Jerk October 2015

OCTOBER 2015 VOL XV ISSUE VII SYRACUSE NEW YORK Your student fee

INSIDE COVER AD HERE

LIFE BEGINS AGAIN. INSIDE RIGHT COVER AD HERE

JERKMAGAZINE.NET

CLOSET CASE

CONTENTS OCTOBER 2015 Growing Pains 28 College can be a huge transition for most, but for Andrew Asquith it’s not about finding his class or dealing with a roommate—he has begun testosterone therapy to begin his transition from female to male.

Andrew shares with Jerk the ups and downs, voice cracks, and what it’s like to transition as a student at SU.

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EDITOR'S LETTER FEEDBACK PEEPS CLICKBATE

Out of the Bedroom 38 This season, lingerie adds a dash of sexiness to the runway by mixing work and play. We show you how to style up your skivvies with this fall's mossy greens and deep purples.

Sketchy Business 48 From Tina Fey as Sarah Palin to Will Farrell wanting a little bit more cowbell, SNL has turned out mega hits and revolutionized the sketch comedy industry. But with the rise of Internet sensations, does sketch comedy have a future?

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OCTOBER 2015 VOL XV ISSUE VII SYRACUSE NEW YORK Your student fee

Cover Design by Ensley Rivers Illustration/Photography by Doris Huang

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NOISE ARTS & MUSIC

JERK THIS What you should hit up and bitch about this month.

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Eat, Drink, and Be Scary What’s spookier than Halloween?

The costumes you wore freshman year.

Check out Jerk’s ultimate guide to the haunted holiday.

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BACKDROP 914Works

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TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL World Vegetarian Day

14

SEX Oh, Shit

58

REWIND The Grateful Dead

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FRAMED Transcending

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ALTRUIST Amy Schumer

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AMPLIFIED Minnoe.

61

SYNAPSE Let's Talk Politics

BITCH OPINIONS 16

Try cutting cable, everyone else is.

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SMUT FEATURES

Cutting the Cord

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Apperciation or Appropriation?

The real issue with Kylie Jenner's dreads.

The Buzz on Bumble Move over Tinder, Bumble is bringing female empowerment to the world of dating apps.

Running on Empty Changes to the minimum wage are happening now, for better or for worse.

Semi-problematic A small symbol with big meanings.

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Positively Negative New York leads the nation in the number of new HIV cases, but it doesn’t hit everyone equally.

Little Shop of Horrors A shop full of things that go bump in the night.

BACK OF BOOK 62

DISCOVERSYR Picasso's Bakery

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SPEAKEASY Cheryl Strayed

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OBITCHUARY Taxi

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CLOSET CASE Sometimes the trendiest part of your outfit isn't actually part of your outfit

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FORM AND FUNCTION The perfect instagram #OOTD

GAWK FASHION 46

STRIPPED Clothes, clothes, some shoes and more clothes.

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Gigi Antonelle EDITOR

Susanna Heller

Caroline Cakebread

Ensley Rivers

EXECUTIVE

MANAGING EDITOR

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

EDITORIAL

Julia Smith ASST. FEATURES EDITOR Bronte Schmit ARTS AND MUSIC EDITOR Caley Wildermuth ASST. ARTS AND MUSIC EDITOR Sarah Ibrahim OPINIONS EDITOR Rachel Lockhart ASST. OPINIONS EDITOR Kathryn Krawczyk STYLE EDITOR Lydia Chan ASST. STYLE EDITOR Trusha Bhatt RESEARCH EDITOR Rachel Young COPY EDITOR Hana Maeda FACT CHECKER Benjamin Farr FACT CHECKER Chelsea Portner FEATURES EDITOR

DESIGN

Michelle Abrams Talley Larkin, Janela Mendl

DESIGN DIRECTOR DESIGNERS ART

Madelyn Minicozzi Bridget Williams STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Frankie Prijatel, Lilly Stuecklen, Fiona Lenz, Michael Isenburg, Joshua Chang ILLUSTRATORS Bianca Drevensek, ILLUSTRATION DIRECTOR

PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR

PUBLIC RELATIONS

Anagha Das Kennedy Patlan, Spencer

COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR WEB

Cori Rosen Lianna Hursh ASST. WEB EDITOR Eric Chan ASST. WEB EDITOR Tanya David PHOTO EDITOR Adham Elsharkawi DIGITAL DIRECTOR

PR REPRESENTATIVES

Bistricer

WEB EDITOR

MULTIMEDIA MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

Adriana Ascencio ASST. MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Chris Sechler ASST. MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Sarah Komjathy SOCIAL EDITOR Jensen Cannon SOCIAL EDITOR Aidan Meyer

ASST. MULTIMEDIA EDITOR

BUSINESS PUBLISHER

Maria Ingaglio Christina Tornetta

AD DIRECTOR

CONTRIBUTORS Emma Baty, Thomas Beckley-Forest, Rachel Blackman, Sarah Carballo, AbbyLeigh Charbonneau, Allen Chiu, Gabreilla Dizon, Eric Dunay, Christy Fox, Taylor Hicks, Nora Horvath, Olivia Kay Monko, Audrey Morgan, Kelly O'Sullivan, Mellanie Perez, Simon Perez, Ryan Polgar, Patty Terhune, Cecily Thomas, Meagan Rafferty, Sarah Santos, Autumn Wilson, Doris Huang, Drew Osumi, Leishla Agosto, Carla Caban, Onyema Okwodu, Ashley Williams, Ellie Haines, Haley Kulakowski, Hunter Longland, Eric Chaug, Jocelyn Werle

Melissa Chessher ADVISER

Through its content, Jerk is dedicated to enhancing insight through communication by providing an informal platform for the freedom of expression. The writing contained within this publication expresses the opinions of the individual writers. The ideas presented in this publication do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Jerk Editorial Board. Furthermore, Jerk will not be held responsible for the individual opinions expressed within. Submissions, suggestions, and opinions are welcomed and may be printed without contacting the writer. Jerk reserves the right to edit or refuse submissions at the discretion of its editors. Jerk Magazine is published monthly during the Syracuse University academic year. All contents of the publication are copyright 2015 by their respective creators. No content may be reproduced without the expressed written consent of the Jerk Editorial Board.

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME GIGI Puberty is no easy feat. My “awkward stage,” which lasted an unfortunate minimum of four years, was brutal, to say the least.

The worst gift I ever got was a blood stain in my underwear from dear Mother Nature at the not-so-ripe age of 10 and a half years old. I grew boobs before anyone even knew what a bra was, had patches of acne on my forehead by fifth grade, and a set of eyebrows reminiscent of those furry caterpillars you see crawling on leaves in the summertime—I consider my first waxing a major, glorious milestone in my life. My butt became too big to fit into the Abercrombie jeans that all of my friends wore on a daily basis, and once I made it to my final year of middle school, I was too embarrassed to dance at the occasional Bar Mitzvah I attended—I opted for the endless flow of appetizers and sat alone at the table for ten.

For some, these years of discomfort and vulnerability come to an end. We take those years of unwanted voice cracks and zits for granted, and push it aside as an unfortunate, inconvenient stage in our lives.

But others, such as Andrew Asquith, choose to embrace these changes. On page 28, Asquith shares his experience with going through puberty for the second time in his life as a female to male transgender person. And although Andrew met his girlfriend via Tinder, I must say, I’m glad most of us didn’t go through puberty in the era of dating apps (page 20)... talk about a possible shit show comparable to the one you’ll see on page 14. And if this letter is making you feel a little bit nostalgic, the music of the Grateful Dead may bring back some happy memories of kicking it in the back of your dad’s pickup since age three (page 58).

While I’m glad I will never revisit kissing a boy with a full mouth of braces or learning how to apply cheap mascara purchased at the local CVS, puberty taught me how to be me. And hey, for me, that’s damn good enough.

Keep on Jerking,

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FEEDBACK We may not always act on your feedback, but trust us: whether you're a fan or a hater, a long-timer or a firsttimer, we always at least read it. Keep the compliments and jibes coming.

Liv Morris, @stayinaliv [July 30] I love jerkin it to @jerkmagazine” Jake Scott, @jaykescott [April 28] This is what I think about @jerkmagazine #SOBAD”

SHOW US SOME LOVE Jerk Magazine 126 Schine Student Center Syracuse, NY 13244 @jerkmagazine jerk@jerkmagazine.net jerkmagazine.net

Glenn Allen, @glenn_a_allen [July 4] Per @jerkmagazine #labiaplasty is the fastest growing cosmetic procedure in the US. I’m no comedian but I could do a solid 10 min on this.”

Sean Branagan, @sean_branagan [April 28] Thank @glenn_a_allen and @jerkmagazine I’m honored and what a BEAUTIFUL award! (And as a NJ guy, comfortable being an award-winning Jerk)”

FOLLOW, DON’T LEAD

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Jerk contributors Photography by Lilly Stuecklen and Doris Huang

KELLY O'SULLIVAN / Senior / Growing Pains Senior magazine major Kelly O’Sullivan hopes to pull her life together by graduation. Until then, she’s just going to continue channeling the world’s tallest elf, Buddy, by “living every day like Christmas.”O’Sullivan isn’t the only one coming into her own. Her feature on Andrew Asquith brings a whole new meaning to coming of age (page 28).

ERIC DUNAY / Senior / Running on Empty Eric Dunay may or may not have a Leonardo DiCaprio complex. Though he’s never been cursed, the senior architecture major has certainly faced his fair share of first-world hardships. From the rain ruining his hair to having to be in a room without air conditioning to existing in the same universe as cranberries. On page 21, Dunay talks privilege in his bitch piece.

PATTY TERHUNE / Junior / Sketchy Business If Patty Terhune could be any animal, she would be a chicken. A Chicken Patty, to be specific. The junior television, radio, film and policy studies major is all about innovation. She thinks that sketch comedy is the greatest thing since sliced bread. On page 48 she pays homage to Saturday Night Live in honor of its official entrance in to middle age.

DORIS HUANG / Senior / Photography Doris Huang was going to be a famous singer,. Rather than lament on her almost famous experience, the vegan of three and a half years focuses on the positive. She doesn’t believe in “guilty pleasure” music. The psychology and forensic science major might literally be made of positive energy, and she spread the love to Jerk with her front of book photography.

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JERK THIS

HIT

NATIONAL VODKA DAY October 4 Nothing better than another excuse to drink.

SHIT WE LIKE

JOSH GROBAN

GOOSEBUMPS

ZOMBIE BALL

October 6 See if you can stare into his dreamy eyes and keep yourself from falling in love when he plays in Syracuse this fall.

October 16 These books mysteriously appeared in every school library, and pretty soon a new movie will be in theaters.

October 17 Just in time for the resturn of The Walking Dead, unleash your zombie obession at this modern day monster mash.

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS LIVE

WILD MUSHROOM FESTIVAL

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE GHOST DIMENSION

October 11 Syracuse might have a wild party scene, but a whole festival devoted to mushrooms is a bit much.

October 23 We get it, ghosts and demons are alarming.

Move on.

October 7 They're annoying.

Case closed.

FRIGHT NIGHT AT THE FAIR Through October 23 Make sure you get a really cute selfie with your freshman roommate to send to your mom.

BITCH SHIT WE LIKE TO AVOID

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BACKDROP

Exhibiting Excellence

This new art gallery features fine arts from students and faculty.

By Emma Baty : Photography by Fiona Lenz

Tucked in a row of quiet storefronts on East Genesee Street sits 914Works, a visual and performing arts gallery for students across all majors at SU. Located in the Department of Drama, the plain white walls and intimate space serve as a blank canvas for students, faculty, and other artists.

Director Scott Rose created the concept for 914Works with Ralph Zito, Department of Drama Professor.

They, along with College of Visual and Performing Arts Dean Ann Clarke, wanted to create a place for students and faculty, regardless of major to exhibit work and interact with one another. For the past year and a half, the gallery has done just that.

Because 914Works is located between SU's main campus and the Syracuse Stage, it allows members of both Syracuse University and the outside community to interact in a place that is essentially off campus, creating a neutral ground. The gallery brings in viewers that would not necessarily come to a show on campus. And because most of the exhibitors are students, it can be a pathway to art galleries that are accessible and laid back.

Since its conception only 18 months ago, 914Works has played host to a wide variety of exhibitions. One exhibitor mounted ceramic tiles to the wall in a geometric pattern that stretched from the floor to the ceiling by hand. The space has the ability to shift into any realm, including every 2-year-old’s dream and mother’s nightmare: One artist drew directly onto the walls for the sake of art.

Drama students turned the white walls into a stage, performing pieces at dusk, where sometimes the shows are standing room only.

Stefan Zoller, a graduate student, hosted a show in 914Works two summers ago. “914Works gives students an opportunity to exhibit work and curate a show while still in the comfort of Syracuse University,” Zoller says. Another perk of the space for artists is that there is less stress to sell their work, as it is not for sale. What may seem like a mute, sterile space similar to a white cube can easily transform into whatever an artist desires.

That’s the beauty of 914Works. In a place that could be easy to miss if you didn’t know where to look, students and faculty are turning a nondescript building into their own artistic haven. JM

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CLICKBATE What We're Getting Off To On The Web This Month

JERKMAGAZINE.NET We know you have it bookmarked, but just in case.

Kim Kierkegaardashian:

NYC Crying Guide:

twitter.com/kimkierkegaard

wnyc.tumblr.com

Have you been craving a blend of reality TV drama and Danish philosophy? Look no further. This Twitter account merges Søren Kierkegaard’s musings with those of the legendary Kim Kardashian for a hilarious mashup.

If you just got back from an internship or if you’re tired of hearing people talking about their internships, then check out this blog.

It rates all the best spots to cry in the city, and it could save you a lot of time hearing about what people did over the summer.

WHILE YOU'RE CLICKING AROUND...

This Summer's Trendiest STDs

Five Outfits That Reek of Frosh 1

We hope you had a wet and wild summer, but not so wild that you wound up with one of these sexually transmitted diseases. Check the SU website for Health Services’ hours.

Picking freshman out in a crowd doesn’t exactly take a lot of skill, but we picked some of our favorite freshman fashion trends to showcase for you.

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TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL

World Vegetarian Day is on October 1, so we hit up Bird Library to get your thoughts on the good greens, and we’re not talking about marijuana.

WHO ON CAMPUS HAS THE MOST VEGETABLE KNOWLEDGE? a. Someone from ESF: They love plants, right? 30% b. Otto: It takes a fruit to know a vegetable. 27% c. Kent: He must know some facts about something! 27% d. No one: This is the Syracuse Orange, not the Syracuse Green. 16%

WHAT WOULD BE THE HARDEST MEAT TO GIVE UP?

DICK

(56 PERCENT)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VEGETABLE?

POTATOES

FRENCH FRIES ARE LIKE SALAD, RIGHT?

(40 PERCENT)

WHAT FAMOUS VEGETARIAN WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT?

a. Johnny Appleseed: He’s used to roughing it. 29% b. J oan Jett: She doesn’t give a damn about her reputation or her fist colliding with your face. 34% c. Voltaire: Common sense might not be so common, but his sick fighting moves are. 12% d. P aul McCartney: John Lennon was the one with the “peace” deal. 25%

WHAT FAMOUS VEGETARIAN WOULD YOU BANG? a. Pythagoras: Triangles are the sexiest shape 43% b. Shania Twain: She’ll make you feel like a woman. 8% c. Michael Eisner: That forehead has been rubbed shiny from a lot of friction. 16% d. Franz Kafka: Talk about a metamorphosis. 33%

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SEX

We gathered cringe-worthy tales of your butt-stuff blunders.

Illustration by Ryan Polgar

FUDGE PACKING

BACKDOOR BLUES

SKID MARKS

ONE FOR THE ROAD

CALL OF THE WILD

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I was in high school and I’d already had sex a few times, but I had no idea what was going on. I didn’t know how to prepare myself for anal. I tried to go to the bathroom beforehand, but I couldn’t. I figured it’d be okay. But later it just started coming out. It was like diarrhea, but I’m pretty sure it was only because of the sexual pounding of the shit.

I was on my period and this guy I was seeing convinced me of the saying: “When the red river flows, take the dirt road.” I gave in and we went to his house to have sex. He went in completely dry. I couldn’t sit for 24 hours.

I was hooking up with a guy I really liked, but I was nervous about trying anal. We did it and it was alright, but immediately after, I shit my pants and it got on the couch. He ended it right after that.

I was having really angry breakup sex with my exboyfriend, and we decided to try anal. Everything was going fine, but a few weeks later I discovered that I had anal fissures. They didn’t go away for almost a year.

I was on a camping trip with a group of friends, and one night we were playing truth or dare in the tent.

One person got challenged to put the weirdest thing in his butt. Going to the hospital while your friend has a wooden spoon in his ass is a bizarre experience.

FRAMED

Transcending Michelle Kraidmen senior, illustration "I love that illustration gives you the freedom to try all different kinds of techniques and mediums. My most important rule is that you never know unless you try it out, and nothing is ever off limits. Throughout the last few years I have been able to try things that I never would have expected to like, and it has only made my work stronger. The sky is the limit when it comes to the creativity we are able to express in our work and inspiration in the art world is endless. VPA has given me the opportunity to better myself and I am really excited to see where it will lead me in the future."

To showcase your work in "Framed," email art@jerkmagazine.net.

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BITCH

Cutting the Cord An increasing number of young consumers are breaking up with their cable companies.

By Gabriella Dizon : Illustration by Meagan Rafferty Just a few years ago, cable seemed like an indispensable monthly expense. Friends was still on the air, and following Ross and Rachel’s love story meant waiting a whole week in between episodes. Even worse, what we now call binge watching a show required buying an expensive box set. With the advent of online streaming services, this problem is no longer a reality because streaming is available for anyone with an internet connection.

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According to a study by Texas Tech Professor Geoffrey Graybeal and recognized by the Association for Educators in Journalism and Mass Communications, nine out of 10 college students use Netflix regularly. And if their college education is paying off, that 10th person will follow suit before long because getting rid of cable is a smart move.

College students are cutting the cord in favor of streaming services such as Netflix,

BITCH Hulu Plus, and Amazon Instant.

Whether they have their own account, share one with family or friends, or strategically never log out of an ex’s, almost everyone has access to Netflix in one way or another. In fact, Wedbush Securities analyst Michael Pachter found that an estimated 10 million people enjoy the streaming service completely free of charge.

After starting as a DVD subscription service in 1999, Netflix expanded its brand to online streaming in 2009 and now offers original content like Orange Is the New

Whether they have their own account, share one with family or friends, or strategically never log out of an ex's, almost everyone has access to Netflix Black and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt to over 60 million subscribers worldwide.

With the success of integrating video entertainment into the fast-paced lives of people worldwide, other subscription packages like Apple TV, Chromecast, and HBO GO became available, providing even more options for streaming TV shows and movies on the go. With all these options costing around half the price of cable, most have found it financially beneficial to cut the cord. The flat cost of subscription sites, over paying for hundreds of channels you’ll never watch and have probably never heard of, appeals to the younger generation as well.

On top of that, we live in a world where everything is highly discussed on social media. People no longer want or need

to wait until they get home to stare at a box mounted on the wall to get the latest breaking news. As long as there’s an Internet connection, users can stream from laptops, tablets, and cell phones—a benefit that really outshines the traditional cable box.

The rapidly growing success of these services has cable providers doing all they can to keep up—even if it means copying and pasting streaming strategies. Big networks such as ESPN have streaming on their websites. Fans can tune into major games by borrowing a friend or family member’s account, just like sharing a Netflix password. If planned out with friends or family, swapping cable and streaming accounts is a great way to get the biggest bang for your buck.

However, watching shows in real time with a cable subscription means being able to participate in the conversation on social media. Instead of avoiding your Twitter feed or blocking that idiot who has no regard for spoiler alerts, you can watch all the juicy twists of Scandal in real time or cry with the rest of the world over Grey’s Anatomy.

Without cable, you have to wait months, even years, until the streaming service of your choice puts the season online. But this is why we have Project Free TV. Overall, cutting the cord is the right idea for budget-conscious consumers. The advantages of keeping cable make up a very short list, and most of them can be easily replaced with an Internet connection.

Even though it may seem like the obvious choice, cutting the cord doesn’t mean life should turn into an endless Gossip Girl bingefest. Use the money you’re saving on cable to cross something off your bucket list, and save all six seasons for a rainy day. JM

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BITCH

Appreciation or Appropriation?

Cultural appropriation started way before Kylie Jenner’s dreads.

By Thomas Beckley-Forest : Illustration by Bianca Drevensek In the tastes of the modern Western world, minority cultures have long held a sort of “otherness” appeal. So it goes that in the urgent quest for self-identity that haunts many young Americans, it’s become a well-established tradition to appropriate the culture and styles of minority groups— their clothing, their music, and even their religions.

From the guy who drops out of college to go meditate in an ashram to the white hip-hop kid putting on a street accent, people pull from other cultures to freshen and flavor their lives in a mainstream white culture that’s otherwise pretty bland.

It’s not a new phenomenon at all, and we can find examples from the "Roaring 20s" onward. White professionals became enamored with the vitality of the African American cultural scene at the time, especially in urban neighborhoods like Harlem. Many white musicians eventually appropriated the culture’s central art form, 18 9.15

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jazz, and introduced it to a broad white mainstream. In this way, a widely praised cultural epoch, the Jazz Age, was birthed and defined by the worshipful appropriation of culture across racial lines. Far from disrespecting the minority it was originally cribbed from, you could argue that the popularity of jazz brought people together.

The history of rock tells a similar story.

The rhythm and blues of rural blacks rooted in old slavery spirituals evolved into the dancehall stomp of their urban descendants such as Muddy Waters, Chuck Berry, and Little Richard. But these styles soon came to be directly appropriated by explosively popular white performers of the late 50s and 60s such as Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, and The Rolling Stones.

The counterculture that this wave of white rock produced fosters even more examples of cultural appropriation we see today. Young whites adopted elements of Native American and East Asian cultures

BITCH both spiritual and sartorial, like the muchmaligned white bindi and feathered headdress we see at Coachella.

Though many argue that cultural elements such as the mixing, graffiti, and dancehall mysticism that distinguished early hip-hop have faded and been bastardized by the monolithic rap industry, hip-hop still dominates popular music and culture—everything on the radio, from Justin Timberlake to Taylor Swift, bears its stamp. It has influenced the way young people talk to each other across the world, from the cities of Europe and Africa to the white suburbs many students of this university are drawn from.

These appropriation narratives are familiar to us as Americans, and as consumers we’re used to mixing and matching. However, when Kylie Jenner decides to sport dreads without acknowledging the culture she took them from and Rachel Dolezal self-identifies as black, it's time to take a serious look at the situation. Why do privileged white people feel okay using minority cultures casually, while looking down on minorities who express their cultural differences? And at what point does it stop being appreciation and start becoming appropriation?

The desperation for an enriching experience and alien identity defined the works of Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, and others in their circle. In their eyes, it was a desperation in the face of a yawning cultural vacuum in postindustrial mainstream white America. If we use this context to view feather headdresses at music festivals, suburban white kids in snapbacks, and Iggy Azalea impersonating an Atlanta street girl to flesh out her musical persona, or even a white woman self-identifying as African American in the media, we may be inclined to be more lenient.

But does this kind of appropriation— both casual and identity encompassing— disrespect minority groups who have been oppressed through means both subtle and violent through American history?

The answer comes down to a question of taste and authenticity. It requires defining racial ownership of culture in a way that people have not often stooped to in the past.

People gravitate to what seems vital, fresh and authentic, and are angry when those mental boundaries are crossed.

In some cases it’s probably justified.

Iggy Azalea’s work, which boils down to a shallow parody of black street music, seems to be at least a crime against taste, if not culture. As for Rachel Dolezal’s immersive impersonation of a black woman, it’s a simple reality that race, unlike sexual preference, is based on birth, not selfidentification. I think we can use the cases of Azalea as well as Dolezal as examples of where appropriation might cross the line from justifiable to the obvious inauthenticity of pretending to be something you’re not.

On the whole, cultural “appropriation” can often convey a harmless and flattering admiration towards the culture being drawn from. But is it really hurting anyone when Kylie Jenner's hair is blue one week and in dreads the next? Of course not. In that same vein, we're not offended when Miley Cyrus twerks because she's white. We're upset because that's Hannah Montana shaking her ass. After their centuries-long oppression by white America, I suppose you can’t blame Native American advocacy groups for being irked by the image of privileged white girls in their cultural dress. But how much is this really, actually hurting? Crusaders for political correctness should either be able to come up with a compelling answer to that question, or they should leave it alone. JM

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The Bu z zz on Bumble BITCH

Single ladies, put your hands up —a new dating app called Bumble is designed for Queen Bees.

By Audrey Morgan : Illustration by Autumn Wilson Tinder profits on our tendency to take people at face value. For many college women, the ability to shamelessly “swipe” men away based on appearances is a privilege you won’t find in a frat basement. In theory, using Tinder should be an empowering experience for women, but it’s not.

In light of sexist comments that Tinder’s founder Justin Mateen made about cofounder Whitney Wolfe in 2014, it’s clear that double standards still dominate on the app that supposedly puts genders on equal footing. Among other messages, Mateen texted Wolfe that it would be “slutty” for her to be a founder of a “hookup app” like Tinder.

Though it took place at the company’s highest level, this exchange is reminiscent of conversations that too many female users have had while using the app. While men are expected to want and have casual sex, women who use Tinder are often viewed as desperate—creating a power dynamic that allows men to open with lewd comments and get defensive when their match isn’t interested.

Tinder user Laura Nowak created the Instagram account “Feminist_Tinder” to reveal the double standard, posting screenshots of misogynistic messages she received when she put the word “feminist” in her bio. One message reads, “Why are you on Tinder if you’re a feminist?”

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Questioning why your match is on Tinder— or any dating app for that matter—is at best contradictory and at worst horribly sexist.

Wolfe can relate: After receiving just under $1 million in a sexual harassment settlement, she created Bumble—an app that requires women to make the first move.

Only female users can start a conversation and, as an added incentive to take action, matches disappear after 24 hours. The app has a nearly even split of men and women users compared to the almost two-thirds male majority on Tinder.

Furthermore, Bumble rewards its users for good behavior with something called VIBee status, another tool women can use to weed out douchebags. As for the rule that ladies must lead the conversation, Wolfe said in an interview with Vanity Fair that it makes men feel flattered rather than rejected, creating a more positive dialogue. It’s also meant to take the pressure off of a woman to “sit on her hands” while she waits for the man to start a conversation, Wolfe says.

This raises the question of why an app needs to facilitate that conversation in 2015—why are men led to believe they always need to speak first? But if it creates a comfortable environment for a girl to get some, it’s definitely a better option than Tinder. JM

BITCH

Running on Empty Minimum wage isn’t living up to expectations.

By Eric Dunay : Illustration by Ryan Polgar It’s unfortunate that in 2015 conservative America hasn’t realized that fiscal issues are inherently connected to social problems. So good on Gov. Andrew Cuomo for realizing that being fiscally conservative and socially liberal is pretty much pointless. This past summer, Cuomo took the advice of the Fast Food Wage Board of New York and announced a plan to raise the minimum wage of fast food workers to $15 an hour by 2021.

The plan will be in place in New York City by 2018, with the rest of the state following by 2021. Fast food restaurants across the state with at least 30 locations nationwide will be forced to raise their wage up to 71 percent from the current $8.75 an hour. The news quickly attracted groans from the conservative crowd. Even the socially liberal but fiscally conservative group didn’t see value in the move.

The main concern with raising the minimum wage is rooted deep in ideologies regarding the social pressure of capitalism.

Although everyone deserves a living wage, this specific debate is largely focused on the fast food industry—and for good reason. The fast food industry traditionally pays very low wages to a large number of workers. And in the eyes of baby boomers and older generations, millennials are

an entitled generation: We take and take without having to work hard for anything, and deserve nothing more than a lowpaying job flipping burgers.

Sure, a high school student who isn’t supporting a family should not necessarily be making $15 an hour. But, in reality, only 13 percent of fast food workers today are teenagers, compared to over half in 1968, even though productivity was half of what it is today. In 1990, only 39 percent of American low-wage earners had to support themselves; today, over 50 percent do, according to a study by the University of Minnesota.

Fast food is also the focus largely because working-class Americans view fast food work as a low-skill job that deserves low wages. Does it require a ton of skill and formal training? Not really. But there’s a reason why New York State’s Fast Food Wage Board found that the fast food industry grows 6.5 percent each year: It may not be a high-skill job, but the American taxpayer still consumes fast food like it’s made of gold. We see fast food workers’ faces behind the counter every day and pour thousands of dollars each year into buying their products, but we toss aside the workers as if they’re beneath us. We would rather claim that all fast food workers JERK

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BITCH are lazy, irresponsible, and have no ambition than recognize that they too have the right to actually live.

But here’s the thing: You can’t eradicate laziness, but you also can’t give everyone a high-paying, suit-wearing job in corporate America. It’s obvious, but somebody has to work at McDonald’s.

And working at a fast food joint and raising children should not be mutually exclusive. In reality, how could you expect a single mother to receive an education and move on from fast food when she makes less than 25 percent of what she needs to support her kids? How about when she would have to work 98 hours each week to afford a fair rent that’s less than 30 percent of her paycheck in the state of New York, according to the National Center for Children in Poverty?

Finally, with attention to the fast food industry, there’s a striking figure that most of us are unfamiliar with: $7 billion. That is how much American taxpayers paid to subsidize fast food industry wages with welfare programs, according to a joint report by the University of Illinois and the University of California, Berkeley. Fast food restaurants are infamous for letting their employees know that their wages are not suitable for living and even encourage workers to enroll and take advantage of federal resource programs.

Fiscally conservative America is usually focused on making sure the private sector funds things, fearing government takeover or some other radical idea. Why are those who are so against raising the minimum wage okay with $7 billion of their taxes being used to fund welfare for private sector workers like fast food employees? Hopefully the answer is only ignorance.

We have the opportunity to lift a burden off of our federal assistance programs by mandating the private sector food industry treat its staff like actual humans. To clarify: 22 9.15

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We can let McDonald’s pay for their workers to receive a living wage so we don’t have to.

Of course, the consumer still worries that the price of our precious Big Mac will skyrocket. But it won't. The fast food industry faces some of the biggest competition in America. McDonald's can't afford to jack up their prices because the masses will just move to Wendy’s. Sure, under the same theory Wendy’s would also raise their prices, but at some point no one is going to pay $10 for a burger. And hell, with the ingredients they’re using, those burgers aren’t even worth the $4 we pay now.

Many opponents are focusing on the idea that this is just affecting the fast food industry—and rightfully so. But if we’re going to complain that a nurse, teacher, or even congressional staffer would be making less than these fast food workers, what is our excuse for not raising their wages too?

The only reason would be to contradict everything we preach through the American Dream—you know, that thing conservatives say is under attack, yet have no plan to fix.

It’s no lie that the minimum wage peaked in 1968 at what would be $10.74 now. Yet even today the federal minimum wage remains at $7.25 despite changing economic circumstances that demand higher wages for all. So why do we keep denying this simple math?

Everyone’s wage will not be at least $15 an hour tomorrow, but it’s important to recognize that a good fraction of our workforce can’t even survive on their paycheck. Maybe the answer is a tiered system that is proportionate to experience, dependents, age, and location—like urban vs. rural. Maybe we should institute a program that coincides with welfare reform.

No matter what, we can’t just keep denying people a living wage because “that’s how a free market works.” JM

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Semi-problematic Project Semicolon isn't all it's tatted up to be.

By AbbyLeigh Charbonneau : Illustration by Simon Perez In line for coffee last week, I noticed a girl arthritis. Up to 70 percent of people with in front of me with a small semicolon tattoo Crohn’s disease are likely to have a surgery behind her ear. I recognized the symbolism that removes the affected area of the colon, of the punctuation tattoo immediately. The leaving them with an incomplete colon or a girl and I made eye contact; I smiled, she “semi-colon." This clever and funny symbol smiled, she got her frappé, and moved has allowed patients to laugh about some on. It was a brief moment, but we shared of the more uncomfortable aspects of living a mutual knowledge of what her ink meant. with IBD.

I have Crohn’s disease. Since a year after Neither the Crohn's community nor my diagnosis, I’ve known the semicolon as the mental illness community have a claim a symbol that represents the somewhat to the semicolon as a symbol, but many uncommon illness. However, it’s recently people with Crohn's disease feel that their been making an appearance as a symbol illness is losing what little attention it does for another cause: mental health awareness. get. And mental illness, while a worthy The Project Semicolon movement cause that deserves to be talked about, started in 2013 when founder Amy Bleuel undeniably receives more attention than got a semicolon tattoo after losing her father Crohn’s disease. Many Crohn’s patients to suicide. The Project Semicolon website feel that by Project Semicolon “stealing” explains the symbolism: “A semicolon is a the symbol, they’re contributing to the lack place in a sentence where the author had of awareness. the decision to stop with a period but chose not to. The semicolon is a symbol of choosing to continue.

The tattoo quickly became a fad: Project Semicolon has over 17,000 followers on Instagram and designated April 16 as a mental health awareness day with #semicolon416 which has well over 315,000 posts.

As for the Crohnies of the world, the semicolon symbology is a bit more literal.

Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis— collectively known as Inflammatory Bowel Disease, or IBD—are autoimmune diseases that affect the gastrointestinal system.

Crohn’s has far-reaching effects from severe ulceration of the intestines to inflammatory

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SMUT But in reality, Project Semicolon didn’t steal the punctuation mark as a symbol.

Most of those who jumped on the tattoo bandwagon probably aren’t even aware of the semicolon’s prior association with Crohn's disease. Of course, that’s the problem in and of itself. Crohn's disease is generally overlooked for two reasons.The first being that it’s an invisible illness, meaning that IBD is a debilitating disease that has far-reaching impacts upon all areas of daily life, yet it isn’t necessarily outwardly visible.

Secondly, Crohn's disease isn’t talked about that often because of the taboo nature of its symptoms. It’s often confused with IBS—irritable bowel syndrome— which prevents people from taking it seriously. In reality, symptoms include ulcers, blood loss, and malnutrition. A documentary called "Semicolon; The Adventures of Ostomy Girl" follows the life of Dana, a girl with Crohn’s disease, after she goes through a surgery that removes the majority of her large intestine.

“The problem with inflammatory bowel disease is the word bowel,” Dana explains.

We have a cultural taboo against discussing things like diarrhea and vomiting, so it’s difficult to raise awareness for an illness with those symptoms. For Crohn’s patients, it’s a struggle between wanting to raise awareness and being upfront about their illness, while not wanting everyone to know that they urgently shit blood seven times a day.

Meanwhile, Project Semicolon has become somewhat of a trend. It’s not unlike the ice bucket challenge—a sweeping movement that gained momentum through social media to raise awareness for Lou Gehrig's disease.

The ice bucket trend played into both the millenials infamous narcissistic nature and our obsession with social media, which means it also lends itself easily to criticism.

But during that month last summer, the ALS Association had a 3500 percent increase in

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donations, from $2.8 million in 2013 to over $100 million during the same time period in 2014.

In the end, it doesn’t matter how vain or attention-seeking the reason is because the ice bucket challenge was successful. The Ice Bucket Challenge raised both awareness and money to contribute to research. In that sense, I’d say Project Semicolon has also been a success. Thousands of people have become part of a movement that’s given them a sense of community and brought much-needed visibility to mental illness, even if it has been mostly through selfies on the ‘gram.

What it comes down to is this: If it does good, then it is good. It’s unfortunate that the Crohn's community continues to be overlooked and that the founder of Project Semicolon could’ve been a little more conscientious of a pre-existing association, but both are worthy causes. Neither has a monopoly on the semicolon, since Crohn's disease and mental illness gaining awareness aren’t mutually exclusive things—not to mention chronic health problems and depression often overlap.

Likewise, it doesn’t necessarily matter if a symbol means different things to different people. I don’t know why that girl in Starbucks had a semicolon tattoo. It may be a cute and clever way of representing her battle with Crohn's disease, she may find it to be a meaningful beacon of hope, or she may just be fond of the infrequently-used punctuation.

However I do know two things that her tattoo led to: A moment where we connected and didn’t feel so alone in our battles, and me talking to many people—and writing this article—to explain what the semicolon tattoo means to me as someone who lives with Crohn's disease. And as anyone can tell you, when it comes to the semicolon, the conversation doesn’t end there. JM

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Positively Neg ative New York tops the list in the number of new HIV cases, but doesn’t hit everyone equally.

By Sophia Carabello : Illustration by Cecily Thomas New York is always at the top of any list, be it where to travel, what to eat, or who to see—but one list remains undiscussed.

Systematically hidden from conversation: the HIV and AIDS epedemic hits New York hard. New York tops the list at number five for HIV diagnoses and number four for AIDS diagnoses, according to the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation. New York is continually at the top of the list, but beneath these numbers is a bigger story with vast implications that does not hit everyone equally.

Lanika Mabrey knows this better than anyone. Mabrey works as an advocate for ACR Health, a nonprofit organization that seeks to provide support for communities of color diagnosed with HIV or AIDS, among other illnesses. Focusing on communities of color is their mission as HIV or AIDS hits these individuals disproportionately. According to the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, 50 percent of the New York population diagnosed with AIDS is black and 30 percent are Hispanic. The incidence of AIDS cases has increased in minority communities in the last 10 years, also affecting the lifespan and the

reputation of these groups.

In a calm and collected tone, Mabrey speaks about how personal her job in ACR is. In the 80s, her parents contracted the virus by sharing needles with each other and with other users. They were intervenient drug users. Her father passed away from complications of AIDS in 2005, while her mother passed from complications of HIV in 2010. “My dad was 53 and my mom was 54; that was an extreme loss for myself, my sisters, and my whole family,” Mabrey says. “If they had known better, they would have done better. Contracting the virus and surviving is preventable at this point, but it was not for my parents.” It was the consequences from the lack of awareness around the dangers of sharing needles and their inaccessibility to medication that took Mabrey’s parents’ lives, Mabrey says.

World AIDS Day is December 1, yet due to the preconcieved notion that only homosexual men or drug users contract HIV or AIDS, different racial and ethnicity groups have declared their own AIDS awareness days. Awareness days are scattered around the calendar for

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SMUT for black and Hispanic communities, women, children, and many more. These separate days create isolation within an illness as a result of the stigma surrounding the subject.

Sixty-seven percent of black and Hispanic people diagnosed died from developing AIDS or an HIV-related illness.

This is disproportionate to the 40 percent of white people who have died. The only differences between these patients are the accessibility to a diagnosis, medication, and social stigmas. The negative stigma surrounding the illness can make even the idea of getting tested a challenge. "When a person is seen lurking or roaming around the outside of ACR or any HIV and AIDS help center, they are immediately judged wrongfully,” Mabrey says. People of color are often told that they are more vulnerable to contracting AIDS or HIV because of their

contributing factors. One-fifth of Americans are unaware of their status according to AVERT, an international HIV and AIDS charity. “Lack of awareness is driven in part by concern and the consequences about stigmatization,” Dr. Vanable says. “Men and women often avoid testing because they are fearful of learning that they have HIV disease.”

Additionally, Dr. Vanable says that in community groups where same sex relationships are frowned upon, people sometimes lead double lives. This style of living a double life and unknowingly infecting loved ones has become common among black communities, and, is referred to as being “on the down low,” defining the need to hide from everyone to fulfill the desire to be with other men. That this term has been pegged to this lifestyle only substanciates the stigma associated

“Men and women often avoid testing because they are fearful of learning that they have the HIV disease” -Dr. Vanable genetics. However, Dr. Peter Vanable, a psychology professor at Syracuse University who has dedicated most of his research to the psychological effects of AIDS, debunks that misconception. “Statistics do not imply that ethnic minority groups are more likely to get HIV because of a biological cause,” Dr. Vanable says. “There is no difference in risks of HIV transmission based on race or ethnicity. There is no biological difference in vulnerability either.”

Dr. Vanable’s research attributes the disparity of minority groups contracting and dying from HIV related illnesses at higher rates due to a lack of awareness that they even carry the virus. A lack of awareness of one’s condition, treatment, and therefore, caution with one’s partners are all

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with the illness. “Men who have sex with other men are disproportionately more vulnerable to getting HIV, and same sex behaviors account for a high percentage of new infection among minority men,” Dr. Vanable explains. “Homophobia sometimes leads people to avoid disclosing their sexual orientations or same sex behaviors to others. Such closeted behaviors can also limit effective communication about HIV-related risks.” Social stigmas affect a population by frowning upon its members for getting tested and receiving help.

The family of a person who has HIV or AIDS can become the focus of judgments because of the heavy stigma that having the virus holds. Acceptance of a person’s

SMUT lifestyle and offering understanding and help can often be a matter of life and death. Feeling that one is contributing to a stigma—even though the stigma arose out of arbitrary ignorance—can make many anxious to confirm their diagnosis.

Aside from the social stigma that having HIV and AIDS causes within community groups, another reason why certain groups fail to get tested is because of their economic status. According to the New York State Poverty Report issued in 2013, over 44 percent of the Black and 59 percent of Hispanics and Latinos communities are living in poverty, and nearly half of these groups lack health insurance. Without health insurance or a steady income, these individuals will not be able to get tested.

support from other patients. And if they are negative, we try to raise awareness and educate them,” Mabrey says.

However, "It takes two people to have sex for the illness to be spread. Lack of awareness and protection play their role once more, as many are afraid to find out the results of their tests, a pattern that is common with other sexually transmitted diseases. It also hinders people from seeking support from those who are close to them, such as family, friends, and even partners. Self-isolation also adds to the struggle of having this illness," Mabrey says. HIV and AIDS is one thing New York should not want to be at the top of anymore.

In order to beat this illness, education about HIV and AIDS needs to improve.

And if they do, they will not be able to afford the medication that is needed to survive HIV and HIV-related illnesses. “HIV is not perceived as a death sentence now, but as a chronic illness,” Dr. Vanable says. “HIV can be well managed if you seek treatment and adhere to treatment regimens.”

However, because of this same inaccessibility to health insurance and lack of resources, nonprofit programs like ACR Health—which helps members of the communities in nine New York state counties—are helping patients and families cope with the illness. “If reactive, we connect communities of color with doctors and our various resources that will help them get treatment and

It can also be passed on through blood transfusions, shared needles due to drug abuse, or by birth due to one of the parents carrying the illness. New York is part of a nation wide epidemic, and it will only fester if kept silent. Education must be at the forefront, and shame must be cast to the side: There are too many lives on the line to consider this illness as dishonorable. As Mabrey says, “Ignorance is a dangerous thing and people need to know better now.” jM

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GR OW I N G PA I n S Transitioning from woman to man, Andrew Asquith creates his own path.

By Kelly O'Sullivan : Photography by Bridget Williams

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SMUT Andrew Asquith doesn’t stand out among the eclectic crowd inside Recess Coffeehouse. If anything, his beautiful girlfriend, Paige Tobias draws the most attention as they ordered lattés and searched for a table. The intricate tattoo running down the length of her thigh coupled with her elaborate black ensemble was much more eye-catching than Asquith’s trendy haircut and Nike skate shoes. Still, when the couple catches stares in public, they are unsure if it’s because Paige is dressed like she might cast a spell or because Asquith is transgender.

“I’M REALIZING MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE GROWN UP IN A REALLY ACCEPTING AREA, OR AS ACCEPTING AS A TOWN CAN GET”

-Andrew Asquith Shortly after meeting Tobias two summers ago, Asquith made the decision to begin taking testosterone. He had convinced himself for a long time that he would always be unhappy in his body and there was nothing he could do about it.

Everyone has body image issues, but this was different. He despised his high voice.

He hated how small he was. He loathed his feminine features. “I had built up this idea of who I really was, but every time I looked in the mirror that illusion would be shattered,” he says. “It just wasn’t me.”

Asquith realized he couldn’t sit around pitying himself anymore because he knew he deserved better than that, so he did something about it.

He had discussed with Tobias the possibility of starting testosterone during the fall of 2014. In November, Andrew 30 9.15

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Tobias and Asqiuth don't know what is to come on this journey, but they're in it together.

called a clinic and made an appointment.

Then, he called his mother and told her the news. “I was very blunt with her because I had reached my breaking point. I had to do it,” he says. “It came as a surprise to her because she hadn’t been living in my head for the past year but I was like, no, I’ve really been thinking about this for a long time.” His mom and dad were resistant at first, occupied with predictable parental concerns. Was this really what he wanted? Would the process interfere with schoolwork? Was he sure he didn’t want to wait until after graduation?

Asquith assured his parents that starting testosterone was something he needed to do, and they have since been very supportive.

Asquith first began questioning his gender identity during high school. Many of his friends were queer, and some came out as early as middle school. He came out as gay to his parents at the beginning of his senior year, but he had been questioning his sexuality long before that.

His wardrobe has consisted of primarily men’s clothing since he was 16 years old.

The progression was gradual: First he bought his shirts only in the men’s section, then he started wearing boxers instead of girl’s underwear, and by the time he came to college, he was wearing men’s pants and sports bras. Three weeks before his first year of college, he cut his hair short. Picture Justin Bieber’s bowl cut, circa 2010.

SMUT Asquith is originally from Lexington, Mass., the site where the American Revolutionary War famously began.

Despite the fact that people still walk around in traditional colonial garb, it’s a fairly socially progressive area. His high school experience sounds like an episode of Glee. With a strong focus on the arts, the dynamic shattered the typical American idea of popular jocks and cheerleaders running the show. A chorus concert at his school would have tripled the attendance of a football game. The music kids were the people to be, and as an a capella singer, Asquith was one of them. While his hometown is very “white bread,” it’s also very liberal. “I’m realizing more and more every day how lucky I am to have grown up in a really accepting area, or as accepting as a town can get,” he says.

People choose Syracuse University for countless reasons. Andrew was attracted to the school’s size and the women’s and gender studies program.

However, what truly sold him was visiting on accepted student’s day. The weather was sunny and beautiful—go figure—he

fell in love with the picturesque campus, the city’s character, and the people. Even now as a seasoned senior, he still believes in the kindness and positivity of the student body.

His freshman year at SU, Andrew lived on the first floor of DellPlain Hall, which oddly enough was an all female wing. At this time, his gender was not an issue in terms of sharing a room with a girl. “It’s like I wasn’t fully aware of myself yet,” he says. He began exploring his gender identity more seriously in the second half of his freshman year.

By the time he was a sophomore, Andrew was fairly open identifying as gender queer or non-binary—neither male nor female. Around this time, Andrew’s parents asked him countless times if he was transgender. Having seen some of his friends go through a similar progression, they noticed a pattern in their son. “I think at first they were just like, oh, probably just a butch lesbian, whatever,” he says. “But as the years went by and I became less tolerant to my mother buying me flowery girl’s underwear, I think they started catching on.”

Asquith and Tobias share a laugh in their bedroom.

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Above: Asquith will have to inject himself with 75 milligrams of testosterone once a week for the rest of his life.

Right page: Andrew hold up a photo of himself pre-tranistion.

After two days of selectively swiping left to almost everyone, Andrew matched with her. He let it sit for a day and then finally messaged her, stating that her Tinder profile seemed “interesting and genuine”—there’s a first time for everything. They chatted for a few days before having their first date in Salem, Mass. Even though Tobias was heading back to Texas and they no idea when they’d see each other again, they decided to try a long-distance relationship. “It was really fast, but we just clicked,” Paige says.

“Everything that happened was out of the ordinary for both of us, but it all somehow lined up.”

Prior to finding hisTinder match made in heaven, Asquith dated a couple other people throughout college. He considers himself to be very fortunate that he’s had supportive relationships as he’s explored his identity. Some transgender people have trouble dating because society holds certain ideals of what a man or woman is supposed to be, and when someone does not fill that mold, people can become shocked, disappointed, or angry.

According to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, transgender people are among the groups most harshly impacted by intimate relationship violence. This violence can take on an

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entirely different breed of abuse that is specific to transgender people, such as using offensive pronouns like “it,” denying a partner access to medical or hormonal treatment, and ridiculing their partner’s body according to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. “Before I met Paige I used to worry about that. What’s going to happen down the road if I’m passing fully as male and don’t disclose that I’m transgender?” Asquith says. “What if I meet a girl at the bar and take her home and then she’s expecting something that’s not there. She could react very negatively, even violently, and that’s a scary reality for some trans people.” With Tobias, this has never been an issue. She is very accepting and has referred to Andrew as her boyfriend since day one, even when he was still using they and them pronouns.

Asquith made the official decision in December 2014 to physically transition with the use of hormones. In January, he started going by his chosen name, Andrew; he does not feel comfortable disclosing his birth name. Asquith is comfortable revealing almost everything about his own transition, but feels his given name should be kept for close friends and family to know, as he no longer identifies with it.

Though he has been going by

SMUT Andrew since the beginning of the year, he did not officially begin testosterone until this past May when he returned home for the summer. Now once he injects himself in the leg once a week with 75 milligrams of testosterone using a subcutaneous needle. The first year of his transition will be trial and error as his doctors try to make sure his body is getting the right amount of hormones.

It has been almost four months since he started the injections, and the physical changes are already noticeable.

His jaw line is more defined, his voice has deepened, and he can grow a pretty nice moustache. “I get to experience all the thrills of puberty... again,” Asquith says, his voice cracking. However, in order for all of his physical changes to remain permanent, he must continue taking testosterone for the rest of his life.

Asquith’s biggest incentive for beginning testosterone while still in college

“I GET TO EXPERIENCE ALL THE THRILLS OF PUBERTY... AGAIN”

-Andrew Asquith was that he wanted to be done with the transition as soon as possible. He did not want to be in the middle of physical changes while graduating and trying to apply for jobs. While he would never want to work in a place that wasn’t trans-friendly, he didn’t want to have to jump through an extra hoop in the job hunt. “I didn’t want to apply for a job in April with my normal pre-T voice and then show up in September and have them be like, um are you the person we hired?” he says. He has also met people who’ve transitioned later in life, and they often wish they’d done so earlier. Changing your identity can be hard when you’re 20, but it can feel nearly impossible when you’re 50.

After graduation, Asquith hopes

to stay actively involved in the trans community. He spent this past summer working in Boston for the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition, a political organization that advocates for the rights of transgender people. This experience helped him to get politically involved as he lobbied for certain protections against discrimination of transgender citizens in Massachusetts. “If you believe in something, it’s really important to make sure your voice is heard,” he says. “It can be part of a much larger conversation.”

Asquith is passionate about lifting up people who are marginalized. Whether it’s through politics, education, or something else, he wants to begin a career that makes a difference in the transgender community.

In the meantime, Asquith looks forward to enjoying the remainder of his senior year at SU. Adding to his Tinder success story, he now lives with Paige in an off-campus house where they enjoy cooking together almost every night. The couple will continue to go on outdoor adventures. watch Netflix and chill, and support one another through one of life’s many transitions. JM

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LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS A shop full of things sure to go bump in the night.

By Nora Horvath : Photography by Lilly Stuecklen Take a glance around the shop and it feels like stepping into the beginning of an episode of American Horror Story.

“People want skulls all the time,” Sarah Dehaba, a collector, and the co-owner of Relics of Syracuse, says, nonchalantly.

The unique antique store carries one-ofa-kind oddities—skulls being one of the best sellers—and is co-owned by Dehaba and boyfriend Charles Spataro.

The White Stripes are crackling on a Crosley turntable in the corner. Old postcards and paintings sit on tables below massive buck heads mounted on the wall, with antique necklaces and glasses amusingly placed on its

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antlers. In between the stacks of vintage Playboys and miscellaneous costume jewelry are more exotic, morbid items.

Two working embalming fluid pump machines, which mix the chemicals that preserve cadavers, sit side by side next to a paraplegic mannequin donning a wool facemask. “Those work,” Dehaba says laughing as she points to the embalming pumps. “We got them from an old funeral home.” But amidst the enormous cattle skulls, mummified cat, and wet-preserved baby shark is a framed embroidery piece of some sort, priced at $900, hanging from the wall in the back of the shop. On closer look, it’s

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Above, the face pf a paraplegic doll is shielded by a woolen mask. Below, jewelry is playfully thrown on deer antlers while Dehaba displays preserved newspaper clippings.

not any typical string embroidery—it’s made of human hair. According to Dehaba, this particular Victorian hair wreath is a kind of family tree, made from weaving the hair of an entire lineage of women. “When women would brush their hair, they’d keep the strands that fell out in a small box, instead of throwing them away,” Dehaba explains. “When they died, they’d take all the strands and weave them together.”

Relics has had only three Victorian hair

wreathes in the store since opening, and this is the only one left. “They’re very interesting, they’re very beautiful,” Dehaba says. “But it’s definitely an acquired taste, and they’re not very cheap.”

Although they are young, both Spataro and Dehaba have always had an interest in antiques. Once their personal collections got out of hand, they decided to open up a small shop, birthing what is now Relics.

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1. Looking for your own personal chucky?

2. Just in case your own childhood memories aren't traumatizing enough, you can purchase someone else's.

3. Relics features skulls of animals both native and non-native to Central New York.

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Dehaba also works part time as a makeup artist, Spataro as a tattoo artist. Occasionally, they bring in a taxidermy specialist from Brooklyn, Katie Innamorato, to host taxidermy workshops. On her last visit, everyone had the opportunity to make their own taxidermy rats. If the thought of working with dead animals bums you out, don’t worry, all of the animals Innamorato

works with are ethical kills. Her specimens include roadkill, pet industry casualties, and donated skins.

Despite the fact that Relics is one of many secondhand antique stores in the Syracuse area, its spooky feel has attracted a consistent cult following. “We immediately acquired regulars,” says Dehaba. “I still have people coming in the store from day one.” JM

4. Taxidermied animals are one of Relics' stapies 5. Victorian hair wreaths are a rarity, used to trace lineages in the 19th century

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Out of the

Bedroom

Lace, leather, silk, and sheer—mix lingerie-inspired pieces with this season’s closet staples to elevate your sexy sleepwear.

Stylists: Lydia Chan, Trusha Bhatt Photographer: Allen Chiu Models: Leishla Agosto, Carla Caban, Onyema Okwodu For a behind–the–scenes look, check out our video at jerkmagazine.net

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LEISHLA Vest: H&M $60; Bra: Urban Outfitters $18; Jeans: American Eagle $50; Heels: Steve Madden (Courtesty of J Michael shoes) $100.

CARLA Shirt: Urban Outfitters $60; Shorts: BB Dakota (Courtesy of Amelia Leigh) $130; Heels: Jeffrey Campbell (JM) $130.

ONYEMA: Jeans: Levi's $64; Boots: Aldo $150; Shirt: $6; Jacket: Models Own

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GAWK LEISHLA Robe: Victoria's Secret $60; Romper: For Love & Lemons (AL) $49.

CARLA Tank: H&M $3; Bra: Urban Outfitters $24; Pants: H&M $40; Cuff: Amelia Leigh $30

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CARLA Dress: H&M $35; Bra: Maya Champion; Body Chain: Amelia Leigh $56

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LEISHLA Shirt: MiukPink (AL) $44

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CARLA Bodysuit: Maya Champion; Pants: MumuTass (AL) $136

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GAWK LEISHLA Dress: Lovers + Friends (AL) $209; Cuff: Amelia Leigh $30; Shoes: Toms (JM) $98.

CARLA Coat: Abercrombie & Fitch $60; Bra: Maya Champion; Heels: Steve Madden (JM) $100.

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GAWK

CARLA Bra: Aerie $50; Moon Necklace: Amelia Leigh $35; Triangle Necklace: Amelia Leigh $57.

LEISHLA Bra: Urban Outfitters $18; Necklace: Amelia Leigh $30 Special thanks to J. Michael (JM), Amelia Leigh (AM), and Maya Champion

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STRIPPED

Fashion calls for a #ThrowbackThursday as these accessories from everyone's favorite style decade make a comeback.

Who wears it best: Kylie Jenner, Vanessa Hudgens, and girls from Long Island.

How to wear it: For a more current look, try layering on necklaces of different lengths and keep to a dark color scheme for that perfect IDGAF look.

Who wears it best: MO, Rita Ora, and elementary school girls.

How to wear it: Stick to neutrals and stay away from bright colors to avoid looking less Bozo the Clown and more old-school cool.

What it says about you: “I’m cute on the streets but a freak in the sheets.”

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What it says about you: "Look how badass I want you to think I am."

STRIPPED

Who wears it best: FKA twigs, Rihanna, and just about any art school dropout.

How to wear it: You’re already looking edgy, so put on your best resting bitch face and you’re good to go.

What it says about you: "Just cause I have a bull ring doesn’t mean I deal with your bullshit.”

Who wears it best: Tupac, Johnny Depp, and the kid who wore a camo tux to your prom.

How to wear it: #TBT with a white tank but mod up the look with a cool bomber jacket. And please, leave the dollar sign chains at home.

What it says about you: "I just saw Straight Outta Compton and now I’m following my calling to find the next best rap group.”

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Sketchy Business

This October 11 marks SNL’s real 40th Anniversary. But with the arrival of the Internet and the rise of web stardom, what is the future of sketch comedy? .

By Patty Terhune : Illustration by Ryan Polgar

Most people celebrate their 40th birthday by quitting their job, getting a terrible haircut or toupée, and buying a car that will swiftly kill the environment so that their kids won’t have to make it to 40. Lorne Michaels and the Saturday Night Live brat pack fought back against this midlife crisis stereotype by celebrating their 40th year last February with just about the biggest birthday banger of all time. The three-and-a half-hour tribute to the show’s extensive history featured appearances from the stars of SNL’s past such as Steve Martin, Will Ferrell, Kristen Wiig, Bill Murray, and Mike Myers, as well as approximately every celebrity ever. Everyone who has ever

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made a roomful of people laugh and secretly harbors dreams of one day writing for the classic sketch comedy show sat faithfully through medleys and montages of the best of 40 years—and went to the bathroom during all of the musical acts. It was easily the funniest circle jerk that NBC has ever aired, although Olympic wrestling does come close.

Like a freshman in a frat during welcome week, this party was a little premature. The actual 40th anniversary of Saturday Night Live is this month, though no one can blame them for wanting to rush order their highest ratings in 10 years.

While Saturday Night Live is the overly

NOISE generous sperm donor to comedy’s past and present, one has to wonder if they can continue to fill the comedy void with dwindling ratings? “SNL was always the primordial ooze of comedy. That is—it is where popular culture ‘discovered’ the next great wave of comedic stars,” says Keith Giglio, a Television, radio, and film professor at the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications who specializes in comedy writing. “That still holds true. Just look at the case of the next Ghostbusters reboot.” But one still wonders for how long? Like most sperm donors, the show has had its ups and downs—it suffered financial difficulties and dabbled in cocaine usage in its early days. But, eventually, everyone has to settle down.

While SNL may be the name in the game now, it was nowhere near the only name in sketch comedy on the block when it was born from Lorne Michaels’ winefueled imagination many moons ago. There were plenty of other television shows thriving in a similar format. There was even a sketch comedy show on ABC called Saturday Night Live With Howard Cosell.

It seems that the “short and sweet” format has always been successful. Many current shows are now prospering in this format because sketches are viral miracles.

People—aka millennials who are arguably the only demographic that really matters to content creators—do not need to tune in to see every minute of every show. The best sketches can be liked, commented on, and shared via social media. This is great for the modern guy or gal trying to have it all who doesn’t have the time to sit down and watch television, despite spending an average of over five hours per day on social media, according to Entrepreneur.

Key & Peele and late night shows like The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon reach

massive audiences thanks to this model of time-delayed, social-circle sharing. You’ve absolutely seen an example of this. When the substitute teacher sketch on Key & Peele was released a few years ago, it was virtually unavoidable. Sketches on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon also take advantage of the variety show format by featuring different celebrities in their sketches each week to help boost popularity, such as Michelle Obama in the Mom Dancing sketch.

But in reality, you don’t even need to be on television to make sketch comedy.

Anyone with a camera is capable of being a sketch comedian. Even if you don’t have a DSLR at the ready, there defineitly is at least one aspiring filmmaker on your freshman floor who could lend you one.

Comedy aggregate sites like College Humor and Funny or Die enable you to reach massive audiences with the “hysterical” videos you make with your buddy about “What College Is Really Like” and “What Girls Really Mean When They Say Anything.”

“The truth is that if you’ve got a group of funny friends and you make videos, these videos will be found.” Adam McKay, who co-founded Funny or Die, directed and co-wrote Talladega Nights and The Other Guys, in addition to being head writer for SNL for several years, said in an interview in Poking a Dead Frog with Mike Sacks.

“Funny or Die has workers that only look for funny videos. The studios and the networks, they’re all looking for good comedy.” But, don’t quit your job in food services just yet.

As the sketch comedy groups on our campus can tell you, producing regular content is a lot of work. Our SU campus has two groups that specialize in sketch comedy: Float Your Boat and Humor Whore.

Each group, which aims to put out several JERK

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videos a month, follows a surprisingly indepth process of vetting ideas, collaborating on scripts, and producing shoots. “[We] had four shoots in one day and were locked out of the main studio location the last day everyone could make it. Comedy!

Production!,” Humor Whore former executive producer Sarah Grabman and current executive producer Scott Carlson said when asked about the production process for their parody video. “Sleep was not really a thing and coffee definitely was.”

Serious comedy is not all fun and games, apparently.

With over half a million results for a YouTube search of “sketch comedy,” it’s clear there are a lot of voices in the market right now. Only the best of the best end up reaching stardom. It’s not easy for an amateur sketch comedy group to break out.

When your business involves taking people’s time, time becomes money.There’s

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only so many hours that people are willing to invest in watching sketch comedy videos, and thus only so many videos are destined to go viral. Established sketch comedy groups, with ties to more popular comedians like Upright Citizens Brigade Comedy and Above Average, have the benefit of having familiar faces in their casts despite not being on television.

There’s also name and brand recognition with shows like Saturday Night Live that have a record of delivering well-written, funny content, so people are more likely to believe it will be a good investment of time.

In fact, SNL had some of the earliest viral videos with the Lonely Island sketches.

That leaves very little time for the average sketch comedy organization. “The more voices there are, the better the comedy must be. That kind of competition makes everybody better,” say Jason Tuckman, coexecutive producer of Float Your Boat sketch comedy group on campus.

Yet, even Saturday Night Live, the Nike of sketch comedy, is struggling with the infiltration of the business of short and sweet sketches though. Google Trends show that interest in SNL has gone down since October of 2008, when it last peaked.

This peak was due to the attention the show garnered in its portrayals of the 2008 election between Barack Obama and John McCain. A stronghold of the show, election time always brings a boom in ratings.

Quite simply, no one does political sketches like SNL. Most people attribute the word “statergery” to George W. Bush, despite the fact it was actually Will Ferrell who coined the term in his parody of the 43rd president.

After Tina Fey did her famous “I can see Russia from my house” impression of Sarah Palin, the Alaskan governor’s approval rating plummeted, causing some to say that the sketch comedy show could

NOISE have actually helped decide the election.

The only people happier than the Republicans about the 2016 election are the SNL writers.

While Saturday Night Live consistently crushes political sketches, they’ve come under a lot of criticism recently for their lack of diversity within the cast and writers.

Before the Internet decided to take the issue into its own hands in 2014 when the SNL hired yet another white male to take the spotlight in the cast, the show had not had a black female comedian since 2007 with Maya Rudolph, and she was only the third in the show’s entirety. Saturday Night Live responded to the complaints with a brilliantly self-aware sketch where Kerry Washington, the guest host for the week, aggravatingly had to play roughly every single black character in history. They also hired Sasheer Zamata, Leslie Jones, and later Michael Che as the first black Weekend Update respondent.

The future goes to those who are saying things that haven’t been said before.

Key & Peele filled a void in black sketch comedy that had been vacant since The Chappelle Show went off air in 2006. Inside Amy Schumer filled a void of sketches with a strong female lead.

Sketch comedy itself is not going anywhere. It has been around since the days of variety shows such as The Carol Burnett Show and The Ed Sullivan Show.

Before that, sketch comedy came to life on the airways in short radio segments.

“Sketch comedy will always have a future

as long as humans are willing to laugh, especially in a world where technology and short form content triumphs,” Tuckman says. However, whether it comes from the Internet, television, or radio, popular content will give people a view they aren’t getting from mainstream products already on the market. That’s not to say that SNL can’t remain relevant though. “The trick for SNL now is not just to stay current— but to be fresh and stand out in a very crowded field. Once a hit, always a hit with SNL," Giglio says. As Andrés Du Bouchet, a writer for Conan, said in an interview in Poking a Dead Frog with Mike Sacks, “Currently, it seems that comedy is no longer the exclusive territory of the emotionally confused person drawn to it as a means of finding themselves and working through their anger and fear… it’s become legitimized as a career that you can pursue after college.” Whether it’s Saturday Night Live, Humor Whore, Float Your Boat or even just on-point Instagram captions, comedy can be anyone’s game.

All one needs is an unique voice and an ass that won’t quit. JM

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EAT, DRINK AND BE SCARY

As Halloween comes closer, every sorority girl you know is gearing up for, like, the two most fun weekends of the year. From pumpkin kegs to the poor underage drinker’s costume, Jerk is here to help you get off this Hallow’s Eve.

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HALLOWEEN

THEN VERSUS NOW

Although Halloween today is marked by skimpy, flirtatious outfits and insane amounts of alcohol, this holiday actually used to have a point. Two thousand years ago, the tradition began under a different name —Samhain—and was a day in which people protected themselves from the vengeful and unpredictable supernatural world. The ancient festival stemmed from the Celts who lived in what is now the United Kingdom, Ireland, and northern France. These superstitious people decked themselves out in the fur and heads of the animals they sacrificed to the spirits they believed were coming back to the land of the living.

Over time, various empires came and fell, until the Christians took over once and for all. Samhain then became All Hallows' Eve and the fur heads and animal sacrifices were scrapped for more conservative celebrations that included bonfires, costumes of saints, angels, and devils and an occasional prayer. Trick or treating grew out of a medieval ritual of the poor, who would go house to house of the wealthy and gather “soul cakes.” Eventually, all these spooky traditions migrated to the Americas along with the Protestants and over the next 300 years morphed into what we see today. How a supernatural, religious holiday manifested into a prime night for adolescent debauchery—we are not quite sure. But we can say, Jerk is all about it.

WOULD YOU RATHER: HALLOWEEN EDITION Only eat candy corn for the rest of your life

or Have your skin pigmented like a candy corn?

Have sex with a headless horse and no one know

or Don’t have sex with a headless horse, but everyone think you did?

Your parents catch you giving your high school English teacher a blow job at the Halloween dance

or Walk in on your parents having sex in their Halloween costumes?

Have permanent liquorice nipple tassles

or Have liquorice in place of your genitalia?

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HOW TO NOT

FREEZE YOUR ASS OFF

Syracuse has an average nightly temperature of 37 degrees Fahrenheit on Halloween night. So if you are trying to avoid hypothermia, while still barely wearing any clothes, enjoy these creepy cocktails and drink away the chill.

THE FROSTED MUMMY

2 scoops vanilla

ice cream ½ cup milk 2 tbsp of caramel 3 tsp of shredded coconut 2 tbsp chocolate chips

3 shots Kahlua an d/or vodka

P WATER MUDDY SWAM p ice

1 cu -Cola 4 12 oz cans Coca ueur liq m 2 cups Irish crea vered co eat ol A handful of choc coffee beans dark chocolate Top with shaved

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BUTTERBEER

1 cup brown suga r 2 tbsp water 1 tbsp butter ½ tsp salt ¾ tsp cider vinega r ½ tsp heavy crea m 4 12 oz cans rum cream soda

ISSION: STUDENT SUBM OR NI TIM, JU

PUMPKIN SPsICboEurSAboNGn RIA

1-2 shot er 3 shots apple cid ed with at co s ce sli Several apple lemon juice gar 1/2 cup brown su ice sp 1/4 tbsp pumpkin igio Top with pinot gr

CANDY CORN COCKTAIL 1 ½ cups vodka ½ cup candy corn

¾ cup pineapple

juice

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HORROR STORIES

My first time having sex with this guy, he seemed really awesome and chill. Once the clothes were off though he wanted to choke each other and get kinky. He brought out a strap for his balls and told me to pull as hard as I could while he made up some crazy story about why he "had" to fuck me.

- Janet, junior I wasn't allowed to celebrate Halloween as a child. My parents are super religious and thought it was "the holiday of the devil." I celebrated Halloween for the first time when I was 18 years old. I was dressed as Hello Kitty in a costume that I made entirely by myself. I was the oldest person by far trick-or-treating that night and got a lot of weird looks–I had to explain my special situation at every house .

- Kirstyn, senior I booty called a guy on Halloween night on a Thursday and went to his South Campus apartment wearing my slutty American themed costume—cute right?

We woke up at 10 a.m. and he didn't have a car, so I had to take the bus, which wasfull of students on their way to class, back to campus, still in my costume, on parents weekend. Talk about a walk of shame.

-Gianna, junior I went to DKE to get Halloween tickets freshman year but accidentally went to the chancellor’s house and met his assistant and almost stayed for tea. Keep in mind this was a Saturday afternoon and my friend and I were dressed to make DKE boys think we were pieces of meat so we could get our names on a list.

- Rina, sophomore

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When I dressed as a slutty dark angel my freshmen year I let a guy finger me and, uh, bite me purely because he was dressed as the devil and I thought the irony was sexy.

When I tried to get into my dorm later the RSA desk person made fun of my bruised lip .

-Pat, junior I almost got arrested for yelling "I'm a fucking taco!!" down Walnut last year because I was literally wearing a fucking taco costume.

-Kevin, junior Living in New York City as a child, these mean teenagers scared me at the door and I literally shit my potty training pants. My dad couldn't help but laugh.

- Luna, senior

HOW TO CRANK UP YOUR PARTY:

JERK ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN PLAYLIST "Thriller" Michael Jackson "Superstition" Stevie Wonder "This is Halloween" Marilyn Manson "Heads Will Roll" Yeah Yeah Yeahs "I Put a Spell on You" Creedence Clearwater Revival "Werewolves of London" Warren Zevon

"Evil Woman" Electric Light Orchestra "Psycho Killer" Talking Heads "Dracula’s Wedding" Outkast, Kelis "Howlin’ for You" The Black Keys "Spiderwebs" No Doubt "Mr. Roboto" Styx

NOISE

JERK’S GUIDE TO A

SÉANCE

1

ind your purpose. Do you miss your deceased grandma? Do you like F to piss off the other side? Do you believe a ghost is haunting your offcampus house and stealing all your toilet paper?

2

Pick your location. We recommend the abandoned Mortuary Chapel in Oakwood cemetery. Break in at your own risk, it’s probably illegal.

3

Invite a medium. But if they can’t make it, any drunk friend will do.

4

Bring a round table. Dead people like round things.

5

Burn some candles in a circle, preferrably a pumpkin spice scented ones.

Be sure to turn off all the lights, too. The other side doesn’t like bright things. Haven’t you seen any horror movie?

6

Place a spiritual offering in the middle of the table. Possibilities: your mother’s cookies, weed, or dirt from your backyard.

7

Begin abruptly at 3:33 a.m.—the time when the veil between the living and dead is thinnest. Join hands and sing the first verse of "Kumbaya"—the official séance song.

8

No need to summon the spirit. They’ll come to tell you to shut the fuck up.

9

Only ask "yes" or "no" questions. You lose your ability to comprehend complex concepts when you die. Questions we recommend: Are you there? Do you like Sour Diesel? Did you own a dog? Did you steal my toilet paper?

10

Chat with the spirit, get to know them, eat your mother’s cookies together.

11

Take a selfie with the ghost to add to your SnapStory.

12 13

Break your circle of handholds. Hug goodbye. ou wake up with a start in your bed, face-planted in Y your pillow with your mother’s cookie in your hand.

You remember nothing after your second jägerbomb.

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REWIND

Fifty years later, the Dead Heads will never die.

By Rachel Blackman : Illustration by Cecily Thomas This summer, Chicago played host to the Grateful Dead’s 50th anniversary “Fare Thee Well” shows, the first concerts the group has played in over 20 years, and the greatest three days ever for the unfaltering Dead Heads.

After two decades of not performing, they still managed to pull a crowd of original listeners, families, late discoverers, and creatures that haven’t bathed since Woodstock. What about the Grateful Dead caused this audience to emerge from their respective homes, jobs, and holes to witness the event?

Although many of the original members of the Grateful Dead have passed, the band is still a force to be reckoned with.

Their performances are legendary, having been known to play songs for 20 minutes almost entirely improvised. You would be much harder pressed to find someone who doesn’t know the name Jerry Garcia than someone who does, and for a good reason.

Drug culture played no small part in the Dead Head cult. The band provided music for and participated in Ken Kesey’s Acid Tests—a series of parties hosted by

WE JUDGE

ALBUMS

BY THEIR SINGLES.

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famous author Ken Kesey where LSD was more abundant than people. This, on top of the Dead’s popularity peaking during the era of peace, love, and drugs, guaranteed thatthere were undoubtedly an abundance of substances flowing into the nostrils, lungs, and stomachs of the band members and their fans. Combine tripping with seemingly never-ending jams and you get a feeling that these fans would be willing to follow them to the ends of the Earth.

All the acid in the world wouldn’t matter if the music wasn’t good, but the Grateful Dead’s music is good. Their lyrics are analytical, relevant, and philosophical all at the same time. Every member of the group had a drastically different upbringing in music, creating a sound unique enough to pique peoples’ interest, diverse enough to draw fans from all different backgrounds, and yet singular enough to unite people.

“Dead” though they are, their legacy is immortal. Fare thee well, Grateful Dead—you may be finished, but you won’t be forgotten. JM

Artist

Album

Song

Release Date

Vanessa Carlton Janet Jackson

Liberman

“Willows”

Oct. 23rd

Unbreakable

“Unbreakable”

Oct. 2nd

The Neighbourhood

Wiped Out

“R.I.P. 2 My Youth”

Oct. 30th

Rating Rating

ALTRUIST

AMY SCHUMER

By Rachel Lockhart

THE DEAL: Aspiring college comedians and other trendy her body-bashing comedy is meant to be millennials might have discovered Amy empowering, it can also be really detrimental Schumer in 2013 when she debuted her to women. On the one hand, when she says sketch comedy series Inside Amy Schumer “I’m probably, like, 160 pounds right now on Comedy Central, but if you’re like me and I can catch a dick whenever I want,” and ignore pop culture until you’re forced I’m like fuck yeah, you tell them girl. But to pay attention to it, then the name Amy take a step back and realize that when she Schumer meant nothing to you. That is, until makes jokes like that she’s still inadvertently promotion for her movie Trainwreck started telling us two things about women: That getting noticed. Released on July 17 the sexual appeal is based entirely on outward movie rocketed Schumer appearance and how we into mega stardom, and look. And two, that a big now she’s everywhere. part of a woman’s selfPractically a household worth is based on how name after only a few sexually appealing they are months in the limelight, to men.

Schumer is keeping it real THE DEFENSE: as the new face of comedy.

She’s new, she’s fresh, and THE ISSUE: she’s badass. Seeing a A lot of Schumer’s comedy successful woman in pop centers around her looks, culture that looks more awkward personality, and like me and less like a her sexcapades. Combine those three and supermodel is refreshing—especially in a you’ve basically got the entire premise of predominantly male industry. Since she’s Trainwreck. Now, don’t get me wrong, I find a baby on the mainstream comedy scene, dramatic retellings of unfortunate sexual some of her mistakes can be more easily encounters as funny as the next person, forgiven. Let’s face it, for the most part she’s but after a few laughs it all starts to sound totally hilarious and her candid interviews the same. And some of her other comedic have me ROFL-ing. Outside of her comedic ideas have fallen pretty flat—think falling at success, Schumer also deserves applause for Kimye’s feet incident here. Which leaves us her work in the multiple sclerosis community. wondering whether or not Amy Schumer’s Her dad suffers from MS, and she raised brand of comedy has staying power, $176,000 for the National MS Society through or whether she’s the next Sarah Silverman. her Trainwreck comedy tour. The best part though, is that in all of her endeavors she is THE (BIG) ISSUE: completely and unapologetically her raunchy, Schumer has had some bigger missteps than sexually liberated self, and she’s killing it. jM just a bad joke. Example: Referencing rape humorously is never funny. While I think

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AMPLIFIED

minnoe

By Olivia Kay Monko : Photography by Fiona Lenz

Members: Ian Marr (guitar+vocals), Joe Librandi-Cowan (drums), & Ian Sherlock (bass) | Active since: 2014 | Genre: “Vegan” Pop Punk | Inspired By: Buck Gooter & Human Garbage

Jerk Magazine: How did minnoe form?

Ian Marr: minnoe formed when I was at a house show and I saw Joey wearing a RVIVR shirt in the kitchen. Ian Sherlock was in the bathroom. In that moment, minnoe was born.

JM: How would you describe your sound?

Joe Librandi-Cowan: Loud, fast pop songs with crunchy guitars, verse, pre-chorus, chorus, verse, with a very occasional bridge.

IM: Basically we sound like Taylor Swift if she got a small telecaster instead of an acoustic and was chronically incapable of writing a song that clocked in at longer than two minutes.

JM: What is a “vegan” band?

Ian Sherlock: Basically, our identifying as vegan is just a small way of saying we support a healthy community, and that a

healthy community should be built upon a sense of compassion for all beings.

JM: Can we expect any new music from minnoe in the near future?

IM: We should be done with our new album soon. [Our songs are] all essentially written the same way. I record sort of a sketch of a song on my phone and send it to the boys. Then we flesh it out together.

JM: Do you guys have any long-term goals for minnoe?

IS: Absolutely. Play the Super Bowl.

JM: If you each were an animal, what animal would you be and why?

IS: I would be a black greyhound incapable of running many miles.

JLC: A koi fish that lives on a tea farm.

IM: A barn owl up in the attic. JM

Listen to minnoe here: minnoe.bandcamp.com facebook.com/minnoeband.

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SYNAPSE

LET'S GET POLITICAL It’s taken over your TVs, newsfeeds, and dreams. Everywhere you go a New York Public Interest Research Group representative is ready to shove it down your throat. What is the infestation conquering your everyday life? It’s the 2016 presidential election, of course, and it’s just getting started. So if you have no clue who Jeb Bush is or you spend your days in front of nuclear plants with picket signs, we have all the juicy media you need to start talking politics.

TV: Season 2 Madam Secretary

MOVIE: Suffragette

Homeland meets The Good Wife. Tea Leoni kills it as an ex-CIA agent turned secretary of state. Her witty remarks and strongwilled demeanor will leave you questioning everything governmental and foreign. Tune in October for some mind boggling foreign affair mishaps.

But really, who doesn’t love Meryl Streep?

Hit up the theater any time after October to watch the queen herself play Emmeline Pankhurst, the leader of the 20th century British suffragette movement alongside Carey Mulligan and Helena Bonham Carter.

PODCAST: Slate's "The Political Gabfest"

MUSIC: Rod Stewart's Another Country

We are in college. We are the most cynical demographic in this coming election, and Slate’s " The Political Gabfest" picks up our vibe. Hosted by Emily Bazelon of The New York Times Magazine, episodes range from “Who Will Donald Trump Insult Next?” to “How Many Push Ups Should the President Be Able to Do?” catch it every Thursday starting on October 1.

While you amp yourself full of political manifestos, take a break to remember where we came from—the land of the Brits.

Rod Stewart, you may be British, but we Americans still love you. His album drops October 23 and he’s still just as great as when he was young enough to successfully rock “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy.”

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DISCOVERSYR

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DISCOVERSYR

Picasso’s Bakery

Works of local art baked right from scratch.

By Sarah Santos : Illustration by Joshua Chang

Nestled in a snug corner where Dell and Westcott Street meet, is the home of one of Syracuse’s sweetest eats, Picasso’s Pastries and Café.

After longtime couple Kayla Brandt and David Zaczynski found themselves spending ample time cooking and baking together in the kitchen, the two decided that opening their own café could be a surefire way to make a living off of what they love.

Coming from families immersed in the restaurant business, they gained key knowledge that one can only learn through experience. This gave them the skills to take an idea and transform it into reality. In July 2013, Brandt and Zaczynski welcomed their first customers into Picasso’s.

From cookies to pies, croissants and scones, Picasso’s various menu options satisfy both savory and sweet palettes.

Made from scratch every day, the heart of the baked goods is the use of real and unpackaged ingredients: real fruits, real maple syrup, real butter, no vegetable shortening. Although Picasso’s carries their usual menu items year round, like their almond croissants and assortment of donuts, it’s the flavors that always change. The spring welcomes berries, peaches, and lemony flavors while the fall offers more apple, pumpkin, and holiday sweets.

This October and November, fall favorites will return to Picasso’s menu.

Think apple bourbon hand pies, sweet potato butterscotch pies, and brown butter pumpkin donuts.

The thick crust of the brown butter apple and pear pie pairs well with the generous apple filling and is accented with its crumb top. The mini sweet potato pies are an easy grab-and-go dessert, and give off just the right amount of sweet potato flavor inside the flaky crust.

Not to mention the butterscotch whipped cream that tops it off to add a little more sweetness.

Others to try are this season’s maple chocolate chip scone and the lime curd puff pastry. The scones are far from dry as each bite welcomes a satisfied taste of a balanced combination of local maple syrup and rich chocolate chips.

Meanwhile, the lime curd’s soft flaky outside introduces the sweet and tart flavor on the inside.

Pumpkin pie filled breakfast hand pies may be making their debut at Picasso’s this season as well. And if you’re looking for a piece of fall all year round, their flavorful sweet potato donuts covered in just the right amount of sugar are always on the menu.

“It’s the neighbor’s food,” says Brandt. “It’s real scratch food. It’s not packaged.” JM JERK

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SPEAKEASY

BACKDROP

ON THE RECORD New York Times best-seller Cheryl Strayed discusses her wild path to success and fame.

By Mellanie Perez : Photo issued by Angelina Venezia

Jerk Magazine: How did Syracuse University shape you into the writer that you are today?

JM: What show are you currently binge watching?

Cheryl Strayed: You see writers in cafés and they’re always like, “I’ve always wanted to write a book!” or “I’m writing a book,” but years pass. I’ve always sort of been at risk of being one of those people, but [I’m not] because of the wonderful support that Syracuse University gave me. I had been all through my 20s writing on my own and being a waitress, but I could never finish that first book. I feel like Syracuse in many ways was really like the grant I received to write that first novel.

CS: Oh my god! You cannot ask me that.

My husband is going to be so happy that finally somebody got this out of me. I know you might think that I’m a writer and a snob—and that might be true—but when left to my own devices, I’m going to tell you my secret. I have become obsessed with The Real Housewives of New York City. And also The Real Housewives of Orange County. There’s nothing that I can say to defend myself or explain why those shows have captured my interest, but they have.

JM: How have you dealt with the success of Wild? Is it something you’re pinching yourself over?

JM: What advice would you give to students who want a successful writing career?

CS: It’s crazy. People sometimes say, “Did you know you were writing a bestseller?

Did you try to write a best-seller?” And I’m always like, “It doesn’t work that way!”

You write the best book you can write, and if people are moved by it, or have an interest in it, it’s something that wasn’t up to me. I just feel grateful for everything that has happened.

CS: Writing is really something where you have to believe in yourself. It sounds very trite, that “believe in yourself” business, but the fact of the matter is that nobody is going to come along and say, “Will you please write us a poem? Will you please write this novel?” So if you really feel called to do it, you really have to put in the work. JM

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OBITCHUARY

TAXI CAUSE OF DEATH: UBER

By Christy Fox : Illustration by Ryan Polgar After a tyrannical reign over cities worldwide, the time has come for us to bid farewell to the Taxicab. For many years, Taxi as he was known among friends was the one you could rely on to come get you when you'd had a bit too much to drink— until you met Uber, of course.

It was a noble and valiant fight until the very end, but when Uber was introduced in 2009, Taxi’s fate was pretty much sealed. For a while, we were almost convinced the two rivals could live in peaceful coexistence. But ultimately, between technological advances and millennial laziness, the battle concluded in a fatal collision between the two, leaving the best man standing. It was a good ride, but after years of bleeding travelers dry and playing hard to get, Taxi will be missed by no one.

Taxi was born in the early 19th century, bringing with him a whirlwind of great expectations. For a long stretch, he exceeded those expectations, serving as one of the only realistic methods of transportation around large cities. Toward the end, however, we saw him fall into a dark place. Between his reckless driving habits and splashing city pedestrians with curbside puddles as he turned a blind eye to their frantically waving arms, it almost appeared as though he enjoyed making the

simplest trips especially difficult.

Along came Uber, a transportation startup serving impatient city dwellers worldwide—basically everything you could ever want in a man. He is reliable, simple, and always answers when you call. Why sit on a city corner with your arm raised like an idiot when you just can open an app? How could Taxi possibly stand a chance?

Our love-hate relationship with taxi will forever be tinted with rose-colored nostalgia.

He spent his final days surrounded by friends and family like his estranged uncle Subway and his crazy aunt, Bus. Thousands of fiery protestors around the world also joined in the mourning with picket signs in tow. They gathered in places like New York, Paris, and Rio de Janeiro to remember and fight for their friend one last time, but to no avail.

Taxi will be greatly missed by all of those who have never used a smartphone.

If nothing else, Taxi saved us from years of crowded subway rides, or even worse, having to drive ourselves anywhere.

We will remember the misery that was hailing a cab with a full heart and, thankfully, a slightly fuller wallet. Thank you, Uber, for all that you do. To you, Taxi, we say good riddance. JM

JERK

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CLOSET CASE

SYRACRUISIN’ Sometimes your best accessory is just what gets you from A to B. Photos by Lilly Stuecklen, Doris Huang, and Drew Osumi

“Every time we’d get to an uphill, I’d have to wait for Ashley to go up and every time we went downhill, she would have to get off her longboard and slow me down. We made a pit stop at a friend’s house one day, saw their broom and BAM! So now, she pulls me up the hills with this nifty broom and I’m her training wheels for the gnarly ones.”

— ashley

williams and ellie haines

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“Instead of buying a new bike and spending money, I’m keeping an older one that has sentimental value. When I first got the bike, it was old and rusty.

So, I used some lemon juice to get the rust off and decided to paint it a new color to give it a fresh look. I think it says something about my personality—I love old things!”

—haley

kulakowski

“I chose my board mainly for the design but it was also the cheapest deck so that made the decision easy. I refrained from putting on any stickers or logos to keep it OG. I’ve probably had about a half dozen near misses with cars coming around corners, but nothing too crazy so far.“

—hunter

longland

FORM & FUNCTION How To Dress For The Perfect Instagram #OOTD

Soft Smile: ‘Cause my resting bitch face isn't my only face.

iPhone with VSCOCam: How else would I make it look like it’s #nofilter?

Hipster Sunglasses: To block out all of the shade you’re throwing at me.

Floppy Hat: Washed hair or not, you’ll never know.

Quiche Outfit: This look definitely didn't take me three hours to put together.

Photographer: Joshua Chang Stylist: Lydia Chan & Trusha Bhatt Model: Katherine Paszek JERK

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