Niche: October 2013

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October Issue: 1 Year Celebration

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Top 10 movies to watch as a family

Luke Bryan Farm Tour 2013 -John Legg

Inside This Issue

Are your kids too old for trick or treating?

Luke Bryan Halloween Recipes To trick or Treat?

A haunting poem Holiday Business Urban Legends Fall Fashion

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Luke Bryan

Farm Tour 2013 Photography By: John Legg

3 signs your kids are too old to trick or treat I am a big proponent of the homemade Halloween costume. For years I’ve fashioned ordinary household items, with metric tons of duct tape and safety pins, into clever costume wear to wow the candy-wielding neighbors. Sure, sometimes the costumes were cumbersome and heavy and generally uncomfortable and unsafe, but it’s tradition! And if you don’t value tradition then you’ve got no business celebrating Halloween in the first place. Or that’s what I used to tell the kids, anyway.

Eventually, kids grow older, and say to me– “Dad, can we please just buy a costume on the Internet like everyone else?” And that milestone is what I use as a rough gauge of when they’re too old to go Trick or Treating. I’m not sure if it’s really an accurate way, but it’s my way. And it helps to quell my hurt feelings.

But all this begs the general question: How old is too old for Trick or Treating? And I think there are a number of things to consider: DO THEY LOOK MORE LIKE KIDS? OR POTENTIAL HOME INVADERS? Do they have facial hair and do they tower over the people whose doorbells they’re ringing? If there’s one place that size matters, it’s probably Halloween. Households participating in Halloween don’t want to open their door at night to a big thuggish-looking person wearing a scary costume, perhaps wielding some sort of accessory that’s in the weapon family. It’s a little off-putting and might leave them wondering if they should be giving them a Snickers bar or a blast of pepper spray. If your body has graduated from Fun Size to Full size, perhaps it’s time to hang up the mask.

ARE THE KIDS TOO OLD TO WANT YOUR SUPERVISION?

It’s one thing if they’re mature and responsible enough not to NEED to be followed around by mom or dad and their flashlight, but it’s quite another when they just adamantly OPPOSE the idea. Because by and large a kid who doesn’t want to be supervised may be the one most in need of supervision. Sending a kid off with a bunch of friends in anonymous disguises after dark is a potential recipe for trouble. And for my house to get egged.

ARE THEY STILL IN THE SPIRIT? Are they truly just looking to acquire mass amounts of candy and make mischief or are they still in the spirit of Halloween? Every kid loves Halloween, of course. They’re like kids in a candy store only the candy’s free. Very exciting. But there comes a time when a kid loses interest in Halloween pageantry. When your kid puts no thought whatsoever into Trick or Treating until the day of, and fashions a costume from things on the floor in their room, they should probably stay home.

For this year, plans at my house (surprise) are still up in the air. My almost 15-year-old son has not stated his intentions, and is on the cusp of being too big to Trick or Treat. My twins, age 11, are planning to dress up and go around with their friends. My son bought an orange body stocking. My daughter has not decided yet. She will change her mind several times, kind of like every day before school.

All good things must come to an end. And when the gravy train of free candy ends for my kids, I’ll miss having their treat bags around to pilfer from for the better part of November, but I’ll look forward to letting them man the door while I watch television.

8 Trick-Or-Treating Alternatives For Halloween Night

W

hether you’re over the stress of searching for the perfect costume or your plan fell through at the last minute, going door-to-door to get candy doesn’t have to be a Halloween deal-breaker. Instead, there are plenty of other fun, yummy, sendshivers-down-your-spine alternatives for trick-or-treating on the spookiest night of the year.

Read on below for eight ways to get into the Halloween spirit that doesn’t involve ringing a doorbell (or sweating in an unbearably uncomfortable costume).

1. Volunteer to be the designated candy

distributor.

Someone’s gotta do the job, right? Not only are you in charge of the candy bowl (you’re officially allowed first dibs on leftovers), but there’s nothing quite as adorable as seeing your under-age 5 neighbors dressed up as superheroes and Disney characters on your doorstep. So. Much. Cuteness.

2. Talk to the dead. Or at least attempt to.

If you dare, break out the Ouija board and prepare to get a little spooked. Whether

it’s a long-lost relative, historical figure or an old movie star, Halloween is the perfect night to try calling on the spirits of the dead. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get a few words or wisdom -- or at least a good laugh.

3. Have a scary movie marathon.

For those who enjoy feeling spooked, a scary movie marathon is guaranteed to get your heart racing. So turn off the lights, grab your childhood teddy bear and see how long you can last without jumping from your couch.

Not into scary movies? You can’t go wrong with Halloween favorites like “Hocus Pocus,” “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” or “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” But of course, when all else fails, you can always rely on a “Teen Wolf ” marathon to get you through the night.

4. Host a Halloween party at your house.

Don’t feel like bringing the party to your neighborhood streets? Bring the party to your house instead. It’s a great excuse to

buy excessive amounts of candy, see all your friends’ epic costume creations and be silly.

Have your friends help you make a Halloween playlist with classics like “Monster Mash” and play games like seeing who can wrap someone else in toilet paper like a mummy the fastest. (The winning time gets a king-sized candy bar prize.)

5. Tell ghost stories.

Show off your storytelling skills (and totally get revenge on your little brother) with your best scary story. Round up a your family members or friends, dim the lights, grab a flashlight and see who can raise goosebumps first.

7. Bake something sweet.

Obviously, one of the best parts about Halloween is the candy, but there are lots of delicious treats you can make to satisfy any sweet tooth. For our foodies out there, ghostly pretzel sticks and chocolate-dipped rats make great snacks. If you’re really feeling fancy, try whipping up a pumpkin bat cake with cream cheese frosting. Yum.

8. Have a bonfire outside.

6. Have a pumpkin-carving contest.

Feeling a little competitive -- er, creative?

Put your artistic skills to the test by challenging your family members to a pumpkin-carving contest. You’ll obviously oneup everyone with your impressive “Justin Bieber” pumpkin, so don’t worry, you’ve already got this in the bag.

What could be better than sitting outside next to a crackling fire on a crisp fall night?

Sometimes, all you need is a blanket and s’mores to make a low-key night a great one. Stick some candy corn in your s’more to make it a little festive and then kick back and relax.

La Muerte: Rusheena Boone

It’s glowing, red eyes pierce through my soul, taking with it any shred of bravery left, as I watch the beastly silhouette pace back and forth in front of my window.

It stops— smiles at me, with jagged teeth shining through the velvet darkness.

It’s taking steps forward now— daring me to move.

Frozen in fear, I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to erase the sight of hell on earth from my memory forever... Success!

The shadowy figure is nowhere to be found; I knew it was just a dream!

So, I plop my head onto my silky pillow, cherishing its coolness, as relief washes over my sweaty body.

Oh, thank you, Go— What’s that I hear?... Footsteps?

Suddenly, I feel rough, MASSIVE

fingers stroking my wet cheeks.

I try my best to keep my composure, as my covers slowly slide down to my ankles, but my façade is giving way to sheer terror.

Trying to convince myself that “It’s just a dream; it’s just a dream,” only works momentarily, before my thoughts are interrupted by the palm of a burning cold hand slithering between my quivering thighs.

Closing my eyes doesn’t work anymore.

Nothing works to wake me from this living nightmare, not even my insincere prayers.

This is real. This is the end.

The caressing stops and I finally open my blurry eyes, several minutes later, to find Him, El Diablo… standing over my bed— smiling sadistically, extending his hand out to me.

Surviving the Holidays: Cathrine Nikkel

may also want to consider Pinterest for posting pictures of your products – encouraging others to “repin” to holidays can often bring their followers. on additional stress above the reguResearch suggests that the most lar day to day stresses we experieffective marketing on Facebook inence. However, for many businesses, cludes 3-5 posts per week or on Twitthe holidays can generate revenue ter once per day during the midday of nearly half of its annual sales. In hours, Eastern Standard Time. 52% terms of numbers, this is a positive – of Facebook users sign into it every but a business owner must also take single day. Using this statistic, coninto account extra staff if needed, sider the amount of exposure you are extra stock, and so on. The bottom providing your potential customer or line, be prepared. prospect – these numbers are perfect.

Whatever your business is, your Customer reviews should also be customers or clients are the key. Con- included in your marketing stratesider them above all else when you’re gies. Potential customers often seek looking at your holiday marketing out reviews by others online and will plan. Here are a few suggestions to majority of the time base their visit assist you; on that alone. Ways to help monitor • Offer “returning” or “prethis could include encouraging your ferred” customers an extra discount satisfied customers to post reviews, • Hold a holiday party – open regularly monitor reviews posted, house and if possible on the review include • Send email newsletters, spepictures, coupons, business info. Sites cial offers, additional savings most commonly used for customer • Engage them on social media reviews include Yelp and Trip Advi(Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) sor.

• Experiment with coupons We would be lying to ourselves if we and/or direct mail. didn’t say everyone loves a deal or • Send personalized holiday discount. This includes the 61% of cards – also including your staff/team adults with an annual income over Let’s focus in on a couple of these $100, 000 who use coupons reguareas. Let’s assume reading this you larly. Many small businesses utilize work in a restaurant, you could offer online deal sites such as Groupon, a free dessert to your customers who TravelZoo or the company I work visit through the holiday season. Ex- with Wake Up Now. These sites are a periment with a fixed menu offering central location for online deals and holiday favourites. Consider holiday savings, coupons and often wholesale decorations in your windows, or pricing. When businesses are utilizplaying soft holiday music. Using the ing sites such as Groupon – considsame idea with “free desserts”, tap erations should be made in terms of into social media – stats show that redemption times – utilize this for 41% of Facebook users like and share quieter times or off days. You could posts that include a photo or video. also consider offering promotions That is a powerful number. One share throughout November and Decemor repost alone could open your ber that can’t be redeemed until after exposure up to thousands more. You

The

January for example.

Get yourself out there! Especially if your business relies a lot on word of mouth marketing make sure you pack your social schedule. Consider a few of these techniques during your “holiday networking”; • Always have your business card with you • Ask people what they do and really listen • Ask others for their business cards – this will in turn have them request yours • Arrive on time, this will position you well among guests as they arrive • Mingle, move around - focus on wallflowers Stuck on ways to meet people? Look for community holiday mixers advertised locally to you or your business, offer your own business space for holiday functions if appropriate, set up a “meet-up” make online connections real life ones! The holidays really are ideal for networking with others, find where your business may fit well with the crowd you are with. Have your “elevator pitch” ready if needed.

“Think like a holiday shopper!

What do they need or want during this season?

Focus on those products and services” A guide created by VISA for the holidays suggests you evaluate and forecast your sales techniques:

Look at your previous year’s sales. What sold? When? What did you mark down or write off?

Talk to other companies in your industry and vendors. What are the product trends? What is selling well pre-sale? What didn’t sell last year?

Interview nearby stores or business (this includes local reps for home based businesses), ask about their slow

and peak times how local sales are so far this year.

Keep in mind economic conditions, local concerns, trends, or other issues that make this year unusual.

We want to use these techniques and hope to translate them into year round success and maximize the holiday season versus the stress often concurrent with the holiday season. Make the peak season last.

Capture your contacts with a few of these simple and cost effective tips; • Build your mailing list. Capture their name and contact information.

Send them newsletters, special, tips or business updates.

• Engage with your fans. Stay active in your social media outlets year round.

• Offer deals for the following year – promote them throughout November and December • Hold a holiday draw and get business cards • Offer a deal or discount for following you on social media Stretch the success of your holiday season.

Above all else, be prepared. Make a list of your top priority goals. Find your target, create a plan and execute.

Repeat. I hope you have found some of these tips helpful in assisting you survive the holidays with your business.

I invite you to connect with me on social media and I wouldn’t be executing my own plan if I didn’t invite you as a preferred customer for free with Wake Up Now by going to www.ourtime. wakeupnow.com . Please be safe this holiday season and enjoy!

Fa

l l a F Fun eas : d I n o i h s

photos from: www.lululemon.com

Pumpkin Spice Smootie What you will need: -½ cup canned pumpkin -1 cup almond milk -2 frozen bananas -2 dates -1 scoop of vanilla protein powder (optional) -½ tsp vanilla extract sprinkle nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves and ginger Directions: Blend and Serve.

Ingredients

Squash Apple Turnovers

~2 teaspoons olive oil ~1/2 cup minced onion ~2 cups (1/4-inch) diced peeled butternut squash ~1 cup (1/4-inch) diced peeled Jonagold apple (about 1/2 pound) ~1/2 teaspoon kosher salt ~1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper ~1/4 cup (1 ounce) crumbled goat cheese ~2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme ~1 (11.3-ounce) can refrigerated dinner roll dough ~1 tablespoon honey mustard ~2 teaspoons water ~2 tablespoons 1% low-fat milk ~Cooking spray Preparation 1. Preheat oven to 375°.

2. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high

heat. Add onion; sauté for 3 minutes. Add squash; sauté for 5 minutes. Add apple; cook 6 minutes or until squash and apple are tender. Stir in salt and pepper. Remove from heat, and cool to room temperature. Gently stir in cheese and thyme.

3. Separate dough into 8 pieces. Roll each portion into a 5-inch circle on a lightly floured surface. Combine mustard and 2 teaspoons water in a small bowl. Lightly brush top sides of dough circles with mustard mixture.

Spoon about 2 tablespoons squash mixture onto half of each circle, leaving a 1/4inch border. Fold dough over filling; press edges together with a fork to seal. Brush milk over dough. Place turnovers 1 inch apart on a baking sheet lightly coated with cooking spray. Bake at 375° for 19 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm.

Image: specialk.com

BBQ Chicken Pork Veggie Skewers

Directions:

1. In small saucepan cook mushrooms and onion in butter until tender. Stir in Ingredients: rice. Add broth. Bring to boiling. Reduce heat. Simmer, covered, for 40 to 1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms 50 minutes or until rice is tender and 2 tablespoons finely chopped onion broth is absorbed. Remove from heat.

1 1/2 teaspoons butter or margarine Let stand, covered, for 5 minutes. 2.

1/3 cup long grain brown rice Meanwhile, in small bowl stir together 3/4 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth chili sauce and honey. Set aside. 3. Cut 3 tablespoons chili sauce chicken and pork into 1-inch pieces.

2 teaspoons honey Alternately thread chicken, pork, red 3 ounces skinless, boneless chicken pepper and summer squash onto 2 breast skewers. Grill directly over medium 3 ounces pork tenderloin heat for 8 to 10 minutes or until chick1/4 red bell pepper, cut into 1-inch en is no longer pink, turning kabobs pieces frequently. Brush kabobs with chili 1/4 medium yellow summer squash, sauce mixture during last 2 minutes cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices of grilling. 4. Spoon rice mixture onto serving plate. Top with kabobs.

Grilled Chicken Salad Ingredients:

Directions:

1. In large saucepan plunge green beans into boiling water for 10 8 fresh green beans, fresh minutes or until crisp-tender.

4 ounces boneless, skinless chick- Drain. Cool. 2. Brush chicken on en breast both sides with olive oil. Sprin1/4 teaspoon olive oil kle with garlic pepper seasoning.

1/4 teaspoon garlic pepper seaGrill chicken directly over mesoning dium heat for 12 to 15 minutes or 2 cups lettuce, shredded until tender and no longer pink, 2 tablespoons shredded or grated turning once. Cut into slices. 3. carrot Meanwhile, place greens on serv1/4 medium red bell pepper ing plate. Arrange green beans, 1/4 cup sliced cucumber, with carrot, bell pepper, cucumber and skin radish on top. Sprinkle with to1 tablespoon radish slices matoes. Top with chicken. Serve 5 cherry tomatoes, halved with balsamic vinaigrette.

2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

Terror Ranking the Top 10 Irrational Fears We’ve Gotten from Movies

By Cindy Davis

The other night I was closing the blinds of our bathroom window as I do every evening at the first sign of darkness, and I had a little chuckle over it—and some of my other rituals that all seem to stem from movies and not, you know, any logical reason.

Be that as it may, I shall do these things forevermore. That bathroom window is low; right next to the toilet, and one of my greatest fears is that a face will pop up against the glass while I’m sitting there. If I have to take out the trash and it’s dark outside? I run.

There is a lot of exposed glass at my house, so either blinds or curtains must cover the glass at night, or I just stay the hell away. And I will never not be on the lookout for a shark when I’m swimming; if the water is murky, I take a quick dip and I’m out. Now, I know you’re not sitting there laughing at me, because you have your own silly fears…like my friend who

recently confessed she won’t look into mirrors at night. Because lookout, the killer is right behind you!

Don’t be shy, share your illogical fear.

10. If You Go Outside Alone at Night, Someone Will Jump Out of the Tree-line to Murder You.

9. If You Don’t Check the Back Seat of Your Vehicle, You Will Be Attacked by a Person Lying in Wait.

8. Never Park Next to a Van (or Help a Stranger Load Something into Said Van) Lest You Be Kidnapped.

7. Leaving a Knife on the Counter Means It Will Be Used to Kill You.

6. If You Bend Over a Sink to Wash Your Face or Spit Out Toothpaste, When You Stand Straight Again, You Will See Your Killer in the Mirror— Right Behind You. (Alternate Method: You Open the Medicine Cabinet.

Close It and See the Killer).

5. Someone Is Waiting Behind a Door to Kill You. 4. Any Exposed Glass Will Allow Someone to Peek in at You or Jump Through the Glass to Get You.

3. You Will Be Knifed to Death While Showering.

2. If You Pick Up a Hitchhiker or You Hitch a Ride, You’ll Be Tortured and Killed By a Homicidal Maniac.

(There’s a 0.0000089% chance [approx. 22 per year] of being killed while hitchhiking.)

1. Being Eaten Alive by a Shark.

(2011 Worldwide: 17 Fatalities; 118 Reported Attacks, 2012 11 Fatalities; 102 Reported Attacks from SAF)

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Cole Swindell, Peach Pickers, and Chancie Neal

“She was like, oh my God, this is my song I’ve been listenin’ to the radio all night long Sittin’ ‘round waitin’ for it to come on and here it is She was like, come here boy, I wanna dance ‘Fore I said a word, she was takin’ my hand Spinnin’ me around ‘til it faded out And she gave me a kiss And she said, play it again, play it again, play it again And I said, play it again, play it again, play it again.”

TOP 10 HALLOWEEN MOVIES FOR THE FAMILY.

scary for the real young ones among the family.

8. “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” (2006). This one has bits for the whole family, references to older movies for the adults, action for the teens and lots of colorful characters for the youngest members of the family.

Not everything about Halloween has to be scary. There are plenty of family-friendly and far less spooky Halloweeninspired films. In the spirit of the season, I’ve compiled a list of 10 7. “Casper” (1995). About as kid-friendly spooky films. family friendly as you can get for a film filled with ghosts. This one 10. “Bedknobs and Broomsticks” is fun for everyone, and includes (1971). This may have been the a cameo from Dan Akroyd as a first ever magical flying bed. A Ghostbuster. witch for hire, three young children and the bed manage to 6. “Halloweentown” (2001). A make a family friendly adventure Disney made-for- TV film that including witches and warlocks. spawned two sequels about a young witch and a warlock first 9. “The Nightmare Before Christ- discovering their powers and mas” (1993). The only way this a secret dimension where it is wouldn’t be included on the list always Halloween. Beware the is if it were considered a Christ- follow-up movies as they suffer mas movie. Jack Skellington, the from the law of diminishing repumpkin king, is bored of his life turns. preparing for Halloween, so he decides to have the ghosts and 5. “Hocus Pocus” (1993). The ghouls help him put on ChristSanderson sisters return after 300 mas instead. This one might be years of being trapped in another for slightly older kids as some dimension to run amok in Salem, of the characters might be a bit Mass., where they break out in

song occasionally as well as attempt to kidnap the parents of all the children in town.

4. “Ghostbusters” (1984). So it’s not technically set at Halloween, but it is all about ghosts and ghouls. Outside of the opening scene with the ghost in the New York public library, there shouldn’t be anything too scary for the young ones in this flick, and it’s a can’t miss for the comedy fans with Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd leading the way.

3. “Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie” (2005). All the fun and family friendliness of any other Winnie the Pooh film, but set at Halloween time.

2. “The Corpse Bride” (2006). A man is goofing around with his wedding ring before the ceremony and accidentally brings a woman back from the dead who claims to be his rightful wife. Fun for the whole family with very little to no scary moments in this one.

1. “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown” (1966). The Peanuts gang has always had a special spot in my heart, and this is one of the best specials that were made featuring the Peanuts gang.

Chantell Reid

The Travler’s Eye:

Photograph Series: Frozen

by Jess Atkinson

The 5 Creepiest Urban Legends (That Happen to be True)

By Nathan Birch The best creepy campfire stories are always the ones that end with the words, “...And it’s all true, because I have the damned documentation here to prove it!”

In that spirit, we’ve tracked down five of the creepiest tales and urban legends that really happened to real people, proving once and for all that nothing is more terrifying than everyday life.

The Dead Body Under Your Freaking Matress The Legend: A couple checks into a hotel and have to put up with a foul odor in their room all night. They call the staff to complain and somebody figures out the stench is coming from the bed.

Now, there’s no way that scenario is going to have a good ending. You’re almost hoping at that point that it’ll turn out the last guest just got drunk and pooped behind the headboard.

But, no, the staff take off the matress and discover the couple has been sleeping over the rotting body of a dead girl who had been stuffed in the box spring.

The Truth: This actually happened, in Las Vegas.

Also, Kansas City, MO and Atlantic City, NJ and several times in Florida and California and, well, let’s just say that in or under the bed in a hotel room seems to be a fairly popular destination for the recently deceased.

It makes sense if you think about it.

The closet and under the bed are the two most popular places to hide just about anything, so it’s not surprising a hell of a lot of corpses end up there as well. In fact, the odds are pretty good that at least once a guy has killed a prostitute, tried to stuff her under the bed, only to find there was already a body there.

The strangest part isn’t that the bodies wind up in such a terrible hiding place (killers often aren’t the type to plan ahead). No, the strange thing is that in almost every story people will sleep part of, or in many cases, the entire night, on top of the corpse before reporting it.

Most people we know will complain if they detect that someone might have smoked a cigarette in their room four months ago. Not these people, they slept inches above an oozing heap of rotting human flesh rather than inconvenience the hotel management by asking for a new room.

Or, at least we hope sleeping is all

they did on that bed. Oh, man, can you imagine dying and then the first thing that happens is some middle age couple starts porking over you? Ew.

in the cadaver’s mouth. Remember that little bit of history the next time somebody turns their nose up at you for liking Hostel 2.

Think it can’t get any stranger? Oh, you naïve fool. After several years of raking in the nickHopefully they at least got a free continental els (how exactly these coins were retrieved breakfast out of the ordeal. after being dropped into the corpse’s mouth is something probably best left to the imagiThe Funhouse Mummy nation) our enterprising undertaker’s scheme was ruined when McCurdy’s brothers showed up to claim him. Of course, these guys The Myth: weren’t his brothers at all, but wily carnival A prop at a carnival was discovered not to promoters. From that point on, McCurdy’s be made of the usual combination of papier mummy went on a morbid mystery tour all mache and carni spit, but human skin and around America, popping up at carnivals all bone. All the little kiddies at the haunted over the country before finally coming to rest house had been poking and giggling at a in Long Beach. real, mummified dead body.

The Truth: Apparently the smell wasn’t just coming from the convict manning the corndog stand. Back in 1976, a camera crew filming an episode of The Six Million Dollar Man began to set up in the haunted house at the Nu-Pike Amusement Park in Long Beach, Calif.

McCurdy is now buried in Oklahoma. Because McCurdy apparently had the most entertaining corpse in history, they prevented anyone else from taking him on tour by dumping concrete on top of the casket. No, really.

The Curiously Realistic Decoration

As they were moving aside a “hanging man” prop, they accidentally knocked off its arm and discovered human bones inside. Bionic, this poor sap wasn’t.

The story gets stranger. The body was actually that of criminal mastermind Elmer McCurdy, who was killed in a shootout after robbing a train in 1911. The princely sum old Elmer got killed for? $46 (and two jugs of whiskey).

McCurdy was embalmed by the local undertaker, and apparently the guy was so darn pleased with his work that he propped up the corpse in the funeral home as evidence of his skills. People were charged 5 cents to see the corpse, which they paid by dropping a nickel

The Legend: What was thought to be your typically charming Halloween decoration depicting a lynched woman hanging from a tree, turns out to be a genuine suicide.

The Truth: In the town of Frederica, Delaware, a 42-yearold woman, perhaps distraught by the fact that she lived in Delaware, hung herself from a tree near a busy road on a Tuesday night.

The body managed to hang there until the next day and was viewed by many unwitting (or perhaps retarded) spectators before somebody realized it wasn’t a decoration and finally called the police.

Once again it’s the lack of complaints from

passers-by that amaze us. Even if the hanging thing wasn’t a body, it was something that looked exactly like one and would be considered an extremely distasteful Halloween decoration (unless she put on a wacky witch’s costume before doing the deed).

With the political correctness these days, you’d have expected two special city council meetings and 30 letters to the editor within the first ten minutes of someone seeing it.

We can’t help but wonder, if the person who eventually called the police hadn’t bothered, how much longer would the body have hung there? This happened five days before Halloween. Add five days of decomposition to the equation and suddenly you have something a whole lot more terrifying.

Also, did the woman plan this? She knew what time of year it was, and intentionally hung herself in a public place. Did she want her corpse to blend in with the bed sheet ghosts and stuffed witches around the neighborhood? If so, it sounds like she may have been a fascinating person.

A Halloween Stunt Goes Wrong in the Least Surprising Way Possible

and accidentally killed themselves. Yes, they were pretty much all teenage males.

In one instance, an entire working gallows was built for a show, with the “victim” secured by a harness so that he’d stop just short of actually being hung (take a wild guess how that turned out). Now we’re just thinking aloud here, but if we were standing on a gallows, fake or not, with a rope around our necks, we’d want to take a few precautions. For example, and again just blue-skying, maybe don’t use a real rope that is tied into a real noose that is wrapped around your real neck in a way that could really kill you.

Perhaps the saddest thing about the story was how completely unnecessary the whole thing was. Here’s a tip for anyone trying to thrill kids on Halloween in the future: You don’t need to hang yourself. Just give out full-sized chocolate bars instead of those not-so-fun “fun-sized” ones. We can guarantee the tykes will be talking about the house that gave out full-sized Snickers bars long after some life-risking stunt was forgotten.

Buried Alive The Legend: Some poor schmuck is committed to his or her eternal resting place, even though they aren’t quite ready to take that final dirt nap. Scratch marks are later found on the coffin lid along with other desperate signs of escape.

The Legend: A teenager manages to provide the Halloween show he’s in with the ultimate finale when, while pretending to hang himself in front of the The Truth: audience, he actually hangs himself.

This not only happened, but back in the day it happened with alarming regularity. In the late The Truth: 19th century, William Tebb tried to compile all While the fine citizens of Frederica we disthe instances of premature burial from medicussed were perhaps a bit slow on the uptake, cal sources of the day. He managed to collect the people involved in this hanging-related 219 cases of near-premature burial, 149 cases legend are on the dipshit honor roll. Mainly of actual premature burial and a dozen cases because it’s happened more than once. where dissection or embalming had begun on a not-yet-deceased body.

Yes, people have repeatedly tried to pull off an imitation hanging for a Halloween show, forgot Now, this may seem ridiculous, but keep in to include the “imitation” part and went ahead mind this was an era before doctors such as

the esteemed Dr. Gregory House gained the ability to solve any ailment within 42 minutes. If you went to the doctor with the flu in those days, he’d likely cover you in leeches and prescribe you heroin to suppress your cough. Their only method for determining if a person had died was to lean over their face and scream “WAKE UP” over and over again.

If you didn’t react, they buried you.

The concern over being buried alive back then was so real that the must-have hot-ticket item for the wealthy and paranoid were “safety coffins” that allowed those inside to signal to the outside world (usually by ringing a bell or raising some type of flag) should they awake 6-feet under. Though, answering that bell sounds like a good way to get ambushed by a zombie if you ask us.

Unfortunately safety coffins aren’t in vogue anymore, so if you’re at the cemetery and hear a muffled voice calling out “OK guys, joke’s over. Let me out!” it might be a good idea to inform someone with a shovel quickly.

Of course, that last sentence was merely facetious, there’s no way something like this could still happen today. Uh, well, except for this story about a Venezuelan man waking up during his autopsy. On second thought, you might want to consider adding a line in your will that states you’re to be buried with a gas-powered auger in your casket when you go.

Nathan Birch also writes the disgustingly cute webcomic Zoology.