were between ages 20 and 25 years old for this month, and many of those girls were SU students. It makes sense that Joyce’s paperwork shows a rise in the number of women coming in for piercings. The workers at Scarab, as well as workers at Halo Tattoo on Marshall Street, pierce far more girls than guys. “Guys are babies. They aren’t tough enough for it,” Joyce says. “Before taking their pants off, they’ll immediately begin making excuses about it ‘being too cold in here.’” The piercers used to require men to have an erect penis, but not anymore. When Joyce came into the industry, porn magazines dotted the reception area so guys could work themselves up and prepare for the piercing. Matt*, an SU junior, didn’t have to worry about any of that for his penis piercing. People most commonly refer to the piercing he has as the “Prince Albert” (PA). The piercing, located on the tip of his penis, is the visual equivalent of sticking an eight-gauge rod with spherical
THE PIERCING, LOCATED ON THE TIP OF HIS PENIS, IS THE VISUAL EQUIVALENT OF STICKING AN EIGHT-GAUGE ROD WITH SPHERICAL ENDS THROUGH THE CENTER OF THE TIP OF A BANANA, ALLOWING THE BARBELL TO THEN PROTRUDE OUT THE SIDE.
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ends through the center of the tip of a banana, allowing the barbell to then protrude out the side. It’s a visual Matt sees everyday. He made this creative decision when he wasn’t in a logical or sober state of mind at a tattoo parlor on the Jersey Shore. “When I woke up the next morning, my penis was pierced, my eyebrow was pierced, half my head was shaved, and I had no idea where my wallet was,” Matt says. Fortunately for Matt, there were no later complications or infections with his piercing. Though he took out his eyebrow piercing, he’s kept the PA fully intact for the last three years. “Ladies dig it,” he says. He’s right. Kay Raven*, LPC, Certified Sex Therapist of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) dated a partner who got quite a thrill out of having his penis pierced. Prior to obtaining the piercing, he obsessively questioned her about whether she thought it would bring her sexual pleasure. He pierced it five years into their 19-year relationship. Her partner liked the way it looked and said it gave him a sexual “zing.” Raven thinks it’s more sexually pleasurable for the pierced person than for the partner—though she did have fun hooking her finger through the ring and leading him around the house. Raven’s partner seemed to think it would equally excite her, but it didn’t. Raven always insisted he remove it for oral sex. “I wanted to keep my teeth,” she says. She could feel the weight of the ring during penetration. Sometimes it hurt, like when it would get caught in her labia. Eventually, he removed it to have sex. Elayne Angel, professional piercer and owner of the website The Piercing Bible, says penis piercings do nothing almost for men—it’s all for their female partners. On the contrary, vaginal piercings do little for men other than cultivate a porn star-like atmosphere. When airport security increased after 9/11, Raven’s partner began using his
piercing as a tool to mess with the security workers. He’d always wear his largest gauge, waiting for the metal to appear in the x-ray machine. The workers would pat him down without ever directly asking about his hidden jewels. Raven says her partner found these exchanges amusing. Sarah, the SU student who got her clit pierced in Madrid, reacted oppositely to Raven’s partner when it came time to encounter airport security. The only issue she’s ever had with the piercing happened on her way home from Madrid. She stared at the large TSA body scanner in the airport. Standing second in line to be X-rayed, Sarah immediately wondered if the machine would detect the rod in her vagina and confuse it for something illegal. She ran to the bathroom to carefully removed the piercing, scared security would think she was smuggling contraband between her legs. But despite this one scare, Sarah enjoys her down-under secret. Boys certainly like it—they think it’s kinky. Sarah calls herself a free spirit open to new things. She says the vertical hood piercing she got while in Madrid has enhanced her sex life— even though she didn’t understand the rarity of her selection. Women most commonly get their labias and vaginal hoods pierced—not their clits. “It’s all one giant clit to them,” Joyce says mockingly. Yes, the vagina is a magical box of secrets worth discovering, and yes, men rarely understand the geographical elements to those nether regions, but women have no excuse. Joyce says genital piercing requires substantial background knowledge of human anatomy. Incorrect piercings can cause nerve damage, so piercing artists suggest doing your research before walking in, penis or vagina out and ready to go under the needle. And yet, on a whim, Sarah walked completely unprepared into the Madrid tattoo studio that day, and boldly asked the Spanish Dragon Man to pierce her clit. JM
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On Call SMUT
In their downtime, SUA keeps calm and waits on for the next crisis.
By Daisy Becerra : Photos by Katy Beals Gathered around a table laden with mugs, plastic cups, a crumbly loaf of banana bread, and a half-eaten Chipotle burrito bowl, Syracuse University Ambulance (SUA) members Marisa Rodriguez and Mark Schoenborn wait for Eric Harris to cough up the photo. At the request of Natalie Montesano, who sits snickering at his eminent disclosure, Harris swipes slowly through his phone’s gallery, looking for the right one. In an instant, Harris doubles over in a fit of laughter, turning his phone toward Rodriguez, who, with each giggle, sinks further into the blue couch she’s sitting on. Schoenborn looks up from the two incident reports he’s typing up and lets out a single, hearty laugh at Harris, who appears on the screen wearing an affectionate smile and a stretched out medical glove on his head. Her satisfaction apparent, Montesano rises from her seat. “I spent a long time stretching that out.” The photo, which Harris quickly buries in one of the endless pockets on his black uniform, perfectly sums up slow nights like tonight, where jokes and long-winded stories keep SUA members around the table and away from the facility’s bunk beds. Located at the university’s health center, SUA’s headquarters appear perfectly
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structured for the late nights. Fully equipped with a laundry room, two bedrooms, and a handy Keurig, the only thing that sets the quaint crash pad apart is the soft drone of static from the operator station. On this rainy night, the calls are slow, yet emblematic of the campus’ party culture: Work hard, play hard—even when it’s pouring. Nevertheless, the environment provides active members with an array of experiences. The job rewarded Montesano with a rare thank-you letter from a transport. “She started off with, ‘I bet you guys get these letters a lot.’ Nope,” she says. For Schoenborn, a senior awaiting his admission to medical school, it’s an adrenaline rush. “When that bell rings, sometimes you’re sleeping. The lights come on and it’s terrifying.” But for Harris, a firstyear pre-med student, the job’s rewards are sentimental. “I definitely wanted to get my feet wet,” Harris says. He plans on potentially becoming an orthopedic surgeon. “And it doesn’t hurt to have a nice little family to encourage me along the way.” Before Harris can finish, however, the room resounds with a prolonged “aw,” drowning out the radio static and the rain trickling down the windows. JM
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1. Ethan Daibee, Kate Bunch, Conrad LaVarnway, and Andy Ades prep the stretcher to be taken out of the SUA ambulance. 2. SUA services over 1500 medical emergencies each year. 3. Kate and Andy run with the stretcher, responding to a call. 4. SUA provides life-support, transport, cardiac defibrilation, and non-emergency transport. 5. SUA is a student-run organization that operates 24-hours, 7 days a week. 34 05.14
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GAWK
This season's muted colors are far from basic. Stand out in stark whites and warm beiges—your palette and attitude will be blinding. Stylists: Lauren Yobs and Lis Webber Models: Joelle Andraos, Laura Cabral, Jorge Gomez, Hugh Pringle, Jamie Wand Photographer: Penelope Vasquez Hair Stylists: Lisa Cianciotta Makeup: Lauren Yobs and Lis Weber 36 JERK
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Jamie: Bandeau: Target $10; Blazer: Model’s own; Shorts: Model’s own. Laura: Jeans: One Teaspoon $160
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Jorge: Trench Coat: Modern Pop Culture $40; Pants: Model’s own. Jamie: Top: J Michael, Vintage Havana $39; Pants: Aritzia, Wilfred $90. Laura: Jacket: J Michael, Blank NYC $98, Skirt: Lord & Taylor, BCBG Maxazria $58; Shoes: Forever 21 $30.
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GAWK Jorge: Shirt: J Michael, TD Thomas Dean $90; Briefs: Macy’s, Calvin Klein $28; Pants: Model’s own. Joelle: Blazer: Talbots $60; Shorts: Anthropologie $78. Hugh: Shirt: J Michael, American Apparel $20; Pants: Model’s own.
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Jamie: Top: Victoria’s Secret $18; Pants: Talbots $60; Shoes: Model’s own. Hugh: Shirt: J Michael, TD Thomas Dean $90; Pants: Model’s own; Shoes: Model’s own. Laura: Dress: Modern Pop Culture $14; Shoes: Model’s own. Jorge: Shirt: J Michael, American Apparel $20; Pants: Model’s own; Shoes: Timberland $160. Joelle: Bandeau: Model’s own; Skirt: Lord & Taylor, BCBG Maxazria $98; Shoes: J.Crew $120.
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Hugh: Shirt: J Michael, TD Thomas Dean $90; Pants: Model’s own; Shoes: Model’s own. Laura: Bandeau: J Michael, See You Monday $10; Skirt: Modern Pop Culture $14; Shoes: Lord & Taylor, Sam Edelmen $120.
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Laura: Dress: Macy’s, Max Studio $60. Joelle: Top: Rhododendron $28; Shorts: Billabong $50; Shoes: Forever 21 $30. Jamie: Top: J Michael, Vintage Havana $30; Skirt: Zara $50; Shoes: Topshop $160.
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GAWK CLOSET CASE
FAMILY MATTERS Genes aren’t the only things handed down.
Photos by Shijing Wang
HANDPRINT SWEATSHIRT
COSBY SWEATER
LEATHER JACKET
“Everyone thinks I look like a
“My dad was pretty upset that I
“Whenever my mom went out
perv when I wear it because it’s
took it because it’s one of his
somewhere, she wore this
my baby handprint on my
favorites. But I thought it was
leather jacket with leather
grown-up chest. I randomly
crazy and unique, so I snagged
pants—yes, my mom wears
found it in my mom’s closet and
it. I’m always trying to up my
leather pants—and she looked
thought it was such a great find
wool game. I have a ton of them
ridiculously good. So when I
that I had to have it. I joke that I
stockpiled at home, but I really
found out it fit me, I wore it
was way ahead of the screen-
like this one because it has a lot
excessively. When packing after
printing trend. I still screenprint
of patterns. It’s not as colorful as
spring break, I made the
tees and sweatshirts all the time
my other sweaters, but it still
executive decision to steal it
for myself and my friends.”
has a lot going on.”
and bring it with me to Cuse.”
–Rebecca Cornwall
–Josh Stein
–Monika Arbaciauskaite
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GAWK STRIPPED
Whether you slip them on or lace them up, sandals reveal more than unkept toes.
By Ken Syme : Illustration by Hillary Cianciosi Spring is here. For Syracuse, this means 40-degree weather and six inches of springtime snow are almost upon us. It also means it’s time to decide what to strap your feet for this season. The good news: Sandals are back, baby, and they’re better than ever. When deciding which pair of open-toe options are the best choice, remember the classic mantra: What would Jesus wear? Here in the Great White North, it comes down to Tevas, Birkenstocks, and Tory Burch wedges. Tevas are for the outdoorsman—and woman. Essentially, they’re walking shoes with removable flip-flops built into the inner soles. The flip-flops are sturdy and reliable— top priorities for the utilitarian Teva-wearer. The ability to switch from sturdy sandals to flip-flops doesn’t detract from the quality, so you won’t have to worry about your blistering feet when hiking the Mount’s endless stairs—fitting, as Teva wearers tend to enjoy a good mountain walk. Another traditionally outdoors-y choice is the classic Birkenstock. Whether you like them or not, Birkenstocks have left a large footprint on society over the years, bisecting campus trends for decades. Now, Birkenstocks have recaptured the limelight in an unexpected way: Traditional Birkenstock
owners prefer the durability and the option to have them resoled when they wear out. The modern-day Birkenstock fan focuses on the minimalistic trends that overtook the fashion world this year. The German classic has even been copied by high-end designers like Céline, Givenchy, and Giambattista Valli. Within the Birkenstock brand alone, you can choose from over 300 styles, so you can find a pair to suit your trendy-yet-functional footwear priorities. For those who prefer style to function, designer Tory Burch fashioned her prepsterglorified wedges. These espadrilles are a pricey addition to the brightly-colored, polocentric outfits of the classic prep crowd as the harsh Syracuse weather lightens up. The otherwise comfortable espadrille takes a turn for the painful with a high platform heel. People see Tory Burch wedges as the solution to the perpetual fashionable female dilemma: how to be stylish without being trendy. These wedges are purely a style investment, as opposed to Tevas or Birkenstocks. Grab a pair if you’re less into flower crown and more into floral print. Tevas, Birkenstocks, and Tory Burch wedges are all classics in their own right. But, we can be certain of this: Birkenstocks will never die—we have ESF to prove it. JM
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Master By EG Lyons : Photos by Erica Fisher Austin Holmes can’t sing— well, at least not today. He sits slouched over in a thick navy pea coat and listens to Dylan Rocke strum the chords to Beyoncé’s XO on a cherry-red Gibson SG. Holmes’ all-blue apparel—Syracuse baseball cap, track pants, and running shoes—reflects his somber demeanor. The color is drained from his face and grimace reflects a physical ailment.
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Holmes’ eyes shut from either falling deeper into the rhythm of the song—one that overwhelms him with emotion every time he hears it —or because of a desperate need for sleep. He loses eye contact through the small glass window with Rocke, who stands alone in the live room. Every couple minutes Holmes chokes a muffled cough into his left elbow. Kfff. He sniffles and pops a cough drop in his mouth.
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r Class After Rocke finishes the simple threechord progression, he walks back into the control room of the Live End/Dead End studio. The small recording studio that can only be entered through a small kitchen area sits in back of the Belfer Laboratory, the stone building hidden between Bird Library and the Goldstein Faculty Center, adjacent to the popular pre/post-bar outdoor bathroom stall. Hundreds of
futuristic small grey pyramids sit on the front wall of the studio to improve acoustics in the small room that resembles a postKirk Star Trek command center. In the front, near the window that peers into the live room where the music is made sits the centerpiece: a Mac computer surrounded by hundreds of knobs and buttons—all with the capability to distort or, in most cases, destroy a track with one click or turn.
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"T HIS GROUP HAS A LOT OF FUN. THEY ARE EXCITED ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND LEARNING. I HAVE TO KICK THEM OUT OF THE CLASS EVERYDAY BECAUSE THE PROFESSOR FOR THE NEXT CLASS IS WAITING OUTSIDE." —BOB HALLIGAN JR. professor/adviser
Holmes and Rocke spend countless hours and multiple days arranging, recording, rerecording, and sometimes deleting the backing tracks for Holmes’ album, My Blue Coin Collection—or at least that’s what he calls it this week. The title is inspired by a large plastic Crayola crayon shaped coin collector Holmes got for a present when he was young and has kept his entire life. He says like experiences, all the coins he drops into the large blue object have meanings— good and bad. The Motown meets 90s R&B EP, set to drop next fall, not only marks the first album for the sophomore theatre major, but is one of the most anticipated releases for the Syracuse University Recordings record label. Syracuse University Recordings—or SUR to the 14 students involved—is an all-student-run record label and part of the class Music Industry: 320 with songwriter, recording artist, and adjunct professor Bob Halligan Jr. The group meets every Monday and Wednesday in Crouse 308. They discuss everything from distribution costs— the amount of money they pay for the manufacturing of CDs and what they charge artists—to what type of cd case they want to use for the next project—cardboard sleeve, should it have a spine, maybe vinyl. Even a few member review a recently created 70s themed Spotify playlist. MUI: 320 started 13 years ago in an effort to provide students real-world experience
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and record and promote School of Music performance groups. One of the label’s more notable albums was a compilation of SU fight songs and the alma mater. Since then, they produced records that range from a Ramones cover album, which was never released due to licensing problems to Native Orange, a 13 track album of Brazilian folk songs record by Samba Laranja, the SU Brazilian Ensemble. Five years ago the label started to record pop music and expanded to include independent student artists and groups. SUR contacted Holmes, who is best described as the musical lovechild of John Legend and Matt Corby in October after he won SU Idol and asked him to join the label. “They help me a lot with the whole image. How I look when I sing and what songs I pick,” Holmes says. Usually artists come and audition in front of the class. The group votes and if they accept an artist, they will help them form an image, record music, produce EPs and CDs, market them, and even help book shows.” SUR most recently worked with Holmes on his YouTube channel. SUR offered Holmes advice on how to pick songs, technical support to help improve the overall quality of his videos and brought in musicians to accompany him. Holmes' video performance of the mashup of “Sunday Morning” by Maroon 5 and Etta James’ “Sunday Kind of Love” has over 1400 hits.
NOISE While the class has a music industry prefix, about ten of the students are actually enrolled in Setnor or study music industry. There is Zuly Beltre, the communications design major, Ryan Pierson, the industrial and interactive design major, Danat Habtemariam, the marketing major—the list goes on and on. While all of the students in class may not study music or want to pursue a career in the record industry, they all love music and most are musicians themselves. General Manager Ethan Bates is a cellist, Marketing/Public Relations Manager Max Puglisi is a singer/songwriter and SUR recording artist, Pierson is a rapper, and sound engineer musicalrenaissance man Dylan Rocke is a guitarist. Bates joined the group after his best friend and jam session partner Puglisi wanted to get his music recorded and auditioned for SUR sophomore year. At first Puglisi wasn’t signed as an artist, but the two were encouraged to join the class. According to Halligan the pair even attended meetings before they were officially enrolled
in the class. Bates started as the social media coordinator and two years later, basically runs the group. Puglisi is now one of the label’s artists, is in charge of social media and even performed on live on Channel 9’s Bridge Street morning program a couple of weeks ago. Habtemariam heard about SUR through a friend who was apart of the class. “It sounded interesting to me. I've always had a strong interest and love for music and the music industry,” Habtemariam says. Besides getting credit to fuel her love of music Habtermariam plans to use the experiences and skills acquired with SUR to help jump-start a career in marketing/ promoting musicians. Besides finishing Holmes’ and a couple other artists EPs and recruiting a few new artists, the group prepared for their annual artist showcase held on April 24 at 8 p.m. in the Jabberwocky Café. Holmes was joined by Puglisi, a non-hat wearing, more rock version Jason Marz singer/songwriter/ guitarist, another SUR artist, Julia Wolfe, a
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Norah Jones style singer/songwriter with a range similar to Stevie Nicks, and an artist from SUR’s sister label Marshall Street Records another student run label in Setnor.
The class sits around the rectangular tables pushed together to accommodate the large group, four students type away on their laptops while Pierson colors in one of his new illustrations for Wolfe’s next project. A few of the students discuss the optimal way to mic a cello for the groups’ upcoming recording session for Holmes’ album. To use two pencil condensers in front of the cello or just rely on the standard studio mic, that is the question. The soft melody of a baroque or romantic period piano piece seeps into the large off-white room through the door left open a jar. People chat, laugh, and show each other projects they have been working on over the weekend.
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“This group has a lot of fun. They are excited about what they are doing and learning. I have to kick them out of the class everyday because the professor for the next class is waiting outside,” Halligan says. Bates updates the group about the day’s agenda and SUR’s new student org recognition from the student association. “Max and I attended the Monday meeting and we didn’t get credit for it cause there was no place to sign in.” Bates says. “No wonder you’re not smiling today,” Halligan replies. After the group admires some new illustrations and design work for the up coming albums and a more serious discussion about digital music sales and the creation of a SUR pay pal account to directly collect online profits, the class breaks up for small group discussions. Bates says the majority of the label’s work happens in meetings, but because of light atmosphere and camaraderie between classmates,
distractions can easily derail meetings. At the large group of tables Puglisi, Beltre, and Pierson talk about the poster design for the upcoming showcase. They debate how to layout the artists images on the poster— horizontally or vertically. Bates, Rocke and Natalie Echols, Manager of Legal and Journalistic Affairs head to a table on the other side of the room near the tall windows that look down on campus to complete another simulation to ensure SUR remains a recognized student organization—RSO. “Getting recognition of SUR as a student organization was huge project.” Bates says. “We went through the application process in March and still have to attend SA meetings to solidify our RSO standing.” In March SUR and Marshall Street Records finished the arduous process of becoming a RSO. The group, who is recognized as the conglomerate Orange Music Group (OMG), was originally denied by the committee, but successful on appeal. The group’s original constitution lacked information about the specifics of selling albums and the committee wanted to ensure none of the members of the group did not personally receive money from selling of other artists’ albums. The label splits profits with the artists and the proceeds get reinvested in the label’s future ventures. The recognition allows the label to receive funding from SA, table in Schine, rent out larger spaces for concerts, and freely hang posters around campus. In a couple of weeks, all of the seniors like Puglisi and Bates, who have been involved with SUR for over two years, will
be leaving and a new generation will take over the reigns. “I’m sad leaving, but hope this excited group of people hold onto the excitement and keep these interesting projects going,” Bates says. Bates plans to dedicate all his time to his band the Blue Light Bandits based in Boston and is looking at job opportunities at the world-renowned Berklee College of Music—the one John Mayer dropped out of. One of Bates favorite moments came last semester when he, Puglisi, and Jon Kane, another member of SUR currently abroad spent the entire day in the studio working on SUR artist Jenna Fields album. Fields, the singer/songwriter who sounds like a more American guitar-wielding Kate Nash, lives in New York City this semester, but still works with the label. The quartet spent the day hanging out, laughing, talking, and of course played some music. “It felt like I was living a musician’s life,” Bates says. We were doing a bunch of different jobs, but it didn’t feel like work.” In the same studio Bates spent the entire day playing music with his best friends only to be kicked out because the studio closed at night, Holmes and Rocke sit alone listening to the tracks. They discuss tempo, range, and style of each arrangement. Rocke plays two or three different versions of fills for the backing track of XO. He walks back in. “Do you want to try and sing?” Rocke asks. “Oh no, not today,” Holmes replies, referring to his cold. “It might hurt your voice,” Rocke says. “We can do it on Monday.” JM
"IT FELT LIKE I WAS LIVING A MUSICIAN'S LIFE. WE WERE DOING A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT JOBS, BUT IT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WORK." —ETHAN BATES General Manager, SUR
cash course JERK’S GUIDE TO FINANCE FOR DUMMYS
If there’s one inevitable truth in college, it’s that your four years will eventually draw to a close—which means you can’t live off the “broke college student” excuse forever. So when you actually need to learn real-world math, Jerk’s got you covered. From budgets to bailouts, you’ll have those financial ducks lined just in time to buy the next round at Chuck’s.
SMART APP Our fiscally irresponsible editors put three different financial planning apps through the most dangerous test we could imagine—a sun-filled weekend. If we can dodge a negative balance during the most frivolous time of the year, so can you. BUDGT balances your monthly budget and allows you to plan potential savings without requiring your bank info. Straightforward pie charts help you visually understand where you invest your money. This isn’t the best app for the college student with no steady income, but it seriously simplifies the budgeting process, making saving money easier. The only catch to this budgeting app is the one-time fee of $1.99.
MINT
BUDGT 3/5 BUDGT
MANILLA
MINT 4/5 You’re required to log in to your bank account using your bank ID and password, but Mint allows you to set budgets for each category of spending: coffee, groceries, clothing, and alerts you when you go over budget. For the more financially savvy, it tracks your credit limit, and for the financially ignorant, it provides words of advice. Mint tracks detailed spending patterns, like cash flows, so only use if
MANILLA 2/5 This app links to your financial accounts so you can view all of your balances and documents on one page. Manilla sends you payment reminders and protects your information with a 4-digit passcode, but you can’t transfer money between accounts, pay bills, or complete any other type of transaction. Manilla benefits the multiple account-holder because it eliminates the need for separate passwords, but if you only have one or two accounts, stick with your bank’s app.
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FINANCE MATH Michal Hyman, a Ph.D. student in the Whitman School of Management, puts financial math in context. So easy a caveman could do it.
buying your first car The obnoxious commercials that scream “NO MONEY DOWN, for 72 months with an 5.9 percent APR” hold some truth. If you have to a buy a car, it’s likely you won’t have to put that much money down. When you finance a car, you borrow money from a lender, who you pay back each month usually with interest. Keep in mind buying a used car over a new car because as soon as your car leaves the lot, the financial depreciation, kicks in.
P= PRINCIPAL, R= INTEREST RATE, M= MONTHLY PAYMENT
P (R/12) / (1- (1 + R/12) -M
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your bank account There is a big difference between your checking and savings. The cash you put into your savings develops interest, so the more money you decide to save, the more money you’ll actually have. Most accounts have compound interest, which means your principal balance grows at an increasing rate. A= AMOUNT ACCUMULATED, P= PRINCIPAL, R= INTEREST RATE, N= COMPOUNDINGS PER PERIOD, T= NUMBER OF PERIODS.
A= P (1+ R/N) nt
making the most of your paycheck The ideal situation is to save money while still surviving. A good rule to keep in mind is the 50/20/30 rule. Fifty percent of your pay should go toward essentials, such rent, food, and transportation. Twenty percent should go toward your financial future, like debt, loans, and yes, a retirement fund. The remaining 30 percent is for the gym fees, alcohol, or takeout.
.50(INCOME) + .20(INCOME) + .30(INCOME) = YOUR INCOME - TAXES.
CREDIT CONUNDRUM Demystifying Your Credit Score
760-850
700-759
660-669
620-659
619>
Damn, that's good.
Well done.
Not too shabby.
Did your dog eat your bill?
Uh.Epic fail.
TAX TERMS TRANSLATED Tax Credits
[taks kred-itz] Reduces the amount of money you need to give to the feds by cutting directly from how much you owe. Less common for individual tax payers, but sometimes given to those who’s income falls below a certain amount. Great motivation not to take that second shift at Brockway.
Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) [uh-juhs-tid grohs in-kuhm]
All the income you receive over the course of the year, including wages, interest, birthday money, dividends, coins you find on Marshall street, capital gains, the the money you save on Flip Night.
Itemized Deductions
[ahy-tuh-mahyz dih-duhk-shuhn] A way to reduce your taxable income. This includes mortgage interest (time to put down for that sketchy house on Euclid), charitable contributions (no, your tummy is not a charity, no matter how much it appreciates that Chipotle bowl), theft losses (take a late-night solo walk and reduce your taxes!) and in case you needed a reason to head to Turning Stone, gambling loses.
Voluntary Compliance
[vol-uhn-ter-ee kuhm-plahy-uhns] The philosophy our tax system is based on. We voluntarily comply with tax laws and agree to report our income honestly. So basically all the bullshit you skim in your syllabus.
60%
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YOU’RE NOT A-LOAN Next time you rant about student loans, throw in some of these statistics— they’re bound to make you sound more fiscally responsible.
71
OF AMERICAN UNIVERSITY STUDENTS BORROW MONEY TO FINANCE THEIR EDUCATION.
%
OF GRADUATING SENIORS IN THE CLASS OF 2012 FACED STUDENT LOAN DEBT.
$25,537 $33,
AVERAGE AMOUNT OF STUDENT LOAN FOR NY RESIDENTS
504
AVERAGE DEBT FOR AN SU STUDENT IN 2012
5,154 steak sandwiches from Chucks 7,053 pints of Guinness from Faegan’s
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NOISE REWIND
JIMI HENDRIX He may be kissing the sky right now, but Hendrix's music has caught fire after the rock virtuoso joined the 27 club.
By Ashley Branch
WE JUDGE
ALBUMS
BY THEIR
SINGLES
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before his death in 1970 at age 27. Despite his short-lived career, Hendrix’s music continues to grow with a posthumous discography of an estimated 100 live and studio albums. Hendrix invented a new kind of cool; the cool that came with a fringed leather jacket, big conch shell belts, and jeans tucked into cowboy boots. The legendary guitarist shattered the musical cages AfricanAmerican artists were placed in during the 60s; not strictly a soul artist or an R&B performer, but a psychedelic blend of all music that touched the soul. His experimentation with fuzz and distortion and his mastery of the wah-wah pedal redefined rock, funk, blues, and R&B, which marked him as a musical visionary and landed him as Rolling Stone's #1 guitarist of all time. In March, the U.S. Postal Service recognized his stamp on music by releasing postage in his honor. His influence stretches across the musical spectrum from The Cure to lothario to singer-songwriter and heartthrob John Mayer. JM Rating (out of 5)
Artist
Album
Single
Swearin'
Surfing Strange (Nov. 5)
"Watered Down"
4.5
Gap Dream
Shine Your LIGHT (Nov. 12)
"Shine Your Light"
3.5
The Growlers
Gilded Pleasures EP (Nov. 12)
"Tell It How It Is"
3.0
PHOTO CREDIT: http://bit.ly/1q9kUac
Jimi Hendrix bent the strings of his Stratocaster from the Mississippi Delta to Venus, but this summer Oscar-winning director John Ridley will immortalize the rock ’n’ roll legend’s rise to stardom on the big screen. Outkast’s Andre 3000 plays the legendary guitarist in Jimi: All Is by My Side. The film depicts the artist in 1966 before the fame, before the drugs, and before the infamous fro when he was only Jimmy James, a back-up guitarist for acts such as Sam Cooke, Tina Turner, and Little Richard. Despite the lack of his music in the film—his estate refused to sign the contract allowing the use of his tracks—you’ll still get the Hendrix Experience with 60s jams from The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. After achieving international recognition at the Monterey Pop Festival in 1967 and performing the Woodstock show that forever changed the way we’ll view the national anthem, Hendrix released two chart-topping albums with the Jimi Hendrix Experience
NOISE ALTRUIST
sta n d u p c om e d y By Eric King
THE DEAL A risqué art with its roots in Vaudeville, standup comedy frequently appears in clubs, bars, and best man speeches during the last 60 years. Shows like Saturday Night Live and The Tonight Show always feature stand-up acts, launching comedians like Jay Leno, Bill Maher, and Jerry Seinfeld onto the national entertainment scene. Now Comedy Central airs hours upon hours of stand-up specials every day to keep people sedated until Colbert comes on, at least until he graduates to tackle Late Show.
of every episode of Friends on TBS, the old setup and punch lines are predictable. Sitcoms play it safe, plugging and chugging their jokes into formulaic funnies while absurdist shows like SNL veteran Fred Armisan’s Portlandia experiment with video and sound editing, self-awareness, and pop culture. Sure, a comic plays a room of 50 and gets a few laughs, but with technology, he or she tweets a joke or records a funny video sketch and gets 2,000 views. In today’s comedy landscape, you haven’t made it until you’re viral.
THE ISSUE
THE DEFENSE
Stand-up has plateaued. Audiences call it predictable, tediously self-deprecating, and awkward. Desperate jokes like “Is this thing on?”and obvious musings like, “Airport food, am I right?” have become clichés even when used ironically. It’s a tired fixture on the late-night circuit. High profile comedians like Amy Schumer and Daniel Tosh don’t come off as funny anymore, they’re just mean. Insensitive jokes about race, gender, sexuality, and everything else under the ever- growing offensive umbrella continue to receive nervous chuckles while audience members think, “Am I allowed to laugh at that?” It’s like having a channel for Broadway musicals—the magic is gone.
Yeah, stand-up can be a little pre-packaged and passé, but now there is a new generation of young comedians like John Mulaney, Andy Samberg, and Emily Heller replacing greats like Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, and Betty White. Shows like Parks and Recreation with Aziz Ansari,, and movies like Ride Along, with Kevin Hart also prove stand-up still is a great platform to find talent. Performers today transform traditional stand-up, making their content more accessible, alternative, and perhaps most importantly, Internet savvy. “Comedy nerds,” as The New York Times contributor Andrew Clark calls them, usher audiences into a stand-up renaissance where anyone can be a comedian, hipster gigs at bars and coffee houses are casual and relaxed, and failure is an option. Now, anyone can do stand-up, but keep in mind, that doesn’t mean everyone should. JM
THE (LARGER) ISSUE Comedy is feeling the growing pains that come with the Internet, sarcasm, and young people. For audiences who have seen reruns
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AMPLIFIED
INCLUSIVE OR
Where they're from: Camillus, N.Y. • Members: Trevor Grant—vocals and guitar; Dave
DelFavero—lead guitarist (not pictured); Mike Russo—bass guitar; Danny Capucilli— drums; Tim Clark—keyboard • Active Since: Spring of last year, but the most recent lineup is eight months old. • Sounds like: Eccentric lyrics with a semi-pop vibe, reminiscent of early Cursive records and Weezer's Pinkerton era. By Sarah Schmalbruch : Photo by Shijing Wang WHAT THEY JERK TO: An eclectic mix of Cursive, Tom Waits, Dave Matthews, Coldplay, and 90s pop punk. NON-MUSICAL INSPIRATION: Grant, the lead vocalist, reads a lot. He wrote the band's current album, Cocktails in Purgatory with Our Favorite Atheist, through the lens of neuroscience and psychology, with a focus on behavioral economics. BEST SONG: “Come Home, or Don't." A Freudianinspired take on the frustration that comes with long-distance romance and the evolution of relationships. PRE-PERFORMANCE RITUAL: They tried imitating the Mighty Ducks' pre-ice ritual, but are now thinking of creating a piece
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of a handshake before every show, so that they'll eventually have a secret handshake. WEIRDEST GIG: A last-minute show at the ESF soccer house. Hoodies were lost, cars were broken into, and a lot of alcohol was consumed. BIGGEST INSULT TO THE MUSIC INDUSTRY: The fact Nickelback still has relevance. FEMALE ARTIST THEY'D MOST WANT TO HANG OUT WITH: For Clark, it's Lana Del Rey. For Grant, it's Fiona Apple. WHERE YOU CAN LISTEN: All over the Internet. They have accounts on SoundCloud, Facebook, and Twitter, along with a website, inclusiveor.bettyelmrecords.com JM
SYNAPSE
Made In America With the return of Jack Bauer in 24: Live Another Day, we know you’re all cheering for the good ol’ red, white, and blue. Get ready for Bauer's general badass-ness with some explosive cultural phenomenan.
TELEVISION: The Bachelorette
FILM: Godzilla
Even if the U.S. government collapses and
While nuclear bombs, biological warfare, and
terrorists destroy all things Manifest Destiny,
terrorists are one kind of monster, they have
voting rights will live on when The Bachelorette
nothing on Godzilla. In another run-of-the-mill
returns May 19. You can’t get more American
remake of the classic franchise, the ferocious yet
than a bunch of tanned, waxed, and toned guys
lovable monster returns May 16 in Godzilla.
fighting for the love of a girl they just met on
Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston plays Joe Brody
national television. It’s a battle more ferocious—
and attempts to save the world from the
and bitchy—than any Jack undertook. Don't foget
oversized lizard and a few of its nasty friends—
to live tweet the finale.
even without Jack’s trademark tactical skills.
BOOK: Sniper's Honor
MUSIC: Blue Smoke
CTU’s go-to guy Jack Bauer kicked terrorism’s ass
Country music superstar Dolly Parton makes a
for eight years, but on May 20 former Marine
risen-from-the-dead, Bauer-style comeback when
Scout Sniper Bob Lee Swagger joins the cause.
the album Blue Smoke releases May 13. Pair this
Previously played by Marky-Mark in The Shooter,
album with barbeque and brews, possibly attend
Stephen Hunter’s novel Sniper’s Honor follows
a rodeo or two, and wear the colors red, white,
Swagger around the globe as he uncovers World
and blue with over-the-top pride. You could even
War II secrets and leaves a trail of bodies even
listen to the album on repeat as you road trip to
Bauer couldn’t match.
Dollywood. Murica.
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DISCOVERSYR
Café at 407 Locally sourced food for a community creating change. By Riddley Gemperlein-Schirm : Photos by Lauren Murphy
Aside from its robin’s egg blue door, Café at 407 looks like any other restaurant. It has the same blinking “open” sign, wire tables and chairs stationed outside, and advertisements for lattes and cappuccinos in its windows. Inside, the café is different—scrawled on its walls are the words “community creating change”. “We call this place ‘the little café with a big cause,’” general manager Tony Burrows says. Café at 407 was established in 2009 as a way of funding Ophelia’s Place, a nonprofit organization created to help those affected by eating disorders, disordered eating, and body dissatisfaction. Ophelia’s place, started seven years before the café, works to empower individuals to embrace their bodies regardless of shape or size. The same space that houses Ophelia’s Place also houses the café—the building no longer just a treatment center. Instead, those who seek the organization’s help embrace the energy and openness of
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407 Tulip St. Liverpool, NY 13088
the café. They see the community’s acceptance. Every Thursday evening as well as several other times throughout the year, support groups meet in the café’s community room—attendees are welcome with or without diagnosis. The café makes everything in-house— from soups to baked goods to hummus to peanut butter slathered-English muffins. As far as menu favorites, Burrows prefers the chicken salad made with the café’s own roasted chicken, grapes, raisins, red onion, and Parmesan, held together with a little bit of creamy mayonnaise. The café sources locally whenever possible— whether it’s produce from the café’s community garden, bread by DiLauros Bakery, or eggs from grass-fed hens. Band nights feature local musicians. There’s also a coffee bar with selections ranging from pour-over coffee to chai lattes to hot chocolate with homemade whipped cream. At Café at 407, food for a cause couldn’t be more delicious. JM
The café focuses on "people, planet, and profit."
Funfetti biscotti are one of the café's many baked goods.
Ophelia's Place previously worked with the Upstate New York Eating Disorder Services.
The organization helps promote numerous events. Its next event is the NY NEDA walk on May 3.
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SPEAKEASY
Mother Mary Syracuse University dining hall employee Mary Baker has spent her 25 years at SU connecting with students over much more than a meal swipe.
By Justin Dorsen : Photo by Shira Stoll
What’s the best part about working in the Brockway dining hall? Meeting and interacting with the students. I’ve met really special ones over the years. Any particular students stand out? Of course! I’ve become a mother figure to several students who had nowhere to go over breaks. Four years ago there was a first-year student from Romania who didn’t even have money to buy a winter jacket. If she couldn’t afford a jacket, how could she afford SU’s tuition? She couldn’t. She came to school with the promise of sponsorship from a man she met on the Internet who lived in New York City. When she arrived, he wouldn’t give her any money unless she visited him in NYC. Upon hearing this, I wouldn’t let her go. I knew something suspicious was happening. Was she able to find the tuition money to stay in school? No, she didn’t. She had to drop out. Her parents couldn’t send any money either. I decided to let her come live with me. She became my daughter. I found out her sister lived in London and could help her get into 64 JERK
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a university there. So with the help of my church we raised enough money to send her to London to stay with her sister. Do you still see her? She’s like my daughter—she even calls me “mom.” She flies to New York every break and summer to stay with me. When she graduates this April, she’s coming to live with me and work here. America is her home now. Have you helped any other students? Over the years I’ve helped 10 to 12 students. Even past Syracuse football player, Deon Maddox. Deon had his first baby when living with me. He calls me “mom” and his mother calls me “his other mother.” His first year here, he had no money to go home to Florida over breaks. Deon had to go to mandatory football practice and had no money for food or rent. So I let him stay with me. What can Syracuse University do to fight poverty on campus? SU needs a program for students when they have nowhere else to go. Many times these students fly under the radar. I wish I could, but I can’t take everyone back to my house. JM
OBITCHUARY
6000 B.C.—2014
Traditional Yogurt
Cause of Death: Greek Yogurt
By Cassie-Lee Grimaldi : Illustration by Adrian Hatch Long ago, in the land of Mesopotamia, people carried a recently-discovered sweet liquid in pouches made of animal stomach. The digestive juices and bacteria in the stomach lining added acidity to the liquid— named Milk—and Traditional Yogurt was born. It has been a staple in the human diet and children’s lunchboxes ever since. But a series of migrations of foreign geneses, especially from Greece, infected dairy shelves and drove Yogurt to the brink of extinction. Eradicated and mutated, Yogurt is unrecognizable as its original species. The first sign of Traditional Yogurt's demise came in kindergarten, when the cool kids brought yogurt to lunch in tubes. Sometimes under the guise of its original container, mix-ins lurked in its lid. Those sprinkles and Reese’s Pieces acted as a warning that we wouldn’t just let Yogurt’s natural ecosystem be. Slowly, mix-ins evolved into a dominant race. Froyo, or its scientific name, Frozena Yogurtanus, appeared everywhere as a trendy alternative to Traditional Yogurt. The choices of mix-ins spanned
an ocean: From fruit to Fruity Pebbles, the subspecies grew, confirming Traditional Yogurt’s status as ordinary. With the rise of healthy snacking came the probiotics. Jamie Lee Curtis and Activia deemed yogurt inefficient unless it helped us poop at the same time every day. Then it arrived—the final infestation. More powerful than a swarm of mosquitos, Greek Yogurt hit dairy shelves everywhere. Protein-rich and lower in calories, Greek Yogurt demonized Traditional Yogurt as lower quality than the Athenian menace. It ousted Traditional Yogurt as the choice of the conscious consumer, rendering Traditonal Yogurt weak and powerless. Using flashy Olympia typefaces and objectifying sexy older men like John Stamos, Greek Yogurt reigns as the dominant species. Maybe Traditional Yogurt wasn’t fit enough to survive in the dense jungle of the refrigerated section. Perhaps it wasn’t able to adapt. But Traditional Yogurt containers live on—a fossil of a less body-conscious and nutrition-obsessed society. A memory of a simpler time, with simpler yogurt. JM
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FORM&FUNCTION FORM&FUNCTION FORM&FUNCTION
Glasses: Too old for red cups, too old for contact lenses.
How To Dress Like a Grad Student
Non-Cuse college sweatshirt: Please, tell us where you did your undergrad.
The New York Times: You'd carry around a copy of NPR too, if it existed.
Cross-body bag: Backpacks are so bachelor's degree. Tear-away sweatpants: Easy on, easy off. Because every second counts when you're working on your thesis.
STYLIST: Lauren Yobs PHOTOGRAPHER: Shijing Wang MODEL: Biko Walker
66 JERK
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68 JERK
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JERK on your ipad
SUMMER 2014. JERK
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GET DOWN, EAT UP! 70 JERK
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